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When Domination Goes Wrong

Michael Webb — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 18:00:18 +0000

Domination can be fun during sex, but there’s times where it crosses the line. Are you the kind of guy that can be too rough during sex? Find out now!

Do Men Go Overboard On Purpose?

Though not really wishing to hurt or disrespect his partner, he’s just one sold to the image of a man holding his girl by the head, shoving his equipment down her throat during a blowjob. He doesn’t mean to be a pig, he just thinks it’s supposed to be that way and actually hopes his lady loves it! Not hearing any real grievances from her, he gives her a rough time.

There’s this idea that women want their men to dominate – that women want to be sexually led. I have found this assertion to be very true.

Of course, a woman wants her man to assume control. Dominance themes populate a woman’s fantasies and she cherishes the feeling of being overwhelmed, overpowered and unable to restrain her man’s carnal cravings. She wants her partner to take her, bring her unimaginable pleasure and have his way with her body. Many times, the desire for this is repressed.

Unfortunately, the manner in which many guys administer dominance, as a response to this need, suggests only a partial understanding of the concept. For many, real control is manifested when one makes a girl do something she doesn’t approve of – say, an almost impossible sex position. Or making her swallow semen even though she genuinely doesn’t want to. For them, that’s power.

What Women REALLY Want

But do you know what women actually mean when they say, “I want my man to take control”?

This: I WANT MY MAN TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

So while men gloat, “Wow, she wants me to take the lead, I can do anything I want,” women are thinking, “I just really want him to take good care of me.”

Can their thinking be more opposite?!

Being given control is no license to be unreasonable, for dominance never equals disrespect. Control need not be rude or abusive, it can be dignified and erotically irresistible at the same time. Yeah, you can probably do anything you want, but be responsible.

She gave you control in the first place because she trusts that you know what you’re doing. Leading the mattress moves gives one the opportunity to prove her right on that decision. (Why would you ever want to prove her wrong on that point?)

Every now and then, a woman craves the feeling of being roughed up. Even the non BDSM types want that. But lo and behold, rough and hard is just one of the ways. Having it as a pattern and the sole sexual theme is actually counterproductive. When you’re giving her intense anal sex, with your hands on her neck and she’s thinking, “There has to be something better than this,” that’s already something else.

How To Do Domination The Right Way

If you want to execute the dominance theme on a given night, and with the desired results, make sure of one very important thing. The proper execution of rough & hard hinges on this – HIGH AROUSAL. Not just simple arousal, but head-spinning desire, ushered in by plenty of teasing. When she’s burning with lust, that’s when rough sex can get you the desired effects. (Ironically, a successful execution of dominant sex is built through slow and gentle coaxing.)

As I’ve said, the longing to be dominated is a repressed one, and women are scarcely aware of it. What brings this impulse to surface and fore is high arousal. Unless a girl is intensely excited, she’ll be turned-off and take offense with the perceived manhandling. She won’t appreciate your overly aggressive moves; you’re being too rough with her. But when she’s burning hot, she sheds that rational, defensive normalcy of polite society and becomes very amenable to your advances.

It’s amazing how sexual palatability changes when a woman is crazy horny. Arousal gives leeway for your dominance so you can execute it with the desired results. (She may give ‘token resistance,’ but this doesn’t last very long.)

Rough and hard cannot be executed on a nightly basis as it will rapidly lose its charm – the true masters of wild sex know this. Avoid the routine trap, having it as a pattern turns one raw lover into an incompetent jerk.

What Does She Mean When She Says “Be Gentle?”

We have no scale for it, but there’s such a thing as MAN GENTLE and WOMAN GENTLE – and there’s a big difference. Gentle for you may still be rough for her. MAN GENTLE is not enough – it’s the wrong yardstick.

Why?

In case you didn’t know, men and women live in different worlds. The sensual-gentle approach does not blend in our dog-eat-dog world where we are expected to be strong and aggressive. Outside the love chambers, guys are encouraged to be rough. Gentle is lame. As cowboys, we’re highly applauded for wrestling with bulls. As business men, we vanquish the competition. As athletes, we learn to give the most punishing defense, and in return, earn multimillion dollar contracts.

And of course, women love these exploits. But they don’t live in that kind of world.

In order to approximate the female version, a man has to be extra-mild & extra-careful because the genders have different thresholds, and therefore, different judgments of what is supposed to be this or that. It is a common situation where a girl feels roughed up despite a dude’s best efforts. It should be made clear that every time she drops the “G” word on you, she’s referring to the female version of things.

4 Kinky Rough Sex Ideas

Kendall Ashley — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:00:54 +0000

Rough sex can turn a boring bedroom experience into something that both you and your partner look forward to. Rough sex is kinky and fun, but safety has to be taken into consideration before anything can be implemented.

A relationship is about love, but your sex life should be full of lust. If you would like to use some kinky rough sex in your sex life, there are a few ways that you can implement it without spending your mortgage at an adult store.

1. Role-Play

Role-play is fun, kinky and it doesn’t have to cost you a dime. Everybody has a scenario in their head about role-playing that gets them going. Whether you have a fantasy about being dominated by a teacher or being the dominator in the relationship, role-playing can bring out the inner wild with any couple. Talk to your partner about implementing role-playing into your sex life.

In order for this to work, she has to be on-board. If she does not play her role the both of you could spend the night in laughter instead of having sex. Ask her what kind of role-playing she would be into. Every woman has a fantasy that they want to play out so be confident that she will not think you are strange for bringing this up.

2. Domination

Domination is another rough sex idea that you can bring into your sex life. Dominating your girlfriend or having her dominate you is a great way to keep the sex interesting. Pulling her hair can show that you’re in control of the sex. Again, she has to be comfortable with this situation in order for it to work.

Talk to her about how far she wants you to go or how far you are comfortable with her going. There is always a breaking point, but she might surprise you with how far she is willing to go with the situation. Most guys are not afraid to let their girlfriends dominate them to the fullest, but you should also express concerns of what you’re comfortable with her doing to you.

3. Spanking

Spanking is another rough sex idea that you can use. Spanking is usually done in doggy style or with the girl on top. Some girls are really into this, but others are not. Make sure that your girlfriend knows that you’re going to spank her before you do it.

Do not spank her so hard that you leave a hand print on her cheek. If she wants it harder she will tell you. You can also use a whip if she’s into it. This takes the experience to a whole different level while still keeping the eroticism present.

4. Bondage

One of the best kinky rough sex ideas out there is to have her tie you up or to tie her up. When you are tied up you give away control of the situation. You give her the ability to use you as her own sex toy. This can be very hot for any guy. If you are going to tie her up, there are a few things that you should know. First, teasing her is the best way to get her off when she’s tied up. Use a vibrator to tease her or run a piece of soft fabric down her body.

This will bring her to edge and make her beg for you to go further. Secondly, don’t give her what she wants until you are ready to. When you tie her up you are in control. You are the dominant one in the situation so you call the shots. If she wants you to do something, tease her for a couple of minutes before you give in. Make minutes seem like hours and she will never forget it.

When Is Your Kink Really A Fetish?

Kendall Ashley — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 23:00:36 +0000

A kink is something someone really likes during sex – but what is a fetish, and how can you tell if your kink really is that or if it’s something more?

Who Wants A Boring Sex Life?

Nobody enjoys a boring a sex life. Having variety in the bedroom is a natural form of keeping things interesting. Doing missionary every time or knowing that somebody is going to have an orgasm right at five minutes thirty seconds into girl on top is not the most exciting way to go through life. In an effort to keep the monotony out of our sex lives we try new things.

We bring in sex toys, role-playing and other aspects of naughtiness to keep the spark. Kinkiness is essential for this, however, when does the kink turn into something more? The line between kink and fetish is kind of grey, but there are certain keys to finding out if you are just kinky or have an all out fetish. Here are the main differences between the two.

What Is Kinky?

The definition of kinky can vary from person to person depending on whom you talk to. Some people find that simply having a girl on top is kinky while others think of this as a standard sexual position. Some people will find using handcuffs in the bedroom is really kinky while others consider it a requirement. It’s not very easy to define kinky because so many people are beginning to take hold of their sexuality.

Normal loving sex with one woman and one man will usually involve the missionary position, eye contact and kissing. Many people find dirty talk to be extremely kinky. When you start talking about what kinky is it’s really up for personal interpretation. So if we don’t know what kinky is, how do we know what a fetish is? The fact of the matter is that defining this is actually much easier than defining what kinky is.

What Is A Fetish?

Defining this is actually fairly simple. This is basically when you derive sexual arousal from something that is not grouped into sexuality. For instance some people have a fetish for high heels. High heels are not directly attributed to sexuality, however, high heels are commonly referred to as sexy. High heels are a little bit different than a vibrator or a dildo.

Although a vibrator and a dildo can be seen as sexy, they are directly attributed to sexuality because they are used for giving sexual gratification. High heels are simply an accessory used to give a woman more height. While a lot of men find high heels to be an extreme turn on, most men would be able to get aroused without the presence of high heels. This takes us to our next key term in defining what this actually is.

Fixation Makes The Difference

One of the most important aspects of having a fetish is fixation. Fixation is the obsession with a characteristic, action or an inanimate object in a sexual nature. For instance, if we went back to the high heel example, this would involve a guy that could not get sexually aroused without the presence of high heels. This is much different than finding high heels extremely sexy. Wanting your girlfriend or wife to wear high heels in the bedroom once or twice is kinky, while needing your wife or girlfriend to wear high heels every time is considered a fetish.

This doesn’t have to work with objects though. You probably hear men say that they love “blondes.” If you have an affinity for blonds, but you would also date a brunette then you don’t have a fetish. If you your affinity for blondes was something more, you would not find any other color of hair acceptable or sexually desired. This can also be present in different actions.

For instance, to be fixated on voyeurism or exhibition would mean that you could not have an orgasm unless you were watching another couple having sex or unless another couple was watching you. Public sex, certain sexual positions and role-playing can also be a fetish, while doing them every once in a while is just kinky.

Affects It Can Have

A fetish can actually be a lot of fun, but there are certain ones that can be a problem for certain relationships. They can also be draining for the other person. Always having to wear high heels to give you an orgasm or acting out a certain scene cuts down on the spontaneity of the moment. Always remember that your likes and dislikes should be considered just as much as your partner’s needs. Never forget that a relationship works two ways and nobody can get their way all the time.

Domination 101 – The Basics

Kendall Ashley — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:00:54 +0000

Domination is something that is enjoyed by millions of people around the world. It is usually associated with whips, chains, leather and latex. Although these can be a part of this sex activity, the concept is more of an emotion than a physical object. Using a black leather whip and beating somebody to death is not the purpose of it. One of the biggest issues with this is safety. Making sure that you and your partner are safe and comfortable is critical to having a good experience in the bedroom. If you have an interest in domination, there are a several things that you should know beforehand. Here is a short guide to help you out.

What Is Domination?

Domination is a very basic term. You have probably already experienced this and didn’t even know it. The dominant partner is the one who is steering the experience. The antithesis of dominance is submission. If you tend to steer the experience or initiate sex more often then you are the dominant one in the bedroom. This is much different than the other aspects of your relationship. One of you could be dominant in the bedroom but submissive with everyday decisions like where to eat. The more dominant person in bed will be the one who changes the positions or sets the pace for the sexual rhythm.

The Appeal

There are a lot of reasons that people are into this. For some people with high paying jobs or social anxiety it’s easier to allow somebody to make all of the decisions for them. Giving away control is one of the biggest turn-ons for people who are into it. When you are making decisions all day, having somebody come in and tell you what to do is a change of pace that takes your mind off the pressures of work, school or other aspects of your life. Domination is an aspect of every part of society. It doesn’t matter who you are, you always answer to somebody. Having someone answer to YOU in the bedroom is an erotic way of letting loose and relieving the pressures of life.

Safety Matters!

When people first start out, they usually don’t take safety as seriously as they should. Safety is an essential part of every sexual experience, but it’s especially important with domination. Sex has a way of escalating. When you are comfortable with one aspect of sex you or your partner might try to implement something that you aren’t ready for simply because you’re caught up in the moment. Take precautions by implementing a safe word. A safe word is something that you would not normally say in the bedroom. “Falcon” is an example that could be used because you would probably never say this in the middle of sex. When you or your partner says the safe word you will know that they are uncomfortable with the situation or that they are in pain.

Trust Is Important

Trust is another issue with this, as you must trust your partner to not take the experience too far. Many people get off on finding a stranger to dominate them, but this isn’t recommended. Having a loving relationship with a little kink in the bedroom is healthy. Meeting somebody on Craigslist to tie you up and spank you incessantly is not a recommendation to endorse. Make sure that your partner are comfortable with everything by talking about it beforehand. Find out what they are not comfortable with so you know before you have sex. This is also a way to find out what really turns them on.

It is a great way to easily add a little spice to your relationship. It’s only natural for one partner to be more dominant than the other in the bedroom. If you or your partner is more dominant and it turns you on, talk to your partner about exploring the possibility of taking the dominance to the next level. There are very simple forms of domination that can be effective without the use of straps or whips. Holding your partners hands down or light spanking in the moment are effective without being too “out there.”

It’s important to remember that we experience domination every day through work and other aspects of our life. Getting off on it doesn’t make you strange. Bringing your fantasies to the forefront of your relationship can improve communication and your sex life. Talk to your partner about implementing more of this into your sex life and you will see a vast improvement in your closeness.

Best Kink, Fetishes & BDSM Articles Of 2011

Kaylen Jackson — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 14:00:35 +0000

Kink, BDSM and fetishes are becoming more popular as people are indulging their “dark sides.” More and more couples are looking to kinky sex in an effort to spice up their sex lives, while other players are simply seasoned lovers of BDSM and kink. Check out our favorite naughty articles of the year and have fun trying out all the tips!

Don’t miss out on our all time, most popular BDSM, kink and fetish articles!

We’ve also had a lot of fun this year trying out different sex toys – we’ve been reviewing them so we can give you the lowdown on what toys are super hot and which ones are definitely not. Take a few minutes to check out our favorites for bondage, domination or just plain kinky sex!

Under The Bed Restraint System (our personal favorite for beginner’s bondage play!)
The Rhino Penis Extension & Sexual Solution (Great if she likes that “full” feeling, or deep and hard penetration)
Petite Vibrating Nipple Teasers (these warm up and vibrate, but are made for small nipples – also can be used for the clitoris!)

Top 10 Most Common Kinks & Fetishes

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 14:00:17 +0000

BDSM, kinks and fetishes are actually more prevalent than you may think. Check out the ten most popular kinks & fetishes!

Foot Fetish

People with a foot fetish get sexually aroused by women’s feet. A foot fetish and a shoe fetish are often mistaken for one another – people with a shoe fetish are sexually aroused by shoes and feet in them, but usually not by feet in general. Those with a foot fetish are the exact opposite – they are sexually aroused by feet, which may or may not include footwear. This could be in the form of just looking at feet, licking and sucking on them or involving them in sexual activity.

Role Playing

Tons of people enjoy role playing, whether they’re avid BDSM enthusiasts or couples that could be considered relatively “vanilla.” Role play is so much fun, because it allows you to experience different sexual fantasies without going too far outside your box (or outside your relationship). Some sex role play fantasies include:

Hot nurse (or doctor), ailing patient
Teacher, naughty student
Sexy cop, person getting arrested

Breasts

It’s no secret that a big number of guys have a breast fetish! Most guys absolutely love breasts and will watch porn that features women with large breasts or sexual acts taking place with breasts, and they’ll also pay special attention to their lover’s breasts during sex. Some guys will enjoy grossly enlarged breasts (we’re talking HUGE), while others just like ones that are pretty big. Men with breast fetishes may have a particular interest in nipples, but not all of them will.

Butts

It’s also not at all uncommon for some guys to be aroused by butts – especially the nice, large, round variety. Most guys with a special attraction towards butts are going to enjoy rear entry sex positions. They may also really like anal sex. Interestingly enough, there are many guys who are “butt guys” and many guys who are “breast” guys, but very few men (if any) are actually both.

Public Sex

People love the idea of having public sex. There’s just something about having sex around other people – who could possibly see you – that seriously gets people off! Some couples may role play the idea of having public sex – or choose to do it somewhere really discreet where it’s almost impossible to get caught – while others really will get it on out in the open, without regard to getting caught. For some, the idea of getting caught (and actually getting caught) is the biggest turn on of all.

Shoe Fetish

Again, a shoe fetish is a largely popular form of sexual gratification – but it is often mistaken for a foot fetish. A shoe fetish is going to be specifically centered around shoes (and sometimes feet in them). The shoes are almost always high heels, and often very “bondag-ey” looking. Fetish footwear often includes lots of straps, buckles and leather! Some shoe enthusiasts feel like the higher the heel, the better.

Piercings & Tattoos

People have long linked pain with pleasure, and many people will say that there’s a fine line between the two. It’s not hard to figure out that there’s a lot of people on this planet that enjoy not only getting piercings and tattoos, but being around other people that have them as well. However, did you know that a lot of people who enjoy piercings and tattoos get sexually aroused by them? They will be more inclined to have sex with someone that is pierced or tattooed than someone who isn’t, and may even be sexually aroused by the process of getting tattooed or pierced.

Domination & Submission

This is also one of the more popular forms of BDSM & fetishes, because so much fun can be had if you’re creative with domination and submission. Some people have a personality that leans more towards a dominant nature, while others will have a more submissive personality. This can work really well in couples, because dominant and submissive personalities will usually feed off each other.

Rough Sex

This goes back to pleasure being linked to pain. Many couples enjoy BDSM and rough sex, which may include:

Slapping
Spanking
Biting
Restraints
Hard and fast penetration that typically goes deeper than “normal”

Certain Fabrics

Believe it or not, it’s not at all uncommon for people to be aroused by the feel and texture of certain fabrics when they rub up against the skin. This can include:

Satin
Silk
Leather
Rubber
Velvet

People who are sexually aroused by different kinds of fabric will often have pajamas, lingerie or their sheets that are made of this particular fabric.

Extreme Bondage – 7 Tools That Advanced Players Should Have On Hand

Kaylen Jackson — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 14:00:47 +0000

Extreme bondage can be fun if you’re really into hardcore sex and kink. For serious fans of kink, chintzy blindfolds and Velcro cuffs just aren’t going to give you the same thrill as something with leather and metal. If you dig the BDSM scene, here are seven must haves for your sultry lair.

A Whip Or Wooden Paddle

Submissive personalities enjoy receiving pain, while dominant personalities enjoy giving it. While couples who dabble in light bondage play rarely go farther than a feather tickler or a light smack on the rear with their hands. However, men and women who enjoy extreme bondage need something with a little more “kick.”

A whip or wooden paddle is a excellent item to have on hand if for more intense pain. A padded paddle will be softer against the skin and is less likely to leave a deep red mark or bruising, while a wooden paddle can easily break the blood vessels in the skin when used for spanking.

Japanese Silk Rope

Restraint is the core of extreme bondage, and serious BDSM fans will have no shortage of cuffs or ties around. However, Japanese silk rope is one of the best forms of restraint around. It is smoother against the skin than traditional rope, and allows people to get into some incredibly artistic positions. While beginners can use Japanese silk rope and have a lot of fun with it, those who enjoy extreme bondage will get a lot more out of it.

A Leash & Collar Set

Domination is a common activity in extreme bondage situations, and nothing makes you feel as dominant – or your partner as submissive – as a leash and collar set. You can have tons of sexy fun leading your partner around on the leash or letting them lead you around. The leash can also come in handy in more kinky domination scenarios.

When purchasing a leash and collar set, choose a collar that both looks good and feels good on, because you may want to wear it awhile. Keep safety factors in mind and never wear a collar that hurts or is made from cheap materials. Your leash should be similar.

A Spreader Bar

Nothing provides the dom a view as good as a spreader bar does, while still keeping the sub restrained. Spreader bars come in many shapes and sizes, and can restrain anything from just the feet to the whole body. Typically, the bar is used to spread the legs wide to expose the penis or vagina, and can definitely add extra excitement to an extreme bondage scenario.

A Hood

Forget blindfolds! Serious BDSM fans will appreciate a hood instead. A hood typically covers the entire face, but may leave the eyes and mouth exposed. In some hoods, only the eyes are exposed and in others, only the mouth is exposed. Your partner will truly feel submissive when you slip the hood over their heads and have them obey your commands.

A hood that covers the mouth should be made from a material that is breathable, or be constructed in a way that allows for easy and comfortable breathing. An extreme bondage scenario can go from fun to bad in a hurry if your partner can’t breathe through their hood.

Nipple Clamps Or Vibrators

Nipple play is a lot of fun during kinky sex, although many beginners don’t use clamps or vibrators much due to the intense pain factor. However, if you’re really into feeling pain mixed with pleasure, nipple clamps or vibrators will definitely do the trick. Some BDSM fans are tempted to use good old fashioned clothespins as clamps, and while the look can definitely be appealing, they’re more dangerous.

Clothespins will easily bruise the nipples and may cause such intense pain that the sub wants to stop. You can have a lot more fun with adjustable clamps, because they allow you to dial up the intensity gradually!

A Suspension Kit

For a dom, there are few things sexier than seeing his or her sub suspended in the air while being restrained. If you’re really into the BDSM scene, a suspension kit is an absolute must have. If you’re short on funds or don’t have the space for a heavy duty suspension kit, you can have just as much fun with a love swing or an over the door model.

Make sure that your suspension kit is built to hold you and your partner’s weight combined, and that it’s made from quality materials that will hold up over time.

Amateur Bondage – 8 Tools That Beginners Should Have On Hand

Kaylen Jackson — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 14:00:53 +0000

Amateur bondage can be incredibly hot when you’ve never done it before. It can bring some much needed spice to the bedroom when you’ve hit a sex rut with your partner, or it can simply be exciting to masturbate in a way that you never have before. Amateur bondage will let you experience all the excitement of being tied up, spanked, tickled and manipulated, without the freakishness that hardcore bondage can have. Check out these ten must have items for beginners.

A Soft Rope Or Silk Restraints

First order of business when it comes to amateur bondage is to get yourself some form of restraints. Restraints are the cornerstone of bondage! You may think you can tie your partner up with just anything you have lying around the house, but think again! If you really want to get a feel for amateur bondage and have the most pleasurable experience possible, you’re going to want to invest in something made for this kind of play.

Japanese bondage rope is great to play with because it is soft and silky, but it will keep someone restrained quite nicely. Other great options for beginners are the Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System or fuzzy handcuffs. Just don’t opt for anything like a stockade or metal chastity devices. These are for advanced users only!

A Feather Tickler

Part of the excitement of being tied up is having your partner do things to you that you don’t know are coming or that you can’t do anything to stop. Amateur bondage players don’t necessarily want to whip their partner into submission, so creating different, unexpected sensations is what amateur bondage is all about.

A feather tickler is a perfect item for beginners, because it doesn’t hurt but it will still create incredible sensations on your partner’s skin or genitals – wherever you choose to use it. While your partner is restrained and blindfolded, alternate between lightly spanking them and tickling them with the feather tickler. Your lover won’t know what to expect next and they certainly won’t be in any position to stop you!

A Breathable Gag

Gags are popular in the BDSM community, but many of them can be quite intimidating for beginners. There are, however, a variety of breathable gags that can be used for amateur bondage so you can have the fun of using a gag without the scariness of a gag that doesn’t allow for easy breathing.

While open mouth gags and pony bit gags are more breathable than some of their counterparts, they tend to look pretty frightening, especially if you’re a beginner. A small, soft, breathable ball gag is your best bet. There are even training kits that have a variety of gag sizes so you can start small and work your way up.

A Blindfold

A blindfold is essential during amateur bondage and BDSM play, because sometimes you don’t want your lover to know what you’re doing – or what you’re going to do next. Sometimes, you want to be the one wearing the blindfold! You can use things around the house, such as a silk tie or scarf, but a blindfold purchased from a sex toy store is going to be a lot more comfortable and it’s going to fit a lot better.

When choosing a blindfold, stick to something soft, silky or fur lined. There are lots of blindfolds available on the market, ranging from pink and flirty to entire face masks that look like something out of Hellraiser. Stick to the basic blindfolds at first! They will do their job just as well, without freaking you or your partner out.

A Padded Or Fur Lined Paddle

Experiencing both pain and pleasure is another essential part of amateur bondage and BDSM play. Whether you want to give or receive, mixing pleasure and pain is an incredible experience and it’s part of why BDSM play is so popular! There are lots of devices on the market that will help you introduce pain to your lover, but many of them are just too “out there” for beginners.

Instead, consider getting a padded or fur lined paddle for spanking. Spanking can actually be very pleasurable, and the rear is a great place to direct pain since it doesn’t bruise easily and is well hidden if it does. A padded or fur lined paddle will help the giving partner experience domination, while the receiver gets to experience pain mixed with pleasure without worrying about being seriously hurt in the process.

Various Sex Toys Of Your Choice

Once your partner is all tied up and blindfolded, then what are you going to do? Have some of your favorite sex toys on hand to please your partner with. Having more than one at your disposal is a good idea, because you want to keep them expecting new and different sensations.

A vibrator is a must have for women, because you can experiment with light to firm pleasure – almost to the point where it’s too much – while they’re restrained and unable to see what you’re doing. For men, a masturbation sleeve is a good option. Alternate between the masturbation sleeve and your hand. If they’re into anal penetration, have a butt plug or anal beads with you. As always, don’t forget the lube!

Surgical Scissors

Even though you’re only experimenting with amateur bondage, it’s important that you have items available to remove your partner from their restraints as quickly as possible if something goes wrong. Surgical scissors fit the bill, because they’ll easily cut through just about any type of rope or leather restraints. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure you have the key very close by and an extra hidden elsewhere.

A Safe Word Or Gesture

Never, ever engage in any type of BDSM play or amateur bondage without deciding on a safe word or gesture first. A safe word is something that you say – that is completely unrelated to anything you might or could possibly say during play that when said or heard, all play stops immediately. For example, “purple pony,” “pink tomato” or “umbrella penguin” are all great safe words. You or your partner can use the safe word if things get to be too much, and always, always honor the safe word if your partner says it – even if you aren’t ready to stop playing.

A safe gesture is also a good idea to have, because there are times when a partner is unable to speak – for example, if they are wearing a gag. A gesture can be anything you want, as long as it can be clearly distinguished from any other hand movements a person might make when experiencing pleasure and pain. For example, the middle finger is a pretty good gesture – it’s hard to pull that one off on accident.

Bondage 101: How To Get Started With Bondage

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:00:47 +0000

Bondage can be fun, but how do you begin if you’ve never tried it before? It’s easy to get intimidated when you start checking it out, because there is some seriously hardcore stuff out there. But don’t think you have to go overboard right away – in fact, bondage is better when you start slowly and work your way up. Check out these great tips for BDSM beginners!

Hi Dan and Jennifer – loving the great advice! My girlfriend and I want to try some bondage, but we’ve never done it before and don’t really know where to start, any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

Beginner’s Bondage Kits

No, you don’t have to go out and buy yards and yards of heavy duty rope to begin with a little BDSM. Lots of companies make excellent beginner’s bondage kits that have everything you need to get it on. While there’s probably some stuff you could use at home such as a spatula for spanking or a silk tie as a rope or a blindfold, a kit is going to be a lot more fun – and a lot sexier. What is great about the beginner’s kits is that they’re pretty softcore, so they’re really not going to scare anyone off.

Our Recommendations:

Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Bondage Set

Comes with 4 velvety soft cuffs with silky ties, a feather tickler, 2 romantic candles and a satiny smooth blindfold so your partner doesn’t know what you’re going to do next!

Fetish Fantasy Series Pleasure Bondage Set

This one also includes soft ankle and wrist cuffs, but the cuffs can be connected using a sturdy O-ring. An inflatable pillow and a silky blindfold come with, but those who want to get a little freakier will enjoy the soft, breathable gag.

Play Sex Games

Playing sex games with your partner can be a lot of fun, and it can not only lead you and your lover to a night of intense passion, it can also teach you more about what you and your partner like in bed. Sex doesn’t always have to be serious, and that’s why playing a game can be so much fun – it lets you remember that sex is all about having fun, laughing and enjoying your partner. Go on a sexy scavenger hunt or play a game of titillating truth or dare. You’ll be amazed at how much you can discover about yourself and your lover when you play sex games together.

Our Recommendations:

Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games

Straight from the sexperts from Cosmopolitan comes 118 super fun cards that will spark your imagination with tons of sexy new ideas for things you can do together.

3 Deck Sex Pack

Get three decks of sexy card games and never run out of ideas for new and exciting things you can do with your lover. Included are card games Sex, Porn and Naked! Compete to see who owns the most porn or the classic-but-always-fun strip poker.

Bondage At Home

There are definitely some things at home that you can use for BDSM, but many of them aren’t recommended. It’s much better to use things that are made for what you’re doing (such as lube instead of spit), and even though it’s a little more expensive, getting great, high quality sex toys that you can use over and over again is well worth the investment. Nevertheless, here are some things you can use at home:

A silk tie can function as a blindfold or hand/feet restraints
A spatula can make a great paddle
A feather duster (wash it first!) makes a neat tickler

How To Know When To Stop

When you really start getting into BDSM, role play and domination and submission, the word “stop” doesn’t always mean stop. When you’re getting into kinky sex, it’s so important to have something called a “safe word.” A safe word functions as the word “stop,” meaning that if the safe word is used, all activity stops immediately.

Before you and your partner get it on, agree on a safe word to use. Make sure that it’s not something that you would normally call out during sex play, and words like “no” or “stop” aren’t going to work. Try something like “purple pony” or “turkey sandwich” so there’s no mistaking that the play needs to cease immediately if the word is used. Always honor the safe word, even if you think that everything is fine and nobody is getting hurt. Part of having a great time with BDSM and kink is to be able to completely trust and let go with your partner – so make sure that if the safe word is used, you cool it right away.

10 Best Places To Have Kinky Sex

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 15:12:02 +0000

Kinky sex can get a lot freakier if you mix up where you’re getting busy at. Whether you’re doing it in a haunted hotel where the fear factor is at the max or enjoying Japanese rope bondage at a Shibaricon, checking out these kinky new ides can make your sex life hoter than ever before. Here are ten incredible ideas that will help you up the “kink” or “freak” factor in your sex life!

With A Prostitute In A Seedy Hotel

If you’re into the “kinky and freaky”, this is a great way to have a threesome without the emotional baggage that comes with having a threesome with a friend. However, sometimes sex workers can be just as seedy as the hotel, so you can also try doing this with a non-seedy prostitute in a nice hotel. Make sure the laws in your state don’t prohibit prostitution, and make sure you use condoms to avoid transmitting any STD’s!

A Shibaricon

A Shibaricon is a convention that brings together lovers of rope bondage from all around the world. From those who just love the artistic aspect of Japanese rope bondage to those who truly enjoy it sexually, a Shibaricon is where people who enjoy this activity can get together and share ideas and fantasies.

In A Tub Full Of Shaving Cream

Spray your partner and yourself with shaving cream all over your bodies and go at it – in the tub of course! The tub provides a place you and your partner can have kinky sex without the mess (you can just rinse it off in the shower afterwards). You can also put down painting tarps in your bedroom and have fun with it there. Smearing your partner all over their body with shaving cream and feeling them rub up against you with the slick substance in between your bodies can be an uber-turn on.

In A Cemetery On A Dark, Foggy Night

If you like to be scared, or you enjoy really creepy things, this place is for you. Bring a sleeping bag or blanket with you if you plan on doing it on the ground, or you can just bend over a headstone and do it doggy style! Avoid doing this in big cities though with high crime rates – you never know who else is going to be in the cemetery with you.

In A Jail Cell Of An Old Prison

When taking a tour of an old prison, sneak off into an old jail cell and get a little kinky with your lover. Unfortunately, if you’re really into doing it in a really freaky cell or execution room, most of them are closed off to the public and are protected by glass windows.

In A Haunted Suite In A Famous Haunted Hotel

This is also a great place to have kinky sex if you and your partner are into getting scared. Remember, fear and danger are great aphrodisiacs but you don’t always want to put yourself in real danger. Staying in a haunted hotel is a great way to get scared without actually taking a risk. The downside to some haunted hotels is that they’re old and may not have all the creature comforts you’ve gotten used to.

On Stage At A Deserted Underground Theater

If you’ve had a fantasy about doing it in front of a crowd but haven’t had the opportunity to do it for real, this can be a great alternative. It’s public sex in a private way. Find an old, deserted underground theater and get it on with your lover on stage. Dress up in sexy costumes if you’d like and pretend that the seats are filled with people watching you and your partner’s every move. This can also be incredibly erotic if you’re into the idea of people watching you but aren’t ready to do it for real yet.

At The Tattoo Parlor

Lots of people feel like pain is erotic and what better place to sneak a quickie with your lover than at the tattoo parlor? Unless you want to get it on in the bathroom though, you’ll have to find an artist that is down with you and your partner getting kinky in their shop. Also, don’t try to do it while you’re getting the actual tattoo – you’ll probably cause the artist to mess it up.

In A Mental Hospital

For a really freaky time, consider having sex in a mental hospital. Take a tour of an old mental hospital and sneak away with your lover to an old patient room for a quick romp. Bonus points if you can find a padded room to do it in, or a straightjacket that you can use for bondage.

In The Morgue

You have to have a really dark side to enjoy this one, so it’s not for everyone. But if you have access to a morgue or funeral home, getting it on next to the dead can be a turn on (if you’re into that sort of thing). Hop up on a stainless steel gurney or tuck yourselves into an empty casket for some interesting but freaky fun.

Clitoris Pump – What Is The Female Version Of A Penis Pump?

Kaylen Jackson — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 14:00:24 +0000

Sex toys come in every size, shape and color and sex toys for men have become just as popular as they are for women. A penis pump, for example, is one of the best selling male sex toys there is. A clitoris pump – the female version of a penis pump – is made to function the same way. What is a clitoris pump and how is it used? Here’s what you want to know:

What Function It Serves

Any pump – whether it be a penis pump or one for the clitoris and labia – is designed to force more blood into the genital tissue, enhancing the sensitivity of whatever has been pumped. After pumping, the shaft and head of the penis or the clitoris and labia are engorged with blood and can be much more receptive to any kind of stimulation.

Some men who experience erectile dysfunction may use a penis pump to achieve and maintain an erection, while other men simply use a penis pump to enhance sexual sensations during intercourse with a partner or during masturbation. Women who use a clitoris pump do so for many of the same reasons. Some women may have trouble achieving an orgasm, and a clitoris pump may help the genital tissue become more sensitive and make it easier for a woman to reach climax.

A clitoris pump may also be used by couples to increase friction during intercourse, as many men and women have reported after using a clitoris pump that the vagina looks and feels much tighter.

Different Types Of Pumps

Just as there are all kinds of different sex toys, there are also different styles of clitoris pumps as well. A simple pump will basically consist of a wide plastic mouth that is placed over the vulva, with a tube going to a soft hand bulb. Some clitoris pumps will have attachments on the inside designed for clitoral stimulation during use, while others will have a vibrating bullet attached to the mouth of the pump for even more sensations.

Some clitoris pumps are designed to cover the entire vulva (both the clitoris and the labia) while others are much smaller and are designed to be placed over the clitoris only. When the genital tissues have been pumped up, they usually go back to their normal size within a matter of seconds or minutes, depending on how long the pumping lasted in the first place.

Keeping Things Safe

As with any other types of sex toys, it’s important that you learn how to use the toy properly to get the best results – and to avoid doing damage to your delicate genital tissues in the process. Never, ever use an actual vacuum instead of a pump, regardless of whether you’re male or female. The suction on a vacuum is much, much more powerful than a penis pump or a clitoris pump and can actually cause the blood vessels and capillaries inside the genital tissue to break – giving you one nasty looking bruise.

In rare cases, people who have used vacuum hoses during masturbation have had to seek emergency medical assistance due to severe engorgement of the genitals. Choose your clitoris pump wisely and select the size that is right for you. Remember to keep it clean and dry when not in use and follow all directions on the packaging.

“Extreme Pumping”

Clitoris and labia pumping to the extreme is considered a form of BDSM and is featured in many fetish videos and porn. With extreme pumping, the clitoris and labia are suctioned and enlarged a great deal, to the point where the genitals appear very swollen and misshapen. This kind of activity can be dangerous, because it too can cause the blood vessels and capillaries to break and the skin to become stretched or bruised. There are lots of fun sexual activities that are fun and don’t hurt!

Trying A Clitoris Pump

If you’re thinking about trying a clitoris pump for yourself, make sure you get one from a reputable company. Go slow, using the suction for only a few seconds or minutes at a time. Gradually build up your tolerance to stronger and stronger suction, until you achieve the desired effect. Just make sure you’re not using too much suction or doing it for too long. Relax and have fun, but if you become uncomfortable at any time or are in any kind of pain, stop immediately!

BDSM – What Is Erotic Humiliation?

Kaylen Jackson — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 14:00:34 +0000

“BDSM” stands for “bondage, domination, sadism and masochism.” However, this is just a blanket term for many different styles of kinky sex, including fetishes and roleplay, as well as less common activities such as erotic asphyxiation or erotic humilation.

While erotic humiliation isn’t generally as dangerous as activities like erotic asphyxiation, it can be just as fascinating to see exactly what gets different people off. What is erotic humiliation, what does it involve and how would you introduce it or an alternative in the bedroom?

What Is Erotic Humilation?

Erotic humilation is a form of BDSM defined by Wikipedia as the “consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity.”

Depending on whether someone has a dominant or submissive personality, the act of being humiliated or humiliating another during sex can be very arousing for both partners. Rarely does a person enjoy both humiliating and being humiliated and many sexual partnerships are formed because one partner prefers domination while the other prefers submission.

The Difference Between Humiliation And Domination

Many people may confuse erotic humiliation with domination and other forms of BDSM, because the roles are very similar. There is, however, a simple distinction between the two. Those who enjoy dominating others enjoy “commanding” or “ordering” their submissive partner do do something, and the submissive partner enjoys being “commanded” to do something. With humiliation, the dominant partner enjoys verbally or physically belittling their partner, and the submissive partner enjoys being belittled and humiliated just as much.

Verbal Means Of Erotic Humiliation

Depending on the agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, verbal belittlement may or may not be an accepted part of humiliation. However, it is much more common to see verbal belittlement in a humiliation situation than a great deal of physical humiliation. Verbal belittlement during sex might include:

Being a human “pet,” complete with collar and leash. This may include eating or drinking out of a pet bowl or off the floor.
Name calling such as “slave” or “whore”
Belittling the body, suggesting that it is “dirty” or “ugly”
Men who enjoy being humiliated may enjoy their partners belittling their penis size
Asking for permission to eat or use the restroom
Being verbally mocked or ridiculed

Physical Means Of Erotic Humiliation

When couples desire more than verbal belittlement offers, they may decide to move into more physical means of humiliation. This can be something as mild as spanking or can be very extreme. When combined with sexual activities and verbal belittlement, the humiliation factor can be very powerful. Many dom/sub couples may choose to forgo the physical aspect, or they may participate with a lighter attitude. Physical humiliation might include activities like:

Being slapped on the rear or in the face
Having the hair pulled
Ejaculating in the face or on the body
Being required to perform oral sex on the dominant partner without getting anything in return
Being forced to worship the body of the dominant partner
Physical punishment such as spanking or whipping when the submissive partner is “disobedient”
Torture of the nipples or the genitals

How To Approach Erotic Humilation In Your Relationship

If you’re interested in erotic humilation, you may be unsure of how to approach the subject with your partner. Remember that while being open and honest about your sex fantasies is extremely important, going slow and giving your partner time to warm up to the idea is even more so.

The first step is to determine which of you has a dominant personality and which of you has a submissive one. If you and your lover are both dominant or both submissive, erotic humiliation is generally something that won’t work well in your sexual relationship. Ease into it slowly, by introducing one new concept at a time and only when your partner seems ready for it.

If You’re A Sub

Offer to be you lover’s sex slave for the day and see what happens
Tell your partner you’d love to be spanked during sex
Come to bed wearing a collar
Experiment with handcuffs and bondage
Ask him to call you his “slut” or his “whore”

If You’re A Dom

Pinch your partner’s nipples during sex (not too hard without the green light first)
Ask your partner if they’ll be your sex slave for the day
Go shopping with your partner for sexy accessories, like collars or tiaras
Ask your partner to give you a blowjob or go down on you without reciprocation
Ask your partner to let you ejaculate on their face

Special Note: Never be derogatory or dominant towards your partner without their knowing and consent first. Not letting your lover in on what’s going on before verbally belittling them or physically humiliating them will only end very, very badly.

Pubic Humiliation

Another aspect of erotic humiliation which may be arousing to both partners is public humiliation. Sometimes, consenting partners will use verbal belittlement in public and very rarely will they humiliate physically in public. However, some couples may be part of groups that also enjoy this activity and may have “sex parties” in where one or more subs are humiliated in front of the crowd.

Alternatives To Extreme Humiliation

If the idea of humiliating your partner or being humiliated turns you on, but you’re not ready to go to the extreme with it, start small and work your way up. Alternatives to more aggressive forms of humiliating might be:

Nibbling or biting your partner
Spanking or asking to be spanked
Light bondage
Dirty talk with a dash of humiliation thrown in
Online or long distance humiliating

7 Ways To Be A Naughty, Dirty Girl – And Drive Him Wild!

Kaylen Jackson — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 14:00:07 +0000

When it comes to sex, every guy wants a naughty girl in bed – even if he insists you act like a lady in public (and he probably does). You’ve probably heard of the phrase, “a lady in the living room and a freak in the bedroom.” Here are seven ways to let your inner dirty girl out and surprise him with these salacious moves that will have him all but tearing your clothes off.

Give Him Oral Sex – While He’s On The Phone

Next time he’s on the phone with his boss or a business partner, surprise him by unzipping his pants and giving him an impromptu blowjob. He’ll love the unexpectedness of it, and it will definitely be difficult for him to hide his pleasure on the phone. In fact, his inability to concentrate on what he’s saying to the person on the other end of the phone is part of what makes this daring move oh-so-sexy. Just keep your cool when he’s on the phone with his mother – that could be creepy.

Wear A Wig To Bed

Almost every guy dreams of getting the green light from his girl to get it on with another woman, even if he is committed to being completely monogamous. Indulge his fantasies by purchasing a wig (and a new outfit if you have the funds) and wearing it to bed. If he likes Asian girls, try slipping on a short, dark bob with bangs. If he likes redheads, grab the fieriest one you can find. He’ll love the idea of going to bed with “someone else.”

Bend Over And Let Him Take You – When He Least Expects It

When you’re feeling a little frisky and you and your man are alone, bend over and tell him to take you from behind. If you do this out of nowhere, when he least expects it, it will make him hotter than blacktop in August. Take his hand and lead him to the couch, the washer or the kitchen table (anywhere but the bedroom ups the naughty factor) and allow him to slip your panties off as you bend over for some doggy style lovin’.

Surprise Him With Naughty Pictures Of You

We know that guys are visual creatures – but even with all that porn he watches, what he really wants to see is you. Grab your digital camera and have a friend snap a few pics of your goods for your man to marvel when he’s alone. You can also do it yourself if you’re really shy – but honestly, having someone else take the photos will give you a much, much better end result.

If you have the money and are comfortable being nude in front of a professional, spring for some high end nude photos done by a professional photographer. A professional will make the lighting just right (which is super important for hiding flaws) and make sure the photos are taken at just the right angle. Any blemishes or imperfections can also be edited out. Professional is the way to go if you really want to give him a sultry, sexy keepsake gift. However, any nude photos of you will be enough to fuel his masturbatory fantasies for weeks.

Let Him Wrestle You Into Bed

Next time you and your love are getting ready to do it, give him a “hint” that you’re going to pretend that you actually don’t want to do it. Giving him a hint ahead of time is important, because he may get the wrong signal if you just pretend not to want it. Tell him that you want him to be a little forceful when wrestling you into bed as you squirm and try to get away. Then he can pin your hands or tie them up (if you like bondage) as he has his way with you.

This plays into the “rape” fantasy somewhat, but you and your partner definitely don’t have to take it so far as to make it feel like actual rape. A little bit of resistance from you and a little bit of force from him is all it takes to make you and your man feel like you’re doing something really taboo and naughty.

Let Him Catch You Masturbating – Then Ask Him To Join The Fun

Start masturbating just a few minutes before he gets home from work – just long enough to get yourself really aroused and ready for sex, but not long enough to actually give yourself an orgasm. Leave the bedroom door cracked open (or do it on the couch where he’ll see you full on as soon as he walks in – if you’re really brave) and make some noise so he doesn’t have to wonder what you’re doing in there for long.

When he “catches” you doing your thing, let him watch for a few minutes and then ask him to join in and finish you off. He’ll be more than happy to oblige!

Take Off Your Panties – In Public

When you and your love are out on a date, head to the bathroom to “freshen up.” In the bathroom, remove your panties and slip them into your purse. You will of course, want to make sure that you either bought or wore special panties for the occasion – “granny panties” just won’t do. When you head back to your table, make sure you make eye contact with your man and give him a big, naughty smile.

He’ll wonder what you were up to in there and when the waiter isn’t looking, slip him your panties under the table. Whisper in his ear that you’re not wearing anything now. Tell him that he turned you on so much that your panties were too wet to wear anymore. Bonus points if you can make it believable by rubbing your clitoris and actually getting yourself wet in the bathroom before you slip your panties off.

What is Fisting? Is It Safe?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 14:00:56 +0000

Rough sex takes on an entirely different meaning when it comes to fisting. Fisting is a sexual activity that is gaining in popularity, but there are still lots of questions that surround it. Is it safe to do, or should it be avoided? Are there ways to make fisting safer? Here is what you want to know about fisting and how you can make it as safe as possible.

What Is Fisting?

Fisting is considered to fall within the “BDSM” category of sex acts and simply put, it is the act of putting the hand, all the way up to the wrist or forearm, into the vagina or rectum. This is most easily done by forming the hand into a “duck bill” shape where the thumb and all the fingers meet (resembling a duck bill) for easier insertion. Then, the fingers can be moved into a fist shape or wiggled around once the hand is inside.

Fisting can be done alone during masturbation or during sex with a partner to create unique sensations for both men and women.

Is Fisting Safe?

When done properly, fisting can theoretically be safe and even enjoyable for both the giving and receiving partner. However, doing it properly is the key to making sure fisting doesn’t cause bodily harm or damage. Here’s how to keep fisting safe and fun:

Go slow. It’s very important that you go very slow when inserting the hand and wrist into a vagina or up the rectum. Going to fast may cause extreme discomfort or pain for your partner, and it may also cause some of the delicate vaginal or anal tissues to stretch too much and tear.
Use lots and lots of lube. Water based lube is best for easy clean up, but silicone based lube can be used as well. Do not attempt to try fisting yourself or your partner without a very generous amount of lube! Without lube, you can pretty much guarantee it won’t be comfortable for your partner and the risk of tearing goes up dramatically without the proper amount of lubrication.
Don’t use a “pumping” motion. You want to move your hand around during fisting, without taking it all the way out and pumping air into the vagina or rectum. This can cause air embolisms, which can be very dangerous and even cause death.
Allow for lots of warm up time and foreplay. When a woman is fully aroused and excited after foreplay, her vagina will relax more, making it easier to insert larger objects.
If it hurts, stop!

Fisting The Anus

Fisting the vagina is much safer than fisting the anus. Vaginas are very elastic and made to stretch and accommodate very large objects, because they are designed to give birth. A baby’s head is much larger than a fist, so you can rest assured that after fisting the vagina in a safe way, everything will go back to its normal size and shape.

That said, the rectum is not designed to accommodate objects as large as a fist. Even if you use lots and lots of lube, fisting the rectum can cause pain, discomfort at best and tearing or bleeding at worst. Repeated fisting of the rectum will change the size and shape of the anus, possibly leading to the need for adult diapers in the future because the anal sphincter has lost enough elasticity that it can no longer keep waste inside.

How To Make Anal Fisting Safer

While anal fisting isn’t considered a “safe” sexual activity, there are some things you can do to make it as safe as it can be.

Start small and work your way up. Start with small anal sex toys, such as tiny butt plugs, and work your way up to the bigger stuff.
Have a “safe” word. If it hurts too much, your partner will use the safe word so you’ll know to stop immediately.

Other Safety Tips To Consider

While taking the above steps to make fisting safer, here are some additional things to think about before you get started.

Trim your fingernails. Scrub underneath them and trim them, so there are no sharp corners, hangnails or dirt underneath.
Consider using a latex glove. Keep your hands clean and your partner’s anus or vagina bacteria free by simply slipping on a latex glove before fisting.
Never use a “numbing” lube. If it hurts, you need to feel it because that means you’re going too far! If you use numbing lubes, you may tear or bleed without realizing it.

3 Tips for Keeping Rough Sex Unpredictable

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:00:57 +0000

Rough sex can be lots of fun for both you and your partner, but even though you’re not necessarily having what is known as “vanilla sex” (you know, the plain, boring kind), it can get monotonous if you’re not careful to mix things up every now and then.

Some couples get bored of rough sex after awhile, but are afraid to take it any further because they aren’t comfortable with spanking harder or going too far outside their box. However, you can keep things interesting and exciting without pushing yourself or your partner too far past your comfort zone. Here are three ways to keep rough sex new and fun.

How Rough Sex Can Become Monotonous

Whether you’re talking about oral sex, rough sex or good old fashioned intercourse, if you and your lover do the same things over and over again, it’s going to get boring. You may think that just because you’re having “rough sex” that you’re keeping things fresh, but that isn’t always the case. It’s easy to get bored with biting, spanking and even a little bondage if that’s all you do.

The Key To Mixing It Up

The key to keep rough sex unpredictable is to mix it up with different styles of sex, specifically sweet, romantic, slow sex. Your partner won’t be expecting your next move if you switch from being soft and loving to giving her a quick smack and showing a little bit of domination and control. Going back and forth between the two different styles of sex will keep your partner guessing all night at what you’re going to do next!

Why You Need To Keep Her Guessing Your Next Move

Trying something new to spice up your sex life is one thing, but it still gives your partner an idea of what is to come when when she slides between the sheets at the end of the day. If you really want to make sex between you and your lover exciting and fresh, you want to make what you’re doing completely unpredictable. If you always slide your hands to her breasts after giving her a slow, deep kiss, she’ll learn to expect that you’re going to do that every time and she’ll know exactly what you’re going to do and when.

Instead, try giving her a firm pinch or slap on her rear after the deeply romantic kiss – and then switch right back to moves that are slow and sensual. If you keep alternating between rough sex and sweet and loving sex, she’ll never know what to expect and it will be like having sex for the first time all over again!

3 Ways To Make Rough Sex New & Exciting

1. Kiss the back of her neck softly and then suddenly give her a sharp spank.

The back of a woman’s neck is actually one of her more potent erogenous zones. Kissing her softly on the back of the neck is sure to give her goosebumps all over, but what she won’t be prepared for is the firm spank on her rear. Surprise her with a firm smack or two and gauge her reaction. You’ll see the surprise there, but you’ll definitely notice how much more turned on she is because you did something she didn’t see coming. She’ll be just as surprised when you switch to kissing her softly again!

2. Have rough, dominant doggy style sex, then suddenly switch to the missionary position and start slowly and gently making love to her.

If you and your lover are going at it doggy style, she’ll think that you’re going to finish that way and that will be that. Instead, flip her over and start to pleasure her with soft, slow sex. When she’s had an orgasm or two, switch back to rough sex and show her your dominant side!

3. Use a two-sided “flogger” (a sex toy with a hard surface on one side and a soft, tickly surface on the other) and gently tickle her body with the soft side and switch to spanking her firmly with the hard side.

When you alternate between two different touches – one hard and firm, and the other soft – you are sending two different sensations and emotions through your lover’s body. She’ll be incredibly turned on by feeling cherished while you tickle and stroke her, to feeling submissive while you dominate her with a firm touch. Alternating back and forth during foreplay (in a completely random way) will keep her guessing and what she’s going to feel next!

8 Sex Fantasies That She’s Absolutely Dying To Try

Kaylen Jackson — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 14:00:30 +0000

Every woman has secret sex fantasies that she wants to try, but many girls are too shy or nervous to introduce their sex fantasies to their boyfriends or husbands. Here are eight sex fantasies that almost every woman wants to try at one time or another and how you can gently lead her into playing along with you in the sex fantasies of her dreams!

She Wants To Teach You A Lesson

It’s a good bet that your partner wants to teach you a sexy lesson. The teacher/student fantasy is one that a lot of women (and men) have and it’s an easy one to do. You don’t have to have any special costumes or spend money on anything to get started. Call her “Mrs. ____” and ask her to “teach” you how to give her oral sex or finger her. See if she gives you “detention” for being a bad boy!

She Wants To Do It With Someone She’s Never Met

Sex with a stranger is something every woman fantasizes about at one time or another. While you probably don’t want to see her go out and bang someone she’s never met before, you can play into her fantasy with just a little bit of dirty talk. When she comes home from work and the two of you sit down for dinner, introduce yourself to her and tell her that you’ve been eyeing her from across the room and would love to meet her. If she plays along, lead her to the bathroom for a quick and dirty romp.

She Wants You To Pull Her Hair

In many cultures, women are taught to be submissive to men. In fact, the desire to be submissive to a man stems from generations and generations ago when women had to rely on men for many more things than they do now. Play into your partner’s desire to be dominated by you and tug her hair a little when she gives you a blowjob. If she likes it, make a point to spank her a little when you start getting busy!

She Wants To Tie You Up

A part of her wants to be dominated by you, but the other part of her wants to dominate you. Chances are, she’s fantasized at one point or another about doing bondage with you and tying you up while she has her way with you. Since this is probably something you would love her to do as well, introduce her to it by wearing a blindfold to bed (a silk tie or scarf works well) and handing her a pair of handcuffs or a tie for your hands. This also works well if you do it on her first and then let her do it to you!

She Wants To Have Sex In Public

Most women dream about having sex in public, but they’ve never taken the chance in real life to actually do it. Satisfy her desire for exhibitionism by taking her somewhere you can have sex (check out these amazing sex places) or surprising her next time she’s in the dressing room at the mall.

She Wants To Play With Your Prostate

Sure, she’s given you an amazing orgasm by just giving you a blowjob or a handjob. But she’s probably read about the “male g-spot” or a man’s prostate and how much better an orgasm can be for a guy with a little prostate massage thrown in. She’s most likely fantasized about being the first one to touch you there, or about being the woman that can give you the most amazing orgasms. Let her insert her finger next time she goes down on you and see what happens!

She Wants You To Rim Her

A lot of women fantasize about their partners going down on them, but her idea of great oral sex and your idea of giving great oral sex may be very different. Lots of girls imagine their guys going down on them and putting their tongue everywhere and exploring places that have never been licked or sucked before. Satisfy her craving for amazing oral sex by spreading her legs and letting your tongue go places it has never gone before instead of just licking her clitoris.

She Wants You To Talk Dirty To Her

Almost every woman has fantasized about dirty talk at one time or another. She wants to hear exactly how good it feels when she touches you, licks you or gives you a handjob. She also wants to hear how much you love doing things to her!

Kinky Sex: 6 Sex Fetishes You Didn’t Know Existed

Kaylen Jackson — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 14:00:38 +0000

There’s kinky sex and then there’s kinky sex. You may think that a little bondage and some fuzzy handcuffs in the bedroom is pretty out there, but it’s guaranteed that there are dozens (and maybe even hundreds) of different sex fetishes and fantasies that you didn’t even know about. From diapers to stuffed animals to erotic asphyxiation, check out these sex fetishes that you probably didn’t know existed!

Diaper Fetish

If you’ve never heard of a diaper fetish, now you have. People who enjoy diapers while making love (or just enjoy wearing diapers period) are called “diaper lovers” or “adult babies” and contrary to popular belief, they have no interest whatsoever in pedophilia. People who enjoy using diapers during coitus may like to urinate in the diapers or have their partners urinate in them, or may enjoy pulling the diapers to the side to perform oral sex on their lovers. Some adult babies will go so far as to purchase child like pajamas or even use pacifiers while sleeping or while making love. Now that’s kinky sex!

Erotic Asphyxiation

A truly dangerous form of kinky sex, this is one of the sex fetishes you don’t want to mess with. It is more dangerous than pleasurable and is one of the only sex fetishes that can result in death. Either during intercourse or masturbation, a person who enjoys erotic asphyxiation will tie a cord, scarf or other item around their neck to cut off blood and oxygen to the brain during orgasm. This supposedly makes an orgasm much more intense and satisfying. At best, the person who is participating in erotic asphyxiation will pass out at the point of orgasm and come to a little later after the body resumes normal function on its own. At worst, passing out before the cord is untied will cause the brain to go without blood and oxygen too long – causing brain damage (if the person is discovered in time) or death.

Klismaphilia

Klismaphilia is often one of the sex fetishes that people who enjoy anal sex like, and this is a form of kinky sex indeed. Klismaphilia refers to the sexual pleasure that some people derive from giving or receiving an enema. People who enjoy this activity will often fantasize about getting an enema, and will get aroused and may even reach orgasm while getting an enema or during the elimination process. Klismaphiliacs may go to the doctor or hospital to get an enema under the pretense of being constipated, or they may engage in this activity in secret as many adult toy stores offer devices such as enema tools, latex gloves and vaginal speculums for those into medical fetishes.

Hybristophilia

Hybristophilia is a fetish that is described often as the “Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome” where people (most often women) have a sexual fascination with someone who has committed a violent or gruesome crime. Many prisoners with sensationalized murder cases receive “fan mail” in prison from women who have sex fetishes or fantasies about the perpetrators of the crime and may even fantasize about being a part of the crime or witnessing it happening. Since most hybristophiliacs aren’t able to experience this type of kinky sex in person, their sex fetishes are usually expressed during masturbation. Some women, however, have even been known to marry the objects of their affection while they’re in prison. Passive hybristophiliacs often stick to writing letters to violent criminals, while more active hybristophiliacs may even be an accomplice in a heinous crime.

Plushophilia

Plushophiliacs have sex fetishes with stuffed animals or people who wear animal costumes, such as sports mascots or holiday characters such as the Easter Bunny. Men and women who are plushophiliacs may enjoy having intercourse with their partners dressed up in plush costumes, or they may experience this sex fantasy during masturbation with a small stuffed animal. Both men and women can be plushophiliacs, but not all fans of furry critters enjoy them sexually – called “furry fandom.”

Burusera

Burusera is the Japanese equivalent of a “panty fetish.” Men with Burusera style sex fetishes enjoy smelling, touching, masturbating with and even licking a girl’s used panties. This type of kinky sex was so prevalent in Japan at one time, that many Burusera shops existed to cater to clientele that wanted to purchase used panties and swimwear for sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, many more young girls were targeted as providers of used panties than those over the age of 18, so many Burusera shops were shut down and laws were passed to keep young girls from selling their panties to individuals or shops.

BDSM Around The House – Things You Can Use For BDSM That You Already Have!

Kaylen Jackson — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 14:00:35 +0000

It’s common to want to try a little BDSM and bondage without a trip to the whips-and-chains store. You don’t want to spend the money on expensive toys but it just doesn’t seem like real BDSM without some props. Here’s what you can use for some fun bondage play that you probably already have at your house – or that you can get easily without spending a lot of money.

In Your Kitchen

Using a spatula for light spanking (or hard spanking if that’s what you prefer) might have already crossed your mind, but you might have dismissed it because it seems so cliche. But what about that naughty fantasy of a nearly naked cook punishing you for trying dinner before it was ready? A simple spatula can be a lot of fun with a little imagination. Smooth fruits and vegetables can be used for homemade sex toys, such as using a very large cucumber as a dildo. Make sure it’s clean and smooth, without rotted places or rough places on the surface. NEVER insert anything into the anus that isn’t a sex toy built with a wide base specifically for anal play – it might get lost in there and warrant you and your partner a trip to the emergency room.

In Your Bathroom

A feather duster can feel divine when your partner tickles you up and down your body, especially if alternated with light or firm spanking. You may not, of course, keep a feather duster in your bathroom (or in your house for that matter) but they’re available at virtually every store and are extremely cost effective. They are definitely less expensive than their red and black sexy feather tickler counterparts. While the sexy feathers might seem more enticing, who doesn’t like a nice “French Maid” sex fantasy? You can even bring “bathroom cleaning supplies” such as soap or lotion and offer to clean up your partner’s genitals.

In Your Bedroom

Your bedroom has lots of fun BDSM toys inside, including scarves and ties that can be used for sexy blindfolds and restraints. Bondage may sound played out, but never underestimate the power of being blindfolded and tied up and not knowing what your partner is going to do to you next. Looking for something a little less blase than bondage? Try experimenting with shoes. Even if you don’t have a strong shoe fetish, experimenting with stilettos can be super fun. You can create both pleasure and pain with a sexy high heel and you’ve probably got a really hot pair of heels or even boots lying around somewhere. Don’t forget that your closet is also a great place for sexy costumes, even if you don’t seem to think so. Pair knee high boots with your normal black bra-and panty set for a hot surprise, or put on one of your partner’s white button up shirts and ties for a sexy just-from-the-office strip tease. There are lots of great roleplaying ideas that will utilize clothes you already have, such as a sexy librarian, a school teacher or a sexy pool boy or handyman. When it comes to BDSM, you just have to use your imagination!

Kinky Sex 101: Adding Flavor To Vanilla

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 14:00:14 +0000

Not everyone is content with a plain, vanilla sex life. In fact, most dating and married couples seek out various ways to spice up their sex lives once they’ve gotten past the initial “everything is new” sex phase. There are tons of different ways to revv up your sex life, ranging from the very tame to very “outside of the box.” Here are some great new sex ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or out of the bedroom if you prefer) so you and your lover can start experiencing mind-blowing sex all over again!

Going Outside Of Your Current Comfort Zone

Just because you want to try kinky sex, you don’t have to start with the whips and chains right away – that is, unless you really want to. Spicing up your sex life can involve lots of fun, tame activities, as long as you and your partner are going just slightly outside of your current comfort zone. For example, if you’ve never tried light spanking or dirty talk before, try it now! If that soon becomes a part of your regular sex regimen, it will soon be time to graduate on to something else. Your “current” comfort zone is always changing – you could be completely comfortable with racy lingerie six months from now, but it may make you just a tad nervous if you’re thinking about putting it on tomorrow night. A little nervous is good though. Your goal is to make it just outside of your “bubble” and try something you’ve never done before.

Paddles

Paddles – the ones made specifically for sex, not the ones with the rubber ball on a string – are great way to get started. Most paddles that are made for the bedroom are soft and silky on one side, and hard on the other so it smarts when you give your lover a light smack on the rear end. Start by giving each other soft taps before you graduate to full on paddling pain. By starting off small and working your way up, you and your partner can both find your level of tolerance to paddling before pleasure starts turning into pain.

Blindfolds

This is an incredibly easy and fast way to bring some extra sizzle to your sex life tonight. Anything will do – a scarf or a silk necktie will work just fine, although there are a number of great blindfolds made specifically for lovers. These may be soft and silky or have naughty sayings on them to entice your partner. Either way, the sensory deprivation created by placing a blindfold over your lover’s eyes (or vice versa) is an extremely titillating experience. You or your partner won’t know what is coming, and it will force you to experience your partner’s touch (and taste and smell) in an entirely new way.

Bondage & Restraints

There’s few things that are sexier than being tied up and waiting patiently for your partner to deliver you pleasure while there’s nothing you can do about it. Take turns with your partner in some light bondage situations, allowing both you and your lover to experience the feelings of being in total control and being totally out of control where pleasure is concerned. You may find that you really enjoy one or both of these roles! Combine restraints with blindfolds for a really wild experience!

Sex Swings & Sex Furniture

You’ve heard about a thousand and one different sex positions and how they are all meant to add that extra “oomph” to your sex life. Some of these positions are darn hard to get into though, let alone actually create any kind of movement that will stimulate you or your partner! Sex furniture, such as the Tantra Sex Chair or a sex swing, are great aids to help you and your lover get into all kinds of different sex positions – without breaking your back.

Advanced Kink

If and when you and your partner are ready to graduate to advanced kink in the bedroom, try experimenting with more dominant and submissive roles. Force your partner to be your sex slave for the day, or vice versa. Some partners like to get into cross dressing a little, or have a little more fun with the fine line between pain and pleasure. Remember to be safe (and have a safe word), but when it comes to kink, the only limit is your imagination!

Fun Sex Games To Try With Your Partner

Lee Jenkins — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 23:00:10 +0000

Have you ever wished sex between you and your partner would be more enjoyable? If you’re like all men, you probably thought of doing some really kinky stuff with your girl but have not yet discovered how to lead the sex in that direction. But, what if she’s really not into that, you ask? I understand that it’s pretty difficult to start making love the way you really want when your partner is inhibited and stressed.

While you can do nothing to keep her from thinking about work, grocery bills and other tiresome issues, you can improve the mood by making her relax while she’s alone with you. Being relaxed will lead to more enjoyable things, as you’ll soon find out. Read on to discover some of the best sexy games you can do with your partner to make her less inhibited and more willing to try kinky sex with you.

Find That Ticklish Spot

Stimulating someone sexually when she’s not in the mood is like plunging a bar of ice into boiling water. The ice will not thaw slowly, it will break. What you need to do is warm her up in a way that she naturally opens up.

You can do this by poking her or running your fingers on her ticklish spots and gently teasing her. Be as naughty as you want. It’s important to do this gradually so that she naturally allows you to explore her body. When you get her laughing and giggling, you can pick up the pace and start acting sexual. You can let her turn the tables on you, too.

Use Props

When she is breathless with anticipation, or if you have made it clear over dinner that you intend to make love that night, you can bring props with you to bed. It does not have to be some fancy sex toy that you bought online; you can simply use what you have at home.

Bring a bowl full of ice cubes to bed or slices of her favorite fruit. You can even encourage her to bring out her vibrator so she can play with it while you do your moves on her. Props and toys make sex more exciting. Have fun trying out each one and finding out which ones give the best sensations.

Who Can Hold Climax Longer

The fun thing about this game is that the more she tries to hold her orgasm in, the more aroused she gets. This is a psychological game that you can play with your girl, to increase sexual tension and anticipation on her part. The more she tries to hold back, the harder you should work so that she will not be able to hold back.

The next time you think of using champagne to “loosen up,” think about these sex games. There really is no need for artificial stimulants when you can play some kinky games with your partner to get her in the mood.

Q&A: Personal Question For Dan & Jennifer – Why Do You Make All These Videos?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 14:00:52 +0000

While we don’t talk much about ourselves on our show, lots of people ask us personal questions about why we do what we do. Making an online video show and working to help millions of people with love, sex and relationship questions is simply something we love to do and we do it every day. Here’s why we’re passionate about it.

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn – why do you make all these videos and help out people? Good job and keep it up!

–YouTube Viewer

Our Passion

We love to help people find happiness in their relationships and their lives. Everyone deserves to be happy, and everyone is worth it! People struggle every day to find answers to questions about love, sex and relationships and we’re trying to make it easier for everyone to find the information they’re looking for. We believe strongly in making informed decisions and being armed with knowledge when it comes to making choices in your every day life. We believe in safe sex and open and honest sex education. We’re passionate about helping people to solve problems in their lives and learn the tools they need for healthy, happy and satisfying relationships.

Our New Video Shows

We love what we do so much that we’ve started two new video shows and websites this year! We’ve had so much success in developing the Ask Dan And Jennifer website that we wanted to create a site that shows people step by step how to create a powerful and successful online blog the way we did. Blog Success Journal is where we give tips, tricks and advice on everything blog and recommend the tools that we’ve used and love so other people can learn how to set up their own blog or website. The second website we’ve launched this year is Today Is That Day. We found that we enjoyed helping people so much with their questions about sex and relationships that we realized we wanted to answer other questions too! On Today Is That Day, we answer questions about weight loss, personal improvement and self awareness and growth.

Our Opinions

We’re not doctors and we’re not therapists. We’re highly opinionated people who love to talk! We love hearing the opinions of others, too. Our online video show allows us to share our opinions with others as well as see what other people have to say about the topic we’re talking about. We love to get people talking with each other too, because our motto is, “question everything!” We believe it’s important to think about something and question it instead of just accepting it because it’s what you were taught or what you heard. We love it when people ask questions, because it means they’re thinking and trying to get some real answers for themselves.

Check out our YouTube channel to watch our latest videos, and be sure to leave a comment about what you think! You can also visit our Facebook page to see what other people are saying about our latest articles, tips and videos. Get in on the discussion!

Q&A: Are Sexual Fetishes Weird?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:00:58 +0000

People with sexual fetishes or certain sexual fantasies are constantly asking themselves if their preferences are considered “normal,” or if they are strange and weird for having said fetish or obsession. There are a variety of sexual fetishes and fantasies out there – how do you know if yours is “normal?”

Question: Is it weird to get turned on by strange things, like fetishes and stuff? Like, there are some things I enjoy which a normal person would hate or find painful or embarrassing. Is this normal?

–YouTube Viewer

Define “Normal”

Fortunately for human beings, “normal” is relative. What is considered normal and what isn’t is based on each person’s belief system, morals and point of view. There is no concrete “this is normal and this isn’t,” because it is different for everybody. Unfortunately though, it is a common belief that one person’s view of what is normal and what isn’t must be forced on everyone else. It’s time to shake that belief, and realize that one person’s definition of what is normal or weird is going to be different from everyone else’s. It’s time to embrace our diversity and focus on our own beliefs and actions instead of dictating everyone else’s.

What Is A Fetish?

A fetish, as defined by UrbanDictionary.com, is considered a sexual obsession with a usually non-sexual object. Many people have a “shoe fetish” or a sexual obsession with shoes. Some people have a specific fetish for high heels only, while some people are turned on by shoes of all kinds. Other people may like fur, armpit or leg hair, or may be exceptionally turned on by different types of scents. Whatever your fetish is, this object generally will heighten sexual pleasure and may even be required during sex to acheive sexual release. Some fetishes, such as pedophilia and bestiality to name a few, do cross the line, so there are a few ways to tell if your sexual obsession goes too far or not.

Informed Consent Is What Makes The Difference

Regardless of what your fetish is, it must meet a few criteria for it to be considered “okay.” And by “okay,” we mean legal. Each person involved must be an adult (as in over 18) and must be able to and have given informed consent to whatever will happen. Informed consent can’t be given by children, animals or those mentally unable to make informed decisions such as people who are very intoxicated or have a mental handicap. It’s also a good idea if no one gets seriously hurt, although some sexual obsessions such as biting, piercing and bloodletting could be viewed by others as being “serious,” while if done safely pose very little harm at all. When experimenting with fetishes, always use a safe word and if someone wants to stop, STOP! If everyone involved is an adult and has made the informed decision to participate, and as long as no one gets seriously hurt, you can relax. Your fetish may seem “strange” to others but if it works for you, go for it!

Sick Or Sexy – When He’s Daddy In The Bedroom

Paul Carlson — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:42:27 +0000

Everyone has their own kinks and fantasies that they like to play out in the bedroom. Whether it’s simple, missionary on top sex, or really kinky BDSM, everyone has something they like and enjoy doing when it comes to their own sexual satisfaction. Many people enjoy talking dirty, or roleplaying in the bedroom, but is there ever a point where this can go too far?

What happens when we start carry those term of endearment into the bedroom? Watch this video to find out if it’s normal to call each other ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy,’ even when the kids aren’t around.

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” To Refer To Your Partner

Lots of parents call each other “Mommy” or “Daddy” in front of the kids, and sometimes when they’re alone just out of habit. This is a completely normal part of parental life, especially if you’re teaching very little ones what to call your partner. If you refer to your partner as “Jeff” all the time, but ask your little one to call him “Daddy,” she might get confused. It can definitely help teach little ones if you and your partner call each other “Mommy” and “Daddy” too. But is there ever a point where these terms of endearment aren’t normal?

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” In The Bedroom

It may be out of habit, or it may be a bit of fun roleplaying, but sometimes the terms “Mommy” and “Daddy” get carried away in the bedroom. Some people even like to roleplay with those terms, with “Mommy” punishing her bad boy, or her partner asking, “Who’s your Daddy?” This may seem strange, or even sick, but it’s just part of roleplaying. If both partners are into it, and both partners are comfortable and emotionally mature enough to realize that it is just a roleplaying game, there’s certainly nothing wrong with it, just as there is nothing wrong with playing “teacher” in the bedroom, or “french maid.” As long as everyone involved is having fun and isn’t getting hurt, there’s no reason to think there’s something “wrong” with you. If someone becomes uncomfortable, find a new game to play. It’s as simple as that.

When It Crosses The Line

There is a point where being “Mommy” in the bedroom (or being “Daddy” for that matter) can cross the line. If you’re playing “Mommy” and your partner is thinking of his own mother, there are some psychological issues there that probably need to be addressed. Although, your partner is the only one that will ever know that, so it’s up to him to seek help if he finds that he’s having these kids of issues. Also, if being “Daddy” in the bedroom leads a man into psychological or physical abuse of his own children because he’s so into it, that is definitely a call for professional help. Other than that, it’s very hard for two, emotionally mature, consenting adults to make roleplaying “Mommy” and “Daddy” in the bedroom go too far. So what do you think? Is it sick or sexy?

Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad?

Paul Carlson — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:46:16 +0000

Almost everyone has a sexual fetish or fantasy of some kind, but many people don’t like to admit it.

Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?

Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

First, let’s distinguish between a fetish and a fantasy. A fetish is in part an obsession on one particular thing whereas a fantasy can incorporate several different sexual and non sexual elements.

You’ve probably heard of a fetish before, such as a foot fetish, and who hasn’t had a sexual or non sexual fantasy? You may, in fact, have both fetishes and fantasies. That’s perfectly normal. It only means that you’re human.

So what is a healthy fetish or fantasy? Well, there’s no “list” of what’s healthy and what’s not, so it’s something you need to determine yourself. Does your fetish or fantasy make you uncomfortable in any way?

Don’t use others’ reactions as a guide. Someone might find that a fetish for crotchless panties disgusting when there’s really no harm at all in enjoying crotchless panties. It’s really a classic example of “to each his own.”

What if your fetish or fantasy is a little more extreme than that? Do you like S&M pornography or do you enjoy biting or being bitten during sex? These are still relatively healthy and normal fetishes, although that is where it starts to get a little hairy.

When Does It Cross The Line?

Basically, it crosses the line when someone gets hurt and they don’t want to. Now, in S&M and some other fetishes and fantasies, people do get hurt a little.

It all boils down to consent. If all parties involved are consenting, there really is no harm in . . . well, a little harm. It does go too far though. If you’re really hurting someone and they don’t like it. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be “harmful.”

If any other person involved isn’t comfortable with what you’re doing, you’ve crossed the line. Back up a little and find another way to enjoy your fetishes and fantasies without harming someone or making them uncomfortable in any way.

That said, there are some fetishes or fantasies that might signal you need some help. If you have any questions about whether your fetishes and fantasies are normal, run it by a therapist or more specifically a sex therapist. Most fantasies are normal but in rare cases where someone might fantasize about really hurting someone else, it’s time to seek help.

If you’re worried that your fantasy or fetish isn’t normal, keep in mind that there’s a very wide range for what “normal” is. Some people fantasize about phone sex while others think feet are the most erotic thing in the world. Some women fantasize about a sexy pirate with rock hard abs sweeping them off their feet while others just want to spank their partners.

As long as everyone involved is comfortable and consenting, there is nothing wrong with indulging your fetishes and fantasies! Remember that everyone is different and unless someone is getting hurt or is uncomfortable, or you are fantasizing about really hurting someone, just enjoy the ride!

Sexual Fetishes – Is My Smoking Fetish Weird?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:00:08 +0000

Everyone has different turn-ons, ranging from turn-ons that seem relatively mild to turn-ons that seem to be completely out there and fetishistic.

How do you know if what turns you on is normal or not? Should you continue to do what turns you on, even if other people think it’s weird?

Many people have these same questions and are wondering what to do about their turn ons. What should you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m a 59 year old male and I have always found the sight of a woman smoking a cigarette to be very arousing. I am fortunate that my wife (an inveterate smoker) understands this and uses it to excite me but (the question is from both of us) is this weird? Have you heard of it before?

-Marty, Pennsylvania

Are your turn-ons normal?

Let’s take a look at normal for a moment… Human beings can’t really be considered normal. There is such a wide range of likes, dislikes, habits and more from person to person that you can’t really pin anything down and consider it “the norm.”

That said, what turns you on is probably just fine! Do you like it when women wear high heels? Do you like to wear the high heels yourself? Do you get turned on when women are smoking a cigarette? Go with it! As long as your turn-ons don’t involve harming other people or doing anything illegal in any way, your turn-ons are perfectly fine.

Enjoy and indulge in what gets you excited!

Don’t scrutinize yourself, or let others do so.

Although people are different in so many ways, that doesn’t stop them from judging others. Human beings have a bad habit of passing judgment on their neighbors when they themselves are doing something that would be considered “strange” by someone else’s standards.

Guess what? Everybody is different! Don’t let others try to tell you that you are weird or strange, unless your turn-ons include something that would cause harm to another or that is illegal. If not, then take comfort in the fact that the person judging you is most likely insecure themselves.

On the same token, don’t scrutinize yourself. If you think your own turn-ons are weird and they make you uncomfortable, don’t do anything about them. Chances are, however, that your turn-ons are perfectly fine to you and you should accept yourself for who you are.

Find someone to play with.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to find someone who likes to play the same way you do. Find someone who shares your interests and shares your turn-ons. If there are two of you who are turned on by the same thing, it will be more fun for you to both engage in what turns the other on! It’s a perfect give and take. It may take time and patience to find that special someone, but if you keep trying, you’ll end up winning out. You can then share all of your turn-ons with your partner, and enjoy them together.

Unless your turn-ons are dangerous, they’re fine for you. If they work for you, let them! Don’t worry so much. Everyone has their own quirks and way that they do things. Just be a good sport. If you don’t want others judging you for what turns you on, don’t judge them! You might meet someone who has a turn on that you think is weird, but remember someone else out there might think your turn on is weird too!

We’re all in the same boat. Accept your turn on and everyone else will too. What works for you might not work for someone else and vice versa, and that’s okay! Just enjoy yourself and your turn ons!

BDSM 101 – Moving Beyond Plain Vanilla Sex

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:56:30 +0000

A male friend of mine told me about something embarrassing that happened to him. He was in the throes of passionate sex with his girlfriend when, in a gesture of instinct, he put his hand over her face.

Immediately she froze in horror and blurted, “What are you doing?”

Well, how do you answer that? They resumed their lovemaking and talked about it afterwards. He told her he was going with the heat of the moment, and that to him it was an incredibly intimate gesture, a dominant move on his part.

She felt the opposite – she said it creeped her out and made her feel like an object. And there you have it – that one simple hand over the face gesture crossed the vanilla sex line.

What Do You Call Non-vanilla Sex?

I still haven’t found a good term for non-vanilla sex – chocolate? Strawberry with sprinkles? Chili sauce? This is a little problematic, since I overwhelmingly prefer it over vanilla.

Don’t get me wrong – vanilla sex has its place. But there are plenty of times when you just want to take it to “11,” like Nigel in Spinal Tap.

Taking it to “11”

First off, make sure you’ve covered the vanilla basics. Have you tried sexual positions like doggy style, reverse cowgirl? Have you played all the oral sex games, even 69 (highly overrated in my opinion)?

How about places – have you branched out from bedroom? I’m partial to the bathroom vanity myself, and the basement works well for my dungeon fantasies. How about anal sex? OK, now we’re crossing the line.

Consult the Checklist

Hopefully you have filled out the handy dandy BDSM fetish checklist I provided last month. Going through the checklist will be an eye opening experience for most couples. You’ll find out pretty quickly if one or both of you is dominant/submissive. Take turns picking a fantasy and trying it out.

Start small with blindfolds, silk scarves. A friend of mine had NO idea she liked blindfolds, until her boyfriend spontaneously wrapped her winter scarf around her head and gave her a massage on the couch. That smooth move prompted her to change her blindfold preference from a 3 to a 5 on the checklist. Instant addition to their bag of tricks!

Test Your Comfort Zone

As for me, I knew I liked rough sex, but I sure didn’t know I got turned on by a gentle face slap. My guy tried that one on me one time and I had a similar reaction to the woman with the hand on her face – I was shocked, but paused to process it. Did I like it? At first I didn’t, then found myself fantasizing about it later. As you can see, you can surprise yourself.

Be “Try-Sexual”

It pays to try new things, even if you think you might not like them. If you find you’re not crazy about it, don’t do it again. As long as you keep open communication going, pushing your boundaries shouldn’t “ruin” things. It’s all a learning process.

You can also experiment with swatting the bottom during sex, or pinning your partner’s hands above his or her head while you’re making love. Take a candle and drip hot wax on your partner – it’s easy to monitor this one – the higher up you hold it above someone when it drips, the less it hurts.

Someone once told me that they loved sex because it reminded them of what it was like to be a kid. “EXCUSE ME?” I said, eyebrows raised. “And just what kind of childhood did you have?” He laughed and explained, “With sex you get to be really messy and play make believe and just have fun!”

What a great attitude. Give your hang-ups a rest and explore with an open mind. Work the kinks OUT. Oh and by the way – my friend I mentioned at the beginning of this article? He ended up breaking it off with his girlfriend. It turns out they weren’t sexually compatible, and now they are both with better matched partners. In my next article, I’ll talk more about sexual compatibility when it comes to kink.

5 Wicked Ways to Get Kinky in the Kitchen

Rose Rivera — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 17:02:28 +0000

It’s no surprise to learn one of the sexiest places in a house is the kitchen; the delicious smells, the beautiful colors, the way everything simmers together, tempting our senses into complete and utter abandon…

Unfortunately most of us never get the opportunity to fully explore all of the hidden erotic treasures patiently awaiting us in our kitchen drawers because we’re too busy reheating yesterday’s pizza to actually spend three savory hours indulging in our sensual creativity.

So here’s my suggestion – make a little cooking date with your lover on a Saturday, or a Sunday, or whenever. Treat it just as you would any other date, give the children to their grandparents, get a babysitter, etc. Make sure the two of you have plenty of time to relax and to really “get into” whatever happens to come up.

Go through your cupboards, your refrigerator, and your pantry with kinky eyes.

Ask yourself questions like “how would that feel running up my spine?” or “how else could this fork be used?”

Before you know it everything will seem wonderfully tempting, and you’ll be well on your way to making steamy memories that will no doubt have you blushing the next time you stick that boring old pizza into the oven.

If, however, you still need a bit of inspiration to get your naughty juices flowing, keep reading.

Five Very Wicked Ways To Turn Your Ordinary Kitchen Accoutrements Into Brazenly Devilish Sex Toys

1. The Spanking Wooden Spoon – Near and dear to my own playful heart, I get a fluttery feeling every time I use one of these classic, extra-large wooden stirring spoons. For the edgy players among you, using a spoon for spanking purposes is not a very shocking idea.

After all, whenever a paddle’s not handy, a wooden spoon will always do the trick! It’s sturdy, fairly wide, and gives that yummy mix of sting and thud. Oh come on, be daring and give your partner a soft teasing whack – their reaction might surprise you!

2. Chip Clip Nipple Clamps – Warning, not for the faint of heart. I’m a little hesitant to make this suggestion because it has to be the right kind of chip clip – you should only use ones that are flat on the inside, NOT the kind with little teeth or jagged edges meant to hold the bag closed tighter! Although impromptu nipple (or other body part) clamps are a fun idea, remember how easily this skin can be damaged and use your common sense. Smaller clips have less power so are better suited for this pain/pleasure toy. And don’t forget to sooth those fire-hot nipples afterward with a little melting ice from the freezer…

3. Really Hot Chocolate - Find a great recipe for homemade hot fudge and make it together. The aroma of melting chocolate alone should get your mind wandering into happy land. Once it’s finished and cooled enough that you can touch it without burning yourself, begin to finger-feed it to your lover. Remember, the point is to be sensual and indulgent. Do it slowly, deliberately.

Watch as your lover takes your finger into their mouth, let yourself feel the roughness of their tongue, pay attention! Don’t be afraid to get sticky and very messy. You know this activity has gone well when all of his, um, “fingers” and all of her “lips” have been completely covered in chocolate – preferably over and over again!

4. Rolling Pin Massage – Grant it, this suggestion is more fun and light-hearted than the others, but we all need a little relaxing warm-up don’t we? I know it’s a funny image, but using a rolling pin to massage the sides of your back, butt, thighs and calves actually feels great! The big handles make it really easy to use and you can get wonderfully long strokes out of it.

Feel free to laugh along the way, but eventually your partner will appreciate the real massage he or she is getting – even if it is from a rolling pin!

5. Guessing Game – Cover your lover’s eyes with a blindfold, or if you think they won’t cheat just tell them to close their eyes. Pick about twenty-five different cooking utensils (tongs, forks, basters, etc.) and use them of various parts of your lover’s (naked) body. Pinch them with the tongs, blow air in their face with the baster – you get the gist. Have your lover try to guess what you are using on them.

For every correct guess, offer them a sexual favor of their choice, and for every wrong guess they have to do something for you. Clearly this simple game can go in many different directions, so you can take it as far as you’d both like.

Of course, these ideas are just the beginning. Your kitchen’s sexuality completely depends on your own unique imagination and preferences, so please don’t ever feel limited to what you’ve heard or what other people have done!

Give yourself and your lover the freedom to be silly, kinky, weird. Something memorable is bound to come out of all that loving energy!

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