The Prevalence Of Porn

Yes, adult movies really are everywhere, and they’re in every flavor that one could imagine. You can find porn on the Internet easily, with just the few clicks of your mouse. You can find photos or videos of just about anything you might desire, and if you’ve got the money, you can watch live webcam performances of your favorite stars or video chat with live, hot naked women.

But it’s not just the nudity that’s everywhere – what has changed in the porn industry over the years is the need to continually push buttons and push boundaries. What’s new? What’s exciting? What hasn’t been done before? Adult film stars and producers want to get noticed, and the best way to do that isn’t flashing your breasts – that’s been way overdone. The best way to get noticed is to do something that makes people do a double take. “Did they really just do that? Let’s watch!”

What Does Pushing The Envelope Mean For Men?

For many men, the tasteful nude spreads in Playboy just doesn’t do it anymore. But neither does some of the more risque stuff. Many men are so bored by “just naked women” or “just sex” or “just anal sex” that they continually look for new things to become aroused by. Since the adult entertainment industry basically caters to these desires, it’s a recipe for disaster.

So instead of browsing through tastefully done photos of gorgeous naked women, men are looking for more extreme forms of sexual gratification, including hardcore sex, rough anal sex, golden showers and more. Since men get desensitized to seeing such extreme things on screen, what happens is that it becomes more and more difficult to become aroused through normal nudity or normal sex.

Does It Really Cause Erectile Dysfunction?

Yep. For example, say a man is used to masturbating while watching really rough BDSM or domination. This is what arouses him, and he is always looking for something that he hasn’t seen before. So when he goes to have sex with his wife, what happens? He’s looking at a normal, naked woman and unfortunately, it does nothing to turn him on since he’s so accustomed to being aroused by porn that pushes the envelope.

So he can’t get it up. And she gets frustrated, thinking it is her fault.

In reality, the man has trained himself to sexually respond only to certain things, and the specifics differ from guy to guy. But the concept is the same – if a man masturbates regularly to intense porn, he will most likely have difficulty becoming aroused by normal sex with his partner, resulting in difficulty achieving an erection.

What To Do About It

If you find that you struggle with erectile dysfunction and suspect it may be due to porn, you can take control of your sex life again if you want to have satisfying sex with your partner.

Start by weaning yourself off the most extreme stuff. Take a few minutes to analyze the type of porn you watch at present – what kind of things does it feature? What is it that turns you on the most? Whatever that is, take it down a notch. For example, if you’re currently watching porn that features heavy BDSM, try going down a notch to something that features bondage only. Then you can downgrade to light bondage and so on. In theory, this does not sound difficult to do. The real challenge is avoiding the temptation to watch what you normally do.

Think of it as training yourself to enjoy porn that is much closer to the realistic sexual experiences that you have with a partner, instead of only being able to enjoy things that are only attainable through porn.

When you accomplish this, you will be more satisfied during your sexual encounters with your partner. You will enjoy regular intercourse much, much more than masturbation and masturbation will simply become a “quick necessity” rather than a go-to for the satisfaction of your sexual fantasies. In short, your sex life with your lover will become much, much better and you won’t be in danger of experiencing erectile dysfunction during normal intercourse!

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The Real Reason Men Like Porn

Some women are completely comfortable with their significant other’s porn consumption, but many are not. Oftentimes, women feel that their boyfriend or spouse must not be satisfied with their sex lives at home if they also want to view porn. The truth is that the vast majority of men who watch pornography aren’t doing it for any of those reasons. It doesn’t reflect on their love for their partner or how happy they are about the sex they’re having at home. They just enjoy the novelty and fantasy of it. Porn is like a dirty dream that doesn’t require your subconscious to do any work. Plus, as mentioned above, men are so visual when it comes to arousal that it helps them to have actual images to view. Perhaps women aren’t as into porn as men because they’re better at inventing their own fantasies. Girls can close their eyes and imagine a sexy situation involving themselves, but men need to see something right out in front of them.

Is Your Sex Life Suffering?

Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with a guy who enjoys porn. You should only be worried if your sex life is suffering. If your boyfriend or husband can’t become aroused without watching porn, or he hardly ever wants to have sex with you but is regularly masturbating to porn, you need to have a talk. But if he wants to use porn every once and awhile, and it isn’t diminishing the quality of the sex you two are having, then more power to him. Perhaps you should even try watching some porn with him—who knows? You might find some ideas worth experimenting with in your own bedroom.

Women Like Porn Too!

In fact, despite the stereotype that men love porn and women don’t, many members of the fairer sex have enjoyed their share. In a recent Glamour Magazine column by Rebecca Webber (entitled “Are You Normal About Porn?”), the author revealed that 31% of young women have viewed porn within the past year, and 51% of women have watched pornography with their boyfriend. Though they also noted that 31% of women consider porn degrading, the numbers show that many women are either curious about or enjoying pornography. In fact, 47% of women reported liking porn featuring a man and a woman. Only 20% enjoyed less vanilla sex, so men take note—if you want to bring porn into your bedroom, start with something a little less adventurous. Try to get your partner’s input– that way you’ll pick material that will turn her on, too.

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Question: I discovered that my partner has been looking at porn and hasn’t told me, in fact if it ever comes up he claims he doesn’t. I’ve even tried to get him to watch it with me before and he says he doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to watch it. What does this mean and should I worry that he’s hiding other things from me?

–YouTube Viewer

Secret Masturbation Is A Habit

Growing up, if a boy got his hands on a Playboy magazine, he was lucky. If he didn’t want Mom to take it away, he’d make sure it was hidden really well and if asked about masturbation, he would deny, deny, deny. A lot of men carry this habit into their relationships with women, but not because he doesn’t trust you. It’s an old habit that dies hard, and some men just don’t think anything about stashing their porn or masturbating in secret because they’ve done it for so long. A man isn’t going to come up to his partner and say, “Hey, I was looking at porn today, what do you think?” It’s just something he does by himself and always has. It doesn’t mean he’s hiding other things from you or that you can’t trust him.

Build Trust

Build trust with your partner by masturbating in front of him and sharing your fantasies with him. Be open with him sexually and make him feel comfortable being sexually open with you. Encourage him to share his fantasies with you as well. Fondle him while you fondle yourself, and trade places. Let him fondle you while he fondles himself and see what happens. Don’t criticize your partner at all sexually, because you want to help him feel that the proverbial bedroom is a safe place to be where he can be himself and not worry about criticism or judgement of any kind. He needs to know that masturbation isn’t wrong and you’re not going to shun him for doing it. He’s not twelve anymore and he doesn’t have to hide masturbation from you. It’s a normal and healthy part of being a man and you need to help him to feel that way by being open and accepting.

Lead By Example

If you want to watch porn with your partner, lead by example. Bring some porn that turns you on to the table and let him know that you’re interested in watching it together. Don’t ask him to share his own porn with you because it will only serve to make him nervous and uncomfortable thinking about you watching his porn and picking it apart. Get some porn that can specifically be “couples porn” and only watch it with each other. Show him that he doesn’t need to be embarrassed about being turned on by porn and that porn can be a great way to spice up your sex life together.

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5. Teens And Porn – What Are The Hidden Dangers?

Lots of people watch porn, but are there any hidden dangers to watching porn? Especially for teens? Visit our YouTube site and leave a comment – tell us what you think about teens watching porn!

Pornography Changes Your Perceptions

While teens masturbating is completely normal, you may be curious as to whether watching porn is a concern for teens or not. While men, and young boys of course, are visual creatures and may need visual stimulation to complete the masturbation experience, is porn a good way for them to do so? Not necessarily, and not just for teenagers. Many types of pornography give only a brief view of what sex is like, and often caters towards certain fetishes for rough sex, voyeuristic sex and more. Porn is like a snapshot of what sex and relationships are really like, and the “snapshot” is usually blurred, poor quality or grainy. It’s definitely not a good representation of what the real thing is like.

Pornography can skew a person’s perception of what sex is really like and what the human body is really like. This is especially true for teens, who are just beginning to develop their perceptions, however, it is true for anyone. Porn is not an accurate representation of any of these things, and teenagers especially don’t know how to tell the difference between what is represented in pornography and what is true in real life.

The Perception Of The Human Body

The biggest perception that can be skewed by porn is what people are supposed to look like. Teenage boys in particular can grow up watching porn and begin to believe that all women are supposed to look like porn stars and there is something wrong with those who don’t. If you support your teen or even your grown husband or boyfriend using a visual aid to help with masturbation, look for pornography or magazines with more realistic representations of the female body.

Maturity Is A Factor

So should your teenager watch porn? The likely consensus is no – however, maturity plays a factor in whether your teen should have access to pornography or not. It also depends on your religious preferences. Of course, if your religion dictates that pornography is unacceptable in all forms, you should certainly do your best to keep pornography out of your home at all levels. However, if you have a mature teen and access to realistic images and videos, pornography may actually benefit your teen, or even your grown husband or boyfriend. In fact, realistic pornography may even benefit teen girls and grown women as well. Some theories suggest that teens with access to pornography and who are comfortable with masturbation may choose to wait longer to have sex. Ultimately, it’s up to you and your teen, or you and your partner as to whether you allow pornography into your lives and how to keep the dangers of it at a minimum.

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What You See Isn’t Always What You Get

Yeah, me too. It seems to be an epidemic that young men who grow up watching porn (cough, all of them), think that what they see is what sex is like. And, yes, perhaps women are guilty of believing in certain kinds of movie sex, maybe those that involve scenes with Brad Pitt or Richard Gere, but those misconceptions never end with semen on someone’s face.

The bad news is that you have a lover who thinks your roommate might walk in and “want to join” or that you’re into double-penetration. The good news is that you can dispel him of that myth and teach him how to have REAL SEX in an enjoyable way.

Yes, I said it. You have to TEACH HIM. Remember that he thinks what he sees in porn is real, when you know it’s about as real as the tits. But it’s not entirely his fault, and it doesn’t make him an otherwise bad person. It just means he’s seriously misinformed.

Teach Him Real Sex vs. Porn Sex

Give him an anatomy lesson. A lot of men aren’t aware of how sensitive vaginas are, or even where they’re sensitive. So give him a lesson on how and where you liked to be touched. If you like gentle rocking intercourse, tell him, and explain that hard and fast sex doesn’t work for you. Be specific, like it’s painful, or de-sensitizing, or annoying. As much as he wants to envision himself as the next Ron Jeremy, he also wants to pleasure you and be a good lover. If you get off from clitoral stimulation, show him how you liked to be touched.

Tell him what turns you on. A little guided sex play never hurt anyone. If you give him feedback on what pleases you, he’ll keep doing it, and get a little dirty talk in the mix. For example, before he gets to the jackhammer sex, hold him still when he enters you. Say, “I love the feeling of you being inside me. Let’s just stay here for a moment.” That gives you a chance to set the pace.

Try Watching Porn With Him

Watch a porn with him. This might sound crazy, but it can work in two ways. Let him pick a porn to watch, then deconstruct it while viewing. Point out things that are arousing for you, and things that are unrealistic or unpleasant. Alternately, you can find porn, sex scenes, or erotic images that you like, and share them. It will give him an idea of what you’re into, and maybe even expose him to other types of porn available.

Give him an erotica tale that turns you on. If you’re not that into visuals, but have gotten hot from the written word, then share a story you like with him, or even write your own. Maybe he won’t start reading Danielle Steele, but he may get some insight into what many women find arousing.

How To Show Him What You Like

Show him by creating the “ideal night.” Plan a romantic evening for the two of you where you set the mood. He’ll be into your initiative, and start to see that you are a sexual being with desires all your own.

Take the lead in bed. Don’t let a guy into porn take the lead in bed unless you want to get slapped with his cock. Be more assertive in order to show him what kind of sex you like. Get on top, or whatever position makes you comfortable and gives you some control, and set the pace. If he starts to get all hard and fast on you again, take a break. Let him know he’s ruining your groove.

Try out these tips and see if he gets a better idea of what you enjoy in bed. If not, you just may have to cancel the internet connection and stock up on romance novels until he gets it right.

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Men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, while women are more likely to enjoy and be stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

The term “erotica” is often used to refer to these softer images of, and especially writings about sex.

Many women enjoy erotica on their own, which is good news in and of itself. Even better news is that couples can enjoy erotica together as a prelude to sex or as a way to explore sexual activities, fetishes, and lifestyles they’re not ready for in real life.

Where Do I Find It?

Sex stories and novels are easy to find. More challenging is finding quality erotica. By this, I mean erotica that is well-written, with interesting characters, fascinating plots, exotic settings, and really hot sex.

Here’s a guide to finding the really good stuff.

Print Anthologies

Every year, several wonderful print anthologies featuring erotica are published. The most popular of these are “The Best of the Best American Erotica” edited by Susi Bright and “Dirty Girls: Erotica by Women” edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. If you’re worried about buying these books in a public bookstore, all it takes is a credit card to purchase them confidentially and without embarrassment online.

I recommend these anthologies as a good place for couples to begin. They tend to include a sampling of various types of stories including literary, humorous, romantic, and really dirty erotica. You can read various styles and authors to see what really turns you on.

E-Books

Another highly popular source of erotica is e-books. E-books are electronic books, which range from story to novel length. They can be purchased online, typically for a fraction of the cost of print books, downloaded and read on your computer or e-book reader. While taking a laptop to bed with you might have much appeal, some e-book readers are no bigger than a cell phone. You can even acquire “read-aloud” software, so that the words are spoken in a voice you select, allowing for hands and mouth-free enjoyment, should that be of interest to you.

There are several sources of e-books. Ellora’s Cave is one of the more successful e-publishers and sells its books, organized by author and genre, directly from its website. Fictionwise is a virtual warehouse of e-books. You can find erotica titles simply by searching under the key word “erotica.” Lulu is another virtual warehouse offering self-published print and electronic media. Because the work is self published, authors aren’t required to meet anyone’s standards but their own, so quality of packaging and content is a concern. Again, a search under “erotica,” or a particular author’s name, will provide you with a wide variety of choices.

Free Erotica

If you want to experiment with free erotica, before laying out the cash for a purchase, there are plenty of options on the Internet. The most popular site is probably Literotica. This site offers both readers and writers of erotic stories and audios the opportunity to share their work and enjoy that of others amateur authors. The upside is the huge number of stories to choose from and a rating system that allows you to choose from the most popular stories in each sub-genre. The downside is the inconsistency of quality—it ranges from poorly-written anecdotes of the writer’s personal sexual experiences, to really excellent and well-written stories that should have made the print anthologies.

Clean Sheets and the Erotica Readers and Writers’ Association are other free websites. Unlike Literotica, where anyone can post stories, the stories appearing on these websites are selected by editors on their merits. New stories appear monthly, plus both sites maintain archives of previously published work. Another personally favorite site for free stories is Desdmona’s Erotic Stories Contests. Desdmona, the publisher of a highly-regarded “pay-for-erotica” site, Ruthie’s Club, sponsors contests once a year. The contests attract some of the best erotica authors working today.

Once you’ve looked around a bit, chances are you’ll find one or more authors you really like. Many erotica authors including myself maintain websites and publish erotic stories, blogs, and/or essays about sex on their personal sites. You’ll discover that your favorite authors also have their own favorites and provide links to these other authors.

There is plenty of really good sex writing out there. Why settle for anything less than the best?

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