Ask Dan and Jennifer » sexual repression

The “Right” Going The Wrong Way Down Sexual Drive

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 02:06:53 +0000

I hereby ask all religious groups, Christian “family” organizations, and churches everywhere who for years pushed for every law against sex to be drawn to disband and withdraw from the culture wars you’ve waged on America. Your arguments over abortion, same sex marriage, and the like no longer hold muster; your bombast over swingers and BDSM enthusiasts is but a whisper; your message is dishonest and disingenuous to a nation of believers and unbelievers alike.

Sexual Freedom? In America?

For so long we’ve heard these groups (i.e. American Family Forum, Christian Coalition, etc.) from around the country make some of the strongest and strangest pushes for control over sexual freedom in the past thirty years. But in the past few weeks/months, a few key stories came to light cause me to think it is time for the Culture Wars to end. In Texas, a group pushes for clear teaching regarding sexual education; in Alaska, a story from Bristol Palin, daughter of former Republican Vice Presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin; then comes an article from the Journal of Economic Perspectives, a study which shows who are the biggest consumers of adult material. (Hint: They might be in your pews.)

First let’s go to a recent study regarding the purchase habits of those buying adult material. It seems this new study from New Science magazine http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16680-porn-in-the-usa-conservatives-are-biggest-consumers.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news followed the anonymous study of credit card receipts. The report finds most of the adult material bought in America comes from states who tend to be conservative. The biggest adult consumers comes from the great state of Utah. Yes, THAT Utah! Eight of the ten states with the highest consumption gave their support to Sen. John McCain during the past presidential election with the other two states going for Barack Obama.

The one statement from this study which speaks volumes:

Do consumption patterns of on-line adult entertainment reveal two separate Americas? Or is the consumption of on-line adult entertainment widespread, regardless of legal barriers, potential for embarrassment, and even religious conviction?”

This is one of the questions Christians and right wing moralists will need to ask themselves. How much longer do the gatekeepers keep telling us their own virtuous examples of faith and fidelity when they are no better than the sinners they rail against? To coin a phrase I heard from former Christian music group 2^nd Chapter of Actions “No one will have a secret, no one will tell a lie/things that are done in hiding are going to reach to the highest sky.”

Fighting For Credible, Useful Sex-Ed Information

Second, the Texas Freedom Network fighting the good fight to giving credible, sane, and informative sex-ed information to those who need it in Texas schools. They took their fight for a more comprehensive teaching of sexuality/relationship to the steps of the Austin State Capital. TFN’s hope is to get the facts to their teens and pre-teens to all students in the state. I encourage you to watch the proceedings of those involved with TFN regarding their findings about sexual education in Texas schools.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Hypocrisy Unveiled….

Sex Talk Stirs The Crimson Tide

Christ Pro Erotic — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:13:29 +0000

If Rev. Jerry Lawson wanted to make a name for his church, he did it by having a few billboards promote his latest sermon series. You see his church is in Northern Alabama—Bible Belt, Ten Commandments country, etc.—and his topic is “marital sex made better.” The website “GreatSexGodsWay.com” on billboards around Alabama rankled the very conservative base, not because it was coming from a Christian perspective, but the fact that those parents would have to talk about sex to their children a little earlier than they wanted. Good.

Sex Talk In The South?

God knows everything else is talked about in that part of the state (i.e. the economy, the new president, etc.) maybe its high time sex can be talked about in the deep south of Alabama. It’s bad enough residents of the state have to cross state lines to get an adult movie or a dildo. Haven forbid someone will have to talk to their friends and family about sex. Those few who don’t want it to come out (gasp) that Alabamians are sexual beings will make a stink about it. Marketing ploy to get more people in the pews, yes; billboard campaign to get the tongues wagging, probably; worldwide coverage over the outrage to really drive home the point you are trying to come across to your congregation, priceless.

Pastor Lawson’s Daystar Church in Cullman, Alabama started with 100 members and grew to about 2,000 people. It is your new school style mega-church complete with a hip pastor and a timely word. Only the word about better marital sex in the bedroom may be a bit too hip for the conservative folks of Alabama. From other ministers to city officials, the topic is raising eyebrows about the approach to delve into this subject. But it’s not the first time this topic was taken on in recent months.

Marital Sex – It’s Okay By The Book, But Why Can’t We Talk About It?

In Dallas, Texas, Fellowship Church pastor Ed Young challenged all the married couples in his congregation to have sex for a week. This was used to instill a closer marital bond between husband and wife. In Florida, Georgia, and other states there is a push among Evangelicals to “take back” the sex message from the “world” and bring it back in the pews. This effort is made to try and “cleanse” sex from the evil talk the world has regarding the subject.

My question is does this means ministers are acknowledging the need to talk sex to the married couples? What about single people? Will it still be “no sex for you” like some Sex Nazi or will we finally have a reasonable debate/discussion on what the Bible really says to single people regarding sex? That discussion is for another debate at another time.

I do think there should be some high praise to big city and small town churches where preachers like Rev. Lawson boldly acknowledge the needs of his congregation. Although some ministers think preachers should stick to preaching the Gospel and nothing else I think this type of talk is in the bounds of the tradition of the church. When needs among widows came up for first century believers the leaders of the time (Peter, Paul, John, etc.) delegated authority and raised leaders to take care of their needs. If believers needed clothes because there were some lacking they would do the same thing as well clothing the naked.

Talking Sex, The Modern Way

In the case for many churches the sex therapist and advice makers (thank you Dan and Jennifer) are making inroads into many couples and singles lives giving timely advice and proper direction in and out of the bedroom. Church leaders desperate to reach to the needs of their audience and seeing the growing concerns raised over sexual issues in their pews ( adultery, variety in the bedroom, etc.) realize they are behind the curve. So in order to “save” the message they try and bring it upon themselves to get the message out to where its needed.

I applaud Rev. Lawson’s approach to getting sexual help to his congregation and stand with him when people in his North Alabama region makes a big stink about sex. The good people of the region should get a grip and start talking to their family about sex. If they don’t know enough about the subject of sexuality then this is the time to delve on line and in the bookstores and libraries to find out. There is enough good material to get any parent ready to have “the talk” with their children.

Where I differ with him is that this talk should have happened ages ago. Fancy marketing may be good for a time, but this must be a talk for the long term. There needs to be healthy debate and discussion coming from both sides of the issue. I long for a minister with the moral guts to take on each subject of relationships, dating, and sexuality without the prepackaged agenda stamped on every minister coming out of seminary (or cemetery as one of my minister friends puts it). A frank talk about sex is one I think teens and adults in Christian and non-Christian circles could use in a big way.

Is The Marriage Brand Under Attack? Take The Poll!

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 13:22:58 +0000

A recent study conducted by the Parents Television Council reveals American television depiction of marriage is getting the short end of the stick compared to sexual imagery describing the "joys" of extra-marital sex, BDSM, swinging, and the like.

Such references, according to PTC, outnumber marital sex 3:1.

So? What’s Wrong With That?

So why is a study like this rubbing me the wrong way? Because this study is nothing short of a scare tactic trying its best to get viewers ashamed of themselves from ever talking about any sexual issues couples, married or not, are talking about in the real world.

"Why do you want to go down this road? Come back to marital sex; come back to the traditional and the true." I wish we all could but judging by the recent divorce rates, the number of struggling marriages nationwide, and the number of extra marital affairs in the news and in private the marriage brand is looking pretty worn and dusted instead of new and busted.

How Does Society Affect The Marriage Bed?

Again the age old question of does television affect society or is society affecting television comes into play. We see how today many couples and singles are talking about everything from sex toys to an occasional "booty call". In suburbia, we see couples mowing their yard and taking their kids to soccer practices all the time.

However, these same couples are out at the strip clubs or “swapping” with their neighbors when the sun goes down. Also in suburbia, the drama of couples making up and breaking up happens much more frequently (and without a Hollywood script) than on Wisteria Drive among the ladies from Desperate Housewives.

Marriage Statistics

In putting this story together one study from 2005 (from the New York Times) finds 51% of women are living without a spouse, up from 35%. The 2005 study also found married couples becoming the minority instead of the majority.

For the PTC blaming television of the ill news about marriage is both asinine and thoughtless. Or, to put it in the popular vernacular, it’s sounds like a "you" problem not a "we" problem.

The idea of marriage not getting a fair shake on television is ludicrous! Marriage for years is portrayed as the "cure all" to all sexual issues and lustful intentions. Someone forgot to tell those proponents it shouldn’t be used as a stop gate to begin with.

To blame television as the "ill" maker of society has more to do with the lack of creativity on the part of television executives and in Hollywood (i.e.–reality television) cheapening the airwaves with fast food programming then families and couples going through the struggles and challenges of everyday life.

The Real Problem

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Banned! Books You Won’t Find In Your Public Library…

Christ Pro Erotic — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:42:52 +0000

Over ten years ago and it still is a lightning rod issue for me.

Almost a decade ago, I went to the Dayton/Montgomery County Public Library main branch to witness a war of ideas. A normal night in the library auditorium would have but a handful of persons engaged in some type of meeting. Not on the night I would be there.

Banning books that promote alternate lifestyles

Nearly 100 people crammed inside and outside the auditorium to hear the library board’s decision whether two controversial books could stay in the library. Books staying in the library? I thought every book was welcomed in the library. Not if you were the parents of some of the ultra conservative Christians in town who looked down on any book promoting the gay lifestyle.

Heather Has Two Mommies and Daddy’s Roommate was found by one the church members who quickly went into action. They rallied, protested, and got the media involved. In the end the library board voted unanimously to keep the books in the selection (it would later be dispersed in various categories in the children’s library, but neither books were banned from the library due to their content).

This made the ultra-conservative parents livid. They made threats of God’s judgment on the staff and the library and, in some show of protest, sent their children to place their cut library cards on the board’s table and walked out. If only I had the courage or the fortitude that night to say what I am saying to you now: Their actions exemplified idiotic behavior more than anything else I can imagine.

Two books about people who are in our community is such a threat to our community? So what if two women or men are raising kids, at least they have a story about their lives they can identify with and to help inform the community about their lives. Yet you will find the few trying to tell the many what is acceptable reading and what is not. The libraries and bookstores around the country are a bastion of free speech where ideas and thoughts can find equal footing to the populace.

Other surprising banned books

Every book on the shelves have a right to be on there for readers young and old to enjoy and learn from. Both book mentioned above are not the only two books finding controversy over its topics. You’ll be surprised what books find themselves on the infamous list of “banned books”

1. The Color Purple by Alice Walker

2. I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing by Maya Angelou

3. It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris (Sex Ed)

4. The Golden Compass by Phillip Pulman

The ten most controversial books

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Christian Couples FINALLY Enjoying ‘Whoopee’ Time!

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 13:56:43 +0000

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ;Let me take the speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"" Matthew 7: 3,4 (New International Version)

Nearly five years since starting Christian Pro Erotic, after years of struggling with my faith and my sexual needs, after hearing the stories of many people of faith in the same situation I finally read the article in the July 7th Time Magazine.

Sexuality for Married Couples

And God Said, "Just Do It" is about Christian fellowships and churches tackling sexuality for married couples. It seems a movement is burgeoning where ministers and ministries are focusing on one issue: married couples in the church need more sex!

Finally, after so many years, we are cleaning a stubborn speck in the eye. Instead of putting down those in the world whose marriages do not live up to the snuff of church standards Christians will finally try to take out the plank of high divorce rates and failed sex lives from the eye of the body of Christ.

Christian couples are finding programs such as New Directions Christian Church (Memphis, Tennessee) with their series"40 Nights of Grreat Sex" or Relevant Church (Tampa, Florida) with their "30-Day Sex Challenge" available to them to help their marriages grow and prosper.

I can tell you 20 years ago or so the advice would have been to "just pray about it and God will give you the clues to figure our how it will work out".

A step in the right direction

Not anymore.

Now along with the Good Book we are finding couples armed with (gasp) the Joy of Sex in their arsenal to take back their bedrooms from a stale existence.

To me this is a step in the right direction and one which is way overdue; if these materials were available to Christian couples in the past–leadership and members–many marriages could have avoided heartache and tragedy in their lives. To realize they are failing in the battle in the bedroom is a signal playtime is over. The church is ready to catch up with many other couples who made each night a night to remember.

The church had a flimsy argument to folks outside the church about engaging in spicing up their bedroom life. We kept serving Vanilla when everyone else dove into cartons of Rocky Road and Cookies and Cream (whether you add this to your bedroom play is up to you).

The church balked at toys, oils, massages and (gasp) alternative venues to make things interesting. The thing I could not understand was how those folks who lasted 40 plus years together keep it together when it came to times of intimacy?

The road that led to adultery

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Sex Toys – Let Adults Enjoy the Right to Buy and Sell Them

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 13:50:06 +0000

There are many threats facing our nation today: global warming, the economy, terrorism, health care, etc.

But none of these stack up against the greatest threat facing us today: the proliferation of sex toys. At least it was a problem in the state of Texas until a Federal Appeals court overturned a statewide ban on sex toys.

At issue, the distribution of sex toys and other adult items for couples and singles at “Tupperware” like parties. The law made it illegal based on the idea that such sales were deemed “obscene devices”. A person caught doing this could spend up to two years in jail.

Thankfully the courts saw this rule coming into conflict with the right to privacy (the 14th Amendment for you and I) and struck it down.

Thank God it got shot down because I know it would be a strange sight seeing men and women on the street corners trying to sell hummingbirds and G-spot wands to couples in need of a fix. This means the only two states left to overturn such a ruling and join the rest of the country in the 21st century are Alabama and Mississippi.

Laws like this one hurts those who are hosting and distributing marital aides and sex toys to couples and singles looking for extra fun in the bedroom. Meanwhile, there are those who feel you (a consenting adult) shouldn’t have these items for fear of perversion and abnormal behavior in the bedroom.

The truth about sex toys

Truth is sex toys only pose the simple threat of adding spice into the life a single person or a couple. Sex toys offer variety into the bedroom; God forbid if we add some flavor into the bedroom.

With growing frustration in the bedroom, couples breaking up over a lack of variety what crime is committed if couples want to make their relationship stronger?

Let’s break it down for you, sex toys or marital aides will help ensure relationships and relieve stress. Any time we can relieve stress in this world of ours is a very good thing. Sex toys don’t diminish you as a person or single you out as inferior in the bedroom.

Benefits for men and for women

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Think Masturbation is Wrong? Here’s The REAL Truth…

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 14:18:15 +0000

This is how messed up my understanding of faith and sexuality was as a believer in Jesus. In order to show myself worthy and approved, in order to make sure I can present myself pure before God, self-love was not an option for a believer because it was seen as a sin against God.

Masturbation means I see something (or someone) to cause my loins to stir and thus touch myself; this means I violated the "fornication" code of having sex outside of marriage and violating God’s plan for me.

The message against masturbation

I can’t remember if I became a believer first, masturbated first, or both, but I think after reading some Christian books and hearing teachers from the pulpit come heavy against sexual issues I got the message very clear. If you are to a believer of honor, then you are to keep yourself sexually pure till marriage.

I tried not to touch myself down there. Not to masturbate or think of pleasing myself because it’s evil, of course. My will power (unfortunately) was like one Cosmo Kramer who was the first to loose "the Contest" against Jerry, Elaine, and George on the Seinfield series.

Then again, that could be a good thing.

But is It really wrong?

You see after many tears, many times mentally and spiritually beating myself up, I soon realized maybe masturbation is not a bad thing after all. My human sexuality teacher recommended Betty Dodson’s book "Sex for One."

Man! Talk about an eye opening theory about the practice; she even had pictures and the whole nine yards.

But the thing that won me over to the "Touch Myself" club was a letter from a Pentecostal woman from Cincinnati, Ohio. She wrote how she felt guilty for years due to the church world she lives in, but because of the book it opened her eyes and mind. Now she knows God won’t shoot her down for touching herself.

"Well if she can do it and find inner peace, why not me?" I thought.

The truth about loving yourself

I realized a few things along the way to enjoy masturbation and keep things in perspective:

Many believers look at Onan as the reason why masturbation shouldn’t be part of a believer or non-believers life. If the passage in Genesis is looked at closely you can see it wasn’t masturbation in the sense of giving pleasure to ones self. God struck down Er because of his wickedness. After that happened, God asked Onan to fulfill the duty of his brother and continue the gene line by lying with his widow Tamar.

In what could be dubbed "the costliest money shot of all time" Onan "spilled his seed" so Er’s family line wouldn’t have an offspring. So Onan lost his life over the betrayal.

Tradition and retribution

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Sex, Religion, and Hypocrisy – Will Embracing Your Sexuality Offend God?

Christ Pro Erotic — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 14:51:55 +0000

"The trouble with lies is it’s hard to forget where the real man hides."

–Gene Eugene, lead singer of Adam Again

I always admire people who are not afraid to come out in the light and live their life fearlessly. The Naked Cowboy in Times Square playing his guitar and giving a smile in the busiest city in the world.

An exotic dancer at a Gentleman’s club showing off her skill, talent and her body knowing full well their relatives or friends could walk into the door at any time. They are honest and open about who they are and despite their inner fears they face it and deal with whatever the outcome.

Unfortunately, people of the Christian faith have a harder time dealing with being an honest people. Oh don’t get me wrong, their faith is strong and many don’t have a trouble getting dressed to head into church to worship God. But if there is any subject that causes even the truest of believer to cower into the corner its sex.

Sex keeps even the truest believer to find a good excuse to be somewhere else other than in the place where you are. Why? In many pulpits around the world it is taught that sex is wonderful when it is placed in the marital bed.

Sex outside of that (or any variance of “God’s design”) is an abomination in the eyes of God, so they say. Yet many a believer—myself included—find us in situations where we say one thing and do another.

This is the hypocrite’s tale. It is a tale of longing, wanting badly to be honest about what we are attracted to. Our love of everything sexual, and a desire to have a relationship where there are no secrets between our partners and ourselves is a dream that seems so far away.

Some in the church say that’s an oxymoron! I say this is not only attainable but something I think God supports in our lives. But if we are to get to that place of honesty there is one thing you and I need to say from the get go:

I LOVE SEX!

Say that three times to yourself or stand in the mirror and say it out loud. There, don’t you feel better now? I hope so. If we are to start on the road to honesty we need to say this to ourselves and admit we enjoy this great gift God created in us. So you like sex eh? Good. Now lets get down to the next phase of an honest life.

Here is a revelation that is going to shock the socks off of you. Baring any sexual abuse to children, animals, an adulterous affair, or other adults who are forced upon sexually you can enjoy pretty much anything else provided it doesn’t offend your conscious or the conscious of anyone else. God has given you the freedom to enjoy the wide range of sexuality. From masturbation to even (dare I say it) inviting others into your bedroom you don’t have to act in the shadows again.

Too good to be true, you say?…

Sex Toys 101 – What They Are, Where To Get Them, and Why You Shouldn’t Share Them With Your Friends

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 20:40:59 +0000

Perhaps as a sign of the times, many people like to joke and tease about sex toys , but few have actually seen – or Gasp! – actually USED any sex toys for fun and pleasure… to add some spice to their sex lives.

Which begs the question…

Do normal people actually use sex toys?

Of course they do! Let’s get this out there once and for all.

Sex toys are often used by regular people just like you and me. Your friends and neighbors probably have a vibrator or something similar, they just don’t talk with you about it.

In previous decades and altogether darker times in our history, the idea of using sex toys was driven largely underground and ridiculed. It was labeled as something exclusive to weirdos, perverts, and people who couldn’t have “normal” sex. This was largely done by individuals or groups of religious extremists within various governments worldwide, trying to convert others and enforce their moral and religious ideals on others (think back to what you’ve read about The Crusades and all the good those efforts brought the world).

As always, ignorance breeds contempt. And there’s very little useful information out there today on sex toys; and on any sexuality topics that deviate from the ultra conservative main stream views of sex.

So keep an open mind and let’s delve into the wonders of sex with toys.

Obviously there’s no such thing as “normal” sex (a very common myth); there is only what you (and your partner) choose and prefer sexually. That kind of open mindedness is absolutely crucial to a happy and fulfilling sex life.

So what specifically are all these sex toys that everyone’s talking about, and are they really as much fun as you’ve heard?

Some of our favorite sex toys

Sex toys come in many, many different shapes and sizes, colors, and even fragrances. Here’s a breakdown…

Vibrators

When most people speak of sex toys they’re generally referring to basic vibrators – a simple, mostly straight, phallic shaped object, that happens to also have a built-in vibrating mechanism.

Perhaps the most popular type of vibrator is the rabbit, a combination vibrator that is able to stimulate both the vagina (as a regular vibrator) and also the clitoris – at the same time. This fact has made the rabbit a favorite overnight.

Another popular type of vibrator is the egg. These vibrators are egg / oval shaped (as the name suggest) usually just under two inches in length, and can be used both internally and externally. As you can guess by their size, they are designed for internal use.

Then of course there are the more exotic remote controlled vibrators, for discrete fun between lovers when in public and on special hot date evenings. Use with caution, and be sure to enjoy discretely.

Dildos

Dildos basically look like most people’s idea of a “vibrator”, but are not motorized. They’re entirely hand activated, and are intended for clitoral or vaginal stimulation – although as is the case with most sex toys, intended use and actual creative use in practice are not always the same. They of course also come in many shapes and sizes.

Homemade Sex Toys

Homemade sex toys? Absolutely!
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