Ask Dan and Jennifer » Romance

When Preoccupation With The Stuff Of Life Interferes With Your Love Life

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 23:00:55 +0000

There are times when the stuff of life gets in the way of good loving. Whether it’s the demands of work, raising children, or friends and family who need extra attention, life is messy and therefore demanding. My husband and I have experienced this lately and stumbled upon a cure for turning our attention back on us as a couple.

The secret to breaking free of preoccupation with the stuff of life is simple and direct. It lies in the nature of who you are as a man and a woman.

Talking Sexy

If your husband is the one who is preoccupied, find moments to talk sexy. Find double entendres in his speech and get the pair of you giggling. Without needing anything from him in return, admire something about him that you find sexy. It could be the sound of his voice, the way he rests his weight on one leg while resting his hands on his hips when he’s standing around waiting for someone, the hair around his temples graying, or the way he handled a difficult situation. Whatever you can admire about your man, do it without a need for attention. In a relaxed atmosphere, your sexy talk and admiration will soften the cloud of preoccupation hovering around him. He’ll rest his handsome eyes on you, take you in, and allow the chemistry between you to percolate.

Talking Her Up

If your wife is the one who is preoccupied, find genuine ways to compliment her. If her hair is especially pretty or her outfit is particularly becoming, tell her so. If she has just cooked a delicious meal, really pour on the praise and do one more thing. Insist on either cleaning up after supper or insist on helping. Even if she is an “I’ve gotta do it my way so don’t get in my way” kind of woman and can actually be irritated by an extra pair of helping hands, then just clear the table for her. Or find her favorite music or something on television she’s keen on to keep her company while she works.

One of the nicest ways to compliment any woman is to notice the things she does to keep the household running smoothly, tell her you appreciate it, and offer to do some of those things so that she can have time to herself to relax. Particularly when she is preoccupied with fresh demands on her, perhaps a good friend is having surgery, for example; you can anticipate some of the stuff she usually takes care of and tell her you will handle it.

Talking Magic

You probably noticed that I suggest you do two completely different things depending on the sex of the person who is preoccupied. That is purposeful, so let me explain. When your spouse is preoccupied while you pine for his or her attention, the best way to get that attention is to get inside his or her head.

Most men are crazy about sex. A woman who can tease and cajole about sexy topics gets her man in touch with the thing that connects him to his heart, sex. That kind of gentle love talk can persuade him to relax and take notice of her like a magic spell. Most women feel as though they give too much. When her man appreciates everything she does, continues to find her attractive, and is proactive about lending a helping hand, he hands her an aphrodisiac that works, again, like magic.

So break through the preoccupation with the stuff of life by putting attention on the things that will speak care, concern, and interest to your spouse the most. While the “stuff” may continue to need his or her attention, you can get a little loving attention for yourself to tide you over till life is normal again.

Romance For Men: Following The Platinum Rule For A Better Relationship

Phil Eastley — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 02:00:37 +0000

The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is often promoted as the most important standard to maintain a rewarding relationship with the rest of the world. When it comes to romance, though, the Golden Rule has probably hurt more relationships than it has helped, since there’s often a distinct difference between what a man wants and what a woman wants.

Keeping Romance Alive With The Platinum Rule

Fewer people have heard of the Platinum Rule, which says “Do unto others as they want you to do unto them.” Following the Platinum Rule is a much better way to keep romance alive in your relationship, but for most men, simply following the rule is the easy part. Finding out exactly what a woman wants can be a difficult thing for men to do, especially since every person’s desires evolve over the course of a relationship. Applying the Platinum Rule to your relationship can dramatically improve your satisfaction, but it also requires consistent attention to identify her desires.

The most obvious way to find out how she wants to be treated romantically is by asking her. While we promote good old-fashioned romance on our website, and we will always believe that it will lead to more happiness in most relationships, we also realize that there are some women who might not like the type of gallant attention that it calls for. Some women simply don’t like classically romantic overtures, and measuring her reaction when you bring up topics of amour can give you a clue to what kind of a partner she really wants.

Being Empathetic To Satisfy Your Partner

In some cases, the best way to find out how she wants to be treated is through good old empathy. Your wife or girlfriend might not be able to really tell you what she thinks about romance, but you should know her well enough to put yourself in her shoes for a while. Does romantic behavior embarrass or intimidate her, or does she light up at small loving gestures and actions? Will it take some consistent effort to get her used to being romantic, or is she more comfortable with you treating each other as peers and friends? Old-fashioned romance can seem outdated and schmaltzy to some women nowadays, and there’s nothing wrong with that opinion.

Using the Platinum Rule and treating her as she wants to be treated will inevitably lead to more romance and satisfaction in your relationship, even if you discover she isn’t as interested in overt physical affection on a regular basis.

View Obstacles As Positive Challenges

There’s no single formula for successful couples, and what works for you will have a lot to do with your partner’s unique personality and the dynamics of your relationship. Just remember one important rule of thumb: if her romantic desires don’t mesh perfectly with yours, look at it as a challenge, not a hindrance.

Perhaps most importantly, using the Platinum Rule in your relationship will likely lead to a great return on your investment. Once she sees how dedicated you are to treating her as she wants to be treated, she will be much more likely to take the time to do the same for you, as well.

What Women Want

Chick In Heels — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:15:43 +0000

I recently read an article about what women want, and your average woman commented on what ‘touched’ her most when it came to men. Some women wanted help around the house, some women wanted sex in a certain manner, some women wanted appreciation. It got me to thinking about what women REALLY want in a relationship. It will be interesting to see if the women out there agree with me, I tend to think more like a guy (or so I’m told lol!!).

Playful Passion

Number one for me is that I want to feel passionate with my man. I want to feel like there is always a fire burnin’ for one another. I want to keep the spice alive!! I love it when my guy and I are flirty together and keep that ‘secret connection’ in the forefront, like stealing those mini make out sessions whenever the opportunity presents itself. It’s vital to a relationship to take advantage of those times – those moments when you can still be playful together. The key however, is having the desire and mindset to be actively flirty and fun with your partner. It’s easy to let life distract you. Bills, chores, work, kids – the lazy route is to have these things interfere. The participative route (which is a whole lot more fun and rewarding) is to WANT to keep the special moments going. Women crave this kind of connection from their men. The guy who will slide up behind her while she’s working in the kitchen – even a passing ‘goose’ to say “how YOU doin??”

Foreplay First

For the women out there who want sex (and who doesn’t!?!) the consensus seems to be that they want some good quality foreplay. Guys who show they CARE about how you respond to their actions. Guys who take their time and WANT to turn their woman on (on a side note, guys should expect the same in return – a girl who merely ‘gives it up’ doesn’t cut it for a guy’s excitement level either). Some guys can get lost in the ultimate goal of ‘getting her off’ and lose sight of the passion in attaining that outcome. Sex shouldn’t be a chore between a couple in any way, both people should equally enjoy the physical involvement. Sex is the one thing that bonds you above and beyond all other relationships – make it feel that way – make it a priority. Women want to feel sexy, loved and that you care about what excites them in the bedroom.

Cunning Compliments

Along with that point is that women want to feel like their man is attracted to them. They want to feel beautiful. Most women have an inner conversation that pin points their flaws and physical insecurities. I’d be hard pressed to find a woman who doesn’t mentally criticize her cellulite or weight or breast size…you name it, we self scrutinize it! Men are not always aware of the internal self doubt that a lot of women have. We count on our men to remind us of how beautiful we are. Every woman desires to hear that. A woman wants to feel like no matter where she is, the man she is with looks at her as the most beautiful woman in the room. Men may be surprised at the realization that the odd compliment can boost us so high. I’m guilty for looking to my man for approval, always wanting to look my best for him – I’m not one to take his attraction for granted. A woman who feels good, also feels good to be around fellas!

Love and Loyalty

An important factor to a lot of women (and men) is commitment and loyalty. Anyone in a good relationship values the commitment of their partner. Feeling safe and secure in their bond and not having to question their partner’s actions. Knowing that their partner chooses to be with them and is devoted to the relationship. I believe that the commitment level that you are willing to give should be equal to that of what your partner is willing to give as well. Feeling like your man would do anything for you and has completely given of himself to you, and vice versa. A woman desires for her man to show he is proud to be with her and has no problem indicating his belief in the commitment he has to her. A woman longs to be her man’s one and only.

Ultimately both sexes want to be with a partner who ‘betters’ their life. Who is supportive through the rough times and helps to create the good times. Someone you can laugh with, someone you enjoy spending time with. The one person above all others you would choose to be around no matter what it is that you are doing. The person in your life who you want by your side. If you really think about what you want – I am certain the qualities I have mentioned here will be the ones that count the most, even above any physical or social attributes. Passion, supportiveness, devotion and commitment, the person you’d be missing if they weren’t in your life. Someone who puts your feelings above all else. Someone who makes you happy.

A Man’s Love Is Expressed Differently From A Woman’s Love

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 00:00:39 +0000

I realize I am drawing your attention to someone else’s book, rather than my own; but I cannot help myself. Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is genius! I want to share with you the most profound information I got from reading it.

Men show their love for their women differently than women show their love for men. If we women could really grasp this fact, relationships all over the world would improve.

How Women Love

Women show men they love them in warm, mushy ways. We talk to our men, we share everything, and we provide nurture and support. We want to be romanced because romantic touches are how we say, “I love you.” Men are very different and we know this already. The problem is we have spent centuries judging them for it instead of receiving it as the display of love it is. So when our new man gets past the courting phase, becomes solidly committed to us, and the romance begins to fade, we join the legion of sisters who complain about how he just doesn’t measure up to our ideal of what a real man is and how a real man loves.

Let me tell you, at this point the relationship is doomed and it ain’t his fault! Complements of Steve Harvey, let me share how a real man loves and see if you can’t begin to look at your fellow through a kinder lens and a heart warmed by just how very much he actually does let you know he loves you.

How A Man’s Love Is Different

There are three ways a man clearly and definitively shows his love and affection for his lady. The first thing a real man does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he professes who you are in his life. He calls you “his lady,” “girlfriend,” or “romantic partner.” He calls you by a special name with his words and with his body language. You can see it in the eyes of the folks in his world you are introduced to. You see that spark of recognition that this one (you) is different from the other women he has introduced to them. His claim on you is obvious.

Once he is ready to take the relationship to the next level, he may no longer be interested in midnight conversations that go on for hours. He doesn’t want to be treated like your best girlfriend. The profession he makes about you is significant for him and, if you are aware of its meaning, it can be significant for you too. In fact, it can be a big turn on.

The second thing a real man does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he provides for you. Now, not every man has the means to buy you expensive things, but to the degree he is able, he will provide for you. One of the examples Steve uses is if you have car trouble and ask him for help, he will do everything within his power to assist you in getting it fixed. One man might be able to afford to replace the car while another gets his cousin who is a car mechanic to fix it. Either way, the man is in love and providing. Every single weekend might not produce a romantic outing, but in any way he sees he can physically provide for you and is able, he will.

So, for instance, one year my husband provided me with a big, fancy digital camera and a printer to print the photographs I would take. He knew I was wary of making the switch from film to digital. He knew I needed to be provided with a really good camera and what is essentially a dark room to make the switch as convenient and delightful as possible. With these gifts he provided for me the means to enlarge my life and my creative expression. It was a deeply romantic gesture.

Accepting His Own Displays Of Love And Affection

The third thing a real man does when he is head over heals in love is he protects his woman. No one is allowed to hurt, insult, or disrespect her. He will not be able to tolerate her life or her spirit being in danger.

In my own experience, I have observed two important things about a man’s desire to protect his woman. The first is he will attempt to protect her from herself. This is why a man can become infuriated with some of the choices his woman makes because, as a man with his logical thinking, he could have told her this or that choice would be a mistake. How could she have put the woman he loves most in the whole world (herself) in harm’s way?

The other thing I have observed is that a real man in love will sacrifice himself to protect you from himself, if you require it. If you cannot abide him being who he is, expressing himself as a man, he will shrink inside, becoming less effective as a lover and as a partner as he attempts to protect you from him. This will not last indefinitely. Finally, the pressure to express himself as a man will rupture and you will lose him. If you find you are no longer invested in exploring the marvelous mystery he is, you might take a look at whether or not you really love him. Because asking him to stifle his masculinity is the beginning of the end.

Whether you are looking for Mr. Right, have found him, or are afraid you are losing him, knowing how a man shows his love to his woman gives you valuable information for figuring out where he is coming from and where he is going. It can also open the floodgates of gratitude and passionate love making as you learn to quit castigating him and instead appreciate his unique expressions of love!

3 Ways To Be An Unforgettable Boyfriend And Make Her Forget About Her Ex

Lee Jenkins, author Female Orgasm Black Book — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 01:23:20 +0000

There are women who got burned so badly by their previous relationships that they don’t want to venture out into the ‘unknown’ anymore. These women are jaded, cynical about love, and think sex is overrated. When a guy finds a hot girl, who just happened to be afflicted by the “man hate” syndrome, what does he do? A guy can either look the other way or pursue her despite the slim chance of breaking through the thick barrier of barb that she put up. Some women are really impossible to ignore, they are mesmerizing, even if they give out a haunted (and hunted) vibe, like they are always on the lookout for men who are just waiting to prey on their vulnerability and use them for selfish carnal pleasures.

What To Do When She’s Been Burned

The primary thing to consider is that no matter how badly you want to know, the story behind her heartbreak should be left alone. However, building her life back and possibly sharing a future with you are definitely things that concern you. Tread carefully. Be as unobtrusive as possible, but always be within her reach just in case she feels like talking. It is possible to keep a person company from afar, particularly if you have already told her that you’re just there if she needs you.

When you finally get her to open up, this is your chance to show her that you are way better than her ex.

Of course, you cannot promise a bed of roses, but there are certainly some things that you can do to prove to her that you, as a man, operate on a higher level than the guy who broke her heart.

1. Love Her Back

This seems like a daunting feat for those who don’t know how. Return her calls, be emotionally available, and tell her that while you may be busy most of the time, she is always in your thoughts. Basically, not taking a woman for granted is the best way to win her over. Ask her opinion about where to go and what to do during your date. Staying open and extremely considerate is very important, particularly during the time when she’s still learning to trust you.

2. Be a Gentleman

You know those simple things like opening the door for her or pulling the chair? Those gestures are not lost on her. Of course, you have to be consistent and make these gallant gestures a habit. Doing these only during your initial dates will make her think that the gestures are a put on.

3. Make Her Orgasm During Sex

No amount of gallantry, gift-giving and mushy loving could make her consider you as a constant in her life if she discovers that you are not sexually compatible. The ability to give her the time of her life in bed will catapult you from “boyfriend material” to “The One”. If she has told you that she thinks “sex is overrated” more than a couple of times, there’s a big chance that she has never experienced an orgasm in the past.

Even if she did experience sensational sex with her ex, your knowledge of how to make her orgasm will stack nicely with the fact that you are the most gallant, most considerate guy she has ever met; and this will erase all notions of her past loves.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Female Orgasm Black Book’: “How To Give Her Mind Numbing, Leg Shaking Orgasms”

Been Out of the Dating Game for A While? Here Are Some Pointers That Will Save You Time And Heartache

Elaine Williams — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 14:26:48 +0000

You’re a widow, divorced or caught in the midst of life’s circumstances. Perhaps you’d never thought this would happen to you at this time of your life, being alone.

Maybe you’re alone by choice but not really sure if you want to remain that way. There are plenty of choices of where to go from here, but the tough part is making the one that’s right for you.

If you’ve been out of dating a number of years, you may find the dating scene has changed considerably.

I hadn’t dated for 25 when I stumbled back in. I experienced a wide array of emotions; shock, dismay, impatience, annoyance and even moments of wonder.

Some Pointers That May Save You Time and Pain

Learn to recognize those who are “takers” – those who want a physical relationship and nothing more. If you’re also looking for a noncommittal relationship, this may work for you. However, be aware that once intimacy enters a relationship, the rules change. Many times it leaves the door open for attachment and ultimately, unfulfilled expectations if one party leaves.

Unsafe and Unprotected Sex

We tell our children to use condoms and practice safe sex. We owe ourselves the same. Educate yourself on sexually transmitted diseases and how to avoid them.

A Free Meal is Only a Free Meal If…

If you are treated, there’s no obligation other than a gracious thank you. If you don’t feel a connection with someone, offer to pay for your portion of the check.

Abusive Relationships

No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship, whether verbal, mental or physical. Walk away. Don’t hold false hope that things will get better.

Smooth Talkers

We all know at least one, don’t we? They’ve had a lot of practice to talk their way through just about anything and anyone. Do I need to say more?

Needy Relationships

Everyone likes to feel needed from time to time, but if you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly bailing someone out, save yourself the stress and your wallet.

Emotionally Unavailable Individuals (Surface Daters)

They talk a good game, but can’t deliver any lasting commitment or anything beyond the immediate moment. They have a difficult time offering support in any substantial way, show no real caring in you as an individual, nor do they exhibit a real interest in sticking around.

These relationships (for want of a better word) start fast and fizzle shortly thereafter.

Clinging and unwarranted jealously might feel empowering at first, but be cautious about being sucked into a relationship based on this type of need. Do you seriously want to be in a relationship where your every move is questioned and up for inspection?

Dating Can Do a Number on Your Self-Confidence

In today’s world dating can take a hard shot at your self-confidence. You begin to wonder if the right person will ever come along. You’ve done your best to be proactive. Everyone says you’re intelligent, attractive… and yet you’re still batting zero on the dating scene. Is it you or is it everyone else? It may be a combination of both.

As a widow of almost five years, I’ve found what worked best for me was pursuing my own interests. Involve yourself in activities and work that stimulates you, instead of placing that burden on a prospective partner. When you feel more whole as an individual, you might just find that perfect someone popping up into your life when you least expect it.

Mirroring – Discover This Little Known 1st Date Secret (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 13:12:59 +0000

Going on a first date can be intimidating, no matter how long you’ve been on the dating scene. Fortunately, there are a few ways you can ensure first date success.

One of the most successful ways to hit it off with someone on a first date is using a technique called “mirroring.”

Mirroring is a technique that you can use to help your date feel comfortable with you almost instantly so you can focus on getting to know them.

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What is mirroring?

Mirroring is actually something that good friends and couples do naturally. For example, if you’re at dinner with a friend and they lean further towards the table, you might unconsciously do the same.

If you’re sitting in a theater watching a movie and you cross your legs, your boyfriend or husband might cross his legs too. When you’re comfortable with someone, you will naturally mirror their body language and movements and they’ll naturally mirror yours.

How can you use mirroring to your advantage on a first date?

Naturally, you’re not going to instantly and unconsciously mirror someone on a first date and it’s unlikely that they’ll mirror you. This could be a reason why first dates are often so awkward! However, you can use your understanding of the mirroring technique to make the first date jitters a little easier to handle and help make your date feel more comfortable with you.

When you’re on a first date, pay special attention to your date’s body language. You want to try to mirror them in a way that looks unconscious by you, like natural mirroring, without looking strange or suspicious.

This might take a few tries to really get down pat, so it’s helpful if you try to practice your mirroring technique with friends first. They can give you input on how your mirroring looks to someone besides yourself.

Using mirroring from now on

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10 Romantic Tips to Make Any Woman Happy

Maia Berens — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:20:30 +0000

Dictionary.com defines romantic as "displaying or expressing love or strong affection". The media pushes flowers, dinners, vacations and expensive jewelry as ways to be romantic with a woman.

I have a different view of what’s romantic and I suspect any woman in a relationship for any length of time would agree. Of course, flowers, dinners, vacations and jewelry are lovely but they don’t necessarily speak to women’s three most primary needs in a relationship as described in John Gray’s Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Having worked with John for many years and having become intimately knowledgeable with the Mars Venus concepts by virtue of my job, I had several aha! moments when I learned what they the three primary love needs were for a woman.

I am in total agreement with John Gray that women need most to be cared about, understood and respected. He suggests that "when a man responds to a woman in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes and needs, she feels respected".

A man can not care, not try to understand and not respect a woman at all, and still buy flowers and think that’s romantic. It won’t cut it, guys. So, following are 10 romantic tips in no particular order of importance that will make any woman happy and show her that you care, that you try to understand her and that you acknowledge and make important her rights, wishes and needs.

Remember to do the things you promised to do – without being reminded.

When my husband remembers that he promised to fix the blinds on the weekend and goes to Home Depot to buy what he needs, comes home and fixes the blinds just as he said, I feel this as an expression of love and caring. He knows that I like the house to look nice and things to work; I feel he understands and respects my desire to have it so.

Surprise her with something you know she wants – big or small.

This is such a big deal to me that I still remember when my ex-husband came home from work one day when I was pregnant with my first child 42 years ago with a balsa wood model airplane because I had said sometime in the past that I never had one.

I remember it as perhaps the sweetest, most romantic thing he ever did for me in the 19 years we were together. He occasionally brought me flowers but it didn’t make up for all his bad, uncaring, disrespectful behavior during the relationship.

Care about how she dresses.

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4 Secrets Guaranteed To Spice Up Your Sex Life

W. Wilcox — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:40:42 +0000

Sex is a healthy, fundamental component of all good relationships. It unites men and women everywhere, both physically and emotionally and allows both the guy and the girl to truly unleash and express their animalistic AND sensual sides.

But no one’s sex life is perfect. Things slow down, the energy seems to disappear, it’s not as fun or exciting as either of you would like, in short, it needs improving.

So what can you do to get back (or even create for the first time) that special spark that makes great sex so…well, great? Here are 4 top tips.

1. Play Games

The thing that often grinds sex lives to a halt and makes lovemaking become so much of a hassle is the pressure and responsibility that surrounds the whole subject.

For the man, there’s the burden of having to make the girl reach her own climax. For the woman, there’s the strain of making sure her man is sexually satisfied and not bored and liable to go looking elsewhere for sex or questioning the stability and longevity of the relationship they’re both in.

To counteract these negative pressures, try making having sex a less traditional, scheduled, boring task. Instead, pick a couple of fun games that you can play together that are fun and flirty and that can lead casually and smoothly into the actual sex.

Twister, strip poker and spin-the-bottle are all great games that incorporate physical contact and allow both you and your partner to have a little no-hassle, no-responsibility fun that does or doesn’t have to lead to a bout of impromptu lovemaking.

2. New Locations, New Positions

People often have a very 2-dimensional outlook on the nature of sex and how one should go about having it. The vast, vast majority of people, for example, only have sex in the bedroom.

And even they have a set routine, lights dimmed or off, the same progression through the various stages of sex: a little foreplay, intercourse in missionary and maybe doggy if the guy’s lucky and the girls feeling up to it, then it’s pretty much over. Even if your personal situation has more life than that, sex in the bedroom can still become a drag after a while.

So, switch it up. Think about different locations you can use: the living room, bathroom, kitchen…consider all possibilities, even if they at first seem far-fetched and silly. Also, think about locations away from the home once in a while.

Motels and cheap hotels offer a couple a fresh place to explore each other. Secondly, improvise and experiment with the positions you use. Missionary, girl on top, spoons, and doggy are all great, but always try to mix in a few more unusual, adventurous ones to spice things up.

Even if you find yourself in a tangle with your partner, you’ve still had fun and been spontaneous, which is a key component of any great sex life.

3. Communicate Fantasies

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Top 10 Things Women Wish Men Would Do Before, During and After Sex

Lee Jenkins, author Female Orgasm Black Book — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 11:15:50 +0000

These days it should come as no surprise that women enjoy sex just as much as men do, but one thing that has stayed the same is that they would like men to ‘just know’ what they want without having to break down and tell them!

This article should make sex a real no-brainer for you from here on thanks to these ten things that women admit to wanting even if they don’t necessarily admit it to you!

Before Sex She Wants You To…

1. Kiss Her

It seems that kissing has become a bit of a lost art in this day and age and this is especially the case when a couple has been together for a long time. Spend a few minutes just kissing (a.k.a. making out) the way you did when you were a teenager. You’d be surprised at how hot kissing can really be!

2. Indulge in Some Foreplay

Women need a little more than guys do in order to get really turned in and primed for action. By treating them to more foreplay, not only do you increase their chances of an orgasm, but you’re also setting yourself up for some very hot sex to follow!

3. Be Romantic

This should come as no shocker to anyone as it has been a problem since the beginning of man! While women enjoy a hard sexy throw down on occasion, they still want to be pampered and romanced a little.

Take some time to light a candle or two or just say something romantic. It doesn’t take a bed sprinkled with rose petals to make a woman happy-though that would be great too.

During Sex She Wants You To…

4. Look Into Her Eyes

You can’t even begin to imagine how incredibly arousing it can be to keep your eyes focused on each other during sex.

It creates an intimacy like nothing else which most women crave from their partners and it can really help you get in tune with each other so you’re better able to know what feels good to them and what could use a little work; all without having to say a word.

5. Be A Little Rough

Yes, women want romance and tenderness, but most often before sex. During sex a woman wants to feel the passion and the urgency that comes from being wanted and desired.

Men are often afraid to be too rough, but the truth is that many women want to be handled a little harder during sex. Note: Tip #5 is a great one to help gauge just how rough you should be with her.

6. Not Forget Her Clitoris

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Understanding The Desire To Love And Be Loved in Return

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 19:32:02 +0000

“We are all part of the same human condition. The yearning to love and be loved is at the heart of who we are.” – Lynne Twist

That quote speaks to every man and every woman in every place and time! The worlds’ greatest love stories, from the brilliantly successful ones to the dismally tragic ones, come down to the yearning to love and be loved in return.

Loving and Being Loved

In every love story, there is a quality to the relationship that is defined by how each person deals with his or her own yearning to love and be loved.

Some of us have a stronger desire to love than to be loved. We pour ourselves out on everyone we love with abandon. We are supportive and nurturing, even if we risk suffocating the object of our affection. We may pour out our love in bold, brash, even bullying ways.

I am thinking of men who only need a hint that something is wrong and then swoop in to fix the problem, their loved one, and the people involved! This also brings to mind women who turn into protective mother bears when their loved ones (cubs) are threatened.

Others who are more committed to loving than being loved show their support and nurture by being submissive, following their lover wherever he or she leads. Even if it is to a dark place, the supportive, nurturing, I-am-totally-there-for-you individual loves the risk of loving no matter the cost.

A Stronger Desire to be Loved

Then there are those of us with a stronger desire to be loved. As supportive as I think I am, sometimes my desire to be loved by my husband is so strong I embarrass myself! When he is preoccupied with something, with steely focus accomplishing something, if I interrupt and thereby incur even a slight dismissal, the pout that forms on my lips is telling!

In an instant, it is all about me and my needs and desires. If I were truly one of those supportive types, wouldn’t I have seen and appreciated his preoccupation with whatever he was accomplishing?

Managing my desire to be loved and choosing to sometimes follow my yearning to love, as a priority over my yearning to be loved, is simple enough. It can be heartbreaking to watch someone completely sabotage their relationship because nothing can satisfy the hunger for proof that their lover loves them beyond all others!

Sabotaging the Relationship

Of course, the supportive, nurturing lovers can sabotage their relationships too. Smothering love can snuff out love, shocking the supportive individual with the level of resentment the recipient of their love feels towards them and all their loving attention!

Yet, the “yearning to love and be loved is at the heart of who we are.” At some point in your life, I hope you were your mother’s and father’s beloved infant. Mothers and fathers do their best. Sometimes their best is brilliant, sometimes it is good enough, and other times it is barely adequate.

Relationship With Caregivers

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Five Tips for Creating Soulful Intimacy In Your Relationship

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 15:35:16 +0000

There are times in life when we experience intimacy in natural, spontaneous ways. Consider love at first glance.

Someone who was a stranger is now in your life 24/7 and crazy about you! Suddenly, parts of your life that were private are now on display to the one you love but with whom love hasn’t been tested.

For instance, putting potato chips on your sandwich in front of him or her makes you feel awkward with the intimacy of the exposure of a funny, little detail of your life! The first time you get naked together makes you tingle all over from the vulnerability. Intimacy that is the result of love at first glance is easy.

It is when we have been in love for a while that we need to turn our attention once again to intimacy. We can create the kind of intimacy that will set our souls aflame! Following are five tips for creating soulful intimacy.

Speak and listen in a new way

Men and women communicate differently. Men like to get right to the point; therefore, they only have so much time and attention when it comes to listening. They want you to get to the point! Women, on the other hand, like to share nuances of insights and feelings when they communicate. Getting to the point for a woman might take several meandering twists and turns first.

One way to create soulful intimacy is to speak and listen in such a way that your partner feels seen and heard. When a woman gets right to the point, her man hears her in a completely new way, which is gratifying for both of them! When she listens with focused attention, he feels heard and appreciates this.

When he listens to her meandering thoughts and expressed feelings, she feels cherished. When he takes the risk to speak of his feelings, philosophy, and personal experience, she feels honored.

Without trying to morph into the opposite sex’s viewpoint, just every once in a while speak and listen the way he or she does. As simple as it sounds, doing so will make you feel you are taking one of those risks that makes you feel the kind of vulnerability that creates a fresh spurt of intimacy in the air between you.

Get imaginative with touch

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5 Tips For an Amazing Relationship

Michael Webb — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 13:19:15 +0000

Here are 5 tips to help you make yours a truly amazing and happy relationship…

1. Make Time For Your Relationship

Time and time again, people tell me my ideas are wonderful, but they feel they can’t be as loving or romantic as I am because they don’t have enough hours in the day.

I have the same amount of time given to me each day as everyone else does. It’s how I prioritize the time that might be different. Besides my relationship with my Creator, my time spent with Athena is most important to me.

More important than my job. More important than the money I make. More important than exercise. More important than my friends or other family members. And yes, even more important than Ashton, my darling little son.

I am not against nice items for those who can afford them and don’t have to work insane hours to attain them. But I am slightly perplexed by those who work too many hours or have a long daily commute just so they can have "things," not realizing they are losing something that is even more valuable and precious.

2. Share Secrets Together

I’ve got a secret and I’m not sharing. Actually, I have a lot of secrets. There are a lot of things that are only known to Athena and me that keeps us close.

I like it when Athena shares things with me that she doesn’t share with others. It makes me feel special and unique in her eyes. I tell her things that I don’t tell my friends or family. It’s not like these are horrible things we have done that we can’t tell others. I just want Athena to feel like she knows me better than anyone else.

Make your sweetheart feel special. Always share important things with them first. Let some things remain a secret between the two of you for a little while before letting the rest of the world know all about your personal life.

3. Have Date Nights

Without special time together, relationships can pull apart or simply become stale. But you can’t simply replace doing nothing with doing the exact same thing week after week. The oh-so-predictable dinner and a movie can be all right if mixed up with some other types of dates.

Here are a few suggestions: Bookstore, library, museum, zoo or park date, or together collect clothes for a shelter.

4. Spice Up Your Love Life

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I’m In Love With My Best Friend. How Do I Tell Her? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:16:46 +0000

If you find yourself in love with your best friend, take heart. You’re not the only one! It can be intimidating, however, to think of ways to tell your best friend how you feel without risking losing your best friend.

You might be tempted to feel the situation out with your friend’s friends, or you might prefer the idea to keeping quiet. How do you approach your best friend if you have feelings for them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I really like this girl, I think I love her… But she’s one of my best friends and I don’t want to tell her about my feelings because I’m afraid that I will lose my friend. I told her friend about my feelings and I think she told her. Since then she’s gone all weird with me and doesn’t go out with me anymore. She always says that she’s busy or something. What should I do? Please help.

–Fizwan, England

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The Friend’s Friends

Bouncing the idea of hooking up with your best friend off their friends’ might sound appealing. You get an opinion that is as close as possible to your best friend’s opinion without actually being their opinion. Sure, it sounds great but in reality, this plan tends to backfire the most. What usually happens is the friend never keeps it quiet and approaches your best friend with the info.

While that’s scary enough, the friend usually puts whatever spin on it they like, based on how they feel about you. If that friend dislikes you or thinks you aren’t a good match for her friend, your best friend might hear a convoluted story. It’s not always this way, but if you tell your best friend’s friend your feelings, you can pretty much guarantee that your best friend will hear about it too.

Keeping Quiet

Risking losing your best friend over your feelings might sound like it’s too much to handle and it might be tempting to just stay quiet rather than risk the end of the friendship. Sure, if you stay quiet, you won’t risk losing your best friend over your feelings. But you might also be living an unfulfilled life.

What if you grow out of the friendship and end up going separate ways anyway, but you never got to tell your best friend how you felt? Think long and hard about whether you truly want to stay quiet. Make sure it’s a decision you really want to make.

Telling Your Best Friend

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5 Ways to Say “I Love You” Without Actually Saying it

Stephany Alexander — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:28:10 +0000

Here are 5 ways to show your partner that you love them without saying a word…

1. Touch Them

Give your partner a hug, kiss, hold hands, snuggle or massage them. Just be close. Nothing is more powerful than the power of touch.

2. Leave Love Notes and Poems

Write love messages and leave them throughout the house. Send an email or text message to let your partner know you are thinking about them. Leave a note on their car, in their pocket, under their pillow. Buy a card or send a letter to them in the mail. A little note or poem expressing your love will show your partner how much you care about them.

3. Food

They say "the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach," however this works equally well for women. Express your love by cooking a surprise dinner and set the atmosphere with music, candlelight, and flowers. Cook your partner’s favorite recipe. You may also give your partner the night off by making reservations at their favorite restaurant.

4. Plan a Date

Prepare a picnic, go for a walk, or plan an activity your partner loves. Plan something special rather than just the standard dinner and movie.

5. Hold eye contact with your partner’s eyes.

Gaze at your partner lovingly. By maintaining eye contact with your partner, you show them that they are the most important thing on your mind at that moment. Holding eye contact can increase your heart rate and creates a sense of unity and bonding.

To learn more about Stephany Alexander, visit www.WomanSavers.com.

Could Loneliness Be The Dawn of Real Happiness And Romance?

Urban Monk — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:17:42 +0000

Loneliness is one of the deepest sorrows – at its peak it feels like a quiet desperation, a yearning to melt completely with another, a slow suffocation that we can’t escape no matter what. And it was shocking to see how common it is. The media has begun to describe the spread of loneliness as an epidemic!

How can we escape it, what can we do? The most common response is a search for a companion, for a lover.

“If only I had someone,” we think, “everything will be all right.” Failing in this search, many begin to turn to alcohol, depression, or self-destructive behaviors.

But the search is flawed, self-defeating right from the start. Whatever we do might seem to work for a while, but we are running away from loneliness – and the more we run, the stronger it gets.

Relationships Rooted in Loneliness

Romance that stems from loneliness is fake, a rose made of plastic; all it does is cover up our yearning. This is how many relationships are – two lonely people who are mutually clinging and grasping on to each other. Regardless of what they say or do, each person is really thinking: please take care of my heart.

How do we take care of other hearts when we can’t even nourish our own?

In such relationships, the neediness is still there. Once the honeymoon period is over, the neediness and unhappiness begins to arise again. For no one – no matter how beautiful, handsome, sweet, attentive, and dashing – can fulfill your needs exactly the way you want them to. There’s always something else that will appear – something they haven’t done that you want them to, or they’ve done something you wish they hadn’t.

When that happens, the yearning arises again. In fact, it has always been there, just beneath the surface. But you think it is your partner’s fault, and you begin to blame them – “You were supposed to make me happy!” But how can they? No one can make you happy but you. All they can do is cover the yearning temporarily.

The Repugnance of Desperation

Being in the depths of loneliness makes it harder to find a partner. This neediness can only be hidden for so long, if one manages to hide it at all.

It is common knowledge that desperation is one of the most unattractive traits out there. The more you run after them, try to hang on to them, the more a quality partner will retreat. They have options, people who make them happy instead of wanting to rely on them – why stay with you?

Relax into your Loneliness

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Finding Love Online This Valentine’s Day and The Perfect Last Minute Gift Idea…

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:10:55 +0000

"Love Bytes!"

That’s what more and more people are saying this Valentine’s Day.

KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman looks at how the internet has grown into the matchmaker of this millennium.

Here’s a KFBW Exclusive Featuring Jennifer Bauman from KFBW and Dan and Jennifer from AskDanAndJennifer.com

Are you looking for your true love this Valentine’s Day? KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman says they may be waiting for you online.

Online dating gives people looking for love more options. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman checks in with some experts to see what attracts people to Internet "hook-ups."

Online dating is gaining in popularity, but not all singles are logging on to try a match made in Web heaven. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman says age may be a factor.

Perhaps you’ve decided to give online dating a try this Valentine’s Day. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman gets tips from experts on the best way to get started.

Romance may be blossoming on the Web, but there are still concerns about the safety of online dating. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman helps new users spot the phonies.

The majority of Internet singles who’ve tried internet dating say they’ve had a positive experience. KFWB’s Jennifer Bauman looks at some success stories.

The Perfect Last Minute Valentine’s Gift Idea

Everyone else is scrambling to buy their loved one a special thing or another… chocolate, diamonds, flowers, and so on… Stuff. Basically the same old thing.

Wouldn’t it be nice to stand out and give something unexpected?

Material things can be nice, but they’re worth so much less than something personal, something that really touches that special person in your life and brings them joy.

Why not give the gift of true pleasure and ecstasy to your loved one?

Guys: Here’s the gift most women secretly fantasize about but would NEVER tell their mate…
Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More

Ladies: Give your man the most incredible **shock and awe** this Valentines Day with this gift…
Blow by Blow – A Tasteful Guide on How to Give Mind-Blowing Blow Jobs

Each of these gifts comes with tons of free bonus material plus a special Valentine’s Day bonus!

Remember, what ultimately matters most is living a life filled with joy, love, and laughter starting right now.

Happy Valentines Day and Best Wishes.
Dan & Jennifer

10 Tips for Surviving Valentine’s Day Whether You’re Single or Attached

Natalie Lue — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:15:29 +0000

As the big day approaches, it’s easy to lose perspective and go into meltdown mode…

1. Remember that Valentine’s Day is ONE day out of a whole 365 days!

If you’re attached, keep yourself grounded in this reality and avoid making Valentine’s the tipping point of your relationship.

If you’re single, much as it might seem like the entire universe is celebrating their love on the 14th, they aren’t, and you can’t let your whole emotional world collapse. Love is something to be celebrated all year round.

2. Manage your expectations but most importantly communicate them.

Are you expecting the sun, moon, and the stars even though you’ve only been in your relationship for a short period of time? Does your partner dislike Valentine’s day and hasn’t previously lived up to your expectations?

I’m not suggesting that you remove the element of surprise or spontaneity, but if you’re the type of person that is likely to feel very disappointed if the day isn’t what you expect, it’s time to discuss your expectations so that you can 1) find out if they are realistic, 2) share your thoughts with your partner, and 3) free the both of you to have a day that you can enjoy.

3. Do not create drama or get stressed about it.

It’s supposed to be a celebration of love but it is very easy to ruin the lead up to it or the actual day.

Whether you are the type of person that resents Valentine’s day and feels inadvertently pressured by your partner or the commerciality of it, or whether you’re that person who lives for Valentine’s day and expects a big gesture, if the person you are with is at conflict with your outlook, you will find yourself in the very unpleasant drama zone.

4. Remember that you’ve saved some money and been spared the pain of scratchy underwear and other such tacky gifts.

It can be quite difficult to come up with something original and inspired for Valentine’s day and there aren’t many of us who haven’t had love dice, love cheques, cheap flowers from the petrol/gas station, furry handcuffs etc, never mind paying over the odds to be packed like sardines into a restaurant with a set menu.

It’s not about throwing the cash around if you are attached, and if you aren’t, pat the extra cash, or treat yourself to something nice.

5. Don’t go on a first date.

There is a lot of expectations and unnecessary pressure when you have a first date on Valentine’s. Be very careful of knee-jerking into a new relationship as we make some of our worst decisions when we’re insecure and desperate to avoid singledom.

6. If you’re single, embrace the day and spend it with those that you love most.

Some of my best night outs have been when I’ve been single on Valentine’s. If you’re not the type that can let the day pass without feeling a bit anxious, hang with your other single friends,

7. No drink dialing.

Do you want to wake up on the 15th with a banging headache and regrets that you’ve made a fool out of yourself calling your ex, or even worse, you’ve slept with them? No matter how horny or sentimental you get, wait till the next day to see if you still feel the same when you’re sober.

8. Don’t seek validation from the day.

If your relationship has issues, gritting your teeth and eeking all of the sentiment out of the day is going to be the equivalent of papering over the cracks of your relationship. Don’t rely on this day to make your relationship but certainly don’t use it as the sole reason to break your relationship either. Likewise if you’re single, don’t think that the absence of a mate or a date invalidates you.

9. Valentine’s day extends to self-love.

As Luther Vandross said “Love the one you’re with” and this time, that’s YOU. V-day spells a great time to evaluate where you are and what you want out of life and your relationships. If there is any overhang from the past, start to deal with it and get happy before you throw yourself back in the dating saddle.

10. Make an effort and small gestures all year round.

If you do this, Valentine’s day won’t feel like guzzling water for the first time after being lost in the desert for a year…

To learn more about Natalie Lue, visit http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk.

When Fairy Tale Romance Goes Bad…

Melody Brooke — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:39:49 +0000

Here we are in the 21^st Century.

We have cell phones, Internet, microwaves and electric cars.

We have more information than we can possibly absorb about everything from digging holes to brain surgery.

But we often still think in 15^thCentury terms when it comes to romance…

Fairy Tale Romance – The White Knight and the Damsel in Distress

One young couple I worked with had been madly in love. They met when she was 20 and he was 30. Gary was an established salesman making six figures and Lisa was a social worker, working nights in a coffee shop to make ends meet. When he walked in she said to her co-worker, “There’s the man I’m going to marry.”

Lisa says she said it jokingly, but this is what she had been hoping for: a strapping 6’3’ elegant man with a quick smile and loose with his money. She wrangled a meeting with him and they were quickly swept into a whirlwind romance. She moved into Gary’s 3,000 square foot home and quit her night job. He bought her flowers, jewelry, spa treatments and other thoughtful gifts. Lisa was enraptured with him, and he with her.

Gary admired what Lisa did and wanted to take her away from the stress of living on little money while doing good works. When they married the congregation was in tears, they had never seen a couple so in love.

When the Fairy Tale Turn Into a Nightmare

But less than a year after they married the relationship was in ruins. Lisa had an affair and Gary discovered her indiscretion. Furious, Gary insisted she go to therapy and work things out. Lisa was so depressed by the failure of their marriage and the depth of his rage that she was afraid to break off with the man she had been seeing and couldn’t agree to stop seeing him. Gary’s was bitter and angry. He filed for divorce and started seeing other women. He still went out with Lisa and they occasionally talked of working things out.

Lisa became distraught when he filed for divorce and dropped the relationship with the man she had been seeing. She begged Gary to take her back.

Gary continued to see other women, but after the divorce was final, he was ready to consider reconciliation. They came into therapy hurt, angry and confused. She thought he was mean and irresponsible with money. He thought she was a liar and disrespectful to him.

What Went Wrong…

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How to Use Modern Technology to Add Old-Fashioned Romance to Your Relationship

Romance Tracker — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 14:15:13 +0000

So, when’s the last time you used modern technology to share your romantic feelings with your significant other?

The advent of the Internet, cell phones and hundreds of other modern communication tools has indeed made our world a bit more impersonal and fostered an expectation of immediate self-gratification among a new generation.

And as I mention repeatedly on my blog, Romance Tracker, old-fashioned romance is all about patience, subtlety and good communication.

Gone are the days when lovers used pen and ink to write each other careful letters declaring their affection. Modern lovers no longer have the patience to wait for a message to be delivered by post, nor should they have to.

It’s understandable that many of my readers are surprised when I tell them that modern technology, with all of its instant gratification and impersonal attributes, does not spell the end of classic romanticism in the world. Like anything else, modern technology, if used correctly, can indeed make your marriage or relationship more fulfilling and romantic.

I’m going to give you a few examples of modern communication tools that can be used to add more romance to your relationship everyday, but they are by no means the only examples. If you’re a modern-day old-fashioned romantic, be willing to experiment with new technologies to make your relationship more exciting and fulfilling for you and your lover. Continuing to utilize subtle, patient, old-fashioned methods of declaring your love is fine, but toss in some modern technology every now and then to add a fun twist to your relationship.

Romantic Text Messages and SMS

If used sparingly and not overdone, text messaging can increase the amount of positive communication between lovers by allowing them to express spur-of-the-moment feelings that they wouldn’t be able to otherwise. If you have a sudden romantic thought while at work but are lacking the privacy to call your significant other on the phone, text messaging will let you send a short, private note that will reach them instantly.

Romantic Instant Messages

Instant messaging is becoming more and more popular as a way for two people at separate computers to communicate with each other and send notes back and forth instantly. Instant messaging provides a much more in-depth, conversation-like medium for lovers than does text messaging. And instant messaging may actually improve your communication with your lover, because it allows you to share thoughts that might be more difficult face-to-face due to body language, visual or auditory baggage.

Romantic Emails

From fun e-cards to lengthy online love letters, email has provided lovers with a new way to communicate with their sweethearts instantly. A spontaneous romantic email is a simple, effective way to show your significant other that you are thinking of them no matter where you are. And with the ability to attach images, video and music, email has taken the old-fashioned love letter into a whole new realm.

Phil Van Treuren is a professional writer and web entrepreneur from the Cleveland, Ohio area. You can read more of his thoughts on love and romance on his blog, Romance Tracker. Phil is also the webmaster of Contest Blogger, a site for online contests and sweepstakes.