Ask Dan and Jennifer » safe sex

What Are Crabs And How Do You Get Them? Dangerous Sex Toys? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:00:41 +0000

You’ve probably heard of the term “crabs” before, and we don’t mean the kind you get at the local seafood joint. Crabs are a curable, although annoying, sexually transmitted disease that you can get a number of ways – including non-sexual ways, such as sharing underwear with someone if it hasn’t been washed in hot water first.

Virgin girl gets crabs – did she get them from her sister’s vibrator or from somewhere else? What exactly are crabs, how do you get them and what can you do to get rid of them?

Click here to view the embedded video.

What Are Crabs?

Crabs are lice – like head lice, only much smaller, that live in the pubic area. Crabs are tiny and hard to spot, and lay eggs on the hair shaft or follicle like head lice do. Crabs are generally spread through sexual contact, although this doesn’t have to include penetration. Any sexual contact, including vaginal sex, anal sex, or any type of pubic area to pubic area contact. People with crabs (also known as pubic lice) don’t always look like they have pubic lice, and it can be hard to spot. If you have multiple sex partners, make sure you check yourself regularly.

Symptoms of crabs include white dots – which are the crabs’ eggs – in your pubic hair (easier to see if your pubic hair is dark) and can often be spotted easily with a magnifying glass. Intense itching is one of the most common symptoms, even before you begin to see eggs. If you suspect that you might have pubic lice, see your doctor. Your doctor can prescribe a simple shampoo that will remove the crabs as well as their eggs.

Avoiding Crabs

There are some ways you can avoid getting crabs, although, if you have multiple sex partners, it can be difficult to spot right away and you might come into contact with them. You can also get crabs from wearing unwashed underwear of someone who has crabs, or sharing sex toys with someone who has crabs. To avoid exposing yourself to crabs, avoid sharing sex toys with anyone, and always wash your sex toys after use (even if you’re the only one who uses them. You might not get crabs from yourself, but it’s just better hygiene and will avoid spreading unwanted bacteria). You can use a special sex toy cleaner, or simple soap and hot water.

Getting Educated

While crabs are an unwanted sexually transmitted disease, they’re curable and certainly not one of the worse. Many other infections and sexually transmitted diseases can be spread by sharing sex toys or having multiple sex partners. Many of these infections can be treated, but some can’t. It’s important to educate yourself about sexually transmitted diseases and infections and learn how they’re transmitted, what the symptoms are and how you can protect yourself. Using condoms greatly reduces your risk of contracting a number of STD’s and infections. You’re worth the time it takes to explore different resources and take charge of your sexual health. Being smart, safe and informed can save you a lot of time, money, heartache and health problems later.

What Is The Best Age To Start Having Sex? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:00:38 +0000

Teenagers (and some adults) are have been asking for quite some time, “What is the right age to start having sex?” Teens are asking because they want to know when they get the green card to let their hormones take control, and adults are asking because they want to know when they should give their teenagers that same green card. So when is the best age to start having sex, and does it differ from person to person and family to family?

So what is the right age to have sex for the first time? What’s the right age to enter into a sexual relationship? Here are our often controversial thoughts on this topic, and we want to know what your thoughts are on this topic – when do you think the best age is for someone to start having sex? Check out our YouTube page and leave a comment!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Be Safe And Be Smart

Before we start discussing what age you should or shouldn’t start having sex at, let’s address safe sex at any age. People can recommend that magic “age” all they want, but when it boils down to it, each person is going to make that choice for themselves. So whatever age you decide to have sex for the first time, make sure you’re being safe! Unprotected sex leads to sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and possible pregnancy. Don’t take a chance – use a condom or a dental dam, and know who you’re having sex with. No matter what age you are, if you’re having sex, you’re worth having safe sex.

Waiting

Of course for the younger generation, abstinence is ideal, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Teenagers and pre-teens are having sex and becoming sexual at an earlier age every year it seems like it. Middle schoolers are even beginning to have sex, and some late elementary school age children are starting to show signs of being interested in sex! Of course you want to wait as long as you possibly can. Even if you decide to wait until you’re eighteen, or until you’re married, it is still smart to be honestly and comprehensively educated about sex, about your options and about the consequences of sex. You always want to be armed with information before you make a decision.

A Good Age To Have Sex

Levels of maturity differ from person to person and morals and beliefs differ from family to family. Respect your moral beliefs, and respect your maturity. Women are often more mature than men, and may be ready for sex before men are. Teenagers, however, may not be ready for the consequences of having sex period and that is definitely something to take into consideration. It is your choice though to have sex, no matter what age you are. Once you’ve educated yourself about sex and know how to be safe and what the consequences (emotional and physical) of sex are, you’ll have a better idea if you’re ready or not. If you’re ready, make it special and make it safe. If you’re not, wait.

If you do, however, decide to have sex for the first time, don’t think there’s no going back. Just because you have sex once, does not mean that you have to continue if you don’t want to! You may not be a physical virgin again, but you can decide each and every time whether you want to have sex or not. If you have sex and regret it, don’t do it again. It’s always your choice.

Show Some Love To Trojan Man!

Christ Pro Erotic — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:15:13 +0000

Next time you watch television take a close look at a Viagra (or Cialas) commercials. Notice the people they are trying to reach? Mid-aged, married (assuming), wanting to get frisky like when they were young, and looking for anything to give them a boost in the bedroom. Now watch the condom commercials. They are mostly seen on the CW, MTV, or FUSE where you expect such pushing against moral values to be placed in their commercial block. Conservative religious groups see such aims as an invitation to sexual debauchery.

So what gives? Do drugs like Viagra tend to get a pat on the back by religious groups solely because they cater to the very thing they are trying to preserve: marriage? Or are condoms seen as the device to send our young person straight to sexual hell for even thinking about being sexually active with another person(s)? The idea of hating one product but not the other may not just do harm to the typical groups you are focusing on but to greater extent cause harm in the most unlikely areas of society.

Condoms Vs. Viagra

An article from Inter Press Services focused on the way condoms and Viagra are viewed by the public. It seems among conservative religious groups and others condoms are viewed as detrimental to society while Viagra is seen in a much favorable light. According to the article Michael Tan, a reproductive health activist and chair of the University of the Philippines anthropology department, says both Viagra and condoms are polar opposites. A condom is a part of the World Health Organizations (WHO) list of “essentials” when tackling HIV/AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and the prevention of pregnancy. This is a no-no to many conservative groups which focuses on the need to keep young people from using condoms for fear of early entry into sexual activity. Viagra, on the other hand, works because it promotes a more active sex life and is packaged towards married couples looking for a little zest in their relationship. If it keeps the myth of monogamy and sexual purity intact then Viagra is your drug.

As much as these conservative groups (and countries supporting their viewpoint) want to keep up the pressure to put condoms out they fail to see the bigger picture of the usage among teens and adults. Condoms are used by people of all ages—straight, gay, married or single, newly sexually active or licenses pro, monogamous or non-monogamous—as is Viagra and other sexual enhancement drugs. Male swingers use Viagra for hopes of an evening of never ending sexual encounters…with condoms in tow; young men using Viagra hope to achieve “Casanova” status amongst their nubile counterparts.

Condoms For Everyone?

Condom usage is not just a young man’s game; for our seniors it is a matter of life and death. Many sexually active senior citizens (please, get over the image of your grandmother/father getting it on because they do) are seeing a rise in STDs in their community.

Recent guidelines in Extended Care facilities must allow for conjugal interactions among its residents. As long as each person has the majority of their mental capacity for consensual sexual activity.

An article in Time Magazine () highlighted the growing trend: Whatever the cause — Viagra, midlife divorce, online dating or simple ignorance — studies suggest that STDs are no longer just an affliction of the young. A study published online last week by the journal Sexually Transmitted Infections adds to that growing body of evidence. Researchers at England’s West Midlands Health Protection Agency found that in less than a decade, STD rates had more than doubled among people ages 45 and older.

The study was a small sampling to this alarming trend and it is further complicated by many seniors who don’t talk about such issues to doctors or “ignore it altogether because of the stigma placed on it.”

Money Talks

So much for giving condoms a bad name and making Viagra style drugs the savior of marriage, or the savior of ‘manhood’. Gathering all the information together for this article one of my sources suggested the real story is the connection of Viagra styled drugs to some cozy relations in government. Drug companies sleep in the same bed with those in Congress to get the approval needed to get these drugs out on the market. Conservative groups look at condoms as tools for immoral practices outside of marriage. In short, it’s all about the money. Both items are equal in the sense they are there to promote good sexual health, enjoyment, and pleasure. Whether young or old, these items shouldn’t be held as a litmus test for morals, but rather a type of way to benefit long sexual life and health. Conservative groups should be out giving the Trojan Man the help and support as much as couples who get their sexual boost singing “Viva Viagra.”

Is It Wrong To Be Bisexual? Should I Explore My Sexuality? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 17:00:11 +0000

Many people experiment sexually when they’re young. How many “college stories” have you heard where a girl got a little more than friendly with her roommate? Being young is all about experimentation and finding out what you like, whether it’s something to do with sex, a job, music, art or even food. You’re learning about yourself as you’re growing up. So you may be experimenting sexually, but what would determine your sexual orientation? Are you bisexual if you have a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex? Or does it make you gay?

Is it OK to explore my sexuality – like being bisexual? Or does that make me gay?? What should I do?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Right Vs. Wrong

To answer the question – is it wrong to be bisexual or is it wrong to experiment with your sexuality – you must first decide what “right” and “wrong” really are. Technically, outside of religious context or outside of your own moral constitutes, there is no right or wrong anything when it comes to sex. Since the dawn of time, humans have done everything that is sexual, because essentially, humans are sexual beings. Only in more recent decades have society and religions began to dictate what we should or shouldn’t do sexually. So answer this question for yourself – what does my religion say about being bisexual or exploring my sexuality? What do my own personal morals say about it? If your own beliefs allow you to explore sex with different people, feel free to experiment sexually.

Sexual Orientation

If you’re experimenting with your sexuality and are having sex with people of your same sex as well as people of the opposite sex, you may be wondering if you’re technically bisexual or even gay. Exploring your sexuality, however, doesn’t require the use of a label at all. Most people experiment sexually at a young age, including in their late teens and early twenties. Most people have settled down in their sexuality at about 26 or so years old. So if you’re younger than that, don’t stress too much about what your sexual orientation is – it doesn’t have to be anything right now! If you truly feel that you might be one sexual orientation or another, think about which gender you think about when you have sex or even masturbate. Regardless of who you go to bed with physically, if you’re always thinking about one gender or another while having sex, you’re likely sexually inclined towards that particular gender. If it’s an even mix, you might not be ready to settle down yet.

Being Safe

If you’re exploring your sexuality, it’s important that you be safe and informed. Regardless of which gender you’re having sex with, you can still transmit sexually transmitted diseases and infections, as well as become pregnant or get another woman pregnant in some instances. Take the time to educate yourself about sex with both genders so you know what activities can transmit STD’s and how you can protect yourself. Many people think about having safer sex when they’re having sex with the opposite gender, but often sex with the same gender gets overlooked when it comes to protecting yourself. Don’t risk it – get in the know about STD’s and pregnancy no matter what gender you are and no matter which gender you prefer to have sex with. You’re worth it!

Do We Need Real Sex Ed In Schools? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:30:28 +0000

Sex education in schools – if you have a child , it’s undoubtedly something you’re going to encounter at some point during your child’s school education. You’ll want to know what your child is learning – but does that mean that those of us who do not have children should be unconcerned about the sex education that our children as a society are being taught? Not hardly – there are too many limitations placed on sex ed these days in school that the lack of comprehensive sex education is truly an epidemic of large proportions.

What do you think? Should we educate our kids about sex and how to be safe, or tell them to pretend all their friends aren’t having sex and hope for the best? Education or ignorance?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Abstinence Only?

Every sex education program needs to include abstinence. It is a great choice for teens of all ages, because it keeps them completely safe from pregnancy, STD’s and emotional damage until they’re ready for it. But abstinence is just that – a choice. There are other choices when it comes to sex ed, mainly deciding to have sex and have protected or unprotected sex. It’s a choice that many of our teens today are making – they’re making the decisions, so why aren’t we talking to them about it?

According to a 2006 study from the Guttmacher Institute, abstinence only programs make up the sex education curriculum in half of the schools in the southern United States and 1 in 5 schools in the northern part of the U.S. Many schools absolutely forbid education on safer sex, such as education about available contraceptives. Some abstinence only education curriculums do touch on sexually transmitted diseases, if only to scare teens into becoming abstinent, and some touch on male and female anatomy and how babies are born.

Government Control?

Why are the schools in the United States choosing abstinent only curriculum? Waiting until marriage to have sex is largely a religious concept, and with the separation of church and state, schools are no longer allowed to have prayer in schools – so why are they promoting a form of sex education that is founded on religion? A little digging unearths some unsettling facts. $176 million dollars in government funding is available to schools in the United States who promote an abstinence only sex education program. $0 is available to schools in the United States who choose to teach comprehensive sex ed in their classrooms. The federal guidelines for sexual activity include anything that is sexually arousing – including kissing and hugging – and federal guidelines for these sex ed programs require teachers to suggest that sex outside of marriage is wrong and unsafe at any age.

Teens Will Choose To Have Sex – So What Do We Do?

Teaching abstinence in schools doesn’t automatically shut off a teenager’s hormones. It doesn’t suddenly make them not want to have sex, especially when our marketing, television shows and commericals, movies and music promote sex and sexuality at every turn. Our job as parents – and as a civilized society – is to teach children about all of their choices, including the choices to have sex both protected and unprotected. Knowledge is power and children deserve to know what their options are, including what can happen with each choice. Children deserve to know how you feel about sex and what you expect of them, as well as how to learn what they expect of themselves. A properly educated teenager may choose not to have sex at all, or they may choose to have safe, protected sex with someone they care about when they are ready. Uneducated or poorly educated children will not know what to do when a sexual situation arises, when they don’t understand why they should say no, or what to do when their bodies are telling them to do something entirely different. They may choose to have sex, but they may not know that there are options available to help make sex safer for both them and their partners, so they may end up pregnant or with a sexually transmitted diseases.

Perhaps it’s too soon to hope that the federal government will fund comprehensive sex education, but it certainly something we can take into our own hands. Find out what they’re teaching at your child’s school, and fill in the gaps. Give your children the power to choose – and to choose wisely.

Sperm, Semen and Safe Sex – What You Need To Know (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 01:00:50 +0000

Sex education, unfortunately, is at a low nowadays. Although our society has evolved exponentially since sex was considered completely taboo – sex education is still primitive. Television shows, movies, music and even the Internet has taken sex to a completely new level, with songs about “booty calls” and nudity on prime time, but adults in this nation can’t bear to discuss more than the scant basics of sex with their youth. It’s about time somebody steps up and gives solid, useful information about every aspect of sex in an educational way so that our youth can make informed decisions about sex, oral sex and foreplay.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend gives me blow jobs, hand jobs, etc. Every time we play, this white sticky stuff come out, and then after a few minutes cum comes out – what is all this stuff coming out of me?

–Jason, TX

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sperm, Semen and Precum

Lots of girls want to know – what’s the skinny on sperm, semen and precum? What are they?

Precum – The clear, thinnish and somewhat sticky liquid that comes out of the head of the penis in small amounts during penile stimulation before he actually ejaculates. Precum can and does contain live sperm, although in significantly smaller amounts than actual semen.

Semen – The whitish, thicker fluid that comes out of the head of the penis during ejaculation that contains millions of sperm.

Sperm – Organisms carried within semen and precum that join with a woman’s egg to conceive a child.

Which Of These Can Get A Girl Pregnant?

In short – all of them! Precum and semen both contain sperm. Having unprotected sex without a condom, even before the man ejaculates, can get a woman pregnant. It is better to treat a penis like a loaded gun. Many women believe that allowing a man to have intercourse with her without a condom is safe, as long as the guy pulls his penis out of her vagina before he ejaculates, and ejaculates away from her vagina. While this is safer than allowing your partner to actually ejaculate inside you, it is not a way to protect against pregnancy. Sperm can travel out of the penis pretty much at any time – allowing a condomless penis to get within the vicinity of your vagina puts you at a definite risk of getting pregnant.

Don’t chance it! Even allowing your partner to rub his penis on the outside of your vagina without a condom can transmit sperm from the penis to the vagina and there’s a reason that sperm are called “little swimmers.” They travel! For the safest type of sex, use a condom to prevent pregnancy. You can also discuss with your doctor other methods of birth control that can be used in conjunction with a condom for added protection, or in lieu of a condom if your with an STD free partner and in a completely faithful, monogamous relationship.

Which Of These Can Transmit A Sexually Transmitted Disease?

In short – all of them! Again, treat a condomless penis like a loaded gun, even more so if you’re unsure if your partner has a sexually transmitted disease. To clarify, unless you have a piece of paper in your hand that says your partner has tested negative for STD’s and you’re 110% positive your partner has not had any type of sexual contact with anyone else since the test was taken, you’re unsure of whether your partner has an STD. Protect yourself. Both precum and semen can carry the HIV and AIDS virus, as well as other sexually transmitted diseases. It is important to be even more vigilant if you’re concerned about STD’s, however, because you don’t just have to worry about any fluids from your partner’s penis coming into contact with your vagina, you also have to worry about these fluids possibly coming into contact with your mouth or any open sores or cuts on your body.

For example, if you knicked yourself shaving and your partner rubs his penis up your leg without a condom, you can possibly contract an STD that way. It’s rare – yes. But possible. Be safe and get STD tested, suggest that your partner get STD tested, stay in a monogamous, faithful relationship whenever possible, and use condoms during anal sex, oral sex and vaginal intercourse any time you’re unsure. Always treat your partner’s penis as though it can get you pregnant or give you an STD because in truth – it can! That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex. Just be safe and smart about it!

Oral Sex and STD’s – What You Need To Know (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:00:03 +0000

While contracting an STD from unprotected oral sex (whether giving or receiving) is less likely than contracting an STD from unprotected intercourse, it’s still entirely possible. Chlamydia in your throat, anyone? It’s important to be as cautious and safe with oral sex as you would be with intercourse – and there’s lots of ways you can do that!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Can you get STDs from oral sex? Is it a moot point to wear a condom for intercourse after that, if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? What about girl on girl oral sex?

–Mike, FL

Click here to view the embedded video.

Less Likely? How Less Likely?

Sure, it’s less likely to contract or pass STD’s through oral sex, but how less likely? Do you even want to fool with “less likely?” Although the chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases from unprotected oral sex than those of having unprotected intercourse, you can still contract STD’s such as chlamydia, ghonnorhea, syphilis, herpes and even HIV and AIDS from unprotected oral sex. Don’t chance it! If you’re not in a monogomous relationship in which both partners have been thoroughly tested for STD’s, protect yourself during intercourse and oral sex. You can use dental dams, flavored condoms or even plastic wrap in a pinch! Don’t like the way it feels? Try using a little bit of lube on the inside of the condom/dental dam/plastic wrap to create a more natural feeling.

Using A Condom During Intercourse After Having Unprotected Oral Sex

Is it a moot point to use a condom during intercourse if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? Not at all! Even if the person you were having unprotected oral sex with has an STD, it’s entirely possible that you did not contract it during oral sex. It’s possible you did, but it’s also possible you didn’t. It’s much more likely that you’ll contract the disease through unprotected intercourse, so why set yourself up? Wrap it up instead! Again, if you’re not in a monogomous relationship with a partner you know for a fact is STD free, protect yourself as much as possible. Even if you didn’t use protection during oral sex, it’s still worth it to use a condom during intercourse.

Get Some Information!

The Internet is jam-packed full of information about sexually transmitted diseases, how each one is spread and how you can give or contract them through sex and oral sex. With a simple Google search, you can find out the specifics – such as how a particular disease can be spread through a particular sex act, as well as the best way to protect yourself. Don’t believe the old wives tales – you know, the ones like you can prevent pregnancy by douching afterwards (which by the way can actually improve your chances of getting pregnant). Read the information on legitimate websites, such as WebMD or the CDC website instead of checking out websites that don’t have credible information.

It’s all about being safe, smart and well informed. While any type of sex – oral, vaginal or anal – puts you at risk for giving or contracting sexually transmitted diseases (protected or unprotected) you can significantly reduce your risk by practicing safer sex and using condoms and dental dams. Protect yourself – you’re worth it!

What Is The REAL Truth About Anal Sex? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:00:17 +0000

Anal sex is definitely a touchy subject – is it safe or is it dangerous? If you enjoy having anal sex, how can you make it as safe as possible? Just like any type of sex, there is so much information about related sexually transmitted diseases, anatomy and tips and techniques that it truly can be mind boggling. Here’s what you want to know about anal sex – and more!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is anal sex really safe? Is it okay to have anal sex? What precautions can you take so you can still enjoy anal sex but do so safely?

–Tom, NJ

Click here to view the embedded video.

No Sex Is Safe

You might be surprised to learn that no sex – oral, anal or vaginal – is technically considered safe. There is always the risk of pregnancy with vaginal sex no matter how much protection you use (although the proper protection such as condoms and birth control greatly reduce that risk) and there’s always the risk of contracting sexually transmitted with any type of sex, no matter how small. So it makes sense that anal sex is never considered “safe” either, and anal sex even has its own risks associated with it. With that in mind, if you choose to have anal sex, definitely take care to make it as safe as you possibly can!

Cleanliness

One risk associated with anal sex that generally isn’t true of other types of sex is the abundance of bacteria in the anal cavity that can spread. If you’re using toys, make sure your toys are clean before and after use, and never, ever use a toy or even a real penis for vaginal sex after anal sex if it hasn’t been cleaned properly first. There are a lot of great toy cleansers on the market today, and if you’re short on cash, hot water and soap work just as well. As an added note, having a bowel movement or even taking a gentle laxative before having anal sex will ensure that while bacteria still remain, solid matter is at a minimum.

Be Reasonable!

Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like the vagina. Use plenty of water based lubricant (oil based lubricants break down latex and if you’re using a condom during anal sex – which is highly recommended whether you’re with a monogamous partner or not – oil based lube will reduce the condom’s effectiveness or even cause it to break) and add more lubricant as needed. Be reasonable with size as well – if you’re partner’s penis is unusually well endowed, you might want to try using a smaller toy or fingers for anal sex play. If you only use toys for anal sex, keep your toys at a reasonable size and opt for ones that have a wide base at the bottom to keep it from slipping in your anal cavity and getting lost – because yes, that can happen!

The Anal Cavity Is Not The Place For Rough Sex

Remember that the anal cavity and anus is not designed for sex the way a vagina is. That doesn’t mean that it’s not possible, just that sex is not this area’s primary purpose. If you like rough sex, the anus is not the place for it. Anal tissues are very delicate and can tear, and overly stretching your anus and anal cavity can lead to the necessity for adult diapers later on. If you choose to have anal sex, be safe, smart and educated and take care of yourself and your partner. It may give you great pleasure, but tearing or stretching your anal cavity can make you unable to have any type of anal sex in the future, in addition to the other problems that come along with that.

What is Sex Honesty to Me?

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 01:00:09 +0000

When Dan asked me to be a part of their new site, I began to think about what sex honesty means to me, and how I think it can help so many people out there. My first thought was, “you can’t have safe sex without honesty, and you can’t have honesty without safe sex.” Let me break that down.

What Exactly Is Safe Sex?

Safe sex doesn’t just have to mean protected sex with a condom or some sort of birth control – although that’s crucially important as well, in most cases! Safe sex should also mean intimacy with your partner, trust in your partner and in your relationship, and commitment to each other. You can’t have all these things – what I would deem as the broader definition of “safe sex” – without having honesty in a relationship. If you don’t know that your significant other is going to be honest with you, how can you trust them? How can you have true intimacy? How can you really commit to a person or a relationship if you’re not even sure what that relationship encompasses, or who that person is. Therefore, you can’t have safe sex without honesty.

In a sexual relationship, the converse is also true: you can’t have honesty without safe sex. Using the broader definition of safe sex – one that encompasses intimacy, trust and commitment – you’ll find that all these components must be present in order for honesty to factor into the equation. If you remove one of them, it becomes much harder to be honest. Sex honesty is an inter-connected idea, a cycle that must be maintained by both people in order to have a healthy relationship. Since you can’t have safe sex without honesty, and you can’t have honesty without safe sex, a couple has to work on making sure that both honesty and the components of safe sex are present in their relationship. That doesn’t mean that everything is going to be in perfect balance all the time, but learning to identify the deficits that may arise in these areas can go a long way towards insuring a healthier, “safer” sex life, and a more fulfilling, honest relationship.

Having Sex - More Than What Meets The Eye

This is also why I think having sex with someone should be more than a spontaneous decisions. It’s hard to be honest with someone you don’t know very well and therefore it’s difficult to have a truly honest, sexual relationship with that person. This, I believe, is often why casual sex doesn’t work out to the benefit of both people involved. Sex should be something that’s arrived at through intimacy, trust, commitment and honesty. By skipping those steps, you’re selling yourself and your relationship short.

Additionally, honesty in a relationship means fidelity – sexually, financially, and emotionally. I talk about putting relationships back together in my books “Adultery, the Forgivable Sin,” and Can we Cure and Forgive Adultery?” and highlight the idea that monogamy is a conscience decision. Fidelity – in its various forms – is a decision you make to stay honest in your relationship. Fidelity, honesty, sex, and finances are all inter-connected. In a healthy relationship this can be a great thing!

So, to make a short story long, I would answer that sex honesty to me is the culmination of intimacy, trust and commitment – all which ideally lead to fidelity and fulfillment in a relationship!

How To Put On A Condom (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:15:11 +0000

Whether it’s your first time or your three hundredth time, putting on a condom the correct way might still prove elusive to you. How do you put on a condom safely, how do you make sure the condom is still good and how do you take it off correctly to avoid spillage? Here’s answers to your questions, and more!

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’m a first time condom wearer – I want to be safe, but how do I put one on the right way? It seems harder than it should be! Do you have any tips?

–Terry, Washington

Click here to view the embedded video.

Checking Your Condom

First, keep your condoms in a cool, dry place. Condoms that are kept in glove compartments, wallets and back pockets can break down more easily than condoms that are kept in a drawer or another safe place. Before opening your condom, make sure the condom hasn’t passed its expiration date – yes, condoms can expire! Open your condom gently to make sure you’re tearing only the package (not the condom) and check it for consistency. Make sure if it’s a lubricated condom that the lube is still moist, and make sure your condom is still in good, working condition. If it seems like your condom might not be ready to go, throw it out and get a new one!

Putting Your Condom On

You might want to put your condom on in a lighted situation – putting on a condom in complete darkness can lead you to possibly put it on the wrong way. Grab the built in reservoir on the top and roll the condom slowly down the penis, making sure that all of the air bubbles are worked out of the condom before you start. To avoid fluid contamination, be sure that both your hands and penis are clean before putting on a condom. Be very careful that no fluid from the penis gets on the outside of the condom before you begin intercourse, as this may lead to sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

Removing Your Condom

When you’re ready to remove your condom, pull your penis out slowly while gripping the base of the condom to avoid spilling any seminal fluid that is inside the condom. Turn completely away from your partner before removing it, and slowly roll the condom back up the penis while making sure that the seminal fluid stays in the built in reservoir. Take your used condom, wrap it in tissue and throw it away properly – they don’t flush! Wash your hands and penis thoroughly with soap and water before touching your partner again.

Tips And Pointers

If a condom breaks, pull out immediately and remove the condom, washing thoroughly before putting on another one. Make sure your condom fits properly – if it’s not snug, or there are air bubbles or it seems too loose, your condom might be too big and you may need to choose a smaller size. It can also be dangerous if your condom is too small or too tight – if the ring around the base of the condom doesn’t go all the way to the base of your penis, the condom isn’t the right size for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different types of condoms until you find the right one for you!

Do I Really Need To Wear A Condom? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 13:43:15 +0000

Whether you’re new to sex or not, you might wonder if you really need a condom. You’ve heard they protect you and protect your partner, but do you really need a condom when you’re having intercourse, or is it all just hype? Are the condom companies raking in millions for no reason or is wearing a condom really the smartest way to go?

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about condoms and some people say you don’t need them and that you can just pull out. What’s the truth – should I really wear a condom or is it all just rumor?

–Ted, California

Click here to view the embedded video.

Do I Need A Condom?

Yes! Condoms can help prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. While animal skin condoms are too porous to prevent STD’s, they’re still effective at preventing pregnancy and traditional latex and plastic condoms are even better. What if your partner is on birth control? Do you still need to wear a condom? Yes! Birth control is effective, but can be made less effective by taking it incorrectly, taking antibiotics or being ill. When coupling condoms with birth control, you are doubly protecting you and your partner against pregnancy as well as preventing the spread and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases.

But I Don’t Like The Way It Feels

Just because a condom might decrease the sensitivity experienced during intercourse a little is no reason not to protect you and your partner. You can still have a lot of fun with condoms – especially flavored ones and those with warming lubricant – and still have a satisfying sex life while staying safe. For some men, condoms are an excellent way to help prevent premature ejaculation. If you tend to “go” too quickly, wearing a condom might help you last longer and some are even available with desensitizing gel or cream that will help you to keep from ejaculating too quickly.

But I’m Embarrassed To Buy Them

Don’t be! If you’re buying condoms, it means you’re having sex. That’s a good thing, right? You can buy condoms at any drug store, supermarket or convenience store and they’re incredibly inexpensive. If you’d like more privacy while purchasing your condoms or would like a wider variety of condoms to choose from, there are many online stores that offer flavored, glow in the dark, colored and other types of condoms that you and your partner can really have a lot of fun with! If you purchase your condoms online, they’ll come to you in discreet packaging and no one will know but you! In reality though, there’s nothing wrong with purchasing condoms from your grocery store, a gas station or even online – it means that you’re being safe and you’re getting ready to have a great time.

All in all, it’s important to be safe – it’s always better being safe than sorry, right? Don’t have sex without a condom – you might be in your doctor’s office getting a positive result on an STD test or finding out that your partner is pregnant, wishing you would have simply put one on in the first place. Have fun with condoms and be safe, and don’t be afraid to experiment with condoms and make them a part of your sexual routine instead of a nuisance!

Love, Sex, and Dating 2008 – The Best of Dan and Jennifer

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:55:32 +0000

Just in case you missed any of the excitement this year, here’s a wrap of 2008!

I’m including our best, most talked about, and most controversial love, sex, and dating topics of the year.

Enjoy!

Love & Relationships

Sex & Intimacy

Singles & Dating

Help! Anal Sex Is The ONLY Way His Penis Stays Hard! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:37:10 +0000

While a great number of people prefer not to have anal sex or never even bother to try it, many others enjoy anal sex as a part of their sexual repertoire.

Anal sex can be fun and intriguing if you’re smart about it, but what if your partner becomes addicted to anal sex? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful emotional relationship as well as a wonderful physical relationship. He recently convinced me to try anal sex. I hated it at first but after giving it a few extra shots it was ok. He loves it so much! So most of the time I let him finish there. Lately I’ve noticed that if we skip the anal and just stick to vaginal, he can’t finish and just ends up loosing his erection. Am I not tight enough anymore in comparison?? I am 20 and he is 32… Is there a possibility that he is loosing his drive?

– Frustrated Girl

Click here to view the embedded video.

Is This A Medical Issue?

Enjoying anal sex is nothing to be ashamed about. Lots of people enjoy anal sex! However, if your partner is wanting to have a lot of anal sex, you might be concerned. Even more so, if your partner is losing their erection if they’re not having anal sex, you might wonder what you’re doing wrong or if there’s something wrong with your partner.

Talk to your partner about it. Find out how they feel. They might not know that you don’t want to have as much anal sex as they do, so you need to talk about it with them. You might be able to find a compromise between anal and traditional sex.

If your partner is consistently losing his erection, that could be another issue altogether. If this is the case, consider seeing a medical doctor and even a sex therapist to find out what might be the issue.

Out, Not In

Remember that the anal canal was created to be an exit, not an entrance. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it now and again, but you certainly don’t want to make a huge habit out of it. The anal canal is not self lubricating meaning you will need to use lots and lots of lubrication during anal sex.

Avoid using sharp or large objects during anal sex, or the anus could tear or perforate, causing you lots of trouble in the long run. Having anal sex means being safe about it, and respecting the fact that it wasn’t designed for the purpose of sex.

When Enough Is Enough

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Is It Okay to Have Anal Sex Without Lube? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:52:40 +0000

Anal sex, when done correctly, can be a source of pleasure for both men and women. It can break the sense of what is "taboo" and help spice up your sex life as well as giving both you and your partner new and exciting sensations.

However, if done incorrectly, anal sex can cause damage and infection. Without proper lubrication, you and your partner can get into some serious trouble with anal sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a sadist, and my girlfriend is a masochist. We both agreed that we wanted to have anal sex without lube.

My fear is that I could cause serious damage that way, because as you stated in a previous segment about anal sex, it’s not meant to be an in-hole and it doesn’t lubricate itself.

So, is it possible to have anal sex without lube and not cause serious damage? Or is that just an impossible fantasy?

–Anonymous, California

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Tearing The Membranes

Anal sex is somewhat difficult to begin with, especially for the inexperienced. When having anal sex, it is extremely important to use lots of lubrication to make sure there is no friction. Keep in mind that the anal cavity is quite unlike the vagina. It doesn’t self lubricate like the vagina does.

Without external lubrication, the friction between the penis and the anal cavity can cause tearing. The rectum itself could easily tear, as well as the inner membranes of the lower intestine.

Remember, the anal cavity wasn’t built for sex! It was made for the expulsion of waste. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it though, if you take the proper precautions.

For example, the mouth was designed for eating but that generally doesn’t stop people from having oral sex. With oral sex though, people take the proper precautions and make sure they don’t choke their partner with their penis.

Anal sex is similar, but there are a few more precautions to take. Using lots of lube helps keep the penis and anal cavity moist so there is little to no tearing. Remember to go slow when having anal sex and if it hurts too much, stop!

Infection

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Should I Really Be Worried About STDs? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:02:15 +0000

When it comes to sexual activity, it can sometimes be confusing as to what can transmit sexually transmitted diseases and what can’t. What types of STD’s can be contracted during which kinds of sexual activity and when are you completely safe?

If you have oral sex can you common STDs like Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, or Herpes?

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Sexual Activity and STD’s.

There’s a reason they’re called "sexually transmitted diseases." You can contract them through virtually any type of sexual activity, including oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal intercourse.

Some sexually transmitted diseases, such as AIDS, HIV and Hepatitis C can be transmitted via blood to blood contact such as receiving a tattoo or piercing with a needle that isn’t sterile. When you have sexual contact or blood to blood contact with someone, you put yourself at risk for contracting or spreading a sexually transmitted disease. How can you protect yourself?

HIV, AIDS and Hepatitis C

HIV, AIDS and Hepatitis C can be spread via blood to blood contact or through vaginal and penile secretions. This includes semen and pre-ejaculation secretions.

The best way to protect yourself against these types of STD’s is to use condoms and dental dams while having oral sex, anal sex and vaginal intercourse, make sure any tattoo or piercing artist uses a sterilized needle and don’t use intravenous drugs.

Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis and Other Infections

These types of sexually transmitted diseases are known as viral infections. They are spread by any sexual contact at all, but not through blood to blood contact.

While these are particularly unsavory STD’s, they are most often treated with an antibiotic regimen and can be cured. If left alone long enough, a Chlamydia, Gonorrhea or Syphilis infection can cause a great deal of other bodily damage, including muscle and brain damage, and more commonly sterility.

To protect against these types of sexually transmitted diseases, you should use a condom or a dental dam during any type of sexual activity. Oral sex should also be protected against because viral and bacterial STD’s can set up host in the mouth and throat.

Other Types Of STD’s

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Can I Get STDs From Masturbation? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:57:45 +0000

Masturbation is a great pleasure for both men and women. It can relieve stress and satisfy sexual desires without having intercourse with someone else.

You might be curious, however, if masturbation falls in the same category as sex, oral sex and erotic massage when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases.

While you can’t transmit or contract STD’s from masturbation or toys, unless you share your toys with someone else, does that mean you’re safe from everything?

If I masturbate without toys (just with my hands) can I get and STDs or other sicknesses?

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The Skinny On STD’s

Sexually transmitted diseases are spread when an infected person shares bodily secretions or blood with another person. This usually happens during sex, but it can be transmitted in other ways as well, as long as secretions are shared. While you can contract a sexually transmitted disease from another person if they’re infected, it’s very difficult to contract a sexually transmitted disease if you’re simply masturbating.

This would only happen if your hands happened to come into contact with an infected person’s bodily secretions and these secretions made their way into your genitals by being passed on from your hands. This can actually be prevented with simple hand washing. In light of this, however, masturbation is the second safest sex next to no sex at all. If you’ve never had any sexual partners, you can’t transmit STD’s to yourself through masturbation, as well as if you’ve recently been tested for STD’s and haven’t had a sexual partner since.

Simply put, if your hands come into contact with any bodily fluids of another person, such as blood, semen or vaginal secretions, and then you masturbate, there is a very small possibility that you can contract STD’s through masturbation. How can you make absolutely sure you’re safe?

Simply Safe

Being a safe masturbator is actually fairly simple. Always keep your hands clean and make sure they’re washed before masturbation. Even if you don’t have any sexual partners, bacteria on hands that haven’t been washed can cause an infection.

Easy As Soap and Water

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Can I Get AIDS From Oral Sex? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:52:25 +0000

Oral sex is a great way to share yourself with your partner, if you’re ready, without having sexual intercourse. It may be tempting to think that since oral sex isn’t actually sex that it reduces or eliminates the risk of contracting AIDS, HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases.

Sadly, this isn’t true. Oral sex presents just as much of a risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease as anal sex, vaginal sex or any other type of sex. How can you protect yourself?

If you have oral sex can you get AIDS or any type other type of sickness or disease?

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Blood and Bodily Fluids

Most sexually transmitted diseases are transferred through blood or bodily fluids. This makes it extremely easy for someone to give or contract sexually transmitted diseases through oral sex. For example, HIV and AIDS are present in semen, vaginal secretions and blood. If a person giving oral sex has recently brushed their teeth, small scrapes may remain in the mouth and on the gums even though the person can’t feel them.

Performing oral sex and taking bodily fluids, whether it’s vaginal or penile fluids, into their mouth can easily cause the transmission of the disease. Curable infections, such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis still cause a lot of damage and can easily be transmitted through oral sex.

A particularly unfavorable infection is when these types of diseases actually take host in the mouth and throat. A virus such as this doesn’t discriminate from one warm, wet place to another and will be just as happy in a throat as they are in a penis or a vagina.

The only way to completely prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is to stay completely abstinent, but this is often completely unrealistic as most couples want to experience each other sexually as part of their relationship.

It’s important to take steps to protect yourself if you’re thinking of having oral sex with a new partner or a partner that hasn’t been tested for STD’s or who may have not been monogamous.

Staying Safe

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Is It Safe To Have Sex While My Wife Is Pregnant? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:58:00 +0000

Today’s emphasis on the health of pregnant women can have men wondering if having sex with a woman during her pregnancy is healthy and safe for both the mom and the child.

Fortunately, men will be happy to hear that the only ban on sex is after the baby is born. There are, however, some considerations to take when engaging your pregnant lady in sex – just out of courtesy.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

If my wife is pregnant is it still ok to have sex? because me and my wife are thinking about having a baby and when she’s pregnant I don’t want to miss out on sex for several months. I hope you answer my question in one of your videos.

Thanks.

— Pascal, Canada

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Yes, It’s Safe

Your doctor will tell you if your baby is healthy and if the pregnancy is progressing normally. If your doctor confirms a healthy pregnancy, there is no harm whatsoever in having sex with your partner during her pregnancy.

Most doctors will put a ban on sex for a short time after the baby is born, but during a normal pregnancy, there is nothing to worry about when having sex with your partner. That doesn’t mean, however, that your partner will always feel like having sex.

When She Doesn’t Feel Like It

Even a normal, healthy pregnancy is tough on a woman’s body and emotions. Sometimes it’s difficult for the body to produce the hormones necessary for arousal when it’s regulating both the health of the mother and the baby.

A mom has to produce more blood and even grow a new organ along with the baby when she’s pregnant and with all that going on, she might not feel up to having sex. The second trimester is reportedly better for the sex drive when the morning sickness goes away and before she gets uncomfortably big, but it’s not foolproof.

If your partner doesn’t feel like having sex, don’t hold it against her! Do something else that is intimate instead, such as rubbing her belly or her feet or just cuddling on the couch.

When She Does Feel Like It

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Is Anal Sex Really Dangerous? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:54:57 +0000

Anal sex, like any type of sex, can be pleasurable but can also take a nasty turn if you don’t take the appropriate precautions and use care when having anal sex.

So can it be dangerous? You bet, but that doesn’t have to exclude it from your list of enjoyable bedroom (or other room) activities if you really enjoy it.

Here are some ways you can make anal sex safe and fun.

Is anal sex really dangerous? Can it be practiced safely?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Practice and Patience

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When to Say NO to Anal Sex… (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:41:01 +0000

Trying new things in your sex life is healthy, and in many cases, even encouraged.

Some people tend to find a few things they like, such as anal sex, and may incorporate this into their sexual activities regularly.

Sometimes, however, you’ll find that after kids or other things that some things become uncomfortable or unbearable.

What happens if you become unable to perform you or your partner’s favorite sex acts due to one or more reasons?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband loves anal sex… we used to have it a lot (several years ago). Now it is extremely painful for me. I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and have a couple external hemorrhoids from having children. We have tried taking it easy, tried using fingers first and LOTS of lube.

How can I get over the horrible pain so he will be happy? I don’t know what else to do. Can you help me? PLEASE!!!

-Me. WV

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When it becomes uncomfortable…

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