Ask Dan and Jennifer » libido

What To Do When Your Sex Drive Plummets

Serena Paige — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 23:00:51 +0000

Your sex drive is something you want enough of – if you’re not in sync with your lover’s sex drive, your relationship suffers. Try this if your sex drive’s low.

On a general scale, men tend to want sex more than women. Now, this isn’t always the case, but for the most part men want sex whenever they can get it. Men have been characterized in movies as being horny all the time, drooling over a damsel in distress. But what if you’re a guy who doesn’t want sex? What if the last thing on your mind is having sex with your wife, girlfriend or the hot girl who cashes your paycheck every two weeks?

Low sex drive in men is more common than you may think. Men who do experience low sex drive tend to make excuses saying things like “I’m just too tired” or “I’m not really in the mood right now.” This can put a strain on any relationship leaving their partner feeling inadequate.

For women, a boyfriend or a husband that doesn’t have high sex drive can affect their ego. They might think that they’re not good enough in bed or that they have something wrong with them physically that is turning the guy off. Although this might be true in some relationships, for the most part it’s not.

The problem with low sex drive is the fact that it is completely subjective. If you pair a man who wants sex once every week with a woman who wants sex four to five times a week, you might think that the guy has low sex drive. Sex drive is relative. If both of you only want sex twice a year, then you have good compatibility. The worst thing you can do is start comparing yourself to other couples.

Medication, Alcohol & Drugs

There are a lot of causes for low sex drive in men. One of them is medication. If you are on anxiety medication, anti depressants or anti psychotics, you will probably feel a lower libido than most men. This is a side effect of the medication. If you feel like you want to give your libido a boost, talk to your doctor about switching prescriptions or weaning yourself off of the meds. If you abuse alcohol or drugs you can also feel lower sex drive.

Busy Lives

Keeping busy is a huge part of having a lower sex drive. Problems at work or a new child can be stressful on the sex drive of a man. If you’re not getting enough sleep or you have experienced some kind of loss, sex is probably the last thing on your mind. One way to get through a lower sex drive during a busy life is to make time. Set a schedule for sex. Even though this might take some of the romance and spontaneity out of it, you can choose a time when you will be rested and not focused on anything else.

Relationship Issues

Another cause of low sex drive in men is an issue with the relationship. If you are not happy with your partner, you’re obviously not going to want to have sex with them. Trust can be a huge issue. If you feel like your partner is hiding something from you or that they could possibly be cheating, the thought of having sex with them is going out the window. Counseling and talking out the problems in your relationship is the best way to get over this. You must feel completely comfortable with your partner and sex makes your vulnerable. Having the support to be yourself in the bedroom and talk out your desires will make the sex better and give you a boost where needed.

Low Testosterone

The testosterone level in men will drop as they get older. If you are over the age of 40, you will start to lose about 1-2% each year after that. Low testosterone is defined as having less than 300 nanograms per deciliter in your blood. This can lead to low sex drive, mood swings, sleeplessness, ED and fatigue. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you should have your testosterone levels checked with a medial professional.

Treatment

Lower sex drive doesn’t have to be a curse. There are a lot of ways that you can treat it. Exercise is on the best ways to relieve stress. When you eliminate stress from your life, you will feel better about yourself and the relationship with your partner. Running, playing a sport or doing aerobics are great ways to boost your sex drive. If you have low testosterone in your body, there are a lot of gels and patches that can be implemented. These will release testosterone into your blood stream and give you more sex drive.

How To Make Your Girl’s Sex Drive Stronger Than Yours!

Shawna Lenee — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 14:00:10 +0000

Sex tips are definitely something you want to have on hand to keep your sex life fresh. If you want MORE sex, here’s how to revv up your lady’s sex drive.

Do you ever feel as though you have a HIGHER sex drive than your girl? Maybe you’re always the one who has to initiate sex, or maybe she’s just not in the mood as often as you are.

If you’re finding these things happening with your woman, you’re not alone.

But, I’m going to venture that the REASON WHY she doesn’t seem to want to make love as often as you do is NOT because she has a lower sex drive!

Why She Doesn’t “Want” Sex

What is really happening is you’re just not satisfying her enough during sex to make her CRAVE it!

You see, in order for a woman to experience REAL sexual pleasure, she MUST be having orgasms. Her moaning, saying its good, or just letting you have sex with her IS NOT ENOUGH. Think about how sex would feel for YOU if you always got “close” but were never able to fully get off. That would pretty much suck, right? Well that’s exactly what your girl is going through if you’re not giving her the mind-blowing orgasms she craves!

If you’re not giving your girl orgasms when you make love, it may SEEM like she is having fun. But in reality, she’s probably just being nice, and sleeping with you because she feels she has to. And if this is the case, then she’s not going to want to have sex with you very often.

Worst case scenario, if she’s been with a guy in the past who was capable of giving her orgasms – and you are not – she’s probably not going to stick around very long unless you are married or financially supporting her.

It’s sad, but true.

But fortunately since most guys DON’T know how to give a woman orgasms, you probably don’t have anything to worry about. (But in a way, isn’t that even MORE sad?!?)

Getting Her Off

On the upside, giving a woman orgasms is not difficult, it’s just DIFFERENT! A woman’s body works very differently than a man’s, and once you know the subtle differences, it’s actually very EASY to give your woman not just one orgasm, but 2, 3, 4 or more – even different kinds like blended orgasms!

When you ARE able to give your woman orgasms, sex with you is not frustrating… it’s FUN! So of course, she’ll want to have sex with you all the time! Often times, she’ll even be the one asking you for sex!

How To TELL If You Are Getting Her Off

The lesson to take away here is that your girl’s “sex drive” and how often she wants to have sex with you have nothing to do with body chemistry and everything to do with whether or not you are sexually satisfying her.

With this in mind, here’s how to tell if you are:

If your girl wants sex at least 3-4 times a week, then you are satisfying her.
If she DOESN’T want sex at least 3-4 times a week, then I am sorry, but you are not.

It’s really that simple.

How To Make Absolutely SURE You Satisfy Your Woman Every Time

Start by giving her a foreplay orgasm each and every time. Giving a girl an orgasm through intercourse is a MUCH more intense experience for a girl, and giving her one of these body-shaking orgasms usually requires you know some techniques.

On the other hand, giving a woman a foreplay orgasm is easy.

So easy, that there is NO EXCUSE for not being able to give your girl a foreplay orgasm! But first, REMEMBER:

While you’re going to give her this orgasm during foreplay, it’s important that you continue to think of foreplay as PART of the sex, because to your girl, it is! Women love foreplay and you can keep it going until she is DESPERATE for you to be inside of her. Women LOVE this!

Here are a few ways to keep foreplay going:

Kiss her for 10-15 minutes before taking off clothes (hers or yours)
Rub her over her “area” for 5 FULL minutes and refuse to take her panties or clothes off no matter how much she or you wants it – tell her how much she wants you AND how much you want her
If you start the technique I’m about to share with you AFTER you do all this stuff then you are almost GUARANTEED to give her a foreplay orgasm!

Giving A Clitoral Orgasm

The easiest way to give her a foreplay orgasm is by stimulating her clitoris. Here’s one way to do it that I know your girl will like:

When massaging it, use one finger in circular strokes directly on it, but to the upper right. Think of it like the 1:30 position on a clock. For reasons I can’t explain, this particular area of a woman’s clitoris is packed with even MORE nerve endings than the rest!
Make sure she is wet, or add lube (you can also lick your finger).
It’s important that you keep a steady pressure the whole time, but not too hard! We girls are much more sensitive than you are, so start off light, and don’t go harder until she starts pressing herself against you.
Once she starts lifting her hips towards you, go just a little bit faster – and tell her softly and gently, “Come for me baby and totally relax.” This reassures her that it’s “okay” to let herself go, and often you reassuring her is exactly what she needs to go from feeling really good to going OVER THE TOP and having an incredible orgasm!

Discover How To Give Her More Advanced Orgasms

Giving a woman a foreplay orgasm is always a good time, but if you REALLY want to take her pleasure to a level that no man ever has before, you’re gonna have to give her the more ADVANCED types of orgasms that make her whole body pulsate with pleasure! The type of orgasms that leave her lying there wondering what just happened – and instantly have her calling you the BEST she’s ever had!

Sex Tips: What Is Sexual Programming?

Michael Webb — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 23:00:25 +0000

Sex tips are how to’s and what to do’s, but what if you looked deeper into it? Understanding your own “sexual programming” may be all the sex tips you need.

What comes to mind when you hear the word “SEX”? What pictures flood your head? What positions do you see, what sounds do you hear? How far will you go in its name and what are your boldest, darkest fantasies? How about your most embarrassing bedroom moments? Recall the best hump you’ve ever had. Who were you with?

Then imagine the one person on this planet you absolutely want to do it with. What would that be like?

Think about these things.

What Is “Sexual Programming?”

Your answers form part of your Sexual Programming (SP). Every idea, picture, expectation about sex is part of your SP. Our Sexual Programming is essentially what we think about “SEX.” It is a collection of beliefs, conditioning, and how it has remained or evolved over the years.

You have your own sexual ideas, sexual biases and therefore your own personal SP. You didn’t come into this with zero knowledge or expectation of what we’ll be talking about. Heck, you may even have a whole bag of techniques and a wealth of experience.

So let me ask you: How much do you consciously know about your own Sexual Programming?

Knowing Your Own SP

The problem with many people, and not just guys, is that they are too focused on sex tips and don’t have the vaguest idea about their SP’s. They don’t know what they want, not having taken the time to really think about it. For sure they want lots of hot sex. But ask them “What kind?”, and they start stuttering the details.

Sexual Programming determines how one goes about the act. If it’s just a libido-quenching affair for you, you’ll have no qualms with one-night stands (and definitely won’t call the next day.) If for you it’s something sacred, you might be a virgin waiting for your equally virgin bride. You can be the former or the latter, and everything in between.

SP not only guides your actions, expectations and rationalizations, it defines your experience – that’s how powerful it is!

Reprogram Yourself

If the ideas, thoughts and feelings you have about sex aren’t ideal, it’s time to reprogram yourself. A poor SP can lead to an unsatisfying sex life, no matter how many sex tips you read about and utilize. You can reprogram yourself a number of ways:

If you were abused as a child in some way, seek help. This most certainly is part of your SP and can drastically reduce satisfaction in your current sex life.
Research sex tips. Arm yourself with the knowledge of how to please a woman and how to please yourself.
Communicate with your partner about your sex life, what you want and what they want.
Be open minded to new things and new possibilities.
Be confident!

Q&A: How To Get HER To Last Longer In Bed

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:00:30 +0000

Sex and reaching orgasm usually take longer for girls, but what happens when SHE’S the one going too fast? Usually, it’s the guy that reaches climax before the girl, but it’s not unheard of for a girl to actually reach orgasm before the man. One reason could be that she’s faking it – or, she could just be super sensitive. If it only lasts a few minutes long, it’s time for her to learn how to last longer in bed!

Dear Dan and Jenn – I am a guy and my girlfriend and I are having sex. She can only have enjoyably have sex for about 5 to 10 minutes then have only one orgasm. She can tolerate sex for 20 minutes. I have lasted about 30 to 40 minutes in the past. What can I do to help be able to help her last longer during sex, or do I need to learn to last shorter?

–YouTube Viewer

Are You Using Enough Lube?

Sex for long periods of time can be very uncomfortable or painful for a woman if she’s not lubed up enough. Even if she’s had an orgasm, she may still not be wet enough to continue having sex with you as long as you need to reach your own climax. There’s a simple solution – use more lube! If you’re not using any at all, it’s time to invest in a nice, big bottle of water based lube that is both sex toy and condom compatible. A lot of guys are afraid to use lube, or think that if they do it means they’re not good enough at it, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Enough lube makes intercourse better and helps it to last longer – period.

She Might Just Really Be Satisfied

There’s a lot of pressure on guys to be able to give women multiple orgasms, but the truth is, many girls can be satisfied with just one. This is especially true if the one orgasm she had was amazing and completely rocked her world. If it was that good, she may be too tired to continue having sex and much, much to sensitive to receive more stimulation and try to have another orgasm.

Is She Faking It?

Another possibility to look at if your girl just doesn’t go for the long haul during intercourse is she might be faking her orgasm. If you’re only able to have sex for ten or twenty minutes and she has an “orgasm” and is done, she may be trying to get it over with as fast as possible. Girls usually take longer to warm up during foreplay and longer to orgasm, so it’s really the exception rather than the norm if she’s truly had an orgasm and is truly satisfied after just a few minutes of sex.

If she is faking it, think about why. Are you failing to really please her? Are your efforts at giving her an orgasm falling short and she just wants fake it and get it over with, since she’s not getting anything out of it? This is the most common reason that girls fake their orgasms – their guys just aren’t doing it for them and they either don’t have the heart to tell them they’re not getting it right or their guys are too stubborn to listen. If you suspect that she’s faking it, communicate with her. Ask your partner what you’re doing wrong or what you could be doing better. Work with her on getting her to a place where she doesn’t feel like she has to fake it.

Teaching Her To Have Multiple Orgasms

If you sense that her orgasm is genuine and that she really is satisfied with just one, teach her that she doesn’t have to be. Extend your foreplay sessions and get her really, really warmed up. Take the time to focus on her pleasure, even before you start getting it on. Give your partner an orgasm through oral sex first, before you even penetrate with your penis.

Women are actually designed to have more than one orgasm, because they simply don’t go back down to square one after climax like a man does. They hang out in the mid-arousal stage, so they don’t have as far to go to reach climax again. Take advantage of this by focusing on your partner and her pleasure, without thinking of yourself. Give your partner a night where it’s all about her and see just how many orgasms she has!

Low Sex Drive – How Can A Woman Get Her Libido Back?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 14:00:42 +0000

The libido changes in lots of ways throughout life, for both men and women. A low sex drive can mean a lot of things for a woman, especially after giving birth. Here’s how to figure out why she has a low libido and how to revv up your partner’s libido again after the baby is born.

Question: My question is, since my wife gave birth 18 months ago she is never in the mood, EVER. Now I work midnights and take care of the baby during the day to save on daycare costs. During that time at home, I cook, I clean, I do laundry and of course take care of the baby. I do this because I know her job is stressful and she works hard and the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is cook and clean. I thought all of that might help, but it didn’t. How can I help her get her get her libido back??? Thanks for the help!

–YouTube Viewer

Why A Woman’s Libido Might Change

There are a million different reasons a girl might experience a change in your lover’s libido, whether it’s a decrease or an increase. Usually it boils down to hormones. Throughout a female’s life, the levels of hormones in the body, such as estrogen, differs greatly. She may have a rampant sex drive at a younger age, only to experience a drastic decrease in libido during the aging process and the levels of hormones in the body begin to change. This is especially true right after giving birth. The good majority of the time a female experiences a change in libido, a change in hormones is what is responsible.

Communication Is Key

Make sure that you actually have an open line of communication with your partner about what is going on in your relationship, especially when it comes to sex – or the lack of it. Your partner may have no clue how you feel about the situation if you’re not talking to her – so make sure you’re actually communicating about what is happening.

Physical Reasons A Female’s Sex Drive Can Decrease

If your partner just isn’t feeling good and isn’t feeling like having sex, it may be time to make an appointment with her doctor. There are several purely physical reasons that a girl might experience a decrease in libido, such as:

Changes in hormones
Having a baby, especially if it was a difficult birth
Significant weight gain
Taking certain medications, especially anti-depressants and anti-psychotics

Emotional Causes For A Reduced Libido

Aside from physical factors, there are also lots of emotional factors that you need to consider when trying to find the root of a female’s lack of libido.

Being tired or exhausted from work or taking care of kids
Lack of time together as a couple
Lack of emotional connection
Lack of confidence and feeling unattractive, especially after having a baby or gaining weight
Depression or anxiety

A Word On Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a serious issue that can happen after a girl has a baby, but it can be difficult to spot, since it’s normal for women to feel a little down after giving birth – this is most commonly referred to as the “baby blues.” However, when it becomes serious, it can be dangerous to leave it untreated. If you suspect that your partner may have postpartum depression, don’t judge or criticize. Show your partner love and support, but make sure to see a doctor immediately. Serious postpartum depression can cause a woman to harm herself or the baby, which never ends well. Symptoms of postpartum depression can include:

Lower libido than before the baby
Loss of appetite
Insomnia
Intense irritability and anger
Overwhelming fatigue
Lack of joy in life
Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
Severe mood swings
Difficulty bonding with the baby
Withdrawal from family and friends
Thoughts of harming herself or the baby

What You Can Do To Fire Up The Libido

If you’ve ruled out some of the more serious reasons that your partner might be experiencing a decrease in libido there are a few things you can do to try to get that spark back into your sex life.

Plan A Date Night

Often, after having a baby, everything becomes all about taking care of the baby. There’s very little time left for you and your partner to actually spend time together away from the baby and reconnect. You need to remember why you’re a couple in the first place! The baby will be just fine with a babysitter or grandma and grandpa while you and your partner go on a date. Stay in touch, but remember that you need to take some time for the two of you.

One of the most important aspects of planning a date night is that a girl doesn’t usually have the opportunity to dress up, do her hair, put on makeup and go somewhere when she’s a full time mother – especially if there’s a full time job involved. Giving your partner the opportunity to feel like a woman again can work wonders!

Romance Your Partner

You may just be missing that element of romance that used to exist in your relationship but doesn’t anymore. Most of a female’s arousal is actually mental, and for a girl to feel sexual, she must be completely relaxed. Draw a nice bubble bath and pour your partner a glass of wine (if the baby isn’t nursing). Give your partner a massage, or buy a gift certificate so she can go get one.

Focus Your Attention On Your Partner

Remember that for a woman to feel important to you and valued by you (which is necessary for a lady to want to be come sexual with you), she has to feel like you’re paying attention to her and value what she has to say. Talk to your partner one on one, with the television off. Ask questions about how she feels and what she thinks, and then actually listen to the answers!

When You Do Have Sex

When you and your partner actually do have sex, it’s very important that you focus on her pleasure – and make sure your lover has an orgasm too! Worship your lover’s body and make her feel sexy in the way you touch and look at her. Give your partner oral sex and let her have an orgasm first, and even more than once if you can!

If She’s Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm

Many women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially after having a baby. After giving birth, things may be a little sore, or may just feel a little different down there. Don’t be afraid to bring in some props like arousal gel or warming lube. Of course, lube is especially crucial for sex after having a baby, because you can really hurt the sensitive tissues down there if the vagina is dry – which is more likely after giving birth.

7 Ways You Can Increase Your Sex Drive NATURALLY!

Kaylen Jackson — Tue, 24 May 2011 14:00:34 +0000

Sex doesn’t always stay hot, especially in a steady, long term relationship. But that doesn’t mean you have to get an Rx from your doctor just to be able to have regular sex with your partner. Medications like Viagra and even herbal remedies can leave you with unwanted side effects. Instead, boost your libido NATURALLY with these 7 tips.

Drink A Glass Of Wine

A huge reason for any decrease in sex drive for both men and women is stress. In fact, it could definitely be argued that stress is the number one cause for a lack in libido, whether sudden or gradual. A glass of wine or two before hitting the sheets with your partner will help you relax and forget some of the stresses of the day, which is an important part of getting your body and mind ready for sex – especially for women.

Wine also has healthy antioxidants in it that are essential for sexual function – however, it is important that you don’t overdo it on the wine. If you don’t like wine, grab a brew (beer has a few benefits of its own) but stay away from the hard liquor. Don’t have more than one or two drinks, or you may end up making your libido even lower and men who have had too much to drink tend to have problems getting or keeping an erection.

Quit Smoking (If You Smoke)

Smoking cigarettes can deeply affect your sex life, much more than you think it would. Both men and women can experience a reduction in libido due to smoking, most notably because nicotine is a vasoconstrictor – meaning that nicotine causes blood vessels all over the body to shrink. Since reaching orgasm is pretty dependent on blood flow to sexual organs for both guys and girls, smoking cigarettes can either make a person just not feel like having sex (because less blood is getting to the genitals) or have trouble getting to climax.

Smoking cigarettes can also lead to blockages in the arteries of the penis, leading to problems with erectile dysfunction. If you’re a woman who smokes, reaching orgasm can be near impossible, especially for those women who have smoked for many years. Also, women who smoke take longer to conceive when trying to get pregnant than non-smoking women. Do your sex life a favor and put your cigarette out.

Get A Professional Massage

Again, stress is a huge contributor to a decreased libido. Getting a professional massage – whether you’re a man or a woman – can boost your libido by allowing you to de-stress and relax. It also helps physically relax your muscles and even the simple act of being touched by another human being can be enough to re-awaken your body and your sex libido.

If you’d rather have a more erotic massage before having sex, you probably don’t want to book an appointment with a professional masseuse. Instead, light your favorite scented candle, put on some soft music and massage your partner (or have them massage you). Focus on relaxing their body and mind before you let your hands wander to the naughty areas and you get started with foreplay.

Boost Your Self-Esteem

If you have a low self esteem and don’t like the way you look, you’re definitely not going to want to get naked with your lover as often. If you’re really down on yourself (and you may not even realize it), think about what it is you don’t like about yourself. Are you overweight? Would you rather have a more toned stomach or tighter thighs and glutes? If that’s the case, go exercise! Exercise will not only help you get in shape and raise your self esteem, it will also pump powerful endorphins through your body that actually help contribute to sexual arousal all by themselves.

You can also boost your self esteem with simple things like a spray tan, a haircut, a new outfit or even a Brazilian wax. Think about what you could do personally to build your own self esteem, go do it! You’ll notice that you feel more confident afterwards and feeling great about yourself leads to great things in the bedroom!

Have A Heart To Heart With Your Partner

Women need to be emotionally and physically turned on to really want to have sex. If a woman isn’t feeling emotionally connected to her partner, she’s not going to want to have sex with him as often, if at all. If there are relationship issues at all, they definitely could be contributing not only to your partner not wanting to have sex with you, but you’ll also feel less like having sex if you’re fighting with your partner.

If you’re having relationship problems, sit down and have a heart to heart discussion with them. Go to couples counseling if you need to. Forgive things that you need to forgive and see your partner’s point of view. Do what it takes to work out your issues and when you do, you’ll notice a huge jump in how often you have sex – and how good it is!

Try Yoga

Yoga, like any exercise, will help promote blood flow to your body – including those parts responsible for great sex and excellent orgasms – and increasing blood flow throughout your body will heighten your libido in a number of ways. You’ll feel better and have more energy for sex, you’ll feel more confident and sexy, you’ll be more flexible and can get in different sex positions, and overall you’ll feel better all over.

If yoga isn’t your thing, try Pilates or even simple stretching exercises. If you’re not an active person, just start walking. Walk to your mailbox and back, and make it a little farther each time you go. Committing to exercise will help you feel healthier and sexier, and will help improve your sex life more than you would think!

Check What Medications You’re On

There are lots of medications that can contribute to a low libido or even problems having an orgasm or getting and keeping an erection. However, it’s hard to tell which medications may be contributing to your sex problems and it can be especially difficult to narrow down the culprit if you’re taking more than a few medications – and this even includes herbs and supplements! If you’re concerned that a medication you’re taking might be contributing to a low libido or erectile dysfunction, make an appointment with your doctor. Never stop taking any medications without checking with your doctor first!

Some medications that cause sexual dysfunction aren’t going to be ones that you can come off of – like heart disease, mental health and diabetes medications. If this is the case, talk to your doctor about your alternatives. However, if you ARE able to get off one or more medications that are known to reduce sex drive, you’ll notice a jump in your libido!

My Libido Is Too High! What Do I Do?

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 23:00:23 +0000

My libido is extreme! I’m a girl and when I’m in a committed relationship, I really like sex. A lot. I have a more prominent libido than any girl I know. My past boyfriends couldn’t handle it. I’m kind of insecure about my sexual needs. My current man says he’s okay with it. How much sex drive is normal for a girl?

What She Said:

How much you want is what’s right for you – there isn’t anything as “too much,” though some may argue there can be too little! It honestly sounds like you’ve got the perfect situation – you enjoy having a lot of sex with someone you love, you’re in love and your partner is happy to help you fulfill the frequency. I wish I could expand on this, but I don’t see a problem.

The misconception that a woman’s sex drive is lower than a man’s is just that – a misconception. Many women have a higher libido than their man, especially as they get older. A man comes into his sexual peak in his early twenties, while a woman doesn’t come into her sexual peak until her thirties and even forties!

It sounds like you know what you like and how much you like it, all while satiating your needs in a healthy and safe way. You may have had boyfriends in the past that judged you (perhaps because they couldn’t keep up), but now you’re with someone who’s a better match for you sexually, and hopefully emotionally. I’ll say to you what you probably say to your lucky boyfriend, “Keep it up!”

If you and your current beau break up and you end up with a guy who can’t fulfill your sexual needs (and you really like him and aren’t interested in finding someone else who can meet your sexual needs), you can consider incorporating sex toys into your routine. If your man just isn’t in the mood, light some candles, take a hot, relaxing bath and have fun masturbating by yourself! There’s nothing wrong with a woman getting it on with herself, even when she’s in a relationship. Lots of men and women enjoy masturbation in addition to a healthy, happy sex life.

What He Said:

You’re not banging random guys on the street corner, are you? (If so, call me and tell me which corner) So there’s nothing wrong with screwing your man’s brains out. I’ve often said that a football stadium full of teenage boys on Viagra couldn’t keep up with an uninhibited woman’s libido.

Guys are notorious for getting caught choking the chicken when they’re in a relationship, because so many women expect that a man must solely be satisfied with sex with his partner alone. However, men usually enjoy a combination of getting busy with their woman (a blowjob is by far better than masturbation) as well as satisfying themselves when their girl isn’t available. There’s no reason it can’t be the same for a woman – if your guy just isn’t up to it and you’re rearing and ready to go, hop in bed for a little solo session. Your man just might walk in on you and want to join the fun!

Can your man keep up with you? No, but he will have fun trying. Relax and enjoy it and for God’s sake get him a truck load of those little blue pills!

Sexting: The Truth About Your Wife’s Sex Drive – And Why It’s Higher Than You Think

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 14:00:24 +0000

Sexting is an easy, convenient tool you can use to turn your partner on. A cell phone is something that you have on hand almost all the time, and it’s a way to have a hot, steamy conversation between you and your partner without anyone ever knowing about it. But if you assumed that your lover’s sex drive has decreased as she’s gotten older, quite the opposite is true. A man’s sex drive peaks out much, much earlier than a woman’s does and your wife’s libido has actually increased as she’s aged! You can access that libido with the simple push of a button and turn her on like never before. Here’s how!

Debunking The Myth That Women Don’t Like Sex

A common myth about women is that they don’t like sex. How many jokes have been made at a woman’s expense, suggesting that she’s frigid in the bedroom? Fortunately, the myth is just that – a myth. The truth of the matter is that women enjoy sex very, very much. In fact, a woman’s body was built specifically to enjoy sex and if stimulated correctly, women can reach amazing orgasms over and over again. A woman’s clitoris has no other function than to receive sexual pleasure and to give a woman an orgasm. While some women have never achieved an orgasm through sex or masturbation, the far majority of females enjoy sex with – or without – their partners to the fullest.

A Woman’s Sex Drive Goes Up As She Ages

While a man’s libido peaks out at about age eighteen, a woman doesn’t reach her full sexual potential until she’s reached her 30′s, 40′s or even her 50′s. What gives women the bad rap, however, is that increased sex drive isn’t as prominent as a horny guy’s is. Her libido lies beneath the surface. Because an older woman is an adult, society teaches her that she must remain professional and composed as often as possible. While she desires sex much more than she used to when she was younger, it is much more difficult for her to truly let go without the right provocation.

How To Access Her Sex Drive

It’s easy to turn a man on – usually all he needs is a little nudity and a naughty thought or two and he’s pitching a tent in his pants. Men are visual creatures and respond very well to visual stimuli such as videos and pictures of naked women or sexual acts. Women, of course, are wired differently and it takes a much different approach to really get underneath a woman’s skin (especially an older woman) and get her turned on and ready for sex. Ladies are more easily aroused when they are intellectually stimulated, such as through erotic stories or fantasies. They’ll get more turned on by reading a steamy, detailed description about oral sex than they will by watching someone perform it.

Use Sexting To Turn Her Cell Phone Into An Erotic Novel

So you know that to really turn your wife on, you have to stimulate her brain before her body will follow. You don’t need anything other than what you already have to do this – no special sex toys, outfits or anything that will cost you a lot of money. You can turn your wife on at the push of a button by sexting her. Sexts are texts that you send to your lover that describe sexy things you want to do to her, or what you want her to do to you. You can tell her how much she turns you on or what your fantasies with her are – with sexting, the possibilities are pretty much endless! By sending her a series of naughty, dirty texts, you’re basically turning her cell phone into her own personal erotic novel – one that is tailored just for her.

Why Does Sexting Turn Her On So Much?

Beneath her cool, professional exterior is a sultry sex goddess waiting to get out. By sexting her, you’re cracking that tough exterior and getting right to her sexual core. You’re speaking her language and having a secret, sexy conversation with her that no one else can see or hear. It’s a secret between you and her only, and it’s incredibly arousing for her. Sending her dirty texts throughout the day while she is at work or at home taking care of the kids or the house is extremely effective at getting her to want sex with you before you even walk through the door.

Eat Your Way To Better Sex – 6 Foods That Will Boost Your Libido

Kaylen Jackson — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 14:00:03 +0000

Scientists have known for years that aphrodisiacs exist and when used the right way, can enhance both a man’s libido or a woman’s and can turn “blah” sex into explosive sex. They have tried – and often succeeded – in combining these ingredients in herbal supplements to increase the sex drive, but did you know that you probably already have some aphrodisiacs lying around your house? Here are the foods you need to try if you want to heat things up in the bedroom.

Guacamole

While avocados have a history of being a sexual fruit due to its shape and soft, creamy texture, the vitamins and nutrients contained within avocados actually help promote sexual health as well. Avocados contain tons of potassium, magnesium and beta carotene, as well as packing quite a punch in the Vitamin E department. Vitamin E helps both men’s and women’s bodies produce more sex hormones, which not only increase the libido, but also improve overall mood as well. Whip up a batch of guacamole or toss a few avocado slices in your salad for a sexual boost.

Ginger

Fresh ginger is best if using the herb as an aphrodisiac, but powdered ginger or ginger products such as ginger dressing, cookies or tea will work also. Ginger helps thin out the blood, helping blood to reach your genitals, nipples, lips and other hot spots during sexual arousal. Make a stir fry with fresh or powdered ginger in it for an at-home romantic dinner with your partner and serve a salad with ginger dressing as an appetizer. Combine with other aphrodisiac foods for even more libido enhancing power!

Chocolate

Chocolate, of course, has been a well known aphrodisac for many, many years. Not only is chocolate sinfully delicious and the mere fact that it melts in your mouth is an aphrodisiac in itself, chocolate also contains powerful “happy” hormones that will boost your mood and desire for sex almost instantly. Chocolate boosts the levels of seratonin and and dopamine in the brain, making people feel calmer and have a happier disposition. Chocolate also contains the chemical phenylethylamine, which is produced by our brains when we’re in love. No wonder chocolate makes such a popular romantic anniversary or special occasion gift! Serve chocolate for dessert and don’t hold back. Chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup drizzle, dark chocolate French silk pie…you get the picture.

Pomegranates

Pomegranates are delicious, round red fruits that are in season in the fall. They are peeled and separated, and their jewel-like seeds are valued for their tart yet addicting juice. While pomegranates are rich in antioxidants and help boost the immune system, most of its reputation for being a great aphrodisiac comes from ancient Greek and Christian lore. Many greek mythologists believe that Aphrodite – the goddess of love – was very fond of pomegranates and considered them to be a symbol of sex and sensuality. Others believe that the “forbidden fruit” in the Garden Of Eden was not an apple at all, but rather, a pomegranate. Enjoy feeding your partner ruby red pomegranate seeds sensually, one by one, or toss a few seeds into a glass of champagne for a sexy garnish.

Vanilla

Vanilla has a very strong, comforting scent and flavor that is absolutely unmistakable. Vanilla extract has been used in perfumes, shampoos and soaps for years because the scent of vanilla is calming and envokes a feeling of sensuality. Vanilla is also said to increase muscular function and circulation, which will definitely help your body perform better when you start getting busy. If you’re planning on using vanilla as an aphrodisiac, however, your run of the mill vanilla extract isn’t going to work as well as the real deal. They’re expensive, but an honest to goodness vanilla bean or two will make all the difference in the world.

Asparagus

While some people believe that asparagus is an aphrodisiac simply because of its long, phallic shape, it is actually what asparagus does to you that makes it such a great tool for increasing sexual desire and improving the libido. The chemicals inside asparagus actually help stimulate the urinary tract, which actually creates sensations that are similar to that caused by the well-known aphrodisiac Spanish Fly. These sensations can heighten the feelings of arousal in both men and women, and can even increase the intensity of an orgasm. Asparagus is best when lightly blanched, because it can definitely get soggy and slimy if cooked too long. Try incorporating asparagus in some of your meals when you want to have an explosive orgasm that night.

Why Flowers And Jewelry Are Murdering Your Sex Life

Michael Fiore, author of Text Your Wife Into Bed — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 15:35:53 +0000

Have you ever sprung for a fancy night out on the town, a lavish bouquet of flowers or a piece of sparkly jewelry that makes your paycheck want to shrivel up and commit ritual suicide, thinking it was going to light a MAJOR fire in your sex life?

Only to find yourself hours later, feeling frustrated, horny and ripped off, staring at the ceiling, cursing your hard on and wondering why the night of head-board-cracking passion you were desperately dreaming of failed to materialize?

If you have, you sure as heck ain’t alone!

“I ain’t saying’ she’s a gold digger , but she ain’t messing with no broke bloke” – Kanye West

“Are those space pants? Because they make your ass look out of this WORLD” – Unknown.

Fact is a the world is chock full guys who have been brainwashed into thinking that the way to turn a woman on (whether she’s your wife, your girlfriend or even just that hot and sultry check out girl who always mangles your bread with such erotic passion) is by “being romantic” and “buying her stuff.”

Why Buying Romantic Stuff Won’t Get You Laid

It’s totally insulting to women and paints them as “gold diggers” who’s motors go into overdrive thanks to physical things (I think you can agree with me if you’re on this site that women are sexy, wonderful, awesome and smell great.)
It’s complete and utter BULLSHIT.

No Woman Can Really Be Seduced By Flowers

Despite what the romance industry and “Sex In The City” would tell you, NO WOMAN actually gets turned on by flowers (or by jewelry, or by super-price tickets to Cats. Actually, tickets to Cats might be grounds for divorce in some states.)

Now, I’m not saying your wife (or girlfriend or the mail carrier with the delectable thighs) won’t sleep with you if you shell out a lot of cash for on her.

A lot of women, when faced with a big bouquet, a bottle (or three) of good wine or a rock that makes your monthly mortgage look like pocket change will lay back and LET you make sweet (boring) love them out of a sense of duty or gratitude.

But There’s a Huge Difference Between Gratitude and LUST

Out of a sense of GRATITUDE, your wife (or girlfriend or that one waitress with the sexy limp) might LET you have your way with her .

But she probably won’t ENJOY it. She won’t BRAG to her friends about what an amazing lover you are and she won’t count down the moments until the next time she can pounce on you like a lioness digging into a porterhouse steak.

Bringing back my high school algebra, the equation is:

“Materialistic Romance” = “Sense of Gratitude and Duty” = Boring “by the numbers” sex where you think about porn stars and she thinks about knitting, or no sex at all because you’re both “too tired” and “married people don’t have that much sex anyway.”

Getting into her lizard brain and TURNING HER ON = Overwhelming, logic-killing lust = Silly grins, swishing hips, orgasms that make you pass out and the kind of cheat-proof marriage that builds nations and rolls back unfair taxation.

Pretty big difference, huh?

So how do you actually TURN YOUR WOMAN ON?

You don’t do it by “buying her stuff.”

How To REALLY Turn Her On

You’ve probably heard this before, but a woman’s biggest erogenous zone is her MIND (while a man’s biggest erogenous zone is his stomach. Wait, that’s probably not quite right.)

And the biggest way to “tickle” that erogenous zone – blowing past all her defenses, making her feel like you’re the ONE MAN who understands how to turn her on and get her so hot and ready she eye-f*cks the check out boy at the supermarket - is with stories and WORDS .

The simple fact is if you can TALK to your woman, draw her attention to the fires burning in her body and engage her imagination, you’ll have the “bed-destroying” sex you’ve been craving since your honeymoon, and that no amount of flowers, overpriced entrees or blood diamonds can ever replicate.

I’ll be teaching you some specifics about how to use language to turn any woman on in my next few articles.

In the meantime…

Increase Your Sex Drive – Viagra Alternatives For Women

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 14:00:07 +0000

You may or may not know this, but for women, sex is 50% physical and 50% mental. If we don’t feel balanced and healthy in both of those areas — the desire for sex just falls to the wayside. If we’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, we know that having sex will help us feel better, but often times, we just can’t get past the other “stuff” to want it much less enjoy it. This is where natural herbal supplements can help. They can help balance our hormones levels so that we feel more balanced, energized, and sexy. Here’s how women can increase their sex drive naturally – without harmful side effects.

Sex For Women Starts On The Inside

It’s easy for day to day stresses to really take a toll on a woman’s psyche. After a long day at work, she’s probably not going to feel very sexy. Of course not! She’s tired – well, exhausted really – and her mind is going over a thousand things at once. She may be rushed and not eating balanced meals, which is going to make her body feel even more tired and worn down, and she may not have had time to get her hair and nails done or even get her eyebrows waxed. The point is, women can often feel very run down because of simple daily stresses and when this happens, they don’t feel very sexy at all. For a woman to feel really sexy, her body needs to be in balance. She needs to get the vitamins and nutrients she needs, as well as enough rest and enough time for personal hygiene.

How Natural Supplements Can Help

Natural supplements for female libido can actually make a huge difference in a woman’s life. Natural supplements don’t have the same side effects as pharmaceutical libido enhancers (such as Viagra or Levitra), and often include lots of things that woman needs in her body on a daily basis anyways. Many natural libido supplements contain vitamins and minerals that will help a woman’s body function properly, as well as containing all natural herbal ingredients that will help balance hormone levels and make a woman feel, well, like a woman again.

Feeling Better, Naturally

If a woman’s body is balanced, she is better equipped to handle the daily stresses that would normally get her down. She’ll feel less tired after work (even though nothing has changed at the office) and she’ll feel better about herself in general. She’ll naturally feel more sexy and womanly, which translates directly into more sex for both her and her partner. Instead of focusing on treating the symptoms of a decreased sex drive like pharmaceutical remedies do, herbal libido enhancers to increase sex drive focuses on the real root of the problem.

When a woman’s body and emotions are out of whack, everything is out of whack and there’s really no way that she can fully let herself go to have great sex. Herbal supplements for female libido might not only increase her sex drive naturally, but also help her to feel better about herself all around because her body is more balanced and it’s working properly. Her mind, emotions and sexual needs are all on the same level and she will feel better in almost all respects, including but of course not limited to – sex!

Low Female Sex Drive In The 20′s

Jessica Perez — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 23:00:24 +0000

If you are in your twenties and you have a low sex drive, you are not alone. So many women are struggling to keep up with their man when it comes to getting intimate. Men are complaining all the time about having to make do with their hands or having to wait until she runs out of alibis to make an aggressive move.

There are so many reasons why women experience this phenomenon in their twenties. They are a few decades away from menopause and they shouldn’t have trouble with hormones yet. However, the reality is that women avoid sex and are quite happy to never have sex during an ordinary work week.

I’m not a psychologist or a doctor, but I have a few ideas on why female sex drive plummets in the 20′s.

Unsatisfactory First Experiences

This applies particularly when the woman experienced sex early in life. Think of how many high school seniors have done it at the back of a pickup truck or under the stars in the park. A woman’s first sexual experience lingers in her head, and could affect the way she views sex.

Oftentimes, you will hear women say “sex is overrated.” You have to wonder when that idea came about. Maybe her first few sexual encounters left her bored or in pain. Maybe she has never experienced this so-called orgasm.

This doesn’t just apply to women who were sexually abused. Even girls who led a perfectly normal sex life often say “no” because they think there’s nothing to really look forward to.

Priorities

A twenty-something woman has many other things to focus on besides sex. First is her career. She wants to go as far as she can at work before she settles down. So what if she has to sacrifice a few nights with her husband or boyfriend to finish work? Some women spend the whole decade of their 20′s to improve their career.

Next is her looks. When she’s not thinking of ways to get a promotion, she is worrying about her looks. If she has to sacrifice sex for a whole night with her bright blue, anti-aging facial mask on, so be it. Some girls also worry that their hair will look limp and lifeless if they don’t sleep with curlers on.

Negative Body Image

In addition to skin care, a woman might be too concerned about her “worsening” figure during her 20′s. Metabolism is slowing down, and she realizes she cannot pig out like she used to do during high school. Even if the weight gain isn’t drastic, a woman’s sexual self-esteem could plummet.

It is no secret that a woman’s sex drive suffers if she thinks her body looks hideous when she is naked. Some men never notice, but women who often want the lights closed during sex have a growing suspicion that their body is a turn-off.

Is Your Relationship Ready For Sex? Five Signs It’s Still Too Soon

Jessica Perez — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 22:00:21 +0000

Sex drive of men and women are similar. Regardless of what you’ve heard in the past, women are every bit as frisky as men. The only difference is that men are more aggressive about their needs than women. Society makes it seem like women are always more passive about the topic of sex compared to the male counterpart. Because both partners have a say when it comes to sex, and because the need to get intimate is roughly the same, the issue on deciding when to have sex should be settled after a long talk with your boyfriend.

But then the question is, ‘why should you wait to have sex?’

There are several factors that determine your relationship’s readiness for sex. These include the stability of your relationship, your confidence in your partner, your beliefs, your principles and your emotional concerns.

Here are some of the signs that it’s too soon to have sex.

You Lack Emotional Security

Are you the jealous type? If you are, then you might want to analyze your reasons for having sex. Some women think that giving it up too soon will create attachment in the guy. But more often than not, this isn’t the case. If you’re naturally possessive, you might find yourself at the bitter end of a bad dumping if you try to bind him to you through sex.

There Is A Need For Deeper Rapport

Sex can intensify love, if love is present before you went for it. It can also intensify dislike if you did not care for each other deeply enough when you had sex. If your first time with a guy was horrible, you’re more likely to dump him (or get dumped) if the sex happened before you developed the necessary closeness that defines a loving relationship. Look, sex can be great, and it can also be lousy. How deeply you care about your partner determines whether or not you will give up on him as your lover just because he failed to satisfy you. And, unfortunately for you, he’s most likely thinking of the same thing.

You Still Don’t Know Much About Your Partner

Is he the type that tells the whole neighborhood or his friends about your first night? If you don’t know the answer to that, then you might want to steer clear of more intimate activities until you’re completely sure about his real personality.

One Wants It More Than The Other

One sign that you’re not on the same page is if you are ready for sex and he isn’t, or vice versa. Going for it when you’re not 100% sure you want to take the plunge is a mistake. At the same time, your guy might have his reasons for not initiating sex with you yet, so don’t force the issue.

You’re Uncomfortable About It

If you get ahead of yourself and give in to the need to have sex, you might regret it later if you were initially not convinced that you want to open yourself up sexually to the guy. Sex makes you vulnerable emotionally, and if you’re really not ready, don’t have sex yet. There may be couples who became intimate immediately after their first meeting and are still in beautiful relationships after several years, but there are also couples who broke up not long after their first time. The point is that sex is a risk. You have to consider everything, including your feelings and his, before you go for it.

Q&A: Wife Wants 9000 Penises

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:00:21 +0000

One of the biggest issues in sexually active relationships are sex drives that don’t match up between two partners. One partner may want sex all the time and the other may have a little bit more of a muted libido. What can you do if your partner wants more sex than you feel like you can physically give?

Question: My wife is a little bit….weird. She always asks for sex all the time and it’s starting to get tiring. It’s like she wants over 9000 penises and for some reason only wants to do it when she is in a closed pool. Am I doing something wrong in my relationship?

–YouTube Viewer

Is She Getting Satisfied During Sex?

One reason a woman may want sex all the time is if she’s just not getting satisfied during sex. She may have the desire to have sex more often to try and acheive orgasm, because she’s hoping the next time will be it. If you feel like your partner’s sex drive is much higher than yours and you’re having problems keeping up, talk to them and ask them what it is they feel like they need. Is she not achieving orgasm at all during sex? Does she want to do something differently or try something new? Ask her for her suggestions on how to improve the quality of each sex session instead of focusing so much on the quantity.

How Often Is Too Often?

How much sex is too much sex for you? Compare your sexual needs to your partner’s. Do you prefer sex only once a day, or once a week? Is your partner more of a three times a day person, or does she just like it three times a week? Her expectations might not actually be unrealistic, but they simply may just be higher than yours. Consider talking to your partner about meeting in the middle. If she wants sex five times a week and you’re fine with two, try for three or four. Talk to your partner about reaching a compromise where sex is concerned so that she can begin to feel satisfied and you’re not completely exhausted.

Is She Using Sex To Fill Other Emotional Needs?

If a woman wants sex all the time, it might not be about the sex at all. Some women use sex to fill emotional needs instead of physical ones. Does your partner need to have sex with you to feel loved, cherished or beautiful? Does she need to have sex with you all the time to get your attention or to spend time with you? Talk to your partner about how she feels about the relationship. Does she feel like it’s lacking something? Does she need more emotional fulfullment in the relationship to be happy? Plan a date night and have her buy a special outfit. Make sure to compliment her. Or take her to the park and have a picnic. Do something with her that doesn’t involve sex and connect with her on an emotional level. Try meeting her needs emotionally and you’ll be surprised at how well that can help fulfill her sexual needs too.

Q&A: Is My Boyfriend Only In It For The Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:00:00 +0000

When you’re in a sexual relationship with someone, things can get complicated. Lots of questions can come up, and many of them can be difficult to discuss with your partner. If your partner wants to have sex all the time, it might make you wonder if your partner is only in it for the sex, or do they really enjoy your company? How can you tell?

Question: I think my current boyfriend may be in it only for the sex (everyone says he’s a sex addict). The first month was amazing and now it’s just like he only wants to hang if we are going to have sex. How can I tell if he’s just into it for the sex?

–YouTube Viewer

Does A High Sex Drive Mean They Don’t Love You?

In this situation, it’s important not to confuse your partner having a high sex drive with their feelings for you. If your partner has a high sex drive, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you or don’t enjoy spending time with you if you’re not having sex. Your partner may just have a large sexual appetite. Ask yourself this – does your partner only want to spend time with you if he knows that sex will be involved or does he simply want to have sex with you when you’re together? If it’s the latter, it doesn’t mean he wants you only for sex – it just means that he really likes having sex with you!

Listen To Your Gut

It can be difficult to distinguish whether your partner wants you just for sex or just really likes having sex with you a lot. No one can tell you the answer to this question – it’s something you have to find out yourself. Listen to your gut and follow your instincts. How does he act when you’re together and not having sex? What does he say when he’s away from you? Try letting your partner know that you want to have a date or spend time with him where there’s no sex involved, because you really enjoy his company. What is his reaction? Just be careful not to place blame on him or criticize him while you’re still trying to find out what his true motives are. If he really does care for you, finding out that you think he’s only in it for the sex might be very hurtful to him.

If He’s In It For The Sex

If you find out that your partner is just in it for the sex, consider letting him go and moving on – just make sure that you’re confident that he’s only in the relationship for sex or you might be giving up a relationship with someone who truly cares about you. However, if you’re really sure that he only wants sex, don’t stay with him because you think you won’t meet anyone else or because you think youll be able to make him care for you. There are many people out there who will want to have a fulfilling relationship with you, sexually and emotionally.

Q&A: Should We Take Ecstasy To Improve Our Sex Life?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 14:29:39 +0000

It can be tempting to try just about anything to spice up your sex life. If you’ve heard of ecstasy, you probably know that many people who have taken it have said it gave them the “best sex of their lives.” Is this true? Is ecstasy safe to take? Should you take ecstasy to make your sex life hotter?

Question: My boyfriend & I have been together for about a year. Our friends have told us that ecstasy is good for the sex life.
I kinda want to try it. I would like to know what you think. What should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Ecstasy And Sex

While many people believe that ecstasy can enhance sex, it only does so for a short time. Often, people who have sex on ecstasy report eventually not being able to have satisfying sex at all without the drug and therefore become addicted to sex on ecstasy. Not only can the drug eventually ruin your sex life unless you have it, it can also be dangerous to your health. Many teens and adults who are sold what they think is ecstasy are actually unknowingly taking other drugs that can easily cause overdose, convulsions, bleeding out and death. Since ecstasy is difficult to manufacture due to the inability to easily obtain its controlled ingredients, other dangerous but easier to get ingredients are substituted, changing the drug’s composition into something unknown. Even ecstasy that contains only the true ingredients of the drug can cause long term depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping and an overdose can cause more serious problems including death. Taking ecstasy to make sex hotter is a personal choice, but is it worth the risk? Probably not.

Having A Great Sex Life Without Drugs

It is possible to have an amazing, fantastic sex life with your partner that absolutely rocks your world every time you have sex without the use of dangerous drugs. Trying new things in the bedroom can help spice up your sex life, and you can even try visiting a sex therapist to get some pointers on how to become emotionally and sexually closer to your partner so you can start experiencing explosive sex. Even if your sex life seems dull right now, you can give it a jolt without the dangers of using drugs.

Tantric Sex

Tantric sex is a great way to feel emotionally and sexually close to your partner, and many people who regularly practice Tantric sex report that each and every time is amazing. Learning how to use Tantric sex to make your sex life unforgettable isn’t hard – there are many books and websites devoted to this form of sex. Tantric sex helps you to learn how to balance your body, mind and spirit and become open to giving and receiving pleasure. There are many elements of Tantric sex that will be new to you, and it can help make your sex life more interesting and exciting than you ever thought possible. Tantric sex will also help to improve the emotional connection you have with your partner, and great sex comes more easily to two people who are deeply connected on an emotional and spiritual level.

Q&A: Shouldn’t My Girlfriend Want Sex More Often?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:00:24 +0000

If your partner wants sex less than you, it can be frustrating. Whether it’s the quality of sex or the quantity of it that is suffering, it’s no fun when she just isn’t that into it. What causes a woman’s sex drive to decrease, or even become non-existent? Is there something wrong? What can you do?

Question: My girlfriend is good with sex once or twice a month. She doesnt crave it! She is 26. Shouldn’t she?

–YouTube Viewer

Different People, Different Needs

Sexual needs – as well as physical and emotional needs – aren’t the same for men as they are for women and these needs can even differ from person to person. There isn’t a “right” or “wrong” amount of sex to crave or want, and various people can be satisfied by very little sex while others just can’t get enough. What makes a sexual relationship a good one is if two people’s sexual needs match. If you and your partner both want lots of sex, you can easily satisfy each other. If neither you nor your partner needs a lot of sex to satisfy your sexual desires, no one in the relationship is lacking. It’s important to find a way to be compatible with your partner sexually, in both quantity and quality.

Make Sure She Enjoys Sex

One reason a woman can become disinterested in sex is if sex literally becomes disinteresting to her. If she’s not enjoying sex, and it’s simply becoming a job to her or another thing on her to-do list, she’s not going to want it very often. Make sure she’s getting as much out of sex as you are. If she’s not, there’s simply no reason for her to have sex. Make an effort to give her an orgasm every time, and do things she enjoys doing in the bedroom. Communicate with her and ask her what turns her on and what her fantasies are.

Why She Might Not Want Sex

Sometimes in a woman’s life, sex is great – when you can find time to enjoy it. A woman who is tired all the time from work, or stressed out because of kids or other resp0nsibilities will quickly find her need for sex dwindling. If your partner is overwhelmed, try taking some of the strain off her by offering to cook dinner or do the laundry. If you have kids, get a babysitter for a night and let your partner just relax. Even if you don’t have sex that night, she’ll be in a better frame of mind to be able to enjoy sex another night. Another contributing factor for a decreased sex drive is medical problems or medications. Certain medical conditions – such as depression or even physical problems – can be responsible for a non-existent sex drive. Some medications can also cause a decrease in sex drive, including medications for anxiety and depression.

If you have tried talking to your partner, learning how to give her great orgasms and pleasure during sex, and tried taking some of her daily stress away and she still isn’t responding with an improved sexual appetite, consider visiting your doctor for the next step.

Q&A: Can A Woman Want Sex As Much As A Man?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 17:00:14 +0000

One social stigma that has stuck around for years is that men are sexually ravenous, while women don’t really have a sexual appetite at all. Is this true? Are men the only ones who want sex and women just go along with it to make their man happy or to have babies? Or can women want and enjoy sex as much as a man?

Question: Is it normal for a woman to have an insatiable sexual appetite, and to be able to separate sex from emotion like a man?

–Facebook Question

Yes, Women Have Sex Drives

Women, like men, have sex drives. She may desire different things than a man does sexually, such as more romance or different positions, but it is completely normal and even healthy for a woman to have a substantial sexual appetite. Some people do have a higher libido than others, but this is not related to gender in the least. Those with a low sex drive may be on certain medicines that affect libido, or may have emotional issues relating to sex. A healthy and even insatiable sexual appetite can be found in both men and women of all ages. Many years ago, women were taught that sex was “dirty” and a “wifely duty” – something that had to be done but was not to be enjoyed. Sex was not talked about during that time, because enjoying it was shameful and taboo. Men, however, were taught that women were sexual objects, to be used at their convenience. During that time, a woman’s sexuality was only recognized as existing solely to please a man. Since then, society has evolved into recognizing that women do, in fact, enjoy sex. However, it remains a myth that men have a greater sexual appetite than women.

Humans Are Sexual Beings

Every human being is a sexual being. Regardless of race, gender, sex, religion or sexual orientation, we all crave and enjoy sex. It’s the way our bodies were built. In fact, a woman’s clitoris exists only to provide her with pleasure. A clitoris does absolutely nothing else and it has no other purpose. Women were designed to enjoy sex, it’s as simple as that. Women also face the presumption that they are always emotionally attached to sex, while men have the ability to detach themselves from sexual pleasure to experience the pleasure only. Not all women have an emotional attachement to sex, and many women have sex simply for the physical enjoyment of it. Unfortunately, society still places stigmas on sex, especially on sex education and sexual enjoyment. As society grows and sex becomes less and less taboo, we will be able to express our sexuality freely and shed the social stigmas that have been forced upon both men and women.

Enjoying sex with your partner – and enjoying masturbation – is a normal and healthy part of any person’s sex life, whether you’re a guy or a gal. Having sex without an emotional attachment is also normal, and a great way to find sexual satisfaction without the emotional involvement of a relationship. Don’t be afraid to explore your sexuality to find out what you like and don’t like, and fully flesh out your sexual personality.

The Female Libido Exposed

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:40:29 +0000

The female libido is a touchy subject – just what exactly is the female libido? Is it the same as a sex drive? How does it function, and what happens if someone has a high libido or a low one? Here are the answer’s to the questions you’re asking about the female libido, and answers to the questions you didn’t think to ask! Everything you want to know and more about the female libido and more is here – so read on!

What Is The Female Libido?

Libido refers to a person’s sex drive, and both men and women have a libido. Not surprisingly, a male libido is quite different from a female libido! (What isn’t different about men and women?) The one thing that is similar about a female libido and the male libido is that people can have high, moderate or low libidos, or sex drives, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman. Typically, a man’s libido is highest when he’s in his late teens and early twenties, while a woman’s libido is highest when she gets a little older, typically early 30′s to 40′s. If you don’t fit inside this box though, don’t worry. Everyone is different!

Is My Libido Too Low?

Lots of things can affect a female libido – everything from outside factors such as stress, emotional issues and even childhood issues to medication and exercise. A change in your libido can be surprising – you may not have necessarily had much sexual desire before, only to suddenly find yourself interested in sex at every turn, or you may experience a lowering in your libido where you used to crave sex a fair amount of the time and now it seems uninteresting to you. If you feel your libido is low, take a look at the factors in your life that could have an effect on it. Are you on any medications that could lower your sex drive? Are you eating, sleeping and exercising enough? Are you going through tough emotional times? All of these things can lower your libido, and you might find that a combination of them are wreaking havoc on your sex life.

Increasing Female Libido

If your libido is low, female libido enhancers can help you to experience a more natural and healthy sex life that is enjoyable for both you and your partner. Even if you are experiencing issues that are lowering your sex drive, female libido enhancers can help counteract those issues and increase female libido and give you your sex drive - and your life – back! Some libido enhancers are herbal formulas and other formulas in pill form, and can change the levels of hormones in your body, increasing your sex drive. Other libido enhancers are put directly on the vagina, helping to alleviate vaginal dryness that women with low libidos experience, as well as dilating the blood vessels in the area to make the area more sensitive and responsive to touch. Some of the best female libido enhancing formulas are a combination of both pills and external creams or gels, and can help increase your sex drive in a way you never thought possible.

Female libidos differ from person to person and can change throughout your life, especially if you have circumstances around you that are affecting your sex drive. If you have a low female libido, you don’t have to live that way – there are many female libido enhancers on the market that can help you to experience a better, more fulfilling and satisfying sex life and help you feel like yourself again!

He’s Just Not Interested in Sex

Melody Brooke — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:41:44 +0000

“I’m not interested in sex anymore…I’m only 28… What is wrong that I don’t have the desire anymore?”

“I’m not interested in sex with my partner anymore, I don’t have any desire for it and I do it just for the sake of the marriage and I have to do it. I have no feelings at all and no sensation.”

“Why? Why are we so scared to say, ‘Hey! I’m not interested in sex!’ Is talking about having no desire to touch another person’s genitals so taboo?”

When she was in her 30s, Lillian* ended a relationship because her boyfriend liked sex less than she did. “He thought sex once a week was more than enough,” she recalls. “I wasn’t looking forward to having sex as much,” he says. “It was, ‘If we do it, we do it; if we don’t, we don’t.’”

“What is wrong with me? I’m not interested in sex at all and I am really bothered by it.”

Help! He’s Not Interested In Sex!

I was at a party recently with five women, ranging in age from 25 to 55 and all of these women were complaining that their husband’s are not interested in sex. They would rather play video games, work, or watch TV than make love to the woman they love. My husband’s initial reaction was, “Frankly, I’m disappointed in the American male.” But in fairness, his statement is blaming the guy for something they obviously can’t help. What is going on with these guys? And is this really as common as this party would suggest?

I personally suspect that it is just as common as this party would suggest. Out of all the couples there, only two of us wives could claim the joy of being sexually satisfied. There is a statistic out there that says something like 70% of all women have affairs, generally in their 40’s. I think I am beginning to understand the statistic. They don’t want a divorce but they don’t know how to make it better for themselves. One of my girlfriends once told me that her husband and lost all interest, and she was desperate. He told her to go out and find sex outside of the marriage and he would not care. How sad is that? They obviously love each other but have no capacity to enjoy the passion that had once filled their marriage bed.
For most of us the axiom that sex ends after marriage comes from men who are dissatisfied with the level of sexual activity from their wives. So it came as a shocker to me that this is, perhaps, more of a dominant problem for women.

Why would this be? How could so many healthy men be so disinterested in sex? After all, biology would have us believe that their sex drive is higher than women’s and they should be the ones incessantly demanding more frequent sexual encounters, but this doesn’t seem to be true!

Holding Back On Passion

What is holding back their passion? They love their wives and, I must say, the women at this party were no dogs. They were beautiful, intelligent, interesting, passionate women who were as perplexed as I was that this is a problem for their husbands. This is when I started to get really interested, because I have always said that I believe that men and women are not really so different. Men and women both need emotional intimacy to enjoy frequent, spontaneous and joyful sexual encounters. But so few of us know how to obtain that connection. The sad thing is that so many of us think we have that connection, simply because we have nothing to compare it to so we think it’s adequate.

Well, the “proof is in the pudding”. If you are not having frequent, spontaneous, joyful, sex than there is something missing in your emotional connection with your partner. Discovering what is missing has sent people packing off to therapy only to be disappointed at the outcome because underlying problems were brought to the surface and rather than resolving them the couples ended up divorced!

What To Do If Your Partner Has Problems Connecting With You Sexually

If your partner is struggling with their desire for sexual connection there are some important things you MUST do:

1) Have them get a physical (this is important for both sexes but VITAL for men as Dr. Oz says, “The penis is the ‘dipstick’ for physical health” and it’s often the first indicator of a problem)
2) Make sure hormone levels are where they need to be for you to feel desire. (I have suffered from low desire my whole life and found out a few years ago my Testosterone level was WAY off).
3) Start educating yourself about communication, connection and intimacy. There are many good sites online that will help you transform your intimacy (www.thisisgreatsex.com is but one)
4) Stop taking it personally. This is not about you having failed your partner or your partner having failed you. It is simply that you both need to take ownership of the problem as a couple. It’s a relationship problem you can solve together.
5) Understand that men are just as sensitive emotionally as women are and we all carry with us baggage from our pat that impacts our sexual desire and our ability connect emotionally

Having exciting, frequent sex with your partner is not just good for your relationship, its also good for you. Your health and emotional well-being are greatly enhanced by engaging in satisfying sex. It’s not a secret any more that if you want to keep your relationship alive you have to work at it. If the sex is not alive then there is something amiss in the relationship and there is no one to blame, only work to be done. The good news is that it’s not something that takes years and years to do and it’s an exciting thing to participate in even if you don’t get immediate results. Cement your future, your relationship and your health by making sure that his, or her, passion is reignited.

What ME a Sex Addict?

Melody Brooke — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:09:49 +0000

Only a few of us think that the way we participate in sexual activity is addictive, but often the beginnings of sexual addictions show up in covert ways that we may miss if we are not attentive.

I just spent three days at a symposium on addiction and the speakers there reminded me of just how ubiquitous sexual additions are in our society.

Most of the time I tend to think of men as the ones harboring secret sexual addictions but, of course, women are just as subject to sexual addictions as men. We really are not that different, are we?

The Truth About Sexual Addiction

Strangely, most sexual addictions have little to do with sex, other than the fact that the behaviors take place in the context of sexuality. Exhibitionism is really about wanting to feel the power of having shocked someone. Pornography is about fantasy.

Most of the others, like sadomasochistic fetishes are all about regaining a sense of power and control. Strangely enough, even the avoidance of sex can be a “addictive” behavior according to Maureen Canning of the Meadows Treatment Center.

As a wife who avoided sex over the course of many years of my previous marriages, this one got my attention. I was, as many women are, quite able to enjoy a courtship and “honeymoon” phase of an active and athletic sex life during the beginning phases of my relationships.

But, as the relationship moved out of the fantasy stage and into the reality of a real, day to day set of interactions, sex disappeared. It didn’t disappear because my husband wasn’t interested. No, it disappeared because I became angry and disgusted with his continuing to be happy with sex as the lifeblood of our relationship.

Once we were married I think I expected our relationship to magically blossom into a real intimate connection. Never mind that I had no clue how to do that. But I was certain it was my husband’s fault because HE was such an angry, avoidant, workaholic.

Certainly I was the innocent victim of his deliberate withholding of time, attention and kindness. So, I withheld sexual contact from him because I was so angry with him. I never thought of it as being addictive behavior.

But if you re-frame how you think about what addiction is, you can easily see how it really is an addictive process. As Maureen Canning says, most sexual addiction is really about power and control.

I was clearly attempting to get a sense of power in the relationship by moving into the Self-Protective withdrawal position. I put up barriers to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable to his angry, avoidant behaviors. I did this in an attempt to get power and control over feeling like his Victim…

Sexual Anorexia

How many wives do this? I asked Maureen if she new of any other resources for information about this form of addiction she calls “Sexual Anorexia” and she directed me to a book by Patrick Carnes. I have not yet gotten a copy of the book but I do think it’s fascinating.

A lot of unhappy husbands will probably relate to this scenario. Maureen talked about the “offending” quality of this behavior. I have to admit I never would have thought of myself as doing any “offending” by this behavior, but I was clearly damaging my relationship.

The word offending does bring up legal or even criminal meaning, but one simple definition is “wrong”. And it was indeed “wrong” of me to withhold sex in order to meet my own power and control needs.

But don’t you offending men take heart at this either, because addictive relationships generally require two addicts. The partners to the Sexual Anorexic are obviously the “Co-dependant” in the relationship and just as addicted in their own way. One partner is generally a “Sex Addict” and the other is the “Sexual Anorexic”. Both are just opposite ends of the spectrum from the other.

The more classic “Sex Addict” is the one who gets a sense of power and control by engaging in some form of sexual activity. Of course, the sex act itself is mood enhancing and can be a way to alter an unhappy mood.

Where Is The Real Problem?

Sex is not meant to be about power and control or even mood enhancing. Sex is supposed to be intimate, passionate play with your partner. Any other covert use for it is “wrong” or “offensive”. If passionate play is not how either of you experience your sexual relationship, then there is a problem.

So What Do You Do If You Are Using Sex Addictively?

First of all you have to just recognize that you are using sex (or your sexual power as in Sexual Anorexia) in a way that is harmful to your relationship. Once you recognize what you are doing you have to stop the offensive behavior and deal with the feelings that are buried underneath the behavior.

This can be a simple but uncomfortable process, or it can be a complex and debilitating one. If you begin the process of eliminating your sexual addictive behaviors and find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to call a professional because, like any addiction, if it is severe enough it can be life threatening.

No joke, the feelings underneath the sexual addictions can be very intense and lead to severe withdrawal symptoms. Take care of yourself as you open your eyes to how you may have been unwittingly causing harm to your relationship.

Not Having Enough Sex? Here’s The Secret To Increasing Her Sex Drive

Cynthia Perkins — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:27:02 +0000

One of the most common points of conflict for couples in a long-term relationship is the loss of sexual desire for the woman.

The loss of sex drive for women may occur for a variety of reasons, some of which may be physiological, but putting all those aside for another conversation, it may surprise you to learn that what I hear from many of the women I work with in my practice is that one of the primary causes for loss of desire is unmet needs.

As they tell me their story, they are not usually aware it’s their unmet needs that is the culprit of their dilemma, but it is what we uncover as we explore their situation further.

Why Women Lose Their Sex Drive

A great deal of women lose their sex drive for one very simple reason she is not enjoying the sex. When sex is not pleasurable for the woman, she responds by withdrawing and shutting down sexually. Think about it, would you want to have sex if it weren’t satisfying?

Sex is not enjoyable for many women, because not only are her sexual needs not being met adequately, but neither are her emotional needs and for the woman, both are equally important.

Why aren’t these needs being met, you ask? Because many men and women alike don’t truly understand what it is a woman needs.

A lot of couples are not aware that the sexual needs and biological responses of men and women are quite different and it is essential that they understand these crucial differences to have a sexual relationship that is equally satisfying for both partners.

Increase Her Sex Drive by Increasing Her Pleasure

Solving her sex drive problem should be a joint effort. It should not rest on his or her shoulders alone. However, if you’re a man reading this page I’d like to make you aware that there is a simple solution to keeping her sexual desires alive that is totally within your control. Take matters into your own hands and make sex irresistible for her.

Dazzle her by focusing on her needs. Blow her mind by getting to know her body better than she does. Help her expand her horizons to places she’s never gone before and you’ll be viewed as an amazing lover that she deeply appreciates. Once she sees how enjoyable sex can be, she’ll become more willing to explore and be adventurous.

She doesn’t know what she’s missing, but once she discovers it with you, she’ll be grateful that you took her on the journey and this will strengthen her bond with you. Coach and encourage her to express her needs to you and show you what is pleasurable for her.

Deepening The Connection

Fill her emotional needs by deepening your connection with her. Make her feel special, appreciated, valued and important outside the bedroom as well as inside. Shower her with affection and give her adequate foreplay,

When sex is more satisfying for her, it benefits the man as well. She’s going to be more willing and even eager to give you pleasure in the way you desire, such as more oral sex. She’ll be willing to have sex more often and you may find that she’ll even be the one initiating it.

Phrases like "I have a headache," or "I’m too tired," will no longer be part of her vocabulary. Your sexual adventures will be more satisfying for both of you. When you share a strong sexual bond that is mutually satisfying, it keeps your sex life fresh and exciting, prevents your love from eroding or diminishing and you develop a stronger and more fulfilling relationship all around.

Help! Anal Sex Is The ONLY Way His Penis Stays Hard!

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:37:10 +0000

While a great number of people prefer not to have anal sex or never even bother to try it, many others enjoy anal sex as a part of their sexual repertoire.

Anal sex can be fun and intriguing if you’re smart about it, but what if your partner becomes addicted to anal sex? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful emotional relationship as well as a wonderful physical relationship. He recently convinced me to try anal sex. I hated it at first but after giving it a few extra shots it was ok. He loves it so much! So most of the time I let him finish there. Lately I’ve noticed that if we skip the anal and just stick to vaginal, he can’t finish and just ends up loosing his erection. Am I not tight enough anymore in comparison?? I am 20 and he is 32… Is there a possibility that he is loosing his drive?

– Frustrated Girl

Is This A Medical Issue?

Enjoying anal sex is nothing to be ashamed about. Lots of people enjoy anal sex! However, if your partner is wanting to have a lot of anal sex, you might be concerned. Even more so, if your partner is losing their erection if they’re not having anal sex, you might wonder what you’re doing wrong or if there’s something wrong with your partner.

Talk to your partner about it. Find out how they feel. They might not know that you don’t want to have as much anal sex as they do, so you need to talk about it with them. You might be able to find a compromise between anal and traditional sex.

If your partner is consistently losing his erection, that could be another issue altogether. If this is the case, consider seeing a medical doctor and even a sex therapist to find out what might be the issue.

Out, Not In

Remember that the anal canal was created to be an exit, not an entrance. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it now and again, but you certainly don’t want to make a huge habit out of it. The anal canal is not self lubricating meaning you will need to use lots and lots of lubrication during anal sex.

Avoid using sharp or large objects during anal sex, or the anus could tear or perforate, causing you lots of trouble in the long run. Having anal sex means being safe about it, and respecting the fact that it wasn’t designed for the purpose of sex.

When Enough Is Enough

There might come a point where you feel like your partner is asking you for more anal sex than you’d like to have. That’s okay, but it’s important that you speak up about it! If you find through your doctor that your partner has no medical issues that would cause them to want anal sex more often, try to find ways to sexually satisfy your partner without anal sex.

There are lots of different sex toys on the market, ranging from the tame to the extreme. Visit a toy store together and browse through things until you and your partner find something you might like to try. You might even find something you like better than anal sex!

All in all, anal sex can definitely be fun if you and your partner both enjoy it and you’re safe and smart about it. While you probably don’t want to be having anal sex all the time, you can certainly save it for that special occasion or for times when you and your partner are feeling especially frisky.

There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you’re both on the same page about your wants, needs and expectations as far as anal sex is concerned!

I’m In A Sexless Marriage! What Happened?

Melody Brooke — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:45:15 +0000

Many people find themselves in sexless marriages. As unfortunate as it is, if you’re in a sexless marriage, you’re not alone.

Does that mean you have to live with it? Of course not! Here are some great ways to understand what is happening in your relationship and what you can do to fix it so you can turn the heat back up in your marriage.

First the sex was great… but suddenly I look up and I’m in a Sexless Marriage! What Happened?

How Sexless Is Your Marriage?

Different couples have sex at different frequencies. Some married couples have sex once a week and they’re completely satisfied.

Other couples have sex once a week and they’re not satisfied. They feel like they should be having sex three or four times a week or even every day.

Whatever frequency of sex that makes you and your partner most comfortable and satisfied is your “magic” number. Don’t feel that if your friends or neighbors are having sex more often that you have to have sex the same amount or you’re not satisfied with your sex life.

Have sex as often or as little as it takes to keep both you and your partner happy and satisfied!

Hormonal Issues

If you truly aren’t satisfied with your sex life, it’s time to make a change. There’s no reason that you should not be in a marriage with a satisfying sex life!

There are a number of things that can contribute to a sexless marriage or an unsatisfying sex life, so it’s time to do a little digging.

Visit your doctor to rule out any physical reasons that might be decreasing you or your partner’s sex drive. Many couples in sexless marriages will find out from their doctor that they have an imbalance of hormones that is contributing to a lack of sex drive. Your doctor can help you determine if this is an issue for you and your partner or not.

Feeling Close Again

Another big culprit of sexless marriages is not feeling close to your partner. Feeling emotionally distant can really take a toll on your sex life. You no longer feel emotionally safe with your partner, so you desire being sexual with them less and less.

If you find that this is a major issue with you and your partner, it’s time to get back on track and work on being closer emotionally.

A great way to feel close to each other is to sleep in the nude. It may sound strange, but sleeping in the nude and having skin to skin contact releases “happy” hormones that not only make you feel closer to your partner, but improve your emotional and physical health as well.

In addition to that, you can start talking to your partner and opening up to them emotionally, provided they do the same with you. If you’re truly having trouble with this, a counselor or therapist can help you and your partner start seeing eye to eye again.

Once you and your partner become close again emotionally, you’ll find that you want to experience each other sexually again as well.

If you find you’re in a sexless marriage, take a few steps to try and get your relationship in the right direction. With time and effort, you can figure out what went wrong and how you can get right back to where you want to be – in the bedroom!

How Your Actions Outside The Bedroom Can Make or Break Your Sex Life

Melody Brooke — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 14:53:05 +0000

I have a little experience with bad sex. I’ve been married three times. This last one took. To tell you the truth my first two husbands would say my current husband was lying if he told them how often and how amazing our sex life is.

Honestly, I have been one of those fortunate women who have always enjoyed good sex. That doesn’t mean I have always said “Yes!” to it when my first husbands wanted me to do so.

Sex happens, not so much in our bodies, as in our minds. Before we can find someone sexy there are a number of things that have to happen in our brain. First of all, the prospect has to fit the patterns our unconscious set into place before we were six years old. Those patterns are based on our experiences as a young person with our caregivers. For some of us, that is a good thing and we meet up with really wonderful partners.

But for most of us this unconscious pattern locked into our brain is not necessarily in our best interest in the long run.

How It Works

My first husband was really smart, something I consciously found very appealing. But he also had some wounds of his own that resulted in his attempting to overpower me with his yelling and demands. This, it turns out (after much therapy), is how my grandmother acted toward most everyone in her household. I happened to be in her household much of my life prior to the age of six. Yelling and demanding behavior have an unwanted side effect on a persons sex life. It didn’t take long for this behavior to become a major turn off for me.

What transpired is that my survival instincts kicked in (this is a brain function, by the way) and I would freeze up in his presence after a while. My whole body went into shut down and the last thing I wanted was to jump into the sack with him. My brain made the decision for me.

My second husband appealed to me consciously because he was handsome and an entrepreneur like my Dad. The unconscious appeal turned out to be that, because of his wounds, he would totally neglect me and ignore my needs the way my father did. My resentment built up over time and there is no way I would choose to have sex him. My brain kicked into survival with him simply because it seemed to me that he was not someone safe in that he did not have my best interests at heart: only his.

It’s All in Your Head

Our brains dictate our behavior much more than we consciously realize. We can feel an unconscious pull toward someone and think this means we want to be sexual with them; this is why we will be so attracted to “bad girls” or “bad boys”. They appeal to the part of us that was hurt and neglected as a kid and it matches up like a lock and key with our unconscious memories of before we were six. We are wired to want the kind of relationship we had with our caregivers. I don’t know about you, but this was not a good thing for me!

So what if you find yourself already hooked up with someone whom your brain is now telling you to retreat from rather than gravitate toward sex with? Well, you have to make some choices with the more rational part of your brain. Is this someone with whom you want to make a life with? If so then you have to figure out how to change the dynamic that is making you not want to have sex with them.

Talk, talk, talk

First of all you need to open a discussion with this person about the things making you feel threatened or shut down. This, of course, is not an easy discussion to have with them because they will immediately feel threatened just by bringing up the idea of your having a problem with them.

So, you have to start with telling them how much you love them and want to work things out. Secondly, begin to talk about your feelings as being about you and your history, not about them being “bad” or “wrong” for behaving the way they do. After all, they act the way they do because of their history and family culture.

When you can open a discussion about how their behavior outside the bedroom is affecting your desire for good sex, then there is hope for things to change. Most of the time, if you want more sex, chances are, they do, too.

If your partner doesn’t want more sex, then you can be certain there is something in your behavior that has triggered an unwanted fear or shutting down response from them. The solution to the problem is to talk about what it is your partner needs to feel safe with you again. Find out what you are doing and see if it is something you can consciously choose to change. Get help and support if you need to, to change those behaviors. A relationship coach or therapist could be the key.

To learn more about Melody Brooke, visit OhWowThisChangesEverything.com.

Is Your Life Too Busy for Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:33:13 +0000

Unfortunately for most of us, there never seems to be enough time in the day to accomplish everything that needs to be done.

From the moment we wake up and groggily resist our primitive urge to smash the alarm clock against the wall, our bodies are set to “fast forward”, speeding through our days in a blur of work, school, and parenthood.

Until finally, exhausted and numb, we climb back into bed and slump into a state of blissful oblivion – only to have it start all over again six hours later.

And in the midst of all these constant stressors is a little nagging voice in the back of our minds that tries to remind us how important it is to stay connected to those we love.

We skip the hug hello, don’t have time for that morning kiss goodbye, and before we know it our lovers are just another piece of our daily landscape. Always there, but never really noticed.

It’s no wonder that under these circumstances sex happens less and less frequently, even among “young” couples.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, my partner and I – both 28 years old, We’re both going to school for our Phd’s. With school, work and kids, she has two boys, 4 and 6. She has a lot on her plate. I’m taking this semester off and have been doing my best to keep as much stress as possible off of her.

My concern is the affection is not there. She still wants her hugs and kisses everyday but our sex life, well not as strong. Typing that just makes me feel like a bad boyfriend. But I still can’t help but want some affection or reciprocation back.

Could you please give me some advice that my brain and heart is missing or forgetting or maybe her too? Thanks.

– Jared, Indiana

How to Find Intimacy in Your Busy Lives

For Starters, Don’t Blame Each Other

You’re both very busy and equally suffering from a lack of attention, so the worst thing either partner can do is to blame the other for your own negative feelings about the situation.

Everyone is entitled to their feelings, both good and bad, but with that entitlement comes responsibility. Your feelings are your own regardless of what your partner does or does not do.

Because of this, it’s important to approach your relationship problems by asking “what can I do to make this better” rather than blaming your partner and saying, “things are this way because you (do or don’t do this, this, and this).”

Blaming your partner for your feelings will only make them defensive and angry, neither of which will make them want to give you the sexual attention you’re seeking.

At the End of the Day There’s Nothing Left for You

The sad truth is, people have a limited amount of emotional and physical energy. After an entire day of working, going to school, and taking care of children your partner has nothing left in their energy reserves for you.

Even when one of you does have some energy left over and is in the mood for a little kinky sex play, the likelihood that your partner will feel the same way at the same time is slim.

It’s not your fault. It’s not your partner’s fault.

That’s just the way life seems to be for most people in our very driven, output-oriented society.

Our culture places more value on how much we work and how much we produce than it does on how close, intimate, and loving our relationships are. So it makes sense that people choose to focus almost one hundred percent of their energy on their work, putting it ahead of their relationships.

Make a Conscious Choice to Refocus Your Energy

The key to having a continuously intimate relationship with your lover is to make sure you both have enough energy at the end of the day for each other.

This has to be a conscious decision, because “life” will surely get in the way and drain your energy if you don’t do something to change it.

One of the best ways to regroup and re-energize is to put aside one hour each day for yourself to do something that you enjoy. This is one hour of “ME” time – no children, no work, no school, and no lovers.

Some people choose to meditate or to go for walks. The activity itself doesn’t matter as long as it’s something that relaxes you and takes your mind off of everything else.

You’ll be amazed at how much just one hour for yourself will restore your energy!

What You Focus on Will Flourish

This is true for anything in life. Whether it’s writing a book, building a company, or strengthening your love for your partner, what you choose to focus your energy on will flourish.

But on the flip side, what you don’t give your energy to will diminish and eventually die.

So take a moment to think about your own day. What do you spend your time doing? What are you giving your energy to? Are those things really important? Is your relationship one of them?

Chances are, it isn’t.

If you really do want a loving, intimate relationship with your partner then you have to make time for it just like you make time for everything else.

Schedule it in, and commit to it.

Once you start giving your relationship the energy it needs, it will flourish, and the sex should take care of itself.

Frantic Girlfriend! How Do I Overcome My FEAR of Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 12:50:56 +0000

Sex is a beautiful, wonderful experience shared by many happy couples around the world. But sometimes a couple can’t fully enjoy sex because one of them is actually afraid of sex.

Huh? Yes, there are many people out there, mostly women, who are afraid of sex. The slightest mention of sex can completely lock them up and bring them to tears.

Here’s a desperate cry for help from a lady in the U.K. facing the dire prospect of losing her husband…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a 24 year old woman, 8 months pregnant, and don’t enjoy sex at all. It all started when I was about 18/19. I had my first real love and it was brill.

The only problem that I had was that I didn’t like to have sex or even talk about it. The thought of it makes my whole body tense up. I’m with a loving partner now who I have been with for 2 years. We have sex occasionally, twice to maybe three times a month. I’m really worried because I can’t satisfy him. I would love to, but even talking about it now I feel like I want to cry.

He has suggested some things like games / watching videos / role play, but I can’t do it because I feel embarrassed. He sometimes shouts at me because he gets sexually frustrated, and says that he might even stray if I gave him permission. I really need some advice, as I feel I might lose him. Please help.

– Emma, United Kingdom

Why Are You Afraid of Sex?

This could happen for many reasons including childhood abuse, parents who had issues around sex, an extremely religious upbringing, and many other reasons. And before anyone accuses us of religious bashing, we’re not talking about all religions or all religious followers, only the extreme, pathological cases.

The point here is that there are many reasons that someone could reach adulthood and literally be afraid of sex.

So what do you do when you are this person, and you’re in a wonderful relationship? Just imagine the self-doubt and worry that you would feel – wanting to please your partner but being completely unable to do so…

Here are a few suggestions on how to overcome these fears.

Educate Yourself on Your Body and Sexuality

Educate yourself about your body, sexuality, and the emotions around sex. Read books, go to seminars, look online – whatever you have to do to truly understand your body and sex.

This may seem unrelated, but I had an incredible fear of spiders, especially wolf spiders. They seemed to be everywhere. Until… One day I went to the Science Museum with my 7 year old daughter and they just happened to be doing a feature on spiders. I learned so much that day and with this new knowledge my fear of spiders was erased. I now politely help them back outside when they come in the house, rather than splattering them into oblivion.

Knowledge is power and with knowledge comes acceptance.

Where are these feelings of fear coming from? It’s absolutely crucial for you to find the origin of these feelings and deal with them. Whether it’s childhood abuse or being raised by parents who genuinely believe sex is evil, the most important thing you can do is understand where this fear is really coming from.

Only then can you deal with those emotions, accept yourself, be at peace, and move on with your life – free of this restraint.

See a Traditional Therapist

A good therapist working closely with you should be able to help you find the underlying source, or at least to get an idea where to look. When seeking a therapist, be aware of… any biases they may have. Every human being has biases, and it’s important to always understand the bias of someone you’re dealing with.

Consult a Clinical Hypnotherapist

Hypnotherapy is a little on the fringe and “out there” for many people, but it can definitely work wonders. It certainly has for us. What we really like about hypnotherapy, is that you can often find the root of a problem in just a few sessions, as opposed to visiting a traditional therapist for months on end.

Since hypnotherapy is not mainstream enough that you can go to a hospital and get treatment, be sure to see someone who’s had some verifiable training and is a certified clinical hypnotherapist. And no, you can’t be hypnotized into doing anything you wouldn’t be open to doing anyway, that’s just in the movies. What a hypnotherapist will do is help you achieve a very relaxed state so that you will be more comfortable dealing with some of your more deep seated issues. But if it makes you feel better, you can take a trusted friend or relative with you (as I did).

Certainly both therapist and hypnotherapists have their place and benefits, but our focus here is discovering the core underlying issue quickly. Then you can visit a traditional therapist to deal with your emotions as they come up over the long term.

Try some emotional clearing to find the source yourself.

It’s hard for us to find the root of our own faults because we shield ourselves from harm or pain. Our minds easily avoid the real reasons for our problems unless we make a truly focused effort, and even then it’s very hard to come up with anything useful – unless you seek help from an unbiased external source.

A really great book to read on this is “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die ” by Carol Truman. It’s an easy read, but it should help you find and heal the real buried feelings and emotions behind the problems you’re experiencing.

Ultimately, your best bet if you really WANT to get this resolved is to go through all 3 of these approaches, and then really focus on the one that is working best for you.

Can you overcome your FEAR of sex before it’s too late and you lose your husband to another woman?

This is hard to say… It depends on your husband, or boyfriend, and the strength of your relationship. Remember, love is not sex and sex is not love. Don’t focus on what you might lose. It’s more important to focus on getting help for yourself first. Only then will you truly be able enjoy a sexual relationship with another person.

Help – My Overactive Sex Drive is Killing My Marriage!

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 14:42:43 +0000

Are you a man with an overactive sex drive?

With all of the Viagra and Cialis commmercials, you might think that men just can’t get it up any more, but that’s not always the case.

There are many married men, and men in relationships, who just can’t get enough. This can be a real issue if your partner is not sexually matched with you.

So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation? Here are some great ideas to help you, and your partner, enjoy sex fully.

The Question

I know there are a lot of people who wish they had this problem… I wonder if there is any way my body is over producing sex hormones. I am 52 years old, not 19, and my sex drive is beyond explaining.

I am very healthy and work out 4 to 5 times a week at the gym, and want sex ALL the time. You guys crossed anything like this before?

And yes, I am married and way over sexed for my wife.

The Answer

Wow! I bet there are a lot of guys who WISH they had your sex drive – at least if all the male sexual enhancement drug commercials are any indication. While I can’t speak to what is a normal sex drive and what is not, here are some ideas to help you find a workable solution for you and your wife.

Find a solution together with your wife, not alone

Regardless of which way you go with this, the most important thing is to be vary open and honest with your wife about how you feel, what you’re experiencing, what your needs are, and your feelings toward her.

Don’t be judgmental or make her feel inadequate in any way. That can only go bad.

She has to know that you still love her just as much, but you have some very strong sexual needs that aren’t being met.

Explaining to her how you truly feel and what your situation is should hopefully gain some understanding and empathy from her. This of course depends on how open and up-front your relationship is. We share everything, and discuss all of our issues and concerns together. Most couples don’t, and that’s reflected in the 50%+ divorce rate. Open and honest communication is crucial to a happy relationship.

There are several ways that you can go with this…

Your options for great sex AND a happy relationship

Here are the options I see. Each has advantages and disadvantages, but one will hopefully resonate with you.

Ignore the problem until it eats away more and more at your relationship with your wife and you end up cheating on her. (not the recommended approach)
Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive
Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs. Yes, with your wife’s consent – that’s the only way that can work.

Ignore the problem and go on the way you are today

This is the option most people choose, at least at first. The problem is that when you ignore an important issue, it just festers and boils up until it explodes. Not a good thing. You’re better off resolving or coming to terms with the issue up front, rather than than letting it get worse by ignoring it.

Remedies to harness and control your sexual energy

This is my first choice for a solution to your problem. There are many books out there on ways to better understand your sexual energy and that teach you how to harness and even redirect this energy in positive and productive ways. Our sexual energy is the core of our being and taking medications or supplements to reduce this energy just can’t be a good thing in my opinion.

Many people hesitate to read books about sex because they feel like they should know all by now… “What will my friends say?”, “How will my partner react?” These are just some of the questions that keep people from learning about sex.

We read as many books as we can get our hands on about all kinds of topics – especially sex. So, check out our Amazon store for some of our favorite books and start reading – when you stop learning, your brain dies – literally. Don’t let that happen to you.

Sex can be such a wonderful and joyous experience, and so many people worldwide wish they could experience it more fully. Here are some great books to help you both start enjoying sex to the fullest extent possible.

Sexual Reflexology: Activating the Taoist Points of Love by Mantak Chia and William U. Wei
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know by Mantak Chia
The Tao of Love and Sex by Jolan Chang
Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex by Dr. Judy Kuriansky
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex by Sari Locker

Remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive

If you’re not open to the option above, then you can talk to your doctor about medications or natural supplements that can help reduce your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive. I recommend the natural approach whenever possible.

Tread lightly when talking to your wife about taking actions to increase her sex drive – she may not want to. But if she is open to the idea, then that’s wonderful. Just remember to stay clear of the idea that she’s not pleasing you, because that is guaranteed to get emotional.

Regardless, be sure to see your doctor before starting any medical or herbal treatment.

Bring someone else into your bedroom to satisfy your sexual needs

There is always the option of inviting another person in to your life just for the purpose of fulfilling your sexual desires. This of course, will depend of your relationship with your wife and you personal belief system.

This is an interesting option that may or may not be acceptable to your wife…

Strict monogamy is the popular norm in our culture, but not so in many other cultures around the world, today and throughout history. In fact, many will argue it goes against our very nature and instincts as human beings to be completely monogamous to a single partner. But all that aside, your wife has to feel the same way, or it’s game over.

Swinging, Polyamory, and Open Relationships are actually much more common than you might think. We recently ran a poll to see exactly how our readers feel about Swinging and Polyamory.

We asked: “Would you ever consider swinging or polyamory?” More than 3500 of our readers spoke out and the answers will surprise you…

Check out the results here: Sex Poll Results – The Surprising Verdict on Swinging and Polyamory!

There are many options today for finding a woman to have sex with you, or with both you and your wife.

Aside from swinger clubs (which can be very hit or miss), your best bet is probably with an adult dating site like Adult Friend Finder which has tens of millions of members looking for sexual relationships. We often recommend this site because it’s one of the biggest and most popluar on the internet.

While the focus is on having a threesome, there is some very good advice on how to make your partner feel comfortable in this type of situation.

When you’re talking about bringing another person into your relationship it’s very important to prevent the jealousy monster from rearing its ugly head by making sure that your wife knows how much you love and desire her first and foremost and that no one can ever come between the two of you.

In Summary

Ignoring the issue is not a possible solution! Address the issue now by talking openly and honestly with your wife about the possible options.

Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wifes sex drive
Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs

I’m Dating Again but My Sex Drive is Gone… Do I Stand a Chance?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 04:20:16 +0000

Is your low sex drive causing you problems with your partner? Does she think you don’t love her anymore?

Maybe you’ve even stayed single because of it. So how can you find someone who will understand and love you for who you are?

And is there a way to increase sex drive?

The Question

I am 45, male, single and haven’t had a girlfriend for a few years. I somehow can’t see that as an option anymore, which makes me quite sad, as I do meet women I really like and vice versa.

The thing is that I physically don’t have much of a libido anymore and I usually get ill after any sexual activity. Although my health is not too bad in general and I feel quite young, the sexual side of me seems to have come to an end. When I was younger, sexuality was a strong urge but not so, any more.

So my question is: How can I relate to women who have some romantic idea about me and who I do like a lot. Is there such a thing as a loving relationship without sex? I’d love to see a poll result, as I feel like a total outsider.
I guess if someone has been married for a long time, this would be seen as boredom with each other. Or the focus would have shifted to something else, eg. raising kids, etc. So that would be quite normal, I guess. But how do singles feel about that, I wonder?

The Answer

A close, loving, but non-sexual relationship is definitely possible.

I firmly believe there truly is someone for everyone. More than that, there are many people for everyone, and you’ll always find the right person when you’re truly ready for that person to enter your life.

Just like there are people out there who can’t stand coffee and others who don’t drink any alcohol, there are certainly those who wish for a happy relationship but for whatever reason aren’t interested in sex.

Could one of the women that you meet in your everyday life be the one? No telling, but it never hurts to try. Just be open to the possibility of finding just the right person for you, and you may be surprised. Of course, focus on your strengths and what you have to offer her, not on the sexual issue.

How can you find someone with very specific sexual needs?

The low sex drive issue could be a challenge and may require a broader search.

Well, this is where online dating can be a really big help. In a very clinical way, think of it as catalog shopping for people online. You get to specify all the specific criteria that’s important to you, and hopefully the online dating website matches you with someone that fits you. Of course it’s not exactly that basic, but in summary that really is how it works…

Your best bet with online dating is to sign up with one of the top online dating sites. For example, try Yahoo Personals.

Then create your profile be very specific about what you want. Focus on the love and romance that you’re truly seeking. You may be surprised how many women will jump at the chance to meet a man who wants a romantic relationship, instead of so many others who are mostly focused on sex.

But remember that online dating is really just about introductions. In fact, it could well have been called “online introductions” – that would have been much more accurate. Be sure to take the relationship into the real world as soon as you find someone you feel could be right for you. There’s no substitute for seeing someone in person that very first time. The energy, the chemistry, the physical attraction… those things just don’t show online.

Can the joy of sex be restored?

Depending on the medical specifics of the condition, sex drive can often be restored. There are lots of medical options, treatment programs, and supplements available that will increase your sex drive.

Consider this option and research all your possibilities. Consult a couple of doctors, maybe even a sex therapist, and get multiple opinions. Treat this like any other problem that you would research until you solved it.

Sex can be a wonderful and exciting.

When I talk about sex, I’m really referring to the entire sexual experience, not just intercourse. Many people just think of missionary position (yes, only with the lights off) when thinking about sex.

But there is SO much more. From playful seductive teasing, to going on a hot date as a prelude to a night of passionate lovemaking… And just lusting after that special person and getting excited just thinking about being with them, and doing naughty things to and with them. That’s just a taste of the magical wonders of sex.

So don’t just accept that you will never again experience the joy of sex. If this is at all important to you, fight for it and find an answer.

In Summary

One way or another, you’ve very likely to find the right person for you, no matter your situation, preferences, and special needs

On the low sex drive issue, consult several professionals and try to find a solution. Assuming you wish to enjoy sex again of course.
Be open to the possibility, and even expect to have the perfect person for you wonder into your life. It can happen. Expect it.
Consider online dating to find the person matching your very specific needs or sexual preferences. Choosing from millions of people can really open up your options in those cases.

Ask Dan and Jennifer » libido

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