Ask Dan and Jennifer » sex play

Female Orgasm Tip #4 – Patience And Persistence (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 00:59:36 +0000

When it comes to giving a woman a great orgasm, one of the greatest tips you can employ is actually not a “technique” at all – it’s more of an overall attitude. During sex, it’s important to embody both patience and persistence to give your girl the orgasm the really wants – and it’s just as important for the girls to embody these qualities as well! Read on to find out why!

There’s nothing more giving than a satisfied woman.” While a bit cheesy, this quote really does say it all. Watch this video to find out why a little patience and persistence can go a really long way!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Warming Up The Oven

You might have heard a woman’s sex drive compared to an oven before, but for a very important reason. Women are exactly like ovens in the bedroom – they definitely require to preheating, or being warmed up first. This is where you’ll be tested for the first time on patience and persistence! If you’re going down on your partner, or massaging her vagina and clitoris, she’s not going to get turned on within two secons of you putting your mouth or hands down there.

You need to be patient, and allow her time to get used to the feelings you’re creating for her and warm up to them. Women can practically smell impatience, and it will turn her off immediately, making your job just that much harder, if not impossible. So exercise patience! You’ll also want to exercise persistence – it may take a few minutes to either bring her to orgasm or even to just get her reasonably turned on, so it’s important to be persistent with the maneuvers you’re making. Of course, if something’s not working, find another technique to use, but once you hit the right spot with the right technique, keep going and keep going!

Ladies Need Practice Too

Of course, practice makes perfect. Guys, you can practice your patience and persistence in the bedroom with your partner anytime you’re feeling frisky to really get yourself under control so you can give your partner the best pleasure possible. But it’s not all up to you! It’s important that women also use patience and persistence when you’re “warming up their oven.”

First of all, a woman needs to be patient with herself. She is not expected to have an orgasm in thirty seconds! Be patient and quit focusing on trying to be turned on or trying to have an orgasm. Simply be patient and let the feelings come to you. Women also need to be persistent – if something doesn’t feel right or could feel better, don’t throw up your hands in frustration and suggest a quickie instead. Be persistent in communicating with your partner what you like and what you don’t like, so he can better satisfy you.

Think you understand Female Orgasms? Take the Orgasm Quiz and find out!

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Female Orgasm Black Book’: “How To Give Her Mind Numbing, Leg Shaking Orgasms”

How Do I Introduce BDSM To My Boyfriend? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:26:22 +0000

Everyone has their fantasy or fetish, and everyone likes different things. It’s part of what makes us such a sexually diverse culture! Many people are into BDSM, or bondage, whether it’s soft BDSM or really getting into dominant and submissive roles. If you like BDSM, how can you introduce it to your partner without getting rejected and possibly even involving them in your fetishes and fantasies?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m very comfortable with my sexuality and a little on the BDSM side… I’ve been this way for years. My fiance and I have done a few things, but I want to try even more – costumes, props, etc. I don’t think he knows how dark my sexual side can be. How can I bring it up to him without scaring him?

–Desiree, MO

Click here to view the embedded video.

Let Your Partner Go First

Ask your partner what turns them on. This is not the time for a “sit down” talk, rather, you want to ask him in a very nonchalant sort of way. Bring it up if you’re watching a romantic movie with a hot sex scene, or even if you’re watching pornography together. If you’re visiting the mall, pop into the lingerie store or even the novelty stores that carry some sex toys. Asking your partner what turns them on opens them up to their own fantasies and gets their minds going.

Introduce Yourself Slowly

Don’t break into your fetish by surprising your partner with a leash and collar while wearing a full black leather outfit. You might scare them off! Try incorporating light BDSM into your foreplay and sexual routine, such as using a feather duster or even a light whip. Try purchasing some racier lingerie, or sexy shoes that reflect what turns you on. You can even suggest roleplaying light BDSM roles, such as light submission or light dominance. You might find that your partner really likes this type of sex play and begins to get more into it! If this happens, just ease into your fetish or fantasy slowly, until you’re really sharing with your partner what you like and what turns you on.

Try A Fantasy Box

A “Fantasy Box” is something you and your partner can try if you’re really shy about sharing your fantasies with your partner or your partner is really shy about sharing their fantasies with you. Write down your fantasies on a scrap piece of paper and put it in the box. Have your partner do the same. Make a “rule” that once a week, a fantasy is pulled out of the box and is enacted. If some fantasies require planning, give you and your partner enough time to purchase costumes, etc. This can even be something fun that you do together that can bring you and your partner closer! Decorate the fantasy box with things you both find sexy to make it even more fun.

No matter what, your sex life should be enjoyable and fulfilled, no matter what fetish or fantasy you like. You might be surprised – your fetish or fantasy probably isn’t as uncommon as you think it is! If your partner is freaked out by your fetish, whether it’s BDSM or something else, and you can’t work past it, consider that they might not be the partner for you. Remember – there’s someone out there for everyone!

Help! I Fantasize About Being A Prostitute! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 31 May 2009 21:40:05 +0000

Everyone has a fantasy – some, more than others. Many people choose not to act out their fantasies, afraid that their fantasies will offend someone, or embarrass them. You can, however, act out your fantasy in a safe, fun way with your partner, making your sex life that much sweeter. How can you act out your fantasy with your partner, especially if you’re not sure that they share your fantasy?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I fantasize about being a prostitute, having sex with strangers and being naughty – having to do what the other person wants and even getting paid for it. I want to experience this fantasy with my husband, but he’s not comfortable being the ‘dominant’ one. How can we pull this off so that everyone has fun?

–Lisa, WA

Click here to view the embedded video.

Consenting Adults Get The Green Light

When it comes to acting out a fantasy, as long as your fantasy is safe (as in, doesn’t cause anyone harm) and is between consenting adults, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to act out your fantasy and have fun! No matter what your fantasy is, if you’re not hurting anyone and everyone involved is okay with it, there’s nothing that should stop you from satisfying your deepest sexual desires and fantasies.

Sexual Compatibility

That said, many people don’t share the same fantasies and might be uncomfortable with another person’s fantasy. How can you tell if your partner is sexually compatible with you and your fantasy without putting yourself out there and risking embarrassment? The trick is not to have a “sit down” talk with your partner. Often, this can be overwhelming for a partner, especially if your fantasy is something they’ve never had any experience with before. Try introducing your partner to your fantasy slowly, by dressing in some lingerie or a costume that suits your fantasy, or even simply playing with dominant and submissive roles. If your partner shows that he or she is interested in your fantasy, or turned on by what you’re doing, try introducing a little more each time until you’re really ready to tell them about what you want to act out and what your fantasy is.

Fantasy Box

Many couples and partners use something called a “fantasy box” where they can submit their fantasies on paper in a safe and fun environment. With a fantasy box, you can write your fantasies down on a piece of paper, and slip it into the box. Every week (or however often you would like), you can pull a piece of paper out of the box and act out the fantasy. It’s fun to be spontaneous, and both you and your partner already know you’ll be acting out a fantasy, so you’ll be in a great mindset to have a good time! Some fantasies take a bit of preparation, so, it can also be fun to pull a fantasy out of the box a few weeks ahead of time and go shopping together for toys, lubes or costumes – whatever your fantasy requires!

The bottom line is, as long as your fantasy – whether it be acting out the fantasy of being a prostitute or something else – is between consenting adults, and you introduce your fantasy slowly to your partner or use a fantasy box, you can have fun indulging in your sexual desires and grow closer to your partner.

eXtreme Sex Ed: I Feel Like I Have To Pee During Oral Sex! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 11:19:57 +0000

Feeling like you have to urinate during oral sex, or any other type of sexual activity, can be quite unnerving the first time it happens. If it happens often, you might become even more confused or be tempted to avoid oral sex all together.

Is it normal to feel like you have to urinate during oral sex or other sexual activity? What can you do about it so you can enjoy your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m relatively new at this whole sex thing. I grew up a pastor’s kid…. Anyways, I’m married now, and there are problems. I’ve got tons of questions but no one to ask. Questions that can’t be answered by books. Is it normal to feel like peeing when a person does oral on you? I kind of squirm, cause it feels like I want to pee, and I would be mortified if that happened. So I avoid it all together, which is a shame cause I’d like to know how it truly feels…

–Scarlett, NJ

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The Whole Package

Your genitals actually come in a whole package. The muscles, nerve endings and organs all work together to help you to urinate, achieve orgasm and have sexual intercourse or other sexual activity.

Some of the muscles and nerve endings do two different things. The same muscles that contract while you urinate are also the same muscles that spasm during orgasm.

It’s only natural to consider that sometimes your body might get a little confused. You’re experiencing sexual pleasure and the muscles that are getting ready to spasm during an orgasm might actually make you feel like you have to urinate instead. This is totally normal and it actually happens to both women and men.

Although it’s perfectly normal to feel like you have to urinate during oral sex or other sexual activity, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating or confusing when it happens.

Prevention is Key

If you feel like you have to urinate during oral sex, does that mean you actually do have to urinate? Probably not, but it is certainly possible. If you find yourself feeling like you have to urinate during sexual pleasure, try to preempt yourself by using the restroom before you and your partner get busy.

This can help reduce or eliminate the feeling of having to urinate once you and your partner start pleasuring each other. If you feel the need to urinate during oral sex, feel free to stop your partner and let them know that you need to use the restroom.

You can incorporate it into your sex play by suggesting a hop in the shower with a nice soapy massage or you can just do your business and continue afterwards. It’s up to you based on how comfortable you feel with your partner at the time.

If It Happens

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What’s Your Safe Word? How to Get Off Without Getting Hurt

The Beautiful Kind — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:09:38 +0000

You’ve seen the stories in the news – a woman dies during a sex play session with her husband.

The articles are vague, but they usually mention the word “kinky,” a kitchen appliance malfunctioning, and the husband being held for questioning. You don’t want this to happen to you.

BDSM is fun and exciting, but you have to invest time in making it a positive experience for everyone involved.

Negotiating scenes, checking play equipment, and doing a little preparation ahead of time will keep things safe and sane. Here’s a little checklist of things to consider when veering from vanilla sex.

Addressing the Physical Side of BDSM

Be present. Don’t be drunk or otherwise out of it.

Never put anything around someone’s neck. OK, maybe a dog collar, but not ropes or bungee cords.

Don’t leave a restrained person alone. You don’t want your sex life to turn into a Stephen King novel.

If you’re playing with rope, have EMT scissors on hand in case you need to break out of something quickly.

Have water nearby to keep your honey hydrated and comfortable as you torment and tease.

Don’t lose your handcuff key!

When “no” doesn’t mean “no”: Part of your play might involve you pretending to resist, and your partner needs to know when you really need a time out. Have a safeword that is two syllables or less you can call out if things get too intense. (Mine is “bluebird,” as in, “the bluebird of happiness.”) It’s also a good idea to have a safetune to hum if the mouth is stuffed with something like a ball gag and you need a break.

Use safe props like cold water and ice cubes as punishment. It stings in the moment, but doesn’t cause lasting damage.

Addressing the Emotional Side of BDSM

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Too Tired for Sex? Try This…

Karen Lynch — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 15:18:39 +0000

Sometimes we all get caught up in careers, kids and parenthood, life and stress.

Often that affects our relationships with our significant other, especially the sexual side of things.

What happens when you just can’t find the time and the energy?

The Secret to Creating Sexual Energy

Here is something you can try, something fun and exciting and all you have to do is open up and figure out how to use it best to create the most exciting sexual energy available on the planet. It is without a doubt the most important sexual element that you can get.

What is it?

Is it a toy, a tool, a strategy?

Can anybody get it?

Where can you buy it?

Can you show me online?

Is it something that shows up in my spam folder everyday?

The answer is “none of the above”. No, you can’t buy it, you can’t find it out in the world, it’s not available online.

The great thing about it is that everybody has access to it. Everybody can use it. It is just a matter of being open-minded and learning to use it to your advantage.

The most important sexual element available in the world is your own mind. You can create more excitement and fun, anticipation and pleasure by using the power of your own mind than any other thing you could ever come across.

Here is a Fun Strategy Proven to Work Wonders

Start in the morning, set a time for a “date” in the evening with your loved one. Both of you plan a time when you can get together and spend some quality time. And then go on with your day.

During the day, spend some time visualizing and anticipating your date. It is really nice when you can include the other person. If you are around your loved one, you can do little things to include them in your fantasy, a kiss on the neck, a loving touch in the right places, some passionate kisses can all increase your level of anticipation. And that is what you are trying to do, get your mind going with an excited level of anticipation for your “date”.

If you are not with your partner during the day, you can still participate in this type of foreplay, you will just have to be more creative.

How do you normally communicate with your loved one?

Text messages are great for sending just a little note to tell your partner how much you are looking forward to being with them and spending some quality time on loving. You can also use some of the more old-fashioned modes, sending a sweet love letter, or calling on the phone to say how much you love them and how excited you are for your date.

The point is to spend the entire day in anticipation and building up the excitement for your time together in the evening. Imagine and visualize the loving time together and appreciate and be grateful for the love and excitement you feel for this person that you love.

Some may say that this takes away from the spontaneity and excitement and of course there is always a place and a time for that kind of lovemaking. But for those couples who may feel that life is getting ahead of them and they are finding it difficult to get into that mode, your minds can work wonders for your sex-life.

Because like many things in life, The Joy is in the Journey.

Featured Author, Karen Lynch is a Law of Attraction and Personal Development Expert and founder of the empowering and inspiring website www.livethepower.com. You can read more of her inspirational and motivational writings at the Live the Power blog at http://www.livethepower.com/blog