Ask Dan and Jennifer » singles

Is My Girlfriend Using Me Or Is Her Love Real? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 14:07:10 +0000

Usually it’s the other way around, but sometimes a man will be ready for a steady relationship and his girlfriend begins pulling away.

It can be confusing if you’ve started staying the night with your girlfriend or even taken the relationship to another level

when your girlfriend starts to pull away and act as though you and she are still in the beginning phase of the relationship.

What does it mean when a woman starts to pull away? What should you do if you’re ready for commitment and she’s not?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I started talking to this girl and we hooked up. Things escalated rather quickly and ended up with me staying with her. She dropped hints that she wasn’t actually ready for a relationship and while I was away on vacation, she told me to go back to my own place. We started hanging out again and then one day she asked me to stay the night. After that I have been staying there on and off. She is also dealing with a deep seated depression. She just started taking meds for it. The other day I noticed the change in her and now she is back to pushing me away. She is confusing me and I don’t know if I am wasting my time and she is just using me so she doesn’t have to feel alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

-DW, Tennessee

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She Wants To Remain Casual. . .

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How Letting Go of the Past Can Help You Hold On To The Future (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:18:46 +0000

The past can be a tricky thing. It always seems to haunt us, especially when we really need to learn to let it go.

When you enter into a serious relationship with someone, you tend to take on their pasts as well, and it can be difficult to accept what may or may not have happened in their lives before you came along.

This can put a serious damper on your relationship! How can you learn to let go of your partner’s past so you can move forward with them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over six months now. I feel quite serious about him, but I have issues with past relationships. I was married for 7 years and divorced. Things went well with him up until I found out about and saw pictures of his ex-girlfriends. This seemed to trigger some sort of obsession which I believe was the catalyst of our break up. I needed to find out more about them. Which led to my self esteem plummeting, I believe I wasn’t worthy of his affection. Now with my new boyfriend, I can see a similar pattern emerging. This result in me being distant and pushing my boyfriend away in fear of destroying another relationship, which is the last thing I want to do. Please help.

- Vicky, UK

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The past is the past.

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How To Get More Hits To Your Online Dating Profile

Natalie Lue — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:01:50 +0000

I’m going to premise this by saying that I can give you some tips for helping you get more ‘hits’ on your profile but I make no promises that if you write the most amazing profile on earth, you’ll find your soul mate.

A lot can happen after some winks and a flurry of emails! But until then, here are some quick tips for a more attractive online dating profile.

Use a photo!

Everyone should use a photo and it should be one that is representative of you, shows you in as flattering a light as possible, should ideally have just you in it. and should be in focus. Obviously it goes without saying; it should be YOU!

Start on a positive note

I would steer clear of saying anything that makes it sound like dating online is beneath you or that has been forced upon you. It sends the wrong message. Avoid saying anything that makes you sound like a prospect to avoid because you need to captivate them in the first couple of lines. That’s right, captivate, not scare or turn off. Be confident.

Easy on the length

They say that size matters but in this case, it’s about striking a balance between so short it seems like you don’t care, and so long, it seems like you want the person to be overwhelmed with boredom. People don’t read web pages in the same way that they read books or magazines, and are quite likely to skim, so writing the longest profile in history will hinder chances.

Leave a little mystery

Yes the profile is for telling a prospective date about yourself but if you roll out everything in the profile and tell them ever itty, bitty, little piece of info about yourself, what’s left to ask? Write enough to create curiosity and have the prospective date wanting to find out more.

Be careful of stating the obvious and suffering from ‘Those who doth protest too much’ syndrome

It’s better to be funny with your profile rather than state “I’m really funny” because…well that’s not very funny! Convey and prove your personality with whatever you write because quite frankly, I glaze over when I read “great sense of humor” and “great guy”.

And purlease steer clear of trying to ram ‘qualities’ down people’s throats. I’m really nice; I’m really honest; I’m really caring – People who are nice, honest, or caring don’t make a point of stating it, they just are these things.

But…convey your personality and qualities

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Men, Does More Muscle Really Equal More Sex?

Brad Howard — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:08:28 +0000

On average women find muscular men more sexually attractive.

This may seem a little obvious, but it IS scientifically proven by research. Not only that, but time and time again, social psychology research shows us that women will choose more muscular men for short term sexual partners, and have sex with them faster without a long dating period, than their non muscular counterparts.

Women will also have sex with these “types” of men without developing an emotional attraction to them first as well.

Research shows women prefer muscular men

In fact, a study published in 2007, by Frederick et al. photographed men and had random women judge the look of the muscularity and fatness of their bodies. What the researchers discovered was not only that the men who were judged to be more muscular with less body fat were deemed more attractive, but also that these same “musculed” men had more sexual partners on average than their non “musculed” rivals.

This may seem unbelievably obvious to you, but for some reason there is a notion that your “look” and the condition of your body don’t play a role in attracting women.

Despite this idea, this research is proof that the way your body looks absolutely makes a difference in the amount of sex you will have, and the amount of different, high quality women that you can have sex with.

In other words, the study shows that guys with the right ‘type’ of muscularity can have sex with more women, more often, and have more short term partners than less physically attractive men of the same age and social status (more muscle = more flings).

Point blank, if she’s looking for a hair raising blast in a sports car, and you look like a practical safe station wagon, then it doesn’t matter what you say or do, the chips may be stacked against you more than you know.

What else will you attract?

As an aside, the research by Frederick et al also shows that guys with the right muscular build ALSO have sex with more women that are currently in relationships with other men.

That’s right, according to the research, if you’ve got the right look, even married, engaged, or otherwise ‘attached’ women still want a piece of you, and many are perfectly fine with ‘cheating’ on their significant other to have a taste of what you’ve got to offer.

This effect is all dependent on having the right “ type” of muscular body. As the Frederick research also illustrated, a bodybuilder style build was not as attractive as a male body with properly proportioned muscles.

Luckily, getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men–The Adonis Index. With a top flight male transformation program like the Adonis Effect (which is designed to build your body into its most ideal attractive shape) while introducing a wee bit of dedication on your part in order to see astounding results.

So what are you waiting for? Lets get to the gym, and start building the body our women really want!

Getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men… The Adonis Index. To find out how to use the Adonis Index to generate subconscious physical attraction, visit the Adonis Effect website.

Why Having Sex Right Away Doesn’t Mean He’ll Call…

Victorya Rogers — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:58:59 +0000

Okay ladies, I know most of you THINK seducing your date is the quickest way to get him to call you back but in reality it’s the worst thing you can do—especially early on!

There are many “dating experts” that will tell you differently including fellow colleague David Wygant, who by the way gives great advice about other aspects of dating.

I just totally disagree with him on this point! Come on Dave! You’re a guy and you are in no way guaranteeing that taking it off gets a call back. It just gives the guy a great time in the moment! The problem is, the minute you leave, ladies, you are out of sight out of mind.

Why taking it all off doesn’t work

I’m not saying be a prude and cover up from the top of your neck to your ankles. I’m saying, ladies, dress to look nice and desirable as a human being not a piece of meat on display. Men don’t fall in love because of their libido.

They fall in love when they allow themselves to give up their heart. Commitment for a man is always a conscious choice. Until a man decides to commit, he will continue to play the field, often with more than one woman at a time.

Sure, most guys will gladly sleep with you, and they’ll be quite pleased with you for satisfying them. Here’s where you will get confused. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he loves you. In fact, it doesn’t even mean he LIKES you.

It just means you were willing, he was “in the mood” (which is every guy all the time) and so you did it. It in no way means anything else, in HIS mind as far as “commitment.” Rather it will be a pleasant instant gratification moment.

Another negative about jumping in the sack with your date is that the minute sex is involved, the communication level of a developing relationship seems to just freeze. However well you’ve gotten to know each other at that point seems to be as far as the relationship “depth” goes. This is a very bad consequence if you were trying to move him along the path of committing to you.

Thinking sex right away is a good idea? It’s not just you.

I can give you story after story, example after example to prove my case. I’ve seen the evidence all over America and I’ve seen it all through the entertainment industry (where I spent 16 years and all my single years).

I so feel bad for all these female celebrities because they are making the same mistakes many of you are and jumping in the sack, even getting pregnant, to try and catch their man. For them, the results are worse because they’ve just given the guy bragging rights for nabbing a celeb who they didn’t have to commit to first. Kudos to the guy, sympathies for the celebrity who will soon be dumped—that is if she was ever even considered a girlfriend.

Okay, okay, enough ranting, let me close in just telling you there are many other ways to capture that man’s heart than taking it off and using your body, no matter HOW amazing your body is.

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

How To Be Every Woman’s ‘Type’

Brad Howard — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:13:07 +0000

Guys might say they have ‘types’, like blondes, or short and petite, or like women with blue eyes, or brunettes, whatever.

But I’d guess that most of you never refer to your “type” as being “excessively overweight” or “big boned with a great personality.”

Yet, this is in fact what guys settle for when they think they have no shot at something better looking.

What women really want

Likewise, 99% of all women prefer a guy with a great body – regardless of hair and eye color, or how tall or short he is. There is no such thing as an attractive women who “prefers” a guy with a big sloppy gut, or a hot woman who would really like a guy with a weak sunken chest, no muscle in his arms and skinny twigs for legs.

Rest assured these body looks are not any woman’s “type”, they are just what women settle for when they realize they can’t get their hands on a better looking guy.

Now, of course you might say that rock stars or big time Hollywood celebrities get great looking women without being in any kind of shape, and I’ll agree to an extent, but if you’ll notice most of these guys are in pretty good shape too!

The research on body shape and attraction

There is current research that shows on average:

Women with great bodies have sex with guys that have great bodies.
Women with a few extra pounds tend to end up with guys with a few extra pounds.
And women who are really big, well you can fill the blank in here.

In other words, more often than not you’re going to end up in bed with a girl who’s body is only as good as yours.

In fact, studies show that it’s rare for a guy who is completely out of shape to constantly be having sex with women that have the hottest of hot bodies.It’s much more likely that the women available to you have a body that rates about the same as yours does.

So how do I get a great body?

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5 Tips For Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

Stephany Alexander — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:21:16 +0000

Be realistic. We are all searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right but everyone has flaws. Set your expectations high but not so high that nobody can meet them.

To search for an accomplished, educated, attractive partner is realistic. Insisting your potential partner must have a Phd., be wealthy, with model looks, is not.

Stay positive and have fun

Plan your dates around activities that you both enjoy so even if things don’t work out, you have fun in the process. You may meet a lot of people you aren’t interested, but don’t give up. Think of your search similar to that of searching for a great job. It takes a lot of work but the payoff is well worth it.

Try different things

Experiment with various ways to meet new people. Don’t just try online dating, rather also allow your friends and family to set you up, take up a new hobby to meet someone with similar interests and actively put yourself out there so you can meet new people.

Stay true to your morals

If a date tries to pressure you into sex early on, simply move on to the next because there is a high probability they are pressuring others also. In this dangerous world we live in, practicing abstinence not only protects your health by protecting you from sexually transmitted diseases, it also prevents someone from using you like a piece of meat.

Write a great online profile

In order to find the person of your dreams, you need to have an eye-catching, well-written profile that tells a lot about you, including your likes AND dislikes. Overly sexy profile user names or photographs attract the wrong type of person. Treat your profile like a resume and spend some time on it by making sure you use proper grammar, punctuation and spelling. If you are searching for someone who has never been married with no children, say so.

Screen, Screen and Screen Some More

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How Much Of A Man Are You? Your Adonis Index Defined

Brad Howard — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:06:32 +0000

On your top 10 list of things that you find attractive in a woman, I’ll bet facial beauty and a nice body account for 9 of the top 10 spots…and in many cases all 10.

In fact, the vast majority of men… and that’s me included… will probably give a bit on the face if the woman has a rockin’ body.

Yet, in this same regard, how much will you compromise if the woman has the prettiest face you’ve ever seen… but she’s carrying 10, maybe 15lbs over your ideal?

Exactly.

I don’t care how pretty a woman’s face is, if it’s attached to a body more suited for a walrus, that woman is not on your radar, or any other guy that you or I know. This is the girl with the “great personality” that just so happens to be the proverbial “grenade” every night she goes out.

“Personality” never gets a woman too far if she doesn’t have the looks and the body and quite frankly, the research proves it.

So, why do you think that would be any different for guys?

There ARE differences when it comes to attraction

Well, truth be known… there ARE some differences… but they are more subtle than most guys realize.

Attracting women, and especially a hot woman with a great body requires you to know what to say, when to say it, how to move and how to act… but studies also show that being in shape helps much more than most people are giving credit for.

You can believe it or not… but the fact is… if you’re in the throws of passion with a beautiful woman and your body is built like a Greek god… she won’t be able to keep her hands off of you… period.

The truth about the way your body looks

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Online Dating? 5 Signs You Should Run Like Hell!

Lisa Quirke — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:45:39 +0000

Sometimes the big bad world of online dating can be very confusing. It seems it gets harder and harder to know when to trust a potential date. Use these 5 tips to know when you should pursue a connection or run like hell.

1. He takes no time to get to know you

So you get an email from someone telling you they’re interested in getting to know you. You check out the profile and see potential. Then you reply saying you are interested as well. The next email says, "Great! Let’s meet!"

Whoa Nelly! Slow down there just a bit. Two emails, especially short one or two liner emails, are not enough here. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not telling you to drag it out for months or even weeks, but do give it a few days at least.

But maybe more importantly, make sure you are having conversations with substance. You should be talking, asking questions, and really getting to know each other before a rushed meet. Otherwise, how do you even know he’s someone you want to know. And vice versa.

I learned this lesson the hard way recently with a date. He had emailed saying hello. I emailed back asking how he was. The very next email asked if I wanted to meet.

I agreed and was in for not only horrible date, but one that ended in text message harassment and physical threats.

Was that a bad call or what? I had no idea what I was getting into and, obviously, I made a bad judgment call. Don’t make the same mistake.

2. He makes you a goddess in 2.5 emails

This guy will woo you with romantic notions and flowery words. He will become "hooked" in record time and will proceed to fill your head with more cornball notions than you’ve ever seen or heard before.

One of the problems here is that, at first blush, it’s easy to get caught up in it all. That part of you that has been single and feeling less than desirable is thinking, "Well, it’s about time!" Back away for awhile and try to look at the conversation objectively.

If he immediately started in with nothing but excessive compliments and talk of finally finding the "one," you have a problem. Not only that but if, in those first few emails, you suddenly have much more in common than it seemed from his profile, he may be telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

One guy I was chatting with didn’t have an occupation listed on his profile. When I suggested we perhaps after getting to know each awhile we might want to exchange phone numbers to continue the conversation, he responded that he didn’t have a phone. After all, he is a teacher too and being one myself, I could empathize with the amount of money teachers don’t make.

Really? Kind of a coincidence isn’t it? And, if we were really both in the same profession, I would have thought he would have mentioned it sooner.

3. He doesn’t respond to what you say

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Online Dating – How to Avoid the Single Biggest Mistake Most People Make (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:00:37 +0000

So what so you think is the single biggest mistake that most men – and women- make with online dating?

Put simply, most people use the shotgun approach to dating and hope to hit something, anything. They put no thought into what they are actually looking to get out of online dating or the type of person and relationship they’re really looking for.

And then they wonder why they’re not happy with the people they meet.

Not exactly the best approach for the most important aspect of your life, is it?

Watch this short video to find out how you can avoid this fatal mistake…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Online Dating Safety for Men – Web Cam Girls, Identify Theft, and More (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:03:00 +0000

Just when you thought it was safe to try Online Dating...

It seems that with Online Dating it’s often the men, rather than the women who are getting preyed upon.

You can avoid being taken advantage of by being well informed and taking a few safety precautions.

Think these things can’t happen to you? Think again!

Identity theft? But her online profile looked really hot. There must be some mistake.
Why is she asking for my credit card to "see her special private photos?"
What’s a web cam girl and why do you care?

Watch this short video to find out how you can avoid becoming a victim…

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Online Dating – How to Get Her to Actually Respond to You (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 22:40:45 +0000

You can avoid this critical mistake that many men make with Online Dating.

So, you’ve found a girl that you’d like to meet. Now, what do you say to her in that crucial first email?

How do you capture her interest so that she’ll actually give you a chance?

And… what are the biggest things to avoid saying to women online?

Watch this short 2 minute video to find out the answers to these questions and more…

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Online Dating – How to Get 10 Times More Women Checking You Out (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 14:59:06 +0000

Here’s the Single Biggest Mistake that both men and women make with Online Dating.

Making this one small change to your Online Dating Profile can increase your response rate anywhere from 10 to 20 times – yes, 1000% or more.

So don’t wait. Watch this short 1 minute video right now to see how you can avoid it.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Fatal Online Dating Mistakes – How NOT to Respond to Her Message (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 21:27:54 +0000

Here’s another fatal mistake that almost all men make with Online Dating.

Learn exactly how long you should really wait before responding to her message in this quick 1 minute video.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Fatal Online Dating Mistakes – How to Avoid the Delete Key and Get Her to Actually Read Your Message (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 12:01:00 +0000

There are some very common mistakes that almost all men make with Online Dating. One of the biggest mistakes has to do with what you should and should not say in your first message to her.

Watch this 2 minute video where you’ll discover how to avoid the delete key & actually get her to read your message.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Fatal Online Dating Mistakes – Sending Her Just a Wink ;-) (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 03:41:36 +0000

There are some very common mistakes that almost all men make with Online Dating. This one may come as a surprise to you…

Watch this 2 minute video to find out just exactly why sending her a wink could be a fatal mistake.

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

How To Survive Being Single This Valentine’s Day

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 00:38:43 +0000

Single this Valentine’s Day? So what!

Ladies, we say just ignore all of the flower and jewelry commercials – or better yet – send yourself some flowers or go buy that really cool necklace that you’ve had your eye on.

Guys, take a deep breath because you’re off the hook this year!

If you’re not excited about flying solo or if you’re wondering what on earth to do with yourself this Valentine’s Day while all of your couple friends are out on romantic dates… We’ve found just the solution you’re looking for.

Here’s a great article from Deanna Frazier, the "Dating Diva", with terrific ways that you can survive being single this Valentine’s Day.

"Going Solo on Valentine’s Day – Advice for Singles"

The stores are decorated in candy hearts, flowers and bears. Every TV or radio commercial reminds you that it’s time to remember your sweetheart on this special day for lovers.

Your feelings range from sadness to anger. What’s a single person to do?

The following suggestions are designed to both answer that question and to help you have a good day after all, while working to make this your last solo Valentine’s Day!

Celebrate the day by planning an activity that is enjoyable to you and provides you with a special treat.

Go to a day spa for "the works"
Plan an intimate dinner for 3 or 4
Go ice-skating or to the movies with a fun friend
Go out to dinner and a movie with a group of other singles
Focus on what you enjoy and make a conscious decision about how to mark the day
Un-Valentine’s Day parties are very popular

Design a relationship-building plan. Let the holiday provide you with the motivation to take risks, try new ideas and gain the knowledge that will enable you to find and create a lasting, intimate relationship.

Sit down at the computer or with pen and paper in hand and get your plan written down.
Begin by making a list of resources that can be used to help you meet available singles.
These can include: on-line dating sites, singles groups, volunteer activities, or participation in sports or
Other activities that you enjoy. Decide when and how often you will participate in any activity you choose.
Make a budget for both time and available funds for this purpose.
Do your homework and research each resource so the information will be available when you need it.

Review those intentions and resolutions you made, or make some if you haven’t yet, and be sure you are implementing and sticking to those that will ensure that you are really ready for that special relationship. Being the kind of person you want to be with is the first step. "Become the Date or the Mate You Want to Have." Taking care of yourself and living well will optimize your chances for relationship success.

Start today. Work to eliminate negative thinking. Think of all the possibilities that could open up for you. Hopefully these tips will assist you in having a better "solo" Valentine’s Day than you might have been headed for. Enjoy the day by doing something fun. Then focus on your relationship plan and empower yourself to build the healthy, lasting relationship of your dreams.

Top 10 Resources for Valentine’s Day Ideas, Tips, and Advice

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 15:04:40 +0000

Stop searching all over the internet for creative and romantic ideas this Valentine’s Day. We’ve done all the work for you and put together a complete list of resources for you. Inside you’ll find resources to help you have the most romantic and sexy Valentine’s Day ever!

After searching all over the web (so you don’t have to), here is our Top 10 List of resources for this Valentine’s Day.

Romance

Creative Valentine’s Day Ideas

Our top pick is from one of our favorite men in the romance area – Michael Webb.

"One of the least romantic days of the year is Valentine’s Day. Yes you heard me correctly. The majority of men act like robots, purchasing flowers and chocolate for their sweethearts because that is what everyone else is doing. Many people celebrate the day out of obligation rather than celebration.

Here are some ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day a bit more romantically and creatively."

Here’s our favorite book from Michael Webb – "300 Creative Dates". If you don’t have it yet, we highly recommend it!

What Women Want for Valentine’s Day

"Valentine’s Day is coming up, and even if you haven’t got a girl to buy something for it’s important that you know about the art of gift buying for women."

RomanceTips.com

The destination for romantic tips, ideas, date advice, and romantic articles.

Ten Tips for a Romantic & Memorable Valentine’s Day

"The Valentine’s Day gift you choose for your loved one and how you decide to spend the day says a lot about the quality of your relationship, so give something that has real meaning to you. Gifts from the heart don’t have to be expensive. Since the traditional gifts of flowers or chocolates don’t last forever, here are ten creative ways to express your love."

Sex and Intimacy

Red Hot Valentine’s Day Guide from iVilllage.

What do guys find sexy in a woman? 18 Body Language Clues That Say He’s Interested. Worship-Worthy Oral Sex Secrets. Why guys don’t like Valentine’s Day.

The Top 27 Valentine’s Day Tips to Make Your Man Desire You More

Great article for women…

"Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. You have been in a relationship with a man for a while, but he hasn’t been committed to you. You might wonder about him: “Is he going to commit to me on Valentine’s Day?” “Is he going to propose on Valentine’s Day?”

Valentine’s Day is actually the best day to break up with a partner if the relationship isn’t going anywhere. My 27 Valentine’s Day tips are politically incorrect, but they are always practically correct."

Top 6 Erotic Books for Valentines Day Gifts from About.com

"Some say that time is the greatest Valentine’s Day gift you can give your partner. But what if you run out of things to say? While that isn’t likely, consider offering your lover an erotic bedtime story, or an erotic poem to start off Valentine’s Day right. If time or creativity constraints prevent you from penning your own words of love or lust, consider these collections of new and classic erotic writings."

Other Valentine’s Day Resources

KnowledgeHound.com

Activities, Party Planning, Games…
Ideas for a Romantic Evening for Two

MyDearValentine.com

Valentine’s cards and ideas, dating tips and relationship advice.

Valentine’s Day Guide from LovingYou.com

Do you have another great resource to share? Leave a comment below and tell us about it.

Relationship Secrets… Should I Have Told Her?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 21:05:00 +0000

The Question: I’ve been seeing a girl for 4 months. We were serious but she started teaching and wanted to take it down a notch because she is under so much stress from the internship and she has anxiety attacks and is on medication for them. I found out today that another reason she can’t be serious with me is that I get mad at things she thinks I shouldn’t.

During the 4 months we have been seeing each other I’ve kept it a secret that I have anger issues from a head injury I got a couple of years ago. This injury left me with small lesions that affected my mood, memory, and some motor and thinking skills. Even though I’ve been through therapy for it and have gotten somewhat better, I hate telling girls, or anyone else, because I don’t want to use it as a crutch or a sympathy card.

I got so worried after tonight that she was seriously going to dump me that I sent her an email telling her of my ailment. The last girl I dated and told her about it kinda disappeared, so I’m a bit scared what she will do because I really like this girl. I just couldn’t let her keep thinking that I’m a jerk when my anger is only so much in my control.

Should I have told her about the lesions and how they affect me or should I have kept my mouth shut?

The Answer:

Whether you should have told her or not doesn’t really matter since you already told her. What’s done is done. As a rule I never regret absolutely anything. You can choose to learn from all your choices and experiences and do something different next time, but stay away from regret and self doubt. They only hurt you and lead to uncertainty, which leads to more regrets.

But keep this in mind for the future… You should always talk about a serious or emotional topic in person, never on the phone or via email. In an emotional situation like this, if you really need to get it off your chest, type up that email and then save it in draft or delete it all together. You’ll feel better and will still have the opportunity to let things cool and have a calm chat in person.

From my perspective, full disclosure is a must if you’re considering a long term committed relationship with someone. Otherwise, secrets (small or large) seem to create a heaviness over the relationship because you’re always wondering if the other person will find out. Most likely, your partner will find out anyway because secrets have a way of coming out eventually.

It is however a good idea to wait to share certain intimate details until it looks like the relationship is actually going somewhere. Picture going on a first date with someone and you both go through a laundry list of countless little things that "the other person should know". Most of those are completely irrelevant if you don’t build a relationship. Unless you have a firm foundation and you truly want to be together, none of that stuff really matters… and it could torpedo your chances of getting to know each other.

Regardless of any disability, she was attracted to the person you are today, and the person you’ve been for those four months. Period.

Your best chance to salvage the relationship and keep her is to confront the anger problem aggressively. Start a new anger management therapy program, or whatever else you think will work, and include her. But definitely take action to make it better. That way she’ll see that you truly care for her and you’re serious about making her happy and being with her.

Second Date Ideas… Keeping it Fun and Exciting after the First Date

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 20:12:00 +0000

The Question: I have a second date with a special girl. I live in the Cleveland Ohio area. I found a place we can go to see x-mas lights on a horse-drawn wagon. She has a daughter and I’m thinking she is ready to settle down. I really like her and I’m ready to settle down. Do you think that the horse drawn wagon is a good idea and not too pushy or romantic?

The Answer:

The horse drawn carriage ride definitely sounds romantic and also very thoughtful. Everyone goes to dinner at some fancy place on their first dates – that’s not special. She’ll appreciate that you actually came up with something creative and romantic.

If you want to stand out from the crowd, always strive to be yourself, to be different… Don’t go on the same dates everyone else goes on, and don’t copy what everyone else does. Do something exciting and memorable, and most importantly – have fun.

Fun and happiness is extremely infections… people just can’t get enough.

One caveat… if she seems at all uncomfortable around you, then it may be best to take her to a more public place place like a restaurant. That way she won’t spend the evening with her guard up and the two of you should have a lot more fun. That’s usually more of a first date issue, but still keep it in mind.

In the end, you two will have to decide together. Tell her what you’re planning and let her choose what she’s most comfortable with. Better yet, brainstorm some ideas together, and come up with fun ideas for future dates. That way you’re way more likely to reach third date and beyond.

A word of caution on the topic of settling down… you’re not there yet. Don’t rush it. If you’re too focused on the end goal of "setting down" you could sabotage the relationship before it takes off by being too pushy or needy. When the time is right and you’re more comfortable around each other (you’ll know when that is…) – talk openly about how you both honestly feel about settling down. Make sure that you have that conversation in a neutral, no pressure environment and be prepared to listen to what the other person has to say.

Take this one day and one date at a time. Enjoy your time with her now and see how your relationship grows and evolves.

You’re definitely on the right track… keep it creative and exciting and fun.

For some fun and really unique date ideas, check out our review of Michael Webb’s excellent book 300 Creative Dates.

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