Ask Dan and Jennifer » kink

Is Cross Dressing A Turn Off To Women? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 22:00:37 +0000

Cross dressing isn’t something that’s a totally foreign concept to women, but not many of them have dated a guy that likes to cross dress. Does that mean cross dressing is a turn off to women, or do some women enjoy cross dressing? Or do still other women just not mind it? Here’s what you want to know about how women feel about cross dressing dudes.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a fetish for cross dressing. I like dressing up in sexy lingerie, but I don’t go out in public or anything. Are the any women out there who are open enough to consider this a normal part of a healthy sex life? I also like the idea of dressing up as a French maid and submitting myself to the lady of the manner….

–Jonathan, FL

Click here to view the embedded video.

Some Like It, Some Don’t

Many women aren’t going to be turned on by men who enjoy cross dressing – it’s just fact. While some women don’t mind it, some are going to be turned off by it. That doesn’t mean you have to give up what you enjoy though! There are women who enjoy cross dressing themselves, and who enjoy being with men who like to cross dress. There’s someone for everyone, no matter what your fetish or fantasy is. You just have to find them!

Where To Look

Okay, so popping over to the bookstore might help you meet a nice girl, it’s not likely to be the best place to meet someone who either won’t mind your cross dressing or someone who might even share your fetish with you. There are, however, lots of good places online to meet people who share your interests or similar interests to yours! Browse through online dating websites or online fetish websites where you can specify your interest in cross dressing before you even meet someone. It’s refreshing to know right off the bat that someone who shows interest in you through these websites know that you enjoy cross dressing and either like it or don’t have a problem with it.

How To Tell Someone Who Doesn’t Know

What if you’re already involved with someone or are dating someone who doesn’t know that you like to cross dress but you would like to share this fetish with them? This can be a tricky situation, but it’s definitely not an impossible one. Don’t have a “sit down” talk with them. This can be uncomfortable and will put your partner on the spot, and it can be especially awkward if they don’t react to your cross dressing in the way you expected. Try introducing it slowly. Buy a silky robe and see if your partner likes the feel of it on you. Try wearing her panties to bed and see what she thinks – if she doesn’t like it, you can always play it off as having fun. If she does, visit a lingerie shop with her, and pick out fun, sexy lingerie for both of you. Sharing your cross dressing with her slowly can help warm her up to the idea, and then you can begin to share your fantasies with her!

No matter what your fetish or fantasy is, it’s important to have someone you can share it with. Don’t judge other people and don’t let them judge you – to each his own and there’s always someone out there for everybody!

What’s Your Safe Word? How to Get Off Without Getting Hurt

The Beautiful Kind — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:09:38 +0000

You’ve seen the stories in the news – a woman dies during a sex play session with her husband.

The articles are vague, but they usually mention the word “kinky,” a kitchen appliance malfunctioning, and the husband being held for questioning. You don’t want this to happen to you.

BDSM is fun and exciting, but you have to invest time in making it a positive experience for everyone involved.

Negotiating scenes, checking play equipment, and doing a little preparation ahead of time will keep things safe and sane. Here’s a little checklist of things to consider when veering from vanilla sex.

Addressing the Physical Side of BDSM

Be present. Don’t be drunk or otherwise out of it.

Never put anything around someone’s neck. OK, maybe a dog collar, but not ropes or bungee cords.

Don’t leave a restrained person alone. You don’t want your sex life to turn into a Stephen King novel.

If you’re playing with rope, have EMT scissors on hand in case you need to break out of something quickly.

Have water nearby to keep your honey hydrated and comfortable as you torment and tease.

Don’t lose your handcuff key!

When “no” doesn’t mean “no”: Part of your play might involve you pretending to resist, and your partner needs to know when you really need a time out. Have a safeword that is two syllables or less you can call out if things get too intense. (Mine is “bluebird,” as in, “the bluebird of happiness.”) It’s also a good idea to have a safetune to hum if the mouth is stuffed with something like a ball gag and you need a break.

Use safe props like cold water and ice cubes as punishment. It stings in the moment, but doesn’t cause lasting damage.

Addressing the Emotional Side of BDSM

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BDSM 101 – Moving Beyond Plain Vanilla Sex

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:56:30 +0000

A male friend of mine told me about something embarrassing that happened to him. He was in the throes of passionate sex with his girlfriend when, in a gesture of instinct, he put his hand over her face.

Immediately she froze in horror and blurted, “What are you doing?”

Well, how do you answer that? They resumed their lovemaking and talked about it afterwards. He told her he was going with the heat of the moment, and that to him it was an incredibly intimate gesture, a dominant move on his part.

She felt the opposite – she said it creeped her out and made her feel like an object. And there you have it – that one simple hand over the face gesture crossed the vanilla sex line.

What Do You Call Non-vanilla Sex?

I still haven’t found a good term for non-vanilla sex – chocolate? Strawberry with sprinkles? Chili sauce? This is a little problematic, since I overwhelmingly prefer it over vanilla.

Don’t get me wrong – vanilla sex has its place. But there are plenty of times when you just want to take it to “11,” like Nigel in Spinal Tap.

Taking it to “11”

First off, make sure you’ve covered the vanilla basics. Have you tried sexual positions like doggy style, reverse cowgirl? Have you played all the oral sex games, even 69 (highly overrated in my opinion)?

How about places – have you branched out from bedroom? I’m partial to the bathroom vanity myself, and the basement works well for my dungeon fantasies. How about anal sex? OK, now we’re crossing the line.

Consult the Checklist

Hopefully you have filled out the handy dandy BDSM fetish checklist I provided last month. Going through the checklist will be an eye opening experience for most couples. You’ll find out pretty quickly if one or both of you is dominant/submissive. Take turns picking a fantasy and trying it out.

Start small with blindfolds, silk scarves. A friend of mine had NO idea she liked blindfolds, until her boyfriend spontaneously wrapped her winter scarf around her head and gave her a massage on the couch. That smooth move prompted her to change her blindfold preference from a 3 to a 5 on the checklist. Instant addition to their bag of tricks!

Test Your Comfort Zone

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How to Get Your Freak On – The Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:00:55 +0000

A few months ago, I was talking to my new sex partner about what I liked in bed. “I like it a little rough,” I said, “You know, some hair pulling and some smacks on my butt while we’re having sex.”

He sat and pondered this and said, “Have you ever been bent over someone’s knee and spanked?”

Shocked, I exclaimed, “No!”

“Do you wanna try?” he offered.

I stared at him in astonishment.

He smiled and gestured at his lap. He wanted me to assume the position – right now!

My first instinct was to say no thanks – it was silly and weird! But then I reminded myself that I’m a self-proclaimed “trysexual,” so I decided to give it a go.

I lowered my pants, eyeballed him, then draped myself across his lap. He went slow, but he spanked me until my cheeks were pink. And they weren’t the only thing glowing. Turns out I liked it.

National Fetish Day

So how do you go about exploring BDSM and fetishes?

Everyone Has a Fetish

First, you have to come to terms with the fact that everyone is a pervert. That’s right – just like how everyone poops, every adult you know is secretly harboring their own brand of kink. Some never utter what truly excites them out loud. Some never share it with their partner. The poor dears are afraid of freaking people out.

It would be nice if there was a national coming out day for fantasies, a day where every person would put it right out there on the table and acknowledge their turn ons, As in, “Hello, my name is Lucy, and I have a thing for werewolves.” (At this point, my list of kinks looks like a dinner party grocery list.)

Believe me, even the most conservative person has something that titillates them. They tend to feel more ashamed and repress the feelings even more, then take it out on other people. This makes them seem mean, but really they’re just scared and frustrated. A nice spanking would probably do them wonders.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, How Does Your Fetish Grow?

I’m a big fan of taking baby steps. If you have a partner, plant a little seed and then back off. Don’t tell them, “I want to host an orgy.” Instead, say something like, “Wouldn’t it be hot if there was someone over there in the corner watching us have sex?” or “I think watching two girls kiss is completely sexy – if you had to pick a female celebrity to make out with, who would you choose, honey?”

Until your partner is more comfortable, always include them in your fantasy scenario. If you don’t, they will feel threatened and alienated. You want them to feel like they’re a part of this intimate thing you are sharing, a partner in crime, if you will. Be patient with them – give them time to digest the idea, and slowly up the ante when the timing seems right.

It’s even better to own up to your kinky fantasy if you’re single, and here’s why – you have the opportunity to put it out on the table from the beginning, which is a lot easier than springing it on someone later.

Yep, I challenge you – on the second or third date, tell her that you like wearing women’s underwear. Tell him you used to play Burglar with your girlfriends during sleepovers. This has worked wonders for me. Oh sure, I’ve scared plenty of people off, but I didn’t fake my way into a relationship, which pretty much dooms its chances of being a happy, open and honest situation.

Are You Ready to Come Out?

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The Beautiful Kind’s Ultimate BDSM, Fetish, & Kink Checklist

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 15:58:03 +0000

It’s a Pervert Party, and you’re invited!

Copy this list into a word processing program so you can edit it, or print it out.

For each question assign a number based on this scale:

5 = This is something I REALLY like. Bring it on, baby!
4 = This is fun! Let’s go for it.
3= I’m not sure, kinda freaky, could be fun, let’s try it out.
2 = I’m not really into this, but if it excites my partner I’m GGG (good, giving, and game).
1 = Eh, I don’t think so.
0 = NO FREAKIN’ WAY.
? = I have NO idea what you are talking about. Seriously, I’m clueless.
* = fantasy only, stays in my head

Be as creative as you want – feel free to add, fill in blanks, specify, clarify. No, you don’t need to painstakingly fill out each and every number, you can whiz through if you like, use checks instead. Customize it to suit your needs; use a highlighter or different colors for your answers if it helps. Most of all, have fun!

Types of persona that turn you on

[ ] = I am this character, ( ) = Partner is this character

( ) Male
( ) Female
[ ] ( ) Transgender, drag, queer (_______________________)
( ) Ethnicities (Asian etc: _______________________)
[ ] ( ) People with accents ________________
[ ] ( ) People with disabilities (Type: _______________________)
[ ] ( ) Teachers, professors, librarians
[ ] ( ) Lawyers, judges _______________
[ ] ( ) Business professionals, managers
[ ] ( ) Interns/assistant/secretary
[ ] ( ) Nurses, doctors, medical professionals
[ ] ( ) Religious figures (rabbi, priest, nun) _____________
[ ] ( ) Nobility, royalty (Princesses or: _______________)
[ ] ( ) Musicians (Rock stars, violinists, etc: ____________________)
[ ] ( ) Athletes (Football, basketball, baseball, etc: _____________________)
[ ] ( ) Wrestlers, martial arts, ninja etc: ___________________
[ ] ( ) Blue collar workers (Mechanics, maids, other:__________________)
[ ] ( ) Bikers, Hells Angels
[ ] ( ) Cowboys, cowgirls, farmers
[ ] ( ) Soldiers, marines
[ ] ( ) Sailors, coast guard, lifeguard
[ ] ( ) Police officers
[ ] ( ) Firefighters
[ ] ( ) Mail carrier, milkman, FedEx _______________________
[ ] ( ) Airplane pilots, flight attendants
[ ] ( ) Truck drivers
[ ] ( ) Bride, groom
[ ] ( ) Hunters
[ ] ( ) Surfers, extreme sports, skateboarders
[ ] ( ) Tattooed, pierced, body modified (Type: ____________________)
[ ] ( ) Pirates, rogues, guerillas
[ ] ( ) Historical figures (Civil War, Nazi, Abe Lincoln, ancient Egyptian or:__________________)
[ ] ( ) Inexperienced/virgin
[ ] ( ) High school boys/girls/cheerleaders (consenting adults!)
[ ] ( ) Prostitutes, pimps, sex workers, Johns, sluts
[ ] ( ) Fantasy creatures (mermaid, werewolf, vampire, etc.) ___________
[ ] ( ) Furries
[ ] ( ) Droids, robots, machines
[ ] ( ) Daddy, uncle, brother, cousin ___________
[ ] ( ) Mommy, aunt, sister, cousin ____________
[ ] ( ) Babysitter
[ ] ( ) Divorced
[ ] ( ) Widow(er)
[ ] ( ) Older sibling’s friend
[ ] ( ) Older people, elderly ____________________
[ ] ( ) Executioners
Others, please specify: (clowns, sci-fi, superheroes, etc.) ________________________

Fetish Extra Credit

[ ] ( ) Smoking
[ ] ( ) Alcohol
[ ] ( ) Soft drugs (marijuana or: _______________)
[ ] ( ) Hard drugs (heroin or: _________________)
[ ] ( ) Exhibitionism (being watched)
[ ] ( ) Voyeurism (watching)
[ ] ( ) Erotic dancing
[ ] ( ) Watching porn
[ ] ( ) Making porn (photographed or videotaped)
[ ] ( ) Oral sex
[ ] ( ) Forced oral
[ ] ( ) Male ejaculation, cum play _____________
[ ] ( ) Female ejaculation, squirting
[ ] ( ) Menstruation
[ ] ( ) Urination, golden showers
[ ] ( ) Defecation, scat
[ ] ( ) Vomit
[ ] ( ) Anal play/sex ___________
[ ] ( ) Double penetration
[ ] ( ) Fisting
[ ] ( ) Hot play (candle wax, etc)
[ ] ( ) Cold play (ice cubes, cold showers)
[ ] ( ) Foot worship
[ ] Group sex _____________
[ ] Bestiality __________________
[ ] ( ) Necro/unconscious/sleeping ____________________
[ ] ( ) Unshowered
[ ] ( ) Infectious (yeast infection, STD’s or:_____________________)

Favorite body parts: Ass back breasts legs hair feet hands eyes pussy cock __________

Turn offs: _________________________________________________________

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