Ask Dan and Jennifer » relationship advice videos

Can You Get Your Ex Back With The Law Of Attraction? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 12:18:47 +0000

One of the Biggest Law of Attraction Mistakes

The Universal Law of Attraction (LOA) is a very powerful force in our everyday lives. As human beings, we are very powerful attractors and can use this wonderful, God-given, power to attract or manifest more of what we want in life simply by paying attention to where we place our focus, thoughts, and desires.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make with the Law of Attraction is trying to control another person. For example, picturing your ex-taking you back is actually a form of trying to control his or her actions and feelings. You simply can’t control how another person feels or acts, only how you react to their feelings and actions.

Here’s a question from Barry who’s not quite sure how to apply this powerful concept in his own life…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ m a 23 years old Taiwanese boy who goes to school in Vancouver BC. When I was 16, I met a girl in Taiwan. Pretty soon after we met, I had to leave Taiwan to return to school in Vancouver. We started a long distance relationship. She met another man in LA, and she overlapped me and him for a while. This was very heartbreaking for me, however I had no doubt in my mind about wanting her back. However, last year (after a 6 year relationship) she broke up with me again for the same reasons.

Since I have read The Secret, I understand the Law of Attraction is to focus on what you want, pretend this is really happening, and accept the fact that it is going to happen. After we broke up, I often pictured the scene of her begging me to take her back again, but I understand that you can never change another person with the Law of Attraction. Is it best me to just move on?

Thank you so much for your time.

–Barry

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Focus on What You Really Want

Rather than focus on your ex and getting him or her back, focus on what you really want in a relationship and a partner who is good to you and loves you in return.

You need to stop focusing on your ex…

How Can He Love Me And Still See Her On The Side? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 13:16:52 +0000

What would you do if you started dating a man and the relationship seemed perfect. Except for one little thing… You find out that he hasn’t really ended his last relationship. He’s still seeing his ex while dating you. He sees her, he takes care of her emotionally and financially, and he won’t tell her about you.

How would you handle this situation? Before you jump to any conclusions, stop and think for just a minute… Is it possible to love two people? How many of you have found yourself in a situation where you love two different people for two different reasons and you’ve been forced to choose? In my opinion, whichever choice you make, you’ll never be happy because you’ll wonder what you left behind…

Here’s a desperate plea from a woman whose heart is breaking.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I began an intimate relationship with a man when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend. We love each other, and share our common goals and values in life. This seems to be such a perfect partnership. The misery came when I realized his relationship with his ex-girlfriend is not over. He still has an intimate relationship with her. Because of this, we have arguments all the time. He said he loves me, and he can’t live without me.

Whenever I ask him about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, he tells me he needs to take care of her. They can be friends, and I have no objection. The problem is his care is excessive and unnatural. He won’t let me to meet his ex-girlfriend and he has no courage to end their intimate relationship.

Now he is not happy when I’m around, because he has less opportunity to contact her. He claims that he is losing his freedom.

I’m confused. Where is his love? Where is his promise? How can our relationship survive with so much doubt? I have sacrificed everything for this love, and I wonder what else can I give to save our relationship?

I appreciate your kind advice.
— A broken heart

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Why is he no longer with his ex?

Understanding this is crucial…

Commitment Issues… And Another Woman! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 17:04:53 +0000

I think we’ve probably all been in, or have known someone in this situation…

You meet someone really great, you have a lot in common, you have so much fun together, you really click. There’s just one little problem. He already has a girlfriend! The particular type of man that I’m referring to says that leaving the other woman. He just won’t say when. He tells you to hold on, it’ll be worth the wait and you’ll be together soon.

Here’s a question from Marie who is in this exact situation.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I met this man online a year ago. I flew out to spent a few weekends with him knowing that he had a girlfriend. He keeps telling me he’s going to end it, to hang on that it’ll be worth it… But the last time I was there, he couldn’t tell me how he feels about me. So I said "OK,it’s time to walk away", but now he keeps calling and texting me. I don’t get it. He’s all I think about. He’s 51 and never been married and I’m not 20 any more! Please, it’s driving me crazy. I really like this man. We have fun, laugh a lot, and really have a lot in common. So what’s the problem? Oh, I might add that he’s still on the same dating site where we met. I know because I go on to chat with others while I wait for him. Thanks for any truthful advice you can give.

– Marie

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Dump him – he’s stringing you along!

I’m usually flexible on these things but on this one I say…

Aaaahh! Why Does She Want to Be ‘Just Friends’? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 13:17:37 +0000

We’ve all known someone who’s loved a woman from a distance… wanted to be with her, but wasn’t sure how to share his feelings for her, how to go up to her and ask her out.

But what’s EVEN WORSE is loving her from no distance at all… being her best friend and wanting, hoping, wishing it could be more.

Why do Some Women Torture Men by Keeping Them "Just Friends" Instead of Lovers?

Contrary to what some of guys may think, the woman of your dreams (who happens to also be your friend) probably really values your friendship. Yes, it’s possible for women to have dear friends who are men, without being attracted to them in a romantic or sexual sense.

Rampant homophobia aside, straight guys also have both male and female friends they’re very close to, without being sexually attracted to them.

There is of course also the remote possibility that she’s not aware of your feelings. This is a real long shot, and it generally implies that she’s not very observant and doesn’t listen to her intuition. You can always tell if someone likes you – all you have to do is listen.

And, maybe she wants to be with you romantically as well, but she’s afraid to approach you for whatever reason. Maybe she’s shy or afraid of rejection. Maybe she believes the man has to make the first move. Sometimes two people truly want to be together, but neither one makes the move.

Either way, it’s your move. If you want to know, you’ve got to take that first step and make a move. It doesn’t have to be a major item, but escalate things until it’s very, very clear that you are interested.

When You Finally Share Your Feelings With Her, Why Does She Not Reciprocate?

What if you’ve shared your feelings and she STILL doesn’t want to date you? And she’ll probably give you some good, logical reasons for it. But you have to find the REAL deep down reason, and it’s usually not the logical one. As human beings, we often use logic to support emotional decisions, basically a way to excuse what we really want to do.

Here are a few possible reasons…

The Relationship Secret – How to Use the Law of Attraction in Your Relationships (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 13:45:51 +0000

The Biggest Law of Attraction Relationship Mistake

One of the biggest mistakes that we see people, and couples, make when applying the Law of Attraction is trying to change their partner.

Read this next line at least 3 times!

"You CANNOT use the Law of Attraction to change another person, how they behave, or how they feel about you or anything else."

We get so many questions asking "How can I use the Law of Attraction to make my ex love me again?" or "How can I use the Law of Attraction to make my husband/wife show me more respect?", etc…

Sorry to tell you this, but you can’t. Period!

The only person on this earth that you have any control over is YOU. Sure, you may think you have control because your partner temporarily agrees to act in a way that you approve of, but you should recognize that he or she can change their mind at any time and start acting in a completely different way – without your approval!

This may be hard to accept, but the sooner you do, the more smoothly all of your relationships will flow.

The Wrong Way to Use The Law of Attraction in Your Relationships

First of all… Stop trying to change your partner and accept them for who they are. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to allow your partner to walk all over you and disrespect you, but at the core, accept them for who they are. If your man doesn’t like shopping all day at the mall, respect that and stop begging him to go. Find someone to go with that actually enjoys shopping. If your woman doesn’t like sports, stop dragging her to the local tavern every Sunday and look at it as a time to spend time with your friends. Ladies, you need to accept this as well.

This is where many of us get confused…

Being in a relationship does not mean that you have to like ALL of the same things and agree on EVERY topic. But for some reason, this is where the most people make mistakes with the Law of Attraction – they want to use it to "fix" their partner. It simply doesn’t work that way.

Identify It

The correct way to use the Law of Attraction in your relationship is

High School Sweethearts In Jeopardy – Are We Growing Apart? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 15:20:59 +0000

It’s hard enough for grown adults to stay together and have a happy, long lasting relationship… but that’s nothing next to the challenges faced by high school sweethearts.

These young lovers have the odds really stacked against them, and yet many stay together for the long run.

But put yourself in a very young woman’s place…

What can you do to save your relationship and actually stay together through these turbulent years?

The biggest challenge you face is at that age you’re both changing so fast. We don’t believe that any of us begin to settle in and know who we until our late 20’s.

Young women face special challenges with their young partners, since they tend to mature faster. And at that age, all most guys seem interested in is drinking and partying, and having fun. From the guy’s standpoint, he can easily start feeling held back and trapped. This interaction can be very frustrating and can certainly put a strain on the relationship.

Sure, he’s enjoying his fun. But is that really so bad? Seriously. Consider yourself lucky if he ever matures. But be thankful if he doesn’t. Mature turns into "stuffy" surprisingly fast. BORING! And there’s nothing like boredom to kill the magic in a relationship.

On top of that, there’s the pressure of picking the right college, keeping those grades up so you can graduate, and entering the workforce, whether it’s a job or starting your own business. Wow, nothing stagnant here.

Where does all this change leave you? Will you still be together in a year or two?

It doesn’t matter! Really, it doesn’t. IF you spend all your time worrying about the future, you’ll never enjoy today. Focus on where you are right now, today, and worry less about the future. Today is ALL that is real. Yesterday is just a memory, and tomorrow is a promise, a hope, a dream…

One guarantee… your life and relationship will change. Don’t try to keep things the same, allow room to change and grow.

"Hold on loosely"… You can still hold on to each other and love each other, just not so tightly. Understand that in a period of extreme change, not only are YOU changing, but so is your partner. Respect and embrace that change, and your chances of staying together are much higher.

You’re both young. In time, as you both grow and evolve, you may grow together, or you may grow apart. Either way, it’s OK.

Was your time together wasted if you break up after a couple of years?

Absolutely not! This is where so many people get stuck and keep themselves miserable for years. Fact is…

My Girlfriend Is Acting Distant – Is She Cheating? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 13:57:47 +0000

If your girlfriend is acting distant, does that mean she’s cheating, or even that she’s planning to break up with you?

Here’s a scenario…

Your girlfriend goes off for the weekend to celebrate her birthday but does not invite you, and she was extra nice to you the week before she left – unnaturally nice. This by itself is enough to raise some red flags, but what if she stops returning your calls and text messages while she’s away? Now that’s enough to drive most men crazy!

There are two possibilities here…

Most likely, she did hook up with someone else while she was away. That’s why she suddenly stopped responding – she doesn’t want the new guy to think he’s unimportant.

The second possibility is that for some reason or other, she’s intentionally putting distance between you. Maybe she’s thinking of breaking up or maybe it’s just moving too fast for her. Maybe she just needs some space.

Either way, this isn’t looking so good for you.

So what can you do?

First, be honest with her and let her know that her recent behavior hurt your feelings and that you feel neglected. It’s very important to be honest, but NOT judgemental or accusing. You need to create an environment where she feels safe being honest with you. That is if you REALLY do want the truth…

And when she does tell you the truth, be supportive and understanding – even if what she says makes you angry. Face it – you cannot control how she feels or what she does. Read that again. You cannot control how she feels or what she does. The only thing in this life that any of us can really control is our actions and our emotional responses to others’ actions. Period.

So take a deep breath and tell her how you feel.

Here’s a question from Ty in Nebraska who is facing this troubling issue right now.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Yeah so my girlfriend had her birth this weekend and I have been having issues not trusting her lately for some reason or and other. Well she went out of town back home for her birthday and she didn’t invite me! She has been real lovely talking to me lately like she is trying to cover up something it seems. Well I talked to her yesterday afternoon at about 2:30 and she said she would call me back so i waited it out all night and I texted her about 9:30 and never heard from her and then texted her happy b-day at 12:00 am this morning wishing her happy b-day and no hear back from her!

This is totally not like her because she is a text message freak and she has been calling me like crazy the last couple of days! I am starting to wonder if is being unfaithful or just ignoring me or what’s up I don’t know how to confront her on her birthday? I need to say something because it really is bothering me big time!

Lets hear back soon.
Thanks, Tyler

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He Said “I Need Space!” and Stormed Out! Are We Breaking Up? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 13:39:55 +0000

Isn’t it just amazing how a regular conversation on a happy day can turn into a vile, nasty argument? One minute you’re happy and in love, the next you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, and can’t think of enough hurtful things to throw at your partner! AAAhhhhh!

And then something snaps, and one of you yells "I need space!" and storms out!

"I Need Space!" – What it Really Means

It’s typically the man who needs space, but not always… Maybe it’s the pressure of the argument, maybe it’s something else. The fighting just gets to be too much… and he just can’t take it anymore. So he backs, or runs away to catch his breath and get some air.

"I Need Space" is avoidance, a cry for help from a wounded animal. The argument, the fighting, or life in general has gotten to be way too much and he needs a break from all of the stimulation.

When he says that, you should respect it as frustrating as it may be. Sure you want to understand what’s wrong, what triggered it, and at this point, how you can make it better. But that’s not always possible. Trying to approach someone who’s pulling back like this will often just push him farther away. In this emotional state, he is truly acting like a wounded animal and will likely bite if you try to approach.

So is this the first sign of a break up? Is the end in sight?

Probably not. People argue and fight, and that’s unfortunately just a normal part of any relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to break up, just that he needs a break at that point. It can be as simple as that.

However, if your relationship gets into a cycle of arguing and drama all the time, it very well may lead to break up! People spend time together to find happiness, companionship, and love. Not to fight and argue. No one likes to fight all the time and eventually, someone will leave.

Clash of the Personality Types

Some people thrive on conflict, and others avoid conflict. We are all different, which is really a great thing – wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same? But here’s where problems can start…

Those who thrive on conflict, will debate a topic until they’re completely exhausted. Others simply hate fighting and arguing, and will do anything to avoid conflict.

So for obvious reasons, a relationship between a person who thrives on conflict and a person who always avoids conflict can quickly end in a bitter break up unless they learn to work together and respect one another’s boundaries.

3 Golden Rules to Keep Fights and Arguments from Destroying Your Relationship

Here are our 3 Golden Rules for resolving disagreements and avoiding fights:…

Friends? Lovers? Pick One! – The One That Got Away… (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 23:52:22 +0000

So many men are afraid to approach a woman and ask her out… to make that first move.

Help! How can I escape the dreaded friend zone?

Of course, sometimes men get up the nerve to talk to women they like, but not quite to ask them out. So they become friends. And if they’re not careful, they STAY just friends… sliding down the slippery slope of the friend zone.

But here’s the real gem. Women will usually drop plenty of hints and innuendos, encouraging men to take that first step… to break the ice and ask them out. All you have to do is pay attention.

So don’t just sit there hoping for something to magically happen on it’s own. Take control of your own destiny. Talk to her and see where it goes!

Caution! Will you REALLY be happy just being her friend?

Then again, be prepared for whatever comes. If she’s not interested in a romantic relationship at the time, you have to decide if you would be truly want to be friends just to be close to her, of if it’s better to move on.

If so, then it’s worth a shot. Otherwise, do yourself and her a favor and move on. But remember, she may only be willing to be friends.

The secret – act out of love, not out of the fear of rejection

Every decision we make in life fundamentally comes down to one of two major motivators: love of fear.

When you take action, be open and completely at peace with whatever the outcome will be. Don’t dread the fact that she may possibly (for whatever reason) not be interested in a relationship with you at this time, and whatever you do – don’t be judgmental of her response. Accept yourself and her for where you are at this point in your lives.

Missed opportunities for love

We’ve all been there at one time or another in our lives. An amazing opportunity shows itself, and for some reason or another we don’t act. And by the time we decide to take action, the evaporates into thin air. That’s so frustrating!

Is that missed love opportunity gone forever?

Whether you’re talking about love, business, or money, opportunity is all about timing AND the courage to ACT. If you don’t seize the opportunity when it’s hot and fresh, then you may as well come to terms with the fact that you’re going to miss out. Chalk it up to lessons learned and wisdom gained, and move on.

BUT…

High School Sweethearts: Is It Meant to Last?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:28:40 +0000

It’s happens all the time. High School Sweethearts go off to college. Usually, they go off to different colleges and that ends it pretty quickly.

But what happens when they actually go to the same college and see each other every day?

It may be more difficult to break it off, but as people grow and mature, especially at that age, they tend to go their separate ways. And that’s OK. It’s almost expected.

There are occasions where they stay together and live happily ever after, but that’s not the norm.

For young couples in this situation, the important thing is not to focus so much on the ever after and enjoy the time spent together today, in the present.

Don’t rush into marriage too quickly. There’s no reason for it. You can always get married later if you choose to do so. Being together is not all about marriage, and it’s not always meant to lead to marriage.

Many people just see marriage as a safety net – a way to "lock in" that relationship permanently before it gets away. Signing a marriage contract won’t make you closer. But getting married too soon in any relationship will usually lead to a lot of heartache and often an even more painful breakup.

Open and honest communication is critical. One may worry about the other’s happiness and make foolish decisions just to keep from hurting their best friend. Talk about your relationship frequently at this age because both of you are changing and growing so much all the time.

What may have been a valid assumption about your relationship in January may no longer be true in June. It’s not that the other person is fickle or confused. The ages between 18 and 27 are the years when a teenager becomes and adult and truly discovers who they are. They come out of their shell so to speak.

In many cases, this means leaving behind old friends and lovers, including your High School Sweetheart. Not because they’ve done anything wrong… You’re just growing and changing in different directions.

While it may hurt to break of the relationship, if you are honest with one another, five years from now, you’ll probably still be friends because of the trust and friendship you’ve developed. If you lie and hide your feelings, you’re more likely to lose the relationship all together.

If you’re not sure that you want to continue the relationship – maybe you want to experience life and see what else is out there… Talk about it with your partner and explain your feelings. Let him or her know that it’s not about them. Make it about you.

In reality, two things could happen — you could be completely honest and find out that your partner feels exactly the same way – so you decide to just be friends, or your relationship may grow even closer because of your honestly and move to the next deeper level.

The important thing to remember is that the decision to stay together or to move on should be a mutual decision made by the two of you together.

High School Sweethearts – Can It REALLY Last? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 17:55:28 +0000

You’ve seen time and time again… young couples together since high school, making plans to be together forever.

Ah, young love… It’s beautiful and romantic, but forever is a pretty big word. Being so young, high school sweethearts are much more likely to grow apart than older couples.

They go to college, make new friends, find new interests and passions. And before you know it, they find they’ve grown apart.

So here’s the question: Can it REALLY last? And if it starts falling apart, what can you do to keep from losing your best friend?

Watch this short video to find out…

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