Ask Dan and Jennifer » sex education

How Do I Know If I’m Bisexual?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 14:00:53 +0000

In sex ed, they don’t tell you how to figure out your sexual orientation. And when you’re a teenager, there are tons of sexual hormones that are taking over your body – one minute you can be feeling one way and the next minute you can be feeling the exact opposite. It can be hard to tell what your true sexual orientation is when so many emotions are going through you. How do you know if you’re really and truly gay, straight, bisexual or anything in between?

For about two years, I’ve contimplated weather or not I’m bi-sexual, and I’ve been feeling like I am a lot more now than I have in the past. I’m sort of freaked out by all this and I was wondering if you could explain some of this stuff. I’m fifteen and living with two old school catholics – so let’s just say I can’t go to the parents on this one, thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

What Is Bisexuality?

Bisexuality is simply the recognition that one can be physically and emotionally to more than one gender. Many people assume that if you have sex with a member of the same gender that it automatically makes you gay or bisexual, but this isn’t true. You don’t have to have had sex at all – with anyone – or you can have had sex with both genders.

You can also be gay but have only had sex with members of the opposite sex, and vice versa. On the other hand, having a sexual encounter with someone of the same gender doesn’t make you gay or bisexual. Your sexual orientation doesn’t depend at all on who you’ve been to bed with!

What Do You Really Fantasize About?

What does determine your sexual orientation is what governs your sexual fantasies. Are you a guy who is sleeping with with women but keeps dreaming about giving a great blowjob to a guy? Are you a girl who is having sex with guys but secretly wish you were with a girl instead? If this is the case, you might want to consider that possibility that you are gay or bisexual.

Leaning One Way Or The Other

If you’re bisexual, it doesn’t mean that you have to be attracted physically and emotionally to men and women equally. Lots of people lean one way or the other – a man who is bisexual may prefer women but sometimes enjoy men, or a woman may really enjoy being with another women but think being with a man sexually is okay too.

Questions To Ask Yourself

If you’re unsure about what your sexual orientation really is, you can ask yourself some questions to dig deeper within yourself and find out what really defines your sexuality.

Do you feel attracted to both genders?
Are you attracted to men and to women sexually and emotionally?
Do you think about having sex with a woman when you’re with a man or vice versa?
Do you enjoy looking at both men and women sexually?
Do you believe that either gender could fulfill you emotionally in a relationship?

All In All, It’s Just A Label

What sex ed definitely won’t teach you is that bisexuality, gay, straight, transgender, etc. are all just labels that people put on themselves or put on others. Humans have to label everything – it comes naturally to them to place a label on people, things, ideas, and pretty much everything else they come into contact with.

You don’t have to label yourself at all if you don’t want to. If you don’t want to consider yourself bisexual or gay or straight, then don’t! There are lots of people out there that don’t meet the criteria for gay, straight or even bisexual and are somewhere in the middle – but that’s okay because when it comes to sexuality and sexual orientation, it’s all shades of gray anyways. By labeling everything, we try to make our world black and white, but it just doesn’t happen that way.

You are who you are and you don’t need a label to give yourself permission to be a certain way or enjoy certain things. You don’t have to consider yourself into BDSM just because you like the occasional spanking, or think of yourself as having a urine fetish if you enjoy a golden shower every now and again. When it comes to sex – and anything else – you don’t have to define yourself unless you want to, and it’s not up to anyone else to define you either. The most important thing is to be honest and true to yourself, and live the way you want to live.

When Is A Woman Physically Ready To Have Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 14:00:07 +0000

Sex ed programs in schools and all over the country can leave a lot to be desired when it comes to learning about sex and when the right time to do it is. How do you know your body is prepared to have sex for the first time? How do you know your body is primed? How do you know that you’re emotionally prepared for it and are prepared to deal with the consequences that having sex (even protected) can sometimes bring? Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine if you really are prepared – or if you should wait.

Question: I feel ready to have sex. I know it and I have no doubts about it. So emotionally, I’m more than OK. But physically, when is the right age for a woman to have sex? I got my period 2 years ago and I am WELL informed on birth control and STD’s. I even know how to put on a condom.

–YouTube Viewer

Being Emotionally Ready For Sex

It’s easy to think you’re emotionally prepared for it because this is something that pretty much every sex ed program in the country doesn’t discuss. In fact, with the far majority of sex ed programs discussing how to say “no” and the benefits of abstinence, very few of them actually do approach the topic of when the right time actually is.

There are many consequences that having sex can bring, and thinking through the consequences before actually doing it is an important part of becoming emotionally prepared to do it for the first time.

Thinking Through The Consequences

Before you make the decision to have sex, take some time to imagine the different consequences that could arise from having sex right now. Think about what you might do in a given situation, and don’t be afraid to talk to your partner and get on the same page with them about what actions you both would take if one of these situations would arise.

What Will You Do If You Get Pregnant?

Even if you take steps to protect yourself during intercourse (such as using condoms), the risk of an unwanted pregnancy still exists. In fact, even with condoms, spermicide, birth control and pulling out, there still is a tiny, tiny chance that an egg could become fertilized. Having safer sex is all about reducing your risks, however, you must realize that the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy is to abstain from it completely.

That said, take some time to think about what would happen if you actually did become pregnant after having sex. What options are available to you? Would you consider abortion, or adoption? Would you consider rearranging your life to raise a baby? Think about the steps you would take if you were to get pregnant so you have a plan of action if the situation would actually come up.

What Will You Do If You Get A Sexually Transmitted Disease?

Any sex ed program will tell you – even if you use condoms during sex, it is possible to contract an STD from a partner that is infected. Before committing to have sex, think about what protection you’re going to put into place to reduce your risk of getting an STD. Will you use condoms? Will you get regular STD and HIV testing done? Will you require your partner to have an STD test?

You may also want to do some research on how different STD’s are transmitted and how they are treated. HIV is a very scary disease, but with modern technology and medical treatments, the life expectancy of an HIV positive person is almost that of a healthy person. Some STD’s are treated with antibiotics, while others cannot be “cured.”

What Will You Do If You Break Up With The Person You Lost Your Virginity To?

Condoms and birth control can reduce your risk of unwanted pregnancy and STD’s, however, they can’t reduce the risk you take of not being with the person you lost your virginity to forever. Before committing to taking this step with someone, take some time to think out how you might feel if you end up breaking up with the person you lost your virginity to. Are you going to be emotionally or mentally scarred? Will you be able to move on with your life and still have healthy relationships with others?

When Your Body Lets You Know You’re Ready For Reproduction

This is basic sex ed – a girl’s body is prepared for reproduction when she begins having her period. This simply means that the ovaries are dropping eggs and because they’re unfertilized, a girl has her period and sheds the lining of the uterus. It actually has nothing to do with whether a girl is really prepared for it or not, because just because your body is saying that it is primed to make a baby, doesn’t mean that it’s time for you to go there.

More and more girls are starting to get their periods at a younger age, sometimes even as young as ten or eleven (and in rare cases, even younger than that). This solidifies the fact that just because a girl has started her period, it does not mean she is ready to have sex with a man.

No One Can Decide For You

Remember that deciding to have sex (or not to have sex) is something that only you can decide for yourself. Your parents may not want you to do it yet and your friends may be urging you to do it, but only you and your partner can decide when the right time to have intercourse really is. And even if your partner decides that he’s prepared, the ultimate decision is really up to you and you alone. Don’t let anyone try to take your decision away from you.

Make Sure You’re With The Right Person

While you may feel emotionally and physically ready to have intercourse for the first time, stop and think about if you’re really with the right person. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to lose my virginity to this person?” Make sure your partner is someone that you care deeply about (and who also cares deeply about you) and that they’re someone you can truly trust and depend on. Don’t just do it for the sake of doing it, because you could be making a huge mistake.

If you wait until you’re really prepared to have intercourse and you wait until you’re in the right relationship, it is going to be much better and much more rewarding than if you had simply given in to someone you really didn’t care about just to get it over with.

Keep The Laws In Mind

While the last thing you’re probably thinking about is when you’re legally okay to have sex, if you’re younger than eighteen, it’s important to think about the legal aspect of things. Statutory rape is not something your partner wants on his record (if he’s older than you). It’s also something that you don’t want on your record if you’re older than eighteen and your partner is younger. Keep in mind that the legal age to give sexual consent is usually eighteen and is actually seventeen in some states. Play it safe and make sure you’re keeping everything legal.

Get Informed

Don’t assume that your local sex ed program is going to give you all the information you need to know on having intercourse and how to do it safely, especially if the only sex ed program offered in your area is an abstinence only course. Take some time to research the different aspects of sex, how to enjoy it, how to make your partner enjoy it and how to keep it safe, fun and clean. Think about oral and anal sex too, and how to stay safe during those activities too. Remember that knowledge is power.

What Are The Side Effects Of Oral Birth Control?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 14:00:18 +0000

Oral birth control is a very popular form of birth control and is often used alone or with other methods (such as condoms) to prevent unwanted pregnancy. However, oral birth control isn’t for everyone. There are a number of side effects that go along with taking it, ranging from a little weight gain to more serious side effects such as stroke and decreased libido. Here’s what you want to know about oral birth control and its associated side effects.

Question: I was wondering if you could do a video on the side effects of oral birth control. By this, I don’t mean what we normally hear like weight gain and possibility of a stroke (if you smoke while on the pill), but I mean the stranger side effects like loss of sex drive, insomnia, and depression! I know it didn’t even strike me that the pill could cause these things, so I’m betting other people don’t know either. So if you could make a video to help inform woman of some of these strange side effects, I think that would be really great! Thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

Quick Birth Control Facts

Oral birth control is 99.9% effective against pregnancy when used correctly – that means, taking it at about the same time every single day.
It does not prevent STD’s of any kind, including HIV, AIDS, chlamydia, herpes, etc.
Antibiotics and other medicines will reduce the effectiveness of birth control.
Women on birth control should not smoke due to increase in rare but very serious side effects.

Common Birth Control Side Effects

There are many side effects that are caused by oral birth control, ranging from very mild side effects to more serious ones. Some women who take birth control won’t experience any side effects at all, others may experience some side effects that aren’t bothersome, and others may experience very serious and uncomfortable side effects that may mean they need to discontinue using the medication.

Nausea
Weight gain
Sore or swollen breasts
Spotting between periods or lighter periods
Mood changes
Decreased sexual libido

More Serious Birth Control Related Side Effects

While most of the side effects that are related to birth control aren’t serious, some of them are and require immediate medical attention. These side effects are more rare, but they can happen. Every woman who takes birth control should be aware of the more rare but serious side effects of the medication so they can contact their doctor as soon as possible if they experience any of these more serious side effects.

Abdominal pain
Chest pain
Visual disturbances such as blurred vision or spots or flashes in your vision
Mild headaches or severe migraines
Swelling and aching in the legs and thighs

Other Forms Of Hormonal Birth Control

You may think that the “pill” is the only form of birth control that has side effects, but quite the opposite is true. Many popular forms of birth control contain the very same mix of hormones that the pill does! Other forms of hormonal birth control can be even stronger than some pills and can produce similar but stronger side effects than the those associated with the pill.

The Ortho Evra patch
The Nuva ring
Mirena – the hormonal IUD (intra-uterine device)
Depo-Provera injection and other birth control injections
Hormonal implants
Plan B – the “morning after” pill

Barrier Methods

While oral birth control is among the most popular ways to practice safe sex, it is not the only way. Oral birth control doesn’t protect against sexually transmitted diseases, but some other methods of safe sex (called “barrier” methods) do.

Condoms – protects against STD’s
Female condoms – protects against STD’s
Copper IUD
Diaphragm
Cervical Cap
Spermicidal sponge, foam, cream or film

Talk To Your Doctor To Find Out If Birth Control Is Right For You

Always talk to your doctor to find out whether or not oral birth control or other forms of birth control is right for you. Your doctor can help explain to you why you should or should not take birth control, and will tell you how to use it correctly so it is most effective. Some women should not take birth control at all, because the risk of side effects are too great. Your doctor will look at your entire health history to determine whether or not hormonal birth control is the right choice for your health and lifestyle.

Who should not take birth control:

Women over 35
Women with a history of blood clots
Women with a history of heart or liver disease
Women with a history of breast or uterine cancer
Women who have experienced undesirable side effects from birth control previously

Q&A: Having A Baby – Will Her Vagina And Breasts Be Bigger?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 14:00:05 +0000

Many changes happen to a woman’s body during pregnancy. It’s definitely an eye opening process for a woman, however, it can be downright scary for their partners. Many guys want to know what happens to his lady’s special parts when she gets pregnant and has a baby, and if the sex will feel different for him after it’s all said and done. Here’s the downlow on how a woman’s body might change during the next 9 months.

Question: I heard from a friend that if a girl has a baby that her vagina will be wider than before and her breasts will be bigger is this true?

–YouTube Viewer

What Happens To Her Body During Pregnancy

A woman’s breasts usually do get bigger during pregnancy and especially after she has the baby. During pregnancy, a woman’s blood volume actually increases by up to 40%, and much of this blood is used to simply nourish the body’s growing reproductive organs. It also goes to the breasts and vagina and can make both look much bigger and even swollen. After the baby is born, her breasts will become even bigger as her milk comes in. They will stay large if she chooses to breastfeed, or they will reduce in size several days after discontinuing breastfeeding. If she decides to breastfeed, you will even notice that her breasts change sizes several times throughout the day as the milk comes in and the baby nurses. Your partner may also have hair and skin changes, where her hair becomes fuller and her skin becomes darker or blotchier. After the baby is born, her vagina may look and feel different. It may feel more loose or stretched out, or it may look larger and darker in color.

When Everything Goes Back To Normal

Usually, after a baby is born, a woman’s body goes back to it’s normal, pre-pregnancy state. After breastfeeding is stopped, the breasts should return to their original size. The body absorbs the extra fluid and blood that was created during pregnancy and skin discolorations generally start to subside a few days or weeks after the birth. The vagina is made to be elastic and resilient and even the vaginal canal and surrounding vulva will begin returning to normal at this point as well.

When Everything Doesn’t Go Back To Normal

While a woman’s body is designed to “bounce back” after pregnancy (even though this process can take some time), there are changes that take place that may be permanent. After breastfeeding, a woman may notice that her breasts are larger or smaller than they were before, and they may be droopier or less perky than they were before the pregnancy as well. She may lose the extra pounds she gained during pregnancy and return to her pre-pregnancy weight, however, the weight may be distributed in different places. She may now carry more weight on her hips and lower stomach, even if her “trouble spots” were always her thighs or buttocks before. The vagina may retain some of the changes that took place during pregnancy and birth, especially if her vagina tore at all and required stitches. Sometimes, doctors will perform a procedure called an episiotomy, where the skin is cut to make room for the baby and then stitched back up. This can make sex feel very different for both her and her partner.

Even though the body goes through monumental changes during pregnancy and birth, sex can still be very pleasurable – and sometimes even better than before!

Q&A: Long Distance Relationship – Alternatives To Phone Sex

Kaylen Jackson — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 14:00:30 +0000

One of the hardest things to do in a long distance relationship is achieve any real level of physical intimacy. Even arranging meeting face to face as often as possible isn’t going to cut it if you’re going long distance for any significant period of time. Phone sex can definitely get boring, so here’s how you can keep the fire alive in other fun ways.

Question: HELP! I’m in a long distance relationship, any tips on keeping the loving feeling going? My boyfriend isn’t really into phone sex. PLEASE HELP with any other suggestions!

–YouTube Viewer

Sexting

Send your partner racy texts or picture sexts throughout the day to remind him how hot he is for you. Encourage your partner to send you a few titillating texts of his own! Tell your partner what you want to do to him next time you see him, or what you’d like him to do to you. You and your partner will love getting unexpected, sexy texts at random times and you’ll always be on each other’s mind. If you and your partner see each other often, such as every weekend or every couple of weeks, sexting can definitely be a primary way of building up the tension leading up to the next face to face meeting.

Emails & Pictures

Emails are a great way to quickly send your partner a sexy little saying, and it’s also a good way to send him pictures of you (and vice versa) without having to get them developed. Read: as racy as you want. A word of caution when it comes to sending naked pictures of yourself over the internet: don’t send anything out that you wouldn’t mind being out there. The Internet is definitely not safe and a number of people may end up with their hands on your naked picture, even if all you did was email it to your boyfriend. However, this may not be a big issue for you.

Webcam Sex

Webcams really upped the game for couples in long distance relationships. Live webcam conversations are as close as you’re going to get to a real face to face conversation with your partner, and the same goes for sex too. Many couples have webcam “sex dates” and meet each other regularly for webcam sex. This is an excellent way for you and your partner both get relief from your sexual frustrations, as well as allowing you to feel sexually close to your partner and not allowing those loving feelings to subside too much.

Teledildonics

Teledildonics is the next big thing in long distance sex. Take remote control dildos and computerize them. Now you have a dildo that hooks up to your computer that your partner can control from their own computer. This is an excellent way to help your partner participate in your pleasure from far away. The downside to teledildonics is that they can be very expensive. Combine teledildonics with webcam sex for a long distance sex experience that is almost like the real thing! A cheaper way for your partner to become involved in your pleasure is to have a dildo made from a mold of your partner’s actual penis!

Q&A: Sexual Virgin – I’m Not Sure I’m Ready

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 14:00:05 +0000

Losing your virginity is a big step, and it’s one that you have to be emotionally and physically ready for. If you’re being pressured to have sex with someone and you’re a virgin, you may be tempted to lose your virginity just to get it “over with.” Fortunately, you don’t have to take that approach to losing your virginity. If you’re not ready, here’s how to be true to yourself and let your partner know what you’re comfortable with – and what you’re not comfortable with.

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn,I am 14 years old and I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. Recently he said he wanted to have sex and I am not sure if I do, but I am worried if I tell him that I don’t want to lose my virginity to him, he will think I am not into him anymore. What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Staying True To Yourself

Being honest with yourself and staying true to yourself is the most important thing in this type of situation. If you’re not emotionally ready or physically ready for sex, there is absolutely no reason you should have to do it. Don’t try to convince yourself that having sex with your partner will make your relationship better or that your partner won’t think you like them if you don’t have sex with them. The only thing that matters here is what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not comfortable with having sex, don’t do it! There are no external factors here. It’s only about you and what you do or don’t want to do. If your partner pressures you to have sex when you’re not ready, or doesn’t respect your decision to wait, it’s definitely time to move on so you can be with someone who really loves you and respects your decisions.

Being Emotionally Ready For Sex – And The Consequences

Sex can bring great pleasure, but if you’re not emotionally ready for sex, it can bring a lot of trouble too. If you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend after losing your virginity to them (especially when you’re very young), it will most likely be more painful for you than if the breakup happened without you and your partner having had sex. You never forget your first time, so before you lose your virginity, make sure you’re having sex for the first time with the person you really want your first time to be with. Sex can also bring other consequences that make the situation more complicated, such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Take some time to think it through and consider all the possible outcomes of having sex before you actually do it. You can’t go back after you’ve done it and do it differently or take more time. Once you do it, it can’t be undone, so really think it through first.

Educate Yourself About Sex

You may think you know what you need to know about sex, but you’d really be surprised at what you haven’t learned yet. Take some time to educate yourself about safe sex, condoms, the morning after pill, pregnancy and various types of sexually transmitted diseases and the different ways you can get them or pass them on. Don’t rely on someone else to tell yo what’s up when it comes to sex, and don’t wait until after you’ve had sex for the first time to find these things out. If you do decide to have sex with your partner and have decided you’re emotionally ready for it, make sure you know how to keep yourself safe too.

Q&A: Safe Sex – Using The Withdrawal Method

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 14:00:00 +0000

There are a number of different birth control methods that work well to drastically reduce the risk of pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted diseases, but many guys insist on trying birth control methods that don’t really work at all! A lot of guys want to pull out, simply because it feels better than wearing a condom. Here’s why you shouldn’t pull out and how you can have safe sex that still feels great.

Question: Hey Dan and Jennifer, I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 23. He wants to use the withdrawal method, but it’s not always effective! How do I tell him?

–YouTube Viewer

Why Pulling Out Doesn’t Work

Simply put, if a penis touches a vagina without protection, there is a risk of pregnancy involved. Even if there is no penetration, if there is genital to genital touching, the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant goes up. This risk, of course, goes up the more contact there is. Consider the penis a loaded gun. There are most likely sperm present before ejaculation, whether it is because ejaculation took place not long before, or because pre-semen or pre-ejaculate can contain sperm as well. It takes only one sperm to get a woman pregnant, although millions are present in very small amounts of semen. Not only are you taking a risk of becoming pregnant or getting an STD simply by allowing a penis to touch your vagina without some sort of protection, you are also taking a greater risk by trusting your partner to pull out at just the right time when he’s on the brink of orgasm. This usually ends in disaster! Statistically speaking, the withdrawal method has a pregnancy rate similar to having completely unprotected sex.

Other Methods Of Birth Control

Condoms, of course, are the number one form of birth control. They are easy to purchase, easy to use and protect against both pregnancy and STD’s. No other form of birth control does all those things. However, if you’d like to forgo using condoms, there are many different kinds of birth control you can use so you can still have great sex safely. First, you and your partner need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Make a committment to each other that you will be monogamous, so once you and your partner are given the green light, you can continue to stay disease free without a condom. Do not have sex without a condom until both of your test results come back! To protect against pregnancy, talk to your doctor about different forms of birth control. Hormonal birth control, such as the pill, the patch or the shot are popular, while barrier methods such as spermicide and diaphragms are also still being used. You can also consider doubling up with a hormonal and barrier birth control method. Talk to your doctor and talk to your partner about which options are right for you.

No Glove, No Love

If you want your partner to wear a condom, he needs to wear a condom. If he doesn’t, simply put your foot down and state that there isn’t going to be any sex without a condom. If you’re not comfortable with the withdrawal method or other forms of birth control, your partner needs to respect that. There are tons of great condom styles out there, including large and small condoms, non-latex condoms for men who are allergic to latex, flavored and scented condoms, colored condoms, glow in the dark condoms and much, much more! There’s no reason that using a condom during sex can’t make it safe and fun!

Q&A: How Do I Ask My Girlfriend For Naked Pictures?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:00:45 +0000

If you’d rather look at a naked picture of your girlfriend rather than look at porn, you’re not alone. But how can you get her to take a naked picture and most of all, how can you get her to give it to you? Can you just ask her for a naked picture of herself, or is there more to it than that? Here’s what you need to know before asking your lady love for a photo of her lady parts.

Question: Can you tell me how can I ask my girlfriend for a naked picture? We have been together almost a year but I’ve never seen her naked! So how can I ask her for naked picture? Is there any special way I should ask her?

–YouTube Viewer

Have You Been Intimate Together Yet?

If you and your girlfriend haven’t had sex together yet, it’s understandable why you would want to see a naked picture of her. You’ve probably fantasized about what she would look like naked, and depending on how long you have been dating, you might be tired of waiting! However, there are many reasons why you shouldn’t ask your girlfriend for a naked picture of herself, especially if you haven’t been intimate with her yet!

When Asking For A Naked Picture Can Get Creepy

If you and your girlfriend haven’t had sex with each other yet, asking for a naked picture of her can be downright creepy and somewhat stalker-ish! For people to be comfortable enough with each other to pass naked pictures of each other back and forth, they usually have to had sex first. That doesn’t mean hurry up and have sex with your girlfriend just so you can get a naked picture of her though! Enjoy your relationship now, and intimacy will happen in its own time. There are many ways that having her take a picture of herself in the nude with her bare breasts can backfire, especially if you and her are under the age of eighteen. If you and her (or just her) are under the age of eighteen, having her take a nude photo is actually illegal and could get you in a lot of trouble. Plus, naked pictures always seem to get into the hands of people who shouldn’t have them, no matter how hard you try to keep them to yourself. Her parents may find them on her phone, or someone could put them up on the Internet without her or your knowledge! It’s better to steer clear of the potential mess that naked pictures can make entirely.

When To Ask

If you and your girlfriend are over the age of eighteen and have been intimate together for quite some time or are even possibly living together, she may be comfortable enough to provide you with a naked picture of yourself for your viewing pleasure. If this is the case, suggest a sexy photo shoot with your partner. Try clothes on at first and see what happens. Don’t push your girlfriend into doing anything she’s uncomfortable with, no matter how silly you may think it is that she doesn’t want to take a picture of herself nude. If she’s uncomfortable with it, drop it.

Q&A: I Feel Guilty If My Girlfriend Doesn’t Climax

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 14:00:21 +0000

Getting your girl to climax can be a huge turn on for you. But you don’t want her to orgasm just sometimes, you want her to have an orgasm every single time you have sex with her! Is this a realistic expectation? Do women have orgasms as often as men? Here’s how to increase your chances of giving your girl the big O – and whether you can expect her to be able to do it every time.

Question: My girlfriend and I are both 20 and my question to you two GURU’s are if feeling bad is natural after having sex IF my girlfriend does not orgasm? About 65 % of the time she does climax, but when she doesn’t, I feel as if I HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR IT. Is it normal for girls not to climax as much as guys?

–YouTube Viewer

It Might Not Happen Every Time

Men generally climax every time they have sex, but not always. Women, however, take longer to reach climax than guys and therefore may not have an orgasm every time. It may take her even longer to climax when she’s tired or stressed out, making it even more difficult for her to reach climax in a reasonable period of time. This is normal! A woman doesn’t have to have an orgasm each time she has sex to actually enjoy it – nor does a man. Don’t pressure to have an orgasm or hold out for a long time to wait for her to come. This will make it even harder for her to reach climax!

Communicate With Her

Talk to your partner and ask her what she’s in the mood for. She may want a quickie, or may be too tired to do anything at all! She may want to have sex but she may not feel up to having an orgasm. Let’s face it – having an orgasm is tiring! Don’t stress out about it if she doesn’t want to have an orgasm or even finds that she is unable to orgasm. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you or love you, and it certainly doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying sex with you. There are a lot of external reasons why a woman might not be able to climax at any given time. Communicate with her about how she’s feeling so you’re not left in the dark when she doesn’t have an orgasm.

The Best Ways To Give Her An Orgasm

Don’t assume that your penis is all she needs to reach the big “O.” In fact, many women find that vaginal penetration is the most difficult way to reach climax! Study up on some different ways to please your partner and put them into practice. Learn how to give her an orgasm using your mouth and your hands, and practice turning her on that way before you even start having sex! Some women will actually have multiple orgasms during sex if they’ve had one before sex through oral sex. If stress is her problem, try relaxing with her first and allowing her to de-stress from the day with a beer or a glass of wine. If being exhausted is her issue, try having sex in the morning before she goes to work for the day!

Q&A: Is It Normal To Get Random Erections During The Day?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 14:00:39 +0000

Getting unwanted unwanted erections during the day – especially when you’re not doing or thinking about anything sexual at all – can be a burden for many boys in their teenage years. What is normal when it comes to getting frequent erections and what can you do to stop it from happening?

Question: Dear Dan and Jennifer, I was wondering if it is normal to get random erections during the school day, and is there anything I can do to prevent it? Please help. Thanks, and I love your show.

–YouTube Viewer

The Role Teenage Hormones Play

Both teenage girls and boys have an abundance of hormones that are coursing through their body at any given time. The body is going through major changes during this stage and life and teenage hormones can cause lots of strange things to happen to the body. Almost all teenagers notice an increase in sweat, odor and acne, while teenage girls may notice their breasts becoming larger and will be starting their periods. Teenage boys, on the other hand, can experience erections at a variety of different times. Many boys experience “wet dreams” where the penis becomes hard and ejaculates during the night. Boys may also experience erections during the day, even when they’re not doing or thinking about anything sexual at all. This is completely normal and due to the increased hormones that boys experience during their teenage years.

Masturbation Can Reduce The Number Of Unwanted Erections

To reduce the amount of unwanted erections, masturbation can help. By masturbating, a young boy is releasing many of the hormones that are causing his erections in the first place and this will help keep the penis from becoming hard so often. Masturbate in the morning before school to try to prevent erections during the day, or try doing it in the evening. Masturbate at a variety of different times during the day to find out which time will reduce unwanted erections the most. Just be careful not to focus too much on masturbation. If you find that you’re always thinking about masturbation or planning your activities around your masturbation times too much, you may be addicted. Other than a serious masturbation addiction, masturbation is a normal and healthy way for teenage boys to relieve sexual tension and reduce unwanted erections.

Have Patience

Being a teenager is tough. There are so many awkward emotions and body functions that are involved during the teenage years for both boys and girls. It may seem like there’s no end in sight, but these problems won’t last forever. As you grow up, your body will produce less hormones and your emotions and body functions will level out. Don’t worry so much about it, because right now, everyone is going through the same things that you are. Everyone has issues during their teenage years, and lots of teenage boys experience unwanted erections and masturbate daily or almost daily. Avoid making fun of others for something that happens to you too! Have patience and know that this is a common, normal thing that happens to almost every teenage boy. Take comfort in the fact that you know it’s not going to last forever.

Q&A: Tips For Talking Dirty – With Examples

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 13 May 2010 00:03:06 +0000

Talking dirty is a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner. However, many people are uncomfortable with talking dirty, are embarassed about it or aren’t sure what to say. How can you do dirty talk without sounding ridiculous? Here’s how to talk dirty in the bedroom with your partner, with some sexy examples!

Question: Hi Dan and Jenn, do you have any tips for dirty talk? My boyfriend is really into it, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to say without sounding like a washed-up porn star. Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

Talking Dirty Got A Bad Rap

Talking dirty isn’t “dirty.” Actually, it can be quite sexy and a lot of people enjoy talking during sex. Talking dirty in the bedroom got a bad rap because back in the day, it wasn’t considered “polite” or “proper” to talk that way during relations. Fortunately, society has come a long way sexually since those days but the fact that sexy talk is considered “taboo” in the bedroom is half the fun! If your partner wants to hear you talk dirty to him during sex, it’s time to learn how.

Ways To Talk Dirty

There are lots of ways to talk sexy to your partner, and not all of it has to be during the actual act of sex. You can talk sexy to your partner over the phone, or via text, called sexting. Send him a racy email to find at a random time, or leave a hot note by the coffee that he can find before he goes to work (which will get him hot for you all day!) These are also great ways to “break the ice” when it comes to dirty talk, because it’s a lot easier to send a dirty text at first than to jump right in to talking dirty during sex.

Get Comfortable With Talking Dirty

Remember that when talking dirty, your partner is going to appreciate the effort. Even if you don’t sound super sexy at first because you’re still getting comfortable with it, he’ll be glad you tried. Try practicing talking dirty to yourself in the mirror at first, because if you can’t talk sexy to yourself in the mirror, how are you going to do it to him? If you’re unsure of what to say in the bedroom, start by talking about what feels good, why it feels good or describing how it feels. Get some ideas from an erotic book. Yes, some of them are cheesy but there are a lot of good, realistic erotic novels that can give you an idea of exactly what to say. When you feel more comfortable with the idea of talking dirty in the bedroom, take a little time to find out exactly what gets your partner off. What are his fantasies when it comes to dirty talk? Does he like it a certain way? Don’t be afraid to ask him questions or use a “fantasy box.” Your efforts will be much more effective if you’re talking dirty right up his alley.

Q&A: I Love Being On Top But He Loses His Erection!

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 08 May 2010 14:00:28 +0000

Erectile problems come in lots of different forms. Some men have erectile issues all the time, while others only have erectile issues with condoms, in certain positions, or if they’re not in control of the sexual situation. Here’s what you can do if your man has erectile difficulty in a position that you absolutely love.

Question: Dear Dan and Jen – When me and my boyfriend have sex, I just LOVE going on top. The problem is, his penis softens the minute I’m on top of him, just in a split second.When I asked about it, he said it’s because of the condom, but this doesn’t seem to be a problem in any other position. WHY is this? Aren’t men supposed to love it when the girl is on top? I’m confused – please help!

–YouTube Viewer

Everyone Likes Different Positions

If you find that your partner loses his erection in a certain position, he may just not like that position. It may be uncomfortable for him, or he may find it more difficult to be aroused. Some men really enjoy the feeling of being in control that man-on-top positions offer, and he might not be able to maintain his erection in situations where he feels like the woman is in control, such as in woman-on-top positions. Everyone likes different positions, and everyone has a favorite and if your partner doesn’t have any erectile issues with other positions, it’s likely just a preference issue.

Try Different Condoms

Believe it or not, a lot of men have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, or having an orgasm with a condom. He should still use one, but there are lots of different styles of condoms available that might help your partner keep his erection during sex and different sex positions. Try a thinner condom to allow your partner to experience more sensations, or try a ribbed or textured condom. Some condoms with lubricants can be irritating for both men and women, especially if the condom has spermicide on it. Try a variety of condoms until you and your partner find the one you like best.

Try Different Positions And Motions

If your partner loses his erection consistently in any one sex position, try varying your movements in that particular position. Try going fast or slow, harder or softer, or move from side to side instead of up and down. Communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t, so you know the next moves to make. If your partner isn’t being honest with you about why something doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t give you any information about how you can please him. If all else fails, don’t give up on sex completely just because your partner doesn’t like your favorite position. There are hundreds of different positions out there and they’re only limited by your creativity. Try different positions such as spooning or sitting up face to face. You may find that there are other positions that you like even better than woman on top, and they might work better for your partner too! You’ll never know unless you try!

Q&A: What’s That Lump Inside My Penis?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 04 May 2010 14:00:27 +0000

Many people have questions about their bodies, such as bumps on their penis, that they’re afraid to ask about or see a doctor about. It’s not uncommon to be nervous about going to a doctor for such a personal issue. But if you have something strange going on with your body and you’re not sure what it is, here’s what you need to do.

Question: I’m scared and I’m not sure what it is. I’m 18 years old and recently I have noticed on the inside of the head of my penis that there is a lump inside the head. This is completely internal. Nothing shows on the outside except for the skin around the area is turning a slight white. I’m really scared to think that it could be cancer or a tumor in my penis head? I can feel the lump in my penis and it feels like hard tissue. When I pinch it, it doesn’t hurt but over time I think its growing.

–YouTube Viewer

Lots Of Possibilities

A lump on the penis could mean anything. It could be a clogged pore, a genital wart, an infection of some kind or even a benign or cancerous cyst. Strange lumps can pop up anywhere on a man or a woman, and there’s really no telling what it is at first glance. It may be getting bigger or growing, it may hurt, or it may stay small and barely noticeable. Other things can turn up on your body, and most of the time they don’t mean anything at all. Our bodies can do strange or crazy things, but it’s all part of nature. On the other hand, some things that can happen to your body aren’t to be taken lightly at all because they could be something serious. How can you tell if that strange lump or other anomaly on your body is something you should be worried about or not?

Seeing Your Doctor

Only your medical doctor can look at you and determine what is going on with you. He or she may examine you, and they may take blood or run other scans depending on what they think it is. Don’t be nervous about going to see your doctor – it’s the only way you can find out for sure what it is. Your doctor can let you know if it’s nothing to be worried about, or if it is something that needs to be treated right away. Your doctor can help you through any kind of treatment you may need, so it’s important to trust your doctor and be comfortable with them. If you don’t like your doctor or don’t feel comfortable with him or her, find someone you do trust and feel comfortable with. Don’t worry about freaking the doctors out. Doctors have seen it all and then some. Their concern isn’t how weird your ailment is – it’s whether what you have going on is dangerous or not and how to treat it and get you well.

Internet Bunk

Lots of medical forums on the Internet now consist of people with various ailments trying to diagnose and treat each other instead of visiting the doctor. This is not a substitute for sound medical advice! Medical forums are great for talking about treatments, tests and receiving general support for whatever medical condition you’re going through but you can’t get a diagnosis in a forum or a chat room. You can only get a diagnosis and treatment from your doctor.

Q&A: 5 Tips To Make Your First Threesome More Successful

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 03 May 2010 14:00:29 +0000

If you and your partner have decided to have your first threesome, you may be wondering on how to make it successful. You may be worried about doing something wrong, or being uncomfortable with someone and not being able to do anything about it. Here are 5 must-do tips to make your first time threesome a great one.

Meet The Third Person

Don’t have a threesome with a stranger. Go on a date with your partner and the third person and get to know them a little bit. Go out for a pizza and beer, or a few drinks at a bar or club. Have fun with them, before there’s any pressure of sex involved. Make sure you and your partner are both comfortable with the third person before you actually get in the bedroom and do the deed. Getting to know who you’re going to have a threesome with will help ease everyone’s mind before getting it on.

Speak Up If It’s Not A Good Fit

If you’re having a threesome dilemma and aren’t totally comfortable with the person you and your partner are considering having a threesome with, speak up. It’s not fair if one person isn’t into another, whether it’s you, your partner or the third person. In a threesome, everyone has to click with one another and be into it. Stepping up and saying that you’re just not feeling this particular person isn’t as bad as it sounds. Just be polite and honest when making your feelings known.

Talk About The Rules Ahead Of Time

One of the best ways to make sure you have a swinging disaster is to avoid talking about what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with before heading to the bedroom. If there’s something that is off limits to you or your partner, let your third person know and encourage them to speak up about anything that makes them uncomfortable as well. Make sure kissing, hugging, fondling, intercourse, oral sex and anal sex are all covered before hopping in bed. The last thing you want during your first threesome is to find out you’re not comfortable with something after it happens.

Take Your Time

Your first threesome isn’t a race to the finish line. Take your time to enjoy it, and if you only end up going to second or third base in your first threesome or foursome, it doesn’t mean you weren’t successful. Feel free to go as slow as you need to. If you’re only ready to make out or do some heavy petting at first, stick to just that until you’re ready for more. Your first threesome is special, but it’s not a once in a lifetime shot. If you enjoy swinging, it’s something you can do at your own pace.

Talk About It Afterwards

Communicate with your partner – and your third person – after the threesome. Talk about what you liked and what you want to try next time, without being critical or judgemental. If it worked out, let your third person know how much fun you and your partner had. If it didn’t, make sure you thank you third person for giving it a go with you. Things get very weird between people when you don’t talk about swinging, because everyone’s thinking something different and worrying that everyone else is on a different page than them.

Take just a minute to check out Adult Friend Finder to meet singles and couples looking for sex near you. Read our review to find out why Adult Friend Finder is the first choice to find someone for sex tonight.

Q&A: First Threesome – Who Should It Be With?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 02 May 2010 14:00:40 +0000

Once you and your partner have reached a consensus on having a threesome together, the next tough step is finding someone to have a threesome with, because it needs to be someone you and your partner are both comfortable with. Here’s what you need to know to choose the best sex partner for your first threesome.

Question: If my boyfriend and I have decided to participate in a threesome, who should it be with? Should it be a close friend who is comfortable with the idea, or should it be a stranger, but a clean stranger of course?

–YouTube Viewer

Not With A Close Friend

While you may be tempted to try having a threesome with a close friend who you know is comfortable with a threesome because you know them well and trust them. But having a threesome with a friend who you’ve known for a long time can potentially destroy a valuable friendship. Especially since you and your partner are new at this, you’re going to have enough on your plate without having to worry about whether your friend too. Your first threesome should be a fun new experience for you and your partner, and bringing a close friend into the mix can easily cause jealousy and frustration.

Not With A Perfect Stranger

Having a threesome with a perfect stranger may seem the way to go if you’re worried about jealousy issues, but remember – you’ll know absolutely nothing about this person. You won’t know if they’re at all compatible with you or your partner, and getting naked with a perfect stranger can be intimidating and downright weird. It can be especially uncomfortable if all three of you are inexperienced at having a threesome! And it can be downright unsafe… Just like sex between 2 people, get to know the person you’re with.

Adult Dating

If not with a friend or a total stranger, than who should your first threesome be with? Fortunately, there are a number of adult dating resources with people just like you who are looking for adult fun without any strings attached.

Adult dating websites allow you to get to know someone through email and chat, so you can determine if they’re a good match for you and your partner or not. Choose someone with a little experience with threesomes or foursomes, and make sure they’re comfortable with first timers. Make sure you lay the ground rules out first, and be sure to speak up if there’s something in particular you aren’t comfortable with before you meet them.

If online adult dating isn’t your thing, try visiting a swinger club in a larger city. Swinger clubs are great for getting your feet wet, because many people just like to watch or have sex with their own partners in a swinger environment. However you choose your first time threesome partner, make sure both you and your partner are comfortable with them and you’ve discussed your preferences up front. It will help you avoid disaster later!

And we can’t say this enough: get to know the people you’re having sex with, both for safety and for just general compatibility.

Sex Tips For Women – How You Can Help Boost Your Man’s Confidence During Sex, Without Lying

Jessica Perez — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 22:00:22 +0000

A man’s sexual insecurities show up when he’s in bed with a new lover for the first time. Some guys think they have to show how creative and skilled they are so they think of different tricks to showcase their lovemaking know-how. They feel pressured. They are eager to please. They want to be your best lover ever.

Most of the time, women don’t have the heart to say “honey, you’re trying too hard” when he really does seem like he’s desperate to please his girl. In fact, telling him directly that you think he’s going overboard might make him feel that you’re not at all enjoying yourself no matter what he does.

A man doesn’t want to come across as boring or unskilled when he’s making love. To ease his anxiety (and to really enjoy yourself), boost his confidence and let him know that he’s doing great, without sounding fake.

5 Ways to Boost Your Man’s Confidence Without Lying

Keep Your Sense Of Humor

Show him how relaxed you are by reacting naturally when bloopers happen. Being too serious during sex will simply aggravate his already frayed nerves. Laughing good-naturedly when you hear strange sounds from your tummy or his will help him relax and be himself.

Encourage Him To Explore Your Body Without Rushing

Tell him to slow down by kissing him leisurely when he seems to be rushing. Take his hands and slide them over your body slowly so that he can really explore every inch of your body. Be patient and don’t rush him when he gets excited and starts kissing and licking your hot spots.

Moan

Stretching like a kitten and purring will encourage him to go further without feeling like he has to hurry. Verbally tell him to take his time and stroke his head, his hand or any part of his body that you can reach to encourage him more.

Touch Him

If you notice that he seems to be hiding some parts of his body with the blanket or the pillow, take note of that part and touch that spot frequently when it’s your turn to do the exploring. If he seems to be guiding your hands away from that spot, gently return to that spot when he’s more relaxed. Maybe he’s too embarrassed about his belly, or he secretly thinks his feet are too big.

Never, Ever Mention Size

Some men cannot get over their “penis size anxiety” and no matter how much you gush over how big he is or how stuffed you feel, he will still think you’re lying to make him feel better about not being big enough. Most guys won’t openly admit that they think they’re too small, so just don’t mention anything that pertains to the size of his member.

Here’s a final reminder for you…

Don’t let your own insecurities get the better of you during sex. Your man might misinterpret if you’re hesitant about letting him touch you somewhere on your body that you think is “too fleshy” or “too saggy.”

Relax and remember that sex is all about exploring your partner’s body, and pleasing each other honestly and sincerely.

Q&A: Cracking Jokes And Talking During Sex

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 14:00:44 +0000

A lot of people find themselves cracking jokes or talking during sex. While sex is generally “supposed” to be hot, heavy and sexy, it can actually be funny too! Is cracking jokes, laughing or talking during sex wrong? Can doing it hurt your relationship with your partner if you talk or laugh too much?

Question: Cracking jokes during sex?? So, when I’m REALLY into it, I tend to ask him, “Am I your bitch?” To which he’ll be like, ‘Yes, yes! My horny ‘lil bitch!” (Damn this is horrible putting this out here) Anyways, I just randomly cracked up a few days ago RIGHT in the middle of going at it and said, “You get the whole bitch thing right? Yeah, cause I’m always presenting myself to you like a bitch in heat.” I swear he laughed, then smacked me on the asscheek. He also says I talk WAY too much during sex. How can I help that??

–YouTube Viewer

Sex Is Supposed To Be Fun!

One of the best things about sex is that it can be whatever you want it to be. Whether you want it to be soft, slow and romantic or hard, fast and dirty, sex is all about what you make it to be. If you want sex to be fun and lighthearted, it can be that too! Sex is supposed to be a way to have fun, relieve stress and make you feel good and if you want to laugh, talk or crack a joke or two, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Of course, making sex out to be a complete joke won’t work for you or your partner though, so where do you cross the line?

Too Much Goofiness?

While it’s great to have fun during sex, laughing and making jokes can go too far if you let it. Are you always cracking jokes, or always laughing? Is sex ever serious or sexy for you? If not, you might want to try stopping the joke making, laughing and talking some of the time and try having a sweet love making session or a downright dirty one. It doesn’t matter which (or anything in between) as long as there’s no joking involved. Giving your partner a break from the laughing and joking and focusing just on the pleasure might be more incredible than you can imagine!

When One Of You Isn’t Into It

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with laughing and talking during sex. But if one of you isn’t into it, it gets old quick. You just can’t be sure if your partner is laughing at you or not and sometimes you just want sex to be sex instead of a joke. If your partner isn’t into the talking or making jokes during sex, it can damage your relationship and your partner’s sexual satisfaction if you keep it up. Think about why you’re laughing and making jokes all the time during sex. Are you unable to let go and fully enjoy sex? Are you trying to cover up for being uncomfortable or nervous during sex? If you can’t quit laughing and joking during sex (at least some of the time) it’s time to dig deep and figure out why.

Q&A: Help! My Girlfriend Does NOT Want Me To Use A Condom

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 14:00:58 +0000

While using a condom is a great way to protect yourself and your partner from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, not everyone likes the way a condom feels. Both men and women can find condoms uncomfortable, and many find it harder to orgasm when using one. Are there other ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s?

Question: I have a problem. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to use a condom while having sex. I’m telling her that we must use it to prevent pregnancy. She is telling me that there is other ways of contraception, but she doesn’t want to have a condom in her. What other simple ways you can suggest to prevent pregnancy? And what should I do? Should I talk to her more about using a condom?

–YouTube Viewer

Why Doesn’t She Want To Use A Condom?

If your partner doesn’t want you to use a condom, try to find out what it is about condoms that make her so uncomfortable. Does she have a latex allergy and she doesn’t know it? Is she sensitive to spermicide in condoms, or does she simply not like the way that it feels? There are a number of different kinds of condoms available, including polyurethane condoms for those with latex allergies, scented and flavored condoms, textured condoms and condoms without spermicide if she’s sensitive. Try getting a “goodie bag” of condoms together (you can buy a mixed lot of condoms easily online) and suggest trying them out.

Other Forms Of Birth Control

There are other forms of birth control available, such as the pill, the patch or the shot. But none of these contraception methods help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are absolutely positive that you are both monogamous to each other and have had recent, completely negative STD testing results (and no unprotected partners in between), you just can’t be sure that you won’t transmit or contract a sexually transmitted disease. One of the best ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s together is for the woman to use a form of hormonal birth control such as the pill or the patch in addition to using a condom. This double layer protection is the best way to ease your mind and let you have fun with your partner without worrying about STD’s and pregnancy.

No Glove, No Love

Ultimately, you decide whether you’re comfortable using a condom or not. Don’t let your partner pressure you into not using a condom if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You and your partner may find an alternative birth control method that works well for the both of you, but make sure it’s something you are comfortable with too. Remember though that the end decision lies with you. If you don’t want to have sex without a condom, don’t do it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you have to. There’s nothing wrong with insisting that you be safe and if your partner ends the relationship because of it, you’ll regret that a lot less than an unwanted pregnancy or ending up with a sexually transmitted disease.

Q&A: Sexually Unsatisfied – How To Tell Him?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 14:00:08 +0000

Every woman deserves sexual satisfaction but unfortunately, there are many women that remain sexually unsatisfied in their relationships and don’t know how to change it. Here’s how to tell your partner that you’re not getting what you need in the bedroom – even if they don’t seem to care.

Question: My boyfriend thinks women who are sexually unsatisfied are selfish if they go out and end up cheating because they’re unsatisfied. As well, if the man isn’t giving her orgasms she shouldn’t fake it or not tell him but just sit there and deal with it! I know it’s not right to cheat, or even fake it for that matter, but what’s a woman to do if she’s not happy? What should I say to him to make him realize the world isn’t working in his favor?

–YouTube Viewer

Be Patient And Encouraging

If your partner isn’t giving you sexual satisfaction, it’s important to stay patient with them and be encouraging. When they do something that you like, let them know how much it turned you on or satisfied you. Encourage them to do what you really enjoy, without telling your partner what they’re doing wrong. Men are actually very sensitive when it comes to their bedroom techniques and can sometimes be put off if you criticize them. Instead, just make sure to let him know when he does something that you really like, and ask him to keep doing it. Remember, he can’t read your mind. You have to let him know when he does something right! Be patient and give him time to start doing the things you enjoy in the bedroom.

Talk To Your Partner

If encouraging your partner to do the things you like isn’t working, it might be time to have an honest, open discussion with them about how you’re not feeling satisfied sexually. Again, this is not a conversation where you want to be critical or talk down to down to your partner. When discussing your sexual needs with your partner, make it all about you. Don’t accuse your partner of not satisfying you – instead, tell your partner that you’re having trouble reaching orgasm and suggest some new things you want to try in the bedroom. If you make the conversation about him and what he’s doing wrong, he won’t hear a word you say.

Is It Time To Move On?

If your partner isn’t into trying to satisfy you sexually, especially if you’ve made your needs very clear in the nicest way possible, it might be time for you to sit down and think about whether you’re with the right person or not. You deserve to be happy and sexually satisfied in any relationship you’re in, and even if you’re single! You don’t have to stay with your partner out of guilt, and if he’s not making you happy sexually, you have to think about how important that is in your life. Are you willing to go without any kind of sexual satisfaction just to keep this relationship? Chances are, no. If he won’t make an effort to make sex as good for you as it is for him, it might be time to find someone who will.

Q&A: Personal Question For Dan & Jennifer – Why Do You Make All These Videos?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 14:00:52 +0000

While we don’t talk much about ourselves on our show, lots of people ask us personal questions about why we do what we do. Making an online video show and working to help millions of people with love, sex and relationship questions is simply something we love to do and we do it every day. Here’s why we’re passionate about it.

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn – why do you make all these videos and help out people? Good job and keep it up!

–YouTube Viewer

Our Passion

We love to help people find happiness in their relationships and their lives. Everyone deserves to be happy, and everyone is worth it! People struggle every day to find answers to questions about love, sex and relationships and we’re trying to make it easier for everyone to find the information they’re looking for. We believe strongly in making informed decisions and being armed with knowledge when it comes to making choices in your every day life. We believe in safe sex and open and honest sex education. We’re passionate about helping people to solve problems in their lives and learn the tools they need for healthy, happy and satisfying relationships.

Our New Video Shows

We love what we do so much that we’ve started two new video shows and websites this year! We’ve had so much success in developing the Ask Dan And Jennifer website that we wanted to create a site that shows people step by step how to create a powerful and successful online blog the way we did. Blog Success Journal is where we give tips, tricks and advice on everything blog and recommend the tools that we’ve used and love so other people can learn how to set up their own blog or website. The second website we’ve launched this year is Today Is That Day. We found that we enjoyed helping people so much with their questions about sex and relationships that we realized we wanted to answer other questions too! On Today Is That Day, we answer questions about weight loss, personal improvement and self awareness and growth.

Our Opinions

We’re not doctors and we’re not therapists. We’re highly opinionated people who love to talk! We love hearing the opinions of others, too. Our online video show allows us to share our opinions with others as well as see what other people have to say about the topic we’re talking about. We love to get people talking with each other too, because our motto is, “question everything!” We believe it’s important to think about something and question it instead of just accepting it because it’s what you were taught or what you heard. We love it when people ask questions, because it means they’re thinking and trying to get some real answers for themselves.

Check out our YouTube channel to watch our latest videos, and be sure to leave a comment about what you think! You can also visit our Facebook page to see what other people are saying about our latest articles, tips and videos. Get in on the discussion!

Q&A: Cosmetic Surgery – Should I Get Circumcised?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 14:00:08 +0000

As more and more mothers choose not to circumcise their sons, men are growing up with intact penises and may wonder how it’s going to affect their sex life as they get older. Do women like uncircumcised penises or do they prefer circumcised ones? If you haven’t had a circumcision, should you get one when you start having sex?

Question: Hey, I’m uncircumcised and have thought about getting circumcised before just because it looks better. Do girls find it more attractive?? That would probably be the only reason I would get circumcised. Is it worth it?

–YouTube Viewer

Do Girls Prefer Circumcised Penises?

Every woman likes something different in the bedroom. Some women prefer the feel of an intact penis, while others simply like the way a circumcised penis looks. Some women feel that a circumcised penis is cleaner and feel more comfortable giving a man oral sex if he’s cut, while others simply don’t care. It’s impossible to know whether the majority of women like circumcised or uncircumcised penises, because everyone likes their own things when it comes to sex and sexual preferences come in all colors and flavors. Don’t base your surgery decision on the myth that most women like circumcised penises because it’s simply not true. You never know – the love of your life may prefer intact penises!

Please Her Other Ways

Pleasing a woman during sex has very little to do with the size, shape and appearance of your penis and more to do with your skill in the bedroom. Make your woman feel beautiful, ravished, and satisfied with incredible orgasms and she probably won’t remember a thing about your penis size or shape, and she definitely won’t care if it’s cut or uncut! If you’re considering getting circumcised to please women in the bedroom, there are so many different and less drastic ways to satisfy her sexually. Learn to give her amazing orgasms by going down on her, or study up on the best positions for female orgasms. Focus on her pleasure and make sure you’re giving her an incredible night. If you do, she’ll like your penis no matter what it looks like!

Make The Choice For Yourself

The most important thing when considering any kind of cosmetic surgery is to make sure you’re doing it for yourself. If you’re thinking about getting surgery because you want to please someone else in particular, or just want to look better for the opposite sex, you’re not going to be happy after the surgery. Make sure it’s something that you want, and you’re willing to take the risks in order to get it. With circumcision surgery, you may have a loss of sensation afterwards or the surgeon could end up removing too much foreskin, causing erections to become tight and uncomfortable. Take into account the healing period as well and think about how long you’ll have to go without sex before your penis is ready to get back in the game. If you make the decision to get circumcised, make sure it’s what you want.

Q&A: Wife Wants 9000 Penises

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:00:21 +0000

One of the biggest issues in sexually active relationships are sex drives that don’t match up between two partners. One partner may want sex all the time and the other may have a little bit more of a muted libido. What can you do if your partner wants more sex than you feel like you can physically give?

Question: My wife is a little bit….weird. She always asks for sex all the time and it’s starting to get tiring. It’s like she wants over 9000 penises and for some reason only wants to do it when she is in a closed pool. Am I doing something wrong in my relationship?

–YouTube Viewer

Is She Getting Satisfied During Sex?

One reason a woman may want sex all the time is if she’s just not getting satisfied during sex. She may have the desire to have sex more often to try and acheive orgasm, because she’s hoping the next time will be it. If you feel like your partner’s sex drive is much higher than yours and you’re having problems keeping up, talk to them and ask them what it is they feel like they need. Is she not achieving orgasm at all during sex? Does she want to do something differently or try something new? Ask her for her suggestions on how to improve the quality of each sex session instead of focusing so much on the quantity.

How Often Is Too Often?

How much sex is too much sex for you? Compare your sexual needs to your partner’s. Do you prefer sex only once a day, or once a week? Is your partner more of a three times a day person, or does she just like it three times a week? Her expectations might not actually be unrealistic, but they simply may just be higher than yours. Consider talking to your partner about meeting in the middle. If she wants sex five times a week and you’re fine with two, try for three or four. Talk to your partner about reaching a compromise where sex is concerned so that she can begin to feel satisfied and you’re not completely exhausted.

Is She Using Sex To Fill Other Emotional Needs?

If a woman wants sex all the time, it might not be about the sex at all. Some women use sex to fill emotional needs instead of physical ones. Does your partner need to have sex with you to feel loved, cherished or beautiful? Does she need to have sex with you all the time to get your attention or to spend time with you? Talk to your partner about how she feels about the relationship. Does she feel like it’s lacking something? Does she need more emotional fulfullment in the relationship to be happy? Plan a date night and have her buy a special outfit. Make sure to compliment her. Or take her to the park and have a picnic. Do something with her that doesn’t involve sex and connect with her on an emotional level. Try meeting her needs emotionally and you’ll be surprised at how well that can help fulfill her sexual needs too.

Q&A: Help! My Penis Is Too Big!

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:00:12 +0000

While many guys may worry that their penis is too small to please their partner, others worry that their penis is too big to fit and if it will hurt their partner. Some women can be intimidated by a very large penis, because they’re not sure it’s actually going to fit in there. It will, but here’s how you can make it easier on her.

Question: My girlfriend isn’t a virgin, but she is scared of having sex with me because my penis is too thick for her, or so she says. I’m 7 inches long and 7.5 inches around. What should I do to convince her and help her to loose her fear? We are both 18.

–YouTube Viewer

Help Her To Relax First

Getting your partner to relax is the first step to making sure her vaginal muscles are pliable enough to accomodate your big penis. Give your partner a massage, or take a hot bath with her in the candlelight. Let her know that you’re going to go slow and be gentle and that if it hurts her, you’ll stop. The less anxious she is about the whole process, the easier she’ll be able to accomodate your penis length and thickness.

Get Her Warmed Up

Use your fingers with lots of lube to help get her warmed up. First, insert one finger only. Massage slowly and try going down on her at the same time to get her turned on. The more turned on she is, the more her vaginal muscles will relax and loosen up to get ready for insertion. Slowly insert another finger at a time until you’re up to three. Once you’re up to three fingers, ask her how it feels. Is it too tight? Does it hurt? If it feels too tight to you, it probably feels to tight or painful to her. If so, don’t try to use your penis just yet. Wait until she’s relaxed and turned on enough to feel comfortable inserting your penis. You can also use different sized toys to help introduce your partner to your large penis.

Use Lots Of Lube, Go Slow And Stop If It Hurts

Whether you’re using a large dildo or you have a large penis, using lots and lots of lube is the most important thing you can do to make taking extra length and girth easier for her. Use a good, water based lube and don’t be shy about using it. You never can have enough lube! When you begin inserting your penis into her vagina after you’ve warmed her up and gotten her relaxed, make sure you are gentle and go slow. Don’t push it in there too fast (although you might be pretty anxious to get started by now) or she could tear. Remember, women are built to give birth to babies – which are a lot larger than your penis – so don’t worry about not being able to fit it in there. You just have to make sure your partner is comfortable and enjoying it! If it starts to hurt your partner, stop immediately. It may take a few tries before your partner can really accomodate your penis size comfortably.

Q&A: Birth Control Advice

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000

Having sex for the very first time inevitably brings lots of questions with it. Not only are you thinking about how first time sex is going to feel or if it’s going to hurt, you’re also thinking about how to protect yourself against pregnancy and STD’s. Should you go on birth control or just use a condom only?

Question: This summer me and my boyfriend are planning on having sex for the first time ever. We know how to put on a condom but I don’t have birth control. Do you have any advice for us? We are really not ready for a kid and we need your help!!!

–YouTube Viewer

Double Layer Defense

Condoms are absolutely essential to use if you want to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. But there are other ways to protect yourself against unexpected pregnancy too. If you really don’t want to get pregnant, think about having a double layer defense when you start having sex. Hormonal birth control is something you can add to condom use to give yourself extra protection. The condom will help keep the sperm from entering the vagina, but even if a few escape, your birth control – if taken correctly – will have prevented an egg from being released and fertilized by those rogue sperm. A double layer defense is the best way to go if you just aren’t ready for a kid right now in any way, shape or form.

What Kind Of Birth Control Is Right For You?

Once you’ve decided to take birth control, it’s time to visit your doctor. You can also visit the your local health department for free or low cost services. Your doctor will perform a cervical exam to check for cancer and sexually transmitted diseases, as well as doing a breast exam. Part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to make sure your body is healthy. Your doctor can talk to you about the best type of birth control for you, because there are a number of different types to choose from. Oral contraception is the most popular choice but there are other forms of hormonal birth control as well. If you are one to forget a daily pill, you might want to talk to your doctor about using a birth control ring, patch or injection.

Think Ahead

Another part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to think ahead. You know that having sex means you could possibly get pregnant. You’re doing everything you can to prevent that from happening, but there is a very small chance that you could get pregnant anyways, regardless of everything you’re doing to the contrary. The only absolutely 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence. Take some time before you have sex to talk to your partner and think about what you’ll do if you do accidentally get pregnant. There are a several options in front of you should that happen, including adoption, abortion and becoming a parent. Decide what you’ll do if you get pregnant now, so if it does happen, you’ve got a plan.

Q&A: 5 Ways To Make Condoms More Sexy

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 14:00:58 +0000

While condoms are the best way to have safer sex, sometimes using a condom can seem to “kill the mood” or take away from you or your partner’s arousal. Does that mean you shouldn’t use a condom? Heck no! Here are some excellent ways to take putting on a condom and being safe from “blah” to sexy!

Question: I have a question, sometimes when I use a condom I lose my erection because I don’t get much stimulation and it’s a bit of a mood killer stopping and putting it on. Any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

Lube It Up

Putting a dab or two of lube on the inside of a condom before he puts it on can make a world of difference in how intercourse feels for him with a condom on. Better yet, get your man turned on by using lube to give him a great hand job before putting the condom on to get him revved up beyond the point of no return. Just remember to wash your hands with soap and warm water after the condom is on so you don’t accidentally get sperm or semen where you don’t want it.

Use Flavored Lubes

Condoms come in a variety of scents and flavors, which can make using a condom much more fun. Flavored condoms are absolutely essential for super safe oral sex, because giving your man a blow job with a regular condom on is just plain “yuck!” Try lots of different flavors to find the ones you and your partner like best, and don’t forget – flavored condoms also smell great too! Even if you’re not planning on oral sex, flavored condoms can still add that little extra sexy something.

Use Your Mouth

The biggest complaint about condoms is that stopping what you’re doing to put it on destroys the mood. Why not make putting on the condom a part of foreplay instead? Use your mouth to put on your partner’s condom, slowly unrolling it as your mouth moves down his penis. Use your lips instead of your teeth and before you know it, you and your partner will be having safer sex without a hitch!

Experiment With Different Condoms

In addition to the various fun flavors that condoms come in, there are also a variety of textures, thicknesses and brands for you to try too! Try ribbed or studded condoms, or ultra thin “skin like” condoms. Warming lubes are also great for her pleasure! Many online retailers that offer sex toys also offer condoms, and you can buy “sampler packs” at an incredible discount so you can try them all.

Put It On During Foreplay

Instead of waiting until you’re ready to have intercourse, try putting on a condom before foreplay. If it fits right, it’s not going to come off because the tapered base of the condom will hold it on nice and snug. By the time you get to the sex part, you might have even forgotten you have one on at all!

It’s A Safe Way To Get Some

One of the sexiest things about condoms is putting one on means you don’t have to freak out about STD’s and pregnancy36 while you’re getting some. You can relax and have fun instead!

Q&A: How To Clean An Uncircumcised Penis

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 14:45:08 +0000

There is a great deal of controversy between many pro-intact groups on how to properly clean an uncircumcised penis and there is a lot of information on the Internet now that is contradicting. What should you do when cleaning a boy’s intact penis and what shouldn’t you do?

Question: I had a baby boy 7 months ago (our third) and we didn’t get him circumcised. My question is, what so we need to know for teaching him about proper care when he gets older? I have looked it up and there is lots of contradicting information. Does he need to pull back the skin to clean it or not? Any other information about this issue would be great!!!

–YouTube Viewer

Never Forcibly Retract The Foreskin

When a boy is young, the foreskin is fused to the head of his penis, called the glans, and won’t easily retract. This is completely normal and healthy. When cleaning a boy’s penis at this stage, it is imperative to never forcibly retract the foreskin. If it doesn’t move easily, don’t move it. Wash what you can see thoroughly with gentle soap and warm water during bathtime and with a wet wipe at diaper changes. Until the foreskin retracts on its own, there is nothing more that needs to be done at this stage to keep an intact penis clean.

When The Foreskin Retracts

The foreskin begins retracting easily at a different age for everyone. There is no set “age” when a foreskin begins retracting. Many people believe it is not until puberty, while others believe it is more in the toddler years. Some boys will retract as early as 3-18 months while others won’t retract until they’re adults. It varies from child to child. When the foreskin begins retracting, it is time to pull back the foreskin during cleaning and rinse it with warm water. If your child is very young when this happens, this is something you will do until he is old enough to do it himself. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that “for the first few years, an occasional retraction with cleansing beneath is sufficient.” If he is older when his foreskin retracts, instruct him on how to pull the foreskin back himself and wash underneath it.

Keeping It Clean

An intact penis produces a good amount of a white, waxy substance called smegma underneath the foreskin. Smegma isn’t harmful at all, but it can cause a very strong odor to come from the penis. Washing gently underneath the foreskin is an important part of daily hygeine for boys and men. The American Academy of Pediatrics has published and regularly updates guidelines on how to care for a boy’s uncircumcised penis:

If your son’s foreskin separates before he reaches puberty, an occasional retraction with cleansing beneath will do.

Once your son starts puberty, he should clean beneath his foreskin as part of his daily routine, just like washing his hair and brushing his teeth.

Teach your son to clean his foreskin in the following way:

Step 1: Gently pull the foreskin back away from the end of the penis.

Step 2: Rinse underneath the foreskin with soap and warm water.

Step 3: Pull the foreskin back over the penis.

The American Academy of Pediatrics is an organization of 60,000 primary care pediatricians, pediatric medical suspecialists, and pediatric surgical specialists dedicated to the health, safety, and well-being of infants, children, adolescents, and young adults.

Source: American Academy of Pediatrics, Updated 6/07

Q&A: How Can You Tell If He’s Circumcised – Visually?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:36 +0000

If you’ve never seen a circumcised penis before, it can be difficult to tell whether a penis is circumcised or not just by looking at it. There are, however, a few key features that a uncircumcised penis has that are different from a circumcised penis. Here’s how you can tell them apart.

Question: How can someone tell they’re circumcised visually?

–YouTube Viewer

An Uncircumcised Penis

An uncircumcised, or intact penis, has a few distinct characteristics that help identify it. An uncircumcised penis has what is called a foreskin, which is a thin skin covering the head of the penis. In adult men, the foreskin retracts and is moveable, allowing it to slide over the head of the penis towards the base during an erection, completely exposing the glans. The foreskin then slides back into its normal position covering the head of the penis when it is not erect. Because the head of the penis is inside a protective covering, the skin of the glans is genrally very soft and moist. An intact penis produces a white, waxy substance underneath the foreskin called smegma, which is generally washed away during proper hygiene routines.

A Circumcised Penis

When the foreskin is removed from the penis during a circumcision surgery, the head of the penis is exposed to air and friction from underwear and clothes. While the glans is designed to be protected from friction by the foreskin, allowing the skin of the glans to stay supple, an uncircumcised penis must produce thicker skin cells in response to friction and air exposure. The head of a circumcised penis is dry and tough, much like the skin on your arm or other parts of your body that are exposed to the elements. A penis that is no longer intact has no foreskin, but most of the time the skin on the shaft of the penis will still move towards the head of the penis and back and generally won’t go over the head of the penis. In some circumcision cases, however, not enough skin is left after the surgery to allow for this movement. The most defining characteristic of a circumcised penis is the coronal ridge, or the ridge at the bottom of the head of the penis that separates it from the shaft. While uncircumcised men still have a coronal ridge, it is mostly hidden by the foreskin. The ridge is much more prominent on a circumcised male, and can be seen and felt easily.

Circumcised vs. Uncircumcised

Besides the way they look, there are quite a few differences between circumcised and uncircumcised penises. Penises with an intact foreskin have about 8,000 more nerve endings just within the foreskin, making the penis much more sensitive and receptive to stimulation. Circumcised penises, however, do not have to be cleaned as thoroughly as an uncircumcised penis, as there is n0 skin to pull back and clean underneath. Both circumcised and uncircumcised penises vary in size, shape, length and thickness. Men with either type of penis are capable of having a satisfying sex life and pleasing their partners sexually.

Q&A: Help! My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Use A Condom!

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:37:08 +0000

While many couples decide together to use condoms during sex, some couples don’t agree on condom use. Your partner may not be advocating for the use of a condom, or he may actually be downright against it! Some guys don’t like the way sex feels with a condom on, but is that a good reason to make sex less safe and risk pregnancy or STD’s? Here’s what to do if your guy doesn’t want to wrap up.

Question: Thanks to you guys, I used a condom my first time. Now my boyfriend doesn’t want to use one any more, but I think we NEED to use one. How should I tell him we need to use a condom without weirding him out? Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

Your Body, Your Choice

It’s up to you to protect your own body – no one else is going to protect it for you. While you want to please your partner and give him the best sex possible, neglecting your own needs and wants – especially when it comes to protecting yourself from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases – isn’t going to do either you or your partner any good. Instant gratification isn’t worth the possible consequences in this situation. While the sex may feel better now without a condom, you’re going to regret your decisions if you end up with an STD or end up becoming pregnant. It’s your choice if you want to have sex without a condom or not, despite what your partner says. If you want him to wear a condom, make it a stipulation that he wear one if he wants to have sex with you. If he doesn’t want to wear a condom at all, let him know that you’re making the decision not to have sex with him unprotected - period. No glove, no love.

Female Condoms

Female condoms are now available and are as effective at reducing the risk of pregnancy and STD’s as traditional male condoms. A female condom is made from polyurethane – not latex – and isn’t as stretchy or pliable. A female condom has a ring on one end covered in polyurethane, and a hollow tube of polyurethane connecting to a larger, more flexible ring with an opening. The smaller ring is inserted into the vagina against the cervix, while the outer ring stays outside the vagina and folds over the labia. During sex, a man’s penis nor his ejaculate can come into contact with the woman’s vagina, as the ring and tube of polyurethane protects the cervix as well as the walls of the vagina. If your partner refuses to wear a male condom, consider placing a female condom inside you before sex. Female condoms are a great way to take your protection into your own hands, and allows you to protect yourself on your own without involving anyone else in the decision.

Other Ways To Protect Yourself

You can also protect yourself with oral birth control, various forms of spermicide including gel, foam and films, or visiting your doctor to be fit with a diaphragm or a cervical cap. All of these methods of birth control are things you can do on your own to protect your body from the risk of pregnancy. Unfortunately, the only ways to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases is to use a male or female condom.

Q&A: What Is A Normal Penis Size?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:00:01 +0000

Many boys who are growing up are wondering about penis size. What is a normal penis size? When does a penis start growing? When does it stop? There are a lot of questions out there about what a normal penis is, but not enough answers. Here’s what you want to know about penis size – what is normal and what isn’t.

Question: I’m 14, small for my age(4 foot and I was curious about penis size… I know I’m small for my age but I’m 14. Will my penis grow and is this normal? Should I be worried about it?

–YouTube Viewer

Penis Growth

A boy’s penis starts growing when he hits puberty, which is earlier for some boys and later for others, and stops growing when he does – generally in late adolescence to early adulthood. There is no average amount of penis growth during this period of time - some boys will grow more overall than others. If the penis starts out small, it may grow to become very large, or it may only grow a few inches. A penis that starts out large may only grow a little, or it may grow a lot. How much your penis will grow is all up to mother nature.

Penis Averages

The average penis size is about 2-3 inches when it is slack and 5-6 inches when it is erect. There are, however, many men who have much smaller or much larger penises than this, and if you’re bigger or smaller than the “average,” that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Just like the size, shape, color and texture of vaginas differ from person to person, so does penis size, shape and color. A man’s penis may also be very thick or very thin in circumference, regardless of the length. Things you should not experience during penis growth is pain, so if you feel like something is wrong, go see your doctor. An extremely rare complication of circumcision is not having enough skin for the penis to grow into, causing intense feelings of discomfort when you begin having erections. Even if nothing is wrong, it’s better to have a little peace of mind. Don’t worry – your doctor has seen it all before. If you’re not comfortable talking to your doctor about your penis, or any other topic about your body and health, find a doctor who you are comfortable with.

Learn To Be Comfortable With Who You Are

Part of growing up is learning to be comfortable in your own skin. Whether you’re light or dark, tall or short, fat or skinny, we all must come to terms with who we are and learn to be comfortable with ourselves. Accepting your penis size, shape and color falls into this category too. Everyone is different and that’s a good thing! While learning to accept ourselves for who we are and what we look like isn’t always the easiest thing to do, it’s part of becoming an adult. If you’re concerned that your penis is too small, too short, or even too big, don’t worry! Being human means we all look different. That’s the beautiful thing about diversity! Learn to be comfortable with yourself and learn to like being in your own skin.

Q&A: Personal Question For Dan And Jennifer

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:00:55 +0000

People who have gotten to know us through our website, through YouTube and through Facebook often wonder what we’re all about. Why do we do what we do? Do we have kids? Do we talk to them about sex? Here are some answers to your most personal questions.

Question: I have a question that’s been burning on my mind ever since I started following you on YT. You guys have kids, right and you guys are American, I take it. So, how do you reconcile what you do on YT (and as a job, I think?) and the kids? Do they know, do they mind or… well, what’s the deal? Anyway, great job, I love your channel. Cheers!

–YouTube Question

Our Mission

One of the reasons that we do what we do is because we really believe in it! Our mission on Ask Dan & Jennifer is to educate people about love, sex and relationships in a totally non-judgemental way. We believe people should have a resource for love and sex, without the judgement that often comes with the territory. We want them to have a safe environment where they can ask questions about sex and get an informative answer without criticism – no matter what. We want to address the topics that everyone else is afraid to talk about, like teen sex and contraception or how to have safe and clean anal sex, because there just isn’t enough good information out there about many of the topics that people want to know about. We want people to be able to make informed decisions about love, relationships and sex instead of making decisions blindly and having to deal with the consequences – not because they were afraid to ask, but because someone was afraid to answer them.

Answering Your Most Asked Questions

Do You Have Kids?

Many people want to know – do we have kids? How do we justify what we do with our children? Yes, we do have kids – two girls, ages 8 and 10. We feel like what we do on YouTube and on Ask Dan & Jennifer is important and we really, really believe in it. Our children get the privilege of growing up with parents who are happy together, love their work, and who are trying to change the world. I can’t think of a better example for our kids.

How Much Do Your Kids Know?

So how much do our kids know? Do we talk about the topics we discuss on YouTube with our kids? Yes, in a way. In a very age appropriate way. They know that we talk about love and sex, that we help people with relationship troubles, and that they will get to read all of it when they get older.

Do You Discuss What You Talk About On YouTube With Your Kids?

We don’t discuss the specific topics, but we freely answer any questions they may have in an age appropriate way. They currently have a basic understanding of what sex is, that it’s something that grown ups share when they are in a loving relationship, they know what a condom is and where it goes, and that we will answer any questions they may have in the future without judgement. We not only believe in educating and informing the world about sex and relationships in a responsible way, we also believe in educating our children about sex and relationships responsibly.

A Delicate STD Matter

Maryanne Comaroto — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:00:34 +0000

We’ve all been there: we get lulled into a false sense of comfort for one reason or another, and as a result we end up trusting the wrong person. It can be a harsh lesson, especially in the case of one of my students, who emailed me with her ethical dilemma. All names in the following story have been changed.

Dear Maryanne,

I feel so stupid that I’m even in this situation, but I need some advice for an ethical question that has come up. A friend of mine set me up with a man named Alan, whom I already knew to be a great philanthropist in our community. She recommended him as a potentially great match for me, and so we started going out. Things progressed quickly, which I felt comfortable with because my friend liked him so much, and he did in fact seem to be good and upstanding. Within a short time, we decided to spend a night together.

When the subject of condoms came into the conversation, Alan insisted that he had been tested for STD’s and was clean. Who in their right mind would accept that as an excuse not to be safe? Me, apparently, even after warning my goddaughter about safe sex and sending her to college with your book and a supply of condoms. I wasn’t even smart enough to follow my own advice.

Unfortunately, within a few days of sleeping with Alan, I became infected with herpes. Alan refuses to talk about it with me, becoming evasive when I asked him to send his test results to my doctor. So now I don’t know whether I should warn my friend not to set Alan up with anyone else, or just put this whole episode behind me and forget about it. I don’t want to cross any ethical lines, but at the same time I don’t want other women to go through what I’m going through now. Help!

Thank you in advance,

Laura

Dear Laura,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is always difficult to deal with when we discover that the guy we thought was decent and honest is actually the opposite of all those things. It can shatter your trust and cause untold amounts of emotional distress. It’s especially difficult to have such a harsh lesson dealt to you when you have obviously been doing your best to use your CORR® relationship techniques. You have learned the hard way that it’s not enough for someone else to endorse someone – you have to do all the detective work yourself.

But that doesn’t mean snooping or digging around – it’s as simple as communication and observation. Ask the 14 questions outlined in Hindsight, add any of your own, and then wait and see. If you become sexually involved too early, the “wait and see” part can become distorted, as your affection and attachment to this person can cloud your judgement and make you blind to any warning signs that come along. Of course, you probably realize all this now.

There is a silver lining to your cloud, though. You have the opportunity to love yourself and turn this seemingly negative experience into a way to grow and learn. So how will you figure out what to do now, as a child of the Divine? Here are some tips to get the ball rolling:

Spend a few days re-centering your ego. Get away from asking for outside validation by covering all your mirrors with construction paper. Look inward instead for answers, remind yourself about all the ways in which you are unique and strong and gifted, and watch how quickly you move back to a center of internal reference.
Cleanse yourself with a clearing ceremony. Make a ritual of writing down everything you need to heal, and all the things you want to let go. You can let a few friends in on it, make a beautiful and sacred place to hold your ceremony, and surround yourself with beauty and wisdom.
Take a break from sex. Six or nine months of dating without sex may seem like forever, but you’re worth the wait, and a period of abstinence can help you keep your thinking clear. Use the opportunity to look at why you trusted Alan so soon, and next time when you date, let the trust build naturally over time. You will see how you behave on dates, as well as what sort of men you are attracting.

I think you’ll find, that if you’re patient and gentle with yourself, that as you go through this process your answers will surface. You will soon see what is the most appropriate way forward for you. Please do contact me if you have any more questions.

Q&A: Should I Talk To My Parents About Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 00:05:47 +0000

Lots of people have questions about sex, especially those in the younger generation. Who is responsible for answering questions about sex? Should a child or teen turn to their friends to learn about sex? Or should they turn to television, movies or music?

I’m 13 and I’ve known about sex since I was 10 years old. Should I ask my parents to tell me about sex, even though I already know?

–YouTube Viewer

Shirking Responsibility

So should a teen ask his or her parents about sex? Some teens – and parents - would answer that question with a resounding, “No!” In fact, many teens get their sex education from their friends, their friends’ parents, comics, video games, movies and music. But it isn’t the entertainment industry’s job to teach kids and teens about sex. It’s the parent’s job. Much in the same way that a parent should teach a child that the stove is hot, a parent should teach their child about sex. Now that doesn’t mean you have to give your kids tips on the best sex positions, but teaching them about why sex should be approached carefully and safely is a parent’s job. STD’s and pregnancy can hurt a teen as much, if not more, than if a child puts their hand on a hot stove. Besides, who wants their kids learning about sex from the backseat of a car in the video game Grand Theft Auto? Have you seen that video game? It’s time for parents to step up and get past their discomfort and talk to their kids about sex. And it’s time for kids to stop thinking it’s “gross” to have your parent give you sex education because well, they might know a thing or two.

Thinking About It?

If you’re thinking about talking to your parents about sex – or if you’re a parent thinking about talking to your kids about sex – go for it. Ditch the discomfort and learn how to be open and honest. Kids – you may have learned about sex from Johnny’s dad’s funny magazine while his parents weren’t home, but that doesn’t mean you know everything about sex. Ask your parents. You don’t necessarily have to tell them you’ve already heard some things about sex, you definitely need to ask them to share their thoughts and opinions with you, as well as the facts. Parents – if your kids ask about sex, answer their questions! You might be shocked at the ages that some kids are coming up with certain types of questions, but you won’t do any good by refusing to answer their questions. Your kids will still be curious, and they’ll end up getting their information elsewhere. Provide your kids with the truth and they’ll respect you for it.

Safer Sex

The only way teens and even adults are going to start having safer sex is if people get over their fears about sex and start talking about it. Talking about how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy is the only way to stop it from happening – knowlege is power and in this day in age, no one has to be afraid to talk about sex anymore.

What Is YOUR Plan B? The Truth About Emergency Contraception

Kaylen Jackson — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:00:25 +0000

Contraception talks are often limited to women who don’t use it, encouraging them to explore different forms of contraception such as birth control pills and condoms. What if you’re one of the women who do already use contraception? Most forms of contraceptions are between 85% and 99% effective - in fact, no form of contraceptive is 100% effective. So what is YOUR Plan B if you happen to be in that lucky 15%?

What Is Emergency Contraception?

Emergency contraception, also known as the “morning after pill” is just that – it’s contraception that is used in the event of an emergency. If you miss a few birth control pills, the condom breaks, or your diaphragm spills as you’re taking it out. Emergency contraception isn’t regular birth control, meaning you can’t have sex without protection every time and simply use emergency contraception afterwards to prevent pregnancy. It also won’t protect you against sexually transmitted diseases or infections. But it can help when something goes wrong with your normal contraception methods.

What Is Plan B?

Plan B is the brand name of emergency contraception that is available at your local pharmacy or Planned Parenthood location. You don’t need a prescription for Plan B, but insurance won’t help pay for it either. It works – about 7 out of 8 women that would have become pregnant if they didn’t use Plan B didn’t. Plan B is most effective 72 hours after having unprotected sex or a contraceptive failure, and the longer you wait, the less effective it will be. You certainly don’t have to wait 72 hours either – take it as soon as you can after the event in question to maximize your chances of not becoming pregnant.

How Does Plan B Work?

Plan B works the same as birth control does – in fact, the chemicals are very nearly the same in the two medications, with the exception that Plan B has much stronger doses. Both Plan B and birth control work to stop the release of an egg from the ovary, as well as making the lining of your uterus inhabitable for a fertilized egg should one try to implant itself. Plan B is not an abortion – it won’t work if you’re already pregnant. It simply prevents pregnancy from happening in the first place.

Here are some things you should know about Plan B:

When you take Plan B after a contraception failure or unprotected sex, you are preventing pregnancy from that particular occurance. There is no long term pregnancy prevention with Plan B.
There are risks associated with Plan B, such as blood clots and stroke, which is higher if you smoke. These risks are similar to those with birth control. Ask your pharmacist or Planned Parenthood representative about these risks.
There are few side effects with Plan B, but it is not side effect free. You can experience changes in your menstrual cycle, nausea or dizziness. Ask your pharmacist if you have any questions about side effects with Plan B.

It’s Better To Be Prepared

Birth control doesn’t work all the time. Even the best birth control methods still have a very small window in which you can get pregnant. If you don’t want to have a baby, you should have a backup plan. You can get Plan B before your contraceptive even fails, so you’ll be ready if something happens. Shouldn’t you have a Plan B?

Update: Representatives from Plan B have contacted us with new information about their product. It is no longer called Plan B, but Plan B One Step. Those 17 and older are able to get Plan B One Step without a prescription, but those 17 and under must have a prescription for emergency contraception. Visit www.PlanBOneStep.com for more information.

What Are Crabs And How Do You Get Them? Dangerous Sex Toys?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:00:41 +0000

You’ve probably heard of the term “crabs” before, and we don’t mean the kind you get at the local seafood joint. Crabs are a curable, although annoying, sexually transmitted disease that you can get a number of ways – including non-sexual ways, such as sharing underwear with someone if it hasn’t been washed in hot water first.

Virgin girl gets crabs – did she get them from her sister’s vibrator or from somewhere else? What exactly are crabs, how do you get them and what can you do to get rid of them?

What Are Crabs?

Crabs are lice – like head lice, only much smaller, that live in the pubic area. Crabs are tiny and hard to spot, and lay eggs on the hair shaft or follicle like head lice do. Crabs are generally spread through sexual contact, although this doesn’t have to include penetration. Any sexual contact, including vaginal sex, anal sex, or any type of pubic area to pubic area contact. People with crabs (also known as pubic lice) don’t always look like they have pubic lice, and it can be hard to spot. If you have multiple sex partners, make sure you check yourself regularly.

Symptoms of crabs include white dots – which are the crabs’ eggs – in your pubic hair (easier to see if your pubic hair is dark) and can often be spotted easily with a magnifying glass. Intense itching is one of the most common symptoms, even before you begin to see eggs. If you suspect that you might have pubic lice, see your doctor. Your doctor can prescribe a simple shampoo that will remove the crabs as well as their eggs.

Avoiding Crabs

There are some ways you can avoid getting crabs, although, if you have multiple sex partners, it can be difficult to spot right away and you might come into contact with them. You can also get crabs from wearing unwashed underwear of someone who has crabs, or sharing sex toys with someone who has crabs. To avoid exposing yourself to crabs, avoid sharing sex toys with anyone, and always wash your sex toys after use (even if you’re the only one who uses them. You might not get crabs from yourself, but it’s just better hygiene and will avoid spreading unwanted bacteria). You can use a special sex toy cleaner, or simple soap and hot water.

Getting Educated

While crabs are an unwanted sexually transmitted disease, they’re curable and certainly not one of the worse. Many other infections and sexually transmitted diseases can be spread by sharing sex toys or having multiple sex partners. Many of these infections can be treated, but some can’t. It’s important to educate yourself about sexually transmitted diseases and infections and learn how they’re transmitted, what the symptoms are and how you can protect yourself. Using condoms greatly reduces your risk of contracting a number of STD’s and infections. You’re worth the time it takes to explore different resources and take charge of your sexual health. Being smart, safe and informed can save you a lot of time, money, heartache and health problems later.

Help! He Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With My Baby!

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:15:32 +0000

It’s an unfortunate yet age old situation – a girl gets pregnant, knows who the father is, yet he wants nothing to do with her or the baby because he doesn’t believe it’s his. Some men, even if they know they’re the father, will still want nothing to do with the child. What’s a girl to do?

A girl gets pregnant and knows her boyfriend is the father – but he disagrees. Now he wants nothing to do with the baby! What can she do?

Is It Him? Is It Someone Else?

If you’ve only had one sex partner in between menstrual cycles, generally, you can pretty much bet that he’s the father. However, if you’ve had more than one partner, you can’t be sure of who the father of your unborn child might be. Of course, if you’ve had multiple sex partners, your partner may be unsure of whether he’s the father or not as well. You might be “sure,” but you can never be 100% sure of who the father is if you’ve had multiple partners without a blood test.

Getting A Paternity Test

If you’re in a situation where you’re pregnant and you’ve had more than one sex partner, it’s important to have a paternity test done. Even if you’re sure of who the father is, a paternity test can still be helpful if your sexual partner is unsure of whether he could be the father or not. This can be done while you’re still pregnant, but can be dangerous for the fetus. A simple blood or saliva test after the baby is born will tell you for certain whether a sexual partner you’ve had is the father of your child or not. This will also help you legally should you pursue child support down the road if the father still wants nothing to do with the baby. Some paternity tests are expensive, and you might be tempted to contact a television show for a paternity test, but don’t do a show unless you’re a million percent certain of who the father is. Being proven wrong on a television show is embarrassing and time consuming – if you’re even a little doubtful, shell out the dough for a private paternity test. You’ll be glad you did.

Your Options

You can legally and physically prove that your sex partner is, in fact, the father of your child, but you can’t make him be a dad. It takes a lot more to be a “Dad” than sharing genetics. If he wants no part of the child’s life, there’s nothing you can do. It can be difficult to wrap your head around, but it is what it is and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. Unless you’re prepared to be a single mother, you need to consider your options. There are many available to you and you should learn about them and understand them. There is abortion and adoption if you don’t wish to have a child, depending on what your beliefs are. Think about what you want to do before you have a paternity test.

Does Sex Always Equal Babies?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 12:00:08 +0000

Sex education these days is at a low, especially considering our social growth and development in other areas of our lives. While we love exploring why educating our youths about sex is so taboo, this time we’re talking babies. We’re going to answer the simple, yet age old question – does sex always equal babies?

Most people know this, but some of you may not. Does sex always equal babies? Do you have a baby for every time you have sex? Here’s what you want to know about the fundamentals of sex and pregnancy!

Egg, Sperm, Birds And Bees

To address whether sex always equal babies, first you need to understand the fundamentals of what creates a baby. What it takes to make a baby is simply 1 sperm to fertilize 1 egg. While men release millions of sperm each time they ejaculate, women only drop 1 egg a month (generally, with the exception of twins) within a window of about 3 days, during which the egg can be fertilized. So while you may have sex 30 times in one month, or 5 times in one month, that does not equal how many babies you will have. Most of the millions of sperm that enter the vagina during unprotected intercourse will die before ever reaching the egg, thousands do reach the egg and all it takes to fertilize it is 1. Sperm can also live in the vagina for about three days as well, so these events don’t always have to happen back to back or in order for a pregnancy to occur. In fact, you may release an egg before you have unprotected sex, but still end up pregnant.

Educate Yourself

You can’t rely on your parents or even schools to educate you about sex, so it’s important for you to take that step and start educating yourself. Read about female and male anatomy and broaden your understanding about sex and pregnancy and how they relate to each other. There are a ton of resources available to you through your local health department, the library and websites that can help you understand the basics of pregnancy and sex, as well as human anatomy. Knowledge is power and it’s important to be informed and smart when it comes to sex and you can never learn too much.

Always Risky

When you have unprotected sex, you’re always running the risk of becoming pregnant. Even protected sex isn’t completely, 100% effective. All it takes is 1 sperm and 1 egg. Know that any sex (even protected) can result in a pregnancy, even if it isn’t a pregnancy for every time you have sex. Every time you have sex, you risk getting pregnant. If you aren’t planning on having a baby or don’t want one, take measures to protect yourself when having sex. Abstinence is the only 100%, foolproof way to prevent pregnancy, but condoms, spermicide and birth control work well in reducing the risk of pregnancy, especially when used in conjunction with other pregnancy prevention methods. Condoms are the only safer sex method that will protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Do your research – it pays to be informed.

What Is The Best Age To Start Having Sex?

Paul Carlson — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:00:38 +0000

Teenagers (and some adults) are have been asking for quite some time, “What is the right age to start having sex?” Teens are asking because they want to know when they get the green card to let their hormones take control, and adults are asking because they want to know when they should give their teenagers that same green card. So when is the best age to start having sex, and does it differ from person to person and family to family?

So what is the right age to have sex for the first time? What’s the right age to enter into a sexual relationship? Here are our often controversial thoughts on this topic, and we want to know what your thoughts are on this topic – when do you think the best age is for someone to start having sex? Check out our YouTube page and leave a comment!

Be Safe And Be Smart

Before we start discussing what age you should or shouldn’t start having sex at, let’s address safe sex at any age. People can recommend that magic “age” all they want, but when it boils down to it, each person is going to make that choice for themselves. So whatever age you decide to have sex for the first time, make sure you’re being safe! Unprotected sex leads to sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and possible pregnancy. Don’t take a chance – use a condom or a dental dam, and know who you’re having sex with. No matter what age you are, if you’re having sex, you’re worth having safe sex.

Waiting

Of course for the younger generation, abstinence is ideal, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Teenagers and pre-teens are having sex and becoming sexual at an earlier age every year it seems like it. Middle schoolers are even beginning to have sex, and some late elementary school age children are starting to show signs of being interested in sex! Of course you want to wait as long as you possibly can. Even if you decide to wait until you’re eighteen, or until you’re married, it is still smart to be honestly and comprehensively educated about sex, about your options and about the consequences of sex. You always want to be armed with information before you make a decision.

A Good Age To Have Sex

Levels of maturity differ from person to person and morals and beliefs differ from family to family. Respect your moral beliefs, and respect your maturity. Women are often more mature than men, and may be ready for sex before men are. Teenagers, however, may not be ready for the consequences of having sex period and that is definitely something to take into consideration. It is your choice though to have sex, no matter what age you are. Once you’ve educated yourself about sex and know how to be safe and what the consequences (emotional and physical) of sex are, you’ll have a better idea if you’re ready or not. If you’re ready, make it special and make it safe. If you’re not, wait.

If you do, however, decide to have sex for the first time, don’t think there’s no going back. Just because you have sex once, does not mean that you have to continue if you don’t want to! You may not be a physical virgin again, but you can decide each and every time whether you want to have sex or not. If you have sex and regret it, don’t do it again. It’s always your choice.

When Should You Talk To Your Kids About Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:00:38 +0000

Sex ed is a hot topic these days, with teens making pacts to get pregnant and STD’s on the rise. Kids obviously need sex ed – but are they getting it? Who is responsible for teaching kids about sex, and when and how should it be done? Are schools responsible for sex ed? Are books or the Internet responsible, or how about movies, music and TV? No - you, as a parent, are solely responsible for your child’s sexual education. So when should you talk to your kids about sex?

What is the right age to tell your kids about sex? 8? 10? 15? 18? Watch this video to hear what we think about talking to your kids about sex. Visit our YouTube Page to comment and share what you believe is the right age. We also want to hear about your funny ‘situations’ – what’s the most awkward question your kids have asked you about sex? When did they ask it? How did they ask it? How did you react to the question?

Why We Don’t Want To Talk To Our Kids About Sex

We don’t want to talk to our kids about sex because it makes us uncomfortable. Maybe our parents didn’t talk to us about sex, or we’re embarassed about sex. Heck, most of us can’t even talk to our partners about sex, let alone talk to our kids! But we’re adults – we’re supposed to have the answers. That’s what parenthood is all about. If you don’t know the answers, go find them and live up to the responsibility of being a parent. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable to talk to your child about sex, but how uncomfortable are you going to be when your twelve year old daughter comes home pregnant? Or your teenage son has caught a nasty case of Chlamydia or worse – HIV? That’s a pretty uncomfortable situation and you will then, of course, have to talk to them about sex and why they’re pregnant or infected with a sexually transmitted disease. Why wait until it is too late?

The Right Time Is Now

Okay, we don’t mean “now” as in right this second, especially if your kid is still in diapers. We mean “now” as in talking to your kids about sex when they ask about it. If they don’t ask you about it, it means they’re getting their information from somewhere else, because they will ask. So if they ask you about sex, take the opportunity to answer their questions in an age appropriate manner and be grateful they’re not asking their teenage friends or worse, relying on movies and television to show them how it’s done.

There are three keys that you need to know when taking it upon yourself to discuss sex with your child – first, wait until they ask, but let them know beforehand that it’s okay to ask and make them feel comfortable and safe when asking about sex. Second, answer their questions in an age appropriate way. If your child is eight and asking about sex, you can explain to them simply that it is how children are made. Third, answer your child’s question and only your child’s question. Just because they asked a question about sex doesn’t mean you have to launch into an entire birds-and-the-bees lecture. Often, children will be satsified that their question was answered and go on about their business. They’ll ask more and want to know more along the way – so let them lead.

Stop Making Up Fairytales

You’ve known for a long time that children aren’t delivered by the stork, and that hospitals don’t deliver babies as a package. You’ve known how babies are born, did it yourself even, and have known for quite some time how sex really works. So why make up a story to tell to your children for the time being, only to have to tell them it was a lie later? Don’t tell your kids that babies come from the stork, or any other silly explanation about sex so you can escape the sex talk until a later date. It’s the 20th century people. Grow up!

Lead By Example

You want your kids to grow up and have loving, healthy relationships in which they can have smart, safe sex right? You want them to never have to deal with a sexually transmitted disease or infection, and you want them to have a baby when they are ready. You want them to love and be loved by their partner for who they are, right? So show them what a loving, healthy relationship is.

Do We Need Real Sex Ed In Schools?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:30:28 +0000

Sex education in schools – if you have a child , it’s undoubtedly something you’re going to encounter at some point during your child’s school education. You’ll want to know what your child is learning – but does that mean that those of us who do not have children should be unconcerned about the sex education that our children as a society are being taught? Not hardly – there are too many limitations placed on sex ed these days in school that the lack of comprehensive sex education is truly an epidemic of large proportions.

What do you think? Should we educate our kids about sex and how to be safe, or tell them to pretend all their friends aren’t having sex and hope for the best? Education or ignorance?

Abstinence Only?

Every sex education program needs to include abstinence. It is a great choice for teens of all ages, because it keeps them completely safe from pregnancy, STD’s and emotional damage until they’re ready for it. But abstinence is just that – a choice. There are other choices when it comes to sex ed, mainly deciding to have sex and have protected or unprotected sex. It’s a choice that many of our teens today are making – they’re making the decisions, so why aren’t we talking to them about it?

According to a 2006 study from the Guttmacher Institute, abstinence only programs make up the sex education curriculum in half of the schools in the southern United States and 1 in 5 schools in the northern part of the U.S. Many schools absolutely forbid education on safer sex, such as education about available contraceptives. Some abstinence only education curriculums do touch on sexually transmitted diseases, if only to scare teens into becoming abstinent, and some touch on male and female anatomy and how babies are born.

Government Control?

Why are the schools in the United States choosing abstinent only curriculum? Waiting until marriage to have sex is largely a religious concept, and with the separation of church and state, schools are no longer allowed to have prayer in schools – so why are they promoting a form of sex education that is founded on religion? A little digging unearths some unsettling facts. $176 million dollars in government funding is available to schools in the United States who promote an abstinence only sex education program. $0 is available to schools in the United States who choose to teach comprehensive sex ed in their classrooms. The federal guidelines for sexual activity include anything that is sexually arousing – including kissing and hugging – and federal guidelines for these sex ed programs require teachers to suggest that sex outside of marriage is wrong and unsafe at any age.

Teens Will Choose To Have Sex – So What Do We Do?

Teaching abstinence in schools doesn’t automatically shut off a teenager’s hormones. It doesn’t suddenly make them not want to have sex, especially when our marketing, television shows and commericals, movies and music promote sex and sexuality at every turn. Our job as parents – and as a civilized society – is to teach children about all of their choices, including the choices to have sex both protected and unprotected. Knowledge is power and children deserve to know what their options are, including what can happen with each choice. Children deserve to know how you feel about sex and what you expect of them, as well as how to learn what they expect of themselves. A properly educated teenager may choose not to have sex at all, or they may choose to have safe, protected sex with someone they care about when they are ready. Uneducated or poorly educated children will not know what to do when a sexual situation arises, when they don’t understand why they should say no, or what to do when their bodies are telling them to do something entirely different. They may choose to have sex, but they may not know that there are options available to help make sex safer for both them and their partners, so they may end up pregnant or with a sexually transmitted diseases.

Perhaps it’s too soon to hope that the federal government will fund comprehensive sex education, but it certainly something we can take into our own hands. Find out what they’re teaching at your child’s school, and fill in the gaps. Give your children the power to choose – and to choose wisely.

What Does Abstinence Mean To You?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 01:00:39 +0000

If you’ve heard about sex ed, you’ve likely heard about abstinence. What is abstinence, anyway? Basically, it’s just a fancy word for not having sex. Believe it or not though, abstinence may not be as black and white as you think. Abstinence means different things to different people. What does abstinence mean to you?

We can all generally accept the idea that sexual abstinence means waiting for marriage to have sex… But here’s where it gets tricky – What does “Sex” mean to you? Is it sexual intercourse? Is it any sexually arousing experience? Is it oral sex? Anal Sex? Masturbation?

The Definition Of Abstinence

Abstinence, in it’s most basic form, is to abstain, or keep from, doing something. Most people refer to it as refraining from having sex, but you can also abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, or anything really. In it’s most popular form, however, the definition of abstinence means to keep from having sex. In most cultures, the term abstinence refers to waiting until marriage to have sex, however, any couple can practice abstinence even if they’re married. Some married couples practice abstinence at a certain time during a woman’s monthly cycle as a form of birth control. In this article though, we’re going to explore how abstinence can mean different things to different people.

Defining Sex

To define not having sex, first you have to define the term sex itself. What does having “sex” mean to you? Does having sex mean only penetration, therefore abstinence from sex means oral sex doesn’t fall into that category? Or does having sex mean every type of sex, including oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and vaginal intercourse? Does your definition of abstinence relate to being a virgin? Is virginity still intact only if you abstain from vaginal intercourse, or is virginity intact if one abstains from the use of sex toys, or even tampons as well?

It Remains Undefined

The definition of sex, much like the definition of abstinence, remains essentially undefined. It means something different for everyone, and only you can decide what counts as sex and what counts as abstinence – no one else can or should decide for you. Abstinence, just like having sex, is a personal choice. Examine your own beliefs and morals, and do what feels right for you. Don’t let parents, a culture, society or your friends or family members pressure you into deciding to have sex or deciding to be abstinent – or even deciding what actions constitute sex and abstinence unless you’re sure that it’s what you want. It’s also not a one way street – just because you choose to be abstinent now doesn’t mean you can’t choose to have sex later if that’s what you decide. Similarly, if you decide to have sex now, that doesn’t mean you can’t decide to become abstinent later. While you may have lost your virginity in doing so, don’t assume that means you have to continue having sex if you’re not comfortable with it. Do what feels right to you!

Know Your Boundaries First

Before making your decision, know your boundaries. Think of the possible situations you might be in, and what you might decide if confronted with that situation. Really think about it – if you’re abstinent, does oral sex count? Does giving a handjob count? Do you want to be totally abstinent from every type of sex? Don’t be caught off guard – know what you want and what doesn’t coincide with your decision before you put yourself in a situation that might possibly make you uncomfortable if you aren’t prepared. Don’t forget sex education – learn about STD’s, pregnancy and birth control even if you’re being abstinent. You’ll be able to make smarter choices when you do decide to have sex. Ultimately, you’re responsible for your own sex education. You’re responsible for your body, right?

Top 5 FREE Sex Education Resources

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:00:13 +0000

Sex education – it’s a touchy topic and it’s everywhere. But what is modern sex education teaching us and our youth? Are we being honest about sex, or does today’s “sex education” leave much to be desired? We’re going to give you our 5 favorite FREE sex education resources, so you can start filling in the gaps, whether you’re educating yourself or educating someone else.

Your Local Health Department

Your local health department is probably step one when it comes to getting the best free or reduced cost health and sex services. Believe it or not, your local health deparment will provide services including free or reduced cost physical exams, breast exams and pap smears, as well as sexually transmitted disease testing and sexually transmitted infection treatment. Many health departments offer free birth control supplies including condoms and birth control pills, as well as other hormonal birth control methods such as the IUD, the diaphragm, the birth control ring or the birth control patch or shot.

Find your local health department by visiting Health Guide USA and clicking on “local health departments.”

SexEtc.org

SexEtc.org is a great sex education resource for teens. It’s an easy to navigate website with full feature videos, forums and articles on the sex topics teens really want to know about. The best thing about SexEtc.org? It’s written by teens, for teens! Most teenagers hate the “condescending” feel of sex education from adults, and SexEtc.org gives teens the information they need from their very own peers. Teens can even chat and participate in polls on everything from their first time to homophobic bullying and more. If you are a teen or are a teen’s parent, definitely check out SexEtc.org!

Scarleteen.com

Scarleteen.com is another teen oriented sex education website with lots of useful information presented in a way that teens and even young adults can understand and relate to. This website is article heavy, but the articles are precisely on the topics that teens today want to know about, such as male reproductive choices, how guys can prevent rape and even more topics for girls! When researching sex ed topics, be sure to look at several credible websites and use your own judgement – most of the time, if you see similar information on a topic come up again and again on different websites, you can trust that the information is reliable.

Positive.org

The message given by Positive.org is a simple yet powerful one – you have the right to complete and honest sex education! A little less colorful than some of the other teen centered websites, Positive.org appeals not only to many teens but also adults of all ages who want the straight facts on sex. This site is a little more difficult to navigate, but talks about every sex topic you could possibly want to know about, including information about STD’s and STI’s, homosexuality, teen sex, safer sex, pregnancy prevention and much, much more.

Sexuality.org

Sexuality.org is a more adult oriented sex education website and is like an online book with lots of information available. Read articles about sexuality topics, review guides on educational books and videos, and check out transcripts of presentations from popular therapists, doctors and other notable figures. Sexuality.org offers lots of different perspectives on topics from erotic massage, tantra and BDSM, as well as other sex education topics such as pregnancy, birth control and STD and STI prevention.

Sperm, Semen and Safe Sex – What You Need To Know

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 01:00:50 +0000

Sex education, unfortunately, is at a low nowadays. Although our society has evolved exponentially since sex was considered completely taboo – sex education is still primitive. Television shows, movies, music and even the Internet has taken sex to a completely new level, with songs about “booty calls” and nudity on prime time, but adults in this nation can’t bear to discuss more than the scant basics of sex with their youth. It’s about time somebody steps up and gives solid, useful information about every aspect of sex in an educational way so that our youth can make informed decisions about sex, oral sex and foreplay.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend gives me blow jobs, hand jobs, etc. Every time we play, this white sticky stuff come out, and then after a few minutes cum comes out – what is all this stuff coming out of me?

–Jason, TX

Sperm, Semen and Precum

Lots of girls want to know – what’s the skinny on sperm, semen and precum? What are they?

Precum – The clear, thinnish and somewhat sticky liquid that comes out of the head of the penis in small amounts during penile stimulation before he actually ejaculates. Precum can and does contain live sperm, although in significantly smaller amounts than actual semen.

Semen – The whitish, thicker fluid that comes out of the head of the penis during ejaculation that contains millions of sperm.

Sperm – Organisms carried within semen and precum that join with a woman’s egg to conceive a child.

Which Of These Can Get A Girl Pregnant?

In short – all of them! Precum and semen both contain sperm. Having unprotected sex without a condom, even before the man ejaculates, can get a woman pregnant. It is better to treat a penis like a loaded gun. Many women believe that allowing a man to have intercourse with her without a condom is safe, as long as the guy pulls his penis out of her vagina before he ejaculates, and ejaculates away from her vagina. While this is safer than allowing your partner to actually ejaculate inside you, it is not a way to protect against pregnancy. Sperm can travel out of the penis pretty much at any time – allowing a condomless penis to get within the vicinity of your vagina puts you at a definite risk of getting pregnant.

Don’t chance it! Even allowing your partner to rub his penis on the outside of your vagina without a condom can transmit sperm from the penis to the vagina and there’s a reason that sperm are called “little swimmers.” They travel! For the safest type of sex, use a condom to prevent pregnancy. You can also discuss with your doctor other methods of birth control that can be used in conjunction with a condom for added protection, or in lieu of a condom if your with an STD free partner and in a completely faithful, monogamous relationship.

Which Of These Can Transmit A Sexually Transmitted Disease?

In short – all of them! Again, treat a condomless penis like a loaded gun, even more so if you’re unsure if your partner has a sexually transmitted disease. To clarify, unless you have a piece of paper in your hand that says your partner has tested negative for STD’s and you’re 110% positive your partner has not had any type of sexual contact with anyone else since the test was taken, you’re unsure of whether your partner has an STD. Protect yourself. Both precum and semen can carry the HIV and AIDS virus, as well as other sexually transmitted diseases. It is important to be even more vigilant if you’re concerned about STD’s, however, because you don’t just have to worry about any fluids from your partner’s penis coming into contact with your vagina, you also have to worry about these fluids possibly coming into contact with your mouth or any open sores or cuts on your body.

For example, if you knicked yourself shaving and your partner rubs his penis up your leg without a condom, you can possibly contract an STD that way. It’s rare – yes. But possible. Be safe and get STD tested, suggest that your partner get STD tested, stay in a monogamous, faithful relationship whenever possible, and use condoms during anal sex, oral sex and vaginal intercourse any time you’re unsure. Always treat your partner’s penis as though it can get you pregnant or give you an STD because in truth – it can! That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex. Just be safe and smart about it!

Oral Sex and STD’s – What You Need To Know

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:00:03 +0000

While contracting an STD from unprotected oral sex (whether giving or receiving) is less likely than contracting an STD from unprotected intercourse, it’s still entirely possible. Chlamydia in your throat, anyone? It’s important to be as cautious and safe with oral sex as you would be with intercourse – and there’s lots of ways you can do that!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Can you get STDs from oral sex? Is it a moot point to wear a condom for intercourse after that, if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? What about girl on girl oral sex?

–Mike, FL

Less Likely? How Less Likely?

Sure, it’s less likely to contract or pass STD’s through oral sex, but how less likely? Do you even want to fool with “less likely?” Although the chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases from unprotected oral sex than those of having unprotected intercourse, you can still contract STD’s such as chlamydia, ghonnorhea, syphilis, herpes and even HIV and AIDS from unprotected oral sex. Don’t chance it! If you’re not in a monogomous relationship in which both partners have been thoroughly tested for STD’s, protect yourself during intercourse and oral sex. You can use dental dams, flavored condoms or even plastic wrap in a pinch! Don’t like the way it feels? Try using a little bit of lube on the inside of the condom/dental dam/plastic wrap to create a more natural feeling.

Using A Condom During Intercourse After Having Unprotected Oral Sex

Is it a moot point to use a condom during intercourse if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? Not at all! Even if the person you were having unprotected oral sex with has an STD, it’s entirely possible that you did not contract it during oral sex. It’s possible you did, but it’s also possible you didn’t. It’s much more likely that you’ll contract the disease through unprotected intercourse, so why set yourself up? Wrap it up instead! Again, if you’re not in a monogomous relationship with a partner you know for a fact is STD free, protect yourself as much as possible. Even if you didn’t use protection during oral sex, it’s still worth it to use a condom during intercourse.

Get Some Information!

The Internet is jam-packed full of information about sexually transmitted diseases, how each one is spread and how you can give or contract them through sex and oral sex. With a simple Google search, you can find out the specifics – such as how a particular disease can be spread through a particular sex act, as well as the best way to protect yourself. Don’t believe the old wives tales – you know, the ones like you can prevent pregnancy by douching afterwards (which by the way can actually improve your chances of getting pregnant). Read the information on legitimate websites, such as WebMD or the CDC website instead of checking out websites that don’t have credible information.

It’s all about being safe, smart and well informed. While any type of sex – oral, vaginal or anal – puts you at risk for giving or contracting sexually transmitted diseases (protected or unprotected) you can significantly reduce your risk by practicing safer sex and using condoms and dental dams. Protect yourself – you’re worth it!

The “Right” Going The Wrong Way Down Sexual Drive

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 02:06:53 +0000

I hereby ask all religious groups, Christian “family” organizations, and churches everywhere who for years pushed for every law against sex to be drawn to disband and withdraw from the culture wars you’ve waged on America. Your arguments over abortion, same sex marriage, and the like no longer hold muster; your bombast over swingers and BDSM enthusiasts is but a whisper; your message is dishonest and disingenuous to a nation of believers and unbelievers alike.

Sexual Freedom? In America?

For so long we’ve heard these groups (i.e. American Family Forum, Christian Coalition, etc.) from around the country make some of the strongest and strangest pushes for control over sexual freedom in the past thirty years. But in the past few weeks/months, a few key stories came to light cause me to think it is time for the Culture Wars to end. In Texas, a group pushes for clear teaching regarding sexual education; in Alaska, a story from Bristol Palin, daughter of former Republican Vice Presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin; then comes an article from the Journal of Economic Perspectives, a study which shows who are the biggest consumers of adult material. (Hint: They might be in your pews.)

First let’s go to a recent study regarding the purchase habits of those buying adult material. It seems this new study from New Science magazine http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16680-porn-in-the-usa-conservatives-are-biggest-consumers.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news followed the anonymous study of credit card receipts. The report finds most of the adult material bought in America comes from states who tend to be conservative. The biggest adult consumers comes from the great state of Utah. Yes, THAT Utah! Eight of the ten states with the highest consumption gave their support to Sen. John McCain during the past presidential election with the other two states going for Barack Obama.

The one statement from this study which speaks volumes:

Do consumption patterns of on-line adult entertainment reveal two separate Americas? Or is the consumption of on-line adult entertainment widespread, regardless of legal barriers, potential for embarrassment, and even religious conviction?”

This is one of the questions Christians and right wing moralists will need to ask themselves. How much longer do the gatekeepers keep telling us their own virtuous examples of faith and fidelity when they are no better than the sinners they rail against? To coin a phrase I heard from former Christian music group 2^nd Chapter of Actions “No one will have a secret, no one will tell a lie/things that are done in hiding are going to reach to the highest sky.”

Fighting For Credible, Useful Sex-Ed Information

Second, the Texas Freedom Network fighting the good fight to giving credible, sane, and informative sex-ed information to those who need it in Texas schools. They took their fight for a more comprehensive teaching of sexuality/relationship to the steps of the Austin State Capital. TFN’s hope is to get the facts to their teens and pre-teens to all students in the state. I encourage you to watch the proceedings of those involved with TFN regarding their findings about sexual education in Texas schools.

Hypocrisy Unveiled

Finally, I want to point to one Bristol Palin—daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. You remember Bristol don’t you? In the presidential campaign news of Bristol’s pregnancy spread like wildfire throughout the political world. How will the Family Values party respond to this revelation? They responded with open arms and a “how dare you judge” to the media on Bristol’s “choice” to keep her baby. Funny how when a woman gets pregnant in the unconventional way these same critics will strike them down in an instant. If for one of their own they treat them as if they were the Prodigal Daughter with open arms and a fatted calf.

Does anyone see the hypocritical tone of this issue? Why is it okay for Ms. Palin to get a free ride without condemnation for having a baby out of wedlock but any other American baby won’t find the same grace in return?

Bristol’s words in a recent interview with Fox News illustrates the futility of abstinence only programs.
It may not be the type of news Bristol’s mom (Gov. Palin) or others in the Religious Rights pursuit of a moral America, but it does show such an ideal at best noble and worst fruitless. No person want to see an increase in pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), or abortions. The way these moralist make it seems we all want to see lines drawn out the door for women wanting abortions. Truth is we want to see responsible education—both by educators and parents—to help our youth have the right information so as adults they make better choices when they find themselves in various relationships.

I doubt this bad news will slow down those who seek to clamp down every aspect of American life and restrict how we date, become intimate, and who we become intimate with. In the process, the “Religious Right” will need to ask a ton of questions to themselves. Will they continue to try and impose—by law or shame—the same standards they say will bring those to eternal glory? Or, will they continue to say one thing and live another? The one question keeping many on the right awake is what if their opponents are right about everything?

How To Put On A Condom

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:15:11 +0000

Whether it’s your first time or your three hundredth time, putting on a condom the correct way might still prove elusive to you. How do you put on a condom safely, how do you make sure the condom is still good and how do you take it off correctly to avoid spillage? Here’s answers to your questions, and more!

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’m a first time condom wearer – I want to be safe, but how do I put one on the right way? It seems harder than it should be! Do you have any tips?

–Terry, Washington

Checking Your Condom

First, keep your condoms in a cool, dry place. Condoms that are kept in glove compartments, wallets and back pockets can break down more easily than condoms that are kept in a drawer or another safe place. Before opening your condom, make sure the condom hasn’t passed its expiration date – yes, condoms can expire! Open your condom gently to make sure you’re tearing only the package (not the condom) and check it for consistency. Make sure if it’s a lubricated condom that the lube is still moist, and make sure your condom is still in good, working condition. If it seems like your condom might not be ready to go, throw it out and get a new one!

Putting Your Condom On

You might want to put your condom on in a lighted situation – putting on a condom in complete darkness can lead you to possibly put it on the wrong way. Grab the built in reservoir on the top and roll the condom slowly down the penis, making sure that all of the air bubbles are worked out of the condom before you start. To avoid fluid contamination, be sure that both your hands and penis are clean before putting on a condom. Be very careful that no fluid from the penis gets on the outside of the condom before you begin intercourse, as this may lead to sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

Removing Your Condom

When you’re ready to remove your condom, pull your penis out slowly while gripping the base of the condom to avoid spilling any seminal fluid that is inside the condom. Turn completely away from your partner before removing it, and slowly roll the condom back up the penis while making sure that the seminal fluid stays in the built in reservoir. Take your used condom, wrap it in tissue and throw it away properly – they don’t flush! Wash your hands and penis thoroughly with soap and water before touching your partner again.

Tips And Pointers

If a condom breaks, pull out immediately and remove the condom, washing thoroughly before putting on another one. Make sure your condom fits properly – if it’s not snug, or there are air bubbles or it seems too loose, your condom might be too big and you may need to choose a smaller size. It can also be dangerous if your condom is too small or too tight – if the ring around the base of the condom doesn’t go all the way to the base of your penis, the condom isn’t the right size for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different types of condoms until you find the right one for you!

Do I Really Need To Wear A Condom?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 13:43:15 +0000

Whether you’re new to sex or not, you might wonder if you really need a condom. You’ve heard they protect you and protect your partner, but do you really need a condom when you’re having intercourse, or is it all just hype? Are the condom companies raking in millions for no reason or is wearing a condom really the smartest way to go?

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about condoms and some people say you don’t need them and that you can just pull out. What’s the truth – should I really wear a condom or is it all just rumor?

–Ted, California

Do I Need A Condom?

Yes! Condoms can help prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. While animal skin condoms are too porous to prevent STD’s, they’re still effective at preventing pregnancy and traditional latex and plastic condoms are even better. What if your partner is on birth control? Do you still need to wear a condom? Yes! Birth control is effective, but can be made less effective by taking it incorrectly, taking antibiotics or being ill. When coupling condoms with birth control, you are doubly protecting you and your partner against pregnancy as well as preventing the spread and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases.

But I Don’t Like The Way It Feels

Just because a condom might decrease the sensitivity experienced during intercourse a little is no reason not to protect you and your partner. You can still have a lot of fun with condoms – especially flavored ones and those with warming lubricant – and still have a satisfying sex life while staying safe. For some men, condoms are an excellent way to help prevent premature ejaculation. If you tend to “go” too quickly, wearing a condom might help you last longer and some are even available with desensitizing gel or cream that will help you to keep from ejaculating too quickly.

But I’m Embarrassed To Buy Them

Don’t be! If you’re buying condoms, it means you’re having sex. That’s a good thing, right? You can buy condoms at any drug store, supermarket or convenience store and they’re incredibly inexpensive. If you’d like more privacy while purchasing your condoms or would like a wider variety of condoms to choose from, there are many online stores that offer flavored, glow in the dark, colored and other types of condoms that you and your partner can really have a lot of fun with! If you purchase your condoms online, they’ll come to you in discreet packaging and no one will know but you! In reality though, there’s nothing wrong with purchasing condoms from your grocery store, a gas station or even online – it means that you’re being safe and you’re getting ready to have a great time.

All in all, it’s important to be safe – it’s always better being safe than sorry, right? Don’t have sex without a condom – you might be in your doctor’s office getting a positive result on an STD test or finding out that your partner is pregnant, wishing you would have simply put one on in the first place. Have fun with condoms and be safe, and don’t be afraid to experiment with condoms and make them a part of your sexual routine instead of a nuisance!

eXtreme Sex Ed: How Do I Talk To My Husband About Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:42:27 +0000

When learning about your partner’s body and your own body and how they work together during sexual intercourse or other sexual activity, you might run into a few roadblocks along the way.

You might find it difficult to bring up the subject of how you like a certain thing or what feels good and what doesn’t.

How can you talk to your partner and help them to learn what you like and don’t like in bed?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Sometimes I feel like my husband doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. I find it hard to talk to him about this stuff, the sex and things like condoms and lube, how do I talk to him?

– Scarlett, NJ

Learn yourself first.

The first step to being able to tell your partner where to go when pleasuring you is to first learn where you’re going. This often happens during masturbation. Learn what spots are sensitive and how you like to be touched, as well as what doesn’t work for you. Once you’re comfortable with your own body, you can help your partner learn where to go.

The Fragile Male Ego

Telling your partner how you like to be touched sexually, especially if he’s not doing it that way, can be intimidating and rightly so. Men have fragile egos that are easily damaged, especially when it comes to their sexual skills.

Trying to talk to your partner about these things can easily cause the words to die right in your throat, getting you nowhere, because you’re afraid to hurt his feelings. It’s good to be a little scared, because you can hurt your partner’s feelings if you want to tell him that you like to be touched in a way that he’s not touching you.

You can easily make him feel inadequate or even useless in the bedroom. Does that mean you have to shy away from the conversation at all and stop enjoying sex with your partner just to save his feelings? No! It’s all in how you go about it.

Don’t Criticize

Being critical when making suggestions about your partner’s sexual performance is the number one thing that will upset him and bruise his ego. It’s very important not to be critical at all, instead, be supportive.

Don’t tell your partner what he’s doing wrong, suggest to him something else to do instead. When he does hit the right spot, make sure he knows it! Be vocal, thank him and definitely return the favor. Many women make the mistake of never changing their vocal suggestions or their body language, regardless of what feels good and what doesn’t.

Give your partner a chance to learn what you like and what you don’t based on your reactions.He will learn to tell the difference between a mild “ooh” and an “OOOH!” He’ll want to continue doing the things that elicit the most reaction from you, and you’ll want him to!

Make it Fun

If you want to talk to your partner about toys, lubes and other things related to sex but are afraid to, make it a little bit fun. Go shopping for these things together, or browse them online from the comfort of your home.

Point out things that you like and ask him to show you what he likes. You can learn a lot from each other this way! Combine that with positive suggestions on which of his moves feel good and which don’t and you’ll both soon be rocking each other’s world!

eXtreme Sex Ed: Help! I Feel Like A Spectator During Sex!

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:12:37 +0000

If you’re new at sex or are just new to your partner, it might be difficult for you to get “into” your partner.

Things might seem awkward at first and it can be frustration to experience sexual intimacy with your partner without being really “into” it. How can you get more into your partner and more into sex with them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I want to tell my bf what I like in bed, but I don’t know how, because I don’t masturbate? (That’s right! – remember from before Scarlett is a pastor’s kid…) I feel like a spectator during sex. I find it hard to relax and I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm. Please help.

–Scarlett, NJ

Finding Out What You Want

For you to get “into” sex, it’s important for you to experiment with what turns you on. If you don’t know what turns you on and what gets you excited, it’s hard not to feel like a spectator when you’re actually doing the deed. How do you do that? One of the greatest ways to experiment with what you like is to masturbate.

Use your hands, a detachable shower head or even toys to find out what feels the best. You can masturbate with your partner if you prefer, or you can masturbate alone to really try new things and find out what really gets you going.

It’s difficult to get into sex and share with your partner what you like without first knowing yourself.

Get Into The Game

One of the best ways to find out what you like during sex and really get into it is to just dive in and do it! Spend time experimenting with different techniques, including genital massage, oral sex and sexual intercourse.

You might like simultaneous oral sex or you might really enjoy your partner using their hands on you.

You’ll never know though if you don’t try! Have sex with your partner and make mental notes of what you don’t like and what you really don’t want to try again. Next time, try something new.

Continue to do this until you find a few things that you really enjoy doing with your partner. Make a mental note of these and when you’re feeling turned on, you and your partner can use these things to get you really excited and into it.

Make sure both partners get equal satisfaction. It’s easy for a woman to feel like a spectator during sex if the focus is on the man. Share each other equally and take turns pleasuring each other until you build up to an amazing climax!

Talk With Your Partner

While you want to be careful about how you approach this subject, it’s important to talk with your partner and be open and honest with them about what you like and don’t like.

Don’t criticize your partner for moves that you don’t like, instead suggest new ones that you’d like to try.

If you close the lines of communication and never let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t, you’ll never be “into” your partner or even “into” sex with them.

Use Trial and Error

Similarly, your partner can share with you what they like so together you can experiment with what works and forget about what doesn’t.

With a little trial and error, you and your partner will learn what you like and what you don’t like, making it easier for you to have successful intimate encounters. Take it slow if you need to and stay open and honest with your partner. Don’t get discouraged and keep trying. You’ll never find out what turns you on and gets you into it if you don’t try!

Should I Really Be Worried About STDs?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:02:15 +0000

When it comes to sexual activity, it can sometimes be confusing as to what can transmit sexually transmitted diseases and what can’t. What types of STD’s can be contracted during which kinds of sexual activity and when are you completely safe?

If you have oral sex can you common STDs like Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, or Herpes?

Sexual Activity and STDs.

There’s a reason they’re called “sexually transmitted diseases.” You can contract them through virtually any type of sexual activity, including oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal intercourse.

Some sexually transmitted diseases, such as AIDS, HIV and Hepatitis C can be transmitted via blood to blood contact such as receiving a tattoo or piercing with a needle that isn’t sterile. When you have sexual contact or blood to blood contact with someone, you put yourself at risk for contracting or spreading a sexually transmitted disease. How can you protect yourself?

HIV, AIDS and Hepatitis C

HIV, AIDS and Hepatitis C can be spread via blood to blood contact or through vaginal and penile secretions. This includes semen and pre-ejaculation secretions.

The best way to protect yourself against these types of STDs is to use condoms and dental dams while having oral sex, anal sex and vaginal intercourse, make sure any tattoo or piercing artist uses a sterilized needle and don’t use intravenous drugs.

Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis and Other Infections

These types of sexually transmitted diseases are known as viral infections. They are spread by any sexual contact at all, but not through blood to blood contact.

While these are particularly unsavory STDs, they are most often treated with an antibiotic regimen and can be cured. If left alone long enough, a Chlamydia, Gonorrhea or Syphilis infection can cause a great deal of other bodily damage, including muscle and brain damage, and more commonly sterility.

To protect against these types of sexually transmitted diseases, you should use a condom or a dental dam during any type of sexual activity. Oral sex should also be protected against because viral and bacterial STDs can set up host in the mouth and throat.

Other Types Of STDs

Other types of STD’s include genital herpes and genital warts and are more difficult to protect against than other types of sexually transmitted diseases. As these types of STDs can actually take up host in the pubic area of the genitals, a condom or a dental dam may not be enough to protect yourself from contracting one.

This is where STD testing comes in handy. A regular doctor’s exam can rule out any of these types of infections. Don’t have sexual contact with someone who is experiencing an outbreak of genital herpes and genital warts and don’t have sexual contact with anyone who appears to have any type of sores on their genitals.

If you are worried about contracting sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to take as many steps towards safety as you can. Regularly get tested for STDs and make sure you wear condoms and use dental dams when having sex.

If performing erotic massage, you can wear latex or vinyl gloves and if having anal sex or rimming, you can use a dental dam or a square of saran wrap. Know who you’re with and who they’ve been with and always be aware of what you’re doing. If you’re smart and safe, you can significantly reduce your risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

Can I Get AIDS From Oral Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:52:25 +0000

Oral sex is a great way to share yourself with your partner, if you’re ready, without having sexual intercourse. It may be tempting to think that since oral sex isn’t actually sex that it reduces or eliminates the risk of contracting AIDS, HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases.

Sadly, this isn’t true. Oral sex presents just as much of a risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease as anal sex, vaginal sex or any other type of sex. How can you protect yourself?

If you have oral sex can you get AIDS or any type other type of sickness or disease?

Blood and Bodily Fluids

Most sexually transmitted diseases are transferred through blood or bodily fluids. This makes it extremely easy for someone to give or contract sexually transmitted diseases through oral sex. For example, HIV and AIDS are present in semen, vaginal secretions and blood. If a person giving oral sex has recently brushed their teeth, small scrapes may remain in the mouth and on the gums even though the person can’t feel them.

Performing oral sex and taking bodily fluids, whether it’s vaginal or penile fluids, into their mouth can easily cause the transmission of the disease. Curable infections, such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis still cause a lot of damage and can easily be transmitted through oral sex.

A particularly unfavorable infection is when these types of diseases actually take host in the mouth and throat. A virus such as this doesn’t discriminate from one warm, wet place to another and will be just as happy in a throat as they are in a penis or a vagina.

The only way to completely prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is to stay completely abstinent, but this is often completely unrealistic as most couples want to experience each other sexually as part of their relationship.

It’s important to take steps to protect yourself if you’re thinking of having oral sex with a new partner or a partner that hasn’t been tested for STD’s or who may have not been monogamous.

Staying Safe

An easy way to significantly reduce the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases through oral sex is to use protection. For male oral sex, a condom is an inexpensive, easy way to protect from giving or receiving any diseases. A condom doesn’t make transmission impossible, but the risk is greatly reduced. There are a number of flavored and scented condoms that are created specifically to make oral sex enjoyable for both partners.

For female oral sex, there is a square piece of latex or silicone that is called a “dental dam.” These are also inexpensive and make vaginal oral sex much safer for both the receiver and the giver. A dab of lube on the inside of the dental dam can make the sensations of oral sex very similar to those without a dental dam.

When engaging in any type of sex with someone, whether it’s oral sex or intercourse, it’s important to be smart and safe. Take steps to protect yourself and your partner and if you’re ready to be monogamous and want to have sex or oral sex without protection, get tested.

If you’re sexually active and have multiple partners over a period of time, it’s important to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases regularly as well as using protection. You can have a lot of fun with your partner and prevent the contraction of many diseases by taking a few simple steps to protect everyone involved!

Is It Safe To Have Sex While My Wife Is Pregnant?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:58:00 +0000

Today’s emphasis on the health of pregnant women can have men wondering if having sex with a woman during her pregnancy is healthy and safe for both the mom and the child.

Fortunately, men will be happy to hear that the only ban on sex is after the baby is born. There are, however, some considerations to take when engaging your pregnant lady in sex – just out of courtesy.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

If my wife is pregnant is it still ok to have sex? because me and my wife are thinking about having a baby and when she’s pregnant I don’t want to miss out on sex for several months. I hope you answer my question in one of your videos. Thanks.

– Pascal, Canada

Yes, It’s Safe

Your doctor will tell you if your baby is healthy and if the pregnancy is progressing normally. If your doctor confirms a healthy pregnancy, there is no harm whatsoever in having sex with your partner during her pregnancy.

Most doctors will put a ban on sex for a short time after the baby is born, but during a normal pregnancy, there is nothing to worry about when having sex with your partner. That doesn’t mean, however, that your partner will always feel like having sex.

When She Doesn’t Feel Like It

Even a normal, healthy pregnancy is tough on a woman’s body and emotions. Sometimes it’s difficult for the body to produce the hormones necessary for arousal when it’s regulating both the health of the mother and the baby.

A mom has to produce more blood and even grow a new organ along with the baby when she’s pregnant and with all that going on, she might not feel up to having sex. The second trimester is reportedly better for the sex drive when the morning sickness goes away and before she gets uncomfortably big, but it’s not foolproof.

If your partner doesn’t feel like having sex, don’t hold it against her! Do something else that is intimate instead, such as rubbing her belly or her feet or just cuddling on the couch.

When She Does Feel Like It

There may be times when your partner consents to sex and other times where she wants it so bad she can’t see straight. Take advantage of the fact that she feels up to getting down and dirty and make the most of it.

Relax! You’re not going to hurt the baby no matter how large you are or how hard you’re having intercourse. The mother’s organs and the placenta are designed to protect the baby from everything but heavy bodily injury. That said, that doesn’t mean that your partner wants you to pretend you’re hammering a nail into a particularly thick stud.

Ask your partner what she’s comfortable with before you begin having sex. You might have to get a little creative when it comes to intercourse positions, especially towards the end of the pregnancy. Even though the baby is well protected, that doesn’t mean your partner’s vagina isn’t more sensitive and tender than before. There are more blood and hormones running to that area now that she’s pregnant and that may mean that she prefers softer or slower strokes during sex.

Communicate with your partner and listen to her when she tells you what feels good and what doesn’t.

Having sex with your partner during her pregnancy can be a beautiful and special way for you to experience the baby and how you both created life. Having sex during a normal, healthy pregnancy doesn’t endanger the baby or the woman in any way, so relax and have fun!

Parents. You ARE The Sex Ed Teacher.

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:17:15 +0000

When was the last time you saw something on your Blackberry of a friend of yours was “sexting” in a photo they’ve sent you? Don’t know what I’m talking about?

Good. I didn’t until hearing the terms passed around lately in the news and around young people.

According to the Urban Dictionary.com (a must for parents/adults alike), sexting is defined as “v: the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.”

Your teen knows what it means

And yes, if you think your pre-teen or teenager is not up to this term, think again.

I think for all the sexual freedom talk, it’s hard to judge what is the right course of action to take when your pre-teen or teenager is acting out something which should be left in the bedroom. It’s even harder today when our kids are more astute with the latest technology than any of us were 10 or 20 years ago.

From cell phones to text messaging to YouTube and Facebook , kids and teens show an ability to master the latest gizmo available on the market. They take it, use it, and create it to be their own identity; they make their homepages and profiles incredibly savvy even for the novice user.

The danger for young people

The danger is many young people are knowledgeable about sexual terms and how to do them, but not have the knowledge to be responsible to themselves and others.

Meanwhile, parents are left in the dust.

Many adults with kids get their children these devices, or give them unlimited time on the computer unaware of how far down the rabbit hole they can go. Your kids can be in their room or at school for hours, with parents not knowing what is on their cell phone, their personal page, or God knows what else. So how do sexually hip parental units find a balance between allowing your kids freedom to grow?

Simple. Be parental. Mom, Dad…Engage!

Getting to know what your children are doing means you may need to get as technically savvy as your kids. It may be as simple as having a sit down chat with your kids. It may mean you will have to confiscate their cell phones or computer to check out what they have on them.

Be a parent; not a friend

This is the part where you become a parent and not a buddy.

You simply say to them that seeing they are the ones who put a roof over their head, food on the table, and gave you the gift of life you—being the person responsible for how they will turn out in life—have every right to know if what they are doing with their friends and online is okay or not. They may balk but your involvement shows how much you love them as a parent. The alternative is much worse than not engaging in their lives.

Communicate. Educate. Establish ground rules

I’m no Dr. Phil, but I think that giving children some boundaries is not a bad thing at all.

Here are a few more tips for monitored “freedoms”.

Talk to your kids about sexuality. This world is much more sexually charged than the one you may have grown in. Sexual terms are at anybody’s disposal in an instant; radio programs talk about it openly; magazines—male and female—are constantly pushing tips on how to be more “available”. Parents need to head them off at the pass.
Parents, YOU are the sex ed teachers! Teachers need to learn the material out there and all the technology available to kids, engaging in their life. Find out what is out there and what they are doing so you can be a few steps ahead of your teen.
Teens need rules. In fact, if most teens were honest, they want rules so they know where they stand and know what is expected of them. If you just hand them a phone or an account without any supervision they can walk all over you as parents and go as far as they want without any restraint or idea of how much this can hurt them. This is wrong. If you put a curfew on how late your teens can stay out or how late they can stay up then it’s time to put a limit on how long to let them on the computer or on their cell phones.
Before buying a cell phone, find out what parental tools are available to block or place limits on them. If its an on line account, than why not have a primary account, in which a parental block can be put on a child’s account. Most servers like Yahoo or MSN will have this function available.

If communicating about sexuality on a regular basis is not enough, or if putting every safe guard on such 21st century technology is not enough, then you may have to do something “so like last century”.

Don’t give them anything.

Their world won’t crumble if they don’t have these technological devices with them twenty-four hours a day,except for an emergency of some sort where you can hand them your phone. They may be better off not having those tools at all.

This may seem like too much censoring and restricting freedoms. But until parents feel comfortable their children are safe, responsible, and knowledgeable about sexuality and relationships (not to mention the technology available to make social life fun) censoring may not always a bad thing.

Poll question: How many electric devices does your teenager(s) own?

What The Church Should Be Telling You About Sexuality But Isn’t…

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 04 May 2008 23:47:36 +0000

I have heard every type of sermon in 30 years time ranging from the typical foundational teachings to Dr. Seuss (if you can believe it) as a reference for deeper truths.

But the more typical subjects on sexual issues and relationship issues in the church and elsewhere range from marriage, single dating, and sex before or during marriage, abortion, and the dreaded gay and lesbian surge.

Sadly, there are other issues out there believers in Christ should be hearing from their pulpits. So permit this writer to expose some of those subjects because its high time believers and non-believers alike fight against such things for the sake of everyone on the planet.

Why don’t we hear about rape?

Why don’t we hear a preacher talk about how rape affects everyone? EVERYONE! According to Rape Abuse and Incest National Network 1 out of 6 women and 1 out of 33 men are raped in their lifetime. This leads to depression, suicide, and drug/alcohol abuse, not the pretty “sweet by and by” topics heard but something every believer and non-believer needs to hear about.

And the children, that’s a whole article in itself; incest and ministerial abuse is even as disgusting and falls under this category. There is also the topic of prison rape that is largely ignored by the best of minister (especially when dealing with prison ministries)

If the church really wants to see healing of the body, mind, spirit, and soul then they need to deal with this topic head on. Until it is, thousands of men, women and children will keep in silence never finding healing or release for the things they’ve experienced. Anger, bitterness, rage, and deep hurt are issues that need the churches attention more than if two men or women live in loving relationships.

Why don’t we hear about the international sex trade?

Around the world the sex trade is so huge it is catastrophic to many families and friends. From families who can’t afford to keep their kids and give their kids away to the sex trade to women taken from villages from eastern and developing countries to satisfy the needs of their “clientele” this is a crime which needs a voice.

Where are the ministers in the world who will give these women (and men) a voice? Girls from preteens and older need someone to speak for them or they will be nothing more than objects in the hands of people who have no care for their welfare.

Why do we not hear about adults with urges for sexual relationship with children?

Call it a sickness, call it an easy out for those who feel guilt over their sexual urges and turn to children for an “easy out”, urges by adults to satisfy their desires with a child under the age of 18 is wrong.

Pedophilias in the Catholic faith rocked the church to its core and have seen the exodus of many members tired of Rome ignoring the issues. The Protestant side shows similar cases with everyone from the minister to the janitor around the world taking advantage of our children.

When will we hear a sermon or a movement to address the sexual issues adults have and to find help to steer them to a healthier expression of their needs? I hope soon. If not, the faith cannot continue standing on the high moral ground when the ground is moist with hierocracy.

What about comprehensive sexual education?

I can find tapes, DVD’s, even on-line sermons dealing with sex before marriage warning teens and adults of the spiritual “dangers” of proceeding this way. I would love to hear a frank sermon from a pastor willing to talk about what happens if abstinence fails and you find yourself wanting to be sexual? Corpus Interruptus isn’t an option by the way; nor is running away into the night.

Can one pastor in the world talk about contraceptives without feeling like betraying the church? Can one man or woman of the cloth deal with condoms and “the pill” without gagging in between points behind the pulpit?

That’s what the people need to hear, not a lot of “thou shalt nots” but realistic approaches to a real world. And if you want to add spiritual touches to the sermons, then talk about people asking for God for the strength to find help and wisdom in taking some of the approaches I’ve just mentioned.

These are just the tip of the iceberg, but now that the cards are on the table will someone take the lead? It’s easy for me to talk about this, but until the people of the church demand to have these issues addressed those affected by these subjects will live in silence without any hope.

With billions of dollars spent on how a person can be prosperous and self assured maybe money could be spent in the direction of putting programs together to help these victims. Instead of stopping the gays or paying for workshops to stop abortions can’t we try to help the broken from loosing all hope that God will ever hear their pain?

Abstinence Only? Does it Really Work?

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:45:55 +0000

Shelby Knox is one of my biggest heroes!

Who is she? She was a Lubbock, Texas high school student (she’s now in college as of this writing), a church attendee, and comes from a conservative home. Knox was also the subject of the PBS series “P.O.V.” called “The Education of Shelby Knox” where she is the focus of her four years in high school and her fight to bring comprehensive sexual education to her school. Why would someone like her be leading a fight like this?

The Prophet

Like any good “prophet” she saw her people—classmates—suffering form increasing teen pregnancy in her school and others in Lubbock and the spread of STDs. She challenged the Lubbock School Board several times but to no avail; in her journey she realizes places like Lubbock and other areas in the country need to give teens the tools needed to help them to make informed choices when being intimate with another person.

Knox is one of my heroes because she was willing to step outside of her comfort zone and ask the tough questions needed to be asked. Her example helps me to write what I write and ask those tough questions the church and Christians are afraid to ask. I also share her passion over ending the abstinence only teaching in most country and start teaching a through sexual education program around the country and the world.

Choose abstinence for the right reasons

Don’t get me wrong; abstinence is not a bad thing to decide to do for your sexual health. I remember taking my human sexuality course and the instructor taking a sheet of paper and drew a line through the page.

On one side, the risk of being abstinence, the other side, the risk of being sexually active was on the other side of the sheet. While the risk on the sexually active is evident—STD, pregnancy, emotional issues, etc.—those who stay abstinent avoided any of those possible pitfalls. Now proponents supporting the latter view will smile, give high fives, and point at me saying, “see, I told you so!”

Real world issues

However, lets look at the real world shall we? We are human beings, but we are many different parts that make us who we are. We are spiritual beings with the need to be connected with the divine. We are social beings with the need to connect with other people around us. We are sexual beings because, I believe, God made us with the great power to enjoy our sexuality and create life.

With such a great power and responsibility, shouldn’t the final say of how it is used be left to us? The Spiderman geek in me harkens to the mantra created by Stan Lee:“With great power comes great responsibility.”

Give them some credit

I think the main reason why we see such a push for the abstinence only program is they—religious leaders, politicians and moralist– don’t think young people and adults don’t have what it takes to handle the great gift of sexuality with care. Funny.

We trust them to make a decision to give their life for their country, take a drink at a bar, vote, and drive a vehicle. God forbid if they are given the right keys to take control of their own body and to make choices concerning their sexual lives.

The Christian community has done everything from pushing school boards to teaching their view about sexuality to our kids to forcing state and federal governments to spend billions of dollars to quell the rampant sexual drive. Truth is, it doesn’t work.

The better alternative

What a waste to spend all the money, time, and sermons to scare the devil out of kids touching themselves (or each other) when you can save money and talk about ways to treat your potential interest with concern and care.

What a waste of time to avoid people even seeing a condom—let alone knowing what to do with one when you open the foil—when you can show the guys how to put the darn thing on and the benefits of preventing pregnancy and the risk of contacting an STD.

Why abstinence only isn’t working

One fact stuck out to me was how after years of declining rates in teen birth rates in 2007 saw a jump:

The difference between these two approaches, and their impact on teen behavior, remains a controversial subject in the U.S. Teenage birth rates had been dropping in the U.S. since 1991, but a 2007 report showed 3% increase from 2005 to 2006. –CDC National Center for Health Statistics Dec. 12, 2007.

This despite efforts by leaders to show this line of defense alone will curb the tide. Some figures show in some places around the country there was little to no signs of real change. But the hidden toll is the silence from those who either have taken these courses at school or took some sort of pledge of abstaining from sex in their churches (i.e. “The Silver Ring Thingy”).

For the few who succeed in achieving their goal of being “pure” those who are active sexually must feel like failures not just to themselves but to God. Is this what we want to produce in our children?

Not everyone can live up to the ideals of Paul the apostle or the ideas of many in our society so wouldn’t it make sense to give people tools to help them better address the problems young people face than to go into a relationship with a wing and a prayer?

My advice is to take the money making sex a foe and make it a friend and ally. Install respect for this great power, prepare for our young people the possible, and hope the things we teach them will help them make better decisions in the bedroom.

Sex, Religion, and Guilt… Will It EVER End?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 16:17:30 +0000

This extremely controversial issue comes up over and over again. People from a very strict religious upbringing experience many relationship difficulties around sex and sexuality.

They especially take issue with their partner’s sexual history. But the problem comes in when they pass judgment on their partner for “sexual indiscretions”, and try to “save” this person. This is a very common problem with men from very religious backgrounds, when they discover their wife or girlfriend has had sex before them… and, gasp! sometimes with more than just one man!

This of course results in serious relationship problems, and often a break up or divorce.

We are today the product of our upbringing, experiences, and choices

The person you love is who they are because of their upbringing, their experiences, and each and every choice they made up to this point in their lives. Without all those factors, this person would not be who they are today, and would likely not have ever met you – since all those circumstances in their life also ultimately led to the two of you coming together.

So it is naive and hypocritical for people to talk about “forgiving” their partners’ sexual past, when they love this person for who they are today.

Women and virgins… “Hey – who broke the safety seal on this one?!”

This whole thing about “I want to marry a virgin” sounds nice in theory, but it doesn’t reflect the reality in our society today.

The real question to ask is – “who cares?” So what if she’s had sex before? Maybe then she’ll actually know what she’s doing when she has sex with you – better yet, maybe she’ll actually know what she likes.

Gasp! Women taking pleasure in sex. No, it can’t be! Sure, it’s barely been over 100 years since the ever enlightened medical establishment of the day (read: men with large egos) was telling us that women don’t actually take pleasure in sex. Of course during those glorious days doctors could only examine the parts of a woman that weren’t covered by her mandatory head-to-toe clothing. No, seriously. This is not fiction. It’s the height of the arrogance and hypocrisy of the Victorian age… a time from which many of today’s sexual taboos stem, and thus many of today’s relationship sex and intimacy problems.

There are places in today’s world still where women cannot show their faces. Lifting their veils amounts to public pornography, and is against the law of the land. Can you believe it? And let’s not forget that it’s barely been sixty years since women have been allowed to vote.

We live in fascinating times, but our dark history is not far behind.

Strong religious upbringing and sex education…

Something we see very often from people raised in a very strict religious manner is a complete lack of sex education. Unfortunately, when we hide away from sex and don’t teach our children about the realities of sex, the inevitable will happen… from teen pregnancy, to sexually transmitted diseases, to child molestation, and so on.

We are sexual beings. Ignoring this very important part of our very nature results in many of the sexual and relationship problems we see today. In addition, there’s a strong trend toward the “behind closed doors” type of sexual activity and experimentation.

There are many wonderful things that have come out of religious circles. But it’s important to remember that at the core of most of today’s religious teachings is the original message of peace, love, and forgiveness. The problem comes in when organized religion tells us to pass judgment on others and change them. What happened the peace, love, and forgiveness part?

Can you forgive her past indiscretions and move on with your relationship?

That’s a tough question since there’s nothing really there for you to “forgive”. She didn’t do anything to you.

The real question is… can you embrace the love that you have been blessed to partake in, or is your anti-sex bias more important to you… important enough to give up your love and move on?

Here’s a question from a man in Ontario trying to cope with this same dilemma.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a really loving and caring partner that I love and care for too. I have concerns about previous past with that person. Before I start I want you to know that I am 25 year old Catholic and this is my first serious relationship. My fiance is 27 years old and she is Greek Orthodox who had a few previous relationships.

And this is what is bothering me… the fact that I have not dated and got affiliated with people whom I knew that I would not want to stay with but also I lived a very lonely life because of that. My bother comes from her past that for one she had a first marriage that in her early twenties but got a divorce shortly after. That bothers me because I was expecting to meet a girl who would be a virgin.

What also bothers me is that she dated more guys after and got affiliated with them also. It was very painful for me to find a box of condoms with condom cream in her bathroom that was hidden under a big mess. Now you may see where I am coming from I feel that she has done such horrible things and here I am the person who loves her who is suppose to accept her.

This person has lived on her own at a very young age and only has a mother because the father passed away. I can see that she may have a reason that this has happened and I believe its from being alone also.

She loves me with everything and says that she has never met someone like me before who is caring, emotional, very sensitive and not a typical guy who drinks beer and watched tv all the time. I need your help in making me understand why I am feeling sad, anger at times, unhappy and no being able to talk with my partner. It is very hard to forgive and move on. Please help.

– Rafal, Ontario

BANNED for Talking About Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 17:05:39 +0000

As Easter approaches, I’m left wondering what’s become of our nation and of Christianity…

What are we coming to when we show blood and guts sprayed all over the TV, even on the Family Channel and Cartoon Network, but it’s wrong to even talk about sex. God forbid, someone shows a breast – we all remember the Janet Jackson incident. What should have been a funny blooper ended up being turned into a complete scandal.

When did sex become evil and wrong? When did war and violence become the norm? It seems that we’ve become so desensitized that no one gives it a second thought.

This Easter, I’m asking you to do just that. Think about it. Question it. Ask yourself why things are the way they are. Is it possible that we are holding on to beliefs that no longer serve us? Is it possible that we are following blindly in our parents’ footsteps without ever questioning the different motivations and circumstances between the generations?

It’s no wonder that our society is so dysfunctional when it comes to sex and relationships, and why our children are killing themselves in record numbers. When we value violence more than love, happiness, and joy – this is what we get. I’m definitely not talk about more censorship or taking away more freedoms. We’ve done enough of that already!

What I’m talking about is taking personal responsibility for our society today. It’s time to question everything and then do something about it.

So just exactly why am I going off on this topic when it really has little to do with dating and relationships?

For the second time, AskDanAndJenifer.com was banned by an advertiser, Kontera Technologies – for none other than Adult Content. Now I don’t know about you, but when I think of adult content, I think of Playboy TV and the like. But Wait! We have no nudity, no graphic language, and pornographic material at all on our website – Period! Check it our for yourself.

When we questioned Kontera about their decision, here’s what they said.

"Your site deals a lot with sexual relations, even that there is no nudity or graphic language, it is still considered as mature content with us."

"Sexual Relations" (you have to say it in a whisper so that no one will hear you). They couldn’t even say "sex". Kontera turned us down because we TALK about sex! That’s their choice and I’m happy that we live in a time where they can make that decision freely, but do they really think their clients are not grown ups with the ability to discern what they’re reading? And Heaven forbid (yes, that pun is intended), our children actually stumble across a web site that talks openly and honestly about sex. They may even grow up knowing how to make informed decisions about sex rather than learning everything from their buddies and worse yet their first boyfriend or girlfriend.

My real concern is that this decision by Kontera represents a much bigger problem. Their views about sex are reflective of our society as a whole. Where are we going as a society when I can talk about war and violence all day long and show gruesome pictures of this violence on my website with no ramifications what so ever?

But… When we start talking openly and honestly about sex and giving honest advice to people who have questions about dating, relationships, love, and sex, suddenly we’re put into the same category as child pornography and hard core porn? There’s something seriously wrong with that.

Our children grow up knowing more about combat strategies and murder than they do about their own bodies.

This is the real problem. It’s time to take the stigma away from sex and start talking about it openly and honestly for what it is – a completely normal and healthy part of our lives.

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