She Said:

I’d say let the past be the past, as long as that past includes having been tested for AIDS and other STD’s. Your boyfriend made a choice before you two met; at least he was honest with you about his sexual history with a prostitute. Thumbs up for that!

He Confided In You

He’s revealed something to you that most guys probably wouldn’t share with their girlfriends. You might want to consider making him feel safe, instead of judged, now that he’s confided in you. I can understand feelings of being shocked – I’m sure it was the last thing you expected to hear. However, he can’t change what he’s done so making him feel bad is not going to get you anywhere.

Of course, your feelings need to be respected as well. If it’s too difficult for you to hear about, thank him for confiding in you and close the subject. P.S. – once the subject is closed, that means you have to drop it. However, if you’re curious, consider asking him about his sex experience with the prostitute.

He did bring up something that easily could have been kept a secret. Perhaps there were portions of the experience he had that you might find titillating. You can explore these things in a safe place, between the two of you.

Whatever you choose, please act respectful of each other. And I’m serious about making sure he was tested after his experience. Prostitution is legal and regulated in the Netherlands, but extra precautions regarding health would be extremely wise.

He Said:

I don’t know how to tell you this, but your boyfriend is an idiot. Unless he caught something from her there (and if he has an STD there may be a chance he got it from someone else), I can’t see any logical reason for him to tell you this.

He Should Have Kept It Confidential

It’s like if he were to ask you your number of partners. There is no way to win that argument, regardless of relationship status. It’s a lose-lose-lose situation.  He doesn’t need to know how many people you have been with and you don’t need to know how many people he has been with,  plain and simple. The exception is if he has some sort of STD, then of course the person with the condition would need to disclose it. I’m assuming you have already been intimate with him, so presumably you have already had this conversation.

Testing should happen after every partner, be they professional sex worker or not. And I wouldn’t necessarily freak out because he was with a professional. Typically, in a highly regulated scenario like Amsterdam, a prostitute is regularly tested and they are highly aware of the risks involved and more importantly, how to minimize them – usually by using a condom. Some girl he met at a bar in the states may not know how to do that.

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This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be difficult getting over the other women but not impossible.

Here’s how to come to terms with your partner’s past partners.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. When we were first together he said that he was a virgin. Since he was 20 I found this surprising but I trusted him. Only after I slept with him did he confess that he had been with someone when he was deployed in Korea (he’s in the army). He paid for it I think she was only a bartender not a regular hooker. She also did oral on him and he has received “hand jobs” and oral one other time. Now that I know all these I can’t get out of my head of him with other women and I am constantly worrying that I am not the best out of them. How do I get over the idea of my boyfriend being with a hooker of all people and the others? And to stop comparing myself?

- Laura, Ohio

Realize They’ve Had Other Partners

The first step in getting over the other women is coming to terms with the fact they’ve been with someone else, or many other someone elses. You’ve probably been with your share of someone else’s too. Is this a bad thing? Is this something that should become a big deal between you and your partner? Definitely not!

Having a sexual past is something that almost everyone has. Who cares about the numbers? Who’s keeping score? You should discuss this with your partner only if you’re discussing sexually transmitted diseases and whether or not you are both going to get tested, etc.

This is not a discussion that should be had “just to find out.” You’ll end up asking yourself a million other questions! How many were there? Were they better than me? You’re better off sticking to the realization that yes, your partner has had other partners. You have too.

Sex Is Not Love And Love Is Not Sex

It’s really very simple. Someone can have sex without love and love without sex. It’s that simple. Just because your partner has had sexual relationships with other people doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. A critical step into getting over the other women is realizing that he loves you. He is with you and he chooses to be – you’re not making him. Realize that what you share with him is in the here and now, and is something he wants to be involved in. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be with you. He’d be with someone else.

Yes, They Were Different

Women who have trouble getting over the other women are often left asking themselves who was better or worse. There’s a simple solution to this issue, although it’s never easy to swallow. Stop thinking about how you rank and realize that a sexual relationship is always different from person to person and that’s all! It’s simply just . . . different.

Building Trust

If your partner has ever lied to you about who he has been with, you may have another issue on your hands. Trust is essential in a relationship and if this is an issue you’re dealing with, it’s important that you build and grow your foundation of trust before you tackle anything else. Even if your partner hasn’t lied to you, you need to trust that he is with you. Trust that your partner won’t go running off to be with someone else just because he’s been with others before you.

There is more to your relationship than just sex, and there’s more to your relationship than just love. It’s an entirely dynamic and multi-faceted relationship that runs on many different levels.

So relax! Enjoy being with your partner and being in the here and now instead of focusing on the past – you or your partner’s past. You’ll both be much happier that way!

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Two weeks ago we took a poll to see exactly how our readers feel about Prostitution.

We asked: "Should We Legalize Prostitution Now?"

The conversation was heated and down right amazing. Readers left many hundreds of comments all over Netscape.com and on the posts themselves.

So just what were the results of this controversial prostitution poll?

More than 2800 of our readers spoke out and the answers will surprise you… 

The response to this poll from Netscape.com was so strong that it literally crashed our servers after just a few hours – oops. We’ve since upgraded our servers to handle the additional traffic that a topic like this can generate. If you did not get to Take the Legalize Prostitution Poll before, do it now so that your voice can be heard! Thank you for your patience as we recovered from these growing pains. 

Here’s the breakdown as of 5/15/2007

(We’ll update the results periodically as the numbers change.)

Take the poll

1. If you’re one of the few who missed it, here’s the article that sparked so much conversation and controversy: Should Prostitution be Legal? Take the Poll!
2. If you haven’t taken the poll yet, Take the Legalize Prostitution Poll to make your vote count on this incredibly controversial topic.
3. And be sure you make yourself heard in the other hot poll of the week: Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory?

Don’t forget to leave a comment below to let us know where you stand. 

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A major scandal rocked our nation when it was publicly announced that Deborah Jeane Palfrey operated an escort / prostitution service in Washington D.C.

Wow, imagine that. She provided a service that people were seeking, employed women who were seeking employment, paid these women well and did her best to ensure safe working conditions. Hmmm. Seems like sound business practices to me.

And yet, certain individuals want to send her to prison because of some outdated puritanical laws that are left over from the times of witch burning and other proud moments in our history.

Take the Poll and Join the Conversation!

Hypocrisy and Prostitution

One of our readers said it best: “The perception of Prostitution is more ridiculous and hypocritical than all else. It’s the oldest profession yet the one most demonized. Why? The government could control the houses with all health issues addressed, tax revenues for the government, contented customers who now hide, and finally prostitution off the streets. Instead, it’s illegal with harsh jail sentences, and not government controlled.

I find it perplexing that politicians, bankers, lawyers, business people, and all other men and women use the profession, yet it’s illegal in the eyes of the religious and hypocrites. It’s all lunacy.” — NelsonR, Netscape.com

The very politicians and government officials who fight to ban prostitution are indulging in it. Wow, what a surprise. Hypocrisy at it’s finest. The beauty here is that Deborah Jeane Palfrey’s defense team has decided to release the names of all her clients, most likely including some of those same government officials.

Escort Service or Prostitution… So What’s the Difference?

OK, she says it was a high end escort service, but authorities are calling it a prostitution ring.

We hear a lot about escort services and how they’re legal, but every now and then an “escort service” gets shut down and the media proudly proclaims it was actually “a prostitution ring”. So what’s really the difference? Plausible Deniability… An escort service simply introduces the escort to the client. He or she is responsible for what goes on behind closed doors. Which by the way is no one else’s business!

Is Prostitution a Sin?

Here’s an interesting question… Please take a moment and really think about this one. No, not the media propaganda – what do YOU think?

Why is prostitution a Sin? Clearly it’s driven by the religious fringe that cried foul when Janet Jackson’s breast escaped. These are the same people that declared a day of mourning for the “breast” moment.

If fact, why don’t we just ask women to keep their faces covered in public while we’re at it? There are other religious extremists in this world who still require women to cover their faces in public (it’s pornographic and sinful to show their faces).

And do they really need to be allowed to go to jobs? Nah, let’s force them to stay in their homes, pregnant and raising babies. And this whole voting mess, clearly that’s for men only.

Obviously there’s a need for more separation of church and state - laws like this are downright scary.

Why is Prostitution a Crime?

Here’s the question of the hour… Why is prostitution a crime?

Does prostitution compare to rape and murder, where the rights of another person are truly violated?

Prostitution is a mutual decision by both parties to have sex.

Driving it underground results in a very unsafe environment for the escorts and their clients in this industry. Most of the ills people cite about prostitution is propaganda they’ve heard on the news for years - the majority of it which is entirely caused by driving this activity underground. Remember Prohibition?

It is about nothing more than government taking away the rights of private citizens – keeping adults from having consensual sex.

It’s weird – in some ways we’re the most sexually liberated society in history, and in other ways we’re downright puritanical about it.

While We’re At It, Why Don’t We Outlaw Plumbers and Other Services Performed by Consenting Adults Too?

I’m sure glad plumbers don’t have to fix drains and toilets on the black market. Can you imagine swarms of housewives going to plumbing brothels to learn the fine art of “fixing that leaky faucet”?

Of course, there would be no state regulation, so anyone could pass themselves off as a plumber (board certified too). You’d have to meet him in a dark alley, exchange cash, and hope you don’t get mugged or shot just for going out to find a plumber.

And of course you couldn’t ask your friends and colleagues what plumber they recommend – nope, that doesn’t work after a professional is criminalized. So people still use the services, but the costs go way up, reliability goes way down, and the danger for everyone is increased a hundred fold…

Prostitution is Illegal Today – But has it Stopped?

Of course not, sex is too hard wired into our nature as human beings. It’s basic supply and demand…

Underground services will always continue, but they are never safe. Imagine the state prostitution safety board inspecting brothels for safety and women’s rights actually being enforced in this industry.

How about the state employment commissions and OSHA actually protecting these women? Many of them endure horrible conditions and are forced into virtual slavery on the streets – all because their government abandoned them on false religious grounds?

Imagine… those police resources that today are wasted arresting these women and their customers – could be used to protect these women and actually reduce the real crime.

Think about the countless women working the streets, lurking in back alleys to keep from being arrested. It’s amazing that in a supposedly civilized and enlightened society, such a woman fears the law as much as she fears being mugged (or worse) in a back alley where she has to hide out.

This is right out of the middle ages.

Let’s Make Prostitution Safe, Save Lives, and Bring in Tax Dollars

Push aside the social stigmas and phobias for a minute and consider this…

A doctor has to show his medical license, and it can be revoked if he commits malpractice.

A nail manicurist and a hair stylist also are regulated by their local government safety boards, to make sure they follow safe working practices, keep a clean work environment, and provide for the well being of their customers.

Imagine… How about a “sex professional” who must get tested weekly – and has to display her official medical results in the “office”?

How about major corporations entering the business, and taking responsibility for the safety of these employees and of their clients? It would be an amazing win-win-win for the companies, the working women, and their customers.

Take the Poll and Sound Off on This Amazingly Controversial Topic!

1. Answer this short poll to see where you fit in with the rest of the world on this incredibly controversial topic.
2. And then, join the conversation and leave a comment below to tell us why you feel the way you do.

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