Ask Dan and Jennifer » STDs

What Causes Irrational Fear Of Sex? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:00:49 +0000

Sex is everywhere. Sex sells, right? You see sex on television, in movies and you hear it in music. It’s on billboards, in newspaper ads and all over the Internet. So logically, as a society, we don’t seem very afraid of sex, do we? Surprisingly enough, many people still have a deep seated, irrational fear of sex, masturbation and other sex related things. Why is this fear irrational, and what causes it? What can you do about it?

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Sex And Psychology

The most complicated part of human psychology is sex. Sex involves so many things, including the body, the mind and even your emotions. What feels good physically doesn’t always feel good emotionally, and what feels good emotionally doesn’t always please you physically. It can be difficult to understand why someone may have a fear about sex or have a sex related phobia, because there are so many contributing factors to sex. In persons who haven’t been sexually abused, a fear of sex or a sex phobia can seem irrational. The human body and mind was created to enjoy and take pleasure from sex, and it’s one of the most natural things for two human beings to do together. What are some things that can cause an irrational fear of sex?

Painful Sex

Many people can experience pain during sex or masturbation. In women, small vaginas or lack of natural lubrication can make penetration extremely uncomfortable or painful. In some women, the clitoral hood doesn’t cover the clitoris completely, making most types of sexual contact painful instead of pleasurable. In men, a poorly done circumcision can leave too little skin on the penis, making an erection uncomfortable or painful when the skin stretches too taut. Penises also have stiff, fibrous muscles that when erect, can “break.” It’s rare, but rough masturbation or sex can “break” a penis, making sex or even erections painful if it’s not corrected immediately. Anyone that experiences pain during sex or masturbation can develop a fear of sex or sex related activities, depending on what causes them pain or discomfort.

Psychological Issues

Many people have an irrational fear of sex due to psychological factors. Some people have phobias of sex or masturbation because their parents brought them up in an overly religious environment, or they were taught to think sex is dirty. Believe it or not, many women are taught that enjoying sex is “wrong” and that sex is only something they must do as a wife when they get married. Many of these women don’t have orgasms and have very poor and unsatisfying sex lives, therefore, may avoid sex as much as they can in fear of it. Many men and women are brought up thinking that masturbation is wrong as well, even that it will give you hairy palms or cause blindness. Any type of skewed thinking about sexual pleasure that was ingrained on a person as a child can contribute to sexual fears and phobias in adulthood.

STD’s And Pregnancy

Some people avoid sex all together because they have deeply rooted fears of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps someone in the family contracted AIDS or got pregnant, and the family criticized them or looked down upon them. Perhaps someone contracted a sexually transmitted disease or got pregnant and is terrified of it happening again. Fears of pregnancy and STD’s can play a large part in someone’s irrational phobias of sex.

What To Do

If you have a fear of sex or sex related activities, it’s important to see a doctor. What you’re experiencing, however, can determine which type of doctor you go see. If you’re having physical pain during sex, you should make an appointment with your general practitioner or family doctor. They can do a physical examination as well as take a detailed medical history to determine what exactly is causing the pain or contributing to it. If you’re having psychological issues with sex, consider seeing a therapist or a specialized sex therapist to help talk to you about your phobias, why you have them and how you can work your way through them.

Many people are afraid of seeing the doctor – regardless of which type – because having a sexual fear for whatever reason can seem embarrassing. Lots of things are embarrassing though, and you deserve to have a happy, healthy sex life. Find a doctor or therapist that you’re comfortable with, and take control of your sex life.

What Are Crabs And How Do You Get Them? Dangerous Sex Toys? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:00:41 +0000

You’ve probably heard of the term “crabs” before, and we don’t mean the kind you get at the local seafood joint. Crabs are a curable, although annoying, sexually transmitted disease that you can get a number of ways – including non-sexual ways, such as sharing underwear with someone if it hasn’t been washed in hot water first.

Virgin girl gets crabs – did she get them from her sister’s vibrator or from somewhere else? What exactly are crabs, how do you get them and what can you do to get rid of them?

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What Are Crabs?

Crabs are lice – like head lice, only much smaller, that live in the pubic area. Crabs are tiny and hard to spot, and lay eggs on the hair shaft or follicle like head lice do. Crabs are generally spread through sexual contact, although this doesn’t have to include penetration. Any sexual contact, including vaginal sex, anal sex, or any type of pubic area to pubic area contact. People with crabs (also known as pubic lice) don’t always look like they have pubic lice, and it can be hard to spot. If you have multiple sex partners, make sure you check yourself regularly.

Symptoms of crabs include white dots – which are the crabs’ eggs – in your pubic hair (easier to see if your pubic hair is dark) and can often be spotted easily with a magnifying glass. Intense itching is one of the most common symptoms, even before you begin to see eggs. If you suspect that you might have pubic lice, see your doctor. Your doctor can prescribe a simple shampoo that will remove the crabs as well as their eggs.

Avoiding Crabs

There are some ways you can avoid getting crabs, although, if you have multiple sex partners, it can be difficult to spot right away and you might come into contact with them. You can also get crabs from wearing unwashed underwear of someone who has crabs, or sharing sex toys with someone who has crabs. To avoid exposing yourself to crabs, avoid sharing sex toys with anyone, and always wash your sex toys after use (even if you’re the only one who uses them. You might not get crabs from yourself, but it’s just better hygiene and will avoid spreading unwanted bacteria). You can use a special sex toy cleaner, or simple soap and hot water.

Getting Educated

While crabs are an unwanted sexually transmitted disease, they’re curable and certainly not one of the worse. Many other infections and sexually transmitted diseases can be spread by sharing sex toys or having multiple sex partners. Many of these infections can be treated, but some can’t. It’s important to educate yourself about sexually transmitted diseases and infections and learn how they’re transmitted, what the symptoms are and how you can protect yourself. Using condoms greatly reduces your risk of contracting a number of STD’s and infections. You’re worth the time it takes to explore different resources and take charge of your sexual health. Being smart, safe and informed can save you a lot of time, money, heartache and health problems later.

Does Sex Always Equal Babies? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 12:00:08 +0000

Sex education these days is at a low, especially considering our social growth and development in other areas of our lives. While we love exploring why educating our youths about sex is so taboo, this time we’re talking babies. We’re going to answer the simple, yet age old question – does sex always equal babies?

Most people know this, but some of you may not. Does sex always equal babies? Do you have a baby for every time you have sex? Here’s what you want to know about the fundamentals of sex and pregnancy!

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Egg, Sperm, Birds And Bees

To address whether sex always equal babies, first you need to understand the fundamentals of what creates a baby. What it takes to make a baby is simply 1 sperm to fertilize 1 egg. While men release millions of sperm each time they ejaculate, women only drop 1 egg a month (generally, with the exception of twins) within a window of about 3 days, during which the egg can be fertilized. So while you may have sex 30 times in one month, or 5 times in one month, that does not equal how many babies you will have. Most of the millions of sperm that enter the vagina during unprotected intercourse will die before ever reaching the egg, thousands do reach the egg and all it takes to fertilize it is 1. Sperm can also live in the vagina for about three days as well, so these events don’t always have to happen back to back or in order for a pregnancy to occur. In fact, you may release an egg before you have unprotected sex, but still end up pregnant.

Educate Yourself

You can’t rely on your parents or even schools to educate you about sex, so it’s important for you to take that step and start educating yourself. Read about female and male anatomy and broaden your understanding about sex and pregnancy and how they relate to each other. There are a ton of resources available to you through your local health department, the library and websites that can help you understand the basics of pregnancy and sex, as well as human anatomy. Knowledge is power and it’s important to be informed and smart when it comes to sex and you can never learn too much.

Always Risky

When you have unprotected sex, you’re always running the risk of becoming pregnant. Even protected sex isn’t completely, 100% effective. All it takes is 1 sperm and 1 egg. Know that any sex (even protected) can result in a pregnancy, even if it isn’t a pregnancy for every time you have sex. Every time you have sex, you risk getting pregnant. If you aren’t planning on having a baby or don’t want one, take measures to protect yourself when having sex. Abstinence is the only 100%, foolproof way to prevent pregnancy, but condoms, spermicide and birth control work well in reducing the risk of pregnancy, especially when used in conjunction with other pregnancy prevention methods. Condoms are the only safer sex method that will protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Do your research – it pays to be informed.

What Is The Best Age To Start Having Sex? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:00:38 +0000

Teenagers (and some adults) are have been asking for quite some time, “What is the right age to start having sex?” Teens are asking because they want to know when they get the green card to let their hormones take control, and adults are asking because they want to know when they should give their teenagers that same green card. So when is the best age to start having sex, and does it differ from person to person and family to family?

So what is the right age to have sex for the first time? What’s the right age to enter into a sexual relationship? Here are our often controversial thoughts on this topic, and we want to know what your thoughts are on this topic – when do you think the best age is for someone to start having sex? Check out our YouTube page and leave a comment!

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Be Safe And Be Smart

Before we start discussing what age you should or shouldn’t start having sex at, let’s address safe sex at any age. People can recommend that magic “age” all they want, but when it boils down to it, each person is going to make that choice for themselves. So whatever age you decide to have sex for the first time, make sure you’re being safe! Unprotected sex leads to sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and possible pregnancy. Don’t take a chance – use a condom or a dental dam, and know who you’re having sex with. No matter what age you are, if you’re having sex, you’re worth having safe sex.

Waiting

Of course for the younger generation, abstinence is ideal, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Teenagers and pre-teens are having sex and becoming sexual at an earlier age every year it seems like it. Middle schoolers are even beginning to have sex, and some late elementary school age children are starting to show signs of being interested in sex! Of course you want to wait as long as you possibly can. Even if you decide to wait until you’re eighteen, or until you’re married, it is still smart to be honestly and comprehensively educated about sex, about your options and about the consequences of sex. You always want to be armed with information before you make a decision.

A Good Age To Have Sex

Levels of maturity differ from person to person and morals and beliefs differ from family to family. Respect your moral beliefs, and respect your maturity. Women are often more mature than men, and may be ready for sex before men are. Teenagers, however, may not be ready for the consequences of having sex period and that is definitely something to take into consideration. It is your choice though to have sex, no matter what age you are. Once you’ve educated yourself about sex and know how to be safe and what the consequences (emotional and physical) of sex are, you’ll have a better idea if you’re ready or not. If you’re ready, make it special and make it safe. If you’re not, wait.

If you do, however, decide to have sex for the first time, don’t think there’s no going back. Just because you have sex once, does not mean that you have to continue if you don’t want to! You may not be a physical virgin again, but you can decide each and every time whether you want to have sex or not. If you have sex and regret it, don’t do it again. It’s always your choice.

Is It Wrong To Be Bisexual? Should I Explore My Sexuality? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 17:00:11 +0000

Many people experiment sexually when they’re young. How many “college stories” have you heard where a girl got a little more than friendly with her roommate? Being young is all about experimentation and finding out what you like, whether it’s something to do with sex, a job, music, art or even food. You’re learning about yourself as you’re growing up. So you may be experimenting sexually, but what would determine your sexual orientation? Are you bisexual if you have a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex? Or does it make you gay?

Is it OK to explore my sexuality – like being bisexual? Or does that make me gay?? What should I do?

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Right Vs. Wrong

To answer the question – is it wrong to be bisexual or is it wrong to experiment with your sexuality – you must first decide what “right” and “wrong” really are. Technically, outside of religious context or outside of your own moral constitutes, there is no right or wrong anything when it comes to sex. Since the dawn of time, humans have done everything that is sexual, because essentially, humans are sexual beings. Only in more recent decades have society and religions began to dictate what we should or shouldn’t do sexually. So answer this question for yourself – what does my religion say about being bisexual or exploring my sexuality? What do my own personal morals say about it? If your own beliefs allow you to explore sex with different people, feel free to experiment sexually.

Sexual Orientation

If you’re experimenting with your sexuality and are having sex with people of your same sex as well as people of the opposite sex, you may be wondering if you’re technically bisexual or even gay. Exploring your sexuality, however, doesn’t require the use of a label at all. Most people experiment sexually at a young age, including in their late teens and early twenties. Most people have settled down in their sexuality at about 26 or so years old. So if you’re younger than that, don’t stress too much about what your sexual orientation is – it doesn’t have to be anything right now! If you truly feel that you might be one sexual orientation or another, think about which gender you think about when you have sex or even masturbate. Regardless of who you go to bed with physically, if you’re always thinking about one gender or another while having sex, you’re likely sexually inclined towards that particular gender. If it’s an even mix, you might not be ready to settle down yet.

Being Safe

If you’re exploring your sexuality, it’s important that you be safe and informed. Regardless of which gender you’re having sex with, you can still transmit sexually transmitted diseases and infections, as well as become pregnant or get another woman pregnant in some instances. Take the time to educate yourself about sex with both genders so you know what activities can transmit STD’s and how you can protect yourself. Many people think about having safer sex when they’re having sex with the opposite gender, but often sex with the same gender gets overlooked when it comes to protecting yourself. Don’t risk it – get in the know about STD’s and pregnancy no matter what gender you are and no matter which gender you prefer to have sex with. You’re worth it!

Oral Sex and STD’s – What You Need To Know (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:00:03 +0000

While contracting an STD from unprotected oral sex (whether giving or receiving) is less likely than contracting an STD from unprotected intercourse, it’s still entirely possible. Chlamydia in your throat, anyone? It’s important to be as cautious and safe with oral sex as you would be with intercourse – and there’s lots of ways you can do that!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Can you get STDs from oral sex? Is it a moot point to wear a condom for intercourse after that, if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? What about girl on girl oral sex?

–Mike, FL

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Less Likely? How Less Likely?

Sure, it’s less likely to contract or pass STD’s through oral sex, but how less likely? Do you even want to fool with “less likely?” Although the chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases from unprotected oral sex than those of having unprotected intercourse, you can still contract STD’s such as chlamydia, ghonnorhea, syphilis, herpes and even HIV and AIDS from unprotected oral sex. Don’t chance it! If you’re not in a monogomous relationship in which both partners have been thoroughly tested for STD’s, protect yourself during intercourse and oral sex. You can use dental dams, flavored condoms or even plastic wrap in a pinch! Don’t like the way it feels? Try using a little bit of lube on the inside of the condom/dental dam/plastic wrap to create a more natural feeling.

Using A Condom During Intercourse After Having Unprotected Oral Sex

Is it a moot point to use a condom during intercourse if you’ve already had unprotected oral sex? Not at all! Even if the person you were having unprotected oral sex with has an STD, it’s entirely possible that you did not contract it during oral sex. It’s possible you did, but it’s also possible you didn’t. It’s much more likely that you’ll contract the disease through unprotected intercourse, so why set yourself up? Wrap it up instead! Again, if you’re not in a monogomous relationship with a partner you know for a fact is STD free, protect yourself as much as possible. Even if you didn’t use protection during oral sex, it’s still worth it to use a condom during intercourse.

Get Some Information!

The Internet is jam-packed full of information about sexually transmitted diseases, how each one is spread and how you can give or contract them through sex and oral sex. With a simple Google search, you can find out the specifics – such as how a particular disease can be spread through a particular sex act, as well as the best way to protect yourself. Don’t believe the old wives tales – you know, the ones like you can prevent pregnancy by douching afterwards (which by the way can actually improve your chances of getting pregnant). Read the information on legitimate websites, such as WebMD or the CDC website instead of checking out websites that don’t have credible information.

It’s all about being safe, smart and well informed. While any type of sex – oral, vaginal or anal – puts you at risk for giving or contracting sexually transmitted diseases (protected or unprotected) you can significantly reduce your risk by practicing safer sex and using condoms and dental dams. Protect yourself – you’re worth it!

Safe Sex: Can That Clear Fluid Really Get Me Pregnant? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:29:33 +0000

If you’re in a steady, sexual relationship with your partner, you may be wondering just how risky you can be sexually without getting pregnant. You’re not alone!

Many people want to test the boundaries and do as much with each other without a condom as possible. Some people say that it feels better and others just like the physical closeness and intimacy.

One thing is for sure though, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

The white/clear liquid that comes from a guy as lube, does that contain sperms?

Is it enough to get a female pregnant?

-Tori, CA

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There’s always a risk of pregnancy and STD’s when you have sex.

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