You’re Not Alone

Remember that if you’ve been raped, you’re not alone. About 10% of women are raped at some point during their lifetime. Know that you did nothing wrong and the rape wasn’t your fault, no matter what the rapist has told you. There is nothing shameful about getting help for rape, and it’s absolutely critical to take steps after being raped to get the proper medical attention and help for your emotional and psychological scars.

What Not To Do

It’s essential that after a rape that you do absolutely nothing except get immediate medical attention. Do not shower, bathe, brush your hair, douche, change clothes or even wash your hands. Go straight to the emergency room. If you’ve woken up after a night out and find that you’re clothes are torn or missing and you’re sore like you’ve had sex but don’t remember it, gather the clothing you were wearing the night before (especially your panties) and bring them to the emergency room with you. Your first instinct may be to take a nice long, hot shower to scrub the rape off you, but it’s incredibly important that you do exactly the opposite. Go to the emergency room right away with your hair a mess and your makeup smeared. No one is going to judge you – they’re going to help you.

What’s In A Rape Kit

At the emergency room, a forensic nurse or doctor will begin the process of collecting evidence, called a rape kit. A vaginal and anal swab will be taken to look for semen, and the undersides of your fingernails will be scraped for skin specimens. Your clothes will be taken and searched for bodily secretions, hairs, clothing fibers and other specimens. It’s going to be uncomfortable, especially after a rape, but it’s the only way to get enough evidence to catch and convict the criminal responsible for the rape. If you shower, wash your hands, brush your hair or teeth, or change your clothes, you’re destroying any chance the police have at finding the rapist. Remember that after the rape kit is finished, you can take as long a shower as you’d like and even burn the clothes you wore if you’d like.

Preventing Pregnancy And Treating STD’s

The other benefit to going directly to the hospital after you’ve been raped is that you can be given emergency contraception, known as the “morning after pill” to prevent pregnancy from the rape incident. You can also be treated for sexually transmitted diseases and infections, so the rape will have no long term effects on your life. While a rape itself is utterly devestating, a pregnancy or STD caused by the rape can wreak havoc on the rest of your life. Going straight to the emergency room and allowing trained and caring professionals to take care of you is the first step to healing, recovering, and putting the rape behind you.

Related Posts

1. What Are Date Rape Drugs?
2. What Is Date Rape?
3. Sex Acts That Will Scare Her Away – For Good
4. What Is YOUR Plan B? The Truth About Emergency Contraception
5. Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun

Date Rape Drugs Explained

Various forms of date rape drugs are widely available on the street and aren’t often expensive. Drugs such as ketamine, rohypnol and gamma hydroxy butyrate (GHB) are all used to render a woman incapacitated, without the ability to say “no” to sex and often knock her out completely. These drugs are very popular among rapists because they don’t change the flavor, consistency or color of a drink and can easily be disguised. Other drugs can be used to create a similar effect, including over the counter cold medicines and sleeping pills, but these are more difficult to hide and can often be detected quickly. While women are more often the victims of date rape drugs, men can be targeted as well and these drugs have a similar effect on them.

How Do Date Rape Drugs Feel?

Date rape drugs can often make a woman feel very passive, and open or willing to do anything, like having sex. It may make her feel giddy, and she might make choices that she wouldn’t ordinarily make under different circumstances. Some women pass out, although not all of them do. Since date rape drugs often “erase” the memory of what happened while the drugs were in effect, it can be difficult to tell if a date rape drug was ever used on you. However, a severely “hung over” feeling will occur the morning after, but can often be confused with a normal alcohol related hangover. Unfortunately, there truly is no way of being sure whether you were given a date rape drug or not without a doctor’s test. Most of these drugs leave the body very quickly, often within just 48 or 72 hours, so it can be difficult to determine the use of a date rape drug unless the test is performed shortly after the suspected incident.

Protecting Yourself From Date Rape Drugs

Never take a drink from someone you don’t know very well, whether it is in a bottle or a glass. Watch your bartender make your drinks and take them yourself. Don’t allow a waiter or waitress or someone you don’t know well get your drinks for you. Always keep an eye – or a hand – on your drink. Never drink out of punchbowls and when you’re at a party, only accept drinks that are closed such as cans or bottles. If you suspect you or a friend have been given a date rape drug, or if you seem very intoxicated if you haven’t drank a lot of alcohol or any at all, leave immediately. There is technology that is available now called Drink Safe Technology, which uses test strips to test a drink for date rape drugs. Similar to pH testing strips that are available for pools, the test strip will turn a dark blue color if the drink is positive for a date rape drug.

Date rape doesn’t always happen in bars – check out What Is Date Rape to find out more about date rape and when it can happen.

Related Posts

1. What Is Date Rape?
2. All In Good Fun – Or Date Rape?
3. Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun
4. What To Do If You Think You’ve Been Raped
5. First Date Dilemma

What Is Date Rape?

Date rape usually occurs one a date, but doesn’t have to. With date rape, the victim often knows the rapist. Generally, women and girls are the more common victims of date rape, but it happens to boys and men too. Date rape is considered unwilling, forced sex with someone you’re friends with, have a relationship with or are on a date with. While getting to know someone or going on a date with them usually doesn’t end in rape, it can. It’s time to shed light on the fact that a rapist isn’t just a creepy unshaven guy who hangs out in parking lots waiting to rape. It can be the cute guy at the coffeehouse who asked for your phone number or the seemingly harmless guy you met on Facebook. It can even be your boyfriend.

No Means No

Sometimes the lines aren’t clear when it comes to date rape. Some people believe that if a girl wears provocative clothes to a club or on a date that she’s looking for sex or sexual attention. Others believe that if a girl has previously had sex or any type of sexual contact with a man that it doesn’t matter if she says “no” this time. These are myths – no always means no, no matter what you’re wearing, who you’re with and whether you’ve kissed them before or had intercourse with them before. If you’ve made yourself clear that you do not want to have sex, if you are forced to do so, it is considered rape or date rape and you are not at fault.

Preventing Date Rape

Following your instincts is one of the best ways to stay safe – if you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, don’t try to talk yourself out of it. Listen to your gut – if you feel like you should leave somewhere or get away from someone, do it even if it seems silly. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help if you feel as though you’re in a dangerous situation. It’s better to be safe than sorry! Be sober and get familiar with your surroundings when you’re out and about, and if you’re with a partner, avoid being alone with them until you really get to know them. Be up front and honest about sex and make sure you’re clear on what you want. Don’t seem unsure, because date rapists can take advantage of that. Let your partner know exactly what is okay and what isn’t okay, and don’t appear undecided about it. Be calm and confident!

Related Posts

1. What Are Date Rape Drugs?
2. All In Good Fun – Or Date Rape?
3. Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun
4. What To Do If You Think You’ve Been Raped
5. Second Date Ideas… Keeping it Fun and Exciting after the First Date

Where do you draw the line though? Is there a fetish or fantasy that is wrong to take part in? Are there fetishes or fantasies that shouldn’t be satisfied? How do you know how much is too much?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is it weird if I like to knock my girlfriend out and have sex with her without her knowing?

– Dave, Ohio

Two Consenting Adults

There are a few things you can look at when you’re trying to decide if your fetish or fantasy crosses the line. First of all, is the activity between two consenting adults?

That’s the biggie. If it’s an adult and an underage person, it definitely crosses the line. If it’s an adult and an unconsenting adult, it’s considered rape or date rape.

This can be if they’re saying no or if you’ve drugged them or knocked them out. Generally speaking, unless the sexual activity is being performed between two consenting adults, it is definitely too much. If you find yourself wanting or needing to be a part of a sexual activity that includes an underage person or an unconsenting adult, seek help. There are a number of good, unbiased counselors that can help you through what you’re experiencing.

Causing Harm

So you’ve passed the first test. Your sexual fetish or fantasy is something that takes place between two consenting adults. The second test is whether or not it causes a great deal of harm

to a person. Sure, a little pain and pleasure never really hurt anyone, but you need to take a look at whether you’re doing serious damage…

Are you drugging someone? Are you hitting them, hurting them or leaving any sort of marks behind? These are all things that definitely cross the line when it comes to sexual pleasure. You can find ways to enjoy yourself sexually without hurting another person or causing a great deal of damage.

If you and your partner both like to play a little rough, come up with a code word that means “stop.” When either partner says the code word, the activity immediately stops. This is a great way to experience your fetishes and fantasies while still keeping you and your partner safe.

What it Boils Down to

When you boil it down, sex with an unconsenting adult is considered rape or date rape. If you’ve drugged that person and they wake up and realize what happened, they can definitely press charges against you.

Depending on what happened, there is likely to be enough physical evidence for a conviction. The same goes for an underage person or a person who says “no” but you end up having sex with them anyway.

Be careful and keep your fetishes and fantasies between you and another consenting adult, because not only can sex with an underage person or unconsenting adult cross the line sexually, it’s also illegal. It’s always better to be safe than sorry!

Find a consenting adult that enjoys what you do and have fun experimenting with sexual fetishes and fantasies with them. As long as everyone involved is okay with what is happening and no one is getting seriously hurt or damaged, it can be fun and exciting to experience sexual pleasure through your fetishes and fantasies!

Related Posts

1. What Is Date Rape?
2. Q&A: How To Turn Down A Good Friend Who Wants To Date
3. What Are Date Rape Drugs?
4. Q&A: How To Ask A Good Friend To Go On A Date
5. Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun

But the more typical subjects on sexual issues and relationship issues in the church and elsewhere range from marriage, single dating, and sex before or during marriage, abortion, and the dreaded gay and lesbian surge.

Sadly, there are other issues out there believers in Christ should be hearing from their pulpits. So permit this writer to expose some of those subjects because its high time believers and non-believers alike fight against such things for the sake of everyone on the planet.

Why don’t we hear about rape?

Why don’t we hear a preacher talk about how rape affects everyone? EVERYONE! According to Rape Abuse and Incest National Network 1 out of 6 women and 1 out of 33 men are raped in their lifetime. This leads to depression, suicide, and drug/alcohol abuse, not the pretty “sweet by and by” topics heard but something every believer and non-believer needs to hear about.

And the children, that’s a whole article in itself; incest and ministerial abuse is even as disgusting and falls under this category. There is also the topic of prison rape that is largely ignored by the best of minister (especially when dealing with prison ministries)

If the church really wants to see healing of the body, mind, spirit, and soul then they need to deal with this topic head on. Until it is, thousands of men, women and children will keep in silence never finding healing or release for the things they’ve experienced. Anger, bitterness, rage, and deep hurt are issues that need the churches attention more than if two men or women live in loving relationships.

Why don’t we hear about the international sex trade?

Around the world the sex trade is so huge it is catastrophic to many families and friends. From families who can’t afford to keep their kids and give their kids away to the sex trade to women taken from villages from eastern and developing countries to satisfy the needs of their “clientele” this is a crime which needs a voice.

Where are the ministers in the world who will give these women (and men) a voice? Girls from preteens and older need someone to speak for them or they will be nothing more than objects in the hands of people who have no care for their welfare.

Why do we not hear about adults with urges for sexual relationship with children?

Call it a sickness, call it an easy out for those who feel guilt over their sexual urges and turn to children for an “easy out”, urges by adults to satisfy their desires with a child under the age of 18 is wrong.

Pedophilias in the Catholic faith rocked the church to its core and have seen the exodus of many members tired of Rome ignoring the issues. The Protestant side shows similar cases with everyone from the minister to the janitor around the world taking advantage of our children.

When will we hear a sermon or a movement to address the sexual issues adults have and to find help to steer them to a healthier expression of their needs? I hope soon. If not, the faith cannot continue standing on the high moral ground when the ground is moist with hierocracy.

What about comprehensive sexual education?

I can find tapes, DVD’s, even on-line sermons dealing with sex before marriage warning teens and adults of the spiritual “dangers” of proceeding this way. I would love to hear a frank sermon from a pastor willing to talk about what happens if abstinence fails and you find yourself wanting to be sexual? Corpus Interruptus isn’t an option by the way; nor is running away into the night.

Can one pastor in the world talk about contraceptives without feeling like betraying the church? Can one man or woman of the cloth deal with condoms and “the pill” without gagging in between points behind the pulpit?

That’s what the people need to hear, not a lot of “thou shalt nots” but realistic approaches to a real world. And if you want to add spiritual touches to the sermons, then talk about people asking for God for the strength to find help and wisdom in taking some of the approaches I’ve just mentioned.

These are just the tip of the iceberg, but now that the cards are on the table will someone take the lead? It’s easy for me to talk about this, but until the people of the church demand to have these issues addressed those affected by these subjects will live in silence without any hope.

With billions of dollars spent on how a person can be prosperous and self assured maybe money could be spent in the direction of putting programs together to help these victims. Instead of stopping the gays or paying for workshops to stop abortions can’t we try to help the broken from loosing all hope that God will ever hear their pain?

Related Posts

1. Uncovering Sex and Sexuality Censorship in Today’s Business World
2. Sex, Religion, and Hypocrisy – Will Embracing Your Sexuality Offend God?
3. What Stories Are You Telling Yourself About Your Partner?
4. Is It Wrong To Be Bisexual? Should I Explore My Sexuality?
5. What Causes Irrational Fear Of Sex?