As a married man you’re used to going out on dates with your spouse.  Dates could be simple things like a trip to a local outdoor market, maybe dinner, and then home.

Perhaps they were a quiet dinner and then a movie before bed.  They had the potential to be quality time spent with your spouse doing things you both enjoyed together.

Now that you’re back "in the wild" dating could be a huge eye-opener for you.  The things that worked while you were married may not work now that you’re single and looking.

1.  Don’t Talk About Your Past Marriage

This is the cardinal rule for dating after divorce.  Don’t talk about your marriage unless specifically asked and keep it to a minimum.  Use your best judgment about what you can share but any discussion of your ex can lead to more questions that you may not want to answer.  Early in the relationship anything you say can, and will, be held against you for future reference.

2.  Don’t Get Into a Rut

It’s easy to get comfortable doing the same thing over and over again like going to the same places for dinner over and over again.  Don’t bring your date to the same place for dinner often; it’s monotonous and has the potential to tell your date that you aren’t original.  Not only that you’re telling her that you’re possibly mundane and boring.

This leads me to the next point.

3.  Don’t Skip The Romance

Women love romance.  They thrive on it in many shapes and fashions.  Remember to keep this in mind when planning a date.  Do something romantic like taking her to a romantic show or a fancier restaurant.  If you are going to cook her a meal, decorate your place with roses, a nice wine, relaxing and romantic music she enjoys and make her feel special. 

Romance is about showing your lady how much you enjoy making her happy and showing her how you feel.  Many guys that I know are romantic with their ladies even if they aren’t good at telling them how they feel.

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I am so much more than that and besides, the label has such depressing connotations — desperation, loneliness, sadness. Yet I am none of those things. So when it comes to online dating, when is the ideal time to reveal your single-parent status?

My first ad on Lavalife was honest. I said that I was a single mom but not looking for anyone to rescue me, thank you very much. I got a few hits from really strange guys. One sexy guy smiled at me, but said he’d only be interested in some fun, as he’d had enough of the single mother type. I was furious. I’m not a type just because I’ve had a child. So after some depressing experiences, I’ve stopped mentioning my child in my ad.

Is that wrong?

"No," says Sherrie Schneider, co-author of The Rules for Online Dating, "Nowhere in your ad should you mention your children. Don’t say that you love hugging your three-year-old, talking walks with your teen and never, ever, post a photograph online that shows you with your kids."

Its not that Schneider advocates pretending that the kids don’t exist. If there’s a fact box to check that asks whether you have any, you should check yes, but you shouldn’t offer any further info on the topic if you want to attract a man.

Operating on a need-to-know basis is also advocated by Sharon McKenna, author of Sex and the Single Mother. "It seems deceptive not to disclose it, but unless they ask you directly or you’re out on a date and it seems like there’s a real chance of romance, telling them isn’t necessary," she says, "But, if it feels like something good could develop, you need to tell them straight away."

One single mom I know, Ally*, admitted to placing two ads, one that mentions her child and one that doesn’t.  "My barren ad attracted more men," she says, "It’s like the Internet mimics the real world. Who knew?"

Strangely enough, being a single dad doesn’t seem to have the same effect on the number of hits you get or mean that you only hear from single moms. James says that his ad, which mentions that his children are the most important thing in his life, brings him lots of dates. "Honestly, I think that women feel like I’m less likely to be a jerk because I’m a dad," he says, "Which is probably true to some extent, as having children made me become a lot more mature and dependable than my childless friends."

When looking through personal ads it can be cringe-inducing to see how some guys use their kids to show you how nice they are. Putting pictures of your kids up on a dating site is pretty creepy whether you are male or female. But when browsing through ads, this tends to be something guys do much more readily. "I would never do that," says James, "My kids aren’t some kind of bargaining chips for me to show what cute babies I can make."

Another friend, Helen, always mentions her son somewhere in her profile, though she does it discreetly. "As much as I am looking for someone, I am screening people as well," she says, "I wouldn’t want to be with someone who dislikes children or doesn’t get the limitations that having a child places on dating. For example, I cannot just go on spontaneous dates or away for a weekend without enough notice to get a sitter."

I had a few interesting IM chats with a guy who seemed interesting but just didn’t get the single parent thing even though we’d discussed it (briefly). He’d email me in the middle of the day and ask if we could meet for drinks that evening, then get irritated when I’d say no. He just couldn’t understand that it was impossible to get away with an hour’s notice. Needless to say, we never actually met in real life.

Before you do actually drop the bombshell that you are a mom…

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