You might find it difficult to bring up the subject of how you like a certain thing or what feels good and what doesn’t.

How can you talk to your partner and help them to learn what you like and don’t like in bed?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

Sometimes I feel like my husband doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. I find it hard to talk to him about this stuff, the sex and things like condoms and lube, how do I talk to him?

 

– Scarlett, NJ 

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Learn yourself first.

The first step to being able to tell your partner where to go when pleasuring you is to first learn where you’re going. This often happens during masturbation. Learn what spots are sensitive and how you like to be touched, as well as what doesn’t work for you. Once you’re comfortable with your own body, you can help your partner learn where to go.

The Fragile Male Ego

Telling your partner how you like to be touched sexually, especially if he’s not doing it that way, can be intimidating and rightly so. Men have fragile egos that are easily damaged, especially when it comes to their sexual skills. 

Trying to talk to your partner about these things can easily cause the words to die right in your throat, getting you nowhere, because you’re afraid to hurt his feelings. It’s good to be a little scared, because you can hurt your partner’s feelings if you want to tell him that you like to be touched in a way that he’s not touching you.

You can easily make him feel inadequate or even useless in the bedroom. Does that mean you have to shy away from the conversation at all and stop enjoying sex with your partner just to save his feelings? No! It’s all in how you go about it.

Don’t Criticize

Being critical when making suggestions about your partner’s sexual performance is the number one thing that will upset him and bruise his ego. It’s very important not to be critical at all, instead, be supportive.

Don’t tell your partner what he’s doing wrong, suggest to him something else to do instead. When he does hit the right spot, make sure he knows it! Be vocal, thank him and definitely return the favor. Many women make the mistake of never changing their vocal suggestions or their body language, regardless of what feels good and what doesn’t.

Give your partner a chance to learn what you like and what you don’t based on your reactions.He will learn to tell the difference between a mild "ooh" and an "OOOH!" He’ll want to continue doing the things that elicit the most reaction from you, and you’ll want him to!

Make it Fun

If you want to talk to your partner about toys, lubes and other things related to sex but are afraid to, make it a little bit fun. Go shopping for these things together, or browse them online from the comfort of your home.

Point out things that you like and ask him to show you what he likes. You can learn a lot from each other this way! Combine that with positive suggestions on which of his moves feel good and which don’t and you’ll both soon be rocking each other’s world!  

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