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How To Be More Attractive & Less Needy By Releasing The Fear Of Being Alone Today

Nick Arrizza MD — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:33:36 +0000

The fear of being alone inflicts on anyone who harbors it feelings of insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem and self worth, the tendency to depend and rely too readily on others and their opinions, feelings of emptiness and a needy disposition that makes them unattractive to others.

In other words it perpetuates the very thing that the person fears — being alone.

Yet many who are afflicted by this have no idea what to do about it other than to try and wrestle it to the ground and pretend to themselves and others that they are not afraid of being alone. Does this feel like a tenable strategy to you? Hardly!

There is another solution and I present it here in a powerful way that I feel will shift you and your experience permanently if you wish to undertake this pioneering journey into yourself.

The Motivation of Fear

Let’s start with the simple question:

What does this fear actually motivate you to do?

Well, it supposedly motivates one to find friends so that they will no longer feel alone.

So if they are no longer feeling alone what are they supposedly feeling instead?

Well, they would be feeling secure, comfortable, like they fit in, attractive to others, loved, good about themselves, happy, at peace and so on.

What the Fear of Being Alone Does

So in summary one could then say that:

The fear of being alone causes one to not feel secure, comfortable, like they fit in, loved, good about themselves, happy, at peace and so on. (I call this the Summary Statement)

Now if we look at what the fear of being alone actually does to you you’ll notice as stated above that it leads to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem and self worth, the tendency to depend and rely to readily on others and their opinions, feelings of emptiness and a needy disposition that makes them unattractive to others.

In other words it perpetuates the very thing that the person fears i.e. being alone.

The Toxicity of the Fear Of Being Alone

This fear is clearly TOXIC, is it not?

If you see this place one hand over your heart and as if you are speaking from there simply affirm this to yourself and then notice how you feel.

Now does what this fear does to you concur with the Summary Statement above?

Hardly, because they are exact opposites!

The Truth About the Fear Of Being Alone

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Feeling Needy? Have A Clingy Partner? Find Out How To Bring Balance To An Unbalanced Relationship

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 11:55:41 +0000

Have you ever called someone else or been called a “stalker?” Using the term or having it used on you is a frustrated or mean way to say, “I’m sorry but I don’t love you and I need you to understand this and give me my space!”

Sometimes calling someone a “stalker” comes after several failed attempts at communicating the disparity in feelings. Other times, used early on in that person’s affection, it is meant to belittle and humiliate.

One of the problems inherent when a person is actually stalked is the stalker invades that person’s personal space: physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and even spiritually. The stalker is in the person’s life without invitation and without permission.

Similarly, when a person has someone in her life that has fallen in love with her and is desperate to be seen by her, this potential lover’s attention can feel needy, clingy, and invasive because he is requesting admittance at a deep level without invitation or permission.

Imbalance In Relationships

Within an established relationship, if one member of the couple is usually needier or more clinging, resentment can start to build for both of them. For instance, if I am going through a period of insecurity and fear and I pull on my husband for reassurance repeatedly,

I resent my weakness as well as the extra power he has as the more secure one. If I am so needy that he never has the opportunity to relax much less share his own insecurities here and there, he can resent having to be the strong one.

An imbalance of need or desire can suck the life right out of either an established, potential, or even non-existent relationship! How do you turn the tide when you find you are the needy one and what can you do to help yourself and the relationship if you are the stronger one?

Balancing the Imbalance

The short answer to both sides is self-love! At those times in life when you find yourself the needier, more insecure one, self-love is an incredible cure. If you have found yourself in the needy position for what seems like most of your life, self-love is crucial!

By nurturing yourself, giving yourself your own unconditional high regard, thereby valuing who you are from the core of your being to the tips of your fingers, souls of your feet, and top of your head, you give yourself a sense of security from within that no one else can give you. Furthermore, no one else can take it away.

Self-Love is the Answer

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Could Loneliness Be The Dawn of Real Happiness And Romance?

Urban Monk — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:17:42 +0000

Loneliness is one of the deepest sorrows – at its peak it feels like a quiet desperation, a yearning to melt completely with another, a slow suffocation that we can’t escape no matter what. And it was shocking to see how common it is. The media has begun to describe the spread of loneliness as an epidemic!

How can we escape it, what can we do? The most common response is a search for a companion, for a lover.

“If only I had someone,” we think, “everything will be all right.” Failing in this search, many begin to turn to alcohol, depression, or self-destructive behaviors.

But the search is flawed, self-defeating right from the start. Whatever we do might seem to work for a while, but we are running away from loneliness – and the more we run, the stronger it gets.

Relationships Rooted in Loneliness

Romance that stems from loneliness is fake, a rose made of plastic; all it does is cover up our yearning. This is how many relationships are – two lonely people who are mutually clinging and grasping on to each other. Regardless of what they say or do, each person is really thinking: please take care of my heart.

How do we take care of other hearts when we can’t even nourish our own?

In such relationships, the neediness is still there. Once the honeymoon period is over, the neediness and unhappiness begins to arise again. For no one – no matter how beautiful, handsome, sweet, attentive, and dashing – can fulfill your needs exactly the way you want them to. There’s always something else that will appear – something they haven’t done that you want them to, or they’ve done something you wish they hadn’t.

When that happens, the yearning arises again. In fact, it has always been there, just beneath the surface. But you think it is your partner’s fault, and you begin to blame them – “You were supposed to make me happy!” But how can they? No one can make you happy but you. All they can do is cover the yearning temporarily.

The Repugnance of Desperation

Being in the depths of loneliness makes it harder to find a partner. This neediness can only be hidden for so long, if one manages to hide it at all.

It is common knowledge that desperation is one of the most unattractive traits out there. The more you run after them, try to hang on to them, the more a quality partner will retreat. They have options, people who make them happy instead of wanting to rely on them – why stay with you?

Relax into your Loneliness

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