Ask Dan and Jennifer » online dating

How To Create An Online Dating Strategy That Works

Dave M. — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 17:00:09 +0000

Online dating can be fruitful if you have a plan that actually will garner you success. Here’s what you’ve been doing wrong – and how to do it RIGHT!

Create A Swipe File Of Emails To Test

I can’t stress enough how important this exercise is. First, come up with your own emails, each one different from the others. Aside from the e-mails you wrote yourself, go back to the “girl” proﬁle you set up and see what your competition is doing. When you get to the dating site, you can test every email to ﬁnd out which emails get the best response.

This way, you won’t spend too much time writing hundreds of different kinds of e-mails when you’re there. You can tweak and re-tweak the e-mails for sending to different girls, or to the same girl (using different accounts).

Soon, you will start noticing patterns; not only in the way your emails get received by the girls you send them to, but also in the personality type of girls who reply in a certain way. After this, you will know exactly how to handle an email correspondence based on your tests and personal experience with the women you met.

Why Testing Is Important

Just like when people who own a website test ad spots and promotions to see what works best, you need to test your email correspondences in the same way. Testing allows you to completely weed out what doesn’t work and keep and use what DOES work.

This is a must have plan if you really want to succeed. If you simply continue to send out emails that you don’t know are successful or not, it’s going to be hit or miss. By testing and eliminating the emails that don’t work, you’re going to be hitting a lot more often.

Choose A Dating Site That Attracts The Women You Want To Meet

Every online dating site has a certain “ambiance,” not unlike a new bar you’re visiting. Some dating sites have communities or chat rooms that give off a different vibe from the rest. What you need to remember is that not all dating sites will ﬁt your goal.

If you’re after a quick hook up and you read on the site that they’re in the business of making sure only serious-minded individuals (those who want to get hitched legally ASAP), consider yourself warned. On the other hand, if you’re looking for something deeper than a one night stand, feel out the site for a few days (or during the trial period) and observe how the women there build their proﬁles.

If you have an idea how to play the dating game on a matchmaking website, you will have a clearer vision of how you can tweak your testing plan.

So, are you ready? If you are, grab your ﬁshing rod and sign up for a dating site now!

Fatal Online Dating Mistakes That Can Cost You A Date

Romy Morgan — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 23:00:51 +0000

Online dating seems simple enough. You put a profile up, a few guys check it out and then you set up a meeting. As much as you would like to think that online dating is easy, there are several things that can turn a guy off very quickly. A lot of women do not realize that their pictures, profile text and usernames are so out of whack that no self-respecting guy would go near their profile.

If you are wondering why you haven’t received any emails over the last couple of weeks, you could be in the majority that has their profile set up incorrectly. Here are some fatal online dating mistakes that can cost you a date.

The Wrong Pictures

Sure, it’s great to have different pictures on your online dating profile that shows you have a ton of friends. The problem that most women have is that they put up pictures of them in nightclubs or pictures of them hanging all over other guys. Men are naturally jealous.

No matter how much confidence they have, there is still a tiny bit of insecurity embedded to resent a girl that has pictures of herself hanging all over guys. Replace the pictures of you with other guys so you have some that include you with family or enjoying your hobbies.

Being Generic

The profile is extremely important. Usually, women will just put up a few vague sentences and hope for the best. When you are dating online you want to give as much information as possible about your hobbies, what you’re looking for in a guy and what separates you from other girls on the site. If you look at other girl’s profiles you will see several common statements.

“I can enjoy a night on the couch watching a movie just as much as going out,” is one of the most frequently used statements online. Be specific about what you like to do in your free time. This insight will give you an edge over the competition.

The Wrong Username

Usernames are another pitfall that many women get into. The username that you choose is tricky. The username should not be anything that expresses weirdness or selfishness. Having a username like “princess102” is unacceptable.

You might think that you’re a princess, but guys are not going to be interested in a girl that thinks she is the center of the world. Most online dating websites will allow you to change your username for free, however, some will make you pay a small fee to change the username. Using variations on your name or a hobby as your username is a great way to avoid this mistake.

Relying Too Much On Pictures

Yes, most attraction begins on a physical level and there are guys out there that will simply email you because you’re hot. But you don’t want to rely on your pictures to get dates. Physical attraction is not enough to sustain a relationship. Establishing common interests and relationship needs is essential from the start.

You cannot establish this connection if you are simply relying on your pictures to get dates. If you are relying on your pictures you will probably not get the caliber of men that you really want. Guys that only look at the pictures posted by a girl are usually shallow and arrogant so keep this in mind when you’re creating your profile.

Responding To Every Single Message

Don’t respond to guys that you aren’t interested in just because they are emailing you. Online dating is not about finding the perfect guy, but it’s also not about taking sub-par dates. Just because a guy has expressed interest in you doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to go out with him. You’re not even obligated to respond to him. If you’re not interested in a guy, delete the message and forget about it. Never take a date from somebody whom you have nothing in common with.

Taking Too Long To Respond

When a guy emails you on an online dating site, you want to respond in a timely manner. If you’re interested in him then you can be sure that other girls are also interested. If he sends you a message, try to respond within 24 hours. If you do not respond quickly enough he could take it as a sign that you are not interested or that you are a flake.

The amount of time that you take in responding to a guy might indicate how you will be in a relationship. If you do not respond in a timely manner he could correlate this into how you will respond to phone calls or text messages. Make it a habit to log into your account once or twice a day to respond to emails.

Top 5 Reasons You Should Consider Online Dating

Chase Christopher — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:00:33 +0000

Online dating is beginning to be the biggest way of meeting single women. If you have been considering it, but just haven’t taken the plunge, it might be time to do so. It gives you a very cheap, and sometimes free, way of meeting a lot of women very quickly. Over the last couple of years, online dating has moved into the mainstream. Meeting women on the internet is no longer for social misfits and tons of “normal” people use online dating services.

1. Approach Anxiety

Online dating is the perfect solution for men who have approach anxiety. Approach anxiety can get the best of men. Walking up to a woman in a bar or nightclub can be nerve-racking. It gives men a way to avoid approach anxiety by simply sending a message through the service. It’s much easier to send a message through a service and take the rejection of never hearing from the girl than getting a fake number or being told point blank that they’re not interested. If you have approach anxiety with women, you should definitely consider online dating.

2. It’s Similar To Facebook

It’s kind of weird that we think online dating is for losers but we are addicted to Facebook. There are tons of people who have meet significant others through Facebook, so what’s the difference? On both platforms you upload pictures and basically outline your life. If you are an avid Facebook-er then why would you feel uncomfortable with online dating? Most people who have online dating profiles use their Facebook profile pictures on the dating site. Facebook also allows people to put their relationship status on the site. If you have a “Not In Relationship” status on your Facebook account then you kind of already have an online dating profile.

3. One Month Could Equal A Year

How many dates did you go on the last year? 2 or 3? By paying a small fee you could easily go on 10 dates in one month. Depending on your work schedule and how busy you are, you can arrange to go out with multiple women in the same week. This isn’t being a player; it’s just testing the waters. Sign up for a site and see how many women you can go out on a first date with in the first month. This will save you money on the next month’s subscription and will get you on the fast track of finding somebody that you really connect with.

4. Transparency

Have you ever met a girl, gone out on a few dates with her and then found out that she didn’t want the same things as you? It’s fairly safe to say that everybody has been through this. Whether you don’t want to date a smoker, want kids some day or never want to get married, online dating gives you the solution of transparency. Obviously you will need to vet the girls and get rid of any crazies, but getting a snapshot what your potential partner wants out of life can be an asset in finding somebody that you click with well. Using the filters provided by your online dating site can easily give you a list of matches in just a few seconds. This isn’t the case with dating in the real world and can save you a lot of time and money in the long run. You will no longer be spending money on women that will not work out in a long term relationship.

5. It’s Free To Try

All online dating sites allow you to sign up for free. Most online dating sites will allow you to see a small counter of how many people have looked at your profile. Sign up for different dating sites with the same kind of profile. Watch the counter to see how many women are looking at your profile. If you don’t want to spend money on multiple sites, subscribe with the site where you’re getting the most profile views. This will save you money and put you in touch with women that are interested in meeting you.

Online dating is becoming very popular with young professionals, parents and seniors. If you have been thinking about an online dating site, sign up for free and test it out. Remember that you aren’t a creep for using it and it doesn’t make you desperate. Nobody wants to spend their life alone and online dating could be the avenue that you’ve been waiting for.

Discover The Strangest Way To Attract Women (It WORKS!)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:29:18 +0000

Are you tired of waking up alone in your bed every morning?

Are you sick of struggling to date even average looking women?

Do you want a dating system that will attract women FOR you, without you having to do hardly any of the work?

Sound too good to be true?

IT’S NOT!

Watch this free video presentation on the strangest but most effective way to meet women online. This is the ONLY system that will garner you hundreds, even thousands, of emails from smokin’ hot women WITHOUT you manning the computer 24/7.

Click Here to Watch The Video

This system will have you doing the opposite of what every other guy is doing, but that’s exactly what you want! Every other guy is TERRIFIED you’ll find out these super effective secrets, because it means they’ll be wiped off the dating map completely. All the girls that were possibly interested in them are going to be interested in YOU and they’ll all be fighting over who gets to date you first!

What This System Isn’t

It’s not subliminal messages
It’s not stupid, cheesy pickup lines
It’s not sleazy seduction tricks
It’s not what every other guy in the world is doing
It has nothing to do with bragging about yourself or manipulating women

It’s time you discover the most powerful attraction secret in the world!

Insider Internet Dating will teach you how to meet women using a simple, 9-word introduction that will have them emailing you back almost instantly! Yes, you read that right.

9 words.

Pick any woman you want to meet, copy this easy 9-word message and BAM – she’ll be all over you!

It sounds completely CRAZY, but it’s the most effective way to meet hundreds of new girls without ever having to attract women on your own ever again.

What You’ll Learn In Insider Internet Dating…

How to get hundreds of girls chasing YOU
How to beat out the competition (HANDS DOWN) again and again!
How to get hundreds of emails a day from super hot women who are anxious to meet YOU
What kind of messages to avoid sending (these are the ones that will turn women off and leave you masturbating at home every single night by yourself)
How to attract women on auto-pilot, without ever having to leave your house
The psychological triggers that will single you out from other guys
How to meet more women in ONE MONTH than most guys meet in a whole year

Insider Internet Dating is a scientifically proven, 3-step approach to online dating that is unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.

If you’re tired of spending big bucks every month on a dating website that matches you with women you really aren’t attracted to or are sick of being scared out of your wits every time you approach a girl and ask her out, then this system is PERFECT for you.

In just 5 MINUTES, you can learn the 3 simple steps to meeting more girls than you ever thought possible! You can set this system to work FOR you and leave your house to go do something fun, exciting and enjoyable! When you get back, you’ll be SHOCKED at how many messages you’ve gotten from hot ladies!

That’s right, this is something that you can SET and FORGET!

Here’s The Secret

Unless a girl is really, really unattractive, she’s going to have tons of emails in her inbox. TONS. From all sorts of guys. As soon as she logs on, she’s going to see tons of messages and she’s going to start deleting them en masse. What happens to most men is their emails get deleted, without the girl ever having read them.

The problem is, that guy could have been Mr. Right and she never would have known it? Why didn’t she read it?

The truth is, it’s simply impossible for a girl to go through every email. So you have to REALLY grab her attention if your email isn’t going to get deleted like the rest.

And that’s what Insider Internet Dating will show you!

This is the largest compilation of online dating pick up strategies that has ever been assembled. Each technique has been tried and PROVEN to work! Sure, this sounds totally strange, but that’s why IT WORKS so well! You’ve got to do things a little differently if you’re going to stand out from the crowd, right?

Are you ready to have hundreds of emails from hot women delivered to your inbox daily?

Are you ready to have girls who are a “10″ begging for you to go out with them?

Are you ready to have to up your cell phone plan just to handle all the phone calls and text messages you’re going to be getting from women who want to date YOU?

Are you ready to be the guy that EVERY girl wants to date?

Get access to the 3 SIMPLE SECRETS to dating success with Insider Internet Dating and have emails from gorgeous chicks in just hours!

It’s so easy, you have to try! It will change your life!

Click Here to Download This Totally Automatic ‘Cut and Paste’ Message System That Works Nearly Every Time – Attract The Hottest Girls With Absolutely NO EFFORT!

A Woman’s Guide To Writing An Online Dating Profile

Romy Morgan — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:00:28 +0000

Online dating the perfect solution for a woman who leads a busy life or has just moved to a new area. If you’re tired of spending your evenings alone and you’re willing to take the plunge into online dating, you need a great profile. There are a lot of guys online that could be an excellent match for you. The problem is that most women do not know how to write an online dating profile that will grab the attention of a man who will treat them right. Online dating can be a lot of fun and can give you a long list of viable candidates. But you want the guys to be right for you. Here is a woman’s guide on how to write a great online dating profile.

The Site

It all begins with what site you want to use. Do you want to go with a paid site or do you want to go with a free site? Each of these has their advantages and you should consider both when dating online. If you think you can handle all of the responses, you can use both of these for finding dates. Paid sites will typically have a better clientele than free sites. A guy who is willing to pay a monthly fee to find a girl should be established. However, there are more guys on free sites. Once you have written your profile, you can just copy it for both sites. This will give you a broader base and more dates.

The Picture

Choosing a picture can seem like a big ordeal, but there are just a few things that you need to keep in mind. Your main profile picture should not be with anybody else. The last thing you want is a guy to click on your profile thinking that you are your friend. Use the site’s picture tools to crop out friends or choose a picture that doesn’t have anybody else in it. Never use a fake picture. If you’re not confident enough in yourself to put up a real online dating profile, don’t put one up at all.

Why Would He Want To Date You?

We’ve all seen the profiles that say “I like hanging out with friends, going to the beach and spending time with family.” All right! Enough already! Who doesn’t like spending time with their friends and family? What girl doesn’t like the beach? These are non-statements. It’s like saying I like blue skies and wooden wood. You want to separate yourself from the rest of the girls on the site. Be specific. Do you play tennis? Are you an avid mountain biker? These are the kinds of details that guys want to read about. This will also weed out the guys that you’re not compatible with.

Crucial Info

What would a guy know about you after the first couple of dates? Would he know that you volunteer a local animal hospital or that you spend your time mentoring kids? There is a difference in online dating and reality dating. Online dating is all about comfort. You want a guy to think that he knows about 75% of your personality, interests and other aspects of your life just from the online dating profile. The more they know about you, the more you will to talk about when out on a date. In reality dating, you want to remain mysterious. Online dating is about putting yourself out there.

Deal-Breakers

Do you want to date a guy that is a couple inches taller than you? This is fine. Most women want a guy that is taller than them so they can wear heels. However, getting too picky about your deal-breakers can be a deal-breaker in itself. Saying that you don’t want to date a smoker or somebody that has kids is a preference that you might not want to budge on. This is okay. However, you don’t want to put that you only date guys with black hair and blue eyes that are only 6’3. Even if you do only want to date those guys, don’t put it on your profile. Just screen the guys that are emailing you. If you put this on your profile, the guys may think that you’re superficial.

Online dating can be a good way to meet new guys. But if your profile stinks or comes off as pretentious, you will be sitting at home on Friday nights snuggling with your DVR instead of a great guy. Follow these guidelines and wait for the dates to roll in.

Best Online Dating Tips Of 2011

Kaylen Jackson — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 15:24:35 +0000

Online dating can be an excellent way to meet new people – so check out our best suggestions of this year and make a goal to meet someone in 2012!

Don’t forget to take a look at some of our all-time favorite online dating articles! The tips and advice here will help you pimp your profile to the max so you get maximum exposure to the people you’re interested in, as well as teach you what to say and what to do when you find someone you really like. You won’t have success in online dating without these great suggestions!

We’ve also spent this year searching for great dating resources to help you up your game and meet more people than ever before. We want you to have the confidence and the know-how to approach someone you’re interested in, ask them out, get a number, wow them with an incredible first date and sweep them off their feet! Although these resources aren’t specifically for online dating, they contain the SECRETS to dating (online or otherwise) that every man should know – that is, if he ever wants to snag a date!

Pandora’s Box (THE definitive resource on ALL things dating – after this, you’ll be able to date ANY woman you want!)
300 Creative Dates (great for when you actually take your online romance into the real world – you’ll learn unique, inexpensive dates that will totally capture a woman’s heart! NO OTHER GUY has ever taken her on dates like these before!)

Best Dating Tips Of 2011

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 14:00:39 +0000

Dating can be fun and exciting – not frustrating – if you arm yourself with the knowledge of dating experts. You don’t have to go into bars, clubs or malls blindly hoping that someone will approach you and ask you out. Instead, you can learn to take control and become a total master at getting dates!

We found a lot of great suggestions on how to flirt with and seduce women and what to say when you’re face to face with a potential mate. But one thing that became clear over and over was how important confidence and self worth were when dating! Even the best “tricks” don’t match up to how powerful a great smile and confidence are.

Take a look at some of our best advice of the year!

Don’t forget to take a look at some of our all time favorite dating articles!

Very few dating resources have what it takes to make a guy really, really good at the dating game. Even fewer resources can take a total dud and turn him into a Casanova! Here’s the best dating resources we found this year, including some great date ideas that we’ve never heard anywhere else!

Pandora’s Box – Hands down THE best resource for dating!
300 Creative Dates – Inexpensive date ideas that are truly unique.

Why Your Online Dating Profile Sucks

Chase Christopher — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 23:00:25 +0000

Online dating isn’t as easy as it’s made out to be. You have to present yourself in the best light if you actually want people to be interested in you.

Online dating has become a forefront of meeting people over the last couple of years. Anybody who has dabbled in online dating has felt the effects of emailing somebody who seemed cool, but never hear back from her. If you are the kind of guy who sends message after message but is not getting any results, you might have to concede to the fact that your online dating profile isn’t very good. Online dating is basically marketing.

Do you think that a company would ever market their product starting with the worst features? Of course not. So when you market yourself with your worst features, you can pretty much see the reason you aren’t getting any results. If you have a profile that has any of these characteristics, you can be pretty sure that it’s not good.

The Primary Picture

When you log into your dating site, look at your primary picture. Is it not the best photo of you? Is it just you and nobody else? If so, your online dating profile already blows. When a woman sees your picture in the listings, they will automatically determine whether or not they are physically attracted to you. One of the best ways to get them interested is to crop your photo. A lot of online dating websites allow you to crop your picture for the primary photo. Get a picture of you and a bunch of your friends and crop yourself for the primary picture. This way, when she clicks on the picture, she not only sees a great picture of you, she sees you out with friends having fun.

Bad Grammar

Did you know that there are people who actually pay to have their online dating profiles setup for them? Some of us aren’t great spellers or great writers. If you are not capitalizing “I” or using texting terms in your online dating profile, it’s not good. Use proper grammar throughout the profile to show that you have half a brain. Would you want to date somebody that can’t string a sentence together correctly? I hope not. That is what women think when they see your run-on sentences or terrible comma splices. Have a friend proofread whatever your profile says before you post it.

The Life Story Profile

Yes, women want to get to know you, but think of this as a cover letter. Would you write nine pages to a potential employer or would you send them a brief cover letter explaining that you would make a good employee for their available position? When you write your entire life story on a dating profile you give away all of the mysteriousness that should unfold over time after you meet the girl. This can easily come off as desperation, which is something that women can’t stand. Let them know that you’re a great catch, but leave the manifesto to your literary agent.

Not Enough Information

Have you ever opened an instruction manual and realized that it was pretty much useless? This is how women are going to feel if you only put in the required words to complete the profile. “I like being outdoors,” is a really bad sentence to have in your online dating profile. Elaborate without going too far. Make sure that are conveying the kind person that you actually are. Do not lie about things that you have done just to fill up space. Write something meaningful that is genuine and you will see more positive results.

Overly Sexual

Everybody loves sex. This is pretty much a given. But time after time, we see online dating profiles that are too sexually driven. Having an undertone of being a sexual being is acceptable, but there are websites for finding a “friends with benefits” situation. If you sex-up your descriptions, you could instantly turn women off. They remember this too so it might be a good idea to start from scratch. Change your username and primary photo if you are guilty of this. Most online dating sites will allow you to change your username with a paid subscription. If you are using a free site, close your account and open a new one.

Dirty Laundry

Your ex stomped all over your and you hate her. That’s fine, but there’s no room for that on your dating site. If you even mention your ex or previous relationships, your online dating profile blows. Talking about an ex and expressing your feelings about the breakup is something that should be left until at least the 5th date. Remove any and all mentioning of your ex. Women and men both want to feel like they are working with a clean palette even though we know that the person has been with others in the past.

Online Dating: How & When To Make The First Contact

Michelle Hemingway — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:47:22 +0000

Online dating should always be premeditated – that’s the beauty of online dating! You can have the communication well thought out in advance. Here’s how.

In online dating, the first move is unlike any “in real life” first meeting you’ve ever had.

The Hunt

The first move in online dating is entirely premeditated. There’s no striking up a natural conversation at the water cooler, or meeting at a bar. You came to the site looking for a date, and anyone that responds to your messages or profile is looking for the same thing. Sure, you may both be looking for different types of romance, but at least the core is the same.

This can make online dating feel like a bit of a hunt. Both parties are looking for certain traits that they will use to filter out potential candidates. These might be age, looks or location. Some people focus on the “attitude” or “tone” of the profile, or the level of commitment they think the profile conveys. Because of these filters, when the first move is made, it carries a certain feeling of excitement, especially for the person being contacted. Out of all these choices, you chose them. You looked at tons of profile pictures and while you could have gone with the flirty girl or the shirtless guy, you chose them, despite being unable to crop out that random guy’s arm from their profile picture.

When you finally do find someone you’d like to “meet”, you can make the process seem like less of a hunt by actually tailoring your message to him or her. Your first message should say more than “I saw your profile and you look interesting. We should talk.” They’ve received spam emails with more personality than that. Try to refer to at least one unique thing in their profile or picture. Try something like “That’s an awesome view in your profile picture. Where was it taken?” or “I had a friend who went to that college! They raved about this restaurant downtown.”

The Catch

Striking a conversation with someone online can be scary. When the Internet was in its infancy, many people held misinformed ideas of what it was. The cliche was finding that perfect profile of a 6 foot 4 inch tall, blond, muscular, polo-playing firefighter who happens to be the heir to an empire but risks his life because he’s so courageous, only to learn that he’s a 5 foot 2 inch tall unemployed couch surfer who took 30 seconds to find a good profile picture. Or falling in love with emails from a leggy super-model who shared your passion for old movies and football, only to learn that she’s also that same 5 foot 2 inch couch surfer.

Now, the risks remain, but there’s a certain level of honesty expected from all involved. Make sure that your first move is a genuine one, even if it’s not necessarily full disclosure. They don’t need to know about your unpaid parking tickets yet. Or that you love trash TV late at night. But you should still be honest. When you make the first move, avoid the temptation to send an inaccurate photo or to fake a passion for college lacrosse. As soon as you meet, they’ll know how accurate the photo was, and if the relationship becomes serious, you don’t want to risk old “fibs” coming back to bite you.

The Bait

Every online dating site or social networking site has their own twist on the non-verbal, and non-committal, first move. Depending on what site you are on, you can poke, wink, cruise, smile, nod, give a flower or do any number of other ice-breaking actions.

Before you click that button, ask yourself if this is really the way you want your initial meeting to happen. It’s literally the modern day equivalent of walking into a bar, winking at someone and walking away.

To some people, it’s off-putting. They think you only like them enough to click a button, but not enough to say “hello, I saw your profile and noticed that we both like traveling.” They can’t tell whether you’re actually interested, or just quickly hitting as many people as you can.

Consider making your first move a little more meaningful by actually sending a message, particularly one that includes a reference to something in the person’s profile. If you share a common interest, use that as an icebreaker, not a “wink.”

The Release

The initial contact can be the end of the road for many online relationships. Accept it. There’s no obligation that either party has to go on at least one date with every person that talks to them online, or even that they have to respond to your first message. Or your second, third or fourth. It’s possible that you’ve contacted an inactive profile, or your target just found the love of his or her life minutes before you sent your message.

If you’re absolutely convinced that the person was a match, then a follow-up message may be appropriate. They may legitimately have forgotten to respond to you, or unable to get to a computer. Be ready to call a time of death on this potential relationship if you still don’t receive a response though.

Making the first move in online dating can be nerve-wracking and unusual, but every relationship has to begin somewhere. If you can avoid certain behaviors and you are willing to start a conversation, you can find easily handle the world of online dating.

Online Dating – When To Take Your Relationship To The Real World

Michelle Hemingway — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 23:00:38 +0000

Online dating can be fun, but there’s a point where you need to move from online dating to real life. Here’s how to know when the right time really is.

Because people move at different speeds within the world of internet dating, it’s important to be careful about when you move the dating from online to offline. While you may connect with one person who is interested in meeting almost right away, the next person may prefer to take things slower and get to know you first.

No Pressure – Move At Your Own Pace

The truth is, moving from online to offline dating is not an exact science. The right time to venture offline and meet the other person is when you both are ready. This may take as little as one day for some internet couples and as much as a few months for others.

It’s important not to try to pressure your other, cyber, half into meeting you or not meeting you. The end goal is that both of you are comfortable with whatever decisions are made and that you are sure that whatever happens is right for you. If you put pressure on the other person to do what you want, you will be beginning the relationship in a flawed manner – one that could have more serious consequences in the future.

Make Good Use Of Online Tools

It may be a good idea to transition into video chat meetings before meeting in the real world. With video chat, you can get a good idea of what the other person looks like, if they’ve been putting up fake or altered photos, and if you connect with their appearance as much as you have with their personality. Video chat can get both of you accustomed to a more intimate form of meeting than simply chatting with another faceless entity. This can bring you both one step closer toward being ready to actually meet for the first time.

Honesty Is Always Crucial!

Whether or not you want to meet someone right away, it’s important to be honest and transparent in all your dealings with them. If you aren’t interested in meeting them, instead of stringing them along for months and months – getting their hopes up before dashing them to pieces – simply tell them how you feel. If you’re not really interested in meeting people, you may want to reconsider whether or not joining an online dating service is really for you.

How Online Dating Usually Progresses

The online dating progression usually begins with first contact on an online dating service. If you like the person’s profile, you then progress to chatting with them to further advance the connection. If this goes well, you may decide to upgrade to phone call status in which you exchange phone numbers and attempt a you-hang-up-no-you-hang-up kind of love. Once the phone calls are running smoothly and both of you are enjoying yourselves, laughing, and having a good time together, the relationship may finally be ready to progress to a first meeting.

If you are comfortable with your date on the phone and have also video chatted with them various times, chances are that your first meeting will go well and only enhance the relationship. Still, chatting with or calling a person is quite different than meeting them in person, and you should always be a little cautious at your first meeting. When moving from online to offline dating for the first time, always let a close friend or family member know where you’ll be going and how long you plan to be there. You may want to also leave them with a photo and some personal information about the person you plan to meet. First time meetings should always take place in a public area.

Examine Your Motives Thoroughly

Don’t pressure yourself into meeting your online date in person out of fear or guilt. If the only reason you are going to meet in person is because you’re afraid you’ll miss out on a golden opportunity, you may want to reconsider your motives. If you haven’t been able to talk to your special online friend for a few weeks and feel that the best way to make up for your guilt is to meet them in person, that might also not be the best reason to take the relationship from online to offline status. It is a natural part of the spectrum of human emotions to feel both fear and guilt, but make sure that you have better reasons than those to take your relationship into the real world.

If you do finally decide to take the plunge and move from online to offline dating, make sure that you can live up to the face you have presented them with in your online interactions. Being honest about yourself, your personality and appearance, right from the start is the best way to make your first meeting flow smoothly. Whatever you have said about yourself over the days, weeks, or months of your online relationship will all be either proven or disproven in the first few minutes of your first meeting, so speak wisely.

Online Dating: 5 Ways To Stay Safe

Michelle Hemingway — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:00:54 +0000

Online dating is a great way to meet people, but it’s also an outlet for scumbags. Keep these tips in mind if you want your online dating experience to be safe.

Online dating has become one of the fastest-growing internet industries over the course of the past decade. Dozens of websites have staked their claim in the profitable realm of building relationships through the magic of cyberspace. While online dating is an attractive endeavor for folks who have a shortage of free time but an interest in meeting that special someone, it is important to know some general rules of the road in order to avoid regrettable or potentially dangerous situations. Here are five keys to keeping yourself safe while looking for a mate online.

Don’t Give Away Too Much

While you will certainly be asked about things such as your height, eye color and career field, it is important to draw lines regarding the distribution of your personal info. Information such as your address, the names and ages of your children or the location of your workplace should be kept under wraps until you have met with and personally verified the trustworthiness of a person. Not giving away too much applies to money as well as facts.

Over the years, hundreds of online daters have reported being the victim of scammers that were able to get money out of their pocket using a variety of creative techniques. As is the case with most situations that have a small potential for danger, a little common sense goes a long way.

Don’t Get Too Serious Too Quickly

Given that people who peruse online dating sites often do so while alone in the comfort of their own homes, thoughts and emotions tend to race in the wake of meeting someone who could be the one. In the aftermath of an introduction and a positive correspondence, many folks will drift off to sleep at night while fantasizing about a new life with Mr. or Mrs. Right.

While dreaming and wishful thinking can certainly be a fun and thrilling practice to engage in, it is important to not ante all of your emotional chips to the center of the table during the first hand. No matter how sprung you are on a potential online mate, you should never put yourself in a position to be easily heartbroken.

Use The Website To Communicate

Quality dating sites will have a user-friendly interface that allows correspondence between members in a private and secure setting. By conducting your communications within the dating website, you can streamline the process and ensure that nobody trolling the site will have easy access to pertinent information such as your e-mail address or phone number. Having a common place to do all of your online dating interactions can also minimize the chance of an un-received or lost message, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities.

Understand That Deception Does Happen

While the vast majority of online daters often slightly embellish entries such as weight or annual income, some folks go so far as to create a false persona. It’s one thing to say you weight 150 pounds when you are actually closer to 170, it’s quite another to say that you are a 27-year-old professional surfer when you are a 45-year-old manager of a Dairy Queen. Be careful of people or biographies that seem far too good to be honest. Hearts often race at the sight of a gorgeous face that claims to have a multi-million dollar annual income, but there is little means of verifying information up-front.

A good way to get to the bottom of a person and figure out whether or not what they are advertising is true is to attain the name of the company they work for and the city it is located in. Typing the information into a Google search will reveal if the company is real or not, giving you excellent insight into the legitimacy of the person.

Have An Easy Out

It is not a common occurrence, but at times online chemistry simply does not translate into real-life chemistry, causing dates to go sour long before their end. If this happens, having a plan to help yourself out of an awkward and undesirable evening is very important. The easiest approach is to schedule a planned phone call from a friend that can be used to prompt a quick exit if need be. If you are meeting a person for dinner at 7:00, tell a trustworthy friend to give you a phone call around 7:30.

If the date is going wrong, you can use your acting skills to pretend that your friend is stranded somewhere and needs a ride home immediately. If you are into the date and liking the person you are hanging out with, the call can be ignored or quickly finished, allowing you to get back to learning more about your new acquaintance.

Online Dating: What To Look For In A Dating Profile

Michelle Hemingway — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 23:00:44 +0000

Online dating can be intimidating and overwhelming. Sort through the rifraff by keeping these things in mind when viewing online dating profiles.

What Online Dating Is All About

Dating websites have become a popular way of meeting romantic partners. They are helpful tools that the internet provides for finding relationships and often work because everyone who uses the site is interested in a relationship just as you are. The way you find out about potential romantic partners on these sites is by browsing through profiles. The profiles of the users give all sorts of background information on the person and allow you to choose people in whom you may be interested.

Though you shouldn’t jump to conclusions about somebody based on their profile alone, it can help to be able to identify profiles of people with whom you may find yourself compatible as contrasted with ones who will not be worth your time. Some of these sites even only allow you a certain amount of direct (i.e. messaging) contacts per month, so it pays to choose wisely who you would like to initiate a conversation with. Even on sites where this is not the case, wasting time with incompatible contacts just wastes your time and membership money. Though there are of course no set criteria as regards something like this, the following are some things you might consider looking for in a dating profile to help insure that it will be a fruitful contact:

Membership To Site

It is a good idea to look for others that have full memberships, because they tend to be the most active and easy to contact on sites. Many dating websites offer free initial memberships with a lot of restrictions. You may not even be able to send a message to somebody else who doesn’t have a full membership. Even if you are able to message them, they may not be able to respond. This will differ from site to site, but in general, paid site members are much easier to communicate with and begin a conversation with. They also tend to be more interested in the site as a real dating tool and not merely something to dabble in. So this is one this to look for if possible.

A Lot Of Information

A membership profile that offers a lot of information is often a good sign. It means the individual is forthcoming and open and that they are interested in the site. It also simply means that you can find out enough about a person initially to judge whether you’d like to contact them or not. If you only have a few pieces of information such as that their sex, age, occupation, and what they are interested in relationship wise, you really don’t have enough criteria for judging much of anything. Being able to read more about their interests, views, and activities before hand can save you wasted time.

Great Pictures

Few people would deny that a picture is important on a dating site. Though looks should by no means be the primary criterion for becoming interested in somebody, they do play a role. This is not only on the superficial level. You can tell “deeper” things about people by things like their smile, the way they dress, the environment where a photo was taken, and so on. Having a picture also shows that someone has an active sort of interest in the site and has taken to time create a complete profile. With all this is mind, look for profiles with pictures if possible.

Same Relationship Interest

It is a good idea to look for people with at least the same basic relationship interest as you. Certain people on dating sites will be looking merely for friendships, others for casual encounters, and still others for long term relationships. There may be gradations of these three categories as well. Generally it is important to find people that have a similar interest along these lines. This will maximize the possibility that you will both find the type of relationship you are looking for.

Friendliness

Though it might seem obvious, simple friendliness is an important trait to look for in a dating profile. If somebody expresses themselves in a friendly, encouraging, and open way in their profile, that is a sign that they will probably be this way in a relationship as well. If on the other hand they make a lot of demands, sound defensive, picky, or arrogant, this can also suggest the type of romantic partners they might be.

Active On Site

Just because somebody is a site member doesn’t necessarily mean they are very active on the site. So in addition to the things mentioned above, try to make sure a member is active and didn’t just sign up and then forget about it. You can often tell this by indicators that give the date of a member’s last visit to the site or that list the total number of visits.

Multiple Interests

A member with multiple interests is often a good person to contact, because it indicates that they will be an interesting and multifaceted person. This is definitely open to interpretation, and some people may like to find dates who don’t have a lot of interests and just enjoy a few simple things. But for the most part, people who have a number of different interests are dynamic and energetic people, and in most people’s opinion these are good qualities.

Online Dating: How To Create An Effective Username

Michelle Hemingway — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:00:16 +0000

Online dating can be hard if you don’t know where to start. A good screen name is the first step – use these online dating tips for a great first impression.

Choosing a screen name for an online dating site should not be a decision made lightly. It is one of the key elements to site experience and interaction with other members. It is the first thing a prospective date sees and what sets one member apart from another. The ability for a screen name to stick out among a list of other screen names may be the difference between love and…nothing.

Do Some Research First

Initial research should be done by members before choosing their screen name. If they look around a site, they will see for themselves which user names they find appealing. Many sites do not allow the use of vulgar or rude names. Many blogs and articles recommend that a user not vulgarity, rudeness, depression, or self-deprecating user names. This is not good advice for everyone. If a user has these qualities, and expects their possible dates to accept them, then they should include them.

The intended audience should also be kept in mind when choosing a user name. Users are marketing themselves and should keep in mind who they will attract with their user name. Putting too much emphasis on physical qualities may attract a shallow type of person.

Make a User Name That is Easy To Read

The effort of creating a great user name should be rewarded. This will not be the case if a viewer cannot easily read it. 95% of computer users scan web pages. Those same people scan lists. The best way to make a name readable is by clearly defining each word through the use of capital letters or underscores.

Make It Easy to Pronounce

There is a direct relationship between being able to pronounce a word and being able to remember it.

Make It Short

SweetGirl is much easier to read than ThisIsTheLongestUsernameEver, even though the words are distinct in both. The first is the easiest to pick out when scanning a list and the easiest to remember.

Make It Memorable (No Numbers!)

Numbers should never, ever be used in a dating web site user name. Humans are more able to successfully remember names than numbers. They are also less likely to mix them up than the letters in a word. The opportunity for love could be missed if a prospective date mistakenly remembered SweetGirl101 instead of SweetGirl110.

Make It Descriptive

Include a hobby or interest: Common interests and hobbies are often the foundation of a relationship. If a member has a certain passion for something, it should be included in their user name. If the member really desires a prospective date to share their hobby or interest, the member should include specific, more technical elements or terms associated with that hobby or interest. A sporting fan could use vocabulary from their sport. A reader may use certain terms or characters from literature.

Use It To Describe Yourself

A member should include a descriptive word about themselves. This should be a quality that they have and they are proud of. It may be that they are romantic, humorous, honest, etc.

Make Your Gender Clear

Many chat rooms or instant message systems within dating sites do not have pictures accompanying the user names. Sexual orientation does not matter here. No matter what gender someone is attracted to, they need to know that the member is that gender. Being able to put a gender specific face or voice to written words is helpful in creating any kind of relationship.

Make It Unique

Feel free to add a twist to your screen name. This may include using an easily translated foreign word or a few symbols. Only one or two symbols should be used. They are easier to remember than numbers, but not as easy to remember as words. Create a name that leaves room for questions. Using easily translated foreign words is a good way to do this. While the meaning of the word should be obvious, a viewer may ask what language it is as an ice breaker.

A user name is a first impression. It is the first thing a viewer will see and the quality that a future partner will likely expect you to keep. Choose carefully.

Online Dating Sites – How Do They Work?

Michelle Hemingway — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 21:00:08 +0000

Online dating sites have made meeting potential mates a lot easier, but it can be difficult to learn your way around. Here’s how online dating sites REALLY work!Dating has become much easier thanks to the invention of the Internet. Before then, people were limited on where they could meet potential dates by physical means. You would have to find dates through physical interaction, such as through friends or by meeting each other at places where both of you frequent. Many people would find dates through work, school or another regular activity.

What Online Dating Sites Are For

However, when online dating sites began appearing on the Internet, things were made a lot easier for people who may not have the time or social skills to meet a potential significant other. These sites allow people to find other singles that have the same interests as them, some of whom they may have never had the chance to meet any other way. While you may think that online dating is for lonely people or computer nerds, this is a common misconception. More people every day are using the Internet to find love and this is nothing that you should be embarrassed by, as it is a logical and convenient way to find love using technological advancements.

How They Work

Online dating sites work similar to social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace, in the sense that to start using them, you must register for the site and create a profile for yourself. Most dating web sites allow you to create a profile for free, but you may be restricted on what activities you can perform with a free profile. Once you have registered, you can begin adding information to your profile, such as a description of your personality, physical characteristics, interests, hobbies and other information that a potential date will be looking for when browsing the site. Make sure that this information is as accurate as possible, as you may find that your online dates will stop responding to you if they find that you are not what you described.

Your Profile Picture

Once you have finished adding text information about yourself, you can upload a profile picture. Some sites will require you have to a picture before you can begin finding dates, but it is always a good idea to include a picture or even several pictures on your online dating profile. This way, other users know exactly what to expect from your physical characters and can make sure they are attracted to you before making the commitment for a date. This may sound shallow, but physical attraction is a key component to healthy relationship.

Browsing

After this information is complete, you can begin browsing the site for other users who meet your criteria for someone you would like to begin dating. While it is always best to look for users who are within the area where you live, you can even find potential matches that live farther away, if you do not mind the idea of having a long distance relationship with someone. Online dating sites will usually allow you to set how far away a potential date can live from where you located, showing all of the users who are within a certain radius of your zip code.

Some sites even help you out in the process of finding a date by providing a series of questions or surveys that will help gauge how compatible you are with other users on the site. If you and another user who shares the characteristics you are looking for both answer these questions in similar ways, you will be determined as compatible and recommended to each other. There are also other ways to go about doing this, depending on the site. For example, you may be asked to rate other users based on their profiles. If you rate a user highly and they rate you highly, the site will send both of you messages recommending that you contact each other.

Congrats, You’ve Found Someone!

When you find a user on an online dating site that you want to get to know, you can start sending them messages. Again, whether or not you will be able to contact a potential match on online dating sites varies from site-to-site. Some sites will allow you to communicate through the messaging or chat service on their site, but you will not have access to their contact information.

After communicating with a potential date on the site, you can then mutually decide whether or not you would like to take your friendship to the next level and meet for a real-life or “offline” date. It is always best to have your first date in a public setting, such as a restaurant, coffee shop or museum, as having a date in your home or their home could become very awkward. Once you have met in person, you can then decide whether or not to continue your dating relationship. If it doesn’t work out, you can always try contacting another user!

Online Dating: How To Create A Winning Profile

Michelle Hemingway — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 23:00:24 +0000

Online dating can be an excellent way to meet new people – if you do it right. Here’s how to create a page about yourself that will get you noticed!

Creating a top-notch page on the dating website that you choose is one of the most important tasks ahead of you. It shows others who you are while providing you with the opportunity to craft a compelling overview that will help attract the right matches. There are many things that you can do to create a great page and you’re about to discover the most important ones.

Honesty Is Critical

Being honest about yourself is how you’re going to attract the right matches. If you’re dishonest you’re simply taking the chance of not receiving the dating results that you set out to attain. Your goal here is to show others your most important attributes and give them a clear picture of what to expect if they want to take the online dating relationship even further.

Demand Excellence From The Photos You Add

Many people fail to take the time to post good photos to their online dating profile. This is critical as it’s a visual representation that others will be seeing when they visit. You want to make sure that the photos that you post are going to compel those who want to learn more about you.

Creativity Is Key

It’s no secret that the creative ones are the ones to stand out from the crowd. By being creative, you’re ensuring that you stand out to the matches that take the time to visit you. Nobody likes a dull person so make sure that your page doesn’t put you out to be one.

Avoid Any Forms Of Negativity

Being negative will be an instant turn-off to many people. If you are perceived to be a negative person the chances are that you won’t be able to connect with others. Make sure that you maintain a positive appearance and show others that you’re a person that’s not going to be the crash of the night.

Don’t Be A Dead User

Being active and finding matches that attract you is what’s going to contribute to your success in the online dating world. If you’re online daily you’ll notice that you will get a lot more views as dating websites feature the active users, not the inactive users that just add to the number of members in their user base.

You’ll also want to keep your page updated on a regular basis so that the image portrayed is one that reflects who you are now, not who you were before.

Bragging Can Lead To An Online Dating Failure

A lot of people think that if they brag about themselves they’ll attract more people and seem like the perfect person. This isn’t the case unfortunately. People don’t want to date someone that they see is going to do nothing but talk about themselves and how they are so awesome.

The goal here is to show others that you’re an extraordinary person. Have confidence but don’t talk about it – show it! This is simply a case that proves actions do indeed speak louder than words.

Clarify What You’re Looking For

Don’t expect others to automatically know what you’re looking for in a relationship. Clearly explain what would be the best match for you. This includes explaining what kind of personality you like and the kind of activities that you’d like your significant other to be a part of.

Being clear about what you want so you can give those who visit your page a clear picture of whether or not they would be someone that you’re truly interested in.

Don’t Forget That You’re Putting Yourself Out There

One thing that a lot of people fail to realize is that when they join a dating website they’re putting themselves out there for the world to see. This is why it’s important not only to follow the tips that were provided in this article, but also think about what they put on their page.

You want to be portrayed as someone that is worth having a relationship with. Not someone that aimlessly throws stuff up in an effort to quickly attract matches. After all, you can expect more people to be interested in you if you have a page that’s well thought out.

Flirting Tips: How To Do It Online

Michelle Hemingway — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:00:45 +0000

Flirting online should be an enjoyable experience. You should take your time while you are doing it. Getting to know a person, especially online, is almost like having your first date. You are finding out about each other and trying to attract and sustain mutual interest.

Make sure you have “scooped” the person, that you have carefully checked out his or her profile. If the “other” has been good in putting it together, there would have been just enough information offered to reveal an interesting, even captivating personality, leaving just enough to hope that the “scooper” would want to look for more.

Flirting is a sport, like fishing. The woman attracts the man with some nice-looking bait or the man attracts the woman with bait that is just as well nice-looking and uniquely attractive.

Be Lighthearted

Go light and establish an edge. Use light email conversation, but angle on something real that was seen in the profile, something that gave a small flash of the person as special. That special something is what could feature the person for you. It would be entertaining and, hopefully, eventually fulfilling. There’s a lot of advice on online dating that’s pegged on being funny and humorous. Surely, being light, easy-going and humorous could move the fish closer to your net. Your net, itself, must be inviting and charming.

Write Short Emails

Some of the online dating sites have shaped the initial response/reply vehicles to be short comments signifying mere interest. If you are a woman, take your time in responding to the initial inquiries. If you are a man, respond to them easily and effectively. Both of you are lighting a campfire. You want to get the coals burning to an enticing, inviting warmth.

Ask her something about her location. Find out if she wants to talk about her job, don’t assume she does, even though it may be revealed on the profile. Look for things that are uniquely interesting on his profile. Either of you can take your time in getting personal, looking for signs that show the individual revealing more of her or himself.

Take Your Time In The Initial Phases

Both of you may have several people you are responding to, initiating conversation. Again, you want to enjoy these first few moments. You want to create light laughter as people are usually obliged to do at parties, at first meetings. As the emails get longer, you decide to narrow your choices and get into chat sessions with this certain individual. You like the interests and responses each of you have shared and want to expand on them.

If she mentioned children and you have children yourself, slowly reveal your kids to each other. This would most likely be on the profile.

Continue to show and build support and consideration. This is the time where you can grow in honesty, revealing more. You are looking for a good relationship, one that can be sustained, one where it feels “just right” to be open to. It’s like you are building comfortable structures for each other. Chatting, you both will serve up what the person inquires about, keeping it light and not going too far.

All the time, keep asking yourself is this the person you would like to be with, is this an individual you can be comfortable with.

Stick To Your Profile

Profiles show movies, books, activities that people like and pursue. You believe in some ways these activities complement yours. Ask questions concerning it in relation to your own interests. Then inquire about interests and things the other has done that you would like to know more about. Compliment her on her experience. If he expresses a liking for his job, ask him about his interesting experiences with it.

You have so far:

Taken your time, shown comfort with the person’s profile.
Have not been too flashy, but have created smiles and laughter.
Enjoyed and appreciated the first few moments.

Good things don’t happen inordinately fast or quick. You are enjoying subtleties that build refreshing communication.

Don’t Dive To Deep In The Beginning

If the chatting proves okay, and there has been good humor, relaxation, it means you both have accepted and acknowledged a pace, a certain rhythm.

Sitting around the chatting campfire, some of the unusual stuff will come out. Check out some of this, but not all. Wait for the actual dates. Depending on age, experiences, there are several hills and valleys in people’s lives. Maturity shows that people can appreciate that others have had hard or difficult times. If the relationship engenders anything, it will present future soft places for these things to come out.

The initial aim is to see if both of you want to make a move for that first date, where it becomes a pleasure to move from the campfire into the dawn of a new friendship.

Can You Find Love Online?

Michelle Hemingway — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 17:00:03 +0000

Online dating can be fun, but is it really possible to fall in love with someone over the Internet?

Is Online Dating Desperate?

Online dating is a great way to meet people and form romantic relationships, but there are many people who doubt that someone can find love online. Also, there is a common belief that people who register for these sites are desperate, lonely or socially awkward. However, all of these thoughts are common misconceptions about online dating. Do not let these opinions fool you, because it is entirely possible to find love online.

All dating web sites work in essentially the same way: users create profiles that describe their personalities, physical appearances, favorite activities and what they are looking for in a date. Users also upload images of themselves to show other users exactly what they look like, which can also prove that their physical appearance description is accurate. With this information, other singles in their area find the profile and contact them for a date, if they are interested.

How You Can Find The Right Match

Dating web sites also use a variety of methods to match their users up with other singles who have profiles by gauging their compatibility. Typically, a dating web site will have a series of questions and surveys that users will answer to help create a score that can be used for judging how compatible they are with each other. The benefit of using these to find love instead of traditional dating methods is that you already know whether or not you have much in common with someone.

Another reason that online dating can help you find love is because you are not limited by physical constrictions when meeting people on the Internet. Traditionally, people would have to have met in person or be hooked up through mutual friends. You may only discover that your date shares or does not share interests with you after the first couple dates. However, with online dating, you can find a person who shares the same interests as you without discovering that they are different than you expect.

In fact, online dating allows someone to communicate with a match before they meet in person. Through chats and messages, a potential couple can skip the awkward situations of figuring out how similar they are before meeting in person. However, it is worth noting that some online dating sites will not allow users to communicate with each other with a free profile. In this case, you will have to pay for the site’s services. But you can always cancel your membership after you have found love, which will help save money.

Also, if you do not mind traveling long distances to find love, online dating sites go even further than traditional dating for finding matches. For example, let’s say a user in West Virginia finds someone who meets all of their expectations for a significant other on the site, but they live in California. Without online dating, this relationship would have never been formed, due to the fact that both people would not have crossed paths through the means of traditional dating and will be more likely to have a healthy relationship, based on the fact that they are compatible lovers.

Are Predators An Issue?

Another worry many people have about online dating is that the sites allow online predators to prey on potential victims. Fortunately, there are many ways to make sure that you will find love on these sites and not find yourself in a dangerous situation. Most online dating sites take extreme measure to prevent predators from using their web site, as it is obviously bad for their business. By contacting someone online and over the telephone before meeting in person, you can make sure that you are talking to someone who is genuinely interested in finding love.

If you are still worried, there is a very easy way to prevent any trouble from meeting someone for a date from an online dating site. First and foremost, do not meet someone in person until you are certain that you have made a match and think that you have found love. When you finally decide to meet someone for an in-person or “offline” date, make sure to pick a public place and do not meet them at their home or invite them into your home. Popular examples include restaurants, coffee shops and museums. Avoiding private places like your homes for a few dates will also help make sure that whoever you are talking to is actually who they say they are and not an online predator.

But do not let the unfortunate scenario of meeting a predator make you avoid trying online dating. There are many more stories about people finding love through these sites than the unfortunate stories described above. In fact, as the Internet becomes more and more of a cultural mainstay, you will find that more couples are meeting through technological means.

Online Dating: What You MUST Put In Your Profile To Get Girls!

Michael Kendricks — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 23:00:39 +0000

Online dating is a scary world, but it doesn’t have to be. Here’s what your online dating profile HAS to have if you actually want to get dates!

If you’ve racked your brain for days trying to come up with what to say in your online dating profile, you’re not alone. Many men, including myself, have faced this challenge. Luckily for me, I figured out what types of profiles have women checking you out and responding to your messages and which ones make them cringe and get away fast. In this article I will give you some examples of what you want to include in your online dating profile to generate more dates.

Anyone who knows what they’re talking about when it comes to online dating can tell you that you need to stand out in your dating profile, but how exactly do you do that? Mr. Creepy, who talks about his love of bondage in great detail will clearly stand out, but he will have women searching for the block feature on their dating website, instead of responding to his messages.

That’s why it’s important to point out that you must stand out in a positive way. If you do this and say some memorable stuff, you can show women you are a real person and not just a collection of words on a screen. By following the suggestions below, you can also be someone she responds to and eventually agrees to meet.

Write About Your Passions

Writing about something you actually care about in your dating profile will get you much more responses than the same old boring stuff. Now granted, if your passions include something really bizarre like collecting stamps, you might want to consider finding something else you love to talk about. However, the bottom line is if you’re excited about it, it makes it way more interesting for the woman, and you get better responses.

Communicate The Right Things

This includes showing women you:

Are well adjusted
Are confident
Have a busy life with a bunch of things going on in it
Have a sense of humor

Now, anyone can think of a list of great characteristics and write it in a dating profile, but if it really shines through by the way you write your profile it will be much more effective. For example, stating clearly why you’re on the dating website, what you’re about and what you’re looking for will make you appear confident. So will leaving out any wishy-washy or insecure comments like “I don’t know what to write on this thing.” The effect of confident writing will be much better than simply stating you’re confident.

Write Descriptively

If you ever browse through men’s dating profiles, (and seriously I recommend doing it to know what the online dating competition is doing), you’ll soon feel your head start to involuntarily drop toward your chest as you desperately fight off your body’s desire to nap. That’s because the typical vague list of likes and attributes is excruciatingly boring to read. What’s much better is to take one or two things that really show your personality, and get into more detail about it. For example, if you’re a bit of a chef you can describe some of the things you’ve cooked recently or what you’d like to make soon.

Being more detailed will give a woman an actual vision of who you could really be, which will definitely stand out among the crowd. You don’t even have to do that much with the details to really stand out, because 95% of men’s profiles as about as boring as reading a scientific journal article.

Keep It Light

Remember to keep it positive, light and flirtatious. This doesn’t mean you can’t include anything serious but keep the overall mood light. Keep in mind that this is your first impression. If you were to meet someone out at a bar and they started unloading all this serious stuff about world hunger and their dying cat in the first minute, you’d probably be turned off as well. This is that initial communication. It’s that first minute or two in a bar or a grocery store. If you can effectively keep it light and playful for now, you will probably be someone she wants to get into a relationship with eventually.

Use Appropriate Grammar and Spelling

You may not think it’s that big of a deal, but more women than you would think will instantly ignore your profile if they see you making a mockery of the English language all over your profile. If a woman is really overboard about it, like having a conniption fit because you forgot the apostrophe in the word “it’s,” you’re better off far away from her anyway. Imagine being around her when something actually goes wrong!

However, spelling things right and utilizing the basics of good grammar are still very important to most women, especially when it comes to online dating since all they have to go off of is what they’re reading. So yeah, you need to use all those annoying little periods and commas. A spell check would be a nice touch as well.

So there it is. Be sure to incorporate these dating tips in your online dating profile and I promise you your results will be much better.

Online Dating: How To Choose The Right Site

Michelle Hemingway — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:00:42 +0000

Online dating doesn’t have to be difficult with these simple recommendations on selecting the right dating website for you! We are entering the glory days of a revolution, virtual love abounds and is just a mouse click or two away. The requirements are simple, easy. A good photograph will do and, of course, an unabashed heart that works. (Even if it is “bashed,” don’t worry. Anticipation will warm it up, and lots of blushing!)

How To Choose An Online Dating Site

How does one choose an online date site? There are really too many out there, a handsome, or rather, pretty variety primed right for every kind of yearning, lost or, just unengaged heart. What’s more, there’s a high – probably, even “huge” – success rate. This is because this “new thing,” online dating, has certainly become the acceptable thing.

It’s a way of avoiding the lonely, barely-lit confines of the corner bar stool and stepping into the light of what one may say could be immediate gratification. It’s a way of not having to close one’s eyes on the first few minutes of a blind date set up by a cousin. You can be “blind” or unseen on your computer screen for awhile as you “see” various photos of possibilities.

Whereas in the past there was auntie the matchmaker, there was some high school friend of your brother or sister, their next door cube mate at work.

Online Dating Is The New Black

But let’s face it. Online dating has become acceptable. Around the world it has become a convenient norm. It is amusing, really, quite amazing how far human relations – personal relations – have become primed and acceptable – normalized – via wireless, the Internet. All you have to do is figure out what category you want to be in, what kinds of relationships you want to attract and what kinds you want to stay away from. You decide the age, gender, race, religion and, of course, the income level. Then you click the button.

What online site should you use? That depends on whether you want to go “standard” or whether you are merely surfing and just checking out what’s out there.

Standard Dating Sites – The Ones You’ve Heard Of

The standard sites are enthusiastically advertised. You know them. You have heard about them. Any search engine will bear you the top five or ten popular online dating sites. You have seen wonderful faces of great story-telling unions. Fact is, some of these stories are true.

The standard sites have various monthly fees. But they have specials and discounts, too. If you place your name on their email lists, you will probably get a free offering on some popular holiday weekend. In general, the fees are reasonable, and it’s a good idea to try one for a month. See how it works out.

Free Dating Websites

There are a bunch of free dating sites. Place an asterisk beside the word “free” in your online search and you will come up with lots of selections. Whether you want to limit yourself to a certain location is up to you. Perhaps it is good advice to put together an alternative email from one of the popular email sites and use it to register with the dating site. This is just in case you change your mind in mid-ship and just want to make sure entirely new islands are possible.

Or if you are feeling confident and are used to social networking – you have a daily addiction to virtual socializing – then you may as well avoid the different mask layers and use whatever email and identity you have. Either way, the most important step would be to prepare the profile that will locate and attract someone you may like and want to go out with.

Your Profile Is Important – Choose A Site That Lets You Pimp It Out!

The profile is serious stuff. You will tell your habits, things you enjoy, foods you love, sport teams, if there are any. Depending on the website, your profile will be as exacting as possible or just a mere sketch. Some of the sites are based on “assured” algorithms drawn from psychological studies. They guarantee, to an extent, that you will find the most attractive “other.” It all depends on the approach you bring to this project.

The point is that you want to have fun. You want to at least meet someone whom you can talk to a bit and find out, for yourself, if compatibility is possible. This is the main attraction of the online dating site. It is convenient and you don’t have to commit. It allows you some pretty good ways of checking out new people and you decide for yourself if you want to go any further or not.

How do you choose an online dating site? Take your time. Don’t jump in. Read the site’s material. Compare it with others. Make sure, in general, it matches some of your profile. Toss a coin if you want to. Understand that it’s no big deal if you don’t commit.

Then, jump in!

How To Get Out Of A Dating Dry Spell ASAP!

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 17:00:07 +0000

Dating doesn’t always mean you’re going to go out with person after person – some nights, you end up alone! Here’s how to get out of your dating slump NOW!

I’m in a dating dry spell. Big time. It’s been forever. I can’t seem to break it, no matter what! It’s beyond frustrating! What can I do?

What She Said:

Be open to meeting new people, having new experiences and be willing to put yourself out there – safely!

If you’ve been in a long-term dry spell, chances are, subconsciously or otherwise, you were abstaining from a relationship to keep yourself safe emotionally. Perhaps you went through a bad breakup that turned you off from dating for a while. The long and the short of it is, you were most likely feeling too vulnerable to date, so don’t be hard on yourself.

You’ve decided you want to end your dry spell, so that’s half the battle. Now that you’re open to dating again, you’ll most likely be putting out a vibe that interested parties are sure to pick up on! Setting an intention and giving yourself a goal is a powerful way to focus on moving forward.

Be creative. Ask friends to hook you up with their single pals. Register with an online dating service. Head to the park, the gym, the library, the bars. See who’s out there. Don’t be shy about striking up conversations. Have fun flirting! You’ve got nothing to lose.

The main thing, as always, is to be happy with yourself and your life. Your joy and confidence will attract similar people – and that’s a great way to start! Remember to have fun, enjoy yourself and trust that you deserve the best.

What He Said:

Well, the obvious answers are lower your standards and/or get a prostitute. Nothing says “slump buster” like hookers and ugly chicks/dudes. Aside from that, lower the stakes. It’s not that big a deal, and it’s not going to last forever. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Okay, maybe that’s not the inspirational quote that you’ll see on a Hallmark card, but it’s true. It’s not that big a deal. This too shall pass.

After that, you’ll have to figure out what to do next. If you have what you want, keep doing what you’re doing. If not, you will need to do something different. Try and find your patterns and break them. Or make a list of things you swore you’d never do (ask friends to set you up, online dating, whatever) and do them, no matter how painful or awkward. Doing things different will lead to different results.

Keep an open mind and be curious. Be interested but not invested. If something works, keep doing it. If not, don’t and try something else. Wash, rinse, repeat.

You could also give up and abandon all hope. That seems to work especially for couples who think they can’t have a baby. After they give up and make peace with the fact that it will never happen, it usually winds up happening. Funny how that works. Well, funny unless it’s you. Then, well, not so much. But still people will chuckle. Behind your back.

Being frustrated or angry isn’t good. It’s helpful to a degree in that it will make you get off your ass and inspire change, but after you get to that point, they really aren’t very helpful parts of the process. They’re like booster rockets for the space shuttle. They get you to a point and then they no longer provide fuel, so you have to jettison them.

Online Dating: How To Pimp A Guy’s Profile

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 23:00:50 +0000

Online dating requires a catchy profile to be successful. Here’s how to make one that gets the ladies’ attention.

I’m a guy trying online dating. It’s not working for me. What can I do to pimp my profile?

What She Said:

I’m a throwback to the olden (golden) days when I saw a guy in a club, batted my eyelashes and waited him for to come over and chat me up. And now I’m a married lady who doesn’t need that, so I’m relatively unfamiliar with the online dating world. But, that’s me and this is about you!

How to pimp your online dating profile? Think like the gender you’re trying to attract. For example: if you want to attract girls, you might want to put things in your profile that appeal to them. This doesn’t mean resorting to schmaltzy “I like puppies and long walks on the beach.” It does mean truthfully highlighting qualities you think a date might enjoy. Are you a foodie? Mention your love of fine dining and a few of your favorite restaurants. Are you game to watch a romantic comedy or two? Throw out your favorite titles – don’t be afraid!

Humor is also a great approach. Showing a sense of fun means you’re at ease with yourself and that you’re open and relaxed. Dating can be stressful enough – no need to take it (or yourself) too seriously!

What sets you apart? Your unique interests will not only stand out, they might also help you nab the perfect date. The key is to be honest. I know honesty and the Internet don’t necessarily go hand in hand – but this is your life. Assuming you’re truly looking for a date and not a booty call, telling the truth will help steer someone your direction who has the potential to be your perfect match.

What He Said

It comes down to this: if you want a 10, why should she choose you? She’s got tons of options. She’s obviously not into the bar thing, because if she was, she wouldn’t be online. You’re selling a product, and that product is you. But if you look at effective marketing campaigns, they don’t sell a product, they sell a feeling. How is this product going to make me feel if I buy it? That’s essentially what your ad should convey. You shouldn’t lie. You shouldn’t embellish. You shouldn’t be yourself. You should be your best, most confident self.

Be who you are and be proud and let them get an accurate picture of who and what you are. Be funny, be fun. You can’t really make anyone choose you. But you can make an incredibly compelling offer that anyone in their right mind would be unable to refuse.

How will you know if you’ve done that? Well, if you get emails and dates, etc. If you email a bunch of women and your emails get crickets in response, then you need to do something different. Continue to experiment until you have found the desired result. And be patient. That might take a while. And don’t take anything personally. It’s not like they’re rejecting you, they’re rejecting a representation of you. And if that representation isn’t working, just change it and continue to tweak until it does.

Finding The ‘Right Couple’ To Try Swinging With

Michael Andrews — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 23:00:13 +0000

Would you like to experiment with the swinging lifestyle? Once you have made the decision to do it, the biggest hurdle to overcome is to find another suitable couple to play with. Fortunately you can benefit from the experience of others by knowing the best way to find other people. Here are some ideas to help you.

It Doesn’t Always Happen Right Away

Firstly, be aware it can be a lengthy process. You may end up chatting with a large number of couples before you find one you really click with. This is hardly surprising; it is difficult enough to find two people who are attracted to each other, but to find four who all share some chemistry can seem nigh-on impossible.

You will meet couples who may be interested in you but who for whatever reason you don’t feel particularly attracted to. Don’t be concerned about this – it really does go with the territory.

Also, do not despair or be in a rush to start having sex once you decide you and your partner would like to be swingers. Many people decide to play with the first people who come along and find that the experience is not really very pleasurable. In fact it can be a disaster.

Don’t Be Too Picky

At the other extreme don’t be picky to the point that you never let it happen. If you spend a bit of time with a couple (say having a drink or a meal) with no pressure or expectations on either side you may feel the attraction grow. If your initial impression isn’t totally negative than allow some time to get to know them a little better.

All this said, what is the best way to meet another couple for swinging? There are in fact three ways.

People You Know

The first way is to consider people you already know. You may think your friends would not be interested in swinging, but swinging is surprisingly widespread. Do not discount your friends! Think about who you already know who you find attractive.

Invite them for dinner and drop a few subtle hints. Lead the conversation in a sexual direction and see their reaction. Of course if you get a negative reaction you know to back off as you don’t want to destroy your friendship.

Online Dating Websites

The second way and probably the most widespread is to meet couples through an online swingers website. There are a number of good ones which have large numbers of couples (and singles) who are swingers and are looking to meet other likeminded people.

You can get a very good idea about them from the information they post online, including their interests and physical characteristics. Usually they will (or should) put up some photographs so you can get a better idea of their body shape and sizes.

To do this you should also put up your own details by creating a profile. This will allow other couples to contact you if they are interested. The first step will be to have some brief message exchange to see if there is some connection.

If it all looks promising, you should meet as soon as possible. This should only be for the purposes of checking each other out. Unless you are not fussy at all you will find this an essential step as despite all the online conversation in the world you will not know if you all click until you meet each other.

A Swingers’ Party

The third way you can meet other swingers is to go to a swingers party. Getting invited to these can be quite tricky. However, swingers websites often list parties. Choose one in your area and put your name down as being interested. If you go to a swingers party remember the golden rule amongst all swingers is “no means no.”

You will not be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to, and no one will mind if you decline an invitation to play. Swingers parties are a very good way to meet a number of couples all at once to see if you feel a special connection with any of them.

Meeting another couple to swing with can be a bit tricky. However it is worth the effort because when you find the right couple you will definitely have a lot of fun.

Top 5 Places To Meet A Great Guy

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 23:00:57 +0000

So you’re a girl and you’re prowling the dating scene. You want to find yourself a great guy, but where do you go? How do you find him without losing your mind?

What She Said:

The Gym
A Sports Bar
The Library
A Farmer’s Market
Through Friends

The Gym

The gym is a fun place to meet men. It instantly shows that you’re both into taking care of yourselves physically – and being physically fit usually leads to a healthier frame of mind. A gym membership also gives you the opportunity to run into the guy you’re crushing on. Perhaps you’re in the same spin class or are hitting the treadmill at 6 PM everyday. It’s a great opportunity for flirting.

A Sports Bar

A bar might sound like a no go – but I find a sports bar to be a great place to gather socially. There’s a reason to be there, as well as a community spirit in watching a game. Most guys are sharing pitchers of beer instead of shots – not always the case, of course. But loosening up over a few brews is a little more civilized than tequila shooters. This is you looking for a mate – not Spring Break. Much like the gym, frequenting your local sports hangout during football season gives you reason to run into your crush again and again.

The Library

I’m a fan of a guy with smarts – thus the library is a favorite haunt when on the hunt. In this day and age of endless media, Kindle and iPads it’s nice to share camaraderie with someone who still appreciates holding literature in his hands.

A Farmer’s Market

A Farmer’s Market is usually held on the same day of the week during the season – which, once again, provides the opportunity to seek out your gentleman crush on a regular basis. Plus all that organic produce is good for you!

Through Friends

While the set up via friends can be rife with complications, it’s also been known to create love matches as well. Besides, it’s free – unlike an online dating service, which doesn’t come with friend-approved references. Ultimately, the best way to meet a great guy is to be a great gal. Be happy with who you are and the right guy will most likely gravitate towards you. Don’t be afraid to take chances in the meantime!

What He Said:

Let me start out with where NOT to find a guy: through your friends. Yes, yes, I know. Jenna recommended it, but for my money, finding a mate through a friend is like borrowing money from (or loaning money to) a family member: it always ends badly. It’s best not to add that dimension to your relationship. That being said, the top five places to meet a guy are:

The Gym
Hardware/Grocery Stores
Classes
Online Dating Sites
Sports Bars

Gyms & Sports Bars

The gym and sports bars are by their definition, sausagefests. Yes, I know women go to the gym, but they take classes more than they work out. Dress like as hot as possible in the most flattering workout clothes you can find, and your set. Sports bars are even easier. Just get yourself a jersey and the tightest jeans you can (they should make your butt look ah-mazing), grab a beer and wait. Men will be all over you.

Hardware/Grocery Stores

Home Depot and other home improvement stores are great to meet guys. You don’t see many women there, and if they are there they are with their mates. Go in and look clueless and ask a hot guy for help. The same goes for any store, really. Grocery stores, anywhere. Just ask a guy for help and you’re good.

Classes

Classes are a great place to meet guys. Figure out what kind of guy you want and figure out what he might be interested in and take a class in that and you will have an organic reason to talk to each other and you might even get put into a study group!

Online Dating Sites

Online dating sites are great! I know, I know. There are a lot of creepy guys out there, but the odds on most online dating sites work in your favor. You just put up a profile and pick and choose who you want to meet.

Trust me, if you consistently put yourself out there, you will find someone! Enjoy the process!

5 “Hacks” Online Dating Websites Are Terrified You’ll Find Out

Vin DiCarlo — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 23:00:56 +0000

Between you and me, online dating is a hoax.

No, I don’t mean you can’t meet ladies online. In fact, you can meet so many girls online, you can have a full time sex life without ever leaving your house! I mean the companies who own online dating sites have a dirty secret: They’d like you to fail over and over again. Because they want to make sure you are frustrated, so they can bill your credit card.

In this article, you’ll discover 5 “hacks” you can use to dramatically increase your success in online dating. You’ll find out how they’re trying to keep you down. And you’ll discover how to show online dating sites who’s boss:

The Perfect Profile Picture

Ever wonder what the perfect online dating profile picture is? Well, it’s not the 6-pack pic (studies show most females aren’t into guys with 6 packs, strangely enough). And it’s none of the pictures that show how rich or powerful you are. (They’re the worst kind of bragging)

INSTEAD, it’s a secret picture no sane man would ever think to use: The sleeping picture!

Here’s how you get it:

Have a friend take a picture of you while you’re sleeping
Then, add it in to your profile pictures (Not your main one, try making it picture three or four)
Watch your response to your messages shoot WAY up!

(It’s the quickest way to show your vulnerable side)

Why the online dating sites are hiding it from you:

I’ve got to give the online dating sites a break on this one – they actually have no clue. In fact, I discovered this secret a few years ago, myself. And I kept it to myself, until I decided to “retire” from online dating. So I guess technically I’ve been hiding it from you. Oops. However, those online dating sites don’t get off the hook!

They bombard you with pictures where girls fall for jacked, rich guys. In this case, they’re lying to you. Even though their research tells them the truth! (I stole the six pack study from a Match.com result)

Where To Find Smart, Sexy Chicks

Ever wonder where the ladies with brains AND beauty are hiding? Hint: You’ll never find them if you look through profiles. You’re going to get “booby blinded” and veer off course. The truth is, it’s impossible to tell whether a woman has a good personality or not when you look at her profile. Because she probably rewrote and edited it four or five times.

Turns out, most online dating sites have a section where men and ladies share their opinions about dating, sex and relationships. And these “forums” can be goldmines when you want to meet girls. In fact, just looking through posts can tell you loads about the woman who wrote them. (You may even find a woman you really like – a woman with a good head on her shoulders, and a pretty, curvy body to boot)

Why the online dating sites are hiding it from you:

In this case, it’s your own damn fault. Because survey after survey tells dating sites that forums are “nerdy,” so dating sites don’t promote them hard. Most dating sites don’t even link to their forums. You might have to dig through a few links to find these magical places.

So how can you cruise for smart, sexy chicks without looking like a nerd? It’s easy:

You find her profile on the forums
Then you send her a message “out of the blue,” like you stumbled across her profile in the search menu.
You reap the benefits of the forums without the social risk of posting on them. Genius!

(And for the record, I’m a total nerd. You can be nerdy and proud and still meet girls. You just want to keep your nerdy side in check until she’s falling for you. Then it’s cute, instead of nerdy.)

They’re Sabotaging Your First Message

A major feature on most online dating sites allows you to send a woman a “gift,” along with your message. They tell you this gift makes females respond to messages better. In fact, most sites give you a message format to follow.

They’re WRONG!

Do the exact opposite of what they recommend: Never include any “bribe” for reading your message, and keep your message short and to the point. Tell her, “Hey, I saw your profile and had to message you. Here’s why…” and then tell her what you liked about her and her profile. Finally, ask her a question so she can message you back.

Being honest like this works better than most online dating website’s template messages. (I’ll explain why in a later section)

Why the online dating website are hiding it from you:

It’s in their best interest. You see, most “gifts” cost something. Sometimes it’s a certain amount of “points” you get from being on their site. Sometimes it’s real, live cash money. Either way, these sites make money when you send gifts. Sometimes it’s your money and sometimes it’s advertising money.

Most Websites Hire Dozens Of “Fake” Women

Ever notice that six gorgeous girls with big breasts are just WAITING for you at whateversite.com? And they live right in your area, too! Lucky you, lucky you! Truth is, these ladies are called “plants.” Bigger dating sites use “Geolocation Tracking” to figure out which city you live in. Then, they’ll show you stock pictures and tell you these girls are waiting for

It’s a lie!

Instead of joining a website you haven’t seen for yourself:

Try a website like bugmenot.com
Use a trial password account
And check out the girls there, for yourself
Only join if you see girls you like.

Why the online dating sites are hiding it from you:

Cold hard cash, baby.

They assume men want to meet HOT ladies online. We don’t surf online dating sites to meet average looking girls. So, to get you to sign up, they put “plants” in their ads. Even worse – most sites employ a few hundred “plant profiles.” Fake profiles with fake pics, designed to make you message them. They think once you send your first message, you can’t quit.

So if you don’t get a message back from that SUPER hot girl, you could have sent a bad message. Or you could have sent a message to a plant.

The Male/Female Ratio Secret

Think it’s some sort of cruel prank your messages never get returned? Even by girls who are average looking at best? Well the dating sites don’t tell you: The ratio of ladies to men is something like 1 woman for every 4 men. Why is this ratio so screwed up? Because a hot woman can meet men wherever she goes.

In fact, dozens of men approach HER for dates. So you’ll see less girls online dating than men. This means every woman is getting four times as many messages as her profile “deserves.” This makes your message “just one of a hundred.” Instead of something special or unique. To make her read your message, you gotta use some hacks: Make your messages look personal, and don’t hit on her right away.

Try using the subjectline: “Hey, noticed something about u…” Then use the message you learned in hack three.

Why the dating sites are hiding it from you:

Would you sign up for an online dating website if they told you “We have four times as many men as females!” Nope. Didn’t think so. You now have the tools to make online dating much, much easier. I can hear you thinking: “If only there were a way to “hack” real life dating, as well.”

Are Online Dating Sites Worthwhile?

Andrew Wang — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 23:00:53 +0000

Though online dating services once held a certain stigma, they are now commonly used by hopeful relationship seekers. If you’ve been afraid to sign up for one, fearing that you’ll only meet antisocial geeks, you may be missing out. All sorts of people are finding boyfriends, girlfriends, and even future spouses online.

The Benefits Of Online Dating

So just what can online dating sites do for you that a singles’ bar can’t? For one thing, they simultaneously broaden and narrow your search. The site could find people that you wouldn’t otherwise run into in everyday life, casting a wider net for you. Yet it can also turn your focus toward people who share your interests, helping to eliminate unlikely candidates. That saves you time and ensures that you have a lot less first date fiascoes and more fourth and fifth dates and beyond.

You also have the ability to screen potential matches more easily, since you can study the person’s profile before you decide to respond to them. Online matchmaking services can be particularly helpful if you live in a large, highly populous area. It can be hard to navigate dating in a big city. Weeding your way through crowded bars and parties at your friends’ apartments can be daunting. Going online can help steer you toward the right people who desire the same kind of relationship that you do.

That’s something you can’t always tell when you first meet a cute guy or girl at your friend’s cook out. Just because someone seems like a good match, doesn’t mean they’re looking for something as serious as you are searching for. These same sites can also be really helpful for those who live in smaller towns. If you know everyone in town, but still haven’t found the right fit, using a dating site can help you find someone in a neighboring town that you don’t normally visit.

Are There Online Dating Dangers?

Of course, there are some dangers in using online matchmaking services, and you won’t necessarily find your dream date on the first try. It’s bad enough that people can misrepresent themselves in person, but online they can be even trickier. People can lie about their ages, their interests, and even their appearance. If you sense that a person’s profile isn’t totally truthful, or if they admit at some point that they fudged a few details, it’s best to pass over them.

A relationship based on lies can’t come to any good. That’s also why you have to be true to yourself when you put together your profile. If you twist your interests or information to make yourself seem more appealing, you’re not doing anyone any favors. The wrong kind of people are going to end up matched to you, and then they’ll be let down when they find out you weren’t totally honest. If you accurately describe yourself, you’ll draw the kind of people who will truly appreciate you for you. Finding the right match is what online dating is all about. Add it into your dating mix, and you just might find your perfect partner.

Online Dating: Taking It Offline – Meeting For The First Time

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 14:00:24 +0000

Online dating seems easier than traditional dating at first, but that’s before you realize that at some point you’re going to have to take the relationship offline and into real life. You can’t have a relationship solely online – people crave intimacy and touch, whether it’s a hug, a face to face conversation or something more. If you’re really into someone you met through an online dating website, consider getting to know them in person. However, there are some safety tips to keep in mind for your first date! Here are 5 tips to help your first date go smoothly!

Safety First!

When it comes to dating, it’s easy to let your hormones and emotions get in the way of making rational decisions. However, it’s important to remember that you really don’t know someone until you’ve had the first date and have hung out with them a few times. You may think you know them from the conversations that you’ve had through the online dating website, but your imagination will never fail to fill in the gaps and convince you that you know someone when you really don’t. Always keep safety in mind during online dating and hooking up with someone for the first time.

1. Meet In A Public Place. Always make your first date with someone you’ve met on the Internet in a public place during the day, where there are lots of other people around. This ensures that if your date was planning something sly, they definitely won’t try to pull it off in a public place during the day. If you meet someone online and they only want to meet up with you at night or in a place where not a lot of people go, you know what to do – kick them to the curb and look for someone else a little less shady.

2. Plan For A 30 Minute First Date. When making plans for your first time with someone in person, make it a short introduction at first to meet them and get acquainted with them. This isn’t where you’re going to really get to know them or learn all of their deep, dark secrets. You can still have a great relationship later on with someone, even if you didn’t spend hours talking to them on a magical first date. Set a time up to meet your date right before you have “something else you need to get to” and leave it at that. If the first date went poorly and you didn’t connect well with them, you’ll be glad you gave yourself the out ahead of time. If you do end up connecting with them, schedule another time to hook up when you have more time.

3. Tell A Friend. When going on a date for the first time with someone that you met through online dating, make sure you let a trusted friend know what is going on. Always tell your friend where you’re going, who you’ll be with, how long you’ll be gone and how to reach you while you’re there. If you turn up MIA, your friend will be able to contact the authorities right away before something really bad happens. While abductions and date rape during first dates are somewhat uncommon, don’t ever assume that it’s not going to happen to you. By taking a few simple precautions, you can be sure you won’t end up one of the statistics.

4. Check In With Your Friend. After your first date is over, make sure you check in with your friend. Let them know you’re safe and sound so they won’t worry about you – or worse, contact the authorities when it is completely uneccessary. Always take these two steps the first few times you go somewhere with someone that you met online dating.

5. Never Meet Alone. It may seem harmless, but you never want to meet someone for the first date at their home, a hotel or motel room or anywhere at night. This can be very dangerous! Again, if someone only wants to meet you at these places, they’ve probably got something up their sleeve.

When To Practice Online Dating Safety Tips

It may be difficult, but you always want to take these precautions for the first three or four dates, or longer if you’re not completely comfortable with someone yet. You’ll generally get an idea of whether someone is “for real” or not over the first few dates. If they’re making stuff up or being shady, it’s not going to take you very long to figure it out and move on to someone who isn’t wasting your time. Don’t ever go on a first date with someone you met online without taking a few safety precautions because you think nothing bad will happen to you. If something bad goes down, you’ll really wish you had. The best way to have fun is to stay safe!

Online Dating – How To Tell The Real Deal From A Total Fake

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 14:00:37 +0000

Here’s the thing with online dating and chat lines – some people are honest, and really want to find their mate, while others are there only to mess with people or worse – hurt them in some way. It’s better to play it safe when dating online, but it can be difficult to know if the person you’re dating has ulterior motives or not. Here’s how you can know for certain!

Always Trust Your Dating Instincts

Your dating instincts are the most powerful tool at your disposal for spotting a bad online dating profile or to tell if someone is lying to you. You definitely don’t want to underestimate your gut feelings and do something that the little voice in the back of your head is telling you not to do. If your gut is telling you that there’s something fishy going on, don’t ignore it!

Online dating can be especially challenging because your brain fills in the things you don’t know – with how you want the other person to be. You may be tempted to ignore the alarm bells that are going off because he or she is saying everything right, but if you sense that something isn’t right, it probably isn’t. They be really sweet, caring and seem perfect, but if your instinct is telling you to run, do it. There are other sweet, awesome people that you will meet online that won’t make you feel weird.

Keep An Eye Out For Lies

When dating online, keep an eye out for inconsistencies in their stories. Liars will almost always get tripped up in their lies, especially if they lie often. It’s often hard to keep lies straight, so the man or woman you’re dating may say one thing one time and say something completely different another time without even knowing it. If he says he hates football when you first talk to him and later he says he has to get to a game (or watch a game), that’s probably just the surface of the lies he’s telling you.

Keep an eye out for conflicting information about looks, hobbies, habits, friends, etc. Also, don’t be afraid to call them out on something that you’re not sure about – remember, you don’t them anything. You barely know them! If you come across an inconsistency in something they’ve said or done, speak up. Ask them about it. If they get flustered and can’t provide a good answer for you as to why they said one thing and did another (or whatever the situation may be), then you’ve probably caught them in a lie.

If It Sounds Too Good To Be True, It Usually Is

It’s hard to keep your ground when you’re being swept off your feet, but if the relationship seems too good to be true, it often is. It’s important to try to keep a level head when dating online or over a chat line, because if it seems like you’ve suddenly met Mr. or Mrs. Right and everything in your life is falling into place, you’re probably falling too hard for something that is definitely too good to be true.

A total fraud will try their absolute best to woo you, and if you’ve been looking for love for quite some time, it can be hard to resist someone who is doing and saying all of the right things. It’s important to stay vigilant when dating though, because something that seems perfect probably isn’t. A fake is probably working very hard to get you into their good graces so they can achieve whatever their goal is – whether that’s simply yanking people around or luring them into a trap that could cause you to end up in some very dangerous situations.

Try your best to keep your cool when you’re chatting online and don’t get too wrapped up in sweet phrases or gestures. Accept the niceties gracefully, but always keep your “weirdness radar” on so you can spot red flags right away. If the guy or girl you’re dating online seems totally perfect for you, take it with a grain of salt until they prove they are the real deal. Consider taking it offline, but make sure you take some safety precautions first such as meeting in public the first several times and letting a friend know where you’re going, who you’re going to be with and when you’ll be back. Once your date proves their motives are pure, you can relax (a little!)

Online Social Networking Etiquette For Couples

Andrew Wang — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 23:00:40 +0000

Facebook, Myspace, and other online social networks have become an integral part of our social and dating experience in recent years. Their use is ubiquitous, particularly among twenty- and thirty-somethings, yet they’re still fairly new mediums. That being the case, it can sometimes be difficult to decide what is and isn’t appropriate to discuss and post on these sites. When you change your status to “In a Relationship,” what counts as over-sharing, and what could be detrimental to your romance’s success? You’re putting your relationship out into the public eye, so it’s absolutely necessary to think before you type.

You Can’t Take Back What Is In Print

There are two hugely important things to remember about what you post online—everyone you’ve listed as a friend can read or see it, and it’s now officially in print. That means that you can’t take it back as easily as you could if you just said something in person. If you say something embarrassing about your significant other, post a picture that they’d prefer remain private, or something else that could similarly upset them, you can take it down after the fact. However, most people you know have already seen it. That’s an argument waiting to happen, no question. It’s probably best that you check in with your girlfriend or boyfriend before posting anything that directly involves them, and if you even remotely suspect they might be upset by it, just don’t do it. Additionally, remember that certain things you post will be visible to your significant other’s online friends, which could include their family members. The fear of your girlfriend’s mom reading that you think her butt is hot should be reason enough to keep things clean.

Don’t Argue With Your Partner Online

You should also always remember that Facebook and Myspace are not appropriate forums for arguing with your significant other. Not only will you make all of your online friends feel incredibly uncomfortable (no one likes to bear witness to other people’s disagreements), but once things calm down, it will be horribly embarrassing for you and your partner. Now other people know all about the dark side of your relationship. Furthermore, there can be legal implications down the line—some divorce lawyers are actually starting to use comments and posts from social networking sites as fodder in custody battles and settlements. This is a good reminder, yet again, that once things are in print, they can come back to bite you.

Don’t Be Overly Mushy Online

So what if you don’t argue online or post unflattering pictures of your S.O.? What else is there to worry about online? Believe it or not, posting too many positive or mushy remarks can be equally un-cool. If you’re posting on your mate’s wall once a day about how much you love them, you’re opening yourself and your relationship up to judgment from your online friends. Most people aren’t going to see that and just think that you’re the most romantic couple ever. They’re going to wonder if you’re making such a big deal publicly because things aren’t going so hot behind the scenes. Additionally, there’s just an element of the annoying to this behavior. You should be telling your significant other that you love them on a daily basis in person, not online. Someone’s Facebook wall isn’t an inbox, either—if you need to ask your spouse to pick up some milk or want to tell them about your day at work, do it over the phone or in an email. In general, don’t post anything on your girlfriend or boyfriend’s wall that you wouldn’t post on a regular friend’s wall, and you’ll be just fine in love and online.

Internet, Love And Marriage

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 23:00:08 +0000

It may be hard to believe that there are any households out there nowadays without internet connectivity, but there are, and if you’re single and living in one of them, you’re less likely to be in a relationship. After all the feedback we hear on how the internet can hurt our relationships, it may seem counterintuitive but the data is there, at least for now.

Does The Internet = A Greater Chance At Finding Love?

A new study shows that adults who have Internet access at home are much more likely to be in romantic relationships than adults without Internet access. And it’s not just because people spending lots of time on the internet are meeting their significant others there, although that factors in. In addition to finding that people are more likely to be in romantic relationships if they have Internet access in their homes the study revealed that the Internet is the one place that gaining importance as a place where couples meet. This study, called “Meeting Online: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary” proves that Internet access has an important role to play in helping Americans find mates.

“With the meteoric rise of the Internet as a way couples have met in the past few years, and the concomitant recent decline in the central role of friends, it is possible that in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s,” said Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University and the lead author of the study.

How To Keep It In Check

This should come as no surprise, as most of us have a desire for connection with someone else – as well as a readily-available internet connection! But online dating can be played out in a negative way if we’re not careful, through what I call the bio-chemical craving for connection. I discuss this more in my book, Make up Don’t Breakup – which encourages a healthy view interaction within our selves and with our partners. It can become a particular factor in people who are used to constant stimulation and change – much like what we see on the internet!

This craving starts when stress causes thrill-seeking behavior. This behavior can be in the form of financial or sexual conquests and infidelities. You’re looking for ways to self-medicate and to help calm stress levels down.

So no matter where you meet your significant other – online, in person, through friends, wherever – keep in mind that all the search for constant stimulation is great in our culture and can cause stress and thrill-seeking behavior. Of course, this craving can be harnessed for good as well as evil! Instead of allowing the desire for companionship and intimacy take you to thrill-seeking behavior that results in a “high” and then a crash, turn the desire into a search for healthy relationships.

Beware Of Dating Via Social Networks

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 00:00:21 +0000

A woman in the UK recently set up a Facebook page to help her facilitate sexual encounters. The page, entitled “I Need Sex” has since been shut down but before it was, the owner, Laura Michaels, said she met up with and slept with 50 men. Admitted Michaels, “I know that it was risky behavior but that was part of the thrill.”

According UK paper The Sun, Michaels admitted some people might “look down on me” for her behaviour and said some might even say that she may as well have been a prostitute because then she would at least have been paid for sleeping with so many different men, but she said: “I don’t see it like that at all. I was satisfying my own desires by setting up the group.”

Social Networking vs. Online Dating Sites

Gathering dates on social networking sites can be much riskier and more dangerous than utilizing online dating sites for a number of reasons, one of which being dating sites are set up to deal with issues of safety and privacy whereas social networks aren’t focused on that in terms of facilitating meetings and dates. Another issue is that it’s possible for people looking to date or hook up on social networking sites may more often be like Laura Michaels: seeking a thrill. Utilizing this method can be a bad way of trying to get attention.

As Michaels admitted to, this behavior is risky. People seeking it out usually have problems with intimacy and aren’t of the caliber that would create a healthy, fulfilling, safe relationship. It’s this thrill-seeking behavior that can often lead to affairs and other relationship troubles down the road.

It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” instead. It could be the case that people looking for lots of casual encounters via social networking are seeking out a way to mask the fact that they don’t want to deal with their emotions or don’t know how to engage in true intimacy. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life.

How Social Networking Can Kill Your Potential Relationships

Additionally, social networks – while they certainly have a number of good, positive aspects – have created a culture of self-indulgence where it’s easy to broadcast any and everything about yourself and find exactly what you’re looking for. This is another behavior that’s fraught with problems when it comes to the point of trying to create a committed relationship. People who have been going a mile a minute, playing fast and loose with sex, emotions and everything in between will find that they have a difficult time honing in on a relationship.

Of course, people seeking these types of thrills aren’t usually concerned with a potential relationship down the road and that’s just the problem – they’re in it for the high the feel in the moment without examining what’s making them seek that high. Just as I encourage couples suffering from this thrill-seeking behavior to communicate with each other, I would instruct single people indulging in risky behavior to communicate with themselves; dig deeper than indulging a momentary desire and learn what feeds the need to act in such a way.

Here There Be Weirdos: How To Meet Great People Online

Andrew Wang — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 23:00:02 +0000

For every successful “I met my boyfriend online” story, there are probably one hundred hilarious, awful, or creepy stories to prove the adage, “Now I see why he looks for dates online.” While online dating is no longer taboo or even uncommon, it can still be very tricky to successfully maneuver (and with your optimism about dating still intact, no less).

Be Truthful In Your Profile

If you hiking makes you wheeze and you would rather watch a Lifetime movie than a documentary, say so. Don’t write what you think others will like. (Similarly, if not superficially, don’t post pictures which are, um, dishonest.) Wake up! As soon as you meet, that person will see the real you anyways (unless this is some wacky sitcom in which you hire an actor to play you on the date, because you accidentally bleached your hair the night before). When you finally meet, this person may not feel you are his or her type (it stings, I know, but that’s life) after all; not to mention, your date might be peeved that you lied.

Resist The Urge To Be Snarky Or Apathetic

“Internet dating is so lame.” “I’m only doing this to shut your friends up.” Don’t worry. I get it and so does everyone else who reads your profile: you are embarrassed. You are ashamed that you are shopping online for a boyfriend like you shop for shoes. You worry that people will see you as one of the aforementioned cases of why can’t she get a date in the real world? Get over it. Millions of people date online, whether out of convenience, in an effort to save money, or as a way to connect with someone prior to physically meeting. Coming across as judgmental or bored on your profile will not wow anybody.

Be Selective With Whom You Meet

Don’t devalue your time or yourself by talking to people with whom you’re not stoked about or interested in. Rather than feeling obligated to talk to or meet with someone out of worry of seeming cold, politely decline. Otherwise, you will be wasting your time and theirs if you don’t see a relationship coming out of it. Similarly, don’t feel pressured into continuing contact with pushy people. There seem to be a lot of them online.

Don’t Wait For Others To Contact You

Take the initiative and send them a note. If they are not interested, they will likely either ignore your message or gently turn you down (sometimes you will encounter jerks, but why let the bad manners of others bother you?). No harm, no foul. Try again.

Give It Some Time

You won’t meet Prince Charming right away. Hell, you may not even meet Prince Um-Okay for a while. Nevertheless, if you are serious about finding a relationship, you shouldn’t give up after the first bad date. Along those lines, if you start chatting with someone you like, don’t rush into the first meeting. Keep up the conversation. Getting to know a person is the best way of ensuring the first date will go well, since you will have weeded out any incompatible people long before you ever meet up.

How to Chat Safely Both Online And Off

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 14:00:12 +0000

Protecting your identity may seem like common sense, but when we start flirting, chatting, and enjoying ourselves a little too much, we can sometimes forget that there are predators (sexual, identity theft, etc) both online and off. Here are some key things to remember next time you start feeling a little too comfy with the person on the other end of the line – whom you’ve never actually met.

Trust Your Instincts

Your instincts are one of the best ways to tell if someone is for real or not. Your body has ways of letting you know that something isn’t right, and if you start getting that feeling, it’s best to trust your gut. You may know exactly why you’re not feeling comfortable with someone when dating online, but then again, you may not. Someone may seem on the level at first and even second glance, and everything might seem to check out. Logically, there might not be any reason for you to be suspicious. You may only have a “feeling” that something isn’t quite right, but just because you don’t know “for sure” doesn’t mean you need to ignore it. If you feel like something is up, it likely is. Trust yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be uncomfortable with someone simply because you aren’t sure why. In many instances, it’s better to follow your gut.

Guard Your Privacy

It never hurts to be extra cautious and extra safe. Until you really, really get to know this person both online and off, it’s important that you guard all aspects of your privacy. Do any and all talking through a safe source, such as an anonymous phone chatline or an anonymous online dating website. Never give out your email address, your real name, your telephone number, your address or where you work. Instead of worrying about what is safe to share and what isn’t, keep it simple and don’t share anything until you’ve really gotten to know someone and are able to trust them.

Know When To Get Out Of A Freaky Situation

If you suspect you might be talking to someone who isn’t on the level, or have even met them in person, don’t be afraid to get yourself out of a bad situation A.S.A.P. You don’t owe anyone anything and your safety and well being is your top priority when dating and chatting online and over the phone. While there are some very good liars out there, many of them will give you several clues that will let you know that something just isn’t right. For example, be on the watch for angry outbursts and manipulative language or behavior. Do not tolerate disrespectful comments or any type of derogatory behavior towards you. Watch out for inconsistent information such as birthdays, horoscope signs, age, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. Many people who lie will tell you one thing at one time and something completely different another time because they’ve completely forgotten what they’ve lied about in the first place. Also, another telltale sign that something is amiss is evasiveness. Someone who is honest and straightforward won’t have any problems answering reasonable questions, but someone who has something to hide will often skirt the questions or provide evasive, vague answers. If you feel that you’re in a situation that is not 100% honest, it’s time to cut all ties and move on.

Q&A: Online Dating – Can You Fall In Love Without Meeting?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 09 May 2010 14:00:04 +0000

There are a lot of questions when it comes to online dating, but very few answers as online dating is still new, uncharted territory for many people. Can you fall in love online, or do you need to meet them first? How can you stay safe if you do end up meeting them in person? Here’s what you need to know about love and online dating.

Question: Hi Dan & Jenn, I have an online dating question. I signed up for a dating website last week and a man, two years older than me from California e-mailed me a day later. We’ve been e-mailing each other constantly and texting/talking ever since, and he’s just told me that he wishes to be with me until he grows old- he even mentioned flying me to California whenever I wish to visit. The problem is, is it possible for a man who’s never officially met me to develop such strong feelings for me so quickly? I’m honestly really baffled by this.

–YouTube Viewer

Possible But Not Probable

While theoretically it is possible to fall in love online without having met them first, but it’s definitely not probable. There are too many unknowns when it comes to a relationship with someone online to really say for sure if you love them or if they love you. You may really like them and even have strong feelings for them (or vice versa) but is it really love? If someone tells you they love you before you even meet them, take it with a grain of salt. Often, people are unable to accurately express strong feelings for someone and may just be using the word “love” because they don’t have any other way of explaining how they feel.

In Love With The Idea Of You

When using online dating sites, there are lots of things you and your partner don’t know about each other and it’s difficult to say you love someone without knowing these things. For example, your partner may know what your favorite color is and what you like to eat for dinner, but he doesn’t know how you smell or how your hand fits in his. He’s unaware of your mannerisms, how you move and how a hug or kiss from you feels. These are all essential components of a relationship that can’t be obtained over the Internet. Generally, when someone says they love you when they haven’t met you in person it means that they are in love with the “idea” of you. Their imagination has filled in all the blank spots, and naturally they are in love with that person. But that’s not the real you! The way you kiss or hold his hand may be completely different than the way he’s imagined it.

What To Do If You Do Meet

If you do decide to meet in person, it’s important to consider online dating safety first until you’ve met a few times and have gotten to know each other. Meet him in a public place during the day for a short amount of time. A half hour coffee is probably enough to get your feet wet and allow both of you to decide if you want to meet again. At first, pay your own way so you aren’t indebted to him in any way, and make sure a trusted friend knows where you are and when you plan to be back. Take it slow and get to know them before being alone with them.

Is Phone Dating Better Than Online Dating Or Facebook?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 21:00:51 +0000

Finding a date these days isn’t as easy as walking into a bar or cafe and checking someone out – in fact, it’s easier and you can do it from your own home! Many dating outlets exist today, including online dating, Facebook and phone dating. What is the best way to find a date – online or on the phone?

The Benefits Of Phone Dating

There are many benefits of phone dating, some of them similar to online or Facebook dating. With phone dating, you can meet people and talk to them in real time, without ever leaving the comfort of your own home. It’s a great way for people who are shy or people who don’t like traditional dating to meet and get to know other people. With phone dating, you don’t have a long profile to fill out or questions to answer about yourself like you do with online dating. You don’t even have to upload a photo, so you can get to know others without them judging you first based on how you look. Also, phone dating is great for people who aren’t computer savvy or who simply don’t want to be on the computer.

Protecting Your Privacy

Phone dating is a great way to protect your privacy and identity while getting to know potential dates. Phone dating services such as Livelinks connects you to other people through their phone system, so your phone number stays completely anonymous. Even online dating or Facebook does not afford as much privacy as phone dating can, and for many people, staying completely anonymous is essential. Although you are anonymous during phone dating, it is much more personal than a simple email or comment left on an online dating profile or a Facebook page. Never underestimate the power of talking to someone one on one and having a real, honest conversation with them. With phone dating, you can really get a feel for people in a way that you can’t with dating over the Internet.

Making It Work

Phone dating, like online dating or Facebook dating, can be a great start to a relationship or friendship, but it is not going to keep a relationship afloat without the intimacy of meeting someone face to face. To make phone dating really work, you have to be open to arranging to meet someone you’re interested in after having a few great conversations with them. Remember to always meet in a public place, preferably during the day or at least in a well lit area if you’re going in the evening, and make sure you let a friend or someone else know where you’re going. Phone dating is a wonderful way to meet someone great, but it’s important to take steps to keep yourself safe just in case. If you’ve never used a phone dating service to meet someone, try it for free – it might be just what you need to give your dating life the boost you’ve been looking for!

Q&A: Web Cam Romance And Sex On The First Date

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:00:07 +0000

More and more people are using the Internet to meet people, and with inventions such as Skype, web cams and audio chatting, it can sometimes be like you’re in the same room with someone. But is web camming only good for sexy hookups, or can real relationships be built from online introductions?

Hi, I have a question. I’ve been web camming with this guy for like a month and a few weeks now. We are going to meet soon, but I am worried that it’s too much sex. We will probably have sex on the first date, is this bad? I know you said intimacy can be at any time, but is the first date too soon? Can relationships come out of hook ups?

–YouTube Viewer

Decide What You Want

Do you want a sex-only relationship with this person? A hookup or a quickie, or a friend with benefits? Because that’s what you’re setting yourself up for. If that’s what you’re looking for, then go for it! But if you’re looking for a relationship to come out of your web camming and chatting, you need to let your friend know. Don’t lead him into thinking he’s got a booty call relationship now, if you want something more from it. Let him know that you like him and want to take it further. See if he’s on the same page.

A Relationship With Your Own Fantasy

Often, when we develop relationships with people online, our brains are filling in the gaps that a normal, face to face relationship wouldn’t have. You aren’t truly getting to know this person, their mannerisms and their personality – you are only getting to know one facet of them. Instead of taking that for what it is though, our brains are really good at inventing what we don’t know. Therefore, you truly are getting to “know” this fantasy version you have of this person instead of getting to know the real person. That can lead to a great deal of let down later on when you really do meet and get to know them. You’re most likely subconsciously creating a fantasy version of your friend that he or she could never possibly live up to.

Taking It Slow

If you’re looking to begin a real relationship with this person, take it slow when you meet them face to face. While you may be tempted to have sex on the first date, especially if you’ve been “intimate” with them before online, this is only going to label the relationship as being about sex. Get to know your partner just as though you were getting to know someone you met for the first time in person. Just because you and your friend have chatted and web cammed online, doesn’t mean you two know each other a great deal more than two people who just met. Treat the relationship that way and take it slow if you want it to develop into something more. If you’re simply looking for a quick, sexy hookup, have fun and be safe!

Married Or Single? Are Those Really The Only Choices?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:11:49 +0000

Social networking sites, email, Facebook, MySpace…you name it and you have to identify your relationship on your profile. Unfortunately though, many of these websites only have a few options that you can choose from to “define” your relationship, and most relationships today don’t even fall into these categories. Do you even need to “define” your relationship, or your past relationships if you were divorced or widowed? Here’s our thoughts.

Married, Single, Divorced, and Widowed – are those really the only options for relationhip status? Why does it even matter what your past relationship status was (divorced, widowed) or what you future status will be (engaged?)

Defining Your Current Relationships

Most social networking websites or other sites require you to define your current relationship with “status” choices such as married or single. Many relationships don’t fall into those two categories. For example, what if you are in an open relationship, an exclusive relationship (but not married) or in a complicated relationship that you don’t want to discuss or be required to define? How many of us have been in or are in a complicated relationship that we can’t simply define as “married” or “single?” What if you choose to be in a committed relationship but are not religious and choose not to be blessed by the church or married in the eyes of the church? Should you be bound by religious doctrines if they don’t apply to you? The vast majority of people these days often end up falling into a category other than “married” or “single” and there aren’t many status options for them to choose from.

Defining Your Past Relationships

Many websites – and even government paperwork, bank accounts, etc. – have options for you to define your past relationships. For example, if you are not “married” or “single,” your other options are “divorced” or “widowed.” Should it really be necessary to define your past relationships on a social networking site or on a piece of paperwork? Divorces and deaths are painful and many people do their best to put this behind them. In addition, does a past relationship that ended in divorce or death really define you as a person, and who you are now?

Definining Your Future Relationships

Some networking websites have relationship status options such as “engaged.” Is it truly necessary to define your future relationships in that way? What if you are in a serious, monogomous relationship but you and your partner have chosen not to be married or wear engagement jewelry, but also have no plans to end the relationship? What “category” does that fall under? Is it necessary to tell the world that you are “engaged” and plan on being married?

How We Should Be Able To Define Our Relationships Online

There really are only a few relationship status options that need to be available on social networking sites. “In an exclusive relationship” would imply that you are in a relationship with someone and are exclusive, whether you are gay, bisexual, straight, married, engaged, committed, or what have you. “In an open relationship” would imply that you are with someone but you are open to the idea of flirting or dating others, or bringing others into the relationship with you. “It’s complicated” would cover those in relationships who don’t fall into these categories. “Single” would be an option for single people who either are or aren’t looking for a relationship or dating, and an additional option could even be “I prefer not to disclose.” If you don’t want to “define” your relationship status, no matter what it is, you shouldn’t have to!

Meet The Sexy New Breed Of Cougar Women

Oliver Jameson — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:33 +0000

Cougars like their meat medium rare. That’s according to a new survey showing older woman who date younger men prefer their cubs between the ages of 24 and 29. The Cougar Report 2009, carried out by Cougared.com, a dating website targeted at older women and younger men, found that almost half of the women surveyed would prefer to date a man in the 24-29 age group. Men in their 30s are not too far over the hill though for prowling cougars – one third of women said they prefer men between 30 and 37 years old. Men outside these age groups hardly get a look in. Cougars would rather chase their own tails than chase them.

Older Women Going After Younger Men

The majority of the women who took part in the survey were in their 40s (52 percent) and 50s (29 percent) and the men they seek are usually 10 to 20 years younger. And the reasons they date younger men? They have, they say, a better attitude and are hotter in bed than men their own age. It also makes them feel younger, the conversation is lighter and they like to party. According to the poll, older men carry too much emotional baggage, are too serious, are lazy and have let themselves get out of shape. Some women dated younger men because they wanted to turn the tables on the age old tradition of older men chasing girls half their age.

Cougars Looking For A Lasting Relationship

But if you think older women are dating younger men just for the sex, think again. More than 90 percent of cougars are looking for a lasting relationship. Cougars prefer to toy with their prey online before going on a date with them. About two thirds of women polled say they found their playmate on either a cougar or mainstream dating site or social networking sites. Not unusually, the most common hunting ground for cougars offline, are bars and clubs (42 percent) or over the water cooler at work (35 percent). Some cougars had also met their young lovers through family and friends, at sports clubs and book clubs or just out on the street.

And once they have lured them away from the crowd, cougars are likely to be found tantalizing the taste buds of their prey with dinner on a first date or drinks at a bar or club. And while just over half said they would split the check on the first date, a lot of women liked the traditional touch of the men picking up the check. A small minority of cougars like to spoil their playthings and pay for dinner themselves.

Once A Cougar Snatches A Cub, She’ll Never Go Back

And if a younger man is looking to spoil an older woman he should take her to a friendly local restaurant or feed her his own tasty morsels cooked by his own fair hands in the comfort of his own home. A majority of the cougars were seasoned pros at hunting out cubs and have been on the scene for several years. And once they’ve dated one young man, it seems they can never go back to men their own age. The vast majority of those polled had dated more than one younger man.

And while a younger guy’s friends will accept their buddy dating an older women, his family won’t usually won’t. While some kept their cougar a secret, 73% said that the younger guy’s friends never made a big deal that their buddy was dating an older woman. But nearly half of the women said their young lovers kept their cougar relationship a secret from their family.

To see the full report go to http://www.cougared.com/report

How To Smell A Rat In The Dating Game – Or Find Out If YOU Are One! (Quiz)

Maryanne Comaroto — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 05:08:11 +0000

People ask me all the time how to have a great relationship, how to date successfully, or meet someone and start a healthy dating pattern. I usually ask them the same two questions: What do you want, and what are you willing to do about it? Then I direct them to my Relationship Aptitude Test, or RAT, which helps you smell a rat—or find out if you are one. It’s multiple choice. Take your time.

When is it okay to date someone who is already in a relationship?

1. Human beings are not monogamous creatures

2. As long as they don’t really want to be with that person

3. I’d rather wait until they are available

How long should you wait before you get sexually intimate with someone?

1. It depends on how well I know the person

2. If it feels good, do it

3. Two or three dates, unless it’s love at first sight

Does it matter how someone’s relationships have ended in the past?

1. Some people just bring out the worst in each other

2. That was then and this is now

3. I am attracted to people who keep their side of the street clean

Does God matter in a relationship?

1.Not believing in God doesn’t make you a bad person

2.I think it’s key to a relationship to be spiritually compatible

3.To each his own

When you should bring up marriage or commitment?

1. Be upfront about what you want; you both deserve that

2. You should just go with the flow

3. Not until you’re sure it won’t scare them away

At what point do you talk about kids or birth control?

1. Love me, love my kids; and know that whatever I do, I am responsible for

2. If you have ‘em, wait to bring them up; if you don’t, wait until they mention it

3. Have a condom and don’t say anything you’ll regret later

When and how do you talk about STDs?

1. I would assume someone would tell me if they were sick or had some disease

2. ASAP and gracefully

3. You can tell when people are clean and healthy—and always bring a condom

Does it matter if someone you are with has been incarcerated?

1. Everyone deserves a second chance

2. As long as it wasn’t murder

3. Depends on what for

Does everyone need a purpose in life?

1. I just want them to be happy

2. Absolutely—or in sincere pursuit

3. As long as it isn’t me

Do you believe in Happily Ever After?

1. I don’t need to anymore

2. I believe in the pre-nuptial agreements

3. Sure, who doesn’t want that?

Tally up your points with the key below and mail your score to info-at-maryannelive.com, and we’ll send you the results. Find out if you need an X-termination, need to lay off the cheese, or if you are a cheese connoisseur!

Key:

Q 1: 1) 2 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 3 points

Q 2: 1). 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point

Q 3: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points

Q 4: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points

Q 5: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point

Q 6: 1) 3 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 2 points

Q 7: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points

Q 8: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points

Q 9: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points

Q 10: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 1) 1 point

Online Dating Sites Begin The Dating Process, Not Be The Engagement Period!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:00:11 +0000

A friend I love dearly was recently asked out on a date as a result of an online dating site she belongs to. She was thrilled and frightened. But she was scared in that good way when you are facing down a fear, stretching yourself to be more, and confident that no matter what happens, you will love yourself for trying! Yes, it had been awhile since she had been out on a date. No matter, she was ready to accept the possibility that there might still be romance in her future.

The Benefits – And Downfalls – Of Dating In The Internet Age

One benefit to dating sites is you have access to your date’s birthday before you even meet. Do you know what that means? It means you have access to valuable information about them. You can consult a zodiac chart or something called The Cards of Destiny or any other system that uses birthdates to determine personalities and compatibility. My friend was seriously looking into her compatibility with this date before they’d even met! She was pinning a lot of hope on this first date.

We suggested to her that she just relax and let the date unfold without putting that much intensity into it. After all, it was just a first date between two people who hadn’t yet met in person. They weren’t considering marriage. It was just too early to require so much of any date – much less a first date.

When it was the evening before the date, she received an email from him. He told her he was calling off the date. He said she seemed to be too busy, that what he wanted was to travel, and he couldn’t see her being available for that. Inside herself she responded, “Geez! It wasn’t like we were engaged!”

Just One Date

What he missed out on by canceling on her was a lot! He missed out on the chance to connect with another person – a woman. He missed out on the opportunity to get to know himself better in conversation with her. He missed out on the prospect of enjoying the mystery of someone new in his life. He lost the possibility that she may have been ready to trade in her busyness for some travel. He lost the opportunity to make a new friend. He lost self-respect by backing out, being unwilling to keep his word for just one date.

Also, though, there was something very profound when she responded with, “Geez! It wasn’t like we were engaged!” The fact that my friend wanted to do an astrological compatibility on this man before she even met him made me want to talk her off the ledge of thinking this date was that important. We gave her the advice to just relax and enjoy herself. At the risk of sounding sexist, it seemed typical of a woman to jump so far ahead in her anticipation of this date. It never occurred to me that he might be in the same position of putting entirely too much stress on this first date – having entirely too heavy an agenda for it.

Enjoy Dating – Don’t Make It More Than It Is

My friend’s online dating experience prompts this advice from me. For single adults of all ages, try to relax and enjoy dating. You are likely to attract the right one as well as be the right one when you are relaxed and not taking life quite so seriously. Even if it has been years or decades since you visited the dating scene, there is more to be gained from a relaxed attitude than there is from the constriction of needing each date to hold so much meaning. Love comes unbidden, in its own time and on its own terms. You cannot force it no matter how much anxiety and agenda you bring to a first date. You may as well relax and enjoy the journey! There are far more benefits to that state of mind.

Dating During A Recession

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 02:00:30 +0000

It turns out economic hardship spawns more than “staycations” and at-home cocktail parties. It also has caused a boost in first dates. It seems that this type of uncertainty makes many of us desire companionship and support more than ever.

Searching For Healthy Relationships

According to MSNBC, some singles are now hunting for dates with the same fervor others are showing hunting for jobs. On matchmaking Web site eHarmony.com, membership is up 20 percent despite monthly fees of up to $60, and activity has soared 50 percent since September at OkCupid.com. If money talks, we’re saying that we are looking to quell the loneliness that’s all too common when chasing careers, financial security, our ideal life. When those things are called into question, we go back to seeking good ol’ fashioned relationships.

This should come as no surprise, as most of us have this inherent desire, but it can be played out in a negative way if we’re not careful through what I call the bio-chemical craving for connection. I discuss this more in my book, Make up Don’t Breakup – which encourages a healthy view of money both within our selves and with our partners. This craving starts when stress from childhood causes thrill-seeking behavior. This behavior can be in the form of financial or sexual conquests and infidelities. You’re looking for ways to self-medicate and to help calm stress levels down. Of course, this craving can be harnessed for good as well as evil! Instead of allowing the desire for companionship and intimacy take you to thrill-seeking behavior that results in a “high” and then a crash, turn the desire into a search for healthy relationships.

A Genuine Relationship

This can come through online matchmaking, saying “hi” to that person we always see in a coffee shop or through a simple friendship. But you don’t need me to tell you how to meet people! The point is, as the MSNBC article states, it’s not just the frequency of our dates that’s changing — it’s also the people we’re choosing to spend time with.

“They’re looking for something that’s genuine in a world that isn’t very secure,” said Bathsheba Birman, co-founder of the Chicago dating event Nerds at Heart. “ith headlines full of why you can’t trust established institutions that you thought you could … people are re-examining their own values.”

And seeking a steady relationship can actually result in SAVING money! The CEO at OKCupik figures a man can spend $100 buying drinks at a bar trying to pick up a stranger and leave with little more than a cold shoulder. But, when he’s in a relationship, a Saturday evening can be as simple as Thai noodle takeout and a movie rental.

So here’s to healthy relationships and sustainable finances!

Online Dating – Doing It Right

Chick In Heels — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:00:39 +0000

While online dating was once considered the dating foray of the nerdy and desperate, many people are realizing how valuable online dating – or online “introductions” really can be. If you’re interested in online dating, here’s how to do it right!

Setting Things Up

Before you begin, I suggest you create a new email address – one that protects your anonymity and gives you control. This is a safeguard to keep your regular email address safe from creepies that may not want contacting you.

Rule number one – do NOT give out any personal information right away.

Chances are you will have to pick a nickname or ‘login name’ for your dating site – take a moment when considering this – (as stated before, do not give out your name yet) what will your nickname SAY about you?? After all don’t pick ‘busty Betsy’ if you aren’t so busty – if you falsely represent yourself you only set yourself up for failure…not to mention if you care about who you are to attract and what characteristics they will decipher from your portfolio. Don’t pick “lonely heart” if you don’t want to come across as desperate. Try to keep it light – maybe consider what your hobbies are – like “Hockey girl” for example.. that can also make for a great starting conversation maker when you are contacted by someone.

What Are You Looking For?

Clarify what you are looking for up front – if you want something with long term potential say so, if you are looking to casually start dating again – again – be upfront.. State some of your basic likes and dislikes when it comes to dating & relationships. You may value loyalty, you may prefer a non-smoker…. List your hobbies…things you enjoy doing on a date maybe, or whatever your idea of fun is!!

Most dating sites will tell you that posting a picture will generate a lot more responses. I say, go for no photo at first and see how that goes. Maybe once you have comfortably established some chat with another person you can specifically send them your photo without having it out for public display.

If you are comfortable going the photo displayed route then ensure you are using an accurate depiction that is CURRENT. Thing is, you should expect the same in return as well. I once heard a suggestion where you have the person hold up today’s paper when sending you a photo of themselves lol!! That’s not that bad of an idea!
Now, before you go on chatting with just anyone through email or messenger or the dating site’s chat function – take a look into THEIR profile. Make sure this is someone you want to strike up a conversation with – don’t waste anyone’s time and expect the same in return.

Nixing “Chatspeak”

Now, what I believe is the KEY to online dating success – is being able to ‘chat/type’ the same way you would actually ‘speak’ if the person was in front of you. It always amazes me how often people who I know are very social and fun can come across as daft during a messenger conversation lol!! Try not to only give one word answers – have some questions that you’d like to ask. Toss the nerves aside, the benefit of online dating/chatting initially is that you remain somewhat anonymous… you don’t even have to worry about what you look like unless you venture into video chat ;o) (if you are on webcam chat.. make sure you’re presentable)….

Chatting through online dating can give you a lot of information in a short amount of time. This is a bonus as it saves people from wasting time if they discover something they aren’t keen on about the other person. It also can make you feel less inhibited to talk about things. On a real date there are always distractions – online the focus is the conversation and whether or not you feel the ‘click’.

Making An Online Relationship A Real Relationship

When you feel comfortable meeting in person, do so in a public place during daytime hours if at all possible. Provide your own transportation initially as well.. have a friend check in on you at some point during the meet (maybe they can send you a text) in case you require an ‘out’. These are standard concepts when meeting a new person anyway… hopefully the person you were chatting with online turns out to be an honest representation of themselves. There are always people out there who have used photos from their ‘better days’ or who haven’t been completely honest with their relationship status, etc, etc… just be aware before you dive right in. So keep that initial meeting short – coffee or a drink – not dinner. If all goes well, dinner can be next time. If what you are looking for is something casual and you wish to take things to another level – just be safe – going anywhere alone with a stranger poses threats – keep yourself protected at all times and in all ways ;o) Even if you use a reputable dating service you never truly know the person you are meeting initially so be smart.

Online dating can be a great way to branch out and it no longer holds the stigmas it once did. There are likely more couples meeting online as there are in bars now-a-days. Plus, you’ll likely know a lot more about the person you are meeting face to face then you ever could find out from someone you meet in a bar. Sharpen up those typing skills – and open the door to the online possibilities!!!

Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Dr. Diana Kirschner — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:58:39 +0000

It’s enough to drive you crazy. There is this hottie—a Brad Pitt look-a-like you met online, in the office, sandwich shop or gym. He is to-die-for and seems to be friendly, but has very few words to share. And he never seems to put any moves on you. Yet you have such a thing for him! You keep checking his Facebook page, wondering what is up. What’s a girl to do?

Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Well, here are eight tips, adapted from my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, designed to bring that shy hottie out of his shell:

1. See him when he is in his element.
If he plays sports, go watch. Be there as he finishes a marathon. If he is giving a talk, try to arrange to be in the audience. When a shy guy is in his element he will be at the height of his charisma and self-confidence. Bottom line: he will be feeling empowered and desirable. And this means he will feel free to make a move on you if he is really interested.

2. Praise him.
Notice something about him or what he is doing that you really like and praise it with a specific and sincere compliment. –i.e., That blog you wrote about going to Sicily was hysterically funny and made me want to go! This builds his self-esteem and will get him to share more about the topic. Validation may even get him to show off a bit for you.

3. Use his name & make up a sizzlin’ nickname for him.
This indicates that you are noticing him and that he is important to you. He will bond more quickly with you when you use his name. Also, choose a complimentary nickname based on one of his qualities that you admire. For example, if he is into cycling, call him “Lance B.” This will get him to laugh and open up with you about his cycling experiences.

4. Ask open-ended questions.
Good examples are, “How did you get interested in (your job)?” “What brought you to live in the city?” “How do you manage to train for a triathlon when you work full-time?” These kinds of questions help a shy hottie to share and open up. And your being a good listener will allow him to feel known and comfortable being real with you.

5. Ask for help.
Men love to help women. It is biologically wired that way! Ask him to fix your computer, your car, your bike, your door—you name it. He will enjoy coming through for you and feel much more connected to you. When he is in the “helper” role he is also much more likely to share his knowledge with you.

6. Ask what he likes to eat or what sports, hobbies, or movies he likes. Once you find something in common, ask him if he’d like to do it some time.
Shy guys, even the gorgeous variety, can be very interested in you, but petrified to make the first move. It is easy to open the door to a common interest by asking about food, hobbies or other fun activities. When you hit on something you both love, you can make the first move and ask about doing the activity together. An invite based on a common interest is a good litmus test that will show if he is interested in you or not. If he does not take you up on your offer, chances are pretty high that he is not into you.

7. Say you’d like to see him again.
This is an easy, non-threatening way to show that you are interested in him. If he responds positively, by smiling, nodding or saying “yes” he may be feeling some attraction to you. At that point, make sure he has your contact information!

8. Give Him a Little Neck or Back Massage.
Making physical contact actually releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. A mini-massage also will relax him so that he’ll be less up-tight and fearful. In addition, making physical contact often opens the door for the guy to respond in kind. He might make an affectionate gesture towards you, hold your hand, put his arm around you or even kiss you.

Here’s the bottom line: with a shy hottie you have to be more proactive and flirtatious, take the lead more often and maybe even give the first kiss. Keep in mind, however, that he needs to be responding very positively to each of your moves. If he doesn’t, end the relationship, because you don’t want to be stuck in a fantasy where you are crazy about someone who is truly not into you. Remember, if this guy does not work out, there are plenty of others. Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific men in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Finding Intimacy In The Twitter Age

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 19:23:48 +0000

For several weeks now, I have been learning how to tweet on Twitter. I was hoping that would sound kind of sexy but it doesn’t. It sounds geeky! Which makes sense as Twitter.com is a new kind of social media spot on the web that requires a learning curve other social media sites don’t. However, I am going to bring this tweeting thing around to sexuality and romantic relationships, if you’ll bear with me!

What Is Twitter?

On Twitter, you answer the question, “What are you doing?” in 140 characters or less. It’s like instant messaging on the internet. These tiny messages are called “tweets.” You can follow any of the members on Twitter and invite them to follow you. You can also reach out to friends outside Twitter and invite them in. Following someone means every time they “tweet,” it shows up on your page. I have over 60 people following me, at this writing, though the list has probably grown since I began writing this article. People I don’t know from Adam have found me and chosen to follow me on Twitter. The polite thing to do is follow them in return.

The thing about it is how utterly fascinating it is to view all these peoples’ tweets. They tell you what they’re doing, they share favorite quotes, they lead you to their websites, they share their favorite music. They reply to each other’s tweets. If you follow Lance Armstrong, you find out where and for how many miles he rode his bike today! It’s obvious from people’s tweets that some are tweeting from their cell phones, sometimes every few minutes, as they go about their day. There’s a woman in my town I’ve never met but we follow each other on Twitter and, as a result, are also connected on Facebook. When she tweets about the weather, I find it strangely intimate because I’m experiencing the very same weather!

Finding Intimacy Online

And that’s the thing I’m getting to in this article, the intimacy! I read what people are doing in 140 characters or less and it feels like I am part of an intimate community that belongs exclusively to me. Even though the vast majority of them are strangers and the list grows daily, these are my people in a way that no one else is! My goodness, Lance Armstrong is a member of my community at Twitter!

I’ve only been doing this tweeting thing for a few weeks. As I’ve learned my way around it, I’ve discovered short cuts to keeping up with people and how to know who is really keeping up with me so that I limit my time on Twitter. I do have friends I tweet with, with whom I also share real face time. They, of course, are my most favorite twitterers.

Do you see how the intimacy develops? Even in the made up lingo of the Twitter universe, I feel so uniquely connected. It isn’t about exclusivity, however, because the more people following me and the more I follow, the better. It is an inclusive universe!

But the intimacy is a total head trip! It reminds me of a commercial I’ve seen a lot lately. I don’t even know what they are selling; but when I have the television on for background noise and this commercial airs, I stop to watch its climax, which is “the original instant message” – the kiss! Whatever they’re selling, calling a kiss the original instant message is cute and charming and it always reels me in.

Grounding Yourself With Real Intimacy

There are so many cyber worlds out there to join from Warcraft to blogs to social sites to TMZ updates and I’m barely scratching the surface. With ipods, cell phones, and lap tops so tiny I call them “finger tops,” we can walk through our lives with our heads in the clouds and forget to be present and grounded on this earth. It used to be only a segment of any population with certain personality quirks that walked around with their heads in the clouds. Now, most of us do it because we’re plugged in to the electronic universe made available by all this awesome technology. But that electronic universe isn’t “real.” Not in a face-to-face, hand-to-hand, I can smell your breath and pheromones kind of way. I mean, come on! It “feels” like intimacy as I participate in answering the question “What are you doing” in 140 characters or less!

Here’s where I get to the part about sexuality and romantic relationships. I will use more than 140 characters but I’m still keeping it brief because the message is to the point. I say, go give somebody a big, wet, sloppy kiss today and ground their body (and your own) on the planet, reminding ourselves what real intimacy and connection is about!

If there is no one presently in your life who will accept a big, wet, sloppy kiss then how about a great, big, cuddly, bear hug? Who knows, you might ground yourself enough to discover the person who will love your big, wet, sloppy kisses that interrupt the day and remind us why it is so delightful to be human!

Online Dating – To Pay Or Not To Pay

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:18:05 +0000

In the past, online dating was seen as more “desperate” than traditional dating, but as more and more things are going online, the social stigma of online dating has all but disappeared. Now it’s more of a tool that you can use to meet people that have similar interests in your area.

There are both free sites and paid sites. The question is, which do you choose?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I just can’t seem to meet single women in Real World situations. I’ve tried to meet women on 100% free dating sites, followed the rules to the best of my abilities (being honest, having no pictures with girls in them, talk about specific hobbies and life goals, etc.), and still nothing.

My friends are bugging me to join a pay site like Match.com or eHarmony, but isn’t a PAY site just telling the world that I’m so desperate that I have to pay someone $30-$50 a month just for the POSSIBILITY of meeting women? What reason do I have to think that I’ll be anymore successful here than I was there? Are pay sites an insulting admission of desperation, or simply using another tool in the world of meeting women?

The Benefits Of Unpaid Online Dating Websites

Unpaid sites have their advantages namely you can meet people online for free. Your credit card never gets billed and you don’t have to risk paying for a service that might not ever be useful.

That is, you might never find anyone online that you’re compatible with. If you’re using a free online dating site, it’s more of a disappointment rather than a financial issue. But paid dating websites have many advantages as well. In fact, many of the popular paid online dating websites have benefits that far outweigh the drawbacks of paying for an online dating tool.

How Serious Are You?

Whether you want to pay for an online dating website service or not is up to you. You know your financial situation and you know if this is something you can commit to financially or not.

Think about this though. How serious are you about meeting someone online? If you’re simply doing it for fun or for friends and don’t mind if you never find anyone you’re compatible with, a free online dating website might be right up your alley.

However, if you’re more serious about finding someone you really enjoy spending time with and might end up being that really special someone, a paid online dating website is going to give you more of what you’re looking for.

Paying For a Membership Is a Big Commitment

Why is that? For starters, to fork over the bucks each month to belong to an online dating website service requires a pretty hefty level of commitment from you. You definitely want to make sure you’re serious about finding someone you really like if you’re going to pay each month for the possibility of meeting them.

The biggest benefit of belonging to a paid online dating website, however, is that everyone else who belongs to the website also forks over money each month for their membership. That means they’re serious about dating too.

So you know going into it that you’re going to meet people online that are just as committed to dating as you are, and that’s quite refreshing when you really think about it!

Online dating isn’t for everyone, but if you choose to belong to either a paid or unpaid online dating membership, don’t be afraid that you’re going to appear “desperate” or silly.

Online dating websites are excellent tools you can use to meet like minded people in your area that you probably wouldn’t have met otherwise! Just make sure that if you find someone you really like that you take that step forward and bring the relationship from an online introduction to a real life, real world relationship.

How Can I Tell If My Date Really Likes Me?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 12:42:25 +0000

Navigating the dating world can be difficult for both men and women. It’s hard to tell what your date’s motivations are and if they really like you or not.

Both men and women can also send mixed messages too, making it even harder for you to figure out what is going on. How can you tell if your date really likes you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How can I tell if she’s really into me?

–Jeff, North Carolina

Dating vs. Friends

The first way to tell if your date really likes you is to look at the dating pattern. Are you going on dates with this person alone or are you going on dates with other friends as friends? If you’re going on dates with them alone, do you continue to go out on dates or call each other?

If the answer is that you are dating this person, as in going on dates alone with them and spending time with them, chances are they really do like you. Neither men nor women will continue to date someone and continue to spend time with someone if they’re not at least a little interested.

If you’re dating someone, you can assume they like you enough to give you more chances, and they probably like you a lot!

If you and your date are going out with other people, such as your friends, it can be a little more difficult to figure out if they like you or not.

Body Language

Another way to tell if your date really likes you is to pay attention to their body language. Do they move close to you when they talk to you? Do they touch your arm or your leg as they’re having a discussion with you? If your date seems really interested in you and really does like you, you’ll be able to tell by watching their body language.

Talk To Them

The surest way to find out if your date is really into you is to simply talk to them! You can have a conversation with them that doesn’t put pressure on them or makes them feel awkward. Just be honest.

Talk to them like you would and old friend and ask in a casual way if they’re interested in you and would like to continue dating. Be careful not to ask questions like, “Where do you see this going?” or open ended questions like, “How do you feel about me?”

Make it as easy as possible for them to answer you truthfully. Your best option is a question where they can give you a simple yes or no answer.

If your date does express interest in you, take it at face value! Don’t try to read too much into it. In the beginning of the dating process, your primary goal is to simply spend time with your date, getting to know them and letting them get to know you.

You have a right to enjoy yourself and have fun, and your date does too! Try to keep “relationship” questions out of the picture as much as possible when you’re first dating someone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t casually ask if they’re interested in you! Just make it brief and uninvolved.

Should A Hot Young Girl Meet Older Well Endowed Men Online?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:38:34 +0000

Online dating, or online introductions, really, opens you up to contact with people of all different shapes, sizes, ages and walks of life. You’ll meet different types of people that you probably would never have met otherwise, and exploring this can be really fun.

What should you do if you happen to find yourself interested in older men online? Should you respond?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am an 18-and-a-half year old female who is considering heightening my age limit for dating and having sex with men to 28 or 29. I am a very mature and intellectual person. I recently joined an online dating site and several very nice, well-educated and well-endowed men who are 10 years older than me have messaged me and I’m debating whether I should talk to them or not. Is a 10 year gap when you’re 18-and-a-half always something to avoid or can it be okay?

– Sarah in California

The Age Gap

As long as you’re a legal adult, you’re definitely free to date anyone you choose that is, as long as they’re a legal adult as well. Beyond that, there’s really nothing keeping you from finding interest in older men online, or even in real life, except your own needs, wants and expectations.

That said, it’s important to explore how you feel about a huge age gap between someone you are interested in online. Does it make you uncomfortable in any way? Might it make the other person uncomfortable? Are you all for it, or do you have some reservations?

Actually sitting down and really thinking about the possibility of dating someone online and even having a real life relationship with someone a lot older than you can lend some insight into the situation. This isn’t a decision that you want to make quickly or lightly, but if it’s something you really want, go for it! Just make sure you’re really ready and you’ve thought everything through first.

Different Levels Of Maturity

Sure, many women are more mature than men at an earlier age. Who doesn’t know that? But something you definitely want to consider is how very different your life can be from a man that is a lot older than you.

For example, you might never have attended college, but your dating prospect might have been through college, graduated and is divorced with two kids. It’s important to consider what you are looking for when you’re introducing yourself to other people online.

What Are You Looking For?

Are you looking for a casual relationship only? Then dating a man that is divorced with two kids might not necessarily be an issue for you. If you’re looking for something long term, or want to consider the possibility of building a real relationship with someone, it’s definitely important to think about the differences you might have.

You may find that it’s hard to relate to older men, simply because your lives are so different at the particular age you are each at. Then again, you might find it easier to relate to them if you have been through some similar situations.

You will probably want to get to know them a little bit online before meeting them, just to find out if you really have any similar ground to stand on.

Simply put, you just need to think it through. Spend plenty of time thinking about what your wants and needs are when it comes to online dating and dating an older man, and spend plenty of time talking to your dating prospect online to get to know each other before you make a big leap into any kind of relationship.

As with anything, just make sure it’s something you really want and go from there.

Dating After 50 – Welcome to the 21st Century!

Elaine Williams — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:53:47 +0000

Following the death of my husband, there came a point in time where I decided to enter the dating world. My social life had been reduced to people I saw at work and my kids’ friends. Living in a small community combined with being self employed, I realized I was becoming a bit of a recluse.

I knew I had to make some changes in my life in an attempt to move forward and not remain stagnant. It was a bit daunting, being single and dating after having been married for twenty years.

Whoa! This is Dating Now!

The first thing I discovered was that dating had changed drastically from what I remembered. Everything associated with online dating, dating services and matchmaking services felt foreign.’ It left me feeling oddly out of place for a woman who had not participated in any type of dating for twenty-five years or more.

My initial thoughts were that it would be a relatively uncomplicated means to boost a sagging social life. Yes, I admit to being naïve.

The Online Dating Experience

I soon discovered that with online dating, “normal” took on a new definition. I was blithely unaware that some would view my boys, ages 12 to 21, as liabilities, even though I had no intention of searching for a new “father” for them.

In filling out dating profiles, I was scrupulously honest, however, I learned not everyone followed this rule. By now, I suspect you the reader may be wondering in what sandbox my head was buried all these years.

For some reason I attracted men who didn’t know or care anything about commitment, caring or long term relationships. The more I talked to other daters of various ages and sexual orientation, I was surprised to discover similar experiences across the board.

The New Dating Dilemma

I had to wonder how had dating become such a dilemma? Dating in the 21^st century seemed rather hit and miss. Many times it’s an opportunity to get what you can and move on. I hated feeling like I was at a smorgasbord and in danger of being passed over for a newer, tastier dish.

By the time most of us have reached fifty years of age, life’s experiences have wounded us in some way or another, which of course colors our thoughts, feelings and relationships. However, I was still a bit taken back to discover some “fifty-somethings” have let basic courtesy, caring and honesty skills fall by the wayside.

What I Know Now

I learned to steer clear of emotionally unavailable partners; men still “attached” to other women and men who dated but obviously preferred to remain loners. Many men were good men in their own right, but not right for me.

I began to ask myself, why be with someone who contributes nothing to my life? I deserved better.

My early dating experiences reinforced the notion that a relationship should begin as friends, letting a partner show true interest and caring before jumping into any intimacy.

It took several unhappy experiences before I realized being true to myself is my real power. After dating for two years, I made the decision not to date superficially, but find instead a man who will enhance my life as I will enhance his. Why should anyone settle for less?

Did You Know That 81% of People Lie in Their Online Dating Profiles?

Stuart Morris — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:51:50 +0000

For people who are either considering online dating or are already involved in online dating, lying is a big concern.

There are plenty of stories, each more frightening than the last, about first dates gone terribly wrong when the other person showed up and it was obvious that they had lied on their online profile about something really fundamental like their weight, height, or even age.

It’s an incredibly awkward situation to be in, and it rarely ends well.

Now, a research study has been done to find out just how many people are lying in their online dating profiles, and how big the lies are. Jeffery Hancock of Cornell University and his fellow researchers took 80 willing participants, 40 men and 40 women, from the New York area and compared their online dating profiles to their real life selves.

Specifically, they compared the 80 participants on height, weight, and age.

The Lying Masses

What Hancock found was that 81% of the 80 participants lied about at least one of the three things in their profile. Perhaps not surprising, women lied the most about weight by under stating it in their profiles, and men lied most about their height by over stating it in their profiles.

Yet despite such a high number of liars among us, the average lie was actually quite small:

Age – The average lie about age was only .44 years higher or lower than the real number, hardly a lie to be worried about
Height – The average lie about height was only .33 inches higher or lower than the real number. Again, not a big enough lie to really worry about it
Weight - The average lie about weight was 5.86 pounds higher or lower than the real number, which is not small, but not terribly large either

So while 81% of online daters may lie in their profiles, the lies are usually quite small. So small, in fact, that you would probably never even realize you had been lied to in the first place if you met the person in real life.

Most people realize that lying in their online profiles wont pan out in the long run, and any lie they do include is subtle enough that you’re probably not going to notice unless you bring a scale and a tape measure on your date.

A Few Bad Apples

The study found that there were a few people who ignored the obvious consequences and lied in a big way in their online profiles. He mentions that these people are probably where most horror stories about lying in online dating profiles originate. The biggest lie for:

Age was 3 years older and an astonishing 9 years younger than was listed on the online profile
Height was 3 inches taller and 1.75 inches shorter than was listed on the online profile
Weight was an amazing 35 pounds heavier and 20.4 pounds lighter than was listed on the online profile

The Biggies are Obvious

The lies about weight are particularly astounding. It would be immediately obvious to almost anyone that their date had lied about their weight if they showed up 35 pounds heavier than they claimed to be.

The Bottom Line

Yes, most people lie in their online dating profiles, but the lies are small, so small that you’ll never be able to pick out the liars from the from the ones who told the truth so it’s probably best not to worry about it. The few who do tell big lies will be immediately obvious if you ever meet them in person, and if nothing else, the experience will make for a good story to scare your friends with.

Online Dating: 6 Reasons She Doesn’t Email You Back

Dylan Alexander — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:47:17 +0000

So you find a fantastic girl online, fire off an email to her, and sit back and wait… and wait… and wait. Despite checking your inbox every 15 minutes for 2 days straight, there is no sign of a reply at all.

This is not an uncommon scenario for men, who never stop to think about the woman’s side of the equation… why doesn’t she email back?

The good news is that there are 6 common reasons that she doesn’t reply. Some are simple fixes, others are a little more difficult to overcome. Here they are:

Problem 1 – You didn’t get her attention

Good looking women get A LOT of emails every day… super hot women on busy sites can easily get over a hundred a day! That’s some serious competition! If you don’t get her attention fast, you’ll be forgotten instantly as she moves on to the next guy without even giving a thought to replying to you.

So how do you get her attention? That’s a little more complex. For starters: be interesting, insightful, interested in her, and funny as hell!

This doesn’t apply just to “hot” women… even “average” women require you to get their attention in order to get a reply. They’ve all been pursued by a lot of “average” guys on the internet, and you need to stand out in order to have a chance.

Problem 2 – She thinks you are shallow

Women get a lot of guys looking for one night stands. This is pretty common and they put up a lot of defenses to help them automatically disqualify any guy who appears to be interested in them for the wrong reasons.

Very attractive women know that most guys are just contacting them because they are hot. As much as it’s an ego boost for them, simply knowing you think they are hot doesn’t actually give them any real reason to write you back.

So, in order not to throw up her red flags:

Don’t ask her for sexy photos.
Don’t kiss her butt and tell her how hot she is over and over.
Don’t ask her how much she weighs or what her body type is.
Don’t immediately ask for full body photos.

Yes, you will want full body photos before you go on a date (and she will expect the same from you), just don’t be over the top about it.

Problem 3 – Your photos suck

It doesn’t matter how great your email is, if your picture makes you look terrible, you aren’t getting a response! Period!

Before you start worrying about your gut or thinning hair, let me give you some good news… it’s usually not you, it’s your photo. No matter what you look like, a great photo will attract women to at least take a closer look, and even open your profile. And no matter how good looking you may be, a bad photo won’t even get her attention.

If you don’t have a photo that makes you look great and stands out from all the poor quality photos out there, it’s time to get one. Find a friend with a good camera and go snap some headshots outside, in a nice location, with soft natural light. Or better yet, get an amateur photographer off craigslist.org to do them for free for the practice. It will make a huge difference!

And of course… if you don’t attach either your photos (or a link to your photos) in your email, it might not even get read.

Problem 4 – You were crass, rude, or sexual

Many guys think they should be forward and sexual with women… like they are some sort of sexual James Bond who can’t lose. While there is a time and a place for it, many men go too far too quickly. A lot of things can turn a woman off, but few like being crass, rude, or overly sexual in an opening email.

She’s a woman, not one of your buddies, so don’t try to get her attention through shock value. Yes, it works from time to time, but for the most part, she’ll just delete you as being a pervert, and move on.

Don’t use any four letter words… you know the ones I mean.
Don’t ask her what her favorite sexual position is.
Don’t ask her about her erotic fantasies.
Don’t ask if she has any nude photos.

She gets enough of those emails every day from creeps and perverts… don’t be one.

Problem 5 – You tripped her red flags

You can’t always know what is going to trigger a negative reaction in another person, but there are some common things that will turn most people off. Common red flags are baggage, exes, addictions, failures, anger, and obvious insecurities. These should never even be hinted at in an opening email.

Or any email.

Or your profile.

Ever.

So:

Don’t email her more than once before she replies.
Don’t bring up anything in your past (like exes).
Don’t talk about the bad dates you have had so far.
Don’t talk about why you think online dating sucks or how hard it is.

Besides, she’ll have lots of time to figure out what she doesn’t like about you on the first date!

Problem 6 – She’s just not that into you

This isn’t so much a problem as a simple fact of life. No matter what you do, some women just aren’t going to be that into you.

Maybe she only dates short dorky poor guys, maybe you remind her of her brother, maybe she’s allergic to super hot guys with sexy hair… you’ll probably never know.

This is one of those things that you can’t let get into your head. If you’ve presented yourself in your best light, have a great photo, display your personality and value as a man… and she still doesn’t email you back? It’s just not meant to be, so don’t over think it, just move on to the next girl.

Happy dating!

Online Dating Photos: Is One Enough?

Dylan Alexander — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 13:30:28 +0000

Here is a common mistake a lot of people make in their online dating profiles:

They have a photo. One. Single. Photo.

Almost all online dating sites give you space, or a “backstage” photo gallery, where you can usually add at least 6-10 more, above and beyond your main one.

Out of all the online dating profiles out there, less than 10% actually fill up this backstage gallery with photos.

And these people say, “I have a photo. They can see what I look like. That’s good enough.”

If you are happy with being “good enough”, that’s okay. But if you want to be in the elite 10% of people who get 90% of the attention to themselves, you’ll need to maximize this huge asset.

Here are 3 good reasons why you should fill your backstage photo gallery:

Reason #1

It will get the eyes of people who search for profiles with backstage photos (on websites which have this search function). A lot of people search this way because they know people with backstage galleries are usually more serious about online dating.

Reason #2

It will keep people looking at your profile longer. Scanning through a page of photos takes time, and the more exposure someone has to your profile, whether it is photos or text, the more likely they are to commit to emailing you.

Reason #3

It allows you to give your readers a much deeper impression of your life, and creates a much stronger connection with their subconscious. This gives you that all important lasting impression. This is the most important reason by far.

You are familiar with the expression “a picture is worth a thousand words”, right? This is a fantastic opportunity to give your reader a few thousand extra words about you without the effort of writing them!

Here are a few examples of what you can accomplish quickly and effectively by creating an extended photo gallery:

Display your sense of adventure – post photos of you somewhere exotic or doing something exciting.
Display your sense of culture – post photos of yourself at a play, art gallery, or museum.
Display your sense of style – post a few photos wearing your best threads!
Create comfort – post photos of you with your friends or family (just not ones that make you look like you are with an ex!)
Display a sense of fun – post photos where you are smiling, laughing, or hamming for the camera.
Display your sporty side – post photos of you actually doing the sports you enjoy, instead of just listing them in your profile.

Why photos are so important

If you can do all these things with photos instead of having to write about them, do it! People relate much better to what they see than what they read. Photos make a sensory connection with the subconscious mind, which is a much deeper and stronger connection than you can make by writing about the same thing.

This will make your readers remember you much more vividly, which in the competitive world of online dating, is a very good thing.

Here are a few other tips to consider when adding backstage photos:

Try to be smiling in all your photos. It conveys much more personality than photos where you aren’t.
Photos where you are making eye contact with the camera are always stronger than photos where you aren’t.
Never post photos where you look like a dork. Yes, it is important to convey a sense of fun, but not at the expense of displaying a sense of class.
Don’t use cropped photos where people can see your ex’s severed arm around your shoulders. If it is a clean crop, it’s fair use. A good photo is a good photo.
If you have the space, try to post a photo for every trait that you talk about in your profile. Backing up your words with pictures is always good.
Fill up your backstage gallery with as many photos as you can. Ask your friends to take photos of you for your profile (you don’t have to tell them what it is for) while you are out having fun. Bring your own digital camera with you if possible. A full backstage gallery will help your online dating immensely.

One last thing. The photos should all be different. 10 nearly identical takes of the same scene really does nothing for your profile. Don’t fill it for the sake of filling it, fill it with quality photos. The people coming to your profile will love it.

Happy dating!

Online Dating Profile: Anatomy Of A Great Opening Paragraph

Dylan Alexander — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:57:53 +0000

Wouldn’t it be great if people read your entire profile simply out of respect for the effort you put into it?

The sad truth about profiles

Sadly, this is the opposite of reality. The truth is, people rarely read all the way through your profile before deciding to move on. The second they get bored, they close it and skip to the next person… usually before the end of the first paragraph!

So, is not reading the whole profile the fault of the reader for not having a great attention span? No. It is the fault of the writer for not hooking them in the first paragraph!

The opening hook

Most online daters fail to appreciate the importance of the “opening paragraph hook.” This is a critical tool in any writing, but especially in online dating profiles, where you must get your reader, man or woman, to become involved in your profile enough to want to see it all the way through.

Your first paragraph is absolutely the most critical in your profile. It sets the tone for your entire piece. It hooks the reader. It gets them curious, and makes them want to read more.

Consider this… when you pick up a magazine or newspaper and start reading an article, if you get bored during the first paragraph, how much more do you usually read? NONE OF IT. And that’s exactly what’s happening with the people reading your profile, they aren’t getting hooked and are wandering off.

How to lose their attention

Want to know one of the best things you can write to lose their attention immediately?

Try this:

“I hate writing these. It’s so hard to describe everything about yourself in words. Each time I do I feel I never come close enough to who I really am. Oh well, I guess I have to put something, so here it goes.”

In this common and pessimistic paragraph, you are telling the reader that you are uncreative, lacking personal insight, and just as average as every other online dater out there who starts their profile the same way. This is a bad way to kick off your profile!

How about this one…

“I’m smart, funny, confident and outgoing. I’m looking for someone who likes to have a good time, laugh, hang out, and travel. Most of the sports I enjoy are outdoors. I like to hike, ski, go camping and rollerblade in the park.”

Why is this bad? Because there are at least 100,000 profiles on every dating site that start almost exactly the same way. They all turn into a blur and vanish from the reader’s memory as soon as they move on. Besides being a list of adjectives and hobbies (which is boring) there is no spark, no connection, no uniqueness to this paragraph at all.

What makes a good opener?

So, what makes a good opening paragraph? Here’s one of my favorites.

Headline:

“I used to play guitar for KISS”

Profile:

“Yes, I used to play guitar for KISS… Sure, it was in my parent’s back yard, my guitar was a broom and my best friend played some upturned trash cans for a drum set… but man did we rock the neighborhood. I never did make it into KISS or any other band, but I’m still in love with the guitar… and my best friend became a garbage man!
Now a little more about me…”

This WILL get someone to keep reading your profile! It’s unique, funny, filled with images, and is something a lot of people can relate to from their childhood. Unfortunately, you can’t just copy this one, as you have to create something congruent with who you are, in order to portray an accurate version of yourself.

While it is important to open your paragraph with something that is absolutely unique to you, but displays strong value to the reader, the real key is to make a CONNECTION. Combine both uniqueness of your topic and a healthy dose of your personality, and make the reader feel like they aren’t just skimming a profile, but having a face to face conversation about your life!

The profile itself

Now go look at your online dating profile. Ask yourself… is there anything really exciting and unusual about my opening paragraph? Is this something someone would get really excited about reading? If in doubt, ask some friends of the opposite sex. If the answer isn’t an enthusiastic 100% two thumbs up… it’s time to hit the keyboard for a rewrite.

Happy dating!

Wired to Connect: Why Technology Keeps You From Really Connecting With Your Loved Ones

Wendy Strgar — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:51:48 +0000

Sustainable love, the kind that we use as a compass to keep us connected to a vital, healthy and happy relationships are now being recognized as skills that might just save our species.

Hardwired to be social

We finally have the scientific equipment to verify what we have always known: our drive to be social, to be connected to each other, is actually hardwired. Our need for connection and drive towards empathy is not a result of environmental influences but rather a function built into the brain itself.

Daniel Goleman, PhD, a New York Times science writer and bestselling author of Emotional Intelligence, has taken his research to a whole new level and has published Social Intelligence.

Advances in neuroscience now allow us to observe brain activity while we are in the act of feeling. We can now witness that we are continuously forming brain to brain bridges- a two-way brain traffic system. In the same way that we can “catch” a cold from someone, we can “catch” their bad mood- or good mood.

The significance of the relationship indicates how deeply we are affected and will stimulate actual physical consequences: hormonal response that magnifies stress (cortisol) or induces happiness (oxytocin).

Take your vitamins

Positive interactions and being surrounded by loving people actually works like a vitamin for your entire being. Negative relationships and interactions don’t just make us angry; they make us ill. As in other brain functions, this one also reflects our amazing neuro-plasticity.

This is to say that our brains are continually building new connections. And, no matter how young or old, anyone’s personality can be affected by other people. We literally heal each other through our social connections.

Virtual reality

This news couldn’t come at a better time, as we continue to replace real interaction with techno-driven reality. Is it really dating when it is virtual? Are we connected to others when we only share words on a screen? More than any new technology, what we truly need is to develop a lifestyle which encourages deeper human connection.

Overwhelmed with digital connectivity, it is easy to become oblivious to the people surrounding us. How often have you witnessed someone at a check out stand absorbed in some deep conversation on a cell phone and entirely oblivious to the person in front of them.

Making real connections

Real intimate connections don’t happen on the phone, in a text message or on IM: they require a real-life presence where we pay full attention to the people we live with. Empathy grows in our brain through eye contact, voice recognition, and touch–all of the time-intensive ways of knowing another person well enough that we can’t objectify them.

Empathetic connections are the prime inhibitors of human cruelty. Scientists agree that the survival of our species depend on our ability to grow and develop this innate ability and a culture which encourages deep and true human connections.

So next time you’re feeling blue about the state of the world, turn off your electronic gadgetry and go for a walk, preferably holding hands with someone who loves you. Sustaining your love is not only good for you, but you may also be saving an endangered species!

Online Dating: 10 Ways To Avoid Stalkers and Assorted Nutcases

Public Records Search — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 21:17:38 +0000

With the fast pace of daily life, many people are looking for a more efficient way of doing everything—including dating. More and more people are turning to the internet as a way of meeting prospective partners.

Though online dating may be helpful, it also comes with its own set of risks. Follow these tips to protect yourself while seeking out love online.

1. Avoid Free Dating Sites

While free sites may save you money, they’ll probably cost you time and can even jeopardize your safety. These sites don’t run background checks on individuals to weed out would-be fakers and scammers.

This means you’ll have to sift through endless profiles while trying to use your best judgment as to whether Roger or Michael look like people more interested in stealing your money than stealing your heart.

Also, people who pay for dating services are more likely to be seriously interested in building a relationship, rather than looking for a minimally committed, casual relationship, so if true love is your goal, isn’t that worth a few bucks?

2. Limit the Amount of Information You Provide

Resist the urge to tell your life story, listing everything from your occupation to your first dog named Cuddles. This is not only annoying – it’s also dangerous.

With today’s technology, all anyone needs is something as simple as your home phone number or last name to figure out things like your address and income information. Now’s the chance to play the role you’ve always wanted to: the mysterious temptress.

3. Use an Anonymous E-mail Address

Your best bet is to set up an email account you use solely for internet dating and make sure not to include specific identifying information in the address itself. SoccerFan123 works better than JaneDoefromChicago. For regular mail, set up a P.O. Box.

4. Be Honest

While you don’t want to provide too much information about yourself, you also shouldn’t lie. Don’t set up false expectations by concealing the truth. This will only lead to resentment later. For dating both online and off, honesty is your best policy.

5. Do Your Own Research

Though the paid dating sites run background checks on users, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do one of your own, if not just for peace of mind. See what you can learn about your date from Google.

Many sites also offer an online background check for a fee. These services can search for things like an individual’s marriage records, providing you with even more information about your date before you even meet them.

Obtaining a marriage record could be the key difference between respectfully walking away and becoming the Other Woman. Don’t think this could happen to you?

It has been reported that nearly 1/3 of men found on online dating sites are already married.

6. Scrutinize Dating Profiles

When dating online, the first thing you learn about someone is what they provide on their personal dating profile. Start here to look for obvious signs of fraud. If the profile is too generic or shares little to no information, it’s possible that it’s just an avatar for a scam artist.

7. Meet in a Public Place

When meeting someone for the first time, stick to public places and use your own transportation. This way, you can leave when you want to and the person you’re meeting won’t know your home address. And it’s always good to have an escape plan.

This will come in handy even if your date’s offense is just his insistence on describing his stamp collection. Since this is a no-brainer for safe online dating, you can rest assured that anyone wishing to meet in private for the first time does not have your love and affection as their first priority.

8. Ask for a Recent Photo

Getting a picture of your potential date will help you figure out if you’d like to meet with them. It will also help you figure out whether or not they’re hiding something. Do some research and make sure that the pictures they do provide are not stolen copyrighted material.

It helps to ask for more than one picture to make sure that they are not posing as someone else. Do they refuse to send a picture or repeatedly make excuses not to? Move on.

9. Be Wary of Someone Who Falls Too Quickly

While having someone fall head over heels in love with you may be flattering, remember that you still barely know this person. They may try to gain your trust through flattery, only to abuse it by asking for money or complaining about their dire financial situation.

This is not to say you must live a cynical and loveless existence; you don’t need to practice avoiding anyone who smiles in your direction or says that you look nice for fear that they’re after your wallet. Just be careful and keep your eyes open, no matter how amorous your date appears.

10. Trust Your Gut

If someone makes you uncomfortable or sends up too many red flags, stop communicating with this person. Like in all aspects of life, online dating requires listening to your instincts.

These safety tips are essential for anyone who decides to embark on an online dating journey. For every success, there are multiple failures.

But, if you enter with a safety conscious attitude, your honesty and diligence just might pay off because, hey, it only takes one prince to make weeding through all of those frogs worth the effort.

Find out quickly and discreetly what your newfound online (or offline) love is hiding with a 100% confidential Public Records Search. Try it for yourself, you may be surprised what you find out…

Are You Dating Mr. Or Mrs. Maybe? Stop It Already!

Scot and Emily McKay — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:10:11 +0000

I’m not sure where exactly it happened.

But somewhere along the way our culture decided that “dating” was synonymous with “having sex”. At the very least it’s viewed as such in the narrow minds of enough of the general population to keep tons of self-conscious people all over the fruited plain from dating more than one person at a time.

Why we’re dating one person at a time

And if that’s the prevailing mindset, the way most of us operate is understandable.

After all, most women are more than just a little protective of their reputations.

Meanwhile, on the guys’ side, there’s a deep-seated fear of being branded a “player”…often easily rooted out by a few well-placed questions from a woman on a first date.

What does all this fear lead to? You guessed it. People tend to date one person at a time—sometimes for months or even years—only to ultimately decide that the person they’re with isn’t The One.

Why it doesn’t work

So my question is a simple one.

How in the world is someone—man or woman—supposed to effectively figure out what he or she even really wants from “Mr. or Mrs. Right” when he or she is burning so many cycles hanging out with “Mr. or Mrs. Maybe”?

And can we change our collective mindset to one where “dating” several people at once isn’t only acceptable, but preferable?

For starters, I think it’s time to broaden our perspective. I think it’s time for a real, live re-evaluation of exactly what “dating” should be for.

What dating shouldn’t be

First of all, let’s clarify what dating shouldn’t be.

For starters, it shouldn’t necessarily be “practice marriage”, especially not on the first date (!) or shortly thereafter. If you are still looking at every date as a “marriage interview”, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ran into beaucoup frustrating, if not flat-out awkward moments out there.

Second of all, dating doesn’t have to be placed in a box with a particular label on it. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Dating in the 21st century

If you’re into high-pressure, formal mood-killers like Ye Olde Dinner And A Movie, welcome to the 21^st century. First dates should be more interactive and fun…with plenty of opportunity to actually get to know each other.

After all, let’s face it. Unless you’re trying to intentionally limit your dating pool to people you work with and/or those whom your mother sets you up with, the “get to know you” part is going to be paramount.

And with literally everyone jumping on the online dating bandwagon these days, who in their right mind is still hell-bent on “dipping their pen in the company ink”? There are 3 billion MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) out there…most of them single!

How to date online

So what about online dating? When you meet someone you’ve been talking to online, that first meeting can’t even really be considered a “date” if you think about it.

After all, you should only be meeting casually at that stage to figure out if there’s any basic chemistry going on there at all.

That’s it. No stress, no strain. And certainly such meetings are without the necessity that any sex is going to be taking place…right there in Starbucks.

Now if the sparks fly, so be it. But my point is that this isn’t even really “dating”.

So what if there ARE sparks? Should there be wedding plans after the first date?

It sounds silly to even contemplate, doesn’t it?

Why you should date more than one person

Ultimately, I’d recommend LOTS of dates with lots of people before entering into an exclusive relationship with someone.

There are two great reasons for this.

First, life is too short to evaluate potential partners one at a time. Meeting and interacting with numerous people gives you a chance to find out what your real preferences are when it comes to MOTOs, as opposed to your pre-conceived ones.

And amazingly, it’s uncanny how having several options when it comes to your mixed-company social life begets amazing confidence. You don’t cling so desperately to each individual “opportunity”, and therefore you magically become more attractive to MOTOS in general.

Nothing succeeds like success, right?

Second, exclusive relationships should be meaningful. Why cheapen the experience by giving it away so quickly? Take time to get to know someone fully before selecting that person to the exclusion of all others.

Make it count

Make exclusivity count. If you fall in love, be sure about it and LOVE BIG.

Explain your philosophy to anyone you are “dating” who appears to be pressuring you into exclusivity too quickly. Be honest with MOTOS, and rest assured that it will typically result in real respect and even heightened attraction.

Now that sounds to me like the path of someone with real depth. And I don’t see any downside to that.

The 10 Worst Online Dating Headlines And Why They Suck

Dylan Alexander — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:28:01 +0000

Don’t underestimate the power of your headline. Next to your photo, it is one of the most powerful marketing tools of your online dating profile.

A good headline can draw crowds of people, even if you don’t have a photo. A bad headline however… can make you all but invisible.

In no particular order, here are the 10 worst headlines out there… so common and boring that people don’t even see them as they skim through ads. Use these and fail.

Number 10

HEADLINE: “Insert funny headline here.”
WE THINK: “Wow, people are still using this tired old line?”
This wasn’t funny years ago, and everyone has seen it dozens of times since. Be creative. If you’ve seen it somewhere before, it’s old news.

Number 9

HEADLINE: “Clever headline #28492”
WE THINK: “Ugh, at least it isn’t ‘Insert funny headline here!’”
This lame old headline just won’t die. Do you really want something this boring and unoriginal to be the first thing people read about you?

Number 8

HEADLINE: “how abot diner and drniks”
WE THINK: “You can’t even spell properly in your headline? Is our first date going to be at Chuck E Cheese?”
There is NO excuse for spelling errors in your headline, and yet it is so common. First impressions are everything, and your headline counts. The “dinner and drinks” headline itself is also overused.

Number 7

HEADLINE: “Love to laugh.“
WE THINK: “So? Who doesn’t?”
People write this as if it makes them unique… but have you ever known anyone who didn’t enjoy laughing? Although this headline intends to display value by making you look special, it actually reduces your value by showing that you are average.

Number 6

HEADLINE: “I’m looking for someone special.”
WE THINK: “Wow, I’ve just been hanging out here waiting to show myself to someone who was LOOKING for someone special! Now that you’re here, I’m saved!”
Because you are looking for someone special, does it mean that the truly special people should come check you out? Nope. No one cares what you are looking for, they only care what they are looking for. Use your headline to build your own value.

Number 5

HEADLINE: “Hmm, I don’t know what to write here.”
WE THINK: “Stumped already? Our first date is going to suck.”
If you can’t think of your own headline, you’re either heavily medicated and should not be out dating or you lack any thought processes at all. There is no excuse. None. Steal something off the front page of Yahoo if you have to.

Number 4

HEADLINE: “I’ll fill this in later.”
WE THINK: “Too lazy to even write a headline? I can’t imagine how much fun our relationship will be…”
If you can’t be bothered, why should anyone else bother with you? Seriously, laziness is one of the biggest turn offs there is.

Number 3

HEADLINE: “One last try…”
WE THINK: “One last try… because you’ve struck out so many times already?”
Showing weakness or failures is never a great way to get anyone attracted to you.

Number 2

HEADLINE: “Single and looking.”
WE THINK: “Really? On an online dating site? Shocking.”
This redefines redundant, and tells the reader nothing more than that you are exactly the same as the other 50,000 people reading the site that day.

Number 1

HEADLINE: “Hello,” or “Hi.”
WE THINK: “Nice to meet you, I’ll be going to read some INTERESTING headlines now. Bye!”
This is definitely one of the most common and boring headlines out there. It is completely uncreative and lacking any effort. People won’t even see it listed amongst the other interesting and funny headlines out there.

And there you have the top 10 most useless online dating headlines. These also fail as subject lines for first emails. The rule is, always be interesting, exciting, funny, or fascinating. Never, ever be average.

Happy dating!

Online Dating – Can I Really Fall In Love Online?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 13:49:46 +0000

With the invention of the Internet and dating websites, the world of dating has opened up doors for millions of people to meet like-minded others.

You might meet someone who you fall really hard for and are convinced that it was meant to be, but is it?

Can you really fall in love online?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been chatting with this guy online line and we’ve really hit it off. Is it possible to fall in love with someone without meeting them in person?

The Power Of Imagination

Meeting someone online with whom you get alone is a wonderful, beautiful thing. It’s amazing to be able to introduce yourself to someone online and get to know them a little bit without the awkwardness that traditional dating can sometimes bring. However, keeping a relationship confined to a dating website or to email or webcams can severely limit the growth of the relationship.

How can you be sure that you truly love this person when you know so little about them? It’s impossible to learn everything about someone through an online dating site or through email or even phone conversations. You may feel like you love this person, but what really happens is that your imagination “fills in the gaps.”

Whatever you don’t know about them is something your imagination comes up with and you end up being in love with a semi-fictional but realistic person. Sadly, even if you do meet up with this person after dating online for awhile, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It would be impossible for them to live up to what you’ve dreamed up about them.

Online Introductions

That doesn’t mean you have to swear off online dating websites entirely. They’re a great way to meet people in your area that have similar interests and enjoy doing the same things as you. If you meet someone online, however, it’s important to keep the online part strictly an introduction.

Meet in Person

Arrange to meet them during the day in a public place, such as a nice café for lunch, and start getting to know them in person. You’ll learn all sorts of things about them that you never could online. What do they smell like? What is their body language like? These are truly the things that can make or break the deal. If you and your new match hit it off, you can spend time growing and cultivating a real life relationship – something that can last!

Dealing With Disappointment

If you’ve fallen in love with someone online only to watch it fizzle out over a few months, you’re not alone. Human beings need intimate human contact. It’s actually something we need to survive. An online relationship does not fulfill that need but sadly, most people who enter the world of online dating don’t find this out until they’ve had their heart broken or end up disappointed in a lackluster relationship.

If you’ve been disappointed with an online relationship, don’t let it get the best of you. Open your heart and be ready to receive love again, even if it is online.

You can set yourself up for dating success by keeping the online part to an “introduction” and moving the relationship into real life where you can truly get to know someone. You may end up finding the love of your life and experiencing the most fulfilling relationship you’ve ever had. Just give it a real chance instead of keeping it on screen.

Find Out If Your New Partner Has Ever Been Married

Public Records Search — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 13:39:06 +0000

Did you just meet a “perfect 10” on your favorite dating site and want to know whether or not they have a past that wasn’t disclosed on their glowing online profile? You’re not alone.

Guide to Searching for Marriage and Divorce Records

There are plenty of reasons to search for marriage and divorce records, especially when it pertains to someone who you are dating or may potentially date. In the age of online matchmaking, dating has taken on more of an anonymous face. Luckily, even though online dating is evolving quickly, there are resources available to someone who wants to do a little background research on their potential partner.

Marriage records generally give basic information: who got married and when and where it happened. Divorce records, on the other hand, can provide juicy and useful information about the stated cause of the divorce, alimony agreements, and child custody just to name a few.

The rules regarding marriage and divorce documents differ from state to state. In some states, only certain people (like parents, siblings, or adult children) can access marriage and divorce records. However, in other states marriage and divorce documents are considered public records. Being public record means that anyone can access them for free.

This explains why celebrities and politicians often have scandalous details publicized during their divorces; anyone can read the divorce decree. But even though the information is available in theory, you still have to find the records, and that can be tricky.

Action Steps:

Here are the steps to take to locate and (if you want, obtain) a marriage certificate or divorce decree.

Search Offline

Marriage and divorce records can be obtained through low-tech means. If the records you are looking are local (or if you have a hankering for a road trip) you can attempt to find the records in person. Another option is to write to the appropriate place, requesting the records.

Whether you go in person or write, the tricky part of this low-tech option is finding where the records are held. Most of the time, marriage and divorce records are handled by individual states. (Sometimes, like in the case of New York City, they are handled by individual municipalities.) The correct institution to go or write to depends on the state where the marriage or divorce took place. To find out the name and address of where the records you seek are held, you can check out the CDC’s website on vital records.

Be Prepared to Pay a Fee

Writing or visiting the appropriate state agency will provide you with an official copy of the marriage certificate or divorce decree that you are interested in. However, the state governments will charge you a copying fee of around fifteen dollars (not to mention the hours of time & effort you’ve spent trying to track down one record in the vast sea of public records bureaucracy).

Searching Online

If hands-on search isn’t working, if you prefer something quicker and easier, or if you don’t know what state to search in, you can try online searching. Several websites offer marriage certificate and divorce decree searches, for a convenience fee.

Our recommended resource for marriage and divorce record searches is Public Records Search, which will let you search in any state or search the nationwide for a variety of public records.

So if you aren’t sure where a marriage or divorce happened, this is your option. Public Records Pro charges $30 for a year of unlimited searching. Public Records Pro will also give you the information on how to obtain an official copy of the marriage or divorce records, but generally speaking, if you’re just trying to check up on John Smith, aka HotStudMan69 from Match.com, you’re probably not all that interested in getting an official notarized copy of his 1998 divorce record from his 3^rd failed marriage. You just need to know that everything’s finalized and he’s ready to move on with his life. With you, of course.

So, go ahead, make sure that your date is being truthful with you by running a marriage or divorce records search.

However you choose to pursue your marriage or divorce record search, good luck and happy hunting!

Webcam Love Affair – Will It Work?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:21:27 +0000

In the digital age, internet relationships and love affairs are becoming more and more common.

Dating websites are running rampant and the invention of webcams and microphones, you can have an almost face to face conversation with someone else.

Unfortunately, many of these internet relationships don’t work out. Whether it’s a long distance relationship with a previous partner or someone you met on the internet, without physical contact, your relationship may wane.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m in a long-distance relationship with a guy I’ve never met. I’ve seen him on webcam, but that’s all. I seem to have fallen for him and I love him very much. We used to talk all the time, but lately we haven’t talked at all. The past few weeks, I’ve said only a few things to him and one of those times I was angry at someone and complaining to him. We seem to fight all the time and I don’t know what I could do to fix it. We’ve tried all sorts of things, but nothing seems to work!

Please help us! –Keely

Why Internet Relationships Don’t Cut It

Humans crave physical contact. From the time that we’re born, our bodies crave to be touched. It’s not necessarily a sexual need, it’s more of a physical need. We crave intimacy and closeness with other people, even if it’s just a hug or cuddling on the couch in front of a movie. Webcam love affairs and internet relationships are obviously lacking this very critical component.

If being apart from your partner is temporary, subsisting on webcam and phone communication is often enough to get you through until you are able to be together again. However, if your internet relationship is simply that, it can be difficult if not downright impossible to get the physical contact and intimacy you need from your partner to keep the relationship alive.

Online Introductions . . . Not Online Dating

Internet dating should be called internet introductions. It’s perfectly fine and actually quite helpful to introduce yourself to someone online through an internet dating website, because it helps you find the person that you think best fits your personality. Often, after a period of time communicating online and possibly over the phone, you can meet your partner in person and begin building a real life relationship.

Many people, however, forget to do that last part and confine the relationship to the internet only. This is a critical mistake that can cost you the relationship. An internet relationship isn’t enough to keep you and your partner satisfied, especially if it’s someone you met online.

If you really like your new partner, make an effort to meet them in person and try building a relationship with them.

Relationships are hard work.

It probably comes as no surprise that real life relationships are hard work. It takes a variety of skills such as listening skills, body language skills and interpersonal skills to make a relationship successful. If you get discouraged, it can be tempting to confine a relationship online for fear of getting rejected in real life.

This is no way to have a relationship! Take your time and have confidence in yourself to find someone that you like and that you can have a real relationship with. If you meet someone worthwhile, take the next step and meet them. If it doesn’t work out, take the time to find someone who you are more compatible with.

Dating and having real life relationships is a series of trial and error. If it doesn’t work out with someone, try dating someone else. You can also mix it up a little bit. Search online dating websites for matches while you also keep an eye out in real life for people you think you’d like to date as well. With some effort and a good attitude, you’ll find someone with whom you are compatible with and enjoy spending time and being intimate with!

Online Dating: How To Avoid Being Perceived As An Email Pest!

Natalie Lue — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 14:06:37 +0000

If you’ve been dating online for any length of time, you will have come across a few people that are too eager, or too persistent, or even over familiar. It’s not about restraining your eagerness, or not pursuing someone, or avoiding building a rapport.

It is about striving for a balance because the reality is that, if you don’t keep certain things in check, somebody, somewhere, may be describing you as a pest, desperado, or even stalker. Here are three actions that are likely to rub someone up the wrong way or have you marked in the pest category.

1. Sending a flurry of winks and emails based on seeing a profile (no response yet)

I’m delighted for you – you’ve found a profile that excites you and you want to stake your claim before someone else does, so you send a flurry of emails and winks to bring yourself to their attention.

The trouble is that regardless of whatever wonderful qualities you claim to have and the wondrous message that may be contained within those emails, they may never get opened because you seem a little desperate, over eager, and are actually behaving a little disproportionately to what has actually happened.

You have seen a profile! Send an email with a great catchy title or something and do the job of fifteen emails with one!

2. Sending terse emails after not getting a response to an initial email

I know it’s annoying not to get a response but I want to bring you back to reality with a bump. You saw a profile, you liked it, you got in touch. Don’t assume that by sending an email that you are entitled to a response. If you’ve been building sandcastles in the sky and fantasizing about a fairy tale ending with the recipient, you’ve set yourself up for a fall because so far, this whole thing is in your head!

Sometimes people are busy but intend to respond. Sometimes people are so overwhelmed with responses that they don’t even get a chance to reply. In an ideal world, people would respond to every message but it’s a bit like sending rejection emails for job applications, and to be honest, isn’t a rejection email a bit unnecessary?

Slow your roll. If you get a response, great. If you don’t, move on! Unless you’re on a teeny tiny dating site, there are other people! Don’t bank on one horse until you know there is a horse!

3. Making a flurry of communication after exchanging emails

Great, you’ve actually made contact with someone, exchanged email addresses and mobile numbers. The worst thing you could do right now is to send text after text, or emails trying to downplay your eagerness and desperation but actually seeming even MORE desperate! You know the emails I’m talking about:

“I know I’ve sent you several emails already but I’m not being a pest and I don’t want you thinking I’m desperate. It’s just that I sent you a couple of emails but I haven’t heard from you. There’s no pressure for you to respond….”

For a start, just because YOU decide you’re not a pest doesn’t mean you aren’t. Just because YOU decide your actions aren’t desperate does not mean that they aren’t!

Sending several emails and texts, or even leaving voice mail messages when you’ve had no response yet from someone you hardly know is borderline, if not full on pest behavior. What if they are out? What if they are nursing their sick grandmother on their death bed? What if, they see all of these emails, texts, and voice mails and feel a bit scared that they have unleashed a bit of a psycho?

Always remember the 3 P’s of avoiding being an online dating pest:

Patience, Proportion, and Persistence Control.

It doesn’t kill you to wait for a response to your initial contact – whatever you do, don’t send more than one email until you have a had a response.

Don’t get this online dating lark twisted. There are potentially thousands, if not millions of people on these websites and whilst I appreciate that you want to get a date, you need to keep things in perspective and proportion.

Don’t inflate the fact that you got in touch with someone into more than what it is because nobody ‘owes’ you a reply and if you get carried away every time you make contact with someone, you won’t get very far!

And whilst I admire some people’s very thick skin that’s comparable to hide of a rhino, there is persistence in terms of staying the course with online dating even with some negative experiences, and then there is persistence in the form of not knowing when to back off, or refusing to take silence for answer.

How Do I Get Past My First Time Swinger Fears?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 May 2008 14:21:21 +0000

Many couples, especially those who have been together for a long time, are interested in swinging. If you and your partner find yourselves interested in swinging, take heart.

It’s totally normal and healthy to want to experience your sexuality outside of your current relationship.

It’s also normal to be scared. There are a lot of ways that swinging can go wrong, especially if it’s something you’ve never done before. How can you get over your fears? Is swinging right for you?

Make sure swinging is right for you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband wants to start swinging, I would like too also but I was a virgin when we met at 15yrs old… and now 37yrs old to be with another man seems so weird and scary. How do I get past my nerves and fears?

- Sandy, Las Vegas

Making sure swinging is right for you

Swinging isn’t right for every couple. If the idea of swinging makes you and your partner feel extraordinarily uncomfortable, it’s certainly not something you have to force yourself to do. If you and your partner are, however, interested in swinging, there are a few things you need to look at first before taking the plunge.

Are you both interested in swinging or is one partner pushing the other to do it? If both partners aren’t equally interested in swinging, it could make for a disaster later on down the road when you’ve met up with another couple. Talk to each other and make sure you’re both on the same page.

Is your relationship based on a solid foundation? If it is, you have more of a chance of successfully swinging. If your relationship has trust issues or self esteem issues embedded deep within, you might end up making things worse for yourselves. If you have issues, work them out before you start swinging.

Take it slowly.

If you and your partner have decided to swing, but never have before, it’s important to take things slowly — very slowly! Jumping in to a full on swinging session when you’re not even familiar with the situation can make one or both partners feel very uncomfortable.

Start slow so you and your partner can really get a feel for what swinging is like, without having to jump in right away. Visit swinging clubs in your area just to watch, or get on a swinging website to ask questions and get to know real couples who like to swing.

If you’re uncomfortable at all, say so!

You can use a code word with your partner or you can simply whisper in their ear, but if you’re uncomfortable it’s important that you speak up right then! There’s no sense in letting something that makes you uncomfortable go on and on and then getting mad about it later. That will most certainly ruin swinging for both you and your partner.

If you know beforehand what types of activities will make you uncomfortable, make it known before you take the plunge into swinging. That way things that make you uncomfortable can be avoided.

All in all, swinging can be a lot of fun if it’s done with the right couple, if your relationship is strong and if you feel confident enough to voice your concerns if something doesn’t feel right to you. You can set yourself up for swinging success and get over your fears by taking it slow and not doing anything that would put you in a compromising position.

Just relax and have fun, and you’ll be surprised where swinging with your partner can take you!

How To Get More Hits To Your Online Dating Profile

Natalie Lue — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:01:50 +0000

I’m going to premise this by saying that I can give you some tips for helping you get more ‘hits’ on your profile but I make no promises that if you write the most amazing profile on earth, you’ll find your soul mate.

A lot can happen after some winks and a flurry of emails! But until then, here are some quick tips for a more attractive online dating profile.

Use a photo!

Everyone should use a photo and it should be one that is representative of you, shows you in as flattering a light as possible, should ideally have just you in it. and should be in focus. Obviously it goes without saying; it should be YOU!

Start on a positive note

I would steer clear of saying anything that makes it sound like dating online is beneath you or that has been forced upon you. It sends the wrong message. Avoid saying anything that makes you sound like a prospect to avoid because you need to captivate them in the first couple of lines. That’s right, captivate, not scare or turn off. Be confident.

Easy on the length

They say that size matters but in this case, it’s about striking a balance between so short it seems like you don’t care, and so long, it seems like you want the person to be overwhelmed with boredom. People don’t read web pages in the same way that they read books or magazines, and are quite likely to skim, so writing the longest profile in history will hinder chances.

Leave a little mystery

Yes the profile is for telling a prospective date about yourself but if you roll out everything in the profile and tell them ever itty, bitty, little piece of info about yourself, what’s left to ask? Write enough to create curiosity and have the prospective date wanting to find out more.

Be careful of stating the obvious and suffering from ‘Those who doth protest too much’ syndrome

It’s better to be funny with your profile rather than state “I’m really funny” because…well that’s not very funny! Convey and prove your personality with whatever you write because quite frankly, I glaze over when I read “great sense of humor” and “great guy”.

And purlease steer clear of trying to ram ‘qualities’ down people’s throats. I’m really nice; I’m really honest; I’m really caring – People who are nice, honest, or caring don’t make a point of stating it, they just are these things.

But…convey your personality and qualities

There’s no point trying to make out like you have one of the greatest sense of humors if you don’t convey this. It doesn’t mean that you turn your profile into a stand-up, but if you want to come across light and humorous, you don’t write a serious, potentially cold profile that is more likely to trigger depression…

Be descriptive

“I spent a year traveling through the luscious jungles of South America, living in a tent, and living off the crops” creates an instant picture as opposed to “I love traveling”.

Be positive

If you sell yourself short and are down on yourself, why do you expect people to be attracted to you? It’s best not to go around stating negatives about yourself, particularly since we can sometimes be critical of the wrong things. You are selling yourself here – not literally obviously!

Don’t do the ‘Poor Pathetic Me Whine”

Sorry guys but this is mainly a male error in online dating profiles. If a woman wrote a profile and said “I’m recently divorced, I’m feeling quite lonely and I wonder if I’ll ever find true love again”, guys would label her ‘needy’ and ‘too emotional’.

When a guy says this stuff, he knows that women out there lap it up and think “Ooh, I can change him! Let me be the one to make him feel whole again”. But women are getting wise to this and it’s not exactly a glowing reflection of your wonderful traits to whine about your problems!

Don’t lie

If you’re married…well you shouldn’t even be writing a profile unless you’re both looking for kinky couples….But that aside, lies are why I am very cautious about dating online. Stick to truths and remember that if you lie, at some point you are going to be caught out.

Don’t boast

Trust me, if you spend your profile boasting about what you own or who you know, or what you do, you’ll sound like a seven year old bragging to the neighborhood kids. You’ll have an audience temporarily and then they’ll go off and laugh at you. Either that or you draw in someone who will take advantage of whatever you have boasted about.

Online Dating – 10 Tips for Effective Communication

Natalie Lue — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 14:47:01 +0000

So you’ve signed up to a dating site and it seems like one big people market. How do you approach prospective dates and how do you ensure that you don’t cross the virtual line?

Here are my tips!

1. Remember the online/offline rule.

Whilst I recognize that it can be difficult to be noticed in the crowd that it is the virtual dating world, do give a thought to whether you would behave this way in the offline world.

Saying or doing things that are considered at best inappropriate or over-familiar in the real world, are still the very same things in the virtual world!

2. Don’t be a pest

So you like them. This doesn’t mean that you should bombard them with emails, IM’s, winks, and demands for attention. You may think that it shows how interested you are but the recipient of your ‘affections’ is likely to think that you’re too persistent, needy, over-familiar, and a bit weird…at best.

3. Introduce yourself

Don’t just charge in like a horny bull in a China shop! What would make me take a second glance at an email? Polite, friendly, introduction where he expresses an interest in getting to know each other a little bit more and even injects a little humor.

What turns me off? Anything with the remotest hint of sex or them being suggestive about my exterior, over-familiarity, and being too assumptive – sending an email doesn’t make us a couple!

4. Avoid the Poor Pathetic Me Whine (PPMW)

This is a cornerstone of male behavior online. Basically the guy broadcasts whatever difficulties he’s having; how down/sad/lonely/depressed, etc he is and women flock to him in the hope that they will be able to ‘fix’ his problems and be the one to make him feel better.

Some of these guys even say flat out that they are no good which only serves to make them more attractive! If women told men that they were down/sad/lonely/depressed, men would run in the opposite direction! Don’t tell prospective dates about your problems, talk positively about yourself!

5. It’s an opportunity

It’s not just an opportunity to meet someone and get to know them further, it’s an opportunity to verify information you read in their profile. I’m not saying that you should turn into Columbo but instead of building sandcastles in the sky, discuss things that were mentioned in the profile.

If they’ve been lying, you’ll find out veeeeerrrrrrryyyyy quickly! As an aside, if you don’t take things too seriously and recognize it as an opportunity, you will manage your expectations better.

6. Stick to email contact initially.

Sometimes when it comes to dating online, people are in too much of a hurry to give out their digits! If you dive straight to giving out your number, you’ll regret this if things don’t actually take off. Email contact is a good starting point but always remember that if things progress, it should NOT be your primary form of communication! When you do give out your number, just give one to start with.

7. Either create a new email address or use the sites messaging service.

I know someone who gets emails to her work address from men that she met online several years ago. Until you are pretty sure that things are going somewhere and you’re going to actually start dating, use the site’s messaging service or create an email address specifically for dating. Trust me, you’ll thank me in the long run.

8. No unsolicited X rated pictures!!!!

They say a picture can say a thousand words but sending someone an unsolicited picture of your penis or vagina says one thing – pervert. It is the equivalent of following someone, opening up your coat, and flashing them. Yeuch!

Remember that even if it is solicited…it is likely to send your ‘relationship’ down the wrong path if what you are looking for is a relationship. To be honest, I always wonder why people do this – When I met men in bars, I never wanted them to show me their penises before the end of the night!

9. Ask open questions in your emails

Very basic rule of sales is that if you want to find out more information, you ask open questions – who, what, where, when, how questions that you can’t just say yes and no to. As an extra tip, if they are dodging answering a question when you are speaking by phone or face to face, ask a closed (requires a yes or no answer) to get an answer!

10. End emails and calls in an open manner

If you end emails or even phone calls in a closed manner where there is no action expected of either of you, you may not get a response or you’ll spend a lot of time wondering what is going to happen next. It’s as simple as suggesting something that requires an answer or stating in the call when you’ll both be in touch next.

5 Tips For Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

Stephany Alexander — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:21:16 +0000

Be realistic. We are all searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right but everyone has flaws. Set your expectations high but not so high that nobody can meet them.

To search for an accomplished, educated, attractive partner is realistic. Insisting your potential partner must have a Phd., be wealthy, with model looks, is not.

Stay positive and have fun

Plan your dates around activities that you both enjoy so even if things don’t work out, you have fun in the process. You may meet a lot of people you aren’t interested, but don’t give up. Think of your search similar to that of searching for a great job. It takes a lot of work but the payoff is well worth it.

Try different things

Experiment with various ways to meet new people. Don’t just try online dating, rather also allow your friends and family to set you up, take up a new hobby to meet someone with similar interests and actively put yourself out there so you can meet new people.

Stay true to your morals

If a date tries to pressure you into sex early on, simply move on to the next because there is a high probability they are pressuring others also. In this dangerous world we live in, practicing abstinence not only protects your health by protecting you from sexually transmitted diseases, it also prevents someone from using you like a piece of meat.

Write a great online profile

In order to find the person of your dreams, you need to have an eye-catching, well-written profile that tells a lot about you, including your likes AND dislikes. Overly sexy profile user names or photographs attract the wrong type of person. Treat your profile like a resume and spend some time on it by making sure you use proper grammar, punctuation and spelling. If you are searching for someone who has never been married with no children, say so.

Screen, Screen and Screen Some More

Ask a lot of questions and listen to your instinct. If something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t. For example, if your date says they are a doctor, ask them a series of medical questions.

If your date says they are single, phone them between the hours of 8p-11p and if they always have their phone turned off or an excuse for not answering, you may be getting involved with someone who is already committed because these are the times usually spent with a significant other and family.

It is imperative that you screen your dates as early on as possible because getting involved with the wrong person can destroy your life.

There are many different services on the internet where you can do a background check to see if you may be getting involved with a con-artist, an abuser, a convicted felon or a pedophile. It’s especially important for single mothers to screen their dates because pedophiles target them for access to their children.

It’s crucial not only to do a criminal background check on the person but also a character check on their relationship history. Women can research a man’s past relationship history on WomanSavers.com for free and men can do so at RateB4UDate.com.

We inspect our home before buying it, we have a mechanic check out a car before purchasing it, it’s simply naive not to check out a person who you may potentially be spending the rest of your life with.

In order to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you need to be able to filter out all the wrongs. By taking some precautions, using your gut instinct and doing your homework, you can increase your chances of meeting the person of your dreams.

To learn more about Stephany Alexander, visit www.WomanSavers.com.

9 Tips for Better Online Dating Profile Pictures

Natalie Lue — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:18:07 +0000

One of the best ways to capture someone’s interest when dating online, is a great picture.

One that is blurry, outdated, is of you and your kids, or a group of people might not be the best choice.

Here are nine tips for choosing the best picture to get their attention.

Start by having a picture in your personals profile

When your photo is absent from your personals profile it says that you’re scared of something.

Now it doesn’t matter that you may be scared of someone who knows you discovering that you meet people online; the lack of photo may be interpreted as:

too scared for people to see what you look like
you’re hiding something

Pictures will give you a far higher rate of success. Rather than go through the rigmerole of not putting up a photo, them asking you for one, and then giving them one, and then maybe hearing from them, maybe not hearing from them….jeez, I’m exhausted just typing that. Just put up your picture.

I beg you to choose a decent photo

Let’s cut the BS. Online dating sites are like a marketplace full of…products…some would say ‘cattle’. Now, much like in the supermarket, eye-catching and attractive products that market themselves well, rise up the shelf for people to see them.

If you fail to choose a photo that represents you in the best light, you are adding extra work to a prospective pursuer because they end up having to ‘visualize’ what you may look like when you’re not clowning around/obscuring your face/making dumb faces/fading into the dark. They may read the finer detail (your profile) but coupled with a decent photo, you have a higher chance of success.

Choose a photo that is representative of you

I’m not even going to let you read between the lines of this – Do not under any circumstances use a photo that you borrowed out of a magazine, royalty-free image service, or the photo frame you just brought. This is the dating equivalent of a violation of the trade description act.

Opt for a photo that has you looking relaxed/happy/friendly

You may think that pouting or setting your jaw makes you look hot but other people may think you’re a bit scary. People don’t want to decipher whether you are mean and moody like your picture – let your photo reflect the positives about you that you should have been mentioning in the written part of the profile.

Don’t be obscure or abstract

My brief foray into dating online had me being confronted with pictures of the sun, churches, trees, and pets. I don’t want to date the sun, church, or a tree, and I don’t want to mess with any pets!

All these photos show is that you like pictures of the sun, you’ve been to a church, you’ve hung by a tree, and you like putting up a picture of an animal more than you do of yourself. As an aside, showing a pet doesn’t prove that you’re caring and sharing. Ladies in particular are no longer fooled by that little trick.

Accentuate your best features

Look at yourself in the mirror and pose as you would for the photo. Now let’s say that all you see is a mirror full of gum and the back of your throat – is this what you want prospective dates to see? Practice smiling until you either find a photo that makes you look attractive or, you discover that big wide open smiles aren’t for you and go with a ‘candid’ photo. It would be a wise idea to ensure you look well groomed in the photo as opposed to ‘just got dragged backwards through a bush.’

Make it a close up

Of your face that is. If the person needs to squint or try to get you on zoom, you’re not close enough. It goes back to – what are you trying to hide?

Be careful of other people

If there are several people in the photo, choose one where you are the dominant person in the photo – you need to be the focal point. If the photo is too busy or you’re fading into the distance, they won’t even know who you are.

Remember that if there are only two of you in the photo, people may draw conclusions. Obviously, don’t post a pic of yourself with your ex!!!!

I love kids…but not in profile pics

If you are successful in meeting someone, they have plenty of time to meet your kids. Until then they really don’t need to be in the photo with you on a dating site, whether they are yours or someone else’s.

5 Dating Don’ts for Divorced Dads

Jason Likert — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 22:32:18 +0000

Dating as a divorced dad has the potential to feel like writing with the opposite hand; it’s the same dating you’re used to doing, but you’re going to be doing it differently.

As a married man you’re used to going out on dates with your spouse. Dates could be simple things like a trip to a local outdoor market, maybe dinner, and then home.

Perhaps they were a quiet dinner and then a movie before bed. They had the potential to be quality time spent with your spouse doing things you both enjoyed together.

Now that you’re back “in the wild” dating could be a huge eye-opener for you. The things that worked while you were married may not work now that you’re single and looking.

1. Don’t Talk About Your Past Marriage

This is the cardinal rule for dating after divorce. Don’t talk about your marriage unless specifically asked and keep it to a minimum. Use your best judgment about what you can share but any discussion of your ex can lead to more questions that you may not want to answer. Early in the relationship anything you say can, and will, be held against you for future reference.

2. Don’t Get Into a Rut

It’s easy to get comfortable doing the same thing over and over again like going to the same places for dinner over and over again. Don’t bring your date to the same place for dinner often; it’s monotonous and has the potential to tell your date that you aren’t original. Not only that you’re telling her that you’re possibly mundane and boring.

This leads me to the next point.

3. Don’t Skip The Romance

Women love romance. They thrive on it in many shapes and fashions. Remember to keep this in mind when planning a date. Do something romantic like taking her to a romantic show or a fancier restaurant. If you are going to cook her a meal, decorate your place with roses, a nice wine, relaxing and romantic music she enjoys and make her feel special.

Romance is about showing your lady how much you enjoy making her happy and showing her how you feel. Many guys that I know are romantic with their ladies even if they aren’t good at telling them how they feel.

4. Don’t Expect Magic… At First

Culture through television, books, magazines and advertisements have slowly driven us to the point that we expect “magic” to happen in our relationships from the start. Movies and television shows continually drive into us a concept of love at first sight. These things are definitely possible but tend to be extremely rare.

Dating is about getting to know the other person, learning about who they are and what they are about. It is your opportunity to present yourself as a possible mate and companion who can compliment their personality, and they yours. If you are serious about a person you should try to put forth the effort to know that person as well.

The goal of a first date, if you’re interested in the other, is to make it to a second date. The goal of a second date is to make it a third date, etc.

5. Don’t Force It

If you aren’t into her, then be upfront and tell her that you enjoyed your time together but you don’t feel you’re compatible. Maybe there’s not much of a connection there and you aren’t really that attracted. It’s important to make sure she understands this even if she’s more into you then you are into her.

This goes both ways. She may not be that into you. It isn’t the end of the world. The ocean is large and there are many, many fish. She may be honest and tell you that she isn’t or she may make it apparent by not wanting to go out again or continually brushing you off.

Don’t take it personally, most people hate confrontation and they don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings. Go into a date with an open mind and remember that you’re both here to get to know one another, not to meet before running to the courthouse to get married.

Dating is about fun and enjoyment. Meeting people new is exciting and fun and just because you don’t make good “mates” doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Just keep in mind that dating, like most other things, requires work and what you put into it you will get out of it.

Dating the Wrong People? Change Your Dating Ideal

Click by Lavalife, Shawn Conner — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 14:31:21 +0000

Rachel had a problem. A serial dater of musicians, she’d finally had enough of their broke-ass, wannabe rock star ways.

The Rock Star

Substance abuse issues, financial woes, and ceaseless yammering about plans for their bands had given her a bad case of the “what-am-I-doing-with-my-life?” panic. At 35, the fashion-and-lifestyles writer for a big-city daily newspaper realized that, if she was ever going to have a family, the way to go about it wasn’t risking her hearing and sanity at noisy dives ’til 2 in the morning.

The object of desire that had seemed so exciting in her 20s and early-30s — the non-committal man who was always the center of attention and could hold his own in a conversation about Exile on Main Street — suddenly seemed like a dead-end. It was time for a change.

But deciding to make such an alteration is one thing. Actually following up is quite another. After all, Rachel was a rock ‘n’ roller at heart who had worshiped at the altar of Mick Jagger for most of her life.

What was she going to do with a stable and financially secure 9-to-5er who golfs on weekends? But then she met Ben — a secure, older guy whose idea of a wild time was speaking Klingon at a Star Trek convention. More on him later.

Most of us have an ideal in mind, a list of desirable qualities we carry around with us. These may be traceable to all manner of formative experiences — childhood attachments, pop culture milestones, sub-conscious archetypes (if you follow Jung).

Is it purely physical?

On the surface, this could mean a preference for hair color, body type and/or foreign accents. For instance, Madeline, like Rachel, has had a predilection for the bad boy/rock star type, but says, “I’m not sure it’s so much what they do as how they look.”

The 34-year-old philosophy professor traces her preferred physical type back to reruns of the old Little Rascals TV show. “My first crush was on Alfalfa,” she says. “I still like that type, I guess — dark hair, pale skin, kind of gaunt-looking.” Which, it just so happens, matches the look of a couple of musicians she’s dated.

Or maybe it goes a little deeper?

On another level, one might demand someone with similar interests, whether it be kayaking, off-track betting, or sharing ideas.

Jeremy, a 37-year-old software developer with a fine arts background, always had the intellectual type in mind — someone with whom he could discuss the novels of Vladimir Nabakov. And if she looked like Kate Winslet, so much the better. “I let a lot of great women go, just because they didn’t conform to this idea I had in my mind,” he says.

Changing the ideal

As we live and learn, however, our criteria changes, whether consciously or unconsciously. “I don’t have an ideal, but I have some guidelines,” says Jennifer, a 27-year-old yoga instructor and dancer.

For instance, she doesn’t want to date someone with a kid again or who’s been married before. And she’d prefer someone older, “but not too much. And I used to not like blondes, but I’ve opened up on that idea.” Loosening up on that strict list of criteria can open a whole world of dating possibilities you might never even have considered.

Jeremy’s ideal also changed over time. “I hate to sound all New Age-y and crap, but it suddenly hit me that I was chasing something I’d never find,” he says. “Or that I might find it but that it wasn’t what I necessarily wanted. Or needed.

“Now, he says, he’s keeping an open mind. “As long as she doesn’t smoke. Well, a couple of cigarettes at a party are okay. And it would be cool if she could hold her own at Grand Theft Auto.”

Change your priorities

In Rachel’s case, she decided she had to alter her priorities if she was ever going to get the life she wanted. Unfortunately, the experiment with Ben didn’t lead to a baby shower.

“We were just too different,” she says. “I still like him, and he’s a super-nice guy, but it just didn’t work.” Still, she feels she’s learned something. “That I can’t make such a radical shift — it’s a bad idea. I went from rock ‘n’ roller to what I thought was geek chic. It was too different.”

Her next date turned out to be no more suitable. “He was so effeminate and nerdy and totally opposite of what I like. And he turned out to be gay,” which is very difficult for a woman to work with.

She’s optimistic, though. “I’m online now, and I saw a guy in a Motorhead T-shirt with the opening line: ‘Can cook, need critic.’ That’s my dream guy — someone who cooks and knows a little about music. Someone who doesn’t ask me, ‘Whose version of “Crazy” is this?’ when it’s by Willie Nelson, who only has one of the most distinctive voices ever!”

Madeline’s predilection for the rock star type has led her through a short relationship with a now popular indie rocker and a more recent long-term association with a producer/musician. But now she’s skewing older, wealthier, and preferably with a summer place in Cape Cod.

“I want someone who’s going to look at me and say, ‘Wow, what a hottie,’” she says. “And who’s not going to be out chasing strippers.”

That said, Madeline had a date all lined up after our interview. She was excited, because he has an accent. Not that that’s part of her ideal. But he does sound “like a cross between Robyn Hitchcock and Syd Barrett,” she says, naming two rock stars. But at least this guy owns his own place.

Click here to meet sexy singles near you at our recommended online dating & personals website.

Online Dating? 5 Signs You Should Run Like Hell!

Lisa Quirke — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:45:39 +0000

Sometimes the big bad world of online dating can be very confusing. It seems it gets harder and harder to know when to trust a potential date. Use these 5 tips to know when you should pursue a connection or run like hell.

1. He takes no time to get to know you

So you get an email from someone telling you they’re interested in getting to know you. You check out the profile and see potential. Then you reply saying you are interested as well. The next email says, “Great! Let’s meet!”

Whoa Nelly! Slow down there just a bit. Two emails, especially short one or two liner emails, are not enough here. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not telling you to drag it out for months or even weeks, but do give it a few days at least.

But maybe more importantly, make sure you are having conversations with substance. You should be talking, asking questions, and really getting to know each other before a rushed meet. Otherwise, how do you even know he’s someone you want to know. And vice versa.

I learned this lesson the hard way recently with a date. He had emailed saying hello. I emailed back asking how he was. The very next email asked if I wanted to meet.

I agreed and was in for not only horrible date, but one that ended in text message harassment and physical threats.

Was that a bad call or what? I had no idea what I was getting into and, obviously, I made a bad judgment call. Don’t make the same mistake.

2. He makes you a goddess in 2.5 emails

This guy will woo you with romantic notions and flowery words. He will become “hooked” in record time and will proceed to fill your head with more cornball notions than you’ve ever seen or heard before.

One of the problems here is that, at first blush, it’s easy to get caught up in it all. That part of you that has been single and feeling less than desirable is thinking, “Well, it’s about time!” Back away for awhile and try to look at the conversation objectively.

If he immediately started in with nothing but excessive compliments and talk of finally finding the “one,” you have a problem. Not only that but if, in those first few emails, you suddenly have much more in common than it seemed from his profile, he may be telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

One guy I was chatting with didn’t have an occupation listed on his profile. When I suggested we perhaps after getting to know each awhile we might want to exchange phone numbers to continue the conversation, he responded that he didn’t have a phone. After all, he is a teacher too and being one myself, I could empathize with the amount of money teachers don’t make.

Really? Kind of a coincidence isn’t it? And, if we were really both in the same profession, I would have thought he would have mentioned it sooner.

3. He doesn’t respond to what you say

He emails. You respond by commenting on what he said. You throw in some observations and ask some questions. He replies completing ignoring the questions and responding only to a few ideas–ideas that he introduced into the conversation to begin with.

Maybe he’s flattered you by asking for more pictures which you obligingly send. Tit for tat right? But when you ask for more pictures of him, he completes ignores the request. The same applies if you ask questions regarding his profession or occupation, his kids, or previous relationships.

4. He’s so hot, but…

You get an email, open the profile, and then start drooling all over your keyboard. Wow! Could someone that hot really be interested in me?

Stop. Reign in your hormones and check out the rest of the profile. Is that one unbelievable photo the only one? Does it look like it came with the $7.95 picture frame he just bought?

If so, this dude very well not be who he claims to be. Can you say 350 pounds in a wife beater? Not only that but, if he’s posting a fake picture, it’s a relatively safe bet that the rest of the profile is fiction as well.

5. He just seems fishy

If things just don’t add up, he is probably not who he says he is. If he changes what he says or things he says don’t match what his profile says, these are first signs he may be lying. Other signs would be if after chatting for awhile, he won’t exchange contact information or shows no signs of meeting.

I met a guy a few years ago who completely fit this bill. He purportedly had a civil government job which required he split his time between two states. After exchanging phone numbers and missing his call any number of times, I realized that he was only calling during the day. Voicemails always said he would try me again and never suggested I call him, and there was always excuse as to why he couldn’t call in the evening.

Also, I never heard from him on the weekends. He only emailed and called Monday through Friday. Pretty good sign he was either married or had a girlfriend at the least.

Stay safe and trust your gut

The biggest thing is to trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something is probably wrong. If you find yourself going against your instincts, it just means that he’s very good at making women trust him. He’s got the whole game down to a science. Walk away.

It really almost goes without saying that you should never provide personal information too quickly, and yet many women make this mistake. While I am usually very guarded about such things, I have found myself lately revealing too much, too soon in some cases.

When the guy in #1 started harassing me with texts and I talked to my boss about it, his first question was “Does he know where you work?” Thank goodness I could honestly answer “No.” And yet there have been many cases when I have given that information out without a second thought. It becomes easy to become complacent, so until you are really sure you know someone, caution should be the rule rather than the exception.

Top 10 Most Common Online Dating Mistakes

Natalie Lue — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 14:32:24 +0000

Not having any luck dating online?

You may be making these mistakes.

1. Being a Winking, IM’ng, and Email Whore

Imagine if you went to a club and winked at someone all night, maybe even leered at them and you hadn’t introduced yourself yet?

Imagine that you kept knocking on someone’s door or leaving umpteen messages for them even though they didn’t so much as know your name?

Yes…they probably would think you were strange and potentially a stalker….

Dating online on one hand puts distance between people but in another way creates an immediacy and intensity that can become very uncomfortable when you don’t know or barely know the person.

Slow your roll and don’t bombard. Remember that all you have seen is a photo, read a profile, or even had a brief bit of communication.

2. Using Sexual References in Profile Names

I don’t care how big your penis is, how great you are in bed, how big your boobs are, or anything else to do with sex. Would you wear a sign around your neck broadcasting these things in the ‘real’ world? Oh hell no!

Using sexual references in your profile name set the tone from the outset and establish you as someone who is on the pull, looking for sex. Whilst you may think that it helps you stand out, you will do, but it won’t be for the right reasons.

3. Not reading the profile – RFTP

This is what I call ‘Read The Effing Profile’! Let’s take it back to the real world again. Imagine that I advertise to fill the position of ‘Software Engineer,

Must have 3 years experience minimum and be proficient in X, Y, Z’ and I get inundated with people who have never done this job, are proficient in A, B, and C, but not X,Y, and Z. It is annoying!

Now I know that this is dating and we’re all hoping that that special someone will give us a chance, but considering that the very basis of online dating is filling out a profile and stating your criteria, it seems very redundant that the bulk of people don’t bother to read the profile…

4. Focusing on sexually charged conversation

I am amazed at how quickly people go from winking, to talking about sex and flashing their private parts over email! If you were having this type of contact so quickly in the ‘real’ world, it is likely that things wouldn’t go anywhere serious very fast…and it’s the same in the virtual world.

If all you want is some sexual fun, knock yourself out, but be wary of engaging in this type of sexual banter if you are genuinely on the lookout for a relationship because it does set the tone.

5. Lousy Photos

Either use a decent one or don’t bother. Out of focus, fake ones, pictures of anything but you, confusing ones with kids and other women or men in them. You get the picture.

Choose a photo that has you looking at your best. You are effectively advertising yourself to a prospective date and whilst it isn’t about the superficial, once you decide to use a photo, use a good one because it is likely to be what is used to determine whether to read the profile (yes some people do this) or make contact.

6. Bad spelling and grammar

Do you want prospective dates to think you’re illiterate or younger than their shoe size? Whilst we all make slip-ups, if you’re entire profile is littered with grammatical and spelling mistakes, it implies that you haven’t made an effort.

If in doubt, put it through a spell check on Word or get someone else to check it for you. Remember: this is how you sell yourself!

7. Writing in CAPITALS

IT’S VERY CONFRONTATIONAL WHEN YOU SEND EMAILS TO PEOPLE THAT YOU DON’T KNOW DEMANDING THAT THEY GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU OR LOOK AT YOUR PROFILE. Nuff said…

8. Assuming that we’re all cut from the same honesty cloth

People, people, people! You cannot, and really shouldn’t assume that because you have been truthful that everyone else around you is. There are a lot of liars out there and you need to get your spidey senses on high alert and be a bit of a sleuth.

Learn to look for the contradictions and gaping holes in people’s ‘stories’. Take off the lust glasses for long enough so that you can be on high alert for red flags and little eeeny, weeny lies…that eventually become bigger problems.

9. Unsolicited (or even solicited) Sexual Photos

Sending photos of your private parts or semi-naked self to people that you don’t know or have had some contact with online, is like flashing…

10. Desperado…please come to your senses

Desperation actually can sell, especially if you’re a man because there are a lot of women out there that will think “Hmmmm…I’ll make him feel better…”, but it is wise to steer clear of being desperate and using your tales of misery as conversation pieces. It’s kinda depressing.

Finding Love Online This Valentine’s Day and The Perfect Last Minute Gift Idea…

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 16:10:55 +0000

“Love Bytes!”

That’s what more and more people are saying this Valentine’s Day.

KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman looks at how the internet has grown into the matchmaker of this millennium.

Here’s a KFBW Exclusive Featuring Jennifer Bauman from KFBW and Dan and Jennifer from AskDanAndJennifer.com

Are you looking for your true love this Valentine’s Day? KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman says they may be waiting for you online.

Online dating gives people looking for love more options. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman checks in with some experts to see what attracts people to Internet “hook-ups.”

Online dating is gaining in popularity, but not all singles are logging on to try a match made in Web heaven. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman says age may be a factor.

Perhaps you’ve decided to give online dating a try this Valentine’s Day. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman gets tips from experts on the best way to get started.

Romance may be blossoming on the Web, but there are still concerns about the safety of online dating. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman helps new users spot the phonies.

The majority of Internet singles who’ve tried internet dating say they’ve had a positive experience. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman looks at some success stories.

The Perfect Last Minute Valentine’s Gift Idea

Everyone else is scrambling to buy their loved one a special thing or another… chocolate, diamonds, flowers, and so on… Stuff. Basically the same old thing.

Wouldn’t it be nice to stand out and give something unexpected?

Material things can be nice, but they’re worth so much less than something personal, something that really touches that special person in your life and brings them joy.

Why not give the gift of true pleasure and ecstasy to your loved one?

Guys: Here’s the gift most women secretly fantasize about but would NEVER tell their mate…
Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More

Ladies: Give your man the most incredible **shock and awe** this Valentines Day with this gift…
Blow by Blow – A Tasteful Guide on How to Give Mind-Blowing Blow Jobs

Each of these gifts comes with tons of free bonus material plus a special Valentine’s Day bonus!

Remember, what ultimately matters most is living a life filled with joy, love, and laughter starting right now.

Happy Valentines Day and Best Wishes.
Dan & Jennifer

Speed Dating Grows Up – Meet 5 People In 5 Minutes Without Leaving Home

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:00:54 +0000

When most people think of traditional speed dating, they picture their local pub trying to get 20 sober people together in one room, in hopes they can go a few rounds with one another to find a match.

Well, fast forward to the present. The times have finally caught up with that old idea of speed dating.

WooMe is revolutionizing the way people meet. They’ve developed a way for people to meet online in real time (with just a browser and a webcam), in a fun, fast and free way. Yes, we said free…

No long profiles to fill out. You can meet 30 people on WooMe in less time than it takes to create a profile on traditional online dating sites like eHarmony and Match.com.

Imagine firing up your computer and webcam, and meeting 5 people in 5 minutes in real time, without leaving the comfort of home. So instead of spending your whole evening going cross town to some speed dating event at a bar or restaurant where you MIGHT meet one or two people you MAY like…

WooMe speed sessions are created by you around any topic of interest and you can review member profiles and pictures before the session begins. Think of it as speed dating where you get to pre-screen the people you’ll be meeting.

Is It Safe?

Women will particularly enjoy speed dating on a service like WooMe because it’s safe and anonymous, with none of the traditional concerns of meeting a bunch of strange guys at a bar.

With an online speed dating service, you have an easy and guaranteed out. You control who you see again and just as importantly, who you don’t see again. That creepy guy staring at you the whole evening and trying to follow you home!

WooMe has built specific tools to make people feel as safe as possible, like "report user" for calling out inappropriate behavior while in sessions and "block user" preventing unwanted profiles from participating in any sessions you may join in the future.

When you hit it off with someone and you both want to pursue an off-line relationship, you can get each other’s contact info… This is the only time that information is ever exchanged. The ones you don’t click with will never see YOU in person at all or receive any of your personal information. Now that’s refreshing.

It’s still just about dating, right? NO!

Here’s what’s really cool. It’s not just about dating anymore. Think "Speed Introductions"…

Want to meet a few people who share the same passion as you? You can meet new people in your area, find a roommate, find a travel partner, and so on. And unlike social networking or online dating sites, the idea here is to connect to real people in real time…

At WooMe, you can meet 5 people in 5 minutes who are interested in just about any topic you can imagine, and you both get to decide if you want to talk again. WooMe sessions are created by other users around any topic of interest, so you can check out what sessions are about to start and see where you’d like to get involved.

Check out the upcoming live chat sessions and pick one you’d like to join. But be careful, it can be a little addictive.

Don’t see a session you want to join?

No problem, you can create one for whatever you’re interested in… dating, work, sports, music, anything. Looking for a great hang out spot in your area? Create a session called something like "What are the best hang outs in Los Angeles?". But be creative, make it intriguing so people will notice it. You can even specify how many men or women can join your session. Than sit back and watch people sign up for that session.

It’s that easy.

Online Dating: The Single Mom Conundrum

Click by Lavalife, Lola Augustine Brown — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:57:13 +0000

I’m a single mom and my child is the first thing on my mind at all times. But I don’t want to be defined by my single-mom status.

I am so much more than that and besides, the label has such depressing connotations — desperation, loneliness, sadness. Yet I am none of those things. So when it comes to online dating, when is the ideal time to reveal your single-parent status?

My first ad on Lavalife was honest. I said that I was a single mom but not looking for anyone to rescue me, thank you very much. I got a few hits from really strange guys. One sexy guy smiled at me, but said he’d only be interested in some fun, as he’d had enough of the single mother type. I was furious. I’m not a type just because I’ve had a child. So after some depressing experiences, I’ve stopped mentioning my child in my ad.

Is that wrong?

“No,” says Sherrie Schneider, co-author of The Rules for Online Dating, “Nowhere in your ad should you mention your children. Don’t say that you love hugging your three-year-old, talking walks with your teen and never, ever, post a photograph online that shows you with your kids.”

Its not that Schneider advocates pretending that the kids don’t exist. If there’s a fact box to check that asks whether you have any, you should check yes, but you shouldn’t offer any further info on the topic if you want to attract a man.

Operating on a need-to-know basis is also advocated by Sharon McKenna, author of Sex and the Single Mother. “It seems deceptive not to disclose it, but unless they ask you directly or you’re out on a date and it seems like there’s a real chance of romance, telling them isn’t necessary,” she says, “But, if it feels like something good could develop, you need to tell them straight away.”

One single mom I know, Ally*, admitted to placing two ads, one that mentions her child and one that doesn’t. “My barren ad attracted more men,” she says, “It’s like the Internet mimics the real world. Who knew?”

Strangely enough, being a single dad doesn’t seem to have the same effect on the number of hits you get or mean that you only hear from single moms. James says that his ad, which mentions that his children are the most important thing in his life, brings him lots of dates. “Honestly, I think that women feel like I’m less likely to be a jerk because I’m a dad,” he says, “Which is probably true to some extent, as having children made me become a lot more mature and dependable than my childless friends.”

When looking through personal ads it can be cringe-inducing to see how some guys use their kids to show you how nice they are. Putting pictures of your kids up on a dating site is pretty creepy whether you are male or female. But when browsing through ads, this tends to be something guys do much more readily. “I would never do that,” says James, “My kids aren’t some kind of bargaining chips for me to show what cute babies I can make.”

Another friend, Helen, always mentions her son somewhere in her profile, though she does it discreetly. “As much as I am looking for someone, I am screening people as well,” she says, “I wouldn’t want to be with someone who dislikes children or doesn’t get the limitations that having a child places on dating. For example, I cannot just go on spontaneous dates or away for a weekend without enough notice to get a sitter.”

I had a few interesting IM chats with a guy who seemed interesting but just didn’t get the single parent thing even though we’d discussed it (briefly). He’d email me in the middle of the day and ask if we could meet for drinks that evening, then get irritated when I’d say no. He just couldn’t understand that it was impossible to get away with an hour’s notice. Needless to say, we never actually met in real life.

Before you do actually drop the bombshell that you are a mom, it’s going to be a whole lot easier if you know a little about your potential paramour’s history. McKenna asks whether her dates have been married, how they feel about children and other subtly probing questions. “It gives you some context and you’re better equipped to tell them your story,” she says.

How they feel about you having a child is a good indicator of whether or not you could continue to date them. Though it’s really good if a guy is interested in hearing about your child, you don’t want it to be the sole topic of conversation. When a guy is overly interested in your child it can be a turn-off. Ally finds it creepy when a date shows too much interest, which has happened: “Open and interested is good. Offering to baby-sit is weird.”

Unfortunately, no matter how cool you think a guy is, he may lose interest once he finds out about your kids. “It just means that he wasn’t the right guy,” says Schneider, “And not worth worrying about.”

Finding out that there are plenty of men out there who won’t date single parents can be shocking but if you don’t disclose about your children you’re looking for trouble. “You don’t need to be with people that are so rigid they won’t date someone with a child, how they react to you telling them about your child is a great screening process,” says McKenna, “If they lose interest in you because of your child then screw them, they wouldn’t have been worth dating anyway.”

* Names have been changed to ensure privacy

Sidebar:

Hollywood’s Hottest Single Moms

Reese Witherspoon

After divorcing Ryan Phillipe, Reese became single mom to Ava (aged and Deacon (4) which hasn’t stopped her enjoying dates with recent co-star Jake Gyllenhaal.

Kate Hudson

Kate’s gorgeous son Ryder (3) was born during her six-year marriage to Black Crowes front man Chris Robinson.

Michelle Williams

Two-year-old Matilda is the spitting image of daddy Heath Ledger, but the couple recently announced that they’d split and would be parenting solo.

Krista Allen

Having a 10-year-old son, Jake, hasn’t stopped this celluloid beauty dating some of the world’s most gorgeous men, including George Clooney.

Meg Ryan

Ryan chose single motherhood and adopted her baby, Daisy True, from China in 2006.

Is Having Cyber Sex Before Physical Sex a Good Idea?

Rose Rivera — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:50:50 +0000

These days it’s nearly impossible to begin a relationship without using some form of cyber communication during those critical “getting to know you” weeks.

From meeting online via a dating website to having a casual chat over instant messenger, the likelihood that you’ll have at least one online conversation with your potential lover is extremely high.

One of the main differences between online and face-to-face conversations is the amount of social inhibitions experienced by the chatters.

Because online communications encourage an atmosphere of anonymity, it’s easier for most people to open up about themselves. The lack of physical/visual social repercussions online, such as a frown of disapproval, makes online chatters less vulnerable to emotional hurts, and therefore much more willing to take chances by saying things that might otherwise be considered “inappropriate” in person.

Under such relaxed social constraints, it’s easy to imagine how a casual late night chat can quickly turn into an arousing exploration of each other’s sexual fantasies. But is engaging in this type of risqué talk with someone you’ve recently met and may eventually sleep with a good idea? Might it ruin those first “magical” moments if and when you do decide to have physical sex together?

The Pros and Cons of Having “Cyber Sex” Before Really “Doing It”

Pro – It’ll Give You Both a Chance to Explore Your Sexual Compatibility Safely.

Rather than risking a potentially awkward first time with a new partner, having cyber sex beforehand can provide both parties with an opportunity to verbally explore each other’s likes and dislikes in a fun and consequence-free environment.

Maybe she is much more sexually aggressive than he is, or maybe he has certain kinks that she is strongly against. Whatever differences and similarities are discovered, it’s much better to test out certain ideas online than it is in person. Wouldn’t you like to know your new crush actually enjoys being tied up before you whip out your studded leather cuffs?

Con – What Happens in Cyber-Land, Stays in Cyber-Land

It’s true, the uninhibited social freedom of cyber sex can go straight to some people’s heads like the bubbles in any great bottle of champagne. Because of this, the difference between someone’s online sexual persona and their real life sexual behavior can be shockingly different…

Although you and Mr. New Love did every position in the book during your torrid affairs in Cyber-Land, the reality might be that you’re a very shy and cautious lover. Once Mr. New Love really gets you between the sheets, the difference between Cyber-Land you and Real you might be very confusing to him. So confusing it might seem like a betrayal since you portrayed yourself to be one way when in fact you’re another. Sounds very much like lying, doesn’t it? And that’s never a good start to any relationship.

Pro - Fantasies Can be Very Revealing

Not only can exploring each other’s sexual fantasies be a wonderful way to test out your sexual compatibility, but it can also lead to a whole slew of other insightful topics of conversation. Bringing up different sexual likes and dislikes can reveal where someone stands on a variety of socially political issues such as homosexuality, marriage, religion, feminism, etc. For example, when you are having cyber sex try shifting the fantasy toward something “taboo” and see how your partner reacts. It’s very easy to then bring up that topic later on for further clarification and discussion. There’s nothing like trying out a Nun/Priest role playing fantasy to bring out someone’s religious and political convictions!

Con – Your Writing Skills Don’t Match Your Sexual Skills

This problem can go one of two ways. Either you’re a fantastic writer who‘s bad in bed, or you’re a fantastic lover who can‘t write. In the first case, your partner may be disappointed the first time you “really” have sex since cyber (written) sex with you was mind-blowing due to your uncanny way with words. In the second case, your lack of verbal finesse might ruin your chances of ever getting your partner into your bed at all. If for some reason you believe your writing skills do not match your real sexual prowess, then it’s probably best to avoid cyber sex with your crush until after you’ve had physical sex with them at least once. That way no one will be unfortunately disappointed or unreasonably dissuaded from having sex with you.

Otherwise, Enjoy It!

Like most things, the decision to have cyber sex before physical sex with someone new is a gamble. The opportunity to explore each other sexually without having to worry about physical consequences, appearances, and social inhibitions is understandably tempting. My only words of caution are to remember that your cyber persona and actions will influence how your potential lover perceives you, as well as their expectations for your “real” first time together. However, if you’re a little mindful of these things and don’t go crazier in Cyber-Land than you would in your bedroom, then cyber sex can certainly add a lot of playful flirtations to those first few weeks of heart-racing acquaintanceship.

Are There Any Good Free Dating Sites?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:42:32 +0000

So you’ve decided to try online dating, but where do you look?

Online dating services are popping up daily on the internet, making the decision of choosing the “right” dating service a bit overwhelming.

More importantly, are there any good FREE dating sites or do you have to pull out your credit card? Here’s a question from Jeff in North Carolina who is very frustrated with the ‘free’ dating site options…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been looking on-line now for two months to find a real woman. All I get is nothing…

Free sites. What the heck do they think free means? I’m not giving anyone money for sex.

My question : Is there a place I can go to get free date or sex sites?

–Jeff, North Carolina

Are There Any Good Free Dating or Sex Sites?

I have one thing to say on this… “You get what you pay for” — You don’t go around bumming beer and food and you wouldn’t expect to get a free lunch when you walk into a restaurant! If you do, I doubt you’ll have much success at it. In our society, you typically get what you pay for. That’s basically what it comes down to.

The sex market, especially, is way too big. Just imagine going into a 7-11 and saying, “Hey I’d like a copy of playboy magazine and I want you to give it to me for free!”. They’ll probably laugh you out of the store. So asking for a good quality, and free, sex dating site is asking a lot.

Having said that, there are some free dating sites out there. Plentyoffish.com is a good example. It’s one of the most popular free dating sites out there. You can find others by going to Google and searching for ‘free online dating site’.

Just remember… These sites have to make there money somehow. What you’ll most likely find are lots and advertisements and promotional offers. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s just the ‘free’ business model. With free sites, you’ll also see more spammers and ‘cam girls’ because they normally don’t have the infrastructure to really check people out and make sure they’re for real – you’ll have to do that yourself. So you see, even with ‘free’ sites, there is a price to pay.

Why not invest $30 and get it over with? You’re eventually going to have to pay for a date, coffee, or something eventually. It’s well worth the extra time to find 2 or 3 dating sites that fit your personality and offer the services that you are looking for. Once you’ve chosen a few, sign up for each of them. It only takes a little extra time and you’re sure to meet different people on each of the different sites.

Tips for Finding an Online Dating Website

Here are some excellent tips for finding a service that will best match your needs (from “Online Dating – Finding Love Online”):

1. Try to choose an online dating service that has been around for a couple of years.

The best way to find out how long a website has been around is to go to the website’s “About Us” page where you will learn not only the date the site was started but also the company’s philosophy. Another good source of information is the “FAQ”, or frequently asked questions page on the website.

2. Look for an online dating service that offers a free trial

Quality sites will allow you to browse profiles and photos before you join, or a service that offers a free trial period so you can talk to people that you are interested in meeting before you have to pay.

3. For safety and convenience, look for online dating services that offer onsite messaging and e-mail services.

This will allow you to communicate with people using a special email provided by the dating service instead of using your personal email or IM (instant message) ID. You should stay anonymous, at least at first. You may want to use a free email account, such as Yahoo! Mail or Hotmail, to reduce the possibility of spam to your regular email box.

4. Make sure the dating service offers secure payment methods.

Also, look at the type of payments accepted (credit card, check, money order, PayPal, etc.) to ensure the options work for you.

To Pay or Not To Pay

Today, almost all dating sites require you to “pay before you play”. What I mean by this is that you can typically create your profile and browse other profiles for free, but if you want to talk to someone, be ready to hand over your credit card.

Here are some of the different types of membership options you’ll find and what you can expect from each:

Free Memberships

Most online dating sites offer free memberships so you can try before you buy with absolutely no obligation to ever become a paid subscriber. This gives you a chance to check out the service, see what it offers and can help you decide whether or not it is the one for you. Most free memberships are limited.

A “free” membership allows you to create a profile, search, and browse other member profiles. This type of membership rarely lets you initiate email contact, respond to email messages or use the instant messaging system. You will have to pay if you want to really communicate with someone.

Trial Memberships

Trial memberships are still free, but you get to use the full service for a limited amount of time, usually anywhere from 3 to 14 days. Once your trial time is up you’ll need to subscribe if you want to continue using the service, or you will be automatically billed at the end of your trial period (this is the most common approach) – make sure to read the terms of the trial membership so that you fully understand what is required of you.

Paid Subscription

To truly get the best out of online dating, I recommend signing up for a trial membership on several sites to get a feel for the ones that best meet your needs. Pick 1 to 3 sites that you really like, join these sites, and cancel your free memberships at the other sites.

Important Note: Most dating sites have a subscription that is auto-renewed like your car insurance or internet service. You will need to cancel your account to prevent further billing.

Once you pay the required fee, you’ll be able to do more detailed searches, make use of any matchmaking tools that the site offers, and you’ll also have unlimited email and instant message privileges, which is very important if you really want to get to know someone better. Some dating sites will even alert you by mail if anyone new signs up matching your criteria or if someone looks at your profile. This alone can save you a lot of time in your search for that perfect partner.

For your own protection, make sure the sites you join have a privacy policy, guaranteeing that they won’t reveal any information about you to anyone without your say-so.

For more great online dating tips, check out “Online Dating – Finding Love Online”.

Online Dating Review – Try Free Online Personals at PricelessPartner.com

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 03:15:52 +0000

Tired of the massive, faceless, mega-corp online dating web sites that want your credit card before you can contact anyone?

Some people don’t mind paying $20 to $30 month after month… but more and more people are ready for a change.

Free online dating sites are starting to become more popular, in competition with the paid dating sites like PerfectMatch and Match.com. But most of these free dating sites aren’t really much to look at compared to the paid alternatives, and their features are often lacking.

PricelessPartner.com is a different kind of online dating site. In addition to being a totally free online personals site, it’s actually a great community for singles, while providing personals and matchmaking services.

And unlike some other free online dating site, this one is fully featured (and then some!), including sophisticated compatibility calculators, local zip code searches, secure mailing systems, and authorized friendship lists. They also offer free webcam chat between members. Now that’s cool.

They even have offer photo rating so you can check out and vote for your favorite members.

But here’s where it really stands out. PricelessPartner.com was started by a real person, just like you, who was tired of the faceless paid online dating sites, and wanted a real alternative. His name is Glen, and he actually has a profile on the site. Get the full story here.

Another thing that sets PricelessPartner.com apart from other dating sites is their great dating & relationship discussion forums where real people, just like you, share their experiences, answer questions, and more. These forums are a great online personals support community, and they’re definitely worth a visit.

So go check out PricelessPartner.com and see what they have to offer. Then let us know what you think.

This is a sponsored review.

Click Here to Get Your Website Reviewed on AskDanAndJennifer.com

First Date Dilemma

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:32:41 +0000

Singles muddle through mixed messages, fuzzy intentions, and changing social mores.

Gone are the days when a man and a woman meeting over a drink knew the outing was undoubtedly a first date. With lines blurring between the platonic and the romantic, defining what constitutes a first date has become a guessing game, as maddening as catching a gnat with chopsticks.

The various intentions behind a first date, from finding a mate to bedding a casual-sex partner, has forced many singles to define exactly what it is.

Check out First Date Dilemma, a great article from Mark de la Vina of the San Jose Mercury News. Not only is Mark’s article entertaining and well written…

It also features extensive quotes from your favorite Dating & Relationship advice columnists, Dan and Jennifer. Yes, we’re biased. . Go check it out.

Online Dating Shocker – Are All the Men Really Fat and Ugly?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 08 May 2007 13:02:42 +0000

So you’ve finally created an account on your favorite online dating site. You’re so excited.

But when the search results come back, you’re left speechless.

Where are all of the really hot profile photos that the dating site shows on their home page? Did they all just quit?

Well, not exactly. Most online dating websites put their best photos on the home page. Online dating, like offline dating is a numbers game. A very small percentage of the population is what most people would consider good looking, and even fewer are what most people would consider ‘hot’.

Does this mean that only desperate men and women upload photos online. Definitely not! There are many reasons that very successful and very attractive people join online dating sites.

Maybe they’re too busy to hang out at the local club or just don’t want waste their time actually meeting people with which they have nothing in common. Meeting people online does has the very distinct advantage of allowing you to pre-screen potential dates before spending 2 hours over dinner or movie.

However, the numbers are still true… There will be more unattractive people than really ‘hot’ ones. That just the reality of being human. Keep in mind however that ‘attractive’ is a very subjective term. It means something different to everyone.

So be patient in your search and if you sign up to a dating site that uses a matching algorithm, make sure to fill in as many details as possible so that you’ll get the best matches.

Here’s a question from a very frustrated woman in New York…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I just scrolled through at least 90 online dating photos and not one of the men was handsome enough to pursue.

I have done this just a few times… The few men that were handsome are 25 or 27 at most. It just shows how men feel it’s ok to neglect themselves. Most women will throw themselves at anything…

I will not go by looks alone but I must start with something. The rep at eHarmony tried to make me feel badly that I was considering looks and physical appeal. I will not back down or apologize for that.

It seems the axiom that if a man is handsome and on the ball he will rarely put himself on an online dating site. Let’s face it isn’t that true? Why would a man need to do that if he’s got the looks and personality?

It is very disheartening and awful…

– Lisa in New York

Online Dating – How to Avoid the Single Biggest Mistake Most People Make

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:00:37 +0000

So what so you think is the single biggest mistake that most men – and women- make with online dating?

Put simply, most people use the shotgun approach to dating and hope to hit something, anything. They put no thought into what they are actually looking to get out of online dating or the type of person and relationship they’re really looking for.

And then they wonder why they’re not happy with the people they meet.

Not exactly the best approach for the most important aspect of your life, is it?

Watch this short video to find out how you can avoid this fatal mistake…

Also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Online Dating Safety for Men – Web Cam Girls, Identify Theft, and More

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:03:00 +0000

Just when you thought it was safe to try Online Dating...

It seems that with Online Dating it’s often the men, rather than the women who are getting preyed upon.

You can avoid being taken advantage of by being well informed and taking a few safety precautions.

Think these things can’t happen to you? Think again!

Identity theft? But her online profile looked really hot. There must be some mistake.
Why is she asking for my credit card to “see her special private photos?”
What’s a web cam girl and why do you care?

Watch this short video to find out how you can avoid becoming a victim…

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

I’m Dating Again but My Sex Drive is Gone… Do I Stand a Chance?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 04:20:16 +0000

Is your low sex drive causing you problems with your partner? Does she think you don’t love her anymore?

Maybe you’ve even stayed single because of it. So how can you find someone who will understand and love you for who you are?

And is there a way to increase sex drive?

The Question

I am 45, male, single and haven’t had a girlfriend for a few years. I somehow can’t see that as an option anymore, which makes me quite sad, as I do meet women I really like and vice versa.

The thing is that I physically don’t have much of a libido anymore and I usually get ill after any sexual activity. Although my health is not too bad in general and I feel quite young, the sexual side of me seems to have come to an end. When I was younger, sexuality was a strong urge but not so, any more.

So my question is: How can I relate to women who have some romantic idea about me and who I do like a lot. Is there such a thing as a loving relationship without sex? I’d love to see a poll result, as I feel like a total outsider.
I guess if someone has been married for a long time, this would be seen as boredom with each other. Or the focus would have shifted to something else, eg. raising kids, etc. So that would be quite normal, I guess. But how do singles feel about that, I wonder?

The Answer

A close, loving, but non-sexual relationship is definitely possible.

I firmly believe there truly is someone for everyone. More than that, there are many people for everyone, and you’ll always find the right person when you’re truly ready for that person to enter your life.

Just like there are people out there who can’t stand coffee and others who don’t drink any alcohol, there are certainly those who wish for a happy relationship but for whatever reason aren’t interested in sex.

Could one of the women that you meet in your everyday life be the one? No telling, but it never hurts to try. Just be open to the possibility of finding just the right person for you, and you may be surprised. Of course, focus on your strengths and what you have to offer her, not on the sexual issue.

How can you find someone with very specific sexual needs?

The low sex drive issue could be a challenge and may require a broader search.

Well, this is where online dating can be a really big help. In a very clinical way, think of it as catalog shopping for people online. You get to specify all the specific criteria that’s important to you, and hopefully the online dating website matches you with someone that fits you. Of course it’s not exactly that basic, but in summary that really is how it works…

Your best bet with online dating is to sign up with one of the top online dating sites. For example, try Yahoo Personals.

Then create your profile be very specific about what you want. Focus on the love and romance that you’re truly seeking. You may be surprised how many women will jump at the chance to meet a man who wants a romantic relationship, instead of so many others who are mostly focused on sex.

But remember that online dating is really just about introductions. In fact, it could well have been called “online introductions” – that would have been much more accurate. Be sure to take the relationship into the real world as soon as you find someone you feel could be right for you. There’s no substitute for seeing someone in person that very first time. The energy, the chemistry, the physical attraction… those things just don’t show online.

Can the joy of sex be restored?

Depending on the medical specifics of the condition, sex drive can often be restored. There are lots of medical options, treatment programs, and supplements available that will increase your sex drive.

Consider this option and research all your possibilities. Consult a couple of doctors, maybe even a sex therapist, and get multiple opinions. Treat this like any other problem that you would research until you solved it.

Sex can be a wonderful and exciting.

When I talk about sex, I’m really referring to the entire sexual experience, not just intercourse. Many people just think of missionary position (yes, only with the lights off) when thinking about sex.

But there is SO much more. From playful seductive teasing, to going on a hot date as a prelude to a night of passionate lovemaking… And just lusting after that special person and getting excited just thinking about being with them, and doing naughty things to and with them. That’s just a taste of the magical wonders of sex.

So don’t just accept that you will never again experience the joy of sex. If this is at all important to you, fight for it and find an answer.

In Summary

One way or another, you’ve very likely to find the right person for you, no matter your situation, preferences, and special needs

On the low sex drive issue, consult several professionals and try to find a solution. Assuming you wish to enjoy sex again of course.
Be open to the possibility, and even expect to have the perfect person for you wonder into your life. It can happen. Expect it.
Consider online dating to find the person matching your very specific needs or sexual preferences. Choosing from millions of people can really open up your options in those cases.

Online Dating – How to Get Her to Actually Respond to You

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 22:40:45 +0000

You can avoid this critical mistake that many men make with Online Dating.

So, you’ve found a girl that you’d like to meet. Now, what do you say to her in that crucial first email?

How do you capture her interest so that she’ll actually give you a chance?

And… what are the biggest things to avoid saying to women online?

Watch this short 2 minute video to find out the answers to these questions and more…

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Get Online Dating Tips and Advice at OnlineDatingTips.org

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 03:55:43 +0000

Wondering if Online Dating is right for you?

Need some help getting started with Online Dating?

Looking for some tips to make your Online Dating experience better?

Then check out OnlineDatingTips.org. They’ll help you learn the ropes of dating online and finding the best dating sites for you.

If you take all the fluff and excessive ads out of the About.com dating section, you have OnlineDatingTips.org. They have a lot of the same great great information without all of the clutter.

OnlineDatingTips.org will guide you through every aspect of dating online. From the general DOs and DON’Ts of online relationships, to using the various dating services available online, they have the articles, tips, and advice you need.

At OnlineDatingTips.org you’ll find:

Quick links to some of the most successful and popular dating sites.
Tons of articles to teach you the basics of internet dating
Information to help you choose the right dating site
Tips and advice for successful dating and a lasting relationship

Here are some of our favorite articles at OnlineDatingTips.org:

They also have a great FAQ if you are still trying to decide if Online Dating is right for you.

So go check out OnlineDatingTips.org and see what they have to offer.

Is it Wrong to Leave My Husband for a Man I Just Met on the Internet?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 01:10:26 +0000

It’s becoming a common theme…

People meet someone online and want to leave their families and their lives behind – without ever meeting this person face to face.

In many cases, when they do actually meet the other person, they find that there is no spark, no chemistry.

How is that possible when they got along so well online?

It’s really quite simple. Attraction is much more than just logic and words. We are attracted to others because of the energy that surrounds them, their smell, their movement, their chemistry – so much more than can ever be conveyed over the internet or even over the telephone.

The internet is a great medium for initial introductions, but nothing beats good ol’ face to face communication to determine if you really like someone.

Think of Online Dating as “Online Introductions”. After you find someone you think you may like, it’s time to get out from behind the computer, meet them, and really get to know them in the real word before making any life changing decisions.

Having said that, is it really wrong to leave your current partner to be with someone you met on the internet?

The Question

After 20 years of marriage, and 2 weeks of talking to a stranger online, I am ready to end my marriage and run off with a person 13 yrs my junior. I realize how insane this must sound to most. Sill as I live it, it just seems right. He seems right. If in fact my new friend is truly what he seems, is it wrong to want real happiness? After 20 years my spouse is no closer to meeting halfway on anything. I had resolved myself to this and thought this is how all marriages end up? Help?

The Answer

First, stop and take a deep breath. You don’t need to make this decision immediately, and you really shouldn’t. There are two very distinct questions facing you here, and combining them can be very dangerous.

1. Should you leave and divorce your husband?

2. Do you truly want to be with this new man?

Is it wrong to want real happiness?

Absolutely not! You should always pursue happiness in your life. There’s no way to truly bring happiness to your partner or your children if you are miserable. Just like there’s no way to truly love someone else without having love for yourself first. True happiness comes from within, not from other people, places, and things.

Make your life decisions based on what feels right for you.

Many, but not all, will disagree with me, but the only person that you are ultimately responsible for in this life is you. Others come and go from your life so that you can further the experience of life – your experience. You come into this life on your own and you leave on your own, so make sure that while you’re here you take care of YOU.

Should you leave your husband for this other man?

No, combining those very different questions can be very dangerous and foolish.

If you want to leave your husband, then do it. But don’t go from one unhappy situation into a completely unknown situation. Take this one step at a time and be sure it’s what you really want.

Are you in love with this man, or just ready to leave your husband?

Is it truly him that excites you, or is it the allure and possibility of freedom, of a new life that you’ve wanted for so long?

Really get to know the new guy first! Two weeks of chatting is not enough time to really know someone. You need to meet someone, spend some time and get to know them, etc.

There’s nothing more exciting than a new relationship. First the relationship is fresh, new, and exciting. But then the euphoria wears off and you enter a new stage where the relationship grows and progresses more deeply, and then slows to a more reliable rhythm. You begin to truly get to know one another on a deeper level.

After 20 years, you know your husband better than anyone else, probably better than he knows himself. Are you really prepared to start all over and break in a new one?

I’m not saying you should stay in an unhappy marriage.

Take a moment now to read our very controversial article on this age-old issue – Should You Condemn Yourself to a Bad Relationship for Life Because of Religion and Guilt?

In summary, if you’re in an unhappy marriage, you are not required to stay in that marriage. Others will disagree with that statement but we believe that we are here in this life to experience happiness, nothing more.

Just make sure that you’re leaving your husband for the right reasons.

Don’t make a rash decision because you met someone else. Really take the time to examine why you want out. If you leave, you need to leave because it’s what you really want in your heart.

Age is irrelevant.

So what if he’s younger than you? Would it matter if he were 10 years older?

Fact is you like him, and you didn’t sit around thinking “should I like him, is he the right age?”. Really, does anyone do that? No, only the overactive brain and its idle chatter judges all the little things you do and think and that’s what get’s us in trouble.

It really makes no difference whether you are the same age, younger, or older than your partner.

We believe that people enter and leave our lives at just the right time, for whatever reasons that we aren’t quite yet evolved enough to fully comprehend. Relationships help us learn more about life and ourselves than any other experiences. Cherish them and appreciate their gifts.

What will your friends say?

In short, it doesn’t matter. If you friends don’t love you enough to support you in your decisions, then maybe you should get some new friends. It really is that simple.

Unfortunately, family and friends are typically the ones that hold you back and keep you “in your box”.

All the people in our lives who think “they know better” tell us who we should date, who we should marry, what we should do, etc. Well, guess what? They don’t have a real clue what YOU should do. All they really have the right and ability to tell you is what they would do in your situation.

Most of the time they just end up reiterating what they were told by their parents and ministers as they grew up – without ever questioning those thoughts and beliefs.

They may mean well and truly care about you, but they can’t possibly know what you should do. Only you can know that by listening to your heart.

In Summary

Follow your heart and do what you feel to be right.
It is not your responsibility to make anyone else happy, but it IS your responsibility to make yourself happy.
If you choose to leave your husband because you are having problems or your relationship no longer works, make that decision independently of whether or not you want to be with this other man.
Take the time to know this new man before running away with him.

Online Dating – How to Get 10 Times More Women Checking You Out

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 14:59:06 +0000

Here’s the Single Biggest Mistake that both men and women make with Online Dating.

Making this one small change to your Online Dating Profile can increase your response rate anywhere from 10 to 20 times – yes, 1000% or more.

So don’t wait. Watch this short 1 minute video right now to see how you can avoid it.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Fatal Online Dating Mistakes – How NOT to Respond to Her Message

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 21:27:54 +0000

Here’s another fatal mistake that almost all men make with Online Dating.

Learn exactly how long you should really wait before responding to her message in this quick 1 minute video.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Fatal Online Dating Mistakes – How to Avoid the Delete Key and Get Her to Actually Read Your Message

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 12:01:00 +0000

There are some very common mistakes that almost all men make with Online Dating. One of the biggest mistakes has to do with what you should and should not say in your first message to her.

Watch this 2 minute video where you’ll discover how to avoid the delete key & actually get her to read your message.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Fatal Online Dating Mistakes – Sending Her Just a Wink ;-)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 03:41:36 +0000

There are some very common mistakes that almost all men make with Online Dating. This one may come as a surprise to you…

Watch this 2 minute video to find out just exactly why sending her a wink could be a fatal mistake.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Attract the Right Person to Your Online Dating Profile With a Great Headline

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 15:54:54 +0000

It’s deceptively simple to sign up to an online dating site, but creating a profile that attracts the right kind of person to you can be a little tricky.

Does it seem like no matter what you do, the wrong people keep contacting you?

Does it really matter what you put in all of those little interest and hobby fields?

The answer is yes – sometimes.

What you say in your headline and in the details, and how you say it, can make all the difference.

The Question

Do a person’s hobbies attract a certain type of person? Do online daters even look at the hobbies and interest sections of your profile?

I have a problem with dating online. I spend a bunch of time making my profile “ME”. I let my potential daters know exactly what I am about, but I still get interested people that have nothing in common with me. I’m tired stressing that some of my hobbies are my life. They are who I am. In my case it’s playing my instruments and making records. My thoughts were that the ladies would see how much I stress those facts. I always get interest from ladies I have no interest in. This may sound crazy, but I can’t like someone that is into pop music and I like rock. How do a stress, even more, that I am my interest and I am not interested in any other type of lady?

The Answer

It can be very frustrating when the wrong people keep responding to your online profile. You can use your headline to ‘qualify’ potential matches from beginning and further narrow it down in your detailed description.

A Great Headline

A great headline should sum up who you are and what you’re looking for in one short and witty sentence.

In this example, some good headlines might be:

“Music is my life. Want to share my life?”

“Let’s make great music together”

“Wanna rock? Only serious music lovers need apply”

“Hard core rocker looking for groupie”

The Devil is in the Details

My grandmother always said that the devil is in the details and I’ve always found that to be true. The details of your online profile should really identify what you’re all about and what you’re looking for in a relationship…

If there are certain types of people that you are absolutely not interested in, say it in your profile but try to keep it positive. If you don’t like pop music, you might say something like.

“Music is my life. To me there is only one great genre of music – ROCK. If you love rock music as much as I do, let’s meet. I do apologize, but if you like POP music, I’m not going to be a good match for you. Yes, I recognize how extreme this must sound, but making great rock music truly is my life and I’m looking for someone who can appreciate this lifestyle as much as I do. Are you the groupie that I’m searching for?”

As for all of those extra check boxes for hobbies and interests… I feel that those are less important unless the website has a matching algorithm that sends you potential matches based on your specific interests and hobbies. If that’s the case, make sure you fill out all of those fields so that you’ll get the best matches.

Some People Just Won’t Get It

Unfortunately, there are some people in this world who will never read the instructions no matter how clear you make them. For those people, you’ll just have to politely excuse yourself and move on to the next profile on your list.

You don’t want to get too harsh in your profile, or you may drive away just the girl you’re looking for. Do make sure that you ask potential daters what kind of music they like and whether or not they would enjoy your lifestyle during your initial communications with them. That will at least save you a little time weeding through the one’s you’re not interested in…

Understanding the Law of Attraction

There is one other incredibly powerful tool that can help you in your search for the perfect match. It’s called the Law of Attraction. A really quick exercise that will help you find just the right person for you is to write down on a piece of paper exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. Try to focus more on how you feel when you’re with this person and less on their physical appearance. Having said that, if you love redheads, write that down too.

Imagine your perfect partner in every detail… (write it down)

Then, every night before your go to sleep, close you eyes and visualize, or imagine being with this person for at least 5 – 10 minutes. Really get into it. What are you doing together? How do you feel when you’re together? What do you hear? What do you smell?

This will get your message out to the Universe. Now it’s your job to act on any hunches, gut feelings, or intuitions that you get over the next few weeks. If you get a weird urge to stop by a store that you’ve never been in – do it. If you have a weird idea to go to a museum – do it. You never know who you might meet while following you intuition.

True love may be just around the corner…

Dating Advice for Men from PerfectMatch

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:32:46 +0000

Per Marc Brooks at Online Personals Watch, PerfectMatch is announcing something special for their members… to help them actually meet and keep that special person.

They’ve teamed up with BeBetterGuys to bring their male members dating advice.

Looks like PerfectMatch is balancing out their iVillage partnership with this addition.

It’s really great to see online dating sites going the extra mile and adding help and advice for singles, instead of just offering a plain ‘people shopping search engine’.

It’s a win-win for everyone: PefectMatch members, the dating site, and the advice site.

I think we’ll see more of the paid dating sites implementing features like this to really help their members be more successful. That’s the best way they have to compete with the ever growing number of free dating sites, like PlentyOfFish.com, popping up every day – better and more member focused features.

Mark Brooks – Online Personals Watch

BeBetterGuys brings its expertise in men’s fashion, grooming, dating, and etiquette directly to Perfectmatch’s four million members. The BeBetterGuys "Game Plan" provides a nuts-and-bolts how-to approach guide to help Perfectmatch’s male membership prepare for, and enjoy, a more successful in-person experience. Perfectmatch has partnerships with MSNBC, Lifetime Television, iVillage, Knight Ridder, Go.com, Warner Bros., Paramount and NBC Universal Studios. The newest book written by Dr. Pepper Schwartz, "Finding Your Perfect Match" (Penguin), appears in bookstores nationwide.

Full Article at PR Newswire.

Top 10 Online Dating Services Compared at ReviewPlace.com

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 15:56:51 +0000

Review place is an excellent resource when you’re comparing everything from dating sites, to credit card offers, to diet programs. It is one of the best Review Sites on the web and covers many diverse categories.

For each review category, ReviewPlace offers a listing of the top-rated products according to the experts. They begin by looking for the best reviews, both on and off the Internet, and then rank them according to how well they identify the category’s best products.

There’s a lot of junk out there on the Internet. But if you know where to look, if you know how to filter out the good information from the bad, you will also find there are nuggets of priceless information you can learn from and use to be truly successful in life or with your own business.

The goal of ReviewPlace is to help you find this valuable information. Don’t waste hours doing your own Google searches. They’ve done all of the work for you.

Make sure to check out the following categories:

Dating & Personals Reviews

Marriage & Relationship Site Reviews

Online Detective Reviews

People Search Service Reviews

Psychic & Horoscope Reviews

We were lucky enough to have them review our Online Dating eBook – and they even gave us a good review .

Read the Review for "Online Dating – Finding Love Online"

Adult Friend Finder – Adult Dating and Sex Personals Website Review

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 23:54:35 +0000

Do you know that Adult Friend Finder gets more visitors than Match.com, Yahoo Personals and eHarmony combined?

This website that many people have never even heard of gets more traffic than the top five most publicized and most talked about online dating sites combined.

AdultFriendFinder is one of the big boys in the adult personals world. With well over 30 million members, it is regarded as one of the largest dating sites on the internet and is one of the longest running and most established adult dating sites around. So unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you’re sure to find lots of hot girls and sexy men in your area.

Adult Friend Finder serves people looking for sexual encounters encompassing everything from plain vanilla to extreme fetishes, with searches that take varied interests into account. It is the place for married people to meet each other for intimate encounters, the place where recently divorced mid-lifers try to sow the wild oats they didn’t when they were younger, and where young people wanting to experiment find willing instructors.

Overall, AdultFriendFinder is one of the best and most active adult dating sites on the internet.

Features of Adult Friend Finder

Hundred’s of thousands of explicit photos uploaded each week. You can only view the full sized member photos as a member – join free now!
Rank other AdultFriendFinder member photos
Huge public and private chat rooms organized by region, so you can chat to sexy singles where you live, have cybersex and set up local parties.
Anonymously email, chat & instant message with other sexually-liberated members.
Thousands of members’ sexy webcam videos online. Watch thousands of exhibitionists playing on their webcams – and you can too.
Keep track of your potential partners and your friends at Adult Friend Finder with your hot-list. You can have 200 people in your list during your free trial, and this number get larger depending on your membership level.
Free online magazine section full of erotic stories and member experiences. Available to members and guests.
Easily turn your profile on and off, so you can choose whether its visible to other members.
Complete privacy protection – no one will know your identity unless you tell them!
Excellent technical support

Join Adult Friend Finder

Choose from a standard (free), silver or gold membership.

The Free Trial at Adult Friend Finder allows you to browse members in your area, wink at them, and even use the adult sex chat rooms. It will allow you to get a feel for the site and see what it’s really like. All you need to do to become a free member is fill out a short form with your basic profile information.

Silver membership allows you to contact other members by e-mail and view all the members’ photos (the more explicit photos are not normally visible to standard members). With a silver membership you will also rank above the standard members and have a greater set of search parameters, including the ability to restrict your search results to members that are within a particular geographic region.

Gold membership will get your profile listed at the top of search results, so whenever someone does a search, your profile will appear first. It will also give you the complete set of search parameters plus many other beneficial features.

Joining is very easy and free – there is a one-page registration form, which will only take about a minute to complete.

Don’t Wait. Start your Free Trial at Adult Friend Finder now.

Calling All Animal Lovers… Dan and Jennifer Team Up With DateMyPet.com

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 17:58:00 +0000

We’re really excited to tell you this…

We’ve just teamed up with DateMyPet.com to get the latest dating and relationship tips and advice to their members. Spreading the good word!

If you haven’t heard of DateMyPet.com yet, you’re missing out.

They’ve been featured by The Today Show, Good Morning America, MSNBC, the LA Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, and many other major traditional media outlets – and that’s just in 2006.

They’re a great example of a niche online dating site, for animal lovers like us.

In fact, DateMyPet.com was a major point of discussion in our revealing interview with Heather Vale for the soon to be released Online Dating Confessions ePackage where we reveal everything we’ve learned from our online dating business over the last three years. Stay tuned. You won’t want to miss this.

Have an awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer

P.S. If you love animals like we do, don’t forget to check out DateMyPet now.

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Match.com Learns a Few Tricks from MySpace and Facebook…

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 08:52:00 +0000

The big online dating sites haven’t changed much over the last few years. But that’s beginning to change…

Match.com is finally taking a page from the social networking playbook and adding "communities" or interest groups, much like MySpace and Facebook have done.

Instead of just plain searching, you can now browse all kinds of communities or "interest groups", from state and major cities, to religion, politics, smoking, etc.

MySpace has done some amazing things for getting people together based on their interests – it’s great to see the online dating sites going that same direction.

If you still haven’t tried Match.com, this could be a great time to take them up on their 3-day free trial. Give it a try.

Have a great day!
Dan & Jennifer

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Seems MySpace and Friendster Aren’t Just For Your Kids Anymore…

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 08:17:00 +0000

Ok, so we all got used to thinking about MySpace and Friendster as online hangouts for the college and younger crowd.

But something’s changed…

These amazingly popular social networking sites seem to have absorbed a large segment of the grown-up population.

According to Comscore, the nice folks who bring us website stats, the age of the average MySpace user is – get this – between 35 and 54.

“MySpace.com has the broadest appeal across age ranges, Facebook.com has created a niche among the college crowd, Friendster.com attracts a higher percentage of adults, and Xanga.com is most popular among younger teens. There is a misconception that social networking is the exclusive domain of teenagers, but this analysis confirms that the appeal of social networking sites is far broader.”

You can get down and dirty details from the ComScore press release here:
http://www.comscore.com/press/release.asp?press=1019

So, we’re not talking mostly college kids, but rather a majority of people who are over 35. Go figure.

Of course, there’s been a lot of back and forth between the "in the know" and the "wanna be in the know" people (a.k.a. "experts") on this for the last week or so.

The truth is probably somewhere in between, but the bottom line remains – MySpace isn’t just for your kids anymore.

Don’t be shy – leave a comment on this post and tell us what you think.

Have a great day!
Dan & Jennifer

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Dan’s a Shameless Attention Seeker…

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 14:26:00 +0000

Hey, Jennifer here…

Did you know there’s a famous Top 100 websites list… that is determined by readers?

It’s the Technorati Top 100 blogs. And get this…

Our AskDanAndJennifer.com blog is the first and only dating and relationship website there!

Dan and I are asking you to vote for our AskDanAndJennifer.com advice column now, because we have a personal goal to break into the Top 20 of that special websites list.

We really appreciate your help on this. It’s really quick and easy, I promise, but important to us. Not to mention the warm, tingly, gratifying feeling of helping us reach our goal.

It takes less than 2 minutes, and you can even stay anonymous – it just asks you to pick a login ID and enter your email to prevent duplicate voting.

I just checked and we only need about 60 more votes to reach our goal!

Please take just 2 minutes to vote us to the Top 20 now!

Here’s what you’ll be doing…

First, Click here to create an account on that site (it’s really easy – and you can stay anonymous)
http://technorati.com/faves?add=http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Second, Click the link below to actually do the voting (to add our blog to your Technorati Favorites)
– and push the confirm button when it asks you if you’re sure you want to do that
http://technorati.com/faves?add=http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Thank you!

To your abundant success and happiness,
Dan and Jennifer

P.S. Let us know when you’ve voted - we have a special surprise waiting for you. You won’t want to miss this.

P.P.S. WAIT – do Not close this message, do Not pass Go, do Not collect $200.
You’ll want to scroll back up and vote…

P.P.P.S. Please think of at least 2 friends and forward this email to them so that they can be part of this incredible Grassroots effort!

___________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Dan’s Really Lost It This Time, or, How You Can Download Our Award-Winning $27 Online Dating Secrets eBook for Free Right Now…

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 20:39:00 +0000

I think Dan’s really lost his mind this time… and I don’t know how he finally convinced me to go along with this…

He wants to give you our Online Dating Secrets book – yeah, the one we sell for $27 all day long.

Why? Well, he has this crazy idea…

Dan and I are asking you to vote for our AskDanAndJennifer.com advice column now, because we have a personal goal to break into a special Top 20 websites list… the Technorati Top 20 Blogs. Ours is the first and only dating and relationship website there!

But I just don’t think he realizes just how much money we’re literally giving away!

So yeah, if you help us with this one small favor, we’ll give you a copy of our book for nothing… to thank you for helping us.

2 Minutes = $27 eBook instant download
Warm fuzzy feeling from helping us reach our goal = priceless

Take just 2 minutes to vote us to the Top 20 now!

Here’s what you’ll be doing…

First, Click here to login to your Technorati account (or create one if you don’t already have one – sooo easy!)
http://technorati.com/faves?add=http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Then, Click here to add AskDanAndJennifer.com to your Technorati Favorites (and confirm your intent when it prompts you to)
http://technorati.com/faves?add=http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

After you complete BOTH steps above, let us know and we’ll send you our Online Dating Secrets book right away. Email us at partners@Dan-and-Jennifer.com to let us know you did it – include your name, login ID and email address you entered when you voted.

You’ll immediately receive your very own download instructions for the book, with our thanks.

This message just went out to our reader list of over 5,000 people and we only need 97 more votes to reach our goal of being in the Top 20… so the next 97 people will get our $27 eBook for nothing.

So act now. Once we have 97 votes this offer will expire.

To your abundant success and happiness,
Dan and Jennifer

P.S. While you’re taking a minute to think about it, dozens of others are actually doing it and getting their book for nothing… come on, go do it! Do it! Do it!

P.P.S. Thank you!

P.P.P.S. WAIT – do Not close this message, do Not pass Go, do Not collect $200.
You’ll want to scroll back up and vote…

P.P.P.P.S. Please think of at least 2 friends and forward this message to them so that they can be part of this incredible Grassroots effort!

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders

Users: It’s NOT OK to Lie in Your Profile

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 21:41:00 +0000

OPW — Sep 26 — It seems many users and a few industry notables are OK with white lies in profiles. Here’s my thoughts. Your comments please.

Lies are always good for the short term and bad for the long term. Singles need to hold themselves to a higher standard of integrity. I advise anyone who goes on a date and finds themselves in front of a liar to immediately excuse themselves from that date. "Sorry, I’m not comfortable continuing with this date because you lied to me. It was a pleasure meeting you however. Thanks, bye."

This should include lies about age, weight, pictures which are significantly inaccurate/photoshopped. Lies are the BANE of this industry. A huge detriment. I highly, highly recommend site owners to advise their users to represent themslevs in their best possible light within the realms of complete honesty.

One of the reasons services like Great Expectations and The Right One are doing well, and charging thousands of dollars, is because their clients expect to see truthful profiles and know, truly, who they are meeting before their first date. Less surprises, means more value to clients. Higher integrity leads to higher profits…in the long run. – Mark Brooks

ReviewPlace.com gives “Online Dating – Finding Love Online” 5 stars!!!

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 11:49:00 +0000

Review Place recently awarded a five-star rating to ‘Online Dating – Finding Love Online,’ an e-book that teaches the art of online dating.

‘Online Dating – Finding Love Online’ literally offers the insider’s track…

The e-book’s authors, Dan and Jennifer, actually founded a successful online dating site. As a consolidation of their vast experience, ‘Online Dating – Finding Love Online’ helps lonely hearts find their match online. The e-book walks the reader through the ins and outs of online dating, from writing an attention-grabbing profile to crafting winning emails and responses. The reader learns how to avoid being disappointed by recognizing warning signs and weeding out scammers. ‘Online Dating – Finding Love Online’ even provides help for handling that first date!

"In our quest to help our members become more successful, we have personally reviewed tens of thousands of profiles," said Dan and Jennifer, authors of ‘Online Dating – Finding Love Online’, "Our book contains the top strategies and tactics that ensure success in online dating."

" ‘Online Dating – Finding Love Online’ is a valuable resource for anyone who subscribes to online dating services or frequents online communities," said Andy West, the Press Relations representative for Review Place. "With Dan and Jennifer’s extensive research on proven online dating techniques and strategies, this e-book is sure to help readers find what they are looking for. It’s no surprise our reviewers gave ‘Online Dating – Finding Love Online’ a top rating."

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Online Dating Tips – I See Someone I Like – Now What?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 20 Aug 2006 16:37:00 +0000

So, you’ve signed up to a couple of dating sites and have actually found a few people you’d like to get to know better… maybe even date. What do you do now?

Well, you can put up your profile and wait for someone to contact you, but you’ll probably get much better results if you take the initiative. When you find someone interesting and feel the urge to say “Hey”, don’t be bashful! That person may just love to hear from you. After all, they created a profile, just like you, in hopes of meeting someone. You definitely won’t know unless you contact them and find out.

Ladies, don’t be shy – men love to be pursued!

How do you initiate contact?

The most common ways to contact someone is with an email, an instant message, or a ‘wink’.

I recommend saving the instant messaging until you’ve exchanged a few emails because it gives you more time to think about what you are going to say and to get a feel for the other person. Once you get more familiar with each other, then you can start chatting.

If you don’t have a paid membership, you’ll most likely be limited to using ‘winks’ or ‘smiles’ or something similar. These are canned messages that will say something like “Nancy is interested in you” or “Joe winked at you”. Winks and smiles are a quick way to say hello but drastically limit your ability to pique someone’s interest. This puts a lot of pressure on having a terrific profile because it will have to do all of your talking for you.

Email is best in the beginning.

Emailing a potential date is a lot like flirting. The purpose of the first email is to get them to respond, to open a dialogue. You want to get their interest but leave it open ended so that they will respond back to you. Keep your emails short and charming. Another tip: don’t send a barrage of emails to one person, follow their pace and try to keep up. (If they send 4 a week, you send 4 or so a week.)

So How Do You Write That First Email?

When replying to personal ads, try to be, well, personable. Write at least a paragraph or two about yourself and what you like about them or their personal ad. Many of the principles of profile writing apply to email, such as staying positive, being honest, and paying close attention to spelling and grammar.

Meeting someone online is very exciting and can make you feel like a love struck teenager, but do your best not to sound like one. Most of us are looking for someone that is a little more mature, someone that has potential for being a lifetime partner. When you first start communicating with a person, there is nothing wrong with flirtation, being happy, and laughing, but make sure it’s not over the top. Also, don’t start by pouring out your soul, telling him or her all about your ex-spouse or ex-significant other. Avoid talking about personal things such as financial problems, health issues, or stories about your dysfunctional family. This is a huge turnoff, and an excellent way to scare someone away. Save that kind of talk for your Thursday night poker game or day at the hairdresser. If you are a single parent, a little bit of conversation about your kids is fine to break the ice and find common ground, but remember you are trying to build a romantic connection, so keep it too a minimum.

Always be honest!

If the relationship moves forward, the truth will come out eventually. It’s far better to be yourself up front rather than tell a silly lie in the beginning, only to be found out and have a potential relationship fall apart.

Keep it positive!

The last thing anyone wants is to send a message to someone and in the response, hear all about their past failed relationships, health problems, or financial woes. You can share the doom and gloom after you get to know each other a little bit. Or better yet, just put all that stuff behind you and move on. There’s no time like the present to start fresh!

Compliment something you found interesting in their profile.

This is where it’s important to read the person’s profile. It gives you things to talk about. For example, if you are a woman and you find a man interesting and he has Labrador dogs just like you, you could say something like, “Hi. My name is Mary and I noticed in your profile that you have Labs. I do too!” From there, give a brief description of your dog, mention that you would enjoy hearing back, and sign off…

Avoid overtly sexual comments.

Don’t come on too strong at first with sexual innuendos and try not to comment on the person’s photo. Find something a little more ‘deep’ to comment on, maybe something they said in their description.

Find a way to continue the communication.

The main point of the first email is to get them to notice you and to respond back to you. Don’t give up too much information, but tell them enough to get them interested. You are trying to get a conversation going, so asking questions is a good idea, as long as you don’t ask too many.

Mention things you have in common, and ask a question or two about them.

For example, when you first start messaging with someone, you could ask, “Did you do anything fun this week?” “Do you have any great plans for the weekend?” This will help you learn more about the person without seeming nosey. After you have been communicating with someone special for a while, you can use innocent questions to see if you can find an opening in time when the two of you might meet.

Try to avoid long letters with little details that might be considered boring.

Keep it to the point, but try to let your personality shine through. Then, a good rule of thumb is “compliments and questions.” An earnest compliment on the person’s accomplishments, writing style, or life goals will say a lot.

Here are a couple of good, ice-breaking starter topics:

If you live in the same area, comment on the area, or something relating to it. If you don’t live in the same area, you can ask questions about where they are.
Music and movies are also a good conversation-starter; most everyone likes some kind of music or movie.
Maybe you went to the same college or better yet, a rival school. Poking fun at rival schools is always a fun way to break the ice.

And sign your real first name…

If you work this right, the person will contact you back. Remember, even if you get a response, you’ll have to keep their interest. In the emails that follow, keep asking questions and keep complimenting (while remaining honest and positive). When you feel comfortable, you can move on to more intimate forms of communication like instant messaging, the telephone, and eventually, meeting in person.

If a day goes by and you haven’t heard from them, rather than inundate the individual’s mailbox with messages, leave one short, sweet message that provides a small hint to prompt him or her to reply.

Remember…

Don’t give out your full name, personal email address, or phone number in this initial email; wait until you’re both interested and it’s apparent that it’s going somewhere.

Frustrated with Online Dating? Nobody Checkin’ You Out?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 18:37:00 +0000

Are you sick and tired of nobody checking out your online dating profile? Feeling like it’s all a big scam? Is the joke on you?

You’re about to find out the one single biggest things that you can do to have good-looking singles begging to meet you…

If you want to meet someone online, there’s one thing that you’ll definitely want to do – post a good, recent, smiling photo of yourself. If you can post more than one, even better!

Why upload your photo?

A Picture Is Worth 1000 Emails. Statistics have consistently shown that profiles with photos get a minimum of 10 times more looks. Many (actually most) people only search for profiles with photos. (Admit it. You do it too.) That means that if you don’t have a photo, people are not going to look at your profile. You might as well delete it, close out you account on Match.com, and head to you favorite bar.

I understand that you may be a little afraid to post your picture on the internet , but it will be very difficult to meet anyone worthwhile online without one. Think about it…. Put yourself in someone else’s place. Would you contact someone without a photo? When you search, don’t you want to see people with pictures?

The old saying that a picture is worth a 1000 words still applies. Your age, height, and hobbies may sound cool, but is that enough to pay cold hard cash to contact you?

Even if someone does contact you, the first thing they’ll want to know is what you look like . Also, many people don’t really trust the internet and may feel that you’re hiding something if you don’t post a photo – like your spouse and kids. They may assume you’re cheating on your partner or even that you’re a criminal.

Your photo makes you ‘real’. It gives you an identity.

With online dating, your photo can create a spark or chemistry that mere words cannot. Remember, most dating sites charge money to communicate with someone, so making that step to contact you or to respond to your message involves a bit of commitment, and not having a picture is just one more reason not to do it.

Just like updating your profile frequently, posting a photo will often get you placed at the top of the search results – above members without photos .

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

One reason you might not post a photo is because you think you’re ugly, or fat, or unattractive in some way. First of all, you’re probably wrong. Don’t worry about how you look. You’ll have to show yourself eventually! Even the best looking people look ugly when they don’t smile. So smile! If you’re not conventionally attractive, a confident, genuine smile can only do you good.

There are lots of techniques to make sure your photo is the best it can be.

You can crop or otherwise enhance you photo to make sure that your best side shows through. Most digital cameras come with free software that will help you do basic photo editing. Even if you use a 35mm camera and take to the store for development, most film developers offer the option of a digital CD of your pictures.

Tips for Winning Photos

Use a recent photo . Even if you looked better when you were 20 pounds lighter and five years younger, the moment your date sees you in real life, they’ll realize that you have lied to them. Yes LIED! That’s how the other person will perceive it.

Use a good camera. Even though most cell phones these days take photos, they often turn out fuzzy or dim. If you don’t have a good camera, get creative. Ask a friend to take your picture or go to photographer and have a professional photo taken (Isn’t it worth it to invest in a professional photo if it brings you your dream partner?). Head shots are best – we want to see your face. Really!

Your picture should be fun, sexy, and interesting - not a mug shot and not pornographic either (unless you on an adult site, like AdultFriendFinder, that encourages that sort of photo). Many people, however, are turned off by overly sexy photos.

DON’T post a photo of you and your ex or a photo where your ex has been cut out or colored out. This implies that you have no pictures of yourself where there isn’t some other person attached to you. It also implies that people are disposable to you – not good!

Avoid posting photos with your kids. I know they’re important to you (I love mine unconditionally), but giving them too much prominence in your profile leads others to think you’re looking for a replacement dad or mom, rather than a partner for yourself. Mention them in the profile and then send pictures if your prospect expresses interest. Having said that, if you’re looking for a replacement mom or dad – be honest about that too and save yourself the grief and heartache later on.

Need A Professional Quality Digital Photo?

Here are two websites that will take your picture for you. I was amazed by what these guys can do and highly recommend them.

LookBetterOnline – Professional Internet Dating Photographers
DatingHeadshots – Internet Dating Headshots

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