How To Get Started

Safe fingering includes the use of medical-grade gloves, which are easily found in most pharmacies or purchased online in a myriad of colors and textures. Some even come pre-lubricated or powdered for a more realistic feel.

Next, grab a brand new dental dam. If you plan on some anal as well as vaginal play, make sure to use to separate dams that don’t come into contact with each other, as you don’t want to give her a nasty infection. Also, try to purchase one specifically made for oral sex; there are some that even come pre-flavored, lubed and/or with a stickable strip at the top for ease of use.

Write on one side of the latex, “Lick here!” so you know which side is closest to you, and which will be up against her skin.

Grab your choice of water-based lubricant and apply some to her side of the dental dam. Put it over her entire vulva, covering her vagina, labia and clitoris.

Using One

Be aware that she’ll need a firmer tongue when using a dental dam than without. Although everything in this series works equally as well with one than not, she won’t be able to feel the friction of your tongue, just the vibrational aspect.

Don’t be afraid to use your teeth lightly. You don’t want to rip the latex, but you do want to apply more pressure than you normally would. So, scraping and light biting isn’t taboo here.

Will A Dam Make It Less Pleasurable?

I’ll be honest: using a one dampens your ability to be an expert cunnilinguist. There’s a lot of sensation lost when latex separates you and your lover, just as it’s different when you use a condom and when you don’t. Having said that, you can still create an unforgettable, amazing oral sex experience for the both of you, but you do need to be aware of the limitations as well. Or, use it to employ different sensations and techniques that you couldn’t without it:

• Use the edge of the latex and rake it along her clitoris.
• Roll it up and use it as a makeshift finger, either to tease her vulva and clitoris, or inside of her against her G-Spot.
• Wrap it around the top of the clitoris, then push and pull the edges to rub and ‘shine’ it.

Why Should I Use One?

Question: Why can’t I just use my fingers to play with her, and then have sex? Can’t I just skip the whole dental dam/oral sex thing entirely?

Even with the protection a dental dam provides against STD’s, and your partner will still receive a lot of pleasure from your oral sex efforts. Why deny her that joy? It’s definitely a challenge for some to get over the mental barrier that dental dams provide, but it’s really just mental, not physical. She’ll still feel good, and you’ll feel even better knowing you can make her happy and sexually satisfied.

How Do I Keep It In Place?

Question: I use dental dams every time I go down on a girl. I don’t mind them, other than I can’t seem to keep them in place and still do all of the things that you’re asking me to do with my hands and so forth. How can I make it work?

If there’s one thing that people complain about loudly when it comes to dental dams, it’s this: trying to hold one in place while using your mouth and fingers to please a woman is a chore indeed, and sometimes, extremely challenging. The other major complaint is the lack of sensation that some women (and men) feel when using a dental dam.

There are some ingenious ways to keep a dental dam secure:

• Panties with the crotch cut out, and worn over top of it.
• Using garters to attach from one side to another, and wrapping them around the woman’s leg.
• Finding the really sticky Saran Wrap, employing it as a dental dam, and molding it to stay in place.
• Applying spirit gum to temporarily glue it in place.

Are any of these suggestions reasonable, and field tested to work well? Not really. They might work for you, but for the most part the easiest way is still the way that prevents you from using one hand to please her, and that’s you holding it in place. So instead of trying to figure out ways to keep it in place so that your hands don’t have to, let’s instead explore a method and mindset that requires you to think about how you can stimulate her while still holding it in place.

• Get a vibrator or dildo that looks like a penis, and one that will fit without a lot of wiggle room inside of her vagina.
• If you chose a vibrator, put it in with just an inch sticking out of her, but if is a dildo, use only the first few inches, where the dildo should be the widest.
• Lick her using the routine that suits your needs best, keeping an eye on the dildo or vibrator to make sure that she’s clenching it with her muscles as she gets closer to orgasm.
• If you are using a vibrator, you may be able to rest your chin on its edge to steady yourself, as well as to add the extra sensation of a slightly vibrating tongue.

Another option is to purchase a humorous-looking sex toy called The Accomodator, which is basically a dildo that you strap around your ears and attach to your chin. This way, you can lick her clitoris while penetrating her with the face-dildo. Unusual, yes, but if you can get over the laugh-factor, it’s actually a really handy little device.

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Why Some Guys Don’t Do It (And Why Some Women Won’t Allow It)

Oral sex doesn’t have to be avoided during a woman’s cycle, although many folks aren’t terribly fond of it during this time of the month. Men and women alike are sensitized to how a woman tastes, smells and feels add to that the natural changes that occur during menstruation, and everything (good and bad) is magnified. However, if she uses a tampon, you can easily give her excellent orgasms during this time of the month provided that she’s interested. Some women’s libido goes through the roof at this time, whereas other women want nothing to do with sex when they are bleeding. But for those that are so inclined, there are a few ways to make it easier on both of you.

How To Make Oral Sex During Her Period Work

• Before you get going, have your female partner put in a new tampon and then clean off the surrounding area with a wet washcloth. She can even tuck the string in so you don’t have any idea it’s even there.
• As you would if you were performing cunnilingus without a tampon in, focus on rhythm and pressure throughout the event.
• If you don’t want to lick down in her vagina area, that’s perfectly acceptable. You can give her just as much pleasure by licking around her clitoris.
• You won’t be able to use your fingers completely as the tampon is in the way, but don’t worry too much about this. You can use your fingers to tease the outside of her vagina and her anal area.

Orgasm Time!

Most women will happily have an orgasm using the same techniques as you would during any other time of her cycle, it’s really just a matter of preference for both partners. As well, it should show that a woman can have a great orgasm without penetration or any sort of push-pull technique; that her clitoral network is really where the action is at, and that with proper clitoral manipulation, she’ll orgasm, and orgasm well.

A Note About Safe Sex

If you are practicing safe sex with your partner, you may want to avoid performing oral sex during your partner’s menstrual cycle, even when using a dental dam and tampon. The risk for STD or HIV transmission is much higher when there is blood present, and dental dams have a tendency to move around a lot during normal use, unless you’re holding them in place the whole time (which prevents you from using your hands and fingers to pleasure your partner).

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As a teen you’re probably wondering about sex and what you can do to stay safe. Curiosity about sex is normal and it’s something that every teen goes through. It must be said that the only form of safe sex is abstinence. Even though this is the only foolproof way to stay safe, there are countermeasures that you can take to keep you and your partner free of STD’s or unwanted pregnancy. Here are a few ways that you can stay safe with your partner.

Use Condoms

Condoms are a necessity with teen sex. Not only condoms prevent pregnancy, it can prevent the transmission of STDs found in the seminal and vaginal fluids. Teens are notorious for misusing condoms or simply “pulling out.” When a condom is used properly, the chance of preventing pregnancy is about 97%. When used with lubrication, the condom is more unlikely to break. Don’t use household items like latex gloves, plastic wrap or balloons. Condoms are specifically made for the shape a penis and designed to stay on. Never use a condom twice.

Have Enough Lubrication

Lubrication is essential to giving the condom as little resistance as possible. If you’re considering having sex, make sure that you have a bottle of lube with you. Lube is relatively inexpensive and will cost about the same as a box of condoms. Don’t be fooled into thinking that lubricated condoms will be enough. Yes, the condoms come lubricated, but they can also get dried out of they have been in a drawer or in a car for as little as a week.

Where Can I Buy Condoms And Lube?

Teens primarily don’t want to go into a store to buy condoms and lube for fear of seeing somebody that they know. If you’re afraid of buying condoms and lube from a store, you can go to a Planned Parenthood or another health clinic and get them for free. These organizations are around to inform teens about sex and prevent unwanted pregnancy. Teen sex is on the rise and every teen has a responsibility to be informed of staying safe.

Consider Getting On The Pill

The pill is a good way to protect against pregnancy, but it does nothing for sexually transmitted diseases. If you are on the pill then you have taken the first step against getting pregnant. Now it’s important to know that you can still contract STI’s and STD’s. Make sure that your partner is wearing a condom every time that the two of you have sex. If you are considering the pill, there are a few things that you should know. The pill can affect different people different ways. It’s important to talk to your physician before you go on the pill Ask them how the pill they are putting you has affected other teens. Try to get on a pill that will keep your skin clear. Several of them will do this.

Are You Ready?

We’ve all read about teen sex, but ask yourself if you’re really ready to do it. If don’t know, ask yourself why you want to. Are you doing it to please a boyfriend? Do you really care about your boyfriend and you’re ready to take it further? Remember that as a teenager you will have hormones racing through your body and lust can easily misconstrued for love. Do not give into pressure from a boyfriend to have sex. This can ruin your first time and the first time should be special.

Make Sure It’s Legal

Teen sex is not something that usually ends up as front-page news, but there are laws against having sex with a minor. If you are under the age of consent in your state and your boyfriend is over the age of consent, you need to look up the legal ramifications for having sex. Your boyfriend could go to jail if you get caught. Remember this before you commit to anything.

It’s Okay To Say No

Saying no doesn’t mean that you’re a tease, it just means that you’re not ready. If you’re being pressured by your boyfriend to have sex and you don’t want to, you should tell him no. A lot of girls get pressured into sex with the fear that if they don’t do it, their boyfriends will leave them. If your boyfriend really cares about you then he will want you to be ready when it happens. If he doesn’t care about then he might break up with you.

Abstinence Is An Excellent Option

Abstinence is a choice that many girls make. This is very respectable and can improve the lives of women who choose to keep their virginity until marriage. Choosing abstinence is way of ensuring that you will complete school with a having a child and get into the work force quickly. This can also be a way to see if your boyfriend really loves you and if he’s willing to wait before the two of you have sex.

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1. Always Have One With You

Always have condoms handy, wherever you go. Guys, don’t carry them in your pocket or wallet though. It’s easier for a girl, because condoms can easily go in the purse without worry, but the heat from a pocket or wallet can degrade the latex material. Don’t keep them in the car either, or you’ll expose them to even more extreme temperatures of heat or cold, depending on what season it is.

Guys, stash them in your nightstand, your bathroom, your locker at the gym, your desk at work and anywhere else you can think of where you can grab one and go if you need to.

2. Learn How To Put It On The Right Way

You may think you know how to put on a condom correctly, but you may not. There’s a certain way to grip it at the base, and you of course have to leave enough space at the top for semen. Take the time to read the instructions (they’re in every box) and follow them to a T. Incorrect condom use is mainly what is responsible for condom failure. Studies show that when put on, worn and used correctly, that the success rate is much, much higher.

3. Always Check For Holes, Expiration Dates, Etc.

So your buddy gave you a condom “just in case.” You’d better check it out. Inspect the wrapper for tears, holes or other issues and always make sure the condom isn’t expired. Do this for your own stash too – that box of condoms you have tucked away in your bathroom medicine cabinet may be older than you think. If one is questionable, toss it and get a new one. You can afford it. You can’t afford the alternative or you wouldn’t care enough to use one at all.

4. Get Your Correct Size

A LOT of guys assume that they need the large or “magnum” size condoms, when in reality, a regular condom will do just fine. The different sizes out there are based on length AND width, so check out what size condom you need and use the correct one. Using a condom that is too tight can cause it to break, or using one that is too loose can cause it to slide off.

5. Use Plenty Of Lube

Lube makes sex feel better anyways, but it also makes condoms work better. Put a dab of lube on the inside of the condom before you put it on for heightened sensations, and make sure to coat the outside and get it good and wet before intercourse. Plenty of lube will help keep it from stretching too much, tearing or breaking.

6. Experiment With Different Kinds

Don’t just pick up the most random box of condoms you can find and use those. Take some time to find out which ones fit best and feel best. Get a variety pack and pay attention to the different sensations and which ones are better for you and your partner. Go online and purchase some of the higher quality condoms used by professionals in the porn industry. If condoms are going to be your new favorite accessory (and they SHOULD be if you’re not in a monogamous relationship), then spend the time and money to find a brand and style that you really enjoy.

7. Don’t Forget Them For Oral Sex

Oral sex is “technically” safer than vaginal or anal sex when it comes to the transmission of STD’s, but that doesn’t mean that you should forgo the rubber if you’re having oral sex. Use flavored condoms for oral sex, because they taste (and smell) much better than regular condoms. ABOVE ALL, do not use condoms treated with spermicide for oral sex! If going down on a girl, cut the condom lengthwise and put over the vulva like a dental dam, with a squirt of lube in between her and the rubber.

8. Discuss Condoms BEFORE Having Sex!

Do not discuss them five seconds before penetration, or even afterwards. The last thing you want to do is afterwards have to ask, “Hey, did you wear one?” If you’re hooking up, discuss it before the clothes even come off. If you’re too drunk to put one on correctly or too drunk to care, then you’re too drunk to get it on. Have the conversation about safety as soon as you decide that yes, you’re going to be taking your pants off for this person.

9. Keep Tools On Hand In Case Of Breakage

Condoms can break. Even when you put them on correctly, even when you do everything you’re supposed to. It can happen. So make sure you have a backup plan. If you’re not super sensitive to spermicide, consider using it in addition to the condom just in case. Spermicides are handy – they come in a variety of different forms that sometimes, you or your partner can’t even feel! The “thin film” kind can be folded and inserted into the vagina, where it melts and can’t be felt AT ALL. Suppositories are similar, while gels and foams are a little more messy. If you haven’t used spermicide before sex and the rubber breaks, have a bottle of gel or foam spermicide on hand that you can insert immediately – however, the suppositories and films won’t work well after the fact.

Also consider birth control – if you’re on birth control regularly and also use condoms, your layers of safety are well put in place. If you choose not to use birth control regularly, consider having the morning after pill (called Plan B and available at pharmacies and Planned Parenthood across the country) available. If you choose to use Plan B, have it on hand. Do NOT wait until you have a breakage to go get it. There’s a small window in which the medicine can really be effective, and this window is AS SOON as you can, but before 72 hours has passed. The more hours that pass between the breakage and the Plan B, the less effective the medication will be.

10. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

If you’re with someone who you are not monogamous with, who hasn’t been STD tested, or you aren’t sure of their sexual history (or all of the above), use a condom. Do not compromise, do not allow yourself to be talked out of it. Do not let someone say they’ll pull out, or that you don’t need one because they “love you.” If you don’t want an STD or an unplanned pregnancy, protect yourself. Insist on if there’s no glove, there will be no love. PERIOD. Do not compromise. Do not budge. If they want it bad enough, they’ll put it on. If not, they weren’t worth your time anyways.

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Safer Oral Sex

This is a question with a simple enough answer – or maybe not. Safer oral sex practices depend on the type of sexually transmitted disease that you’re trying to prevent against. If you’re trying to prevent them all, you might as well just go and get a trash bag to cover your partner’s penis and his entire genital area. This is why it is so, so important to have regular exams and STD testing if you and your partner are not monogamous or if you plan to be monogamous, just one STD test before hooking up.

Condoms Are Essential!

If you’d like to practice safer oral sex and don’t enjoy the trash bag idea, you can still protect yourself from many of the other sexually transmitted diseases by using condoms. Condoms will not protect you against genital herpes or the human papillomavirus, however they are so much safer than unprotected oral sex. If you’re fairly concerned about herpes or genital warts, you can combine a condom with plastic wrap (easily found at your local grocery store) to protect your hands and face from coming into contact with skin in your partner’s genital area.

What Kind Of Condoms To Use

The best condoms for fellatio are either the non-lubricated kind or the kind with flavored, edible lubricants. If you try to perform fellatio on a partner wearing a regular, lubricated condom (especially if it is lubricated with spermicide) you are going to be sorry! If you or your partner have a latex allergy, polyurethane condoms are available and can actually be much more useful during fellatio than regular condoms because they tend to be thinner. However, the flavored condoms (which usually come in their corresponding colors) add a bit of fun to a fellatio session while still protecting you and your partner against sexually transmitted diseases that can be contracted through fellatio.

Think About Gloves Too

Condoms are not the only safer-sex tool that you should have on hand if you’re planning on a great (and safer!) fellatio session. Many guys enjoy hand action in addition to oral when receiving fellatio and to be perfectly honest – if infected semen comes into contact with your hands and you happen to have a small cut or abrasion (such as a paper cut) on your skin, you are at a high risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Latex or polyurethane gloves can be your best friend during a fellatio session! These are also great if you are planning to touch your partner’s anus and all and it even keeps long or untrimmed nails and hangnails from scratching your partner and making him uncomfortable.

Don’t Brush It Under The Rug

Sure, insisting on condoms or even gloves during oral sex might make you feel like you’re “ruining the mood,” and it may even make your partner look at you like you’ve lost your mind. That is, however, better than the nurse at the health clinic looking at you like she’s about to tell you that you have HIV.

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Why You Need To Consider Safer Oral Sex

It’s relatively common for people, especially with younger couples, to engage in oral sex without talking about safety first. As the Guide to HIV at About.com reports in an article called: The Risk of Oral Sex, many believe that oral sex is a low-risk activity because of its inability to get someone pregnant. Unfortunately STD’s are still a concern, even if they aren’t as prevalent as with penis-vagina intercourse.

Oral sex also increases the risk of other STDs, such as Herpes, Human Papillomavirus (HPV), Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Hepatitis C. These nasty bugs are transmitted by saliva, skin-to-skin contact, genital lubrication, and/or ejaculate, and can then be passed along to someone else via more oral sex, kissing, or other forms of skin-to-skin contact.

Barrier Methods

You may be familiar already with dental dams; they are what dentists use to keep any bits and pieces during a root canal or other mouth surgery from falling down your throat. These simple pieces of latex are slowly becoming well known in lesbian and bisexual circles, and men are now following suit.

Most, but not all dental dams are made out of latex. They stretch and are flexible, but hold their shape and are much firmer than say, Saran Wrap. They are square and come in several different colors, translucency and tastes. Almost all of them are powdered, and it isn’t terribly difficult to find ones that are flavored, scented, or both.

If the taste or smell of an cunnilingus encounter isn’t your favorite part of the occasion, dental dams are a very welcome addition to your arsenal. The only issue with them however is that latex takes a bit of getting used to in the taste department as well, so it’s highly recommended that with your first few attempts, you purchase a package that offers a variety of flavors or scents to get you through those first few moments of uncertainty.

Latex Allergies

For those with allergies to latex, there are a few options to consider. The easiest is to buy some Saran Wrap that isn’t made to be used in the microwave; there are extra additives in the special stuff that isn’t vagina-friendly. A step up from Saran Wrap (which can be difficult to keep in place) is to buy some non-latex condoms, like polyurethane condoms, and then cut a slit up one side of them to make it into a longer, flatter piece.

What A Dental Dam Feels Like

‘Feeling’ a woman while using a dental dam takes a bit of getting used to – just like using a condom. You won’t feel the squishiness of your partner’s excitement, and it’ll be more difficult to tell how she’s reacting to your hard work. Getting your tongue in the right place can also be trickier, because you’re having to feel her with your tongue through the barrier. Yes, these are definite drawbacks, but no more so than using a condom – and as already discussed, their drawbacks are more than worth the knowledge that you’re having protected sex.

Getting The Dental Dam Ready To Use

Choose the side that you want to lick and the side that you want pressed up against your partner. Dab some lube on the side that is going on your partner – it will feel MUCH better to her. Also, make sure to keep the same side on her each time, or else you’ve defeated the purpose of using a dental dam. If you can’t remember which side you were licking, discard it and grab another one. An easy way to ensure you don’t get mixed up in the heat of the moment is to take a magic marker prior to your sexual encounter, and write on one side, “Lick here!”

Broaching The Subject

Never used a dental dam? That okay. Most women haven’t either. That doesn’t mean she’ll be adverse to using one though she’ll just need a bit of information is all, so she knows what you’re up to, and why. Learn as much as you can before, so that when you do whip one out, you can easily answer all of her questions and alleviate her fears of the unknown.

Do however make a point of letting your partner know that you plan on using a dental dam, especially if it’s the first time that you’re together intimately. Worst case scenario? You don’t tell her and she stops the whole flow of the moment with a, “What on earth is that?!” or something even more jarring, and you’re left crouched between her legs looking sheepish and trying to explain yourself. Trust me: if you take a bit of time to explain what a dental is, and why you’re using one, you’ll save yourself tons of embarrassment and heartache, and might even earn a few brownie points for ensuring you’re both safe sexually.

How To Use a Dental Dam

Let’s first begin with keeping the slip of latex in place. There are only three ways: you hold it, your partner holds it, or you use something to hold it in place. Of the three, having something else hold it in place is by far the most desirable. In the throes of orgasm she’ll struggle with keeping it in place, and you’ll want the extra hand for other activities as we move through this process.

Therefore, when purchasing dental dams, look for the ones that have an adhesive tip along the top, so that it sticks to wherever you put it in this case, along the top of her Mons Pubis. If the woman you are giving oral sex to is clean shaven however, you can use double sided tape or spirit gum instead, just make sure that you don’t get any near her vulva or vagina.

When first using a dental dam on your partner, try and do what you’d normally do without one. See how she reacts, and if she asks for more or less stimulation. Check her sexual response as well, and if she’s not getting aroused as you’d expect, increase the pressure to her clitoris or add a bit more lube to see if that makes a difference.

Related Posts

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Passionate, wild sex is possible and you can have it. You can literally have the sex life of your dreams!

There’s one thing you need to know before we get started. Women DO judge new lovers, and all of their friends will hear about you. (I know it sucks, but it’s completely true)

There is nothing that can ruin an amazing sexual experience more, than a guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing in the bedroom…

And no, it’s not just about giving her an orgasm; it’s about the entire experience, right from the very beginning. Hot women know that they have their pick of any guy they want. So if the entire sexual experience isn’t enjoyable, and doesn’t feel right, they are going to move on to the next guy, and you are going to be left at home with nothing more than your hand and some internet porn.

Sex Secret #1

Being a great lover in bed is NOT about Size, it’s about knowing how to use what you’ve got! Most guys think that the only way to pleasure a woman is with a big penis. This is totally and completely NOT TRUE!

If all a woman wanted was a huge penis, we’d all be racing to the sex shop to buy the largest toys they had. Being a great lover is about knowing how to tap in to what your partner really wants, and having the skills to give it to her.

Men are the same way… what feels better to you?

When a woman performs the same motion over and over with little to no variation?

Or when she is so in sync with you and what your body wants, that it feels like she’s in all the right places and exactly the right time?

Sex Secret #2

Women cannot orgasm if you can’t lead BOTH her body AND mind!

Women know that you judge how we look with our clothes off – but we judge A LOT more than just ‘that’ about you.

And guess what. We judge your sexual  foreplay techniques more than anything else. Why? Because, it is absolutely vital to us, if we are going to get warmed up and relaxed enough to have an orgasm. Getting us warmed up properly involves knowing how to drive us wild with your words, your touches, your kisses and everything else that leads up to us taking our clothes coming off.

If you don’t know how to make a woman feel excited with your sexual intelligence, care, and mind-blowing sex techniques, then we will feel uncomfortable. And at that point, there is no chance we can orgasm.

Sex Secret #3

The #1 reason a woman will cheat is because you don’t satisfy her the right way in bed!

Women crave great sex (maybe even more than men). But without excitement in the bedroom, the sex can become mundane and feel more like a chore than the Earth-shaking, body-rocking experience we really want. And when a guy doesn’t know how to pleasure us the right way, we may go out and look for a guy who can.

Sex Secret #4

Most women are a lot more open and wild than you’d ever expect! Women talk about their sexual encounters A LOT more than guys do. We tell our girlfriends about EVERY detail when we have sex with a guy. And I can tell you from experience, that when one of us can’t stop talking about how amazing a guy was in bed, big things are going to go down

For starters, some women openly share their guys name and number with a friend so she can have some “fun” too. Women will also be a lot more open to inviting their girlfriends over for a threesome. So if you truly ever want to have truly wild sex life you are going to need the bedroom skills required.

INTRODUCING - The Porn Star Sex Life “Incredible Sex Video Series”

Who better to teach you the secrets to blowing a woman’s mind than October 2009 Penthouse Pet, former Playboy Radio host, Adult Film Star, Exotic Dancer and sexual educator Ryan Keely? Ryan is here to help you by demonstrating (in explicit detail) all the right moves, techniques and sex positions you need to know to have your lover begging for more.

The Incredible Sex Video Series includes 10 exciting modules – All of which you can watch INSTANTLY in our private ‘members only’ website.

It is quite simply THE BEST program on giving this kind of pleasure to women, of it’s kind EVER MADE! It’s Your Complete Guide To Getting Her Off!

The Incredible Sex Video Series isn’t simply a collection of amazing sex techniques… It’s your complete step-by-step system to achieving the wild and exciting sex life you’ve always fantasized about – And giving your partner the greatest sexual pleasure they’ve ever experienced.

I want to share with you the 10 modules that make up “The Incredible Sex Video Series”… I’m positive you’re going to love it as much as I do.

Module 1 - “Sensual Touch” - Find out how to how to touch, kiss, and undress any girl in a way that will have her begging for more.

Module 2 - “Fingering Techniques” - There are things you can do with your fingers that you can’t do with any other part of your body.

Module 3 - “Advanced Fingering Techniques” – These advanced fingering techniques that will get her so hot and bothered that she’ll be begging for more. And deep emotional orgasms that are so intense, most women refer them as “The Ultimate Orgasm”.

Module 4 - “Oral Sex Techniques” - Discover  why most men are losing their women to other women (Here’s a hint: Women are better at giving oral sex) AND the techniques to become a “master” of going down on her!

Module 5 - “Things You See In Porn That Are Bad Ideas” - If you try to imitate most of what you see in the movies, your partner will most likely walk out and never come back.

Module 6 - “Amazing Positions A to Z” - Being an amazing lover has nothing to do with those “fold her up like an origami crane” positions. It’s all about knowing how to “compliment” each others bodies by making tiny changes to your favorite positions.

Module 7 - “Anal Sex And Dirty Play” - So, if you’re interested in trying out “backdoor sex” with your woman (or any woman for that matter), then you need to pay close attention.

Module 8 - “Fetish And Advanced Dirty Play” - WARNING: This module is ONLY for the most adventurous of lovers! However, if you are daring enough to explore your “inner-freak” you may never want to go back.

Module 9 - “Staying In The Game” – If you want to last longer in bed, and drain your girl of ALL her energy, by giving her the most intense sexual experience of her life – Then this may be the most important module of all for you.

Module 10 - “Safe Sex” – Trust me, if she starts pissing razor blades, she will NEVER sleep with you again. Not only that, but if YOU catch something nasty, it won’t be a picnic for you either.

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Legality

Let’s face it – it’s not legal for people to have sex if they’re under the age of eighteen. You can’t buy porn or sex toys if you’re underage either. While tons of underage boys and girls still do have sex before they’re eighteen and never get caught, it’s important to know the basics of when it is actually legal for you to engage in sexual activity.

That said, if you and your partner are both underage, it becomes less of a criminal issue and more of an issue with your parents. However, if you are underage and your partner is over the age of eighteen, or vice versa, you can get into a LOT more trouble. The older person may be charged criminally if it is ever reported that you are having sex with them, and they will be required to register as a sex offender after any jail time, probation or community service that is issued.

Being registered as a sex offender will haunt them for the rest of their lives and make it difficult for them to buy a home, have a job, have children and visit their children’s schools, and even impact their ability to vote. It’s not something that goes away after a few years – it’s a lifetime of being on a list with pedophiles and rapists. Think twice about having sex you or your partner are underage!

What Are You Waiting For?

If teen sex isn’t something you want to be involved in, think about the “why.” Are you waiting for marriage? Are you waiting until the age of eighteen to do it so you or your partner don’t get into trouble? Whatever your reason for waiting is, it’s a good reason – and it’s important that you fully understand the reason why you’re waiting so you can stay strong and continue to abstain.

If you’re not “waiting” but you just haven’t had sex yet, think about some of the reasons you should wait. Are you in a serious, committed relationship? If not, perhaps you should wait until you’re in love. Think about possibly getting yourself or your partner in legal trouble, or going against your personal beliefs. There are lots of good reasons to abstain and there are many of them that will apply to you and you alone. Perhaps you don’t want to abstain until marriage, but you just want to abstain until you’re older, smarter, more confident and ready. Every reason is a good one!

Considering Consequences

No one likes to think about the consequences of teen sex, but it’s a must if you’re considering losing your virginity. Having sex is an adult activity, and if you feel like you’re adult enough to handle it, then you’re definitely adult enough to think about the possible consequences beforehand. A lot of teenagers are afraid that if they think about the consequences of teen sex before they have it, they might talk themselves out of it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing!

If you’re sure you want to do it and “being talked out of it” isn’t something you feel will happen, considering the consequences will help you effectively plan for anything that might happen as a result of your decision. Think about the possibility of getting an STD – and all the different ways that they can be transmitted – and think about what you can do to reduce your risk as well as what you’ll do in the event that it does happen. Unwanted pregnancy is similar – before you have sex, think about how you can prevent an unwanted pregnancy and how you might deal with one should it actually happen.

Staying Safe

If you’ve thought long and hard and have decided that now is the right time to have sex, take the time to look into all safety options that you have available to you – and there are a LOT! Think about going to your doctor and getting on birth control. If you’re too young to go to the doctor by yourself and can’t tell your parents that you’ve made the decision to have sex and want to get on birth control, you don’t need to be having sex.

Also, think about using condoms and spermicide. Get flavored condoms and dental dams for oral sex. Talk to your doctor about other ways you can practice safe sex. Sex isn’t fun if all you’re worried about is getting pregnant or an STD. It’s also not fun if you’re worried about your partner going to jail.

If you can’t get it on with a clear conscience, try waiting until you can!

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The First Sleepover

You’ve been on a few dates and things are going well, and then your date invites you over for dinner at their place. This can only mean one thing—tonight’s the night you’ll be sleeping over. Whether your place or your partner’s place will be the setting for the main event, there are ways to be better prepared for your romantic sleepover. Just a little advance planning will go a long way toward making sure your overnight experience is a great one.

Stock The Kitchen

Whether you’re hosting the night or your S.O. is, the key to a great sleep over is making sure that you don’t need to leave the apartment or house for anything. If things will be taking place at your apartment or house, you need to make sure that you’ve got food and drink covered for both dinner and breakfast. Get whatever you need for the meals you intend to make, plus some fruit and a snack like nuts or popcorn to have on hand.

Having at least one bottle of wine and a six pack of beer is a good idea, too—that way you have a couple of options in case you don’t like drinking the same thing on the date as your lover. You get extra points if you stock your kitchen with a snack or drink that you know he/she is a big fan of.

Clean The Place Up

If you don’t have time to truly clean your place, at least pick up any clutter and clean the bathroom. Slobs, take note—most people will be grossed out if your bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in over a week. Also be sure to have plenty of toothpaste and hand soap available, along with clean towels. Your date probably won’t be bringing an overnight bag, so it helps to think of what they might need and have it handy.

Throw a new toothbrush in the drawer so they can use it. Just tell them you always keep an extra on hand so they don’t think you thought that sex would be a sure thing. Make sure to make the bed, too, preferably with clean or fairly clean (no more than a couple of days old) sheets. Since you’ll hopefully be heading there sooner in the night rather than later, you want to make sure your bedroom looks nice and inviting. You can go all out with candles and flowers and music, but that isn’t necessary. Some people might even be intimidated by that. As long as the bedroom looks cozy and clean, you’ll be fine.

Pack Appropriately

If you’re the person heading over to your significant other’s place, try to think ahead for what you’ll need to sleep over. Since it’s your first time spending the night together, you can’t really bring over a backpack full of clothes and toiletries. That would look too presumptuous, and if you don’t end up staying the night, you’ll feel silly.

Girls are luckier here, because they usually have a purse on them. If you’re a guy and you’re coming straight from work, you can bring your briefcase or bag and hide some necessities in there. Otherwise, stick with what will fit in your pockets. If you can fit a toothbrush and floss in your bag or pocket, do so. Better still, pack a spare pair of underwear, too.

Since you’ll have to change into your same clothes the following day, having those clean undies will make you feel at least a little fresher. Another thing that always helps is deodorant. You could just sneak some of your date’s, but unless they use unscented or you’re both the same gender, you’ll come out smelling like the opposite sex. Better to bring your own if possible.

You should also consider bringing over a bottle of wine or something else to drink. Even if your mate already has beverages at his or her place, it can’t hurt to have a little more. That means there’s no risk that you’ll run out and have to make a late night wine and liquor store run. Plus, it makes for a nice host or hostess gift to thank them for having you over and cooking for you. Flowers never hurt, either.

Practice Safe Sex

There is one more thing that you need to stock up on, whether you’re the host or the invitee—birth control. Never, ever assume that your date will be supplying proper protection. Better that you both show up with a handful condoms than neither of you do. Nothing ruins the moment faster than realizing that one of you is going to have to go pick something up from the drug store. Plus, you don’t want to be tempted to forego using birth control out of convenience.

If you’re a girl and on the pill, make sure you put your pill pack in your purse. Whether you also use condoms or not, you wouldn’t want to miss your regular dose and throw yourself off. Being prepared with birth control is as important, if not more, as prepping all of the other aforementioned things. It takes the pressure off and lets you enjoy your first night together to the fullest.

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Question: I’ve been a loyal fan of your YouTube channel for ages now and my girl and I were thinking about having sex in a hot tub. I was wondering if wearing a condom while in the water would cause it to bust or would we encounter any other problems? Thanks for taking time to read my question!

–YouTube Viewer

Water Is Not A Lubricant

Many people think that if you’re having sex in the water that you don’t need lube, however, quite the opposite is true and especially if you’re using a condom. Water isn’t going to provide enough lubrication inside a woman’s vaginal canal, and if she’s too dry and there is too much friction, it can easily be damaged.

Use a thicker, water or silicone based lube when you’re doing it in the tub or when you’re having sex in the shower, lake or pool. You might be tempted to use an oil based lubricant because you know that oil is resistant to water, however, oil based lube is definitely not compatible with any kind of latex condom. You can use oil based lube with a polyurethane condom, but unless you have a latex allergy and can’t wear regular prophylactics, latex is your best bet for the most comfort and the tightest fit.

You don’t have to use a whole lot of lubricant when you’re getting it on where it’s already wet, but a condom isn’t going to do you any good if there’s so much friction that it busts. A little lube goes a long way here!

Chlorine And Heat Can Affect The Latex

Even if you use a good lubricant during sex in the tub, the heat and chlorine in the tub alone can cause the latex to deteriorate. You may want to try different sex positions in the tub that keep your penis mostly out of the water, such as doggy style with her propped up on the ledge of the tub.

If you’re concerned about the chemicals in the tub affecting a condom, try reducing the amount of chlorine additives you put in. Test the pH regularly to make sure that you’re adding enough, but try to get by with as little as possible. You may also want to turn the heat down some – the hotter it is, the more risk you may be taking that the material will become damaged and disintegrate.

Avoid Oils

Oil is another component that causes latex to disintegrate, and surprisingly enough, there are often oils found in the water of a Jacuzzi. This is because people with suntan oils or sunscreen on their skin will get in the tub, and some of it will come off while they’re soaking. Some bubble baths or additives can also contain oils, so be careful of what you put into your tub.

Don’t Put The Condom On While In The Water

If you plan on wearing a condom while you’re having sex in a hot tub, make sure you put it on first, before you get into the water. This is because if you accidentally get liquid inside the rubber while putting it on – which CAN happen no matter how careful you think you’re being – it can bust or slide off when you’re having sex.

Remember That No Method Is Perfect

Safe sex is all about reducing your risk of contracting STD’s or getting pregnant – there’s no true way to completely eliminate your risk without giving up sex entirely. Abstinence is the only true 100% safe “sex.” That said, understand that you’re taking a risk when you’re having sex at all, whether it be in a bed, a shower, the car or a Jacuzzi.

Using condoms during sex regardless of where you do it at is a lot safer than not using one at all. This is true for sex in the Jacuzzi also – even though oils and chlorine in the water may cause the latex to disintegrate or liquid may get in it and cause it to slip off – you’re still a LOT better off if you’re using a condom than if you don’t.

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Question: Dear Dan and Jenn, I am still young and recently had the “talk” and my parents told me to navigate to this channel. Do you have any tips for a person new to the sex world? Also, I was still confused about oral sex and didn’t want to ask my parents. Do you still need a condom and can you get a STD?

–YouTube Viewer

Remember That You Can Only Eliminate Risk Through Abstinence

No matter what kind of sex you’re talking about – whether it’s oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex or even giving your partner a handjob or fingering them – you’re never 100% safe from sexually transmitted diseases. Even if you use spermicide, condoms or the withdrawal method, there is nothing you can do short of abstinence to completely eliminate your risk. If you’re engaging in any kind of sexual activity whatsoever with another person, you are putting yourself at risk of getting STD’s.

That said, there are lots of ways you can safely and easily reduce your risk – and be fairly confident that you’re not going to contract an STD. First of all, being in a monogamous relationship with someone who has been tested for and is free from STD’s is a start. If you have multiple sexual partners, condoms are your best asset as far as safety during sex is concerned.

Yes, Oral Sex Can Transmit STD’s

Generally speaking, the risk for spreading sexually transmitted diseases through mouth to genital sex is much less than the risk of spreading them through anal sex or vaginal intercourse. However, there is still a risk there, because STD’s like AIDS and HIV are found in vaginal fluid, pre-cum and semen. Don’t assume that just because your partner doesn’t “ejaculate” in your mouth that you are safe from STD’s.

If you have a sore or cut on your mouth before giving someone cunnilingus or fellatio, your risk of getting an STD multiplies by quite a bit. Hepatitis C, HIV and AIDS are spread easily through blood contact, even semen or precum to blood – which is the case if you have a cut or sore on or around your mouth.

You may not even know you have a cut or sore in your mouth – many times, people have small lacerations on their gums from brushing their teeth and if your gums bleed when you brush your teeth, you can be pretty certain that you have an “open wound” in your mouth all the time, at least when it comes to talking about the transmission of STD’s.

Your Risk Of Contracting An STD During Oral Sex Varies

There’s no sure way of determining how high your risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease through fellatio or cunnilingus is, because it varies. For example, pre-cum has a lower concentration of virus than semen or blood does, and if a woman infected with the HIV, Hepatitis C or AIDS virus and is on her period, she is much more likely to transmit the disease to her partner during sex.

Because how high the risk is depends on so many different factors, there’s no way to accurately say that you’re going to be safe from getting an STD during fellatio or cunnilingus without a condom.

It’s Not Just AIDS Or HIV That Can Be Spread

While HIV and AIDS are probably the most worrisome of viruses that you can contract from mouth to genital sex, they’re not the only ones. There are lots of different sexually transmitted diseases and infections:

• Chlamydia
• Hepatitis C
• Gonorrhea
• Syphilis
• Herpes
• Pubic Lice
• Genital Warts
• HPV
• Hepatitis B

That’s a pretty long list – and while some of these diseases can be treated with antibiotics, others can’t and some can even contribute to throat and mouth cancers later on in life. Furthermore, be aware of the fact that you may not know someone has an STD – in fact, they may not even know it. They may not be displaying any symptoms at all, so it’s best to be safe and assume that you have a risk of contracting any of these diseases through oral sex at any time.

Using A Condom Or A Dental Dam During Oral Sex Will Greatly Reduce Your Risk

If you want to reduce your risk of getting an STD during fellatio or cunnilingus, using a condom or a dental dam will make it much less likely that you would take anything home that you didn’t want to. Here are some tips on how to make yourself safer when giving (or receiving):

• Wear a condom. Try flavored condoms or a flavored lube to make things taste better (and they smell great) and definitely avoid condoms that have spermicide on them.
• For cunnilingus, make sure that you use a dental dam. If you place a dab of lube underneath the dental dam on the clitoris and vulva, it will create real feeling sensations that are just as good – if not better – than unprotected fellatio or cunnilingus.
• Don’t use oil based lubricant at all. Oil based lubes will break down the latex and make the condom pretty much pointless.
• Get a fresh condom after anal sex or vaginal sex if you’re going to have mouth to genital sex. You don’t want to be using the same condom for fellatio as you did for vaginal or anal sex. Not only does that make the condom less effective, it’s a great way to spread lots of harmful bacteria.
• If you don’t have a dental dam on hand for cunnilingus, you can do one of two things. You can use a nice, large square of plastic food wrap, or you can cut a condom lengthwise and spread it out over the vulva. Either way is better and safer than using nothing at all.

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Question: I was wondering if you could do a video on the side effects of oral birth control. By this, I don’t mean what we normally hear like weight gain and possibility of a stroke (if you smoke while on the pill), but I mean the stranger side effects like loss of sex drive, insomnia, and depression! I know it didn’t even strike me that the pill could cause these things, so I’m betting other people don’t know either. So if you could make a video to help inform woman of some of these strange side effects, I think that would be really great! Thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

Common Birth Control Side Effects

There are many side effects that are caused by oral birth control, ranging from very mild side effects to more serious ones. Some women who take birth control won’t experience any side effects at all, others may experience some side effects that aren’t bothersome, and others may experience very serious and uncomfortable side effects that may mean they need to discontinue using the medication.

• Nausea
• Weight gain
• Sore or swollen breasts
• Spotting between periods or lighter periods
• Mood changes
• Decreased sexual libido

More Serious Birth Control Related Side Effects

While most of the side effects that are related to birth control aren’t serious, some of them are and require immediate medical attention. These side effects are more rare, but they can happen. Every woman who takes birth control should be aware of the more rare but serious side effects of the medication so they can contact their doctor as soon as possible if they experience any of these more serious side effects.

• Abdominal pain
• Chest pain
• Visual disturbances such as blurred vision or spots or flashes in your vision
• Mild headaches or severe migraines
• Swelling and aching in the legs and thighs

Other Forms Of Hormonal Birth Control

You may think that the “pill” is the only form of birth control that has side effects, but quite the opposite is true. Many popular forms of birth control contain the very same mix of hormones that the pill does! Other forms of hormonal birth control can be even stronger than some pills and can produce similar but stronger side effects than the those associated with the pill.

• The Ortho Evra patch
• The Nuva ring
• Mirena – the hormonal IUD (intra-uterine device)
• Depo-Provera injection and other birth control injections
• Hormonal implants
• Plan B – the “morning after” pill

Barrier Methods

While oral birth control is among the most popular ways to practice safe sex, it is not the only way. Oral birth control doesn’t protect against sexually transmitted diseases, but some other methods of safe sex (called “barrier” methods) do.

• Condoms – protects against STD’s
• Female condoms – protects against STD’s
• Copper IUD
• Diaphragm
• Cervical Cap
• Spermicidal sponge, foam, cream or film

Talk To Your Doctor To Find Out If Birth Control Is Right For You

Always talk to your doctor to find out whether or not oral birth control or other forms of birth control is right for you. Your doctor can help explain to you why you should or should not take birth control, and will tell you how to use it correctly so it is most effective. Some women should not take birth control at all, because the risk of side effects are too great. Your doctor will look at your entire health history to determine whether or not hormonal birth control is the right choice for your health and lifestyle.

Who should not take birth control:

• Women over 35
• Women with a history of blood clots
• Women with a history of heart or liver disease
• Women with a history of breast or uterine cancer
• Women who have experienced undesirable side effects from birth control previously

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Condoms

Keeping condoms in your purse may seem like a no-brainer, but many women end up getting caught in impromptu sex situations unprepared. Condoms protect against pregnancy and most STD’s. Although condoms aren’t foolproof, they’re the best sex accessory if you want to have fun and safe sex without having to worry about getting pregnant when you’re not ready or contracting a sexually transmitted disease or infection that is at best inconvenient and at worst life threatening. You may also want to keep flavored condoms in your purse in the event of oral sex. When keeping condoms in your purse, don’t throw them in there unless they’re in a protective sleeve or case first. Putting condoms in your purse loose can cause the wrapper or condom to get holes in it when all of the stuff in your purse bounces around during daily use. Guys shouldn’t put condoms in their wallet, because this can cause condoms to break down faster due to temperature issues. Condoms should be kept clean and dry and at room temperature to stay effective. Always inspect the wrapper first to check for holes or damage, and make sure you check the expiration date if you’ve had it for awhile.

Spermicide

Some couples don’t like using spermicide for pregnancy protection, but it can be an excellent option if you’re with an STD free partner and don’t want to use condoms, but still want protection from unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. Spermicide is also a great option for women or couples who want another layer of protection in addition to condoms or birth control – or both. Spermicides come in many different forms, some that are more convenient than others. Contraceptive foam is the least expensive, but may burn or cause discomfort for you or your sex partner. Suppositories are good options because they are small and easy to carry, but your partner will most likely know that you’ve used spermicide. The newest type of spermicide on the market is a contraceptive film. It is a thin, clear square that looks like plastic and is folded up and placed in the vagina behind the cervix. It takes about ten to fifteen minutes, but the film will “melt” and create a gel-like barrier of spermicide in front of the cervix. They can be kept in a purse or wallet and can be used discreetly without your partner knowing you’ve used it.

Birth Control

If you’d like to take pregnancy protection into your own hands, consider going on birth control if you’re not already on it. Talk to your doctor about the right kind of birth control for you and how to take it so it is most effective against unplanned pregnancies. Birth control doesn’t protect against STD’s, so if you’re with a new partner, make sure you’re using a condom as well. Plan-B, or emergency contraception, is a good thing to keep on hand as well, in case a condom breaks or you miss too many birth control pills.

Dental Dam

A dental dam is a small square of latex or plastic that is laid over the vagina during cunnilingus to prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. Contrary to popular belief, there are many STD’s that can be transmitted through oral sex on a woman including chlamydia and yeast infections. Keeping a dental dam in your purse will ensure that you’ve got it if you need it – for example, you’d like a new partner to perform oral sex on you but he won’t do so without the necessary safe sex tools. Many women believe that using a dental dam is less pleasurable than feeling the tongue itself, but you can closely mimic this feeling by putting a dab of lube underneath the dental dam, in between the latex and the clitoris. This allows the dental dam to slide around on the vagina, much like a tongue or mouth would. Many dental dams come in flavors, making it much much more pleasurable for the partner giving the oral sex.

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I want to say that up front because I’ve traveled around the southern part of America a few times and found myself admiring the beautiful lands, the great food, and the good people of the South. As a Northerner I always have this fear of being discovered for my dislike of grits at the breakfast table. But truthfully my fears are irrational, at best, when relating to the good people of the south.

However, when it comes to issues such as sexuality, birth control, and teen pregnancy you have to scratch your head how far behind this region of the United States is so far behind the rest of the world by one century.

I say this because the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in a recent report, finds the South is far ahead of the rest of the country in the amount of teen pregnancies.

What The CDC Finds In The South

• Nevada, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Kentucky lead the nations as the top 10 states showing increase in teenage birth rates.
• Mississippi leads the nation with 65.7% ; most of the teen birth rate increase are found with non-Latino blacks making up 89.5%.
• Non-Latino white teens in the South have the highest birth rates in the country in these states: Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, and West Virginia.

The one pattern that holds in this study shows those regions of the country that teach abstinence only sex education are found in (you guessed it) the South.

The states which show offer comprehensive sex education–both safe sex and abstinence education (Calif., Minnesota, Wisconsin, New York, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Connecticut, Massachusetts) have the lowest teen birth rates in the country.

Now it would seem to some I’m picking on the South; I got this agenda to make the South look stupid and backwards. On the contrary, I’m trying to make aware to my fellow Americans there is a huge crisis with our teens that needs to be addressed. Teen pregnancies run the risk of higher complications involving low weight and dying during infancy.

It pains me to drive through states like Kentucky or West Virginia where you can see billboards decrying abortion, but not one billboard showing the need to use a condom or stress to young women the risk you take when they choose to be sexually active. It pains me how you can’t buy a dildo in Alabama, but you get a “just say no” to sex sermon in youth groups across the state giving teens a false sense of what to do when faced with a chance of sexual activity. It pains me how a region (not the only region, but one of the leading regions in the United States) who will decry gay marriage, but the divorce rates in the South are some of the highest in the country.

Faith Vs. Safe Sex Education

As a person of faith, I know how important many Southerners take their faith in their life. But I think the churches and believers in the region who hold to the “no sex till you’re married” mantra must take a serious hard look at the facts and realize our traditions are not helping the situation by teaching abstinence only, but perpetuating the situation further by giving teens a battle axe with only one side to use (and the one side is rubber).

Some of the nations mega churches, ministries, and denominational homes (i.e. Southern Baptist) will make full scale warfare on anything that even shows a bare leg on television or in public. But these same men and women find themselves in compromising positions throwing to the fire their own teachings to their own.

Isn’t it time we faced facts that our traditional stance towards sexuality is a hopeless battle of wits where Southern Christian leaders look like halfwits in the room; that their belief system regarding sex and love are, at worst, a failed attempt to control the masses? I sometimes think the real agenda for some who decry sex education is they want to see their women barefoot, pregnant, with little chance at any background in education. Keep the women in the kitchen and keep them busy with a ton of kids. That a way you know you don’t have to have someone smarter than our men folk.

Ridiculous.

How The South Can Rise Again

If the South is going to rise again it will have to take some bold steps, as a region, to rid itself of their darkened past:

• Drop the Confederate flag! That’s so Jefferson Davis.
• Join the rest of the world to embrace fact, logic, and clarity on all issues.
• Admit the South has a sex problem and find a better, logical way to deal with it.

Right now the way Southern religious/non-religious leaders are handling sex education (not to mention the sexual well being of Southerners as a whole) shames the people and the rich history of the south.

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What Are Female Condoms?

Female condoms, like their namesake, are condoms that are designed to fit inside the vagina and be used in lieu of a male condom. They consist of a silicone or plastic flexible ring at one end (this is the end designed to go first into the vagina) with a larger ring at the other end of a hollow latex or plastic “tube.” The smaller ring is folded and inserted into the vagina, where it will “pop” open and rest against the cervix, while the larger ring is made to stay outside the vagina and cover the outer opening of the vagina and labia. Some models of female condoms are larger on the outside and will cover the entire vulva including the clitoris, which provides better protection against some sexually transmitted diseases. The vaginal walls are then protected by the “tube” of latex, because the penis will only come into contact with the female condom and not the vagina at all. A man’s sperm will remain inside the female condom and after sex, the condom can be removed easily without spilling the semen.

What Are The Benefits Of Using A Female Condom?

The benefits of using a female condom are simple but powerful. Using a female condom allows a woman to be in complete control of preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Instead of relying on a man to purchase a box of condoms, bring the condoms with him and put them on before sex, a woman can rely on and trust herself to make sure she is protected. In fact, a female condom can even be inserted and worn well before sex even starts, so a woman who chooses to use them can go into sex already protected, making it easier for her to say, “no glove, no love.” Female condoms also help prevent more STD’s than their male counterparts. Since the outer ring covers some or all of the vulva with the latex, it can help prevent the spread of some STD’s like genital warts, genital herpes and pubic lice or crabs.

Are There Disadvantages To Using A Female Condom?

A female condom does not feel as natural as a traditional male condom. There is much more to it and instead of fitting the vaginal wall snugly, it can get a little bunched up in there. This is because a woman’s vaginal canal is flat until something is inserted into it to expand it. Since the “tube” portion of the female condom is hollow, it too will collapse onto itself when there is nothing else in the vagina. During sex, a man’s penis will expand both the vaginal canal and the female condom, but many men and women who have used female condoms report that it still feels like the plastic or latex is bunched up in the vagina. Other disadvantages of a female condom include difficult inserting and removing them from the vagina as well as being thicker than traditional male condoms and blocking more of the pleasurable sensations of friction during sex.

How To Make A Female Condom More Effective

While there is no way to make a female condom more effective at preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, however, by adding spermicide to the inside of a female condom, you can make it more effective at preventing pregnancy. A lot of women who are sensitive to spermicides enjoy using them with female condoms, because the spermicide goes inside the “tube” and never comes into contact with the vagina. Simply squirt a half dollar sized amount of spermicide into the female condom, as close to the smallest ring (the one that will go inside your vagina) as possible. You can do this before inserting the condom inside your vagina, or after. Just remember to also use a good water based lube and plenty of it when using a female condom, whether you use spermicide or not. Lube can help reduce the amount of friction created by the condom and make it feel more like natural sex.

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Question: Hey Dan and Jennifer, I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 23. He wants to use the withdrawal method, but it’s not always effective! How do I tell him?

–YouTube Viewer

Why Pulling Out Doesn’t Work

Simply put, if a penis touches a vagina without protection, there is a risk of pregnancy involved. Even if there is no penetration, if there is genital to genital touching, the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant goes up. This risk, of course, goes up the more contact there is. Consider the penis a loaded gun. There are most likely sperm present before ejaculation, whether it is because ejaculation took place not long before, or because pre-semen or pre-ejaculate can contain sperm as well. It takes only one sperm to get a woman pregnant, although millions are present in very small amounts of semen. Not only are you taking a risk of becoming pregnant or getting an STD simply by allowing a penis to touch your vagina without some sort of protection, you are also taking a greater risk by trusting your partner to pull out at just the right time when he’s on the brink of orgasm. This usually ends in disaster! Statistically speaking, the withdrawal method has a pregnancy rate similar to having completely unprotected sex.

Other Methods Of Birth Control

Condoms, of course, are the number one form of birth control. They are easy to purchase, easy to use and protect against both pregnancy and STD’s. No other form of birth control does all those things. However, if you’d like to forgo using condoms, there are many different kinds of birth control you can use so you can still have great sex safely. First, you and your partner need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Make a committment to each other that you will be monogamous, so once you and your partner are given the green light, you can continue to stay disease free without a condom. Do not have sex without a condom until both of your test results come back! To protect against pregnancy, talk to your doctor about different forms of birth control. Hormonal birth control, such as the pill, the patch or the shot are popular, while barrier methods such as spermicide and diaphragms are also still being used. You can also consider doubling up with a hormonal and barrier birth control method. Talk to your doctor and talk to your partner about which options are right for you.

No Glove, No Love

If you want your partner to wear a condom, he needs to wear a condom. If he doesn’t, simply put your foot down and state that there isn’t going to be any sex without a condom. If you’re not comfortable with the withdrawal method or other forms of birth control, your partner needs to respect that. There are tons of great condom styles out there, including large and small condoms, non-latex condoms for men who are allergic to latex, flavored and scented condoms, colored condoms, glow in the dark condoms and much, much more! There’s no reason that using a condom during sex can’t make it safe and fun!

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But we all know that a conversation like that will kill romance and will make the date feel more like an interrogation than a prelude to sex.

So, should you just let the burning questions in your mind go unanswered? Of course not! There are ways to ask without being a “mood killer.” Tactful perseverance and the ability to read between the lines are the skills you need to make your new partner open up without feeling affronted.

For instance, you want to ask about condom use. You can start with a discussion on which condom brands are the best, which ones you have tried, and whether the condoms he brought with him are thin enough. From there, you can progress to questions on safe sex and number of sex partners.

Here is a list of questions to ask before sex…

Sexual Preference 

Is he bisexual? If you ask about gender preference, you should also be ready to talk about your own preference.

You must also be prepared to hear something you do not want to hear. For instance, your partner might have been a woman in the past, or he was gay before he met you.

Safety

Was there a time when he did not use condoms? If your partner was in a long-term relationship (or he is in a long-term relationship with someone else), ask about his reasons for not using protection.

Maybe he wanted to have kids? Maybe he felt safe in a monogamous relationship? You can also mention something about latex allergy and how you are wondering if he is allergic to latex. Again, you must also be prepared to share your safe sex stories with your new lover if you open this topic.

Kinky Preference

Any S&M tendencies? What is kinky to you might be commonplace to your new partner. If your fetishes jive, you may have found your soul mate.

Ask about favorite sex positions, fetishes and the like. In addition, ask whether he engages in anal sex. You wouldn’t want your partner to surprise you with anal sex when you’re not ready for it, would you?

When you ask questions before you have sex, you have no choice but to take the answers as they are. You do not really know whether or not your new partner is lying. After all, he might assume that telling the naked truth may just turn you off completely.

Nevertheless, it’s still best to lay your cards on the table when you are about to get naked with a guy you just met. Be alert and watch out for inconsistencies. He may be saying one thing and doing another, so watch out.

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Sex for the first time should not be thought of as painful. It should be a celebration of love and a grand entrance to the world of adulthood. For the first time ever, you are sharing your body with someone who is also into you.

It is a special experience, but you do have to know some important health issues linked with first time sex. Remember, you are going to have to take care of yourself more now that you have started to become sexually active. If it’s your first time, here are some important health tips you should know about…

Always Demand That He Use A Condom

If you are a virgin and he is not, there is a chance that he will be a bit lax when it comes to protection because he is entering “unchartered territory.” This means he knows he’s fairly “safe” with you because you never had lovers in the past.

However, you should always ask him to use a condom, even if it’s your first time. It’s not that you do not trust him to be able to pull out at the critical point, or that you don’t trust his judgment when it comes to his choices of the women he slept with. You just know that accidents could happen and safe sex is still the best practice.

Always bring a condom with you whenever you feel that your man is looking forward to sex after your date. This will eliminate his excuse of forgetting to bring one.

Rinse With Warm Water

I can tell you this - the first entry is uncomfortable, but the painful feeling will come after the first sex. However, you can feel “comfortable” before and after sex by being constantly lubricated. This can be achieved by intense foreplay before sex and rinsing with warm flowing water after sex.

Rinsing properly after your first time will also make sure your wound begins healing minutes after you had sex. And, the best part is, you can go at it again after you rinse if you continue with after play. Lubrication whether with your own fluids or with warm tap water, will increase your comfort.

Clitoral Orgasm

After the break in, you may feel sore in there, and he should know this. But what if you are still willing to go for another round? It’s not surprising that you didn’t reach climax during the first time. You were tense and you were anticipating sex to be painful. Clitoral orgasm for the second time sex is the answer to this dilemma.

Instead of deeper penetration, ask him to concentrate his caresses on the outer part of your vagina. He can use his fingers to probe deeper, but not so deep that you feel tense with discomfort. With your vagina sensitive and tingly after you’ve rinsed with warm water, you should feel the pleasure of clitoral orgasm more intensely.

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Question: I have a problem. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to use a condom while having sex. I’m telling her that we must use it to prevent pregnancy. She is telling me that there is other ways of contraception, but she doesn’t want to have a condom in her. What other simple ways you can suggest to prevent pregnancy? And what should I do? Should I talk to her more about using a condom?

–YouTube Viewer

Why Doesn’t She Want To Use A Condom?

If your partner doesn’t want you to use a condom, try to find out what it is about condoms that make her so uncomfortable. Does she have a latex allergy and she doesn’t know it? Is she sensitive to spermicide in condoms, or does she simply not like the way that it feels? There are a number of different kinds of condoms available, including polyurethane condoms for those with latex allergies, scented and flavored condoms, textured condoms and condoms without spermicide if she’s sensitive. Try getting a “goodie bag” of condoms together (you can buy a mixed lot of condoms easily online) and suggest trying them out.

Other Forms Of Birth Control

There are other forms of birth control available, such as the pill, the patch or the shot. But none of these contraception methods help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are absolutely positive that you are both monogamous to each other and have had recent, completely negative STD testing results (and no unprotected partners in between), you just can’t be sure that you won’t transmit or contract a sexually transmitted disease. One of the best ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s together is for the woman to use a form of hormonal birth control such as the pill or the patch in addition to using a condom. This double layer protection is the best way to ease your mind and let you have fun with your partner without worrying about STD’s and pregnancy.

No Glove, No Love

Ultimately, you decide whether you’re comfortable using a condom or not. Don’t let your partner pressure you into not using a condom if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You and your partner may find an alternative birth control method that works well for the both of you, but make sure it’s something you are comfortable with too. Remember though that the end decision lies with you. If you don’t want to have sex without a condom, don’t do it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you have to. There’s nothing wrong with insisting that you be safe and if your partner ends the relationship because of it, you’ll regret that a lot less than an unwanted pregnancy or ending up with a sexually transmitted disease.

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Question: This summer me and my boyfriend are planning on having sex for the first time ever. We know how to put on a condom but I don’t have birth control. Do you have any advice for us? We are really not ready for a kid and we need your help!!!

–YouTube Viewer

Double Layer Defense

Condoms are absolutely essential to use if you want to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. But there are other ways to protect yourself against unexpected pregnancy too. If you really don’t want to get pregnant, think about having a double layer defense when you start having sex. Hormonal birth control is something you can add to condom use to give yourself extra protection. The condom will help keep the sperm from entering the vagina, but even if a few escape, your birth control – if taken correctly – will have prevented an egg from being released and fertilized by those rogue sperm. A double layer defense is the best way to go if you just aren’t ready for a kid right now in any way, shape or form.

What Kind Of Birth Control Is Right For You?

Once you’ve decided to take birth control, it’s time to visit your doctor. You can also visit the your local health department for free or low cost services. Your doctor will perform a cervical exam to check for cancer and sexually transmitted diseases, as well as doing a breast exam. Part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to make sure your body is healthy. Your doctor can talk to you about the best type of birth control for you, because there are a number of different types to choose from. Oral contraception is the most popular choice but there are other forms of hormonal birth control as well. If you are one to forget a daily pill, you might want to talk to your doctor about using a birth control ring, patch or injection.

Think Ahead

Another part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to think ahead. You know that having sex means you could possibly get pregnant. You’re doing everything you can to prevent that from happening, but there is a very small chance that you could get pregnant anyways, regardless of everything you’re doing to the contrary. The only absolutely 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence. Take some time before you have sex to talk to your partner and think about what you’ll do if you do accidentally get pregnant. There are a several options in front of you should that happen, including adoption, abortion and becoming a parent. Decide what you’ll do if you get pregnant now, so if it does happen, you’ve got a plan.

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Question: I have a question, sometimes when I use a condom I lose my erection because I don’t get much stimulation and it’s a bit of a mood killer stopping and putting it on. Any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

Lube It Up

Putting a dab or two of lube on the inside of a condom before he puts it on can make a world of difference in how intercourse feels for him with a condom on. Better yet, get your man turned on by using lube to give him a great hand job before putting the condom on to get him revved up beyond the point of no return. Just remember to wash your hands with soap and warm water after the condom is on so you don’t accidentally get sperm or semen where you don’t want it.

Use Flavored Lubes

Condoms come in a variety of scents and flavors, which can make using a condom much more fun. Flavored condoms are absolutely essential for super safe oral sex, because giving your man a blow job with a regular condom on is just plain “yuck!” Try lots of different flavors to find the ones you and your partner like best, and don’t forget – flavored condoms also smell great too! Even if you’re not planning on oral sex, flavored condoms can still add that little extra sexy something.

Use Your Mouth

The biggest complaint about condoms is that stopping what you’re doing to put it on destroys the mood. Why not make putting on the condom a part of foreplay instead? Use your mouth to put on your partner’s condom, slowly unrolling it as your mouth moves down his penis. Use your lips instead of your teeth and before you know it, you and your partner will be having safer sex without a hitch!

Experiment With Different Condoms

In addition to the various fun flavors that condoms come in, there are also a variety of textures, thicknesses and brands for you to try too! Try ribbed or studded condoms, or ultra thin “skin like” condoms. Warming lubes are also great for her pleasure! Many online retailers that offer sex toys also offer condoms, and you can buy “sampler packs” at an incredible discount so you can try them all.

Put It On During Foreplay

Instead of waiting until you’re ready to have intercourse, try putting on a condom before foreplay. If it fits right, it’s not going to come off because the tapered base of the condom will hold it on nice and snug. By the time you get to the sex part, you might have even forgotten you have one on at all!

It’s A Safe Way To Get Some

One of the sexiest things about condoms is putting one on means you don’t have to freak out about STD’s and pregnancy36 while you’re getting some. You can relax and have fun instead!

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Question: How do you know if your girl is pregnant? I’m a guy & am a little worried I did get her pregnant, and am curious as to the signs.

–YouTube Viewer

Signs Of Pregnancy

Some women exhibit signs of pregnancy and sometimes do so even before they know they are pregnant. Many signs of pregnancy include irritability, fatigue, sore breasts and cramping without bleeding. The most common sign of pregnancy is a missed period. None of these signs, however, will definitively tell you whether a girl is pregnant or not. Many other health conditions – and even something as simple as stress – can cause some or all of these symptoms in women. Also, many women can be pregnant and not exhibit any signs of pregnancy, including continuing having what seems like a monthly period throughout pregnancy.

Home Pregnancy Tests

The easiest and fastest way to determine pregnancy for yourself is to purchase a home pregnancy test. There is no age limit on pregnancy tests, so anyone can buy them. Pregnancy tests range from more expensive digital models to simple ones that are available at dollar stores. A pregnancy test detects HCg – a hormone called human chorionic gonadatropin – and is only produced by a woman during pregnancy. Some pregnancy tests can detect this hormone as early as five or six days before a woman’s expected period, and a positive result is almost 100% accurate. A false negative is more likely, simply because some women do not produce enough HCg to register on the test until they’re well into pregnancy. When purchasing a pregnancy test, get two. Take the first one the earliest the box says you can and no earlier. If it’s positive, take the other. If that is positive, schedule an appointment with your doctor. If the first test is negative, wait a week and take the other. If it is still negative, you’re probably in the clear. However, a missed period with a negative pregnancy test still needs to be investigated by a physician.

Seeing The Doctor

A doctor can determine pregnancy with a blood test, a urine test (much like a home pregnancy test) or a physical exam. If you’ve gotten a positive result on a pregnancy test, your doctor will automatically repeat the urine analysis, in addition to other tests to confirm the pregnancy. If you’ve missed a period and are still having negative pregnancy results, your doctor will likely take blood and perform a physical exam to determine if a pregnancy exists.

While stressing out about a possible unwanted pregnancy is common, there’s nothing you can accomplish by worrying. The best way to put your mind at ease is to practice safer sex to begin with – or starting now, if you’re lucky enough to have had only a pregnancy scare.

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Question: Thanks to you guys, I used a condom my first time. Now my boyfriend doesn’t want to use one any more, but I think we NEED to use one. How should I tell him we need to use a condom without weirding him out? Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

Your Body, Your Choice

It’s up to you to protect your own body – no one else is going to protect it for you. While you want to please your partner and give him the best sex possible, neglecting your own needs and wants – especially when it comes to protecting yourself from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases – isn’t going to do either you or your partner any good. Instant gratification isn’t worth the possible consequences in this situation. While the sex may feel better now without a condom, you’re going to regret your decisions if you end up with an STD or end up becoming pregnant. It’s your choice if you want to have sex without a condom or not, despite what your partner says. If you want him to wear a condom, make it a stipulation that he wear one if he wants to have sex with you. If he doesn’t want to wear a condom at all, let him know that you’re making the decision not to have sex with him unprotected - period. No glove, no love.

Female Condoms

Female condoms are now available and are as effective at reducing the risk of pregnancy and STD’s as traditional male condoms. A female condom is made from polyurethane – not latex – and isn’t as stretchy or pliable. A female condom has a ring on one end covered in polyurethane, and a hollow tube of polyurethane connecting to a larger, more flexible ring with an opening. The smaller ring is inserted into the vagina against the cervix, while the outer ring stays outside the vagina and folds over the labia. During sex, a man’s penis nor his ejaculate can come into contact with the woman’s vagina, as the ring and tube of polyurethane protects the cervix as well as the walls of the vagina. If your partner refuses to wear a male condom, consider placing a female condom inside you before sex. Female condoms are a great way to take your protection into your own hands, and allows you to protect yourself on your own without involving anyone else in the decision.

Other Ways To Protect Yourself

You can also protect yourself with oral birth control, various forms of spermicide including gel, foam and films, or visiting your doctor to be fit with a diaphragm or a cervical cap. All of these methods of birth control are things you can do on your own to protect your body from the risk of pregnancy. Unfortunately, the only ways to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases is to use a male or female condom.

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Question: I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now, what we usually do when it comes to sex is oral. He is my first and so am I to him. My question is if we are both “virgins” is there still a possibility either of us can get an STD or something similar?

–YouTube Viewer

STD’s And Sex

Many sexually transmitted diseases don’t require sex to be spread. HIV, AIDS and hepatitis A, B and C can all be spread through blood to blood contact as well as through contact with sexual fluids such as semen or vaginal fluids. Other less serious sexually transmitted diseases, such as crabs (pubic lice) or scabies, can be contracted from simple skin to skin contact (even a hug or handshake) although this is very, very rare. Many of these less serious STD’s are also transmitted from simple genital to genital contact, such as herpes, which doesn’t require any penetration or sexual fluid sharing at all to be contracted.

How To Make Yourself Safer

Sex is part of a healthy, happy and fulfilled lifestyle. Everyone craves sexual intimacy and contact with their partner and that’s completely natural. While the only way to be 100% sure that you won’t contract a sexually transmitted disease from your partner is to abstain from having sex with them, that is a difficult choice to make. If you want to have sex with your partner, take steps to make yourself as safe as possible before heading to the bedroom.

• Get to know your partner, and know how many people they’ve slept with. Are they promiscuous, or a virgin? Is the probability that they have contracted a sexually transmitted disease fairly high or almost non-existent?
• You can also request that your partner have a thorough STD test done by their doctor or local health department before having sex with them and offer to provide your test results with them as well.
• Make sure that a condom is worn at all times to decrease the risk of contracting more serious STD’s such as hepatitis and HIV or AIDS. Oral sex can also spread sexually transmitted diseases, so make sure to use a dental dam for cunnilingus and a condom for fellatio.
• Consider limiting the number of people you choose to have sex with, and give yourself some time to choose wisely. Choosing to have sex – even protected – with a variety of sexual partners automatically increases your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease

You can still enjoy sexual intimacy and closeness with your partner - even more so – if you choose to take steps to make sex safer for both you and your partner.

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Question: How old do you have to be to buy condoms?

–YouTube Viewer

Age Restrictions On Buying Condoms

So far, there are no known age restrictions on purchasing condoms. Unlike cigarettes, lottery tickets, pornography and alcohol, condoms are not kept behind the counter or carded for during a purchase. You may not be able to go into a specialty sex store and purchase a condom, because other age restricted items are sold there as well, but there is nothing stopping you from going into your local gas station or supermarket and purchasing a Trojan or two. Both young men and young women are allowed to buy condoms without restriction.

If You Get Denied

If you happen to go to a supermarket or a gas station – as long as it’s not a store that sells other sexually age restricted items such as pornography – and are not allowed to buy a condom, chances are it has nothing to do with the establishment you’re purchasing the condoms from or a so-called legal age restriction on condom purchase. It is more likely that the cashier has a problem with a teen buying condoms, and feels that he or she should prevent you from doing so. If this happens, don’t be afraid to go to the management or find another store. There are many places that sell condoms, and you don’t have to be discriminated against just because you’re young. Young teens have sex all the time without using protection, you should be proud of yourself for making the choice to be safe!

Safer Sex

Congratulations for making the choice to be safer with your partner and protect both you and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Many young people still aren’t making that choice and are having sex without protection, resulting in STD’s and unwanted pregnancies. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends about having safer sex, or even give them a condom or two. Spread the word that safe is the way to be! Hopefully as we grow as a society, adults and parents will realize that teens are going to have sex, whether they have access to condoms and dental dams or not. Hopefully, we will make it easier for teens to have access to condoms and better sex education, instead of not talking about it and hoping it will go away. For now though, teens have to take safe sex and sex education into their own hands. Take the time to educate yourself and your partner about how to have safer sex, and how to avoid unwanted pregancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Nowadays, there are plenty of ways to prevent pregnancy and keep from spreading STD’s, even though society doesn’t talk about it. Sex can still be enjoyed without putting you or your partner at risk!

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Question: What health considerations should be taken for analingus and “oral sex on feet’?

–Dan & Jennifer Forum Question

Cleanliness Is Key

The most important thing with analingus is cleanliness. You just can’t be clean enough! Definitely don’t do it right after your partner has a bowel movement (yuck!) and make sure your partner washes up good down there. Use antibacterial hand soap and hot water if you like, but regular soap works just as well as long as you get your anus or your partner’s anus good and clean. Many people have hair near their anuses that can trap bacteria and matter, and it can either be shaved or waxed for ultra cleanliness and smoothness down there. Bacteria transferred from the anus to the mouth can be dangerous and can make you very, very sick, so it’s important to take proper precautions before engaging in analingus.

Try Using A Barrier

If you or your partner really want to try analingus but are just really freaked out by the idea of putting your tongue down there, a great solution is to use a dental dam or other type of barrier. A dental dam is simply a square piece of latex or other material that goes in between the anus and your mouth. Plastic food wrap works well in a pinch too. This helps prevent bacteria and even matter from getting near your mouth, while still giving your partner the same sensations that analingus would were you not using a dam or barrier. The trick to make this feel extra good is to put a dab or two f good water based or silicone based lubricant in between the anus and the barrier to allow for more freedom of movement and titillating sensations.

Oral Sex On Feet

Some foot lovers enjoy licking or sucking their partner’s feet or toes, and many people enjoy the sensations of having their toes and feet licked and sucked. This is a dirty job too, however, not as dangerous as analingus can be if you’re not clean. Of course, a good, clean foot is better than one just out of a sweaty sock. Have your partner go for a pedicure to remove all the dead skin and calluses (and cute, painted toenails are always sexy!) and have them wash their feet well with hot, soapy water before putting your mouth on them. Generally, these are all the health precautions you need to take here, but you can use a dental dam or plastic food wrap if you really hate the idea of putting your tongue and mouth on someone’s feet. Just remember – a dab of lube under the dam or wrap does wonders!

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Question: My boyfriend really wants to do anal, and I do too, but honestly I’m afraid that he might get something on his penis. Could you please tell me what I can do for that not to happen, because I really want to do it for him.

–YouTube Viewer

Keeping The Pipes Clean

Well, it has to be said that if you “play in the mud, you might get dirty.” If you have anal sex with your partner, he may end up getting some fecal matter on his penis, regardless of what you do to keep that from happening. You may end up having looser bowel movements or mild incontinence after having anal sex as well, so it may not just get on his penis. There are a few things you can do to minimize the risk of playing dirty, but you can’t eliminate. It’s just what the anus is for.

• Eat a healthy diet with lots of fiber. Fiber is in lots of good vegetables, like broccoli, and can be found in a variety of other healthy foods. You can also use fiber supplements such as Metamucil. Fiber will help give you regular bowel movements, so nothing stays in one place too long.
• Try an enema. You see porn stars having anal sex all the time, and unless it’s a fetish video, things stay pretty clean, right? That’s generally because they have enemas on a regular basis to “clean out the pipes.” An enema will remove most of the fecal matter from your intestines before you have anal sex. This is likely the best way to ensure that little to no matter ends up on your partner’s penis.
• Have your partner wear a condom. Nothing will actually get on his penis, persay….
• Realize that the anus is used for excrement – it’s a fact of life. If your partner would be totally grossed out by having a bit of fecal matter on his penis after anal sex, maybe anal sex just isn’t for him.

Keeping It Comfortable And Safe

Anal sex can be uncomfortable, especially if you don’t use enough good, water or silicone based lube. Don’t be shy on the lube, and remember to go slow. Never use desensitizing lubricant, because if it starts to hurt, you need to stop. Things can get torn back there, and spending the night in the emergency room for stitches in your back door is not fun. Don’t let your partner play rough back there. If you want rough sex, have vaginal sex. The anus is not the place to see how hard you can take it. Keep things clean by washing your hands, washing any anal sex toys you play with and never, ever insert the penis into the vagina after it has been in the anus without removing the condom and washing it thoroughly with soap and water first. If you use toys, stay with small toys that are designed with a wide base. The anus can stretch and sometimes doesn’t go back to the same size it was before if you stretch it too much. Incontinence anyone? When you respect anal sex for what it can be – extremely pleasurable for some people but also dangerous if you’re not careful – you can have fun without most of the mess and without pain and damage in the long run.

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Dear Maryanne,

I feel so stupid that I’m even in this situation, but I need some advice for an ethical question that has come up. A friend of mine set me up with a man named Alan, whom I already knew to be a great philanthropist in our community. She recommended him as a potentially great match for me, and so we started going out. Things progressed quickly, which I felt comfortable with because my friend liked him so much, and he did in fact seem to be good and upstanding. Within a short time, we decided to spend a night together.

When the subject of condoms came into the conversation, Alan insisted that he had been tested for STD’s and was clean. Who in their right mind would accept that as an excuse not to be safe? Me, apparently, even after warning my goddaughter about safe sex and sending her to college with your book and a supply of condoms. I wasn’t even smart enough to follow my own advice.

Unfortunately, within a few days of sleeping with Alan, I became infected with herpes. Alan refuses to talk about it with me, becoming evasive when I asked him to send his test results to my doctor. So now I don’t know whether I should warn my friend not to set Alan up with anyone else, or just put this whole episode behind me and forget about it. I don’t want to cross any ethical lines, but at the same time I don’t want other women to go through what I’m going through now. Help!

Thank you in advance,

Laura

Dear Laura,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is always difficult to deal with when we discover that the guy we thought was decent and honest is actually the opposite of all those things. It can shatter your trust and cause untold amounts of emotional distress. It’s especially difficult to have such a harsh lesson dealt to you when you have obviously been doing your best to use your CORR® relationship techniques. You have learned the hard way that it’s not enough for someone else to endorse someone – you have to do all the detective work yourself.

But that doesn’t mean snooping or digging around – it’s as simple as communication and observation. Ask the 14 questions outlined in Hindsight, add any of your own, and then wait and see. If you become sexually involved too early, the “wait and see” part can become distorted, as your affection and attachment to this person can cloud your judgement and make you blind to any warning signs that come along. Of course, you probably realize all this now.

There is a silver lining to your cloud, though. You have the opportunity to love yourself and turn this seemingly negative experience into a way to grow and learn. So how will you figure out what to do now, as a child of the Divine? Here are some tips to get the ball rolling:

• Spend a few days re-centering your ego. Get away from asking for outside validation by covering all your mirrors with construction paper. Look inward instead for answers, remind yourself about all the ways in which you are unique and strong and gifted, and watch how quickly you move back to a center of internal reference.
• Cleanse yourself with a clearing ceremony. Make a ritual of writing down everything you need to heal, and all the things you want to let go. You can let a few friends in on it, make a beautiful and sacred place to hold your ceremony, and surround yourself with beauty and wisdom.
• Take a break from sex. Six or nine months of dating without sex may seem like forever, but you’re worth the wait, and a period of abstinence can help you keep your thinking clear. Use the opportunity to look at why you trusted Alan so soon, and next time when you date, let the trust build naturally over time. You will see how you behave on dates, as well as what sort of men you are attracting.

I think you’ll find, that if you’re patient and gentle with yourself, that as you go through this process your answers will surface. You will soon see what is the most appropriate way forward for you. Please do contact me if you have any more questions.

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1. I Won’t Get Pregnant If I Douche After We Have Sex

No, no and no. Douching after sex actually pushes the sperm up farther into the vaginal canal, making their trip through the vaginal canal to your waiting-to-be-fertilized egg that much shorter and that much easier. Also, once the sperm reach the cervix and travel through the small opening into the uterus, it’s game over. No douching solution can go that far.

2. I Won’t Get Pregnant If He Pulls Out

Yes, if he pulls out, most of the sperm will go wherever he chooses to ejaculate after he does so. A penis, however, is a loaded gun! There’s ammo in the barrel at all times, even before your partner has an orgasm. Anytime a penis comes into contact with your vagina, you run the risk of becoming pregnant, no matter how “low” that risk seems to be.

3. I Can Have Safe Sex As Soon As I Take My First Birth Control Pill

In a perfect world, yes. However, most women need to take the pill for an entire month before it truly becomes the advertised 99% effective. To avoid getting pregnant, a woman must use backup contraception, such as spermicide, a condom or a diaphragm during this month to keep from becoming pregnant while her body is adjusting to the pill.

4. I Can’t Get Pregnant If I’m Breastfeeding

In truth, breastfeeding is designed to tell the body it doesn’t need to drop any more eggs. But our bodies don’t always listen to us, and breastfeeding isn’t a surefire way to protect yourself from getting pregnant again. In fact, some women report that they felt they were more fertile after having a baby than before because they got pregnant again right away!

5. I Won’t Get Prenant If I Have Sex And I’m A Virgin

Nope. Not a bit of truth to that one. If your ovaries have dropped an egg (which they do every month) and your partner ejaculates inside your vagina, that’s a recipe for pregnancy whether you’ve had sex a million times before or have never, ever had sex.

6. If I Pee Or Shower Right After Sex, It Will Prevent Pregnancy

Sperm travel very fast and it’s likely that many of them have already reached your cervix before you even hop in the tub. When men ejaculate, they ejaculate hundreds of millions of sperm. There’s just no way to wash – or urinate – all those sperm away. It’s impossible. And ladies, all your egg needs for pregnancy is 1 tiny, little sperm.

7. Certain Sex Positions Can Prevent Pregnancy

No matter what position you have sex in, if your partner ejaculates in your vaginal canal, his sperm are going to start swimming towards your cervix and possibly a waiting egg. Even if you’re standing up and you think the sperm are going to go down instead of up, those little guys can swim.

8. I Can’t Get Pregnant If I’m On My Period

While your risk of getting pregnant while on your period is lower than any other time of the month, it’s not low enough. Most women, however, have irregular cycles and many women can drop an egg or more than one egg during any time of the month. In addition to that, sperm can live inside your cervix and uterus for up to 5 days!

9. I Won’t Get Pregnant If We Have Sex In A Hot Tub.

Yes. You Can. The water in a hot tub is pretty hot, but not hot enough to kill the 500 some million sperm your guy is ejaculating.

10. I Can’t Find A Condom. A Balloon Or Plastic Wrap Will Work.

No! Can you imagine how uncomfortable a balloon will be for your partner? Not to mention it will probably bust or roll off. Plastic wrap? Surefire semen spillage. A condom is the only thing your partner can put on his penis during sex to help prevent pregnancy.

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What About Men?

Men, on the other hand, are limited in choices when it comes to their own sexual health. If they do not wish to conceive a child with a woman and want to take matters into their own hands, generally their only choice is to use a condom. Condoms are popular and effective – especially at preventing sexually transmitted diseases and infections - but can be conspicuous. Is there a male contraception pill that a man can take without his partner knowing to prevent pregnancy?

Not yet. But that doesn’t mean one isn’t in the works!

How Will A Male Contraceptive Work?

Ideally, a male form of “the pill” will work much the same way the female version does. A woman’s contraceptive sends hormones to her brain that tell her body not to release an egg every month. In a male contraceptive, a hormone would tell a man’s brain not to produce sperm. This is tricky though, because the primary hormones that would be used for this purpose produce a number of unwanted side effects, such as weight gain or loss of male characteristics. A combination of hormones, however, might just be effective at stopping the production of sperm without unwanted side effects. Other ideas for male contraception suggest two different proteins might be more effective at preventing sperm from impregnating a woman, with less side effects than a hormonal birth control. One protein would immobilize sperm, leaving them unable to move through the penis and into a woman’s body, and the other that will prevent sperm from maturing. All these potential forms of male contraception are intended to be reversible.

Will Men Use Birth Control?

Many women are left with unanswered questions when it comes to male contraception. When it becomes available, are men going to actually use birth control? Can they be relied upon to faithfully use their contraception so as to prevent pregnancy? Yes, but only with the proper education. Even though female birth control, condoms, and spermicide have been around for decades and have been proven to be extremely effective at preventing pregnancy, education about these contraceptive tools is still at an all time low. When male contraception is introduced, teens and adults alike must receive proper education on where it is available and how to use it.

No method of birth control is 100% effective, and only condoms can help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Whether you’re a guy or a gal, it’s important to take your reproductive health into your own hands. Women, birth control is available to you and can be taken in conjunction with condom use, spermicide use and even male contraception when it becomes available. Educate yourself about your options and stay safe – and smart!

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Pregnancy And Periods

Generally, women don’t get pregnant when they’re on their periods. First of all, an egg has to be dropped from a woman’s ovary for pregnancy to take place. Second, for a fertilized egg to implant itself in the uterus successfully, there must be enough uterine lining to house the fertilized egg well. A woman’s period is when she sheds this lining, making it a poor time for an egg to attach. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen though! Every woman’s body is different and she may drop an egg during her period, and she just may have enough menstrual lining to house the fertilized egg. While a woman is less likely to become pregnant while she is on her period, it is wise not to take that chance if you’re not planning on raising a baby. Using a condom, spermicide, traditional birth control or other barrier methods to prevent pregnancy at all times is probably your best bet if you aren’t looking to conceive.

Periods And STD’s

That said, there is another aspect of having sex while she’s on her period to consider. Sexually transmitted diseases and infections actually have a higher rate of transmission during a woman’s period than during other times of the month. Is the rate that much higher? Probably not. But it’s still something to consider. HIV and AIDS of course, do have a higher rate of transmission during a woman’s period due to direct blood to semen and semen to blood contact. Other sexually transmitted dieseases and infections can be passed from a woman to a man during her period more easily than if she is not on her period, because the organisms that cause STD’s tend to love a warm, moist environment and can multiply faster during that time of the month.

Being Safe

With all things considered, if you don’t want to conceive a child or transmit or contract an STD, it’s important to take steps to keep yourself safe at all times, no matter what time of the day, month or year it is. Simply having sex with your partner while she’s on her period isn’t going to prevent pregnancy alone, and avoiding sex with a woman on her period isn’t going to eliminate your risks of contracting an STD. Learn how to be safe, and learn how to make smart sexual decisions that will keep you and your partner happy and healthy – and kid-free if you want it that way.

Don’t know how to buy a condom, or which condoms are the best to use? Check out our Condoms 101 video mini-series. Everything you need to know about buying a condom, how to put a condom on and wearing a condom during sex!

Take the Poll and Then Leave a Comment to Tell Us Your Thoughts!

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What Is Emergency Contraception?

Emergency contraception, also known as the “morning after pill” is just that – it’s contraception that is used in the event of an emergency. If you miss a few birth control pills, the condom breaks, or your diaphragm spills as you’re taking it out. Emergency contraception isn’t regular birth control, meaning you can’t have sex without protection every time and simply use emergency contraception afterwards to prevent pregnancy. It also won’t protect you against sexually transmitted diseases or infections. But it can help when something goes wrong with your normal contraception methods.

What Is Plan B?

Plan B is the brand name of emergency contraception that is available at your local pharmacy or Planned Parenthood location. You don’t need a prescription for Plan B, but insurance won’t help pay for it either. It works – about 7 out of 8 women that would have become pregnant if they didn’t use Plan B didn’t. Plan B is most effective 72 hours after having unprotected sex or a contraceptive failure, and the longer you wait, the less effective it will be. You certainly don’t have to wait 72 hours either – take it as soon as you can after the event in question to maximize your chances of not becoming pregnant.

How Does Plan B Work?

Plan B works the same as birth control does – in fact, the chemicals are very nearly the same in the two medications, with the exception that Plan B has much stronger doses. Both Plan B and birth control work to stop the release of an egg from the ovary, as well as making the lining of your uterus inhabitable for a fertilized egg should one try to implant itself. Plan B is not an abortion – it won’t work if you’re already pregnant. It simply prevents pregnancy from happening in the first place.

Here are some things you should know about Plan B:

• When you take Plan B after a contraception failure or unprotected sex, you are preventing pregnancy from that particular occurance. There is no long term pregnancy prevention with Plan B.
• There are risks associated with Plan B, such as blood clots and stroke, which is higher if you smoke. These risks are similar to those with birth control. Ask your pharmacist or Planned Parenthood representative about these risks.
• There are few side effects with Plan B, but it is not side effect free. You can experience changes in your menstrual cycle, nausea or dizziness. Ask your pharmacist if you have any questions about side effects with Plan B.

It’s Better To Be Prepared

Birth control doesn’t work all the time. Even the best birth control methods still have a very small window in which you can get pregnant. If you don’t want to have a baby, you should have a backup plan. You can get Plan B before your contraceptive even fails, so you’ll be ready if something happens. Shouldn’t you have a Plan B?

Update: Representatives from Plan B have contacted us with new information about their product. It is no longer called Plan B, but Plan B One Step. Those 17 and older are able to get Plan B One Step without a prescription, but those 17 and under must have a prescription for emergency contraception. Visit www.PlanBOneStep.com for more information.

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It’s for the wrong reasons. We’ve all heard about the more common situations under which a pregnancy isn’t a good idea, even if it’s planned. Things like getting pregnant to keep the man, to try and save the relationship, or to create a bigger purpose in your life. But here’s another ill-advised reason to procreate: an attempt to recapture those feel-good hormones  people experience during pregnancy along with the attention from friends and family.

Women in these situations should look at the reasons why they’re desiring this type of attention and endorphin rush. In my book, Make up, Don’t Breakup I talk about why relationships stagnate and then go south and investigate ways to keep this from happening. If you’re searching for attention and connection, examine that with your partner before you bring another person into your lives!

Reasons Not To Get Pregnant Right Now

It’s financially stressful. Sure, there’s never a PERFECT time to have a baby, but naturally certain times are better than others! With the financial strain many of us are facing now, it’s simply not wise to add and additional financial burden to the equation. Which brings me to my next point.

Doing so can create strain in a relationship. In many Bumpaholic situations, the women often strongly desires to get pregnant while the man may be more reticent. Pressuring a partner into having a baby can be one of the most dangerous forms of financial infidelity. Not only can it easily become a point of contention between partners, it can also present an unhealthy and volatile environment to bring a kid into.

It’s denying feelings at the core. I touched on this in my first point, but when it comes to feel-good hormones and attention paid to us, it’s only natural to want more! We have a biochemical craving for connection, as I mention in my book Financial Infidelity, that spurs us on to want to connect with the important people in our lives. When those needs aren’t met by our parents, we can try to overcompensate for that as we become parents ourselves, by looking to create a large family. Or it can be a reflection of the abandonment people feel from their significant other, or from life in general. As our society becomes busier and busier we pull away more and more from the relationships that should be an integral part of our lives. Creating a baby with someone not only allows us to feel close to that person, but gives us someone to lavish our affection, emotion and energy on.

These are all dangerous reasons for bringing kids into the world! Just as alcoholics must examine their relationship to alcohol and what drives them into the destructive habit, so too must a mom looking for fulfillment through pregnancy look at her reasons for doing so.

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Virgin girl gets crabs – did she get them from her sister’s vibrator or from somewhere else? What exactly are crabs, how do you get them and what can you do to get rid of them?

What Are Crabs?

Crabs are lice – like head lice, only much smaller, that live in the pubic area. Crabs are tiny and hard to spot, and lay eggs on the hair shaft or follicle like head lice do. Crabs are generally spread through sexual contact, although this doesn’t have to include penetration. Any sexual contact, including vaginal sex, anal sex, or any type of pubic area to pubic area contact. People with crabs (also known as pubic lice) don’t always look like they have pubic lice, and it can be hard to spot. If you have multiple sex partners, make sure you check yourself regularly.

Symptoms of crabs include white dots – which are the crabs’ eggs – in your pubic hair (easier to see if your pubic hair is dark) and can often be spotted easily with a magnifying glass. Intense itching is one of the most common symptoms, even before you begin to see eggs. If you suspect that you might have pubic lice, see your doctor. Your doctor can prescribe a simple shampoo that will remove the crabs as well as their eggs.

Avoiding Crabs

There are some ways you can avoid getting crabs, although, if you have multiple sex partners, it can be difficult to spot right away and you might come into contact with them. You can also get crabs from wearing unwashed underwear of someone who has crabs, or sharing sex toys with someone who has crabs. To avoid exposing yourself to crabs, avoid sharing sex toys with anyone, and always wash your sex toys after use (even if you’re the only one who uses them. You might not get crabs from yourself, but it’s just better hygiene and will avoid spreading unwanted bacteria). You can use a special sex toy cleaner, or simple soap and hot water.

Getting Educated

While crabs are an unwanted sexually transmitted disease, they’re curable and certainly not one of the worse. Many other infections and sexually transmitted diseases can be spread by sharing sex toys or having multiple sex partners. Many of these infections can be treated, but some can’t. It’s important to educate yourself about sexually transmitted diseases and infections and learn how they’re transmitted, what the symptoms are and how you can protect yourself. Using condoms greatly reduces your risk of contracting a number of STD’s and infections. You’re worth the time it takes to explore different resources and take charge of your sexual health. Being smart, safe and informed can save you a lot of time, money, heartache and health problems later.

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So what is the right age to have sex for the first time? What’s the right age to enter into a sexual relationship? Here are our often controversial thoughts on this topic, and we want to know what your thoughts are on this topic – when do you think the best age is for someone to start having sex? Check out our YouTube page and leave a comment!  

Be Safe And Be Smart

Before we start discussing what age you should or shouldn’t start having sex at, let’s address safe sex at any age. People can recommend that magic “age” all they want, but when it boils down to it, each person is going to make that choice for themselves. So whatever age you decide to have sex for the first time, make sure you’re being safe! Unprotected sex leads to sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and possible pregnancy. Don’t take a chance – use a condom or a dental dam, and know who you’re having sex with. No matter what age you are, if you’re having sex, you’re worth having safe sex.

Waiting

Of course for the younger generation, abstinence is ideal, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Teenagers and pre-teens are having sex and becoming sexual at an earlier age every year it seems like it. Middle schoolers are even beginning to have sex, and some late elementary school age children are starting to show signs of being interested in sex! Of course you want to wait as long as you possibly can. Even if you decide to wait until you’re eighteen, or until you’re married, it is still smart to be honestly and comprehensively educated about sex, about your options and about the consequences of sex. You always want to be armed with information before you make a decision.

A Good Age To Have Sex

Levels of maturity differ from person to person and morals and beliefs differ from family to family. Respect your moral beliefs, and respect your maturity. Women are often more mature than men, and may be ready for sex before men are. Teenagers, however, may not be ready for the consequences of having sex period and that is definitely something to take into consideration. It is your choice though to have sex, no matter what age you are. Once you’ve educated yourself about sex and know how to be safe and what the consequences (emotional and physical) of sex are, you’ll have a better idea if you’re ready or not. If you’re ready, make it special and make it safe. If you’re not, wait.

If you do, however, decide to have sex for the first time, don’t think there’s no going back. Just because you have sex once, does not mean that you have to continue if you don’t want to! You may not be a physical virgin again, but you can decide each and every time whether you want to have sex or not. If you have sex and regret it, don’t do it again. It’s always your choice.

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So what gives? Do drugs like Viagra tend to get a pat on the back by religious groups solely because they cater to the very thing they are trying to preserve: marriage? Or are condoms seen as the device to send our young person straight to sexual hell for even thinking about being sexually active with another person(s)? The idea of hating one product but not the other may not just do harm to the typical groups you are focusing on but to greater extent cause harm in the most unlikely areas of society.

Condoms Vs. Viagra

An article from Inter Press Services focused on the way condoms and Viagra are viewed by the public. It seems among conservative religious groups and others condoms are viewed as detrimental to society while Viagra is seen in a much favorable light. According to the article Michael Tan, a reproductive health activist and chair of the University of the Philippines anthropology department, says both Viagra and condoms are polar opposites. A condom is a part of the World Health Organizations (WHO) list of “essentials” when tackling HIV/AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and the prevention of pregnancy. This is a no-no to many conservative groups which focuses on the need to keep young people from using condoms for fear of early entry into sexual activity. Viagra, on the other hand, works because it promotes a more active sex life and is packaged towards married couples looking for a little zest in their relationship. If it keeps the myth of monogamy and sexual purity intact then Viagra is your drug.

As much as these conservative groups (and countries supporting their viewpoint) want to keep up the pressure to put condoms out they fail to see the bigger picture of the usage among teens and adults. Condoms are used by people of all ages—straight, gay, married or single, newly sexually active or licenses pro, monogamous or non-monogamous—as is Viagra and other sexual enhancement drugs. Male swingers use Viagra for hopes of an evening of never ending sexual encounters…with condoms in tow; young men using Viagra hope to achieve “Casanova” status amongst their nubile counterparts.

Condoms For Everyone?

Condom usage is not just a young man’s game; for our seniors it is a matter of life and death. Many sexually active senior citizens (please, get over the image of your grandmother/father getting it on because they do) are seeing a rise in STDs in their community.

Recent guidelines in Extended Care facilities must allow for conjugal interactions among its residents. As long as each person has the majority of their mental capacity for consensual sexual activity.

An article in Time Magazine () highlighted the growing trend: Whatever the cause — Viagra, midlife divorce, online dating or simple ignorance — studies suggest that STDs are no longer just an affliction of the young. A study published online last week by the journal Sexually Transmitted Infections adds to that growing body of evidence. Researchers at England’s West Midlands Health Protection Agency found that in less than a decade, STD rates had more than doubled among people ages 45 and older.

The study was a small sampling to this alarming trend and it is further complicated by many seniors who don’t talk about such issues to doctors or “ignore it altogether because of the stigma placed on it.”

Money Talks

So much for giving condoms a bad name and making Viagra style drugs the savior of marriage, or the savior of ‘manhood’. Gathering all the information together for this article one of my sources suggested the real story is the connection of Viagra styled drugs to some cozy relations in government. Drug companies sleep in the same bed with those in Congress to get the approval needed to get these drugs out on the market. Conservative groups look at condoms as tools for immoral practices outside of marriage. In short, it’s all about the money. Both items are equal in the sense they are there to promote good sexual health, enjoyment, and pleasure. Whether young or old, these items shouldn’t be held as a litmus test for morals, but rather a type of way to benefit long sexual life and health. Conservative groups should be out giving the Trojan Man the help and support as much as couples who get their sexual boost singing “Viva Viagra.”

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Is it OK to explore my sexuality – like being bisexual? Or does that make me gay?? What should I do?

Right Vs. Wrong

To answer the question – is it wrong to be bisexual or is it wrong to experiment with your sexuality – you must first decide what “right” and “wrong” really are. Technically, outside of religious context or outside of your own moral constitutes, there is no right or wrong anything when it comes to sex. Since the dawn of time, humans have done everything that is sexual, because essentially, humans are sexual beings. Only in more recent decades have society and religions began to dictate what we should or shouldn’t do sexually. So answer this question for yourself – what does my religion say about being bisexual or exploring my sexuality? What do my own personal morals say about it? If your own beliefs allow you to explore sex with different people, feel free to experiment sexually.

Sexual Orientation

If you’re experimenting with your sexuality and are having sex with people of your same sex as well as people of the opposite sex, you may be wondering if you’re technically bisexual or even gay. Exploring your sexuality, however, doesn’t require the use of a label at all. Most people experiment sexually at a young age, including in their late teens and early twenties. Most people have settled down in their sexuality at about 26 or so years old. So if you’re younger than that, don’t stress too much about what your sexual orientation is – it doesn’t have to be anything right now! If you truly feel that you might be one sexual orientation or another, think about which gender you think about when you have sex or even masturbate. Regardless of who you go to bed with physically, if you’re always thinking about one gender or another while having sex, you’re likely sexually inclined towards that particular gender. If it’s an even mix, you might not be ready to settle down yet.

Being Safe

If you’re exploring your sexuality, it’s important that you be safe and informed. Regardless of which gender you’re having sex with, you can still transmit sexually transmitted diseases and infections, as well as become pregnant or get another woman pregnant in some instances. Take the time to educate yourself about sex with both genders so you know what activities can transmit STD’s and how you can protect yourself. Many people think about having safer sex when they’re having sex with the opposite gender, but often sex with the same gender gets overlooked when it comes to protecting yourself. Don’t risk it – get in the know about STD’s and pregnancy no matter what gender you are and no matter which gender you prefer to have sex with. You’re worth it!

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What do you think? Should we educate our kids about sex and how to be safe, or tell them to pretend all their friends aren’t having sex and hope for the best? Education or ignorance?

Abstinence Only?

Every sex education program needs to include abstinence. It is a great choice for teens of all ages, because it keeps them completely safe from pregnancy, STD’s and emotional damage until they’re ready for it. But abstinence is just that – a choice. There are other choices when it comes to sex ed, mainly deciding to have sex and have protected or unprotected sex. It’s a choice that many of our teens today are making – they’re making the decisions, so why aren’t we talking to them about it?

According to a 2006 study from the Guttmacher Institute, abstinence only programs make up the sex education curriculum in half of the schools in the southern United States and 1 in 5 schools in the northern part of the U.S. Many schools absolutely forbid education on safer sex, such as education about available contraceptives. Some abstinence only education curriculums do touch on sexually transmitted diseases, if only to scare teens into becoming abstinent, and some touch on male and female anatomy and how babies are born.

Government Control?

Why are the schools in the United States choosing abstinent only curriculum? Waiting until marriage to have sex is largely a religious concept, and with the separation of church and state, schools are no longer allowed to have prayer in schools – so why are they promoting a form of sex education that is founded on religion? A little digging unearths some unsettling facts. $176 million dollars in government funding is available to schools in the United States who promote an abstinence only sex education program. $0 is available to schools in the United States who choose to teach comprehensive sex ed in their classrooms. The federal guidelines for sexual activity include anything that is sexually arousing – including kissing and hugging – and federal guidelines for these sex ed programs require teachers to suggest that sex outside of marriage is wrong and unsafe at any age.

Teens Will Choose To Have Sex – So What Do We Do?

Teaching abstinence in schools doesn’t automatically shut off a teenager’s hormones. It doesn’t suddenly make them not want to have sex, especially when our marketing, television shows and commericals, movies and music promote sex and sexuality at every turn. Our job as parents – and as a civilized society – is to teach children about all of their choices, including the choices to have sex both protected and unprotected. Knowledge is power and children deserve to know what their options are, including what can happen with each choice. Children deserve to know how you feel about sex and what you expect of them, as well as how to learn what they expect of themselves. A properly educated teenager may choose not to have sex at all, or they may choose to have safe, protected sex with someone they care about when they are ready. Uneducated or poorly educated children will not know what to do when a sexual situation arises, when they don’t understand why they should say no, or what to do when their bodies are telling them to do something entirely different. They may choose to have sex, but they may not know that there are options available to help make sex safer for both them and their partners, so they may end up pregnant or with a sexually transmitted diseases.

Perhaps it’s too soon to hope that the federal government will fund comprehensive sex education, but it certainly something we can take into our own hands. Find out what they’re teaching at your child’s school, and fill in the gaps. Give your children the power to choose – and to choose wisely.

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

My girlfriend gives me blow jobs, hand jobs, etc. Every time we play, this white sticky stuff come out, and then after a few minutes cum comes out – what is all this stuff coming out of me?

 

–Jason, TX

Sperm, Semen and Precum

Lots of girls want to know – what’s the skinny on sperm, semen and precum? What are they?

Precum – The clear, thinnish and somewhat sticky liquid that comes out of the head of the penis in small amounts during penile stimulation before he actually ejaculates. Precum can and does contain live sperm, although in significantly smaller amounts than actual semen.

Semen – The whitish, thicker fluid that comes out of the head of the penis during ejaculation that contains millions of sperm.

 Sperm – Organisms carried within semen and precum that join with a woman’s egg to conceive a child.

 Which Of These Can Get A Girl Pregnant?

In short – all of them! Precum and semen both contain sperm. Having unprotected sex without a condom, even before the man ejaculates, can get a woman pregnant. It is better to treat a penis like a loaded gun. Many women believe that allowing a man to have intercourse with her without a condom is safe, as long as the guy pulls his penis out of her vagina before he ejaculates, and ejaculates away from her vagina. While this is safer than allowing your partner to actually ejaculate inside you, it is not a way to protect against pregnancy. Sperm can travel out of the penis pretty much at any time – allowing a condomless penis to get within the vicinity of your vagina puts you at a definite risk of getting pregnant.

Don’t chance it! Even allowing your partner to rub his penis on the outside of your vagina without a condom can transmit sperm from the penis to the vagina and there’s a reason that sperm are called “little swimmers.” They travel! For the safest type of sex, use a condom to prevent pregnancy. You can also discuss with your doctor other methods of birth control that can be used in conjunction with a condom for added protection, or in lieu of a condom if your with an STD free partner and in a completely faithful, monogamous relationship.

Which Of These Can Transmit A Sexually Transmitted Disease?

In short – all of them! Again, treat a condomless penis like a loaded gun, even more so if you’re unsure if your partner has a sexually transmitted disease. To clarify, unless you have a piece of paper in your hand that says your partner has tested negative for STD’s and you’re 110% positive your partner has not had any type of sexual contact with anyone else since the test was taken, you’re unsure of whether your partner has an STD. Protect yourself. Both precum and semen can carry the HIV and AIDS virus, as well as other sexually transmitted diseases. It is important to be even more vigilant if you’re concerned about STD’s, however, because you don’t just have to worry about any fluids from your partner’s penis coming into contact with your vagina, you also have to worry about these fluids possibly coming into contact with your mouth or any open sores or cuts on your body.

For example, if you knicked yourself shaving and your partner rubs his penis up your leg without a condom, you can possibly contract an STD that way. It’s rare – yes. But possible. Be safe and get STD tested, suggest that your partner get STD tested, stay in a monogamous, faithful relationship whenever possible, and use condoms during anal sex, oral sex and vaginal intercourse any time you’re unsure. Always treat your partner’s penis as though it can get you pregnant or give you an STD because in truth – it can! That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex. Just be safe and smart about it!

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

Can you get STDs from oral sex? Is it a moot point to wear a condom for intercourse after that, if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? What about girl on girl oral sex?

 

–Mike, FL

Less Likely? How Less Likely?

Sure, it’s less likely to contract or pass STD’s through oral sex, but how less likely? Do you even want to fool with “less likely?” Although the chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases from unprotected oral sex than those of having unprotected intercourse, you can still contract STD’s such as chlamydia, ghonnorhea, syphilis, herpes and even HIV and AIDS from unprotected oral sex. Don’t chance it! If you’re not in a monogomous relationship in which both partners have been thoroughly tested for STD’s, protect yourself during intercourse and oral sex. You can use dental dams, flavored condoms or even plastic wrap in a pinch! Don’t like the way it feels? Try using a little bit of lube on the inside of the condom/dental dam/plastic wrap to create a more natural feeling.

Using A Condom During Intercourse After Having Unprotected Oral Sex

Is it a moot point to use a condom during intercourse if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? Not at all! Even if the person you were having unprotected oral sex with has an STD, it’s entirely possible that you did not contract it during oral sex. It’s possible you did, but it’s also possible you didn’t. It’s much more likely that you’ll contract the disease through unprotected intercourse, so why set yourself up? Wrap it up instead! Again, if you’re not in a monogomous relationship with a partner you know for a fact is STD free, protect yourself as much as possible. Even if you didn’t use protection during oral sex, it’s still worth it to use a condom during intercourse.

Get Some Information!

The Internet is jam-packed full of information about sexually transmitted diseases, how each one is spread and how you can give or contract them through sex and oral sex. With a simple Google search, you can find out the specifics – such as how a particular disease can be spread through a particular sex act, as well as the best way to protect yourself. Don’t believe the old wives tales – you know, the ones like you can prevent pregnancy by douching afterwards (which by the way can actually improve your chances of getting pregnant). Read the information on legitimate websites, such as WebMD or the CDC website instead of checking out websites that don’t have credible information.

It’s all about being safe, smart and well informed. While any type of sex – oral, vaginal or anal – puts you at risk for giving or contracting sexually transmitted diseases (protected or unprotected) you can significantly reduce your risk by practicing safer sex and using condoms and dental dams. Protect yourself – you’re worth it!

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is anal sex really safe? Is it okay to have anal sex? What precautions can you take so you can still enjoy anal sex but do so safely?

–Tom, NJ

No Sex Is Safe

You might be surprised to learn that no sex – oral, anal or vaginal – is technically considered safe. There is always the risk of pregnancy with vaginal sex no matter how much protection you use (although the proper protection such as condoms and birth control greatly reduce that risk) and there’s always the risk of contracting sexually transmitted with any type of sex, no matter how small. So it makes sense that anal sex is never considered “safe” either, and anal sex even has its own risks associated with it. With that in mind, if you choose to have anal sex, definitely take care to make it as safe as you possibly can!

Cleanliness

One risk associated with anal sex that generally isn’t true of other types of sex is the abundance of bacteria in the anal cavity that can spread. If you’re using toys, make sure your toys are clean before and after use, and never, ever use a toy or even a real penis for vaginal sex after anal sex if it hasn’t been cleaned properly first. There are a lot of great toy cleansers on the market today, and if you’re short on cash, hot water and soap work just as well. As an added note, having a bowel movement or even taking a gentle laxative before having anal sex will ensure that while bacteria still remain, solid matter is at a minimum.

Be Reasonable!

Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like the vagina. Use plenty of water based lubricant (oil based lubricants break down latex and if you’re using a condom during anal sex – which is highly recommended whether you’re with a monogamous partner or not – oil based lube will reduce the condom’s effectiveness or even cause it to break) and add more lubricant as needed. Be reasonable with size as well – if you’re partner’s penis is unusually well endowed, you might want to try using a smaller toy or fingers for anal sex play. If you only use toys for anal sex, keep your toys at a reasonable size and opt for ones that have a wide base at the bottom to keep it from slipping in your anal cavity and getting lost – because yes, that can happen!

The Anal Cavity Is Not The Place For Rough Sex

Remember that the anal cavity and anus is not designed for sex the way a vagina is. That doesn’t mean that it’s not possible, just that sex is not this area’s primary purpose. If you like rough sex, the anus is not the place for it. Anal tissues are very delicate and can tear, and overly stretching your anus and anal cavity can lead to the necessity for adult diapers later on. If you choose to have anal sex, be safe, smart and educated and take care of yourself and your partner. It may give you great pleasure, but tearing or stretching your anal cavity can make you unable to have any type of anal sex in the future, in addition to the other problems that come along with that.

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What Exactly Is Safe Sex?

Safe sex doesn’t just have to mean protected sex with a condom or some sort of birth control – although that’s crucially important as well, in most cases! Safe sex should also mean intimacy with your partner, trust in your partner and in your relationship, and commitment to each other. You can’t have all these things – what I would deem as the broader definition of “safe sex” – without having honesty in a relationship. If you don’t know that your significant other is going to be honest with you, how can you trust them? How can you have true intimacy? How can you really commit to a person or a relationship if you’re not even sure what that relationship encompasses, or who that person is. Therefore, you can’t have safe sex without honesty.

In a sexual relationship, the converse is also true: you can’t have honesty without safe sex. Using the broader definition of safe sex – one that encompasses intimacy, trust and commitment – you’ll find that all these components must be present in order for honesty to factor into the equation. If you remove one of them, it becomes much harder to be honest. Sex honesty is an inter-connected idea, a cycle that must be maintained by both people in order to have a healthy relationship. Since you can’t have safe sex without honesty, and you can’t have honesty without safe sex, a couple has to work on making sure that both honesty and the components of safe sex are present in their relationship. That doesn’t mean that everything is going to be in perfect balance all the time, but learning to identify the deficits that may arise in these areas can go a long way towards insuring a healthier, “safer” sex life, and a more fulfilling, honest relationship.

Having Sex - More Than What Meets The Eye

This is also why I think having sex with someone should be more than a spontaneous decisions. It’s hard to be honest with someone you don’t know very well and therefore it’s difficult to have a truly honest, sexual relationship with that person. This, I believe, is often why casual sex doesn’t work out to the benefit of both people involved. Sex should be something that’s arrived at through intimacy, trust, commitment and honesty. By skipping those steps, you’re selling yourself and your relationship short.

Additionally, honesty in a relationship means fidelity – sexually, financially, and emotionally. I talk about putting relationships back together in my books “Adultery, the Forgivable Sin,” and Can we Cure and Forgive Adultery?” and highlight the idea that monogamy is a conscience decision. Fidelity – in its various forms – is a decision you make to stay honest in your relationship. Fidelity, honesty, sex, and finances are all inter-connected. In a healthy relationship this can be a great thing!

So, to make a short story long, I would answer that sex honesty to me is the culmination of intimacy, trust and commitment – all which ideally lead to fidelity and fulfillment in a relationship!

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The most important thing to consider when using sex toys for anal sex is safety – having anal sex is nothing like having vaginal sex because you have to be a lot more careful. Here’s what you need to know about anal sex and the most popular anal sex toys.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’d like to have anal sex using toys – are there toys built just for anal sex? What is the best toy to use?

–Sarah, Idaho

Before You Begin

Before you begin anal sex, make sure you have what you need on hand, such as plenty of lubricant. Don’t use a numbing lubricant during anal sex, because you could inhibit pain receptors that play an important factor in letting you know if something goes wrong. Anal sex should be introduced slowly and be very aware that anal tissue is more sensitive than vaginal or oral tissue and can tear easily. Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like a vagina is – make sure to use lots and lots of lubricant during anal sex whether you’re having anal sex with your partner or using an anal sex toy.

Which Toys Are Safest?

The safest anal sex toys are those that are designed for anal sex only. Most of these toys have a wide enough base to prevent the toy from “getting lost” in the anal cavity, and this is an important feature to have on an anal sex toy. Many vaginal sex toys don’t have wide bases because a woman’s body prevents toys or other things from getting lost – they can always come out. This isn’t true of the anal cavity though and if something goes too far in, you might need a doctor’s help in getting it out. Make sure your anal toys have a wide base to prevent the toy from slipping to far in the anus. Another benefit of the wide base is that they fit nicely into strap on harnesses, allowing more freedom of sex play both vaginally and anally.

Curved Anal Toys

Anal toys can be fun for both men and women, and men actually have an inner pleasure spot within their anal cavity, similar to a woman’s g-spot. This is called the prostate gland, and you can use a curved anal toy to better stimulate a man’s prostate for increased pleasure and more satisfying anal sex.

Remember The Most Important Thing

The most important thing about having anal sex and using anal sex toys is not only to go slow and only go with what you’re comfortable with, but to have fun! If something is painful, or if you’re just not comfortable with something, find another toy or try another sex activity that works to satisfy both you and your partner. If you like anal sex and enjoy using toys for anal sex, make sure to get the ones that are manufactured specifically for that purpose. If anal sex or anal sex toys just aren’t your thing, there are thousands of different ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve the backdoor at all. If, however, you really enjoy that backdoor action, keep it safe and keep it fun!

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Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’m a first time condom wearer – I want to be safe, but how do I put one on the right way? It seems harder than it should be! Do you have any tips?

–Terry, Washington

Checking Your Condom

First, keep your condoms in a cool, dry place. Condoms that are kept in glove compartments, wallets and back pockets can break down more easily than condoms that are kept in a drawer or another safe place. Before opening your condom, make sure the condom hasn’t passed its expiration date – yes, condoms can expire! Open your condom gently to make sure you’re tearing only the package (not the condom) and check it for consistency. Make sure if it’s a lubricated condom that the lube is still moist, and make sure your condom is still in good, working condition. If it seems like your condom might not be ready to go, throw it out and get a new one!

Putting Your Condom On

You might want to put your condom on in a lighted situation – putting on a condom in complete darkness can lead you to possibly put it on the wrong way. Grab the built in reservoir on the top and roll the condom slowly down the penis, making sure that all of the air bubbles are worked out of the condom before you start. To avoid fluid contamination, be sure that both your hands and penis are clean before putting on a condom. Be very careful that no fluid from the penis gets on the outside of the condom before you begin intercourse, as this may lead to sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

Removing Your Condom

When you’re ready to remove your condom, pull your penis out slowly while gripping the base of the condom to avoid spilling any seminal fluid that is inside the condom. Turn completely away from your partner before removing it, and slowly roll the condom back up the penis while making sure that the seminal fluid stays in the built in reservoir. Take your used condom, wrap it in tissue and throw it away properly – they don’t flush! Wash your hands and penis thoroughly with soap and water before touching your partner again.

Tips And Pointers

If a condom breaks, pull out immediately and remove the condom, washing thoroughly before putting on another one. Make sure your condom fits properly – if it’s not snug, or there are air bubbles or it seems too loose, your condom might be too big and you may need to choose a smaller size. It can also be dangerous if your condom is too small or too tight – if the ring around the base of the condom doesn’t go all the way to the base of your penis, the condom isn’t the right size for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different types of condoms until you find the right one for you!

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Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about condoms and some people say you don’t need them and that you can just pull out. What’s the truth – should I really wear a condom or is it all just rumor?

–Ted, California

Do I Need A Condom?

Yes! Condoms can help prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. While animal skin condoms are too porous to prevent STD’s, they’re still effective at preventing pregnancy and traditional latex and plastic condoms are even better. What if your partner is on birth control? Do you still need to wear a condom? Yes! Birth control is effective, but can be made less effective by taking it incorrectly, taking antibiotics or being ill. When coupling condoms with birth control, you are doubly protecting you and your partner against pregnancy as well as preventing the spread and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases.

But I Don’t Like The Way It Feels

Just because a condom might decrease the sensitivity experienced during intercourse a little is no reason not to protect you and your partner. You can still have a lot of fun with condoms – especially flavored ones and those with warming lubricant – and still have a satisfying sex life while staying safe. For some men, condoms are an excellent way to help prevent premature ejaculation. If you tend to “go” too quickly, wearing a condom might help you last longer and some are even available with desensitizing gel or cream that will help you to keep from ejaculating too quickly.

But I’m Embarrassed To Buy Them

Don’t be! If you’re buying condoms, it means you’re having sex. That’s a good thing, right? You can buy condoms at any drug store, supermarket or convenience store and they’re incredibly inexpensive. If you’d like more privacy while purchasing your condoms or would like a wider variety of condoms to choose from, there are many online stores that offer flavored, glow in the dark, colored and other types of condoms that you and your partner can really have a lot of fun with! If you purchase your condoms online, they’ll come to you in discreet packaging and no one will know but you! In reality though, there’s nothing wrong with purchasing condoms from your grocery store, a gas station or even online – it means that you’re being safe and you’re getting ready to have a great time.

All in all, it’s important to be safe – it’s always better being safe than sorry, right? Don’t have sex without a condom – you might be in your doctor’s office getting a positive result on an STD test or finding out that your partner is pregnant, wishing you would have simply put one on in the first place. Have fun with condoms and be safe, and don’t be afraid to experiment with condoms and make them a part of your sexual routine instead of a nuisance!

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I’m including our best, most talked about, and most controversial love, sex, and dating topics of the year.

Enjoy!

Love & Relationships

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4. Do You Know The #1 Secret To A Truly Happy Relationship? (Video)
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6. (Video)
7. Help! My Husband Is Forcing Me To Make A Porn Video! (Video)
8. Lying Virgin – Do Hookers and Hand Jobs Count? (Video)
9. Watching Porn – How Do I Make My Lying Husband Come Clean? (Video)
10. How to Stop Resentment From Killing Your Relationship (Video)

Sex & Intimacy

11. Is Anger Over Previous Sex Partners Justified? (Video)
12. How Do We know If An Open Marriage Is Right For Us? (Video)
13. Can Swinger Relationships REALLY Work? (Video)
14. Should I Tell My Parents I’m Gay? (Video)
15. Should I Tell My Parents I’m Gay? (Video)
16. How Can I Please My Partner With My Small Penis? (Video)
17. Hard Nipples – Does It Mean She Is Happy To See Me? (Video)
18. Does Liking Anal Sex With a Strap On Make Me Gay? (Video)
19. Why Is Masturbation So Taboo? (Video)
20. Is Anal Sex Really Dangerous? (Video)
21. I Like Watching Porn… What’s The Big Deal? (Video)
22. When to Say NO to Anal Sex… (Video)
23. He Pulled Out… Can I Still Get Pregnant? (Video)
24. Honestly, Does Penis Size Really Matter? (Video)
25. Can Men Really Have Multiple Orgasms? (Video)
26. Do You Know The Hidden Dangers of Anal Sex? (Video)
27. Frustrated Girl – Why Can’t I Have An Orgasm With My Partner? (Video)
28. Oral Sex and Orgasm Dilemma – I Want To Finish In Her Mouth… (Video)
29. MILF Fantasy – Should I Have Sex With My Ex’s Mom? (Video)
30. Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad? (Video)
31. Peeping Tom – How Do I Turn My Fantasy Into Reality? (Video)

Singles & Dating

32. Who Should Pick Up The Check On The First Date? (Video)
33. In Love and Dating… Does Our Age Difference Really Matter? (Video)
34. She Gave Me Her Number… Should I Ask Her Out On A Date?(Video)
35. Dating Tips – Does No ALWAYS Mean No? (Video)
36. How To Ask A Shy Girl Out On A Date… (Video)
37. All In Good Fun – Or Date Rape? (Video)
38. How To Know If She’s Straight (and interested in you…), Bisexual, or Lesbian? (Video)
39. How Do I Tell My Best Friend I Want to Be More Than Friends? (Video)
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41. My Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex Before Marriage But I’m Not Sure. Is It Really Okay? (Video)
42. Met Someone New? How Long Should You Date Before It’s OK To Have Sex? (Video)
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44. How To Embrace Your Inner Geek And Still Get The Girl! (Video)

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Sexual Stimulation on a Scale of 1 to 10

You imagine a scale of stimulation from 1 to 10. 1 means you aren’t stimulated at all. It’s how you are before you even start to have sex. 3 means you’re starting to become physically stimulated. In other words, you can definitely feel it, but it’s not enough to make you come too early. 6 is where you really start to feel stimulated.

If you carried on with this level of stimulation, you’d rise to the next number on the scale: 7. 7 is where you’re very sexually stimulated. When you go above a 7 on the stimulation scale, you get close to the point of no return which is a 9.

The Point of No Return – You Will Orgasm

Passing the point of no return means you’re definitely going to ejaculate, no matter what you do. The edging technique involves masturbating until you get to a 7 on the scale, then backing off and slowing down until you’re back down to a 4 or 5, then speeding up until you’re about a 7 or 8 once more.

Using this method, you can learn to control your stimulation levels and thereby extend how long you’re able to have sex without coming. Once you’ve used edging alone for a while, though, you should take it to the next level: edging with your partner. Here’s how to do that.

How to Use Edging During Sex With Your Partner To Prevent Ejaculation

Begin sex with your partner. You should have already discussed that you’re going to try edging during this sexual encounter and she should be happy and enthusiastic about the idea. After foreplay, enter you partner in the position you know creates the smallest amount of sexual stimulation for you.

Now slowly build your way up to 7 on the stimulation scale. Be careful! It’s easy to jump right past 7 and pass the point of no return when using the edging technique in ‘live’ conditions. Once you’re at or just beyond 7, and therefore fairly close to coming, slow down or withdraw from your partner, wait a moment, then build it back up once more.

Keep going just as you do it when performing edging by yourself. After a while, you can switch to your next least intense sexual position and start the edging process once more. Of course, your partner doesn’t have to just lie there and let you beaver away throughout all of this.

The Perks for Her- Extended SEx

You can still kiss her, talk to her, tease her, etc. In other words, done right, this technique is awesome for your partner, even though it’s serving a productive purpose for you. Keep going through sexual positions, edging throughout each one. If you come after a while, don’t worry about it. You’ve made good progress. Next time, you’ll be able to go even further.

You won’t believe how effective this technique is when used in conjunction with deep breathing exercises. After just three or four sexual encounters, during which you’ve used this technique, you’ll notice that you can last two or even three times as long as you used to, before you used this method of edging.

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Anal sex can be fun and intriguing if you’re smart about it, but what if your partner becomes addicted to anal sex? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful emotional relationship as well as a wonderful physical relationship. He recently convinced me to try anal sex. I hated it at first but after giving it a few extra shots it was ok. He loves it so much! So most of the time I let him finish there. Lately I’ve noticed that if we skip the anal and just stick to vaginal, he can’t finish and just ends up loosing his erection. Am I not tight enough anymore in comparison?? I am 20 and he is 32… Is there a possibility that he is loosing his drive?

– Frustrated Girl

Is This A Medical Issue?

Enjoying anal sex is nothing to be ashamed about. Lots of people enjoy anal sex! However, if your partner is wanting to have a lot of anal sex, you might be concerned. Even more so, if your partner is losing their erection if they’re not having anal sex, you might wonder what you’re doing wrong or if there’s something wrong with your partner.

Talk to your partner about it. Find out how they feel. They might not know that you don’t want to have as much anal sex as they do, so you need to talk about it with them. You might be able to find a compromise between anal and traditional sex.

If your partner is consistently losing his erection, that could be another issue altogether. If this is the case, consider seeing a medical doctor and even a sex therapist to find out what might be the issue.

Out, Not In

Remember that the anal canal was created to be an exit, not an entrance. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it now and again, but you certainly don’t want to make a huge habit out of it. The anal canal is not self lubricating meaning you will need to use lots and lots of lubrication during anal sex.

Avoid using sharp or large objects during anal sex, or the anus could tear or perforate, causing you lots of trouble in the long run. Having anal sex means being safe about it, and respecting the fact that it wasn’t designed for the purpose of sex.

When Enough Is Enough

There might come a point where you feel like your partner is asking you for more anal sex than you’d like to have. That’s okay, but it’s important that you speak up about it! If you find through your doctor that your partner has no medical issues that would cause them to want anal sex more often, try to find ways to sexually satisfy your partner without anal sex.

There are lots of different sex toys on the market, ranging from the tame to the extreme. Visit a toy store together and browse through things until you and your partner find something you might like to try. You might even find something you like better than anal sex!

All in all, anal sex can definitely be fun if you and your partner both enjoy it and you’re safe and smart about it. While you probably don’t want to be having anal sex all the time, you can certainly save it for that special occasion or for times when you and your partner are feeling especially frisky.

There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you’re both on the same page about your wants, needs and expectations as far as anal sex is concerned!

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However, if done incorrectly, anal sex can cause damage and infection. Without proper lubrication, you and your partner can get into some serious trouble with anal sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a sadist, and my girlfriend is a masochist. We both agreed that we wanted to have anal sex without lube.

My fear is that I could cause serious damage that way, because as you stated in a previous segment about anal sex, it’s not meant to be an in-hole and it doesn’t lubricate itself. So, is it possible to have anal sex without lube and not cause serious damage? Or is that just an impossible fantasy?

–Anonymous, California

Tearing The Membranes

Anal sex is somewhat difficult to begin with, especially for the inexperienced. When having anal sex, it is extremely important to use lots of lubrication to make sure there is no friction. Keep in mind that the anal cavity is quite unlike the vagina. It doesn’t self lubricate like the vagina does.

Without external lubrication, the friction between the penis and the anal cavity can cause tearing. The rectum itself could easily tear, as well as the inner membranes of the lower intestine.

Remember, the anal cavity wasn’t built for sex! It was made for the expulsion of waste. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it though, if you take the proper precautions.

For example, the mouth was designed for eating but that generally doesn’t stop people from having oral sex. With oral sex though, people take the proper precautions and make sure they don’t choke their partner with their penis.

Anal sex is similar, but there are a few more precautions to take. Using lots of lube helps keep the penis and anal cavity moist so there is little to no tearing. Remember to go slow when having anal sex and if it hurts too much, stop!

Infection

Tearing the anal membranes is of special concern because the anal cavity is filled with lots of unfriendly bacteria. In the event of an injury, the bacteria will go straight to the wound and severely impede healing.

Just imagine rubbing feces into a cut on your arm. You wouldn’t want to do that, would you? It’s the same concept with anal injuries. You don’t want them if you can help it.

The bacteria from feces can keep the wound from healing properly and it can also cause infection. If the tear is in the right place and big enough, it can cause fecal matter to leak into your abdominal cavity, causing serious health issues and possibly requiring surgery. Anal sex isn’t something you take lightly!

Take Proper Precautions

If you plan on having anal sex, use every precaution you can. Always use plenty of lubrication and you can protect yourself even further by having your partner wear a condom.

Never insert a penis or other object into a vagina after it has been inserted into the anal cavity without washing it thoroughly. Wash your hands and all toys or other body parts involved in hot, soapy water after you’re finished.

Be careful, and go slow at first, especially if you’re inexperienced. It might be a good idea to come up with a “code word” that means stop, in the event that you’re experiencing too much pain. Never force anal sex! If you are safe and smart, anal sex can become a pleasurable addition to your sex repertoire. If done incorrectly, anal sex can cause you a lot of damage, money and health problems.

It’s always better to be safe and smart!

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If you have oral sex can you common STDs like Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, or Herpes?

Sexual Activity and STDs.

There’s a reason they’re called “sexually transmitted diseases.” You can contract them through virtually any type of sexual activity, including oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal intercourse.

Some sexually transmitted diseases, such as AIDS, HIV and Hepatitis C can be transmitted via blood to blood contact such as receiving a tattoo or piercing with a needle that isn’t sterile. When you have sexual contact or blood to blood contact with someone, you put yourself at risk for contracting or spreading a sexually transmitted disease. How can you protect yourself?

HIV, AIDS and Hepatitis C

HIV, AIDS and Hepatitis C can be spread via blood to blood contact or through vaginal and penile secretions. This includes semen and pre-ejaculation secretions.

The best way to protect yourself against these types of STDs is to use condoms and dental dams while having oral sex, anal sex and vaginal intercourse,  make sure any tattoo or piercing artist uses a sterilized needle and don’t use intravenous drugs.

Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis and Other Infections

These types of sexually transmitted diseases are known as viral infections. They are spread by any sexual contact at all, but not through blood to blood contact.

While these are particularly unsavory STDs, they are most often treated with an antibiotic regimen and can be cured. If left alone long enough,  a Chlamydia, Gonorrhea or Syphilis infection can cause a great deal of other bodily damage, including muscle and brain damage, and more commonly sterility.

To protect against these types of sexually transmitted diseases, you should use a condom or a dental dam during any type of sexual activity. Oral sex should also be protected against because viral and bacterial STDs can set up host in the mouth and throat.

Other Types Of STDs

Other types of STD’s include genital herpes and genital warts and are more difficult to protect against than other types of sexually transmitted diseases. As these types of STDs can actually take up host in the pubic area of the genitals, a condom or a dental dam may not be enough to protect yourself from contracting one.

This is where STD testing comes in handy. A regular doctor’s exam can rule out any of these types of infections. Don’t have sexual contact with someone who is experiencing an outbreak of genital herpes and genital warts and don’t have sexual contact with anyone who appears to have any type of sores on their genitals.

If you are worried about contracting sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to take as many steps towards safety as you can. Regularly get tested for STDs and make sure you wear condoms and use dental dams when having sex.

If performing erotic massage, you can wear latex or vinyl gloves and if having anal sex or rimming, you can use a dental dam or a square of saran wrap. Know who you’re with and who they’ve been with and always be aware of what you’re doing. If you’re smart and safe, you can significantly reduce your risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

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You might be curious, however, if masturbation falls in the same category as sex, oral sex and erotic massage when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases.

While you can’t transmit or contract STD’s from masturbation or toys, unless you share your toys with someone else, does that mean you’re safe from everything?

If I masturbate without toys (just with my hands) can I get and STDs or other sicknesses?

The Skinny On STD’s

Sexually transmitted diseases are spread when an infected person shares bodily secretions or blood with another person. This usually happens during sex, but it can be transmitted in other ways as well, as long as secretions are shared. While you can contract a sexually transmitted disease from another person if they’re infected, it’s very difficult to contract a sexually transmitted disease if you’re simply masturbating.

This would only happen if your hands happened to come into contact with an infected person’s bodily secretions and these secretions made their way into your genitals by being passed on from your hands. This can actually be prevented with simple hand washing. In light of this, however, masturbation is the second safest sex next to no sex at all. If you’ve never had any sexual partners, you can’t transmit STD’s to yourself through masturbation, as well as if you’ve recently been tested for STD’s and haven’t had a sexual partner since.

Simply put, if your hands come into contact with any bodily fluids of another person, such as blood, semen or vaginal secretions, and then you masturbate, there is a very small possibility that you can contract STD’s through masturbation. How can you make absolutely sure you’re safe?

Simply Safe

Being a safe masturbator is actually fairly simple. Always keep your hands clean and make sure they’re washed before masturbation. Even if you don’t have any sexual partners, bacteria on hands that haven’t been washed can cause an infection.

Easy As Soap and Water

If you use toys during masturbation, make sure your toys are clean before each and every use as well. Soap and warm water will do the trick, although there are special cleaners for sex toys available at many stores and online.

It’s safer not to share your sex toys with other people, but if you do, make sure they’re washed in between each use and in between each partner. By washing your hands and your sex toys regularly and keeping them clean, you can keep any bacteria or other infectious organisms at bay.

While there is a very small, almost non-existent chance of contracting an STD from masturbation if you’ve been sexually active with other partners and have gotten blood or bodily fluids on your hands, regular hand washing and hand washing before masturbation will pretty much eliminate any risk involved.

Unless you’re abstaining from any sexual contact with yourself and others, masturbation is the safest form of sex around. Make sure you’re masturbation habits include good hygiene and you can enjoy relieving stress and satisfying your sexual desires without worry.

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Sadly, this isn’t true. Oral sex presents just as much of a risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease as anal sex, vaginal sex or any other type of sex. How can you protect yourself?

If you have oral sex can you get AIDS or any type other type of sickness or disease?

Blood and Bodily Fluids

Most sexually transmitted diseases are transferred through blood or bodily fluids. This makes it extremely easy for someone to give or contract sexually transmitted diseases through oral sex. For example, HIV and AIDS are present in semen, vaginal secretions and blood. If a person giving oral sex has recently brushed their teeth, small scrapes may remain in the mouth and on the gums even though the person can’t feel them.

Performing oral sex and taking bodily fluids, whether it’s vaginal or penile fluids, into their mouth can easily cause the transmission of the disease. Curable infections, such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis still cause a lot of damage and can easily be transmitted through oral sex.

A particularly unfavorable infection is when these types of diseases actually take host in the mouth and throat. A virus such as this doesn’t discriminate from one warm, wet place to another and will be just as happy in a throat as they are in a penis or a vagina.

The only way to completely prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is to stay completely abstinent, but this is often completely unrealistic as most couples want to experience each other sexually as part of their relationship.

It’s important to take steps to protect yourself if you’re thinking of having oral sex with a new partner or a partner that hasn’t been tested for STD’s or who may have not been monogamous.

Staying Safe

An easy way to significantly reduce the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases through oral sex is to use protection. For male oral sex, a condom is an inexpensive, easy way to protect from giving or receiving any diseases. A condom doesn’t make transmission impossible, but the risk is greatly reduced. There are a number of flavored and scented condoms that are created specifically to make oral sex enjoyable for both partners.

For female oral sex, there is a square piece of latex or silicone that is called a “dental dam.” These are also inexpensive and make vaginal oral sex much safer for both the receiver and the giver. A dab of lube on the inside of the dental dam can make the sensations of oral sex very similar to those without a dental dam.

When engaging in any type of sex with someone, whether it’s oral sex or intercourse, it’s important to be smart and safe. Take steps to protect yourself and your partner and if you’re ready to be monogamous and want to have sex or oral sex without protection, get tested.

If you’re sexually active and have multiple partners over a period of time, it’s important to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases regularly as well as using protection. You can have a lot of fun with your partner and prevent the contraction of many diseases by taking a few simple steps to protect everyone involved!

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Fortunately, men will be happy to hear that the only ban on sex is after the baby is born. There are, however, some considerations to take when engaging your pregnant lady in sex – just out of courtesy.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

If my wife is pregnant is it still ok to have sex? because me and my wife are thinking about having a baby and when she’s pregnant I don’t want to miss out on sex for several months. I hope you answer my question in one of your videos.  Thanks.

– Pascal, Canada

Yes, It’s Safe

Your doctor will tell you if your baby is healthy and if the pregnancy is progressing normally. If your doctor confirms a healthy pregnancy, there is no harm whatsoever in having sex with your partner during her pregnancy.

Most doctors will put a ban on sex for a short time after the baby is born, but during a normal pregnancy, there is nothing to worry about when having sex with your partner. That doesn’t mean, however, that your partner will always feel like having sex.

When She Doesn’t Feel Like It

Even a normal, healthy pregnancy is tough on a woman’s body and emotions. Sometimes it’s difficult for the body to produce the hormones necessary for arousal when it’s regulating both the health of the mother and the baby.

A mom has to produce more blood and even grow a new organ along with the baby when she’s pregnant and with all that going on, she might not feel up to having sex. The second trimester is reportedly better for the sex drive when the morning sickness goes away and before she gets uncomfortably big, but it’s not foolproof.

If your partner doesn’t feel like having sex, don’t hold it against her! Do something else that is intimate instead, such as rubbing her belly or her feet or just cuddling on the couch.

When She Does Feel Like It

There may be times when your partner consents to sex and other times where she wants it so bad she can’t see straight. Take advantage of the fact that she feels up to getting down and dirty and make the most of it.

Relax! You’re not going to hurt the baby no matter how large you are or how hard you’re having intercourse. The mother’s organs and the placenta are designed to protect the baby from everything but heavy bodily injury. That said, that doesn’t mean that your partner wants you to pretend you’re hammering a nail into a particularly thick stud.

Ask your partner what she’s comfortable with before you begin having sex. You might have to get a little creative when it comes to intercourse positions, especially towards the end of the pregnancy. Even though the baby is well protected, that doesn’t mean your partner’s vagina isn’t more sensitive and tender than before. There are more blood and hormones running to that area now that she’s pregnant and that may mean that she prefers softer or slower strokes during sex.

Communicate with your partner and listen to her when she tells you what feels good and what doesn’t.

Having sex with your partner during her pregnancy can be a beautiful and special way for you to experience the baby and how you both created life. Having sex during a normal, healthy pregnancy doesn’t endanger the baby or the woman in any way, so relax and have fun!

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So can it be dangerous? You bet, but that doesn’t have to exclude it from your list of enjoyable bedroom (or other room) activities if you really enjoy it.

Here are some ways you can make anal sex safe and fun.

Is anal sex really dangerous? Can it be practiced safely?

Practice and Patience

Anal sex isn’t something you’re going to be able to be successful with on the first try. It might hurt at first, and you’ll have to go slow. It’s important that your partner and you are on the same page about how to try anal sex.

Practice first with your fingers or other small, smooth objects until you get used to the sensation. Have patience and work up to the point where anal sex isn’t as uncomfortable.

Keeping Clean

That particular orifice in our bodies was designed to excrete waste, and it does so pretty efficiently. Unfortunately, since anal sex is something our bodies weren’t designed to do (although we can manage pretty well sometimes), you might end up “playing in the mud” when you try anal sex.

Human waste is loaded with bacteria and in part, that’s what makes it dangerous if you don’t keep things clean. NEVER have vaginal intercourse after anal intercourse without washing thoroughly. Wash your hands, toys, penis and anything else that was involved. Wash everything again when you’re done! NEVER have oral sex after anal sex!

You can reduce your exposure to the bacteria in human waste if you wear a condom during anal intercourse. Even if you’re a monogamous couple, wearing a condom will help keep things safe for everyone involved.

Going Slow

While having anal sex puts both parties involved at risk for bacteria exposure, it exposes the receiver of anal sex to injury in that area if the giving partner isn’t careful. When having anal sex, go slow and don’t try to have rough sex.

Use soft, long and slow strokes to avoid tearing or other types of injury there. If you’re the giving partner, and the receiver asks you to stop, STOP! Using care and caution is of the utmost importance when having anal sex.

Communication is Key

Make sure that you and your partner agree on how you’re going to proceed with anal sex. Talk to each other and make sure the lines of communication are always open.

If a situation arises, talk about it! When you’re done talking about it, make sure to talk some more! You put yourself at a higher risk of doing damage during anal sex if you and your partner aren’t in agreement about how it’s going to be handled.

While anal sex isn’t always dangerous every time you do it, it can be and should be regarded with care and caution. Don’t go into anal sex without speaking to your partner thoroughly before, during and after anal sex and don’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable.

Keeping everything clean is probably the most important aspect of making anal sex safe and fun, as is making sure you’re going slowly and your partner isn’t uncomfortable. If you’re cautious, anal sex can become a fun alternative to spice up your sex life!

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Some people tend to find a few things they like, such as anal sex, and may incorporate this into their sexual activities regularly.

Sometimes, however, you’ll find that after kids or other things that some things become uncomfortable or unbearable.

What happens if you become unable to perform you or your partner’s favorite sex acts due to one or more reasons?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband loves anal sex… we used to have it a lot (several years ago). Now it is extremely painful for me. I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and have a couple external hemorrhoids from having children. We have tried taking it easy, tried using fingers first and LOTS of lube.

How can I get over the horrible pain so he will be happy? I don’t know what else to do. Can you help me? PLEASE!!!

-Me. WV

When it becomes uncomfortable…

Many people enjoy different activities during sex. This can range from S & M to anal sex to foot fetishes to anything your imaginations can dream up.

As long as you both enjoy it and you are both being smart and safe, there’s nothing against having fun and enjoying new and different things with your partner!

Good things can’t last forever though, and you may find that some of the things you once enjoyed doing have become uncomfortable and even painful. For example, if you and your partner really enjoy having anal sex, but after children it becomes painful for you to do so, you and your partner may become frustrated.

Just what do you do if you and your partner’s favorite activities become something you aren’t able to do anymore? Do you stop? Do you grin and bear it?

But they like it…

Even if something in particular is uncomfortable or painful to you, if your partner likes it a lot, you might be inclined to let them continue and just suffer through the pain. This is not something you are obligated to do! Not only is it extremely uncomfortable for you, it might even cause you harm in some way.

If you have had surgery or have had children and there are some physical reasons that keep you from enjoying your partner in the same way you once had, talk to your doctor about how safe it is for you to continue doing so. Don’t be embarrassed! They’ve heard it all before!

If you continue, you may find that it’s not just painful, it’s downright dangerous and could cause your body further damage. Your doctor can tell you what is safe and what isn’t.

Finding something else…

While you and your partner may be disappointed at first, if you truly love each other and care about each other, you’ll find more new and exciting ways to give each other pleasure.

There are a million and one things out there that two people can do together to share each other intimately and sexually, and if you continue to try new things and work different elements into your routine, you’re bound to find something else that turns you and your partner on. Don’t give up!

They won’t let it go…

Every once in awhile, there’s someone who just won’t let it go. They may want it anyway, even if it hurts you or may cause your body damage. Rest assured, this person isn’t worth your time! You have the right to say “No” and if something hurts you, you don’t have to do it.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea that will respect your boundaries and respect you if you choose to no longer participate in an activity that makes you uncomfortable.

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Good. I didn’t until hearing the terms passed around lately in the news and around young people.

According to the Urban Dictionary.com (a must for parents/adults alike), sexting is defined as “v: the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.”

Your teen knows what it means

And yes, if you think your pre-teen or teenager is not up to this term, think again.

I think for all the sexual freedom talk, it’s hard to judge what is the right course of action to take when your pre-teen or teenager is acting out something which should be left in the bedroom. It’s even harder today when our kids are more astute with the latest technology than any of us were 10 or 20 years ago.

From cell phones to text messaging to YouTube and Facebook , kids and teens show an ability to master the latest gizmo available on the market. They take it, use it, and create it to be their own identity; they make their homepages and profiles incredibly savvy even for the novice user.

The danger for young people

The danger is many young people are knowledgeable about sexual terms and how to do them, but not have the knowledge to be responsible to themselves and others.

Meanwhile, parents are left in the dust.

Many adults with kids get their children these devices, or give them unlimited time on the computer unaware of how far down the rabbit hole they can go. Your kids can be in their room or at school for hours, with parents not knowing what is on their cell phone, their personal page, or God knows what else. So how do sexually hip parental units find a balance between allowing your kids freedom to grow?

Simple. Be parental. Mom, Dad…Engage!

Getting to know what your children are doing means you may need to get as technically savvy as your kids. It may be as simple as having a sit down chat with your kids. It may mean you will have to confiscate their cell phones or computer to check out what they have on them.

Be a parent; not a friend

This is the part where you become a parent and not a buddy.

You simply say to them that seeing they are the ones who put a roof over their head, food on the table, and gave you the gift of life you—being the person responsible for how they will turn out in life—have every right to know if what they are doing with their friends and online is okay or not. They may balk but your involvement shows how much you love them as a parent. The alternative is much worse than not engaging in their lives.

Communicate. Educate. Establish ground rules

I’m no Dr. Phil, but I think that giving children some boundaries is not a bad thing at all.

Here are a few more tips for monitored “freedoms”.

1. Talk to your kids about sexuality. This world is much more sexually charged than the one you may have grown in. Sexual terms are at anybody’s disposal in an instant; radio programs talk about it openly; magazines—male and female—are constantly pushing tips on how to be more “available”. Parents need to head them off at the pass.
2. Parents, YOU are the sex ed teachers! Teachers need to learn the material out there and all the technology available to kids, engaging in their life. Find out what is out there and what they are doing so you can be a few steps ahead of your teen.
3. Teens need rules. In fact, if most teens were honest, they want rules so they know where they stand and know what is expected of them. If you just hand them a phone or an account without any supervision they can walk all over you as parents and go as far as they want without any restraint or idea of how much this can hurt them. This is wrong. If you put a curfew on how late your teens can stay out or how late they can stay up then it’s time to put a limit on how long to let them on the computer or on their cell phones.
4. Before buying a cell phone, find out what parental tools are available to block or place limits on them. If its an on line account, than why not have a primary account, in which a parental block can be put on a child’s account. Most servers like Yahoo or MSN will have this function available.

If communicating about sexuality on a regular basis is not enough, or if putting every safe guard on such 21st century technology is not enough, then you may have to do something “so like last century”.

Don’t give them anything.

Their world won’t crumble if they don’t have these technological devices with them twenty-four hours a day,except for an emergency of some sort where you can hand them your phone. They may be better off not having those tools at all.

This may seem like too much censoring and restricting freedoms. But until parents feel comfortable their children are safe, responsible, and knowledgeable about sexuality and relationships (not to mention the technology available to make social life fun) censoring may not always a bad thing.

Poll question: How many electric devices does your teenager(s) own?

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Many people want to test the boundaries and do as much with each other without a condom as possible. Some people say that it feels better and others just like the physical closeness and intimacy.

One thing is for sure though, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

The white/clear liquid that comes from a guy as lube, does that contain sperms?

Is it enough to get a female pregnant?

-Tori, CA

There’s always a risk of pregnancy and STD’s when you have sex.

Yes, it’s true.  If you’re having sex at all, be it protected or unprotected sex , you risk conceiving a child or contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

It’s pretty black and white, but there are many misconceptions when it comes to this. Even with condoms, there is still a 0.01% chance you may become pregnant when having intercourse with your partner. It’s important to look at the situation in a realistic light. The only completely safe sex is no sex at all.

What fluids actually contain sperm?

The only fluid that contains sperm is the ejaculate – theoretically. However, there may be some sperm hanging out in the urethra from an earlier ejaculation that can get passed to the vagina in the clear fluid that comes out of the penis during heightened stimulation. Therefore, to be safe you should assume that any fluid that comes out of the penis can contain sperm!

If you want to avoid getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease, your best bet is to simply have your partner wear a condom for any sexual activity that would involve the penis getting near or in the vagina.

Be safe, not sorry.

If you’re not prepared for the consequences of having unprotected sex, such as contracting an STD or conceiving a child, it is extremely important that you practice having safer sex at all times! If you and your partner are able to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and the tests are negative, you can switch to spermicide or hormonal birth control pills instead of condoms to allow for more intimacy and pleasure for both you and your partner.

If you are having unprotected sexual intercourse with your partner, you need to acknowledge the fact that the risk of getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease is much higher than if you and your partner used a condom.  Although you are not completely eliminating the risk of pregnancy and STD’s with a condom, you are reducing your chances significantly. It is much better to be safe than sorry!

Just remember that the decisions you make in bed can certainly affect the rest of your life and act accordingly. Countless individuals have made a split second error in judgment in the heat of the moment, only to realize that it is too late and they have an STD or a new baby to take care of.  Just act responsibly!

Use protection any time you and your partner are ready to have intercourse and don’t let your partner’s penis near your vagina unless he has a condom on if you don’t want to get pregnant.  Remember that any fluid that comes from the penis has the potential to carry sperm and sexually transmitted diseases.

If you and your partner stay safe, you can enjoy each other sexually while reducing your risks tremendously.  You decide!

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If you’re about to take the plunge into the world of multiple partner sex, you may have a few questions on how to do it safely.

Congratulations! Not everyone has safety on their mind before having a threesome. Here are some great ways to have safety in numbers.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Just wanted to say I think it is great what you two do.  My question is my girlfriend and I want to have a threesome with another female and we have one lined up. I know to use a condom but what about oral and other kinds of play? We don’t want to come home with some kind of STD.

Do you have any advice for protection?

- John, CA

Getting Tested

The first and foremost thing you should do if you’re planning to have a threesome is get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. All parties involved should have this done.

Your doctor can do this for you, or a local health department can. Have the clinic print something for you that shows your STD status and let all parties involved have a look. This is truly the best way to avoid contracting sexually transmitted diseases when having a threesome.

Sometimes, a threesome is not monogamous and this can substantially shake things up. If you can’t secure a regular threesome partner or if it’s not just a one time thing, you’ll want to take extra safety precautions.

Stepping Up The Safety Factor

- Use latex condoms, or condoms from another material if someone is allergic to latex. Female condoms are great too. Use condoms during sexual intercourse, anal sex and even during oral sex and hand to penis stimulation. While this may not sound enticing, make sure you have a bottle of lubricant with you. Lubricant can go a long way to making latex feel more natural and pleasurable.

- Use latex or vinyl gloves. If you’re going do be doing any play with your hands that involves touching the penis, vagina or anus, protect your hands and their genitals by using latex gloves or gloves of another material.

- Use dental dams or at the very least, plastic wrap when giving a woman oral sex. These both work well to protect the mouth from any vaginal secretions. The trick to using dental dams or plastic wrap is putting a few drops of lubricant on the underside of the plastic square (the side that faces the vagina) and leaving the side that faces the mouth clean. This will help increase the pleasure of oral sex.

These things aren’t going to keep you from contracting every sexually transmitted disease on the planet, but it will reduce your risk of exposure a great deal. Remember that pubic lice, scabies, genital herpes and genital warts can all be spread by skin to skin contact.

Even if you’re wearing a condom, if there’s a genital sore on the upper part of the genitals and this is something you come into contact with, you run the risk of contracting the STD.

Communication

It is essential that you communicate frequently with all parties that are to be involved in the threesome. Talk before the threesome, during and even after. Address what actions are acceptable and what aren’t. Stick to these guidelines during the threesome. Don’t put anyone in a position where they could possibly contract a sexually transmitted disease just for your own pleasure.

Keeping the lines of communication open can seem awkward, but it is essential for a successful threesome. If you’re smart and safe, you and your partner can have a great time with your new partner.

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Sure, he’s been pulling out or you’ve been using the calendar method, but how risky are you actually being? Can you get pregnant?

There’s no easy answer to this question, but the answer is always the same. Yes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years now. We’re having sex like a couple and he wants to get married and we been having unprotected sex, well he went to pull out but made it to my leg before his cum came out could I get pregnant from that?

- Alyson, Nebraska

Any sex at all can lead to pregnancy.

While birth control methods work well, whether you’re using hormonal birth control, barrier methods or spermicides, you still run the risk of getting pregnant. Your risk of getting pregnant as a result of protected sex is much, much lower than if you were having unprotected sex, but there is still a risk. The only time you are fully protected against pregnancy is if you’re abstinent.

Pulling out…does it work?

Pulling out is a popular birth control method of choice for many couples who do not want to wear condoms and do not have access to hormonal birth controls. It is sad to say, but pulling out before ejaculation does not protect you much from getting pregnant! It is not a safe method of birth control!

If any sperm get in or near the vagina, you could get pregnant. When pulling out, this could happen a number of ways. Your partner could fail to pull out quickly enough and ejaculate inside your vagina, dramatically increasing your chances of conceiving a child. Your partner could ejaculate on your leg and the ejaculate could get onto the outside of your vagina. If the sperm travel to your fallopian tubes (which they can), you could get pregnant.

Let’s not forget that men also emit pre-ejaculate during sex that they usually can’t feel, that can contain sperm as well. All of these things could get you pregnant!  It is much safer to use protection of some sort while engaging in sexual activity.

Are we being too risky?

What is considered “too risky” is up to you. Are you prepared to conceive a child? Are you prepared for the consequences of what could happen if you become pregnant? Have you talked to your partner about how the situation would be handled should you find out that you are pregnant?

If you are not ready to become pregnant, have a child, prepare to end the pregnancy or place the child for adoption after the birth, you should seriously reconsider having unprotected sex even if you’re pulling out or using the calendar method! If you do believe that you and your partner can truly handle the prospect of getting pregnant after having unprotected sex, then it’s up to you whether or not you wish to continue having unprotected sex.

Talk with your partner and talk with your doctor about how you can start having safer sex. If you do not want to become pregnant, you need to use some method of birth control. Condoms work especially well and are easy to purchase from supermarkets and convenience stores. Hormonal birth controls and spermicides are effective as well, and for extra protection you could consider using both.

The best person to counsel you on how to have protected sex is your doctor or a sex therapist or counselor! The bottom line is if you don’t want to get pregnant, don’t risk it with unprotected sex, ever!

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If your partner insists on having you wear a condom during sex every time, you may be frustrated, especially if she’s already using another type of birth control such as the pill.

Why do you have to wear a condom every time?  Can you convince her otherwise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi I’ve seen your videos on YouTube. I’ve enjoyed learning new things and love that you’re so willing to share your knowledge. I’ve been seeing this girl for a little while now, things are great, we’re very comfortable and physically compatible in bed, but I haven’t finished inside of her yet.  She wants me to, but so far she insists on using a condom and I can’t climax with it on and it’s getting frustrating. The part that really bothers me is that our relationship is suffering because of it. I want to understand why she wants to use a condom when she’s already on the pill.  I’m not looking for unprotected sex. What can I do to save our sex life?

- Stan, Ohio

A Layered Defense

First of all, whether you wear a condom or not is not your choice. It’s hers. That may seem a bit unfair, but in all reality, if you want to have intercourse with her, you’re going to have to don the wet suit before you dive if she asks you to. You might be able to better accept the fact that she consistently asks you to use a condom if you understand why.

Don’t be shy. Just ask her!  The topic is probably open to discussion, but it’s important not to be critical. Chances are, she’s really not ready to have a baby. She may be doubling up on protection. Birth control in conjunction with condom use provides an extra layer of protection and makes the probability of conceiving a child much, much lower. I

f this is her reasoning, you really can’t refute that. You can suggest using spermicide instead of a condom, but it truly is her decision.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases . . . .

Your partner may insist that you wear a condom for every act of sexual intercourse to reduce the risk of contracting or passing sexually transmitted diseases. This is a legitimate reason for insisting on condom use, because no other type of birth control or contraception will protect against sexually transmitted diseases.

This is something you have to ask your partner . Is she afraid of contracting or passing a sexually transmitted disease? If this is the case, you might be able to suggest that you both get tested. If you’re both tested for STD’s and come up clean, she may not ask you to wear a condom anymore.

But I Can’t Climax!

If you’re anxious to get rid of condoms because you’re not able to climax with a condom on, it may be something you need to examine on your own. Most men are able to climax with a condom, so if you are consistently unable to, you may want to try a few new things.

Try using a little lubricant on the inside of the condom, or have lots of foreplay so you’re very close to orgasm before you begin intercourse. You can always get the input of your doctor too.

It’s important that you reach a compromise with your partner. If you are able to switch to birth control and spermicide instead of condoms and birth control, it may solve the problem. If you are able to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and you are both clear, you may be able to engage in sex with your partner without a condom.

Just remember, while it is mostly your partner’s choice, you can always choose not to have sex with your partner. If it is that important to you and you and your partner can’t reach a compromise, you may both be better off going your separate ways. You should know that a condom is as much for your protection as it is hers though!

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The articles are vague, but they usually mention the word “kinky,” a kitchen appliance malfunctioning, and the husband being held for questioning. You don’t want this to happen to you.

BDSM is fun and exciting, but you have to invest time in making it a positive experience for everyone involved.

Negotiating scenes, checking play equipment, and doing a little preparation ahead of time will keep things safe and sane. Here’s a little checklist of things to consider when veering from vanilla sex.

Addressing the Physical Side of BDSM

• Be present. Don’t be drunk or otherwise out of it.

• Never put anything around someone’s neck. OK, maybe a dog collar, but not ropes or bungee cords.

• Don’t leave a restrained person alone. You don’t want your sex life to turn into a Stephen King novel.

• If you’re playing with rope, have EMT scissors on hand in case you need to break out of something quickly.

• Have water nearby to keep your honey hydrated and comfortable as you torment and tease.

• Don’t lose your handcuff key!

• When “no” doesn’t mean “no”: Part of your play might involve you pretending to resist, and your partner needs to know when you really need a time out. Have a safeword that is two syllables or less you can call out if things get too intense. (Mine is “bluebird,” as in, “the bluebird of happiness.”) It’s also a good idea to have a safetune to hum if the mouth is stuffed with something like a ball gag and you need a break.

• Use safe props like cold water and ice cubes as punishment. It stings in the moment, but doesn’t cause lasting damage.

Addressing the Emotional Side of BDSM

• Negotiate a scene. Discuss your turn ons, turn offs, limits, and what you both want out of the experience. Have any ideas for props or role playing? One fun way I discuss my fantasies with my partner is through Instant Messenger. We IM each other from separate rooms, acting out a fantasy virtually, which gets us worked up mentally and physically. Mmm, virtual foreplay!

• Let’s talk about safewords again. One thing I have noticed in my experience is that I don’t want to use my safeword. I have come to think that uttering it would be weak, and it’ a source of pride for me that I don’t use it. GET OVER THIS MENTALITY. Your dom is depending on you to keep him or her informed of your state of mind. Body language can be read, but not minds. It might be a good idea to employ a play session where the goal is to make the sub use the safeword.

• Afterwards, baby your sub. Make sure he or she is hydrated, warm, and comfortable.

• Talk about it afterwards. Share with each other what you liked and didn’t like about the scene. If something freaked you out, that’s not a deal breaker, it’s a learning experience.

Once again I recommend filling out the BDSM fetish checklist, as it has a section on limits, safewords, and signals. Not only does your partner learn more about what turns you on, but in filling it out, YOU learn something about yourself as well. It’s so much fun to explore. Be safe, be well, and flog on!

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Many people believe that sex before marriage is wrong or immoral and others believe that it’s not an issue.

While there may never be a universal agreement on whether sex before marriage is acceptable or not, many men and women find themselves in this situation before they’ve even given much thought to the question.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello, I’m Lizeth from Turkey. I want to ask a question about virginity. Here doing sex before marriage isn’t common. I have a foreign boyfriend, and he want to have sex with me and  I it want too.

I know in America you don’t care so much about it. I just want to learn your things. Is it bad?

- Lizeth, Turkey

Is having sex before marriage wrong?

That’s not a question that anyone can answer but you. You need to take into consideration everything about the situation before you make the decision to have sex before marriage.

What are your religious or spiritual beliefs?  What are your moral beliefs?  How comfortable are you with the person you want to have sex with?  Do you trust this person?  How comfortable would you be with the consequences of sex should they arise. For example, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases?

These questions should be answered, but not by your friends, family or anyone else.  You need to sit down and really think about what having sex before marriage means to you.

Does it make you feel wrong?  If it does, don’t do it!  If you really feel that it’s not a big deal, that’s okay too.  Ultimately, it’s all about what you want and how comfortable you are with the idea.

What if I do?

Well, first things first. Use protection.

Sex is enjoyable, but you can get pregnant and you can contract sexually transmitted diseases.  Guard against possible consequences by using sensible protection and by being smart and safe.

If you have any questions about safe sex, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, a great person to ask would be your doctor.  They’ll give you unbiased information and can educate you on how to safely have sex while still enjoying your partner.

Remember, sex is something to be enjoyed between two consenting adults.  You should never feel pressured into having sex or feel like you “have to.”

If you want to have sex before marriage, that’s fine.  If you don’t, that’s fine too.

Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do or persuade you into doing something you don’t want to do.  It’s not up to your friends, family, relatives, church officials, neighbors or anyone else!  Trust your gut instinct and go with what you feel is right.

With that said, you basically want to just be sure you’re ready to take the step forward and have sex before marriage.  If you don’t feel that its right, by all means trust your gut instinct and stay abstinent, at least for now.  If you’re perfectly comfortable having sex before marriage and comfortable with the person you’d like to have sex with, go for it.  It’s your decision.

Don’t rush it though – take your time thinking about the situation and taking a look at how you might feel after the fact.  You don’t have to now, but you might want to later.  That’s fine too.  Remember, you call the shots.  What you say goes!

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But what about the guys? Are there no sex toys for men?

Sure there are.

But aren’t sex toys just for women and gay guys?

Huh? Where have you been?

Times are changing, and women demand that their men look, smell, and dress like civilized people, not farm animals. Suddenly it’s OK for men to have and share a sensitive persona, it’s not just about the neanderthal tough guy perspective. Nothing wrong with true strength of character and solid, unflinching self confidence, but the woman in your life expects to be loved and treaded with loving care, as an object of your affection.

More men are “getting their hair done” in fine salons than ever before, and more are enjoying regular manicures and pedicures. It’s a matter of appreciating that how you look and how you smell is indeed important, and looking and smelling nice doesn’t make you “gay”.

Well, along with everything else, men can also enjoy sex toys with their partners. Yes, there ARE sex toys for straight men, not just big, arched, phallic vibrators and butt plugs.

One of the most well known and appreciated sex toys for men is the cock ring.  Cock rings work by providing resistance against the man’s erection, thus partially restricting the blood flow in the penis to prolong pleasure, make his erection harder, and help to prevent premature ejaculation.

How many types of cock rings are there?

Surprisingly, cock rings come in many shapes and sizes.

Many are the simple and unyielding metallic or even plastic variety. Some are rubber and stretch a little or a lot.

And there is also more extreme, elaborate, fancy cock rings, complete with built in vibrating ability, such as the Hot G Vibe vibrating cock ring.

Since we like to think outside the box, let’s talk a little more about this last one…

Hot G Vibe – Vibrating Cock Rings

The Hot G Vibe cock ring is very unique among cock rings. In addition to being a cock ring, it’s also a vibrator.

And unlike many other cock rings, this one can be worn during actual penetration. Whether or not you’re comfortable with that, is another story.

Also a first among cock rings, the Hot G Vibe does not need to be worn at the base of the penis. It can be placed anywhere along the penis. Because of this “feature”, you can actually use multiple vibrating cock rings at one time. I can just see every guy thinking – I wonder how many I can fit on mine!

And of course to touch on the taboo topic of masturbation and self pleasuring, the Hot G Vibe cock rings can be work without a woman. Yes, it’s true… you can enjoy full vibrating action by yourself. You don’t even have to tell anyone about it, just like nobody knows how often you masturbate.

For any man who hasn’t ever ventured into male sex toys, perhaps it’s time you tried it. Who knows, you may like it.

And you can always start easy, maybe with a regular cock ring. And if you’re ready to go all out, try something more adventurous like the Hot G Vibe vibrating cock ring.

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Which begs the question…

Do normal people actually use sex toys?

Of course they do! Let’s get this out there once and for all.

Sex toys are often used by regular people just like you and me. Your friends and neighbors probably have a vibrator or something similar, they just don’t talk with you about it.

In previous decades and altogether darker times in our history, the idea of using sex toys was driven largely underground and ridiculed. It was labeled as something exclusive to weirdos, perverts, and people who couldn’t have “normal” sex. This was largely done by individuals or groups of religious extremists within various governments worldwide, trying to convert others and enforce their moral and religious ideals on others (think back to what you’ve read about The Crusades and all the good those efforts brought the world).

As always, ignorance breeds contempt. And there’s very little useful information out there today on sex toys; and on any sexuality topics that deviate from the ultra conservative main stream views of sex.

So keep an open mind and let’s delve into the wonders of sex with toys.

Obviously there’s no such thing as “normal” sex (a very common myth); there is only what you (and your partner) choose and prefer sexually. That kind of open mindedness is absolutely crucial to a happy and fulfilling sex life.

So what specifically are all these sex toys that everyone’s talking about, and are they really as much fun as you’ve heard?

Some of our favorite sex toys

Sex toys come in many, many different shapes and sizes, colors, and even fragrances. Here’s a breakdown…

Vibrators

When most people speak of sex toys they’re generally referring to basic vibrators – a simple, mostly straight, phallic shaped object, that happens to also have a built-in vibrating mechanism.

Perhaps the most popular type of vibrator is the rabbit, a combination vibrator that is able to stimulate both the  vagina (as a regular vibrator) and also the clitoris – at the same time. This fact has made the rabbit a favorite overnight.

Another popular type of vibrator is the egg. These vibrators are egg / oval shaped (as the name suggest) usually just under two inches in length, and can be used both internally and externally. As you can guess by their size, they are designed for internal use.

Then of course there are the more exotic remote controlled vibrators, for discrete fun between lovers when in public and on special hot date evenings. Use with caution, and be sure to enjoy discretely.

Dildos

Dildos basically look like most people’s idea of a “vibrator”, but are not motorized. They’re entirely hand activated, and are intended for clitoral or vaginal stimulation – although as is the case with most sex toys, intended use and actual creative use in practice are not always the same. They of course also come in many shapes and sizes.

Homemade Sex Toys

Homemade sex toys? Absolutely! You’ll be surprised to discover how many potential sex toys you have floating around your own home.

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb just released “Sex All Around The House – Using Everyday Household Items To Spice Up Your Sex Life,” where he exposes the surprising number and variety of sex toys hiding in plain sight around your very own home. Yes, YOUR very own home.

Of course, think twice before you start using your various household objects for sexual play. Think safety, cleanliness, and whether you still plan to use that spatula for cooking tomorrow.

Restraints and Other Bondage Toys for BDSM Play

Sex play of the dominant and submissive variety (BDSM) also involves various “props” which could fall into the toy category. From satin restraints, to leather wear, nipple clamps (ouch), blindfolds, cuffs, mouth gags, and whatever else does it for you.

Here’s a handy BDSM, fetish, and kink checklist to get you started thinking in the right direction.

More Sex Toys

There are many other types of sex toys, including anal sex toys, penis pumps, penis rings, and more. For a complete list of the many different types of sex toys see Cory Silverberg’s guide to sex toys on About.com.

Playing Well With Others OR By Yourself

One of the great things about sex toys is that you can have fun with your lover OR by yourself. For example, many straight women use vibrators to “meet their needs” when their man isn’t around, or instead of having regular sex with a man. That of course is not all that different from a man taking that “extra long shower”.

Where can you get your hands on some of those sex toys?

This being a new and more enlightened time, sex toys are more easily found on the nicer part of town, and in regular stores where even single women can feel completely safe shopping.

Some common varieties of sex toys can be found at your local drug store.

You can even order them online and have them shipped discretely to your home or post office box.

But those aren’t the only places. Again, it’s truly surprising is how many potential sex toys are hiding in plain sight in your very own home! See Michael Webb’s excellent guide “Sex All Around The House” for some very surprising and enlightening fun facts about the sex toys you may already own and use every day.

Wait, aren’t sex toys illegal in some areas?

Why yes, they are. Absolutely astounding in today’s day and age, isn’t it? And downright absurd that one person’s religious ideals are enforced through government sanctioned laws that everyone must follow. uhhh… Remember separation of Church and State?

Throughout the U.S., most sex toy stores – also known as “adult book stores” or “sex shops” – tend to be located in more seedy neighborhoods and industrial areas. This is largely due to the incredible (and deeply sad) amount of overlap still existing between church (whatever religion happens to be in power at the time) and government. Sure, government mandated religious preferences sound absurd in today’s day and age, but religious zealots will push their “morals” on others in the form of laws as for as long as they can possibly get away with it.

These are the same people who try to control by criminalizing many other personal activities between consenting adults, like prostitution, and even certain types of sex. Yes, it’s true… anal sex continues to be a criminal offense in some areas, though rarely prosecuted.

But, aren’t laws supposed to be in place to protect people?

What business do they have telling people what they can and can’t do in their very own bedrooms, between consenting adults? Excellent question! It’s about time every intelligent adult asked themselves that same question and we could put an end to this nonsense once and for all.

Seems The Crusades and the untold joy they’ve brought so many aren’t over just yet, but hopefully they’ll be abolished soon, along with other similarly enlightened concepts from our recent history, like witch burnings.

But as we continue to evolve and become more enlightened (and less judgmental and more accepting of our differences) as a society, we’ll see more and more sex toy and erotic lingerie stores appear in upscale residential areas.

Enough ranting…

Safety and Sex Toys

Safety is very, very important when you’re talking about sex toys, whether they’re packaged as “sex toys” or objects from around your home.

Of course it’ll be refreshing to get the Chruch and state business properly separated as advertised, so that companies like CVS and Walgreens can legally offer sex toys for their true intended purpose with proper warning and instruction labels. Is that really too much to ask?

But until then, it’s entirely up to you to read up, be extra cautions, be smart, and stay safe.

Be aware of exactly WHAT you’re putting in or on your body!

As most things that go without saying, it’s probably well worth mentioning… open your eyes and be aware of what you’re putting on or inserting into your own body. Yes, you need to know where it came from, who handled it, how safe it is, and so on.

Keep your toys to yourself

We’re taught early on to share our toys, but that doesn’t always apply to sex toys. Sure various toys can be great fun and can add some spice to your love making with your sex partner(s), but that’s where it stops. Don’t lend or otherwise share your sex toys.

This is mostly an issue of hygiene and safety. As long as you control your toys, you know where they’ve been and whether or not they’re still safe to use.

Don’t borrow other people’s toys

For the same basic reasons, don’t borrow your friend’s cool new sex toys. You don’t know where it’s been! Actually, you probably have a pretty good ideas of EXACTLY where it has been. So hold on to that thought and get your own. Seriously.

Keep your toys clean

Yes, again. It’s hard to say this one enough. Be aware of exactly what you’re doing with your toy, and wash it after every use. Even during the same play session, if you’re exploring one “area” and have an urge to introduce your Rabbit to another “area”, take the time to give him a quick bath with a good toy cleaner that is designed specifically for your toy. You’ll be glad you did.

Above all, remember to play safe and keep and open mind. Your sex life will thank you.

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So is it really a special treat, or a very dangerous game that should be avoided at all costs?

The answer depends on who you ask and what  their sexual preferences are. It’s not your place to judge another person nor is it another person’s right to judge your sexual preferences.

Here’s a question from a couple who watched an episode of “Talk Sex” with Sue Johanson. They’re wondering if we agree with her take on anal sex.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I watched your videos on YouTube and I wanted to explore a bit more one subject. My girlfriend and I have had anal sex several times, but she recently saw a episode of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. In this episode she mentioned of all the bad things that can happen if one is to have anal sex.

Our question is the following: Will having anal sex about once, twice or even 3 times a month, with lube and no pain still lead to these problems? Is it eminent like cigarettes give you breathing problems? or possible like walking and twisting an ankle? Thanks, keep up the good work!

– Domenic, California

Is Having Anal Sex Dangerous?

Like all things, there are risks associated with having anal sex that must be considered and weighed against the pleasure and intimacy that many couples experience while engaging in this type of sex play.

Sue Johanson has written a really great article on the things to watch out for if you are going to have anal sex.

Check out her full article here.

In her article, Sue mentions many problems that could possible occur during anal sex.

Possible Complications Caused By Having Anal Sex

First, understand your anatomy. At the lower end of the bowel, there are two distinct circular bands of muscles called sphincters, one is located about an 1 ½ inches above the other. These clamp down tight to prevent the passage of feces or gas.

The mucous membrane which lines the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it can tear quite easily, and it does not heal as quickly as the inner walls of the vagina. Because feces, loaded with bacteria, pass through the rectum any tears in the mucous membrane are vulnerable to infection.

The vigorous thrusting that may occur during anal intercourse can tear the mucous membrane.

What Can Happen If The Membrane Tears?

Tears in the mucous membrane of the rectum can develop into anal abscesses that can become infected.

Also, if your partner has any sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), then you could get infected through these tears.

Examples of sexually transmitted infections are: gonorrhea (treatable); venereal warts (treatable if external, difficult if up in the rectum); syphilis (treatable); herpes (treatment, no cure); yeast infection (treatable); and HIV and AIDS (treatment but no cure).

You do not want any of these STI’s.

Other Potential Problems Associated with Anal Sex

Some doctors claim that hemorrhoids (piles) could result from vigorous anal sex, and although I have no medical research to support this, I have heard people say that the rectum “gets sloppy”, meaning it stretches more than it otherwise would.

However, I am dubious. If anal “sloppiness” was true, why wouldn’t this happen as a result of regular bowel movements? Since there is no definitive research on this, I’ll leave it up to you to decide how you feel about this.

Should You Have Anal Sex Anyway?

Well, according to Sue, the best prevention is to not go there at all!

But if you do decide to try anal sex, she suggests that both you and your partner talk about it and agree on the following points. And we absolutely agree with everything she says in this list.

• Your partner must be very, very gentle, absolutely no forced penetration and no vigorous thrusting.
• You must use lots and lots of good lubrication, (anal lube, not saliva).
• Your partner must use a condom…all the time, every time.
• Your partner must respect “stop”. If you say ouch, or it hurts, or No or quit… they must stop immediately.
• It must be understood, if you do not want to have anal sex again, there will be no pressure, no threats and no pleading. NO means NO.
• Use a well-lubricated condom without spermicide, either on the sex toy or his penis. Spermicide can irritate the rectum.
• Never shift from anal sex back to vaginal sex without changing condoms. Feces can end up in the vagina and cause infections. And please wash your hands with soap and water after handling the dirty condom or you could still spread infectious material.

Just How Risky Is It?

The problems that Sue mentions in her article are definitely possible, but not necessarily probable…

Like smoking, the risks are lower if you do it less often.

Chances are you’re not going to get lung cancer from smoking one pack of cigarettes. And as long as you’re careful when having anal sex, the chances of running into the problems that Sue mentions in her article are greatly reduced if you do it very carefully and only occasionally.

Keep in mind that the rectum is designed as an “out hole” – not an “in hole”. Our advice is that if you are going to have anal sex, be very gentle and take it very slowly, use lots and lots of good quality lubrication, and save it as the occasional treat.

Don’t make it a regular activity that you do every day. Save it for special occasions.

Is It OK For Me To Talk My Partner Into Trying Anal Sex?

Like Sue, we get lots of questions from men wondering how they can “talk their girlfriend into having anal sex“. She adamantly says that you should never try to convince your partner to have anal sex.

We think it could go either way. We all use the art of gentle persuasion a hundred times a day to convince our kids to clean their rooms, to convince our husband to take out the trash, to talk ourselves into going to the gym when we don’t always feel like it.

Persuasion is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need a little encouragement to move past our fears and overcome our shyness.

We do, however, want to stress that no one should ever be forced or pressured into doing any sexual act that they’re not 100% comfortable with and willing to do.

Do not confuse gentle persuasion with force and coercion!

Talk to your partner, and figure out works well for both of you. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties involved – anal or otherwise.

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Mention it and you can clear a room faster than yelling “FIRE!”

So what do we all have against this poor little piece of latex?

Well, it can be an awkward addition to a passionate event… sort of the third party of a love triangle you don’t want to deal with.

But practically speaking, you should always have a condom with you.

Women should listen intently to this…

The Condom is a WOMAN’S Product

The condom is a very effective means of contraception, and helps to protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases, including HIV. Women are at higher risk for most of these infections than men, simply because of the way we are designed. Some 300,000 American women have HIV or AIDS alone, and there is a new diagnosis about every 30 minutes. By age 50 at least 80% of women will have acquired genital HPV infection.

If the condom is there for contraception and to alleviate some of the spread of these viruses why aren’t more women carrying them?

It’s ironic that women can take birth control without much social consequence. Yet somehow if a woman carries a condom it places a stigma on her and conjures so many questions. Why does she need to carry condoms? Is she looking for sex? Is she easy? A woman’s answers to these questions are her own, and no one else’s business unless she invites someone into her business.

So while we all do our part to shift the stigma away from a woman taking care of herself, we can make carrying condoms a bit more discreet and a lot less embarrassing. There are so many products out there to alleviate this issue.

New Trends in Feminine Condom Accessories 

You can carry them in a luxurious condom compact, like the one called Just In Case, that looks like a make up compact, but has a secret compartment for two condoms. You can even open the compact and use the mirror without giving away your secret stash! Check it out at www.JustInCaseInc.com.

If you want to keep condoms near your bedside, take a look at the Devine Condom Cube. A cute little leather cube with a magnetic closure that will hold your condoms with a little more design flair than the box they originally came in. Check this one out at www.RomanticGifts.com.

Hate the packaging of the condom itself? Check out ONE brand condoms; a new brand with a designer flair. At first glance you may not even know what it is with it’s new round packaging and avant-garde graphics. You can find these little gems at www.JIC2compact.com.

It’s Time to Shift the Paradigm for Women Carrying Condoms  

The new reason to carry a condom is self respect. The new reaction to women carrying condoms must be positive. There is nothing sexier and more attractive than a woman who takes care of herself in every aspect of life. A woman who gives herself the gift of self-respect and self-love, will require that from her partner, and that woman’s partner will return the gift by honoring her request for protection. It’s a dance, when we’re unsure, we step on each others toes. When we know the steps, and follow the music, it can be the most beautiful time in your life. Keep it beautiful, keep yourself protected.

This article is brought to you by JustInCaseInc.com. To sponsor an article on AskDanAndJennifer.com, Click Here.

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Issues such as who will take the dominant role or when the undressing will begin abound and are often worked out using body language, eye contact, and other non-verbal communication cues.

Although these stealthy tools are enough to successfully answer most of the questions that arise during those initial moments of sexual bliss, the issue of contraception is not and should not be one of them.

Don’t Rely on Your Partner to “Take Care Of” Contraception

Unfortunately many women still rely on the man to bring a condom, and many men still rely on the woman to be “on the pill.” Obviously this can lead to a very unfortunate situation in which he doesn’t have a condom and she in not taking an oral contraceptive, leaving them with the choice of either not having sex at all, or having unprotected sex.

Both of these options are bad, and more often than not couples will choose to have sex anyway. This decision not only increases their chances of an unwanted pregnancy, but also of acquiring an unwanted sexually transmitted infection such as HIV or herpes. (Remember condoms should not only be used to prevent pregnancy but to prevent the spread of STD’s as well!)

The easiest way to avoid having to make such a hormonally charged decision is for both partners to take equal responsibility for having a condom on their person – be it in a pocket, a purse, a sock, where ever. Even though it’s the man who wears it, the woman gets just as many benefits from its use, and she should feel comfortable taking the initiative to safeguard her own health and well being. In fact some condom companies are marketing male condoms directly to women by using sexy packaging and imagery in order to promote this healthy habit.

Oral contraceptives do not prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections and should not be the only form of protection used between new lovers. It’s also important to remember that many women rightfully refuse to use oral contraceptives because of the negative side effects they experience while taking them or because of other health concerns. (For example women with a familial history of strokes are advised not to use oral contraceptives).

An even greater number of women discontinue using “the pill” during periods of prolonged abstinence – such as between relationships. So even if she has used oral contraceptives with her past lovers, there’s a good chance that she is not currently using them if this is your first time having sex with each other! Never assume a woman is using an oral contraceptive. If you are unsure, ask her. If you are both ready to have sex, then you should be able to have an honest conversation about contraception.

SHE Should Not Be the Only One Deciding IF Contraception Will Be Used

Another very common, and I think disturbing, trend is…

many men will leave it completely up to the woman to “stop” the progression of sexual activity in order to demand the use of a condom, instead of simply putting the condom on himself without needing to be told to do so by his partner. This behavior unfairly shifts the responsibility of condom use fully onto the woman, and implies that without her demand, he would happily have sex without using a condom at all.

Why are women stereotypically placed in the sexually “responsible“ role? Aren’t men just as concerned about their own health as women? Then shouldn’t men be equally as likely to “stop” the sexual activity in order to use protection?

The usual justification for this scenario is that men get “carried away” in the heat of the moment and “forget” about the consequences of their sexual behaviors, whereas women do not get swept away by their sexual passions and are therefore the ones who must be “responsible” for them both. This argument is based upon too many incorrect culturally-bound assumptions regarding female sexuality to explore in this article. Suffice to say that women are equally as “impassioned” as men, and should not be the only ones who decide whether or not contraception will be used. The “heat of the moment” is not an excuse for irresponsible sexual behavior for either women or men.

Do Have a Verbal and Explicit Conversation About Contraception

Having a conversation about contraception does not have to be as uncomfortable as most people believe. The key is to broach the subject during a non-sexual, calm moment together. One of the worst times to have this “talk” is right before sex because it will certainly kill the mood. It’ll be much better, and lead to a much smoother first time, if this issue is already taken care of and both partners are comfortable knowing that they’ve made a healthy, loving, and respectful decision together.

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They especially take issue with their partner’s sexual history. But the problem comes in when they pass judgment on their partner for “sexual indiscretions”, and try to “save” this person. This is a very common problem with men from very religious backgrounds, when they discover their wife or girlfriend has had sex before them… and, gasp! sometimes with more than just one man!

This of course results in serious relationship problems, and often a break up or divorce.

We are today the product of our upbringing, experiences, and choices

The person you love is who they are because of their upbringing, their experiences, and each and every choice they made up to this point in their lives. Without all those factors, this person would not be who they are today, and would likely not have ever met you – since all those circumstances in their life also ultimately led to the two of you coming together.

So it is naive and hypocritical for people to talk about “forgiving” their partners’ sexual past, when they love this person for who they are today.

Women and virgins… “Hey – who broke the safety seal on this one?!”

This whole thing about “I want to marry a virgin” sounds nice in theory, but it doesn’t reflect the reality in our society today.

The real question to ask is – “who cares?” So what if she’s had sex before? Maybe then she’ll actually know what she’s doing when she has sex with you – better yet, maybe she’ll actually know what she likes.

Gasp! Women taking pleasure in sex. No, it can’t be! Sure, it’s barely been over 100 years since the ever enlightened medical establishment of the day (read: men with large egos) was telling us that women don’t actually take pleasure in sex. Of course during those glorious days doctors could only examine the parts of a woman that weren’t covered by her mandatory head-to-toe clothing. No, seriously. This is not fiction. It’s the height of the arrogance and hypocrisy of the Victorian age… a time from which many of today’s sexual taboos stem, and thus many of today’s relationship sex and intimacy problems.

There are places in today’s world still where women cannot show their faces. Lifting their veils amounts to public pornography, and is against the law of the land. Can you believe it? And let’s not forget that it’s barely been sixty years since women have been allowed to vote.

We live in fascinating times, but our dark history is not far behind.

Strong religious upbringing and sex education…

Something we see very often from people raised in a very strict religious manner is a complete lack of sex education. Unfortunately, when we hide away from sex and don’t teach our children about the realities of sex, the inevitable will happen… from teen pregnancy, to sexually transmitted diseases, to child molestation, and so on.

We are sexual beings. Ignoring this very important part of our very nature results in many of the sexual and relationship problems we see today. In addition, there’s a strong trend toward the “behind closed doors” type of sexual activity and experimentation.

There are many wonderful things that have come out of religious circles. But it’s important to remember that at the core of most of today’s religious teachings is the original message of peace, love, and forgiveness. The problem comes in when organized religion tells us to pass judgment on others and change them.  What happened the peace, love, and forgiveness part?

Can you forgive her past indiscretions and move on with your relationship?

That’s a tough question since there’s nothing really there for you to “forgive”. She didn’t do anything to you.

The real question is… can you embrace the love that you have been blessed to partake in, or is your anti-sex bias more important to you… important enough to give up your love and move on?

Here’s a question from a man in Ontario trying to cope with this same dilemma.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a really loving and caring partner that I love and care for too. I have concerns about previous past with that person. Before I start I want you to know that I am 25 year old Catholic and this is my first serious relationship. My fiance is 27 years old and she is Greek Orthodox who had a few previous relationships.

And this is what is bothering me… the fact that I have not dated and got affiliated with people whom I knew that I would not want to stay with but also I lived a very lonely life because of that. My bother comes from her past that for one she had a first marriage that in her early twenties but got a divorce shortly after. That bothers me because I was expecting to meet a girl who would be a virgin.

What also bothers me is that she dated more guys after and got affiliated with them also. It was very painful for me to find a box of condoms with condom cream in her bathroom that was hidden under a big mess. Now you may see where I am coming from I feel that she has done such horrible things and here I am the person who loves her who is suppose to accept her.

This person has lived on her own at a very young age and only has a mother because the father passed away. I can see that she may have a reason that this has happened and I believe its from being alone also.

She loves me with everything and says that she has never met someone like me before who is caring, emotional, very sensitive and not a typical guy who drinks beer and watched tv all the time. I need your help in making me understand why I am feeling sad, anger at times, unhappy and no being able to talk with my partner. It is very hard to forgive and move on. Please help.

– Rafal, Ontario

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Can she get pregnant while taking a hot, steamy bath together, even if we have swimsuits on?

The short answer to this question is "NO". There are many myths out there about what will and will not cause a woman to get pregnant. These myths are even more prominent in some of the more conservative religious family cultures because sex is simply not talked about in the home, so the kids grow up believing all kinds of myths and and tall tales about sex. It’s such a mystery to them…

In this case, sperm do not live very long outside of the body and when you throw in the chlorine from the bath, the little guys just don’t have a chance. Barring some type of immaculate conception, it’s very, very unlikely that a woman could get pregnant this way.

But don’t get too smug just yet, she COULD still get pregnant…

The Real Question About Sex, Pregnancy, and a "Hot Bath"

Here is a very interesting twist on this topic. If a couple is taking a hot bath together, are they sitting at opposite corners of this bath tub? Are they six feet away from one another? Are they waving at each other and having to yell across the pool to hear each other?

No? So then, what ARE are they doing exactly? Is there any alcohol involved?

In these situations proximity leads to more proximity… and that often leads to what we call "slippage". Couples can get lost in the heat of the moment and before you know it – "Whoops!"

So the real question is: "What are they really doing in the steamy, hot tub together?"

Taking a bath is highly unlikely. They are more likely pursuing mild, pseudo-sexual relations but are afraid to call it sex because of whatever silly taboo or maybe just a little shyness. So what can you do?

Call it what it is and take the appropriate precautions. Wear a condom if you really, really want to be safe.

Safe Sex Recommended Reading

If you really want to get a better understanding about sex, and especially safe sex, here are a couple of books that will get you started on the right path.

The first one is the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. Whenever you want to learn a new topic, the Idiot’s Guide and even the For Dummies series are great because they cover so many aspects of the subject very thoroughly. They’re also generally very well written and easy to read.

Another book which is a very well illustrated and also very tastefully done is the Sexopedia by Anne Hooper.

If your parents didn’t bother talking to you about sex, like most parents don’t, go grab these two books and you will better informed. It’s a much better idea than getting this info from your buddies and flying blind…

Sex is a natural and beautiful part of life, but it’s also a very serious topic. What you don’t know about sex CAN hurt you. If you’re going to partake in it (even if you don’t quite call it "sex"), get educated and be smart about it.

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Can You Get Her Pregnant Taking a Bath Together?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I wanted to know that if I and my female partner are taking bath together having my shorts on and her panties on, can it happen that my sperms getting contacted with water and then to her panties, can make her pregnant. Please. Give me the safe way out, for I don’t want my partner to get pregnant.

Myth or Fact? You Decide…

Here’s a resource we recommend for helping women achieve orgasm every time:

• Check out our review of The Female Orgasm Black Book. You’ll be very surprised by the percentage of women who have NEVER had an orgasm with a man – we certainly were.

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