3 Simple Secrets To Staying In The Moment

Greg Halpen — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 23:21:39 +0000

Create a Relationship Success Plan PLUS the gift of Presence

As single gay men, we’ve had to endure some pretty heavy stuff in our lives and for the most part, it was stuff pretty much out of our control. We’ve had to work through coming out to friends and family. Some have even had to endure the pain of their parent’s being unreceptive, and how about the gay men who are secret at work because they are in fear of losing their jobs?

Think about this: How can you be present while carrying around so much baggage?

A very special spiritual teacher, who I hold a great deal of respect for, Eckhart Tolle said that, “The only thing that can free you from the past (or future) is “Presence”. I added the future part. : ) How often does the past hold you in its grasp? Do you often dream of a better life? Do you fantasize about the perfect relationship, but believe it will never happen? There is absolutely no way you can enjoy the gifts, the freedom, and the joy of pure love, if you are constantly bringing the past instead of bringing presence.

It’s Time To Bring It!

What I mean by being present, is not allowing the past or the future to take over and dictate your life decisions. You know what I’m talking about; when our buttons get pushed; when we show up for a first date; when there is conflict with your partner; communicating when your needs aren’t being met or when your boss gives you feedback and you take it so personally it paralyzes you.

Your Relationship Success Assignment:

So, what do you do when you feel like you’re slipping into the past or rushing off to the future? Well, I have good news? There is a way where you can calm your heart, settle your stomach and ease into emotional freedom AND get clear on what kind of relationship you want. So let me help you out here by sharing three SIMPLE SECRETS to staying in the moment so you wont miss Mr. Wonderful.

Relationship Success Secret #1

If you are dead serious about ending the cycle of repeating same poor choices over and over, then you’ll make it your practice to be vigilant, self-observant, and welcome the moment. Like most things in life when it comes to mastering something, it takes practice and discipline. Also it takes willingness to keep trying.

Why not go the extra mile by setting up a reminder on your computer calendar? Allow yourself 15 minutes of stillness each day to remember “Presence”. Also, having a presence buddy will make this 100% easier. It kicks things up a notch when you have an accountability partner.

Believe me, you will NEVER look at dating and relationships the same way.

Relationship Success Secret #2

Say YES to whatever is happening NOW (Bad or Good). Allow for whatever is happening to happen, without judgment. ex. You’re watching the daily news (not something that I do) and a story comes up that is very disturbing or violent. Instead of tripping over furniture for the clicker or cursing yourself for watching it, allow yourself to watch the section without judgment while saying gently to yourself, “I allow this to pass through me.”

What many of us do when it comes to bad dating and relationships and family history is, we tend to block them out as if the experiences never happened. This is a VITAL mistake and only leads to strong resentments and repeating patterns.

Relationship Success Secret #3

Know that life isn’t perfect; hopefully sooner, rather than later, you WILL sense spaciousness around whatever happens in your life. Everything will seem to balance out and when conflicts do arise, you will know how to approach them and let them go.

How To Keep A Long Term Relationship Fresh

Maia Berens — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:39:24 +0000

You know those juicy, exciting feelings you have in the beginning of a relationship? Well, our question is; Can we have those feelings after 25 years? Some of those dramatic feelings we felt at the beginning of our life together were based on sexual expectancy and the sheer fact of being seen so lovingly by this new person.

Two Kinds of Relationships

My husband and I have been together for 25 years. When I look around in the world at most people who’ve been together for many years I see one of two places the majority of couples end up.

Either they are “comfortable” with each other which means they fit like an old shoe and I imagine that he may come home and watch TV or read the sports section and she comes home and does her routine. They’re fond of each other but so are many brothers and sisters and long-term friends fond of each other.

The other extreme are those who are fed up with each other and living there own lives or thinking of divorce.

But we are in a third kind of relationship; a vibrant, healthy one. Some of what makes it healthy is the following:

Put Your Partner First

Being two mature adults with good self images, we have the flexibility to each know when we come first or when we need to put our partner first. For example, I like early morning but I never conceived of waking up each weekday by 4:15a.m. I always liked 5:30. Well, for the past four years my husband has taught high school and leaves the house before 6.

Since I want this older guy to live a lot longer, I prepare both a healthy breakfast and a healthy portable lunch. Also, since he comes home tired at the end of his long day, it has become our habit to connect over a cup of organic coffee before he leaves for work.

So although by putting him first I sacrifice my sleep, I do not feel resentful or like a martyr because he’s teaching so I can stay home and write and coach.

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