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5 Dating Don’ts for Divorced Dads

Jason Likert — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 22:32:18 +0000

Dating as a divorced dad has the potential to feel like writing with the opposite hand; it’s the same dating you’re used to doing, but you’re going to be doing it differently.

As a married man you’re used to going out on dates with your spouse. Dates could be simple things like a trip to a local outdoor market, maybe dinner, and then home.

Perhaps they were a quiet dinner and then a movie before bed. They had the potential to be quality time spent with your spouse doing things you both enjoyed together.

Now that you’re back "in the wild" dating could be a huge eye-opener for you. The things that worked while you were married may not work now that you’re single and looking.

1. Don’t Talk About Your Past Marriage

This is the cardinal rule for dating after divorce. Don’t talk about your marriage unless specifically asked and keep it to a minimum. Use your best judgment about what you can share but any discussion of your ex can lead to more questions that you may not want to answer. Early in the relationship anything you say can, and will, be held against you for future reference.

2. Don’t Get Into a Rut

It’s easy to get comfortable doing the same thing over and over again like going to the same places for dinner over and over again. Don’t bring your date to the same place for dinner often; it’s monotonous and has the potential to tell your date that you aren’t original. Not only that you’re telling her that you’re possibly mundane and boring.

This leads me to the next point.

3. Don’t Skip The Romance

Women love romance. They thrive on it in many shapes and fashions. Remember to keep this in mind when planning a date. Do something romantic like taking her to a romantic show or a fancier restaurant. If you are going to cook her a meal, decorate your place with roses, a nice wine, relaxing and romantic music she enjoys and make her feel special.

Romance is about showing your lady how much you enjoy making her happy and showing her how you feel. Many guys that I know are romantic with their ladies even if they aren’t good at telling them how they feel.

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How To Avoid The Top 5 Mistakes Single Guys Make In Clubs

Ryan Randolph — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 15:29:57 +0000

Have you ever gone to a club, bought a bunch of overpriced drinks, then stood around only talking to your friends while thinking "Why did I come here?"

I remember a few years ago, before I learned any dating tips, I would leave bars or clubs with this frustrated feeling inside me.

I thought, "I just don’t get it, clubs are supposed to be a place to have fun and meet women. Where did I go wrong?"

I believe there are five major mistakes that guys make consistently at clubs for this to happen, I know I’ve made them. I also believe that if guys just stopped doing these five things, their success would improve automatically.

1. Only talking to people you know.

This first one is fairly obvious, yet many guys do it all the time. I remember standing there, looking around the club for beautiful women. When I’d find one, I‘d think to myself “Aha! There’s a beautiful woman” and then I would just keep talking to my friends.

If you keep talking to the same people, you’re going to get the same results. You don’t necessarily need to go talk to every beautiful woman you see, you can just start with the person standing next to you.

Just turn your body a little bit so you lean in from the side and start chatting. It doesn’t matter if it’s a couple, a group of guys, or some cute women. What does matter is that you are improving your conversational skills within the club.

If you’re not sure what to say, look around at your environment for some ideas. Is there a band or any dancers? Is anyone doing anything unusual? Just make a witty comment about the how the opposite of something is true.

For example, if a guy next to me starts taking a whole bunch of tequila shots, I could turn to him and his friends and say “I guess we all know who the designated driver is.” It’s good to say it in a slightly serious tone and without smiling, so you build a little tension.

It doesn’t matter how funny it is, it’s just a way to engage others. Do this to everyone who seems open and you will start having some fun times meeting new people.

2. Caring what others think.

So when you start talking to all different types of people in the club, you’re probably going to meet some friendly people and some not so friendly people (in my experience there are many more friendly people).

What happens if they don’t respond well to you, ignore you, or act rude?

Just move on. It’s not your job to fix other people; you don’t have control over them. The only thing you have control of is your own reaction. You can choose to care about their opinion or to not care about it.

The better you get at talking to more people, the more you will learn that it’s not about you. Some people go to the club to let go of all their frustrations from the week and combine that with alcohol and you can get all kinds of crazy emotions in the mix.

So if something isn’t working out, just realize it’s their issue and move on.

3. Ignoring the club employees.

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Online Dating: The Single Mom Conundrum

Click by Lavalife, Lola Augustine Brown — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:57:13 +0000

I’m a single mom and my child is the first thing on my mind at all times. But I don’t want to be defined by my single-mom status.

I am so much more than that and besides, the label has such depressing connotations — desperation, loneliness, sadness. Yet I am none of those things. So when it comes to online dating, when is the ideal time to reveal your single-parent status?

My first ad on Lavalife was honest. I said that I was a single mom but not looking for anyone to rescue me, thank you very much. I got a few hits from really strange guys. One sexy guy smiled at me, but said he’d only be interested in some fun, as he’d had enough of the single mother type. I was furious. I’m not a type just because I’ve had a child. So after some depressing experiences, I’ve stopped mentioning my child in my ad.

Is that wrong?

"No," says Sherrie Schneider, co-author of The Rules for Online Dating, "Nowhere in your ad should you mention your children. Don’t say that you love hugging your three-year-old, talking walks with your teen and never, ever, post a photograph online that shows you with your kids."

Its not that Schneider advocates pretending that the kids don’t exist. If there’s a fact box to check that asks whether you have any, you should check yes, but you shouldn’t offer any further info on the topic if you want to attract a man.

Operating on a need-to-know basis is also advocated by Sharon McKenna, author of Sex and the Single Mother. "It seems deceptive not to disclose it, but unless they ask you directly or you’re out on a date and it seems like there’s a real chance of romance, telling them isn’t necessary," she says, "But, if it feels like something good could develop, you need to tell them straight away."

One single mom I know, Ally*, admitted to placing two ads, one that mentions her child and one that doesn’t. "My barren ad attracted more men," she says, "It’s like the Internet mimics the real world. Who knew?"

Strangely enough, being a single dad doesn’t seem to have the same effect on the number of hits you get or mean that you only hear from single moms. James says that his ad, which mentions that his children are the most important thing in his life, brings him lots of dates. "Honestly, I think that women feel like I’m less likely to be a jerk because I’m a dad," he says, "Which is probably true to some extent, as having children made me become a lot more mature and dependable than my childless friends."

When looking through personal ads it can be cringe-inducing to see how some guys use their kids to show you how nice they are. Putting pictures of your kids up on a dating site is pretty creepy whether you are male or female. But when browsing through ads, this tends to be something guys do much more readily. "I would never do that," says James, "My kids aren’t some kind of bargaining chips for me to show what cute babies I can make."

Another friend, Helen, always mentions her son somewhere in her profile, though she does it discreetly. "As much as I am looking for someone, I am screening people as well," she says, "I wouldn’t want to be with someone who dislikes children or doesn’t get the limitations that having a child places on dating. For example, I cannot just go on spontaneous dates or away for a weekend without enough notice to get a sitter."

I had a few interesting IM chats with a guy who seemed interesting but just didn’t get the single parent thing even though we’d discussed it (briefly). He’d email me in the middle of the day and ask if we could meet for drinks that evening, then get irritated when I’d say no. He just couldn’t understand that it was impossible to get away with an hour’s notice. Needless to say, we never actually met in real life.

Before you do actually drop the bombshell that you are a mom…

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Top 10 Dating Questions for Singles

1. How do you start dating again?

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4. Where can one find people of the same age?

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