Ask Dan and Jennifer » self improvment

3 Tips to Help You Get Over a Break Up – Quickly!

Jason Likert — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 21:46:42 +0000

Love is a complex concept that philosophers, scientists and romance novelists have struggled with for centuries, if not a millennia.

Is it a metaphysical experience that blends the attraction of souls to one another (ala "soul-mates"), or is it a human ability to sense pheromones and is therefore a bodily function?

Whatever the explanation may be, love is a fact and we all want to receive it.

Givers of Love

Some people are natural givers. They enjoy showering attention, love and care on those who are around them.

They show love from their words, physical actions and gift-giving. Givers have an inclination to be very empathetic to the ones they love. Everyone has the ability to be a giver. In essence we ALL give, we just do it in different ways.

Receivers of Love

Receivers do not automatically "take" – a common stereotype. We are all receivers in some way. Everyone enjoys feeling love and attention. Receivers naturally receive more than they give. They naturally tend to crave attention from those around them.

Are You a Giver or a Receiver?

We all experience love in different ways, as givers and receivers.

As men, many of us are have an inclination to be receivers. Think about the world around us, about how our culture is geared toward making men into receivers of love and affection rather than givers.

We get used to receiving. Most men are conditioned to be receivers and many women are condition to be givers.

When You Stop Receiving Love…

Nothing in this world can be matched with giving and receiving love. It can make time slow down and make a few seconds last for hours when you are together.

When you are apart, a day can feel like a week. In many ways it can be addictive, to feel and enjoy that love you have been receiving. Like a drug you can become dependent upon it.

Somewhere in the past we’ve all been there. That point where we can tell the relationship has changed.

She has stopped giving, you have stopped receiving, or vice versa. Something is different. You can’t put your finger on it, but it’s obvious things have changed.

Do you panic? Do you feel your heart pound in your chest and your ribs compress around your lungs?

Do you analyze it all and look for all of the signs of break up?

If you do, you’re not alone. Everyone feels grief at the end of a relationship. Dealing with it and focusing on what to do, and not why, is a good way to help yourself through it.

Grief is a Natural Response

The grieving process will undoubtedly come into affect; you may feel hurt, angry, more hurt, more angry, seething with rage at one minute and balling your eyes out the next.

It’s important to remember that you are not alone, you aren’t the first person to have your heart broken and you won’t be the last.

Many of the most stout individuals can delay their grief, postpone it, and it will come back to smother them. Feeling grief is natural. Prolonged grief can turn…

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7 Personality Traits You Need to Survive a Break-Up

Eddie Corbano — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 14:37:07 +0000

Many years ago, when I finally overcame my extremely painful break up, I noticed a strong shift in different areas of my life. I’d become stronger, more independent, my relationship to others had improved – I was simply able to enjoy life more.

That was the moment when I started to plan how to convey this to other people with similar problems. But I wasn’t sure if the techniques I used would help other break up or divorce victims as well.

Maybe they were only helpful in my personal case?

That’s when I went in search of the magic formula for overcoming a break up.

I had a concrete idea of what a coaching program would look like, but I also needed another perspective, not just my own. So I decided to interview as many people as possible about how they survived their break ups or divorces.

The Interviews

I started with relatives, then friends, then friends of friends. I did a survey in a newspaper, and finally with the help of a friend psychologist, I was able to interview numerous people with different experiences.

Among them were a few who seemed to go through this process without any effort – with natural lightness. I then especially targeted those, for I was sure that they had some special traits which enabled them to get this behind them much quicker, and with less effort than all the others.

My coaching program was born.

Today, I want to share with you these special traits and mindsets which the "natural" survivors of break ups have had or have developed. Their knowledge will help you to realize where your own problems lie and how you can overcome them effectively.

Here are the 7 Most Important Traits for Overcoming a Break Up Fast:

1. Independency

Have you learned to detach yourself from your partner during the relationship?

Detachment does not mean that you do not love your partner, but it implies the knowledge that you don’t need your partner for your own happiness. Your happiness comes from within. It’s important to realize this.

Have you ever learned to live alone, that you can survive on your own? This is a very important attribute, which helps when you need to face a divorce with more confidence. This is especially important for housewives, who don’t work outside the home for their living.

2. Having a Life-Goal

Most of the successful break up survivors have a life goal, which is independent from their relationship. This could be a business, a work related career or a success in sports. Anything that satisfies an ambition you are passionate about and which makes you happy.

It is important that your relationship or marriage is not the only thing that’s vital in your life.

3. Mental Control

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Can A Break Up Actually Be A Good Thing?

Eddie Corbano — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 14:52:04 +0000

For most people, a break up or divorce is the most excruciating experience they have had in their lives. It is like losing a part of yourself, a part which is vital for your very survival.

What if I tell you that your break up can actually be a good thing?

What if I tell you that it is an opportunity to find your real self and evaluate your position in life, the ultimate test for life’s upcoming challenges?

The only thing you have to do is to take the right fork in the road when standing at the crossroad.

Why do we suffer so much after a break up?

The usual break up or divorce starts in the same manner: the partner leaves, one way or the other.

How the one left behind copes with this experience is determined by 3 main factors:

1. The nature of the relationship to their partner
2. The expectation they had of the relationship
3. Their personality and personal experiences

A break up is a devastating experience for everyone. Whether or not the person left behind will suffer beyond the borders of normality depends on their expectations and experiences. The healing depends on their ability to face these factors. If they can "look into the core", identify their behavior and fix their problems, then the healing will take place and there will be improvement in other areas of their life as well.

A break up discloses mercilessly all our weaknesses and hidden pain we have carried around since childhood. We must seize the chance to uncover and get rid of them once and for all.

A case study of two broken hearts

Case no. 1 – Kevin:

When his wife left him after 3 years of marriage, Kevin was devastated. He called in sick for work and didn’t leave the apartment where they used to live for about 6 weeks. He felt as if the very reason for his existence just vanished. He completely lost his center and will for life. All he could think of was the life he had. Although he knew that his marriage was definitely over, he could not stop wishing she would come back. This thought was the very spark of his life and his so called existence.

After 6 weeks, the initial shock was gone and he slowly started to ask himself where he was headed. He felt he was walking on a thin line towards a crossroad: to his left and right was a deep and dark abyss. He knew that he had to choose which road to follow, and this decision would determine his future life.

So he finally walked out of his apartment, met some friends, spoke with them about his fears and the way he felt. He did some research, and with the help of a friend, who is a psychotherapist, he discovered the main source of his problems: a strong lack of self-esteem and self-love.

His life had been happy because his beautiful wife gave meaning and value to his life. His happiness came from outside, rather than from the inside.

Through the coaching of his friend and a disciplined self-study, he not only overcame the divorce, but also remarkably improved his quality of life. Everything seemed to have changed: his relationships with others, his progress at work, his attitude towards women, his life goals.

He had become an entirely new person.

Case no. 2 – Julia:

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