Ask Dan and Jennifer » married

Divorced After 23 Years – How Do I Move On? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 15:41:21 +0000

It’s difficult when any relationship ends, whether you’re the one who ends it or not.

It can be especially difficult if the relationship has lasted for several years, even twenty or more years. If you’re not the one who broke it off, being on the losing end of a break up or divorce can be a tough thing to handle.

How do you begin moving on? Where do you start?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We have 2 kids and were married for 23 years and suddenly she asked me to leave and said it’s over. We’re now divorced and she’s dating again. Now she acts like she hates me.

All these questions torment me. I need answers. How do I move on when she won’t even talk to me?

– 19bluesdaddy59

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The only thing you can control is yourself.

If your partner is the one who ended things with you, you probably feel rejected and out of control. You may want to find out why they left you or what went wrong. Your partner, however, may not be ready to give these answers to you and even more likely, they don’t know the answers either.

The truth is, you can’t control anyone but yourself. You can’t make your partner take you back, you can’t make them tell you why they left and you can’t make them act the way you want them to.

You can, however, control how you react to the situation. You can be petty and vindictive if you choose, but you can also be calm and forgiving too. Only you can choose how you act towards the situation. It will be more difficult to move on, however, if you choose to be vindictive or if you harbor ill feelings and anger towards your partner for ending things.

If you choose to take the higher road and work through your feelings of anger and ultimately let them go, it will be easier to move on.

Working through your anger.

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How Can I Get My Ex Back? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 11:58:04 +0000

You’re in a relationship and suddenly, before you even know what is happening, it’s over.

You mourn the loss of your relationship and your partner and you wonder where you went wrong.

If you’re lucky, you’ll figure it out, because some people never do. If you’re able to understand what happened to cause the relationship to end, will you be able to get your ex back?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi! I discovered your videos on YouTube, and figured you could help me out. I had been with my ex-girlfriend for just over 18 months. Everything was going great for the first 12 mos. We broke up a couple of weeks ago, and I was devastated. She said things had gotten boring and that the past few months she didn’t really feel like a couple. She said she still wanted to be friends and needed time to think. I haven’t heard anything from her since then. I’m getting worried that she’s forgotten about me and never wants to see me again. I’ve realized where I went wrong. I just want to know if my ex-girlfriend will ever come back to me and if it’s possible how I can get my ex-girlfriend back. Can you help me!

– Matt, Cumbria, England

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Realizing the mistakes.

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8 Signs Your Date is Married

Click by Lavalife, Brent Turnbull — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 14:45:42 +0000

Ever wondered if you’re dating a married man or woman?

Maybe it’s the fact that you know nothing about their personal life or you’ve never met their friends.

Something just doesn’t jive when you’re together.

Luckily, there are some telltale signs that your lover has another!

Below are eight easy-to-spot signs that your date is probably married…

1. What’s Your Home Number?

Getting a hold of your partner is about as easy as contacting a government employee at 4:35 pm. You have a cellular number but it always seems to be turned off or out of range when you aren’t together.

Well, you can’t expect them to take your call at their son’s soccer game, can you?

2. Are You Dating A Homeless Person?

If you didn’t know better you’d think your lover lived on the street.

You know he must have a house — he has to store that extensive wardrobe somewhere — but, much like the Sasquatch, you’ve never actually seen it.

The reason all the sleepovers happen at your house? His wife would be an inconvenience at his.

3. Tell Me About Your Family…

Speaking of mysterious, how much do you know about her personal life?

Does she ever talk about her family, where she went to school, her hometown or hobbies?

If she’s keeping you in the dark, it’s because she doesn’t want to give you the information you need to discover she’s married.

4. I’d Never Find This On My Own

And that’s exactly the point. All of your public dates take place in very inconspicuous out-of-the-way places, but those happening in the privacy of your living room likely outweigh them.

If you find yourself watching movies at your place more often than eating dinner in a restaurant, you may be getting it on with a married man.

5. What A Strange Time To Call

Consistently calling at odd hours is a definite sign of something amiss.

She may call early in the morning on the way to work or in the wee hours of the night while walking the dog, but it never seems to be at a normal time or from a normal location. Also watch for lot of (untraceable) calls from public phone booths or leaving the room to take calls on his mobile when you are together.

6. Come On, Let Me See Them

Most people keep photos of their wife and kids close to their heart. If you spy some snaps in his wallet or her purse but they won’t let you have a look, it’s a safe bet they’re not of a best bud or beloved pet.

7. PDAs Are MIA

She always finds a way to wiggle her hand from yours when you walk down the street. She nervously looks around her before offering you a peck on the lips and hugs are quick and perfunctory.

If public displays of affection are rarer than black pearls, she’s probably worried about hubby seeing her locked onto your lips.

8. Why Don’t We Do Anything With Your Friends?

The two of you always go out alone.

There’s never another couple or friends along for the ride. He says his friends are all boring or they’re married and can’t go out.

The reality is that he’s all married and just trying to keep worlds from colliding and crashing into his elaborate lie!

High School Sweethearts: Is It Meant to Last?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:28:40 +0000

It’s happens all the time. High School Sweethearts go off to college. Usually, they go off to different colleges and that ends it pretty quickly.

But what happens when they actually go to the same college and see each other every day?

It may be more difficult to break it off, but as people grow and mature, especially at that age, they tend to go their separate ways. And that’s OK. It’s almost expected.

There are occasions where they stay together and live happily ever after, but that’s not the norm.

For young couples in this situation, the important thing is not to focus so much on the ever after and enjoy the time spent together today, in the present.

Don’t rush into marriage too quickly. There’s no reason for it. You can always get married later if you choose to do so. Being together is not all about marriage, and it’s not always meant to lead to marriage.

Many people just see marriage as a safety net – a way to "lock in" that relationship permanently before it gets away. Signing a marriage contract won’t make you closer. But getting married too soon in any relationship will usually lead to a lot of heartache and often an even more painful breakup.

Open and honest communication is critical. One may worry about the other’s happiness and make foolish decisions just to keep from hurting their best friend. Talk about your relationship frequently at this age because both of you are changing and growing so much all the time.

What may have been a valid assumption about your relationship in January may no longer be true in June. It’s not that the other person is fickle or confused. The ages between 18 and 27 are the years when a teenager becomes and adult and truly discovers who they are. They come out of their shell so to speak.

In many cases, this means leaving behind old friends and lovers, including your High School Sweetheart. Not because they’ve done anything wrong… You’re just growing and changing in different directions.

While it may hurt to break of the relationship, if you are honest with one another, five years from now, you’ll probably still be friends because of the trust and friendship you’ve developed. If you lie and hide your feelings, you’re more likely to lose the relationship all together.

If you’re not sure that you want to continue the relationship – maybe you want to experience life and see what else is out there… Talk about it with your partner and explain your feelings. Let him or her know that it’s not about them. Make it about you.

In reality, two things could happen — you could be completely honest and find out that your partner feels exactly the same way – so you decide to just be friends, or your relationship may grow even closer because of your honestly and move to the next deeper level.

The important thing to remember is that the decision to stay together or to move on should be a mutual decision made by the two of you together.

High School Sweethearts – Can It REALLY Last? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 17:55:28 +0000

You’ve seen time and time again… young couples together since high school, making plans to be together forever.

Ah, young love… It’s beautiful and romantic, but forever is a pretty big word. Being so young, high school sweethearts are much more likely to grow apart than older couples.

They go to college, make new friends, find new interests and passions. And before you know it, they find they’ve grown apart.

So here’s the question: Can it REALLY last? And if it starts falling apart, what can you do to keep from losing your best friend?

Watch this short video to find out…

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