Do heterosexual couples engage in anal sex? Yes, absolutely. It may surprise some people but there are many straight couples that love anal sex. First of all, anal sex is a popular taboo and the thrill of doing something that’s not supposed to be done adds to the excitement of trying it out. Couples who have tried it often feel a lot closer afterwards.

Trust level is an important factor to consider if you are thinking of trying anal sex. I will not lie to you; the first time you do it, it will hurt. Even after you have been doing it for a while, there is still a certain amount of physical discomfort.

Here are some reasons why anal sex can hurt, and why you need to stock up on lube if you want to try it.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Aren’t Expecting It

There is such a thing as a “surprise anal” sex move, but this is so emotionally damaging that I do not recommend it. A man should always ask you nicely if he wants to put it in your ass. At the very least, he should give you the chance to prepare yourself. If a guy dares pull off this stunt, the shock combined with the sense of betrayal that you feel can contribute to the overwhelming physical pain.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Are Being Forced To Try It

Even if your boyfriend or husband asks for permission, if you really don’t want to try it, it will hurt. You have to be completely relaxed to enjoy anal sex. Moreover, you have to trust your partner enough to believe that he will stop when you ask him to. The muscle outside the rectum tightens when stimulated, and it will tighten even more when you’re tense or scared. Forcing entry when this muscle is too tight to allow entry can contribute to the hurt.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Are Not Lubricated Enough

Relaxing will help ease the initial pain of anal sex, but no amount of relaxation will ease the discomfort if the sphincter muscle isn’t lubricated enough. Spread some lube on your partner’s member or your anal sex toy and a huge dollop on your anal region to make anal sex more pleasurable.

If you’re intent on going for it, ask your partner to gradually loosen the sphincter muscle with gentle stimulation and fondling. He must never touch your sphincter without applying lubricant first. Also, remember to wash well after anal sex.

One major appeal of anal sex for me is the fact that it can be your dirty little secret. It’s extremely exciting to know that you’re both acting like a prim-and-proper, lovey-dovey couple in public, while you’re doing something “taboo” in private.

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Sex And Psychology

The most complicated part of human psychology is sex. Sex involves so many things, including the body, the mind and even your emotions. What feels good physically doesn’t always feel good emotionally, and what feels good emotionally doesn’t always please you physically. It can be difficult to understand why someone may have a fear about sex or have a sex related phobia, because there are so many contributing factors to sex. In persons who haven’t been sexually abused, a fear of sex or a sex phobia can seem irrational. The human body and mind was created to enjoy and take pleasure from sex, and it’s one of the most natural things for two human beings to do together. What are some things that can cause an irrational fear of sex?

Painful Sex

Many people can experience pain during sex or masturbation. In women, small vaginas or lack of natural lubrication can make penetration extremely uncomfortable or painful. In some women, the clitoral hood doesn’t cover the clitoris completely, making most types of sexual contact painful instead of pleasurable. In men, a poorly done circumcision can leave too little skin on the penis, making an erection uncomfortable or painful when the skin stretches too taut. Penises also have stiff, fibrous muscles that when erect, can “break.” It’s rare, but rough masturbation or sex can “break” a penis, making sex or even erections painful if it’s not corrected immediately. Anyone that experiences pain during sex or masturbation can develop a fear of sex or sex related activities, depending on what causes them pain or discomfort.

Psychological Issues

Many people have an irrational fear of sex due to psychological factors. Some people have phobias of sex or masturbation because their parents brought them up in an overly religious environment, or they were taught to think sex is dirty. Believe it or not, many women are taught that enjoying sex is “wrong” and that sex is only something they must do as a wife when they get married. Many of these women don’t have orgasms and have very poor and unsatisfying sex lives, therefore, may avoid sex as much as they can in fear of it. Many men and women are brought up thinking that masturbation is wrong as well, even that it will give you hairy palms or cause blindness. Any type of skewed thinking about sexual pleasure that was ingrained on a person as a child can contribute to sexual fears and phobias in adulthood.

STD’s And Pregnancy

Some people avoid sex all together because they have deeply rooted fears of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps someone in the family contracted AIDS or got pregnant, and the family criticized them or looked down upon them. Perhaps someone contracted a sexually transmitted disease or got pregnant and is terrified of it happening again. Fears of pregnancy and STD’s can play a large part in someone’s irrational phobias of sex.

What To Do

If you have a fear of sex or sex related activities, it’s important to see a doctor. What you’re experiencing, however, can determine which type of doctor you go see. If you’re having physical pain during sex, you should make an appointment with your general practitioner or family doctor. They can do a physical examination as well as take a detailed medical history to determine what exactly is causing the pain or contributing to it. If you’re having psychological issues with sex, consider seeing a therapist or a specialized sex therapist to help talk to you about your phobias, why you have them and how you can work your way through them.

Many people are afraid of seeing the doctor – regardless of which type – because having a sexual fear for whatever reason can seem embarrassing. Lots of things are embarrassing though, and you deserve to have a happy, healthy sex life. Find a doctor or therapist that you’re comfortable with, and take control of your sex life.

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A boyfriend’s penis might be too big for his girlfriend – even when she’s excited, he often ends up hurting her. What can he do to make sex more comfortable for her and more enjoyable for both of them?

A Medical Problem?

Most vaginas can accomodate a wide variety of penis sizes. Most vaginas can stretch to allow penises of just about any size to fit, regardless of how large or small. But some medical conditions can make a vagina unable to stretch and accomodate a large penis, including a medical condition called vaginismus. In some forms of vaginismus, the PC muscles actually clamp down, making penetration virtually or completely impossible. In other, more common, forms of vaginismus, the PC muscles tighten but don’t clamp down completely, allowing penile penetration but with pain, burning and a feeling of excessive tightness. Fortunately, vaginismus is highly treatable with vaginal dilators – a medical tool that is used at home to lightly stretch the PC muscles and allow the vagina to become more pliable. Click here to learn more about vaginismus.

Visit The Doctor

Some people aren’t physically compatible with each other sexually. Sometimes the puzzle pieces just don’t fit, and there are tons of ways to enjoy each other sexually and intimately if sexual intercourse is too painful. However, this is the rarest of cases. Often, medical problems or issues are at fault for painful sex. Infections, STD’s, pregnancy, and a multitude of other conditions are more likely to cause painful sex than just penis size and physical sexual incompatibility.

Go to the doctor – the doctor is a “body mechanic” and his or her job is to find out why your equipment isn’t working right. If you’re embarrassed to talk to the doctor about what is going on in your sex life, it’s time to find a new doctor. You should be comfortable talking to your doctor about everything. Your doctor can conduct tests that can tell you if an underlying medical problem is at fault for the painful sex you’ve been experiencing, or if it is just your anatomy.

Enjoy Each Other In Other Ways

Believe it or not, there are other ways to be sexual and intimate with your partner than through intercourse. Genital massage and oral sex are very popular, and some people enjoy anal sex instead of vaginal sex. Go to a sex therapist, or even visit an adult store (lots of online stores feature tons of products that you can shop for from the privacy of your own home) to find a few different things that you and your partner would like to try, and it’s a great way to get different ideas about positions, lubricants and male and female sexual stimulation.

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

I lost my virginity over a year ago, but every time we have sex it feels like losing my virginity all over again. Should it still be hurting? Is this normal?

 

–Danielle, PA

Why Does It Hurt?

Sex can hurt for a variety of reasons. Some of them are medical, others are not. Let’s take a quick look at the medical issues that can cause sex to become painful and stay that way with no relief. There are many sexually transmitted diseases and vaginal infections that can cause sex to be painful. Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are among the many STD’s that can cause vaginal discharge, odor and painful sex for a woman.

Untreated STD’s will continue causing these symptoms and they may become worse or even unbearable. Common vaginal infections, such as yeast or bacterial infections, can cause discomfort during sex with or without other symptoms. If sex has become painful for you, it is important to see your medical doctor for an exam to rule out any medical issues or infections that could be causing your discomfort. Find a doctor you are comfortable with, and don’t worry – doctors see it all! You should feel comfortable enough with your doctor to discuss your sexual habits and the reasons you might be feeling sexual discomfort – if you’re not, it’s time to find a new doctor.

Common Issues

Common issues for uncomfortable or painful sex go beyond medical issues. There are a few reasons beyond your control – and some that are within your control – that could be responsible for sex becoming and staying painful. First, your partner may be too large for you. Whether your partner is exceptionally large or not, he may be too large for your anatomy. Everyone is made differently and although vaginas are extremely accomodating, your partner’s hardware may just not match yours in a way that is comfortable for you. You also may be prone to vaginal dryness. This isn’t necessarily a medical issue, however, it can cause plenty of discomfort during sex.

What To Do

Other than seeing a medical doctor to rule out any physical issues for painful sex, you can make sure you have lots of foreplay before sex and are very, very relaxed and aroused. This will help you to make soothing vaginal secretions that will aid any vaginal dryness, as well as help your vagina to better accommodate a larger penis, if that is the case. You can also use a good, water based lubricant during sex, and try different positions that allow for less penetration if you feel that your partner may be too large for you.

No matter what, sex shouldn’t be painful, or especially continue to be painful. It should be pleasurable! Talk to your doctor to see what you can do to make sex more enjoyable for both you and your partner. Your doctor may recommend a sex therapist, after ruling out any medical conditions responsible, to better help you and your partner to find ways to make sex more enjoyable and comfortable for you.

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When wife gives me oral sex, it seems to hurt more than it feels good. Is there something wrong with me?

–Kevin, Michigan

When Does It Hurt?

It’s important to find out when your genitals hurt or become uncomfortable. If your genitals hurt all the time, such as during oral sex, during urination and at other times, you might want to consider making an appointment with your doctor.

While oral sex can sometimes hurt if the person giving oral sex doesn’t have good technique, your genitals should not hurt or be uncomfortable at other times. It never hurts to get checked out – it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Technique

Most likely, your partner’s technique is what is causing you discomfort. Both types of oral sex – fellatio and cunnilingus – can become uncomfortable and even painful if your partner doesn’t have good technique. Teeth can get in the way and even a tongue that moves too quickly or is rough can become uncomfortable.

Abrasive facial hair is a big issue for women receiving oral sex as it can often make the genitals raw and painful after an oral sex session. Often, both men and women have poor technique when it comes to oral sex. Men are often too rough with women during cunnilingus and many women suck too hard or squeeze too tight during fellatio.

If receiving oral sex from your partner is uncomfortable and painful at all, try to pinpoint exactly what they’re doing that is causing you discomfort. Is your partner pressing too hard with their teeth, or are their teeth scraping you too hard? Is your partner performing oral sex on you too fast or using their hands in a way that feels rough?

Talk To Each Other

When it comes to oral sex – or any kind of sex, for that matter – communication between the two partners is key. If something becomes uncomfortable or painful, it’s important to let your partner know in a completely non-critical way.

Let your partner know that a certain activity is uncomfortable, but also suggest something that you like instead. Giving your partner positive feedback during an oral sex session is one of the best ways to communicate to your partner what not to do, simply by letting them know what you do like.

If you like a certain maneuver or technique during oral sex, your partner will automatically want to use that technique to give you the maximum amount of pleasure. Just let your partner know what you like! If your partner is going something wrong, suggest ways that they can do it differently that would be more pleasurable for you or keep oral sex from being uncomfortable.

Back and forth communication is the best way to keep oral sex pleasurable instead of becoming uncomfortable or painful. Your partner will most likely appreciate positive input and your sexual relationship will become better and more fulfilling and satisfying.

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It’s really not the size of your penis, but how you use it.  A lot of guys see this as a copout response, but it is the honest answer.  It also depends on the woman and the size of her vagina. If you think your penis is to large for your woman then you should take it slow and see how she responds.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My penis is 7.5″ long. I’m a virgin and I don’t want my first time to hurt whoever I intend to share my virginity with. Am I too big?

–Concerned, Florida

Penis size really isn’t that important

What is more important than length of your penis is the width of it. If your penis is long and thick then your partner might be in for a little bit of trouble.  There is no “correct” length, because we are all made differently but what really matters is if you and your partner enjoy sexual intercourse and that you’re not causing her discomfort. If it is your first time, then you should take it slow and see how she reacts.

You’ll find there are a lot of women out there who enjoy a large penis, so don’t worry too much if you think you’re too large. There are also plenty of lubricants to help ease the process of insertion to make it much gentler on the woman. Sex is to be enjoyable to both parties, but some men who have larger penises don’t stop to think if it might be uncomfortable for a woman.

You’ll find you will have a much better sex life if you do stop to consider your partner’s enjoyment as much as your own. You won’t hear as much praise from your partner if you are a “stick it in and hope for the best” kind of guy.  Sex is as much about pleasing your partner as it is pleasing yourself.

A large penis is intimidating

Having a large penis can be intimidating to both the man and woman.  Most men prize a larger penis, but seldom stop to find out if their partner is comfortable with it. By stopping to ask if your partner is comfortable with the size of your penis and if intercourse is enjoyable for her, you have made an effort towards being a good lover to your partner.

You have to remember that usually for a woman, the first time can be painful, but a woman’s vagina is amazingly accommodating. After a few times of having sex, the vagina will make room for a larger penis and sex will become more enjoyable. Some women are afraid a large penis will hurt , which it might if your penis is very wide or extraordinarily long.

Most of this discomfort will pass as the vagina becomes accustomed to more girth. It is possible for the vagina to tear, which can be painful for a woman, but this will usually heal in time. You might need to take it easy for a few days while it does though.

All in all, it’s not very likely that your penis will hurt your partner. Vaginas almost always accommodate, even if the first few times are painful. If you’re forceful, however, you can hurt your partner regardless of your size. Just take it slow and make sure both you and your partner are comfortable!

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