What Is Date Rape?

Date rape usually occurs one a date, but doesn’t have to. With date rape, the victim often knows the rapist. Generally, women and girls are the more common victims of date rape, but it happens to boys and men too. Date rape is considered unwilling, forced sex with someone you’re friends with, have a relationship with or are on a date with. While getting to know someone or going on a date with them usually doesn’t end in rape, it can. It’s time to shed light on the fact that a rapist isn’t just a creepy unshaven guy who hangs out in parking lots waiting to rape. It can be the cute guy at the coffeehouse who asked for your phone number or the seemingly harmless guy you met on Facebook. It can even be your boyfriend.

No Means No

Sometimes the lines aren’t clear when it comes to date rape. Some people believe that if a girl wears provocative clothes to a club or on a date that she’s looking for sex or sexual attention. Others believe that if a girl has previously had sex or any type of sexual contact with a man that it doesn’t matter if she says “no” this time. These are myths – no always means no, no matter what you’re wearing, who you’re with and whether you’ve kissed them before or had intercourse with them before. If you’ve made yourself clear that you do not want to have sex, if you are forced to do so, it is considered rape or date rape and you are not at fault.

Preventing Date Rape

Following your instincts is one of the best ways to stay safe – if you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, don’t try to talk yourself out of it. Listen to your gut – if you feel like you should leave somewhere or get away from someone, do it even if it seems silly. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help if you feel as though you’re in a dangerous situation. It’s better to be safe than sorry! Be sober and get familiar with your surroundings when you’re out and about, and if you’re with a partner, avoid being alone with them until you really get to know them. Be up front and honest about sex and make sure you’re clear on what you want. Don’t seem unsure, because date rapists can take advantage of that. Let your partner know exactly what is okay and what isn’t okay, and don’t appear undecided about it. Be calm and confident!

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Where do you draw the line though? Is there a fetish or fantasy that is wrong to take part in? Are there fetishes or fantasies that shouldn’t be satisfied? How do you know how much is too much?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is it weird if I like to knock my girlfriend out and have sex with her without her knowing?

– Dave, Ohio

Two Consenting Adults

There are a few things you can look at when you’re trying to decide if your fetish or fantasy crosses the line. First of all, is the activity between two consenting adults?

That’s the biggie. If it’s an adult and an underage person, it definitely crosses the line. If it’s an adult and an unconsenting adult, it’s considered rape or date rape.

This can be if they’re saying no or if you’ve drugged them or knocked them out. Generally speaking, unless the sexual activity is being performed between two consenting adults, it is definitely too much. If you find yourself wanting or needing to be a part of a sexual activity that includes an underage person or an unconsenting adult, seek help. There are a number of good, unbiased counselors that can help you through what you’re experiencing.

Causing Harm

So you’ve passed the first test. Your sexual fetish or fantasy is something that takes place between two consenting adults. The second test is whether or not it causes a great deal of harm

to a person. Sure, a little pain and pleasure never really hurt anyone, but you need to take a look at whether you’re doing serious damage…

Are you drugging someone? Are you hitting them, hurting them or leaving any sort of marks behind? These are all things that definitely cross the line when it comes to sexual pleasure. You can find ways to enjoy yourself sexually without hurting another person or causing a great deal of damage.

If you and your partner both like to play a little rough, come up with a code word that means “stop.” When either partner says the code word, the activity immediately stops. This is a great way to experience your fetishes and fantasies while still keeping you and your partner safe.

What it Boils Down to

When you boil it down, sex with an unconsenting adult is considered rape or date rape. If you’ve drugged that person and they wake up and realize what happened, they can definitely press charges against you.

Depending on what happened, there is likely to be enough physical evidence for a conviction. The same goes for an underage person or a person who says “no” but you end up having sex with them anyway.

Be careful and keep your fetishes and fantasies between you and another consenting adult, because not only can sex with an underage person or unconsenting adult cross the line sexually, it’s also illegal. It’s always better to be safe than sorry!

Find a consenting adult that enjoys what you do and have fun experimenting with sexual fetishes and fantasies with them. As long as everyone involved is okay with what is happening and no one is getting seriously hurt or damaged, it can be fun and exciting to experience sexual pleasure through your fetishes and fantasies!

Related Posts

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3. What Are Date Rape Drugs?
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5. Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun