If you have a spouse who travels, phone sex can be just the trick to keeping the passion hot while they are living out of a hotel. Make an appointment to meet via phone before you go to bed so that you can use dirty talk and mutually masturbate. If you have to, write down some ideas ahead of time to get things started.

Don’t Be Afraid To Let The Fantasies Take Over

This is ‘fantasy time’ for both of you, since you obviously can’t be there to touch each other, so it’s perfectly okay to touch yourself. Set up the scenario and then just describe over the phone how you would want it to play out. Tell each other in great detail what you’re doing to your body and ask them to do the same.

Take your time. Good stories are worth the extra effort. Ladies, describe to him what you’re wearing and don’t be naked at the start of the call. He will want to hear you unbuttoning, unzipping and undressing. His imagination will paint the perfect picture if you tell him step by step what’s happening as you do it.

What To Say

Tell him you want to hear him undressing and to tell you every detail. Ladies, as you’re telling him you want to wrap your lips around his cock, ask him to stroke it and if he can look down and see you taking him in.

Men, when you tell her that you want to ease just the head of your penis into her wet and waiting vagina, ask her to take her fingers and pretend that it’s you. If you want to set aside a time for later that evening, start sending some emails or texts early in the day.

Here are a few examples of what you could say to get his attention:

“I get so wet when you call me – please call me!”

“When I get back home, I’m going to give you the most amazing blowjob of your life!”

“I’ve been sitting at this desk for hours, and the thought of you, here, bending me over – it is driving me crazy!!!”

“I can be 6 states away, but when I hear your voice on the phone my nipples get hard and I get wet, and warm you know where!”

“I can’t believe that here I am in San Diego in the middle of intense negotiations with these clients and all I can think about is having you under this conference room table, on all fours, lifting up my skirt.”

Did you know that when I’m in my hotel room and can’t get you off my mind, I masturbate? It’s true! Your name spills from my lips over and over again as I orgasm.

Use The Tools At Your Disposal

Home phones, office phones, hotel phones, cell phones are all game when it comes to a surprise call and some hot phone sex. Also, don’t be afraid of “inconvenient times” or being somewhere. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and make a game of how quiet and fast you can be! Be creative and open, and you will have lots of fun!

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Sexting Turns Her On – But What About Him?

Sexting is a great way to engage a woman and get her so turned on, she’s pouncing on you and ripping your clothes off as soon as you walk in the door. In fact, it’s one of the best foreplay techniques and you don’t even have to touch her to do it! Women respond very well to imaginative words, and when you send her naughty texts, you’re literally speaking her language. You’re bypassing her inhibitions and directly stimulating her mind – which is where arousal starts for a woman.

But where does it start for a guy?

Men are visual – meaning, words just don’t do that much for them. Sure, you’re going to love a text from your partner talking about how much they want to go down on you tonight, but is it going to make you crave her like a dirty text is going to make her crave you? Not exactly. But what if she sent you a picture of her breasts? Now THAT will turn you on! Problem is, what if she’s too shy to send you a picture or movie?

How do you get her to do it?

Slowly Introduce Your Partner To Sending Pictures/Videos

Just like with anything sexual that is new or that you and your lover have never tried before, it’s important to start slow and work your way up. You don’t want to approach your girl and ask her to send you a picture of her vagina if she’s never even sent you a dirty text before. So start with the basics!

Start by sending her flirty text messages. Tell her how pretty you think she looked before she left for work this morning, or let her know how much you can’t wait to see her when you get home. Once you’ve got her hooked to the surprise messages you’re sending to her, start sexting. Make your texts a little more naughtier each time. For example, tell her that you thought she looked great this morning and when she says “Thank you,” lead into telling her what she was wearing made you wish she wasn’t wearing it!

Don’t expect to get her texting you pictures and videos of her in just one day, especially if you and your partner have never sexted before. It’s going to take time to get her involved, and you want to make sure she enjoys it every step of the way. Make her feel cherished, sexy and beautiful first (both on the phone and in person) before you ever try to bring up her sending you pictures.

Once she’s responding well to your sexting, you can start thinking about taking it to the next level.

How To Get Your Lover To Send Naughty Pictures

A great way to introduce her to the idea of sending naughty pictures back and forth is to first send her a sensual picture of you! No, not a penis shot, because that will probably just offend her. You’re looking for a sensual picture. Something that gets your partner’s imagination working without showing too much. A woman isn’t going to be turned on by a picture of your cock erect and stark naked. Girls respond much better to sexual innuendo instead of porn. Instead, send her something like this:

• A picture of your erection inside your jeans
• A shot of your happy trail with your fly unzipped
• A photo of your chest all wet and soapy in the shower

You get the idea. Send her something that intrigues her without showing her too much and possibly offending her. The great thing about sending her a sensual picture of yourself is that she will most likely respond with something sensual for you!

Introducing Your Partner To Sending Videos

Once you’re successfully sending sexy photos of yourselves back and forth, you may be chomping at the bit to see even more. You want to see your lover in action, but how do you get her to graduate from sending stills to sending something that you can actually masturbate to?

Start by letting her know how much her photos turn you on. Give her lots of encouragement and let her know that she looks beautiful and extremely sexy in every photo that she’s sent you. Tell her that you would love to see some of that in action!

You can also entice her with the idea of making a homemade porn for you by telling her how much it would turn you on to masturbate to HER instead of to some other random woman. Let her know that you care about her and she’s the one that turns you on the most – this may very well be all you need to convince her to make you a movie. She’ll love the idea that you’d rather be watching her than someone else.

You can start by making a movie of you both having fun together. If you’re both on film, she may not be as apprehensive about it. Make sure the lighting is flattering and tell her that she doesn’t have to get naked if she doesn’t want to. Sexy lingerie can be just as titillating as full nudity and sometimes even more so!

Giving Your Lover Positive Reinforcement

Make sure that you’re giving your partner encouragement and positive reinforcement when she does send you photos or makes a movie with you or for you. If she’s not getting any positive feedback, she’s not going to get into it and she’s certainly not going to keep doing it. Don’t be afraid to tell her just how much seeing her in photos or movies gets you hot!

Make sure that when you do have sex with your partner that you take the time to give her at least one good orgasm, if not more. If she’s sending you the photos and movies that you want to see, make sure that she’s getting what she wants as well.

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Sexting Is The Best Way To Keep Your Partner Interested While You’re Away On Business

Remember that old saying, “out of sight, out of mind?” It applies here too. If you’re out on the job and haven’t been home for a few days or weeks, it’s not unlikely that your partner isn’t going to be thinking about you as much sexually. In fact, she may be replacing you in her sexual fantasies with other guys (even if she’s not cheating) or porn or erotic novels.

You want to be the only one she’s thinking about sexually while you’re gone, don’t you? Instead of her thinking about other guys during your extended leave, you want her thinking only about you and fantasizing about what you and her like to do together behind closed doors. This isn’t as difficult to achieve as you may think. In fact, sexting alone will keep her turned on while you’re away and even create amazing reunion sex when you get back.

Sexting is so effective at keeping your lover’s thoughts on you while you’re gone that she may want you to go away for your job more often! When you’re sexting, you’re building your lover’s excitement by really working with her imagination and emotions. This is way better than an erotic novel or porn, because it’s tailored specifically to her sexual interests and allows her to get involved too.

2 Kinds Of Texts To Send While You’re Out

While sexting of any kind is sure to get her blood boiling while you’re out, there are actually two specific kinds of texts that you can use to really ramp up her sexual excitement.

The “If You Were Here” Fantasy

This is a great sex fantasy to use if you’re stuck somewhere (like an airport or a hotel) and have time to kill. If you’re thinking about her while you’re waiting for your flight, why not send her a text and let her know what’s going through your mind? Remember that this is simply a fantasy about what you would do if your partner were actually there with you, and it doesn’t have to be realistic at all. Say something like:

“I’m imagining what I would do if you were here right now, wearing that little black dress of yours, smiling at me with those beautiful eyes, drawing the attention of all the guys in the bar, swishing your hips as you walk back to my hotel room with me so we can….”

The “….” is very important here, because this is where her imagination is going to fill in the gritty details about what you would actually do in the hotel room. She’s certainly not going to be imagining sitting in the foyer of the hotel drinking coffee with you. She’s going to be imagining giving you a sloppy wet blowjob as you slide her dress up her soft, milky thighs….you get the picture.

The “When I Get Home” Fantasy

This is a great text to use when you’re near the end of your trip and you’re getting ready to come home. Think about this as foreplay – it builds incredible anticipation and excitement for the moment of reunion and getting back together. This technique works even better if you give her specific instructions for when you get home – for example, what you want her to be wearing when you come home or what you want her to do as soon as you walk in the door. Say something like:

“I’m counting down the hours….”

“You can’t imagine how it’s going to feel when I finally touch you again….”

“Don’t wear panties when you pick me up….”

Anything that you can say to let her know that it’s going to be really hot and steamy when you get home is going to get her imagination working and start things moving in the right direction for an incredibly sexy and wild reunion.

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Sexting Successfully Is All About Picking The Right Words

While you do get some points for making the effort to use your cell phone to communicate with your partner sexually, sexting is not going to work well (or at all) if you’re not picking the right words and using the right language. For example, lame (but somehow popular) phrases might sound something like:

• “You are so sexy…”
• “I like your tits…”
• “You are hot…”

As you can see, this language is completely uninspired and thoroughly “blah.”  These phrases will do nothing to turn a woman on, simply because the words that are being used are doing nothing to spark your woman’s imagination and get the brain thinking about having sex.

This is where understanding the primary difference between they way men and women think about sex comes in. A man’s sex drive is often ignited by anything visual, such as porn, a naughty pic or even just a woman in a bikini. On the other hand, however, a woman’s sex drive is ignited by the exact opposite – a woman will get more turned on by reading or imagining something than just looking at it.

Instead of using lame phrases, strive to create sensual language when sexting your lover. Fore example, think of ways you can change an ordinary text into something incredible:

Instead of saying “I want to have sex with you tonight,” try saying “I’m going to make love to you tonight…make your whole body shudder…make you feel that warm, wonderful pleasure pulsing through your limbs, building and building until you explode in an orgasm.”

Using Primal, Sensual Language

A woman isn’t going to be turned on by hearing the words “tits,” or “sexy,” or “hot.” These just aren’t going to do it. The word “tits” does absolutely nothing to spark a woman’s imagination. On the other hand, however, using the word “thrust” is more likely to send your partner into a memory of the last time you two had particularly amazing sex – and she’s going to replay your thrusting in her mind over and over again – all because you used one simple word.

Another example of using primal language might be to use the word “lick” or “suck.” Instead of sexting your woman and saying “I want to go down on you,” you might want to say something like, “I can’t wait to get home and put my hot tongue on your clitoris. I’m going to lick you up and down until you squirt.” By using such sexy, descriptive language, you’re going to get your girl to immediately start imagining you performing oral sex.

Stimulate The “Sex” Area Of Your Lover’s Brain

So you know that using details and language that really play into the sexual part of a woman’s mind is the key to sexting. But what exactly are the phrases that when put into any text will instantly get your lover’s mind working? Next time you send your lover a racy text, try using some of these words when describing what you want to do – and what you want your woman to do to you.

• Thrust
• Scratch
• Hips
• Hair
• Eyes
• Throat
• Nipple
• Shudder
• Shock
• Force
• Grab
• Giggle
• Slap
• Spank

Other excellent words to use when sexting your partner are sexy verbs that are similar to those used in romance novels and erotic literature. For example, try using words like:

• Lick
• Suck
• Tickle
• Touch
• Slide
• Soft
• Hot
• Sweaty
• Throbbing
• Shaking
• Wet
• Dripping
• Sticky
• Taste
• Feel
• Hard

In addition to using the right words when sexting your lover, you also want to avoid using the wrong words. There are some words that even erotic novel authors use that aren’t going to arouse your woman – they’re going to make your lover laugh. Words that will make you sound ridiculous might be:

• Manmeat
• Man sausage
• Love button
• Sex hole
• Globes
• Love stick
• Muffin

Remember that sexting should be fun and have a good time describing to your lover everything you want to do. She’ll imagine it all day long and when you actually get together, the fireworks will explode.

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Women Really Have Higher Sex Drives Than Men

It’s a common misconception that women have lower sex drives than men. This is usually because a woman doesn’t reach her true sexual potential until she reaches her mid to late thirties and early forties. By this time, she has learned to keep her sex drive very well hidden, mostly because being labeled a “slut” in a negative, derogatory way is something that no woman wants.

How A Woman’s Sex Drive Stays Hidden

A woman’s libido is like an oven – it takes a while for them to “preheat” and get warmed up, and after it’s hot and ready, it takes a significant amount of time to cool down. After the cool down period, it takes a while to get warmed back up again. Men, however, are different. Most men stay turned on pretty much all the time, without a long warm up or cool down period. Like a blowtorch, a man can be hot and ready almost instantly.

Since women will naturally go back to “zero” or square one when they’re not turned on, they learn to stay there. Even if they’re incredibly aroused and about to rip their clothes off, they learn to show nothing on the outside. That facade is what keeps them from being labeled a “slut” and allows them to function well in a society that looks down on women for being “slutty.”

Women Want To “Belong” To A Strong, Confident Man

Women are attracted to strong, confident men. It’s something in their genes that says, “He’s in control. He could take care of me. He would protect me.” Even the most independent women who can obviously take care of themselves will be attracted to men who are confident and in control.

Women also want to “belong” to a man, especially the strong, confident type. While many people have the misconception that “belonging” to another person (especially if it’s a woman “belonging” to a man) it’s always in a derogatory, “ownership” sort of way, that’s not what this means. Women want to “belong” to their man in a loving, safe and sexy way.

How To Get Her To Act On Her Impulses

• Make her feel safe. A woman who doesn’t feel safe isn’t going to let any of her walls down, period. Make her feel safe in your relationship and safe being herself – the real her, not the person she shows everyone else.
• Let her know she won’t be judged. It’s very important that you let your partner know that you’re not going to judge her, no matter what. Women get judged daily on how they look, how they act and who they are. Let her know that she can be herself around you and you’re not going to pass the least bit of judgement. Go one up on that and let her know that you are going to love her no matter what.
• Let her act out her dirty side. When she gets a little frisky in the bedroom, make sure you offer her positive encouragement and let her know that what she did or what she’s doing really turns you on. If she goes a little outside her comfort zone and she doesn’t get positive feedback from you, she’s not going to go back out for awhile and not without a great deal of coaxing. If you let her know you really like it when she gets naughty, she’s going to want to do it more and more to please you.
• Make her feel like she’s “giving in” to those desires. If you do this the right way, you’ll make her feel as though she “couldn’t help herself” and that she’s not responsible for her actions. This is absolutely key to getting a reserved woman to really let go and be naughty. This is also part of why a woman is much more attracted to men that seem as though they’re in control. If you’re in control of the situation, it gives her an excuse to get out of control!

How To Use Sexting To Unlock Her Inner Slut

So how does all of this apply to sexting? How can you use sexting to unlock her inner “slut” and become “your slut?” Sexting allows you to have a secret, private conversation with her, without her having to let her guard down visibly in front of others or in public. She can be as dirty and naughty as she wants to in a text, and no one will know about it but you. This is a very powerful concept for a woman and one of the reasons that sexting works so well. She doesn’t have to let go of her facade to let go of her inhibitions.

Using Sensual Language In A Story

When it comes to sexting and making it effective at getting your lover aroused, it’s very important to use sensual language to describe describe what you want to do, what you want her to do and what you’re looking forward to when you get home. Take that up a notch by using sensual language to describe a story where she’s being particularly slutty, in private with you.

Describe her giving you a sloppy wet blowjob (in detail) and tell her how much you love it. Or, describe bending her over and taking her without warning and tell her how much you love it when she gives herself up to you and lets herself be your slut.

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Get Her Turned On Quickly

This sexting technique is one you want to use when you want to get your partner turned on quickly so she’s ready to pounce on you as soon as you both get home from work. It’s not one you want to use to create a long, drawn out romance – this is going to turn her on like a blowtorch! The key here is to find out what her best sexual experience is with you and get her to re-experience that through the descriptive language you’re going to use in a text.

Using Sensual Language

Telling your partner about your best sex experience again through text will only turn her on if you use descriptive, sensual language. Simply stating, “Remember that day at the lake where we had sex in the water and you had multiple orgasms?” is not enough to spark her imagination and get her thinking about the details of what happened. When you choose the language your going to use when you’re sexting your partner, select descriptive words. Instead of saying, “I loved touching your breasts,” you could say, “It makes me so hard to slide my hands over your soft, supple breasts.” This, in essence is dirty talk – but this is what is going to light your lover’s imagination on fire.

3 “Magic” Words To Use When Sexting

In addition to choosing sensual language when sexting your lover, you also want to use these three “magic” words that will help her to subconsciously remember and re-live the experience you’re talking about with her.

• “Remember.” By using the word “remember,” you’re telling her brain to literally dredge up the memory from wherever it is stored.
• “Imagine.” While men need visual stimuli to get turned on and start thinking about sex, a woman can do all of this with her imagination. By using the word “imagine” when writing sexts to your lover, you’re flipping the “on” switch to her imagination. Her imagination is much more powerful than anything you can say or write!
• “Feel.” By using the word “feel” in your narrative, you’re signaling her brain to tell her body to get involved in the fantasy. Subconsciously, she’ll actually start to physically feel sensations similar to those she had when she actually went through the experience with you.

Use A “Curiosity Text” To Get Her Attention First

Before jumping right into describing your favorite sexual experience together in a text, it’s important that you get her to engage her first. Use a curiosity text to get her interested in what you have to say, so when you actually do start using the descriptive language, she’s totally focused on the words she’s reading.

A curiosity text is an opening line you’ll use to get her attention and get her thinking about what you’re going to say. Great examples of curiosity texts include:

• “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you….“
• “Do you know what I’ve been thinking about?”
• This has been driving me crazy all day….”

The key here is to spark her imagination and get it going. She’ll wonder exactly what you’re thinking about and it’s pretty much guaranteed that her curiosity will win over and she’ll text you back asking you what it is that is driving you so crazy! This is where you start in with describing your most amazing night together to her!

Why Describing A Sexual Encounter You’ve Already Had Is Better Than Making Up A New One

If you’re a particularly creative guy, you might be wondering if it would be just as effective to describe to her a fantasy or something that hasn’t happened yet. While this can turn her on, it’s definitely not as powerful as choosing a sexual encounter you’ve already had together.

The reason this works so well is that she’s actually remembering what she was feeling during that time. How it felt to have your hands all over her body….your tongue on her clitoris….you get the idea. You’re basically turning your best sexual experience together into “girl porn” and making it her hottest fantasy. Don’t be surprised if she starts thinking about it again and again after you use this sexting technique!

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Understanding A Woman’s Sexual Self Esteem

Believe it or not, most women have very low sexual self esteem, or even none at all. Even very good looking and sexy women don’t feel like they’re sexy or attractive at all. Why is this? Media and social expectations play a big role in how women feel about themselves, because there is so much pressure for women to look a certain way.

Think about it – how many pictures of gorgeous women do you see every day in magazines, on signs and billboards, on television, in movies and in commercials? These pictures and videos are airbrushed and edited, not to mention the actresses and models had several stylists doing their hair and makeup before anything even hit the cutting room floor.

Society pressures women everywhere to look like the women that the media plasters everywhere, even though it is a completely unrealistic expectation because it is impossible for real women to look that perfect. As a result, many women feel as though they aren’t sexy or good looking because they don’t look exactly like the way models and actresses are portrayed. Even if a girl feels attractive, she will rarely feel as though it is enough.

What Happens When A Woman Feels Sexy

Confidence is sexy – that’s a given. So when a woman feels inadequate in the attractiveness department, she’s not going to radiate that sexy confidence. On the other hand, however, when a woman feels like she looks good, she’s going to have a better attitude about herself and feel more confident about the way she looks. This translates into looking better, feeling better, being more turned on and thinking about sex more often. Making your partner feel like she is attractive and sexy is a win-win situation all around because she’ll feel great and you’ll get to reap the benefits!

Make Her Feel Sexy In 3 Steps

Step 1: Find out what part of her body she likes the best.

Many men try to compliment what they like best about their partner’s bodies, but most of the time it backfires because they’re complimenting the very physical attributes that their lovers are the most insecure about. If you really want to make your girl feel sexy, find out what she likes best about herself. Find out the part of her body that she shows off and that she thinks looks fabulous.

Step 2: Wait to strike until she’s bored…at work, a meeting, etc.

This sexting technique works best when she’s bored. This usually will happen while she’s at work or in class listening to a boring lecture. This is the prime moment to work your magic because this is when she is the most mentally receptive to what you’re going to say.

Step 3: Send her a text complimenting her favorite asset.

When she’s at work or bored somewhere else, send her a steamy text that suggests how much you love that particular asset of hers – you know, the one she really feels good about herself. This will not work if you’re complimenting what you like about her! The key here is to talk about the asset of hers that SHE loves. Tell her, “I can’t stop thinking about your eyes” or “Your breasts looked amazing when you got out of the shower this morning.”

What It Will Do For Her

The “magic” here happens when you choose her favorite feature about herself and tell her how much that particular feature inspires lust and excitement in you through sexting. What this does is it makes her feel great about the things she already loves about herself. She’ll feel amazing because you noticed the very thing about her looks that she is most proud of and likes to show off!

This makes her feel super sexy and confident about the way she looks. When she gets home from work or class that day, she’ll already be turned on from the sexts you sent earlier in the day. Since you started the foreplay much earlier in the day, her imagination has been going for hours and it will be all she can do not to rip your clothes off when she gets home!

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How To Get Started

Sending your partner a text that explicitly details everything you want to do to her tonight (or what you want her to do to you) without building her curiosity will most likely backfire and only serve to offend her and put her off the whole idea for good. Easing into sexting the right way is one of the most important things you need to do, especially if you want to be able to use sexting in the future to revv your lover’s sex drive and send her into a horny frenzy before the two of you even touch each other.

While not all of your sexts have to be PG-13, it’s very important that the first ones you send are. Just like you would want to use foreplay in the bedroom to turn her on and get her warmed up for sex, you want to flirt with her a little through your texts to get her ready to talk about more.

How To Engage Her Curiosity

Start by sending her texts that spark her curiosity and make her wonder just what exactly is going through your head. Your first text should be something she’s going to have to respond to, simply because it makes her that curious! If you start out by describing exactly how you want her to give you a blowjob later, that leaves no room for her to think and wonder and let her imagination run wild – because you definitely want to let her imagination run wild.

Examples Of Great Curiosity Building Sexts

To get started, try some of these steamy but not too revealing sexting examples to get her wondering what you’re thinking about and engage you in sexting. These examples will get her mind going, which is exactly what you want to happen. If her mind isn’t involved, she’s not going to get turned on!

• “I can’t stop thinking about you….”
• “Do you remember that amazing night we had awhile back?
• “Tonight….”
• “I can’t wait to see you….”
• “I need to feel you….”
• “When I think of you, everything gets harder”
• “Do you know what I want to do?”
• “Do you know what would look good on you?”
• “Thinking of you is driving me crazy!”

Once your girl responds to the first text (which she will if you’ve piqued her interest), follow up by leading her in the direction you want to go – a subtle but steamy conversation that plays with her imagination and gets her mind thinking and fantasizing about YOU. This is how you can use sexting to turn your girl’s cell phone into an erotic novel – which is of course, way more effective for a woman than any other kind of stimulation. Women respond much better to anything that stimulates their brains and their imaginations – such as an erotic book – than they will to visual stimulation like pictures or videos.

• You say: “I can’t stop thinking about you….” She says: “Why?” You say: “Because you turn me on sooooo much!”
• You say: “Do you remember that amazing night we had awhile back?” She says: “Yes, why?” You say: “I’ve been wanting to do that again sooo bad.”
• You say: “Do you know what would look good on you?” She says: “No, what?” You say: “Nothing….”

As you can see from these examples, the “….” in the text is probably one of the most important parts of the text itself. It’s what allows her imagination to roam and fill in the blanks. She’ll wonder what you’re really thinking, because you made it appear as though your thoughts weren’t finished. After you build her interest in playing the sexting game, you can start making your sexts hotter by suggesting what you’d like to do to her later – whether you want to see her wearing her sexiest lingerie or you want to surprise her with oral sex by lifting up her skirt as soon as she gets home.

Related Posts

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2. Sexting: How To Evolve From Dirty Texts To Pictures
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4. Sexting: How To “Revivify” Her Best Experiences
5. Best Sexting & Dirty Talk Tips Of 2011

Debunking The Myth That Women Don’t Like Sex

A common myth about women is that they don’t like sex. How many jokes have been made at a woman’s expense, suggesting that she’s frigid in the bedroom? Fortunately, the myth is just that – a myth. The truth of the matter is that women enjoy sex very, very much. In fact, a woman’s body was built specifically to enjoy sex and if stimulated correctly, women can reach amazing orgasms over and over again. A woman’s clitoris has no other function than to receive sexual pleasure and to give a woman an orgasm. While some women have never achieved an orgasm through sex or masturbation, the far majority of females enjoy sex with – or without – their partners to the fullest.

A Woman’s Sex Drive Goes Up As She Ages

While a man’s libido peaks out at about age eighteen, a woman doesn’t reach her full sexual potential until she’s reached her 30′s, 40′s or even her 50′s. What gives women the bad rap, however, is that increased sex drive isn’t as prominent as a horny guy’s is. Her libido lies beneath the surface. Because an older woman is an adult, society teaches her that she must remain professional and composed as often as possible. While she desires sex much more than she used to when she was younger, it is much more difficult for her to truly let go without the right provocation.

How To Access Her Sex Drive

It’s easy to turn a man on – usually all he needs is a little nudity and a naughty thought or two and he’s pitching a tent in his pants. Men are visual creatures and respond very well to visual stimuli such as videos and pictures of naked women or sexual acts. Women, of course, are wired differently and it takes a much different approach to really get underneath a woman’s skin (especially an older woman) and get her turned on and ready for sex. Ladies are more easily aroused when they are intellectually stimulated, such as through erotic stories or fantasies. They’ll get more turned on by reading a steamy, detailed description about oral sex than they will by watching someone perform it.

Use Sexting To Turn Her Cell Phone Into An Erotic Novel

So you know that to really turn your wife on, you have to stimulate her brain before her body will follow. You don’t need anything other than what you already have to do this – no special sex toys, outfits or anything that will cost you a lot of money. You can turn your wife on at the push of a button by sexting her. Sexts are texts that you send to your lover that describe sexy things you want to do to her, or what you want her to do to you. You can tell her how much she turns you on or what your fantasies with her are – with sexting, the possibilities are pretty much endless! By sending her a series of naughty, dirty texts, you’re basically turning her cell phone into her own personal erotic novel – one that is tailored just for her.

Why Does Sexting Turn Her On So Much?

Beneath her cool, professional exterior is a sultry sex goddess waiting to get out. By sexting her, you’re cracking that tough exterior and getting right to her sexual core. You’re speaking her language and having a secret, sexy conversation with her that no one else can see or hear. It’s a secret between you and her only, and it’s incredibly arousing for her. Sending her dirty texts throughout the day while she is at work or at home taking care of the kids or the house is extremely effective at getting her to want sex with you before you even walk through the door.

Related Posts

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4. Sexting: How To Make Her Feel Truly, Undeniably Sexy
5. Sexting: Give Her Permission To Be Your Slut

I was just wondering your take on cyber sex and ‘texting’? I have received lots of different advice on the subject and what people think of it and so far everyone has a different take. The reason I ask is that I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of over 2 years has had a regular habit of jumping online and exploring.

Normally I would be open minded about these types of things, I know it’s considered by some just a form of masturbation, but I have discovered that some of these women are not anonymous and are actual acquaintances of his and mine. I know nothing physical has occurred. I have confronted him, we went through a very rough patch but have essentially worked out our relationship and he has (to my knowledge) halted his habits and seems more devoted to me than ever.

However, the images and messages I came across are still haunting me. What should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Establish Boundaries In Your Relationship

The first step to making sure cyber sex doesn’t throw a curveball to your relationship is to establish boundaries within that relationship. First, decide for yourself what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. Be really clear in your own mind about what makes you uncomfortable so that going forward, you can express to your partner what you feel is fine and what isn’t going to work. Figure out what your own personal jealousy triggers are.

When communicating with your partner about cyber sex, don’t approach them and say, “You can’t do this.” It will only serve to set them off and make them feel like you’re smothering or controlling them. But it is acceptable to say, “This makes me uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you would stop. This is what I need to continue being in this relationship.” Don’t be afraid to be specific and say, “I’m comfortable with harmless flirting, but after that is where I draw the line.” If your partner truly cares about you and your feelings, they’re going to honor your request to avoid cyber sex.

When It Becomes Cheating

Before you established boundaries in your relationship when it comes to cyber sex and what is okay and what isn’t, it’s likely that your partner didn’t know what upset you or made you uncomfortable and didn’t even know he was doing anything wrong. He may have thought that talking about sex was okay, as long as he didn’t mention having sex with her or describing specific actions like giving her oral sex, etc. If certain things are off limits, it’s important to be specific about what exactly is and isn’t acceptable to you.

If he fails to operate within the boundaries that you’ve established for the relationship, that’s when it crosses the line and becomes cheating. If he’s aware of what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t, but continues to have cyber sex in a way that you’ve already communicated to him is not okay, he’s cheating.

Is It A Deal Breaker?

If he’s crossed the line when it comes to cyber sex, it’s up to you to decide whether what he’s done is a deal breaker or not. If you’re not okay with him having cyber sex and he continues to do it (even after you’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes you and how much it hurts you), it’s time to decide whether the relationship is something that you want to continue to be in. If he continues to have cyber sex after you’ve discussed it with him, it’s unlikely he will ever change no matter how much time you give him.

If it’s not a deal breaker, that’s okay too. Don’t let anyone tell you that it is or isn’t a big deal, because only you can make that decision yourself. He may try to tell you that it isn’t a big deal, but if it is to you, that’s what is important. If it’s not a big deal, your friends may try to convince you that it is. However you feel about the cyber sex situation is what is important and no one else can decide how you feel and what you want to do about it except for you.

Related Posts

1. Is Having Cyber Sex Before Physical Sex a Good Idea?
2. Sexting: How Women Think About Sex And How To Give Them What They Crave
3. Sexting: How To “Revivify” Her Best Experiences
4. Sexting: Give Her Permission To Be Your Slut
5. Sexting: Keeping It Hot While You’re Away On Business

Question: HELP! I’m in a long distance relationship, any tips on keeping the loving feeling going? My boyfriend isn’t really into phone sex. PLEASE HELP with any other suggestions!

–YouTube Viewer

Sexting

Send your partner racy texts or picture sexts throughout the day to remind him how hot he is for you. Encourage your partner to send you a few titillating texts of his own! Tell your partner what you want to do to him next time you see him, or what you’d like him to do to you. You and your partner will love getting unexpected, sexy texts at random times and you’ll always be on each other’s mind. If you and your partner see each other often, such as every weekend or every couple of weeks, sexting can definitely be a primary way of building up the tension leading up to the next face to face meeting.

Emails & Pictures

Emails are a great way to quickly send your partner a sexy little saying, and it’s also a good way to send him pictures of you (and vice versa) without having to get them developed. Read: as racy as you want. A word of caution when it comes to sending naked pictures of yourself over the internet: don’t send anything out that you wouldn’t mind being out there. The Internet is definitely not safe and a number of people may end up with their hands on your naked picture, even if all you did was email it to your boyfriend. However, this may not be a big issue for you.

Webcam Sex

Webcams really upped the game for couples in long distance relationships. Live webcam conversations are as close as you’re going to get to a real face to face conversation with your partner, and the same goes for sex too. Many couples have webcam “sex dates” and meet each other regularly for webcam sex. This is an excellent way for you and your partner both get relief from your sexual frustrations, as well as allowing you to feel sexually close to your partner and not allowing those loving feelings to subside too much.

Teledildonics

Teledildonics is the next big thing in long distance sex. Take remote control dildos and computerize them. Now you have a dildo that hooks up to your computer that your partner can control from their own computer. This is an excellent way to help your partner participate in your pleasure from far away. The downside to teledildonics is that they can be very expensive. Combine teledildonics with webcam sex for a long distance sex experience that is almost like the real thing! A cheaper way for your partner to become involved in your pleasure is to have a dildo made from a mold of your partner’s actual penis!

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Set The Right Environment

Getting comfortable and setting the right environment will help you feel sexy and relaxed, therefore you’re going to sound sexy on the phone. Find a spot in your home that is quiet and where you won’t be disturbed, such as your bedroom or a guest room or sitting room. Wait until the kids go to bed, or you’re done watching your favorite television show so you can be totally present in the conversation. Don’t try to have phone sex in the kitchen, the garage or the bathroom (of course, unless you’re taking a hot, steamy bath) because when your partner asks you where you are or what you’re doing, saying, “in the kitchen” is definitely not a turn on. Wear some comfortable clothes, or try wearing some sexy clothes and describing to him what you’re wearing. Light some candles or burn incense, and make sure the television is turned off. You want to be relaxed and able to focus on what you’re saying.

Don’t Be Afraid To Take The Lead

Men love it when women take the lead in sex, and phone sex and talking dirty is no different. While some men do enjoy hearing themselves talk dirty, he’s going to like it even more when you’re the one doing it too. He wants to hear what you like, what you fantasize about and what turns you on – in intimate detail. He will like talking about what turns him on too, but he’ll get bored quickly if he’s the only one doing the talking. Take turns describing what you’re wearing to each other and what you’d like to be doing to each other if you were together. Don’t be afraid to get totally absorbed in the conversation and let your true sexy self come out.

If You’re Feeling Shy

Many people, both men and women, are very shy when it comes to talking dirty, whether it’s on the phone or in person. If you’re feeling nervous about it, there are many ways you can try to overcome your shyness. First of all, make sure you’re using grown up words. You may not want to use some of the “hardcore” words that many people associate with talking dirty, but using anatomically correct words such as “penis” is much better than using other words such as “wee wee” or other pet names. If you find that you can’t come up with anything on your own, ask him to describe what he wants you to do to him. Take notes if you need to, and then simply repeat back to him what he said in first person. If your partner is the one that is shy, let him hear what you’d like to do and have him repeat it back to you! This is a super easy and fun way to break the ice and start talking dirty!

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5. Dirty Talk Done Right

Let’s suppose, one night, while you’re talking on the phone with your boyfriend, your inner bad girl whispers a suggestion in your ear, “have phone sex with him”. How do you go about instigating sex on the phone? Here are some tips to help you out…

Open Up Sexually

You must slowly open up your sexual side to the man you love. Always worrying about acting slutty will get you nowhere near the girl who can talk dirty on the phone. If you trust your man, and you know that he will never change if you acted “out of character”, don’t be scared to drop F-bombs if he enjoys that. Being shy doesn’t mean you cannot learn how to talk dirty. Start with the words that you can say without cringing.

Gradually open yourself to sexy talk. Phone sex is the perfect opportunity to open your sexuality. You’re providing yourself a sexual outlet, and he gets to listen to your erotic fantasies.

Fantasize

Fantasies are just dreams until you act on them. Because it’s impossible for your man to do erotic stuff with you on the phone, you should talk to him about your fantasies and what you want him to do to you when you meet up.

One good way to do this is to think of “what if” scenarios. Talk about what you would be doing if he were beside you at that moment. If you’ve attended some gatherings with him (high school reunion, your cousin’s wedding, etc.), why not use those events during phone sex.

Men Are Visual

Your man needs to know what you’re wearing, what you’re holding and where you are to feel aroused. He might even ask about the other people in your house to check if they’re out of sight. Most men need to know these things so that they can put everything in perspective.

Even if you’re wearing your dorkiest pyjamas, tell him you’re wearing nighties, red ones. Nighties are easier to remove than pyjamas, so he gets hotter thinking he can “remove” your clothes easily.

Report Your Actions

You know he’s getting hot when he starts asking you to do things like touching your breasts, your thighs and your vagina. Indulge his needs, and do other things to excite yourself more.

Tell him he’s making you horny and you’re now touching yourself with your dildo. Responding to his teasing by acting like you “can’t help” but follow his orders.

Moan When You’re Near Orgasm

When you’re getting closer to orgasm, be more expressive. Tell him you’re feeling really hot and you’re almost there. Scream when you climax so that he can climax with you. If you reach orgasm first, keep moaning to goad him on.

You can tease him by describing how wet you are at that moment, and how you really want his dick inside you. This kind of talk will turn him on and make his orgasm more intense.

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Question: I am far away from my family and girlfriend, how can I easily get the taste of sex?

–Facebook Question

Masturbation

Masturbation is probably the easiest way to satisfy your sexual desires while you’re in a long distance relationship. You and your partner can both masturbate while thinking of each other, and with today’s technology, it’s not hard to feel like you’re in the same room with them! Use a webcam and even audio chat for the most realistic experience. Trade sexy, naughty photos with your partner via email or even on your cell phone. Text dirty things to each other, and make tangible plans to see each other soon to help keep the spark alive. Many couples in long distance relationships also have old-fashioned phone sex!

Sex With Another Partner

Your girlfriend may or may not be into it, but another way to satisfy your need for sexual intimacy is to have sex with someone else while you’re away. For this to work, however, you and your partner must be in a totally confident and non-jealous relationship with each other. This almost never works out, but it certainly is possible if you and your partner are both okay with having an open relationship while you are far away. If this is something you and your partner agree on, always make sure to communicate with each other and be open and honest. Also, make sure that you and your partner end the “open relationship” as soon as you’re back together.

Abstinence

Your third choice when it comes to sex and a long distance relationship is to simply abstain from sex and wait until you’re back with your partner to experience physical intimacy. This may sound extremely difficult, but actually, people in long distance relationships do this all the time. The vast majority of partners do prefer to masturbate and use technology to keep the sexual intimacy alive, but some partners simply choose to wait. Sometimes waiting, however, can end in an affair, so make sure that this is something you and your partner are okay with doing and see it as something you and your partner can accomplish. If you’re not sure about your ability to stay abstinent for a long period of time, try masturbation and stay in touch with your partner.

Long distance relationships will never be easy, even with text, phones, webcams and audio chats. For a long distance relationship to work, you and your partner must be committed to each other – and committed to keeping the long distance part of the relationship as short as possible. There has to be an end in sight. Relationships that will be long distance indefinitely or until further notice generally don’t end well. If you are committed to your partner and vice versa, you will both do what is necessary to make finite plans to be together – physically – at some point.

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5. Q&A: Long Distance Relationship – Alternatives To Phone Sex

Whether it’s phone sex, internet cyber sex or online dating, many people end up using technology to their advantage to spice up their sex lives or further their relationships. What happens if you’re doing these things while you’re in a relationship with someone else? Is it really cheating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love my husband and have tried for years to get him to be more open with sex. I am not shy at all and prefer more sparks and even some dirty talking. He won’t ……at all. He prefers it quiet and the same. Here is the problem. I met a wonderful man on yahoo chat. He’s married as well and neither of us will ever leave our spouses. We have the most amazing phone sex imaginable. I’m afraid otherwise without this outlet I would have strayed. But this “cyber sex” fills a need and keeps me home where I love my husband.

Am I a horrible person…….should I stop?

– Chris, Wisconsin

Breaking Your Partner’s Trust

Cheating is anything that breaks your partner’s trust, or is something they don’t know about and you’re trying to keep hidden from them. It’s not necessarily just physically having sex with someone else other than your partner that constitutes cheating.

Swingers do that all the time and obviously for them, it’s not cheating. Consider cheating to be anything that you wouldn’t do with your partner around or that your partner doesn’t know about.

Would you have phone sex with someone else with your partner sitting right there? Would you chat with your online sex buddy while your partner was over on the couch watching a movie?

Chances are, you’re doing these things without your partner’s knowledge. It may seem less “bad” than actually having sex with someone else, but all of those things, whether it’s having phone sex or having actual sex, breaks your partner’s trust. So it’s cheating.

Coming Clean

For a relationship to survive, you have to be open and honest with your partner. You can’t hide things from them or continually do things that break their trust. If you do, the relationship will never last. If you care about your partner and truly want to have a fulfilling relationship with them, it’s important to come clean about the cheating.

Let them know what you’re up to. Let them know that you truly care about them and you’re simply fulfilling a need that’s not emotional. Don’t be critical and don’t blame your partner for “making you do this.”

Ask Your Partner How They Feel

It shouldn’t be brought up to your partner in a “you can’t give me what I need but they can” sort of way, because that attitude will only make things worse. Ask your partner how they feel about it. Do they want you to stop? Let them know that if they do, you’re ready to do that.

You might be surprised. They might be open to an online only relationship or phone sex between you and someone else. They might want to become part of it too. Be prepared, however, for your partner to ask you to stop. You should also be prepared to earn back their trust.

Spicing Up Your Sex Life

If your sex life with your partner is lacking, and you’re turning to phone sex or cyber sex to fill the void, consider putting some of this effort into working on your sex life with your partner. Perhaps you two could each take a phone into a different room and have phone sex that way. Your partner might feel more comfortable talking dirty to you this way. Perhaps you can send each other racy emails.

Focus your efforts on making your sex life with your partner work. You’ll be surprised at what a little creativity can do to spice up things in the bedroom!

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Well, actually they both goofed off on some weird internet sites for a little while which they didn’t share with me and they downloaded things to my Mac which sort of scares me a little bit, but at least I’ll have some fun entertainment when I get home.

But we were all hiking and talking, and they were asking me, “What are the secrets of how to get her to masturbate for you on the telephone?”

Now, I’ve been somebody who has absolutely enjoyed the benefits of phone sex even before women got to enjoy the benefits of the Blackberry-vibrating phone sex! How to get a woman to masturbate for you on the phone is really very simple.

Use what you know

First, you have to call them late at night. Let’s say you’ve been emailing this woman back and forth. You’ve been flirting in emails back and forth, and maybe you’ve had a couple of phone conversations, and she tells you she’ll be around that night for you two to talk.

What you need to do in that email or text message is ask, “How late can I call you? I want you to be really cozy and comfortable when I call, so you’re not thinking anything about the day.” Then she’ll tell you how late you can call.

So then you call her that late – 11 o’clock at night. She’s in bed, she’s wearing her little jammies, and you start conversing with her. You talk to her about emotions, about anything that has to do with a deep topic. Because remember sex for a woman starts in her mind. You need to connect with her.

You can’t get on the phone with her and say, “So what are you wearing right now? Do you want to masturbate with me on the phone?” No! It’s about connecting.

Phone sex foreplay

Picture it as foreplay – or phoneplay! What you need to do is just talk to her a little bit, get to know her a little bit, make a comment on something you guys have shared together – maybe this is like the first or second phone call, and you’ve learned things about her.

Maybe she’s told you that she really loves deep conversations. You can say to her, “Man, I really love deep conversations with you. I love to get to know you better.  It’s so much fun. I’m enjoying exploring you. I’m enjoying penetrating your mind.” When you talk in very subliminal sexual ways, it will make her very sexually turned on.

Most guys make the biggest mistake: a woman is talking to you late at night, you’re having an emotional conversation and you’re connecting, and the guy will immediately ruin it by saying, “Are you wet right now?” Or “You know, my cock’s hard.  You want to feel it?”

You don’t want to say that! What you have to assume is that she’s already turned on. What I like to do is use very subliminal language. “I’m having so much fun connecting with you now.”  That’s foreplay in her mind. “I’m having a great time learning about you.” “Wow, I wish I was sitting right there with you right now, seeing your eyes during this conversation” That’s another thing to say to her…

Or say, “Oh my God, did we just have like a kiss moment?” when you are talking about something. There’s a pause, and you both feel it. Then you need to get a bit more daring. Say, “Did we just have a kiss moment?” and she’ll say, “Well, yeah, I think so!” Then you can say, “Alright, let’s play true confession. If I was there right now, what would you want to do?”

And then she’ll tell you. If she feels comfortable, she’ll say, “Oh, I really want to kiss you and touch you right now.” You can say, “Touch me? I barely even know you! How do you know I’ll even let you?” You want to be a little bit playful.

Then she’ll say, “Oh come on. What do you want to do?” And then you tell her.

What I always say over and over again is, “If I was there right now, I would look deep inside your eyes. I would kiss you. I would look at you, and I want to feel your energy. I want to look and see what I stir up inside you after I kiss you.”

How to know when she’s getting into it

All of a sudden, she’ll take a deep breath, and say, “Really? Tell me more.” So then you tell her more! “I’m a very passionate person, and I love to explore a woman’s body, but only after I connect with her mind and her soul,” and then describe what you’d love to do to her.

What I do is do it very subliminally: “Right now, if you were standing in front of me, I would LOVE to look at you after I kissed you and see how hungry your eyes are. I’ll know just by the look in your eyes how I want to proceed with your body. I’ll know what I want to do next.”

You’re taking control at this point. You’re painting a picture. Most men don’t paint that picture – they paint a picture of weakness. You are basically telling her, “If I was there right now,  this is what I would do to you.”

Then, at that point, you have to judge her temperature. You can ask, “Well, do you want to hear more?” 99.9% of the time, she’s going to say of course! At this point, you want to be very subliminal in what you say to her. You want to say things like, “After I’m done kissing you, I would take a look and I know your body would be talking to me, and I know exactly what I would do. I would start at your neck…” and describe it.

“I would start at your neck, because I want to taste your skin in my mouth.” Use very explicit terminology: “I would then take my mouth and kiss every inch of your body, tasting every bit of you, and feeling your energy and the way you react” Use those terms. Not once do you ever say, “I want to spread your legs and lick you like an ice cream cone!” It’s all very subliminal.

At this point, you tell a story.  It’s all about how you tell that story . “Man I would just take you, flip you over, and kiss your back from head to toe,” and listen to the way that she is breathing. If she starts breathing a little bit heavier, or sighing a little bit or if she says, “Tell me more” and her voice is getting very breathy, it might even seem like she’s out of breath at this point. She might having short little bursts of breath, and saying, “more, more more…”

More, more, more

Then you can say to her, “Alright, if I was standing there, what would you do to me?” and allow her to describe it now. The thing about sex, and what a lot of men don’t do because they don’t understand how sexual women really are, is give women a chance to express their sexuality. Women are very sexual creatures.

You want to give women a chance to express their sexuality by saying, “Tell me what you would do for me.” Let them tell you and react to it! React positively. When she tells you the things she wants to do, say, “God I love that.” Encourage her a little bit more. A lot of times, her ex-boyfriend or ex-lover didn’t allow her to do those things – she didn’t feel that sexy around him.

The reason why she is exploring this with you over the safety of the phone is that she is trying to figure out who you are. She already has a fantasy about you in her head, so allow her to talk about that fantasy. And every time she says something great, say, “Oh man, that is so hot,” or, “Wow! That would feel so good,” or “I’m yours. You can do that!” And then just add some stuff to it so it becomes this conversation.

Then, at that point, when she is describing things, not only have you turned her on, but she’s turning herself on. You are allowing her to talk about her inner fantasies. At that point, you can say to her, “Let me ask you now, how wet are you?” She will say, “Very.” You then say, “I want you to feel yourself right now, and then describe to me how wet you are. Describe what it feels like in your fingers.”

Her reaction?

Many times she will say, “Oh I’ve been touching myself the whole time!” You ask, “You’ve been touching yourself?” And then you take total control. “Really. I want you to touch yourself some more, and I want to hear you. I want to hear what you’re fantasizing about right now. I want to hear your passion for me. I want to listen. I’m going to talk you through this. I want to listen to what you are burning for right now…” and allow her to talk.

Keep asking her, “What are you doing?” and she’ll tell you what she is doing! Encourage her. “Oh, keep doing that, I want to hear you cum. Cum for me baby, come on.” And then she’ll ask you if you’re touching yourself.

Whether or not you are watching ESPN or touching yourself is your own prerogative, but you say that you are touching yourself. Hopefully you are enjoying the phone sex, and actually having phone sex with her.

This is the way that you get a woman to have phone sex.

Not only that, but once you have phone sex with her, real sex is right around the corner. There is no waiting, no games, no playing, NOTHING. Once they’ve played with you on the phone, they want to play with you in person. You have something to go on.

The next day you text her and say, “Oh man, I’m going to make you beg tonight again. I’m going to make you beg!” and she’ll say, “Oh please don’t make me beg! When are we going to see each other?” And she’s going to beg, because you’ve gotten inside her head.

You have gotten inside her mind, and you’ve gotten inside her soul, like most guys haven’t done.

And that’s how you have great phone sex!

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