In order to have massively successful interactions with women, your focus must be in the right place.

Dominance Is A Factor

Dominance is one of the key factors in attracting women and dominance consists of the alignment between your inner thoughts and actions. However you may be wondering how one gets to the point where their external actions are matching their internal thoughts. The way to do this is easy, and simply consists of making a slight shift in thinking when you are talking to a woman.

Many guys have the problem of running out of things to say when talking to a girl (or using pick up lines), this is because they are simply focusing on their next actions without having their mind in the right place. You need to ask yourself this same question in regards to your interactions with women. This is quite possibly the most important dating advice you’ll ever get – where we focus our attention is simply a habit and to be good with women, you need to break and establish the right habits.

If I were to simplify every interaction to its purest form it would consist of the moments you are interacting with the woman, followed by the moments she spends interacting with you and your response to that. Each person generally switches off talking; however what they are talking about is generally irrelevant. What matters is where your awareness is during the interaction.

What You Should Be Concentrating On

So lets start with where your concentration should be when you are talking and flirting with a woman:

• If your concentration is on what she thinks of you while you are talking, you failed
• If your concentration is on trying to say something that you think she will like, you failed
• If your concentration is on the next step you can take to escalate to a relationship with her, you failed

However, if your focus is on being genuinely curious in finding more about this girl, you have started to think like someone that is naturally good with women.

Digging A Little Deeper

When talking to a woman, your focus should be coming from a place of “Expressive Curiosity,” meaning you understand what it is you are looking for in a girl, and you are genuinely interested in finding out if this girl meets the standards you have set for yourself. It is called “expressive” curiosity because when your focus comes from a place of genuine curiosity, your actions, touch, body language and facial features express that curiosity in a subtle but natural way that further captivates the woman.

Many people think just asking a series of qualifying questions is a form of expressive curiosity but this is bad dating advice and it is not always the case. Once again, it all depends on your focus. Many times, when people go about asking a girl about what their hobbies are, or what makes them interesting, it comes from a place of zero dominance because they are simply asking to keep conversation going or create the illusion of expressive curiosity.

You don’t even have to ask direct questions to find if the woman meets your standards. By being genuinely curious about the woman, you can find out all you need to know about her just by asking about her weekend. By knowing what you want, your curiosity will steer the conversation into qualifying her like a natural.

How To Show A Girl That You’re Genuinely Curious

Here is an example of great dating advice (In this example I am genuinely curious if I can go out on a date and have fun with this girl, making sure she is not a buzz kill):

Me: “What did you do this weekend?”

Her: “Me and my friends went to bar for my friends birthday.”

Me: “Oh really, what bar? I’ve been looking for a new place to go.” (Genuinely curious, seeing if this woman can offer some value to me)

Her: “It’s a place called Amsterdam Lounge, on Pleasant Street.”

Me: “Oh yeah, I think I’ve heard of that, did you have fun?” (Notice my curiosity is on her, I am asking if SHE had fun. Not if the bar was fun)

Her: “Yeah we had a blast! We ended up getting free drinks on the house cause it was my friend’s birthday.” (At this point I can tell she is fun, however if you want, this is when it would be appropriate to ask a qualifying question because now it is coming from a place of genuine curiosity)

Me: “Sounds pretty crazy, so did you end up being the girl taking care of everyone, or was it the other way around?”

Her: “It was definitely the other way around, someone had to keep up with the birthday girl so she did not feel alone!” (Although this may seem like a simple response, it is absolutely perfect, by being genuinely curious in the girl I’ve learned that she can party, likes to have a good time, and could even go on to assume she is the party starter if she kept up with the birthday woman in regards to having drinks that night).

So once you get into to the habit of putting your awareness into a place of expressive curiosity, there is one other habit you must instill to achieve perfect dominance. This habit fulfills where your mind is at during the response part of your interaction. In other words, this dating advice means you need to be concentrating on when she is talking, and when you are responding to what she says.

Forming The Right Responses

So where should your concentration be when listening and responding to a woman?

• If she is talking and your concentration is on her looks (or having sex with her), you failed
• If she is talking and your concentration is on what to say next, you failed
• If she is talking or you are responding and your concentration is on what she is thinking of you, you failed.

However, if your awareness is on appreciating her for sharing something about herself, and being genuinely excited to be flirting with her, then you are truly thinking like someone that is naturally good with women.

When a woman responds to the questions you asked from a place of genuine curiosity, your response to her answers needs to come from a place of “Appreciation.” In other words, she has done or shown something about herself that you find attractive, you need to show your appreciation to show that this girl is actually getting your attention in a good way.

Do not feel like you have to force anything or be over the top with praise and compliments, you are simply showing your excitement over the fact that there is actually something interesting you find about this girl. This focus allows for you to start creating a real deep connection with the woman while also letting her learn about yourself.

To continue off the previous dating advice example, the last thing she said was:

Her: “It was defiantly the other way around, someone had to keep up with the birthday girl so she did not feel alone!”

Me: “That’s what’s up! I could tell you know how to party.” *High Five* (Now this high five comes from me being genuinely excited that she is a fun woman. I am not doing it as an excuse to touch her, it is simply my actions lining up with my mode of thinking) “I’m the same way, you can’t let your buddy be the only hammered person at a party, sometimes you just got to show that support and keep up with them. It’s common courtesy.” (Now I have used that same appreciation focus to let her know that I like that quality because I am similar)

Her: I couldn’t agree more! (She has now complied to the fact that we are similar. Just because of my approach, our seemingly meaningless conversation has created a strong connection)

To summarize, this dating advice is crucial to your success! When you are talking to a woman, you need to come from a place of genuine, expressive curiosity, and when listening to her, you need to appreciate what she is saying. This will skyrocket your results when dating women.

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How can you be sure? You can’t right away, so you look again and try and make eye contact this time. First, to see if what you thought you saw was an attractive person, and then next (if you still think so), to see if the brush might have been deliberate.

But how can you tell with a look? Maybe they were off-balance, or the person behind them bumped into them, or maybe they are nearsighted and left their glasses in the car. Before you make another move, I know you realize a lot is at stake here; what you do (or don’t do) in the next 30 seconds could change your life…forever.

The Flirting Basics (Quiz)

Take this quiz and see what you know about flirting – answer true or false! Then add up your answers below:

1. When someone goes out of their way to talk to me, they are flirting.
2. When someone makes prolonged eye contact (more than three seconds), they want my attention.
3. When a woman is flirting, it’s obvious.
4. When a man is overtly flirting, he generally has only sex on his mind.
5. There’s a difference between being flirtatious and flirting.
6. There are right ways and wrong ways to flirt.
7. Saying inappropriate things in the name of flirting is acceptable.
8. Flirting when you’re in a committed relationship is fine as long as you don’t act on it.

Tips On How To Engage In Healthy, Fun Flirting

So first things first, and at the top of the list when it comes to having healthy, fun flirting you need to ask yourself: What are your intentions? That’s right, what do you want?

If you want a real relationship for example, and you do find yourself in close proximity of someone you find attractive, naturally one of the first things you’ll do is scan that person for signs that they are available – a wedding ring or in this scenario, baby formula in the basket, wife or children in tow, etc. – before you make a move.

Flirting Safely

The next step, once you’re clear that you are in fact looking for that special someone is to think about being safe. You really can’t be too careful these days. So when you find you are attracted to someone, make sure you pay close attention to your body cues and all the signs that make you feel secure and safe, especially if you are the one being approached.

Whether you are at a grocery store/bar/gym/party, take time to check in to those cues that register beneath the surface of whatever seems so compelling; his or her awesome butt or radiant aura. Everybody gives off a vibe; make sure you check theirs out good!

Getting Down To Business

And the third step, the fun part, the actual flirting – there is nothing to worry about here at all. Sure you say, easy for you to say. Nawww, it’s in your blood. It’s in everyone’s. It’s built right into your nature, meaning it’s practically foolproof, ‘cause half the time you’re sending signals without even realizing.

It’s about paying attention and practicing; a little brushing up never hurt anyone (since most of us freeze up when this unconscious behavior suddenly becomes conscious). That reflexive look, that urge to see who was brushing up against you and why, IS flirting at its very base!

In the grocery store, it could be as simple as another attempt at making eye contact, holding your gaze for three or more seconds and smiling. Really, that’s it. The rest is as easy as finding something sincere and authentic in the moment to say, and you’re halfway there.

Don’t be afraid to get out there and practice connecting, just keep these three basics in your tool belt: what’s your intention (what do you want), be safe, and know that flirting is natural and part of your instinctive makeup!

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It’s not because your text message wasn’t “good enough.” Because texting shouldn’t be tough to do. In fact, your average third grader could write expert text messages. (As long as you arm him with some top notch psychology)

With that in mind, let’s take a look at three of my favorite text messages. They’re my favorites because they work. And they work on every woman. In this article, you’ll discover which texts they are, exactly when to send them, and how they use modern psychology to make getting sex easier.

“I just saw ur twin…”

That’s an easy enough text, right? It’s like you walk down the street and see a stranger who reminds you of your girl. So, you send her this text message. It may surprise you to discover this is one of the most powerful texts in the world (if you want her to text you back)

Let’s check it out in more detail:

Why it works:

Ever hear someone say, “No one cares about you as much as you do?” Whether you have or you haven’t, you understand the sentiment: Most people consider themselves important. They’re worried about making mistakes, being embarrassed and what other people think about them.

That gorgeous woman you know thinks exactly the same way. In fact, psychologists call this phenomenon the “ego.” A well known psychologist called the ego, “The most powerful motivating force in human nature.” Which means triggering it in a text message is a very good thing, for you.

“I just saw your twin” works on a few levels. It also brings up feelings of insecurity (“Was she pretty?”) and the promise of a good story (it makes her think, “What happened?”).

When you’d use it:

You can use this text message almost whenever. Even out of the blue. The rule of thumb is: You want to use this text when you’re starting a “new” conversation. For example, you haven’t texted each other for a few days… or maybe things “cooled off” for awhile.

It’s a great text message if she’s been ignoring your texts for awhile, too. I’ll explain why in just a second, after we check out this next text.

“Something just reminded me of u…”

This text also uses “ego” psychology. However, this text is special. Because it focuses on drama and the hint of a good story. And it also teases her with a compliment.

Why it works:

She’s HOPING you were reminded of how pretty she is or you were reminded of something funny she said. However, she’s afraid you’ll remember an embarrassing part of her. For example, maybe she forgot to leave a tip on your date, and you noticed someone being super cheap.

(Everyone has their insecurities.)

When you’d use it:

Any time you’d use “I just saw ur twin.” Which reminds me: These texts are great even when she ignores one or two of your texts in a row. It’s all because these texts are stories in themselves. Complete texts that INVITE her to text you back but don’t require her to.

So you keep your power in the relationship, even when you text her twice in a row. It’s a neat trick – and I suggest you use it more often.

“OMG u didn’t…”

This one plays on her ego and it also brings in a level of guilt: Have you ever done something wrong, but not gotten “caught?” The feeling of guilt stays with you for days – maybe even weeks. And you feel like everyone knows what you did. The good news is: You’re not alone.

Why it works:

Everyone has that feeling one time or another. In fact, most people carry around “guilt” feelings every single day. Especially women! (Ever wonder why your mother constantly gave you guilt trips?)

When you’d use it:

This text works especially well after a first date. Because, here’s a shocker, EVERYONE makes mistakes on a first date! She leaves your first date wondering if she did “OK,” just like you leave your first date, wondering the same thing.

(She wouldn’t be on a date with you if she didn’t like you a lot…)

So toss this text in after a first date, or even after the first time you meet. She’ll text you back, I promise

So there you have it…

As you can clearly see, a “great” text message is so easy, a third grader could write one. All you need is the right psychology. And now you’ve got the psychology down pat. So what now? How can you guarantee you’ll get a first date… a booty call… maybe even sex? How about a relationship, after the fact?

Well, just like these texts, dating can be VERY easy once you know the right psychology.

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Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously

Dating is supposed to be fun, but many guys take themselves too seriously when they’re trying to meet and flirt with a woman. They’ll be so worried about making the wrong moves or saying something stupid to actually be themselves or get to know a girl. A lot of guys are too scared of screwing things up to actually approach a girl, let alone flirt with her. You’re definitely going to make some mistakes when it comes to hitting on the ladies and flirting with them.

You’re not going to be super smooth every time, but the point is to relax and have a good time. If you take yourself too seriously, you won’t be able to brush it off when you do make a mistake – because let’s face it – most of the mistakes guys make when talking to a woman aren’t so serious they’re going to ruin everything. What will ruin everything is your attitude. So stop being worried about flubbing up and start relaxing and learning to be comfortable in your own skin. You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes!

Make Flirting A Dance

Flirting is a lot like a dance – it’s a give and take between two people. When you flirt with a woman, you’re going to listen to her and show interest in her for a little while, and then you’re going to pull back a bit and appear interested in something else. When this happens, the woman will naturally start to show more interest in you as you pull back, and when she pulls back, you’ll then naturally feel more inclined to show even more interest in her.

This is how things escalate from meeting a woman to flirting with her and on to kissing and even more. The give and take between you and the person you’re interested in is what makes things fun and exciting for both of you because neither of you is sure exactly what will happen next! The unpredictability of flirting is why it’s so much fun!

Think Of Flirting As Having Fun

Instead of being so nervous you can’t have any fun, remember that flirting is all about having fun, even if things don’t go exactly the way you wanted them to. In fact, it could be said that if you’re having fun with someone you’re interested in romantically, you’re actually flirting!

When you make a mistake when talking to a woman, it’s important that you remember that flirting is about having fun and learn to let the little things go. Brush it off with a smile and a laugh and continue having a great time with the person you’re interested in. If you let the little things affect you, it’s going to affect your attitude and you’re definitely not going to be any fun to be around. Your date is going to care less about the fact that you spilled mustard on your shirt than she will about the fact that you laughed it off and were still a blast to be around!

When You’re In A Relationship, Don’t Forget The Flirting

One of the things that two people in relationships often forget to do as time wears on is to make sure that the flirting doesn’t stop. While flirting often comes naturally for two people who just met or are in the beginning of a relationship, it takes more work to keep flirting as you get to know someone and are with them for a significant period of time.

To make sure you continue to flirt with your partner well after you started dating them, it’s important to keep the “fun” attitude and continue to not take yourself – and your partner – so seriously. Instead of letting little things in the relationship crop up and bother you, learn to pick your battles and keep things light and fun. Stay relaxed and be yourself – because that’s who your partner wants to be with, right? Remember, she still wants you to flirt with her, tell her she’s pretty, tease her, touch her and laugh with her no matter how long you’ve been together!

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Take One Step At A Time

Most women like to take things slow when getting to know a guy, so if you want to use seduction to get a girl, make an effort to take baby steps. Don’t lean in for the first kiss if you haven’t even held her hand yet, or don’t pressure her to have sex with you if you haven’t kissed her. Start with small things such as touching her knee or rubbing her shoulders and slowly work your way up to the bigger things like kissing, paying attention to her reactions each step of the way. Her reactions to your actions are what will give you clues on when to move forward and try something else. They will also show you when you’re not hitting the right mark and when you need to try a different seduction tactic.

Build Anticipation

Think of seduction as a dance where things move back and forth between you and the girl you’re interested. Seduction is not a “charge” where you brush by her to cop a feel right away or start suggesting sex within just a few minutes of meeting a girl. Build up the sexual tension by doing things like leaning towards them for a kiss and then moving back or pretending to be slightly distracted by something. Women love anticipation, especially when the end result is just as rewarding as the parts leading up to it. Many guys make the mistake of rushing things and don’t put in the effort to create that “dance” of seduction by building up and releasing tension. When done well, building up your partner’s anticipation will help heat things up between the two of you.

Move Smoothly And Slowly

When using seduction to woo a woman and get her interested in you, it’s essential that you take your time. A lot of guys get nervous and rush through the movements, skipping over creating the necessary foundation for a woman to be attracted to a man. If you make a lot of surprising, jarring moves, you’re going to make your date nervous too. Don’t do anything completely unexpected or shocking, because you’ll end up causing her to feel uncomfortable and awkward – which definitely won’t get you anywhere.

Seduction involves lots of slow, well planned moves that appear smooth and create an aura of comfort and predictability. With the right techniques, you and your partner will slowly but steadily move through the different stages of seduction and dating.

Reading Her Body Language

A girl isn’t always going to tell you when your seduction tactics are working and when they’re not. Since you’re not a mind reader, it’s important to read a woman’s body language. While she may not put her feelings into words, she’ll definitely show you what’s going on in her mind through her body language. If she seems responsive to your actions, such as touching you a lot, laughing at your jokes and making lots of eye contact with you, it’s a pretty safe bet that she’s as into you as you are her. The closer she gets to you, the more you know you’re ready to move on to the next step in the game of seduction.

If she seems to be giving you the cold shoulder, it’s likely that’s exactly what she’s trying to do. A girl that isn’t interested in you isn’t going to be laughing at your jokes or making excuses to be physically close to you. She may even be crossing her arms or looking directly away from you.

The most important thing to remember when it comes to seduction is to have fun, relax and be yourself. Seducing a woman doesn’t involve pretending to be someone you’re not, because that will almost always backfire. Even if it doesn’t, you’re building a girl’s attraction to you on a foundation of dishonesty. Women will always appreciate a guy that is relaxed and is comfortable enough in his own skin to be himself. Go with the flow and keep it lighthearted!

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He approaches a woman, eyes her up and down, like a hungry jackal eyeballing a slab of meat and delivers a cheesy pick up line that causes her to roll her eyes (or throw her martini in his face).

I’m talking about pick up lines like these:

Cheesy Pick Up Lines

“Somebody better call God, because he’s missing an angel. So what time do you have to be back in heaven?”

“Sorry lady, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.”

“I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.”

“Can I borrow a quarter? [What for?] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the woman of my dreams.”

“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?”

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.”

“Your legs must be tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all night.”

“If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.”

“I was so mesmerized by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”

Cute Pick Up Lines

Not all pick up lines are THAT cheesy. There are a few that women may actually find your flirting charming or flattering — IF you follow them up correctly (which I’ll explain how to do in a moment).

“If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.”

“Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?”

“Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my back? A little kid with wings just shot me.”

“What does it feel like to be the cutest girl in the room?” (Note: Don’t use this pick up line on women who are extremely hot and KNOW it. This one is effective on a girl who is attractive, but is clearly NOT the best-looking girl in the place.)

And then, there’s another category of pick up lines. I call these…

Pick Up Lines That Might Get You Kicked In The Groin

Use this last category of pick up lines with extreme caution. While they might get a good reaction (particularly if she’s a drunken nymphomaniac), you’re equally likely to get hit. (Especially if her boyfriend the UFC fighter happens to be standing nearby.) Like I said, be careful…

“Do you know what has 142 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? [What?] My zipper.”

“That outfit would look great…in a crumpled heap next to my bed.”

“That’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?”

The Truth About Pick Up Lines

So are pick up lines something to be mocked? Would any REAL pick up artist deign to use them? Well, I’ve written several guides to picking up women, which teach many different creative approaches to starting conversations with girls. And personally, I think pick up lines are usually way too obvious.

Normally, my rule of thumb is to use “under the radar” openers. This means you use a clever, unexpected comment or question to capture her interest and engage her in a conversation WITHOUT signalling that you’re hoping to get her into bed. Essentially, you’re “breaking the ice” in a way that feels natural and casual.

For example, you might ask for her opinion on an unexpected topic — one that women are naturally going to have strong feelings about.

The Anti-Pick Up Line: Going “Under The Radar”

Example #1: “Hey, help me settle a debate I’m having with my friends. How long do you need to be dating someone before you change your status on Facebook from “single” to “in a relationship?” Because my friend Jennifer has been going out with a guy for a month and SHE thinks it’s an exclusive thing, but he hasn’t changed his “single” status and she’s wondering if she should say something.”

Example #2: “Quick question — would you allow your boyfriend to go to a bachelor party if you knew there were going to be strippers there? Because my friend Jennifer is sort of freaking out about this right now.”

These openers are great because they’re based on what I call relationship “grey areas.” Men and women tend to have their own ideas about what’s allowed in a relationship, and what is unacceptable. Another example: is it “cheating” if a guy hangs out with his ex-girlfriend socially, without telling his current girlfriend?

The bottom line is, a good opener is going to make her WANT to respond. And if you’re a confident, playful guy, this one always gets a fun reaction:

“Do I look gay? Because this dude was TOTALLY hitting on me in the men’s room a minute ago. Be honest — is it my shirt?” (Or, “is it the way my butt looks in these jeans?”)

My book Mack Tactics contains dozens of other funny, effective approaches that you can use with women. I wouldn’t classify any of them as pick up lines. But does this mean pick up lines are, by definition, a bad thing?

The answer is no. I’ve actually used some of the pick up lines I mentioned above, and they led to a conversation and a successful result (either I got her phone number and saw her again, or had sex with her that night).

It was because I poked fun at the fact that I had USED a pick up line! After delivering it, I followed up with “I know that TOTALLY sounded like a pick up line, but I want to talk to you for a minute and I couldn’t think of what else to say. My name’s Dean.”

Then from that point, I used my usual tactics – I asked a few “strategic” questions to get her in a fun mindset, and sharing information about herself. I used techniques like “Cold Reads” and “Hypotheticals” and at all times, I stayed in control of the interaction and guided it down the correct path.

Sometimes the world’s cheesiest pick up line can be a FUN way to start things off. It’s all about knowing how to transition into the conversation, and never taking yourself too seriously.

And in a pinch, you can always use this one:

“You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pick up line.”

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Set The Right Environment

Getting comfortable and setting the right environment will help you feel sexy and relaxed, therefore you’re going to sound sexy on the phone. Find a spot in your home that is quiet and where you won’t be disturbed, such as your bedroom or a guest room or sitting room. Wait until the kids go to bed, or you’re done watching your favorite television show so you can be totally present in the conversation. Don’t try to have phone sex in the kitchen, the garage or the bathroom (of course, unless you’re taking a hot, steamy bath) because when your partner asks you where you are or what you’re doing, saying, “in the kitchen” is definitely not a turn on. Wear some comfortable clothes, or try wearing some sexy clothes and describing to him what you’re wearing. Light some candles or burn incense, and make sure the television is turned off. You want to be relaxed and able to focus on what you’re saying.

Don’t Be Afraid To Take The Lead

Men love it when women take the lead in sex, and phone sex and talking dirty is no different. While some men do enjoy hearing themselves talk dirty, he’s going to like it even more when you’re the one doing it too. He wants to hear what you like, what you fantasize about and what turns you on – in intimate detail. He will like talking about what turns him on too, but he’ll get bored quickly if he’s the only one doing the talking. Take turns describing what you’re wearing to each other and what you’d like to be doing to each other if you were together. Don’t be afraid to get totally absorbed in the conversation and let your true sexy self come out.

If You’re Feeling Shy

Many people, both men and women, are very shy when it comes to talking dirty, whether it’s on the phone or in person. If you’re feeling nervous about it, there are many ways you can try to overcome your shyness. First of all, make sure you’re using grown up words. You may not want to use some of the “hardcore” words that many people associate with talking dirty, but using anatomically correct words such as “penis” is much better than using other words such as “wee wee” or other pet names. If you find that you can’t come up with anything on your own, ask him to describe what he wants you to do to him. Take notes if you need to, and then simply repeat back to him what he said in first person. If your partner is the one that is shy, let him hear what you’d like to do and have him repeat it back to you! This is a super easy and fun way to break the ice and start talking dirty!

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5. Dirty Talk Done Right

Tone Of Voice

Your tone of voice and how you speak makes an impact on the overall conversation, in addition to what you say. Don’t use the same tone of voice you would use if you were on the phone with your mother, your kids or even your boss. Use a completely different tone of voice, similar to what you would use if you were on an actual face to face date with this person. Lower your voice and speak softer and more slowly. Remember, even though you are on the phone, it is a date! Relax, picture your partner in your head and let your tone of voice become what it would be if you were talking to them in person.

Body Language

Believe it or not, your body language will make a huge difference in how you sound on the phone to your partner. You may be trying to sound sexy and sultry, but if you’re busy doing the dishes, doing the laundry or even occupied with the computer or television, it’s going to come through in your voice. When flirting on the phone, you don’t want to sound busy, stressed, tired or preoccupied. Stop what you’re doing and sit back and relax. Lie on the bed or the couch and let your body language mimic the tone of voice that you’re using. If it helps, put on some comfortable or even sexy clothing and light some candles to help set the mood and get you in the right frame of mind.

Be Present In The Conversation

One of the worst things you can do on a phone date is to be listening to someone and start checking off your to do list in your head, or allowing your mind to wander in other ways. Your partner deserves better than accurately timed “uh-huh’s” and “yeahs.” Be present in the conversation. Shut off the television, go to a quiet place and focus yourself on the conversation at hand. Listen to them, ask intelligent questions and provide intelligent answers to the questions they ask you. You can even take notes at this point if you want. For example, if your partner mentions something they like or don’t like, make a note of it so you can remember later.

Let The Real You Shine Through

Don’t try to be fake when flirting with your partner, because sooner or later you’re going to get busted and they’re going to see right through it. Part of the beauty of flirting on the phone is that you can let the real you shine through. Don’t try to pretend to be someone you’re not because you think they’ll like you better that way. Just be yourself! Be honest and kind, and stay true to who you really are. Your partner will appreciate that they are getting to know the real you instead of the person you’re trying to be.

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Flirting Is Essential

Flirting is especially important to practice if you are shy or nervous with men or typically caught in a deadly dating pattern I call “Just Buddies.” In this all too common pattern you have guy friends at work or outside, watch sports with them, play video or other games with them, but create no romantic connections. Then you wonder why none of these men are into you.

Dylan, a brilliant, hard-working engineer, whose gorgeous bod was permanently camouflaged in pantsuits or sweats, talks about her Just Buddies pattern:
I work with a lot of guys and I love sports, so we wind up going out after work to sports bars, kicking back a few drinks and doing the guy thing together. I’m the one they tell all their girl problems to. It’s all great, except for Rob, who I think I’ve been in love with for the past year. He just got engaged! During the Love in 90 Days program, I realized that I’m afraid to be more of a woman with a guy. Truth is, I don’t really know how to flirt and have never asked anyone for help. Dylan got over her deadly dating pattern by dressing in more feminine clothes and by flirting. She is now having an incredible time dating terrific guys.

Are You Like Dylan?

Like Dylan, many of us simply feel like we don’t know how to flirt. We see our girlfriends doing it, starting spirited connections with men and leaving us in the dust. But the truth is that flirting is a skill that can be learned! If flirting doesn’t come naturally, try it first on men who are not threatening to you like Dylan did with her game night friends. But make sure you eventually build up to the hotties. If you are nervous, blushing or shy, let it be. This kind of energy is particularly endearing and attractive. And surprisingly enough, if you are very attractive, flirting is especially important! The good men are often quite intimidated by a beautiful woman, and you have to be very clear in signaling your interest.

10 Key Flirting Moves

From Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love:

1. Make eye contact and smile. If he makes lingering or repeated eye contact back, he is probably interested.
2. Ask for help as you adjust your shoe, lean on his arm and adjust it.
3. Look at him, look away, then look back.
4. While sitting, cross your legs and jiggle your foot in his direction.
5. Touch him lightly on the arm, shoulder or neck.
6. Touch your lips, neck or chest.
7. Brush your hand through your hair.
8. Play with your hair, clothing or an object.
9. Whisper in his ear.
10. Give him a mini-massage.

Pick two or three of these simple flirting acts and try them out. You will be amazed at how easy they are to do. Then try a few more. Over time you can become accomplished at flirting whenever you want to, no matter how attractive a hottie is! Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific guys in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

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Persuasion is everywhere, used by all of us, all the time.

Somewhere it’s especially noticeable (and vital, if you want to be successful) is in the game of attraction and seduction. For a man to pick-up a girl, that is: find, approach, talk to her and arrange to take it further, he MUST understand and be able to use persuasive psychology.

And it’s that fact many men are surprised by when they hear it–that being successful with women isn’t a God given talent or a roll of the dice; it’s a skill like anything else. Today you’re going to learn a little about that skill.

We’re going to look at a special persuasive psychological technique that, when used, massively increases your chances with the ladies. It’s called ‘The Add-On Principle’.

How The Add-On Principle Works

Picture the scene: You’ve got talking to a girl and been chatting for a little while. You can tell she’s enjoying the conversation and think that she’s quite attracted to you, too. You decide you’d like to make something happen with this girl and see her again real soon but you aren’t sure of the best way to go about making that a reality.

You don’t want to ruin the positive dynamic that you’ve worked so hard to create and you definitely don’t want to scare her off or get rejected. So, what can you do? Well, first of all, what do most guys do when they’re in this situation? I’ll tell you, they take one of three routes:

Route #1: CLICHÉD NUMBER REQUEST

The first route has been taken so many millions of times in the past that it’s nowadays almost an act of parody. It’s asking the girl for her number. Taking this route is, 9 times out of 10, a Plan B at best.

When you ask a girl for her number you not only give her control of the situation (which means she can very easily say no or slip you a phoney number), you also highlight that moment of the conversation as what it really is: an attempt at picking her up. When she realizes this, she’s turned off.

No girl likes the idea of being picked-up because it seems sleazy and dangerous. For a girl to allow herself to be picked up, it must feel natural and unforced.

Route #2: GOING FOR IT

This route’s most often taken at night, in bars, clubs and parties.  Namely because the availability of alcohol makes this option seem a good idea.

‘Going for it’ means a guy will try to kiss the girl or cop a feel a little while after talking to her. Perhaps he’ll do it while they dance or as the venue is closing and they’re leaving. Again, it’s a bad idea because it makes the girl feel used and not in control.

Route #3: BOTTLING IT

This option, quite simply, involves choking at the last second, being unable to go through with a  ‘closer.’ The conversation’s gone great but the guy just doesn’t feel confident enough to propose meeting up again or something along those lines. As you can imagine, taking this route is a bad idea in regards to being successful with women.

So What Do You Do To Actually Get The Girl?

The three routes above are bad, so what route can you take? Well, it goes without saying that you HAVE to run the risk of using a ‘closer’ if you want to see the girl again.

Therefore, your goal is to make your offer, in whatever form it might take, seem like a natural, obvious, fun option for the girl to take. To achieve this, you should justify what you’re suggesting with a REASON you should both do it.

For example: “Let’s swap numbers so we can talk about that book we both like.” Or, “We should get a coffee or hot chocolate some time, because I know a great little place that’s just opened and think you’d really like it.”

When you follow up an offer (such as swapping numbers or going for a coffee) with a reason for doing it (to talk about something or because you know a nice little new place) you make the offer seem ATTRACTIVE and a NATURAL thing for the girl to say yes to. This is the essence of ‘The Add-On Principle’.

When you employ it, try to always use the words “So” and “Because.” Our minds, when we hear these words, associate them with good reasons, they back things up for us in our heads.

You can use this principle any time you want a suggestion you’ve made to a girl to be accepted and agreed to. For example: “Shall we go over and look at the jukebox, so we can put on some tunes we both like?”

You’re taking away any hard work the girl needs to do in deciding whether or not she wants to go ahead with what you’re suggesting, simply because you’ve already given her a valid, natural-sounding reason to say “YES!”

Try it…you’ll be amazed at the results.

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It usually goes something like this: you’re in a group, talking to a couple of girls. You’re with a friend or two, perhaps having drinks in a bar or at a party. You’ve got your eye on one girl in the group in particular and want to make something happen, make a bit of a connection.

Thing is, she’s proving the hardest to connect to. Sure, she smiles and talks to you nicely and politely, but she’s not returning your flirtatious gestures and comments much, if at all. It’s like she’s playing hard to get or something, whereas her female friends seem to be much more playful and flirty.

How To Know If She’s Really Interested In You?

This doesn’t happen because you aren’t her type or just because sometimes these things happen (or don’t). There’s a different, special reason the girl you’re interested in doesn’t appear to be interested in you and it’s got a lot to do with psychology and social standing.

You see, when you show you’re interested in a good-looking girl who’s with her friends, you inadvertently bump up her ego and feeling of self-worth.

She knows you’ve chosen and are most interested in her and likes this feeling of elevated importance. However, she also knows that if she reacts by becoming really flirty and obviously attracted to YOU, she’ll lose the higher social value she has over her friends (probably the reason you targeted her in the first place), so she therefore maintains her unattainable, “I’m a bit too good for you” status.

Use Reverse Psychology to Turn Things Around

However, you can blow this problem out of the water by using DEFLECTION THEORY. You turn the situation on its head and reverse the psychology of your target female by deflecting your attention AWAY from her and ONTO one or more of her friends.

When you show her friends (who have lower social value/worth than your target female) more attention and affection, you challenge her ego. So, in an effort to regain her superiority in the hierarchy of her circle of friends, the girl you’re really interested in will subconsciously invest much MORE interest in you by flirting and being playful.

As so many women do, she gives into wanting what she feels she cannot have and, of course, you’ll be happy to have her. She is, after all, the hottest of the group and the one you wanted in the first place.

How To Deflect Your Attention Onto One Of Her Friends

Here’s how to deflect your attention onto one of her friends to make her (the girl you want) feel as if her ego has been challenged and thus make her feel an instant and undeniable desire to get your attention and “win” you back.

Use Strong Eye Contact When Talking to All of the Girls

However, when you’re talking to your target female, occasionally glance away and towards one of the other girls (who will probably be talking amongst themselves or to your friend/friends if you’re with any) and give a slight smile before looking back at your target.

This jackhammers a sense of competition into the subconscious mind of the girl you’re really interested in and immediately makes her want to fight for your attention.

Casually Make Physical Contact With Her Friends More Than Her

For example, touch them on the side of their arm to get their attention or when laughing and joking.

Face Her Friends More Than Her

When sitting down or standing around talking as a group, face slightly more (as in, the direction of your body/torso) in the direction of one of her friends more than her.

Using deflection theory to challenge a girl you’re interested in’s ego and therefore make her want you more is just one psychological technique you can use to boost your pick-up game. Combine it with others and you maximize your success with the opposite sex in ways most men have and never will experience. You can be the guy that gets the girl!

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But how about the more obvious but actually less frequently discussed topic of verbal communication: how what we say and how we say it impacts on our lives and goals? That’s the subject we’re going to look at today.

Except we’re going to a get a little more specific and delve into how a guy can make easy, fun conversation with a woman, that helps lead to attraction and sexual chemistry between the two of you.

Let’s first get a grasp on a few pieces of background information. First off, how do most men make conversation with a  woman they’re attracted to? What do they do right, wrong or completely miss out from their talks with the opposite sex?

The best way to answer these questions is simply to identify the mistakes the majority of men out there make; things every guy, for whatever reason, chooses to do when talking to a girl, that hinder, rather than help, his chances of hooking up with her.

Mistake #1: ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS.

Lots of men worry that when they start talking to a girl, she won’t say much back. This outcome, standing there, suffering an awkward, embarrassing silence, is so much of a concern that they ask the girl question after question to avoid it.

The reason they bombard her with questions is because they think that the best way of getting and keeping the girl talking is by giving her more and more opportunities to say something, no matter what the topic happens to be.

Unfortunately, doing this sends out a very negative message. It actually shows that you’re nervous and would prefer her to do most of the talking, which often turns the woman off completely.

Mistake #2: NEVER SHUTTING UP.

This is the opposite scenario to the one above, but happens for the same reason. Some men, scared that the girl they’re talking to will up and leave any second, choose to talk endlessly in an effort to keep their attention. Again, this is immediately obvious as a sign of social inexperience and nervousness.

Mistake #3: BORING HER TO DEATH.

It’s not easy talking to a girl who’s beautiful, sexy and usually practically unattainable. So when a guy gets chatting to a girl he really likes, who’s hot and confident, he doesn’t want to mess it up.  After all, it might not happen again for ages!

So, in an attempt to limit the chance of saying something that might ruin the interaction and thus his chances with her, he subconsciously restricts the topics of conversation he brings up.

He talks about work, the weather, sports, current affairs, perhaps bombards her with a few questions on those subjects…and generally doesn’t push the boat out much.

Okay, so they’re 3 of the worst mistakes a guy can make when talking to a girl he likes. So let’s flip the coin and look at what he SHOULD be doing.

Objective #1: PROGRESSIVE QUESTIONING.

Choose what questions you ask the girl wisely. You don’t want to throw too many her way too quickly.

If you do, you give her too much control over the conversation and don’t provide her with a challenge. So, use progressive questioning. Ask her questions that she MUST give a detailed response to.

Avoid Yes/No questions and instead quiz her on things that require emotion-packed responses.

“Do you come her often?” is a terrible question. “What do you think this place could do to make it feel more lively and fun?” is much better, as it not only requires a more detailed reply than a simple “Yes” or “No,” it also probes the girl on what makes her feel good.

Objective #2: Don’t be afraid to let short pauses punctuate your conversation with a girl.

Many men panic when they hear a silence and jump in with another question or statement to fill it. Don’t make the same mistake. A confident, dominant guy, the kind of man women love, isn’t afraid of little pauses, because they’re natural and harmless. He simply, waits a second or two, sips his drink, smiles and goes with the flow.

Objective #3: It’s okay to use common topics of conversation when you first get talking to a girl.

But move away from the mundane stuff as quickly as you can and instead choose to tell engaging stories. Describe a great holiday you had, an amazing concert you recently went to…make it positive and interesting and you engage the girl’s emotions and make her want to tell YOU about her own good times. When this happens, instant rapport and sexual chemistry is born.

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After all, how are men supposed to know what each girl’s looking for without asking?

If you DID ask, you know your chances would be small, after all, no girl wants a guy approaching her with needy questions. She wants a confident man who somehow seems to know what she’s after and can give it to her.

So how do you do it?

How do you become the man that effortlessly exudes confidence, dominance and presence, without turning into an arrogant poser or desperate wannabe?

Exude Confidence

The answer lies in psychology. It’s at the heart of all persuasive social situations, and absolutely central to the success of any guy’s attempts at attracting and seducing women. Quite simply, by learning the CORRECT psychological rules, principles and tactics, any guy can play and WIN at the game of seduction.

For example, let’s look at one such psychological technique, that used correctly boosts any guy’s chance of getting a girl’s number or hooking up with her at a later date by at  least 50%, each and every time he uses it. It’s called option limitation and works on the following principle of human nature.

It’s All About the Number of Choices

When someone’s presented with only a single choice, often their natural reaction will be to rebel against it and go their own way. However, when given 2 or 3 options, the opposite occurs: they feel their intellectual freedom has been respected and they make their choice from the variety of options they’ve been presented with.

You can use this universal psychological principle when picking-up or seducing a woman by carefully constructing how you pose important questions or phrases while talking to her.

For example, most men think saying: “Can I have your number?” is an okay way to finish a conversation that’s gone well with a girl. But a much more powerful and effective way of saying the same thing would be to use option limitation.

A Better Close

Something like: “It’s been nice to meet you. Shall we swap numbers or maybe grab a bite to eat and a drink tomorrow?” What you’re doing is presenting the girl with a choice between good and better. Whichever she says yes to, you win.

Don’t Let Her Create Her Own Alternative

If you only give her one option, as in the first example, she’s likely to create her own alternative, which means there’s a chance she won’t say yes to the option you gave her. When she subconsciously recognizes that she’s been given a choice between multiple outcomes, she feels her intellectual freedom has been respected and she chooses one of them.

So, always use option limitation to give the impression there’s a variety of options available to the girl, even though each one is fine as far as you’re concerned. And to strengthen the effect of option limitation, always try to separate the choices you give the girl with the word “or.”  When people hear “or” they automatically recognize that they need to make a choice, and therefore do just that.

Option limitation is just one example of how, whether they know it or not, men who are successful with women CREATE that success for themselves – not through luck or good fortune.

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This commonly felt sense of importance regarding the need to be consistent within ourselves can be exploited when attempting to seduce a woman. One seduction technique that makes use of this concept is called ‘The Power of Yes’.

The Power of Yes

Here’s a common scenario most men have experienced at some point or another in their lives. You find yourself talking to a girl, maybe you approached her and consciously started a conversion, or perhaps the chat began unplanned, naturally. Either way, you’re enjoying each other’s company.

After a while, it dawns on you that you and the girl you’re talking to are going to have to go your separate ways pretty soon, which poses a slight dilemma: how can you make it so this isn’t the first and last time you two are together and instead arrange for it to progress into something further? The obvious route to take is to perform a ‘closer’.

A closer is when you make a conscious effort to get a girl’s number, swap both your numbers, arrange to meet up again soon, or otherwise cross that social “getting to know you” line. Thing is, you don’t want your closer to crash and burn, you want the girl to happily agree to whatever it is you suggest.

How Can You Ensure You Close?

So how can help ensure that happens? You use psychology, specifically, ‘The Power of Yes’ technique. The technique involves getting the girl you’re interacting with to give several positive ‘yes’ responses to your questions in quick succession.

Doing so helps develop an internal sense of positivity in the female that carries over in her mind to when you perform the actual closer and tips the balance in the direction of agreement to your request or suggestion.

Be Subtle and Casual

You can do this by using subtle and casual responses after she says things, like: “Really?” and “Do you?” Match your response to what she’s just said and ensure it takes the form of a question that you’re sure will prompt a ‘yes’ response from her. Getting between 3 and 6 of these positive responses is usually enough to allow the principle to work.

Avoid Negative Responses

At the same time, avoid asking questions or saying things near the end of your conversation, just before you’re about to close, that could possibly evoke negative reactions or “no” responses from the female.

The reason this technique works so well is because of the natural human phenomenon mentioned at the start of this article; people feel it’s important to be consistent and congruent in the things they say and the situation they’re in.

After responding to you positively half a dozen times, a natural inclination is created in the female’s mind for saying ‘yes.’ She’s gotten used to it. When you finally suggest going for a bite to eat tomorrow or visiting that museum together you told her about, the most natural and consistent response in her mind is a responding “Yes!”…it just feels right.

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What does this mean to you?

It is MORE important to pay careful attention to HOW you say things, and HOW you stand and HOW you act than it is to WHAT you say (at least initially).

You see, you could have the BEST game in the world and be able to really get any woman to like you loads, for example online, but if you used those same successful techniques in the real world and lacked obvious confidence, lacked eye contact etc. You would simply CRASH and BURN!

Honestly, body language is SOOOO important in attracting women. Later in the course we’ll go into how you can use the female’s body language to READ her mind and know what she’s thinking. This article is about YOUR body language.

Ok… So, I’ll cover the basics as the advanced stuff is beyond the scope of this article.

Body language basics:

1. Smile

You have to make the female feel at ease and comfortable that you are a friendly and fun guy and you are not a psycho as quick as possible. Especially when talking to her for the first time. You also need to let her know that you are confident and comfortable around women.

A big and genuine smile is the best way to do this. It works. In fact, if you ever get an Ice Queen that you can tell is about to give you the “dead eye”, give her a big smile. Practice smiling at random people. You’ll be surprised by how many people smile back and at how many doors open to you. Smiling WORKS. Just don’t make it a cheesy, fake smile

2. Eye contact

As you know there’s nothing worse than staring at a woman’s chest or even looking. It makes you just like all the other guys who drool over her. If anything you should use all your skill to NOT look at her chest – she’ll wonder why her womanly powers don’t work with you and she’ll seek your attention and subconsciously TRY to get you to look!

When talking to her, try to maintain eye contact. Not too much because it can be intimidating, but if you aim to have eye contact with her around 70% of the time you are talking, this should be comfortable for most women. Don’t stare like a crazy man, just be natural but if you naturally look away or are slightly shy when it comes to eye contact, make a conscious effort to have a little more.

Eye contact can make serious connections within people. They say the eyes are a window to the soul and I think there may be some truth to that. There are even speed dating type events being run that involve just staring into each others eyes – and from what I hear, they are pretty successful.

Maintain eye contact. Not too much, about 70% of conversation time. Be natural.

3. Upright posture

Guys can get away with a bit of a hunch, but women really do prefer men with straight, upright postures. Look at all the big film actors like Pitt, Cruise etc. They all have good posture. It says to a woman you are confident, healthy, and strong (at least in mind).

It’s just generally more attractive and says lots about who you are. Plus it’s good for your back and will help strengthen your back muscles making it easier to maintain.

Get into the HABIT of having an upright posture.

4. Gesticulate with open palms

You will not hear this tip anywhere else (or if you do, it was almost certainly copied from this course).

I’ve gone into in depth studies of body language and this one is a good one to use in MANY circumstances. I’ve adapted it here after solid testing to picking up women, however, some people suggest that when combined with a few other verbal and non-verbal techniques it can even give you a 50/50 chance of getting out of speeding fines!

Anyway, basically, when you are talking to a woman and trying to make a point (that puts you in a positive light) or defend yourself (for example, a girl suggests you might be a player) you talk and using your hands you have open palms facing upwards. Keep your arms in front of your body with your palms facing the sky and smile as you talk.

It works VERY well on a subconscious level to suggest you are being honest and telling the truth. And if you want a woman to begin to trust you, making her think you are being straight with her, is important.

This open palm gesticulation MUST be combined with a smile to work effectively.

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For most men, approaching women is a tough task with very little room for mistakes or mess-ups. That is one of the reasons they fear the approach so much, because they do not want to fail.

So, what are the other reasons men hate approaching and talking to women and, more importantly, how can a guy successfully approach a woman and start talking to her without any fear of rejection or gut-wrenching feelings of nervousness?

Reasons Men Fear Approaching Women

1. They are scared of being rejected by the woman
2. They feel inadequate. They’re too fat, too thin, too short, too pale, too something.
3. They feel they lack the social skills needed to succeed. They don’t know what they’d talk about, how to make jokes, etc.
4. They are scared of looking like a desperate guy who is hitting on women
5. They are worried that other men will see what they are doing and socially punish them as a result

Fear of Rejection

So, first things first, why do men fear being rejected by women? If they don’t know the women they’re approaching, why should their opinions matter? Well, we all know that just because we don’t know somebody doesn’t mean we don’t care about what they think of us.

But the real reason men fear rejection is because the fear of rejection has been evolutionarily programmed into their brains. Like all other fears, it acts as a security device, which tries to prevent us from coming to any harm.

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, our ancestors lived in much smaller communities. Messing up with a woman in such a small tribe could easily destroy your chances of having kids. It’s really no wonder men still experience that pang of anxiety just before they walk up to an attractive woman with the intention, or hope, of talking to her.

Then come feelings of inadequacy. You could say that it’s because of feelings of inadequacy that men fear rejection. One leads to the other. Every man and woman has their own unique collection of personal inadequacies.

Regardless of what yours are, you’ll know what it feels like to think that they’re way too bad for any woman to look past them. Clearly this makes meeting a new woman very difficult.

Feelings of Inadequacy

The next reason on the above list follows on from the last two. First a man feels inadequate for some reason, then he fears being rejected and then, as a result of that, he avoids approaching new women and talking to them as much as possible.

This, of course, does nothing for his ability to successfully talk to, flirt with, and attract women. He avoids doing it and so avoids getting good at it.

The last two reasons are pretty self-explanatory. Because the guy feels inadequate and therefore inept at talking to women, he worries women will instantly identify him as a needy loser who wants to hit on and score with them. Clearly this is something he does not want to be seen as.

So! The big question is how can a guy approach women without feeling inadequate, without fearing rejection and without looking like a needy loser? Here are the general guidelines…

Tackle Sources of Innate Anxiety

This means identifying the things you truly don’t like about yourself and putting them into context. What are the things you are most scared of women identifying in you? Do you hate the idea of women looking at your big belly? Your small hands? Your sweaty brow?

Once you have identified your main ‘weaknesses’, you need to consider how much they matter to women. How will your weaknesses disadvantage the woman you want to talk to? A big belly won’t. Small hands won’t. A sweaty brow won’t. She’ll notice it, but it won’t change her psychology or physiology.

By getting rid of the sources of your innate anxiety, you free yourself up and allow yourself to be socially impressive and therefore sexually attractive.

Learn the Rules of Public Social Life

The reason it is scary to approach women in bars and on the street is because you don’t know them, and if you don’t know them, why else would you want to talk to them except because you want something from them? This is a big part of why men fear looking like a needy sleaze.

What you need to do is accept the fact that approaching strangers and talking to them isn’t the norm, then you need to bypass the obstacles which make it difficult.

Learn to ‘Open’ and Practice a Lot

‘Opening’ means starting a conversation with the woman you’ve just approached. It is an art form, but it nevertheless follows a strict set of social rules. You need to avoid looking overly keen from the outset, so try to start the conversation as if you’re walking by, then stopping because something has just popped into your head.

Talk almost a little bit over your shoulder to the woman when you speak your first words. Don’t put pressure on her by walking right up and standing in front of her. Also, make sure your opening line is strong. Don’t signal extreme sexual interest by complimenting her or flirting with her straight away. Don’t say “You’ve got really nice eyes, did you know that?”

Instead, ask something unusual, interesting and perhaps a little funny, like, “Hey, I’ve been having a discussion with a few friends. As a woman, do you think it’s okay for a girl to be stronger than her boyfriend?” She’ll almost certainly say it’s fine. Then you can say, “So you wouldn’t mind carrying him across the threshold on your wedding night?” And the conversation has begun…

So, identify your vulnerabilities and try to put them in context, then learn and think about the rules of social life, especially regarding talking to strangers, then learn a few openers and practice them a LOT. That is how you make approaching women anywhere easy.

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Take, for example, visualization techniques.

Visualization techniques are most commonly associated with people who are striving to achieve success in areas of physical excellence: athletes, body builders, endurance specialists, explorers and martial artists all employ the power of visualization to help them achieve their goals. But what is it exactly?

A common misconception is that visualization is the act of imagining something to help yourself achieve an end goal. This explanation, although not a million miles away from the truth, doesn’t accurately represent the true concept of visualization. Visualization involves truly envisioning two things in your head, with as much clarity and detail as possible. First is the act itself.

For example, leaping from the starting blocks at the crack of the gun, your muscles tightening, your body springing into action, each stride long and powerful driving you forward with super speed and swiftness. Second is the outcome: such as the winning of the race.

You picture yourself being the first to cross that white line, decelerating to the sound of a roaring crowd. Flash bulbs explode and while your chest heaves for air, you smile in the comfort of knowing you succeeded and came first. 

The result of visualizing both of these concepts is a powerful one. Your mind and body become more prepared and more capable because you’ve already practiced and gone through the motions of what is to come. Your attitude is more positive and productive and you gain the edge you need to truly succeed.

Visualization can be used in a variety of fields to help you succeed, even in attracting and seducing women. The same principle above applies, you must truly act out in your mind both  the act of meeting a girl and the outcome of whatever it is you’re looking for (be it sex, a relationship, or whatever.) Here’s a few pointers to help you do this:

1. Visualize Every Detail

Make a real effort to visualize each and every detail of what you want to happen during the act of meeting and talking to a woman. See yourself smiling and saying hi to a girl in a bookstore and her replying with a shy smile and glint in her eye.

Picture laughing and joking and being flirtatious. Even envisage small details, like you both taking a sip of your drink at the same time. Each and every visualized moment prepares your conscious and subliminal mind for actual real-life encounters. The more you visualize and the greater detail in which you do it, the more capable and prepared you become.

2. See The Ending Too

Once you’ve visualized the act of meeting and conversing with a girl, foresee leaving the bookstore or bar and going back to your/her place. Whatever outcome is preferable to you, picture it. See the colors, hear the sounds, feel the textures and smell the aromas.

3. Use Visualization Everywhere

Use visualization when you’re at home AND when you’re out looking for girls that catch your attention. Doing both ensures your mind is programmed in the most prepared, positive state possible: nerves disappear and confidence grows.

For more great visualization and confidence techniques, check out HypnoDate – a revolutionary manual that teaches men how to use special hypnotic principles to become masters of attraction and seduction, without the need for good looks, money or a flashy car. Check it out now at the HypnoDate website.

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Being unsure about something doesn’t mean you can’t do it, it just means that you don’t feel comfortable or calm about the idea of doing it. And, of course, when self-doubt creeps into your head, it’s bound to have a debilitating effect on your behavior.

Nowhere is this fact more evident than in the dating game. When a man doesn’t feel completely confident while talking to a woman, his chances of attracting her are drastically reduced, because his ability to appear attractive has been diminished.

The answer to this dilemma, predictably enough, is increasing the man’s confidence when talking to women by decreasing his feelings of self-doubt, anxiousness and nervousness. Let’s now look at how this can be done.

The process of increasing your confidence, and therefore your attractiveness, when talking to attractive women, can be broken down into four main steps.

Step #1: Understanding Women

This step could take a lifetime, but it really doesn’t have to if you take a simple, straight-forward approach to completing it.

First you need to avoid falling into the trap of thinking that women are like a different species to men, with completely different ideas, beliefs, needs and modes of behavior.

It’s true that women look for different things than men when dating, but their desires aren’t so different that they should be considered mysterious or unintelligible to men. They want to be made to feel:

- Good about themselves

- Happy

- Sexually attractive

- Valued

- Respected

- Admired

Men want to be made to feel these things too by the women they date. The difference is what it takes to make men and women feel these things. There are different routes towards the same goals, depending on whether the person in question is male or female.

So, to increase your confidence with women, you need to remember that although they are different to men, they still want the same fundamental things from men that men want from women. They just want them in slightly different quantities and, to get them, a slightly different route needs to be followed.

DO NOT let people tell you that women are mysterious. They are not. You just need to know what they want and how to give it to them. The same goes for men, from a female perspective.

Step #2: Become Skilled at Having Good Conversations

Before you even consider talking to a woman and attracting her, you need to become good at talking period. You need to become a skilled conversationalist, in other words. You need to be the guy that people talk to and, after the conversation, think, “That was awesome. I really had a good time talking to him.”

You achieve this by learning to develop the most important skill a good conversationalist can possess: emotion management. It’s all about how you make the person you’re talking to feel. What they think about you is governed by how you make them feel about themselves. But we’re not talking about giving them a motivational speech.

What you need to get good at is having a relaxed conversation in which the person you’re talking to respects you (because they see you as being of high social value, confident, etc.). Then you need to engage them, by hearing what they are saying, replying thoughtfully to it and offering your own input in the right way.

And then, most importantly, you need to inject energy and emotion into the interaction by laughing, smiling and generally expressing the right emotions at the right times.

So, make a conscious effort to become good at talking to people. Your conversations should be fun, interesting and addictive. You want people to really enjoy talking to you, then and only then can you expect attractive women to enjoy a conversation with you.

Step #3: Start Making Approaches

This is the hardest step so far, because it involves doing the thing you’re probably the most afraid of. But it needs to be done.

Start making a few approaches a week. You don’t need to start in a nightclub. You can begin anywhere. Your goal is to strike up a conversation with a woman and get it to the ‘hook’ point. The hook point is the moment in the conversation at which you can see and feel that the woman is engaged and dedicated to talking to you.

She would much rather be talking to you than not talking to you, basically. You need to go beyond polite, day-to-day conversation, into a verbal interaction which is genuinely based on getting to know each other.

Don’t expect too much of yourself early on. A one minute, boring conversation with a woman is a good a place to start as any. You’ll quickly learn what makes conversations go stale. It’s usually when you’ve asked about three questions and she’s answered them all.

Step #4: Tighten Your Skills and Begin Flirting

Once you have become better at talking to women in a general sense and can hook a woman in conversation quite frequently, then you can start to concentrate on your flirting. Flirting should be approached cautiously at first.

You don’t want to give away too much too soon. You should drop one teasing comment into the conversation and then gauge the woman’s reaction. If she responds by teasing you back, then you have a green light that she is attracted to you, which means you can gradually start flirting a little more.

You keep your teasing and flirty banter in line with the signals of interest the woman is giving you (her body language, the things she says, the way she touches you, etc.). If she isn’t giving you signals, then you need to liven up the conversation and get her attracted to you more, through your demonstrations of social skill and high social value.

These four steps, when combined, allow you to become habitualised to the process of talking to women. Your levels of anxiousness and self-doubt will lower and your feelings of confidence will therefore increase.

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You have to know how to approach a girl in the right manner  if you want to have success with your pickup.

The following are some proven tips I’d recommend you do to help you be successful in meeting women!  Remember a situation where you were going to approach a girl, and before you could even get a single word out, she freaked out and simply rejected you?

Know this – getting shot down has little to do with what you were going to say or what your intentions were.  It’s all about how you go about actually approaching your target. It’s important to do this right the first time, because it’s hard to recover when you make a mistake right off the bat. The key to approaching women is to approach them in a NON-THREATENING manner that does not telegraph your interest.

This is known as “coming in under the radar.”

Understand: Most women have trained themselves to just REJECT men outright when they sense they are being picked up on. This is because women get hit on SO MUCH by men, they just don’t want to deal with yet another guy coming up and wasting their time.

But despite all this, the girl WILL be receptive to you if you know how to approach her in the RIGHT WAY.

So what’s the right way to approach a woman?

Act fast!

First – YOU MUST ACT FAST.

If you hesitate and let the opportunity pass you by, you’re never going to experience success.  Giving yourself time to talk yourself out of approaching a girl will never get you
anywhere, so it’s important you act quickly and JUST DO IT.

Know what to say before you say it

Secondly, know what you’re going to start the conversation with BEFORE you approach the girl.  This will make meeting women much easier because you don’t have to spend time
thinking of what to say before you feel comfortable walking up to meet her. When it comes to a situation like this, you should probably have a good, proven “pick up line” memorized that will help start a conversation.

But don’t confuse the term “pick up line” with sleazy saying like “Nice shoes, let’s have sex!”  The goal here is to be NON-THREATENING, remember?

The best lines usually engage the girl in an innocent conversation. You can do so by asking her opinion on something and then following that up with more questions. When approaching a woman, it’s important that you approach her from an ANGLE.  Most guys charge towards the girl they want to meet like they’re marching to war!  Coming in at an angle is much less  confrontational and will put the girl at ease on a subconscious level.

Practice, practice, practice

Remember: great pick ups can only happen when the girl is comfortable with you. That’s why it’s so important for YOU to feel comfortable when you’re talking to girls! If you’re not  comfortable approaching women, the best way to overcome it is to go out there and start approaching women right away! After all, practice makes perfect, right?

The sad fact is, you’re not going to get good at approaching women if all you do is sit around reading about it and studying it like a test.  If you want to get good and have success, you actually have to go out and DO IT so you can build your experience level. (The good news – it gets easier the more you do it!)

If you’re worried about being rejected, just look at it as a game. The ONLY thing you’re doing is approaching women. You’re not asking her out, you’re not trying to get her into
bed, your only goal is to carry on some type of conversation.

That’s all you need to do!

See how many girls you can talk to in one night, and keep trying to beat your score.

Using time constraints

One last note – try and use a “time constraint” whenever you approach a woman.  This is as easy as  saying you can only talk for a minute before you have to run.

Effective use of time constraints will better engage the woman you’re talking to, because she won’t feel that she’s committing to a time-consuming endeavor.  Instead, you’re only a momentary “distraction.”  This helps eliminate any reason to reject you right off the bat.

If the initial approach goes well and the conversation continues, she will eventually forget you said you can only talk for a “minute” and you can talk as long as you want. The whole point is just to get your “foot in the door.”

The dating game is a numbers game.  The more women you’re able to meet, the greater your chances at finding a great girlfriend, and possibly even a future wife.

To find out more, sign up for Joseph Matthew’s free Meet Women Secrets newsletter for all the most recent tips and methods for meeting and seducing women.

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There’s an expression that best sums up this outlook- “Garbage in, garbage out”

What this means is when you fill your mind with negative thoughts, you severely limit your success in life.  The funny thing is we men use self-talk so much that it’s become a major part of our dating lives.  We often “convince” ourselves that we’re not “worth” dating the truly desirable women.

Negative thoughts often take the form of a “Self-Limiting Belief”.   The definition is simple- A self limiting belief is any sort of self-talk that limits your ability to achieve something.

It’s called “limiting”, because you literally limit your capacity to do well in life.  And in the dating sense, a self-limiting belief is any thought that prevents you from succeeding with women.

In my experience, there are a number of beliefs that hold men back.  In order to improve your success with women, it’s important that you identify these thoughts, then actively eliminate them.

Here are 7 of the most common self-limiting beliefs:

#1- “I want somebody to love the REAL me…”

I’m going to be honest here.  Guys use this belief as an excuse to be lazy.  Many secretly desire a change to their life, but don’t want to make any effort.  So they think that coming up with some line about “being themselves” will somehow make them morally superior to the men who seek outside help.

The truth is, many guys require some guidance with meeting women.  Don’t make an excuse about wanting a woman to love the “real you”.  Instead, try to understand that life should be about constant improvement.  If you want success with women, you need to get out there and find out what really attracts them.

#2- “Love will find me…Eventually”

I once heard a great story about a man who prays to God every day about winning the lottery.  After weeks of having nothing happen, he finally screams at God and asks why his prayers go unanswered.  Seconds later, he hears a booming voice that says: “Buy a lottery ticket!”

The belief that “love will find me eventually” is another excuse that limits your success.  Don’t sit around waiting for the “dating lottery ticket” to arrive.

In order to improve your life, you must be willing to get out there and put yourself in a position to meet women.  It won’t happen if you believe the woman of your dreams will magically show up with little to no effort on your part.

#3- “I’m not good-looking…”

This is one of my favorites!  We men have it lucky in the dating game.  While our attraction to a woman is built primarily on HER looks, they look for something completely different.

A woman’s attraction starts when she makes an emotional connection to a guy.  Sure, looks are an important element.  But, any guy can improve his conversation skills to the point where they can transcend a deficiency in his looks.

#4- “I never have anything interesting to say…”

Guys often let nervousness and anxiety affect their conversations with women. The end result is their mind goes blank and they have trouble thinking of things to say.

The truth is we ALL have interesting things to say!  But sometimes, it takes a little coaxing to get them out.

A technique I recommend to my readers is to cultivate a unique personality through the art of storytelling.  Women are strongly attracted to things like health, status, adventure, leadership, wealth, and preselection.

When you craft a story from your own life, with these traits in mind, you’ll have plenty of material to use when there’s a lull in the conversation.

#5- “Some guys are just naturally successful with women…”

This self limiting belief is another personal favorite.  A lot of guys think there’s no way they can change their success with women.  What they don’t know is this is an area of their life that is like any other skill.  It involves a process that’s easily learnable and predictable.

Think of it this way.  Everything you’ve learned in your life started out as something you didn’t know how to do.  Only through learning and practicing were you able turn it into a skill.

Learning how to attract women is the same way!  With the right kind of information, you can easily become proficient at meeting interesting girls.

#6- “I have no confidence around women”

A lack of confidence is common among single men.  What’s unfortunate is this is the one quality that’s incredibly unattractive to women.  So, in order to improve your success with women, you must overcome the notion that you can’t be confident when meeting a new girl.

Confidence comes from competence in a skill. In the last belief, I discussed how you can improve your success simply through learning and practice.  As you work on your “dating skills”, you’ll discover it’s easy to dramatically improve your self-esteem.  While you might feel that you lack confidence now, this is something that can be easily fixed through repeated success!

#7- “I’ll start tomorrow, or maybe next week…”

This belief is the creed of all serial procrastinators.  Almost every single guy in the world feels he’s missing something in his life.  Some might say they want to make a change.  But most of the time, they’ll put off doing something about it.

If you want success with women, then it’s time to do something about it.  Don’t delay. Do something right NOW!  Even the simple step of writing down a plan of action can have a dramatic effect on your dating life.  The only thing that’s holding you back is allowing limited thinking to prevent you from making a change!

Self limiting beliefs can restrict your success.  When you allow negative thought patterns to be in control, the opportunities to date quality women will be quickly diminished.

Here’s some simple advice.  ANY time you experience one of the negative thoughts I’ve just described, immediately challenge it!  You’ll discover that the simple act of working through your self-talk will have an immediate effect on your success with women.

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Everyone has had their run-ins with “hard to get” guys and girls and sometimes asking them out is a heck of a lot easier said than done. If you’ve got someone special that you just can’t take your eyes off of but your lips seem glued together whenever they come around, we’ve got a few things that will make it a little less stressful for you to actually ask them out.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There is a girl I love.  But I am to shy to even talk to her and I want to ask her out but I don’t really now how.

– Georgis, Alberta

Recognize the Fear of Rejection and Kick It to the Curb

The biggest reason people don’t ask out their crushes is that they fear getting rejected.  Rejection sucks.  It hurts – everyone knows that.  Sometimes it is difficult for people to grasp that rejection does not shape who they are and in no way does it put a sign on your forehead that says “not good enough.”

First and foremost, you need to know that you are okay just the way you are.  Other people don’t decide that you’re okay – you do.  You need to come to terms with the fact that you’re you and you’re fine how you are – no one can change that, rejection or no rejection.  When you come to terms with that, you’ll be confident enough to approach anyone without the sweat beading up on your forehead and your knees turning into Jell-O.

Making the Approach

Almost every girl (or guy, really) will say, “No” if you walk up to them and introduce yourself by asking them out.  Hard as it is to believe, that really is the way it works.  Even the smoothest pick-up lines will not work.

So now that we’ve thrown your entire foundation for dating out the window, we’re going to share with you how to really pick up your crush.

Let them get to know you in a normal, pressure-free way.

You’ve heard about how people meet through being friends and it turns into this wonderful relationship, right?  That’s honestly the best way to go about it – building a relationship on friendship creates bonds that last a long, long time.  So let your crush get to know you before asking them out.  Ask them for help or their opinion about something and strike up a conversation.  When you’ve got a pretty good footing you can transition the friendship into something more.

Getting Rejected

Yes, rejection is a possibility.  You need to know that a lot of the time, it has nothing to do with you.  For example, if you approach your crush and they have just failed a test, broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend or had some other mood altering life event, you’re probably going to get rejected and it won’t be your fault in the least.

It’s also okay if you are flat out rejected.  Remember that part about you being okay no matter what?  Play that card and you’ll feel a lot better.  If you get rejected, nothing will happen.  The floor won’t turn into a spinning vortex and suck you in, destroying your life as you know it.  You’ll go home and everything will be the same as it was before you asked your crush out.  So take the chance and keep trying until you find that special someone.

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Most guys think that women like ‘bad’ boys so they try to portray this image and simply end up looking like a jerk. What a woman really wants is a man who will keep her interest, has great confidence, who is not afraid to stand out, and is not afraid to disagree with the status quo – A guy who is comfortable in his own skin…

Here’s a great article on approaching women from David Wygant, one of today’s most popular and successful dating coaches. David is not a ‘pick up artist’, but a real dating coach who offers good solid advice that actually works. In this article, he talks about some of the biggest mistakes that almost all men make when approaching women and how you can avoid them and actually capture her attention and create a real spark.

Most men think that they need a clever line to approach a woman, which in some cases may garner a reaction. But through all my years of coaching men and women I have found that it is not what you say that’s important, but how you approach.

Most women put more importance on visual clues to assess a man’s character. They don’t care what you say as long as you say it without hesitation and with authority. Unfortunately, most men don’t know this, so they walk over and approach a woman like a wounded animal expecting to be rejected.

When you approach like a wounded animal you will be rejected every single time no matter how clever of a line or remark you may have. Sound familiar?

With eighty percent of human interaction based on non-verbal body language, what is a man to do?

The key to impressing her right off the bat is you need to be different than all other men that are approaching her that evening in the bar or lounge. It is really competitive at night, and most women will start to lose interest in men after a few jerks have hit on them, so you need to learn to use a few of these tips to make you stand out from the crowd of drunk testosterone-laden men.

Here a few sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing even if you are not sure what you are going to say:

1. When you see a woman that you are attracted to you need to walk right over.

Stand up straight and walk over slowly but with confidence. Make sure your chest is puffed out and your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. You need to keep eye contact as you approach so you do not spook her. You also need to walk directly over to her without any hesitation.

With practice, you will get comfortable doing this. Most men linger in the background like a scared animal for a period of time before they approach. When they finally do approach, the woman is quick to turn her back on him. The reason is he did not exude confidence.

Most women notice who is observing them. When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her you might as well go home and get your game on for another night or day.

2. When out on the town, avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males.

One of the biggest turn-offs for women is the “male pack” — you with five of your buddies high-fiving each other, drinking and checking out other women. Yes, women make note of this childlike behavior and when you approach them with your buddies waiting on the sideline they will impulsively reject you in front of the pack to avoid being scrutinized later. You need to break away from the male pack and find one other guy who is like you to go out on the town with.

Save the male bonding and excessive testosterone for a sports bar.

3. Dress in clothing that gives you a strong appearance.

Make sure you’re not sabotaging your efforts with your attire. Following the steps above will fall short of projecting great body language if you are wearing a pair of baggy khakis and ratty sneakers out at night. If you look like a slob it will not matter what your body language says because you will look like every other man who put no thought into what he was going to wear that night to attract women.

Start buying clothing that makes you stand out from the rest of the men. Find a cool pair of jeans and some great shirts that give you an edge so when you walk into a bar or lounge with the right body language women will see you. When you are dressed the part, women will give you a double take and follow your every move. Keep in mind shoes are really important too, so find a few pairs that look great on you.

4. After you walk over you need to create a spark within her.

Most men’s conversation will center on being agreeable and non-confrontational in the hope that she likes him. The key word here is “hope” — That is the mindset of the average man. They are so jazzed that she is actually speaking with him, so they play it safe and hope that she likes him.

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring!

So you need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, you get into the conversation about summer movies and she says that Spiderman III was her favorite Spidey movie so far. The typical male would agree with her even if his opinion is that the first Spiderman was superior. Instead of being agreeable, you would look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong — the first Spiderman was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtateous verbal sparring which will create a spark in her brain.

She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head.

5. Maintain some tension after you meet.

Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the more you will know about her. So when you call her you will have many things to speak with her about. What I like to do is, before I call I think about everything she said and then I pick the most juicy topic or opinion and challenge her with it.

For example, going back to the example of Spiderman III, I would text her the next day and challenge her with this text:
I was thinking U & I need 2 re-watch Spiderman. U R so wrong. Name the time & place & I’ll bring the DVD.

By challenging her, you are bringing her back to a moment of tension that she shared with you. She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back. You have just learned the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her plus you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.

The secret to capturing her attention and creating that spark is do not be like everyone else. Follow the above tips and you will become the alpha male that women desire.

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