Ask Dan and Jennifer » pregnancy

Should You Have Sex Before Age 18?

Kaylen Jackson — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 14:00:33 +0000

Teen sex is common these days – you see it on television and in movies, you hear about teenage celebrities getting busy and kids at school are trying it too. But is it right for YOU? Should you do it, or should you wait?

Legality

Let’s face it – it’s not legal for people to have sex if they’re under the age of eighteen. You can’t buy porn or sex toys if you’re underage either. While tons of underage boys and girls still do have sex before they’re eighteen and never get caught, it’s important to know the basics of when it is actually legal for you to engage in sexual activity.

That said, if you and your partner are both underage, it becomes less of a criminal issue and more of an issue with your parents. However, if you are underage and your partner is over the age of eighteen, or vice versa, you can get into a LOT more trouble. The older person may be charged criminally if it is ever reported that you are having sex with them, and they will be required to register as a sex offender after any jail time, probation or community service that is issued.

Being registered as a sex offender will haunt them for the rest of their lives and make it difficult for them to buy a home, have a job, have children and visit their children’s schools, and even impact their ability to vote. It’s not something that goes away after a few years – it’s a lifetime of being on a list with pedophiles and rapists. Think twice about having sex you or your partner are underage!

What Are You Waiting For?

If teen sex isn’t something you want to be involved in, think about the “why.” Are you waiting for marriage? Are you waiting until the age of eighteen to do it so you or your partner don’t get into trouble? Whatever your reason for waiting is, it’s a good reason – and it’s important that you fully understand the reason why you’re waiting so you can stay strong and continue to abstain.

If you’re not “waiting” but you just haven’t had sex yet, think about some of the reasons you should wait. Are you in a serious, committed relationship? If not, perhaps you should wait until you’re in love. Think about possibly getting yourself or your partner in legal trouble, or going against your personal beliefs. There are lots of good reasons to abstain and there are many of them that will apply to you and you alone. Perhaps you don’t want to abstain until marriage, but you just want to abstain until you’re older, smarter, more confident and ready. Every reason is a good one!

Considering Consequences

No one likes to think about the consequences of teen sex, but it’s a must if you’re considering losing your virginity. Having sex is an adult activity, and if you feel like you’re adult enough to handle it, then you’re definitely adult enough to think about the possible consequences beforehand. A lot of teenagers are afraid that if they think about the consequences of teen sex before they have it, they might talk themselves out of it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing!

If you’re sure you want to do it and “being talked out of it” isn’t something you feel will happen, considering the consequences will help you effectively plan for anything that might happen as a result of your decision. Think about the possibility of getting an STD – and all the different ways that they can be transmitted – and think about what you can do to reduce your risk as well as what you’ll do in the event that it does happen. Unwanted pregnancy is similar – before you have sex, think about how you can prevent an unwanted pregnancy and how you might deal with one should it actually happen.

Staying Safe

If you’ve thought long and hard and have decided that now is the right time to have sex, take the time to look into all safety options that you have available to you – and there are a LOT! Think about going to your doctor and getting on birth control. If you’re too young to go to the doctor by yourself and can’t tell your parents that you’ve made the decision to have sex and want to get on birth control, you don’t need to be having sex.

Also, think about using condoms and spermicide. Get flavored condoms and dental dams for oral sex. Talk to your doctor about other ways you can practice safe sex. Sex isn’t fun if all you’re worried about is getting pregnant or an STD. It’s also not fun if you’re worried about your partner going to jail.

If you can’t get it on with a clear conscience, try waiting until you can!

Q&A: She’s Pregnant By Another Man – But Wants To Be With Me!

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 14:00:02 +0000

A pregnant girlfriend is one thing, but what about being with a girl who is pregnant by someone else? Are you supposed to be in a relationship with her and take care of the baby because no one else will, or can you decide that you’re not ready for this and move on? What do you do?

Question: First off, let me say I love you two! But I’m in a hard situation. A very good friend of mine is pregnant (by accident, old story of condom in the wallet) and she opened up to me and said she starting to love me and wished that the baby was mine! I’m not really sure how I feel about her. Any advice? And again I love you two, great advice!

–YouTube Viewer

What Are You Okay With?

Before you think of how your friend will feel, or how the baby might feel, or how anyone else will, you need to think about how YOU feel about the situation. Take some time outside of the situation to mull it over and think about the different possibilities here and how they might affect your life or the way you live. What are you okay with? What are you willing to be okay with? Tell your friend you need some time out to think about the situation – you at least deserve that.

Do You Want To Take Care Of Her And The Baby?

When you sit down and really take stock of the situation and how you feel about it, there might be a feeling of guilt or responsibility to take care of your friend and the baby. This is going to be especially true if you have at least some romantic feelings towards her, or care about her and your friendship very deeply. Stop right there!

Remember that you didn’t get her pregnant and you’re not responsible for the situation at hand. Yes, you can decide that you want the responsibility and that’s great – but remember that you don’t have to. Don’t guilt yourself into taking care of her and the baby because you feel obligated to. That’s not going to end very well. Make sure that if you do end up getting into a relationship with your friend and being a father figure to the baby that it’s really something you want to do – not something that you feel like you have to do because no one else will.

What If You Don’t?

If you decide that you don’t want to be with a girl who is pregnant (or if you don’t want to be with her), and you don’t want to take care of a baby once it’s born, that’s completely your prerogative. Remember, you didn’t get her pregnant! Don’t let anyone pass judgement on you and certainly don’t feel like you have to pass judgement on yourself. This is totally your call, and it’s perfectly fine to decide that this isn’t where you want your life to go right now. You don’t owe her anything.

Be Honest With Her

It’s your right to decide to do whatever you want to do in this situation, but you do need to be honest with her and truthful about how you feel. Yes, you do need to be delicate here, but honesty is the most important thing. If you decide not to be with her, explain to her why you feel this way and make sure the conversation stays limited to how you feel.

If you stick to your feelings about the situation, she can’t argue with it. However, if you present an entire list of logical reasons as to why a relationship between the two of you couldn’t work, she can argue with it – and she can probably make some pretty valid points. Remember that the choice to be with her or not was based on your feelings (not logic), so your explanation should too.

Give It A Trial Run

If you’re not sure about it, why not give it a try? Try being in a relationship with this girl and seeing how it develops. Talk to her about your idea to try it out, and make sure that she knows you have the right to decide that it’s not for you at any point in time. This also gives her the opportunity to try out a relationship with you without the commitment to be with you for a certain period of time or even be with you when the baby arrives. Don’t think that if you try it now that you’re stuck forever. Let it play out and see what happens!

He Wants Kids And She Doesn’t – Now What?

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 23:00:46 +0000

A relationship comes with lots of big decisions – one of which is whether to have kids. What do you and your partner do when you disagree about children, and what do you do if you and your partner once agreed about having kids but now disagree?

My hubby and I always wanted to have kids. We waited till we were financially “ready” and now that we’re “ready” I’ve decided I don’t want them anymore. How do I bring this up to him?

What She Said

Let me state the obvious – deciding whether or not to have children is one of the most colossal decisions you’ll ever make. Yep, that’s why they pay me the big bucks!

Wants And Needs Change Throughout Life

Let’s first examine why you’ve changed your mind. I want to applaud you for realizing this avenue may not be for you. Though we’re of a different generation, there’s still a lot of pressure for women in a marriage to have kids, whether it be from family or society. It takes courage to acknowledge that you may want to do something else.

Only you know why you’ve changed your mind – I can’t even begin to guess the myriad of reasons. Maybe your biological clock never turned on. Not every female is inherently mothering and that’s okay. Perhaps you want to travel or focus on your career, both of which are great options. I’m sure you’re getting pressure from your husband to give him an answer as to why you’ve changed your mind, so hopefully you’re clear in your reasons.

Recognizing Fear As A Factor

Let me speak on your husband’s behalf for a moment and ask you if fear is a factor. Rumor has it there never is quite the perfect time to have a baby. If you were putting off because you’re secretly afraid that it will change your relationship, but it’s something that you actually want to do, I’d encourage you to consider moving forward. Yes, it will change your life irrevocably – but if you and your husband are in a happy relationship and want to add a baby to the mix, embrace the change.

Once again, having children is a huge decision and an even bigger responsibility. Men have biological clocks as well and your husband’s may be going off. This is a tricky situation with no easy out. If having kids is something your husband really wants to experience, he deserves to have that. However, I wouldn’t advise having a baby just to make your husband happy. That’s not going to end well for anyone involved, most importantly the child!

Try To Compromise

Usually I can wrap these questions up in a tidier package. Today I say: keep talking and try to aim for some kind of compromise. Prepare yourself for the fact that you might have to let each other go if neither one of you can get what you want.

What He Said:

If you wait until you’re ready to have kids, you never will.

If you’re scared, you should be. It’s a big deal. It’s permanent and will change your relationship and your life. And it’s 24/7.So if you’re scared, it’s normal. And if that’s the case you may need to simply make peace with the fact that you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, but that it will be okay, no matter what.

You Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

It’s also possible that you’ve changed. Maybe you really don’t want kids anymore, for whatever reason. That’s something your husband needs to know. There’s no easy way to say it, so just drop the bomb and then begin to move forward. You need to realize that this may be a deal breaker for him and your husband will want to argue his point – you did tell him when you got married that you wanted kids and, now you don’t.

Or, it may be a non issue. Your husband may not want them anymore either or accept that you don’t and still want to be with you regardless. There’s only one way to find out.

Can A Woman Have A Double Vagina?

Kaylen Jackson — Fri, 20 May 2011 14:00:15 +0000

Sex oddities pop up all the time, from a 12″ penis to female genitals that can hold 31 pounds. You might think you’ve heard it all when it comes to strange things about sex, but there’s more out there than you can imagine. For example, can a girl actually have more than one vagina?

Just What Is A “Double Vagina?”

A double vagina, also known within the medical community as a “didelphic uterus,” is when a girl actually has more than one uterus, cervix or canal. It is not uncommon for a woman with a didelphic uterus to have two canals, however, it is also possible for a woman to have more than one uterus but with only one cervix and canal. Regardless of the presentation of this condition, it is not something that can be seen even when the girl is fully naked. It’s all internal. In fact, there are many women who may not even be aware that they have this condition!

Are Two Better Than One?

You might think that having a double canal would be more fun during sex – after all, wouldn’t it bring a whole new meaning to the term “double penetration?” The truth is, there is usually one primary uterus, cervix and canal and the secondary organs are much smaller. A lady with more than one canal may not even be aware that she has the condition. This is due to the second vaginal canal usually being no larger than the width of a pencil and may be hidden within the labia and folds of the vulva.

A common side effect from a double vagina is longer, more intense periods with more pain and bleeding. Some women may experience more “breakthrough bleeding” if they wear tampons – this is because often each uterus will have its menstruation at the same time and since the tampon is inserted only into the primary canal, the woman can experience bleeding around the tampon from the other uterus and canal.

How It Affects Sex

Usually, this condition will not affect sex at all since the secondary one is so much smaller. Some women may experience pain during sex due to this condition, but this is uncommon as the canal is made to stretch to accommodate a variety of different penis sizes.

During sex, the penis is usually inserted into the primary vagina, without regard to the smaller, secondary one at all. In fact, if a girl doesn’t tell her partner that she has more than one, he may never even know! Since the secondary canal is never used for penetration, a woman is still able to experience sex with as much pleasure and capacity for orgasm as any other girl. The g-spot should still be present in the primary canal.

How It Affects Pregnancy

While having a double vagina doesn’t necessarily affect sex all that much, it can be more complicated if a woman with this condition becomes pregnant.

It is possible for sperm to travel through both canals and fertilize eggs within each uterus separately. This can also happen at different times. A girl could be several weeks or months pregnant in one uterus, and then get pregnant in the second one. The deliveries could then be several days, weeks or months apart!
Each uterus is smaller than what an average uterus would be, so it is possible that neither uterus would be suitable for carrying a fetus to full term. In a study of 18 pregnant patients with a double vagina, only 67.5% of the babies survived. Most of the women required a c-section surgery to deliver the baby. However, with proper prenatal care and a doctor who is familiar with the condition, the fetal survival rate is most likely much higher.

How The Condition Is Treated

Most of the time, a girl with more than one uterus and more than one cervix or canal requires no treatment at all. Another similar condition, called a uterine septum, may require surgery, however, surgery is usually not recommended for women with more than one uterus, cervix or vagina.

How Common Is A Double Vagina?

About 1 in 3,000 women have a double vagina and many of them may not be aware of their condition. Usually, if a girl does not have any symptoms such as painful periods or excessive bleeding, she may never know that she has more than one. The condition is usually discovered when a woman sees her doctor or gynecologist with complaints of very severe pain during menstruation or pain during sex.

Is It Safe For A Pregnant Woman To Have Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 14:00:35 +0000

Sex during pregnancy is something lots of men and women wonder about after they have found out they’re going to have a baby. Is intercourse during pregnancy always safe, never safe or sometimes safe? Here’s what you need to know about sex for pregnant women and how to cope if your doctor has instructed you to abstain from sex until the baby is born.

I’d like to say once again that I love your channel and what you guys are trying to do. Well, my friend has gotten his girlfriend pregnant and he feels awkward asking for sex from her. He asked me because I was always that go-to guy for advice, but now I’m stumped. So is it safe for pregnant women to have sex?

–YouTube Viewer

During The First Trimester

The first trimester of pregnancy – that is, the first three months – the baby is very, very small. In fact, it’s too small to be harmed by even the most wild, vigorous sex. The first month or two, the baby is microscopic and even in the third month, it is only an inch or two long. Sex during this stage of pregnancy is almost always safe, unless your doctor has said otherwise.

However, this is the stage you should be more worried about what goes into the pregnant woman’s body – such as drugs and alcohol. Consuming drugs or alcohol (even smoking cigarettes) during the first trimester can do a lot of damage. Even not getting the proper nutrients during this stage of development can hinder growth and cause problems such as spinal bifida and other malformations.

Too Tired For Sex?

During the first trimester, a lot of women aren’t interested in having sex. The hormones being produced by their bodies make them feel tired and stressed, not to mention that morning sickness usually occurs during this time. And don’t assume that morning sickness happens only in the morning – some women don’t have nausea at all and some feel queasy all day. Don’t pressure your partner if she’s not feeling like having sex – there are plenty of good reasons why.

The Second Trimester

After the first trimester of pregnancy, the nausea begins to subside and a woman may feel like she’s got her “second wind.” She’s probably feeling more like having sex, and may even initiate it with foreplay. This is the part of the pregnancy that you find out the gender of the baby and when she starts to show. But is it still safe even though the baby is getting bigger?

Unless a doctor has told you otherwise, it is perfectly safe to have sex during the second trimester. She may even find it more enjoyable during this time in her life than she ever has before – after all, her genitals are becoming very sensitive now. However, the sex positions that you always use might be more difficult now that the baby is starting to get bigger.

Even though the baby is starting to show, penetration still won’t hurt it because it is surrounded by protective amniotic fluid, the uterus and muscles.

The Third Trimester

This is the trimester in which the baby really starts to put on weight. You’ll notice that your partner is getting bigger and bigger each week, and finding comfortable sex positions is becoming even more difficult. Doggy style is a popular sex position during this stage of pregnancy because it allows the belly to stay out of the way.

As a woman progresses into pregnancy and her body gets ready to give birth, getting busy may actually speed the process along. Once a baby has become “full term,” usually around the 40th week of pregnancy, the hormones in a man’s semen (and the vigorous motion created during penetration) can actually induce labor. It’s also not uncommon for this to happen during the 38th or 39th week of pregnancy.

When Sex During Pregnancy Isn’t Safe

There are going to be times when engaging in sexual activity during pregnancy isn’t safe for the woman or the baby. Usually, this is in the case of very high risk pregnancies. Ask a doctor whether the pregnancy is considered high risk and if it is okay to have sex. Don’t be afraid to get specific and ask which activities and sex positions are safe and which aren’t.

If intercourse becomes painful for a woman during the pregnancy, let the doctor know immediately. Intercourse during pregnancy may be uncomfortable at times, but it shouldn’t be painful. Many guys (and girls) are embarrassed to talk to their doctors about things of a sexual nature, but her obstetrician is going to have the best answers for you on what is safe and what isn’t.

What To Do If You Can’t Have Sex

If your girl is up to it, consider being intimate with each other in ways that don’t include penetration if your doctor has suggested you abstain from intercourse. Many guys are afraid they’re going to be left out if their pregnant partners can’t have sex, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Oral sex is a great way to satisfy her sexually and vice versa. Very rarely, if ever, is oral sex dangerous to a developing fetus.

You can also experiment with sex toys for her that don’t involve penetration, such as vibrators for the clitoris. Anal play can also be an option if she’s into it and her doctor has given the green light on it. Be creative and explore different ways to please each other sexually without engaging in actual intercourse.

If She Doesn’t Want – Or Can’t Do – Anything

If intercourse is out and she just doesn’t want to (or can’t for some reason) try oral sex or any other type of sexual activity, you’re just going to have to bite the bullet on this one. A masturbation sleeve can be your best friend during this time, because you might just have to resort to it more often than you actually get to do it with your partner.

Don’t pressure her for intercourse if she can’t or doesn’t want to. Her body is going through many changes and there’s lots of good reasons that she might not want to engage in any kind of sexual activity at all. Just grab a bottle of lube and take a few minutes to take care of things yourself. Your partner will appreciate not being hounded about having sex when she just doesn’t feel like it.

How Having A Baby Can Affect Your Relationship

Andrew Wang — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 23:00:57 +0000

Maybe you’ve just found out that you’re pregnant, or maybe you and your partner have been trying to decide when to have kids. Either way, it’s important to consider all of the ways that having a child will affect your relationship. Taking care of a baby is a lot of work. The stress it can cause and the time it will eat up can take a tremendous toll on you and your partner’s relationship.

That’s why it’s really important to start preparing yourself for the big changes you’ll be encountering long before your baby is actually born.

Preventing Unwanted Pregnancy

It may seem like an obvious tip, but if you really want to start out on the right foot, take the steps to make sure you or your partner doesn’t get pregnant on accident. Even though many surprise pregnancies turn out to be happy accidents, the shock of the surprise can add extra stress. Always practice safe sex if you’re not ready for a baby yet.

That’s particularly true if one of you is less prepared for parenthood than the other, or if your relationship isn’t very serious yet. Just watch one episode of Sixteen and Pregnant, and you’ll understand why it’s better to have a child that you’ve planned for with someone you truly love. Whether your pregnancy is planned or not, once you find out about it, you need to have a talk with your partner.

Allow yourselves to experience all the emotions of the moment—excitement, happiness, nervousness, etc. Openly discuss your hopes and fears and promise to be there for each other when either of you needs to talk about your impending parenthood.

Splitting Up The Parenting Duties

Before the baby arrives, be sure to discuss how you’re going to split up the childcare duties. There are so many things to deal with, from diaper changes and feedings to playtime and going for walks. If you try to balance your roles, neither of you will have the chance to feel resentful toward the other one for not pulling their weight. Of course, once the baby actually arrives, it may be hard to stick to your exact plans, but just having a rough idea of what to do will help you both.

It’s also really important that you savor the last few months before your baby is born. Take advantage of any time you have to be together in a one-on-one setting. Any romantic or passionate moments that you can enjoy now should be taken advantage of, because once the baby shows up, you’ll both be way too busy. Sex will be nonexistent for awhile, not only because a woman has to wait for a bit after giving birth, but also because you’ll both likely be too overwhelmed and exhausted to consider it.

Once you’re both feeling better and have found your baby-care rhythm, however, you should try to work some sex back in. Don’t pressure each other, but do realize that you’ll both be happier for it. You need to keep your physical connection going.

Don’t Forget To Appreciate Your Partner

You may both feel consumed by childcare, so you have to make an effort to appreciate each other. If your partner is particularly helpful with something, thank him or her. Take the time to acknowledge what a good job they’re doing with the baby. If one of you goes back to work before the other one, be empathetic to any jealousy that may bubble up.

Try to take turns watching the little one so you both get some time away from the house. Recognize the fact that you’ll both be getting way less sleep than normal, so if one of you gets snappish, the other one should try not to take it too personally. Above all, remember that your baby will be older and less dependent before you know it.

The toughest parts of caring for an infant won’t last forever, and you will eventually be able to sleep through the night, have sex, and even go on the occasional date night again. Keep a sense of humor, be kind to each other, and look forward to how much fun you’ll have when your little one gets older. Hang in there and support each other, and you may find you’re more in love than ever before.

Q&A: My Husband Says I’m Too Fat Too Have Sex With Me

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 14:00:29 +0000

It’s not uncommon for a man to have a reduction in his sex drive as he gets older, but he may try to blame it on you. He may suggest that you are overweight and not attractive, or come up with some other reason as to why he doesn’t want to have sex with you – and it will probably end up being something that he consideres “your fault.” The truth is, however, that there are many reasons that a man can lose his sex drive as he gets older, including being a new parent among other things. Here’s how to find out the truth of the matter and whether it’s really you or something else.

Question: My husband is 30 & I’m 20 – he absolutely seems to hate having sex! We do it about 2 times a month, IF I’m lucky! He said it’s because I need to lose weight. (I’m 5 foot 5 inches and 165 pounds) He’s really rude about it. Is there a way to get him more turned on to where he’ll want to have sex despite how I look? I just had a baby 9 months ago. I’ve tried giving him a blowjob or a handjob, but when it comes to returning the favor he just won’t do it. Can you give me any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

Try To Find Out What Is Really Going On

You may be taken aback at first when he suggests that his lowered libido is a result of your being overweight, but don’t take it to heart right away. There may be other things that are responsible for his reduced sex drive that he just doesn’t know about and the only thing he can think to blame it on is the way your body looks and that he considers it “unappealing.” A change in his lifestyle – such as a new job or a new baby – could be the culprit, as well as other things like certain medications and even his diet and exercise habits. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether it really is about you or if there might be some deeper issues going on that your partner just isn’t aware of.

When did this start?
Have you always had the same weight-to-height ratio or have you recently gained?
Have you always had sex just a few times a month, or is this something new that has started happening?
Did you just have your first baby?
Is he having job stress or other types of stress in his life?
Has he started taking medication of some kind?
Is he eating a healthy, nutrient rich diet?
Is HE exercising and maintaining a healthy weight?

Talking To Him About It

It’s important to talk to him about what is going on in your sex life (or lack thereof) but picking the right time and place is absolutely essential in getting through to him. Don’t try to talk to him about the issue right after you’ve either had sex or you’ve initiated sex and he’s declined. You also don’t want to do it when he’s stressed out, like right after work or when the baby is fussy. Hire a babysitter, set aside some time for you and your partner to go to dinner and initiate the conversation in a casual and non-critical way. The best way to get through to your partner about what is really going on with him is to avoid being critical of him and what he says. This can be difficult because he’s coming at you with accusations that can really hurt your feelings, but try your best to maintain a level head or the only thing that will come out of it will be a huge, ugly argument. If you can’t work through these issues on your own, consider couples counseling. Find a counselor that you and your partner are both comfortable with and talk to them about the problems you and your partner are having. A good counselor will not blame either of you for what is going on (because let’s face it, the blame game will get you absolutely nowhere) and will help you and your partner find the tools to change what you need to change in your relationship to have a better sex life.

Changing Your Body

If you’ve just gained weight from having a baby, relax a little and be confident that your body will return to its normal size and shape if you maintain a healthy diet and exercise plan. If you’ve always been overweight though, consider taking what your partner is saying to heart (at least a little bit). It may be hard to hear, but being overweight just doesn’t make you unappealing to him, it also places hazards on your health. Overweight people are more at risk for high blood pressure and heart disease, as well as diabetes and other life threatening conditions. Consider losing weight for you. Think about how great you’ll feel afterwards! There are lots of ways to lose weight, but one of the most fun ways is through sex. Perhaps if you tell your partner about some new sex positions that you’ve learned help lose weight, he’ll be interested in joining the cause!

The South Rises Again – In Pregnancies

Christ Pro Erotic — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 23:00:04 +0000

I have nothing against Southerners.

I want to say that up front because I’ve traveled around the southern part of America a few times and found myself admiring the beautiful lands, the great food, and the good people of the South. As a Northerner I always have this fear of being discovered for my dislike of grits at the breakfast table. But truthfully my fears are irrational, at best, when relating to the good people of the south.

However, when it comes to issues such as sexuality, birth control, and teen pregnancy you have to scratch your head how far behind this region of the United States is so far behind the rest of the world by one century.

I say this because the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in a recent report, finds the South is far ahead of the rest of the country in the amount of teen pregnancies.

What The CDC Finds In The South

Nevada, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Kentucky lead the nations as the top 10 states showing increase in teenage birth rates.
Mississippi leads the nation with 65.7% ; most of the teen birth rate increase are found with non-Latino blacks making up 89.5%.
Non-Latino white teens in the South have the highest birth rates in the country in these states: Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, and West Virginia.

The one pattern that holds in this study shows those regions of the country that teach abstinence only sex education are found in (you guessed it) the South.

The states which show offer comprehensive sex education–both safe sex and abstinence education (Calif., Minnesota, Wisconsin, New York, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Connecticut, Massachusetts) have the lowest teen birth rates in the country.

Now it would seem to some I’m picking on the South; I got this agenda to make the South look stupid and backwards. On the contrary, I’m trying to make aware to my fellow Americans there is a huge crisis with our teens that needs to be addressed. Teen pregnancies run the risk of higher complications involving low weight and dying during infancy.

It pains me to drive through states like Kentucky or West Virginia where you can see billboards decrying abortion, but not one billboard showing the need to use a condom or stress to young women the risk you take when they choose to be sexually active. It pains me how you can’t buy a dildo in Alabama, but you get a “just say no” to sex sermon in youth groups across the state giving teens a false sense of what to do when faced with a chance of sexual activity. It pains me how a region (not the only region, but one of the leading regions in the United States) who will decry gay marriage, but the divorce rates in the South are some of the highest in the country.

Faith Vs. Safe Sex Education

As a person of faith, I know how important many Southerners take their faith in their life. But I think the churches and believers in the region who hold to the “no sex till you’re married” mantra must take a serious hard look at the facts and realize our traditions are not helping the situation by teaching abstinence only, but perpetuating the situation further by giving teens a battle axe with only one side to use (and the one side is rubber).

Some of the nations mega churches, ministries, and denominational homes (i.e. Southern Baptist) will make full scale warfare on anything that even shows a bare leg on television or in public. But these same men and women find themselves in compromising positions throwing to the fire their own teachings to their own.

Isn’t it time we faced facts that our traditional stance towards sexuality is a hopeless battle of wits where Southern Christian leaders look like halfwits in the room; that their belief system regarding sex and love are, at worst, a failed attempt to control the masses? I sometimes think the real agenda for some who decry sex education is they want to see their women barefoot, pregnant, with little chance at any background in education. Keep the women in the kitchen and keep them busy with a ton of kids. That a way you know you don’t have to have someone smarter than our men folk.

Ridiculous.

How The South Can Rise Again

If the South is going to rise again it will have to take some bold steps, as a region, to rid itself of their darkened past:

Drop the Confederate flag! That’s so Jefferson Davis.
Join the rest of the world to embrace fact, logic, and clarity on all issues.
Admit the South has a sex problem and find a better, logical way to deal with it.

Right now the way Southern religious/non-religious leaders are handling sex education (not to mention the sexual well being of Southerners as a whole) shames the people and the rich history of the south.

Sex During Pregnancy – Is It Safe?

Kaylen Jackson — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 23:00:48 +0000

Sex during pregnancy is a touchy topic. Pregnant women may be afraid that rough sex will hurt the baby, while men may be just plain weirded out by the idea of sharing his sacred space with another being. So will sex during pregnancy hurt an unborn child, or do you have the green light to make like rabbits until the baby’s born?

Body Changes During Pregnancy

A woman’s body goes through huge changes while she is pregnant and everything feels different. Her breasts may hurt, her vagina may feel swollen or she may feel too tired to have sex at all. On the other hand, she may be rearing and ready to go! She may be more aroused than you’ve ever seen her before and it will be all you can do to keep her from tackling you when you walk in the door. A woman’s vagina will increase the amounts of lubrication it produces during pregnancy, and may make sex feel better for both you and her than before she got pregnant. Some women who have never had orgasms before or have struggled having multiple orgasms report that they were able to while they were pregnant simply because of the increased blood flow to the vaginal area. So sex can be great during pregnancy, but is it safe for the baby?

Don’t Worry About The Baby

During the first trimester, the baby is small enough that pretty much no amount of thrusting is going to harm it or dislodge it from its comfy surroundings. The second and third trimesters are a different story, but not because the baby is in any real danger. The bigger a woman’s belly gets during pregnancy, the harder it can be to find sex positions that are comfortable and pleasurable for both you and your partner. As far as physically hurting the baby goes, it’s pretty much impossible in a healthy pregnancy. The amniotic sac and uterine muscles protect the baby regardless of which stage of pregnancy she’s in. The baby will definitely feel movement and may even enjoy it (say, being rocked to sleep) but you’re not going to poke its eye out with your penis.

When NOT To Have Sex During A Pregnancy

That said, there are some instances in which you should avoid having sex while you’re pregnant. First off, if your doctor says no sex, it really means NO SEX! Your doctor has his or her reasons for putting a stop to sex during your pregnancy and they’re to keep your baby safe. Usually, this happens if there’s something going on in the pregnancy that isn’t normal. For example, if you have a history of premature babies or going into labor early, you may want to avoid rough sex or sex at all. If your water has already broken or you are experiencing bleeding, definitely don’t have sex and see your doctor right away. If you’re concerned that it might not be safe for you to have sex with your partner during pregnancy, ask your doctor. He or she can either put your fears about sex during pregnancy to rest or let you know that you really do have something to be concerned about.

Sex Positions To Use When You’ve Got A Big Belly

Sex during the second and third trimesters is tricky, because your growing belly can definitely get in the way. Finding sex positions that are better for pregnancy isn’t hard, but it can require some experimentation. Doggy style is a favorite of many pregnant couples, but can be painful if he thrusts too hard. You can also try woman on top or spooning, which keeps your belly out of the way but still allows you to experience pleasure from sex.

Q&A: Does A Woman’s Vagina Get Looser After Having Babies?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:00:53 +0000

A woman’s body goes through several monumental changes when she becomes pregnant and has a baby. Not only does she have mood swings and weird food cravings, she’s also going to have larger breasts and – eek! – a looser vagina if she gives birth naturally. Is this something that is permanent or is everything going to go back to normal?

Question: Is it true that the more babies a woman has had the less pleasure she feels from sex, because she is ‘loose’?

–YouTube Viewer

Does Everything Go Back To Normal?

While some women take longer to “bounce back” after having a baby than others, almost every woman’s body returns back to normal after having a child. The breast size will reduce after she stops breastfeeding, and the vagina will firm back up in the months after she’s given birth. A vagina does stretch a great deal when accomodating a the size of a baby, but the skin and tissue down there is very elastic and most of the time will return to it’s normal size and shape after everything is said and done. This certainly doesn’t happen right away, however, and it may even take several months to a year before her body is fully back to normal.

How She Can Take Care Of Herself

Exercising and eating a healthy diet is one of the best things she can do to help her own body return to normal as quickly as possible. To help her vagina return to normal after birth, she can regularly do kegel exercises. Kegels involve squeezing the PC muscles (the same ones used to stop the flow of urine) and holding them several times in a row. The PC and pelvic floor muscles are what are weakened during pregnancy and the birthing process, so exercising them regularly will help them firm up. Remember to follow all doctor’s orders for exercise, diet and sex after pregnancy. Most doctors recommend waiting at least six weeks after a natural, uncomplicated birth to release a woman for exercise and sex. This time frame may be longer if the birth was complicated or a c-section was performed.

Will Some Changes Be Permanent?

Typically, no. A woman’s body is designed to be with child and to give birth – it’s a completely natural process. The biggest changes you may notice after a woman gives birth are that she carries weight in different places than she did before or is heavier now, but of course, exercise and a healthy diet will help some with that. Her breasts may be a little saggier, but then again, gravity affects most women at some point in their lives! A woman’s vagina may be very different after giving birth if she had an episiotomy or tore during the birthing process. An episiotomy is where the skin between the vagina and anus is cut to make more room for the baby, and the incision is stitched up afterwards. Some doctors will repair vaginal tears and some won’t, depending on the doctor’s preference and the severity of the tear. This may change the way her vagina looks and feels, but it won’t stop her or you from receiving sexual pleasure and more often than not the changes are small and easy to overlook.

Q&A: Help! My Girlfriend Does NOT Want Me To Use A Condom

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 14:00:58 +0000

While using a condom is a great way to protect yourself and your partner from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, not everyone likes the way a condom feels. Both men and women can find condoms uncomfortable, and many find it harder to orgasm when using one. Are there other ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s?

Question: I have a problem. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to use a condom while having sex. I’m telling her that we must use it to prevent pregnancy. She is telling me that there is other ways of contraception, but she doesn’t want to have a condom in her. What other simple ways you can suggest to prevent pregnancy? And what should I do? Should I talk to her more about using a condom?

–YouTube Viewer

Why Doesn’t She Want To Use A Condom?

If your partner doesn’t want you to use a condom, try to find out what it is about condoms that make her so uncomfortable. Does she have a latex allergy and she doesn’t know it? Is she sensitive to spermicide in condoms, or does she simply not like the way that it feels? There are a number of different kinds of condoms available, including polyurethane condoms for those with latex allergies, scented and flavored condoms, textured condoms and condoms without spermicide if she’s sensitive. Try getting a “goodie bag” of condoms together (you can buy a mixed lot of condoms easily online) and suggest trying them out.

Other Forms Of Birth Control

There are other forms of birth control available, such as the pill, the patch or the shot. But none of these contraception methods help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are absolutely positive that you are both monogamous to each other and have had recent, completely negative STD testing results (and no unprotected partners in between), you just can’t be sure that you won’t transmit or contract a sexually transmitted disease. One of the best ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s together is for the woman to use a form of hormonal birth control such as the pill or the patch in addition to using a condom. This double layer protection is the best way to ease your mind and let you have fun with your partner without worrying about STD’s and pregnancy.

No Glove, No Love

Ultimately, you decide whether you’re comfortable using a condom or not. Don’t let your partner pressure you into not using a condom if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You and your partner may find an alternative birth control method that works well for the both of you, but make sure it’s something you are comfortable with too. Remember though that the end decision lies with you. If you don’t want to have sex without a condom, don’t do it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you have to. There’s nothing wrong with insisting that you be safe and if your partner ends the relationship because of it, you’ll regret that a lot less than an unwanted pregnancy or ending up with a sexually transmitted disease.

Choose Pro-Dad Over Pro-Life

Maryanne Comaroto — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:01:13 +0000

This is most certainly a rant rather than a blog, but I hope you’ll allow me this indulgence, and excuse my use of strong language. This is an issue that many single mothers, including me, can related to, and I think it’s important to address.

You may have heard the news about Scott Roeder, who was recently found guilty of first-degree, premeditated murder. He admits to having shot Dr. George Tiller, and it only took the jury just over half an hour to reach a guilty verdict.

From the Associated Press: Scott Roeder had confessed publicly before the trial and admitted again on the witness stand that he shot Tiller in the head in the foyer of the Wichita church where the doctor was serving as an usher. He testified he felt the lives of unborn children were in “immediate danger” because of Tiller.

I cannot imagine the pain and emotional outrage the Tiller family must be going through right now. This kind of senseless loss is unfathomable, and as I think about this situation, I’m noticing my own prejudices coming to the surface. Putting emotions aside for the moment, I’m curious as to why we direct our anger toward the symptom rather than the illness.

Preventing Abortion?

How about instead of shooting the messenger, let’s analyze the message. If more women stopped using their insecurities and then their bodies to entice men into relationships, and if more men would take responsibility for their actions and, well, man up, perhaps the abortion rate wouldn’t be as high as it is. Sex is is not about playing around – it’s a responsibility, and becoming a parent is a possible outcome that needs to be taken very seriously. If we get in line with our inner wisdom, we would easily see that the equation is simple: if you want the enjoyment of sex, you have to accept the potential consequences, as well. Perhaps if we dealt with the buried issues that cause us to use sex as a bargaining chip, there would be less inclination to use abortion as birth control.

Biologically, the point of sex is reproduction, but if you look around at the number of kids with absent dads, it’s easy to see that people don’t really take their responsibilities seriously.

So what if instead of Pro-Life, America went Pro-DAD? Then the news might read more like this:

Across the country, men are suddenly stepping up to the plate, as the responsibilities of having sex finally become clear to them. They have finally begun to comprehend that their place as fathers is to personally show their children how to survive and get along in the world, while the mother takes on her role in teaching the children to love themselves. In this way, parents are now able to provide a situation in which they raise their children as a team, and create a dynamic of mutual respect where the child feel safe and secure. Without this partnership, a single mother struggles to meet all the needs of the child, both physically and emotionally. Men and women everywhere are coming to the conclusion that each of us has a responsibility to be honest about our actions. As a result, the abortion rate has dropped dramatically.

Q&A: Is My Girl Pregnant? How Can I Tell?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 21:00:16 +0000

Wondering if you got a girl pregnant or not can definitely get you stressed out and worried in an instant. Many women show signs of pregnancy, even in the early stages of pregnancy, and some women show no signs at all. How can you tell if a girl is pregnant? Is there a surefire way to find out if she is pregnant or not?

Question: How do you know if your girl is pregnant? I’m a guy & am a little worried I did get her pregnant, and am curious as to the signs.

–YouTube Viewer

Signs Of Pregnancy

Some women exhibit signs of pregnancy and sometimes do so even before they know they are pregnant. Many signs of pregnancy include irritability, fatigue, sore breasts and cramping without bleeding. The most common sign of pregnancy is a missed period. None of these signs, however, will definitively tell you whether a girl is pregnant or not. Many other health conditions – and even something as simple as stress – can cause some or all of these symptoms in women. Also, many women can be pregnant and not exhibit any signs of pregnancy, including continuing having what seems like a monthly period throughout pregnancy.

Home Pregnancy Tests

The easiest and fastest way to determine pregnancy for yourself is to purchase a home pregnancy test. There is no age limit on pregnancy tests, so anyone can buy them. Pregnancy tests range from more expensive digital models to simple ones that are available at dollar stores. A pregnancy test detects HCg – a hormone called human chorionic gonadatropin – and is only produced by a woman during pregnancy. Some pregnancy tests can detect this hormone as early as five or six days before a woman’s expected period, and a positive result is almost 100% accurate. A false negative is more likely, simply because some women do not produce enough HCg to register on the test until they’re well into pregnancy. When purchasing a pregnancy test, get two. Take the first one the earliest the box says you can and no earlier. If it’s positive, take the other. If that is positive, schedule an appointment with your doctor. If the first test is negative, wait a week and take the other. If it is still negative, you’re probably in the clear. However, a missed period with a negative pregnancy test still needs to be investigated by a physician.

Seeing The Doctor

A doctor can determine pregnancy with a blood test, a urine test (much like a home pregnancy test) or a physical exam. If you’ve gotten a positive result on a pregnancy test, your doctor will automatically repeat the urine analysis, in addition to other tests to confirm the pregnancy. If you’ve missed a period and are still having negative pregnancy results, your doctor will likely take blood and perform a physical exam to determine if a pregnancy exists.

While stressing out about a possible unwanted pregnancy is common, there’s nothing you can accomplish by worrying. The best way to put your mind at ease is to practice safer sex to begin with – or starting now, if you’re lucky enough to have had only a pregnancy scare.

Q&A: Help! My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Use A Condom!

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:37:08 +0000

While many couples decide together to use condoms during sex, some couples don’t agree on condom use. Your partner may not be advocating for the use of a condom, or he may actually be downright against it! Some guys don’t like the way sex feels with a condom on, but is that a good reason to make sex less safe and risk pregnancy or STD’s? Here’s what to do if your guy doesn’t want to wrap up.

Question: Thanks to you guys, I used a condom my first time. Now my boyfriend doesn’t want to use one any more, but I think we NEED to use one. How should I tell him we need to use a condom without weirding him out? Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

Your Body, Your Choice

It’s up to you to protect your own body – no one else is going to protect it for you. While you want to please your partner and give him the best sex possible, neglecting your own needs and wants – especially when it comes to protecting yourself from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases – isn’t going to do either you or your partner any good. Instant gratification isn’t worth the possible consequences in this situation. While the sex may feel better now without a condom, you’re going to regret your decisions if you end up with an STD or end up becoming pregnant. It’s your choice if you want to have sex without a condom or not, despite what your partner says. If you want him to wear a condom, make it a stipulation that he wear one if he wants to have sex with you. If he doesn’t want to wear a condom at all, let him know that you’re making the decision not to have sex with him unprotected - period. No glove, no love.

Female Condoms

Female condoms are now available and are as effective at reducing the risk of pregnancy and STD’s as traditional male condoms. A female condom is made from polyurethane – not latex – and isn’t as stretchy or pliable. A female condom has a ring on one end covered in polyurethane, and a hollow tube of polyurethane connecting to a larger, more flexible ring with an opening. The smaller ring is inserted into the vagina against the cervix, while the outer ring stays outside the vagina and folds over the labia. During sex, a man’s penis nor his ejaculate can come into contact with the woman’s vagina, as the ring and tube of polyurethane protects the cervix as well as the walls of the vagina. If your partner refuses to wear a male condom, consider placing a female condom inside you before sex. Female condoms are a great way to take your protection into your own hands, and allows you to protect yourself on your own without involving anyone else in the decision.

Other Ways To Protect Yourself

You can also protect yourself with oral birth control, various forms of spermicide including gel, foam and films, or visiting your doctor to be fit with a diaphragm or a cervical cap. All of these methods of birth control are things you can do on your own to protect your body from the risk of pregnancy. Unfortunately, the only ways to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases is to use a male or female condom.

Q&A: Ladies – Masturbation And Your Period

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:00:09 +0000

When teenagers and women begin masturbating, with it comes lots of questions. If you’ve begun having your monthly cycle or have been having your cycle and it suddenly stops in conjunction with regular masturbation, you may be wondering if masturbation is to blame for the disappearance of your period. Is this something that can happen, or is something else going on? Here’s what you want to know about masturbation and your period.

Question: If you masturbate, does it stop you from getting your period? If so, for how long?

–YouTube Viewer

Masturbating During Your Period

There is nothing wrong with masturbating during your period. It may be a little messy depending on how you like to masturbate, but many women enjoy masturbating during their monthly cycle and simply do so in the bath or shower. Masturbating during your period is also not harmful to your body at all and the stimulation can actually help loosen some of the tissue that is being shed so your body doesn’t have to work so hard to expel it. Many women report that having orgasms during their period help to lessen the pain of menstural cramps. Choosing to masturbate or abstaining from masturbationg during your period is simply a matter of preference.

Can Masturbation Stop Your Period

If your period has suddenly stopped, you may be wondering what is going on. If you masturbate regularly or have recently masturbated, it may seem logical to link masturbation to the change in your menstrual flow. Generally, the period doesn’t stop during or right after masturbation. In fact, masturbation often increases the flow of a woman’s period. But if you’re expecting your period and it doesn’t come, you might think that masturbation is to blame. You may also feel that masturbation could be to blame if your periods become irregular, or they suddenly become lighter or heavier than usual. The truth is that masturbation can’t stop your period – regardless of what you do or how you do it. It also can’t make your menstrual flow become irregular or give you a lighter menstrual flow.

Seeing Your Doctor

If you’ve stopped your period, or you’ve had a noticeable change in your menstruation, you need to think about some of the things that could possibly be the culprit here because it’s not masturbation. One of the biggest things that causes a monthly cycle to cease is pregnancy. Pregnancy can sometimes cause a cycle to become irregular, or simply just lighter than usual, although this is rare. Other things that could affect the flow of your period are hormonal changes and eating disorders such as anorexia. It is important to see your doctor if you’ve experienced a significant change in your menstrual flow, including a menstrual flow that suddenly becomes irregular or stops completely. There may be an underlying cause that you don’t yet know about that needs to be taken care of. There is no way to know what has caused the change in your monthly cycle unless you discuss the changes with your doctor.

Q&A: Should We Wait To Have Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:00:35 +0000

It’s one of the most commonly asked questions about sex – when is the right time to have sex? Unfortunately, there’s no concrete answer to this question because the answer is different for everyone. Here are some things to explore on your own to decide if you should wait to have sex.

Question: I am 14. I like this girl and I want to ”do” her. Should I wait or what?

–YouTube Viewer

Teenage Hormones

Teenagers and even pre-teens are just beginning to discover their sexuality. As you go through puberty, your body is responding to different hormones in different ways. Both boys and girls experience an increase in sexual desire, which can be overwhelming when you’ve never felt anything like it before. If you’re a teenager thinking about having sex for the first time, try to remember that almost every other teenager is or has been in your shoes before. Incredible sexual desire is just something that teenagers go through as they grow into a mature adult and learning how to handle it is part of being mature enough to start having sex.

What To Consider Before You Have Sex

There are many things to consider before having sex. First of all, make sure your partner wants to have sex too. Make sure you are both comfortable with each other and this is something you both want to experience together. Do some research before you have sex. Find out how to use a condom and how to prevent pregnancy. Learn what STD’s are and how you can get them and how to prevent contracting them and spreading them. Encourage your partner to do the same, or better yet, learn about these things together. Sure, it doesn’t sound very fun to read about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases before having sex, but it’s part of being responsible enough to have sex. A few other things you might want to think about before having sex is your morals and religion. Is there any reason that you or your partner might feel guilty for having sex now instead of waiting? Is talking to your parents about having sex something you and your parents have an open enough relationship to do? Talk to your parents if you can, and definitely talk to your partner. Perhaps you and your partner are only comfortable with some things and not others. Those are things that are important to discuss before you take the plunge.

There’s No Rush

When you’re a teenager, it may seem like the sexual frustration will eat you alive if you don’t have sex right this minute. Don’t worry – it won’t! Masturbation is a great way to relieve sexual tension and there’s nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until marriage, waiting for the right person or just waiting until you’re a little older. Sex isn’t any better if you do it now and it’s not any worse if you wait until later. In fact, you may just want to wait until tomorrow, or next week. That’s fine too. Just make sure that when you’re ready, you’re ready and your partner is too.

What Is YOUR Plan B? The Truth About Emergency Contraception

Kaylen Jackson — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:00:25 +0000

Contraception talks are often limited to women who don’t use it, encouraging them to explore different forms of contraception such as birth control pills and condoms. What if you’re one of the women who do already use contraception? Most forms of contraceptions are between 85% and 99% effective - in fact, no form of contraceptive is 100% effective. So what is YOUR Plan B if you happen to be in that lucky 15%?

What Is Emergency Contraception?

Emergency contraception, also known as the “morning after pill” is just that – it’s contraception that is used in the event of an emergency. If you miss a few birth control pills, the condom breaks, or your diaphragm spills as you’re taking it out. Emergency contraception isn’t regular birth control, meaning you can’t have sex without protection every time and simply use emergency contraception afterwards to prevent pregnancy. It also won’t protect you against sexually transmitted diseases or infections. But it can help when something goes wrong with your normal contraception methods.

What Is Plan B?

Plan B is the brand name of emergency contraception that is available at your local pharmacy or Planned Parenthood location. You don’t need a prescription for Plan B, but insurance won’t help pay for it either. It works – about 7 out of 8 women that would have become pregnant if they didn’t use Plan B didn’t. Plan B is most effective 72 hours after having unprotected sex or a contraceptive failure, and the longer you wait, the less effective it will be. You certainly don’t have to wait 72 hours either – take it as soon as you can after the event in question to maximize your chances of not becoming pregnant.

How Does Plan B Work?

Plan B works the same as birth control does – in fact, the chemicals are very nearly the same in the two medications, with the exception that Plan B has much stronger doses. Both Plan B and birth control work to stop the release of an egg from the ovary, as well as making the lining of your uterus inhabitable for a fertilized egg should one try to implant itself. Plan B is not an abortion – it won’t work if you’re already pregnant. It simply prevents pregnancy from happening in the first place.

Here are some things you should know about Plan B:

When you take Plan B after a contraception failure or unprotected sex, you are preventing pregnancy from that particular occurance. There is no long term pregnancy prevention with Plan B.
There are risks associated with Plan B, such as blood clots and stroke, which is higher if you smoke. These risks are similar to those with birth control. Ask your pharmacist or Planned Parenthood representative about these risks.
There are few side effects with Plan B, but it is not side effect free. You can experience changes in your menstrual cycle, nausea or dizziness. Ask your pharmacist if you have any questions about side effects with Plan B.

It’s Better To Be Prepared

Birth control doesn’t work all the time. Even the best birth control methods still have a very small window in which you can get pregnant. If you don’t want to have a baby, you should have a backup plan. You can get Plan B before your contraceptive even fails, so you’ll be ready if something happens. Shouldn’t you have a Plan B?

Update: Representatives from Plan B have contacted us with new information about their product. It is no longer called Plan B, but Plan B One Step. Those 17 and older are able to get Plan B One Step without a prescription, but those 17 and under must have a prescription for emergency contraception. Visit www.PlanBOneStep.com for more information.

Bump-A-Holic

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:00:36 +0000

I’ve written earlier about the craze that seems to be infiltrating many communities and homes, creating less than ideal conditions for babies and parents: the bumpaholic. And I believe this type of pregnancy can be less than ideal for several reasons.

It’s for the wrong reasons. We’ve all heard about the more common situations under which a pregnancy isn’t a good idea, even if it’s planned. Things like getting pregnant to keep the man, to try and save the relationship, or to create a bigger purpose in your life. But here’s another ill-advised reason to procreate: an attempt to recapture those feel-good hormones people experience during pregnancy along with the attention from friends and family.

Women in these situations should look at the reasons why they’re desiring this type of attention and endorphin rush. In my book, Make up, Don’t Breakup I talk about why relationships stagnate and then go south and investigate ways to keep this from happening. If you’re searching for attention and connection, examine that with your partner before you bring another person into your lives!

Reasons Not To Get Pregnant Right Now

It’s financially stressful. Sure, there’s never a PERFECT time to have a baby, but naturally certain times are better than others! With the financial strain many of us are facing now, it’s simply not wise to add and additional financial burden to the equation. Which brings me to my next point.

Doing so can create strain in a relationship. In many Bumpaholic situations, the women often strongly desires to get pregnant while the man may be more reticent. Pressuring a partner into having a baby can be one of the most dangerous forms of financial infidelity. Not only can it easily become a point of contention between partners, it can also present an unhealthy and volatile environment to bring a kid into.

It’s denying feelings at the core. I touched on this in my first point, but when it comes to feel-good hormones and attention paid to us, it’s only natural to want more! We have a biochemical craving for connection, as I mention in my book Financial Infidelity, that spurs us on to want to connect with the important people in our lives. When those needs aren’t met by our parents, we can try to overcompensate for that as we become parents ourselves, by looking to create a large family. Or it can be a reflection of the abandonment people feel from their significant other, or from life in general. As our society becomes busier and busier we pull away more and more from the relationships that should be an integral part of our lives. Creating a baby with someone not only allows us to feel close to that person, but gives us someone to lavish our affection, emotion and energy on.

These are all dangerous reasons for bringing kids into the world! Just as alcoholics must examine their relationship to alcohol and what drives them into the destructive habit, so too must a mom looking for fulfillment through pregnancy look at her reasons for doing so.

What Causes Irrational Fear Of Sex?

Paul Carlson — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:00:49 +0000

Sex is everywhere. Sex sells, right? You see sex on television, in movies and you hear it in music. It’s on billboards, in newspaper ads and all over the Internet. So logically, as a society, we don’t seem very afraid of sex, do we? Surprisingly enough, many people still have a deep seated, irrational fear of sex, masturbation and other sex related things. Why is this fear irrational, and what causes it? What can you do about it?

Sex And Psychology

The most complicated part of human psychology is sex. Sex involves so many things, including the body, the mind and even your emotions. What feels good physically doesn’t always feel good emotionally, and what feels good emotionally doesn’t always please you physically. It can be difficult to understand why someone may have a fear about sex or have a sex related phobia, because there are so many contributing factors to sex. In persons who haven’t been sexually abused, a fear of sex or a sex phobia can seem irrational. The human body and mind was created to enjoy and take pleasure from sex, and it’s one of the most natural things for two human beings to do together. What are some things that can cause an irrational fear of sex?

Painful Sex

Many people can experience pain during sex or masturbation. In women, small vaginas or lack of natural lubrication can make penetration extremely uncomfortable or painful. In some women, the clitoral hood doesn’t cover the clitoris completely, making most types of sexual contact painful instead of pleasurable. In men, a poorly done circumcision can leave too little skin on the penis, making an erection uncomfortable or painful when the skin stretches too taut. Penises also have stiff, fibrous muscles that when erect, can “break.” It’s rare, but rough masturbation or sex can “break” a penis, making sex or even erections painful if it’s not corrected immediately. Anyone that experiences pain during sex or masturbation can develop a fear of sex or sex related activities, depending on what causes them pain or discomfort.

Psychological Issues

Many people have an irrational fear of sex due to psychological factors. Some people have phobias of sex or masturbation because their parents brought them up in an overly religious environment, or they were taught to think sex is dirty. Believe it or not, many women are taught that enjoying sex is “wrong” and that sex is only something they must do as a wife when they get married. Many of these women don’t have orgasms and have very poor and unsatisfying sex lives, therefore, may avoid sex as much as they can in fear of it. Many men and women are brought up thinking that masturbation is wrong as well, even that it will give you hairy palms or cause blindness. Any type of skewed thinking about sexual pleasure that was ingrained on a person as a child can contribute to sexual fears and phobias in adulthood.

STD’s And Pregnancy

Some people avoid sex all together because they have deeply rooted fears of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps someone in the family contracted AIDS or got pregnant, and the family criticized them or looked down upon them. Perhaps someone contracted a sexually transmitted disease or got pregnant and is terrified of it happening again. Fears of pregnancy and STD’s can play a large part in someone’s irrational phobias of sex.

What To Do

If you have a fear of sex or sex related activities, it’s important to see a doctor. What you’re experiencing, however, can determine which type of doctor you go see. If you’re having physical pain during sex, you should make an appointment with your general practitioner or family doctor. They can do a physical examination as well as take a detailed medical history to determine what exactly is causing the pain or contributing to it. If you’re having psychological issues with sex, consider seeing a therapist or a specialized sex therapist to help talk to you about your phobias, why you have them and how you can work your way through them.

Many people are afraid of seeing the doctor – regardless of which type – because having a sexual fear for whatever reason can seem embarrassing. Lots of things are embarrassing though, and you deserve to have a happy, healthy sex life. Find a doctor or therapist that you’re comfortable with, and take control of your sex life.

When Baby Bumps Spell Danger

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 22:00:34 +0000

If it seems like everyone around you is pregnant – maybe you’re even one of the pregnant ones! – you’re not crazy. More and more people are having kids, and many are having their third or fourth child. In 2007, American women gave birth to 4.3 million babies – that’s more than ever before! And of those 4.3 million, more than a quarter of those babies were born to women either on their third or fourth child. An article in Women’s Health points out this doesn’t mean we’re all rushing to ensure our buns are in the oven, or that family size is growing exponentially – in fact, the average number of children per American family is still close to two.

Pregnancy Problems?

But this birthing trend can reveal some issues that are less than warm-and-fuzzy. The problem may actually start with those feel-good hormones people experience during pregnancy along with the attention from friends and family. But wanting to re-capture those feelings, even subconsciously, can make for an unhealthy outcome – and an unhealthy relationship with your baby.

According to psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, M. D, “Women who are obsessed with being pregnant are literally filling an emptiness inside of them, just as alcoholics and drug addicts use substances to fill a psychological void.” It makes sense: we all want to feel less lonely, and for many, babies help them do just that. And this “fix” can easily become a cycle – when an infant becomes a more independent toddler the mom may search to fill the void again by having a baby.

Bumpaholics

These “bumpaholic” behaviors can ao be traced back feelings of abandonment by their own parents, which in turn creates that desire to not be alone or lonely. We have a biochemical craving for connection, as I mention in my book Financial Infidelity, that spurs us on to want to connect with the important people in our lives. When those needs aren’t met by our parents, we can try to overcompensate for that as we become parents ourselves, by looking to create a large family. Or it can be a reflection of the abandonment people feel from their significant other, or from life in general. As our society becomes busier and busier we pull away more and more from the relationships that should be an integral part of our lives. Creating a baby with someone not only allows us to feel close to that person, but gives us someone to lavish our affection, emotion and energy on.

Help! He Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With My Baby!

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:15:32 +0000

It’s an unfortunate yet age old situation – a girl gets pregnant, knows who the father is, yet he wants nothing to do with her or the baby because he doesn’t believe it’s his. Some men, even if they know they’re the father, will still want nothing to do with the child. What’s a girl to do?

A girl gets pregnant and knows her boyfriend is the father – but he disagrees. Now he wants nothing to do with the baby! What can she do?

Is It Him? Is It Someone Else?

If you’ve only had one sex partner in between menstrual cycles, generally, you can pretty much bet that he’s the father. However, if you’ve had more than one partner, you can’t be sure of who the father of your unborn child might be. Of course, if you’ve had multiple sex partners, your partner may be unsure of whether he’s the father or not as well. You might be “sure,” but you can never be 100% sure of who the father is if you’ve had multiple partners without a blood test.

Getting A Paternity Test

If you’re in a situation where you’re pregnant and you’ve had more than one sex partner, it’s important to have a paternity test done. Even if you’re sure of who the father is, a paternity test can still be helpful if your sexual partner is unsure of whether he could be the father or not. This can be done while you’re still pregnant, but can be dangerous for the fetus. A simple blood or saliva test after the baby is born will tell you for certain whether a sexual partner you’ve had is the father of your child or not. This will also help you legally should you pursue child support down the road if the father still wants nothing to do with the baby. Some paternity tests are expensive, and you might be tempted to contact a television show for a paternity test, but don’t do a show unless you’re a million percent certain of who the father is. Being proven wrong on a television show is embarrassing and time consuming – if you’re even a little doubtful, shell out the dough for a private paternity test. You’ll be glad you did.

Your Options

You can legally and physically prove that your sex partner is, in fact, the father of your child, but you can’t make him be a dad. It takes a lot more to be a “Dad” than sharing genetics. If he wants no part of the child’s life, there’s nothing you can do. It can be difficult to wrap your head around, but it is what it is and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. Unless you’re prepared to be a single mother, you need to consider your options. There are many available to you and you should learn about them and understand them. There is abortion and adoption if you don’t wish to have a child, depending on what your beliefs are. Think about what you want to do before you have a paternity test.

Does Sex Always Equal Babies?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 12:00:08 +0000

Sex education these days is at a low, especially considering our social growth and development in other areas of our lives. While we love exploring why educating our youths about sex is so taboo, this time we’re talking babies. We’re going to answer the simple, yet age old question – does sex always equal babies?

Most people know this, but some of you may not. Does sex always equal babies? Do you have a baby for every time you have sex? Here’s what you want to know about the fundamentals of sex and pregnancy!

Egg, Sperm, Birds And Bees

To address whether sex always equal babies, first you need to understand the fundamentals of what creates a baby. What it takes to make a baby is simply 1 sperm to fertilize 1 egg. While men release millions of sperm each time they ejaculate, women only drop 1 egg a month (generally, with the exception of twins) within a window of about 3 days, during which the egg can be fertilized. So while you may have sex 30 times in one month, or 5 times in one month, that does not equal how many babies you will have. Most of the millions of sperm that enter the vagina during unprotected intercourse will die before ever reaching the egg, thousands do reach the egg and all it takes to fertilize it is 1. Sperm can also live in the vagina for about three days as well, so these events don’t always have to happen back to back or in order for a pregnancy to occur. In fact, you may release an egg before you have unprotected sex, but still end up pregnant.

Educate Yourself

You can’t rely on your parents or even schools to educate you about sex, so it’s important for you to take that step and start educating yourself. Read about female and male anatomy and broaden your understanding about sex and pregnancy and how they relate to each other. There are a ton of resources available to you through your local health department, the library and websites that can help you understand the basics of pregnancy and sex, as well as human anatomy. Knowledge is power and it’s important to be informed and smart when it comes to sex and you can never learn too much.

Always Risky

When you have unprotected sex, you’re always running the risk of becoming pregnant. Even protected sex isn’t completely, 100% effective. All it takes is 1 sperm and 1 egg. Know that any sex (even protected) can result in a pregnancy, even if it isn’t a pregnancy for every time you have sex. Every time you have sex, you risk getting pregnant. If you aren’t planning on having a baby or don’t want one, take measures to protect yourself when having sex. Abstinence is the only 100%, foolproof way to prevent pregnancy, but condoms, spermicide and birth control work well in reducing the risk of pregnancy, especially when used in conjunction with other pregnancy prevention methods. Condoms are the only safer sex method that will protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Do your research – it pays to be informed.

What Is The Best Age To Start Having Sex?

Paul Carlson — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:00:38 +0000

Teenagers (and some adults) are have been asking for quite some time, “What is the right age to start having sex?” Teens are asking because they want to know when they get the green card to let their hormones take control, and adults are asking because they want to know when they should give their teenagers that same green card. So when is the best age to start having sex, and does it differ from person to person and family to family?

So what is the right age to have sex for the first time? What’s the right age to enter into a sexual relationship? Here are our often controversial thoughts on this topic, and we want to know what your thoughts are on this topic – when do you think the best age is for someone to start having sex? Check out our YouTube page and leave a comment!

Be Safe And Be Smart

Before we start discussing what age you should or shouldn’t start having sex at, let’s address safe sex at any age. People can recommend that magic “age” all they want, but when it boils down to it, each person is going to make that choice for themselves. So whatever age you decide to have sex for the first time, make sure you’re being safe! Unprotected sex leads to sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and possible pregnancy. Don’t take a chance – use a condom or a dental dam, and know who you’re having sex with. No matter what age you are, if you’re having sex, you’re worth having safe sex.

Waiting

Of course for the younger generation, abstinence is ideal, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Teenagers and pre-teens are having sex and becoming sexual at an earlier age every year it seems like it. Middle schoolers are even beginning to have sex, and some late elementary school age children are starting to show signs of being interested in sex! Of course you want to wait as long as you possibly can. Even if you decide to wait until you’re eighteen, or until you’re married, it is still smart to be honestly and comprehensively educated about sex, about your options and about the consequences of sex. You always want to be armed with information before you make a decision.

A Good Age To Have Sex

Levels of maturity differ from person to person and morals and beliefs differ from family to family. Respect your moral beliefs, and respect your maturity. Women are often more mature than men, and may be ready for sex before men are. Teenagers, however, may not be ready for the consequences of having sex period and that is definitely something to take into consideration. It is your choice though to have sex, no matter what age you are. Once you’ve educated yourself about sex and know how to be safe and what the consequences (emotional and physical) of sex are, you’ll have a better idea if you’re ready or not. If you’re ready, make it special and make it safe. If you’re not, wait.

If you do, however, decide to have sex for the first time, don’t think there’s no going back. Just because you have sex once, does not mean that you have to continue if you don’t want to! You may not be a physical virgin again, but you can decide each and every time whether you want to have sex or not. If you have sex and regret it, don’t do it again. It’s always your choice.

Sperm, Semen and Safe Sex – What You Need To Know

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 01:00:50 +0000

Sex education, unfortunately, is at a low nowadays. Although our society has evolved exponentially since sex was considered completely taboo – sex education is still primitive. Television shows, movies, music and even the Internet has taken sex to a completely new level, with songs about “booty calls” and nudity on prime time, but adults in this nation can’t bear to discuss more than the scant basics of sex with their youth. It’s about time somebody steps up and gives solid, useful information about every aspect of sex in an educational way so that our youth can make informed decisions about sex, oral sex and foreplay.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend gives me blow jobs, hand jobs, etc. Every time we play, this white sticky stuff come out, and then after a few minutes cum comes out – what is all this stuff coming out of me?

–Jason, TX

Sperm, Semen and Precum

Lots of girls want to know – what’s the skinny on sperm, semen and precum? What are they?

Precum – The clear, thinnish and somewhat sticky liquid that comes out of the head of the penis in small amounts during penile stimulation before he actually ejaculates. Precum can and does contain live sperm, although in significantly smaller amounts than actual semen.

Semen – The whitish, thicker fluid that comes out of the head of the penis during ejaculation that contains millions of sperm.

Sperm – Organisms carried within semen and precum that join with a woman’s egg to conceive a child.

Which Of These Can Get A Girl Pregnant?

In short – all of them! Precum and semen both contain sperm. Having unprotected sex without a condom, even before the man ejaculates, can get a woman pregnant. It is better to treat a penis like a loaded gun. Many women believe that allowing a man to have intercourse with her without a condom is safe, as long as the guy pulls his penis out of her vagina before he ejaculates, and ejaculates away from her vagina. While this is safer than allowing your partner to actually ejaculate inside you, it is not a way to protect against pregnancy. Sperm can travel out of the penis pretty much at any time – allowing a condomless penis to get within the vicinity of your vagina puts you at a definite risk of getting pregnant.

Don’t chance it! Even allowing your partner to rub his penis on the outside of your vagina without a condom can transmit sperm from the penis to the vagina and there’s a reason that sperm are called “little swimmers.” They travel! For the safest type of sex, use a condom to prevent pregnancy. You can also discuss with your doctor other methods of birth control that can be used in conjunction with a condom for added protection, or in lieu of a condom if your with an STD free partner and in a completely faithful, monogamous relationship.

Which Of These Can Transmit A Sexually Transmitted Disease?

In short – all of them! Again, treat a condomless penis like a loaded gun, even more so if you’re unsure if your partner has a sexually transmitted disease. To clarify, unless you have a piece of paper in your hand that says your partner has tested negative for STD’s and you’re 110% positive your partner has not had any type of sexual contact with anyone else since the test was taken, you’re unsure of whether your partner has an STD. Protect yourself. Both precum and semen can carry the HIV and AIDS virus, as well as other sexually transmitted diseases. It is important to be even more vigilant if you’re concerned about STD’s, however, because you don’t just have to worry about any fluids from your partner’s penis coming into contact with your vagina, you also have to worry about these fluids possibly coming into contact with your mouth or any open sores or cuts on your body.

For example, if you knicked yourself shaving and your partner rubs his penis up your leg without a condom, you can possibly contract an STD that way. It’s rare – yes. But possible. Be safe and get STD tested, suggest that your partner get STD tested, stay in a monogamous, faithful relationship whenever possible, and use condoms during anal sex, oral sex and vaginal intercourse any time you’re unsure. Always treat your partner’s penis as though it can get you pregnant or give you an STD because in truth – it can! That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex. Just be safe and smart about it!

Is It Safe To Have Sex While My Wife Is Pregnant?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:58:00 +0000

Today’s emphasis on the health of pregnant women can have men wondering if having sex with a woman during her pregnancy is healthy and safe for both the mom and the child.

Fortunately, men will be happy to hear that the only ban on sex is after the baby is born. There are, however, some considerations to take when engaging your pregnant lady in sex – just out of courtesy.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

If my wife is pregnant is it still ok to have sex? because me and my wife are thinking about having a baby and when she’s pregnant I don’t want to miss out on sex for several months. I hope you answer my question in one of your videos. Thanks.

– Pascal, Canada

Yes, It’s Safe

Your doctor will tell you if your baby is healthy and if the pregnancy is progressing normally. If your doctor confirms a healthy pregnancy, there is no harm whatsoever in having sex with your partner during her pregnancy.

Most doctors will put a ban on sex for a short time after the baby is born, but during a normal pregnancy, there is nothing to worry about when having sex with your partner. That doesn’t mean, however, that your partner will always feel like having sex.

When She Doesn’t Feel Like It

Even a normal, healthy pregnancy is tough on a woman’s body and emotions. Sometimes it’s difficult for the body to produce the hormones necessary for arousal when it’s regulating both the health of the mother and the baby.

A mom has to produce more blood and even grow a new organ along with the baby when she’s pregnant and with all that going on, she might not feel up to having sex. The second trimester is reportedly better for the sex drive when the morning sickness goes away and before she gets uncomfortably big, but it’s not foolproof.

If your partner doesn’t feel like having sex, don’t hold it against her! Do something else that is intimate instead, such as rubbing her belly or her feet or just cuddling on the couch.

When She Does Feel Like It

There may be times when your partner consents to sex and other times where she wants it so bad she can’t see straight. Take advantage of the fact that she feels up to getting down and dirty and make the most of it.

Relax! You’re not going to hurt the baby no matter how large you are or how hard you’re having intercourse. The mother’s organs and the placenta are designed to protect the baby from everything but heavy bodily injury. That said, that doesn’t mean that your partner wants you to pretend you’re hammering a nail into a particularly thick stud.

Ask your partner what she’s comfortable with before you begin having sex. You might have to get a little creative when it comes to intercourse positions, especially towards the end of the pregnancy. Even though the baby is well protected, that doesn’t mean your partner’s vagina isn’t more sensitive and tender than before. There are more blood and hormones running to that area now that she’s pregnant and that may mean that she prefers softer or slower strokes during sex.

Communicate with your partner and listen to her when she tells you what feels good and what doesn’t.

Having sex with your partner during her pregnancy can be a beautiful and special way for you to experience the baby and how you both created life. Having sex during a normal, healthy pregnancy doesn’t endanger the baby or the woman in any way, so relax and have fun!

Safe Sex: Can That Clear Fluid Really Get Me Pregnant?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:29:33 +0000

If you’re in a steady, sexual relationship with your partner, you may be wondering just how risky you can be sexually without getting pregnant. You’re not alone!

Many people want to test the boundaries and do as much with each other without a condom as possible. Some people say that it feels better and others just like the physical closeness and intimacy.

One thing is for sure though, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

The white/clear liquid that comes from a guy as lube, does that contain sperms?

Is it enough to get a female pregnant?

-Tori, CA

There’s always a risk of pregnancy and STD’s when you have sex.

Yes, it’s true. If you’re having sex at all, be it protected or unprotected sex , you risk conceiving a child or contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

It’s pretty black and white, but there are many misconceptions when it comes to this. Even with condoms, there is still a 0.01% chance you may become pregnant when having intercourse with your partner. It’s important to look at the situation in a realistic light. The only completely safe sex is no sex at all.

What fluids actually contain sperm?

The only fluid that contains sperm is the ejaculate – theoretically. However, there may be some sperm hanging out in the urethra from an earlier ejaculation that can get passed to the vagina in the clear fluid that comes out of the penis during heightened stimulation. Therefore, to be safe you should assume that any fluid that comes out of the penis can contain sperm!

If you want to avoid getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease, your best bet is to simply have your partner wear a condom for any sexual activity that would involve the penis getting near or in the vagina.

Be safe, not sorry.

If you’re not prepared for the consequences of having unprotected sex, such as contracting an STD or conceiving a child, it is extremely important that you practice having safer sex at all times! If you and your partner are able to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and the tests are negative, you can switch to spermicide or hormonal birth control pills instead of condoms to allow for more intimacy and pleasure for both you and your partner.

If you are having unprotected sexual intercourse with your partner, you need to acknowledge the fact that the risk of getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease is much higher than if you and your partner used a condom. Although you are not completely eliminating the risk of pregnancy and STD’s with a condom, you are reducing your chances significantly. It is much better to be safe than sorry!

Just remember that the decisions you make in bed can certainly affect the rest of your life and act accordingly. Countless individuals have made a split second error in judgment in the heat of the moment, only to realize that it is too late and they have an STD or a new baby to take care of. Just act responsibly!

Use protection any time you and your partner are ready to have intercourse and don’t let your partner’s penis near your vagina unless he has a condom on if you don’t want to get pregnant. Remember that any fluid that comes from the penis has the potential to carry sperm and sexually transmitted diseases.

If you and your partner stay safe, you can enjoy each other sexually while reducing your risks tremendously. You decide!

He Pulled Out… Can I Still Get Pregnant?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:38:47 +0000

You and your partner having been having intercourse for some time now. You feel like a couple, you’re committed to each other . . . and you’ve been having unprotected sex.

Sure, he’s been pulling out or you’ve been using the calendar method, but how risky are you actually being? Can you get pregnant?

There’s no easy answer to this question, but the answer is always the same. Yes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years now. We’re having sex like a couple and he wants to get married and we been having unprotected sex, well he went to pull out but made it to my leg before his cum came out could I get pregnant from that?

- Alyson, Nebraska

Any sex at all can lead to pregnancy.

While birth control methods work well, whether you’re using hormonal birth control, barrier methods or spermicides, you still run the risk of getting pregnant. Your risk of getting pregnant as a result of protected sex is much, much lower than if you were having unprotected sex, but there is still a risk. The only time you are fully protected against pregnancy is if you’re abstinent.

Pulling out…does it work?

Pulling out is a popular birth control method of choice for many couples who do not want to wear condoms and do not have access to hormonal birth controls. It is sad to say, but pulling out before ejaculation does not protect you much from getting pregnant! It is not a safe method of birth control!

If any sperm get in or near the vagina, you could get pregnant. When pulling out, this could happen a number of ways. Your partner could fail to pull out quickly enough and ejaculate inside your vagina, dramatically increasing your chances of conceiving a child. Your partner could ejaculate on your leg and the ejaculate could get onto the outside of your vagina. If the sperm travel to your fallopian tubes (which they can), you could get pregnant.

Let’s not forget that men also emit pre-ejaculate during sex that they usually can’t feel, that can contain sperm as well. All of these things could get you pregnant! It is much safer to use protection of some sort while engaging in sexual activity.

Are we being too risky?

What is considered “too risky” is up to you. Are you prepared to conceive a child? Are you prepared for the consequences of what could happen if you become pregnant? Have you talked to your partner about how the situation would be handled should you find out that you are pregnant?

If you are not ready to become pregnant, have a child, prepare to end the pregnancy or place the child for adoption after the birth, you should seriously reconsider having unprotected sex even if you’re pulling out or using the calendar method! If you do believe that you and your partner can truly handle the prospect of getting pregnant after having unprotected sex, then it’s up to you whether or not you wish to continue having unprotected sex.

Talk with your partner and talk with your doctor about how you can start having safer sex. If you do not want to become pregnant, you need to use some method of birth control. Condoms work especially well and are easy to purchase from supermarkets and convenience stores. Hormonal birth controls and spermicides are effective as well, and for extra protection you could consider using both.

The best person to counsel you on how to have protected sex is your doctor or a sex therapist or counselor! The bottom line is if you don’t want to get pregnant, don’t risk it with unprotected sex, ever!

Can She Get Pregnant If We Take a Hot Steamy Bath Together?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 13:15:39 +0000

Pregnancy Myth vs. Fact

Can she get pregnant while taking a hot, steamy bath together, even if we have swimsuits on?

The short answer to this question is "NO". There are many myths out there about what will and will not cause a woman to get pregnant. These myths are even more prominent in some of the more conservative religious family cultures because sex is simply not talked about in the home, so the kids grow up believing all kinds of myths and and tall tales about sex. It’s such a mystery to them…

In this case, sperm do not live very long outside of the body and when you throw in the chlorine from the bath, the little guys just don’t have a chance. Barring some type of immaculate conception, it’s very, very unlikely that a woman could get pregnant this way.

But don’t get too smug just yet, she COULD still get pregnant…

The Real Question About Sex, Pregnancy, and a "Hot Bath"

Here is a very interesting twist on this topic. If a couple is taking a hot bath together, are they sitting at opposite corners of this bath tub? Are they six feet away from one another? Are they waving at each other and having to yell across the pool to hear each other?

No? So then, what ARE are they doing exactly? Is there any alcohol involved?

In these situations proximity leads to more proximity… and that often leads to what we call "slippage". Couples can get lost in the heat of the moment and before you know it – "Whoops!"

So the real question is: "What are they really doing in the steamy, hot tub together?"

Taking a bath is highly unlikely. They are more likely pursuing mild, pseudo-sexual relations but are afraid to call it sex because of whatever silly taboo or maybe just a little shyness. So what can you do?

Call it what it is and take the appropriate precautions. Wear a condom if you really, really want to be safe.

Safe Sex Recommended Reading

If you really want to get a better understanding about sex, and especially safe sex, here are a couple of books that will get you started on the right path.

The first one is the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. Whenever you want to learn a new topic, the Idiot’s Guide and even the For Dummies series are great because they cover so many aspects of the subject very thoroughly. They’re also generally very well written and easy to read.

Another book which is a very well illustrated and also very tastefully done is the Sexopedia by Anne Hooper.

If your parents didn’t bother talking to you about sex, like most parents don’t, go grab these two books and you will better informed. It’s a much better idea than getting this info from your buddies and flying blind…

Sex is a natural and beautiful part of life, but it’s also a very serious topic. What you don’t know about sex CAN hurt you. If you’re going to partake in it (even if you don’t quite call it "sex"), get educated and be smart about it.

Sex Myths Exposed – Can Your Girlfriend Get Pregnant from Taking a Bath Together?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:45:23 +0000

You’re planning a hot steamy bath with your girlfriend, but just to be safe you’ve both got your swimsuits on.

Can You Get Her Pregnant Taking a Bath Together?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I wanted to know that if I and my female partner are taking bath together having my shorts on and her panties on, can it happen that my sperms getting contacted with water and then to her panties, can make her pregnant. Please. Give me the safe way out, for I don’t want my partner to get pregnant.

Myth or Fact? You Decide…

Here’s a resource we recommend for helping women achieve orgasm every time:

Check out our review of The Female Orgasm Black Book. You’ll be very surprised by the percentage of women who have NEVER had an orgasm with a man – we certainly were.

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