Ask Dan and Jennifer » sex talk

When Should You Talk To Your Kids About Sex? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:00:38 +0000

Sex ed is a hot topic these days, with teens making pacts to get pregnant and STD’s on the rise. Kids obviously need sex ed – but are they getting it? Who is responsible for teaching kids about sex, and when and how should it be done? Are schools responsible for sex ed? Are books or the Internet responsible, or how about movies, music and TV? No - you, as a parent, are solely responsible for your child’s sexual education. So when should you talk to your kids about sex?

What is the right age to tell your kids about sex? 8? 10? 15? 18? Watch this video to hear what we think about talking to your kids about sex. Visit our YouTube Page to comment and share what you believe is the right age. We also want to hear about your funny ’situations’ – what’s the most awkward question your kids have asked you about sex? When did they ask it? How did they ask it? How did you react to the question?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Why We Don’t Want To Talk To Our Kids About Sex

We don’t want to talk to our kids about sex because it makes us uncomfortable. Maybe our parents didn’t talk to us about sex, or we’re embarassed about sex. Heck, most of us can’t even talk to our partners about sex, let alone talk to our kids! But we’re adults – we’re supposed to have the answers. That’s what parenthood is all about. If you don’t know the answers, go find them and live up to the responsibility of being a parent. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable to talk to your child about sex, but how uncomfortable are you going to be when your twelve year old daughter comes home pregnant? Or your teenage son has caught a nasty case of Chlamydia or worse – HIV? That’s a pretty uncomfortable situation and you will then, of course, have to talk to them about sex and why they’re pregnant or infected with a sexually transmitted disease. Why wait until it is too late?

The Right Time Is Now

Okay, we don’t mean “now” as in right this second, especially if your kid is still in diapers. We mean “now” as in talking to your kids about sex when they ask about it. If they don’t ask you about it, it means they’re getting their information from somewhere else, because they will ask. So if they ask you about sex, take the opportunity to answer their questions in an age appropriate manner and be grateful they’re not asking their teenage friends or worse, relying on movies and television to show them how it’s done.

There are three keys that you need to know when taking it upon yourself to discuss sex with your child – first, wait until they ask, but let them know beforehand that it’s okay to ask and make them feel comfortable and safe when asking about sex. Second, answer their questions in an age appropriate way. If your child is eight and asking about sex, you can explain to them simply that it is how children are made. Third, answer your child’s question and only your child’s question. Just because they asked a question about sex doesn’t mean you have to launch into an entire birds-and-the-bees lecture. Often, children will be satsified that their question was answered and go on about their business. They’ll ask more and want to know more along the way – so let them lead.

Stop Making Up Fairytales

You’ve known for a long time that children aren’t delivered by the stork, and that hospitals don’t deliver babies as a package. You’ve known how babies are born, did it yourself even, and have known for quite some time how sex really works. So why make up a story to tell to your children for the time being, only to have to tell them it was a lie later? Don’t tell your kids that babies come from the stork, or any other silly explanation about sex so you can escape the sex talk until a later date. It’s the 20th century people. Grow up!

Lead By Example

You want your kids to grow up and have loving, healthy relationships in which they can have smart, safe sex right? You want them to never have to deal with a sexually transmitted disease or infection, and you want them to have a baby when they are ready. You want them to love and be loved by their partner for who they are, right? So show them what a loving, healthy relationship is.

Sex Talk Stirs The Crimson Tide

Christ Pro Erotic — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:13:29 +0000

If Rev. Jerry Lawson wanted to make a name for his church, he did it by having a few billboards promote his latest sermon series. You see his church is in Northern Alabama—Bible Belt, Ten Commandments country, etc.—and his topic is “marital sex made better.” The website “GreatSexGodsWay.com” on billboards around Alabama rankled the very conservative base, not because it was coming from a Christian perspective, but the fact that those parents would have to talk about sex to their children a little earlier than they wanted. Good.

Sex Talk In The South?

God knows everything else is talked about in that part of the state (i.e. the economy, the new president, etc.) maybe its high time sex can be talked about in the deep south of Alabama. It’s bad enough residents of the state have to cross state lines to get an adult movie or a dildo. Haven forbid someone will have to talk to their friends and family about sex. Those few who don’t want it to come out (gasp) that Alabamians are sexual beings will make a stink about it. Marketing ploy to get more people in the pews, yes; billboard campaign to get the tongues wagging, probably; worldwide coverage over the outrage to really drive home the point you are trying to come across to your congregation, priceless.

Pastor Lawson’s Daystar Church in Cullman, Alabama started with 100 members and grew to about 2,000 people. It is your new school style mega-church complete with a hip pastor and a timely word. Only the word about better marital sex in the bedroom may be a bit too hip for the conservative folks of Alabama. From other ministers to city officials, the topic is raising eyebrows about the approach to delve into this subject. But it’s not the first time this topic was taken on in recent months.

Marital Sex – It’s Okay By The Book, But Why Can’t We Talk About It?

In Dallas, Texas, Fellowship Church pastor Ed Young challenged all the married couples in his congregation to have sex for a week. This was used to instill a closer marital bond between husband and wife. In Florida, Georgia, and other states there is a push among Evangelicals to “take back” the sex message from the “world” and bring it back in the pews. This effort is made to try and “cleanse” sex from the evil talk the world has regarding the subject.

My question is does this means ministers are acknowledging the need to talk sex to the married couples? What about single people? Will it still be “no sex for you” like some Sex Nazi or will we finally have a reasonable debate/discussion on what the Bible really says to single people regarding sex? That discussion is for another debate at another time.

I do think there should be some high praise to big city and small town churches where preachers like Rev. Lawson boldly acknowledge the needs of his congregation. Although some ministers think preachers should stick to preaching the Gospel and nothing else I think this type of talk is in the bounds of the tradition of the church. When needs among widows came up for first century believers the leaders of the time (Peter, Paul, John, etc.) delegated authority and raised leaders to take care of their needs. If believers needed clothes because there were some lacking they would do the same thing as well clothing the naked.

Talking Sex, The Modern Way

In the case for many churches the sex therapist and advice makers (thank you Dan and Jennifer) are making inroads into many couples and singles lives giving timely advice and proper direction in and out of the bedroom. Church leaders desperate to reach to the needs of their audience and seeing the growing concerns raised over sexual issues in their pews ( adultery, variety in the bedroom, etc.) realize they are behind the curve. So in order to “save” the message they try and bring it upon themselves to get the message out to where its needed.

I applaud Rev. Lawson’s approach to getting sexual help to his congregation and stand with him when people in his North Alabama region makes a big stink about sex. The good people of the region should get a grip and start talking to their family about sex. If they don’t know enough about the subject of sexuality then this is the time to delve on line and in the bookstores and libraries to find out. There is enough good material to get any parent ready to have “the talk” with their children.

Where I differ with him is that this talk should have happened ages ago. Fancy marketing may be good for a time, but this must be a talk for the long term. There needs to be healthy debate and discussion coming from both sides of the issue. I long for a minister with the moral guts to take on each subject of relationships, dating, and sexuality without the prepackaged agenda stamped on every minister coming out of seminary (or cemetery as one of my minister friends puts it). A frank talk about sex is one I think teens and adults in Christian and non-Christian circles could use in a big way.