Ask Dan and Jennifer » swinger

The Swinger Lifestyle and Open Relationships – Is it Really CHEATING?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 19:14:14 +0000

Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might thing. Fact is, most single girls like to go out and have sex with single men – not with couples.

Of course there’s a lot of social stigma around “swingers” which generally comes to mind, but the reality today is very different. Rather than the old “wife swapping” lifestyle of decades past, some couples today choose to try new things to spice up their sex life, and this new thing may or may not include playing with other singles or couples.

This is not about “swinger groupies” – people who don’t care about much other than having sex with others in large orgies, and hanging out at swinger lifestyle conventions. It’s about a couple experimenting and trying a new thing or another to add more spice to their sex life. THAT’S IT!

What’s truly amazing is that for something with such stigma, over 20 million Americans engage in sex multiple partners, together with their spouses. And the most popular adult personals site shows a consistent number in each state, regardless of religious or political stereotypes.

Are you a bad person if you WANT to have sex with your friends?

Think back… maybe back to your college days. Have you ever had one of those late nights hanging out with some friends, another couple? You know the feeling… you’ve all had a little too much to drink, and card games are starting to become a contact sport. You look around the room and everyone’s feeling the excitement, the sexual tension.

And while you’re pretty excited to cross a boundary here, you’re terrified. Are you suddenly a bad person? Are you taking advantage of your friends? Are they taking advantage of you? Is it cheating to be even having those thoughts? Are you asking way too many questions for the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed?

Is It CHEATING to Have Sex with Someone Other Than Your Spouse, Partner, Lover?

That certainly depends on how you define cheating. It’s kind of hard for you two to be cheating on each other while you’re BOTH enjoying something together, isn’t it?

Cheating is a breaking of the sacred trust in your relationship. When you’re both enjoying a fun, new adventure, it’s not possible to “cheat” on each other.

But BEWARE. While it’s not technically cheating, there are a few things that could go very wrong if you’re not careful.

You MUST have excellent and very open communication, and a great, solid relationship, or this will tear your relationship apart. Swinging, or the broader concept of an “open relationship” is definitely not a crutch to drag out a failing relationship. It can only work for a couple whose relationship is steady and strong, and can withstand the emotional torrent that can be unleashed when you bring new people into your intimate relationship.

Threesomes As An Alternative Approach to Marriage Therapy? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 13:14:02 +0000

Many times, after about six or seven years of a relationship or marriage, the sex life tends to dwindle.

As time goes on, the sex life continues to dwindle and sex with your partner becomes routine.

Your interest in sex with your partner may lessen, but this doesn’t mean that you love your partner less or your relationship is doomed. It just means your relationship has progressed naturally!

Can having a threesome bring the spice back into your partnership?

You had mentioned the other day that some therapists actually recommend bringing

a third person into the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Please explain…

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

Threesomes aren’t for everyone.

…

Can Swinger Relationships REALLY Work? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:44:59 +0000

Nowadays, you hear so much about open relationships and swinging, where partners will team up with other couples (or even go their separate ways) to have new and fun sexual experiences with other people.

You also sometimes hear how this is essentially a recipe for disaster, but you’ve thought about it and it sounds like something you might want to try. Can an open relationship or swinging relationship ever actually work?

Can swinger and open relationships really work or are they just a recipe for disaster?

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

Yes, for strong couples.

…

New Swinger Concern – What If We Can’t Agree? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:50:25 +0000

If you’re new to the swinging game, picking a partner that satisfies you and your husband or wife can seem kind of intimidating.

You’re not alone! You’re right to be a little nervous about picking a swinging partner, especially if it’s your first time.

You need to pick a swinging partner that you are both comfortable with and attracted to, or trouble can brew. If you and your partner can’t agree on who to swing with, should you compromise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I want to get into swinging. We’ve been talking about it for a little over 2 years now. She was the one who approached me with the idea. We have joined a swing site but the problem is that my wife doesn’t like my taste in woman.

I’m not into super thin women I like a woman with a little belly but not huge. Let me say this before judging me on this not that you would. My wife is not small but not huge either, I love her dearly, but she always wants me to pick a woman that is larger then her or the same size. But when she picks the man she wants I never question her on it. Its just sex I’m not looking to replace her.

Am I wrong for wanting a woman that I’m more physically attracted with?

- Aaron, Ohio

Click here to view the embedded video.

Her fears.

…

Thinking of Having a Threesome? Why Not Make It A Foursome… (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:15:41 +0000

You and your partner have decided to have a threesome. You may even have someone in mind that you and your partner have both agreed on.

If you’re about to take the plunge into the world of multiple partner sex, you may have a few questions on how to do it safely.

Congratulations! Not everyone has safety on their mind before having a threesome. Here are some great ways to have safety in numbers.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi.

Just wanted to say I think it is great what you two do. My question is my girlfriend and I want to have a threesome with another female and we have one lined up. I know to use a condom but what about oral and other kinds of play? We don’t want to come home with some kind of STD.

Do you have any advice for protection?

– John, CA

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

Getting Tested

…

How To Ease Into Swinging So That You’re Both Comfortable (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:31:15 +0000

So you and your partner are thinking about swinging. Whether you’ve tried it once before or this is your first time, it can be nerve wracking when trying to ease yourself into the swinging lifestyle.

How can you start swinging slowly, and in a way that makes both partners completely comfortable?

While the only rules for swinging for you are set by you and your partner, there are some general guidelines that can help make things easier for the both of you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My fiancée and I are talking about trying the swinging lifestyle and we are a little unsure of how to start and move into it gradually so that everyone is comfortable. What do you suggest?

- Randa, Alabama

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ease Into It

…

How Do I Get Past My First Time Swinger Fears? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 May 2008 14:21:21 +0000

Many couples, especially those who have been together for a long time, are interested in swinging. If you and your partner find yourselves interested in swinging, take heart.

It’s totally normal and healthy to want to experience your sexuality outside of your current relationship.

It’s also normal to be scared. There are a lot of ways that swinging can go wrong, especially if it’s something you’ve never done before. How can you get over your fears? Is swinging right for you?

Make sure swinging is right for you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband wants to start swinging, I would like too also but I was a virgin when we met at 15yrs old… and now 37yrs old to be with another man seems so weird and scary…

How do I get past my nerves and fears?

- Sandy, Las Vegas

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

Making sure swinging is right for you

…

How Do We know If An Open Marriage Is Right For Us? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:57:05 +0000

Open marriages – are they always a bad idea? Are they ever a good idea? Every individual and every couple is different. What an open marriage means to one couple may mean something entirely different to another.

Many things come into play when you start thinking about sharing your partner with someone else – and there’s lots of room for hurt feelings, jealousy and even feelings for the outside partner.

How can you sort out whether or not having an open marriage is a good idea for you and your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m married, have a child and pregnant with second. My husband introduce the idea of "Open Marriage”. I do not see signs of him cheating so this is not an excuse for him to seek affairs. I started to have straying thoughts lately, because of my unsatisfied sex life and a cute male co-worker. He is not the player type but he fell for me and he struggles like me.

If no one is happy in this situation, would the open marriage thing really be the cure? Is it worth it adjusting my personal views on open marriage? What do I do if I fall in love with the new guy but he is not as good as my husband in terms of being a dad? What do I say to my kids one day?

I feel so bad, and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

– Jane, California

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget. Click here to Give this Video 5 Stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you’ll stay up to date with our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

How to know if an open marriage is right for you

…

Hey, Are You Guys Swingers?

Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:35:50 +0000

We have heard so many stories about couples that were confronted or "outed" by friends, family or co-workers about their "lifestyle" and they simply didn’t know what to say. Caught off guard, they stumbled, mumbled and bumbled through their explanation, leaving little or no doubt that they were indeed "Swingers".

"If my (mother, boss, kids, etc…) knew what we do… they’d disown us! It would be a disaster!"

We have heard it 1,000 times. Interestingly, in most instances the opposite is the case. A countless number of couples have told us that when their family and friends did find out, things actually got better, not worse.

Coming Clean

In our case, Tess thought her conservative family would freak out if they discovered our personal lives (and our lifestyle related business!). Then, one New Year’s Day, we awoke to a phone call from her mom. Still groggy, Tess stepped over several of our naked friends, still sleeping from the house party the night before, and answered the phone.

After a quick "Happy New Year!", her mom got right to the point – "Do you throw sex parties?" Stunned, Tess sunk into a chair and started to explain our "lifestyle" convention business and the rest of our "lifestyle" in more depth. Her mom didn’t say much and only asked a few questions, allowing Tess to fully explain, that morning, the secret part of our lives we had been living over the past 13 years.

…her mom got right to the point –
"Do you throw sex parties?"

When she thought she was finished, she braced for the onslaught she always knew would come her way, if or when her family found out. After a brief (but excruciating) moment of silence, her mom finally said, "Now everything makes sense."

Apparently her mom had held a grudge for years, because she’d hear we were going to Jamaica, Mexico, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, Toronto, etc… She couldn’t figure out why we didn’t have more time to visit her while having plenty of time to vacation all around the world. Once she found out that these trips were actually business trips, she was more understanding. As a result, Tess and her mom grew closer.

I attribute a lot of that to simple communication. Once that weight was lifted from Tess’ shoulders, she and her mom talked a lot more often, and openly. We ended up visiting her more frequently. Her mom still doesn’t really understand why we would be interested in a "lifestyle" like ours, but I can tell you that she respects us both more now than before our secret came out.

More People Should Be Open

…

Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:39:29 +0000

What guy hasn’t fantasized about a threesome?

Even married guys have the occasional “swinging” wet dream now and then.

However, facing the realities of actually sharing the love of your life with another man or woman for the first time gives rise to questions and insecurities that were never there before. How do you deal with them in a way that satisfies both partners?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with the woman of my dreams who happens to be bisexual but also an experienced swinger. I myself have fantasized about such things but have little experience. I am confused by my emotions of seeing my lady with another man. Although I am not bi I’m willing to experiment with another male for her, and its a funny thing that this causes less stress then seeing her with another man. I have no fear of sharing another woman with her, so why should sharing another man with her cause such worry? But it’s in the past why should it matter now? Is this a common fear for virgin male swingers like myself?

–Ric, London

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget. Click here to Give this Video 5 Stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you’ll stay up to date with our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

…

When Swinger Sex Goes Horribly Wrong…

Melody Brooke — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:25:45 +0000

Threesomes and swinging are on most male fantasy lists, but what happens when it goes horribly wrong?

Over the course of my three marriages I have been encouraged by husbands to engage in a variety of interesting (and some downright bizarre) possible sexual behaviors. Of course, I tended to marry sex addicts, so the range of possibilities stretched a lot further than my sensibilities.

Along the way, I’ve been “encouraged” to participate in all kinds of things that became problems later on. Some of these were physically not a good idea, and I won’t go into that!

My first husband liked fantasies. I am quite creative so I was able to come up with all kinds of fun and innocent stories to keep him excited. I became good at playing the part and keeping things spicy – nothing dangerous or problematic there. But then eventually with some of the stories, he liked the idea of making them happen. These included other people.

While I can appreciate the desire to add spice and variety to the bedroom, I’ve discovered through my own (and others) experiences, there are some kinds of behaviors that are a set up for disaster. When you open the door and invite another person into the intimate connection with your partner you are inviting in trouble.

Now, in theory, I will conjecture that there are couples secure enough with each other where they can have flings with other people and not do any perceivable damage to their relationship. I’ve just never seen it happen that way personally…

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

While this is one experience, Dan and I have seen many successful open/swinging relationships… Even though we don’t agree with with everything in this article, we wanted to publish it to show what can happen when you get into swinging for the wrong reasons.

It is critical to be honest with yourself and you partner. Never allow another person to ‘push’ you into something that you’re not comfortable with. For a swinging relationship to be successful, it has to be something that both partners want, not just grudgingly agree to.

What tends to happen is that one member of the couple is more motivated than the other to pursue the “Swinger” lifestyle. For whatever reason, having one sexual partner for the rest of their life is not appealing, but they like having a life partner.

Therefore that partner encourages the other to participate in this “exciting” adventure of “Swinging". Then both partners agree to it using certain ground rules.

…

Does Wanting to See My Wife Have Sex With Another Man Make Me Gay? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:35:58 +0000

One of the most popular fantasies out there is the idea of the threesome…

Most men love the idea of seeing their woman have sex with another woman while they watch, or the idea of having two women have sex with him at the same time.

But threesome fantasies don’t stop there…

There are also men out there, who love the idea of watching their woman have sex with another man.

Here’s an interesting question. If a man enjoys the idea of watching his woman have sex with another man, does this make him gay?

Here’s a question from Michael whose fantasies have him wondering about his sexuality.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have talked jokingly about threesomes in the past. But recently she’s been bringing up the idea more often. I’m worried about what she would want afterwards like if she’d wanna bring home a guy. I don’t know how to respond…

I have entertained the thought of watching her have sex with another man while I watch. Would that make me gay to enjoy watching it? Also, I had more homo erotic thoughts but haven’t gotten hard around a guy that’s straight.

Am I just curious, confused or bi?

— Michael, Massachusetts

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget. Click here to Give this Video 5 Stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you’ll stay up to date with our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Does This Mean I’m Gay?

We’re all sexual beings. We all have a unique ideas and fantasies, things that turn us on. Don’t get stuck on labels and just consider yourself ‘sexual’. It’s very common, and very exciting for most men, to think of their girlfriend as bi-curious, but most men get a little nervous when they think of a bi-curious boy.

But on that topic… We ran an online dating site for over three years and were very surprised by the large number of bisexual or bi-curious men. It’s not as uncommon as you might like to think.

There’s nothing wrong with being bi-curious, bisexual, or gay. That’s just your sexual preference. The sooner you get in touch with your own sexual preferences and desires, the happier and more fulfilled your sex life will be.

On The Topic Of Threesomes

So the idea of watching your partner with another man or woman that you really excited – and you have talked to one another enough to know that it gets your partner excited as well…

Here three tips to help make your first threesome more successful:

1. Talk About It

…

Curious Virgin Swingers – Honey the Neighbors are HOT! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:51:33 +0000

Imagine meeting another couple, neighbors, co-workers, other parents… You become good friends or your kids become good friends, and you find yourself spending lots of time together.

And then one evening, maybe after a few drinks by the pool, you start to notice that they’re really hot, you start feeling some sexual tension all around, and you start having these ‘thoughts’…

You might actually like to have sex with them!

Those thoughts are typically followed by thoughts like "Am I a bad person?", "Do they feel the same way?", "What will my partner think?".

Soon your head is spinning… What do you do? Do you act on these feelings or just keep them as your secret fantasies?

Here’s a question from Randy who seems to have some really hot neighbors!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

A few years ago, we had a younger couple move next door to us. The sexual tone between us and the other couple is ever increasing.

I’m interested in having sex with them but I am not sure about my wife. I haven’t shared my feelings with her yet. I’m very open regarding my sexual life. Should I be looking for clues regarding to the possibility of swinging with them?

This would be a first for us but I think it would be a lot of fun as long as guideline and rules are followed such as the one posted in your site.

– Randy, Washington

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget. Click here to Give this Video 5 Stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you’ll stay up to date with our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

First Time Swingers

If you’re thinking about swinging with your partner for the first time, we have one rule above all others…

Virgin Swingers – Am I A BAD Person If I Want to Have Sex with Our Friends? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 18:16:28 +0000

Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

Here’s a question from a woman who would love to enhance her and her husband’s sex life by having sex with some of their friends, but she’s terribly afraid of what others will think of her…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi this is a tough question for me because we were asked to do something with some friends of ours that I thought I would never do. They asked us to have sex with them!

Is it possible to have sex with this couple and still remain friends with each other? We do a lot together and I can see the sexual tension between all of us. We want to do it but we are not sure how to start it.

There are also kids. I don’t want to do anything with the kids around is that a smart idea. I really want to do this but I am nervous and scared and don’t know what to do. We all know that we love our spouses and that sex is as far as it will go.

Am I a bad person for wanting to have sex with someone else other than my husband? He is the only one I have had sex with. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this and I need some advice. We are all really good friends and don’t want to ruin our friendship either please help me.

What should I do?

– Heather, Iowa

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget to Give this video 5 stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you can stay up to date with all our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Will My Ex-Swinger Husband Cheat On Me? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 01:11:22 +0000

The swinger lifestyle is taking the nation by storm. People are suddenly realizing this isn’t just some obscure cult.

Rather, it’s regular people, many of whom are highly educated professionals, expanding their already happy, healthy, and often exotic sex lives to include what some are calling "swinging".

The shock for most people comes when they realize their neighbor Joe and his wife occasionally get together for drinks and some kinky sex with their other neighbors Bob and Suzy from two doors down.

"Wow, that happens here?" Absolutely, and much more often than you think…

But here comes the culture shock… Eventually people "in the lifestyle" end up paired with people who are not really open to this type of sexual adventure.

For instance, a man who has previously enjoyed a very open sex life with his previous wife starts dating a woman who is not very open to swinging. She may try it once or twice for his sake, but then decide it’s not for her. Worse yet, she’s afraid he’ll cheat on her because he’s used to having more sexual freedom. So what can she do?

Time away from something you want does NOT make you want it less.

She can ask him to stop it and stay away from seeing his former swinger friends and playmates.

But just saying no to something you enjoy, whether it’s ice cream or swinging and other aspects of an exotic, adventurous sex life, will not make your desire for it fade. This is basic human psychology… take away something you like, and you want it that much more. This is why most diets fail.

Can you quit swinging and just go cold turkey?

Is the problem that he’s swinging, or is it more basic than that?

It’s not really about whether he’s been swinging in the past or not. It’s about the fact that he had a very liberated sex life and he may no longer be OK in the long term with a more tame sexual experience.

He may agree not to do it any longer, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be happy and content with his new sex life.

Sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest problems in many relationships.

The reality is that not all people are a match sexually, and that can cause all kinds of stress and relationship problems. And yes, it can lead to break ups and divorce.

It’s crucial to realize that you may simply not be sexually compatible with your partner. It’s not very common, but occasionally two people are just not going to be a sexual match.

Jealousy and insecurity is one of the few major issues facing couples in the swinging lifestyle.

Most couples who enjoy the swinger lifestyle do it BECAUSE they have a strong and happy relationship and a great sex life to begin with. And for these couples, jealousy is not usually much of an issue. After all, you’re either OK with your spouse having sex with another person (or multiple other persons), or you’re not.

But the jealousy monster can still strike. But just what is jealousy?…

Exclusive Swingers – Are You CHEATING On Your Swinger Friends? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 20:41:21 +0000

Exclusive swingers? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Exclusivity is not what you typically think of when you talk about the swinger lifestyle. Few in the swinger community would consider it cheating to play with multiple couples and partners without consulting them. It’s important to remember that swinging is largely about expanding an individual or a couple’s sex lives, and not usually about extending the romantic circle.

What about polyamory?

Some consider polyamory to be a more enlightened approach to swinging, though it’s really a very different animal. With polyamory, a couple will actually expand their love and romantic relationship to truly include others, not just for the occasional fun and sexual fantasies.

For many, the idea of swinging is really a stretch… polyamory is even more so because we’re no longer talking about being committed to a single person.

Can you expect an exclusive relationship with another couple?

People are interesting in their expectations, and since we’re all unique, nothing is really too far fetched to be expected. Think about an exclusive relationship between two people. It slowly evolves from the casual meeting, a few dates, and eventually exclusivity where you’re no longer seeing other people.

It’s entirely possible for two couples to also become close over time, and for some of the players to develop closer feelings for each other. In this case it’s definitely possible for one couple to get jealous when the other couple sees other people. No, it’s not the regular traditional lifestyle experience, but it definitely does happen on occasion.

And when it does…

Don’t talk with your family about your sex life and your exotic sexual fantasies

It’s always great to share our lives with our loved ones… not just our romantic partners, but also our blood families.

BUT… this can sometimes lead to problems, especially when we’re talking about parts of our lives that are not viewed as "acceptable" or "mainstream" by some segments of society.

This can happen when parents share intimate details of their sex lives with their grown children, as well as those same grown children sharing with their parents.

At first this seems to go against what we normally believe in, but stay with us here. Countless fights and arguments start when people share too much about their sex lives with their families.

We’re generally very adamant on having very open and honest communication in relationships, whether those are romantic relationships, family relationship, or friend relationships.

However…

Swinger Seduction – How Can I Tell If Our Friends Want to Play? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 19:26:42 +0000

Ah, the magical dance of flirting and seduction. "Does she like me?" "Will he go out with me?"

And for the swinger crowd… "They’re hot! Do you think they like us that way? Let’s ask them out."

The same age old question repeats itself over and over again. And the world round, young men, young ladies, and couples, repeat the same mistake – they walk up to this person or couple they’re infatuated with and ask their question. "Will you go out with me"?

STOP! Don’t do it! That question has ended more relationships (before they even started) than perhaps any other factor in the history of mankind. That question forces the other person (or couple) into a corner, and makes them pick a yes or no choice, without knowing much of anything about you. Your odds are bleak to none.

Instead, get to know this person or this couple in a casual and non-threatening way. Give them a chance to get to like you. Attraction is a very complex set of feelings, emotions, urges, desires.

But how do you escape the swamp lands of the "friend zone"?

This is where subtle flirting and seduction comes in. Make the other person or couple feel your interest and desire instead of telling them about it. And here’s a magical fun fact: if they feel the same way, you’ll just know. You’ll FEEL it in the sparks that are flying around you, in the highly charged atmosphere, in the frequent casual touching, the unusual proximity, etc.

Enjoy the dance.

The danger of course, is if you’re wrong, you risk losing your friends. They may get freaked out and run away. Or they may just think it was cute or even flattering. But you won’t know unless you try.

So HOW can you tell if they like you in that way and want to play?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I recently became friends with a couple our age and we have a really great time together. It’s just that lately there has seemed to be this unusual tension. Through comments here and there and an occasional look, we thing they want to swing. How should I go about finding out if this couple wants to swing with us? We really like them and don’t want to lose them as friends but they’re really hot too and it’s hard to resist.

Please help! I’m tormented thinking about it.

– Ellen in Mississippi

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate this video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Check out this resource we recommend to really spice up your sex life:

500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

Swinger Sex Partners: Should We Try a Threesome or a Foursome? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 13 May 2007 18:13:53 +0000

Some couples are much more sexually curious and adventurous than others.

These are the swingers and other sexually liberated souls seeking threesomes and more, together with their life partner.

While many have fights and arguments due to petty jealousy, others actually open their sex lives to others. They share and enjoy these experiences together, and amazingly enough, these experiences often bring a couple much closer together.

Today’s question is from a couple in New York ready to try their first threesome, or even a foursome.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I want to try a threesome or foursome. I agree with this, but I just want to know which one is least likely to cause me problem in my relationship?

– Jose in New York

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

The mass media often portrays swingers as very risque and living a dangerous, risky life – but the fact is most swingers are much more cautions about safety and safe sex than their single counterparts. After all, these are generally couples playing together, so you have someone on your side planning with you at all times – you’re not winging it as you often do (and did) in the singles scene.

While these relationships can sometimes develop into polyamory, often times swingers just live the lifestyle and enjoy playing with their friends.

But of course the jealousy monster can always rear its ugly head, so always prepare and plan ahead before venturing into uncharted waters in search of new sex partners. There are rules and boundaries you must agree on with your partner ahead of time – no exceptions.

Also there are some great resources below to help you make the most of your new experience and avoid the common pitfalls that can lead to relationship disaster and, yes, break up.

Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.
500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

BUSTED! Our Kids Found Out We’re Swingers. Now What? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 13 May 2007 00:05:09 +0000

So you and your wife have a great relationship and an excellent sex life. You’ve recently discovered the swinger lifestyle, and you’re now both card carrying swingers. Life is great and you’re very happy with your lifestyle and your choices.

But then your family finds out about your swinging adventures, and they start giving you a hard time about it. More importantly, they demand that you just stop swinging because they don’t think it’s right.

How they found out isn’t really important, unless of course you bumped into each other at the same swinger club or adult dating site.

But here’s the real question. Is your sex life really anyone’s business but your own?

Should you start taking votes from your family on what sexual activities, and maybe even what sexual positions, are acceptable to them?

Today’s question is from a swinging couple in this very predicament.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We are in our 50s and have been swinging for 3 years. Our adult kids have found out what we are doing and are very upset about it. Do we quit swinging for them, or live our lives like we want to?

– Wayne, New Mexico

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate this video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Swinging vs. Polyamory – Am I Wrong to Want One Without the Other?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 00:35:16 +0000

So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits?

What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates?

Dare we call it polyamory?

"Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

"Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging

And what happens when the jealousy beast rears it’s ugly head. Admittedly swingers (and certainly those into polyamory) are not nearly as apt to fits of jealousy as some monogamous couples, but it’s been known to happen…

What happens when one partner wants a polyamorous relationship and the other one doesn’t? Is it wrong to want one without the other?

No, it’s absolutely not wrong. What you want is what you want. What you feel and what you want is what’s right for you and for your life. Period.

The swinging lifestyle is typically about sex!

You get together, you play, and then you go home. That’s kind of what it’s about. But Polyamory takes it to a new level and, what I would consider, a much more enlightened level where you are actually in love relationships with multiple partners. It’s a true and total sharing of one another and not many couples (or individuals) are able to do that.

It all comes down to communication.

It’s critical to ask your partner how they feel and to share your feelings. The absolute worst thing that you can do is to hold your feelings inside – what you really want – because you’re afraid your partner may not understand. You have to talk about what you both want from the relationship and what boundaries you’re comfortable with. And in some circumstances, you may find out that you want different things. If this is the case, you’ll have to decide if you are willing to compromise or go your separate ways.

Jealousy

The biggest reason why many people feel uncomfortable in a Swinging or Polyamorous relationship is "jealousy". It’s one of the biggest emotional issues that all couples face. And when you start bringing other people into your bedroom, you simply cannot let jealousy sneak into the picture because it will tear your relationship apart.

So you have to find ways to make each other feel really special and absolutely certain about where you stand in your own relationship before sharing intimate fun with others.

That’s the biggest thing in the end. Talk! Share your feelings!

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again!

Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you.