Ask Dan and Jennifer » I love you

Why Are Men So Afraid of ‘I Love You’? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 02:05:30 +0000

Many women have been in relationships where the man is hesitant to say those three little words that she’s anxious to hear, "I love you."

Why do men have such an issue with saying that they love a woman, especially if they’ve been dating for quite some time and have become exclusive?

"Why are men so afraid to say ‘I love you’?"

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Commitment Phobia

Many men are afraid of commitment. That’s just the way it is. Many men don’t want to settle down and even when they are ready to settle down, they’re afraid of admitting it to themselves and to other people.

Society makes huge demands on men, including putting out the idea that men are supposed to be frivolous when it comes to women and date around. It can be difficult for a man, especially for a man that is afraid of commitment, to think of himself as someone who has settled down.

Many men feel that once you’ve settled down, you’ve lost your "spunk" or your sexuality and some men feel that once they settle down, a woman begins to control their lives. We’ve all heard those horror stories of grown men having curfews, and these are things that can cause a man to be afraid of telling their partner that they love them.

Societal Pressure

Many men feel pressure from society to be "manly" and feel they will be made fun of or ridiculed when they choose to share their feelings.

From childhood, men are taught that they shouldn’t share their feelings and the way society views men that do share their feelings is a hefty contributor to the fact that many men are afraid to tell their partners they love them.

A combination of societal pressure and commitment phobia are huge factors that contribute to the reasons that men don’t say, "I love you."

What Do You Do?

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I’m In Love With My Best Friend. How Do I Tell Her? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:16:46 +0000

If you find yourself in love with your best friend, take heart. You’re not the only one! It can be intimidating, however, to think of ways to tell your best friend how you feel without risking losing your best friend.

You might be tempted to feel the situation out with your friend’s friends, or you might prefer the idea to keeping quiet. How do you approach your best friend if you have feelings for them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I really like this girl, I think I love her… But she’s one of my best friends and I don’t want to tell her about my feelings because I’m afraid that I will lose my friend. I told her friend about my feelings and I think she told her. Since then she’s gone all weird with me and doesn’t go out with me anymore. She always says that she’s busy or something. What should I do? Please help.

–Fizwan, England

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The Friend’s Friends

Bouncing the idea of hooking up with your best friend off their friends’ might sound appealing. You get an opinion that is as close as possible to your best friend’s opinion without actually being their opinion. Sure, it sounds great but in reality, this plan tends to backfire the most. What usually happens is the friend never keeps it quiet and approaches your best friend with the info.

While that’s scary enough, the friend usually puts whatever spin on it they like, based on how they feel about you. If that friend dislikes you or thinks you aren’t a good match for her friend, your best friend might hear a convoluted story. It’s not always this way, but if you tell your best friend’s friend your feelings, you can pretty much guarantee that your best friend will hear about it too.

Keeping Quiet

Risking losing your best friend over your feelings might sound like it’s too much to handle and it might be tempting to just stay quiet rather than risk the end of the friendship. Sure, if you stay quiet, you won’t risk losing your best friend over your feelings. But you might also be living an unfulfilled life.

What if you grow out of the friendship and end up going separate ways anyway, but you never got to tell your best friend how you felt? Think long and hard about whether you truly want to stay quiet. Make sure it’s a decision you really want to make.

Telling Your Best Friend

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5 Ways to Say “I Love You” Without Actually Saying it

Stephany Alexander — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:28:10 +0000

Here are 5 ways to show your partner that you love them without saying a word…

1. Touch Them

Give your partner a hug, kiss, hold hands, snuggle or massage them. Just be close. Nothing is more powerful than the power of touch.

2. Leave Love Notes and Poems

Write love messages and leave them throughout the house. Send an email or text message to let your partner know you are thinking about them. Leave a note on their car, in their pocket, under their pillow. Buy a card or send a letter to them in the mail. A little note or poem expressing your love will show your partner how much you care about them.

3. Food

They say "the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach," however this works equally well for women. Express your love by cooking a surprise dinner and set the atmosphere with music, candlelight, and flowers. Cook your partner’s favorite recipe. You may also give your partner the night off by making reservations at their favorite restaurant.

4. Plan a Date

Prepare a picnic, go for a walk, or plan an activity your partner loves. Plan something special rather than just the standard dinner and movie.

5. Hold eye contact with your partner’s eyes.

Gaze at your partner lovingly. By maintaining eye contact with your partner, you show them that they are the most important thing on your mind at that moment. Holding eye contact can increase your heart rate and creates a sense of unity and bonding.

To learn more about Stephany Alexander, visit www.WomanSavers.com.

Why Men Don’t Say ‘I Love You’…

Jeffrey Kishner — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:56:38 +0000

Your guy may change your tires, buy you presents and open the door for you at a restaurant, but he has not yet uttered those three words.

Does that mean he doesn’t love you?

Without hearing the utterance, you may wonder what’s going on in his skull. Is he just sticking around for the sex? Has he developed an intricate plan to win you over and then tear your heart out, just for the fun of it?

Men are hard to read. They are not as verbal as women, and some have been raised on the belief that "actions speak louder than words. "Chalk it up to genetics, culture (nature versus nurture) … it doesn’t matter. You just want to know if you’re a man’s final destination, not just a rest stop along the highway.

Fortunately, knowledge of your guy’s zodiac sign can help you determine if he’s the strong, silent type … or if he’s just taking you for a ride. The twelve Sun signs symbolize different ways that people express themselves. Some men are primarily emotional, others live in their heads. Look to your guy’s Sun sign below to learn how likely he is to say, "I love you."

Air Signs: Gemini, Libra and Aquarius

These mental, sociable signs vary greatly in their expressions of love. Gemini may say, "I love you" Wednesday, only to have changed his mind on Friday. He is a fickle man, and it is hard to hold his interest for long. Libra, on the other hand, is the romantic type, and will not only express his affection with "I love you," but also with songs, flowers, chocolates and reservations at fine restaurants. Aquarius will say "I love you … like I love all my friends!"

Earth Signs: Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn

More than any other element, earth signs will express their love with actions more than words. After all, the earth element is all about what you can actually hold in your hands. Taurus will express affection by doing simple things for you, probably tasks that involve physical labor. Status-conscious Capricorn will buy you diamonds. Virgo is the exception — he does thrive on being helpful, but his sign is ruled by communication planet Mercury. He’s likely to put his love into words, but he’ll also alert you to the spinach lodged between your teeth.

Fire Signs: Aries, Leo and Sagittarius

These inspiring guys prefer drama, action and adventure over articulate expressions of their love. Leo (the exception) is most likely to exclaim his affection, preferably with Shakespearian prose in front of a crowded room. Sagittarius will take you along the entire Appalachian Trail, but may fear that "I love you" means having to stay home and watch network TV. Aries will say those three words only if he had to conquer another guy (or your own resistance) to get to you.

Water Signs: Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

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Is It EVIL to Say I Love You with No Intention of Getting Married? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 16:22:16 +0000

I love you! Love you too! I love you more! No, I love you more!

AAAAAhhhh! Stop it! You hear it every day… people casually throw these magical words around like there was no tomorrow. Sometimes it’s a replacement for "talk to you later" when you’re going to hang up… "Luv you. Love you too."

Sure, it’s very important to express your feelings to those close to you, to let them know you love them, cherish them, enjoy their company. But what does all this constant "I love you" REALLY mean? What ARE YOU getting yourself into?

Here’s a question from Lee in Ontario. She’s found herself saying "I love you" to her boyfriend more and more lately, and suddenly she’s feeling unsure and uneasy about it. Is she actually misleading him?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am in a 6 month relationship. He says I love you I say I love you back. He says it more I say it more.

Yes we are both in love with each other.

If you tell someone you love them a lot, are they going to expect you to marry them? Am I leading him on by telling him I love him – I do. But will I marry him I don’t know. Is it evil to tell someone you love them under these thoughts?

– Lee in Ontario

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Does "I love you" mean "I want to marry you"?

NO!!! Love and marriage are two very, very different things. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting married, but there’s also no reason whatsoever to rush into it….

Ultimatums – The Fastest Way to End a New Relationship (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 05 May 2007 18:03:43 +0000

How soon can you get your new love to say "I Love You"?

You know the feeling… you’ve been dating for months, and he still won’t say those magical little words. How frustrating! Why are so many men (and some women for that matter) so afraid to say "I love you"? Is it really so hard?

Is he unsure about you, or just afraid of commitment?

Of course that leaves you wondering… is he really ready to give himself fully to you, or is he holding back? Is he doubting himself, or worse, is he doubting you?

Or is he just afraid of commitment? But you still have to wonder why that is.

How can you know he’s really over his ex wife or girlfriend?

In the end, you want to feel that he’s completely over the other woman – his ex wife, girlfriend, etc – and wants only you. And it’s only natural to want to hear those words from him, to want that reassurance that he feels the same way you do.

But how do you make him say it without damaging your relationship and even breaking up? More importantly, SHOULD you insist he say anything at all?

Should you demand to hear "I Love You" – or else?

Drawing that line in the sand sometimes feels like a good idea – a last hope of security and stability – but it can often backfire. Many couples break up every day just because they get too hung up on the terms they use to define their relationship, on saying certain words, etc.

Fact is, every relationship is unique, because every person is unique. When we try to put relationships in a firm box, we often end up disappointed, and sometimes we end up alone…

Talk is Cheap – What Does it Really Mean to Tell Someone “I Love You”?

Melody Brooke — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 03:36:27 +0000

What does it mean to tell someone "I love you"?

How many times have people said that to you in your lifetime?

The words are great to hear. They make us feel all warm and mushy inside. Of course, there are different kinds of love. Our minister may say "I love you" but it means something different than when our child says, "I love you". And of course it means something entirely different when our lover says, "I love you."

How do we know what those words mean and are the words enough?

Here’s another great article by featured author Melody Brooke. I know on some level we can all relate to what she’s saying…

Love in Action

What does it mean to tell someone "I love you"?

How many times have people said that to you in your lifetime?

How do we know what those words mean and are the words enough? I know women like to hear the words, too many years of living with the silent types who can’t say the words can grate on a person after a while. But its possible to hear the words over and over from people who don’t show it, and the words become meaningless.

A child who is regularly beaten by his parents hears the words "I love you" and begins to think that love means being hit. A child whose parents left her at her grandparents for weeks on end hear the words "I love you" and learns that the words mean abandonment. The words are only meaningful through the action that accompanies them.

Love then is an action. The actions teach us what the words mean.

I was married to a man who was wonderful on Valentine’s day, on Mother’s Day, on Christmas, and sometimes on my birthday, but the rest of the year failed to take the actions to show me that I was loved. Do I believe he loved me? Yes, I think he did to the extent that he was capable. But I needed him to show me.

Small things help us know that our partner is thinking of us, sometimes they are microscopic…

Seven Easy Ways to Ignite the Spark in Your Relationship!

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 16:55:55 +0000

Here’s a great article from one of our featured authors, Melody Brooke. Melody is a Professional, Marriage and Family Counselor and InterPlay leader. Her approach uses body, mind, and spirit to help her clients heal themselves with her gentle and compassionate guidance.

"Seven Keys to a Lasting Connection" provides practical steps to ignite, or keep that spark, in your relationship. This is a must read article that is guaranteed to improve your relationship (assuming you are willing to take action ).

Seven Keys to Lasting Connection

It doesn’t matter how excited you are about your partner if you can’t stay on the same wavelength and keep a connection over time. Finding the right person is really less than half of what it takes to stay connected with someone. In working with couples and families over the past 18 years it has become clear to me that being in love, or even just loving someone, isn’t enough to keep the relationship going.

To maintain that magical feeling of love and special-ness in a relationship we have to be willing to take 150% ownership of the quality of the connection in our relationships. There are certain things we have to be willing to do and to continue doing if it is our intention to stay in love and in connection with our chosen partner.

The exciting thing is that it doesn’t matter if your relationship is only 6 months old or if its 20 years old, these things will work to deepen your connection. And, you don’t have to wait for the other person to do them, it’s not about what the other person does or doesn’t do. It’s about you deciding that you want to maintain that connection, and being willing to take that 150% ownership.

So here we go:

1) Love is an action: Show your partner how you feel about them every day, at least once a day. Do this even if you are in different states or countries. Show your care don’t just speak it. Saying “I love you” doesn’t deepen a connection unless it’s accompanied by actions. Leave love notes under your partner’s pillow when you are going to be out of town. Make sure the tires in his car have enough air in them before he leaves town. Hug her every time she walks in the door. Think to get her favorite flower once in a while, for no reason. Fix the leak in the bathroom he’s been complaining about. Wipe up the counter and pick up after yourself like she has been asking.

2) We are all kids at heart: Recognize that no matter how grown up your partner seems, they are really a little kid inside. (Oh yes, and so are you) We are all really just kids that have bodies that have aged. Inside all of us are the unmet needs of our childhood as well as the playful spontaneous joyful child that we once were. Throughout the time you spend with your partner, see if you can notice the kid inside them. Respond to that kid just as you would to a kid who has not yet grown older.

3) Bedtime sharing: If you live together, go to bed at the same time, together, every night. This is huge. That means turning off the TV, the night-light and the phone. This is your time together. Cuddle and talk, make love if the urge strikes but that is not the point. The point is to talk about your day, your worries, and your hopes. Discover that in spite of all the time you have spent together, you still don’t know each other. If you don’t live together, or are not together for whatever reason, talk on the phone after you climb into bed…

14 Creative Valentine’s Day Ideas

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 16:47:20 +0000

Are you ready for Valentine’s Day?

While we feel that you should treat every day in your relationship like Valentine’s Day, we do want to help you make this special day incredibly romantic and memorable for both you and your sweetheart.

As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, we’ll continue to update our blog with any cool resources or ideas that we find.

Here’s a great article from Michael Webb at TheRomantic.com with some really creative ways to say "I Love You" this year.

"14 Creative Valentine’s Ideas"

By Michael Webb, Founder www.TheRomantic.com

Here are 14 Creative (yet inexpensive) ways to say "I Love You" this February. Do your friends a favor and forward this message to them.

Sleep under the stars
Buy some glow in the dark stars from the toy department and arrange a special message above your bed.
Their very own coloring book
Draw a dozen or so silly pictures of memorable experiences. (browse through photo albums for ideas). Outline in black marker and then have the pages copied and bound on heavy paper at a copy shop. Give with a pack of crayons.
Computer romance
Change the screen saver on the computer to a scrolling message. For added effect, use a wingding or character font that can’t be read without decoding.
Got milk?
Hide a bunch of silly prizes and a card in your love’s favorite cereal.
Jump start the romance
Tie your card or gift on a three foot string and tie it to the bottom of an automatic garage door. When your honey comes home, the gift will magically arise to greet them.
Rubber ducky races
Go to a nearby river or stream and race rubber ducks. The loser takes the winner out for dessert.
Warm the heart
While your love is in the shower put their towel in the dryer for a few minutes so it will be toasty warm when he or she steps out.
Music to their ears
In your own voice, record a book, fairy tale or poetry on tape for your dearest to listen to on the way to work or while he or she is out of town.
A winter picnic
Move the living room furniture and have a picnic in the middle of the floor complete with blanket, picnic basket, and all the fixings (in front of a roaring fireplace would add to the effect).
Send a mail bomb
Sending a card can be exploding romantic just by adding something unexpected: a feather, leaf, matches, lock of your hair, pressed flower or your handkerchief scented with perfume/cologne.
The personal touch
Gently scratch his back for ten minutes while he falls asleep or brush her hair for the same amount of time.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Use Rain-X Anti Fog (used to keep car windows from fogging up) and a cotton swab to write a message that will mysteriously appear on the bathroom mirror while your sweetheart is showering. Or put that old tube of lipstick to good use with a good morning greeting on the mirror.
The Jelly Belly game
Blindfold him and feed him Jelly Bellies. If he guesses the flavor correctly, he gets a prize. If he guesses wrong, you get a prize. To make it more interesting, combine flavors (root beer + ice cream = root beer float, coconut + pineapple = pina colada, chocolate + cherry = chocolate covered cherries, etc.).
Welcome home!
Use chalk to write a welcome home greeting on the sidewalk.

Make sure to check out Michael’s other terrific Valentine’s Day resources below:

Draw closer together with 1000 Questions for Couples
Spice up your love life with 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets
Discover 300 Creative Dates
Don’t miss 100 Bedroom Games for Couples
Learn the 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships
There is A Better Way To Date
Read about The Romantic’s Guide to Popping the Question