Ask Dan and Jennifer » making love

What Makes A Great Lover?

Michael Webb — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 23:00:32 +0000

Do sex tips make a man good in bed? Or are some men naturally great, while others have to study sex tips constantly? What is it that makes a guy incredible?

Everybody wants to be like him, but who exactly is he? How does he THINK & MOVE?

What A Great Lover Is

Unfortunately, Great Lovers (GL’s) do not wear nametags. This is for personal protection against droves of women who wish to camp on their beds. One can’t spot GL’s by eye inspection, and you may have been in the presence of one in the past, but never knew about it. Don’t be deceived with what you see. Don’t look for great bods and gorgeous pecs, for GL’s are rarely these.

In fact, let go of all your physical biases. GL’s can be short, fat, trimmed or thin. Physical attributes have little bearing on this regard.

It’s their sexual programming that makes them gold. They are Great Lovers because of how they THINK, not because of how they look. Thoughts – the software of actions. We are moved by our thoughts, we move according to our thoughts.

How They Think & Move Differently Than Other Guys

How do they move? Great Lovers are never in a hurry, they are living for the MOMENT. The past is gone, the future is none, the PRESENT is all there is.

He’s the gentlest of all. There’s silent confidence blanketing the man with no performance anxieties, no pressure to blow the mind of any woman and make her scream to the high heavens. He’s in no mission to impress anybody, which is a major turn-on by the way. He’s confident, but not arrogant. He doesn’t assume knowledge of everything, but is eager to learn.

Others assert authority, power and domination, GL’s simply assume these.

Are they push-overs? Certainly not. They simply GET IT.

They Understand The Psychology Behind Sex

While most men go for the raw hump, GL’s realize that emotions are the most powerful tools in their arsenal. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the context of an intimate relationship or a one-night stand, when a girl is on his bed, she bathes in EMOTIONS. GL’s make women F-E-E-L.

Technique-wise, GL’s are known for their legendary TRANSITIONS from the SENSUAL to the SEXUAL. They’re so smooth, women can’t draw the line between foreplay, play and afterplay. Everything flows and they don’t strain towards making things happen. A GL transitions a girl into every gut wrenching position, without her realizing it. They don’t flip and pounce.

The sex lasts longer, not because he’s able to delay ejaculation, but because he knows other stuff besides thrust and hip movements.

Now, compare that to the workings of a gorgeous yet crude boy. If you’re a woman, who would you lay? Are you still wondering why GL’s won’t have to whine for sex? They rarely have one-night stands because their woman responds in hand and gives him no reason to go elsewhere.

Are they perfect lovers? Of course not! What makes them so great is their ability to positively differentiate themselves from 95% of guys who make love the exact same way.

How To Be AMAZING In Bed!

Lloyd Lester — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 23:00:37 +0000

Sex tips are definitely a must have if you want to be an excellent lover. Arm yourself with these incredible sex tips and be the best your partner ever had!

Everyone loves to have great sex. And contrary to conventional wisdom, women love sex as much as guys do, if not more! But what if you feel that your sex life has turned somewhat dull and dreary and needs a little “oomph”? Don’t sweat it! There is plenty you can do to make ordinary sexual experiences into toe-curling erotic adventures in between the sheets. These three sensuous tips, for example, are a great start to give her the best sex of her life!

Set The Scene Right

One of the best sex tips is to make sure you have the right mood set in the area you’re going to be in. Ambience plays a great deal in making sex awesome. Pay attention to the sights and sounds. Try giving your bedroom a sultry, sexy backdrop by introducing colored light bulbs. Did you know that purple color can intensify a woman’s orgasm? It is a surefire way to amplify her erotic energy really fast. Why not spin some romantic, sensual music to get her in the mood too? Women love some moments of intimacy before getting into sex. Sip on a glass of wine and introduce some CD that is hot and delectable to turn up her passion. If you have a fireplace, cuddle up together and seek out her pleasure spots.

Unleash The Art Of Erotic Kissing

Women can’t seem to get enough of kissing from their loved ones. Kissing is super important in an intimate relationship and it surprises me why so many guys gloss over this crucial moment of intimacy. If you want to sizzle up your sex life, try some sexy kissing tricks to get her temperatures moving fast. For instance, suck on an ice cube or sip on a cold drink just before you kiss her. She will get hot really fast! Or consume some foods such as strawberries or honey to introduce some tantalizing sweetness in your mouth when you kiss. And don’t forget to kiss her even when you are making love!

Bring On The Sex Furniture!

Beds are dull and boring. Sex furniture is a great way to spice up the whole sexual experience. These are usually very discreet and blend in really well with the rest of your home decor. Unlike sex toys, both you and your partner can enjoy using sex furniture together. These allow you to experiment with intercourse positions that you don’t usually get with flat surfaces such as like beds or mattresses. With these, you can fit your bodies perfectly together and ensure that her clitoris and G-spot are properly stimulated during sex.

How To Make After-Sex Moments Romantic

Kaylen Jackson — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 14:00:35 +0000

After sex, guys are notorious for rolling over and going to sleep. Girls, on the other hand, may get up and rush to the bathroom to get cleaned up right after a man ejaculates inside her. However, these activities can absolutely kill any romantic mood you had going and make the sex seem less than amazing. Try these tips to bask in the after-sex glow and turn up the romance after getting busy.

Get Unplugged

In the age of technology, hardly anyone goes anywhere without their laptops, Kindles or iPhones and this includes the bedroom. Your guy may want to flip on the game after doing it, while you may want to text your best friend to tell her the amazing new thing your man did during oral sex.

Instead of turning on the television, checking your email or uploading a book to your e-reader, take some time to get unplugged after having sex. If you have to, turn everything off before you get busy so you’re not tempted. You may want to even go so far as to turn off your phones so that no one can bother you while you enjoy some quiet time with your partner after an amazing orgasm or two.

Soap Down With An After-Sex Shower

You and your lover may both want to clean up after sex, but that doesn’t mean you have to make it all business and no fun. Shower sex is great, but you can make having a shower after sex just as much fun! Light some candles or use dimmer switches if you have them and create a little ambiance before you start the water. You can also use your favorite scented body wash or soap and make an event out of it.

Relish the feel of your partner’s skin underneath your hands as you lather up, taking special care of his package to show your partner how good it made you feel just minutes earlier. Wash each other’s hair, giving each other a nice scalp massage in the process. After your shower, put on some comfortable pajamas and head to bed. You’ll both feel amazing after having great sex, great orgasms, a long hot shower and slipping into something that feels nice!

Do A Reverse Strip Tease

After having morning sex, it’s often depressing to watch your partner put their clothes on to get ready for the day. Instead of letting it bum you out, give your partner a sexy, reverse strip tease by putting their clothes on for them. Slowly put your partner’s underwear and socks on, kissing their stomach and legs as you go.

Then, button his shirt up slowly, looking him directly in the eyes as you do it. Finish by putting on his tie for him. He’ll love feeling your hands all over him as you put his clothes on, and you’ll really make him feel like you love him. Make it even sexier by doing a reverse strip tease for him, by slowly putting your clothes on while he watches. Make sure it’s something sexy!

Have A Romantic Meal Afterwards

Most big dates are planned with the romantic dinner at the start of the date and sex afterwards. Instead of going the cliche route, mix it up a little by having sex first and then heading out (or staying in) for a romantic meal! It’s a great way to keep things fresh and exciting without going too far outside your box.

If you don’t feel like going out, order in your favorite meal and have it delivered (and eat it off each other if you like!) or serve something simple like wine and cheese or hors d’oeuvres. Top it off with a relaxing nightcap for the perfect evening!

Make Out

Making out is often what preludes sex, but why not make it the follow up event? Instead of simply going to sleep, heading off to work or doing other mundane things after having mind blowing sex with your lover, try spending several minutes just kissing him deeply and enjoying the feel of each other.

Part of what makes making out less fun when you’re in a relationship with someone is that you pretty much know where it’s going to lead. Pretty soon, you’ll feel a hand on your breast or butt and the game will be on. By making out with your lover after sex, you bring back the element of surprise that made just kissing so much fun when you and your partner first got together!

How To Make Love To A Woman The Right Way

Lee Jenkins — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 23:00:35 +0000

Sex for men is a lot like revving up an engine and going full throttle until the finish line, but for women, it’s more like a leisurely ride by the coast, enjoying the scenery and stopping every once in a while for an ice cream or two. This difference in the way men and women perceive good sex leads to the disconnect that we (and women) often feel inside the bedroom.

Sexual chemistry is something you can brew, and continue to brew, as the night goes on. It involves increasing and decreasing anticipation in the girl, and making her look forward to more. If you’re wondering what all these mean, read on to find out how to make love to a woman the right way.

Step 1: Increase Sexual Tension

Sexual tension is always present when you are interacting with a girl you like. It can lead to sex, or to a romantic encounter at least. One result of sexual tension is excitation of the senses, which makes you more aware of how close she is to you and how nervous you’re feeling when you’re around her.

This sexual awareness can be increased to a feverish degree when you’re preparing for sex. By making her think “oh no, I’m getting excited,” you’re psychologically setting the stage for her first orgasm.

Step 2: Excite Her Senses

When she’s fully aware of the inevitable (that you’re going to do it with her and you’re going to give her a great time), her perspective narrows down to instant action and reaction. This means when you kiss her, her eyes move to your lips. When you touch her, she notices how coarse or smooth your hands are. In addition, when you lean over, she can smell the cologne you put on that morning.

This is the phase when she’s absolutely mesmerized with you, and her attention is 100% on you. When you reach this point, don’t hold back. Talk dirty to her if she’s into that, or continue making her extremely aware of your presence by moving closer (embracing, taking off her clothes, etc.).

Step 3. Invite Her To Participate In The Action

After you’ve done the first two steps, she’s bound to be in an orgasmic frenzy. It’s time to allow her to “act on her desires” by guiding her hand to where you want to be touched, and reacting accordingly.

Making a woman feel that she’s partly in control, and that she can make you lose control if she feels like it, makes sex all the more exciting for her. However, you have to do this without taking your hands off her so that she continues to be under your spell, even when she thinks you’re under hers.

Sex is both physically and mentally stimulating, and if you do it right, there’s no way the woman will say you’re a lousy lay. Do yourself a favor and just try these tips out the next time you’re with your girlfriend. You will be glad you did.

The Best Love Making Positions To Try

Lee Jenkins — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 23:00:59 +0000

If you want to become a sex god, you won’t get far unless you know the differences between the sex positions. These differences may have something to do with the way the position increases sexual pleasure and urge, or the difficulty of the sex position. No two sex positions are the same when it comes to these two things.

Like me, you may have one or two favorite sex positions. However, if you’re going to continue having intimate moments with a particular girl, you have to learn more about the other sex positions that you can try during sex to keep things going…

Man On Top

I’m not going to diss the Missionary position in this article, because it will always be a favorite among guys. It’s the ideal sex position for dominance and for controlling the rhythm during lovemaking. However, if you’ve been doing it with a girl for a while, the same old man-on-top that you usually do won’t create a reaction on her part anymore.

You have to put a creative spin on the old Missionary style. You can put a pillow under her thighs to create a different angle of penetration. You can also put her feet up and hold them steady with your shoulders . On the other hand, you can try lying on top of her, with your weight on your elbows and your pubis directly rubbing her clitoral region (this position is often called coital alignment).

Woman On Top

Some women find it difficult to stay on top, either because of their weight or because they never received proper guidance from their previous lovers. Some women also think that getting up there and grinding away is the most pleasurable way to do it, but you know that too much grinding (and grinding the wrong way) can be painful.

How do you pull off the woman on top position and still control what’s happening? First, you have to make sure she’s comfortable. By this I mean her weight is managed well. You can have her squatting if she’s short, or kneeling if the upper part of her legs is long enough to wrap around your thighs comfortably.

Second, you can guide her when she starts to move. Set the rhythm yourself by moving your thighs according to the rhythm you want, or by gently holding her torso or hips and simulating the movement you want her to do.

Rear Entry

A sex positions list isn’t complete without the rear entry sex positions. There are two ways to maximize the effect of the doggy style, which is said to be the best position for a gspot massage during penetration. First is the high angle doggy style, in which you’re thrusting slightly upward. Second, the woman-on stomach variation, in which the girl is lying on her stomach and you’re doing the rear-entry version of the missionary.

You will never run out of ideas for different sex positions if you keep on experimenting and taking note of the positions that work best for you and your partner.

How To Tackle Passionate Love Making

Lee Jenkins — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 23:00:41 +0000

Need some more tips to transform your sex life? Here’s the ultimate secret of sex gods -passion. This familiar emotion isn’t something that can be faked. It can be induced in your partner through various means, including verbal and behavioral methods. If passion is lacking in your relationship, you won’t be able to improve your sex life. So, how can you inject more passion into your lovemaking?

Passion makes sex phenomenal, but only if you know how to use it properly when you’re in the bedroom with your girl. Done right, your sessions will be hotter, steamier and kinkier than ever.

Get In Touch With Your Sensual Side

Here’s the main difference in the way men and women perceive pleasure during sex. Most men tend to rush to ‘get to the good part,’ while women want to prolong the foreplay so that they can feel comfortable enough to finally orgasm. Women want to reach climax fast, but not at the expense of the sensual side of sex (touching, kissing, fondling etc).

With that said, if you want to please your girl, you’d better learn how to patiently caress her on her sensitive areas before you let go and get your share of the pleasure. Sensual stimulation is a big part of what women consider passionate during lovemaking.

Get Acquainted With Her Hot Spots

Women love to be stimulated. During foreplay, spend some time touching her sensitive areas (clitoris, breasts and the fleshy part of her inner thighs). Some women have hot spots in other places. Heck, I met a girl who loves it when I lick her nape. There’s another girl who likes it when I kiss the crook of her elbow during sex. It’s your job to explore your girl’s body to find out what these hot spots are. Orgasm intensity increases when you do this, and that’s great if your goal is to make sure she doesn’t forget you and your time together even after that night.

Give Her Oral Sex

Did you know that most women expect men to go down there during sex? Giving her head is something that makes sex unforgettable, and you should know this. So, get to work when you sense that she wants you to go down on her.

If you’re the squeamish type, go as far as touching her clitoris with your tongue and keep it on there for a while until she reaches climax. Just kissing her down here is going to make a girl feel special. If you are always willing to go down there and make her climax in the process, you can guarantee yourself another date.

If you ever feel like skipping foreplay so that you can get your pleasure faster, think about this. A girl is less likely to do it again with a guy who shows a lack of passion for her during sex. One mistake men often make is they don’t consider what really makes a girl climax. Avoid that mistake and follow these tips for more passionate lovemaking.

3 Love Making Tips To Blow Her Mind

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:00:59 +0000

An often overlooked but extremely powerful tool in your sexual arsenal can be the ability to “make love” to a woman in a sensuous, passionate and romantic way. Many women love dirty, raunchy and kinky sex, but they also enjoy romance and sensuality every now and then. Do you want to know how to blow your partner’s mind when you make love to her? Here’s how you can do it.

Romance During Sex

Don’t just whisper dirty words in her ear or tell her how good it feels. While talking dirty to her is a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner, she doesn’t always want to hear a string of moans, grunts and four letter words when having sex with you. Instead, mix it up and tell her how much you love her and enjoy being with her sexually. Connect with her emotionally, and say romantic things to her while you’re having making love to her. Tell her how good she looks without her clothes on and how beautiful you think she is. Compliment her, and find specific things to compliment such as how soft her lips are or how special she makes you feel when you’re making love with each other.

Hold Eye Contact During Sex

Actions speak louder than words most of the time, and eye contact with your partner during sex says more than words ever could. Look at her when she’s going down on you and hold her gaze for a few moments before rolling your head back and sighing with pleasure. When you’re on top, take a few minutes to go slow and kiss her neck after looking into her eyes for a moment or two. Eye contact will help you and your partner feel emotionally connected to each other. For women, a big part of sexual satisfaction comes from emotional intimacy. It can be very difficult for a woman to open up sexually without some kind of emotional connection. You’ll be surprised at how well she responds sexually to you after you’ve given her just a few minutes of emotional fulfillment!

Pay Attention To Her After Sex

Many women feel that men are notorious for rolling over and going to sleep right after sex. Most women hate this! It makes them feel as though they were used and are being discarded after you’ve “got yours.” These feelings are made worse if you have not taken the time to pleasure your partner and give her a satisfying orgasm. This will certainly diminish your chances of having sex with your partner again, and if you do have sex with her again, you’ve definitely blown your chances of getting your partner to open up to you sexually and have a great orgasm. Spend a few minutes cuddling your woman after sex, stroking her thighs and kissing her neck. Let her know how good it was for you! Don’t just roll over and go to sleep or get up and take a shower right away. If you must have a shower, let your partner take one with you and spend a few minutes just reveling in after sex bliss!

A Review Of Love Making Methods That Are Sure To Please Your Woman

Lee Jenkins — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:00:34 +0000

As silly as it may seem, a lot of men tend to forget the basics of lovemaking when the urge to release takes over. Imagine you’re with a girl and you’re really turned on. You start out slow then the desire to release takes over and you start focusing only on what would feel good to you. It happens to every man, so don’t think that you’re the only one who does this during sex. However, if you really want to be the girl’s best lover ever, you’d better not forget the basics of how to please a woman.

When you’re about to lose it, take a deep breath and recall all the fundamental methods of lovemaking that I’ll list here.

French Kissing

Every time you make out with a girl, you should never forget to kiss her lips. In fact, kiss her whenever you can, even when you’re already in the middle of sex. A kiss is more than just a physical gesture to get her aroused, it builds an emotional connection with the girl you’re having sex with.

Eye Contact

Not many women will admit this, but one secret fear that every woman thinks about during sex is that the guy could be thinking of another woman. Keeping eye contact will make her feel that you’re with her, you’re not just using her for your pleasure and that she’s the only one you’re thinking of during sex.

Fingering

I’m sure you know the basics of fingering, but it helps to remember that proper fingering technique involves imagination and sensitivity. Just remember that you can do more things with your fingers than you can do with your member. For starters, you can crook your finger, move it around more often and you can use it to reach every nook and cranny of your partner’s hot spots.

Oral Sex

Oral sex on a girl is not a thirty-second affair. Even if you’re not into it (because of the smell or because you’re just squeamish about going down on a woman), you’d better make it a point to stay there for at least 5 to 10 minutes. Remember, you don’t have the right to ask for a 30-minute blowjob if you can’t promise to return the favor.

Sex Positions

If you stick with the same old sex positions every time you make love, your lover will get bored quickly. Make sure you know at least 3 more sex positions besides the Missionary. Some girls are quicker to climax with certain positions, which means you need to experiment with a lot of them to find those that work for your girl.

Any man can stick it in and be done with it. It takes a certain type of guy to consistently create magic during sex. Be the guy who can rock a girl’s world every time by never forgetting the fundamental things that really get women off.

The Most Sensitive Part Of A Woman

Lee Jenkins — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 23:24:20 +0000

A woman sometimes fakes her excitement during sex for several reasons. You know about these times when she’s acting like she is enjoying herself but her whole body tells you that she isn’t aroused. She’s dry as a desert down there and she isn’t making an effort to touch you.

Well, there are several reasons why women just don’t feel like making love. First, the timing could be off. She hasn’t showered when you grabbed her, or she may be in a bad mood after a rough day at work. Second, she may be feeling desensitized because of some internal turmoil in your relationship (you haven’t been talking for a while, you’re in a fight, etc).

But here’s the thing. If you know where to touch her so that she instantly feels aroused, you won’t have to go out of your way to buy her jewelry or flowers to make her warm up to you again. There are certain places on a woman’s body where you can turn on her “sexual” switch just by touching.

The Neck and Ears

Just whispering softly will make a woman feel the heat of your breath on the sensitive areas of her neck, just behind the ears. Even the slightest touch of your lips on that sweet spot can turn her on. But you don’t have to stop with just letting your breath touch this sensitive spot. You can lick her ear lobes to increase her arousal, and you can take this chance to explore her body while she’s just starting to simmer.

The Chest Area

You already know about how sensitive a woman’s nipples are, but did you know that by kissing the area around her breasts, you can increase her arousal further? By kissing her chest region, you’re burning the sight into her brain so that her whole body knows that sex is starting. The trick is to caress the area with your hands and your lips leisurely, so that she can take in the sight frame by frame and increase her excitement only seconds after you start kissing her there.

Women are particularly vain about their chests, so doing this to her during sex will make her feel sexy. With this in mind, you also shouldn’t rush while you’re taking off her brassiere or her blouse. Romance her chest as slowly as you can.

Her Mound

Her most sensitive part isn’t the vaginal portal itself, but the areas surrounding it. Stroke the hairy area patiently, inch by inch, and you will be able to increase her arousal a hundred fold.

The clitoris region in particular houses a mother load of nerve endings. Even by just grazing the tiny nub during your exploration, you can create sensations she has never felt before. Be careful not to touch the nub directly, because the sensation may be painful or even shocking to her. The trick is to explore her vaginal area, wetting your fingers in the process, and “accidentally” touching her clitoris with your moving fingers.

Sex Tips For Women – How You Can Help Boost Your Man’s Confidence During Sex, Without Lying

Jessica Perez — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 22:00:22 +0000

A man’s sexual insecurities show up when he’s in bed with a new lover for the first time. Some guys think they have to show how creative and skilled they are so they think of different tricks to showcase their lovemaking know-how. They feel pressured. They are eager to please. They want to be your best lover ever.

Most of the time, women don’t have the heart to say “honey, you’re trying too hard” when he really does seem like he’s desperate to please his girl. In fact, telling him directly that you think he’s going overboard might make him feel that you’re not at all enjoying yourself no matter what he does.

A man doesn’t want to come across as boring or unskilled when he’s making love. To ease his anxiety (and to really enjoy yourself), boost his confidence and let him know that he’s doing great, without sounding fake.

5 Ways to Boost Your Man’s Confidence Without Lying

Keep Your Sense Of Humor

Show him how relaxed you are by reacting naturally when bloopers happen. Being too serious during sex will simply aggravate his already frayed nerves. Laughing good-naturedly when you hear strange sounds from your tummy or his will help him relax and be himself.

Encourage Him To Explore Your Body Without Rushing

Tell him to slow down by kissing him leisurely when he seems to be rushing. Take his hands and slide them over your body slowly so that he can really explore every inch of your body. Be patient and don’t rush him when he gets excited and starts kissing and licking your hot spots.

Moan

Stretching like a kitten and purring will encourage him to go further without feeling like he has to hurry. Verbally tell him to take his time and stroke his head, his hand or any part of his body that you can reach to encourage him more.

Touch Him

If you notice that he seems to be hiding some parts of his body with the blanket or the pillow, take note of that part and touch that spot frequently when it’s your turn to do the exploring. If he seems to be guiding your hands away from that spot, gently return to that spot when he’s more relaxed. Maybe he’s too embarrassed about his belly, or he secretly thinks his feet are too big.

Never, Ever Mention Size

Some men cannot get over their “penis size anxiety” and no matter how much you gush over how big he is or how stuffed you feel, he will still think you’re lying to make him feel better about not being big enough. Most guys won’t openly admit that they think they’re too small, so just don’t mention anything that pertains to the size of his member.

Here’s a final reminder for you…

Don’t let your own insecurities get the better of you during sex. Your man might misinterpret if you’re hesitant about letting him touch you somewhere on your body that you think is “too fleshy” or “too saggy.”

Relax and remember that sex is all about exploring your partner’s body, and pleasing each other honestly and sincerely.

Cuddling After Sex – 3 Reasons Women Love It And Guys Should Do It

Lee Jenkins — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 22:00:57 +0000

What is cuddling? It’s an after-sex position you get into when your girl asks you to hug her. Cuddling is done like the spoon position, but with less erotic touching and more hugging. Women love to cuddle right after sex. If you’re anything like every other guy around, you probably think nothing of falling asleep right after sex but your girl might have other ideas. The general notion is that most men don’t think of cuddling as the main after-sex activity, and it’s just another one of those things that women do to get a guy’s attention.

But men would benefit greatly if they learned the art of “post-sex” lovemaking. Here are some reasons why women love cuddling after sex and why all guys should do it.

Cuddling Adds Romance After A Session Of “Animal” Sex

Sex leaves her feeling vulnerable. Every woman wants to feel loved even after a few hours of uninhibited animal sex. She wants to know that she is adored by the man she slept with. Regardless of your relationship status with the woman, she wants to feel that she’s with someone who thinks of her as “special.” The greatest thing a man can do to show his affection after sex is to cuddle and whisper in her ear. The act of talking while cuddling becomes special because, in a girl’s mind, it’s still a part of love making.

Cuddling after sex turns into a woman’s emotional release. Having an orgasm during sex is satisfying, but the emotional gratification isn’t complete without some romance after sex.

Cuddling Helps Women Prepare For The Next Round

Unlike most men, women can go for seconds after a short while. Women are capable of multiple orgasms, but these big O’s don’t always come one after another during sex. Sometimes, a woman needs to recuperate and recharge her physical and emotional batteries before going for it again.

A show of affection by touching and cuddling can boost arousal. Think of it as after-play and foreplay for the next round. If you’ve encountered women who don’t want a second round, it’s probably because you’ve never tried the “romantic cuddle” trick to getting her to say yes again.

Women Want To Talk

Cuddling after sex is a woman’s way of saying “let’s talk”. Women treat sex like an intimate date, which means conversation before and after sex. Strangely enough, women are less prone to getting mad or sulking when they’re completely satisfied with the love making. This means the conversation that ensues will be less strained, more relaxed and more fun.

I know most guys would rather sleep right after love making, but trying to stay awake to hear her talk about her day is recommended. A man isn’t supposed to fall asleep during this post-sex talk. If you’re having trouble keeping your eyes open during this time, I suggest going to the kitchen for a snack (with her in tow) or sitting up in bed to drink water while she cuddles next to you.

Top 10 Qualities Most People Want In Their Partners

Maryanne Comaroto — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:00:36 +0000

Aren’t you just dying to know what a potential partner wants from you? Fortunately there are books and books out there to help you figure out just that. And one of the latest ones brought to my attention is this: guys want only one quality from a girl they’re looking to get involved with – good sex. Sure, it’s important but are we really that reductionary!

My gal pal told me she read a book this guy wrote ( If I had one less scruple, I might tell you his name–for now, we’ll call him something friendly, like Penile Supremacist…PS for short. Fine–forget that, let’s just call him Jack. There! Who can argue with that?) So JACK made quite an impression on my not-so-easily-impressionable gal pal recently. She rang me straight away to give me the scoop.

“Maryanne, you’re not going to believe what @#$% says in his book!” She’s known me for 15 years now, knows that in general male/female issues have been in my top 10 list of favorite things to get bunged up about…particularly when they’re coming from downwind, let’s say. Historically, she delivers the message and then runs for cover. As she started recounting “The top10 qualities women are looking for in relationship with men.” Here’s all I can remember:

Top Qualities Women – And Men – Are Looking For

1) Presence
2) Intelligence
3) Sense of humor

But then she started in on the men’s list – which I remember every detail of. But then, it’s not difficult to remember – here you go:

1) Great in the sack
2) Great in the sack
3) Great in the sack
4) Great in the sack
5) Great in the sack…

Stop me if I’m going too fast, here. I’m sure JACK doesn’t mean to reduce all men to one silly mantra, and I must give him credit for the fact that he then asked these gentleman to rethink the question, and they did come up with some insightful, significant qualities they are looking for in their relationships with women.

But I feel I must respond to these beliefs with some beliefs of my own: We have developed skills beyond pounce and attack. How does someone who is in the position of teaching open, impressionable people get away with spouting ancient stereotypes like he was proud of the “well-known fact” that men often think with their smorgasbords?

The point is–well, one point is: Making love is an art – and it’s not just about the sex. It’s no wonder so many women think being great in the sack is a good investment of their time. How about we all revisit that list, people…take pen and paper and make your own list. Look and see what unconscious ideas you may have about the other sex…’cause when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

3 Reasons Why Men Need To Become Better Lovers

Lee Jenkins — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:08:00 +0000

“Was it good for her?” This is just one of the many questions which most men are hesitant to voice out after a session in the sack. Unless you’ve had rave reviews about how much of a stud you are in bed from the women you slept with in the past, it is but natural to have these insecurities.

The Top Three Reasons Why Men Need to Become a Better Lover

To start right off, let us take a look at the top three reasons why men need to become a better lover:

1. Do away with boredom in the bedroom.

Let’s say that you and your girlfriend have been going out for quite some time now. The longer that you and a woman have been together, the more comfortable you will be with seeing each other’s bodies in your birthday suit. This comfort factor can be the bane of your intimate relationship, because that’s when boredom in the bedroom occurs.
If you don’t want that special woman in your life to leave you because your sex life is not something to rave about anymore, then you should do your part in making sure that your skills as a lover is improved.

Basically, the best way to revitalize your sex life is to relive the ‘newness’ of your relationship. You can become a better lover by determining which aspect of your sex life needs improvement.
You may need to refresh your knowledge of different sex positions because the missionary and woman-on-top variations have suddenly grown old. If there’s even a doubt in your mind that she is faking her orgasms, the best way to prevent her from not doing it again is to be adept with your oral loving skills.

Or, you might just need to change the pace of your lovemaking. It could be that you’re lacking in foreplay – or you’re not giving her enough of a rush by indulging in quickies. No matter which aspects of your sex life it is that can do with an improvement, find ways to work on them so that you can be a better lover.

2. Stop suffering from humiliating experiences from women.

If you think that humiliation in the eyes of one woman that you’ve had bad sex with is the only embarrassment that you’ll suffer from if you are a bad lover, think again. For example, if you’ve slept with a woman who’s working in the same building as yours and you had really bad sex during that one time that you’ve gathered the courage to ask her out.

Word about how bad you are in the sack could leak, until it reaches such a point that you cannot ride the elevator anymore without getting odd glances from women who might have heard about your lack of skill in bed.
This is just one of the worst case scenarios that you can experience if you don’t become proactive enough in bettering your skills as a lover.

3. Be a ‘master lover’ in your own right.

Now, this is the exact opposite of the previous entry. Once your skills in bed are improved, you can become a master lover in your own right. You can make women have orgasm two, three, four or even five times a night! You can make them return the favor because you’re so good at giving her some oral love. You can have sex anytime you want to.

It doesn’t even matter whether you have a below average, average or above average-sized penis. Knowing what turns women on and how to use her multiple erogenous zones at your disposal is the best way to become a better lover than you already are.

A Final Word about Becoming a Better Lover

The possibilities that you can learn about how to be a better lover is practically endless. Kissing, foreplay, oral sex, stimulating her clitoris and G-spot – these are just some areas of your lovemaking skills that you can improve on.

At the end of the day, it’s important to acknowledge that there is always room for improvement when it comes to your lovemaking skills – so bring out those “How to be a Better Lover” guide books, brush up on your techniques and be the best lover that you can be!

What ME a Sex Addict?

Melody Brooke — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:09:49 +0000

Only a few of us think that the way we participate in sexual activity is addictive, but often the beginnings of sexual addictions show up in covert ways that we may miss if we are not attentive.

I just spent three days at a symposium on addiction and the speakers there reminded me of just how ubiquitous sexual additions are in our society.

Most of the time I tend to think of men as the ones harboring secret sexual addictions but, of course, women are just as subject to sexual addictions as men. We really are not that different, are we?

The Truth About Sexual Addiction

Strangely, most sexual addictions have little to do with sex, other than the fact that the behaviors take place in the context of sexuality. Exhibitionism is really about wanting to feel the power of having shocked someone. Pornography is about fantasy.

Most of the others, like sadomasochistic fetishes are all about regaining a sense of power and control. Strangely enough, even the avoidance of sex can be a “addictive” behavior according to Maureen Canning of the Meadows Treatment Center.

As a wife who avoided sex over the course of many years of my previous marriages, this one got my attention. I was, as many women are, quite able to enjoy a courtship and “honeymoon” phase of an active and athletic sex life during the beginning phases of my relationships.

But, as the relationship moved out of the fantasy stage and into the reality of a real, day to day set of interactions, sex disappeared. It didn’t disappear because my husband wasn’t interested. No, it disappeared because I became angry and disgusted with his continuing to be happy with sex as the lifeblood of our relationship.

Once we were married I think I expected our relationship to magically blossom into a real intimate connection. Never mind that I had no clue how to do that. But I was certain it was my husband’s fault because HE was such an angry, avoidant, workaholic.

Certainly I was the innocent victim of his deliberate withholding of time, attention and kindness. So, I withheld sexual contact from him because I was so angry with him. I never thought of it as being addictive behavior.

But if you re-frame how you think about what addiction is, you can easily see how it really is an addictive process. As Maureen Canning says, most sexual addiction is really about power and control.

I was clearly attempting to get a sense of power in the relationship by moving into the Self-Protective withdrawal position. I put up barriers to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable to his angry, avoidant behaviors. I did this in an attempt to get power and control over feeling like his Victim…

Sexual Anorexia

How many wives do this? I asked Maureen if she new of any other resources for information about this form of addiction she calls “Sexual Anorexia” and she directed me to a book by Patrick Carnes. I have not yet gotten a copy of the book but I do think it’s fascinating.

A lot of unhappy husbands will probably relate to this scenario. Maureen talked about the “offending” quality of this behavior. I have to admit I never would have thought of myself as doing any “offending” by this behavior, but I was clearly damaging my relationship.

The word offending does bring up legal or even criminal meaning, but one simple definition is “wrong”. And it was indeed “wrong” of me to withhold sex in order to meet my own power and control needs.

But don’t you offending men take heart at this either, because addictive relationships generally require two addicts. The partners to the Sexual Anorexic are obviously the “Co-dependant” in the relationship and just as addicted in their own way. One partner is generally a “Sex Addict” and the other is the “Sexual Anorexic”. Both are just opposite ends of the spectrum from the other.

The more classic “Sex Addict” is the one who gets a sense of power and control by engaging in some form of sexual activity. Of course, the sex act itself is mood enhancing and can be a way to alter an unhappy mood.

Where Is The Real Problem?

Sex is not meant to be about power and control or even mood enhancing. Sex is supposed to be intimate, passionate play with your partner. Any other covert use for it is “wrong” or “offensive”. If passionate play is not how either of you experience your sexual relationship, then there is a problem.

So What Do You Do If You Are Using Sex Addictively?

First of all you have to just recognize that you are using sex (or your sexual power as in Sexual Anorexia) in a way that is harmful to your relationship. Once you recognize what you are doing you have to stop the offensive behavior and deal with the feelings that are buried underneath the behavior.

This can be a simple but uncomfortable process, or it can be a complex and debilitating one. If you begin the process of eliminating your sexual addictive behaviors and find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to call a professional because, like any addiction, if it is severe enough it can be life threatening.

No joke, the feelings underneath the sexual addictions can be very intense and lead to severe withdrawal symptoms. Take care of yourself as you open your eyes to how you may have been unwittingly causing harm to your relationship.

Not Having Enough Sex? Here’s The Secret To Increasing Her Sex Drive

Cynthia Perkins — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:27:02 +0000

One of the most common points of conflict for couples in a long-term relationship is the loss of sexual desire for the woman.

The loss of sex drive for women may occur for a variety of reasons, some of which may be physiological, but putting all those aside for another conversation, it may surprise you to learn that what I hear from many of the women I work with in my practice is that one of the primary causes for loss of desire is unmet needs.

As they tell me their story, they are not usually aware it’s their unmet needs that is the culprit of their dilemma, but it is what we uncover as we explore their situation further.

Why Women Lose Their Sex Drive

A great deal of women lose their sex drive for one very simple reason she is not enjoying the sex. When sex is not pleasurable for the woman, she responds by withdrawing and shutting down sexually. Think about it, would you want to have sex if it weren’t satisfying?

Sex is not enjoyable for many women, because not only are her sexual needs not being met adequately, but neither are her emotional needs and for the woman, both are equally important.

Why aren’t these needs being met, you ask? Because many men and women alike don’t truly understand what it is a woman needs.

A lot of couples are not aware that the sexual needs and biological responses of men and women are quite different and it is essential that they understand these crucial differences to have a sexual relationship that is equally satisfying for both partners.

Increase Her Sex Drive by Increasing Her Pleasure

Solving her sex drive problem should be a joint effort. It should not rest on his or her shoulders alone. However, if you’re a man reading this page I’d like to make you aware that there is a simple solution to keeping her sexual desires alive that is totally within your control. Take matters into your own hands and make sex irresistible for her.

Dazzle her by focusing on her needs. Blow her mind by getting to know her body better than she does. Help her expand her horizons to places she’s never gone before and you’ll be viewed as an amazing lover that she deeply appreciates. Once she sees how enjoyable sex can be, she’ll become more willing to explore and be adventurous.

She doesn’t know what she’s missing, but once she discovers it with you, she’ll be grateful that you took her on the journey and this will strengthen her bond with you. Coach and encourage her to express her needs to you and show you what is pleasurable for her.

Deepening The Connection

Fill her emotional needs by deepening your connection with her. Make her feel special, appreciated, valued and important outside the bedroom as well as inside. Shower her with affection and give her adequate foreplay,

When sex is more satisfying for her, it benefits the man as well. She’s going to be more willing and even eager to give you pleasure in the way you desire, such as more oral sex. She’ll be willing to have sex more often and you may find that she’ll even be the one initiating it.

Phrases like "I have a headache," or "I’m too tired," will no longer be part of her vocabulary. Your sexual adventures will be more satisfying for both of you. When you share a strong sexual bond that is mutually satisfying, it keeps your sex life fresh and exciting, prevents your love from eroding or diminishing and you develop a stronger and more fulfilling relationship all around.

Discover The One Powerful Skill That Will Turn You Into an Exceptional Lover

Paul Tony — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:33:40 +0000

A true master in the art of making love knows that every woman has different wants and needs. Therefore, a lover a can only really become a masterful lover to the one woman he takes the time to learn.

A masterful lover realizes that each woman will have specific tastes in the bedroom. While one woman might like her man to be rough, another might prefer her man to take the more gentle approach.

The Sexual Uniqueness of Men and Women

Yes, like men, every woman will have the same basic likes and dislikes, but that is only on the surface. Think about it, while most of us like the taste of fruit, some of us prefer an orange over a banana.

This is what makes every man and woman unique. It is this uniqueness that a masterful lover will try to discover and appreciate in his partner, thus will take the necessary time needed in order to truly know what turns his woman on.

No matter what techniques you learn, none of them will really matter if you have no idea what your woman’s true desires are. Therefore, if you want to become an exceptional lover in your woman’s eyes, it is important that you learn one very important skill;

The Art of Paying Attention To Her

In order to master the “art of paying attention”, you need to learn to listen to every moan and groan your woman makes while you are making love with her. Now there is a difference between listening and really listening. I am talking about the type of listening that is able to interpret each moan and groan your woman makes.

You have to find out if a certain groan means that she likes what you are doing, or if it means that you should stop what you are doing. This takes time, concentration, and patience.

In order to successfully interpret every noise that your woman makes, you also need to learn to pay attention to every movement she makes during sex. Is she squirming her pelvis during a cunnilingus session because she is enjoying what you are doing, or is it because she is signaling you to stop as she is feeling uncomfortable with the type of stimulation you are applying?

By paying attention to both her movements and noises, you will soon be able to get an accurate interpretation what she is feeling, and what she would really like you to do to her.

The Importance of Verbal Communication During Lovemaking

Verbal communication also plays a big part in the “Art of Paying Attention”. I am talking about the type of communication that goes on during a love making session. This is where you really have to be careful. If you ask too many questions, you will simply annoy your partner.

In order to verbally communicate with her , you have to do it in such a way that it actually becomes part of the love making ritual. There are many ways to find out exactly what your woman likes or dislikes, while at the same time using the question and tone of your voice to turn her on and keep her on that “erotic high.”

An example of this would be to seductively ask your woman how she is feeling while you are stimulating any part of her hot zones.

Keep the questions short and make them sound sexy.

For example, the wrong way to do it would be to stop what you are doing and say something like this; “Now, when I move my finger up and down like this, does it make you feel excited, or should I rather move it in a circular motion.Really, which one is better; up and down like so, or circular like so …”. At this point you might as well put your clothes on, politely say goodbye to her, and show yourself out. Don’t forget to shut the door behind you.

Communicating the Right Way During Sex

The right way to verbally communicate with your woman during sex is by continuing to do what you are doing, and while you are doing it, say the following softly in the most sensual and sexiest voice you can muster; “does that feel good?”, or “do you like that?”.

Now, if you have “paid attention”, you will realize something very important. Not only are the questions short, but they also require a simple yes or no. This ensures that your woman does not have to strain her self too much by having to pull herself out of concentration to answer your long “philosophical” questions. She simply has to say yes, no, nod, shake her head, say “hmmm hmmm”, or “mhhhh mhhhh”.

Another thing to keep in mind, as short and sexy as these questions may seem, don’t ask them after every friggin move you try on your woman. That will also bug the hell out of her. The perfect balance is to verbally ask her a question now and then, while at the same time paying attention to every noise and movement she makes. Once you have accomplished that, you will be well on your way to becoming an exceptional lover.

What is Tantra and Tantric Sex?

Carla Tara — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:22:35 +0000

Tantra is such a vast subject that it’s fascinating and awe-inspiring. It includes so much that it can be very confusing to the beginning student.

Tantra is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous. It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome force that some religions fear and want to suppress. It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine.

What Tantra Is and Isn’t

However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogmas. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.

To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness.

There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

Engaging in the Tantric Journey

There are many wonderful book on Tantra, and reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually engage in the journey, I think the best way to start is with a good guide. Why do many people need a guide?

Some books can be confusing and no matter how well written they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

Connect With and Clear Emotional Issues

If you want to prepare for a really high Tantric experience with each other, it is also essential to start by taking time to connect and catch up with emotional issues that might linger unexpressed. People often leave these issues unsaid because of some common rationalizations, such as “I don’t want to start a fight with her” or “he’s not ready to hear me.”

But when we leave these emotions hidden, they become a hindrance to the moving of erotic energy, and end up suppressing our passion for each other. Paying attention to each other and really listening to each other’s concerns is essential. Learning how to “make love grow” becomes especially imperative if you did not see good models for this process while growing up.

Making Love Tantrically

Over time, most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing, and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, and great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new, because it is taking place in each moment, as you respond to each other with honesty and support.

Making love this way becomes a priority in a relationship. Great lovemaking restores and/or adds harmony, peace and joy to everyone else you interact with too.

It is worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment.

Spiritual Sex: Reuniting Body And Soul For A Whole Body Orgasm

Maya Silverman — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 11:39:16 +0000

In today’s stressful modern age, it seems as though the practice of sensuality has slowly become a lost art.

Just think about it: with our fast-paced culture and hectic schedules, it’s no wonder that we have very little time for things that require us to slow down and take our time especially when it comes to our sex lives!

Everyday Life Gets in the Way

After all, each one of us is guilty of this behavior. Perhaps you had a long day at the office, or you’ve got a big meeting to prepare for in the early morning. Either way, when you engage in lovemaking with your partner, your mind is somewhere else completely.

You’re focusing on that big report or review at the office, or maybe you’re forming a mental to-do list. Since you’re mind is entirely occupied by distracting thoughts, you can’t focus on lovemaking, and you deny yourself the pleasure that you need.

It’s not that difficult to see why we let the stress of our daily lives negatively affect our sexual energy.

Stress Affects Our Sex Lives

While the act of sex may not require that much thought, achieving an orgasm takes focus which can be hard to do if our minds are focused on our day at the office! Yet if you’re looking to reclaim your sexual pleasure from the stresses of modern life, and to achieve that elusive whole body orgasm that you’ve longed for, follow these rules to max out your soulful sack sessions!

When you want to get your partner revved up for a bedroom romp, chances are you probably focus less on touching and caressing and more on the actual act of sex. Yet if you’re looking to reunite your body and soul for a whole body orgasm that will have you seeing stars, you need to take a step back and focus more on the pleasure that comes with erotic touching.

Max Out Your Partner’s Bliss

Not only can you max out your partner’s bliss by taking the time to caress him or her, but you’ll be heightening the anticipation for lovemaking – a key ingredient for that whole body orgasm!

Erotic touching is an intense and soulful experience, so be sure to engage in intimate behavior: stare into your partner’s eyes while gently stroking him or her along the length of the body. Use erotic touching as a means to explore your partner like never before.

Sure, you may know every nook and cranny of your partner’s body, but how well do you really know it? By using erotic touching, you’ll experience your lover’s body in a new and more spiritual way that will intensify your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom.

Erotic Touching Melts the Tension

An additional bonus: erotic touching can melt the tension that builds up in our bodies from experiencing the daily stress of our modern lives. After all, touch plays an important role in melting away stress and tension.

Just think of all the times that a friendly hug or gentle kiss instantly made you feel more relaxed. Well, this especially applies to your sex life as well, as intimate touching can make you feel relaxed and stress-free. Once that tension is sapped, your mind will be free to focus on your lovemaking which eliminates those pesky roadblocks towards achieving orgasm!

Ideally, erotic touching will build up that first layer of sensation in your quest for the whole body orgasm. Spiritual sex is a multi-layered experience, where sensations are built upon one another until finally culminating in a powerful and soulful orgasm.

Treat Foreplay as the Main Act

So don’t just rush through erotic touching and jump straight into intercourse; instead, treat foreplay as the main act in which you build up a strong foundation towards reaching the brink of sexual nirvana. This is a focal point of tantric sex, in which lovemaking has no final destination, but instead is a spiritual journey which must be enjoyed.

If you approach your sack sessions with this view point, you’ll not only free up your mind from tension and stress; you’ll be more likely to achieve a powerful orgasm because you’re taking the pressure off of it. Sounds a bit backwards, but the less you focus on orgasming, the more likely you will!

The layering of sensations is critical towards intensifying relaxation, arousal and eventually orgasm.

Think of each sensation as a pleasurable journey with no destination in sight; therefore, when you finally are at the brink of pleasure, you’ll easily achieve that elusive whole body orgasm, and what greater stress relief is there than an intense orgasm with your lover that has you seeing stars?

How To Make Love Making a Real Love Making Experience With Touch

Carla Tara — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:24:28 +0000

People have forgotten the simplest lovemaking ‘technique’ of all: the incredible power of human touch. Even when the opportunity arises in lovemaking sessions for us to give and receive the pleasure of the caress, we tend to get caught up in the drive to ejaculatory orgasms.

Making Lovemaking a Real Love Making Experience

Admittedly, ejaculatory orgasms produce intense pleasure, but without the slow build up of conscious touch, it is more like a sneeze in the groin, just a release of tension, than a deeply satisfying experience that “makes love grow” (love making).

Unfortunately for many people, sex encounters become more mutual masturbation than real love building experiences.

Tantra invites us to take time to thoroughly touch each other to increase arousal across the entire body. Our skin is our biggest organ and needs caring love and attention. But the Tantric touch, the conscious touch, goes deeper than the skin.

Using Conscious Touch

“Conscious touch” means that you are not thinking of something else. Your attention is fully on your lover, how they breathe and how they take in your touch. Your conscious touch stirs up energy, opening up both the heart and the flow of sexual energy in the form of weak electronic waves that continue to build up until they become larger waves that encompass the entire body.

Sometimes we touch how we want to be touched instead of tuning in to see how our lover likes it. If you notice your lover caught up in their own thoughts, notice how you are touching them. Ask if they would like a softer or stronger, slower or faster touch. This will get their attention back, and you will get a chance to give them the touch they desire.

Touch is both sensuous and healing. The most obvious emissaries of love are our arms, and the focal points from which love flows are the palms. When we touch our loved ones, we help them heal from any pain or disappointment they experience during the day, and they feel that life is worth living just to be touched by you.

Connecting Your Intention With Your Breath

When you connect your intention to your breath, you will feel their muscles sucking in that attention, all the way down to the bones. Yes, bones need love and attention, too, and your intention connected with your breath is powerful enough to penetrate deeply.

Tantric people know that touching a lover does not have to end in ejaculation. Some women cringe when their men start touching them because they know it will end up in intercourse and they might not be in the mood.

I invite men to set up a “just touching time” with your beloved. Then, even when she gets excited you keep your agreement of “just touching” during that time. Doing this often, you build up trust in your word, and she will be touched with joy anytime you do so.

And I promise you that both of you will have an incredibly great time touching and making love.

To learn more about Carla Tara, visit www.1Tantra.com.

Why Don’t We Ever Make Love Anymore?

Dr. Margaret Paul — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:41:36 +0000

I cannot tell you how often couples complain to me that they rarely make love. These are generally people who love each other, who enjoy being together and often have fun with each other. Yet they don’t have sex. Why does this happen so often?

Sexual arousal, especially for most women, comes from emotional intimacy and connection. While many men can have sex purely from physical desire, many women need emotional intimacy and connection to feel physical desire. While many men might love it if their wife would suddenly start to fondle their penis, many women feel violated when their husband grabs their breasts, crotch, or butt.

Gender Differences About Touch

I often hear from the woman I work with, “I just feel groped and disgusted when my husband grabs my breasts. Why doesn’t that turn me on? Is there something wrong with me?”

Many women do not feel drawn to touch or be touched in a sexual way until the feeling of love is flowing between them and their partner. Yet women have been trained to believe that they should respond sexually in the same way men do, and often feel inadequate when they do not feel turned on by the things that turn on men.

Hazel and Daniel were struggling with this issue of lack of sexuality. Just before their counseling session with me, they had a fight because Daniel fondled Hazel’s breasts while she was dressing in the morning, and then got angry when she didn’t like it.

Hazel had often expressed to Daniel that what turned her on was the deep kissing that resulted from emotional intimacy. Yet, even though Daniel said he wanted to make love, he would not intimately kiss Hazel.

Why?

As we explored the issue, it became apparent that neither Hazel nor Daniel felt safe with intimacy. While they loved each other, their fears of rejection and engulfment made them feel unsafe with each other.

When Hazel got critical, Daniel took it personally, and was unable to set loving limits against being controlled by Hazel. He would get angry and withdrawn, which would trigger Hazel’s fears of rejection.

Both Hazel and Daniel were afraid that if they were emotionally intimate, they would give themselves up to avoid rejection. Keeping the emotional distance felt safer than risking losing themselves or losing the other if they did not give themselves up. Yet sexuality could not flow without the loving feelings that come from emotional intimacy.

Be Conscious Of Your Intent

The problem was that neither Hazel nor Daniel were conscious of their intent most of the time. In most of their interactions, both of them were unconsciously protecting themselves from rejection or engulfment, rather than consciously thinking about what would be loving to themselves and each other.

Because their intent was to protect themselves, they were often trying to control how the other felt about them while at the same time protecting against being controlled.

Each would respond to the other’s rejecting behavior with their own rejecting behavior, anger, criticalness, blame, withdrawal, resistance. Each would attempt to control how the other felt about them by not telling their truth, not taking loving care of themselves.

Each were handing the responsibility for their feelings to the other and then getting upset when the other did not do what they wanted. Neither were showing up as loving adults to take care of their own feeling in loving ways.

Relationship Safety

While it may seem roundabout to deal with a lack of lovemaking by focusing on one’s intent, this is exactly what needs to happen.

Until both Hazel and Daniel become conscious of their intent and start to choose the intent to learn about loving themselves, instead unconsciously choosing the intent to protect/control, they will not create the inner safety necessary for intimacy. Until they practice taking personal responsibility for their own feelings, they will continue to fear rejection and engulfment and protect against it.

You cannot have the joy of sharing love and passion while protecting against loss of self and loss of other. Love and passion do not flow when you are trying to control and not be controlled. As long as protecting against rejection and engulfment is more important than loving yourself, you will not create the inner safety necessary to create relationship safety.

Relationship safety creates the arena for love and intimacy to flow, leading to the physical sharing of love that occurs when people are deeply connected.

You cannot change what you do not know you are doing. When noticing your intention, to protect/control or to learn about loving yourself and your partner, becomes your highest priority, you will begin the process of healing your sex life.

3 Mistakes Men Make That Causes Women To NOT Have Sex With Them Ever Again!

Lee Jenkins — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:30:10 +0000

So you thought it went really well. You lavished her attention and ensured she reached her climax first before you did. So why doesn’t she want to ‘hook up’ with you again? Chances are, you committed one of the three mistakes that most men do after having sex.

While men are often only concerned about what occurs DURING sex, women are bit more complicated; they also put attention (A LOT of attention) on what occurs after sex.

If you’ve never really picked up on this before, then chances are you’ve committed one of the following mistakes.

After-Sex Mistake #1: Rolling over after reaching an orgasm and going to sleep.

You may think that this is ‘natural.’ After all, didn’t you just have a long day at work and didn’t you just cater to fulfilling her sexual needs first before yours? But to your partner, dozing off right away means only one thing: insensitivity.

In fact, most women will think this way, “now that he’s had his way with me, he’s done and just wants to sleep!”.

So how do you handle this situation especially when you are really sleepy after sex? Simply snuggle up to her and cuddle up a bit. You can stroke her hair too. (Better actually, as this may make HER sleepy!).

After-Sex Mistake #2: Jumping out of bed and doing something else.

If sleeping immediately after sex shows you’re insensitive, jumping out of bed and putting all your attention into doing something else (e.g., work!) means you’re a real jerk to her.

For yourself, you may just feel so energized after cumming that you want to do other things, but to her jumping out of bed right after sex indicates that the time you two had was irrelevant. It wasn’t lovemaking; it was just sex.

So how do you handle this situation especially when you are really NEED to do something? Just stay a bit longer in bed. A couple more minutes surely won’t kill you! You can simply embrace her and be quiet, or cuddle and (for me the better option) start to slowly mention that darn! you forgot to do something and now you have to get up now and do it. Do this grudgingly!

After-Sex Mistake #3: Reaching for the remote, turning on the TV, and forgetting she’s beside you.

You can’t fake intimacy. Does this mean you can’t ever turn on the TV after having sex? Of course not! In fact, SHE may even want to catch something on TV herself.

But the thing is, don’t break contact. You can just as easily reach for the remote while ensuring that you’re still embracing her, right? Further, a simple question of “do you mind?” can go a long way than simply ignoring her and watching TV!

Just don’t forget to include her. Ask her if she wants to see something too or ask for her comment on what you’re watching. Anything that signifies you haven’t forgotten that she’s beside you is good.

3 Ways To Intensify Your Orgasms and Intimacy During Lovemaking

Michael Webb — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:15:40 +0000

Did you know that one of the best ways to intensify orgasms and the overall lovemaking experience is by having prolonged foreplay?

It’s true. Including “prolonged foreplay,” you’re about to learn three ways to add new levels of passion and excitement to your lovemaking that will bring you and your partner even closer. So here we go!

1. Prolong your foreplay

An extended period of foreplay amplifies your sexual experience because it gives you time to build up sexual anticipation. Why does this work? It’s just human nature. Think about a big event in your life. Whether it be a party, a holiday, or a major movie launch, chances are that you were so excited by the buildup and buzz that it made the experience 10 times better.

Well, the same rules apply to making love. So next time you spend some time under the sheets, make a conscious effort to explore your partner’s body. Leave a trail of kisses all over their body, run your fingers along their skin and gaze lovingly into their eyes.

The more time you spend devoted to foreplay, the greater the experience for both of you. And if you want to feel the magic even more then…

2. Try new things with a “twist”

Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m not talking about JUST trying a new lovemaking position, tip, technique or even location. While these things would definitely spice things up, you can make your experience even more fulfilling, simply by using a little added creativity.

For example: Why not learn a new technique––pack a picnic and head to a beautiful park for the day. And if you find a private spot, who knows what might end up happening? Going on dates like these helps to bring back the magic that made you fall in love in the first place.

3. Play bedroom games

Tasteful, fun and alluring sex games are one of the best ways to intensify orgasms and the entire lovemaking experience. Not only are they extremely fun and have a lot of ‘replay value,’ but they actually accomplish BOTH the other tips at the same time too!

Because when you play a sex game you…
1. Automatically extend foreplay in a fun and interesting way
2. Try new things that the game tells you to do

And even while some games only consist of familiar tips and moves, you’ll be using them in new scenarios, which actually makes them feel new.

Maybe you’ll use a deck of cards or dice to create your own passionate play. Perhaps you’ll adapt a sport game for the bedroom. Or maybe you’ll just want to use your bodies as the props. It doesn’t matter. Simply get excited and unleash some creativity!

So if you want to create a magical experience, remember there’s no better way than playful game that combines both prolonged foreplay and trying new things.

How to Induce Sexual Desire In Your Bedroom

Lee Jenkins — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:56:14 +0000

Picture this: you guys are so into each other that you can’t wait any longer to make love.

You start ripping each other’s clothes off and proceed to the bedroom. Once you get there, somebody steps on a gadget left on the floor causing pain.

You move on but the open window is bringing in all the noise from outside and a strange smell from the nearby garbage dump. You both still try to proceed with sex but the bed hasn’t actually been made that morning and it’s smelling a bit in addition to having cookie crumbs all over it.

You both decide to try again… sometime.

What a bummer! If only you had time to prepare your bedroom for lovemaking! Well read on, following are tips that are GUARANTEED to up sexual desire in your bedroom.

How to Make Your Bedroom Hot, Sexy and Ready for Love… Anytime!

Lighting is everything.

Bright yellow lights or glaring white fluorescent lights contribute nothing to sexual desire in the bedroom. What you need are room lights that can be dimmed or a simple bedside lamp that can be dimmed. Better yet, go for scented candles ready for lighting at a moment’s notice!

Music – and Love – is in the air.

You must have some form of music player in your room right? Make sure that you have a couple of tracks that simply shout LOVE in the air. A couple of Barry White (Michael Buble for the younger crowd) CD’s never hurt. It really depends on what you and she are into in terms of music genres. Some couples like opera music (you know, the crescendos make great backdrops to orgasms!), while other’s prefer a 1980s collection of love songs.

The smell of love…

At this point, we’ll go a bit beyond the scented candles and/or burning scented oils. Try to ‘train’ her to associate a certain smell with lovemaking. The trick here is to condition her brain to think of sex every time she smells a particular smell.

For example, on the first night you plan to engage in foreplay, give her a bunch of red roses (or any flower you know she likes). This way, she thinks of making out every time she smells red roses.

Now, on the first night you plan to engage in sex, make sure red rose petals are scattered on the bed or a fresh bouquet of red roses is in the bedroom. Again, the goal is to make her ALWAYS associate a specific scent to you and your lovemaking sessions!

Action speaks louder than words.

Keep in mind that no trick beats a previously sexually pleasurable or great experience with you. Say that you guys made love a week ago at some other location and you saw to it that she climaxed BEFORE you did, she’ll remember this and you can be sure that this time – in your own bedroom – she’ll be showing you just how grateful she is!

7 Tips For More Pleasurable and Passionate Lovemaking

Michael Webb — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 14:40:36 +0000

Need some ideas to make your lovemaking phenomenal?

These 7 tips should give you plenty of ideas to make your midnight sessions more hot, steamy and passionate, starting today…

1. Become more sensual

While most men want to ‘get the job done’ and reach the goal of orgasm, for women it’s more about the journey. Women love to reach climax as much as men do, but they also love a sensual stroke from your hand across their leg.

Believe it or not, the ears, neck, arms and hair are all really sensitive areas that love to be stimulated. Spend some time during foreplay caressing and touching these areas, and watch how it pleases your partner and can even intensify their orgasm.

2. Try positions proven to increase pleasure

For women: The reverse missionary is identical to the traditional missionary position except that she is on top. This is probably the easiest position for a woman to climax because she can control the friction to her clitoris and/or G-spot.

For men: Practically every animal species utilizes the rear-entry “doggy-style” position, so it is a natural one for humans to enjoy, as well. Although you won’t have face-to-face contact, there are many benefits. It is great for guys because they have full control over movement and pleasure.

3. Play bedroom games

Tasteful, fun and alluring sex games are one of the best ways to intensify orgasms and the entire lovemaking experience. They’re fun, sexy and have a lot of replay value.

And even while some games only consist of familiar tips and moves, you’ll be using them in new scenarios, which actually makes them feel new.

4. Set a romantic mood

People often think that using candles, music, incense and even rose petals to set the mood of their lovemaking is too “cliché.” Are they kidding! Your partner will LOVE YOU for this. Just imagine how happy you would feel if someone went to all the trouble to create a special lovemaking occasion that you can cherish for years to come. Could this be so “cliché” because people enjoy it so much? Point made.

5. Give them a sexy massage

Why stop at setting the mood? Go one step further and give your partner a sensual massage that makes them feel relaxed and loved at the same time. Make it sexy, sensual, and pleasurable. Massage them naked or build up the anticipation by having them slowly undress during the massage. Then kiss, caress and slowly transition “under the sheets” where a massage of another kind can take place.

And no, you don’t need years of study to give a great massage. Just grab some candles and music, and bless your partner with an experience they’ll never forget….

6. Please your partner with more oral sex

Did you know that oral sex is a great way to strengthen your relationship? Think about it. It takes a lot of trust and comfort to let somebody have their mouth down there. Not to mention it’s great for men who want to relax without pressure to perform, and for women who can’t reach orgasm from only intercourse. In short, it’s an important part of foreplay.

Here are some tips for both men and women.

Ladies: Women often start fellatio by sucking on the penis straightaway when, actually, they should start with some playful teasing and soft touches. This will lead to a much more powerful orgasm as it heightens his anticipation.

Gentlemen: A mistake men often make is moving their tongue in a thrusting fashion, when stimulating the vagina and clitoris orally. Instead, they should lick it like an ice cream cone. Another great tip to keep things exciting is to write the alphabet around the clitoris with your tongue.

7. Use household items

It makes sense that to spice things up you need to do something different. The more unique the experience, the more it fires up your lovemaking. Well, just recently I’ve found one of the very BEST ways to keep things passionate and exciting. It’s by using household items.

Huh? That’s right! There are literally 100′s of household items you can play with in your house. Everything from a rolling pin for a massage, ice for a cool sensation, cards for a naughty game or sheepskin that feels soft under your skin.

By dedicating time to finding new items, you can turn ordinary lovemaking into extraordinary lovemaking for longer, and keep it that way. And while positions and techniques get old quickly, these items add a NEW LEVEL to your lovemaking that normal lovemaking just can’t do. This is the sure-fire way to make sure your lovemaking stays passionate, pleasurable, and intimate for years to come.

In fact, unlike all the other suggestions, using household items for foreplay and intercourse proves to be the most unique and powerful way to spice up lovemaking.

Sex Tips – The REAL Secret to Sexual Confidence

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 20 May 2007 01:20:36 +0000

Sex can be a wonderful and exciting part of any relationship, bringing great joy to both (or more) partners. But so often a couple just isn’t sexually in sync. For whatever reason, they just don’t click sexually.

A common reason for these sex problems is the lack of open and honest communication.

This is a deeply engrained societal issue… people just aren’t comfortable talking openly about sex, not even with their sex partners. And guess what – your partner isn’t going to read your mind. If you don’t let them know what you want, they won’t know.

When lovers do talk, it’s often about the physical – the logistics of love making, not about their deep fantasies and desires. So often we get questions from people who can’t seem to get a particular sex position just right.

It’s not about getting the other person to orgasm in any particular position or another, but rather about feeling desired, felling wanted, feeling your partner’s lust and craving for you – feeling the intense heat of passion. And it’s about making your partner experience that as well.

That’s something to strive for. It’s that shared desire that brings great sexual confidence.

Today’s question is from a lady dealing with the difficult issue of sexual confidence.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I find myself burdened with an unfortunate insecurity. I don’t feel confident in bed. I have had a number of good and bad relationships that have left me knowing a lot about my soul, but little about success in bed. My first sex partner used to become extremely angry and offended if I didn’t want to have sex. He would lay guilt trips down, refuse to speak to me, or yell. It wasn’t until after leaving the relationship that I realized how badly it made me feel about myself, and how unnecessary/abusive it was. I dated another boy after him who was just the opposite, we dated for 3 years and he rarely initiated sex, not wanting to make me feel pressured. We spoke freely of our feelings, and by the end he felt more comfortable being aggressive. The second relationship helped me feel comfortable with myself and men, however neither relationship really left me feeling like a sex goddess.

Now, I have finally found someone who is helping me explore my sexual side. I recently started dating a French man I met, and he really knows how to turn me on! The problem is… with every boyfriend, I have never been able to get a guy to cum from a blow job, and I’ve never really been the one on top during sex. Frenchie keeps trying to get me on top, but every time I do, it’s like I’ve broken his penis! I’m 140 lbs, not obese; and he’s no waif… His penis is medium size, so it’s not as if it’s some stub that would break if a sparrow sat on it! I’ve tried sitting straight up and moving up and down, or leaning forward and moving forward and back, but while he is encouraging, it’s never successful. I’m also afraid that sitting straight up leads me to bouncing rather than riding… and that seems to hurt! As for the blow-jobs, I can’t seem to get a rhythm; or when I do (and this is highly embarrassing) he jokingly asked if I would like to breath!

He is perfectly confident and supportive, and I’d really like to get over my insecurities. I’m sorry for such a long explanation and please, if you have any advice, it would do a lot of help.

Desperately,
Finally French (Pennsylvania)

Check out this resource we recommend to really spice up your sex life:

500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

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