Ask Dan and Jennifer » personals

Online Dating Sites Begin The Dating Process, Not Be The Engagement Period!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:00:11 +0000

A friend I love dearly was recently asked out on a date as a result of an online dating site she belongs to. She was thrilled and frightened. But she was scared in that good way when you are facing down a fear, stretching yourself to be more, and confident that no matter what happens, you will love yourself for trying! Yes, it had been awhile since she had been out on a date. No matter, she was ready to accept the possibility that there might still be romance in her future.

The Benefits – And Downfalls – Of Dating In The Internet Age

One benefit to dating sites is you have access to your date’s birthday before you even meet. Do you know what that means? It means you have access to valuable information about them. You can consult a zodiac chart or something called The Cards of Destiny or any other system that uses birthdates to determine personalities and compatibility. My friend was seriously looking into her compatibility with this date before they’d even met! She was pinning a lot of hope on this first date.

We suggested to her that she just relax and let the date unfold without putting that much intensity into it. After all, it was just a first date between two people who hadn’t yet met in person. They weren’t considering marriage. It was just too early to require so much of any date – much less a first date.

When it was the evening before the date, she received an email from him. He told her he was calling off the date. He said she seemed to be too busy, that what he wanted was to travel, and he couldn’t see her being available for that. Inside herself she responded, “Geez! It wasn’t like we were engaged!”

Just One Date

What he missed out on by canceling on her was a lot! He missed out on the chance to connect with another person – a woman. He missed out on the opportunity to get to know himself better in conversation with her. He missed out on the prospect of enjoying the mystery of someone new in his life. He lost the possibility that she may have been ready to trade in her busyness for some travel. He lost the opportunity to make a new friend. He lost self-respect by backing out, being unwilling to keep his word for just one date.

Also, though, there was something very profound when she responded with, “Geez! It wasn’t like we were engaged!” The fact that my friend wanted to do an astrological compatibility on this man before she even met him made me want to talk her off the ledge of thinking this date was that important. We gave her the advice to just relax and enjoy herself. At the risk of sounding sexist, it seemed typical of a woman to jump so far ahead in her anticipation of this date. It never occurred to me that he might be in the same position of putting entirely too much stress on this first date – having entirely too heavy an agenda for it.

Enjoy Dating – Don’t Make It More Than It Is

My friend’s online dating experience prompts this advice from me. For single adults of all ages, try to relax and enjoy dating. You are likely to attract the right one as well as be the right one when you are relaxed and not taking life quite so seriously. Even if it has been years or decades since you visited the dating scene, there is more to be gained from a relaxed attitude than there is from the constriction of needing each date to hold so much meaning. Love comes unbidden, in its own time and on its own terms. You cannot force it no matter how much anxiety and agenda you bring to a first date. You may as well relax and enjoy the journey! There are far more benefits to that state of mind.

Should A Hot Young Girl Meet Older Well Endowed Men Online? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:38:34 +0000

Online dating, or online introductions, really, opens you up to contact with people of all different shapes, sizes, ages and walks of life. You’ll meet different types of people that you probably would never have met otherwise, and exploring this can be really fun.

What should you do if you happen to find yourself interested in older men online? Should you respond?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am an 18-and-a-half year old female who is considering heightening my age limit for dating and having sex with men to 28 or 29. I am a very mature and intellectual person. I recently joined an online dating site and several very nice, well-educated and well-endowed men who are 10 years older than me have messaged me and I’m debating whether I should talk to them or not. Is a 10 year gap when you’re 18-and-a-half always something to avoid or can it be okay?

– Sarah in California

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The Age Gap

As long as you’re a legal adult, you’re definitely free to date anyone you choose that is, as long as they’re a legal adult as well. Beyond that, there’s really nothing keeping you from finding interest in older men online, or even in real life, except your own needs, wants and expectations.

That said, it’s important to explore how you feel about a huge age gap between someone you are interested in online. Does it make you uncomfortable in any way? Might it make the other person uncomfortable? Are you all for it, or do you have some reservations?

Actually sitting down and really thinking about the possibility of dating someone online and even having a real life relationship with someone a lot older than you can lend some insight into the situation. This isn’t a decision that you want to make quickly or lightly, but if it’s something you really want, go for it! Just make sure you’re really ready and you’ve thought everything through first.

Different Levels Of Maturity

Sure, many women are more mature than men at an earlier age. Who doesn’t know that? But something you definitely want to consider is how very different your life can be from a man that is a lot older than you.

For example, you might never have attended college, but your dating prospect might have been through college, graduated and is divorced with two kids. It’s important to consider what you are looking for when you’re introducing yourself to other people online.

What Are You Looking For?

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Did You Know That 81% of People Lie in Their Online Dating Profiles?

Stuart Morris — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:51:50 +0000

For people who are either considering online dating or are already involved in online dating, lying is a big concern.

There are plenty of stories, each more frightening than the last, about first dates gone terribly wrong when the other person showed up and it was obvious that they had lied on their online profile about something really fundamental like their weight, height, or even age.

It’s an incredibly awkward situation to be in, and it rarely ends well.

Now, a research study has been done to find out just how many people are lying in their online dating profiles, and how big the lies are. Jeffery Hancock of Cornell University and his fellow researchers took 80 willing participants, 40 men and 40 women, from the New York area and compared their online dating profiles to their real life selves.

Specifically, they compared the 80 participants on height, weight, and age.

The Lying Masses

What Hancock found was that 81% of the 80 participants lied about at least one of the three things in their profile. Perhaps not surprising, women lied the most about weight by under stating it in their profiles, and men lied most about their height by over stating it in their profiles.

Yet despite such a high number of liars among us, the average lie was actually quite small:

Age – The average lie about age was only .44 years higher or lower than the real number, hardly a lie to be worried about
Height – The average lie about height was only .33 inches higher or lower than the real number. Again, not a big enough lie to really worry about it
Weight - The average lie about weight was 5.86 pounds higher or lower than the real number, which is not small, but not terribly large either

So while 81% of online daters may lie in their profiles, the lies are usually quite small. So small, in fact, that you would probably never even realize you had been lied to in the first place if you met the person in real life.

Most people realize that lying in their online profiles wont pan out in the long run, and any lie they do include is subtle enough that you’re probably not going to notice unless you bring a scale and a tape measure on your date.

A Few Bad Apples

The study found…

Online Dating: 6 Reasons She Doesn’t Email You Back

Dylan Alexander — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:47:17 +0000

So you find a fantastic girl online, fire off an email to her, and sit back and wait… and wait… and wait. Despite checking your inbox every 15 minutes for 2 days straight, there is no sign of a reply at all.

This is not an uncommon scenario for men, who never stop to think about the woman’s side of the equation… why doesn’t she email back?

The good news is that there are 6 common reasons that she doesn’t reply. Some are simple fixes, others are a little more difficult to overcome. Here they are:

Problem 1 – You didn’t get her attention

Good looking women get A LOT of emails every day… super hot women on busy sites can easily get over a hundred a day! That’s some serious competition! If you don’t get her attention fast, you’ll be forgotten instantly as she moves on to the next guy without even giving a thought to replying to you.

So how do you get her attention? That’s a little more complex. For starters: be interesting, insightful, interested in her, and funny as hell!

This doesn’t apply just to “hot” women… even “average” women require you to get their attention in order to get a reply. They’ve all been pursued by a lot of “average” guys on the internet, and you need to stand out in order to have a chance.

Problem 2 – She thinks you are shallow

Women get a lot of guys looking for one night stands. This is pretty common and they put up a lot of defenses to help them automatically disqualify any guy who appears to be interested in them for the wrong reasons.

Very attractive women know that most guys are just contacting them because they are hot. As much as it’s an ego boost for them, simply knowing you think they are hot doesn’t actually give them any real reason to write you back.

So, in order not to throw up her red flags:

Don’t ask her for sexy photos.
Don’t kiss her butt and tell her how hot she is over and over.
Don’t ask her how much she weighs or what her body type is.
Don’t immediately ask for full body photos.

Yes, you will want full body photos before you go on a date (and she will expect the same from you), just don’t be over the top about it.

Problem 3 – Your photos suck

It doesn’t matter how great your email is, if your picture makes you look terrible, you aren’t getting a response! Period!

Before you start worrying about your gut or thinning hair, let me give you some good news… it’s usually not you, it’s your photo. No matter what you look like, a great photo will attract women to at least take a closer look, and even open your profile. And no matter how good looking you may be, a bad photo won’t even get her attention.

If you don’t have a photo that makes you look great and stands out from all the poor quality photos out there, it’s time to get one. Find a friend with a good camera and go snap some headshots outside, in a nice location, with soft natural light. Or better yet, get an amateur photographer off craigslist.org to do them for free for the practice. It will make a huge difference!

And of course… if you don’t attach either your photos (or a link to your photos) in your email, it might not even get read.

Problem 4 – You were crass, rude, or sexual

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Online Dating Profile: Anatomy Of A Great Opening Paragraph

Dylan Alexander — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:57:53 +0000

Wouldn’t it be great if people read your entire profile simply out of respect for the effort you put into it?

The sad truth about profiles

Sadly, this is the opposite of reality. The truth is, people rarely read all the way through your profile before deciding to move on. The second they get bored, they close it and skip to the next person… usually before the end of the first paragraph!

So, is not reading the whole profile the fault of the reader for not having a great attention span? No. It is the fault of the writer for not hooking them in the first paragraph!

The opening hook

Most online daters fail to appreciate the importance of the “opening paragraph hook.” This is a critical tool in any writing, but especially in online dating profiles, where you must get your reader, man or woman, to become involved in your profile enough to want to see it all the way through.

Your first paragraph is absolutely the most critical in your profile. It sets the tone for your entire piece. It hooks the reader. It gets them curious, and makes them want to read more.

Consider this… when you pick up a magazine or newspaper and start reading an article, if you get bored during the first paragraph, how much more do you usually read? NONE OF IT. And that’s exactly what’s happening with the people reading your profile, they aren’t getting hooked and are wandering off.

How to lose their attention

Want to know one of the best things you can write to lose their attention immediately?

Try this:

"I hate writing these. It’s so hard to describe everything about yourself in words. Each time I do I feel I never come close enough to who I really am. Oh well, I guess I have to put something, so here it goes."

In this common and pessimistic paragraph, you are telling the reader that you are uncreative, lacking personal insight, and just as average as every other online dater out there who starts their profile the same way. This is a bad way to kick off your profile!

How about this one…

Online Dating: 10 Ways To Avoid Stalkers and Assorted Nutcases

Public Records Search — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 21:17:38 +0000

With the fast pace of daily life, many people are looking for a more efficient way of doing everything—including dating. More and more people are turning to the internet as a way of meeting prospective partners.

Though online dating may be helpful, it also comes with its own set of risks. Follow these tips to protect yourself while seeking out love online.

1. Avoid Free Dating Sites

While free sites may save you money, they’ll probably cost you time and can even jeopardize your safety. These sites don’t run background checks on individuals to weed out would-be fakers and scammers.

This means you’ll have to sift through endless profiles while trying to use your best judgment as to whether Roger or Michael look like people more interested in stealing your money than stealing your heart.

Also, people who pay for dating services are more likely to be seriously interested in building a relationship, rather than looking for a minimally committed, casual relationship, so if true love is your goal, isn’t that worth a few bucks?

2. Limit the Amount of Information You Provide

Resist the urge to tell your life story, listing everything from your occupation to your first dog named Cuddles. This is not only annoying – it’s also dangerous.

With today’s technology, all anyone needs is something as simple as your home phone number or last name to figure out things like your address and income information. Now’s the chance to play the role you’ve always wanted to: the mysterious temptress.

3. Use an Anonymous E-mail Address

Your best bet is to set up an email account you use solely for internet dating and make sure not to include specific identifying information in the address itself. SoccerFan123 works better than JaneDoefromChicago. For regular mail, set up a P.O. Box.

4. Be Honest

While you don’t want to provide too much information about yourself, you also shouldn’t lie. Don’t set up false expectations by concealing the truth. This will only lead to resentment later. For dating both online and off, honesty is your best policy.

5. Do Your Own Research

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Online Dating – Can I Really Fall In Love Online? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 13:49:46 +0000

With the invention of the Internet and dating websites, the world of dating has opened up doors for millions of people to meet like-minded others.

You might meet someone who you fall really hard for and are convinced that it was meant to be, but is it?

Can you really fall in love online?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been chatting with this guy online line and we’ve really hit it off. Is it possible to fall in love with someone without meeting them in person?

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The Power Of Imagination

Meeting someone online with whom you get alone is a wonderful, beautiful thing. It’s amazing to be able to introduce yourself to someone online and get to know them a little bit without the awkwardness that traditional dating can sometimes bring. However, keeping a relationship confined to a dating website or to email or webcams can severely limit the growth of the relationship.

How can you be sure that you truly love this person when you know so little about them? It’s impossible to learn everything about someone through an online dating site or through email or even phone conversations. You may feel like you love this person, but what really happens is that your imagination "fills in the gaps."

Whatever you don’t know about them is something your imagination comes up with and you end up being in love with a semi-fictional but realistic person. Sadly, even if you do meet up with this person after dating online for awhile, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It would be impossible for them to live up to what you’ve dreamed up about them.

Online Introductions

That doesn’t mean you have to swear off online dating websites entirely. They’re a great way to meet people in your area that have similar interests and enjoy doing the same things as you. If you meet someone online, however, it’s important to keep the online part strictly an introduction.

Meet in Person

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Find Out If Your New Partner Has Ever Been Married

Public Records Search — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 13:39:06 +0000

Did you just meet a “perfect 10” on your favorite dating site and want to know whether or not they have a past that wasn’t disclosed on their glowing online profile? You’re not alone.

Guide to Searching for Marriage and Divorce Records

There are plenty of reasons to search for marriage and divorce records, especially when it pertains to someone who you are dating or may potentially date. In the age of online matchmaking, dating has taken on more of an anonymous face. Luckily, even though online dating is evolving quickly, there are resources available to someone who wants to do a little background research on their potential partner.

Marriage records generally give basic information: who got married and when and where it happened. Divorce records, on the other hand, can provide juicy and useful information about the stated cause of the divorce, alimony agreements, and child custody just to name a few.

The rules regarding marriage and divorce documents differ from state to state. In some states, only certain people (like parents, siblings, or adult children) can access marriage and divorce records. However, in other states marriage and divorce documents are considered public records. Being public record means that anyone can access them for free.

This explains why celebrities and politicians often have scandalous details publicized during their divorces; anyone can read the divorce decree. But even though the information is available in theory, you still have to find the records, and that can be tricky.

Action Steps:

Here are the steps to take to locate and (if you want, obtain) a marriage certificate or divorce decree.

Search Offline

Marriage and divorce records can be obtained through low-tech means. If the records you are looking are local (or if you have a hankering for a road trip) you can attempt to find the records in person. Another option is to write to the appropriate place, requesting the records.

Whether you go in person or write, the tricky part of this low-tech option is finding where the records are held. Most of the time, marriage and divorce records are handled by individual states. (Sometimes, like in the case of New York City, they are handled by individual municipalities.) The correct institution to go or write to depends on the state where the marriage or divorce took place. To find out the name and address of where the records you seek are held, you can check out the CDC’s website on vital records.

Be Prepared to Pay a Fee

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How To Get More Hits To Your Online Dating Profile

Natalie Lue — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:01:50 +0000

I’m going to premise this by saying that I can give you some tips for helping you get more ‘hits’ on your profile but I make no promises that if you write the most amazing profile on earth, you’ll find your soul mate.

A lot can happen after some winks and a flurry of emails! But until then, here are some quick tips for a more attractive online dating profile.

Use a photo!

Everyone should use a photo and it should be one that is representative of you, shows you in as flattering a light as possible, should ideally have just you in it. and should be in focus. Obviously it goes without saying; it should be YOU!

Start on a positive note

I would steer clear of saying anything that makes it sound like dating online is beneath you or that has been forced upon you. It sends the wrong message. Avoid saying anything that makes you sound like a prospect to avoid because you need to captivate them in the first couple of lines. That’s right, captivate, not scare or turn off. Be confident.

Easy on the length

They say that size matters but in this case, it’s about striking a balance between so short it seems like you don’t care, and so long, it seems like you want the person to be overwhelmed with boredom. People don’t read web pages in the same way that they read books or magazines, and are quite likely to skim, so writing the longest profile in history will hinder chances.

Leave a little mystery

Yes the profile is for telling a prospective date about yourself but if you roll out everything in the profile and tell them ever itty, bitty, little piece of info about yourself, what’s left to ask? Write enough to create curiosity and have the prospective date wanting to find out more.

Be careful of stating the obvious and suffering from ‘Those who doth protest too much’ syndrome

It’s better to be funny with your profile rather than state “I’m really funny” because…well that’s not very funny! Convey and prove your personality with whatever you write because quite frankly, I glaze over when I read “great sense of humor” and “great guy”.

And purlease steer clear of trying to ram ‘qualities’ down people’s throats. I’m really nice; I’m really honest; I’m really caring – People who are nice, honest, or caring don’t make a point of stating it, they just are these things.

But…convey your personality and qualities

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Online Dating – 10 Tips for Effective Communication

Natalie Lue — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 14:47:01 +0000

So you’ve signed up to a dating site and it seems like one big people market. How do you approach prospective dates and how do you ensure that you don’t cross the virtual line?

Here are my tips!

1. Remember the online/offline rule.

Whilst I recognize that it can be difficult to be noticed in the crowd that it is the virtual dating world, do give a thought to whether you would behave this way in the offline world.

Saying or doing things that are considered at best inappropriate or over-familiar in the real world, are still the very same things in the virtual world!

2. Don’t be a pest

So you like them. This doesn’t mean that you should bombard them with emails, IM’s, winks, and demands for attention. You may think that it shows how interested you are but the recipient of your ‘affections’ is likely to think that you’re too persistent, needy, over-familiar, and a bit weird…at best.

3. Introduce yourself

Don’t just charge in like a horny bull in a China shop! What would make me take a second glance at an email? Polite, friendly, introduction where he expresses an interest in getting to know each other a little bit more and even injects a little humor.

What turns me off? Anything with the remotest hint of sex or them being suggestive about my exterior, over-familiarity, and being too assumptive – sending an email doesn’t make us a couple!

4. Avoid the Poor Pathetic Me Whine (PPMW)

This is a cornerstone of male behavior online. Basically the guy broadcasts whatever difficulties he’s having; how down/sad/lonely/depressed, etc he is and women flock to him in the hope that they will be able to ‘fix’ his problems and be the one to make him feel better.

Some of these guys even say flat out that they are no good which only serves to make them more attractive! If women told men that they were down/sad/lonely/depressed, men would run in the opposite direction! Don’t tell prospective dates about your problems, talk positively about yourself!

5. It’s an opportunity

It’s not just an opportunity to meet someone and get to know them further, it’s an opportunity to verify information you read in their profile. I’m not saying that you should turn into Columbo but instead of building sandcastles in the sky, discuss things that were mentioned in the profile.

If they’ve been lying, you’ll find out veeeeerrrrrrryyyyy quickly! As an aside, if you don’t take things too seriously and recognize it as an opportunity, you will manage your expectations better.

6. Stick to email contact initially.

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5 Tips For Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

Stephany Alexander — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:21:16 +0000

Be realistic. We are all searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right but everyone has flaws. Set your expectations high but not so high that nobody can meet them.

To search for an accomplished, educated, attractive partner is realistic. Insisting your potential partner must have a Phd., be wealthy, with model looks, is not.

Stay positive and have fun

Plan your dates around activities that you both enjoy so even if things don’t work out, you have fun in the process. You may meet a lot of people you aren’t interested, but don’t give up. Think of your search similar to that of searching for a great job. It takes a lot of work but the payoff is well worth it.

Try different things

Experiment with various ways to meet new people. Don’t just try online dating, rather also allow your friends and family to set you up, take up a new hobby to meet someone with similar interests and actively put yourself out there so you can meet new people.

Stay true to your morals

If a date tries to pressure you into sex early on, simply move on to the next because there is a high probability they are pressuring others also. In this dangerous world we live in, practicing abstinence not only protects your health by protecting you from sexually transmitted diseases, it also prevents someone from using you like a piece of meat.

Write a great online profile

In order to find the person of your dreams, you need to have an eye-catching, well-written profile that tells a lot about you, including your likes AND dislikes. Overly sexy profile user names or photographs attract the wrong type of person. Treat your profile like a resume and spend some time on it by making sure you use proper grammar, punctuation and spelling. If you are searching for someone who has never been married with no children, say so.

Screen, Screen and Screen Some More

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9 Tips for Better Online Dating Profile Pictures

Natalie Lue — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:18:07 +0000

One of the best ways to capture someone’s interest when dating online, is a great picture.

One that is blurry, outdated, is of you and your kids, or a group of people might not be the best choice.

Here are nine tips for choosing the best picture to get their attention.

Start by having a picture in your personals profile

When your photo is absent from your personals profile it says that you’re scared of something.

Now it doesn’t matter that you may be scared of someone who knows you discovering that you meet people online; the lack of photo may be interpreted as:

too scared for people to see what you look like
you’re hiding something

Pictures will give you a far higher rate of success. Rather than go through the rigmerole of not putting up a photo, them asking you for one, and then giving them one, and then maybe hearing from them, maybe not hearing from them….jeez, I’m exhausted just typing that. Just put up your picture.

I beg you to choose a decent photo

Let’s cut the BS. Online dating sites are like a marketplace full of…products…some would say ‘cattle’. Now, much like in the supermarket, eye-catching and attractive products that market themselves well, rise up the shelf for people to see them.

If you fail to choose a photo that represents you in the best light, you are adding extra work to a prospective pursuer because they end up having to ‘visualize’ what you may look like when you’re not clowning around/obscuring your face/making dumb faces/fading into the dark. They may read the finer detail (your profile) but coupled with a decent photo, you have a higher chance of success.

Choose a photo that is representative of you

I’m not even going to let you read between the lines of this – Do not under any circumstances use a photo that you borrowed out of a magazine, royalty-free image service, or the photo frame you just brought. This is the dating equivalent of a violation of the trade description act.

Opt for a photo that has you looking relaxed/happy/friendly

You may think that pouting or setting your jaw makes you look hot but other people may think you’re a bit scary. People don’t want to decipher whether you are mean and moody like your picture – let your photo reflect the positives about you that you should have been mentioning in the written part of the profile.

Don’t be obscure or abstract

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Online Dating? 5 Signs You Should Run Like Hell!

Lisa Quirke — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:45:39 +0000

Sometimes the big bad world of online dating can be very confusing. It seems it gets harder and harder to know when to trust a potential date. Use these 5 tips to know when you should pursue a connection or run like hell.

1. He takes no time to get to know you

So you get an email from someone telling you they’re interested in getting to know you. You check out the profile and see potential. Then you reply saying you are interested as well. The next email says, "Great! Let’s meet!"

Whoa Nelly! Slow down there just a bit. Two emails, especially short one or two liner emails, are not enough here. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not telling you to drag it out for months or even weeks, but do give it a few days at least.

But maybe more importantly, make sure you are having conversations with substance. You should be talking, asking questions, and really getting to know each other before a rushed meet. Otherwise, how do you even know he’s someone you want to know. And vice versa.

I learned this lesson the hard way recently with a date. He had emailed saying hello. I emailed back asking how he was. The very next email asked if I wanted to meet.

I agreed and was in for not only horrible date, but one that ended in text message harassment and physical threats.

Was that a bad call or what? I had no idea what I was getting into and, obviously, I made a bad judgment call. Don’t make the same mistake.

2. He makes you a goddess in 2.5 emails

This guy will woo you with romantic notions and flowery words. He will become "hooked" in record time and will proceed to fill your head with more cornball notions than you’ve ever seen or heard before.

One of the problems here is that, at first blush, it’s easy to get caught up in it all. That part of you that has been single and feeling less than desirable is thinking, "Well, it’s about time!" Back away for awhile and try to look at the conversation objectively.

If he immediately started in with nothing but excessive compliments and talk of finally finding the "one," you have a problem. Not only that but if, in those first few emails, you suddenly have much more in common than it seemed from his profile, he may be telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

One guy I was chatting with didn’t have an occupation listed on his profile. When I suggested we perhaps after getting to know each awhile we might want to exchange phone numbers to continue the conversation, he responded that he didn’t have a phone. After all, he is a teacher too and being one myself, I could empathize with the amount of money teachers don’t make.

Really? Kind of a coincidence isn’t it? And, if we were really both in the same profession, I would have thought he would have mentioned it sooner.

3. He doesn’t respond to what you say

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Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:39:29 +0000

What guy hasn’t fantasized about a threesome?

Even married guys have the occasional “swinging” wet dream now and then.

However, facing the realities of actually sharing the love of your life with another man or woman for the first time gives rise to questions and insecurities that were never there before. How do you deal with them in a way that satisfies both partners?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with the woman of my dreams who happens to be bisexual but also an experienced swinger. I myself have fantasized about such things but have little experience. I am confused by my emotions of seeing my lady with another man. Although I am not bi I’m willing to experiment with another male for her, and its a funny thing that this causes less stress then seeing her with another man. I have no fear of sharing another woman with her, so why should sharing another man with her cause such worry? But it’s in the past why should it matter now? Is this a common fear for virgin male swingers like myself?

–Ric, London

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

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Top 10 Most Common Online Dating Mistakes

Natalie Lue — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 14:32:24 +0000

Not having any luck dating online?

You may be making these mistakes.

1. Being a Winking, IM’ng, and Email Whore

Imagine if you went to a club and winked at someone all night, maybe even leered at them and you hadn’t introduced yourself yet?

Imagine that you kept knocking on someone’s door or leaving umpteen messages for them even though they didn’t so much as know your name?

Yes…they probably would think you were strange and potentially a stalker….

Dating online on one hand puts distance between people but in another way creates an immediacy and intensity that can become very uncomfortable when you don’t know or barely know the person.

Slow your roll and don’t bombard. Remember that all you have seen is a photo, read a profile, or even had a brief bit of communication.

2. Using Sexual References in Profile Names

I don’t care how big your penis is, how great you are in bed, how big your boobs are, or anything else to do with sex. Would you wear a sign around your neck broadcasting these things in the ‘real’ world? Oh hell no!

Using sexual references in your profile name set the tone from the outset and establish you as someone who is on the pull, looking for sex. Whilst you may think that it helps you stand out, you will do, but it won’t be for the right reasons.

3. Not reading the profile – RFTP

This is what I call ‘Read The Effing Profile’! Let’s take it back to the real world again. Imagine that I advertise to fill the position of ‘Software Engineer,

Must have 3 years experience minimum and be proficient in X, Y, Z’ and I get inundated with people who have never done this job, are proficient in A, B, and C, but not X,Y, and Z. It is annoying!

Now I know that this is dating and we’re all hoping that that special someone will give us a chance, but considering that the very basis of online dating is filling out a profile and stating your criteria, it seems very redundant that the bulk of people don’t bother to read the profile…

4. Focusing on sexually charged conversation

I am amazed at how quickly people go from winking, to talking about sex and flashing their private parts over email! If you were having this type of contact so quickly in the ‘real’ world, it is likely that things wouldn’t go anywhere serious very fast…and it’s the same in the virtual world.

If all you want is some sexual fun, knock yourself out, but be wary of engaging in this type of sexual banter if you are genuinely on the lookout for a relationship because it does set the tone.

5. Lousy Photos

Either use a decent one or don’t bother. Out of focus, fake ones, pictures of anything but you, confusing ones with kids and other women or men in them. You get the picture.

Choose a photo that has you looking at your best. You are effectively advertising yourself to a prospective date and whilst it isn’t about the superficial, once you decide to use a photo, use a good one because it is likely to be what is used to determine whether to read the profile (yes some people do this) or make contact.

6. Bad spelling and grammar

…

So How Do Americans Really View Love And Relationships?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:28:26 +0000

Here are the results of a fascinating survey out today from Zogby and AOL Personals on Americans’ attitudes toward love, sex and relationships, and how those attitudes differ across generations.

One of the key findings? – A high percentage (44%) in all generations, including 50% of adults in their 20s – don’t believe that they need to be married to validate the commitment of a long-term relationship.

Just in time for election season, the survey also found that those in their 20s are significantly more likely to date someone with opposing political beliefs – more than 60% in the age group willing to do so, versus 48% of those in other age groups.

Other interesting survey findings of note:

Trust is important to younger Americans – who are more likely to want the truth from their partner, even if it hurts – more than 85% of respondents in their 20s said they always want the truth, compared to 79% of those in their 50s and 60s.
However, half of adults younger than age 40 would snoop through their partner’s things to find out if he or she is hiding something, compared to just 25% of those in their 60s.
Love is blind – particularly when you’re younger. Those in their 20s are less likely to be concerned with differences in income, with 88% saying they would date someone who makes significantly less money. Adults in their 20s are less likely to be concerned about differences between themselves and their partners, with respondents in the age group more likely than others to date someone who comes from a different racial (86%) or religious (73%) background than those in older generations.
When asked it they would cheat on a partner if they knew he or she would never find out, just 9% of Americans said they would be unfaithful, with those age 30 to 39 most likely to say they would stray (11%), compared to those age 20 to 30 who would be least likely to do so (7%).

Click here to see the full press release

http://www.businesswire.com/

and here to get the full survey details from AOL

http://personals.aol.com/love-is/

Online Dating – How to Avoid the Single Biggest Mistake Most People Make (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:00:37 +0000

So what so you think is the single biggest mistake that most men – and women- make with online dating?

Put simply, most people use the shotgun approach to dating and hope to hit something, anything. They put no thought into what they are actually looking to get out of online dating or the type of person and relationship they’re really looking for.

And then they wonder why they’re not happy with the people they meet.

Not exactly the best approach for the most important aspect of your life, is it?

Watch this short video to find out how you can avoid this fatal mistake…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Online Dating Safety for Men – Web Cam Girls, Identify Theft, and More (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:03:00 +0000

Just when you thought it was safe to try Online Dating...

It seems that with Online Dating it’s often the men, rather than the women who are getting preyed upon.

You can avoid being taken advantage of by being well informed and taking a few safety precautions.

Think these things can’t happen to you? Think again!

Identity theft? But her online profile looked really hot. There must be some mistake.
Why is she asking for my credit card to "see her special private photos?"
What’s a web cam girl and why do you care?

Watch this short video to find out how you can avoid becoming a victim…

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Online Dating – How to Get Her to Actually Respond to You (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 22:40:45 +0000

You can avoid this critical mistake that many men make with Online Dating.

So, you’ve found a girl that you’d like to meet. Now, what do you say to her in that crucial first email?

How do you capture her interest so that she’ll actually give you a chance?

And… what are the biggest things to avoid saying to women online?

Watch this short 2 minute video to find out the answers to these questions and more…

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Online Dating – How to Get 10 Times More Women Checking You Out (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 14:59:06 +0000

Here’s the Single Biggest Mistake that both men and women make with Online Dating.

Making this one small change to your Online Dating Profile can increase your response rate anywhere from 10 to 20 times – yes, 1000% or more.

So don’t wait. Watch this short 1 minute video right now to see how you can avoid it.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Ask Dan and Jennifer » personals

Online Dating Sites Begin The Dating Process, Not Be The Engagement Period!

The Benefits – And Downfalls – Of Dating In The Internet Age

Just One Date

Enjoy Dating – Don’t Make It More Than It Is

Should A Hot Young Girl Meet Older Well Endowed Men Online? (Video)

The Age Gap

Different Levels Of Maturity

What Are You Looking For?

Did You Know That 81% of People Lie in Their Online Dating Profiles?

The Lying Masses

A Few Bad Apples

Online Dating: 6 Reasons She Doesn’t Email You Back

Problem 1 – You didn’t get her attention

Problem 2 – She thinks you are shallow

Problem 3 – Your photos suck

Problem 4 – You were crass, rude, or sexual

Online Dating Profile: Anatomy Of A Great Opening Paragraph

The sad truth about profiles

The opening hook

How to lose their attention

Online Dating: 10 Ways To Avoid Stalkers and Assorted Nutcases

1. Avoid Free Dating Sites

2. Limit the Amount of Information You Provide

3. Use an Anonymous E-mail Address

4. Be Honest

5. Do Your Own Research

Online Dating – Can I Really Fall In Love Online? (Video)

The Power Of Imagination

Online Introductions

Meet in Person

Find Out If Your New Partner Has Ever Been Married

Guide to Searching for Marriage and Divorce Records

Action Steps:

Search Offline

Be Prepared to Pay a Fee

How To Get More Hits To Your Online Dating Profile

Use a photo!

Start on a positive note

Easy on the length

Leave a little mystery

Be careful of stating the obvious and suffering from ‘Those who doth protest too much’ syndrome

But…convey your personality and qualities

Online Dating – 10 Tips for Effective Communication

1. Remember the online/offline rule.

2. Don’t be a pest

3. Introduce yourself

4. Avoid the Poor Pathetic Me Whine (PPMW)

5. It’s an opportunity

6. Stick to email contact initially.

5 Tips For Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

Stay positive and have fun

Try different things

Stay true to your morals

Write a great online profile

Screen, Screen and Screen Some More

9 Tips for Better Online Dating Profile Pictures

Start by having a picture in your personals profile

I beg you to choose a decent photo

Choose a photo that is representative of you

Opt for a photo that has you looking relaxed/happy/friendly

Don’t be obscure or abstract

Online Dating? 5 Signs You Should Run Like Hell!

1. He takes no time to get to know you

2. He makes you a goddess in 2.5 emails

3. He doesn’t respond to what you say

Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal? (Video)

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

Top 10 Most Common Online Dating Mistakes

1. Being a Winking, IM’ng, and Email Whore

2. Using Sexual References in Profile Names

3. Not reading the profile – RFTP

4. Focusing on sexually charged conversation

5. Lousy Photos

6. Bad spelling and grammar

So How Do Americans Really View Love And Relationships?

Online Dating – How to Avoid the Single Biggest Mistake Most People Make (Video)

Read More…

Online Dating Safety for Men – Web Cam Girls, Identify Theft, and More (Video)

Read More…