Ask Dan and Jennifer » shyness

Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Dr. Diana Kirschner — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:58:39 +0000

It’s enough to drive you crazy. There is this hottie—a Brad Pitt look-a-like you met online, in the office, sandwich shop or gym. He is to-die-for and seems to be friendly, but has very few words to share. And he never seems to put any moves on you. Yet you have such a thing for him! You keep checking his Facebook page, wondering what is up. What’s a girl to do?

Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Well, here are eight tips, adapted from my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, designed to bring that shy hottie out of his shell:

1. See him when he is in his element.
If he plays sports, go watch. Be there as he finishes a marathon. If he is giving a talk, try to arrange to be in the audience. When a shy guy is in his element he will be at the height of his charisma and self-confidence. Bottom line: he will be feeling empowered and desirable. And this means he will feel free to make a move on you if he is really interested.

2. Praise him.
Notice something about him or what he is doing that you really like and praise it with a specific and sincere compliment. –i.e., That blog you wrote about going to Sicily was hysterically funny and made me want to go! This builds his self-esteem and will get him to share more about the topic. Validation may even get him to show off a bit for you.

3. Use his name & make up a sizzlin’ nickname for him.
This indicates that you are noticing him and that he is important to you. He will bond more quickly with you when you use his name. Also, choose a complimentary nickname based on one of his qualities that you admire. For example, if he is into cycling, call him “Lance B.” This will get him to laugh and open up with you about his cycling experiences.

4. Ask open-ended questions.
Good examples are, “How did you get interested in (your job)?” “What brought you to live in the city?” “How do you manage to train for a triathlon when you work full-time?” These kinds of questions help a shy hottie to share and open up. And your being a good listener will allow him to feel known and comfortable being real with you.

5. Ask for help.
Men love to help women. It is biologically wired that way! Ask him to fix your computer, your car, your bike, your door—you name it. He will enjoy coming through for you and feel much more connected to you. When he is in the “helper” role he is also much more likely to share his knowledge with you.

6. Ask what he likes to eat or what sports, hobbies, or movies he likes. Once you find something in common, ask him if he’d like to do it some time.
Shy guys, even the gorgeous variety, can be very interested in you, but petrified to make the first move. It is easy to open the door to a common interest by asking about food, hobbies or other fun activities. When you hit on something you both love, you can make the first move and ask about doing the activity together. An invite based on a common interest is a good litmus test that will show if he is interested in you or not. If he does not take you up on your offer, chances are pretty high that he is not into you.

7. Say you’d like to see him again.
This is an easy, non-threatening way to show that you are interested in him. If he responds positively, by smiling, nodding or saying “yes” he may be feeling some attraction to you. At that point, make sure he has your contact information!

8. Give Him a Little Neck or Back Massage.
Making physical contact actually releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. A mini-massage also will relax him so that he’ll be less up-tight and fearful. In addition, making physical contact often opens the door for the guy to respond in kind. He might make an affectionate gesture towards you, hold your hand, put his arm around you or even kiss you.

Here’s the bottom line: with a shy hottie you have to be more proactive and flirtatious, take the lead more often and maybe even give the first kiss. Keep in mind, however, that he needs to be responding very positively to each of your moves. If he doesn’t, end the relationship, because you don’t want to be stuck in a fantasy where you are crazy about someone who is truly not into you. Remember, if this guy does not work out, there are plenty of others. Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific men in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Are You STILL Afraid Of Being Naked?

Brad Howard — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 15:44:22 +0000

Sheer terror. You know the EXACT moment I’m talking about.

You’ve just gotten your new woman into bed, the lights are out (thank GOD!), and you’ve been pleasuring her to no end… touching… teasing… kissing… the place is ON FIRE.

You gently slide between her legs.

She gaps… and pulls you in closer… with her hands rubbing up and down your body… over your arms… over your back… and all of the sudden… out of nowhere… you UNCOMFORTABLY think to yourself:

“Oh shit, she just felt my fat roll”

“Oh shit, she thinks my arms are too skinny, I think she felt bone”

And at that single moment, a PRIMAL fear comes over you… “What if she… STOPS?!?”

Guys really don’t think they need to work out

I have to confess, in reality, no guy ever REALLY thinks that they need to work out, exercise, or get in better shape until a woman sees them naked. Sure, it seems like its a good idea… you know, for better health and all.

But you take a guy that’s standing naked for the FIRST time in front of a woman that he’s had his eye on… that he NEVER THOUGHT that he could land… and the phrase “sense of urgency” starts to take on new meaning.

When it hits

Do you think that this might play a little havoc on your inner game? You betcha it does.I’ve talked to your women.

What women say

And here’s what they’ve said.

Number 1: Most men that are ashamed of their bodies tend to be more TIMID in bed. They tend to lay on top of women, instead of pulling back… letting her see ALL OF YOU… including the “action” of your pecker moving in and out.

Number 2: Every man that they’ve been with that gets in better shape becomes a MUCH better lover overall. The “man” and his “skills” are the same… but her perception changes… as well as…

Number 3: Men that are in shape can DO MORE for LONGER than their out of shape counterparts. Lifting, moving, throwing, thrusting, etc… you get the drift.

Think about this for a second. Ask yourself this question. Is my woman thinking about ME when she masturbates? (she’s likely not)

And if she is…

HOW would those thoughts change if I was now built like a Greek God?

Food for thought…

Getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men… The Adonis Index. To find out how to use the Adonis Index to generate subconscious physical attraction, visit the Adonis Effect website.

Learn To Approach Any Woman Without Fear Of Rejection

Joseph Matthews — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:13:48 +0000

Knowing how to approach women is a vital skill every man needs to know, because approaching women is the first step in creating a relationship with the girl of your dreams…

You have to know how to approach a girl in the right manner if you want to have success with your pickup.

The following are some proven tips I’d recommend you do to help you be successful in meeting women! Remember a situation where you were going to approach a girl, and before you could even get a single word out, she freaked out and simply rejected you?

Know this – getting shot down has little to do with what you were going to say or what your intentions were. It’s all about how you go about actually approaching your target. It’s important to do this right the first time, because it’s hard to recover when you make a mistake right off the bat. The key to approaching women is to approach them in a NON-THREATENING manner that does not telegraph your interest.

This is known as "coming in under the radar."

Understand: Most women have trained themselves to just REJECT men outright when they sense they are being picked up on. This is because women get hit on SO MUCH by men, they just don’t want to deal with yet another guy coming up and wasting their time.

But despite all this, the girl WILL be receptive to you if you know how to approach her in the RIGHT WAY.

So what’s the right way to approach a woman?

Act fast!

First – YOU MUST ACT FAST.

If you hesitate and let the opportunity pass you by, you’re never going to experience success. Giving yourself time to talk yourself out of approaching a girl will never get you
anywhere, so it’s important you act quickly and JUST DO IT.

Know what to say before you say it

Secondly, know what you’re going to start the conversation with BEFORE you approach the girl. This will make meeting women much easier because you don’t have to spend time
thinking of what to say before you feel comfortable walking up to meet her. When it comes to a situation like this, you should probably have a good, proven "pick up line" memorized that will help start a conversation.

But don’t confuse the term "pick up line" with sleazy saying like "Nice shoes, let’s have sex!" The goal here is to be NON-THREATENING, remember?

The best lines usually engage the girl in an innocent conversation. You can do so by asking her opinion on something and then following that up with more questions. When approaching a woman, it’s important that you approach her from an ANGLE. Most guys charge towards the girl they want to meet like they’re marching to war! Coming in at an angle is much less confrontational and will put the girl at ease on a subconscious level.

Practice, practice, practice

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7 Beliefs That Are Destroying Your Success With Women

Scott Patterson — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 19:03:08 +0000

I’m a big believer in self talk. Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned that the things we tell ourselves determine our outcomes. If you fill your mind with positive thoughts, then you’ll achieve quality results. On the other hand, when think pessimistically, you’ll end up with only negative outcomes.

There’s an expression that best sums up this outlook- “Garbage in, garbage out”

What this means is when you fill your mind with negative thoughts, you severely limit your success in life. The funny thing is we men use self-talk so much that it’s become a major part of our dating lives. We often “convince” ourselves that we’re not “worth” dating the truly desirable women.

Negative thoughts often take the form of a “Self-Limiting Belief”. The definition is simple- A self limiting belief is any sort of self-talk that limits your ability to achieve something.

It’s called “limiting”, because you literally limit your capacity to do well in life. And in the dating sense, a self-limiting belief is any thought that prevents you from succeeding with women.

In my experience, there are a number of beliefs that hold men back. In order to improve your success with women, it’s important that you identify these thoughts, then actively eliminate them.

Here are 7 of the most common self-limiting beliefs:

#1- “I want somebody to love the REAL me…”

I’m going to be honest here. Guys use this belief as an excuse to be lazy. Many secretly desire a change to their life, but don’t want to make any effort. So they think that coming up with some line about “being themselves” will somehow make them morally superior to the men who seek outside help.

The truth is, many guys require some guidance with meeting women. Don’t make an excuse about wanting a woman to love the “real you”. Instead, try to understand that life should be about constant improvement. If you want success with women, you need to get out there and find out what really attracts them.

#2- “Love will find me…Eventually”

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How to Get Over Shyness & Fear of Rejection to Get the Girl (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:20:33 +0000

If you’ve never had a crush on a girl or boy and have felt a little shy about asking them out – well, you’re not human.

Everyone has had their run-ins with “hard to get” guys and girls and sometimes asking them out is a heck of a lot easier said than done. If you’ve got someone special that you just can’t take your eyes off of but your lips seem glued together whenever they come around, we’ve got a few things that will make it a little less stressful for you to actually ask them out.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There is a girl I love. But I am to shy to even talk to her and I want to ask her out but I don’t really now how.

– Georgis, Alberta

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget. Click here to Give this Video 5 Stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you’ll stay up to date with our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Recognize the Fear of Rejection and Kick It to the Curb

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3 Quick Ways to Tell if You’re a Sexual Introvert

Rose Rivera — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:55:10 +0000

Just like your innate personality dictates whether or not you’re a “social butterfly” or a “shrinking violet“, the same is true for how you express your sexuality.

We’ve all heard the stereotypical tales of very reserved, shy people suddenly morphing into uncontrollable wildcats once the lights go out. Or seemingly confident, strong individuals turning into blushing, fumbling kittens in the heat of the moment.

Sexual introverts come in all varieties, and more often than not, it’s very difficult to spot them out. Someone who is sexually introverted may be very outgoing in other aspects of their lives, but tend to close themselves off when confronted with a sexual situation.

That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex, or don’t want sex, but that it’s more difficult for them to relax and to let go of their inhibitions than it is for sexual extraverts.

Being able to relax and to let go are crucial to a healthy and satisfactory sex life, so helping a sexual introvert feel secure enough to open themselves up in front of someone else is an important task for their lovers.

This is particularly true if both people in a relationship are sexually introverted, because neither may possess the necessary skills to “bring out” the other’s sexual side.

Knowing if you or your partner is a sexual introvert is often very helpful. It might be the explanation you’ve been looking for to a whole slew of seemingly “strange” sexual behaviors.

(For example, you may wonder why your partner loves to read steamy erotica before bed, but then refuses your sexual advances once you’re in bed!)

You Might Be a Sexual Introvert If:

1. You Think About Sex All the Time…

But rarely actually have it. Sexual introverts enjoy thinking about sex – a lot. In fact, for many it becomes an interesting preoccupation and lifelong curiosity. Often times they know much more about sex (its cultural history, the bodily mechanics, etc.) than do most people, but their knowledge comes from books, movies, and conversations with others rather than from real life experiences.

2. You’ve Read the Entire Kama Sutra…

But still use the missionary position every time. It’s true, you’ve probably memorized every picture, read every sexual technique book there is, and can recite passages from your favorite erotic novel. But when it comes to having actual, physical sex with your partner it’s always “the same old, same old”.

3. You Have Very Detailed Sexual Fantasies…

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5 Ways to Avoid Striking Out This Friday Night

David Wygant — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 15:28:24 +0000

Are You Tired of Striking Out Night After Night?

Most guys think that women like ‘bad’ boys so they try to portray this image and simply end up looking like a jerk. What a woman really wants is a man who will keep her interest, has great confidence, who is not afraid to stand out, and is not afraid to disagree with the status quo – A guy who is comfortable in his own skin…

Here’s a great article on approaching women from David Wygant, one of today’s most popular and successful dating coaches. David is not a ‘pick up artist’, but a real dating coach who offers good solid advice that actually works. In this article, he talks about some of the biggest mistakes that almost all men make when approaching women and how you can avoid them and actually capture her attention and create a real spark.

Most men think that they need a clever line to approach a woman, which in some cases may garner a reaction. But through all my years of coaching men and women I have found that it is not what you say that’s important, but how you approach.

Most women put more importance on visual clues to assess a man’s character. They don’t care what you say as long as you say it without hesitation and with authority. Unfortunately, most men don’t know this, so they walk over and approach a woman like a wounded animal expecting to be rejected.

When you approach like a wounded animal you will be rejected every single time no matter how clever of a line or remark you may have. Sound familiar?

With eighty percent of human interaction based on non-verbal body language, what is a man to do?

The key to impressing her right off the bat is you need to be different than all other men that are approaching her that evening in the bar or lounge. It is really competitive at night, and most women will start to lose interest in men after a few jerks have hit on them, so you need to learn to use a few of these tips to make you stand out from the crowd of drunk testosterone-laden men.

Here a few sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing even if you are not sure what you are going to say:

1. When you see a woman that you are attracted to you need to walk right over.

Stand up straight and walk over slowly but with confidence. Make sure your chest is puffed out and your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. You need to keep eye contact as you approach so you do not spook her. You also need to walk directly over to her without any hesitation.

With practice, you will get comfortable doing this. Most men linger in the background like a scared animal for a period of time before they approach. When they finally do approach, the woman is quick to turn her back on him. The reason is he did not exude confidence.

Most women notice who is observing them. When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her you might as well go home and get your game on for another night or day.

2. When out on the town, avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males.

One of the biggest turn-offs for women is the “male pack” — you with five of your buddies high-fiving each other, drinking and checking out other women. Yes, women make note of this childlike behavior and when you approach them with your buddies waiting on the sideline they will impulsively reject you in front of the pack to avoid being scrutinized later. You need to break away from the male pack and find one other guy who is like you to go out on the town with.

Save the male bonding and excessive testosterone for a sports bar.

Can Seduction and Pick Up Tactics Work for You? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 23:15:04 +0000

If you’re a guy, you’ve certainly heard of at least one "How to Pick Up Any Woman" product.

These products are typically DVD or CD programs that claim to show you the art of seducing a woman by using subtle yet effective seduction techniques to easily approach any woman without getting rejected.

While these techniques can be very effective, will they work for you?

Watch this short video to find out…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Leaving the Friend Zone – How to Actually Ask Her Out On a Date (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 13:00:29 +0000

At some point you’re going to have to make your move and depart the friend zone. Now, this may not be in the first minute or two, and maybe not even the first time you talk to her. The key here again is self confidence. You’ll also need a little patience.

Take your time and feel it out first. Don’t make her choose until you know she’s comfortable enough with you to give you a chance and you’re comfortable enough to take the chance.

Watch this short video to find out how to move out of the ‘Friend Zone’ and on to the next level.

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Easily Meet The Hottest Women Anytime, Anywhere, and NEVER Worry About What To Say

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:24:03 +0000

If you’ve been around for a while, you know that we always suggest using extreme caution when applying seduction tactics.

Remember, she will get to know the real you eventually.

But if you really get stuck in those first few minutes and find yourself fumbling around like an idiot when you see a hot girl, then certain seduction techniques can help you get your foot in the door so that she will actually take the time to get to know the real you.

If you’d like to know exactly how to use the latest cutting edge seduction technology to make meeting even the hottest women, anytime, anywhere, as easy as hangin’ out with the guys, then keep reading…

This Is THE Breakthrough You’ve Been Waiting For!

By far the most popular item that we’ve seen has been a DVD product that tells you exactly how to seduce a woman – from the opening approach to the first few minutes of real conversation.

This DVD shows you EXACTLY what to say, and the 4 effective energetic "vibes", or pathways that make any of her responses turn into a YES for you.

Here’s just some of what you’ll find out in this start to finish seduction road map:

How to use the 4 different approach vibes in the proper combination and sequence, to ensure no matter WHAT your opening words are, the conversation will progress exactly as you want it.
How to get past all "compliment resistance" with the super-powered "Implied Compliment" method.
The exact different physical angles and approaches to use in different approach scenarios.
The "step back" principle; creating an interest "vacuum" to test her willingness, convey safety and power, and condition her from the very beginning to be the one coming after YOU!
Three magic words to make ANY opening lines 500% more effective.
Mastering the "put-on": how to instantly convert any observed situation or condition into a hilarious, fun, mega-icebreaker that she can’t resist.
The 6 Gold-Walk Up beliefs you must master and command to ensure your absolute pick-up mastery!
3 steps you MUST take before you make any approach to triple or quadruple your walk-up success.
The 90% rule to eliminate almost any pre-approach jitters.
The strategic use of pacing and pauses to create hypnotic response potential within the first 10-15 seconds!
Structured assignments and drills to build your walk-up skills.
An amazing new "boyfriend ignorer", the best I’ve ever used, that also includes word for word powerful hypnotic language that turns her "boyfriend" objection into a filter of desire, lust and need that she HAS to see you through!
The fabulous "Snack Quiz" and "Twin Brother Scenarios": here’s how to get them to actually sit down and easily and smoothly move right into powerful patterning language!

You’ll never get stuck again on where to move things forward with Speed Seduction® language, and you’ll watch as Ross Jeffries demonstrates the power of these scenarios on lovely, young Joannie, who is visibly turned on by the whole thing.

Listen… there’s an unlimited supply of incredible women waiting for you when you’ve learned these fantastic secrets that ensure you’ll never have to worry about what to say, ever, anymore, again!

So if you can relate to what we’re saying in this post, this is the best product we’ve found to date.

Don’t wait. Get your copy right now!

If you still have doubts, go check out Ross’s Speed Seduction website, where he’ll answer all of your questions like,

Does this stuff really work?
Will this work on older women? Younger women? Beautiful women?
Can I use this to get that one special girl I’ve always wanted?
Is this disrespectful to women?
Does get this course make me a loser? What are your typical students like?
I’m not very good at talking, how can I make sure this works for me.
Does this course require that I be mean / cruel / a jerk to women? I sure don’t want to do that.
Ross, what is your background for being able to train others in Speed Seduction.
Isn’t this course really expensive?

While you’re there, check out the Unstoppable Confidence Course, where you’ll discover How To Have Unstoppable Confidence and Power With Women.

Here’s what you’ll learn from this amazing course in just one week:

Day One: The Key To Changing Anything You Want, The Power Attitudes For Success With Women, Super-Affirmations To Super-Charge Yourself. (Hey, the power attitudes, BY THEMSELVES, are so incredible that if all you do is listen to this one side, you’ll at least triple your success with women!! But do yourself a favor, and listen to the rest of the tapes too!)
Day Two: Building A Thunderously Powerful Self Image: Staying Laid Back To Get You Laid Like Crazy
Day Three: Automatic Pick-Up And Seduction Programming!
Day Four: Cleaning Up Your Past: Changing Your Flub-Ups, Mistakes, and Snafus Into Powerful Guarantees Of Success!
Day Five: Wrap Up And Special "On The Prowl" Super-Chargers, Including the World’s Best Pick-Up Lines and Approaches.
Day Six: Special Bonus Side… How To Reach Through Time and Space To Find Your Ideal Dream Lover (my partner begged me not to put this in because he thought we could make big bucks off it by itself as a separate program but I told him where to stick it! Here it is, available to you now, worth your entire investment in and of itself!)

Don’t wait. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t Get the Unstoppable Confidence Course Today.

Is Shyness Keeping You From the Girl of Your Dreams?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:37:10 +0000

The Question:

There is this girl at my church that I think might like me. Every time I get a chance to say something to her I don’t because I’m really shy. What can I say or do to break the ice?

The Answer:

The challenge here is that you really like her and really want her to like you. And that’s the problem. That wanting translates into fear – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being alone.

STOP! Let’s go through this together so you will be able to approach her with ease the next time you see her.

She’s a regular person, just like you

Don’t put her on a pedestal just because you like her. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make with women, which is why they strike out so often.

Remember, she’s a regular person, just like you. So, treat her that way. Be nice, friendly, and most of all, confident in yourself. You wouldn’t be shy talking to one of your guy friends or a girl that you have no interest in, right?

So treat her like that – just one of your friends.

Men and women aren’t nearly as different as we all like to believe. At the end of the day we’re all people with needs, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc. We all need friends, companionship, and so on.

How can you tell if she likes you?

When you talk with her, notice how you feel. Do you feel like you WANT her to like you, or do you feel that she DOES like you? Is there a strong surge of energy, a magical spark between the two of you? Down deep, you’ll know if she really likes you.

You can feel it. Trust your gut.

Warning. Many guys make a big deal about asking a girl if she likes them. Don’t ever do that. You’ll put her on the spot and she’ll have to choose without getting to know you first. It’s like deciding if you want to buy a car without ever sitting in it.

The key here is confidence and belief in you. Listen for what’s in your heart, not for what you want to be there. If you’re too nervous to even talk without stuttering, then you won’t be able to read your gut feelings. So it’s very important to get a grip on yourself and just relax.

What if she turns you down?…