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Rushing Into Penetration

Penetration feels so great to guys that that’s what they’re angling for every time – and often, they rush into it! They’re so ready to get their groove on that they often forget that for a woman to have an orgasm, she needs to be warmed up properly. Most of the time, rushing into vaginal penetration is a huge turn off to women. They often don’t have enough lubrication down there if they’re not turned on, and this can even make for uncomfortable or painful sex. If a guy wants to try to last longer in bed, one popular method to try is using your brain to think of something else – for example, dead puppies or your grandmother naked. This is not the way to go guys! You know that joke about how a man only has enough blood to run either his brain or his penis, but not both at the same time? There’s some truth to that – if you’re thinking about your grandmother naked to try to get yourself to last longer in bed, you’re going to become turned off enough that your penis grows soft. Even if it doesn’t, your partner WILL notice that you’re not paying attention to her and she’ll get even more turned off. So what do you do?

Control Your Breathing

A man’s natural instinct is to start breathing hard and panting when he becomes turned on and engages in sexual activity. To help yourself to last longer, try breathing in and out normally, focusing on taking deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Kind of like when you exercise – there’s a reason they have you breathe that way, you know. To help you last through your workout! You can apply the same concept to sex and help yourself to last longer before you have an orgasm.

Focus On Relaxation

Some men don’t give credit to mental relaxation or meditation, but it can help delay your climax during sex. When you’re penetrating your partner, focus on how it feels instead of focusing on the end result. Center yourself, and be aware of everything around you. Focus on control of the situation and the acceptance of what you’re feeling, but don’t get too deeply involved in any thought you’re having or you’ll end up in situation #1.

Relaxing Your Muscles

Our natural instincts are to tense up our muscles when we’re close to having an orgasm – it’s one of the things that actually helps us to have an orgasm. However, if you’re trying to last longer in bed, tensing up your muscles can actually be counterproductive. If you want to really relax while having sex, try using a different position, such as your woman on top, so you can lay back and enjoy the sex, rather than thrust and be in control of it.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Sex God Method’: “If You Want to Give Women Screaming Orgasms, This Video May Be The Most Important Video You’ll Ever Watch”

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What is penetration really?

Penetration is the word often used to describe the culminating act of sex. It’s a word I often use when describing the best use of a good lubricant.   But it was just this week, after using the word in conjunction with the act, that I wondered what I was saying. 

The verb to penetrate has six different definitions in the dictionary and as in the power of any metaphor, the meaning one attaches to the term may deeply influence our relationship to the act.

To Penetrate or Not to Penetrate

A lesbian friend of mine once told me that it is not uncommon for many of her friends to maintain a no penetration relationship, and among my heterosexual friends, it is not a small minority who avoid penetration with their spouses. 

I never asked them but I wonder if, for them, the meaning of penetration feels like this definition of a military force entering into enemy territory or the depth of a projectile into a target. Certainly the idea of women as targets for men is rampant and so the need to protect oneself is also deeply held.

To penetrate also means to have an effect throughout, spread through; permeate, move deeply, or imbue.

Penetration Potential

Applied again as a metaphor for sexuality this penetration is an act that transforms, that has the potential of changing everything. This sexual act can have the force of inspiration, the possibility of being completely saturated with love.   

The act of penetration is a force of nature that is loaded with meaning and mystery. Not surprisingly, to penetrate also means to gain insight and to have a marked effect on the mind and emotions.

The Language of Sexuality

Our language about our sexuality is as layered as the act itself, and knowing what you mean when you speak about love and sex can only be helpful. 

Sexuality is a metaphor for many things in life.  Those things that we share in our sexual encounters, like language, attitudes and openness with one another, have a long reach into the depth and closeness of our day-to-day relationships. 

Thinking of your relationship as penetration is the word, the idea and the act.  Penetration means all of these things all at once. 

But if I were to make a leap, in the name of making love sustainable, it would be that couples who build a strong and consensual relationship with the meaning and act of penetration are much more likely to have a strong and consensual relationship to each other.

To learn more about Wendy Strgar, visit www.GoodCleanLove.com.

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