Today’s article however, had a tremendous impact on me personally – probably because it hit a little too close to home… We all get so busy doing the things that we think we ‘have’ to do that we forget to take the time to do the things that we ‘want’ to do and those things that brings us joy. 

Not taking the time to have fun together can really cause a strain on your relationship. 

Read this article to learn some really great ways to connect or re-connect with your partner.

But Seriously, Play with Me!

by Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT

When we date someone we are intent on finding time to enjoy being together.  Discovering similar interests means doing things together that you both enjoy.  The result is that we end up doing a lot of fun, playful things together when we are dating.  Bonding during play is an important aspect of building intimacy with someone.  We open our hearts up to those we feel safe with, and we play with those we feel safe with, too.   When you think about the time you spent together when you were dating, weren’t you constantly on the look out for playful things to do together?

It’s funny but we will even do things that are outside of our own comfort zone when we are dating. We will attempt things we have never tried before and we will do things that we don’t even particularly like, simply because the other person finds it fun.

Before we were married my husband invited me on a ski trip. I was 43 and had never skied before.  I hate the cold, my Reynauds caused my hands to go numb in the cold, but of course I went.  He taught me to ski (turns out I have a knack for it) and I now love to ski.  But I might not have ever tried it if it weren’t for wanting to spend time playing with my prospective partner.

Yet once we settle into our daily lives with our partner, we tend to forget or even avoid doing those fun things together.  Why is that? I think there are many reasons for it, but the top reason is that we start taking life too seriously.  We have kids to care for, bills to pay, pools to care for, lawns to feed, work to do… all of which fill up our time and our thoughts, requiring all of our energy and resources.  Taking time to play with our partner becomes a chore on our to-do list. 

Play, of course, can take many forms and is highly individual.  That can make it complicated for couples.  He likes to golf, she likes to garden.  She likes to shop, he likes to tinker with his car.  When the divergent ways we like to have fun keep us apart, intimacy can be interrupted.  Play is an intimacy building activity.  We play with those we are closest to, so if we stop playing with them we stop feeling close. 

Play also builds creative connections and opens new pathways in our brains.  Studies show that kids who don’t get enough play time…

Related articles:

1. Talk is Cheap – What Does it Really Mean to Tell Someone “I Love You”?
2. Intimacy – I Give Up!
3. I’m Afraid to Tell You…
4. Why There’s Still Hope for Marriage
5. Seven Easy Ways to Ignite the Spark in Your Relationship!

How many times have people said that to you in your lifetime? 

The words are great to hear.  They make us feel all warm and mushy inside.  Of course, there are different kinds of love. Our minister may say "I love you" but it means something different than when our child says, "I love you".  And of course it means something entirely different when our lover says, "I love you."

How do we know what those words mean and are the words enough?

Here’s another great article by featured author Melody Brooke. I know on some level we can all relate to what she’s saying…

Love in Action

What does it mean to tell someone "I love you"? 

How many times have people said that to you in your lifetime? 

The words are great to hear.  They make us feel all warm and mushy inside.  Of course, there are different kinds of love. Our minister may say "I love you" but it means something different than when our child says, "I love you".  And of course it means something entirely different when our lover says, "I love you."

How do we know what those words mean and are the words enough? I know women like to hear the words, too many years of living with the silent types who can’t say the words can grate on a person after a while.  But its possible to hear the words over and over from people who don’t show it, and the words become meaningless. 

A child who is regularly beaten by his parents hears the words "I love you" and begins to think that love means being hit.  A child whose parents left her at her grandparents for weeks on end hear the words "I love you" and learns that the words mean abandonment.  The words are only meaningful through the action that accompanies them. 

Love then is an action. The actions teach us what the words mean.

I was married to a man who was wonderful on Valentine’s day, on Mother’s Day, on Christmas, and sometimes on my birthday, but the rest of the year failed to take the actions to show me that I was loved. Do I believe he loved me? Yes, I think he did to the extent that he was capable. But I needed him to show me. 

Small things help us know that our partner is thinking of us, sometimes they are microscopic…

Related articles:

1. Seven Easy Ways to Ignite the Spark in Your Relationship!
2. What the World Needs Now, is Love, Sweet Love…
3. Top 10 Resources for Valentine’s Day Ideas, Tips, and Advice
4. A Man’s Love Is Expressed Differently From A Woman’s Love
5. Show Me You Love Me