The expectation to please and to make the person "on bottom" orgasm can easily turn a playful sexual experience into an emotional disaster. Although it’s commonly assumed that the person in the dominant position has more control over the situation, and is therefore less vulnerable, this is not often the case from an emotional perspective.

Sure, they may be controlling the movements, but they are also putting their physical selves and their sexual prowess on display. If these attributes are commented upon or criticized by their partners, it could lead to feelings of shame - an emotion that rarely, if ever, makes sex better.

Women Can Be Particularly Vulnerable to "On Top" Criticisms

Because women are still "supposed" to be the sexually submissive sex, when a woman does work up enough courage to take a controlling position in bed she’s likely to be even more nervous than her male counterparts ever were. Most women feel rather out of place and very hesitant the first few times they try to be on top.

(Guys, remember how you felt the first time you had sex and were expected to "take control" of things?! Now multiply that by five and you’ll have an idea of how she’s feeling.) This nervousness often leads to jerky movements, sudden stops, and a general lack of sexual "flow." The results can be an "on bottom" partner who not only doesn’t reach orgasm, but may start wondering where his usually submissive and confident sex kitten has gone.

Everyone Has to Find Their Own Sexual "Groove"

Just like everyone has their own special way of boogy-ing down on the dance floor, everyone has their own internal sexual rhythms they need to discover, usually via trial and error. Often by the time men are in their thirties they’ve practically forgotten what it was like to not have a defined sexual pattern. Women, on the other hand, often aren’t comfortable enough to explore their sexuality fully until they are in their thirties, which makes finding their natural rhythms (the ones that really come from their own bodies – not the ones that come from following someone else’s) that much harder.

Tips to Calm Her Down and Help Find Her Own Rhythm

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Unfortunately most of us never get the opportunity to fully explore all of the hidden erotic treasures patiently awaiting us in our kitchen drawers because we’re too busy reheating yesterday’s pizza to actually spend three savory hours indulging in our sensual creativity.

So here’s my suggestion – make a little cooking date with your lover on a Saturday, or a Sunday, or whenever. Treat it just as you would any other date, give the children to their grandparents, get a babysitter, etc. Make sure the two of you have plenty of time to relax and to really "get into" whatever happens to come up.

Go through your cupboards, your refrigerator, and your pantry with kinky eyes.

Ask yourself questions like "how would that feel running up my spine?" or "how else could this fork be used?"

Before you know it everything will seem wonderfully tempting, and you’ll be well on your way to making steamy memories that will no doubt have you blushing the next time you stick that boring old pizza into the oven.  

If, however, you still need a bit of inspiration to get your naughty juices flowing, keep reading.

Five Very Wicked Ways To Turn Your Ordinary Kitchen Accoutrements Into Brazenly Devilish Sex Toys

1. The Spanking Wooden Spoon – Near and dear to my own playful heart, I get a fluttery feeling every time I use one of these classic, extra-large wooden stirring spoons. For the edgy players among you, using a spoon for spanking purposes is not a very shocking idea.

After all, whenever a paddle’s not handy, a wooden spoon will always do the trick! It’s sturdy, fairly wide, and gives that yummy mix of sting and thud. Oh come on, be daring and give your partner a soft teasing whack – their reaction might surprise you!

2. Chip Clip Nipple Clamps – Warning, not for the faint of heart. I’m a little hesitant to make this suggestion because it has to be the right kind of chip clip – you should only use ones that are flat on the inside, NOT the kind with little teeth or jagged edges meant to hold the bag closed tighter! Although impromptu nipple (or other body part) clamps are a fun idea, remember how easily this skin can be damaged and use your common sense. Smaller clips have less power so are better suited for this pain/pleasure toy. And don’t forget to sooth those fire-hot nipples afterward with a little melting ice from the freezer…

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