Are You Dating Mr. Or Mrs. Maybe? Stop It Already!

Scot and Emily McKay — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:10:11 +0000

I’m not sure where exactly it happened.

But somewhere along the way our culture decided that “dating” was synonymous with “having sex”. At the very least it’s viewed as such in the narrow minds of enough of the general population to keep tons of self-conscious people all over the fruited plain from dating more than one person at a time.

Why we’re dating one person at a time

And if that’s the prevailing mindset, the way most of us operate is understandable.

After all, most women are more than just a little protective of their reputations.

Meanwhile, on the guys’ side, there’s a deep-seated fear of being branded a “player”…often easily rooted out by a few well-placed questions from a woman on a first date.

What does all this fear lead to? You guessed it. People tend to date one person at a time—sometimes for months or even years—only to ultimately decide that the person they’re with isn’t The One.

Why it doesn’t work

So my question is a simple one.

How in the world is someone—man or woman—supposed to effectively figure out what he or she even really wants from “Mr. or Mrs. Right” when he or she is burning so many cycles hanging out with “Mr. or Mrs. Maybe”?

And can we change our collective mindset to one where “dating” several people at once isn’t only acceptable, but preferable?

For starters, I think it’s time to broaden our perspective. I think it’s time for a real, live re-evaluation of exactly what “dating” should be for.

What dating shouldn’t be

First of all, let’s clarify what dating shouldn’t be.

For starters, it shouldn’t necessarily be “practice marriage”, especially not on the first date (!) or shortly thereafter. If you are still looking at every date as a “marriage interview”, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ran into beaucoup frustrating, if not flat-out awkward moments out there.

Second of all, dating doesn’t have to be placed in a box with a particular label on it. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Dating in the 21st century

If you’re into high-pressure, formal mood-killers like Ye Olde Dinner And A Movie, welcome to the 21^st century. First dates should be more interactive and fun…with plenty of opportunity to actually get to know each other.

After all, let’s face it. Unless you’re trying to intentionally limit your dating pool to people you work with and/or those whom your mother sets you up with, the “get to know you” part is going to be paramount.

And with literally everyone jumping on the online dating bandwagon these days, who in their right mind is still hell-bent on “dipping their pen in the company ink”? There are 3 billion MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) out there…most of them single!

How to date online