Ask Dan and Jennifer » sex questions

Porn Addiction! Huh? Women Addicted to Porn?!? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 18:24:07 +0000

Everyone likes to think it’s just men that watch porn. Wives and girlfriends everywhere, high on false righteousness, patrol their man’s computer to make sure it’s still virgin. And God forbid he actually watches porn on TV. After all, porn’s just downright wrong, isn’t it? Or is it?

But here’s a shocker… lots of women actually enjoy porn, or some form of exotic, erotic entertainment. This urban myth that women don’t like porn or erotic movies goes back to the same popular culture ignorance that leads so many to believe that women don’t want or enjoy sex as much as men.

Fact is, women DO like sex just as much as men do. They just go about it differently, usually in a more discrete, seductive way.

Here’s a question from a lady in California who’s afraid she’s actually become ADDICTED to porn!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have gotten into the habit of watching pornography to help me orgasm, whether it’s masturbating or having my boyfriend go down on me. I used to be able to have an orgasm without porn, but now I’m dependent on it. I don’t think my boyfriend minds much, but it’s just a nuisance.

How can I ease this habit?

– Aly, California

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Why All Addictions Are Bad. Yes, Even Addictions to Porn.

Addictions are bad. It doesn’t matter what you’re addicted to: porn, cigarettes, food (which most everyone is addicted to), or anything else. Doing something because you WANT TO is great. But when you start NEEDING to do it, you know you’re in trouble. The whole fun and joy comes out of it, and you become a slave to whatever you’re doing.

STOP IT! If you realize you have an addiction that’s not serving you (most of them don’t), then kill it, don’t feed it. Most addictions feed an emotional emptiness of some sort. Do away with whatever you’re addicted to and find a better way to meet that need.

And the easiest way to make it stop is to…

Help! My Husband is Addicted to Porn! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 01:05:33 +0000

OK, fine… We all have different views on pornography and sexually explicit movies and pictures.

Some people take a firm stand against porn, while others use porn and erotic movies to enhance and spice up their sex lives.

And these days, internet pornography is easily accessible to those interested, and it’s very easy to hide from those who are against it. No more hiding magazines under your bed…

This has been the topic of many heated discussions between couples and family members for generations, and the sparks are really starting to fly.

Here’s a question from Serena in Illinois. She found internet porn on her boyfriend’s computer and is furious with him!

Dear Dan and Jennifer, My husband of 5 years has always seemed like an honest person. But I recently found internet porn on my computer. When I asked him about it he lied – of course.

He knows I’m dead set against Porn. It made me feel disgusting both inside and out. I told him that if that’s what he needs then I’m gone because I can’t and won’t live like that. He swears to never do it again.

Is he being truthful? Plus if he knew I was against it why would he still do it? It made me feel like I’m not good enough for him. Did I do something wrong for this to take place? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

–Serena

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Why is Pornography Wrong?

…

Virgin Swingers – Am I A BAD Person If I Want to Have Sex with Our Friends? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 18:16:28 +0000

Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

Here’s a question from a woman who would love to enhance her and her husband’s sex life by having sex with some of their friends, but she’s terribly afraid of what others will think of her…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi this is a tough question for me because we were asked to do something with some friends of ours that I thought I would never do. They asked us to have sex with them!

Is it possible to have sex with this couple and still remain friends with each other? We do a lot together and I can see the sexual tension between all of us. We want to do it but we are not sure how to start it.

There are also kids. I don’t want to do anything with the kids around is that a smart idea. I really want to do this but I am nervous and scared and don’t know what to do. We all know that we love our spouses and that sex is as far as it will go.

Am I a bad person for wanting to have sex with someone else other than my husband? He is the only one I have had sex with. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this and I need some advice. We are all really good friends and don’t want to ruin our friendship either please help me.

What should I do?

– Heather, Iowa

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might think….

Sexual Abstinence – Can You REALLY Have Intimacy Without Sex? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:23:21 +0000

Regardless of your personal reasons for choosing sexual abstinence, you really need to talk with your partner about what is and is not OK. The boundaries are different for everyone.

What IS Sexual Abstinence?

Here’s an excellent definition from SmarterSex.org

Sexual abstinence is a choice to refrain from sexual activity. This choice is usually made for a specific reason. The reason may be moral, religious, legal, or for health and safety.

Read this question from a desperate young man who’s wondering how he can ignite the passion in his relationship – without actually having sex…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over two years now, and we have decided to refrain from sex until marriage.

The lack of sex isn’t a problem like I said, but the main problem we are facing is a lack of intimacy. For example, we haven’t really ever made out or fooled around. We started to make out once but then all of a sudden – like something clicked in her head – she stopped abruptly.

Since then I have tried a few more times to make a move to make out with her, but every time she just seems to have a defense mechanism. I was wondering if you have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle, or if you have some tips for us to try and make our relationship be more intimate without sex. Any advice you have will be greatly appreciated.

– Dan, Michigan

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Intimacy Without Sex

Given that you’ve agreed not to have sex, is it possible to still have sexual intimacy?

Again, that depends on how you define intimacy. Is it cuddling on the sofa, or is it giving and receiving oral sex? As you can see those are two very opposite extremes. We like to think that intimacy is a shared closeness rather than a sexual activity, but that does not have to be your definition.

Intimacy is one of those words that has different meanings for different people. That’s why it’s critical to talk to each other and find meanings and boundaries that you’re both comfortable with. This is not about anyone else and is completely between the two of you.

You see, to some, kissing is the highest form of intimacy and to others ‘getting intimate’ means sexual intercourse.

It’s time to get down to details…

How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More – Oral Sex Secrets Exposed, Lick by Lick

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 15:25:32 +0000

With all the societal and social stigma telling women they have to be “good girls”, very few feel comfortable talking openly about sex in general.

So it’s no surprise that most women won’t tell you they’d love for you to “go down on them”. Sure it can bring them immense pleasure, but it’s rare for a woman to make that request of her man.

Here’s what’s even worse. Amazingly enough, many women have NEVER experienced an orgasm! Think about that for a minute… never having had an orgasm.

Now, how would YOU like to be the one to give her that very first magical mind blowing orgasm? To give her all that pleasure.

Here are some surprising facts about women and oral sex

there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris? More than on the head of a penis or any other part of the human body? With something that sensitive, you better know what you’re doing before you go poking around, especially with your tongue.
88% of married women say cunnilingus is their preferred form of sexual activity?
81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from cunnilingus, versus
only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration?
only 60% of women say they enjoy vaginal sex at all?
only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm? That’s over nine out of ten women who do experience an orgasm when their lover understands a woman’s body and how to drive it to new heights of ecstasy

So what role SHOULD men play here?

Of course men don’t usually think twice before asking their woman to give them oral sex, or even try back door sex with them, which is now often referred to as “the new oral”. But here’s the rub. Considering everything she does for YOU, to get YOU excited, isn’t it about time you went out of YOUR way to give HER an amazing orgasm or two?

It’s time to step up and surprise your woman with the gift of orgasm and oral sex from her man.

Today, it isn’t about you, it’s about HER. And if you’re not doing the right things to really get her excited, then what’s the point?

Here’s our review of Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb’s excellent Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More.

This book is a revealing step by step guide at oral sex and female orgasm from the master of romance. It’s about time we heard from a man known as a true romantic on the real sexual needs of a woman.

Most guys have SO much difficulty actually talking openly to their lovers about anything having to do with sex. Men don’t have trouble asking for one sexual favor or another, their problem is getting into intimate details with their partner… finding out what SHE really likes without getting the male ego bruised.

But it CAN be done, and the results should really improve your sex life – by satisfying the desires of BOTH partners.

Michael walks you through ALL the questions you need to ask your lover – so you REALLY find the right spot and bring her insane pleasure. Better yet, keep it fun – make this into an erotic date night game!

This book actually goes into the touchy details, like…

how to make her comfortable talking about RECEIVING oral sex from you
how to build the trust so she’ll welcome you
how to break through her self-consciousness barrier while overcoming your own inhibitions about cunnilingus
how to recognize and navigate the 8 components of the female genitalia with your tongue, and make them love it
how to tell if she’s enjoying herself just by watching and listening
8 questions to ask to determine what she really wants
9 tips for getting her ready for you, and for it
5 ways to set the romantic stage for cunnilingus
4 techniques to prepare her body for your most intimate attention

Summary:

One thing we didn’t like about Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More was the long and extensive focus on safe sex, sometimes to the point of taking all the fun out of it! Your mileage may vary of course. Fact is, Michael just added all that information so that you’re informed and you have it if you want it.

Overall this book is a great guide to pleasuring your woman and we highly recommend it.

A lot of men could score some serious points with their ladies for just THINKING about bringing them this type of pleasure – not to mention actually downloading this guide and mastering the techniques. It’s not hard, it just takes a little initiative.

Get your copy right now before you get busy and forget. Surprise your woman with the gift of oral pleasure… Isn’t she worth it?

While you’re at it, you’ll definitely want to check out Michael’s other terrific resources below.

Spice up your sex life with 500 Sex and Love Making Secrets (Our Review…)
Learn how to really please your man with Blow by Blow: A Tasteful Guide on How to Give Mind-Blowing Blow Jobs (Fellatio)
Draw closer together with 1000 Questions for Couples (Our Review…)

Don’t put it off.

You’ll kick yourself if you don’t download Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More today.

Swinger Sex Partners: Should We Try a Threesome or a Foursome? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 13 May 2007 18:13:53 +0000

Some couples are much more sexually curious and adventurous than others.

These are the swingers and other sexually liberated souls seeking threesomes and more, together with their life partner.

While many have fights and arguments due to petty jealousy, others actually open their sex lives to others. They share and enjoy these experiences together, and amazingly enough, these experiences often bring a couple much closer together.

Today’s question is from a couple in New York ready to try their first threesome, or even a foursome.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I want to try a threesome or foursome. I agree with this, but I just want to know which one is least likely to cause me problem in my relationship?

– Jose in New York

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The mass media often portrays swingers as very risque and living a dangerous, risky life – but the fact is most swingers are much more cautions about safety and safe sex than their single counterparts. After all, these are generally couples playing together, so you have someone on your side planning with you at all times – you’re not winging it as you often do (and did) in the singles scene.

While these relationships can sometimes develop into polyamory, often times swingers just live the lifestyle and enjoy playing with their friends.

But of course the jealousy monster can always rear its ugly head, so always prepare and plan ahead before venturing into uncharted waters in search of new sex partners. There are rules and boundaries you must agree on with your partner ahead of time – no exceptions.

Also there are some great resources below to help you make the most of your new experience and avoid the common pitfalls that can lead to relationship disaster and, yes, break up.

Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.
500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

BUSTED! Our Kids Found Out We’re Swingers. Now What? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 13 May 2007 00:05:09 +0000

So you and your wife have a great relationship and an excellent sex life. You’ve recently discovered the swinger lifestyle, and you’re now both card carrying swingers. Life is great and you’re very happy with your lifestyle and your choices.

But then your family finds out about your swinging adventures, and they start giving you a hard time about it. More importantly, they demand that you just stop swinging because they don’t think it’s right.

How they found out isn’t really important, unless of course you bumped into each other at the same swinger club or adult dating site.

But here’s the real question. Is your sex life really anyone’s business but your own?

Should you start taking votes from your family on what sexual activities, and maybe even what sexual positions, are acceptable to them?

Today’s question is from a swinging couple in this very predicament.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We are in our 50s and have been swinging for 3 years. Our adult kids have found out what we are doing and are very upset about it. Do we quit swinging for them, or live our lives like we want to?

– Wayne, New Mexico

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Female Orgasm and Oral Sex? What’s a Girlfriend to do? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 11 May 2007 23:03:11 +0000

OK, so you’re in a great relationship and the sex is great too…

…Except for the fact that there are one or two sexual positions or techniques that you just can’t seem to get ‘right’. Is it really important to be able to have an orgasm in certain positions or while performing certain acts such as oral sex?

That’s what today’s question is all about…

Dear Dan and Jennifer.

Hi, I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 21. We’ve been having sex for almost a year now. We have GREAT sex. He’s given me multiple orgasms during intercourse.

There’s just one thing he has never been able to get me to orgasm on and that is when he gives me oral sex. We’ve tried many things like whipped cream, hot chocolate, and ice.

I feel bad because he thinks that he’s just not doing it good enough to please me. I don’t know what to do because he’ll ask me what I like and I really don’t like it that much. I don’t masturbate so I really don’t know what I like. I have tried it but it’s just something I really don’t do.

Is there something wrong with me that I just can’t get an orgasm from oral sex. Or are there some things or techniques you could advise me to try out with him. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I could use some advice.

Thank you,
Amy

Watch this short video for the answer…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate this video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Here’s a resource we recommend for helping women achieve orgasm every time:

Check out our review of The Female Orgasm Black Book. You’ll be very surprised by the percentage of women who have NEVER had an orgasm with a man – we certainly were.

Swinging vs. Polyamory – Am I Wrong to Want One Without the Other?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 00:35:16 +0000

So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits?

What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates?

Dare we call it polyamory?

"Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

"Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging

And what happens when the jealousy beast rears it’s ugly head. Admittedly swingers (and certainly those into polyamory) are not nearly as apt to fits of jealousy as some monogamous couples, but it’s been known to happen…

What happens when one partner wants a polyamorous relationship and the other one doesn’t? Is it wrong to want one without the other?

No, it’s absolutely not wrong. What you want is what you want. What you feel and what you want is what’s right for you and for your life. Period.

The swinging lifestyle is typically about sex!

You get together, you play, and then you go home. That’s kind of what it’s about. But Polyamory takes it to a new level and, what I would consider, a much more enlightened level where you are actually in love relationships with multiple partners. It’s a true and total sharing of one another and not many couples (or individuals) are able to do that.

It all comes down to communication.

It’s critical to ask your partner how they feel and to share your feelings. The absolute worst thing that you can do is to hold your feelings inside – what you really want – because you’re afraid your partner may not understand. You have to talk about what you both want from the relationship and what boundaries you’re comfortable with. And in some circumstances, you may find out that you want different things. If this is the case, you’ll have to decide if you are willing to compromise or go your separate ways.

Jealousy

The biggest reason why many people feel uncomfortable in a Swinging or Polyamorous relationship is "jealousy". It’s one of the biggest emotional issues that all couples face. And when you start bringing other people into your bedroom, you simply cannot let jealousy sneak into the picture because it will tear your relationship apart.

So you have to find ways to make each other feel really special and absolutely certain about where you stand in your own relationship before sharing intimate fun with others.

That’s the biggest thing in the end. Talk! Share your feelings!

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again!

Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you.

Can She Get Pregnant If We Take a Hot Steamy Bath Together?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 13:15:39 +0000

Pregnancy Myth vs. Fact

Can she get pregnant while taking a hot, steamy bath together, even if we have swimsuits on?

The short answer to this question is "NO". There are many myths out there about what will and will not cause a woman to get pregnant. These myths are even more prominent in some of the more conservative religious family cultures because sex is simply not talked about in the home, so the kids grow up believing all kinds of myths and and tall tales about sex. It’s such a mystery to them…

In this case, sperm do not live very long outside of the body and when you throw in the chlorine from the bath, the little guys just don’t have a chance. Barring some type of immaculate conception, it’s very, very unlikely that a woman could get pregnant this way.

But don’t get too smug just yet, she COULD still get pregnant…

The Real Question About Sex, Pregnancy, and a "Hot Bath"

Here is a very interesting twist on this topic. If a couple is taking a hot bath together, are they sitting at opposite corners of this bath tub? Are they six feet away from one another? Are they waving at each other and having to yell across the pool to hear each other?

No? So then, what ARE are they doing exactly? Is there any alcohol involved?

In these situations proximity leads to more proximity… and that often leads to what we call "slippage". Couples can get lost in the heat of the moment and before you know it – "Whoops!"

So the real question is: "What are they really doing in the steamy, hot tub together?"

Taking a bath is highly unlikely. They are more likely pursuing mild, pseudo-sexual relations but are afraid to call it sex because of whatever silly taboo or maybe just a little shyness. So what can you do?

Call it what it is and take the appropriate precautions. Wear a condom if you really, really want to be safe.

Safe Sex Recommended Reading

If you really want to get a better understanding about sex, and especially safe sex, here are a couple of books that will get you started on the right path.

The first one is the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. Whenever you want to learn a new topic, the Idiot’s Guide and even the For Dummies series are great because they cover so many aspects of the subject very thoroughly. They’re also generally very well written and easy to read.

Another book which is a very well illustrated and also very tastefully done is the Sexopedia by Anne Hooper.

If your parents didn’t bother talking to you about sex, like most parents don’t, go grab these two books and you will better informed. It’s a much better idea than getting this info from your buddies and flying blind…

Sex is a natural and beautiful part of life, but it’s also a very serious topic. What you don’t know about sex CAN hurt you. If you’re going to partake in it (even if you don’t quite call it "sex"), get educated and be smart about it.

Swinging vs Polyamory – Can You REALLY Have One Without the Other? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 17:12:50 +0000

So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits? What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates? Dare we call it polyamory?

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again! Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you.

So is it REALLY possible to have swinging without polyamory, and vice versa? Is it REALLY?

Watch this short video to find out…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Check out these resources we recommend to help you find the right swinger and threesome partners fast:

Download this great guide to fulfilling your threesome fantasies, as revealed by a bisexual woman. She and her husband have been enjoying the threesome scene for years and share their secrets.
Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.

Sex Myths Exposed – Can Your Girlfriend Get Pregnant from Taking a Bath Together? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:45:23 +0000

You’re planning a hot steamy bath with your girlfriend, but just to be safe you’ve both got your swimsuits on.

Can You Get Her Pregnant Taking a Bath Together?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I wanted to know that if I and my female partner are taking bath together having my shorts on and her panties on, can it happen that my sperms getting contacted with water and then to her panties, can make her pregnant. Please. Give me the safe way out, for I don’t want my partner to get pregnant.

Myth or Fact? You Decide…

Watch this short video to find out…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Here’s a resource we recommend for helping women achieve orgasm every time:

Check out our review of The Female Orgasm Black Book. You’ll be very surprised by the percentage of women who have NEVER had an orgasm with a man – we certainly were.

Do Women REALLY Want Sex as Much as Men? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 22:15:24 +0000

Sex is always a heated topic of discussion over which men and women are usually at odds.

Just listen over the shoulders of men and women sitting at the bar. Women wonder why men just don’t understand them sexually. And men wonder why they can’t get more action.

Quite the dilemma, wouldn’t you say?

Here’s the problem…

Most men assume that sex is something that’s to be won over from the women like a special prize. They seem to think that women don’t want sex as much as they do, because of the incredible lack of response they get from women.

Could it be possible that women really don’t want sex as much as men?

Watch this short video to find out…

By the way, can you count how many times Dan says sex in this short segment?

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Check out this resource we recommend to really spice up your sex life:

500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know