Ask Dan and Jennifer » sex problems

How To Get More Sex In Your Relationship (Video)

Daniel Rose, author Sex God Method — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:00:45 +0000

It’s common in a long term relationship or a marriage for sex to be on the bottom of your to-do list. It may escape you how it became a “to-do” at all, but most everybody at some point in their lives find that sex comes after chores, taking care of the kids and work. Most everybody wishes it were different though! Most people want to have more sex, better sex and hotter sex! Here’s how.

Not having as much sex as you once did? Has your sex life become a total bore? Here are some great ways to spice up your sex life and make it more interesting so that you both actually want to have sex more often!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Variety Is Key

If you want more sex in your relationship, variety is key. It’s important to have variety in the bedroom to avoid getting into a sex rut. It’s easy to fall into a sex rut – some people have sex at the same time, in the same position and do the same things each and every time they have sex. While a sexual routine can be comfortable, you tend to put off “comfortable sex” for other things. It’s important to have variety to keep sex from becoming boring or “blah.” If the sex in your relationship is never or rarely the same, you’re going to be less apt to put it off and more apt to put it first.

Long Term Relationships Have More Sexual Benefits

Believe it or not, the myth that sex is better if you have sex with lots of different people is just that – a myth. You can actually experience the best sex of your life in a long term relationship. Why is that? When you’re more comfortable with someone, it’s easier to share your fantasies with them and try new and different things. Yes, getting comfortable with someone can easily lead to “comfortable” sex, but if you put a little effort into it, being comfortable with someone can equally end up in kinkier, hotter and better sex than you’ve ever had in your life.

How To Spice Up Your Sex

Roleplaying is a great way to add something different to your sex “routine.” You can experiment with different types of roleplaying, such as switching dominant and submissive roles, or you can act out fantasies such as the “teacher” and “student” or “maid.” Costumes are fun too and can make roleplaying seem more real. Another way to spice up your sex life is to give your partner different types of orgasms. Touch different areas on your partner, such as her clitoris, her g-spot, his penis, his scrotum, and his perineum. Don’t forget nipples, lips and neck too!

You can also try new positions with your partner. Different positions will feel different sexually and stimulate different areas as well. Another great way to spice up your sex life is to check into a hotel for a night or a weekend! It’s a perfect way to get out of the house and away from your responsibilities for something fun and different.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Sex God Method’: “If You Want to Give Women Screaming Orgasms, This Video May Be The Most Important Video You’ll Ever Watch”

Painful Sex – Should It Still Hurt? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:00:43 +0000

Some women experience painful sex, especially if they’re having sex for the first time. Is painful sex normal? Sometimes sex can hurt, especially if your partner is too rough, but what if sex is painful all the time? What if it never gets better? Here’s what you need to do if sex still hurts for you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I lost my virginity over a year ago, but every time we have sex it feels like losing my virginity all over again. Should it still be hurting? Is this normal?

–Danielle, PA

Click here to view the embedded video.

Why Does It Hurt?

Sex can hurt for a variety of reasons. Some of them are medical, others are not. Let’s take a quick look at the medical issues that can cause sex to become painful and stay that way with no relief. There are many sexually transmitted diseases and vaginal infections that can cause sex to be painful. Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are among the many STD’s that can cause vaginal discharge, odor and painful sex for a woman.

Untreated STD’s will continue causing these symptoms and they may become worse or even unbearable. Common vaginal infections, such as yeast or bacterial infections, can cause discomfort during sex with or without other symptoms. If sex has become painful for you, it is important to see your medical doctor for an exam to rule out any medical issues or infections that could be causing your discomfort. Find a doctor you are comfortable with, and don’t worry – doctors see it all! You should feel comfortable enough with your doctor to discuss your sexual habits and the reasons you might be feeling sexual discomfort – if you’re not, it’s time to find a new doctor.

Common Issues

Common issues for uncomfortable or painful sex go beyond medical issues. There are a few reasons beyond your control – and some that are within your control – that could be responsible for sex becoming and staying painful. First, your partner may be too large for you. Whether your partner is exceptionally large or not, he may be too large for your anatomy. Everyone is made differently and although vaginas are extremely accomodating, your partner’s hardware may just not match yours in a way that is comfortable for you. You also may be prone to vaginal dryness. This isn’t necessarily a medical issue, however, it can cause plenty of discomfort during sex.

What To Do

Other than seeing a medical doctor to rule out any physical issues for painful sex, you can make sure you have lots of foreplay before sex and are very, very relaxed and aroused. This will help you to make soothing vaginal secretions that will aid any vaginal dryness, as well as help your vagina to better accommodate a larger penis, if that is the case. You can also use a good, water based lubricant during sex, and try different positions that allow for less penetration if you feel that your partner may be too large for you.

No matter what, sex shouldn’t be painful, or especially continue to be painful. It should be pleasurable! Talk to your doctor to see what you can do to make sex more enjoyable for both you and your partner. Your doctor may recommend a sex therapist, after ruling out any medical conditions responsible, to better help you and your partner to find ways to make sex more enjoyable and comfortable for you.

He Feels A Threesome Will Solve Our Sex Issues – I Disagree (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:34:27 +0000

Threesomes have long been touted as the “coveted” sexual thing that all men want but can rarely have. If your partner has brought up having a threesome in your relationship, you’re likely not surprised – unless a “threesome” is your partner’s idea of revving up your sex life. While this can help two people who are very secure in their relationship, secure in themselves and secure in their sex life, if you’re not any of those a threesome can be disastrous. So how can you spice up your sex life without having a threesome?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My partner wants to bring a third person into our bedroom, but I want to fix our sexual issues first. Our sex life is sketchy at best… I don’t see adding a third person (threesome) any time soon and feel that he needs to show me more attention and make sure that I feel secure before adding a third person. How do I talk to him about this without causing a fight and him blowing up?

–Alexis, TX

Click here to view the embedded video.

Roleplaying

It can be hurtful to think about it in this way, but gal’s got to wonder, “Does he want a threesome because he’s not interested in me sexually anymore?” While you may be confident that your partner loves you and wants to be with you on a romantic level, hearing him introduce the idea of bringing another woman into the bedroom can definitely make you feel inadequate. Is this wrong on his part? Not likely – he’s trying to find a solution to his problem and trying to involve you at the same time. So it’s time to think outside the box a little bit. What if you roleplayed a different person entirely for him? Wore a wig, a new outfit, or even played a different part for a little while? Your partner may become very turned on by this, especially by seeing you so “out of yourself.” It’s almost like having an affair without having an affair, and the excitement and different feelings of roleplaying can really set your sex life on fire.

He Can Roleplay Too

Are you bored in the bedroom? You could be initiating sex less (thus leaving your partner high and dry) because you too are bored, or unsatisfied with your sex life. That doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less, but a little safe excitement never hurt anyone. To that end, if your partner likes the roleplaying idea, ask if he’ll try it too. Share with him some of your fantasies (being arrested by a dirty police officer anyone?) and let him decide which he feels comfortable with and let him surprise you. You might find that your own sexual desires are awakened, without something as drastic as a threesome.

Thinking Out Of The Box

Roleplaying is just one way to spice up your sex life. Start thinking outside the box – introduce toys, books, magazines, videos, costumes, lingerie, lubricants…anything sexual that will take you outside of that normal comfort zone and put you in an exciting, new sexual place. Heck, it may even be having sex on the couch instead of the bed that does it! There are so many different things you can do to give your sex life, well, a new life! All you have to do is have an open mind and get a little creative! Browse the internet for some fun ideas and when it comes to roleplaying, never, ever forget that the Star Wars Princess Leia Slave costume is just about every guy’s wet dream. Have fun!

Sexless Marriage? Here’s What To Do

Melody Brooke — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:13:06 +0000

Something like 40% off all marriages are, self reported as “sexless“. I read today about a book, Bettina Arndt’s The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex and Other Bedroom Battles. This book has really gotten people up in arms. Men are thinking their wives should just do it because its good for the marriage, and women are thinking Arndt is a throwback to the 50’s. But of course, none of them have read her book!

Now, mind you, I have not read the book either. BUT I agree with what I’ve seen so far. of her book. Her book is a compilation of “diaries” she collected from 98 men and women talking about their sex lives. In the excerpt I read, she concludes with a lot of empathy toward the men who poured their hearts out to her.

Sexless Marriages – Are They Inevitable?

The reality is that most men do have a biologically higher sex drive than most women. This leads to a lot of dissatisfaction on the men’s part. Women yell and scream that sex is a “want” and not a “need” and why should they “give in”? Obviously some things are amiss here!

Women, too, want sex more and more than in the past. It was only a few months ago when I was at a party where five women out of the five couples in attendance were unhappy with the amount of sex they are getting. These are cute, smart, personable women whose husband’s would rather be on the internet or watch TV than have sex with them.

Staying Connected Is The Key

Clearly there are some serious problems with couples knowing how to stay connected emotionally and sexually. Women tend to be more aware of their emotional needs and men tend to be more aware of their sexual needs. This does not mean, I don’t believe, that men and women are set up for failure. But both parties have to be willing to respect and have empathy for each other’s needs. To do this, it requires getting out of the blame game and seeing the other as the bad guy.

Men, you really do have to learn how to be emotionally and affectionately attentive to your wife if you expect to get laid. Women, you really do have to be willing to stretch out of your comfort zone sexually in order to have the kind of connection you want with your partner. And, if either one finds sex is not fun, then they MUST take responsibility for making sure that changes.

You do that by respecting each other enough to speak your truths and not faking orgasms. The biggest drain on sexual communication and satisfaction is faking it. How in the world is your lover ever going to know what you want if you pretend you like something you don’t?

Learn to get great sex by being open with your truths. You want your man to share with you emotionally???? Then don’t be a coward about being open sexually about what pleases you and what doesn’t. We have this double standard where we expect men to be open with us emotionally, yet we will lie to them about our sexual satisfaction. That is a sure fire way to kill a sex life.

He’s Just Not Interested in Sex

Melody Brooke — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:41:44 +0000

“I’m not interested in sex anymore…I’m only 28… What is wrong that I don’t have the desire anymore?”

“I’m not interested in sex with my partner anymore, I don’t have any desire for it and I do it just for the sake of the marriage and I have to do it. I have no feelings at all and no sensation.”

“Why? Why are we so scared to say, ‘Hey! I’m not interested in sex!’ Is talking about having no desire to touch another person’s genitals so taboo?”

When she was in her 30s, Lillian* ended a relationship because her boyfriend liked sex less than she did. “He thought sex once a week was more than enough,” she recalls. “I wasn’t looking forward to having sex as much,” he says. “It was, ‘If we do it, we do it; if we don’t, we don’t.’”

“What is wrong with me? I’m not interested in sex at all and I am really bothered by it.”

Help! He’s Not Interested In Sex!

I was at a party recently with five women, ranging in age from 25 to 55 and all of these women were complaining that their husband’s are not interested in sex. They would rather play video games, work, or watch TV than make love to the woman they love. My husband’s initial reaction was, “Frankly, I’m disappointed in the American male.” But in fairness, his statement is blaming the guy for something they obviously can’t help. What is going on with these guys? And is this really as common as this party would suggest?

I personally suspect that it is just as common as this party would suggest. Out of all the couples there, only two of us wives could claim the joy of being sexually satisfied. There is a statistic out there that says something like 70% of all women have affairs, generally in their 40’s. I think I am beginning to understand the statistic. They don’t want a divorce but they don’t know how to make it better for themselves. One of my girlfriends once told me that her husband and lost all interest, and she was desperate. He told her to go out and find sex outside of the marriage and he would not care. How sad is that? They obviously love each other but have no capacity to enjoy the passion that had once filled their marriage bed.
For most of us the axiom that sex ends after marriage comes from men who are dissatisfied with the level of sexual activity from their wives. So it came as a shocker to me that this is, perhaps, more of a dominant problem for women.

Why would this be? How could so many healthy men be so disinterested in sex? After all, biology would have us believe that their sex drive is higher than women’s and they should be the ones incessantly demanding more frequent sexual encounters, but this doesn’t seem to be true!

Holding Back On Passion

What is holding back their passion? They love their wives and, I must say, the women at this party were no dogs. They were beautiful, intelligent, interesting, passionate women who were as perplexed as I was that this is a problem for their husbands. This is when I started to get really interested, because I have always said that I believe that men and women are not really so different. Men and women both need emotional intimacy to enjoy frequent, spontaneous and joyful sexual encounters. But so few of us know how to obtain that connection. The sad thing is that so many of us think we have that connection, simply because we have nothing to compare it to so we think it’s adequate.

Well, the “proof is in the pudding”. If you are not having frequent, spontaneous, joyful, sex than there is something missing in your emotional connection with your partner. Discovering what is missing has sent people packing off to therapy only to be disappointed at the outcome because underlying problems were brought to the surface and rather than resolving them the couples ended up divorced!

What To Do If Your Partner Has Problems Connecting With You Sexually

If your partner is struggling with their desire for sexual connection there are some important things you MUST do:

1) Have them get a physical (this is important for both sexes but VITAL for men as Dr. Oz says, “The penis is the ‘dipstick’ for physical health” and it’s often the first indicator of a problem)
2) Make sure hormone levels are where they need to be for you to feel desire. (I have suffered from low desire my whole life and found out a few years ago my Testosterone level was WAY off).
3) Start educating yourself about communication, connection and intimacy. There are many good sites online that will help you transform your intimacy (www.thisisgreatsex.com is but one)
4) Stop taking it personally. This is not about you having failed your partner or your partner having failed you. It is simply that you both need to take ownership of the problem as a couple. It’s a relationship problem you can solve together.
5) Understand that men are just as sensitive emotionally as women are and we all carry with us baggage from our pat that impacts our sexual desire and our ability connect emotionally

Having exciting, frequent sex with your partner is not just good for your relationship, its also good for you. Your health and emotional well-being are greatly enhanced by engaging in satisfying sex. It’s not a secret any more that if you want to keep your relationship alive you have to work at it. If the sex is not alive then there is something amiss in the relationship and there is no one to blame, only work to be done. The good news is that it’s not something that takes years and years to do and it’s an exciting thing to participate in even if you don’t get immediate results. Cement your future, your relationship and your health by making sure that his, or her, passion is reignited.

He Only Wants Oral Sex After The Baby! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 13:52:48 +0000

Sometimes in a relationship, men and women can get off the same page when it comes to sex. As often as it happens, it still makes for an uncomfortable and awkward, not to mention unsatisfying sexual relationship.

A lot of times, a sexual rift comes between two partners after they’ve just had a baby. What can you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I had a baby and now my husband won’t have sex with me — he only wants oral sex? Is there something wrong with me? What can I do?

–Stacy, New Hampshire

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He Wants Oral Sex Only – Help!

If you and your partner are experiencing a sexual rift, he may start to want oral sex more than traditional sex. He may not feel up to being intimate with you sexually, and prefers to ask you for oral sex only to satisfy his sexual needs.

Logical as it may be, it’s incredibly frustrating for the other partner when she can’t get her sexual needs met as well. The first step to fixing the problem is to take a long, hard look at the possible reasons behind the sexual rift.

And Baby Makes Three?

A lot of times, a new baby coming in to the mix can cause sexual rifts faster than anything else. It might freak your man out a little bit to see you caring for this new little human being and being a mother, when he used to see you more sexually as a lover.

It might be throwing him off a little bit to see you in this new light and it might take a little while for him to get used to it. It might also be that he’s a little freaked out about your equipment. After all, if you had a vaginal birth, your equipment might look and feel different than it did before.

Then again, he may just be having some emotional issues that have nothing to do with a baby. It’s best if you take an understanding approach to the situation rather than a critical one.

Talking It Out….

I’m In A Sexless Marriage! What Happened? (Video)

Melody Brooke — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:45:15 +0000

Many people find themselves in sexless marriages. As unfortunate as it is, if you’re in a sexless marriage, you’re not alone.

Does that mean you have to live with it? Of course not! Here are some great ways to understand what is happening in your relationship and what you can do to fix it so you can turn the heat back up in your marriage.

First the sex was great… but suddenly I look up and I’m in a Sexless Marriage! What Happened?

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How Sexless Is Your Marriage?

Different couples have sex at different frequencies. Some married couples have sex once a week and they’re completely satisfied.

Other couples have sex once a week and they’re not satisfied. They feel like they should be having sex three or four times a week or even every day.

Whatever frequency of sex that makes you and your partner most comfortable and satisfied is your “magic” number. Don’t feel that if your friends or neighbors are having sex more often that you have to have sex the same amount or you’re not satisfied with your sex life.

Have sex as often or as little as it takes to keep both you and your partner happy and satisfied!

Hormonal Issues

If you truly aren’t satisfied with your sex life, it’s time to make a change. There’s no reason that you should not be in a marriage with a satisfying sex life!

There are a number of things that can contribute to a sexless marriage or an unsatisfying sex life, so it’s time to do a little digging.

Visit your doctor to rule out any physical reasons that might be decreasing you or your partner’s sex drive. Many couples in sexless marriages will find out from their doctor that they have an imbalance of hormones that is contributing to a lack of sex drive. Your doctor can help you determine if this is an issue for you and your partner or not.

Feeling Close Again

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Did You Know That Tantra Can Help Sexual Dysfunction?

Carla Tara — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:55:12 +0000

There is a certain embarrassment or even shame that is connected with sexual dysfunctions. No one would be ashamed to have, for example, a liver or heart dysfunction.

One would be sad but not embarrassed and one would immediately ask a professional for help.

Common Sexual Dysfunction

The most common sexual dysfunctions that men experience are: loss of desire, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation and impotence. Some women experience: inhibited sexual desire, lack of orgasm, insufficient lubrification and painful intercourse.

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, in 2005 more than 105 million Americans have reported struggling with chronic sexual dysfunctions and many of them were not aware that there is help available. Diabetes can be one of the causes of sexual dysfunctions.

Also some prescription medications for depression can have a negative effect on sexual desire.

What Causes Sexual Dysfunction

There are many causes: some of them are related to hormone production, to blocks to the flow of energy, to shallow anxious breathing and unhealthy diet, just to mention a few.

The hormonal production tends to diminish with age, and you could consult a good endocrinologist to check your hormonal production status. There is a lot of information available on the internet. It’s worth learning about it.

There are also products available that are natural, organic, that very safely stimulate the body to increase production of the body’s natural growth hormones.

You Are What You Eat

What you eat and drink is also important. There are certain simple recommendations you might want to observe most of the time: eat your biggest meal between 12 and 2 PM; eat fish vegetables often; keep your stomach light at night; drink lots of water during the day. Drinking a little alcohol can help lower inhibitions, while drinking too much can inhibit sexuality.

Breathing Matters

Breathing shallowly and high in the chest is probably the most important single cause of lack of energy and anxiety during lovemaking. Through the years, we became habituated to breathe shallow breaths, often filling only the higher part of our chest where the lungs are narrow and smaller.

The body brings the venous blood to the lungs to be purified and the largest veins are located on the bottom of the lungs. Venous blood contains carbon dioxide and other poisonous gases that need to be exchanged with oxygen and thus transformed into vital arterial blood that nourished and strengthens the body.

To be fully present and energetic lovers, we need to learn to breathe to facilitate this exchange as fully as possible. Tantra teaches different breaths for different purposes. Some of the most used techniques are to increase energy and to retain energy without going over the top.

Sometimes It’s Emotional

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