Ask Dan and Jennifer » sexy

The Secrets Of True Sexual Confidence (Video)

Melody Brooke — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:00:58 +0000

Sexual confidence – or confidence at all, really – is a touchy subject. A lot of people believe they’re sexually confident, but inside they’re incredibly insecure, waiting for someone else validate their standing as a sexual human being. Most women know they’re insecure, but still try to hide it. How do we become truly sexually confident, accepting ourselves for who we are and the sexual human being we are?

Watch this video to find out what TRUE sexual confidence really is…. It’s not what you think! Visit our YouTube page and tell us what you think true sexual confidence is!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Social Influences

Believe it or not, society dictates how we feel about ourselves. Should it be that way? No. Is it that way? Unfortunately, yes. The images in the media, in magazines and in commercials teach us what “sexy” and “beautiful” are and if we don’t look, act or talk in the way that the media depicts as “sexy” and “beautiful,” then we aren’t either. Unfortunately, society’s ideas about what sexy and beautiful are happen to be incredibly narrow. And even more unfortunately, we use this as a standard against which to judge ourselves.

Acceptance From Others

In addition to using society’s ideas of what sexy and beautiful are to measure ourselves, we also wait for someone else to accept us (usually our partners) before we accept and love ourselves. This is incredibly backwards, because often in a relationship, you must love and accept yourself before someone else can fully love and accept you and you can fully love and accept someone else. Looking at yourself through society’s eyes and through your partner’s eyes won’t get you far – instead, you need to look at yourself with your own eyes and find the love and beauty within.

Being Sexually Confident

If you’ve taken a step to love and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to love and accept you, congratulations. But it’s likely that other people in your life are still looking for your acceptance of them before they start loving and accepting themselves. Are you giving your partner the love and acceptance they want and need? If not, start! Talk to your partner about where you’re at in the relationship, and what you need to be in the relationship. Have open and honest communication with your partner of where you stand, so you can be loved and accepted for who you are.

It takes a lot to shed the human need to be validated by society, but it’s something each and every one of us must do in order to start seeing ourselves in a realistic light. Society’s ideas about what is beautiful and sexy are skewed, and we need to learn to see ourselves as sexy and beautiful for who we are – because sexy is who you are. Make that scary jump right now and decide that you’re not going to be worried about whether society says you’re too fat or too thin, not pretty enough or not sexy enough. Accept yourself for who you are and learn to be sexy in your own skin. Love and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to love and accept you, and you’ll feel, look and be sexually confident.

Sex Is Boring… How Can I Get My Wife To Be More Seductive? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:31:08 +0000

This is a question many men would like to have answered. How can you get your wife to be more seductive? How can you get your wife to do all those things that turn you on so much?

It all starts with whether or not she feels comfortable enough with herself. If she is comfortable with herself, she will begin to let go of the doubt she has over dressing in that skimpy lingerie, talking dirty during sex, or whatever else she may otherwise be inclined to hide for fear of being rejected. Getting your wife to be more seductive begins with making her feel more attractive and accepted.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I are very sexually active, but I’m getting rather bored. She wants to have sex but that seems like that’s ALL she wants to do.

How can I get her to talk dirty and to seduce me?. She seems to be too self conscious about her body and thinks that it’s "silly" and only happens in the movies.

Please help.

–Paul, Washington

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Dressing sexy

No matter how good a woman looks to you, chances are she doesn’t see the same thing you do when she looks in the mirror. It is a scary notion to step in front of someone naked only to have them recoil in disgust. Many women have this very fear, so they are often afraid to dress in sexy, skimpy clothes.

Imagine if someone dressed you in a loincloth and threw you in front of a stranger. You’d feel very exposed and tense. Chances are pretty good that you would also feel a bit embarrassed about standing in front of someone with barely anything to cover you.

Even if you have been married to someone for years, it can still feel awkward or uncomfortable to stand in front of someone with next to no clothes on. This is where feeling comfortable with her body comes in. If you let your wife know that you think she is beautiful and talk with her about trying new things to be more seductive, then you are taking steps in the right direction.

Ask her to simply try dressing seductive, and if she feels uncomfortable she can stop. This lets her be in control and if you show interest in her while encouraging her to let go of her doubt about herself, then you have opened the doorway for you and your wife to experiment with new areas of arousal and sexual excitement.

Talk dirty to her

…

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 19:53:33 +0000

Here’s a common scenario…

My partner and I have been together for 2 years and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together, we rarely have sex. We are becoming more like best friends and I’m scared the passion is fading.

I don’t want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it. What can I do?

Watch this short video to find out how you can spice up your sex life and bring back that spark you had in the beginning…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 03:11:44 +0000

The Question:

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I’m sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can’t seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we’re losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I’ve had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we’ve been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don’t know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I’m scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks ‘Let’s have sex?’ is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…

When we weren’t living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but 3 times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don’t think I want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it – I don’t know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long term relationships go through this ‘phase’ where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and 3 years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you…

14 Creative Valentine’s Day Ideas

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 16:47:20 +0000

Are you ready for Valentine’s Day?

While we feel that you should treat every day in your relationship like Valentine’s Day, we do want to help you make this special day incredibly romantic and memorable for both you and your sweetheart.

As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, we’ll continue to update our blog with any cool resources or ideas that we find.

Here’s a great article from Michael Webb at TheRomantic.com with some really creative ways to say "I Love You" this year.

"14 Creative Valentine’s Ideas"

By Michael Webb, Founder www.TheRomantic.com

Here are 14 Creative (yet inexpensive) ways to say "I Love You" this February. Do your friends a favor and forward this message to them.

Sleep under the stars
Buy some glow in the dark stars from the toy department and arrange a special message above your bed.
Their very own coloring book
Draw a dozen or so silly pictures of memorable experiences. (browse through photo albums for ideas). Outline in black marker and then have the pages copied and bound on heavy paper at a copy shop. Give with a pack of crayons.
Computer romance
Change the screen saver on the computer to a scrolling message. For added effect, use a wingding or character font that can’t be read without decoding.
Got milk?
Hide a bunch of silly prizes and a card in your love’s favorite cereal.
Jump start the romance
Tie your card or gift on a three foot string and tie it to the bottom of an automatic garage door. When your honey comes home, the gift will magically arise to greet them.
Rubber ducky races
Go to a nearby river or stream and race rubber ducks. The loser takes the winner out for dessert.
Warm the heart
While your love is in the shower put their towel in the dryer for a few minutes so it will be toasty warm when he or she steps out.
Music to their ears
In your own voice, record a book, fairy tale or poetry on tape for your dearest to listen to on the way to work or while he or she is out of town.
A winter picnic
Move the living room furniture and have a picnic in the middle of the floor complete with blanket, picnic basket, and all the fixings (in front of a roaring fireplace would add to the effect).
Send a mail bomb
Sending a card can be exploding romantic just by adding something unexpected: a feather, leaf, matches, lock of your hair, pressed flower or your handkerchief scented with perfume/cologne.
The personal touch
Gently scratch his back for ten minutes while he falls asleep or brush her hair for the same amount of time.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Use Rain-X Anti Fog (used to keep car windows from fogging up) and a cotton swab to write a message that will mysteriously appear on the bathroom mirror while your sweetheart is showering. Or put that old tube of lipstick to good use with a good morning greeting on the mirror.
The Jelly Belly game
Blindfold him and feed him Jelly Bellies. If he guesses the flavor correctly, he gets a prize. If he guesses wrong, you get a prize. To make it more interesting, combine flavors (root beer + ice cream = root beer float, coconut + pineapple = pina colada, chocolate + cherry = chocolate covered cherries, etc.).
Welcome home!
Use chalk to write a welcome home greeting on the sidewalk.

Make sure to check out Michael’s other terrific Valentine’s Day resources below:

Draw closer together with 1000 Questions for Couples
Spice up your love life with 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets
Discover 300 Creative Dates
Don’t miss 100 Bedroom Games for Couples
Learn the 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships
There is A Better Way To Date
Read about The Romantic’s Guide to Popping the Question

Top 10 Resources for Valentine’s Day Ideas, Tips, and Advice

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 15:04:40 +0000

Stop searching all over the internet for creative and romantic ideas this Valentine’s Day. We’ve done all the work for you and put together a complete list of resources for you. Inside you’ll find resources to help you have the most romantic and sexy Valentine’s Day ever!

After searching all over the web (so you don’t have to), here is our Top 10 List of resources for this Valentine’s Day.

Romance

Creative Valentine’s Day Ideas

Our top pick is from one of our favorite men in the romance area – Michael Webb.

"One of the least romantic days of the year is Valentine’s Day. Yes you heard me correctly. The majority of men act like robots, purchasing flowers and chocolate for their sweethearts because that is what everyone else is doing. Many people celebrate the day out of obligation rather than celebration.

Here are some ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day a bit more romantically and creatively."

Here’s our favorite book from Michael Webb – "300 Creative Dates". If you don’t have it yet, we highly recommend it!

What Women Want for Valentine’s Day

"Valentine’s Day is coming up, and even if you haven’t got a girl to buy something for it’s important that you know about the art of gift buying for women."

RomanceTips.com

The destination for romantic tips, ideas, date advice, and romantic articles.

Ten Tips for a Romantic & Memorable Valentine’s Day

"The Valentine’s Day gift you choose for your loved one and how you decide to spend the day says a lot about the quality of your relationship, so give something that has real meaning to you. Gifts from the heart don’t have to be expensive. Since the traditional gifts of flowers or chocolates don’t last forever, here are ten creative ways to express your love."

Sex and Intimacy

Red Hot Valentine’s Day Guide from iVilllage.

What do guys find sexy in a woman? 18 Body Language Clues That Say He’s Interested. Worship-Worthy Oral Sex Secrets. Why guys don’t like Valentine’s Day.

The Top 27 Valentine’s Day Tips to Make Your Man Desire You More

Great article for women…

"Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. You have been in a relationship with a man for a while, but he hasn’t been committed to you. You might wonder about him: “Is he going to commit to me on Valentine’s Day?” “Is he going to propose on Valentine’s Day?”

Valentine’s Day is actually the best day to break up with a partner if the relationship isn’t going anywhere. My 27 Valentine’s Day tips are politically incorrect, but they are always practically correct."

Top 6 Erotic Books for Valentines Day Gifts from About.com

"Some say that time is the greatest Valentine’s Day gift you can give your partner. But what if you run out of things to say? While that isn’t likely, consider offering your lover an erotic bedtime story, or an erotic poem to start off Valentine’s Day right. If time or creativity constraints prevent you from penning your own words of love or lust, consider these collections of new and classic erotic writings."

Other Valentine’s Day Resources

KnowledgeHound.com

Activities, Party Planning, Games…
Ideas for a Romantic Evening for Two

MyDearValentine.com

Valentine’s cards and ideas, dating tips and relationship advice.

Valentine’s Day Guide from LovingYou.com

Do you have another great resource to share? Leave a comment below and tell us about it.

Playing Mind Games in Love and Sex – Should You Really Do it?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 17:02:48 +0000

I found this great post today from Seduction 101. It really got me thinking, because Dan and I love to play games!

"She’s playing games with him." "He’s playing games with her." "They’re playing games with each other."

These comments are always accompanied by stern looks of disapproval. But if I enjoy a game of tennis with my lover, nobody’s going to accuse us of "playing games with each other".

What’s going on?

Most people pay lip service to the idea that "mind games" is bad, bad, bad. But who among us never plays them? I submit that these games are not always bad; in fact sometimes they are good and even downright necessary to social interaction. I like to call them "social games".

Playing mind games in love and sex can be everything from exhilarating to heart crushing.

Games can be anything from psychological bantering to role playing. The perception that playing mind games is bad comes from the fact that far too many people use little known seduction tactics to take advantage of other people.

However, when everyone involved knows that they’re playing, it can be an incredibly fun ride. A chance to let your hair down and try something new or be someone new for a little while.

Dan and I both love the chase… And we both know it. So while some couple might get jealous if their partner flirts with someone else. For us, it’s exciting because we know we’re having really hot sex tonight! The key here is that we have a completely open and honest relationship. We tell each other absolutely everything.

I know you’ve got fantasies that involve some sort of game playing even thought you may not call it that. You see, having a fantasy IS a mind game.

One word of caution for couples who like to play games, make sure that you’re both always on the same page and are completely open and honest with one another. If a game goes too far, say so. If you want it to go farther, say so.

I would love to hear any thoughts or ideas that you may have on this topic.

Want To Spice Up Your Next Date? Try Boston Not So Proper…

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 18:44:00 +0000

Looking to get some hot new clothes for your next date? Or maybe some exciting new lingerie for that intimate evening you’ve got planned?

We’ll you’re in luck…

Jennifer gets this women’s clothing catalog from Boston Proper. They’ve got some really steamy but classy outfits throughout, and the models are, well, certainly endowed and prone to show off.

We jokingly refer to the catalog as Boston Not So Proper. Seriously, check out their stuff when your thinking about your next date with your significant other. And of course, there’s always Victoria’s Secret… They have some really sexy date clothes as well.

Now, for lingerie, check out Fredericks. They have a great selection.

Also, a good friend of ours, Bethany, has a great lingerie site – Totally Sexy Lingerie. She has great prices and a good selection. Plus, she’s cool and will handle your order personally, so go check out her site and pick up some sexy lingerie today.

But is it ok to buy this stuff? What if you offend your woman? Ladies, afraid ‘he’ won’t like you anymore?

Ladies, face it, your significant other loves to see you in this stuff. There’s lingerie out there for every body size and shape.

And guys, yes it’s ok to buy your special lady sexy lingerie. She’ll be flattered that you think and fantasize about her. Yes, she DOES like the fact that you think that way about her – and not about some other woman! In fact, tell her often in a discreet and loving way, that you think about her body and that you really want her.

A woman wants few things more that to simply know that her man desires her.

On that topic, look for our series of articles on relationships and the hidden porn epidemic:

"Quick, Hide the Porn, Your Wife Is Coming!"
"How Can You Make Your Man Stop Surfing Porn After You Go To Bed?"

Have an awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer