How To Be More Attractive & Less Needy By Releasing The Fear Of Being Alone Today

Nick Arrizza MD — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:33:36 +0000

The fear of being alone inflicts on anyone who harbors it feelings of insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem and self worth, the tendency to depend and rely too readily on others and their opinions, feelings of emptiness and a needy disposition that makes them unattractive to others.

In other words it perpetuates the very thing that the person fears — being alone.

Yet many who are afflicted by this have no idea what to do about it other than to try and wrestle it to the ground and pretend to themselves and others that they are not afraid of being alone. Does this feel like a tenable strategy to you? Hardly!

There is another solution and I present it here in a powerful way that I feel will shift you and your experience permanently if you wish to undertake this pioneering journey into yourself.

The Motivation of Fear

Let’s start with the simple question:

What does this fear actually motivate you to do?

Well, it supposedly motivates one to find friends so that they will no longer feel alone.

So if they are no longer feeling alone what are they supposedly feeling instead?

Well, they would be feeling secure, comfortable, like they fit in, attractive to others, loved, good about themselves, happy, at peace and so on.

What the Fear of Being Alone Does

So in summary one could then say that:

The fear of being alone causes one to not feel secure, comfortable, like they fit in, loved, good about themselves, happy, at peace and so on. (I call this the Summary Statement)

Now if we look at what the fear of being alone actually does to you you’ll notice as stated above that it leads to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem and self worth, the tendency to depend and rely to readily on others and their opinions, feelings of emptiness and a needy disposition that makes them unattractive to others.

In other words it perpetuates the very thing that the person fears i.e. being alone.

The Toxicity of the Fear Of Being Alone

This fear is clearly TOXIC, is it not?

If you see this place one hand over your heart and as if you are speaking from there simply affirm this to yourself and then notice how you feel.

Now does what this fear does to you concur with the Summary Statement above?

Hardly, because they are exact opposites!

The Truth About the Fear Of Being Alone

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How to Deal With Feelings of Jealousy and Insecurity About Past Relationships

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 13:12:03 +0000

Unless you are in your very first relationship with someone who’s in their very first relationship, you’re going to have to deal with your feelings and your partner’s feelings about previous relationships. Most of us get to this stage before we’re out of high school, but no one has bothered to tell us how to deal with the vast array of emotions that surface because of these previous relationships.

What happens when these feelings are negative and self destructive?

First serious relationship or tenth serious relationship, feelings of jealousy and insecurity can cause a lot of stress. These are feelings of wanting to control the other person. We all want to subtly, and some times directly, control other people – our friends, our parents, our boyfriends, our co-workers. We want to make them do, act, and say the things that we feel is best.

How to Deal With Jealousy and Insecurity

The easiest solution is to try to let go and understand that you simply can’t control another person. You can love them, and they can love you, but you simply cannot ever control them and make them act the way you want them to. This is an illusion that has shattered countless relationships.

One of the biggest underlying problems troubling relationships today is that people feel like they "own" their partner. This is the real reason behind fear, anger, jealousy, insecurity, and similar types of feelings. The best thing to do is to just allow other people to be themselves and love them for who they are and not who you want them to be.

Jealousy and Insecurity About Past Relationships

It doesn’t matter who he or she has been with before. It’s those decisions and those relationships that have made your partner the person you’re in love with today. In the same respect, it’s your experiences, or lack of experiences that make you the person that your partner loves today.

Live your lives together, enjoy each other today, and be happy on your journey together.

Ask Dan and Jennifer » insecurity