So you’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months and everything is going great. Now it’s time those three words that make every guy quiver. “I love you.” Telling a girl that you love her can be one of the most nerve wracking moments in any relationship. Naturally, the relationship has to move forward in order to sustain itself, but this is the moment when it’s truly fight or flight.

Many guys fear this situation because they don’t know if the girl is going to say it back. This anxiety can be overcome when you truly know that a girl loves you. If you are at that point and you want to say it, Valentine’s Day could be a great occasion.

Decide If This Is What You Want

Telling a girl that you’re in love on Valentine’s Day is a huge step. When it feels right, you should go for it. If it doesn’t feel right then you might want to hold off. Never say “I love you” because you think that it will fix something in the relationship or that you “should.” This can be very powerful and the last thing that you want is to give a girl the wrong idea, especially on Valentine’s Day. If you feel like you are in love with her and you think that she’s in love with you then go for it! If not, reevaluate whether or not you want to say I love you to your girlfriend.

Setting The Environment

Saying “I love you” for the first time has to be special. This doesn’t mean that you have to do some Hollywood rom-com reenactment, but it also doesn’t mean that you should say it in sweatpants. Make reservations at a restaurant for Valentine’s Day. Make sure that the restaurant is a little nicer than you would normally go to. Nobody wants to be told “I love you” for the first time at Applebee’s.

Be Gentlemanly

Before you pick her up, clean out your car. Make sure that the car smells good, is vacuumed and dusted. The last thing that you want is her smelling old gym clothes or rummaging through coffee cups. When you pick her up, open the car door for her. Help her out of the car and open the door to the restaurant for her. When you get inside the restaurant, allow her to follow the hostess to the table and then pull her chair for her. Being a gentleman is essential to making her feel like she’s special. If you’re going to your house, make sure the cleanliness extends there as well.

Make Good Conversation

Making good conversation is the best way to keep the mood light and romantic. Asking about how her day was and how work is going for her will allow her to vent if needed. This is good because it helps you get into the frame of mind that you need to be in for the infamous three words. This helps you to hold back from it out at the wrong time also. Stick to topics that you both have an interest in. There is a time and place for conflict in every relationship; however, this is not one of those times. Keep the conversation humorous and fun to set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Pay The Bill

Are you really going to split the bill on Valentine’s Day and then tell her that you love her? That’s ridiculous. Make sure that you have enough money to pay the entire check. For guys, this kind of comes with the territory. It’s a little more classy to put the bill on a credit card or debit card than to flop a wad of mangled cash out of your pocket, so take this into consideration.

Saying It

All right, so now it’s time for the big show. You have paid the bill, you’ve had a nice evening and now it’s time say it. After you leave the restaurant, make sure that you have nice breath. Pop a small mint. This is easier than grinding your teeth together on a piece of gum. Walk her back to your car and then open the door for her. Before she gets in give her a kiss and say it. More than likely she will say it back. After you say it she will know what the evening has been about and she will appreciate all of the effort that you put into making it special for her.

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A cheating lover is something that a lot of women have experienced. Cheating is one of the most disrespectful actions a guy can take in a relationship. It’s not very often that cheating goes unnoticed. If you believe that your fella is having an affair, there are a couple of things that you can look out for.

1. He’s On The Computer A LOT

One of the easiest ways for guys to meet women for sex is online. Even if the guy is not meeting a girl for sex he could be talking about it online with multiple women. The Internet has given guys a platform to play out their fantasies with women anonymously. If your guy cringes every time that you reach for his computer then he might be having an online tryst with other women.

If you guy doesn’t leave his computer open or protects everything with a password, this is another red flag. Check IM chat logs or website history if you can get into his computer. If you can’t, try to look over his shoulder when he doesn’t think you’re around. Yes, this is a little creepy, but better safe than sorry.

2. He Starts To Have Odd Schedule Changes

Does your guy follow a routine down the minute? Does he walk through the door at 5:16 every afternoon? Sudden schedule changes can be a sign that he’s cheating. Some guys like to be spontaneous, but if he has a steady job a sudden change in routine could be a sign that he is cheating. Ask questions about where he was or why he was working late.

You don’t have to prod him with an interrogation like the Republican Guard, but get some details. Details can prove that he was actually where he says he was. If you can poke holes through his story then you might want to rethink the relationship. If he tries to include you in his schedule changes then he’s probably not cheating.

3. He Disappears

No calls, no texts and no emails? This is a huge sign that he’s probably having an affair. If you have gone from hot and heavy to barely seeing each other then there is definitely a problem. If he were really interested in you then he would be trying to spend more time with you.

All relationships hit a bump in the road every so often, but if he is making excuses not to see you he might have a woman on the side. If there are changes at work or something similar then you might not see him as much. However, if there are no changes at work and he just disappears on you, he might be cheating.

4. Something Has Changed

You can feel it. Something has changed about him. He’s focusing more on his looks than ever before. He doesn’t laugh at your jokes anymore. He’s not the guy that you fell in love with. These are all indications that there is something wrong with the relationship. When you feel like something has changed about him it could be the company of another woman.

Cheating has a way of changing men. When they are having an affair, they will put you second fiddle. Take a notice of changes in the air when you’re around him and you might find that he’s spending time with another girl.

5. The Proof Is On His Phone

If you have the inclination to check his phone every time he leaves the room then there is something wrong. He might be cheating or he might not be. Usually, when a woman feels the need to check a guy’s phone she does not trust him. This can be a problem in itself; however, if you feel like you have to check his phone it’s probably for a reason.

If you find text messages of a sexual nature from numbers you don’t recognize then you should definitely confront him about it. If your guy has a password on his phone then you should also be on your toes. If your guy doesn’t let his phone out of his sight there could also be a problem.

A cheating lover is not something that you should tolerate. The disrespect that you will feel after you find out can be soul-crushing. Look for these indications so you are not a victim to his cheating. If you find that your guy is displaying one or more of these signs, talk to him about it. In most cases, talking your way through problems can bring the relationship full circle.

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The world is riddled with people who are always trying to offer up relationships advice. Everybody from your friends, family and even your computer can tell you different ways to approach problems in your relationship.

If you are going through a rough patch and you’re looking for a good way to get things back on track, you are naturally going to overturn every stone in search of an answer. However, there are people that you should avoid when asking about relationship advice. Here are the top 5 people you should avoid when asking for relationship advice.

1. Your Boss

No matter how close you are, you should never ask your boss for any relationship advice. Over the course of time, you and your boss have probably had some long nights in the office together. You probably feel like you can trust them with details of your personal life.

But when you’re going through something with your girlfriend or wife, the last thing that you want to do is take advice from somebody that signs your pay check. Not only are they unqualified, they don’t really know your girlfriend or wife well enough to give you usable advice. Steer clear of your boss when you need relationship advice to keep your professional career on track.

2. Your Mom

Sure, she’s been through it all, but do you really want to ask your mom for relationship advice? Chances are that your mom is going to take your side on every issue and refuse to give you a balanced opinion on the subjects that you’re having issues with. Your mother should be the one that tells you everything is going to be all right, not how to patch things up after fighting with your girlfriend. Avoid your mother no matter how much she tries to pry things out of you.

3. Internet Forums

Internet forums are the worst places to get advice on relationships. No, I’m not talking about a Dear Abby article; I’m talking about places like Yahoo Answers and Wiki Answers. These places are filled with people that will not take your questions seriously. They might even offer bad advice because they think that it’s funny. They also don’t know your wife or girlfriend so they can make snap judgments without knowing all of the facts. Resist posting your questions on Internet forums or Craigslist for any kind of solid relationship advice.

4. TV/Movies

Everybody wants to believe that they have a relationship comparable to that on TV or in a movie. But one of the worst things that you can do is take relationship advice from a TV show or a movie. The reason that the advice they give works out in the end is because of a little thing called a script. The two were supposed to be together in the end for a happy ending. Life doesn’t always work out that way. Don’t take your relationship advice from a procedural or you may find yourself alone in the end.

5. Your Womanizing Friend

Every guy out there has a womanizing friend. He probably picks up girls at every bard or nightclub in the city. He has a silver tongue and he always knows what to say to get a girl’s attention. The problem with the womanizing friend is that he knows little about relationships and more about seduction.

Furthermore, he’s not going to be able to give you solid advice on your relationship because he exists in a different world than you do. He dates a lot of women and doesn’t have a stable relationship. If he were in your shoes, he would break up with her and be done with it. Don’t ever get relationship advice from a player because they will always tell you to break up.

Getting good relationship advice is essential to living a happy and healthy life. If you really do love your girlfriend or wife then you are going to want to make them happy also. If you are in a pinch, consider seeing a marital or relationship counselor. There are hundreds of relationship counselors  in every city that have extensive knowledge of the most common problems that every couple goes through.

If the issues aren’t big enough to enlist the help of a counselor in your area, consult your local bookstore’s relationship section. This should offer you a wide variety of books on how to improve communication, your sex life and understanding her needs. Remember that problems in the relationship are rarely one sided, so get some perspective and try to understand the problem from both ends.

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Do you think you have to work really hard to bring romance (and sex) into your partnership?

Do you think it’s beyond repair?

Watch this FREE video presentation to learn how you can turn even the coldest, most despondent girl into a fun-loving, PASSIONATE SEX ADDICT! All you have to have is your cell phone to do it! As simple and weird as it may seem that your cell phone can turn your partnership around and re-ignite the love, it’s true and it WORKS! The techniques in this video have been tested by tens of thousands of men around the world, were featured on Rachael Ray and are based on simple facts of feminine psychology that you’ve probably never heard before.

Click Here to Watch The Video

When you watch this video, you’ll learn how to make your wife or girlfriend think about you all day, want to be around you all the time, want to go on dates and have fun with you and most of all – want to have AMAZING sex with you! She will want to reward you for your efforts at romance, so she’ll constantly be doing things for you like making your favorite meals or doing things in the bedroom that you only dreamed of doing with her!

Believe it or not, all you have to do is push a few buttons on your cell phone!

Thousands of guys have used these tips all over the world and have found them to be incredibly successful. They were amazed at the transformation their wives and girlfriends went through almost overnight! It’s astounding to watch a cold, “unloving” girl turn into a laughing, joyful and romantic girl – just like when you two first met!

Text The Romance Back is such a powerful tool, you can’t afford to pass it up. If you want to put the spark back in your relationship and make it feel like you and your partner just started dating all over again, Text The Romance back can show you how to do it, step by step.

What You’ll Learn…

• How to make your wife or girlfriend not care about your bad habits and shortcomings (they simply just won’t matter that much anymore)
• How to make all of her anger, resentment, jealousy and negative feelings melt away (she’ll act more like she did when you first met her)
• How to make her fantasize about being with you every moment of the day
• How to make her want to have sex with you so bad she can barely stand it

Believe it or not, Text The Romance Back can change your life! Here are some of the things you can expect your wife or girlfriend to start doing after you use the tips in this FREE video!

• She will go out of her way to do things for you or to make things easier for you
• She will be more willing to cook your favorite foods, wear clothes she knows you think are sexy, etc.
• She will want to submit to you and let you be more in control in the partnership
• Her new favorite thing will be to seduce you and lure you into the bedroom!

Before you get started, you MUST know about the “romance lie” that is preventing you from having the kind of relationship you want with your wife or girlfriend – a happy, exciting, fun-filled and satisfying partnership that is as easy and natural as breathing. You’ve tried your hardest to get there, but you just can’t seem to do it.

So what is preventing you from getting there?

Many guys believe that because they’re “men” that they’re not any good at romance or doing romantic things. They think it’s too difficult to do and often just give up. A lot of guys think that they don’t have the time to be romantic, what with a full-time job, paying the bills, taking care of the kids, etc., etc. They feel like with the every day demands that life brings them, they just don’t have any time for romance.

Nothing could be further from the truth!

The techniques used in Text The Romance Back are SO SIMPLE and SO EASY that you could literally do them on your way to work or even on your lunch break – and have your wife or girlfriend leaping into your arms when you get home!

What You DON’T Have To Do…

• Recite silly poetry
• Spend a lot of money
• Buy jewelry, cards, flowers or chocolate
• Dress up in silly outfits to go out on the town
• Humor her by watching girly movies
• Do ANYTHING but use your cell phone!

So could it really be that easy?

Could it really be as simple as using your cell phone to wake up your partner’s excitement?

YES!

If you’ve noticed that the spark has faded from your relationship and you’ve become more like roommates or co-parents than lovers and best friends, then you NEED Text The Romance Back!

Think about it….

Have you noticed that the girl who once showered you with love and affection barely talks to you throughout the day?

Has it been a long time since she’s given you a deep, soulful embrace or even said “I love you?”

Does she nag you over and over about chores to be done rather than sharing her intimate thoughts with you like she used to?

You don’t have to say goodbye to the romance forever! Even if you and your partner have been together for years or even decades, you can get the romance back into your relationship quickly and easily. You’ll be walking around so elated and happy that other guys will be DYING to know what you did to turn your relationship around!

Nothing else is as powerful or as EASY to get your wife or girlfriend back into the relationship and get your relationship where it needs to be. You will both be happy, excited, blissed out and sexually satisfied, all just by using your cell phone!

Can you afford NOT to do that?

Then CLICK HERE to learn how your cellular phone is the easiest and simplest way to make your woman want to have sex with you day and night, without fail!

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Every new relationship takes time to hit its stride. If you’ve been dating a new girl for a little while the two of you are probably wondering where the relationship is going. Many of us have been deceived in the past. Saying one thing and meaning another is pretty common in relationships. So how do you know if she really is in love?

The answer is not so simple, but there are key signs that you can look for. The majority of the time, determining if she is in love with you can be done pretty quickly.

1. She Does What You Want To Do

A girl that puts you ahead of herself is a sure sign that she is in love. This doesn’t mean that she’s going to jump in front of a bullet, but if she doesn’t mind doing something that you want to do instead of what she wants to do she’s probably in love. Women that are not experiencing that aren’t going to take an interest in your life, friends or family.

They will usually not budge when it comes to the movie they want to see or a dinner date preference. If she is in love, she will be as accommodating as you are. Remember that relationships are partnerships and neither of you should get your way every time.

2. She Surprises You

Being in love with somebody is all about the little things. If your girlfriend comes home with a little surprise for you every once in a while, they are probably in love. This doesn’t have to be some grandiose gift, but if she saw something at the store that made her think about you and she bought it, you can assume that she’s in love.

Surprising you with something that you’ve talked about in the past but haven’t gotten for yourself is a clear sign. Surprising you with a dinner or a night out to a ball game that you’ve wanted to see is another key indicator to keep in mind.

3. She Gets Physical With You

The physical relationship can be just as important as the emotional relationship. When a girl is experiencing those feelings, she will probably not be able to stop touching you. This doesn’t mean that she’s having sex with you every five seconds, but that she takes your hand, runs her fingers through your hair or curls up next to you on the couch.

When a girl is getting physical with you, there is trust. You should be able to tell if she’s falling for you based on the amount of physicality that she’s displaying.

4. She Knows What Makes You Tick

Have you ever had a horrible day and then come home and everything seems like it’s going to be all right? When a woman is love with you she can almost sense what’s making you grouchy and how to make it better. Believe it or not, most women know how to make a man happy. Choosing to make you happy is another story.

When a woman is falling for you, she will know exactly what it takes to bring you 180 degrees back to your fun loving self. Whether this is through flirting, encouraging words or a pat on the back, a girl that is head over heels will know exactly what makes you tick.

5. She Talks About The Future

The future is something that the both of your should be thinking about. If she loves you, she will bring up the future. The future doesn’t have to be kids, marriage or the white picket fence. This could be a trip that’s a month down the road or holiday plans a couple of months in advance.

When a woman is head over heels, she will talk about the future to try to gauge what you think about it. When you’re in love with her, you should also be taking about the future. Planning the future is a very clear sign that she has fallen for you.

Knowing when a girl is love with you can be a blessing. Having the ability to gauge whether or not she is happy in the relationship can give you an edge. There is nothing worse than telling somebody that you love them and then having them stare at you blankly. Knowing these signs should help you recognize how important you are to your girlfriend to move the relationship forward.

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My girlfriend and I have an amazing relationship. Our communication is great! We’re totally open and honest about everything. She kind of dropped a bomb . She feels like a guy in a girl’s body. She’s talking about becoming flat chested, and actually having the surgery. I have no idea how to deal with this. What should I do? I really need some relationship advice!

–YouTube Viewer

What should you do? Besides run for the hills?

Seriously though, this is a simple question with no simple answer. This is super complex. The real question is: is this the relationship you want? If yes or no, the answer’s totally okay. If you’re not into this, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Ask Yourself Some Questions First

This is one of those things to REALLY think through before you do or say anything about it. Seek relationship advice from trusted people, but also really dig deep within yourself. Is she serious? Is it a joke? Has she been dropping “manly” hints? Is this just a way for her to express her dominant, more masculine side? Maybe this is something a little strap on play could cure? Would that scratch her itch? We all have masculine and feminine elements to our personality, regardless of our gender.

It’s a yin and yang sort of thing. Maybe her yang or her yin are out of whack and she needs to get them balanced. If so, we have two words for you: strap on. And no, it doesn’t make you gay if you left your girlfriend have anal sex with you via a strap on. But it will make you sore for a few days (at least the first time) so be sure to use lots and lots of lube.

A lot of people say things, but does that mean they’re going to do it? Usually no. So just because she said this to you, doesn’t mean you necessarily have anything to worry about. At least not yet. There’s really only one way and one way alone to find out for sure.

Talking To Her

Don’t be critical, be honest and open. If you’re not interested in being in that relationship, say so. This is a pretty serious and profound issue and not everyone is going to be okay with their partner changing genders on them. Have an open and honest conversation about this, one free of judgement or labels or anything that could ruffle feathers or rub either party the wrong way. Discussing any issue with your partner open and honestly without criticism is probably the best relationship advice you’re ever going to get.

What do you do? Nothing. Wait and see. Find out if she’s serious. If she is, you’ll know. Most people talk and talk and talk and talk about doing things, but few people ever actually do them. How many overweight people do you know who talk about losing weight in January who are actually slimmer in December? Not that many.

Most people are all talk and no action when it comes to losing weight and that doesn’t involve surgery to their genitals! Imagine what the completion rate is on people who talk about sex changes versus the people who actually go through with it? It’s probably really, really super small. So you can most likely breathe easy.

If She Really Wants To Do It

If she continues to talk about this subject and continues to express interest in a sex change, it’s not going to be so easy to brush it off. If you come to a point through conversations with her, listening to her and observing her behavior that you believe she’s really serious about it, it’s time for you to sit down and think seriously about it.

Think about whether you are okay with this – and it’s perfectly fine if you’re not. It’s also perfectly fine if you are. Really sit down and think about what YOU want and how YOUR life will be affected by this. Disregard any thoughts that come up about how other people (like your family and friends) may react to this. that should not weigh in your decision at ALL. You may surprise yourself on how you feel about it. Then again, you might not.

If you decide to move on from this relationship, don’t give yourself a hard time. A lot of guys would. Explain to her the truth without criticism and after the break up, wish her well on her journey of self discovery. If you decide to be with her, then fine. Just don’t throw it up in her (or his) face later. Accept it or don’t – there’s not really a grey area here.

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Modern tradition implies that guys should make the first move. But what should we do if we see a guy that we think is cute and he’s not coming up to us? This is probably a very familiar situation for any woman. You’re in a bar or a nightclub and you a guy that you think is really cute. He’s standing by the bar or he is surrounded by his friends and he keeps looking over at you, but he’s not coming over. Most women don’t want to go after a guy because they think it makes them seem desperate. The fact of the matter is that most guys really appreciate a woman that approaches them. This shows confidence and can be very attractive. Here is a short guide on how to approach men.

Have A Reason

One of the pit falls that a lot of women fall into to their reasoning for approaching a guy. Most guys have some kind of routine that they use when they’re approaching women and so should you. Take notice of something around him or a piece of clothing that he’s wearing. If a guy is too shy to approach you, he will surely open up once you introduce yourself. He wants a reason to talk to you, but he’s probably just not that great with approaching women. When you walk up to him, have something to say and then let him take control of the situation. When you approach men, it is not as hard when you have something to say.

Sit Down

One of the best ways to alleviate any awkwardness is to sit down next to him if he’s at the bar. This implies that you are interested, but it creates a time constraint because you might just need a drink. When you approach men, sitting down can get the ball rolling very quickly. Simply sitting down and facing forward will show that you’re not desperate. After about 2 seconds, turn to him and say, “Hey, how are you?” or something simple. This gets a conversation started pretty easily.

Be Playful

When you are approaching men, the number one thing that you need to remember is to be playful and flirtatious. Make fun of something about him that won’t hurt his feelings. His shirt, his pants and his shoes are really easy to make fun of without hurting his ego. If you take it too far he’s going to walk away. If you are playful, he will play along and probably get you laughing. Approaching men is about having confidence. Allowing him to make fun of you a little bit will show that you’re confident enough to take a little jab.

Ask Him Questions

When you approach men, it is essential that you ask questions. When you ask questions you can get a feel for who he is as a person. Asking what he does, what he likes to do in his spare time and his age are just the tip of the iceberg. Get a little deeper so you can know if he’s worth giving your phone number to. Men like direct women and since you have already approached him he will probably ask for your number. If you don’t like the guy, don’t give him a fake number. Explain that you don’t think you’re a good match.

Ask For His Number

It’s pretty traditional for a guy to ask a girl for her number. If you really like the guy, ask for his. When a girl gives a guy her number, the guy wonders if she will actually pick up the phone or if the number is actually real. If you really like the guy, get his number and tell him you’re going to call. If you tell him that you’re going to call, then call. Guys love girls who follow up with what they say they’re going to do. More than likely, he will probably think that you just don’t want to give him your number. But when you do call he will respect you even more for it. Guys don’t want girls who play games.

When you approach men, it can be a great ego booster. Waiting around in a bar or a nightclub for somebody to walk up and talk to you can be disappointing. If you’re the kind of girl who has to beat the losers off with a stick, toss tradition and start approaching guys yourself. Once you meet a guy that you like your confidence will skyrocket and you’ll be well on your way to finding somebody to be happy with on your terms.

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When you first met your girlfriend, you probably did a lot for her. Surprise dates combined with little gifts and dinner at her favorite restaurant. Over time, the romance can take a nosedive and the relationship can go stale fairly quickly. I’m sure that she still loves you and you still love her, but when a night on the couch becomes the norm, it’s probably time to get a quick shot of romance. Romance can be another language to a guy, but there are a few things that you can do to get the juices flowing in the relationship again. Here are a few tips to get you started.

1. Plan Surprise Dates

Surprise dates are very romantic. Surprise dates usually come at the beginning of relationships for a reason. They are fun and they can be very exciting. Call your wife or girlfriend while they are at work and tell them that you want to take them out for dinner. When they ask where, just say that it’s a surprise. This will instantly get them into a romantic mood. Now make a reservation at a restaurant that you have wanted to try or the first place you had dinner together. If your first date was at a Chili’s you might want to change the venue.

2. Make Her Breakfast

A great to breath a little romance into the relationship is to make her breakfast before she goes to work. Get up early and cook her favorite breakfast. When she wakes up she will smell it cooking in the kitchen. This surprise will make her feel special and appreciated. She will surely wake up with a smile and leave for work happy that she’s with you. Not only will she feel appreciated by the gesture, she will appreciate you for taking the time to do something for her.

3. Send Flowers To Her Work

This is generally done on her birthday or on your anniversary, but doing it on a Tuesday for no reason is also a great way to be more romantic. Women love flowers, but they love having the entire office know that somebody loves them. When a coworker walks by and asks what the occasion is, she can tell them that there wasn’t one. This will make her feel special and she’ll think about you all day while at work.

4. Take A Day Trip

Taking a day trip is a great way to have some alone time together. If you live a couple of hours away from a beach or the mountains, you can easily wake up and take a day trip together. Being away from your every day life and hitting the road will bring you closer and allow you to spend quality time together instead of watching TV. Decide on a couple of places to stop during your day trip and take in the local scenery.

5. Get A Hotel Room

A great way to be romantic is to get a hotel room together in the heart of the nearest city. Sometimes a change of venue can bring a little romance back into the relationship. Get dressed up and have drinks around the city. Go to the nearest bars or clubs and spend the night somewhere other than your own home. This will bring you closer and break up the monotony of spending the night in your bed.

6. Call In Sick Together

She might need a little convincing, but get her to call in sick with you. Calling in sick can be spontaneous and extremely romantic. Spend the entire day in bed together or make a day out of working on a project you have been putting off. Calling in sick on a Friday takes this a step further by giving you a long weekend.

7. Spend One Night A Week Without TV

TV can be a relationship killer. Sitting in front of the TV night after night can make the relationship stale. When your TV shows start to be the only thing you have in common, you should take the TV out of your life for at least one night. Turn off the TV and talk to each other. Talk about future plans or play a couple’s game to bring the romance back into your relationship.

Relationships take work. You can’t keep doing the same things over and over and expect the relationship to sustain itself. By being more romantic you can show her that you really do love her. Being more romantic will bring the spark back into the relationship and keep some of the spontaneity in your connection.

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Clean Your House

Cleaning your house can be one of the best ways to get over a break up. Take everything that the person gave you and put it in a closet. Don’t throw it away because you might need it some day. Pictures and other gifts that your ex-girlfriend gave you can bring back memories and make you feel even worse. Put them out of sight so that you aren’t thinking about the break up every time that you walk into your living room. You might feel like you’re betraying her for some reason by removing pictures or placing other things she gave you in a closet, but this will pass.

Update Your Facebook

Remove here from your Facebook account and set the “In A Relationship” setting to “Single.” You can’t do this fast enough after a break up has occurred. One of the reasons that you must do this immediately is because you could still get updates from her account every time that you log in. This can be a quick stab to the eye with a quick click of the mouse. Removing her Facebook doesn’t have to be malicious, but it’s better to do it to her first than have her do it to you.

Get Out

Sitting around the house and wallowing in your sorrows is only going to make you feel worse. Get out of the house and hang around with friends. Going through a break up alone will extend the healing process. Get out of the house and go to a friend’s house or spend time with your family. Friends and family will be considerate of what you’re going through. They can give you a shoulder to cry on and perspective on why the break up happened.

Consider Idealization

One of the biggest problems with a break up is that over time we can idealize the relationship. We idealize the good parts and tend to forget why the relationship failed in the first place. Instead of thinking about trips that you took together or holidays, think about all of the problems that you had. This will help you realize that she wasn’t right for you. Look forward to a future where you won’t have all of the problems that you did with her and you will gain a little perspective on why you broke up.

Take Up A Hobby

A great way to get over a break up is to put all of the energy that you had in your previous relationship into a hobby. Taking up a sport or focusing on your work is a good way to have goals. When you implement goals into your life, you will be able to spend more time on obtaining them. Team sports can work really well because they get you out of the house and around other people.

Set A Timeline

Set up a timeline for when you want to go on another date. We all need a cooling period after a break up, but you also need to get back into the saddle when you feel comfortable. Setting up a timeline will allow you to grieve for the previous relationship, but also puts you on track to start seeing other people. If your relationship was over two years, you could need up to 5 months to really be over it. If you reach the end of your timeline and you’re still not ready to start seeing somebody, give yourself more time. This is not a setback; it’s simply an extension.

Don’t Do A Comparison

Don’t compare new girls in your life to your ex-girlfriend. You broke up with your ex so she wasn’t good enough for you. There were problems with that relationship and it’s over now. Just because your ex hurt you doesn’t mean that another girl will. Have a fresh perspective on new girls and give them the trust and respect that they deserve. Don’t let your guard down completely, but you don’t want to have somebody paying for the mistakes that an ex made.

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We have all been there. You go out with a guy a couple of times and things are great for the first two dates. After the third date things are kind of bland and by the fourth date you know that this is not somebody that you want to be with. One of the most heartbreaking aspects of this scenario is the fact that he’s still into you. Knowing how to break up with him without hurting his feelings can be a weight off of your shoulders. When done properly, you might even still be able to maintain a friendship. Here are a few ways that you break up with him without hurting his feelings.

Nip It In The Bud

A lot of women feel like the man that they’re dating could come around so they try to stick it out. This is not something that should be recommended. Even if he is really nice, you need to break up as soon as you know that he’s not right for you. Doing it in the beginning will save him a lot of heartache in the end. Dragging the relationship out because you feel like you might grow to love him is selfish. Not breaking up with him is selfish also. By breaking up with you are doing him a favor.

Avoid Clichés

“It’s not you…it’s me” and “You’ll find somebody” are patronizing and he could get very offended. When a guy gets offended he get defensive. The last thing that you want is a defensive man that starts verbally attacking everything about you. Just explain to him that you think he’s a great man, but that he’s not right for you. This is an easy way to say that you’re not interested and there’s not much he can do about it. Since you haven’t been seeing him for very long, he shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

Be Specific

Using vague statements like “I’m looking for something different” is not enough. When you tell him that he’s not right for you, explain why. Whether it be that you want a partner that wants kids and marriage or that you need someone that is a little more romantic, specifics are best for a break up. This gives him a clear reason of why you don’t want to continue the relationship. You don’t have to attack him or his personality, but make sure that he understands why you are breaking up.

Don’t Be Overly Apologetic

Only say “I’m sorry” once. You’re not taking his house away from him; you’re breaking up with him. Since you’ve only been out with the fella a few times his world isn’t going to pieces. Don’t act like you are the end all and that he’s never going to find another person. Just say, “I’m sorry that we didn’t work out” and leave it at that. When you start apologizing profusely he’s going to think that you’re obsessed with yourself. Statements like “It’s not like you’re Heidi Klum” might come up if you show an inflated ego.

Don’t Stick Around

One of the worst things that you can do is ask him out to dinner when you’re breaking up with him. Don’t put yourself into the situation of having an obligation after you deliver the news. Ask him out for a drink or go over to his house. If you ask him over to your home, you might have to ask him to leave. Always have an escape route. If you stick around he might just try to change your mind. Make it clear that you have no interest in seeing him again and then leave the situation.

Trying To Be Friends

If you have left the situation amicably then you’re in the minority. Most men do not want to be friends with girls they have dated in the past. However, if he wants to still be friends with you, give it a little distance. Remaining friends with a man after you have dated is an honorable thing to do, but if you agree to this you should definitely keep out of touch for a little while. When you break up with a guy, the game begins. A girl that breaks up with a guy is a challenge and men love challenges. Keep the phone calls, text messages and emails to a minimum. Checking up on him can make you seem like his mother and that’s not needed either. Let him live his life after the break up. Don’t let guilt get the best of you. Furthermore, you should be out living your own life instead of worrying about how he’s doing.

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Nobody wants to play the jealous boyfriend, but at one point or another you might find your mind wandering into scary territory. “Is she cheating or am I crazy?” This question comes up too often and it’s hard to determine for some women. The fear of your girlfriend cheating is enough to make any man shake with terror. The fact of the matter is that most women do not cheat. If they are not happy in the relationship, they will probably just break up with you. However, there are a percentage of women who do fall prey to their temptation. Fortunately, there are some very common trends in women who do cheat. Here are a couple of signs that can keep you on the lookout the next time your questions arise.

Her Age

Younger girls are more adept to play games. That’s not to say that an older woman will not stray, but younger girls have little commitment even if they say that they are committed. If your girlfriend is turning 25, 30 or 35 watch for signs of a crisis. These are the ages that women start to question everything about themselves. Have you ever heard a woman say something like “5 years ago I wouldn’t have done this?” Well, 5 years ago she may not have cheated. Ask your partner if she is happy in the relationship and assure her that you are. Make sure that she knows you would never have an affair and wait for her to assure you. If she doesn’t tell you that she would never cheat, get rid of her.

Job Changes

Job changes are a sign that she might be in a place to cheat on you. When a woman starts making more money or she’s put in a higher position at work, she can feel the power. She might feel like you’re yesterday’s news, especially if she’s making more money than you. One of the best ways to combat her new sense of entitlement is to tell her how proud you are of her. Brag about the promotion and let her know that she’s made a big accomplishment. This will give her the emotional support that she needs. If she starts staying at her job late at night after the first 3 months, you might want to consider whether or not she’s actually “working.” Get details when she works late. Find out what she was doing, but don’t make it obvious. Tell her that you want more time together and see what she says. If she gets defensive, something is definitely up.

She’s Put The Brakes On The Relationship

Remember when she used to call you at work just to see how your day is going? When was the last time that happened? If your romance has come to a complete halt, it’s probably time to be concerned. Get together with her and ask what is going on. Confronting the problem is the best way to move past it. The problem might not even have anything to do with you. Talk it out with her and decide on the best course of action. If she says that there’s not a problem with the relationship, offer to take a weekend trip so you can rekindle the romance. If she’s not interested, take caution. She might be seeing somebody or she’s been cheating.

You Haven’t Had Sex In A Couple Of Weeks

Sex is a pretty big part of the relationship. If you aren’t having sex, there are a couple of things that might be going on. One of the possibilities is that she’s not cheating and she’s just not interested in pursuing the relationship any further. The other possibility is that she is cheating and she’s saving all of her sexual attention for the new guy. Before you storm in and accuse her of anything, talk to her. She might have something going on with her vagina that she’s too embarrassed to tell you about. Assure her that you just want to know what the problem is. Women tend to without sex is there are deeper issues in the relationship so be prepared to talk through other issues when you bring this up. If she tells you there is nothing wrong after repeatedly asking her, assume the worst.

Cheating happens. There’s nothing that we can do to avoid getting cheated on, but diagnosing a cheater can be fairly easy when you put the relationship under a microscope. Always express concern before you accuse your girlfriend of cheating on you. If you accuse her of cheating and she’s not, she could lose all respect for you.

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Being used can be devastating to the ego and your self-esteem. If you’re in a relationship –whether budding or established and you thin that he might be taking advantage of you, you’re probably right. There are a lot of reasons that men use women. Sex is the one that most women think of, but there are others. Men cherish their self-image and having a great looking girl by their side is one of the biggest statements he can make while in public. A beautiful woman is a sign of success and power. This is a coveted feature of any man’s life, but he may only have superficial interest in you.

1. You Can Tell That He Doesn’t Really Care

Does he ask how your day was when you walk through the door? If he does, can you tell that he’s actually interested in what you did for the last 12 hours of your life? If you sense disinterest in your work, your family or your passions, he’s probably taking advantage of you. A guy that takes a genuine interest in all of these aspects is going to respect you and really care about what is going on.

2. He’s Uncompromising

When it comes to making a choice about dinner plans or going to see a movie, does he take an interest in what you want to do? If not, he’s definitely taking advantage of you or he’s a sociopath. Neither of these is good and you should probably move on. You want a man that is going to compromise with what you want and what he wants to do.

3. He’s Cold Out Of The Bedroom

If things are frigid unless you’re under the sheets, you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s wants you for sex. A man that is genuinely affectionate outside of the bedroom and in public can’t help but to show how much he cares about you. Ditch one that is only interested in a connection in the bedroom.

4. He Doesn’t Make You Feel Special

A guy that really cares about you is going to show that you’re the only girl on his mind. If you’re dating a fella that buys you generic gifts on your birthday or blows you off to spend time with his friends, he probably wants you as a backup plan. Get rid of him and get with one that will make you feel like the only girl he’s thinking about.

5. He’s Not Concerned With The Future

No man should ever talk about marriage within the first couple of months, but if your guy isn’t talking about taking trips or possible future plans, he’s probably taking advantage of you. Men that are genuinely interested in a long-term relationship will want to make the appropriate comments signaling this interest. If your man is not talking about the future, you need to ask him if he wants a long-term commitment.

6. He Doesn’t Text Or Call You Back

If you send a text to your guy, what is his typical response time? Does he apologize if he doesn’t respond in a timely manner? If he takes a day or two to get back to you, he’s probably taking advantage of you. Men that are interested won’t leave you hanging.

7. You’ve Only Been On One Date

This is a huge red flag. If the only date that you’ve gone on was the first date, you can be fairly sure that he’s just taking advantage of you. Even if you’re not sleeping with him, he probably just wants you as somebody to hang out with when he has nothing else to do. Traditionally, men want to wine and dine women so be on the lookout for a man that has no interest in taking you on a proper date.

8. He’s Disrespectful

A man should always treat a lady as a lady. If he is disrespectful to you, he just wants you until you hit the breaking point. No man should ever treat a woman as anything other than an equal. Remember this the next time he makes a disrespectful remark.

9. He Hasn’t Introduced You To His Family

If you have only been dating for a couple of weeks, you can let this one slide. But if you have been together for a couple of months and you still haven’t met his parents, there is something else going on. A man wants to have the approval of his parents. Dump him if he refuses to introduce you to his parents.

10. He Doesn’t Want To Meet Your Family

If he avoids meeting your family, this is another red flag. Meeting your family is a big deal. Looking your father in the eye while he inquires about his intentions with you is a staple of every relationship. If your guy refused to meet your family, it’s time to move on.

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Give Him A Massage

After a long day at work your guy probably just want to hang out and watch some TV with you. If you want to get the romance started, give him a massage. A massage is physical and we all know how men respond to physicality. Buy some cheap massage oil from a drug store or a department store like Kmart. This will only cost you a few bucks and it can go a long way in showing your guy how much you care about him.

Lay In Bed All Day

Despite their manly exterior, a guy loves staying in bed all day with his significant other. Get a couple of movies and lay around together on a Sunday. Sundays work best because it will help you recharge your batteries for the upcoming week. When the movie is finished, lay in bed and just have a conversation about the future. Talking about your goals and what you want as a future together can be a very romantic.

Take A Bath Together

Turn out all of the lights and fire up some candles. Draw a nice hot bath and let the water brush over both of your bodies. Turn on some music and rub his shoulders as you sit together. The light of the candles and the music will give you a most romantic ambiance.

Do Something You’ve Never Done Together

Have you always wanted to go to that weird art gallery down the street from your house? Have you always wanted hike a trail together? Being together as you try new things can give you memories that will last. Decide on something that the two of you have always talked about doing and actually do it.

Cook Something Together

Cooking can be very sensual and romantic. When you cook together, you use teamwork. If neither of you can cook, you can share a laugh at the final product. When the meal has been made, you can sit together eating the fruits of your labor. After you finish eating, both of you should clean up. Remember, we’re talking about teamwork so both of you should have a part in it.

Take A Short Road Trip Together

Being out on the road can be very romantic. Choose a place that is close to your house so you aren’t spending very much money on gas or a hotel room. A day trip can bring you close together and the drive will give you time to talk. A very cheap road trip could be to a field outside your city to look at the stars. Bring a blanket and lay it down in the field. Turn on your car radio for some music and lay together under the night’s sky.

Leave Secret Notes For Him

Before you leave for the day, leave a little note for your guy telling him how much you love him. When he finds this, he will feel good for the rest of the day. To take it a step further, leave a note for him in a place that he will find it later on in the day. The inside pocket of a suit jacket works very well.

Romance doesn’t have to die out after the first 6 months of your relationship. You can easily keep it going by being proactive. Relationships are work and there is no doubting this. However, you don’t have to spend a ton of money to show your guy how much you care about him. You can do it on the cheap and get the same, if not better results in the process. Super cheap romance is a way to show your guy that you value him personally and not monetarily. Implement these suggestions into your relationship and you should get the romance flowing once again.

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Making a relationship “work” is tough enough, actually making it a happy and blissful relationship to be in is a whole different story! It takes effort on both partners to make the other feel loved, wanted, appreciated and enjoyed. There will, no doubt, be conflicts along the way, but if you consciously try to make an effort to be more romantic and more loving, your partnership will benefit a great deal. Remember, a lot of the time, it’s the little things that count the most!

If your relationship could use a dose of romance, check out our best tips of the year & keep the fire alive in your relationship!

• How To Compliment A Girl And Make Her Melt (Video)
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• Make Her Fall In Love With You – Using Only Words! (Video)

Don’t forget to take a look at some of our all time favorite romance articles. Whether you’re trying to find a creative and romantic way to tell your partner that you care about them, or you want to steer clear of behavior that will wreak havoc on your long term relationship, these tips will really come in handy if you want a blissful union.

• 10 Creative Ways To Say “I Love You” Without Saying A Word (Video)
• Top Things Women Do To Screw Up A Long Term Relationship
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It’s never easy when you meet a guy that you like and he doesn’t call you back. If you’ve gone out a few times and you haven’t heard from him a couple of days, it’s especially infuriating. This is an enigma that many women find themselves in. You were laughing, there weren’t any gaps in the conversation; you even left with a kiss. So what’s his problem? Many women make the mistake of actually calling the guy. Traditionally, men are the ones that should be vying for the woman’s attention. In this modern age, many women are taking the reins and trying to at least give it a mild effort to get together. But not all of the blame can be put on him. Sometimes you have to take a look inward. Here are the most common reasons that he didn’t call you back and why you shouldn’t call him.

Control

Control is a characteristic that not all men can handle. At even the slightest hint of a control issue, most men will walk away. If you insist on a restaurant or he sees you as anything other than warm and easygoing, he probably deleted your number right after the date. Being confident in yourself and knowing what you want is great quality to have, but some men are not turned on by it. In this specific case, it’s probably best to move onto the next one. If he wants to get in touch, he’ll call you.

Being Too Nice

Did you send him a thank you text after the date? While a lot of guys would appreciate this, some guys actually don’t like it. When some men are pursuing women, they like to be the chaser. When a girl concedes to liking him, he might lose interest. This is especially true with men that are in business or make a lot of money. They love the thrill of the chase and when that is gone, they are left with nothing –so to speak. There is a difference between being grateful and them perceiving you as desperate. Keep the thank you texts to a minimum. Words work a lot better than texts anyway. Say thank you right after the meal and then once again before you leave for the night. This will stick with them without coming off as desperation.

Blowing Up The Spot

How many texts or calls have you made in the last couple of days? How many of those were reciprocated? When you send a text and he takes a couple of hours to respond, he’s most likely busy or not interested. We live in a world where our phones have the ability to get online, purchase items and make the traditional call. For most of us, our phones are our lifelines. If you send him a text and he takes more than 6 hours to respond, you might not want to call him again. Wait for him to call or text you. Alternatively, responding to a text instantly can come off as desperation. If you haven’t heard from him a couple of days, give him a call to see how he’s doing. If he doesn’t call you back or responds to a call with a text, rest assured that he’s not putting you at the top of his priorities.

The Prima Donna

Were you rude to the waitress? Did you get hammered? Nice guys are not going to call you out on your actions if they don’t know you. They will just sit there and take it until the meal is over. They will say things like “I’ll call you” or “We should do this again,” but they have no intention of calling you ever again. Think about whether there was anything that you did on the date that would have turned him off. If you were the epitome of perfection, he might just be giving you a little distance to show that he’s not completely desperate. If you were a complete terror, learn from the experience and do it differently next time.

Exceptions

There are exceptions that must be considered. A death in the family, emergency at work or a busted pipe in his home are obviously appropriate reasons that he hasn’t called you back. But one thing that you must take into account is how many times these “emergencies” are occurring. If it’s truly a one-time thing, he probably feels bad and would like to make it up to you. If it’s happening frequently, he might be seeing a couple of girls at the same time. Gauge his excuses and make your own mind up of whether or not to give him a second chance.

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Do you find yourself CRAVING more romance in your relationship?

Think your man is simply “not” romantic?

The free video presentation on this page will show you a simple but staggeringly effective method for using tiny little text messages to wake up the “secret romantic” in any man, even if you have kids, work too much, “don’t have time” or if he seems like a “romantic numbskull” now. The techniques in this video have been tested by tens of thousands of women around the world, were featured on Rachael Ray and are based on simple facts of masculine psychology that you’ve probably never heard before.

Click Here to Watch The Video

Warning: Make sure to watch the entire presentation to find out why other attempts to “bring back the romance” in your relationship have failed, why your he secretly craves romance and closeness more than you think (or than he’ll admit) and how to have him craving you, thinking about you and counting down the moments until he gets to see you just by pushing a few buttons on his cell phone.

Is He A Lost Cause?

No Way! Lots of women out there are stuck with guys who have let every bit of romance seep out of them throughout the course of their relationship. Also, let’s not forget about the girls who are stuck with guys who never had an ounce of romance in them to begin with!

Even if your man is the most romantically challenged guy in the world and couldn’t compliment his way out of a paper bag, you can TEACH HIM HOW to say the sweetest things using 1 simple tool that you already have.

So what is this incredible secret to getting your guy to be more romantic than you’ve ever seen him?

Your phone!

Believe it or not, you can use something as easy and simple as your cellular phone to put the romance BACK into your relationship – even if your man never really was romantic at all to begin with!

Text The Romance Back is the ONLY resource out there that teaches women how to use their phones to turn their relationships into something from the movies – or a fairy tale!

What You’ll Learn:

• The REAL secret reason he never takes you out or surprises you anymore (it’s NOT what you think – OR what he told you!)
• How to use simple text messages to turn your guy into a secret Prince Charming!
• How to get him thinking about you ALL day
• How to make him CRAVE YOU – he won’t be able to help but sweep you off your feet!

The best part? There’s no “sexting” required! We’re not talking about texting your guy about how much you want to give him head in a last ditch effort to get him to pay attention to you. This is completely different!

After you watch this FREE VIDEO (from the Rachael Ray Show), you’ll know how to make your guy transform into the sweetest man you’ve ever met, almost overnight!

“It worked on me and he’s not even mine!” — Rachael Ray

Your girlfriends will BEG you to share your secret with them – they’ll wonder how you turned your guy from a dud to a complete Casanova!

By actually following the tips in Text The Romance Back, you’ll be able to:

• Make him think about you NON-STOP!
• Make him miss you and crave you when you’re not around
• Make him count down the moments until he gets to hold you in his arms again

Your “new” man will:

• Make sure you constantly feel loved and connected to him
• Get addicted to romance in a way you never thought possible!
• Seduce you every chance he gets

Once you watch this FREE VIDEO, you’ll learn the #1 BIGGEST reason you feel more like your boyfriend or husband is your roommate instead of your lover.

You’ll learn that the myths that you don’t have time for romance or that guys just don’t like romance are just that – BIG, FAT LIES!

The truth is, almost ALL men have a sweet side!

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So are YOU ready for him to start treating you like the prize you are?

Do you want him to sweep you off your feet, romance you and cherish you in his actions every single day?

Are you ready for the relationship THAT YOU DESERVE?

Then CLICK HERE to learn how your cellular phone is the easiest and simplest way to make your man want to romance you day and night, without fail!

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Because people move at different speeds within the world of internet dating, it’s important to be careful about when you move the dating from online to offline. While you may connect with one person who is interested in meeting almost right away, the next person may prefer to take things slower and get to know you first.

No Pressure – Move At Your Own Pace

The truth is, moving from online to offline dating is not an exact science. The right time to venture offline and meet the other person is when you both are ready. This may take as little as one day for some internet couples and as much as a few months for others.

It’s important not to try to pressure your other, cyber, half into meeting you or not meeting you. The end goal is that both of you are comfortable with whatever decisions are made and that you are sure that whatever happens is right for you. If you put pressure on the other person to do what you want, you will be beginning the relationship in a flawed manner – one that could have more serious consequences in the future.

Make Good Use Of Online Tools

It may be a good idea to transition into video chat meetings before meeting in the real world. With video chat, you can get a good idea of what the other person looks like, if they’ve been putting up fake or altered photos, and if you connect with their appearance as much as you have with their personality. Video chat can get both of you accustomed to a more intimate form of meeting than simply chatting with another faceless entity. This can bring you both one step closer toward being ready to actually meet for the first time.

Honesty Is Always Crucial!

Whether or not you want to meet someone right away, it’s important to be honest and transparent in all your dealings with them. If you aren’t interested in meeting them, instead of stringing them along for months and months – getting their hopes up before dashing them to pieces – simply tell them how you feel. If you’re not really interested in meeting people, you may want to reconsider whether or not joining an online dating service is really for you.

How Online Dating Usually Progresses

The online dating progression usually begins with first contact on an online dating service. If you like the person’s profile, you then progress to chatting with them to further advance the connection. If this goes well, you may decide to upgrade to phone call status in which you exchange phone numbers and attempt a you-hang-up-no-you-hang-up kind of love. Once the phone calls are running smoothly and both of you are enjoying yourselves, laughing, and having a good time together, the relationship may finally be ready to progress to a first meeting.

If you are comfortable with your date on the phone and have also video chatted with them various times, chances are that your first meeting will go well and only enhance the relationship. Still, chatting with or calling a person is quite different than meeting them in person, and you should always be a little cautious at your first meeting. When moving from online to offline dating for the first time, always let a close friend or family member know where you’ll be going and how long you plan to be there. You may want to also leave them with a photo and some personal information about the person you plan to meet. First time meetings should always take place in a public area.

Examine Your Motives Thoroughly

Don’t pressure yourself into meeting your online date in person out of fear or guilt. If the only reason you are going to meet in person is because you’re afraid you’ll miss out on a golden opportunity, you may want to reconsider your motives. If you haven’t been able to talk to your special online friend for a few weeks and feel that the best way to make up for your guilt is to meet them in person, that might also not be the best reason to take the relationship from online to offline status. It is a natural part of the spectrum of human emotions to feel both fear and guilt, but make sure that you have better reasons than those to take your relationship into the real world.

If you do finally decide to take the plunge and move from online to offline dating, make sure that you can live up to the face you have presented them with in your online interactions. Being honest about yourself, your personality and appearance, right from the start is the best way to make your first meeting flow smoothly. Whatever you have said about yourself over the days, weeks, or months of your online relationship will all be either proven or disproven in the first few minutes of your first meeting, so speak wisely.

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Normal Sexual Progression In A Relationship

Often, sex can get pretty lame when you’re in a relationship – especially if your relationship is long term and you and your partner are monogamous. Many times what will happen in situations like these is that one or both partners start getting comfortable with the relationship and the sex, and don’t bother to use their imagination to come up with new things. It often happens to guys because once they figure out the “secret formula” to getting their girl to reach orgasm, they stick with it! They don’t want to go trying different strokes, techniques or sex positions because they found what works. If it’s not broken, why fix it, right?

This is not at all uncommon, however, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Girls don’t always want “A + B + C = Orgasm” sex. They want passion and variety! They want to experiment. A girl can spice things up in the bedroom but she’s got to have a game plan first.

Stop Bitching

One of the biggest reasons guys get less interested in making sex adventurous over time is because their partners get more and more comfortable griping about this and that. Women often do this because as the “warm fuzzies” begin to wear off as the relationship gets older, annoying habits start becoming more and more apparent. Most of the time, they’re not make-or-break-the-relationship types of things – but as a girl gets more comfortable with her guy, she will often want to “fix” him. She’ll think that by telling him what she doesn’t like that he’ll stop and start doing things her way.

You may think your nagging is letting him know that you don’t like a certain behavior, but all it’s really doing is killing his sex drive. He doesn’t see it as you gently guiding him in the right direction – he sees it as nagging, bitching, griping, etc. He’ll still leave his dirty underwear on the floor but he won’t bother taking yours off and throwing them down next to his.

Make An Effort To Be Sexy

While he probably thinks you’re cute in your flannel pajamas, if that’s all you’re wearing, he’s going to start seeing you as non-sexual and just wonderfully cuddly. While this can be an advantage on those cold days when you just don’t feel like doing anything but snuggling up in your man’s arms, if this is all you’re getting, you’re going to wonder what happened to make your guy not want to have sex with you as much anymore, or just not care about trying new things.

The truth is, he wants BOTH sides of you. Sweet, cuddly and wearing flannels without makeup. But other times, he wants to be reminded that he’s with an incredible sex vixen who will ride him all night long! So make a point to wear lingerie to bed sometimes. And heels. When you look sexy, you feel sexy. When you feel sexy, you look sexy. Don’t forget that confidence is truly the sexiest thing you can wear. Rock it like a bombshell and he’ll be on fire!

Don’t Underestimate Sex Games

A fantasy box is an incredibly fun, non-threatening way to introduce your lover to new things and ideas when it comes giving him sex tips and letting him know what you want in bed. This can be as simple or as elaborate as you and your partner want it to be. You can indulge your crafty side and make a fun fantasy box, or use something you have around the house. The more you put into this fun sex game, the more you get out of it. That is, unless you have some damn good imagination. If you do though, it won’t matter one bit if all you have is bar napkins and a Styrofoam cup.

With the “fantasy box” sex game, you and your partner each get to write a secret fantasy that you’d like to try out. Write a few down, three from each of you is a fun number to start with. What you actually write down can range from tame to super kinky, but agree on how hot you’re going to get before you start – you can always start small and up the ante later. It will be pretty awkward if you write down “Spank my ass hard and call me your whore while having sex doggy style” and his says “french kiss for 10 minutes.”  Consider thinking of different “levels” of how hot you want it to be, and decide on a “level” before you start writing down your ideas.

Throw your slips of paper in the box, mix them up and take turns fishing them out. You will, of course, have much more fun trying them out! This is often all that is needed to rev up a “vanilla” guy – simply because they don’t see the fantasy box as a threat to their ego/manhood/pride like they would if you outright told him what he was doing wrong and gave him sex tips.

Reward Him

Men are awesome like puppies – loving, playful and in need of praise when they do something right. When your man does something especially hot that you’re totally into, make some noise! Do NOT let the opportunity slip away – if he doesn’t hear anything, he’s going to assume he’s done something you don’t like and move on to the next ideas or sex tips. So if you don’t let him know when he does something spot on, you’re really screwing yourself because he’ll never learn what you like!

Let him know how much it turns you on when he does something good. Also, reward him by doing something he really enjoys – like giving him an amazing blowjob. This doesn’t apply only to sex either. You can mix and match. Reward him for a sweet gesture like filling up your car with gas by giving him road head. Or taking him on an impromptu shopping spree at the manly store of his choice. Either way, so long as you reward him for anything he does that pleases you. Because when you do, he’ll want to do it again!

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Couples who communicate the best tend to have the happiest relationships. Those who can communicate about their sex needs, feelings and desires tend to have the best sex. Silence is a big turnoff for most people.

We want to help you take those thoughts in your head and let them be conveyed to your partner. Women are DYING to know what is going on between his ears while you are buried deep inside of them. Men are DYING to know just what the woman they’re with is thinking while she’s losing herself in the throes of passion.

They say silence is golden? Not in the case of lovemaking!

Most women would love for a man to open up and tell them, in great detail, what it is like for them to view and touch our nude body.

What Women Want To Know From Men

• How does my skin feels under your touch?
• How do I smell?
• Do you like for me to dress up for you?
• What do you like to see me wearing?
• Do you want to undress me?
• Would it excite you for me to do a striptease in front of you?
• How do I taste?
• How does it affect you when my body responds to yours a certain way?
• What the sexiest part of my body?
• What is it that I am doing to you that turns you on the most?

Women are natural born “pleasers.” If you tell them what you like, they want to provide it and then go one step further by being so good at it, you’ll think they invented the act.

Case in point – once a man has told a woman his favorite food, dessert or drink, it tends to turn up often at the dinner table. If he mentions something that his mother made that he enjoyed, she’s going to find that recipe and be sure that NOW, she is the best at providing him what he likes.

The same goes for sex.

What Men Want To Know From Women

• Do I really excite you?
• Do you crave me the way that I crave you?
• Do you fantasize about me or sex in some way?
• What do your fantasies involve?
• Where should I touch you that excites you the most?
• Are there some other sex positions you want to try?
• How can I make you moan?
• What can I do to make you want more of me and to have more sex with me?
• Was there something I did this time that was better or different that really turned you on?
• What can I do to get you to sometimes initiate sex?
• Do I last long enough for you?

How To Communicate What You Like To Your Partner During Sex

Healthy communication starts with an easy phrase or two and lets your mate know that what they are doing is something you are really enjoying. Listen to how they breathe as you are making love and listen to the noises that they are making as you make that first connection. Then introduce dirty talk by simply saying something like:

“Ohhhh, that feels good … right there.”

“Mmmmm, that feels incredible!”

“Your body feels amazing.”

“When you enter me, mmmm, it feels so good I have to catch my breath!”

“Ahhh… let me pull you in deeper.”

“That feels great!”

“Yessssss!”

If you feel it, say it!!!! It’s the easiest way to be genuine and tell each other what feels good, what you like and what you want more of.

Groaning and moaning during sex are just “wordless compliments” and totally hot. Simply put, stating what you LIKE is the first step to getting what you WANT.

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Make sure you have “scooped” the person, that you have carefully checked out his or her profile. If the “other” has been good in putting it together, there would have been just enough information offered to reveal an interesting, even captivating personality, leaving just enough to hope that the “scooper” would want to look for more.

Flirting is a sport, like fishing. The woman attracts the man with some nice-looking bait or the man attracts the woman with bait that is just as well nice-looking and uniquely attractive.

Be Lighthearted

Go light and establish an edge. Use light email conversation, but angle on something real that was seen in the profile, something that gave a small flash of the person as special. That special something is what could feature the person for you. It would be entertaining and, hopefully, eventually fulfilling. There’s a lot of advice on online dating that’s pegged on being funny and humorous. Surely, being light, easy-going and humorous could move the fish closer to your net. Your net, itself, must be inviting and charming.

Write Short Emails

Some of the online dating sites have shaped the initial response/reply vehicles to be short comments signifying mere interest. If you are a woman, take your time in responding to the initial inquiries. If you are a man, respond to them easily and effectively. Both of you are lighting a campfire. You want to get the coals burning to an enticing, inviting warmth.

Ask her something about her location. Find out if she wants to talk about her job, don’t assume she does, even though it may be revealed on the profile. Look for things that are uniquely interesting on his profile. Either of you can take your time in getting personal, looking for signs that show the individual revealing more of her or himself.

Take Your Time In The Initial Phases

Both of you may have several people you are responding to, initiating conversation. Again, you want to enjoy these first few moments. You want to create light laughter as people are usually obliged to do at parties, at first meetings. As the emails get longer, you decide to narrow your choices and get into chat sessions with this certain individual. You like the interests and responses each of you have shared and want to expand on them.

If she mentioned children and you have children yourself, slowly reveal your kids to each other. This would most likely be on the profile.

Continue to show and build support and consideration. This is the time where you can grow in honesty, revealing more. You are looking for a good relationship, one that can be sustained, one where it feels “just right” to be open to. It’s like you are building comfortable structures for each other. Chatting, you both will serve up what the person inquires about, keeping it light and not going too far.

All the time, keep asking yourself is this the person you would like to be with, is this an individual you can be comfortable with.

Stick To Your Profile

Profiles show movies, books, activities that people like and pursue. You believe in some ways these activities complement yours. Ask questions concerning it in relation to your own interests. Then inquire about interests and things the other has done that you would like to know more about. Compliment her on her experience. If he expresses a liking for his job, ask him about his interesting experiences with it.

You have so far:

1. Taken your time, shown comfort with the person’s profile.
2. Have not been too flashy, but have created smiles and laughter.
3. Enjoyed and appreciated the first few moments.

Good things don’t happen inordinately fast or quick. You are enjoying subtleties that build refreshing communication.

Don’t Dive To Deep In The Beginning

If the chatting proves okay, and there has been good humor, relaxation, it means you both have accepted and acknowledged a pace, a certain rhythm.

Sitting around the chatting campfire, some of the unusual stuff will come out. Check out some of this, but not all. Wait for the actual dates. Depending on age, experiences, there are several hills and valleys in people’s lives. Maturity shows that people can appreciate that others have had hard or difficult times. If the relationship engenders anything, it will present future soft places for these things to come out.

The initial aim is to see if both of you want to make a move for that first date, where it becomes a pleasure to move from the campfire into the dawn of a new friendship.

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What She Said:

Ah, there’s nothing better than finding love – especially when it’s “the one.” Contrast and compare this list with your lover to find out if you’re on the way to “forever.”

• You Agree On “The Big Four.” It’s important to be on the same page as you navigate your life together. Some of the biggest situations that can shake even the most solid couples include: whether or not to have kids, religion, finances and in-laws. Kids: do you both agree on whether or not to have them? Do you share similar views on spirituality? Do you share the same values about spending and saving money? What are your boundaries about each other’s families? It’s a surer sign for longevity if you’re in agreement on these big issues.
• Attraction. Of course you’ve been attracted to other lovers, but there’s something extra special about this person. It’s indefinable, but you know it when you feel it. It’s that palpable, joyful sense that your bodies fit together like no one else before.
• You’re Best Friends. As much as you’re having fun between the sheets, you also need to enjoy each other outside of the bedroom. When you’ve met “the one” you’ll share compatibility both in and out of the sack. You need the bond of deep friendship to carry you through the ups and downs – and you want someone who truly has your back.
• You Love Each Other Unconditionally. The first heady months of romance are amazing – but you know you’re with “the one” when you embrace each other’s faults and stick around anyway. “The one” will love you when you’re sick or crabby – as much as he or she will when you’re presenting your best self.
• There’s No Drama. We’ve all had those tumultuous relationships. They’re gut wrenching and often passionate – but they’re not built for the long haul. A relationship with “the one” will flow easily because you both know it’s right. Not to say there won’t be challenges – but the challenges won’t include tears of despair.

What He Said:

• It’s More Than Just Sex. And more than making love, though you’re doing that too. The point is you like each other in and out of the sheets. The one is as much fun with their clothes on as off.
• The Sex Is Really Good, Though. The sex should be electric. Sex includes flirting, foreplay, everything. You both should be really good in terms of sexual compatibility. If you’re kinky as hell and she’s straight vanilla, it’s not going to work. Sorry. She won’t be talked into S&M and/or swinging. Not so much. Or if she’s kinky and he’s not, still not doable. But if you’re both into S&M and swinging, that right there is a damn good time and a damn good level of compatibility.
• You’ve Seen The “Real” Them, And You Don’t Want To Kill Them. If anything, not only should you really like who they are, all their nervous quirks and ticks should seem cute or hot or adorable to you. Granted, they will begin to drive you up the wall at some point, but that’s for later. Hopefully, much, much later.
• You’re A Lot Alike. Opposites attract, but they rarely stay together in long term relationships. Sure, it’s natural for you to be good at things that your partner is bad at and vice versa, but if you’re a hardcore vegan and he’s Ted Nugent, how’s that going to work? Ted Nugent needed himself a gun toting, right wing, kill it and grill it type of woman and he found her. And they’re happier than pigs in mud.

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I’m due to get married in a couple months, but I’m starting to have doubts. I don’t feel I’m as excited as I should be about the big day. This is the last person I’m going to sleep with FOREVER! What’s the difference between cold feet and making a huge mistake?

What She Said:

What kind of doubts? Little ones like, “Will I be able to live with a man who leaves his dirty clothes in a pile by the bed?” or big ones like, “Do I love this person and will I be happy for the rest of my life with him or her?” As you can see, it’s a wide chasm between what constitutes a doubt!

Cold Feet Are Normal

Cold feet are a time honored pre-wedding condition. It’s a big commitment – and an even bigger life change – that you’re lining up for yourself. Who wouldn’t feel a little scared? Even the most wildly in love couples are capable of feeling a tad apprehensive as they approach the altar.

No one wants to think about divorce on his or her wedding day – in fact, if you’re already contemplating an exit strategy, I think you have your answer. But the thought can provide a little levity. While there’s no discounting the magnitude of this decision, it is something that can be undone if you do ultimately decide you’ve made a “huge” mistake.

Be Honest With Yourself

That said it’s time to take a deep breath and be honest with you. Weddings are notoriously stressful events to plan. Is your lack of excitement due to feeling overwhelmed with everything from whom to choose as your bridesmaid to suddenly trying to meet the every demand of your family? Or is it something much deeper? Only you can discern what’s bothering you.

Are You In Love?

A huge mistake would be to marry someone you’re not in love with. It would also be devastating to tie the knot with someone who treats you badly before you’re even hitched. A ceremony won’t make any problems you’re having as a couple go away – in fact, it will only heighten them. If you’re truly in love and in a good relationship, a case of cold feet is merely jitters that will most likely smooth out by the time you cut the cake.

What He Said:

Thinking you can do anything for the rest of your life is impossible. If you focus on doing it today, then that’s very doable. It’s attainable. Focus not on the fact that you’re only going to be screwing one person for the rest of your life but rather on having the best sex you can with that person today and go from there.

Taking It Day By Day

It’s the same process for the rest of your relationship with that person. You’re probably freaking out over the fact that you don’t know if you can be in a relationship with them for the rest of your life. Just focus on having the best relationship you can with them today. Then go to bed. Then repeat. Then repeat. And repeat. And when in doubt, repeat. See a pattern?

You probably aren’t in line for an arranged marriage. You probably won’t say “I do” against your will. And you’re probably not marrying someone two dates in. That means you’ve been doing this relationship thing for a while with them and you obviously see something in them or you wouldn’t have been doing this for this long. So there must be something good to it. So relax, take a few deep breaths and throw the bridal bouquet at a really old lady and watch all the young women trample her. It’ll be loads of fun. Promise.

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What She Said:

Getting over an ex is never fun – but with the right breakup advice, it doesn’t have to be complete torture. Be gentle with yourself while you process what you just went through; but don’t wallow. There’s someone great waiting out there for you. Dry your eyes and follow these tips. You’ll be tripping through the daisies with someone new in no time!

Embrace The Old Adage

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It’s tried and true. Be sure you’re emotionally ready to share your body with someone and practice safe sex. If you’re ready, you’ll find having a fun fling will help you begin to release the memory of your previous lover.

Lean On Your Friends

This is what friends are for! Call, email, text and lament. You need to vent. You need to process. Just be sure to keep your boundaries. Leaning on pals during tough times is good. Making their ears bleed six months down the line because you can’t shake your feelings is bad.

Wine & Time

There’s no better breakup advice than curling up with a delicious glass of Pinot Noir and contemplating life. Think about what went wrong in your last relationship. Learn from past mistakes so you don’t have to go through those particular lessons again. Don’t drink your face off – but do unwind for a moment. Time heals all wounds. It will pass. And the passage of time will be eased with some relaxation.

Exercise

Don’t overdo it on hitting the bottle. You don’t want “wine waist” – or the depression that comes with drinking too much alcohol. It’s all about moderation. Balance that moderation with plenty of exercise. It’ll help keep your mood elevated – and you’ll be fit for the next time you’re ready to search for love.

Get Back Out There!

You’ve had a fling. You’ve gabbed to your friends. You’ve gotten familiar with your favorite wineries. And you’ve clocked in the miles on the treadmill. Now the best breakup advice is to dust yourself off and enjoy your hard-earned fresh start. Embrace it today!

What He Said:

Burn It

Get rid of all the shit they gave you. Gifts, pictures, clothes, everything. Get rid of all the reminders of that person. Don’t hold on to anything of the past. You’re moving forward not looking back.

Routine Is Your Friend

Ground yourself in your daily routines. Focus more on those things on your to do list. Add a bunch of things to it too. The busier you are the better. It will help you engross yourself in the present and that is a big key to moving on.

Add Some Hobbies

If you’re not really into anything, get into it. If you’ve got a hobby already, throw yourself into it.

One Night Stands Are Your Friend

Supposedly the best breakup advice and the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Sex like that just works. Not really sure why? Because it lets your mind and body know there are other people out there and other fish in the sea and the sooner you catch one the better you’ll feel.

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It’s not very often that the movie producers, script writers, and authors explore the loveless side of a relationship. When it comes to battlefields, the bedroom is a common source of tension, suspicions, cunning strategies, defensiveness, anger, submission, and control.

What Happens When Your Relationship Gets Boring

When a relationship becomes complacent, it’s usually because one or both partner’s needs are not being met. For men, that vital need is sex. For women, it’s affection. By vital, I mean that most men and women cannot live a happy and fulfilled life if their most important needs are not met. Many times when a man is not happy with his relationship, it’s because his partner is not providing him with enough quality sex. When a woman is unhappy, however, it is quite often because her ultimate need for affection is not getting met.

No matter how it starts, when one partner’s needs goes unmet, a vicious cycle often begins. For example, if a man fails to provide his female partner with the affection she needs, she will feel neglected and withdraw from him, often turning down his sexual advancements. In turn, the man feels rejected, negative feelings develop, and he holds back his affection towards her.

This cycle is very common between couples, especially those who are married or who have been living together for many years. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way.

How Erotic Massage Can Help

Sensual and erotic massage can give you the tools you need to break the cycle and meet your lady’s need for affection. Through the act of touching your partner, you can heal both your partner and your relationship. In doing so, you will be able to better connect with your partner and strengthen the bond between the two of you.

Not only does erotic massage help relax your partner’s body from the daily stresses of her life (therefore associating you with the dissolution of her negative feelings), it also brings about positive feelings of well being and sexual arousal. When you replace her negative feelings with feelings of sexual arousal, she will become intensely attached to you both physically and sexually. This, in turn, will help her to have better, stronger and faster orgasms.

Yου can use erotic massage and the power of touch to give your partner your loving admiration, love, and support. Wһеn you give your partner the gift of touch, she will have no choice but to let down her walls and open herself to you. Just one session of consciously touching your partner can dissolve years of misunderstandings and neglect, and release feelings of long, companionship, trust, and intimacy.

Love Takes Work

A loving relationship is much more than a few scenes of romantic conflict. It’s a work in progress that needs constant reinforcement and nourishment. Through the art of erotic massage, you can naturally reinforce and nourish the love and intimacy in your relationship and elevate it to an entirely new level—one that promises many happy tomorrows.

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What She Said:

Thou Shall Keep It Clear

The best way to have fun with a booty call is to clearly define your relationship beforehand. Booty calls, by popular definition, include sex without strings. It’s late night satisfaction – the fast food of sex. So make sure you’re not emotionally attached before picking up that phone.

Thou Shall Be Experimental

Take the opportunity to whip out the Kama Sutra and explore some new positions. When the two of you ultimately transition to other relationships, you’ll have some amazing moves to wow your next lover with.

Thou Shall Be Respectful

Booty calls are for legally consenting adults – so act like one! Though it’s a casual connection, the rules of etiquette still apply. You don’t need to exchange details of your day – but treating each other with kindness is a must.

Thou Shall Use Protection

Booty calls are fun and lighthearted. STD’s and unplanned pregnancies are not – use condoms.

Thou Shall Know When To Let It Go

There will come a time when you’ll need to wrap it up. Booty call arrangements are usually short-lived. If it’s not fun anymore – or one of you has met someone else – it’s time to call it a night.

What He Said

Thou Shall Have An Exit Strategy

These things will not last forever. It will be fun for a while, not a long time. Know this in advance and plan accordingly.

Thou Shall Not Expect Too Much

This isn’t going to go anywhere. Except to the bedroom. It’s not going to turn into something more. It isn’t a deep, profound, spiritual connection. If you go into a movie with super high expectations you’ll probably be very disappointed, why? Because you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you go in with lower, more realistic expectations, then you’re more likely to have a good time and really, really enjoy yourself.

Thou Shall Get Yours

Don’t expect the other person to care about your pleasure. This isn’t love making, this is f**cking. Period. It’s fast and nasty, down and dirty. The person on the other end of the equation isn’t concerned about your feelings or making sure you have a good time, more often than not. If anything, they are concerned about getting theirs. Take ownership of your orgasm and make sure you get it, and then some. Don’t wait for anyone else to make it happen. That’s on you.

Thou Shall Not Be Unrealistic

Yes, they are probably going to be having sex with other people. No, it won’t last forever. Yes, it will end badly (if you don’t end it first). What do you expect? It’s a booty call. You can’t accept a collect call from Cambodia and then be shocked when you get your phone bill. Take ownership and accountability. You made the call or at least you answered it. There’s an upside and a downside. Weigh the pluses and minus and act accordingly

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Hey Dan and Jenn – I’m 16 and my cousin tells me that masturbation makes you more likely to stay single and I don’t want to stay single! Is that true? Please help! Thanks and I love your show it has helped me so much.

–YouTube Viewer

Men And Women Learn About Their Sexuality Through Masturbation

Unfortunately, masturbation has a bad rap. Society teaches teens that masturbation is bad or wrong, and this gets even more oppressive in families where their morals or religious beliefs suggest that it is unhealthy. However, it is neither unhealthy nor is it wrong – it’s a natural way for both men and women to learn about their bodies and their developing sexuality. It’s a perfectly normal thing to engage in even daily from pre-teen years through adulthood.

It’s A Healthy Part Of Every Relationship

It’s unrealistic to expect that your partner be able to be around and available to satisfy your sexual needs whenever you have sexual needs. It’s also unfair to them – your partner should not be totally and completely responsible for your sexual satisfaction! Especially for men and women with high libidos, their partners may not want to have sex all day every day. Many women have issues with their male partners masturbating because they feel like he “wants” someone else sexually, or doesn’t like them for some reason. This couldn’t be further from the truth! It’s natural for guys to jerk off when they have a pang of desire, without having to ask their partners to have sex four times a day.

Another reason that masturbation can be beneficial to a relationship is that it teaches each person what they like sexually, so they can then go to their partners and communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. Being able to communicate to your partner what you like is essential to a satisfying and intimate sex life with your lover, because if YOU don’t know how to please yourself, how are THEY supposed to?

Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation is also a fun activity to do together to become more comfortable with the idea of self satisfaction in your relationship and how it can help you both to relax, stay satisfied and learn what you like sexually. Doing it together can also add another element to your sex life that keeps it from getting boring and monotonous!

Jealousy Issues

Often, one partner will be jealous over the other for masturbating. They may be upset that their lover is watching porn, or they may feel like they’re not doing enough to please their partner. Rest assured that if your lover engages in self satisfaction and watches porn that it has nothing to do with your inadequacies as a lover. It simply is a natural, healthy thing to do! There’s no reason to be jealous about it.

How Much Is Too Much?

Of course, as with most things, there’s a caveat here. It can be damaging to a relationship if it goes too far. Normal self satisfaction usually doesn’t cause problems in a relationship, but if it becomes excessive, it can.  If, for example, all you or your partner can think about is masturbating, you or your partner stop spending time together to go masturbate or you substitute it for sex with your partner. In this case, it can definitely be a problem in the relationship and you’ll want to seek help as soon as possible.

Just like with any addiction, if you or your partner are addicted to masturbating, seek help. Lots of addiction programs out there can be applied to masturbation and you can follow the same steps. If it’s taking over your life, you have an addiction and it’s time to do something about it! If it’s not, relax and don’t let it bother you. Normal masturbation is healthy and even beneficial for a relationship!

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I’m in a dating dry spell. Big time. It’s been forever. I can’t seem to break it, no matter what! It’s beyond frustrating! What can I do?

What She Said:

Be open to meeting new people, having new experiences and be willing to put yourself out there – safely!

If you’ve been in a long-term dry spell, chances are, subconsciously or otherwise, you were abstaining from a relationship to keep yourself safe emotionally. Perhaps you went through a bad breakup that turned you off from dating for a while. The long and the short of it is, you were most likely feeling too vulnerable to date, so don’t be hard on yourself.

You’ve decided you want to end your dry spell, so that’s half the battle. Now that you’re open to dating again, you’ll most likely be putting out a vibe that interested parties are sure to pick up on! Setting an intention and giving yourself a goal is a powerful way to focus on moving forward.

Be creative. Ask friends to hook you up with their single pals. Register with an online dating service. Head to the park, the gym, the library, the bars. See who’s out there. Don’t be shy about striking up conversations. Have fun flirting! You’ve got nothing to lose.

The main thing, as always, is to be happy with yourself and your life. Your joy and confidence will attract similar people – and that’s a great way to start! Remember to have fun, enjoy yourself and trust that you deserve the best.

What He Said:

Well, the obvious answers are lower your standards and/or get a prostitute. Nothing says “slump buster” like hookers and ugly chicks/dudes. Aside from that, lower the stakes. It’s not that big a deal, and it’s not going to last forever. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Okay, maybe that’s not the inspirational quote that you’ll see on a Hallmark card, but it’s true. It’s not that big a deal. This too shall pass.

After that, you’ll have to figure out what to do next. If you have what you want, keep doing what you’re doing. If not, you will need to do something different. Try and find your patterns and break them. Or make a list of things you swore you’d never do (ask friends to set you up, online dating, whatever) and do them, no matter how painful or awkward. Doing things different will lead to different results.

Keep an open mind and be curious. Be interested but not invested. If something works, keep doing it. If not, don’t and try something else. Wash, rinse, repeat.

You could also give up and abandon all hope. That seems to work especially for couples who think they can’t have a baby. After they give up and make peace with the fact that it will never happen, it usually winds up happening. Funny how that works. Well, funny unless it’s you. Then, well, not so much. But still people will chuckle. Behind your back.

Being frustrated or angry isn’t good. It’s helpful to a degree in that it will make you get off your ass and inspire change, but after you get to that point, they really aren’t very helpful parts of the process. They’re like booster rockets for the space shuttle. They get you to a point and then they no longer provide fuel, so you have to jettison them.

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I’m head over heels in love with my new boyfriend. We’ve only been together one month, but we both feel this is it. Is it too soon to move in together? Our sex life is amazing and we spend every night together anyway!

What She Said:

I’m going to be frank. I’d wait a bit to make sure what you’re feeling is love and not lust. I have no doubt that you’re blissfully happy with your new beau, but your experience is currently tangled with your raging hormones. If this is the real deal, what’s the harm in postponing a life-changing move?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m an optimist when it comes to love. I’ve fallen in love at first sight and it was amazing. I was with this man for over three years, so it definitely wasn’t a fluke. I knew in my heart (and a few other places) that he was the one – at least for that time.

Don’t Rush The Relationship

Of course your sex life is amazing – there’s a mutual attraction at work and things are new. Savor this time – it’s one of the best things life has to offer.

I’m sure you’ve been in relationships before, so you’re no doubt aware that this will fade a bit. And nothing makes the thrill of the new fade more quickly than getting familiar with the old. It’s exciting to strip off your clothes and tumble into bed – it’s another thing entirely to learn that your boyfriend never picks up after himself. The thing that makes the mess less annoying is a deep bond that develops over time.

If He’s The One, Take Your Time!

If this is it, why not enjoy dating to the hilt? Let your body tingle with anticipation on date night. Go a day or two without seeing each other while you still have some “single you” time. Let it build slowly with layers of shared experiences as you truly get to know each other. When moving day comes, it’ll be a confident decision and not a reaction to a situation.

What He Said:

Moving in after a month? What could possibly go wrong? Did my public education prepare me to count that high? No. Not so much.

It’s been a month. It’s been a month. Have I mentioned it’s been a month? Because it’s been a month. Is that sinking in yet? Because seriously. Seriously. It’s only been a month.

Your brain ain’t right. Because it’s been a month (sound familiar?) It’s filled with all kind of fun, narcotic like chemicals. You can’t make sense of things. You are not in a right frame of mind. You shouldn’t be allowed to drive, or operate heavy machinery, unless of course it’s a battery powered cock ring or Sybian.

Where’s The Fire?

It will take time for you to adjust to the great sex (or for it to die down, either one). If it is a great relationship and it is the one, why rush it? Where’s the fire? Are you in a race? Do you want to win a medal? Why are you trying to get so fast to some kind of imaginary destination. Slow down. You have nothing to gain by moving so fast and have everything to lose. Just enjoy the ride!

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If you’re interested in learning how to win HER back, here’s a bit of information that might help. It may not be easy and it might not even work but if you don’t at least try, you will never know. You also need to understand that some relationships are just not meant to work and if that is the case with yours, then don’t even waste your time and effort. Rather look else where for comfort and a new beginning. However, the main objective here is to “win her back” and so this is how we do it.

Control Your Emotions

Firstly, you need to be in control of your emotions. This is not an easy task at present, emotions are running high for both of you, ranging from anger to grief and shock so it is difficult to try and focus. It requires both conscious effort and control and you need to keep your “eye on the ball” as it could be tough, time consuming and sometimes, demoralizing. But if you stay focused, then you have the opportunity to prove to yourself and everybody around you that you’re capable to deal with difficult situations.

Don’t Retaliate

When staying in control, you have to keep a mind to not retaliate. Most guys retaliate after a breakup and this definitely will make things worse than they already are. “Getting her back” or “making her want you more by making out with her friend” will NOT work. It will only validate her mistrust of you and push her away even further. You need to give your former girlfriend time alone, avoid contacting her, especially immediately after the break up. This is probably one of the most difficult things to do, but it is necessary and it also gives her a chance to miss you.

Don’t Hibernate

The last thing you need to do is “hibernate” as it is often tempting to stay at home along following a rough breakup and but this is the worse thing you could do. Not only will you be seen as weak, but it will exacerbate your situation even further driving home your sense of loneliness. It is important that you stay in touch with your friends and continue to enjoy life. You need to keep yourself busy.

How To Plan A Come Back Strategy

If you want to know how to approach your former girlfriend, talk to her friends (if they agree to talk to you), if not, be persistent and let them see you are genuinely regretful. The more information you can gather on her state of mind and her feelings towards you, the better. Research, organization and preparation hand in hand together with a romantic occasion should work hands down any time. Once you have an idea of where her mind is at, you can plan your approach accordingly and design a “come back” strategy that will not only impress her, but “blow her socks off.”

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What does it mean when a guy says he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t ‘a labels guy?”

What She Said:

I’m guessing it means he wants to have his cake and eat it too. As played out as that old adage is, there’s a reason it’s still around. Without labels, your guy is freed from defining the relationship while still reaping the benefits of your company. The question you have to ask yourself is: Are you having fun and, if so, why do you care what it’s called?

One thing that’s crucial in this equation is time. How long have you been seeing each other? If you’ve only been hanging out a few weeks (or even a few months), back off from trying to define the terms. No one likes to be pushed and you’ll never see a guy run faster than if you try to pin him down. Men are attracted to women who have a sense of independence; needing to give a name to something doesn’t always reflect that trait.

On the other hand, if it’s been a prolonged amount of time and everything (other than the title) points towards the two of you being serious and exclusive, you deserve to know. You have the right to this information, both sexually and emotionally. If you’re in a committed relationship (i.e. monogamous), you can explore options other than condoms. A “title” also gives you the go ahead to release your heart and invest in your companion emotionally.

Follow your instincts. If you feel enough time has passed, broach the subject. If he’s willing to happily give you an answer, proceed. If a significant amount of time has passed and he still hems and haws, pick up a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. You’ll figure out the rest from there!

What He Said:

Well, he could be a player who is into dating them and letting them go. Or maybe he’s not ready for a serious relationship and is trying to give you realistic expectations of where he’s at. Or maybe you seem a bit clingy or that you’re moving too fast to soon, as least as far as he’s concerned, and he might want to put the brakes on.

Then again, who the hell cares what it means. How am I supposed to know anyway? What am I? Oprah? Seriously, it doesn’t really matter what it means, because clearly you have a problem with it. It’s not sitting right with you for whatever reason. You’re clearly having a gut reaction on this one. So why aren’t you going with it? Why are you asking two people you don’t know?

Ask him straight up. Don’t let him give you anything other than a straight answer. Let him know that whatever the answer is is okay, but you do want to know where he’s at, no bullshit. And you have to mean that. He may think it’s a trick, so assure him it’s not. It may take some prying, but you will get the answer out of him. Evaluate it, and either move forward or don’t.

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My live-in boyfriend and I are at odds over a seemingly small issue: we reside in a small town. I’m really bored, but my BF wants to stay. I don’t want to break up, but living where I don’t want to is beginning to feel like a big compromise.

What She Said:

What’s the big picture? How is the state of your relationship? Do you think he’s your soul mate? These are all really important questions you need to be asking yourself, the sooner the better.

If you’re serious about this guy and you see a future with him, maybe where you live isn’t as important as how you live. Perhaps a small town versus the big city isn’t as big of a deal when you have love. Look around at what your town has to offer. Does the slower pace allow you to focus on your hobbies? What’s the quality of life like day to day? Maybe you aren’t thrilled about where you live, but you can improve your experience regardless of residence.

The flip side: Are you marking time with someone you dig – for now? If so, it might be time to take a hard look at your relationship. You’ve got some big choices to make. The safety of companionship can be great – but if you’re passing up life for comfort, you’re doing a great disservice to yourself and your boyfriend.

There are tons of compromises in a long-term union. If you’ve asked all the hard questions and determined you want to stay with your BF then maybe it’s your turn to ask a difficult question of him: I’m willing to stay for you. Are you willing to move for me?

What He Said:

How is this not a deal breaker? If you want to go and he wants to stay, and you’re both set in your ways, then this is a situation that has been brought to a head (and not in a fun way). You either stay here and be miserable but still have your man, or you go off to the big city and you get to do your thing (though minus the boyfriend) and maybe you are more or less happy there.

I guess the real question here is why are you both so set in your ways on the issue? Why are you looking to leave? What is there that you can’t get where you are at? Is it a career opportunity, or is the grass simply greener?

While we’re on the subject of questions, why is he so deadest against going? Is it a family thing? A job? Is he a big fish in a small pond? There are certainly several valid reasons he might not want to go, but then again, it might not be a valid reason.

If all you need is love and he has you and he loves you, why wouldn’t he want to go? I know a woman who moved to L.A. to be an actress. Times were hard and she packed it in and went back to Texas, where she promptly met a guy and fell in love. When she confided in him that her dream was to be an actress, he insisted that they drop everything and move back to L.A. right after they got back from the honeymoon. That, my friends, is a stud.

Why isn’t your man doing that for you? That’s the real question, and the answer is far more important than which town you end up

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A while back, I broke up with my long term partner. Time’s passed and I found myself an amazing man and we’re in love. Then I find out my ex is going to marry to the first chick he dated after we broke up. I’m super angry, hurt, pissed and bummed. Why? How do I make it stop?

What She Said:

It’s natural to feel weird when someone you once loved has officially moved on. In fact, there’s a possibility he felt the same when he heard about your happy relationship. But the reality is that you’ve both moved on in big ways; the sooner you embrace that, the better.

Keeping Some Things To Yourself

It may go without saying, but I’d recommend keeping your depression to yourself versus confiding in your mate. I’m not advocating lying or keeping secrets – but this feeling will pass and it could be misconstrued in a detrimental way if you let your partner know you’re grieving the loss of your ex’s singledom. You’re happy, so why rock the boat?

How To Move On

If you’re feeling really bummed out, try writing a letter to your ex and then burn it. The purpose of this exercise is to express your feelings in a safe environment, then release them. Whatever you do, don’t send it or leave it lying around! It’s okay to feel sad for a bit – it is the end of an era. Acknowledge it – and then continue moving on. Surely you and your ex broke up for a reason. It might be good to revisit some of the bad times to ensure you don’t romanticize this guy too much.

You’re happy, you’re in a committed relationship and you’ve got nothing but the future ahead of you. It doesn’t involve your ex, but it does include a lot of new and exciting things. That sounds pretty good to me!

What He Said:

I guess the big question here is: why do you care? Maybe this guy was a real fixer up project when you met him. Maybe he was some fat, out of shape, slob with mommy issues and you turned him into a big man sized bowl of grade a quality ass. Then some other chick is enjoying the fruits of your labor? That would piss me off too. And you’d have every right to be upset. She owes you royalties, in that case. Or something.

Maybe you’re like this girl I used to know. She called herself the “practice wife” because every guy she was dating would immediately marry the next girl he dated after they broke up. She hated it. Eventually, she found a guy and they’re engaged.

This Too Shall Pass

Try not to read too much into this. Yes, it sucks. But it will pass. You’re happy in your new relationship, so what else matters? Jack shit, that’s what. Maybe you had visions of marrying that man, and maybe in retrospect, it wasn’t the best idea to start picking out your China patterns before it’s actually time to pick out the China patterns.

If getting married is something you want, sooner or later it will happen. That much is a given. The challenging part is enjoying the journey as much as possible and being kind and compassionate to yourself along the way. There’s really no point in being hard on yourself. Life is hard enough, and there are people lining up around the block to make it even harder on you. So why add on to the pile. Relax, enjoy and forget the douchebag. He’s her problem now.

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Question: I have this question that is quite funny, you could say but its ridiculous also. Do girls like men with hair or prefer no hair? By hair, I dont mean on the head – I mean on the stomach, chest, back, legs and butt! Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

It’s All About Personal Preference

Everyone has different preferences when it comes to sex, and that includes the type of people you are sexually attracted to. Some women like other women, others like men, some enjoy g-spot stimulation, others enjoy clitoral orgasms. Still others like their men clean shaven while some women don’t mind if he’s covered in hair and looks like a sasquatch. In fact, she may just take a picture of him on their next camping trip and sell it to the tabloids claiming she’s found evidence of Bigfoot!

Whether a woman prefers hair on a man or not is entirely up to her personal preferences. There are women out there that hate hairy men, while many women like it or don’t care at all. In fact, many celebrities and characters in movies have promoted the hairy, “wolfy” look.

Finding Someone Compatible With You

If you don’t want to shave completely, for whatever reason, try to find someone who is compatible with you. Find someone that doesn’t mind a lot of body hair, or even better, a woman who is extremely turned on by it! Yes, there are women who feel like the hairier a guy is, the better. It’s all about finding someone who is compatible with what you like during sex and in a relationship, and is wants or needs what you have to offer.

Nobody Wants To Wade Through A Bush For Oral Sex

That said, there really are very few people that want to wade through a bush to give their partner oral sex, regardless of whether it’s a man or woman. While shaving down there can be painful for some fellas – especially for men who have very curly hair and are prone to ingrown hairs – it’s important not to overwhelm your lover with a face full of pubes. Also, completely shaving the genital area if you’re very hairy all over can look really weird. Another benefit to at least some kind of pubic hair maintenance is that the shorter the hair, the bigger the penis looks.

Grooming Options

Shaving is one option, but again, if you have hair all over your body, it’s going to look really strange if your penis and the surrounding area is completely bald. In this case – or if you just hate shaving – a nice trim is in order. While there are genital trimmers available on the market, there are several types of trimmers that will work well.

A hair trimmer with attachments that vary in length is something that almost every guy owns, and allows you to trim very close or leave yourself a little bit of length. A beard and mustache trimmer will work even better, because it’s smaller and easier to use on delicate areas.

Should You Change The Way You Look For A Girl?

If you really hate to shave, or if it hurts, don’t change the way you look or who you are for a girl. If you’re a man with a lot of body hair that is either dating, having sex or in a relationship with a woman who absolutely detests body hair, you probably weren’t a good match with her to begin with. You shouldn’t start shaving your entire body, or change who you are or what you look like just because she doesn’t like body hair. There are plenty of women out there that do.

This goes back to having enough confidence in yourself to not care so much what others think of you and being happy with who you are as a person and what you look like. If shaving yourself completely bald down there or all over makes you happy, go for it! Find someone who likes no body hair at all. If you don’t like to shave and enjoy having hair (it does keep a man warmer, after all), so be it! There IS someone out there that you’re compatible with.

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I’m like a magnet for all the wrong guys. I know the good ones are out there. I need to do something different. Help! Give me a plan!

What She Said:

Short answer? Try dating a different kind of guy! You obviously have a type – and your type isn’t working for you. Albert Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you’re always dating the same type of guy, guess what your chances are of having a different experience? Slim to none!

A real life example: A girlfriend of mine is a musician and, subsequently, she was always hanging out with band guys. They were all in the same downtown scene with lots of late nights and drinking. Fun, for sure – but a bit of a merry go round as far as relationships. The fellow musicians were cool, but tended to be “bad boys” when it came to dating. No surprise, right?

Well, my friend got tired of this and decided to make a big change. She stayed in her band but put all fellow musicians on her “platonic” list. She sat down and thought about what she really wanted in a relationship. She made a list of qualities that were important to her in a mate. Then she put a plan into action. She got out of her comfort zone and made an effort to meet new people. She didn’t want a bad boy/band guy anymore, even though that had long been her type – so she stopped hanging out in bars. Instead she went to museums, the gym and the library. She ended up meeting (and marrying) an anthropologist – a complete 180 from her exes. They’re celebrating their ten-year anniversary next month.

I swear I did not swipe this story from Lifetime Television! It might sound cheesy, but you get the drift. If you want something new, don’t wait around for it – go out and get it! You have to make a change if you want something different. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.

What He Said:

You continue to do the same things, you are still getting the same results. Make a list of everything you can think of in terms of your current love life: where did you meet these guys, what do they drive, what do they do, etc. Pretty soon you’ll have a profile. This will give you a clear example of what you want to avoid.

That’s only half the equation, the “what not to do” part of the deal. That’s very important. But it’s not the whole enchilada. You know what you don’t want. Now what?

You have identified the old pattern, the one you want to break. Now you work on establishing the new one. The one you want to create.

Figure out what guy you want. Pick a celebrity crush as a template. Figure out what makes this guy your type. What do you like about him? Brainstorm as much as you can, and be as specific as possible. Then figure out where you would go in your area to find that kind of guy. It’s like getting “the look for less” but with dudes.

So when you figure this out, go to where he is and hit on him. Or do online dating. Or run naked down the highway at rush hour. Something. Anything. Do something different. Otherwise, you’ll get the same results.

Good luck!

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I just got out of a LTR with a guy who was a huge jerk. There’d been this guy flirting with me for months and since I was single, and he asked me out, I figured, why not?

We went out, back to his place and then we did it. And he never called me again. This loser makes my ex a great catch. Why do I keep finding these types of men?

What She Said:

Not to sound like my Grandma, but don’t let one bad apple spoil the bunch. You broke up with your ex for a reason and there’s no need to go running back to him at the first sign of bad news. Chalk it up to having fun having sex – and also one more step in moving on from your past. It’s shitty what your fling did to you – but that says everything about the type of person he can be and is no reflection on you.

I’m sure he wasn’t lying about being into you. He obviously spent time flirting and thinking about you. It’s more than likely that he dug you, but got scared at the possibility of you actually being single. You were an unobtainable fantasy that became real – and some people can’t handle real. Some guys want what they can’t have – and then don’t want it once they get it. It’s an immature side of human nature. Don’t beat yourself up over it!

Take this as a lesson. Hopefully you were safe and had fun. Now let it go.

Don’t let one night throw you back to the past. Enjoy being single! Focus on the bravery it took to split from your long-time BF and look towards a fabulous future. You have the freedom to create a new life, so get started today!

What He Said:

Shit happens. You got out of a relationship and you made a mistake. It’s a learning experience. It is not the end of the world. As long as you used protection, and you have been tested and all that, what’s the downside? You had some fun and more importantly, you learned an important lesson. Buyer beware. Just because something seems like a good idea, and people have good intentions, that’s not always the case.

And your ex isn’t better. He’s still a douchebag. You just are feeling nostalgic. There’s nothing magical that just happened to make him a better person, lover, etc. Just realize this is a thing that will pass. In time you’ll remember what a loser he is and more importantly, you will find someone better. Someone that you deserve and that makes you feel amazing. Give it time. This is a process and you’re still healing.

It’s a number’s game. Kiss enough frogs and you will find your prince. Relax and enjoy the ride. If you’re doing the work, you should just relax and expect your success. It is coming provided you put yourself out there and minimize your exposure to douchebags.

How do you do that? When you know, you know. If any guy remotely reminds you of your ex. Run. Be very conscious when making your choices and eventually, It’ll all come together.

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While sharing a bed certainly has a romantic upside, it can wreak havoc on your sleep schedule. Talking to your partner about your issues, like being kept awake by snoring, can help you both solve your sleeping problems. Compromise in the name of catching a few more zzz’s will keep you both happier, at bedtime and beyond.

There was a time back in the ‘50s when you couldn’t show couples sharing a bed on TV. Think back to I Love Lucy, and you’ll recall that Lucy and Ricky had a pair of twin-sized beds in their master bedroom. It seems silly to think of a married couple not sharing a bed, yet anyone who’s ever slept next to a snorer or a blanket hog has probably fantasized about having such a sleeping arrangement.

Sleep Deprivation Means More Fights

Much as we’ve all enjoyed cuddling up under the covers with our significant other, we’ve also probably had at least a few nights where our shut eye quality suffered thanks to having a bed buddy. That might seem like a small sacrifice to make for love, but sleep deprivation is a pretty evil thing. If your partner is disrupting your shut eye night after night, you’re bound to be tired on a daily basis. If you’re tired all the time, you’re likely cranky, and you might find yourself snapping at your mate more often. Things that wouldn’t bother you a bit if you were rested might cause blowout fighting when you’re sleep deprived.

Lay Down The Ground Rules

So how can you get your much needed shut eye without reverting to separate beds? First and foremost, you and your partner need to discuss what, if any, problems you’re having. If you’re a light sleeper and your S.O. snores loudly or talks, talk to them about it. How bad and frequent is the snoring? Is it a once and awhile thing that you can use earplugs to block out? If it’s a little more frequent—say your mate has bad allergies and snores when he/she is stuffed up—try over-the-counter remedies.

Buy him or her a box of those nose strips that help open up your nasal passages so you can breathe easier and don’t snore as much. If the snoring is regular and violent sounding, your significant other might need to go to the doctor or even do a study. They might have a more serious problem like sleep apnea, which can be very dangerous. The doctor could help both your partner’s health and your sanity.

Other Relationship Problems From Sleeping In The Same Bed

Of course, there are other annoyances that can come from sharing a bed. If you’re lucky enough to be a heavy sleeper, you might not notice if your partner tosses and turns or hogs the covers all to his or herself. If you’re not a heavy sleeper, you might wake up every time your S.O. rolls over or pulls the blanket off you.

Make your mate aware of their habits in as polite a manner as possible. Then discuss possible solutions, like buying a better mattress that doesn’t magnify every move your partner makes. Maybe you simply need a bigger bed to put more distance between each other, or even just larger blankets so you’ve each got more to wrap up in.

Most of these problems are at their worst if you have the misfortune of being a light sleeper. If you are, one of the easiest ways to make sure you sleep through the night despite your partner is to go to bed before they do. Of course, you might not always be able to get to bed a little earlier than your S.O.

When you can, however, try to give yourself time enough to get to the point of deep sleep before your mate comes to bed. If you’re really out of it by the time they start snoring or kicking around, you’ll be less likely to notice it. Another option is to have sex before you hit the hay. If you both get a really good orgasm, it’s likely you’ll both be out like a light.

Of course, if none of these ideas work, you may very well have to resort to sleeping Lucy-and-Ricky-style. That, or you might want to invest in some good sleeping pills.

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My boyfriend and I are in an endless cycle of fighting and making up. My friends say I should dump him, but I’m addicted to the push/pull. I want to note that our fighting doesn’t include anything physical – we’re just into arguing. What should I do?

What She Said:

The big question here is: Are you happy? Only you can make that call, but a constant cycle of fighting and making up sounds pretty exhausting to me. It also sounds like it might be tiring your friends out as well, if they’re so well-versed on the subject that they’re to the point of offering opinions on your relationship.

We’ve all had those relationships that weren’t quite a match, yet were hard to let go of nonetheless. Nothing to be ashamed of there, that’s how you learn! You have to ask yourself what you want for the long term – is the tension of wondering when the next fight will happen really beneficial to your quality of life? Some people do get off on arguing because of the popular assumption that it leads to hot makeup sex. If that’s your trip, you might want to find another (healthier) way to rev up the engines.

The push and pull can be quite seductive. By engaging in this behavior, the two of you are constantly stirring up a fight in order to ultimately confirm that you do want each other. But I have a secret – there is an easier way. Think about how life would be with someone who loved you unconditionally, someone who told you how he felt without a fight. That reality exists and it’s a lot of fun. Now there’s something to think about!

What He Said:

What is it with chicks and fighting? I know, guys date crazy chicks too, but I think it’s different for women. Ever watch a soap opera? Ever see ANY happy well adjusted people on those shows? Hell no! Everyone on those shows are bat-shit crazy and are producing tons of tension. I think women like the unpredictability of it.

It doesn’t matter what we think you should do. You’ve already made your decision. You like the adrenaline rush from a fight. Why? I have no clue. But you like it, so you might as well just get used to everyone saying you’re in a dead end, soul crushing relationship for a simple reason: you are in a dead end, soul crushing relationship, but apparently you’re into that thing for some damn reason. So since you don’t seem interested in coming to your senses and finding a guy who worships, loves, cherishes and adores you (because really, who need that anyway?) you’re going to be stuck in this rut no matter who you date. Different dick, same story.

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My wife seems to be way more interested in the well being of her girlfriends over me. It’s kind of to the point where I’m wondering if she’s more interested sexually, given the amount of time she spends with them. What gives?

What She Said:

Have you reached out to your wife lately? It sounds like she might be taking solace in the company of her girlfriends. It is possible to feel lonely, even in a marriage. You’ve mentioned that she doesn’t seem very interested in your well being. Have you flipped the script and asked yourself if you’ve shown interest in her happiness as of late? If you said “no,” that might be the answer to your question.

Bring In The Romance

Of course the responsibility is not all on you. You obviously have a valid concern, regardless of the cause. You’re feeling alienated by your wife, and that’s not good. Given that you’ve included sex in the mix, I’m assuming that intimacy with your partner is not up to par. Have you tried a little romance? A fun date night might be a good start to getting things going again.

Communication is key, especially in this situation. You need to sit down and have an honest talk with your wife, ASAP. You’re going to have to be blunt and let her know your concerns. If she let’s you know everything is fine, but she’s also been feeling the distance, be sure to start scheduling time together. Make your marriage a priority again. If she reveals that she does indeed have sexual feelings for women, it’s time to let her go. You’ll both be happier in the long run being who you truly are. Good luck!

What He Said:

Unless your wife has always been like this something changed. It didn’t just happen. She may not be happy at work, or something. Most likely in these situations, it’s that the guy she’s with started phoning it in.

Think back to a time in the relationship when things were working like you wanted them to. Compare that to now. Are you spending as much time with her? Are one or both of you more stressed out? Are you doing the same things for her now as you were then? My guess is probably not.

Decoding A Woman’s Desire For Sex

So, start doing them. Try and do them without the expectation of the sex. She’s out of the mood and been that way for a while. She may have to readjust to the new attention, but it will happen. Ironically, she will want to have sex with you right after she comes to the conclusion that you’re not giving her this attention because you want to get laid. Women are sneaky like that. Once she feels that you’re giving her this added attention because you legitimately care about her and want to shower her with it, that’s when the booty usually picks up.

Again, I know. It doesn’t make sense, and it’s counterintuitive. But that’s the way it works. Just try it. Give it like a month. Or two weeks at least. If it doesn’t work, punch me. I know it will work, which is why I can say that. Just try it. You have nothing to lose.

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Flirting When Exercising Together

Your workout is a great place to start. What do you and/or your significant other typically do for exercise? Is it something that you can start doing together, like running, biking or hiking? Having your S.O. there with you won’t just add to the time you spend together each day, but it will also give you both an extra incentive to stay on top of your workouts. You may even find that having a little friendly competition will push you to run faster, bike for longer, etc.

Best of all, exercise boosts your endorphins and your overall mood, along with your sex drive. If you’re both getting fit together, you just might find you’re in the mood for sex more often than before. You can even spice things up by making little bets here or there—i.e. whoever finishes your running route the fastest gets to pick the position you use in bed that night.

In addition to blending your preexisting workouts together, you might also want to look into new forms of exercise. You could both sign up for a team sport together, or start playing one-on-one basketball or tennis with each other. Better still, try taking a Latin dance class together. You’ll be surprised at how much of a workout you both get, and all that close contact is bound to put you in the mood for sex.

Flirting While Doing Chores Together

Working out together is hardly the only way to build more couple-time into your days. You can take some of your least-loved things, like chores, and use them as an excuse to get closer with your sweetheart. Turn chores into games. Divide up the house cleaning, and whoever completes their chores first each day gets to choose a sexy activity to participate in that night. Wash the dishes together, and each time the person washing or drying falls behind the other person, they have to take off one item of clothing.

Though you might be tempted to take a little extra time doing the dishes—all in the sake of stripping down to your undies—you’ll surely end up enjoying it. You can even do the whole French Maid costume thing while actually cleaning your bedroom, although you might not get very far if your partner can’t handle the wait. In general, though, one of the best things about doing all of your chores together is that the work will be evenly divided up, and you’ll ultimately end up with more downtime to spend together.

Flirting While Cooking Together

Perhaps one of the most fun everyday things you can enjoy with your partner is cooking. When you’ve both gotten home from work, instead of flipping on the TV and waiting for takeout to arrive, try making dinner together. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It just needs to be something that you can both cook together. Take turns being the head cook and the assistant cook so no one ever feels like they’re secondary. Food is highly sensual.

It’s said that, outside of actually having sex, feeding someone you’re attracted to is one of the most sexual things out there. So don’t be afraid to taste test with each other as you go. Licking a little of that sauce off your partner’s finger certainly can’t hurt. You’re not at a restaurant, either, so you can feel free to cook in an apron and nothing else if you’d like. Just don’t set the kitchen on fire if you get too distracted with each other.

Whether you’re racing each other down the block or playing naughty chefs, the key to spicing up everyday life is simple. Involve your partner in your routine and try to put a positive, sexy spin on otherwise mundane things. The more often you do it, the more natural it will seem to find joy in everything simply by being together.

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Don’t Be A Boring Boyfriend

Girls want a guy who knows how to have fun. Don’t be boring – strive to plan fun, exciting things for you and your girl to go out and do. Don’t just sit at home on the couch eating take-out and watching movies or playing video games. While staying in and eating bad Chinese food in front of a DVD marathon is really fun every once in awhile, it’s not something she wants to do all the time.

Plan ways you can show her a great time, whether it’s taking her out to a new restaurant or club you’ve never been to before, or doing something really adventurous like rock climbing or horseback riding. Making her feel great by getting out and doing things (and showing her that you’re interested in doing things with her) is one of the best ways to prove that you’re a great partner – and not boring at all. Also, learn how to carry on a great conversation and engage your partner mentally. Women are so emotion and mind oriented that if you learn how to give her mental and emotional stimulation often, she will really love spending time with you no matter what you’re doing.

Be Someone That She Can Be Proud Of

Yes, there are many girls that will fall for a bum. But most of them won’t. If they do, you can pretty much bet that before long, she’s going to get tired of you and move on to someone else. Instead of letting that happen, be someone she can really be proud of. Be someone that she can tell her friends and family about. Be a motivated, confident, ambitious and energetic guy!

Have a job or other things going on in your life that she can tell other people about, such as a killer position at a popular company in your city, or volunteering as a firefighter for the local fire department. No matter what you choose to do, make sure you’re actually doing something and not nothing, and that it’s something your girl can brag a little about!

You also want to have things of your own that you’re doing that don’t always involve her. Have fun with your guy friends! Don’t be too clingy or suffocating, because if you are, your relationship won’t last long. Have things that you love and are passionate about in your life that don’t necessarily have anything to do with your girlfriend at all. Encourage her to go out and spend time with her girl friends and you do the same!

Value Your Time Together

Too many guys out there take their partners for granted when they’re in a relationship. They may rush through the dating process to have sex, or they may just get so comfortable with their partner that they take for granted any time spent with them. Don’t be that guy! Make sure that you take the dating process step by step, and enjoy each different phase of your relationship. When you’re on a date with your partner, make sure that you are fully present and that you’re engaging your partner in conversation. You want to be paying attention to her, not the game on the TV behind the bar or the cute waitress.

Also, show your partner that you really value her by making her feel sexy. Compliment the outfit she’s wearing and tell her that she’s beautiful. Take her on dates that allow her to dress up and do her hair, so she feels sexy and beautiful when she’s around you. If you’re always hanging around the house and she never gets the chance to get out of her sweatpants or put her makeup on, she’s not going to feel good about herself at all. When you touch her, tell her how soft her skin is or how nice her curves are against you. Make her feel like a million bucks!

Develop A Close Connection With Her

Don’t wall yourself off from your partner emotionally. Women speak the language of emotion, so if you’re a robot with her, she’s not going to be interested in you for long. Let your guard down some and make yourself a little vulnerable to her. Share how you’re feeling about her and about other things, and respond to the things she’s feeling when she tells you about them.

Work on developing a close connection with your partner and when you do achieve that level of emotional intimacy in your relationship, everything is going to be better. Sex is better when you’re really close with someone, and life is better in general when you have someone you can share those intimate details with.

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I’m dating this amazing guy. But I’m the first girl he’s dated seriously since his last serious relationship ended. I want a future with him, and I’m ready to open myself up and give my heart to him, but I want to be sure. How do I know I’m not his rebound girl?

What She Said:

Beware of “Ghost Sex!” He may like you; or he could mentally be placing his ex-girlfriend’s face on your body and going to town. Sorry to sound so crass – but the old adage, “The best way to get over someone is get under someone” is often true. I’m sure he enjoys your company; but the fact is, depending on how recent the breakup, your presence might just be keeping him warm until his heart has healed.

Are You A Rebound?

How to spot a rebound? Be honest with yourself. Does he talk about her a lot? Are there still pictures everywhere? Does he seem angry or flinch if her name is brought up? If so, chances are his mind is still on the relationship and not in the present with you. If it was a long-term relationship, his penis will most likely be ready to move on before his heart. If you’re looking for sex and nothing more, this can be a fun time for both of you. If you’re hooked on this guy, stay away until he’s had time to sort things out.

Honestly, if I’m into a guy, my rule of thumb is to not be the first girl he’s with after a serious relationship. I find that you’re usually dealing with the fallout of the past and not the good stuff. Even guys need time to work through their feelings – whether they show it or not. It’d be great to move on as if nothing ever happened – but the hurt is there somewhere, and it will find a way to come out.

Getting His Mind On YOU

You’re worth 100% of his attention. Again, if you’re looking for a fling, this is a fine time to get some no strings attached lovin’. But, given that you’re bummed out, I’d cool it with this guy. Chances are if you set your boundaries and treat yourself with respect, it’ll be you and not his ex he’s thinking about in no time.

What He Said:

I feel really old, because I thought “Ghost Sex” involved Whoopi Goldberg, Demi Moore, and Patrick Swayze. Nevertheless, I am undaunted and proudly declare “Ghost Sex” to be my new favorite word and hereby dedicate the remainder of my existence to the gratuitous use of the term until it gets old for me (hint: it won’t. I’m like a five year old.)

Here’s a thought: if you haven’t met his friends, or if he doesn’t spend money on you or if you only meet in the backseat of his car, then well, you’re just for fun. You really need to figure out how long it’s been since the end of his last serious relationship and how serious was it (marriage, living together, etc) and how messy or amicable was the break up.

Trust Your Gut Feelings

Recovery time is a tricky thing. Everyone heals from injury at different speeds, so he may be ready for another relationship right away. Or maybe not. And he may not know where he’s at in that process. So go with your gut if it feels right, then it is. If it doesn’t, well…it’s time to cut the cord.

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It can feel like total betrayal when you discover that your mate isn’t exactly who you thought they were. Maybe you’re horrified to discover that they’ve had a completely different romantic past than you thought. Maybe you’re just shocked to discover their religious or political beliefs aren’t what you thought they’d be. Regardless, you need to talk things through, unearth other possible secrets, and decide whether or not this is still the right person for you.

When They’re Not Who You Think

Few things are as jarring as discovering that your partner isn’t who you thought him or her to be. Sometimes it’s our own fault, of course. You immediately jump to great conclusions about someone because you want them to be golden thanks to how attracted you feel toward them. Then you get to know them a little better and find out they’re not as perfect as you’d imagined.

On the other hand, sometimes your mate is going to pretty great lengths to make sure that you don’t find out something unsavory about them. So what do you do when a secret about your S.O. comes to light? How can you decide whether or not you should stay together, and, if you want to stay together, how can you move past the bad news? A good long talk or two with your partner can help you begin to rebuild trust.

How Bad Is It Really?

The first thing to do once your mate’s negative secret has been revealed to you is to assess just how bad that secret is. If you find out that your boyfriend has another girlfriend, that’s grounds for immediate breakup. If you’re a bleeding-heart liberal and your new girlfriend casually announces that she’s a conservative Republican, you might be annoyed about it, but that’s not a reason to immediately give up on the relationship.

Decide Whether It’s A Relationship Dealbreaker

You basically have to decide whether the secret is just something unsavory about your S.O., or something that indicates they will not make a good mate. In other words, if your mate tells you before the first time you have sex that he or she got an STD from their ex, that’s a problem that should be worked out. If they tell you they got that STD when they were cheating on their ex with a hooker, or they wait and tell you after you’ve had unprotected sex, that’s grounds for dismissal.

People certainly make mistakes in their life, and we do change as we mature. Finding out that your partner was quite the playboy back in college might make your heart sink a little. If he’s shown in more recent years that he can be in serious relationships, it’s worth looking past his previous mistakes and giving him a chance (though you should certainly insist he gets tested for various STD’s).

People are also allowed their own quirks and opinions. Let’s take the case of our conservative girlfriend and her liberal boyfriend. While he might initially be bothered by the fact that she believes in different political practices than he does, they could ultimately find that their opposing opinions give them something truly interesting to debate about. Additionally, just because she’s a registered Republican doesn’t mean she might not agree with some of the policies that he believes in. Some people truly can’t respect other’s opinions or beliefs, but a lot of people can. How else do people who practice completely different faiths end up together?

Talking To Your Partner About It

Once you get over the initial shock of the big reveal, sit down and have a really detailed discussion with your partner about it. If they were holding out on you about something and you discovered it via another source, you have the right to be angry that they hid something from you. That’s true whether the secret is something you can get over or not.

You need to talk to them about how they’ve damaged your trust in them, and then try to figure out how to work together to rebuild that trust. Open up about any secrets you might be keeping, and get your S.O. to do the same. Make the point to them that hiding things makes them even worse. If your partner is genuinely apologetic about keeping secrets from you, then you will be able to work together to get back to trusting each other again.

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I’m the jealous type. Big time. It affects everything. Friendships, relationships, you name it. I don’t want to be this way. What do I do?

What She Said:

It’s normal to feel pangs of jealousy, but it sounds like you’re suffering from more than an occasional twinge. The good news is that this problem is actually a great opportunity for you to examine your own life!

While you’re at it, be sure to show your friends some gratitude. They obviously love you and are supporting you while you go through this painful period.

What It Really Is

Jealousy is really an outgrowth of fear – fear there’s not enough to go around and that you won’t get a piece of what is available. It’s a belief in lack – lack of opportunity, money or love. Jealousy is also usually a sign that you’re not following your dreams. If you’re sated in your life, there’s no call for ill will when others are happy with theirs.

What makes you feel jealous when you get together with your friends? Is someone glowing because her love life is going swimmingly? Do you envy your pal’s promotion? Is someone raving about getting to decorate her new fab pad? Whatever it may be, note it – these are your triggers, as well as your clues.

Using A Journal

Start to journal after you meet with your friends. Notice what makes you cringe. Now sit back and go over this list. These are the things most likely missing from your life. There’s an easy fix – now that you know what’s bumming you out, you can take control and start working on getting these things for yourself. There’s actually more than enough to go around! Celebrate with (and for) your friends, knowing that you can (and will) have a wonderful life as well. Once you take chances and create a fuller life for yourself, odds are that you can vanquish that painful feeling.

What He Said:

Focus on what you do have, and not what you don’t. If you don’t have a lover, partner, or anyone to have sex with, go out and get one! Don’t hang around your house moping over not having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Why would you continue to devote time and energy to perpetuating a cycle that gets you a huge serving of deep fried nothing? Where’s the upside in that? (Stop looking, grasshopper. I’ll save you the trip. You can’t find it. Because it doesn’t exist. Yeah, I know. Shocker. In other news, water is wet. Film at 11.)

The next step is to realize that your current pattern isn’t helping. Life isn’t about what’s fair, it’s about what works. Why would you keep doing something that isn’t working? No real reason. It’s just a habit, and you’re in it.

Breaking The Habit

The next step is to realize that this is a habit that you created and you can break. So break it. It may be a bit uncomfortable at first, but realize that you can break it and it will happen if you are dedicated and consistent on your path. If nothing else, just start by doing the exact opposite of what you normally would. That will help enormously.

Give yourself permission to move into this new space because your success is guaranteed if you don’t quit and continue to do the work. Enjoy!

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This is something you should start discussing with your S.O. no later than the day after you get engaged. The sooner you can settle on a date, the sooner you can go to work on the rest of the planning process.

Decide On The Wedding Size

Before you can set a date, you have to decide exactly what kind of  wedding you’ll have. If you and your partner want a big ceremony with lots of guests, a full bridal party, and a huge reception, you may very well need at least six months to a year to get everything set up.

If you want a small ceremony with only a few friends and family, you may only need a month or so. Should you and your partner be anxious to get married and not into a traditional wedding, you might even consider eloping as soon as possible. You can always have a party to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family after the fact.

Picking A Special Date

Another factor to consider when picking a date is whether or not there’s a special date that means something to both of you. Maybe you want to get married during a certain time of year so you can have an outdoor ceremony, like late spring or early fall. Or maybe there’s a meaningful date, like the day you first met or the anniversary of your first date that you want to be your date.

If either of these scenarios is the case, you may have a big wait, particularly if you need time to plan and that date or season is coming up quickly. Should that be the case, you might have to wait until that date comes up next year instead of this year, or your planning might be too rushed. If neither of you wants to wait that long, you need to be willing to sacrifice your idea of a perfect date or season to get married in.

Venue Availability

Your date will also be determined by the availability of the venue you want to get married in. Some venues, like religious ones, may already be booked for someone else’s  ceremony on the date that you want. It’s a good idea to have a window of dates or a few backup dates in mind in case your ideal date is booked. Otherwise, you need to be willing to be flexible on the venue.

The same thing goes for who will perform the ceremony. If you belong to a specific congregation and want your preacher, priest, Rabbi, etc., to perform the ceremony, you will most likely need to be flexible on your date. If the two of you are just going to use a justice of the peace, however, you can probably pick the exact date you want. Odds are that someone will be available for that day.

In the end, finding the right date mostly comes down to what your priorities are. If you have a detailed dream wedding plan, you’re probably going to need more time and have to be more flexible with your date to make everything work. If you and your fiance’s number one priority is to make the marriage sooner rather than later, you’ll have to be willing to be looser with your wedding plans. Just make sure that you’re both on the same page about your priorities, and you’ll settle on the right date in no time.

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The Pattern Of A Relationship

Generally speaking, most relationships follow a predictable pattern. There is the honeymoon period where you first meet someone and everything is wonderful and new. They can do no wrong and you can do no wrong in their eyes. The sex is fantastic, the chemistry electric but after while, this starts to feel more comfortable rather than exciting. You start to adjust to one another, make compromises, and at this point, the relationship changes again. I call this the “establishment” period. At this point, cohabitation often occurs, a little “nesting” starts to rear its head and “she” and “he” become “we.”

A little further down the line comes the “disenchantment” stage where suddenly the little quirks that amused you and you were willing to overlook now start to bother you and in fact, often become the “bone of contention” as a means to “pick a fight.” This is the true test of a relationship and it is this particular phase of the relationship that you need to reflect upon. If you believe you can save your relationship after this deep reflection then you need to do the following:

Apologize!

So many “fools of love” out there say, “treat em mean, keeps em keen” and they are so far off the beaten track that they will never find their way on the path to true love. It takes strength of character and great sacrifice to apologize particularly if you do not believe you were in the wrong. However, sometimes it really is worth “losing a battle to win a war.” Once you have taken this first step, the rest is not that difficult to follow. Remember, it takes two people to have a successful relationship and knowing exactly what to apologize for is crucial.

Talk Things Through Face To Face

Invite your ex to meet you at a time and place convenient for you both where you can sit down and talk. The idea is to be quietly assertive, not forceful, but intent enough to get her to agree to meet you face to face. You both need to chat about the issues objectively, without blame and maturely. If necessary, suggest couple counseling with a therapist so she can see that you are serious in your quest.

Give Her Time And Space

This is probably one of the hardest things to do but by allowing your ex space not only gives her a chance to calm down and reflect, but also to miss you and it is true that as time passes, one only remembers the good times. By allowing a little time to pass, takes the heat of the anger out of the equation and emotions to settle into places of calm. This can only work in your favor.

Treat Her Like A Lady

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to take her on a triple Treat of Champagne Breakfast, Balloon and Boat Ride but it does mean you need to do things differently! She is the most important person on earth to you; show her this in your actions, not only in your words! Treat her like a lady and show your romantic side. A little bit of romance goes a long way!

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In general, we like to think that relationships become easier the longer we’re with the same person. In some ways that’s true. The more time you’re with someone, the better you know them. That level of intimacy can make your interactions much simpler. It can also make things predictable, which can lead to laziness.

What Is A One-Sided Relationship?

Just because you know someone really well and have settled into a sort of routine, doesn’t mean that you no longer have to put effort into your relationship. That kind of complacency can harm even the strongest relationship. It’s particularly detrimental, however, when one person in the partnership has become lazy, and the other is doing all of the work. A one-sided relationship like that creates resentment on the part of the person who is still carrying their weight. It also causes them to question (rightfully so) whether the lazier party is still in love with them.

How Can You Tell?

So how can you tell if your relationship has become one-sided? Think back over the last few months of your partnership and consider a few different aspects of it. Who typically suggests going out for a date night? Is it always you, always your partner, or a fairly even mix?

Let’s say that you typically suggest going out on dates and your mate doesn’t. If your significant other is more of a homebody, while you’re someone who likes to go out all the time, then you’re probably okay. It could just be that your mate prefers to spend more time with you in the comfort of your own home, whereas you like to get out of the house.

Therefore, you naturally tend to suggest going out more than he or she would. If your S.O. isn’t a homebody, though, you might very well have a problem. Does he or she often cook up ideas to go out with friends, but not with you? That’s a strong indicator that your partner is becoming lazy within your relationship.

Other Signs Of A One-Sided Partnership

You should also examine random acts of thoughtfulness. When was the last time you or your mate did something nice for the other one, just for the heck of it? If your S.O. is always doing kind things for you, and you’re not returning the favor, you might want to question why you’re not putting more effort into your relationship. Maybe your partner always lets you pick where to eat. Perhaps your mate sits through movies that you want to watch but he/she isn’t really interested in without a single complaint.

Is it part of your routine that you always get your way and your partner doesn’t? That’s a sign of total one-sidedness. Even if your partner is the most easy-going person in the world, you should still be making a point to give him or her their way on a regular basis. If you happily get your pick without even considering the fact that your mate is giving up theirs for you, you’re being pretty awful. If you don’t feel any appreciation or gratefulness for it—if you just expect it– then you’re being a jerk. Why are you even with this person if you don’t appreciate what they do for you?

What Can You Do?

What can you do if your relationship is one-sided? You need to sit down and get introspective about your situation. If your partner isn’t carrying their weight, do you feel that they may no longer care about you? Pull him or her aside and have a serious discussion about it. Maybe there’s a good reason that they’re not being as participative as normal.

Perhaps they’re overwhelmed with problems in some other area in their life and haven’t even realized they’re being so distant. In a situation like that, just talking about the problem and working toward a solution together could get you back on track. On the other hand, they may not be putting in any effort because they seriously don’t care.

Some people are so bad at breaking up, that they elect to behave poorly in the hopes that their S.O. will do the dumping for them. If you’re the one who’s slacking off in your partnership, check in with your gut and be honest with yourself. Are you really just bringing your relationship to an ending, albeit in a slow, drawn out fashion?

Whether you or your mate has grown complacent, it’s important to determine whether you want the relationship to continue or not. If you do, you and your partner need to have a good long talk. Then you both need to be more conscious about putting effort into your relationship. If you really care about each other, your mutual happiness and the success of your coupledom will be well worth the work.

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What She Said:

Well, it’s pretty simple – you can “find out” by asking her directly and you can “get her to stop” by requesting her to, respectfully, cut it out.

Just Ask!

It sounds like I’m being a smart ass, but it’s actually a fairly straightforward solution. You don’t want to be in a relationship where there’s a bunch of game playing going on. The phrase “finding out” makes it sound like you’re going to be snooping around on your mate. That doesn’t sit well with me and, my guess is, it probably won’t sit right with her either.

If your partner is, in fact, talking about everything in your relationship to her girlfriends, ask her to cease and desist. Keep in mind that everyone needs an outlet outside of their partners – her pals allow her to vent safely, which actually helps keep you off the hot seat. However, while friends are very important, they shouldn’t supersede your romantic connection.

It sounds like you’re worried private things in your relationship are being discussed, and that’s left you feeling vulnerable. That’s perfectly natural – no one likes the thought of his or her privacy being compromised. While your girl might need to spend an evening dishing with the gals over martinis, it’s perfectly reasonable to put some boundaries in place. This is out of respect for you and the health of your relationship.

Keep The Sex Talk Off Limits

There are some things that are off limits – even to girlfriends. I’d never divulge my husband’s confidences for some Happy Hour chatter – well, then or any other time. The size of his penis and our sex life is for us to share – not fodder for my gals. Acknowledge to your woman that you understand a woman needs her friends, but let her know subjects that would make you uncomfortable if other people knew. If you’re in a good relationship, your partner will respect your request and all should be well.

What He Said:

Yes, you should ask her and yes, your partner shouldn’t say certain things to her girlfriends, but the real question is how will you know?

So your partner says nothing is said about your penis and how you use it, or whatever else you don’t want her friends knowing. How do you know your partner won’t tell them?

You kind of have to just trust her. If your S.O. loves you, it shouldn’t be an issue. Your partner probably won’t be saying this stuff to her friends, but if your partner is, ask her to stop. Your S.O. should respect your boundaries and needs in a relationship. (Beware the girls who say they are “an open book” that means they blab their shit to everyone).

Just make sure to say things like “this is something that stays between us” or “don’t tell your friends about this” so your S.O. can’t come back and say “you never told me not to tell” cause women are crafty like that.

Seriously though, you should know the answer to this question. If you don’t trust her by now, why are you with her?

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Whether you’re both experienced pet owners, or this is the first time either of you have ever had an animal, getting one together is a big decision. Co-owning an animal with your S.O. should never be treated as a whim. This is a long term commitment that will require both of you to put in time and effort every single day.

Make Sure Your Relationship Is Stable First

It will also require a monetary commitment from both of you. That’s why it’s important to be certain that you’re both in your relationship for the long run before you get an animal together. Sure a dog or a cat isn’t a baby, but it is a living creature that will be dependent upon both of you. That means you both need to be on the same page before you head off to your local animal shelter or breeder.

If you are married or have been living together for several years, you can feel more comfortable about taking this step. Not only are you in a serious relationship that will likely last for many more years to come, but you’ve also been together long enough to know whether or not your S.O. is responsible. This means you won’t have to worry about how much more difficult it will be to end your relationship with a shared animal in the mix.

It also means that you’ll know they will be more likely to hold up their end of the animal-related duties or not. If you’ve only been together for a little while and aren’t really sure if this person is the one for you, hold off on getting one together. Having to fight over who gets the animal when you’ve broken up will just make things that much worse, and shared custody will be a pain for all involved—especially for the dog or cat.

Have A Talk On What You Want

Once you’ve decided that your’re in a serious, long-term relationship, sit down and talk to your S.O. about what you’re looking for in a pet. If neither of you has ever owned an animal before, you might want to do some research online or check out books about animal ownership. This will help you get an idea of the level of commitment each kind of animal requires.

For instance, dogs require a little more work than cats do. You have to walk them regularly, and potty training a puppy is more difficult than showing a kitten where its litter box is. If you both work long hours and neither of you can get home to walk a dog at lunch time, a cat might be a better fit for you. If you work far away from your home or apartment, but your S.O. works ten minutes away and always gets a lunch break, you probably could have a dog. Just make sure that your mate is okay with always being the one who has to handle midday walks.

Divide The Responsibilities

Speaking of midday walks and other responsibilities, you and your mate need to figure out a way to divvy up the work and cost associated with having an animal. The time to do so is prior to picking up your new four-legged family member. If you can’t decide who will be responsible for feeding times, vet trips, etc. without an argument, at least one of you isn’t ready yet.
You may also find that your S.O. is trying to pawn more of the work off onto you, which could indicate that he or she doesn’t really have their heart in it. It’s also really important to discuss the costs involved.

Things To Plan

Buying from a breeder will be more expensive than adopting from a shelter, but either way there will be costs involved. Then you’ll have to pay for things like food, toys, collars and leashes, cat litter or dog baggies, and veterinarian appointments. If you don’t have a joint bank account, you need to plan in advance how you’ll divide up the payments.

The last thing you want is to take your sick dog to the vet and discover that you owe hundreds of dollars because your S.O. can’t—or won’t—pay for their half. You may want to open a joint bank account dedicated specifically to those costs, even if all of your other accounts are separate.

Once you’ve talked everything through, make sure that you go together to pick out your animal. Springing a surprise puppy or kitten on your mate might seem romantic, but it’s really not a good idea. It’s important to make sure that you both meet any possible future pets before you decide on one. You’re caring for it together, so you should make sure you both feel good about the animal you end up with.

That may also mean making compromises. You might want a big dog to go running with while your S.O. might want a small lap dog. Try to find something in between that will be athletic enough to play, but small enough to hang out in your house. Once everyone’s had their say and compromises have been reached, you’ll be much more likely to get one that you’re both absolutely wild about.

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My ex I broke up recently, but he wants to keep hooking up NSA style, until one or both of us lands a new beau. Do you think that’s a good idea?

What She Said:

It depends. Are you still in love with your ex? Are you hoping sex will bring the two of you back together? Or are you surfing familiar terrains until someone new comes along? This is different from a “no strings attached/ just for sex” scenario because you two have a history and emotions are most likely lingering.

Finding Your True Motives

Sex with an ex can be a comforting thing. It can also be a very fun thing! It’s important to be honest with yourself as to why you’re really there (other than the obvious). If you’re hoping to win back your former partner, you need to ask yourself why. The two of you broke up for a reason, so you need to question why you’re going back now. If it’s your lover who’s initiated the physical contact, you need to clarify his or her intentions.

Finding HIS True Motives

Sorry to sound like a stick in the mud – I’m all for sex, whether it be a casual fling or a long lasting connection. The concern, in this instance, is the motivations on both sides. If you’re both clear as to why you’ve decided to hop back in bed, then sex with the ex is a “Yay!” If the lines are blurred and there’s the possibility of more heartbreak on the horizon, I’d advise you to skip it. There are plenty of other people out there, which means there’s no need to live in the past – even if that past involves a booty call.

What He Said:

You two broke up. There was probably a reason, right? What? You didn’t break up with this person because it was the most amazing, positive and life affirming experience of your life? Really? You’re trying to tell me you didn’t break up because it was amazing in and out of the sheets? Wow. Shocker. Please let me pause while I recover from the shock of that infinitely profound and unexpected response.

Wow. So that happened. As I recover the pieces of my freshly blown mind, I’m left with a thought: that relationship probably ended for a reason. Usually, a reason that’s perfectly reasonable, correct and valid (unless of course, you have relationship issues. Whole other column).

Do You Really Want To Get Burned Again?

If it ended for a reason, why would you go back? That’s like burning your hand on an open flame and then getting burned again because you wanted to see if you could put your hand on the flame in a different way without getting burned. It’s a flame. That’s your hand. You will get burned every time. Maybe not in the same way, maybe not to the same degree, but yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and your ass will get burned every time you put in contact with an open flame.

So should you continue to hook up with someone you broke up with? I’m not sure what Miss Cleo or the Magic 8 ball will say, but I can’t see anything wrong with it, right? I mean what could possibly go wrong when you light a match on a gasoline tanker? Nothing wrong with that scenario!

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Are You A Constant Nagger?

No one likes being called a nag. The term is full of all sorts of negative connotations. Yet all of us have probably done it to someone about something at one point or another. Maybe you find yourself repeatedly asking your mate to put their dirty laundry in the hamper and not on the floor. Perhaps you’ve requested over and over that your partner remember to deposit that check at the bank. Whatever the point of it, you know that it’s no fun being on either end of it.

When you’re the one being nagged, you feel annoyed with your S.O. Their nagging is a reminder that you’re not living up to their standards on this particular issue, and that never feels good. If you’re the one doing the fussing, you feel frustrated and exasperated. It’s not as though you want to get on to someone—you just want them to do something the first time you ask them to do it. The worst part of nagging is that you start to feel more like an angry parent and scolded child than a pair of two adults in a romantic long term relationship.

Are You On The Giving Or Receiving End?

The key to halting this in your long term relationship is being considerate and forgiving of each other. If you’re typically on the receiving end of it, ask yourself why. When your partner asks you do them a favor by picking up the dry cleaning once a week, be considerate of their wishes. Surely that partner does things for you. Maybe you get distracted easily and forget to pick up those clothes. To your partner that seems inconsiderate. That’s why they become annoyed and then get on to you about it.

Since you know that you’re prone to forgetting things, come up with a way to remind yourself, like putting a reminder into your phone. Sure, you might still forget from time to time, but if you do a better job overall, your partner will be more likely to forgive you when you do screw up. That means less fussing for you to have to endure.

Give Yourself A Reality Check

Should you be the one constantly fussing, try to check in with reality. If you’re doing it about little things, you might want to consider letting the issue go. Say your significant other always leaves the dishes on the counter instead of putting them into the dishwasher. This is probably a bad habit of theirs that they’re not likely going to change.

Instead of wasting your time and energy on fussing at your partner about it, just put the dishes away yourself. It probably takes less effort for you to load the dishwasher than it would to regularly complain to your S.O. about it. Don’t ever forget that you probably have a bad habit or two that bothers your mate. You’re not perfect, therefore you shouldn’t expect perfection from them either.

Is The Issue Bigger Than The Little Stuff?

What if there’s a bigger issue at hand than dry cleaning and dishes? Maybe you’ve been nagging your partner to stop smoking or cut back on their drinking. Instead of nagging in the moment, sit down and have a heart to heart with your mate. Do this at a time when you’re both in good moods and the problematic issue is not directly at hand. You truly are trying to help them overcome big problems here, but nagging may not be the right way to go about it.

Tell them how much you care about them, and why you need them to break their unhealthy habits for you. Then you should work together to come up with a plan. Promise them that you won’t be on their back about it every five minutes if they show you that they’re working to get better. Seek outside help or marriage counseling so that you’re not the lone person policing the issue. Above all, make sure that your S.O. knows that you’re doing this because you love them. If they love you as well, they’ll understand how well-meaning you are being.

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What She Said

Umm, no. Granted, I am a woman and you haven’t given us much to go on with this question. In general, society still plays a large part in defining roles of gender and, thusly, behavior. It’s up to us as individuals to unravel what that means in our lives.

What IS Expected Of Men?

I assume you’re speaking from the vantage point of what’s wanted from men and dating, given the nature of our column. I acknowledge that men have certain pressures when it comes to relationships – the biggest sticking point with many guys being the assumption of who pays on dates. We’ve covered that several times here, but I’ll say it again – it’s not how much you spend, it’s the thought that counts. Being honest while living within your means will make for a happier relationship.

Every Woman Wants Different Things From A Man

Since I don’t have much to go on, I’ll tell you what I want from a guy – the same thing I expect from myself. Honesty, respect, communication, love and companionship all rate high on my list. Money, childcare, romance, how much time spent with the in-laws and who cleans the house are common issues. Every couple has different answers as far as these expectations go, but I’d assume the happiest relationships are where the balance of the responsibilities is relatively equal.

If He Feels Overwhelmed

If a man feels that too much is expected of him, he might want to take a look at two things – himself and the relationship he’s in. Expectations are just that – it’s up to you how (or if) you decide to fulfill them. It’s your life and resentment is a terrible waste. Don’t be a victim and assume you have to live up to someone else’s vision. Make your own rules and find a partner who believes in a similar way of life. You can’t control what others want from you (much less an entire gender), but you can control how you react.

What He Said

Do girls want too much from men? Hell yes! You want us to pay, you want us to be nice, but not too nice, you want us to love you for your mind as well as your body, you want us to put the seat down, you want us to want to do the dishes. You want a bad boy, but you want him to be monogamous, you want passion, you want consistency, you want him to have six pack abs, you want him to eat healthy, but not eat like a girl, you want him to last all night and fuck like a porn star, blah, blah, blah.

Is It Too Much?

That’s a lot to live up to. It used to be that girls were the ones burdened with all the unrealistic expectations that society heaped upon them in droves. Now men are getting our fair share. When did that happen? Where’s gender inequality when you need it? Men are starting to be as insecure as the ladies, if not more so, about sex and their bodies. That’s not right! That’s your problem. Not ours! Damn feminism. Damn you Gloria Stenheim!

Wait…what was I talking about?

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For Better Or For Worse

Everyone who’s ever been to a wedding or seen one on TV or in a movie knows the gist of typical wedding vows. There’s a line in there about sticking it out whether you’re healthy or sick, rich or poor. This shouldn’t just apply to married couples, of course. If you’re in a relationship with someone and they fall ill or lose their job, you should be there for them. You would want them to help you through your rough time, so you should treat them in the same manner.

How To Show Love When Things Get Hard

There are so many different ways that you can show your love during tough times. Whether your S.O. has lost their job or a loved one, just being there to listen to them will get you off to a good start. Offer to help where you can, but never be forceful about it. Say your boyfriend just got laid off from his job. Give him a few days to be upset, and then ask if there’s anything you can do to help. If he says he doesn’t need help, keep in mind that his ego is suffering.

Forcing your help on him right now might just make him feel worse and in even less control of his life. So give him space where he needs it. When someone is upset and hurting, it’s important to be observant. Follow their cues and you’ll help them in the best way possible.

Empathy Isn’t Everything

While empathy is incredibly important, don’t ever pretend to understand what your mate is going through if you haven’t been there yourself. If your girlfriend’s parent just passed away, and both of yours are still alive and healthy, you can’t tell her that you get what she’s experiencing. If you do, that could start an argument.

When a person is grieving, they feel like no one can really understand their pain. Your job is to make sure that your mate doesn’t feel alone. Tell her that, even if you can’t truly understand her particular sorrow, you want her to know that you’re here for her. If she needs to cry, yell, or just be held, you’ll be with her for all of it.

Be Throughful

Perform thoughtful acts without being asked to do so. If your S.O. typically does the cooking or the cleaning, take on some of that work so he or she can have extra time to do whatever helps them mellow out. Encourage them to get some form of exercise, which will help them feel better. Gently nudge them out into the outside world so they can’t just sit around all day focusing on their unhappiness. Of course, if they resist, never push them.

Perhaps if they’re not up for going out, you can coax them into watching their favorite funny movie or playing a game they like. Just try to get them smiling again. Sex can also be very healing, though you should try to be understanding if your significant other needs a break. When you’re stressed or depressed, your sex drive can take a real dive, so don’t take it personally if they’re not really in the mood.

Be Kind

Ultimately, the key to being a really supportive S.O. is to make sure that you are there when you’re needed. Be respectful of your mate’s need for alone time as well as together time, and never force things on someone who’s upset. Treat you S.O. kindly during a difficult time, and they will appreciate it on many levels, for many years to come.

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Question: First off, let me say I love you two! But I’m in a hard situation. A very good friend of mine is pregnant (by accident, old story of condom in the wallet) and she opened up to me and said she starting to love me and wished that the baby was mine! I’m not really sure how I feel about her. Any advice? And again I love you two, great advice!

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What Are You Okay With?

Before you think of how your friend will feel, or how the baby might feel, or how anyone else will, you need to think about how YOU feel about the situation. Take some time outside of the situation to mull it over and think about the different possibilities here and how they might affect your life or the way you live. What are you okay with? What are you willing to be okay with? Tell your friend you need some time out to think about the situation – you at least deserve that.

Do You Want To Take Care Of Her And The Baby?

When you sit down and really take stock of the situation and how you feel about it, there might be a feeling of guilt or responsibility to take care of your friend and the baby. This is going to be especially true if you have at least some romantic feelings towards her, or care about her and your friendship very deeply. Stop right there!

Remember that you didn’t get her pregnant and you’re not responsible for the situation at hand. Yes, you can decide that you want the responsibility and that’s great – but remember that you don’t have to. Don’t guilt yourself into taking care of her and the baby because you feel obligated to. That’s not going to end very well. Make sure that if you do end up getting into a relationship with your friend and being a father figure to the baby that it’s really something you want to do – not something that you feel like you have to do because no one else will.

What If You Don’t?

If you decide that you don’t want to be with a girl who is pregnant (or if you don’t want to be with her), and you don’t want to take care of a baby once it’s born, that’s completely your prerogative. Remember, you didn’t get her pregnant! Don’t let anyone pass judgement on you and certainly don’t feel like you have to pass judgement on yourself. This is totally your call, and it’s perfectly fine to decide that this isn’t where you want your life to go right now. You don’t owe her anything.

Be Honest With Her

It’s your right to decide to do whatever you want to do in this situation, but you do need to be honest with her and truthful about how you feel. Yes, you do need to be delicate here, but honesty is the most important thing. If you decide not to be with her, explain to her why you feel this way and make sure the conversation stays limited to how you feel.

If you stick to your feelings about the situation, she can’t argue with it. However, if you present an entire list of logical reasons as to why a relationship between the two of you couldn’t work, she can argue with it – and she can probably make some pretty valid points. Remember that the choice to be with her or not was based on your feelings (not logic), so your explanation should too.

Give It A Trial Run

If you’re not sure about it, why not give it a try? Try being in a relationship with this girl and seeing how it develops. Talk to her about your idea to try it out, and make sure that she knows you have the right to decide that it’s not for you at any point in time. This also gives her the opportunity to try out a relationship with you without the commitment to be with you for a certain period of time or even be with you when the baby arrives. Don’t think that if you try it now that you’re stuck forever. Let it play out and see what happens!

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There’s this hot guy and the office. He was a so hot, I couldn’t help myself…neither could he. We hang out, hook up, then show up at work like we can’t stand each other. It was strictly a “no strings” deal going in, but all I do is think about doing him. Am I developing feelings?

What She Said:

It sounds like you’re getting good sex, so congratulations are in order! And, given that you mentioned you’re thinking about sex all the time, it sounds like it’s the act you’re attached to – not the guy.

It reads like an ideal situation and you’re both doing everything “right.” You’ve agreed on the boundaries (you don’t spend the night and you don’t discuss it at work); as well as what kind of relationship you’d like (sex with no strings). I’m going to assume that birth control and safety from STD’s have also been discussed. An accidental pregnancy is a quick way to snafu non-attachment!

Women Naturally Develop Emotional Attachments

In broad biological terms, women are hardwired to get attached to men they sleep with – it’s released in our hormones when we mate, so there’s no getting around that reality. But there is a way to beat it. If you feel you’re falling for this guy, take a step back emotionally and physically. Journal, talk to yourself in front of the mirror, write “NO” on the back of your hand, splash cold water over your face – whatever it takes to wake up and remind yourself what you’re really getting out of this situation. You might think you’re falling in love with him, when you’re really only falling for his body.

What you’re getting out of this is valuable. Sex is a healthy and necessary part of life and it sounds like you have a good physical connection with this guy. You both knew what you wanted from the get-go, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Keep your priorities in check and treat each other with respect – you’ll be fine. If emotions are starting to surface, be honest and see what happens. In the meantime, enjoy!

What He Said:

Sounds like he just plain screwed you stupid. You got it so good, you don’t know up from down and all those orgasms have straight fried your brain. There’s nothing to be concerned about. It is, after all, called mind blowing sex for a reason. Give it time. Let the new-ness of the relationship wear off. After your body and mind have adapted to their worlds consistently being rocked by this guy, then you’ll know if it’s really more than just screwing for you.

Don’t Get Caught

Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. Time will tell. The most important thing to consider here is the workplace aspect. Never ever do it at work. Never talk dirty at work. Never send naughty emails via company email accounts. Channel your inner secret agent and you should be fine.

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Oftentimes the people that we love don’t get along together. If you’ve recently learned that your parents are incredibly displeased with your choice of a partner, you may very well be reeling. Do they see some horrible quality in your S.O. that you’ve been blind to? Or are they just being ridiculous in their own expectations for you?

Consider Major Negative Feedback

If they give you majorly negative feedback on your S.O., it’s worth considering it. They may have a really good reason for not liking your boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe they know that he or she has cheated on you. You might be okay with that, but they aren’t. Maybe he/she was really rude to them and openly disrespectful of you in front of them. If these are the sort of complaints they’ve made to you, you should think really hard about why you’re with your mate.

They know you pretty well, and they may be right in thinking your S.O. is wrong for you. If their reasons for disliking your partner are miniscule or unfounded, however, don’t even bother considering a breakup. Instead, start thinking about how you’ll smooth things over between your parents and mate.

How To Get Them To Reconsider

The first step in getting them to reconsider their stance is to give them a great sales pitch on your S.O. Give them evidence to negate their fears, however irrational. Talk about all of the wonderful things that your partner does for you. Show your parents just how truly in love you are with this person. Prove to them that your significant other is a great source of happiness for you. It can even help to point out all the ways that they’re different from and better than past boyfriends or girlfriends that also met with your parent’s disapproval.

Once you’ve convinced them to give your partner a second chance, come up with a good way to get them together again. Make sure it’s in a setting that they will likely feel comfortable and happy in. Better still, work in a way for your S.O. to show off some of their better qualities. If they’re a great cook, the two of you can make dinner for your parents. If they are baseball nuts and so is your mate, go to a game together so they can talk shop and bond over a mutual interest. They may see your partner in a new, brighter light.

When The Issue Is More Serious

What if the problem is more irreparable, though? What if your parents are showing an ugly side to their personalities? Perhaps they’ve decided that they don’t like your partner because he or she is of a different race or religion from you. Maybe they think he or she is too poor or from the wrong class standing. You’re going to have to fight an uphill battle here, and you may not be able to win.

This is when you might have to make the hard choice to cut your parents out of your life, at least until they can be more accepting. It could be really difficult to do, but if you’re deeply in love with your S.O.—if they’re someone you may very well marry and/or have children with—you can’t give them up because they are being ridiculous. It’s a hard but important decision that you must make.

Hopefully, it won’t come to that. Remind them that if they love you and want you to be happy, they’ll respect your choice in a partner. Be patient and help them learn to accept your S.O. Sometimes time is the best bandage for a situation such as this.

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Not a lot of people talk about it, but it can feel pretty bad when your partner makes more than you do. Though stereotypically it’s the man who gets upset to discover his girlfriend out earns him, the envy can go both ways. It’s particularly tough if you’re competitive by nature or happen to work in the same field.

Things can be even worse if you suddenly find yourself unemployed, while your partner continues to succeed in their job. With the way the economy has been going, this problem is more commonplace than ever. So what can you do to get rid of some of the awkwardness and animosity? Whether you’re the one who’s broke or the one who just got the big raise, there is lots of relationship advice to make your wage gap less problematic.

If Your Salary Is Greater

If you’re the one who’s doing well, you need to attempt to be as empathetic as possible. Try not to go on and on if you get a big raise or promotion. You deserve to be happy and you certainly shouldn’t hide it, but one night of celebrating is enough. No need to keep referring to it over and over in front of your S.O. They will still be happy for you, but if they’re having a particularly hard time themselves, they may not fully express it. The truth is that they’re probably feeling not only jealous, but also guilty about that jealousy.

As a result, their congratulations to you may not be as thrilled-sounding as you’d expect. Don’t let this hurt your feelings or diminish your own excitement. Just be aware that the subject is a little touchy. Though you may feel like enjoying some of your hard earned cash by going on more extravagant dates, try not to go overboard. If it’s your turn to treat, you can go somewhere a little pricier than normal, but don’t make a habit of it.

If you typically split the check, be sure to pick a destination with your partner’s budget in mind. It’s likely that you’re partner won’t feel comfortable saying that something is out of their price range, so don’t put them in a position where they have to protest.

If You’re Salary Is Less

On the other end of the equation, if you’re the individual who isn’t making the big bucks, you also need to be able to consider your mate’s feelings. Don’t rain on their parade because you’re feeling bad about yourself. Even if you’ve been out of work for a month, if your sweetie arrives home and informs you he or she was just promoted, let them know how proud you are. Celebrate with them a little. Remind yourself that you want your partner to be happy, and that their successes are your successes as well.

If you really feel like you can’t handle one more minute of hearing them talk about their good fortune, calmly say as much. Simply state that you’ve been feeling down about your own situation. Explain to them that you are happy for them, but you can’t help feeling a little jealous. Then ask them if you can change the topic for awhile, and make sure to do so without any rancor in your voice. As with most relationship issues, honesty is the best policy and good communication is important.

Keep Yourself Grounded

No matter which role you’re currently playing, you need to stay in touch with reality. Remind yourself that you might not always be the one in your current position. If the roles were reversed, how would you want to be treated? Someday they very well may be, and you’ll be counting on your significant other to show you the same respect and love you showed them.

You should also remember that a big salary isn’t everything in life. If you both woke up poor tomorrow, you would still be lucky to have each other. A little career or monetary envy isn’t worth breaking up over. Keep that in mind, and you’ll be able to bridge the gap.

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When you’re one half of a serious relationship, especially if that relationship is a marriage, you can no longer make large decisions on your own. Everything that you do affects not only you, but also your significant other. Therefore, it’s imperative that you seek out relationship advice and learn how to make major decisions as a unit.

You must become better at judging where to compromise and where to stand your ground. Furthermore, you need to be able to determine when sacrificing something you want and allowing your S.O. to get what they want will be better for your relationship as a whole. This, among other things, will require you to strengthen your communication skills together.

Take Time To Talk About It

The first step toward making a big decision together is to set aside time to discuss it. Make sure that you’re both in good moods. If you’ve just had an argument or one of you has had a particularly bad day, you’re not going to be in the proper mindset to make a large scale decision.

If you’re both feeling fairly calm and happy, ask your S.O. if you can talk about the big topic at hand. Then eliminate any possible distractions. Turn off the TV or your music, set your phones to silent and put the computer to sleep. This is a potentially life altering choice for both of you, so you want to make sure it has both you and your significant other’s fullest attention. Don’t have the talk if you’ve been drinking or while you’re drinking, either. You should both be in a very clear state of mind.

Lay Out The Facts

Once you’ve found the proper time and setting to hold your discussion, begin by establishing the facts. Let’s say that you’ve decided you’re ready to start having kids, and your S.O. isn’t quite so sure. You need to state your position and the reasons why you feel ready—you don’t want to wait until you’re too old, you feel financially settled, etc.

Then ask your S.O. to explain what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. Maybe he or she wants kids, but feels like they need more time to establish themselves at their job first. Without getting defensive or hostile, ask how much more time they think they need. No matter what the topic is, you should do your best to get your mate to open up fully and be honest about their feelings. It’s important that you both be completely open about what you want and your related fears.

Looking For Compromise

After you’ve each fully explained your side of the story, it’s time to look for compromise . In the case of the baby issue, you may have to agree to wait a little longer than you’d like, as long as your S.O. agrees to get started a little earlier than they’d hoped. When meeting in the middle is a possibility, go for it. Of course, sometimes it isn’t.

Perhaps your issue is that your mate wants to move to a new city to take a promotion in their job, and you don’t want to move because you’ll be giving up your current job to do so. In a case like that, there’s no way to fully compromise, so you’ll ultimately have to decide what will be best for your partnership. Step back and attempt to view things more logically. Will there be other job possibilities for you in this new city? Is your S.O. the bigger bread winner in your relationship, or are you? Do the pros for one side outweigh the cons for the other?

Staying Calm, Cool And Rational

If you and your S.O. can keep the right relationship advice in mind and both keep your cool and be as rational as possible, you’ll find you’re able to reach a consensus sooner rather than later. That doesn’t mean that either of you should be a pushover, but it does mean that you can’t let emotions alone rule your choices. Most importantly, though, you have to remember that you’re no longer in it only for your own good. The health, happiness, and success of your relationship as a couple are now your priority when it comes to making big choices.

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It can be very exciting when the time comes for you and your significant other to take your first vacation together. Time away from your everyday surroundings and obligations can make for a truly wonderful bonding experience. But travels don’t always go as planned, and you may find yourself encountering a side of your partner you don’t find very attractive. How can you make sure that your trip goes smoothly? Lots of advance planning helps, along with patience and a good sense of humor.

Plan Ahead!

It’s always important to have a rock solid plan when you’re traveling, but never more so than when it’s the first time in the relationship that you and your mate go away together. The better you plan, the less you’ll have to worry over during the trip. First and foremost, make sure to pick a place you’re both truly interested in visiting. Since it’s your first trip together, unless you’re both seasoned travelers, you should probably stay closer to home.

A domestic destination promises a shorter flight, no need for passports, and no language barrier to worry about. It can also make for a more affordable trip, which can help eliminate a common traveling worry—overspending. Minimizing stressors before you’ve even stepped into the airport can be very helpful. Speaking of airports, you’ll also need to decide on a mode of transportation. For a first trip, flying or taking a train is probably your best option.

Road trips are notorious for quickly going from great to terrible; you can get lost, your car can break down, etc. While flying and taking the train also have their drawbacks, at least neither of you will be directly to blame if something does go wrong. After settling on a destination and a mode of transportation, make sure to pick your accommodations together. Agree ahead of time on how you’ll pay for your lodgings, so you won’t have to worry about it later.

Allow For Extra Time & Plan What To Pack

A few days prior to your trip, plan how you’ll be getting to the airport or train station. Establish a meeting time and place that allows you both extra time to get there. If one of you cuts it too close and is late, you’ll be starting your romantic getaway with a guaranteed fight. Next, plan what to pack together. You want to make sure that both of you bring the right clothing for any activities that either of you have in mind, like a fancy dinner out, hiking, swimming, etc. That way, none of your plans will be ruined because someone doesn’t have the right clothing to participate.

You should also make sure you both pack a few things to keep you entertained on the journey. You’ll want to bring a couple of things you can enjoy together, like playing cards. However, you shouldn’t assume that your mate will stay awake and entertain you through the whole flight. Bring a book or an MP3 player in case your S.O. falls asleep while you’re en route.

Remember To Have Fun!

Once you’ve arrived, let the fun begin. Different people have different traveling styles, so you may discover that you’re more laidback, while the person you’re in a relationship with is a scheduler. If you two don’t see eye to eye on how to manage your daily activities, try to compromise. Block out half of the day to be spontaneous and the other half to stick to an itinerary. Being able to compromise during your vacation won’t just make your trip easier, but will also demonstrate that you are generally considerate.

What if you encounter a traveling disaster? How you handle little road bumps will say a lot about you as a person and a partner. Try not to panic or go into heavy complaint mode. Remain calm, help your mate calm down as well, and remind yourselves that you’re just on vacation. Don’t let someone’s lost wallet or an extreme flight delay ruin your entire trip. Showing some grace under pressure and keeping things light will turn you into a hero.

Don’t Let A Bad Vacation Ruin Your Relationship

What if the vacation disaster is that you really don’t like being with your boyfriend or girlfriend 24/7? The best thing you can do is suck it up and weather the trip, then get home and think about where your relationship is headed. Don’t do anything rash when you’re away from home. While a vacation together can teach you a lot about each other, you shouldn’t let one bad week in unfamiliar territory ruin your entire relationship. Of course, most vacations go wonderfully, and you may return more in love than ever before. Planning ahead and staying flexible once you arrive will certainly help toward getting that happy result.

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Sometimes a simple “sorry” just doesn’t cut it. In fact, if you do a poor job of apologizing, you may find yourself getting into a whole new argument with your S.O. and you’ll never reach a conflict resolution. A truly good, genuine apology, however, can be like a well-executed set of stitches. Not only does it close the wound you’ve opened up, but it can minimize the chance of future emotional scarring.

Mean What You Say

Though it may seem obvious, one of the most important ways to apologize properly is to really mean it. If your apology is cast off carelessly just to end the fight at hand, it won’t be believable. An insincere apology will only rile your mate up, not satisfy their need for appeasement. Instead of hastily saying you’re sorry, hear your partner’s argument all the way through.

Then pause to consider what you’ve done wrong, and genuinely apologize for it. It can be hard to acknowledge your own wrong-doing, but if you really love your partner, you need to admit that you did something wrong and are really sorry about it. If you’re not really sorry, then you need to call a time out on the argument so you can think more by yourself.

Choose Your Words Carefully

When you actually go about apologizing, you really need to be careful with your word choice. Saying things like “I’m sorry you’re so angry” or “I’m sorry that you don’t approve of what I did” isn’t really apologizing and won’t do anything for actual conflict resolution. That’s just turning things around on your partner under the guise that you’re sorry. You need to actually take responsibility for your actions when you apologize (i.e. “I’m sorry that I forgot to mail our rent check this month”.)

You also need to be careful with your tone. Don’t yell your apology angrily, and don’t let sarcasm creep into your voice. Take a good, deep breath to calm yourself down before you start speaking. If your S.O. starts to interrupt you as you’re talking, just let them. After they’ve said their piece, start your apology again. If you keep your cool, even if your partner can’t, your apology will feel more genuine.

See Your Partner’s Point Of View

To further improve upon your apology, make sure to acknowledge that you understand where your partner is coming from. Simply stating that you get why they’re mad shows a level of empathy and regret that they’ll appreciate. If you really want to win them over, say that you want to discuss how to prevent a situation like this from happening again.

Ask for their advice and input. Inviting them to help figure out the best conflict resolution reminds them that you really do value their opinion and their role in your life. Part of apologizing is not only showing that you are truly sorry for what you’ve done, but also showing that you want to keep from repeating your mistakes in the future. A hug and a kiss once you’ve both calmed down never hurts, either!

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No matter how in love you may be, there are going to be plenty of times in your relationship where you and your significant other disagree about something. Maybe you can’t decide on where to move to, or maybe you just can’t agree on what to have for dinner. Either way, it is possible to get your way without coming off like a self-centered jerk. You just have to make a calm, reasonable argument and know how to pick your battles.

How Important Is It?

If you find that you and your partner are at an impasse, the first thing to do is to decide how truly important it is that you get your way. How upset will you really be if you have to let your S.O. win on this particular topic? If you feel that you can live with it, you should go ahead and let your partner win. In doing so, you’ll not only end the debating, but you’ll also give yourself bargaining power in future disagreements.

If you agree to move into your boyfriend or girlfriend’s apartment instead of having them move into your place, you may find that you have the upper hand when it comes to choosing your next place of residence.

On the other hand, if you decide that you really want to get your way on the matter at hand, you may have to suggest that you’ll let your significant other make the call next time. Either way, ensuring that neither of you always gets their way is a compromise that can pay off. It makes sure that you don’t look too self involved when it is your turn to get your way.

Solidify Your Argument

When you are determined to come out on top, make sure that you have a truly solid argument. A lawyer wouldn’t show up to court without having done their research, and you shouldn’t show up to a decision-making debate empty handed, either.

Let’s say you get a job offer that would require you both to move, and you know your partner likes where you currently live. You need to have a well-considered list of positives when the time comes to discuss the issue.

Moreover, your argument can’t just be about how the move would be good for you. You should be able to point out how it will benefit you, how it will benefit your mate, and how it will benefit you as a couple. Don’t gloss over things or fib about how great it will be, but do look for a way to sell your S.O. on it.

You might start by admitting that this new city will be more expensive than where you currently live, but that the raise you’ll be getting and all of the added amenities will make it worthwhile. Perhaps your partner loves hiking, and you know that this new city is near a big national park.

Not only will these positive revelations make your partner feel better about moving, but demonstrating how much research you’ve put into the decision shows them how much you care about it. If you can make them see how important it is to you, your S.O. will be more likely to let you have your way.

It’s also key that you make them feel included in the decision, even if the outcome does end up in your favor. Never make a big decision without consulting your partner, even if you suspect that it will take some effort to win them over.

Stay Calm And Don’t Be Critical

Ultimately, if you can remain calm and congenial while making a clear, solid argument, you’ll drastically increase your odds of getting your way. Promising to compromise on future issues or offering a trade off can help.

Most importantly, make sure that your significant other knows that you really do care about their opinion in the matter, and they are sure to show you the same respect.

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It won’t be an easy thing to do, and you may be tempted to chicken out. That’s when you have to remember that your significant other will be far angrier about your secret if they find out about it from someone other than you. What many people fail to understand is that the act of hiding something is often as bad (or worse!) than the very thing you’re hiding. Keep that in mind and you’ll realize that you have to move forward with talking about your secret, no matter how difficult it will seem.

How To Make It Less Painful

There are, however, ways to make your big revelation less painful. First and foremost, never tell a dark secret in the heat of the moment. The time to tell your girlfriend that you have herpes isn’t in the middle of a hot and heavy make-out session. You need to tell her well before it gets to that point, and you need to do it in a manner that befits the gravity of your news. Wait until you’re in private and let her know that you need to talk to her about something.

Then tell her the bad news and provide her with as much information as you possibly can. In the case of the STD revelation, be certain to fill her in on all the precautions you can take together, on any testing she might need to get (which you should offer to pay for), etc. She will likely be upset, but your diligence will show her that you will do everything you can to make the situation right. Be understanding if she’s freaked out and needs a breather.

Sooner Is Better Than Later

Getting the secret out sooner rather than later is generally a good bit of relationship advice. The longer it festers before you bring it to light, the angrier your girlfriend will be. Let’s say that your credit is less than desirable. Your boyfriend has proposed to you and you’re having a discussion about all the things you’ll need to do surrounding your impending marriage. Instead of waiting to talk about your poor credit score until after your wedding, bring it up now.

When he brings up the question of whether or not you should combine your finances, be honest about your debt. Tell him you want to work together with him to figure out the best solution possible. No one enjoys discussing financial problems with their significant other, but it’s an important talk to have. You could keep it a secret now, only to have it bite you in the rear later when you try to apply for a home loan together. When your spouse finds out you hid it from him for all that time, he’ll be far more upset with you.

Maintaining Control Over The Situation

Another reason that it’s important to tell your significant other your unpleasant secret as early as possible is that it gives you more control over how you break the news. It’s better to have a serious talk on a day when your lover is in a good mood than on one when they’re already upset about something else in their lives. If you have to come out with a secret at the last minute, you can’t control what kind of day your mate’s been having. You also might not have time to prepare appropriately before then.

That means that you won’t have any good news, like being able to list possible solutions, to talk about alongside the bad. Plus, the longer you put it off, the higher the chance that your lover will find out from someone else or through another channel, which just makes you look like a big, fat liar. Plan out how you’re going to do it and make sure you have as much control over the situation as possible. As a result, you’ll likely have an easier time with your discussion. Take this relationship advice and do anything you can to soften the blow for your significant other.

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Mars vs. Venus

Men and women are different in almost every single way, and how love is perceived is one of them. The way guys and gals feel about love itself is so different that most men usually can’t even fathom what goes through a woman’s head when she’s falling for a guy. It can be difficult for him to know what to say or do to get a woman to swoon but there are lots of easy ways you can increase the chances that she will be attracted to you and fall in love.

What Is Love, Anyway?

Take a step back and examine the idea of love in general. Most people would define it as a deeply intense emotional connection with another person. However, that is only partly true – there is another definition of the emotion that explains what love is and why it makes us feel the way we do.

Literally, love is a series of complex chemicals released from your brain into your body that can affect several things such as your mood, emotions and energy levels. When these chemicals are released, they create the positive feelings of being “in love.”

How Do Women Really Feel About It?

Women spend their entire lives getting ready for love – it’s one of the most important things to a woman and it’s completely woven into the messages that society sends to women. Girls think about it often even from a very young age – they think about the man they’re going to marry or what it might feel like when they finally do go head over heels for a guy.

To be successful in getting a woman to swoon over you, you have to understand that for a woman, love is extremely important. So get ready to stack the cards in your favor and do a few things to increase the chances that she will fall for you.

Make Nice With Your Girl’s Friends And Family

To some degree, a woman’s friends and family have to approve of you for her to be interested in being your partner for the long haul. If you’re a total jerk to her family members or her friends, or do things that the people who are important to your woman disapprove of, you’re just stacking the deck against yourself.

It’s very difficult for a woman to love a man who her family or friends dislike, so make it easier for her by being on your best behavior around people who matter to your woman.

Open Up And Be Emotional

It’s important to make sure you come across as a strong, happy guy with a lot of confidence, however, you also can’t be afraid to show emotion. Women speak in the language of emotions, so hiding yours or acting like you don’t care about hers isn’t going to get you very far at all.

Make sure you show your girl that her emotions are important to you and that you’re not afraid to show your emotions when you are together. Making yourself a little vulnerable to her will make it easier for her to have strong feelings towards you.

Get To Know Your Girl

If you really want to develop a deep bond with a woman, take some time to really get to know her and who she is. Show real and genuine interest in the things that she likes and ask questions about what passions she has and what drives her to do what she does.

Make a habit to actually listen when she’s talking to you and make mental notes about what is really and truly important to your woman. This will show her that you actually do care and the things that mean something to her mean something to you too.

Give Her The Best Sex Of Her Life

Women associate emotion with sex – it’s just part of who they are and how they feel about sex. When they experience an amazing orgasm, they’re more likely to feel strong emotions towards the person they had sex with. Make yourself that person by giving your girl the best sex she’s ever had!

Learn to be an incredible lover. Take some time to read up on how to give a woman a sheet soaking orgasm – don’t think that just because you’ve been having sex for a while that you know everything there is to know about how to please a woman. There’s probably a lot you don’t know – so read up on how to really give a woman pleasure and then practice on your partner.

Be the best she’s ever had! Make sure that she has an orgasm first and pay attention to her body language to determine whether you’re on the right track or not. She’ll let you know what she likes and doesn’t like by the way her body responds to your touches.

Remember To Give Her Space

Girls are complicated – they need to feel close to a guy but at the same time, they need enough space to still feel like they’re independent. Make sure your girl has a life outside of your relationship. Encourage your girl to spend time with her own friends and do things that are fun without you. Take the opportunity to spend some time with your own friends and show your girl that you’re strong, confident and independent too.

You want to get close to a woman – both physically and emotionally – to get her to fall in love, but you want to make sure that you’re not too clingy or needy and that you’re giving your girl plenty of space as well.

Love Yourself First

Remember that the best way to get love from other people is to love yourself first and be someone who other people will naturally love too. If you don’t accept yourself and see yourself as worthy of other people’s love, other people aren’t going to see you worthy of it either.

When you have that inner strength and confidence, it’s incredible how many people are drawn to you and attracted to you. People naturally want to be around others who are happy and who love themselves. If you truly love yourself and accept yourself for who you are and what you have to offer the world, others (including women) will fall in love with you too.

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What She Said:

1. Take her on romantic date nights.
2. Offer to help (and follow through on said offer) with cooking and cleaning.
3. Thoughtful gifts – diamonds are always good!
4. Remain faithful and make her feel like she’s “Number One.”
5. Share/communicate your feelings.

I can feel our male readership cringing from here. Don’t worry guys; it’s not as painful as it sounds! The above are guidelines – you’re still allowed to intrinsically be yourself. After all, that’s whom your girlfriend (or wife) fell for in the first place.

Treating Her With Love And Respect

What this list entails are actions to refer to as your relationship goes along. It means checking in, communicating and not taking your awesome mate for granted. It also means, as you continue to treat her well, that you can expect the same from her. Again, it’s not about a tit-for-tat exchange of favors – it’s about consistently treating each other with love and respect.

How To Make Sure She Stays In Love

What does marking her birthday with a thoughtful gift; planning date nights and washing the dishes get you? Unconditional love, foot rubs when you need them and a steady flow of sex with someone you adore. That doesn’t sound too bad! And remember, for every Valentine’s Day there’s a Steak & Blowjob Day just around the corner. (More on that soon!)

What He Said:

1. The 3 C’s (Chocolate, compliments and cunnilingus)
2. Regular massages (from you or someone else)
3. Consistency
4. Regular Romance
5. A housekeeper

The three c’s are pretty self-explanatory. Women tend to enjoy them and they really can’t seem to get enough of any of them. Individually they are great, put the three together in a single evening and she may worship the ground you walk on for life.

Help Her Relax

Massages are great too. It’s a tough world, especially for women and often the issue is in the tissue. You gotta get it out, the stress, tension, knots, etc have to go. You should always be giving them, but making sure she gets regular rub downs from trained professionals (who leave the happy endings to the two of you!)

Consistency is an overlooked component. A man does not choose a woman, a woman chooses the man. She chose you for a reason. Figure it out what it is and make sure that you deliver on a regular basis. When she says things like “I don’t know who you are any more” or “you’ve changed” it means “Hey! I chose that guy and now your some other dude. Where did he go? “ Don’t let that happen.

Keep The Romance Alive

Regular romance can mean anything, but spending doesn’t have to be a part of it. Thoughtful gifts that show you are paying attention are great. It shouldn’t be about money or flowers, or stuff. It needs to show her that you are listening and you care. The best gifts you can give her are the ones that she never explicitly asks for. She will tell you want she wants, if you listen, but if she has to say “I want x for Christmas” that’s not so good.

A housekeeper is like female Viagra. If your woman comes home to a freshly cleaned apartment that she didn’t clean, she will probably rape you on the spot. Because it shows that you listen that you care and that she’s important.

If you combine these five things into your relationship, you’ll be good. If you combine them into a single day (and do so on a regular basis) you will never worry about keeping her happy again.

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It’s hard to think that “opposites attract” would have become such a common saying if there weren’t some truth in it. What does it really mean, though? Can you be total opposites in every way and still make for a perfect love match? Or do some opposites work together better than others? If you find yourself attracted to someone who seems really different from you, how can you tell if it will be more than a passing fling?

What Is So Different?

The first thing to address is exactly what’s so different about you and your new love interest. Maybe you like different types of music or different movies and TV shows. Perhaps you love to read fictional novels and your new partner only reads nonfiction. Maybe he or she doesn’t enjoy reading at all. Some people would worry that, without common hobbies or interests, you will run out of things to talk about early on in your relationship.

That’s not necessarily true, however. Perhaps you’re both open-minded types who are generally curious. In that case, you might end up learning about a lot of new things through your partner, and vice versa. Your differences may end up being the very things that keep you the most interested in each other.

How Far Do Your Opposite Qualities Go?

What if your opposite qualities go beyond things like hobbies, though? What if your very personalities are what make you opposites? Sometimes that can be a good thing. If you’re a big talker and your partner is more of an observer and listener, you may find that you’re extremely well matched. If one of you is more of a control freak and the other likes to go with the flow, the Type B person may be perfectly fine with letting the Type A one make all the decisions.

In fact, that pairing would probably be far less disastrous than getting two bossy Type A folks together. Other opposite pairings probably wouldn’t fair as well. If you’re a neat freak and your new boyfriend or girlfriend is a slob, it’s highly likely you’ll be experiencing problems the minute you start living together. If you’re a goody two shoes dating a bad boy or girl, it may seem fun for now. As things get more serious further down the line, however, you may find that his or her unwillingness to shape up is incredibly unattractive.

Breaking It Down Logically

The best way to figure out if your opposite qualities can meld to form a happy relationship is to think about them logically. Try to imagine your new significant other’s traits in someone who you don’t find sexually attractive. Would you want to be that person’s friend, or would you dislike spending time with them? If the latter is true, then the only reason you’re really into Mister or Miss Opposite is that you find them physically attractive.

Aging happens, and they might not be so hot several years from now. You don’t want to stick with someone who you won’t enjoy talking to once their looks fade. If you do think that you’d still want to hang out with them, then your opposite traits and interests are working in your favor. People often wonder how a staunch Republican and a lifelong Democrat can fall in love, but it happens.

Whether they’re both impressed by their mutual passion for politics, or they both get a kick out of debating each other, there are certain kinds of people who can make their differences work for them. If you’re one of those people, you just might find that your perfect love match is your polar opposite.

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My hubby and I always wanted to have kids. We waited till we were financially “ready” and now that we’re “ready” I’ve decided I don’t want them anymore. How do I bring this up to him?

What She Said

Let me state the obvious – deciding whether or not to have children is one of the most colossal decisions you’ll ever make. Yep, that’s why they pay me the big bucks!

Wants And Needs Change Throughout Life

Let’s first examine why you’ve changed your mind. I want to applaud you for realizing this avenue may not be for you. Though we’re of a different generation, there’s still a lot of pressure for women in a marriage to have kids, whether it be from family or society. It takes courage to acknowledge that you may want to do something else.

Only you know why you’ve changed your mind – I can’t even begin to guess the myriad of reasons. Maybe your biological clock never turned on. Not every female is inherently mothering and that’s okay. Perhaps you want to travel or focus on your career, both of which are great options. I’m sure you’re getting pressure from your husband to give him an answer as to why you’ve changed your mind, so hopefully you’re clear in your reasons.

Recognizing Fear As A Factor

Let me speak on your husband’s behalf for a moment and ask you if fear is a factor. Rumor has it there never is quite the perfect time to have a baby. If you were putting off because you’re secretly afraid that it will change your relationship, but it’s something that you actually want to do, I’d encourage you to consider moving forward. Yes, it will change your life irrevocably – but if you and your husband are in a happy relationship and want to add a baby to the mix, embrace the change.

Once again, having children is a huge decision and an even bigger responsibility. Men have biological clocks as well and your husband’s may be going off. This is a tricky situation with no easy out. If having kids is something your husband really wants to experience, he deserves to have that. However, I wouldn’t advise having a baby just to make your husband happy. That’s not going to end well for anyone involved, most importantly the child!

Try To Compromise

Usually I can wrap these questions up in a tidier package. Today I say: keep talking and try to aim for some kind of compromise. Prepare yourself for the fact that you might have to let each other go if neither one of you can get what you want.

What He Said:

If you wait until you’re ready to have kids, you never will.

If you’re scared, you should be. It’s a big deal. It’s permanent and will change your relationship and your life. And it’s 24/7.So if you’re scared, it’s normal. And if that’s the case you may need to simply make peace with the fact that you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, but that it will be okay, no matter what.

You Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

It’s also possible that you’ve changed. Maybe you really don’t want kids anymore, for whatever reason. That’s something your husband needs to know. There’s no easy way to say it, so just drop the bomb and then begin to move forward. You need to realize that this may be a deal breaker for him and your husband will want to argue his point – you did tell him when you got married that you wanted kids and, now you don’t.

Or, it may be a non issue. Your husband may not want them anymore either or accept that you don’t and still want to be with you regardless. There’s only one way to find out.

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Many factors can go into your decision— how long you’ve been together, your budget, how serious your relationship currently is and how serious you hope it will shortly become. On top of all that, you also want to make sure you get your partner something he or she will genuinely like.

Consider The Situation You’re Buying For

One of the most important things to consider when choosing a gift for your S.O. is whether or not it will be appropriate for the particular situation. The first factor to mull over is exactly what will work for the point you’re at in your relationship. If you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks and your boyfriend or girlfriend’s birthday is at hand, you want to get them a good gift, but nothing so over the top with romance that it catches them off guard.

A gift like pricey jewelry or a vacation is fine when you’ve been together for a few years, but could be misconstrued early on in a relationship. Plus, it’s also important to consider shopping within an appropriate budget. When there’s a holiday that involves an exchange of gifts, you don’t want to overspend and make your partner feel like they were cheap by comparison.

Of course, if you’ve been together for a few years and buy your partner something obviously inexpensive, that can be equally awkward. As a rule, if you think about how serious your relationship is, then seek out a gift that’s similarly serious, you’ll be fine.

Think Outside The Box

The quality of the gift is not always determined by the cost. It’s most important to show that you put actual thought into the gift you’re getting. If you know that your significant other likes flowers and jewelry, or other more typical gifts, then that’s fine. Yet you’ll be amazed at how much more your gift will be appreciated if you think a bit outside of the box. Instead of picking out a typical piece of jewelry from a chain store, choose something one-of-a-kind from a boutique or a site like Etsy.com.

If you’re buying any kind of clothing, jewelry, etc., also be sure to pay attention to what your S.O. already wears. If you buy them something that reflects their tastes instead of yours, they’ll be certain to love it and wear it often. You’ll also demonstrate that you’ve been paying attention to their taste, which proves that you’re thoughtful. Hard to find items, like out-of-print books or DVD’s, can also make impressive gifts, because you had to work a little to track them down.

Give Your Partner An Experience

Great dates can also be full of romance and make excellent gifts. While surprise vacations can be wonderful gifts for people in more serious relationships, there are smaller activity gifts that work well even after a few weeks of dating. Perhaps you know that your boyfriend loves a certain sports team, or your girlfriend has a favorite band that’s on tour.

Purchase a pair of tickets to an upcoming game or concert, plan a day around it, and give your partner the gift of some awesome memories. You’ll score even more points if you’re willing to take your partner out for something you’re not personally interested in. If you can make it through a few Tango classes despite your distaste for dancing, your Latin-dance-loving partner will appreciate it all the more.

Keeping Things Low Cost By Making A Gift

If you’re working on a small budget, you can always create a gift yourself. Handmade presents don’t have to be cheesy or seem cheap. If you have a talent, run with it—create a piece of art, bake a bunch of sweets to put in a goody basket, or curate a music mix that you know your S.O. will enjoy. Handmade touches can also add a personal element of romance to a purchased gift.

For instance, sticking concert tickets into a case with a mix CD you made shows extra initiative and creativity. Thoughtful packaging doesn’t have to be homemade, either. If your sweetheart has a funny bone, you can add some humor by hiding a more meaningful present in something silly, like sticking a piece of jewelry inside a goofy novelty mug.

Knowing Your Partner

Ultimately, if you’re observant and take note of your significant other’s tastes and personality, you can give a great gift. Put thought and time into what you choose, and your boyfriend or girlfriend will be able to tell the minute they open it. You’ll impress them and show them how much you love them, whether your budget is big or small, your relationship long term or new.

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Leave Flowers & A Note In Her Car

If she drives her own car, leaving a red rose on her windscreen with a hand note from you explaining that you know words are cheap and that you ask her to give you a chance to show her why the two of you are meant to be together. You need to leave a little hint of a proposed romantic rendezvous that gives enough information to show your sincerity but not too much so as to create an allure.

Leave Flowers Or A Gift On Her Doorstep

If she has moved out and is living with a friend/sister or parents, make sure that you do the same but leave it on her/their doorstep at a time you know she will definitely find it.

Don’t Give Her A Chance To Rethink

Ensure you have set the romantic date for the following evening (which you have planned well in advance) so that she does not have time to get 100 negative input ideas from over-protective friends and family.

Make Sure You Look Good!

Deck yourself out in the most attractive NEW clothes you can find, have a haircut, shave and use an aftershave she cannot resist.

Surprise Her With A New Place

Choose a restaurant that you two have never been to, that is extremely romantic, make sure you book the secluded corner table, even ask for a separate dining room/area if possible and arrive EARLY.

Treat Her Like A Queen

When she gets to the table (which she will if you have done what we tell you), then make sure you stand up as she approaches and treat her like a queen, pulling out her chair, and after you sit down, look at her, drink her in and hold her eyes with yours as you tell her how exceptionally beautiful she looks. Before she can scoff at her compliment (which she might view as a superficial compliment), rise from you chair, get down to eye level next her while she is seated in her chair and put your finger gently on her lips and ask her to just listen to what you have to say before she responds.

Explain Yourself – And Apologize

Staying where you are, you tell her how much she means to you, what a complete idiot you have been, how having her gone has left a hole greater than all the black holes in space, in your life. Tell her you are prepared to do anything and keep on doing anything for as long as it takes, even your entire lifetime, to prove this to her.

Kiss Her The Right Way

When you leave alone that night (a must in this case), ask her permission to kiss her and then kiss her with hedonistic ferocity that leaves her hungry for more, then gently pull back.

Be A Gentleman

Make sure she has a ride home, whether with you, a cabby or walk her to her car, like a gentleman.

Send A Follow Up Text

When you get home, text her telling her how much you enjoyed the evening, tell her how beautiful she looked and that you can’t wait to see her again.

Don’t Let Things Sit For Too Long

Follow up and confirm your next date and don’t leave it too long. There is a reason they call it the “art” of seduction. It involves creativity, patience and time.

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My man and I have been together a couple of years. Chemistry and sex are great, but where’s the foreplay? The anticipation is the best part for me. But now we just go at it. Can I get it back?

What She Said:

I have good news – it is possible! All it takes is a little communication and compromise with your partner. You two are, of course, more familiar with each other now than at the beginning of your relationship. That means you’ll never quite be able to recapture that thrill of the new because it’s morphed into something different. Still more good news – that something different is an intimacy and trust that you didn’t have before.

Just Because You’re Comfortable Doesn’t Mean Sex Has To Be Boring

Familiarity doesn’t have to equal boring. Luckily you’re already ahead of the curve with the great chemistry and hot sex that you share. All you need to reintroduce into this mix is the anticipation. How do you accomplish this? Here’s where the communication and compromise comes in. Let your boyfriend know you’re hot for him – but that it could get even hotter. That will get his attention!

The Importance Of Date Nights

Add date nights that don’t end in full intercourse to your repertoire. Go out for a great dinner, fondle each other at the movies and dry hump on the couch like you were teenagers – but DON’T have sex. Tease each other with texts and flirty emails throughout the week prior to your big evening out. Make it a game to let the tension build. Do this until you both agree it’s time for release. Repeat.

Now you’ve got the best of both worlds: all the benefits of a long-term relationship with the ability to anticipate hot times of fun and frolic. Enjoy!

What He Said:

Important thing to note:

Men like to be pleased, women like to be teased.

If both sides dig in and insist on only getting what they want, nobody wins. Needless to say your man’s not probably going to be super thrilled about the no intercourse thing. Talk to him and come to some sort of understanding where you get what you want and he does to. For my money, there is no relationship problem that can’t be solved with hotel/vacation sex.

Why Hotel/Vacation Sex Can Help

Something about being out of your usual environment gets people going. Try taking a little weekend getaway. You don’t even have to leave your own town, just be somewhere different. If you’re in the same environment you can develop a pattern, and you’re trying to change the pattern. So come up with fun and naughty ways to disrupt it and then install a new one. It make take practice, but is that a bad thing?

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Whether you’re meeting your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents for the first time, or going to your tenth holiday dinner at your in-laws’ place, interacting with your significant other’s family can be one of the most complex parts of your relationship. If you’re willing to be patient and make compromises, you’ll have an easier time with your new relatives-by-proxy.

Spending Time With In-Laws Can Be Stressful

There are two little words that can strike massive fear in the hearts of many men and women: in-laws. Spending time with your significant other’s family can be one of the most strange and stressful parts of your relationship. Unless your partner is a recent orphan, however, you’re not going to get out of family time. The best you can do is learn how to cope with them – while still being yourself and being confident.

If it’s the first time you’re meeting your significant other’s family members, there are a few ways to better prepare yourself. First of all, talk to your partner about his or her relatives – this is probably the best where your best relationship advice comes from because a little research about who these people really are can go a long way. You shouldn’t put up a front, but it is good to adjust yourself slightly to their expectations.

If they’re not big drinkers, don’t show up with a bottle of wine. If they traditionally dress up for dinner, trade in your jeans for a dress or slacks. Think of it like visiting a foreign country; you don’t want to look like a tourist, so you take a few tiny steps to fit in with the locals. This will also endear you to your mate, because he or she will be flattered that you care about impressing the parents.

Will You Fit In With Their Family?

What if, once you’ve met them, you find you don’t fit in at all? If you’re married, engaged, or moving in together, you won’t be able to avoid the in-laws forever. That means you need to strategize appropriately. Try to plan family gatherings that have set end times, so your visits won’t be painfully long. Look for the one or two things you do have in common and focus on them.

If you and your in-laws both love old movies, host a classic movie night at your place. They’ll feel welcomed and loved, and you won’t have to talk to them much during the movie. Have excuses at the ready to cut awkward drop-in visits short or omit awkward silences without being impolite. For instance, if your mother-in-law drops by on a Sunday afternoon and just won’t leave, tell her you hate to end your visit, but you have to run errands before dinner time.

Then plan for one of those aforementioned movie nights so she knows you’re not adverse to spending time with her. When it comes to the holidays, make sure that you and your partner set ground rules early on in your relationship. Every three years is a good rule—one year with your family, the next with your significant other’s family, and the third year to yourselves. That makes both sets of in-laws feel like they’re being treated fairly.

What To Do If It Gets Awkward

Of course, sometimes relations with your partner’s family go beyond awkward unpleasantness and become strained. Maybe you hate being around your spouse’s parents because they have strong political beliefs that oppose yours, or maybe the situation is worse.

If Aunt Jean is a bigot and insults you to your face because you’re not the same race as she is, then you don’t have to put up with that. You can and should cross her off the family game night invite list. If you find that you’re the lone Democrat in a sea of diehard Republicans, avoid the topic of politics like the plague. If it still gets brought up, you can either sit back and quietly observe or suggest a subject change.

In the end, in-laws are a fact of life in long term relationships. You don’t have to enjoy every moment of it, but you can improve upon your time with them. Above all, remember that these folks are your significant other’s family. Like them or not, your mate loves them. You owe it to her or him to make lemonade from these familial lemons. Besides, don’t forget—he or she has to deal with your family, too!

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When you are faced with problems in your relationship, it would be easy to walk away and let it fail, while it is harder to stay and work it through. When you are faced with these issues, to keep it in perspective, think of the way you felt when you first met and the reason you fell in love. Remember the good and the bad times you shared, and what makes it worth it.

You know that it takes two to tango, and this applies to your relationship as well. An effort from only one party is not going to prove to be successful.

Realize Why Relationships Fail

Many relationships fail for a number of reasons here are a few of the common ones:

• High expectations generally happen when entering a relationship viewing everything through rose-colored glasses/spectacles. When these expectations are not met disappointment and frustration soon follow.
• Financial issues are not taboo between couples. A household budget should be discussed early so you know what is expected of you. It is important to speak up about money issues when they first arise, and not scream about it when you both are angry.
• Manage your stress. Recognize what stresses you both out and do whatever you can to not fall prey. Too much stress can hamper one’s ability to think and respond properly.
• Compromise and do things as a couple. Go to a football match with him and take her shopping, or go on holiday together. Don’t be afraid to speak up and tell your significant other what you want and need. No offence to you guys, but you don’t take hints well, so learn to LISTEN, not just hear! Part of listening also involves not get defensive when she speaks to you, be genuine, compassionate, understanding and sincere.
• Spice up your relationship and go out and have a night on the town together. Bring home flowers and chocolates for no particular reason. Apologize if you have done something to upset her, and surprise her with something that she’s been wanting but do it for “no reason whatsoever” not because it’s her birthday or Valentine’s day.

It Takes Two To Make A Relationship Work

Both of you have to be committed to make this relationship work. Don’t scream, argue and curse, rather sit down, call a meeting and be reasonable and logical about it. Try not to get too emotional, speak calmly when you say what you have to say.

There are an abundance of tips that can stop your breakup, but like with all advice, it may not work in all situations. An understanding of your partner and what your relationship requires can provide you with what you need.

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I’m getting married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He’s perfect. We’ve never even had a fight…until…I told him I was keeping my “maiden” name. I’ve worked hard in my profession to build the brand name and I don’t want to change it. My fiancée is super insulted. He says I’ve I don’t say I do to his last name, we aren’t getting married. How can we fix this?

What She Said:

It sounds like a heated situation for such a happy occasion, complicated by the fact that you’re both “in the right.” He sounds like a traditional sort of guy who’s probably been operating off the assumption that you would naturally take his name after marriage.

Take A Look At His Perspective

Take a moment in his shoes to acknowledge that he’s probably in shock. In fact, he may even be taking your insistence on having your maiden name as some form of rejection towards him. He might also have concerns about naming your kids, if you’re both thinking of having children. (Though different last names in one household is a common occurrence these days.)

Reassure him that your love is as strong as ever, no matter what you are called. You two definitely need to find a way to step away from this ledge, otherwise known as the ultimatum he just gave you.

Your Right To Have Your Name

Now let’s take a look at you. You have every right to have your name – it’s definitely a different day and age; the taking of the husband’s name isn’t necessarily the norm it used to be. Building a name in your profession is a huge deal – and one that’s hopefully supported by your future husband. Honoring that accomplishment is every bit as important as your relationship. It’s a part of you, and that means it stays.

Getting Creative To Reach A Compromise

But how does it stay? It’s time to get creative. Perhaps you use your maiden name professionally, but take your husband’s name for your private life. Actors often prefer this option. Jennifer Aniston was Aniston on the screen and Pitt in “real” life – until Brad strolled off with a certain someone. Maybe not the greatest example, but you get my drift!

I’m not sure of the legalities, but it seems worth looking into. Flip that coin and take a look at Jack White (of The White Stripes). He took his first wife’s name – and kept it. He liked it so much that his second wife and their kids all use it too. Now that’s progressive! Of course, there is the lovely option of hyphenating. That can be a great compromise and a way for you to both get what you want.

I hope you can reach an agreement without losing sight of the most important thing – your love and your wonderful future together.

What He Said:

This is a big slap in the face to a lot of guys. I’m guessing you guys never talked about this prior to the argument, which is where a lot of the disagreement comes from. I know it’s not spontaneous to discuss marriage parameters before popping the question, but it’s better in the long run.

Next Time, Talk First

If you’d have had this discussion with him before hand, you wouldn’t be having this problem in the relationship now. If it’s that big of an issue for him, he could’ve made an informed choice. I still think this will blow over. He’s blown way too much $$ on you to back out now.

Do you know what those rings cost? Kidding. Sort of. It will probably blow over, with a little time & TLC. It would be hard to imagine that he loves you enough to spend the rest of his life with you but not enough to get past this. If you have any other bombs to drop before you get married, you probably want to discuss it with him first.

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What She Said

Parade nude (or while wearing lingerie) in front of the television, crook your finger and say, “Follow me to the bedroom!” That should do the trick. At least for one night.

Finding A Way To Work With Him

So what to do the other 364 evenings of the year? It sounds like a compromise is in the works. Your guy obviously loves being a gamer. You don’t want to take away something he enjoys, so you’ve got to find a way to make his “obsession” work for both of you. Please keep in mind that you’re not his mom – acting like a nag and trying to tell him what to do (or not do) definitely falls into the decidedly “not sexy” category.

What is “way too much time” in your book? Is his ducking out on keeping commitments? Is he missing work? Is he blowing off plans to continue playing his games? Such an extreme case could benefit from some kind of intervention. Hopefully his “way too much” isn’t as far gone as all this.

Communicating With Him

I don’t think “stopping” is in order. Would you want to quit something cold turkey that you enjoy? Probably not! Of course he cares about you and would surely go to great lengths to make you happy. As always, the key to solving this problem is communication.

Let him know that his constant playing is bumming you out. Work with him on setting parameters around when he can game. Let him know you don’t expect (nor will you be demanding) that he give up gaming entirely. Be reasonable. When he sees that you’re respecting his interests, he’ll most likely be willing to strike a truce. Trades can be nice too – say, for example, that every hour he spends with the video game equals a date night for the two of you. You get the drift and I’m confident you two will work it out.

What He Said:

He probably won’t stop playing them and you probably don’t want him to either. I mean, you’ve got to get tired of him at some point, right? Trust me, being able to sit him in front of the TV for hours on end while you get some peace and quiet probably will save your relationship at some point.

Talking To Him About His Gaming

Communication really is the best relationship advice. Tell him this is bothering you, but don’t stop there. If you tell a man not to do something and you don’t tell him what he should be doing instead and why he should be doing that new behavior, he will stare at you blankly. So tell him what he’s doing wrong and what you’d like him to do instead and his incentive for doing it (as in more sex).

You May Have To Move On

You shouldn’t nag him, but then you shouldn’t have to nag him at all. He should have the wherewithal to meet you somewhere in the middle on this. You guys are a team and this should be like a friendly negotiation, not some hardnosed “take it or leave it” type scenario. Give a little, to get a little. (That’s what she said!)

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What She Said

First off, I’m sorry to hear of your current situation. No one deserves to be treated like that. Secondly, why do you feel trapped? As far as we know, this is the one life we get. Do you really want to spend it with someone who’s abusing you?

I’m not trying to be flip. This is a serious situation. Admittedly, this is not my exact area of expertise. There are facilities that help women in domestic abuse situations, but I’m not sure if that extends to emotional abuse. Check resources in your community. Help might be closer than you think.

I know you say that you feel stuck. If you have children, or you’re financially dependent on your husband, it will take some planning to extricate yourself from the home. If you don’t have kids and you have some expendable income, you might want to examine what is tying you to the situation. Seeing a qualified counselor or therapist may help you gain the clarity to remove yourself from an unhappy home.

The Truth About Love And Marriage

Love and marriage are complicated. No one knows what goes into a couple’s dynamic. If you feel your connection with your husband has turned sour and no amount of help will bring the light back, consider letting go of the past. Take heart in your family and friends, or whatever support system brings you peace. Know that there is still much joy to be found. I’m not saying it won’t be scary or difficult – but no more difficult than staying with someone who doesn’t respect you.

What He Said

You’re not trapped. You do not live in a house without doors, or in a prison cell. If you want to get out, get the hell out and don’t look back period. Go off the grid. Just having a penis is practically a criminal offense these days so getting a restraining order should be no problem. If there’s no kids, just file for divorce and disappear. Yeah, it might be messy, but do what needs to be done and don’t look back.

Leave If You Want To Leave

If you want to leave, and there’s a good reason and it sounds like there is, then leave. Sure, you could try counseling or fixing the relationship in some way, but it sounds like it’s messed up beyond repair. So if that’s the case, what are you waiting for? Ripping off a band aid is never pleasant. You either rip it off fast and get the pain over with or you rip it of slowly and you make it worse.

This is going to hurt. It’s a big deal. There’s really no way around that. The best relationship advice is the sooner you can come to terms with that and rip the band aid off the sooner you’ll be on your way to your new life. You’ll have an adjustment period to be sure, but that’s another issue. Just rip the band aid off and get it over with already.

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What She Said

How do you make sure your man stays blissed out in this relationship?

• An active sex life – lots of it and make it hot!
• Get him a membership to a Beer of the Month Club – it worked for me!
• Be a good friend – be sure to have fun together in activities you both enjoy.
• Give him some freedom – enjoy the trust and don’t cling.
• Offer to skip Valentine’s Day – you’ll be a trendsetting heroine.

The best way to “make” someone else happy is by being confident and joyous in your own life. That shines through to everyone you meet and will also be very appealing to your mate. The bonus? Both your quality of life and your relationship will improve. A happy, confident woman doesn’t rely on someone else to take care of her – and that instantly relieves a lot of stress from a guy’s shoulders.

What Not To Do

Most men I know don’t like crying fits, pouting or being made to feel guilty. I’ve also heard a rumor that they’re not too hip on Valentine’s Day either. This doesn’t mean you can never be sad, be in a bad mood or will be forced to forgo flowers and chocolate. It means for every kind thing he does for you, from comforting you when you’re down to taking you out to dinner, is also deserving of a reciprocal action. It’s not a game of tit-for-tat – it’s a way to keep up a mutual appreciation and admiration within your duo.

Long-term relationships equal work and compromise – but that doesn’t mean it has to be a drag. Skip the drama, be honest and have fun. Treat him like your best friend – because hopefully that’s exactly what he is!

What He Said

• Be his own personal slut
• Regularly send him to the strip club (with a stack of $1 dollar bills!)
• Make him feel like a king
• Save the crazy for your girlfriends
• Be as fun to be around with your clothes on as you are when your clothes are off

I’m going to get a lot of flack for #1, but let me explain. This is one of those differences between men and women. When a woman hears another woman called a slut or whore, it’s an insult. When a guy hears a girl called a slut or whore it’s a compliment. He doesn’t want you to go out and bang the Pittsburgh Steelers, though. Men aren’t looking for a girl that is “a” whore, they are looking for a girl that is “their” whore. Big difference. If you have moves that make porn stars blush, your man won’t be watching any and he certainly won’t be looking elsewhere.

Making Him Feel Awesome

Sending him to the strip club may seem like it’s a good thing only for him, but really you’re the one that benefits. You look like the coolest chick on the planet (to your man and all his friends) and you have some other girl get him all hot and bothered. All you have to do is wait for him to come home and enjoy.

Making him feel like a king is huge, especially these days. Many hen pecking, man hating feminists have taken great pleasure in cutting the collective balls off of men everywhere. Every man wants to feel like the king of his castle. Make him feel that way. You’ll be glad you did.

Try Not To Be Crazy – Around Him At Least

Save the crazy for your girlfriends (and gay men). Men don’t want to know how neurotic women are. We kind of know already, but don’t remind us. It will send your man running faster than you can say Trophy Wife. Vent to your girlfriends and to your gays (if you don’t have any gays in your life, I really have to question why) and not to your man. You’ll both be glad you did.

The Key To It All

Men love sex, this is true. We also love low maintenance (whoever said men love a ‘challenge,’ ‘the chase’ or ‘the thrill of the hunt’ is out of their damn mind), so be easy about it. Don’t put any pressure or drama (at least any that can be avoided). Just be a super awesome chick that he always wants to hang out with (even when you’re not boning each other) and you will be worth your weight in gold in his eyes (not that you’re fat. You’re totally skinny).

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We’re all human beings whose emotions get the better of us on occasion, so it can be hard not to be hurtful at times. However, there are ways to participate in a fight with your mate and not cause long term harm to your relationship.

Thinking Things Through

First and foremost, know when to take a deep breath. In the heat of the moment it can be very easy to blunder ahead, saying lots of things you will later regret. If you can learn how to pause and think before speaking, you’re already a lot closer to saving face in a sour situation. Say you and your S.O. are fighting, and you’re about to accuse him or her of some sort of long term fault. Before you speak, take a breather and think about how to word things. This is quite possibly the best relationship advice there is – waiting until you’ve thought something through before you speak up.

Instead of saying “you always forget something when you go to the store,” shift the wording so it is less accusatory. Make it about how your feelings are hurt, not how your partner is a screw up. For example, try saying “When you forget to bring something back that I’ve asked for, I feel like I’m not being listened to, and that hurts my feelings.” Allow your partner to explain themselves fully without interrupting to interject your opinions.

The Art Of Compromise

Once they’ve said their piece, tell them you understand their viewpoint and suggest a compromise. In the case of our forgetful friend, suggesting that you make a list together before he/she runs errands would be a good solution. Also, be sure to praise any good things the offender did do, i.e. “Even though I’m upset that you forgot item X, I do appreciate the fact that you went to the store for me. I know you’re trying to help.” By recognizing the positive, you not only make the other person feel better, but you also remind yourself that they have lots of traits worth loving. That can take the edge off your own anger as well as theirs.

Focus On The Issue At Hand

Another key thing to avoid when arguing is dredging up lots of other problems. If you’re having a small argument like the one referenced above, that’s not the appropriate time to bring up larger issues. Saying “You always forget something when you go to the store, not unlike how you forgot my birthday two years in a row,” will only escalate your fight. Stick to the topic at hand, then address related problems at a later time when you’ve both calmed down.

Don’t Be Afraid To Take Time To Cool Off

Speaking of having time to cool off, never underestimate the power of calling a time out on your argument. Sometimes the only way to keep from having a total melt down is to honestly admit that you need some time to be by yourself and think before you keep talking. There’s no shame in telling your significant other that you need to take a break so you don’t say something you’ll both regret later.

If you follow this relationship advice the next time you and your boyfriend or girlfriend get into an argument, there could be a lot less drama as a result. It’s important that you always remember that arguments are bound to happen every once and awhile, but they’re not the end of the world and they most certainly don’t mean an inevitable break-up. If you and your significant other take a little effort to fight right, everything will work out in the long run.

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There are countless things we can do to show that we love someone – truly the list is endless. But what distinguishes love from empty actions is where the action comes from.

For instance, how are you showing love if you avoid saying something to your partner about something that’s bothering you about them, hoping to come across as noble or uncomplaining, if in the end it only ends up causing resentment and frustration on your part, which you will take out on them?

Take The Time To Learn About Your Partner

This may seem obvious, but you you really know a lot about their likes and dislikes, their pet peeves, their guilty pleasures? Knowing these things may not affect your behavior toward them, but it will show that you are investing your attention in them, and that’s a sure-fire sign that you care. Ask your partner questions to learn more about who they are. People like like to know that their partner pays attention to them.

Make Sure Their Happiness Factors Into Your Decision Making Process

Check in with them about how they’re feeling, what they think about things, and where they’re going in life. Embrace this vision they have about themselves as an integral part of you.

Pay Attention To Your Partner

People do make their desires known in one way or another; all we have to do is find the right way to listen. If your partner is using direct words to communicate desires, fantastic, but be aware that there are other clues, both verbal and otherwise, as to what someone wants. You don’t have to be a mind reader, you just have to open your eyes and ears.

React Accordingly To Your Partner’s Desires

If you keep noticing that your partner drools over TV commercials for a particular restaurant, surprise them by taking them to dinner there. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures – my husband, for instance, knows I love to sleep in, so he makes my tea for me in the morning, exactly the way I like it, and that way I don’t have to get up five minutes earlier and do it myself. He loves to meditate but doesn’t always have the time; sometimes I will shift our schedule down half an hour so he can have some time to himself.

Make An Effort To Do New Things Together

Stretch beyond what you already know about each other and about yourselves. Go places you’ve never been before, get in the car and just drive, find a new restaurant, explore a new part of town, or find new activities to try.  Try new sex positions together or new ways of pleasuring each other. Develop a keen interest in learning new things as a couple. It will not only strengthen your bond, going on adventures means you’ll have a lot of great stories to tell at parties! You’ll be that couple who is always doing fun things together.

These are just some starter suggestions – feel free to get creative and expand on them! Bringing happiness and joy to each other is one of the great things about relationships. But of course, what matters the most is where these gestures originate.

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What She Said

Do you want him to be jealous? It sounds like you’re playing the flirt as a form of control and not as something that’s genuinely a part of your personality. If you were truly the flirty type, you would most likely do it in a fun and light way – a way that convinces your boyfriend there’s nothing to worry about instead of searching for a reaction from him.

Does He Have To Be Jealous?

It sounds like you’ve got a great guy – one who’s interested in letting you be yourself, as well as someone who is invested in keeping your relationship drama-free. It is possible for you to both chat (and even lightly flirt) with members of the opposite sex without either one of you getting jealous. While jealousy is a normal emotion, it’s not necessarily the healthiest option. It usually stems from fear. So, if your current BF doesn’t fear losing you, he’s not going to get jealous. Why would he?

Is What You’re Doing Really Healthy?

Perhaps you need to look away from his (lack of) motivation and take a closer look at yourself. Did you get a kick out of making men in your life “go nuts” by being a flirt? It sure sounds like it! But why were you so into yanking their proverbial chains emotionally? Would you like it if someone went out of his way to get cozy with another gal, all to make sure you were paying attention? It’s not a nice feeling – and it’s not a nice thing to try to make someone else feel. It sounds like you’ve been operating out of insecurity in past relationships.

It’s Time To Grow Up

Making those men go wild was a way of getting affirmation from them – but it was forced from your wily ways and not a genuine declaration. It sounds like it’s time to drop your guard. Flirting may have been a defense mechanism in the past – it kept you in control and your partners on their toes.

However, this new relationship isn’t adhering to your old tricks – and that’s not a bad thing. It sounds like you’ve found someone who can help you grow. I’m not saying you have to dump flirting from your repertoire, just make sure it’s for the right reasons. In the meantime, take a moment to appreciate your current boyfriend and take a break from all the game playing.

What He Said

If your man doesn’t have a problem with the fact that you’re an attention whore, should you really be complaining?

Kidding. Sort of. Not really, now that I think of it. You clearly get off on this pattern for whatever reason. Maybe you have intimacy issues, and this is your way of pushing guys away who get too close to you. Maybe you really, really need the attention, and in that case….well, you need Jesus. Or Oprah. Or Dr. Drew if they’re all busy.

Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?

Somehow you landed yourself a man who won’t let you sabotage things. I didn’t hear you complain about the quality of the relationship, so I’ll take a stab and say the relationship is great and that’s what freaks you out. You’re not used to it. Good problem to have I think. Learn to enjoy it or go back to the same craptastic dating pattern you were in before.

Your choice.

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You’re not alone. After dating someone for a long time, it’s easy to slip into a stable and comfortable routine. While this can be comforting, when it happens you often lose the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place. Does this mean you can’t ever get those special feelings back? Of course not. Here are five simple, fun and creative ways to reignite that magic.

Give Your Partner A Unique Gift

Name a star after your partner. A number of astronomical agencies allow individuals to name stars and you receive formal documentation identifying the star that you have named.

Or how about this: Give your partner a magic gift box, and every month place a new small gift in the box for your beloved to discover. Your partner will never know when there’s going to be something sweet and special for her to find!

Say “I Love You” In A Unique Way

Take a book that your partner is reading and, using a pencil, underline letters in a section of the book she has yet to read to spell out a secret message of “I love you” or an entire love letter. Doing it just like this. Or for something really unique: You can buy special plants that grow and after 14 days display a message of your choice on the leaf. Cool or what?!?

Start Going On Dates Again

One thing that separates couples with ‘out of this world’ relationships, is they never stop doing new, fun and exciting things with their partner. In other words, they never stop dating and neither should you.

Spend the day doing fun things: go to the carnival, the beach, have a water fight, stare at the clouds on a grassy hill, go on a picnic, walk in the rain without raincoats and umbrellas, dress up in funny costumes and hit the town.

Or how about this: Pick your partner up for a date and blindfold her before driving to a special destination. Try to make the destination something really unexpected like a table set up at the top of a cliff or a dinner on a boat or old-fashioned ship. It needs to be something that will have an impact when she removes the blindfold.

Believe me when I say that NOTHING can rekindle the love, passion and excitement in your relationship more than going on fun and creative dates together.

Have Sex Like The First Time

What was so great about the first time you and your partner had sex? What makes first time sex amazing is that everything is new and there’s no rush in discovering it. Everything is unexpected and surprising. Create that feeling again with your partner by focusing a lot more on foreplay and kissing.

After you’ve reached “home base” and have already had sex with your lover, that’s usually where you’re headed when you start getting intimate. However, when you and your partner first got together, there was no rush to get past giving your partner oral sex or receiving a blowjob in return because simply, that’s as far as you had gotten and you weren’t thinking about what was coming next.

Focusing a lot more on kissing and making out with your lover (as well as spending a lot more time on foreplay) will make her feel like you’re having sex for the first time again. Don’t assume that just because you’ve gotten to 4th base before that you will again. Treat each sensation as though it were all new all over again. Your lover will pick up on your attitude pretty quick!

Kiss Her Like You Don’t Have Anything Else On Your Mind

Sometimes kissing doesn’t have to lead to sex – in fact, kissing your partner should not lead to sex much more often than it does! If you’re holding out on kissing your lover until you’re ready to get it on, you may be robbing your relationship of the romance.

Kiss your partner just to kiss her – before she goes to work, when she gets home and before you go to bed. Make each kiss special and make her feel as though you have nothing more on your mind in that moment than how great it is to kiss her.

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That’s why it’s really important to start preparing yourself for the big changes you’ll be encountering long before your baby is actually born.

Preventing Unwanted Pregnancy

It may seem like an obvious tip, but if you really want to start out on the right foot, take the steps to make sure you or your partner doesn’t get pregnant on accident. Even though many surprise pregnancies turn out to be happy accidents, the shock of the surprise can add extra stress. Always practice safe sex if you’re not ready for a baby yet.

That’s particularly true if one of you is less prepared for parenthood than the other, or if your relationship isn’t very serious yet. Just watch one episode of Sixteen and Pregnant, and you’ll understand why it’s better to have a child that you’ve planned for with someone you truly love. Whether your pregnancy is planned or not, once you find out about it, you need to have a talk with your partner.

Allow yourselves to experience all the emotions of the moment—excitement, happiness, nervousness, etc. Openly discuss your hopes and fears and promise to be there for each other when either of you needs to talk about your impending parenthood.

Splitting Up The Parenting Duties

Before the baby arrives, be sure to discuss how you’re going to split up the childcare duties. There are so many things to deal with, from diaper changes and feedings to playtime and going for walks. If you try to balance your roles, neither of you will have the chance to feel resentful toward the other one for not pulling their weight. Of course, once the baby actually arrives, it may be hard to stick to your exact plans, but just having a rough idea of what to do will help you both.

It’s also really important that you savor the last few months before your baby is born. Take advantage of any time you have to be together in a one-on-one setting. Any romantic or passionate moments that you can enjoy now should be taken advantage of, because once the baby shows up, you’ll both be way too busy. Sex will be nonexistent for awhile, not only because a woman has to wait for a bit after giving birth, but also because you’ll both likely be too overwhelmed and exhausted to consider it.

Once you’re both feeling better and have found your baby-care rhythm, however, you should try to work some sex back in. Don’t pressure each other, but do realize that you’ll both be happier for it. You need to keep your physical connection going.

Don’t Forget To Appreciate Your Partner

You may both feel consumed by childcare, so you have to make an effort to appreciate each other. If your partner is particularly helpful with something, thank him or her. Take the time to acknowledge what a good job they’re doing with the baby. If one of you goes back to work before the other one, be empathetic to any jealousy that may bubble up.

Try to take turns watching the little one so you both get some time away from the house. Recognize the fact that you’ll both be getting way less sleep than normal, so if one of you gets snappish, the other one should try not to take it too personally. Above all, remember that your baby will be older and less dependent before you know it.

The toughest parts of caring for an infant won’t last forever, and you will eventually be able to sleep through the night, have sex, and even go on the occasional date night again. Keep a sense of humor, be kind to each other, and look forward to how much fun you’ll have when your little one gets older. Hang in there and support each other, and you may find you’re more in love than ever before.

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You’re not alone. Living with the same partner for a long time can become stable and comfortable, and, as a result, can make things stale and lose the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place. Here are some simple, fun and creative ideas to reignite that magic:

Send Her A Unique Gift At Work

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write ‘I Love You’ inside a heart.

Next get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner’s workplace, such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & Smith Solicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so they receive it in the middle of a busy day.

Have Fun With Water

On a hot summer’s day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you. Pull them out and throw one to your girlfriend and then have a huge water fight. If you’re lucky (and you probably will be) your lover will want to to take advantage of the fact that you’re both wet and turned on! Find a good hiding place and get your public sex on.

Bring Back Childhood Memories

Contact your partner’s family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl. For example, if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted.

Become Kids Again

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give her a ride. Might bring back happy memories from childhood.

Organize A Backyard Picnic

Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the stars together.

Show Her You’re Grateful For Her

Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find it, with a note on it saying: “Thank you for coming into my life.”

Spice Up Your Lovemaking

Probably the most profound way to rekindle the romance in your relationship is to spice up your lovemaking. Surprise your partner with a little gift after you make love, try new sex positions, learn to give your partner an erotic massage before or after, or just spend some time staring into each other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before making love.

Many people underestimate the power these little things have on a relationship. If things are rough in your relationship don’t wait for your significant other to do something. Take action. Make the first step towards mending your partnership. It’s all about passionate love. Show it.

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What She Said:

In a nutshell, be supportive of your boyfriend without saying a disparaging word about his mother. It’s similar to that slippery slope of slagging on a friend’s bad boyfriend. If they break up, she might try to place the blame on you for being vocal about his behavior. If they stay together, you’re the jerk that talked s*@t about her man. It’s not fair, but this one has never been a win/win situation.

Stand Up For Your Man

The trick here is to let your boyfriend know that you’re on his side. Let him vent, if he so chooses. You want him to know that he can trust you and that you’re there to help as much as you can. On the flip side, the unhealthy dynamic is between the two of them so, whatever you do, don’t get in the middle.

A trained therapist or mediator might be able to fix things; you will not. Plus, you could risk putting your relationship in jeopardy – especially if this is someone you’d consider getting married. You don’t want to walk down the aisle hauling a bunch of baggage with your potential mother-in-law before you’ve even cut the cake.

Where To Draw The Line

Do what you can to help point out healthy boundaries to your beau. He can still talk to his mom without accepting the guilt trips. He should also learn the importance of separating his mood from his interactions with mom. He can’t control his mother, but he can control how he reacts to her.

It sounds like your boyfriend would benefit from individual counseling in order to gain some additional coping skills. These two have been emotionally intertwined for a while and he might need someone detached from the situation to help him sort it out.

The bond between the two of you should be a source of strength for him. Let him know that you love him and gently point out that you’re his partner – you’re one of the bright spots in his life, not the dumping ground for ancillary stress.

What He Said:

That poor, poor bastard. He’s caught in between the two most important women in his life, and his world is being yanked in different directions. He’s probably stressed because he feels screwed no matter what he does. Not the kind of three way most men look forward to.

Is His Mom To Blame?

She may not like you, but probably it’s not about you, it’s about her and cutting the cord. It’s long over due, but she can’t pull the trigger. He’s not a baby anymore and he doesn’t really need her like he did when he was five. The baby bird has flown the nest and that’s really hard for her. She’s aware, but she’s been hellbent on preventing this moment for years, probably.

Then you show up. IF you and your man are committed, you will be in his life for a long time, and more importantly, you’ve bumped her down the totem pole. You are the most important woman in his life now and that’s not so hot with her. And she’s pissed.

Your Man Is Going To Have To Man Up

Basically your man is going to have to man up and lay down the law with her. He probably already knows this and he knows she’s not going to take it well. It will be nasty and painful, but hopefully she’ll get over it and return to normal soon.

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Question: What do you in a controlling relationship? My girlfriend told me I had to change to fit her after over a month in a relationship. It’s like she wants me to get my pretty boy swagg on or its over!

–YouTube Viewer

You May Have Acted Or Dressed Differently When You Started Dating

When people begin dating someone, they tend to want to make a good first impression. You may have worn nicer clothes, styled your hair, put on cologne or even acted a little differently when you first started dating your girlfriend, but now that the relationship has progressed, you have relaxed a little bit in how you put yourself together.

This is a natural development in relationships as two people get more comfortable with each other, but the caveat here is that your partner may have been more attracted to the person she met when you two began dating. This may become an issue in your relationship, because your girlfriend may feel like you’re not who you said you were. You can either step up and be that person, or you can move on and connect with someone else by showing her the real you.

She May Have Been More Forgiving Of You In The Beginning

Another thing that people do when they first start dating each other is they tend to be a little more forgiving of their partners’ faults and the things they do that are annoying or frustrating. You may be dressing and acting the same as you were in the beginning of the relationship, but your girlfriend may have held her tongue about what she didn’t like about you, or she may not have noticed at all.

As she became more comfortable with you, she felt more comfortable telling you about the things you do that annoy her or bother her, such as the way you dress or put yourself together. Unfortunately though, unless you’re okay with hearing all about your faults all the time, you might be headed for a break up.

She May Have Thought Of You As A “Fixer Upper”

Women love to “fix” their men. It’s a fact of life. Your girlfriend may have started dating you with the idea that she would “fix” what she didn’t like about you to make you fit her idea of a “good boyfriend.” While this is something that many women do, it can definitely lead to relationship problems. It’s definitely not fair to you for your partner to go into the relationship thinking she can “fix you up” into someone she feels is appropriate for her lifestyle. Not cool!

You Deserve To Be Loved For Who You Are

No matter who you are, what you look like or how you act or dress, you deserved to be loved for who you are – quirks, faults and all. Don’t think that because a woman wants to control or change you that you have to go along with it. If you are comfortable and happy being who you are, find someone who will love that person as much as you love yourself.

That said, if your significant other is pointing out faults and flaws that need to be changed for you to be a better person – such as dealing with intense anger issues or drug or alcohol abuse – you may want to listen to what she has to say. Ultimately though, it’s your decision to change and better yourself and that can only happen when and if you’re ready.

Be Honest With Her

Whether you want to try to work the relationship out or simply want to move on, be honest with your partner about how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Be careful not to be critical of her, but let her know how much it hurts you to feel like she’s trying to turn you into someone you’re not.

Let your significant other know that you’re not going to change who you are for them and they need to accept you “as is” with all of your faults and quirks – because they have faults too! No one is perfect! If they’re not on board, it’s time to move on to someone who will love and accept you with no questions asked.

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Starting Long Distance Relationships

If you’re thinking about starting this kind of partnership with someone, there are a lot of factors to consider. First of all, think back to your previous romances. Are you the kind of person who needs to spend a lot of face time with your significant other? If you know that you prefer hang time to phone time, you’re going to have a really tough go with a partnership like that.

You also need to think about whether or not you’re the jealous type. People who get jealous easily in partnerships often have a difficult time with far away love. When you aren’t there to meet your boyfriend or girlfriend’s friends and colleagues in person, it can be easy to imagine them flirting with others and possibly cheating on you.

That state of not-knowing can make a jealous individual start obsessing over all sorts of bad things in long distance relationships. It’s particularly important to have a strong sense of trust so when the trust unravels, things rapidly fall apart. Ultimately, you need to be someone who is fairly independent and can handle an element of the unknown in your partnership.

How You Can Make It Work

Should you find that you can do without a lot of face-to-face time, you can start thinking about how you’ll make it work. You will need to plan times to talk to each other on the phone and online. This includes both regular talking and intimate talking such as phone sex. It’s important to consider time zone differences and come up with a time of day that you’ll both typically be available during to talk. If you both get webcams, you can use internet video chatting services, that way you at least get to see each other every day, if not in person.

Of course, video chatting won’t make up for a lack of legitimate physical contact. You’re going to want to devote a portion of both of your incomes to a travel budget. As often as you can, go visit each other. Depending on the distance you live apart, you may be able to see each other every single weekend, or it might only be once every couple of months. Either way, make sure to set up a schedule where you trade off doing the traveling. Definitely make sure that you find a way to spend important holidays and milestones together, as well.

Do You Want An Open Relationship?

Some people elect to make their long distance relationships open relationships. That means that each party in the partnership is allowed to date other people, as long as they give their partner a heads up. Depending on how serious your relationship is, this could be an okay idea. However, this can often end up messily.

Sometimes one person is doing all the dating and the other one starts to feel upset about it. Just make sure that you’re both on the same page about the seriousness of your romance before you consider making it an open one. Never feel like you have to agree to open long distance relationships if you’re uncomfortable with your S.O. dating other people.

Regardless of it being open or closed, just know that you have to be able to trust your partner when you’re far apart. Make an effort to bridge the distance gap with regular communication and visits, and things will work out okay. Who knows? If all goes well, one of you may even end up moving to be with the other.

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I was just wondering your take on cyber sex and ‘texting’? I have received lots of different advice on the subject and what people think of it and so far everyone has a different take. The reason I ask is that I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of over 2 years has had a regular habit of jumping online and exploring.

Normally I would be open minded about these types of things, I know it’s considered by some just a form of masturbation, but I have discovered that some of these women are not anonymous and are actual acquaintances of his and mine. I know nothing physical has occurred. I have confronted him, we went through a very rough patch but have essentially worked out our relationship and he has (to my knowledge) halted his habits and seems more devoted to me than ever.

However, the images and messages I came across are still haunting me. What should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Establish Boundaries In Your Relationship

The first step to making sure cyber sex doesn’t throw a curveball to your relationship is to establish boundaries within that relationship. First, decide for yourself what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. Be really clear in your own mind about what makes you uncomfortable so that going forward, you can express to your partner what you feel is fine and what isn’t going to work. Figure out what your own personal jealousy triggers are.

When communicating with your partner about cyber sex, don’t approach them and say, “You can’t do this.” It will only serve to set them off and make them feel like you’re smothering or controlling them. But it is acceptable to say, “This makes me uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you would stop. This is what I need to continue being in this relationship.” Don’t be afraid to be specific and say, “I’m comfortable with harmless flirting, but after that is where I draw the line.” If your partner truly cares about you and your feelings, they’re going to honor your request to avoid cyber sex.

When It Becomes Cheating

Before you established boundaries in your relationship when it comes to cyber sex and what is okay and what isn’t, it’s likely that your partner didn’t know what upset you or made you uncomfortable and didn’t even know he was doing anything wrong. He may have thought that talking about sex was okay, as long as he didn’t mention having sex with her or describing specific actions like giving her oral sex, etc. If certain things are off limits, it’s important to be specific about what exactly is and isn’t acceptable to you.

If he fails to operate within the boundaries that you’ve established for the relationship, that’s when it crosses the line and becomes cheating. If he’s aware of what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t, but continues to have cyber sex in a way that you’ve already communicated to him is not okay, he’s cheating.

Is It A Deal Breaker?

If he’s crossed the line when it comes to cyber sex, it’s up to you to decide whether what he’s done is a deal breaker or not. If you’re not okay with him having cyber sex and he continues to do it (even after you’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes you and how much it hurts you), it’s time to decide whether the relationship is something that you want to continue to be in. If he continues to have cyber sex after you’ve discussed it with him, it’s unlikely he will ever change no matter how much time you give him.

If it’s not a deal breaker, that’s okay too. Don’t let anyone tell you that it is or isn’t a big deal, because only you can make that decision yourself. He may try to tell you that it isn’t a big deal, but if it is to you, that’s what is important. If it’s not a big deal, your friends may try to convince you that it is. However you feel about the cyber sex situation is what is important and no one else can decide how you feel and what you want to do about it except for you.

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Step One: Get It Over With

First and foremost, don’t procrastinate. Once you’re certain you want to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, give yourself a day or two to plan how best to go about things, then carry out the break up. The longer you put things off, the more awkward it will be. Don’t even think about attempting to get the other party to dump you, either. Though it may be tempting to act aloof in the hopes they’ll save you the trouble and end it themselves, that’s cowardly.

Plus, your bad behavior will make you look like a villain to your mutual friends. Once you’ve decided when to break up, it’s time to formulate how to end things. It’s best that you be brave; talk to your future ex in person. If you absolutely cannot bear to do things face to face, calling over the phone is acceptable. However, breaking up in a text message, during an online chat, or in an email is simply not an option. Your S.O. deserves to hear your voice even if you’re not up to looking them in the eye.

Step Two: Get Your Speech Together

So once you’ve settled on when and how you’ll confront your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s time to plan what you’ll say. Be honest without being harsh or overly hurtful. Don’t be highly accusatory, but if there were relationship problems, don’t leave them unaddressed. You owe it to your partner to explain what went wrong. They need to know for the benefit of their future relationships, and also so they won’t be left wondering why you dumped them. Just be sure to word things as politely as possible while acknowledging your own short comings, as well.

Step Three: The Actual Break Up

Of course, you can only plan ahead for so much. Once the actual break up begins, it’s hard to say how your boyfriend or girlfriend will react. Maybe they’ve secretly been unhappy, too, and will be relieved and calm. On the other hand, they might be completely shocked and extremely upset. Either way, you need to keep your cool. The calmer you manage to remain, the better you’ll look in the end. Don’t be overly cold, though—showing a little empathy will help.

Allow your partner to say their piece without interruption. Don’t evade their questions, and don’t lie to make yourself look better. Stand firm, too. If you’re truly ready to be out of the relationship, don’t give your ex-in-the-making any false hope for a second chance.

Step Four: The Aftermath

Once the break up is done, take a hiatus from speaking with your now-ex. Give them their space and take your own. Otherwise you’ll just prolong the drama. If you have a lot of mutual friends, you should be the bigger person and opt out of group activities so your ex can attend them. Gestures like that aren’t just fair, but also happen to show others that you’re trying to be as polite as possible about everything.

Remain on your best behavior and don’t trash-talk your ex, otherwise it might get back to him or her. Ultimately, if you handle the break up process calmly and politely, you’ll take a lot of the pain out of it. Not only will you show your ex-mate the courtesy they deserve, but you’ll ensure that your reputation remains unsullied.

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What She Said

It’s great that your boyfriend is respecting the boundaries of your relationship – nothing could be more important in this situation. Him taking your feelings about the temptation for cheating into consideration is a key ingredient in navigating this scenario.

Taking Stock Of The Situation

I could get into the particulars: Have you met her? How do you know there’s a shared attraction? Why does he feel the need to be friends with her? That may take all day, so I’ll keep it brief. A lot of women in your situation often choose to befriend the new pal in your partner’s life. Familiarity with each other can diffuse the tension. She might be less likely to make the moves on your boyfriend if she becomes your friend as well. She’ll also see firsthand how much love exists between you and your honey, which should serve as enough notice that she should look elsewhere.

Should You Be Friends With His New Friend?

On the other hand, is it really necessary to invite this person into your life? If they’re coworkers, there’s no way around their connection. If they randomly met somewhere, it might be time to intercede. I’m not a fan of ultimatums, but an honest talk with your boyfriend about how you’re feeling is in order. You do have the right to ask him to let go of his friendship with this girl, though it’s his decision as to what he’ll ultimately choose.

It’s natural, and healthy, to have a variety of friendships outside the relationship. However, the intimacy of shared experiences and communication is a privilege that exits between you and your boyfriend. Trust him and enjoy your connection. Your confidence in yourself is attractive and will serve you well, no matter what may come.

What He Said

I think the main question for me in this situation is – has he done anything to make you suspicious of him cheating or having an affair? If yes, then sure, you are justified in your concern. If he hasn’t done anything to cause alarm, then you really need to ask yourself why you are feeling this way. It could just be mindless paranoia on your part.

Is this a pattern for you? Have you felt this way before? Were you screwed over or cheated on in the past? If so, that could simply be your defense mechanisms firing off so as to protect you from potentially going through that hell again.

Digging A Little Deeper

Here’s the thing about defense mechanisms like this one. They are perfectly valid and serve a valuable purpose – they keep you from getting hurt by someone cheating on you again. But the downside is by pushing away the bad you are also shutting yourself off from the good. Life is risk and if you want to find true love again, you have to accept the fact that you are opening yourself to getting hurt again.

Then again, this may not apply to you. You may in fact be in a relationship with a cheating bastard. Where there is smoke, often there is fire. If that’s the case, then well, it’s a whole other ball game, isn’t it? Only you can prevent forest fires and only you can tell if your man isn’t flying right.

If there’s infidelity, of course you should end it. But you can’t just end it without proof. So go get it, assuming it’s there. The thing about this is you are betting the farm on something and I’m not sure you can win in this scenario. Either you find evidence that he is cheating and you are heartbroken or you go snooping for the cheating evidence that isn’t there and you look like an idiot and your boyfriend might end up leaving you.

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What She Said

True friends support you and have your best interests at heart. And it sounds like these ‘friends’ are doing exactly the opposite. I sense a possible break up on the horizon – and not from your boyfriend.

Are Your Friends Really Your Friends?

It sounds like your friends are afraid to lose you versus actually being concerned about your happiness. You say you have a good relationship, which is great! The real question you should be asking yourself is, “Why aren’t they happy for me?”

Sometimes people want to hold other people back – it’s an unfortunate part of human nature. Your friends might not want the dynamic between you all to change. Perhaps you’ve been the life of the party – and they don’t want the party to end. Perhaps you’ve been the scapegoat. Whatever role you’ve subconsciously played, you’ve clearly done a good job because your friends want you to keep doing it!

Let Your Friends Know They’re Hurting You

Give your friends a chance. Speak honestly with them. Let them know you care about them and would still like to keep the friendship going (assuming that you honestly want to). However, be firm in letting them know that things are changing and they need to respect your choices. If they don’t respect you, especially if they continue to pressure you into ending something that’s making you happy, cut the cord. Life is way too short to be bullied by people who are supposed to care about you.

What He Said

It’s funny. I once had the opposite happen. I was dating a girl who I thought was “the one” (or at least in the running for that title), and when we had a break up, all my friends said “Oh, thank God. She was terrible for you.”

Getting To The Bottom Of It

I don’t know which is better. Your friends telling you how they feel or having your friends not tell you how they feel. I do know that it’s none of their damn business either way. I think the first thing to ask yourself is “Why are they saying this?” Is there a reason? Is he abusive, rude, cheap, etc? Do they say this about all your boyfriends? Are they in a relationship or in love? Are they happy people?

It sounds like you feel that your relationship is in fact solid, so if that’s true, the only question you should be asking yourself, in my opinion is “Why am I hanging around these people?” Mark Twain said “Have no friends not equal to your own.” These people aren’t up to your level, so it would seem.

Maybe they were never on your level. Maybe, they were at one point. Maybe you made some sort of radical life change (lost weight, got sober, broke some cycle of behavior, etc) and now you’re simply not that person any more. Often times, when two people are in a relationship and one has a drug addiction that couple breaks up when the addict gets clean. Why? Because the dynamics have changed. They aren’t who they used to be and that can cause a shift in the relationship.

There are a lot of potential things going on here, and only you can really figure out what the deal is and then how to proceed. Take a step back; really examine who you are and who your “friends” are. Take your time. Do not rush into anything. There’s no need to anyway. This is something that’s probably been building. Do whatever you feel is right.

Keeping Your Relationship Intact

But whatever you do, do not allow this to affect your relationship with your boyfriend. You see this destroy a lot of celebrity relationships. Two famous people are in a relationship and then they let outside factors (agents, managers, gossip columnists) creep their way into the relationship and then those outside factors act like a crowbar and pull the two apart and once it’s broken, there’s no fixing it.

I’m not saying your relationship will last forever or that it won’t. I’m just saying make sure that if it ends, the two of you are the ones to pull the plug.

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Communication – The 1st Step

The best way to reach successful agreements is to discuss open issues during calm moments. In the heat of an argument, you and your partner are likely more focused on your anger than reaching a solution with love. That means you should try to talk about your shared conundrums during happier times, like over a nice dinner or on a relaxed Saturday afternoon. Once you’ve established exactly what your issue is, try for a collective brainstorm.

For example, let’s say your mate was offered a job in another city which would force you to move and give up your job. Sit down together with the following ground rules in mind: you will each state your case, without interruption from the other party, and then you’ll both suggest possible solutions. Thus, your S.O. will explain why he/she thinks the move is a good idea, and then you will explain why you’d like to stay. This isn’t a situation where both of you will be able to get what you want, so you have to weigh all of the evidence at hand as you work to come up with partial solutions.

Perhaps you’ve been at your company long enough to request that they let you work from home if you have to move away. Maybe you make more money, so it makes financial sense to stay for your job, but you’ll help your partner keep hunting for something nearby. You may even have to decide that your S.O. can have their way, but you’ll get to have your way on the next big decision. As long as you both make an effort to meet each other part way, less relationship problems will come of it.

Learning To Make Tradeoffs

For smaller issues there are often tradeoffs to be made. You’ll clean the bathroom every week if your boyfriend or girlfriend will regularly vacuum the apartment. If he or she does the grocery shopping, you will do the cooking. Small, everyday compromises like these make both you and your partner feel equally important. It may seem silly, but splitting the chores or trading off which person’s friends you hang out with can make your relationship much healthier than most. Knowing that both of your opinions are heard makes each of you feel more valued and loved.

Avoiding the one-sidedness that preys on many relationships can go a long way toward the prevention of arguments and unhappiness. The best thing about a compromise is that everyone feels better in the end, even if they didn’t get exactly what they wanted. When there are clear winners and losers, relationships can suffer. That’s especially true if the same person regularly ends up on the losing end of the equation.

You have to make sure that you’re taking turns coming out ahead, or resentment starts to boil. Romantic relationships are ultimately partnerships, and that means you need to work together to seek the best possible outcomes. Things won’t work out perfectly every time, but making that effort together strengthens your bond. Ask any married couple out there, and you’ll find that compromises played a huge part in their romance success.

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What She Said

Butt out. I know it’s hard to watch your friend’s marriage go down a challenging path, but this one is not your fight. If you start to offer your opinion, or interfere in their dynamic, you’ll most likely lose the friendship all together – not to mention the peace of mind that comes along with taking care of your own business.

Focus On Yourself

Your best course of action is to stay strong and healthy in your own life. Joining them in their enabling is a crash-course in bad boundaries and codependence. This is something that may play out for years in their lives. People cannot accept help unless they truly want the help themselves. You can’t force either one to get help before their time.

Be there for your friend and support her marriage when asked and focus on your own fabulous self. If this situation turns around, you’ll be there to catch your friend. Often, as we form healthier relationships, some people naturally find their place in our lives – and other people weed themselves out. Time will tell if these two will be able to help themselves – or if you’ll ultimately find it more satisfying to explore other friendships.

What He Said

Watching your friend’s marriage fall apart is like driving on the freeway and seeing two cars driving dangerously up ahead. An accident is coming. You know it. You feel it. You can see it happening before it actually does. What can you do to prevent it? Nothing. You are driving your car. Not theirs. All you can do is get off the freeway and let the inevitable unfold.

Does that make you feel better? Is that a “feel good” answer? No. But that doesn’t make it any less true or valid. The fact is, if you go in and tell your friend what to do about their marriage, without them asking, you’re a jerk. Worse you’re a know it all jerk. A real “butt in-ski.” There is nothing you can do.

Do You Want To Continue The Friendship?

If it’s too much for you, well, I can’t say that I blame you. This is a very simple situation, but it’s not an easy one. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Yes, it is a bit harsh to say that cutting your friend out of your life is the way to go, but if you can find another option, go for it. But your friend is in a negative marriage that can only spiral out of control. You’ll never hear anyone say “you know, I was in an abusive relationship with a raging alcoholic and it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me! God, I hope I find another one just like him.” That’s not a conversation you’re ever going to have. Ever.

You will, however, hear quite a few people say things like “what the hell was I thinking” or “God, I wish I’d gotten out of that sooner.” This marriage isn’t going to end well. It’s only a question of when and how badly. Your friend doesn’t know this, of course, or they probably won’t be in this situation, but they damn sure don’t want your marriage advice, or at the very least they aren’t ready for it. You can’t force anything to happen. This is no exception. You can, in some cases, create scenarios to invite or facilitate or accelerate the change, but you can’t force it.

My good friend, Johnny has a saying “How many psychotherapists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one. But the light bulb has to really, really want to change.”

Is your friend that light bulb? If not, there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Except to get out of the way and be there for her when she comes to her senses. If she ever does.

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What She Said

These things take time and there’s no accounting for someone else’s grieving period after getting a divorce. That said, some tough love might be needed soon.

Where Do You Draw The Line?

Of course, there’s a fine line between caring and codependency. It’s great to help your friend seek alternatives, but it’s not your sole responsibility. It’s important to set some boundaries. Tell your friend that you care, but venting about the ex is now limited to ½ hour of your time when you two hang out. (Or whatever limit you’re comfortable with. You get the drift). She’ll probably be bummed at first and might try to push you for more. Stand firm in your decision. When time is up, move to another topic. Allowing your friend to continue moping is clearly affecting your relationship. She might feel like you’re “not being a good friend.” Say that the cutoff is because you want to see her shine and that it’s in no way a lack of support.

The best you can do is encourage your friend to get back out there, all while recognizing that the choice to do so is hers alone. Invite your friend to the movies, the gym, parties and nights out on the town – places where she can get used to the social scene and get life going again.

You’re Not The Therapist

Remember, your role is “friend” not “professional therapist.” If she still needs to process the divorce, suggest that a counselor would be better suited for the emotional needs she has. It sounds like the subject of the former marriage has taken center stage for a long time. If she’s as good a friend to you as you are, she’ll most likely snap out of it and realize that you need a break from the baggage. Friendship is a two-way street; it’s her responsibility to meet you halfway.

What He Said

I have never been married, so obviously, I have never had a divorce. But last weekend I was in the gym, and I was trying to work out around some of the weekend warrior types (the type of guys who go to the gym and only exercise their jaw muscles and then wonder why they look like crap) and these two guys were talking about their children and their ex wives. The following conversation actually happened.

Guy #1: I don’t think I’ll ever live with another woman again. I will have my place, she will have hers. That will make it easier when we break up.

Guy #2: Yeah, I can’t do the serious intimacy any more. That’s why I just have sex with women.

Guy #1: I can’t even do that. I’m still do afraid to date.

Guy #2: Yeah, that was me for a little while after I got divorced six months ago. When did you get divorced?

Guy #1: 2005

Guy 2: (awkward silence)

I wanted to say what Guy #2 didn’t have the balls to: That’s sad. I don’t care how messy, painful or nasty the divorce was. Move the on already! Five years have passed and the guy is still damaged. I don’t know what the details of his situation are and I frankly don’t care. They don’t matter any more. His ex isn’t the problem, HE is the problem. And so is your friend.

What can you do? Probably nothing. I wouldn’t let her bring the issue up any more. If she does, tell your friend that she’s not allowed to anymore. Feel free to be a jerk about it. But only if you need to be. Try being very firm first. Say that you love her, but enough time has passed and you won’t be letting her drag you into this crap any more. If she wants talk endlessly about the problems she has, that is what Oprah is for. Not you.

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Even after you’ve told your partner that you really care about them, continuing to be romantic throughout a relationship is also difficult. It’s easy to sweep a girl (or guy) off their feet when you first start dating them, but after you’ve been together for some time, day to day life gets in the way and romance isn’t on the forefront of your mind.

Romance – especially for guys – is something they have to work really hard at and romantic ideas rarely pop into their heads without an instigator. Does this mean that telling your significant other that you love them or bringing romance into your relationship is impossible? Not hardly.

It may take a little more work than you originally thought, but there are lots of ways to let your lover know how you feel, often without even saying anything at all. This year, we’ve found the best romance tips out there and the best ways to show your partner you love them. Take these suggestions with you into 2011 for a romance filled new year!

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Figuring Out What Is Worth Bringing Up

Most annoying habits are small, so there are two fairly simple ways to deal with them. You can either decide that there are so many other great things about your S.O. that you can ignore one or two tiny annoyances, or discuss the issue calmly together. Oftentimes it can be good to combine both methods. Attempt to fix the problem, and if your mate just can’t break the habit, let it be. For instance, if your boyfriend leaves his towel on the floor instead of hanging it up when he’s done with it, find a neutral time to discuss it with him.

Don’t approach him right when he’s committed the act, or you might say something harsh in your moment of anger. Wait until later and casually mention that you couldn’t help noticing his towel on the floor. Tell him you know it may sound silly, but it would mean a lot to you if he’d hang the towel up the next time he uses it. If he doesn’t follow through, wait a few days and try again. If things don’t work after a couple of tries, accept that the trait isn’t going away. Then you can either elect to ignore it, or just accept that you’ll be hanging his towel up from now on. If that makes you angry, try to remind yourself that you probably have one or two bad habits yourself. That will ground you a little.

HOW To Talk To Your Partner About Their Annoying Habits

One of the most important things to avoid is accusing your partner of embarrassing you or being unworthy. Even if your girlfriend is the world’s most annoying gum smacker, you need to be tactful when you talk to her about it. You’re setting up an argument if you ask her to stop her trashy gum chewing in public. That just makes her defensive. Instead, try suggesting that her annoying trait might be making people think she’s less classy than she is in reality. Point out that you know she’s generally refined and fun to be around, and that she might want to reconsider her habit’s ability to give people the wrong impression. By working in compliments and pointing out what you love about your significant other, you’re effectively buttering them up to get better results.

What About Your Bad Habits?

If you really want to get results, you should be prepared to do some work yourself. Strike a bargain with your mate and agree to kick one of your bad habits if they’ll stop theirs. Pick a habit of yours that you know really bothers them, or ask for their input. When they suggest a habit for you to break, be ready to suck it up and accept the challenge. If you promise to stop cutting your toenails on the couch as long your S.O. stops popping their knuckles regularly, you’ll both appreciate it. It also helps remind you that nobody’s perfect; ending bad habits can be difficult. You’ll have more empathy for each other during the whole process.

Nobody’s perfect, of course. You’ll never be able to eliminate all of your partner’s bad habits, nor they yours. The main thing is to remember that you both love each other, and that your good qualities outweigh the bad ones. Keep a cool head, try for little changes, and don’t have ridiculous expectations. Patience and acceptance will win out in the end.

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Does Your Partner Have A Cheating History?

Nothing can throw a wrench in your relationship faster than finding out that your partner has a history of cheating. Suddenly your confidence is shaken, and you begin to suspect the worst. There’s no point in jumping to conclusions without further investigation, though. The most important thing you can do is talk to your significant other about it. If you find out that your partner cheated on a former flame, ask them about what happened. Was that the only person they’ve ever cheated on? Why did they cheat? Were they bored or unhappy with their partner at the time? How long did the affair carry on for, and how serious was it? Your S.O. may be ashamed to talk about it, so calmly let them know that you’ll feel better if you hear the truth.

After you hear their side of the story, you need to really think about what they’ve told you. If your boyfriend cheated once on a girl he dated for a month in high school, he’s probably not a player. You have even less to worry about if he immediately broke up with the girlfriend and started dating the other girl. That’s typically youthful poor judgment, and he tried to make it right in the end. If your girlfriend had an affair with two other guys over the course of several months, that’s a different story. You probably should be a little worried. You should be even more worried if you find out she cheated on her boyfriend before him, too.

Will Your Partner Ever Stop Cheating?

Anytime there is a storied history of cheating, you should tread lightly. People should be forgiven for a one time mistake, but repeated infidelity, especially with more than one partner, is a sign that your S.O. can’t really function in a monogamous relationship. Unless you have major evidence that they’ve changed their ways, you have every right to be worried. However, even if the person has only cheated once, it’s still important to know the circumstances around that singular event. It’s wrong to cheat no matter what, but some situations are worse than others. If your significant other was in a terrible relationship that he/she was trying to end, that’s not quite as awful as cheating on their loving spouse out of curiosity.

In The End, Trust Your Gut Instinct

Regardless of the severity of the cheating incident, it’s important that you hear your partner out and learn all that you can. If you feel they’re still worth trusting, then by all means stay with them. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep an eye out for odd behavior, like secretive phone calls and multiple unexplained date cancellations. You should definitely be wary of any weird changes in behavior, but you need to talk to your significant other about it before you jump to conclusions. If you don’t feel you can trust your partner to stay true to you, though, it’s time to end it. There’s no use drawing out the relationship and constantly worrying that they’re cheating on you. Suffering through the paranoia won’t be fun for anyone involved.

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Define The Problem At Hand

Maybe things haven’t been so great lately, and you’re starting to wonder if you and your significant other are really meant to be together after all. Before you kick their heart to the curb, ask yourself what the problem is. Have you been arguing constantly? Do you feel restless in the relationship and bored by your partner? Has your partner been avoiding you or acting disinterested? All of these can be reasons to end your relationship, but you have to understand what’s behind the problem before you can make the ultimate call. Break ups are never something you want to rush into.

If some other terrible life event has recently occurred, that may be at the root of your issues. If you or your partner has fallen ill, lost a job, had a family member die, etc., one of you may be taking out your problems on the other person. Though all these things can be pretty tragic, it’s highly likely that you’ll both be enjoying happier times within a few weeks or months. If you’ve got major stress, realize that it could be making you more easily annoyed with your partner, or vice versa. Don’t let that inform your overall view of your relationship.

Just try to be patient and supportive of each other. Remind yourself that this dark period won’t last forever. More importantly, try to remind yourself that you love this person, and they aren’t responsible for the other bad incidents in your life. Misplaced blame will only hurt you both.

Have You Fallen Out Of Love?

What if there isn’t some unrelated reason for the discord in your lives? If you find yourself bored with your significant other and wishing you could get back out in the dating world, you probably have fallen out of love. Break ups due to falling out of love aren’t as hurtful, especially if your partner feels the same way. Sometimes two people are just ready to move on. The same goes for constant, pointless arguing. You or your mate may be picking fights in an attempt to cause a break up, possibly even on a subconscious level. Don’t drag things out if that’s true. Make a clean break of it and save yourselves a lot of trouble. Long, slow break ups are the most painful kind there is.

How To Tell If You Should Really Break Up

Still having trouble determining whether this is an acute or chronic problem? The ultimate test to determine whether you should really end it is to simply imagine a future without your significant other. If you can easily visualize yourself dating other people and ending up with someone else, then you’ve reached the breaking point. If you find it nearly impossible to imagine a life without your mate, then you still love them. That’s an indicator that you’ve hit a rough patch, but you want to work through it.

If so, talk to your partner more and try to get at the underlying problem. Work toward a solution together. If your partner isn’t helpful, however, you may have to accept that they’re passive-aggressively angling for a break up. Difficult as it may be, you should probably end things. It may be painful at first, since you still care for your mate, but you shouldn’t try to force a miserable relationship to work. In the end, you’ll both be happier for it, even though break ups hurt at first.

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Having Romance Takes Effort

You might not have the time to spend on your long term relationships that you once did, or perhaps you’ve just grown complacent as the years have passed on. That doesn’t mean you should just throw in the towel. Instead, make the best of what time you’ve got. It might sound cliché, but establishing a date night once every few weeks can be a big help. Once you’ve got a date and time picked out, come up with a really fun date idea. Think back to your favorite dates when you were first together. Did you have a particularly great time that night you went bowling? Was there a restaurant you used to love going to that you stopped visiting once you had kids? Recreating an old date not only shows your sweetie how thoughtful you are, but it can also put some spring back into your step. You’ll remember all of the best parts of your early days, and that will put both of you in a great mood.

Other Ways To Keep The Love Alive

Planning the occasional date isn’t the only way to help your love stay alive. Regular physical affection is important, too. Never underestimate the power of impromptu hand-holding, hugging and kissing. It may be a small gesture to momentarily rub your partner’s shoulders after they’ve had a rough day, but it shows you care. Human beings need physical contact with other human beings, and making that connection will make both of you feel happier. Plus, you never know when a shoulder massage or particularly good kiss will lead to more. Sex is a very important part of long term relationships or marriage. If you feel that you and your significant other have had less and less of it lately, take action. Even if you’re feeling a little tired, attempt to go for it anyway. Usually once things get rolling, you’ll find you’re not so tired anymore. The more often you do it, the more often you’ll want it, and vice versa. Therefore the best way to have more sex is to stop fretting about not having it, and just start doing it again. Talk to you partner, too. Mention that you’d like to start spicing things up again, but do so in a non-accusatory way. Nine times out of ten, they’ll be glad you brought it up.

Loving Gestures

Aside from showing physical affection and working dates back into your routine, there are other ways to make sure your long term relationships stay interesting. Small but thoughtful gestures show your significant other that you’re thinking of them. Bring home flowers or a bottle of good wine for no particular reason other than to show you care. If your sweetheart’s had a bad day, offer to engage in one of their favorite activities together. If that means watching their favorite terrible movie, just go with it. Demonstrating your support and love is worth two hours of viewing a bad film. That can be all it takes to remind your S.O. of why they fell for you in the first place.

Ultimately, if you’re willing to put in a little time and effort now and again, you can make things interesting for years to come in your long term relationships. Do your best to remind yourself of everything you love about your partner, then use your actions to remind them of why they love you. That’s the best way to light up the fires at the home.

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What She Said:

Caring about your partner’s health is a natural reaction to being in love. You want that person around, so it’s normal to notice good and bad habits. That said no one likes a nag. The last thing you want to remind of is his mother!

Lead By Example

The best way to teach is to lead by example. Take care of your own health and perhaps your partner will notice and decide to follow along. Adding milk thistle and green tea to your daily diet are both great for your body, your liver in particular. Brewing a cup or two of tea every afternoon and offering some to your honey is a good way to start. No need to be sneaky, simply see if he wants to partake.

If there is concern, particularly if he has a family history of alcoholism, an honest talk with your boyfriend might be in order. Skip the blame or guilt. Let him know you’re concerned because you love him and want him around for a long time. Hopefully an honest conversation will cause him to reconsider the harm that consistent use of alcohol may be causing him.

Using All Natural Remedies For Excessive Alcohol Use

Please note: I’m not a doctor. This is my personal opinion, culled from online research. I’d recommend reading Dr. Andrew Weil’s website (www.drweil.com) for information on the use of milk thistle, as well as consulting your physician for additional details.

What He Said:

I guess the key here is to define “a couple of beers.” In college, if I said I drank “a couple of beers” a night, it would’ve really meant like a case and a half, whereas now, if I told you I drank a couple of beers a night, I would mean no more than three. If he’s drinking a moderate among, then it’s far from a health risk.

You Might Have Deeper Issues Than The Drinking

I’m not a doctor, but then again, technically, neither is Dr. Phil and he gives relationship advice all the time. I’d say if this is the worst thing you can say about your man, you’ve probably got it pretty good. Still, if you tell him it’s a problem for you and then he ignores you, then you have a problem and it’s not the alcohol. It’s the fact that he’s not listening to you. Relationships are about compromise and if you are a wonderful woman who’s doing all sorts of amazing things for him and he won’t give this up for you, then maybe you should sit down with a therapist and decide together how to approach the issue.

Maybe he feels like you’re trying to control or mother him. Maybe he sees this as a threat to his independence. Maybe there are other issues in your relationship. I don’t know. But I do know if you two are fighting over this, it’s probably a larger symptom of something and that is an issue you should check out.

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Question: Hi Dan and Jennifer, please help me. I am already 18 now and I’m afraid that my parents will be bringing up the “marriage issue” in a couple years. I don’t want to get married, not EVER!!! How do I avoid coming across this conversation in my life?

–YouTube Viewer

Dealing With The Issue Beforehand

Don’t wait to let the people that are important to you in your life know that you don’t ever plan to get married. Waiting until you’re in a long term relationship with someone that they would expect you to take the next step with to let them know that marriage isn’t something you want in your life may make things awkward when you visit your family with your partner in tow. Instead, let them know as soon as you decide that getting married isn’t your cup of tea. This may be when you’re young or even after you’ve finished school and have moved on into a career, but either way, it’s important to let your family know that a wedding isn’t in your future as soon as you decide that it isn’t.

Be Honest With Your Parents

You may be worried that your parents or your family are going to be extremely upset with you or angry that you don’t want to ever be a part of a marriage. This may lead you to believe that if you simply don’t tell them about it that you’re in the clear. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Your family loves you no matter what, so just be honest with them about what you want for your life and where you see your life going in the future. Let them know that you’re totally open to falling in love and being in a committed, long term relationship, but having a “dream wedding” isn’t one of your dreams.

Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

You absolutely have the right to change your mind at any point during your lifetime. If you decide that you don’t want to get married now, but meet the person you want to live the rest of your life with and really want to wed them, it’s totally okay to change your mind and start planning the nuptials. If you decide later on that you do want to get married, you don’t have to not get married just because you said you didn’t want to earlier in your life. When talking to your family about your feelings towards marriage, let them know that you don’t ever see yourself having a wedding at this point, but you have the right to change your mind in the future if you meet someone that you really adore and want to get hitched.

It’s Probably Not Going To Be As Bad As You Think

If you’re young now, you may think that you’ll never want to get married and marriage is for saps. You’re probably eager to announce that you’ll never be caught dead in a tux or wedding dress and couples who get married just end up getting a divorce later anyways. The truth is, the idea of marriage probably isn’t as bad as you think it is. There are a lot of stereotypes when it comes to getting married and it’s easy to have misconceptions about what being in a marriage is really like. It’s nothing at all like you see on television or the movies and being married is a wonderful and satisfying part of many people’s lives. As you get older, you may discover that the idea of marriage wasn’t as bad as you thought it was. This is especially true if you meet someone that you really do want to spend the rest of your life with. If you decide now that you don’t want to get married, that’s your prerogative. If you live your life never being part of a marriage, that’s also your prerogative. If you decide later on that you do want to get married, that too, is your prerogative. Remember that the kind of life you live is totally up to you!

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What Does Being Emotionally Available Mean?

Being emotionally available to your partner in a marriage is a very essential component to making the relationship work. Guys, you have to be at least willing to share a little bit of emotion with your partner. You need to be able to respond to your partner’s emotional needs and meet them without trying to “fix” them. Instead of trying to “fix” a sad partner, try to share a little bit with them and listen to them express why they’re sad and what made them upset. Most of the time, listening to your partner express what they’ve got going on and what they’re feeling will help them to get it out and get over it. Guys, most women can’t stand trying to be “fixed” or being told that they shouldn’t feel a certain way because it’s not logical. Women are going to feel whatever they feel whenever they feel it! Listen to her and allow her to express her feelings without being critical and without trying to offer a solution. She just needs you to hear her out.

For The Ladies: It’s Not His Fault

Ladies, you need to realize that men weren’t born and raised in an emotional environment like women were. Men were taught to hide their emotions – if they were sad, they didn’t talk about it. Dads didn’t teach their little boys how to talk about their feelings. Instead, they were taught how to hunt, fish, bowl, etc. to deal with their emotions. Men usually have two emotions that they express freely – happiness and anger. Any other emotions that crop up get pushed deep down or get dealt with by his retreating to whatever activity helps him to relieve stress and not talking about it. This can frustrate women to no end, but it’s not his fault! It’s just how men have been programmed to deal with what is going on in their lives and how they feel about certain things. They don’t know how to be emotionally available or how to talk about what they’re feeling. They literally don’t know the language. They don’t know what words to use to express how they’re feeling inside, so they usually just put it away.

For The Ladies: Help Him Learn The Language Of Emotion

It’s up to the ladies to help their male partners to learn the language of emotion. Guys, you have to be open to it though, or her efforts are going to fall on deaf ears.Emotions are a many layered thing, and it’s possible to feel many different things at once. This is usually what overwhelms a man and causes them to retreat – they’re not sure how to deal with that many different emotions at one time, or even one really strong emotion. Offer to listen to your partner and encourage him to talk about how he feels if something comes up that makes him upset or sad. Did he get frustrated at work? Why? How did what happened make him feel? You can offer up how you felt in similar situations without being critical so he can begin to understand how different situations can make people feel many different emotions. Don’t criticize him if he can’t think of how to express what he’s going through – instead, gently prompt him on the words to use to illustrate what he’s feeling inside. Guys, try not to shut your partners out when you’re feeling upset, sad, frustrated, angry or all of the above. Instead, allow them to be there for you. Allow them to listen to you and be there for you. She just needs to hear you out. This will make a huge difference in your relationship, whether you’re just in a long term relationship or you’re married.

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Write A Quick Letter Or Card

Instead of saying “I love you” to your partner, instead, write them a quick love letter or jot it down in a sweet card that you picked up from the store. It is a quick and easy way to let your partner know just how much they mean to you without saying a word.

Send A Text

In the age of technology, almost everyone has texting capabilities on their cell phones. Instead of sending her a text to please pick up milk after work, send her a text that lets her know you’ve been thinking about her all day. You can do this in a romantic way to let her know that you love her, or you can make a racy text – called sexting – to tell her what you want to do to her when you both get home after work. Texting is so easy and cheap you can do it often just to add a little bit of love to her day.

Put It On A Cookie

On your next trip to the mall, visit the cookie store and have them write “I Love You” on one of those giant chocolate chip cookies. The best part is that you two can enjoy the cookie together later that night!

Draw It On The Sidewalk With Chalk

This is a great idea if your partner is away for business often or if you get home from work several minutes before your partner does. Draw a sweet message on the driveway or sidewalk with sidewalk chalk and they’ll see it as soon as they pull in the driveway from work.

Write It On The Bathroom Mirror

Write “I love you” on the bathroom mirror with an old lipstick that you don’t use anymore, or do it in soap so that when the mirror fogs up when your partner is taking a shower, the message becomes clear. The latter is so much fun because they won’t see the message when they step in the shower, but they’ll see it when they come out!

Use An Entire Pad Of Post It Notes

You can really show your love by using an entire pad of Post-It notes to write sweet messages and stick them all over the house. You can write a different message on each note, or you can simply write “I love you” over and over on each note. Make sure you use brightly colored Post-Its for maximum impact!  

Place An Ad In A Newspaper Or Magazine They Read

Surprise your partner by placing a sweet message in an ad in a newspaper or magazine that they read. Make sure it’s a magazine or newspaper that they actually read though, or else they won’t get your special message!

Draw It On Their Car Windshield

You can use a wax pen or special car window chalk (you know, the kind they use for those “Just Married” signs when people tie the knot) and write “I love you” all over your partner’s car windows. Do this either in the morning before they leave for work or drop by their place of employment while they’re inside so they don’t catch you. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll be around to see the look on their face when they discover your surprise!

Use Glow In The Dark Stars

Get some of those glow in the dark stars (usually in the kids toy section) and write a sweet message on the wall or ceiling for your partner to discover when they turn off the lights. You can also use this as a seduction tactic and suggest that you two have sex “under the stars!”

Create Your Very Own LoveBook

Create an inexpensive but romantic LoveBook that contains reasons why you love your partner and enjoy having them in your life. A LoveBook truly is a keepsake that they will have forever!

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