Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?  

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Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

…

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It’s not all bad…

Many people find themselves in the situation where they’re watching someone having sex, and they’re a little surprised to find out they enjoy it.

Everyone has a little bit of voyeurism in them, but what happens if you want to take it to the next level? What is okay and what isn’t?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

Living next door is a beautiful girl my age. We are both 18. We have been friends and have flirted and done other fun things. My bedroom looks over at hers. I have sometimes seen her undressing and doing other sexy things. The other night I saw another guy in her room. They were making out. The shades were left open. To be honest I would like to see her doing it. I would like to watch them have sex. What suggestions would you give for me watching them without being caught? Could she want me to see her having sex? I want to do it with her, if I see them doing it. Should I tell her? What would I say? How do I say that I would like to be with her?

 

-Roger, PA

Do they know I’m watching?

…

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Of course, nobody thinks of what they like as a weird fetish. No, what they like is always "OK" and "mainstream". Then we hear about someone doing something just a little more weird, just a little different from what we’re comfortable with, and suddenly it’s a "kinky fetish".

Here’s a question from a man in Georgia, who’s absolutely shocked to have discovered that some people seem to actually enjoy oral sex. Is it blasphemy, or has he just been missing out?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do people really perform oral sex? Seems disgusting to me. Is it rare, or do couples regularly do it? I never thought of such a thing until I got on the Internet. It was never discussed in my circle of friends.

– Harold, GA

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Do Regular People Actually Engage in Oral Sex? 

Absolutely. There are people out there who enjoy every type of fetish and exotic sexual activity imaginable. From enjoying oral sex, to relishing anal sex, to threesomes and swinging, and other fetishes you’ve never even imagined….

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Often times men want it and women SOMETIMES indulge them. But there’s so much more to that.

Our friend Rose from Speak Sexy just posted a great article entitled Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time. This is a great instructional piece on anal sex, going into all the how-to details.

But be warned… And I’ll quote Rose when she says "This article contains things that may make you feel uncomfortable. It is intended for mature, open-minded adults only." So only click if you actually want the vivid details. In addition Speak Sexy features various erotic and sometimes nude photos.

Take a moment to enjoy our recent videos on this beautifully sinful and taboo sexual fantasy…

Do You Know The Hidden Dangers of Anal Sex? (Video)

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It (Video)

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex! (Video)

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Couples that are completely open and honest with each other can experience an amazing sex life playing together. This is because they listen to each other, and they discover each other’s fantasies and desires.

They also know that having a great sex life is about more than experiencing amazing orgasms in various positions. It’s about trying and experiencing new things together – truly playing together.

The problem comes in when one partner ups the ante and wants to try something more exotic than their lover is comfortable with.

This can be the woman maybe wanting to tie her lover up, the man wanting to try anal sex with his girlfriend, or hundreds of other exotic sexual permutations.

And since anal sex is such a popular fantasy for so many men, let’s talk about how this desire impacts all the women who are dealing with those men.

Of course, pushing boundaries is often just half the fun for sexual play, so it’s important to peel back those fears and figure out where they started.

So what’s a girl to do when her boyfriend REALLY wants to try anal sex, especially when he tries SO hard to please her?

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this sexual dilemma with her boyfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have recently started dating this very great guy. I introduced him to the family, and he got their approval. Usually this does not happen, so I got the green light from my family, and friends, and even random neighbors! Everyone says "you look great together!" Plus I feel very happy around him. He calls me all the time, pays me respect and attention and even has declared that he wants to marry me if I permit it.

Okay, so the problem is this. When we have sex, he is very focused and he puts all of his energy and stamina into it… which lasts a little too long for my taste! Also he is very experimental and wants to satisfy my every request! This is great right?

Well, now he pushed up the stakes and wants to try Anal sex! I don’t want to try it because I read that it is dangerous or bad, and I don’t want to break this taboo. However I have been extremely experimental in the past, but I never tried this. Am I being too prudish or what? How should I maintain a great sex life and relationship with him, but not make him feel rejected or limited in the bedroom?

– Cynthia, Florida

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Why Your Friends and Family Have No Business In Your Sex Life

In addition to taboos in our society,…

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It’s about truly understanding the sexual as well as the emotional desires of your partner, and fulfilling those needs. This means paying attention to what they want, and doing your best to satisfy their needs.

The topic of anal sex is a real sore point for so many couples (truly, no pun intended)

Yet few are willing to talk about this issue, and fewer still are willing to answer their questions.

With all the bizarre taboos and social stigmas in our culture today, it’s no wonder that so many people have utterly dysfunctional and empty sex lives. In the true spirit of this advice column, we’ll cover this topic in an open and honest manner.

So at the end of the day, can you really entice your wife or girlfriend into trying anal sex, and what’s the best way to go about it?

Here’s a question from a man in New Mexico wondering how to conquer this sexual challenge with his girlfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How do I talk my girlfriend into having anal sex?

– Jay, New Mexico

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Why is it that so many men want their wife or girlfriend to have anal sex at some time or another?

Some guys can’t stand the idea, but for many it’s a serious turn-on. Maybe it’s just the forbidden aspect that draws them, the thought of doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, and getting away with it in secret. Or maybe not.

Regardless, for women, this is a whole different story. While some have tried it and actually even like it, most are unwilling to even talk about it… and they certainly don’t generally want to try it. Well, therein lies the problem.

So why don’t most women want to have anal sex?

…

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Exclusivity is not what you typically think of when you talk about the swinger lifestyle. Few in the swinger community would consider it cheating to play with multiple couples and partners without consulting them. It’s important to remember that swinging is largely about expanding an individual or a couple’s sex lives, and not usually about extending the romantic circle. 

What about polyamory?

Some consider polyamory to be a more enlightened approach to swinging, though it’s really a very different animal. With polyamory, a couple will actually expand their love and romantic relationship to truly include others, not just for the occasional fun and sexual fantasies.

For many, the idea of swinging is really a stretch… polyamory is even more so because we’re no longer talking about being committed to a single person. 

Can you expect an exclusive relationship with another couple?

People are interesting in their expectations, and since we’re all unique, nothing is really too far fetched to be expected. Think about an exclusive relationship between two people. It slowly evolves from the casual meeting, a few dates, and eventually exclusivity where you’re no longer seeing other people.

It’s entirely possible for two couples to also become close over time, and for some of the players to develop closer feelings for each other. In this case it’s definitely possible for one couple to get jealous when the other couple sees other people. No, it’s not the regular traditional lifestyle experience, but it definitely does happen on occasion.

And when it does…

Don’t talk with your family about your sex life and your exotic sexual fantasies

It’s always great to share our lives with our loved ones… not just our romantic partners, but also our blood families.

BUT… this can sometimes lead to problems, especially when we’re talking about parts of our lives that are not viewed as "acceptable" or "mainstream" by some segments of society.

This can happen when parents share intimate details of their sex lives with their grown children, as well as those same grown children sharing with their parents.

At first this seems to go against what we normally believe in, but stay with us here. Countless fights and arguments start when people share too much about their sex lives with their families.

We’re generally very adamant on having very open and honest communication in relationships, whether those are romantic relationships, family relationship, or friend relationships.

However…

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A common reason for these sex problems is the lack of open and honest communication.

This is a deeply engrained societal issue… people just aren’t comfortable talking openly about sex, not even with their sex partners. And guess what – your partner isn’t going to read your mind. If you don’t let them know what you want, they won’t know.

When lovers do talk, it’s often about the physical – the logistics of love making, not about their deep fantasies and desires. So often we get questions from people who can’t seem to get a particular sex position just right.

It’s not about getting the other person to orgasm in any particular position or another, but rather about feeling desired, felling wanted, feeling your partner’s lust and craving for you – feeling the intense heat of passion. And it’s about making your partner experience that as well.

That’s something to strive for. It’s that shared desire that brings great sexual confidence.

Today’s question is from a lady dealing with the difficult issue of sexual confidence.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I find myself burdened with an unfortunate insecurity. I don’t feel confident in bed. I have had a number of good and bad relationships that have left me knowing a lot about my soul, but little about success in bed. My first sex partner used to become extremely angry and offended if I didn’t want to have sex. He would lay guilt trips down, refuse to speak to me, or yell. It wasn’t until after leaving the relationship that I realized how badly it made me feel about myself, and how unnecessary/abusive it was. I dated another boy after him who was just the opposite, we dated for 3 years and he rarely initiated sex, not wanting to make me feel pressured. We spoke freely of our feelings, and by the end he felt more comfortable being aggressive. The second relationship helped me feel comfortable with myself and men, however neither relationship really left me feeling like a sex goddess.

Now, I have finally found someone who is helping me explore my sexual side. I recently started dating a French man I met, and he really knows how to turn me on! The problem is… with every boyfriend, I have never been able to get a guy to cum from a blow job, and I’ve never really been the one on top during sex. Frenchie keeps trying to get me on top, but every time I do, it’s like I’ve broken his penis! I’m 140 lbs, not obese; and he’s no waif… His penis is medium size, so it’s not as if it’s some stub that would break if a sparrow sat on it! I’ve tried sitting straight up and moving up and down, or leaning forward and moving forward and back, but while he is encouraging, it’s never successful. I’m also afraid that sitting straight up leads me to bouncing rather than riding… and that seems to hurt! As for the blow-jobs, I can’t seem to get a rhythm; or when I do (and this is highly embarrassing) he jokingly asked if I would like to breath!

He is perfectly confident and supportive, and I’d really like to get over my insecurities. I’m sorry for such a long explanation and please, if you have any advice, it would do a lot of help.

Desperately,
Finally French (Pennsylvania)

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Check out this resource we recommend to really spice up your sex life:

• 500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

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