Ask Dan and Jennifer » swinging

Britney Spears “3″ – Are Threesomes “In?” (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:20:57 +0000

It’s every guy’s wet dream right – and no, we’re not talking about the Princess-Leia-in-the-gold-bikini fantasy. We’re talking about threesomes. Threesomes have long been touted as the “holy grail” of sex for guys, and any real life threesome gives a guy automatic bragging rights to his friends. Women who are down with threesomes are considered wild and fun, and as society becomes less censored and more open about human sexuality, threesomes are actually a commonly accepted practice. So are threesomes the new black?

Britney Spears “3″ is one of the most popular songs out there right now, but how many of you have stopped to actually listen to the words? Britney claims that threesomes are the new “in.” Well, that’s what we’re talking about today on the show. Are threesomes the new “in” or a disaster for your relationship?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Why Are Threesomes So Popular

Guys are visual. We all know that. One naked girl = one erection. So what about two naked girls? More erections? Double the pleasure? What about if the two girls start getting sexual with each other while the man watches? Or better yet, what if the two girls start getting sexual with each other and with the above mentioned man? Guys tend to like “bigger” and “better” things, and there’s really nothing “bigger” or “better” when it comes to sex than threesomes or foursomes. Not only do you have twice – or three times – the visual stimulation, you also have several different physical sensations going on at once. When you take all emotion whatsoever out of it and think about it like a guy does – that is, looking at it from a purely physical standpoint – it’s not hard to see why threesomes are so popular. Many women enjoy threesomes as well, if they are secure and confident in themselves, their relationships and their sexuality. Sometimes, three’s not really a crowd.

Will A Threesome Destroy Your Relationship?

Some women – and men too – absolutely refuse to have an open relationship or even consider having a threesome. Some girls are afraid that if they are open to having a threesome, it will ruin their relationship. Not only can jealousy ruin a threesome, it can hurt too. It can also be hard to imagine going back to a normal sex life after introducing a threesome or a foursome. How can you ever top that? How can you ever keep your man from wanting to add another girl every time? There are definitely a lot of concerns for women when it comes to thinking about having a threesome or foursome. How can you handle those concerns?

A threesome won’t ruin a relationship or even damage it, in and of itself. It’s what can happen when there’s no clear communication between all the parties involved in the threesome, and when someone’s expectations are too high. There are, however, ways you can avoid trouble when it comes to inviting another person – or persons – into your bed.

How To Make A Threesome Successful

First, talk to your partner about having a threesome. Is it something you both want? Do you want to have a threesome just to please your partner, or is it something you would enjoy too? Making sure you’re on the same starting page is the first step. When you’ve come to the decision that having a threesome is something you and your partner would both enjoy doing together, talk to each other and establish some ground rules. What are you both expecting out of a threesome? Is your partner expecting you to have threesomes often if you’re comfortable with it, or is this a once-in-a-lifetime deal? Talk about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with, and how you want to deal with things that make you uncomfortable. Once you’ve reached common ground when it comes to the threesome, above all, make sure anyone else that is involved in your threesome is in the know too.

Would You Have A Threesome?

32% of users who answered our online threesome poll suggested they would “absolutely” have a threesome, no questions asked. 40% suggested they would have a threesome if they were with “the right group of friends.” Only a small percentage – 29% to be exact – suggested they wouldn’t even consider having a threesome. So are threesomes “in?” Would you have a threesome? Take our poll here, only on Ask Dan and Jennifer.

Swinger Danger! What To Do When Swinging Goes Wrong? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:00:15 +0000

Swinging can be fun, but sometimes one or more people find themselves in an uncomfortable situation. Can “swinging gone wrong” be prevented? How do you figure out what went wrong so it doesn’t happen again – or is there nothing you can do to keep uncomfortable swinger situations from cropping up?

A swinging situation involving rough sex goes wrong – what went wrong and how could it have been avoided? What you need to know to prevent swinging mishaps from happening to you!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Communication, Communication, Communication

When it comes to communicating with your partner before swinging, and your potential swinging partners, there just isn’t enough. You simply can’t go overboard when you talk to your significant other and your friends before, during and even after each swinging session. The “before swinging” talk is the most important, especially if you’re with a new couple. Get to know your potential swingers before you actually swing. Talk about what you like, what they like and what you both don’t like or are uncomfortable with. The most common swinging “mishap” is when someone does something that someone else is uncomfortable with, but nobody said anything beforehand. Talk about your boundaries with your partner and your potential swinger friends. What are some things you aren’t willing to do? Cover your bases before you take your clothes of – you’ll save a lot of frustration and embarassment later. Don’t be afraid to hash out even the smallest of details. Don’t like red panties? Let it be known. Silly as it may seem, swinging is about people having fun together and it’s no fun if someone is uncomfortable.

Don’t Go Too Fast

When it comes to swinging, going slow is the way to go. You might be eager to jump in feet first, especially if you’re a first time swinger and have been thinking about it for awhile, but it’s difficult to go backwards with swinging. Start out by just making friends at first, or flirting a little. Have a few drinks with your potential swinging partners and get to know them. Talk about sex, and perhaps watch them having sex or let them watch you. Take baby steps. Doing a full swap right away can definitely be uncomfortable for first time swingers, and after a full swap, it can cause problems if you want to take it back to watching, or just oral sex.

Voice Your Concerns

So you’ve covered everything – at least you think you have – and you’re ready to start swinging. Your first swap goes great, until someone does something that weirds you out. What do you do? Keep quiet and say something afterwards? Let it bother you and ruin your fun? Absolutely not! While you want to be tactful and polite (even if something really bothers you), you want to be able to say something during the swap. That’s why it’s so important to swing with people you know and are comfortable with! If you let everyone know that something isn’t working for you, good swingers won’t judge you or criticize you. They’ll simply find another way to have fun that’s good for you too. If you swing with people who aren’t that way, find yourselves new swinger friends fast! Also, you want to be the kind of swingers that other people want to swing with too – so don’t be critical or judgemental if someone else pipes up with a concern. Take it all in stride and remember it’s about having a good time!

The Psychology Of Swinging – What’s A Curious Girl To Do? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:00:46 +0000

When it comes to swinging, setting the boundaries can seem awfully intimidating. Subconsciously, you might not want to set the boundaries because you’re nervous about swinging or you’re afraid of being rejected by your partner. You might not know how to talk to your partner about swinging, or how to begin setting the boundaries for what you’re comfortable with and what your partner is comfortable with. You’re curious about swinging, so what should you do?

A wife is interested in swinging and attracted to sexual encounters with girls (and guys), but is uncomfortable with the idea of letting her husband play too. Is this normal? Where can she set the boundaries?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Complications Of Swinging

One of the problems that many couples have with swinging is that one of the partners wants to play with others, but they’re uncomfortable with their partner playing with anyone else. That’s why many couples have bad experiences with swinging, or don’t get into swinging at all, because they’re too jealous or selfish to let their partner have fun too. So if you’re uncomfortable with your partner getting to play, but you want to play, what do you do? The answer – which is the same for most questions about swinging – is talk to your partner. Be open with them. Tell them why it makes you uncomfortable. You might get lucky – your partner may not be interested in swinging themselves, but are interested in watching you play! You never know until you talk to your partner about it. But don’t be surprised if your partner feels that watching you swing while they’re on the sidelines isn’t fair (because it isn’t, unless they’re totally okay with it.)

Being Fair And Finding Balance

Jealousy and insecurity is normal when it comes to swinging and thinking about your partner having sexual pleasure with someone else. As fun as this idea might seem to you when you’re thinking about yourself getting to play, the tables can turn quickly when you imagine your partner with someone else. It’s important to be fair though, because unfair swinging has led to the destruction of many solid relationships. You need to learn how to work through your jealousy and insecurity and make sure you and your partner are both okay with swinging and each other swinging, and make sure that you both have open minds about it. If you can’t work through it? Don’t even go there. Don’t swing. Swinging isn’t for everybody and if you find that you’d rather not see your partner play, give up the idea of playing yourself.

The most important thing, however, is to talk to your partner before swinging. Come to agreements about what is okay and what isn’t. And don’t think you have to go all in if you’re just starting to swing. Maybe you just want to watch once or twice, or keep it soft. There are flavors of swingers for everyone, whether you want to go all the way or just keep it soft and sensual. You can always change your mind and go forwards – for example, if you want to start out just watching, maybe you can change it up and allow oral sex if you’re comfortable with that. Keep in mind, however, it’s harder to go back.

How To Find Your Swinging Comfort Zone (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:00:51 +0000

Swinging seems taboo, but more and more couples are talking about it as a way to spice up their sex lives. Swinging can be fun and can involve flirting, roleplaying, watching or going all the way with other couples. Not everything is right for everybody though, so here’s how to find your swinging comfort zone so you and your partner can have fun and have a fun, exciting sex life!

How can someone interested in swinging establish their own comfort zone and boundaries so they can have a fun and exciting sexual experience?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Challenging Your Comfort Zones

Many couples are afraid to start swinging because – duh – it’s completely out of your sexual comfort zone. Especially if you’ve been with your partner for years, starting to swing is just like dating all over again. You’re nervous meeting people, nervous about having a physical relationship with them…it’s not at all like the comfortable sex you have with your partner! Don’t worry though – swinging is commonly misunderstood. It’s not just a massive orgy all the time where everyone does everything with each other. Swingers are just adults looking to have a good time in a variety of different ways – so it’s time to challenge your comfort zones without jumping right out of them.

What Are Your Comfort Zones?

Even if your comfortable with your partner, you might not be in sync with them when it comes to thinking about swinging. You and your partner may have completely different ideas about what you want to accomplish while swinging and what swinging means to each of you. Find out what your partner is comfortable with and what their comfort zones are, and talk about what yours are too. Think about what would possibly make you uncomfortable. Decide what the boundaries are, what you’re ok with or not ok with. Write them down! Do you want to involve oral sex but not actual intercourse, or do you want to watch only? You don’t want to find out something is not ok after it’s already happened. The best thing you can do is communicate with your partner and talk, talk, talk – and then talk some more! The biggest reason that swinging doesn’t succeed with couples is because they didn’t take the time to discuss their thoughts and feelings about swinging before and after.

Reviewing And Redoing The Rules

The rules of swinging don’t change during swinging, but they can certainly change before and after. Just because you and your partner have agreed on a set of rules for what is ok and not ok during swinging doesn’t mean it has to stay that way forever. You and your partner both have the right to review the rules and redo them at your discretion – just don’t forget to talk about it! Above all, practice safe sex if you’re having sex with other people and be smart about it. Make sure everyone is in agreement about what is going to happen, including the other couple(s) and everyone is comfortable with what is going to happen. Even though the rules don’t change during swinging, if someone is getting hurt or you’re uncomfortable with something, you certainly have the right to stop.

I’m Attracted To Girls – How Can I Share A Threesome With My Husband? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 14:00:25 +0000

Ah, the threesome. It’s almost every guy’s fantasy, but men rarely get to indulge in this popular but taboo sexual act. Some guys get lucky though, and their partner is up for a little same sex fun with their husbands – but more often than not, the woman is scared to share her newfound interest with her husband because she’s afraid she’ll have to do it every time to keep her husband from getting bored in the bedroom. What’s a girl to do?

She’s attracted to girls, he thinks it’s great – but how can she share a fun, exciting sexual experience with her husband while still staying safe and without upping the ante in their sexual relationship at home?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Opening Pandora’s Box

It’s a legitimate fear – she wants to share her attraction to girls with her husband, but she’s afraid she and her husband won’t be able to have regular sex again if they have a threesome. It’s his ultimate fantasy – so if she does it once, how can she ever live up to that again? It’s a fear that a lot of girls have and it’s one that keeps many of them from experimenting in the bedroom. Whether they’re afraid of opening the theoretical Pandora’s Box, or they’re jealous of their man with other women, many guys don’t get to have threesomes with their partners not because their partner isn’t into women, but because their partner is scared of the consequences.

Making It A Reality

If you decide that you want to try to share your attraction to women with your husband, take it one step at a time. There’s no need to dive right in with a straight-up, kinky threesome. Start by talking about girls first. Watch some videos with girls in it together, and try to meet some girls. See what it’s like to flirt and interact with other women. Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make you jealous at all? If you find yourself uncomfortable at any time, it’s important that you recognize it as a sign to stop from moving forward. Don’t go too far too fast, because you might not be able to go back. Take your time and explore different things with your partner that involve women. You may find something that you like that doesn’t involve a threesome at all.

All Or Nothing?

Having interactions with other couples and other women isn’t all or nothing. When it comes to “swinging,” some couples simply get together and flirt, with a little light play. Some couples just watch each other get it on, while others go all the way and swap partners, share each other and do pretty much everything. Some couples just let the girls play. It depends on what you’re comfortable with, and you’re not expected to do everything all at once. The biggest reason that playing with other couples can fail is if you fail to communicate – so talk to your husband, listen to your husband, talk to the people you’re interested in interacting with and make sure that everyone is absolutely on the same page about everything.

A Facebook For Swingers? Why Kasidie is Better Than Adult Friend Finder

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 15:35:58 +0000

Sadly, most people think swinging is all about indiscriminate sex. This is the reason so many people join Adult Friend Finder, as they assume that “it’s the largest swingers dating site, so it must be the best place to hook up.” But there’s a reason why their average account lasts less than 4 months.

The little known truth about swinging is that you “come for the sex, but stay for the friendships.”

And that’s why in the lifestyle Adult Friend Finder is known as “every swingers first mistake” – we all saw the member counts, joined in hopes of hooking up and left with a hollow feeling.

The Dirty On Swinging… “Sexually Social”?

So why isn’t swinging just indiscriminate sex? For the same reason it wasn’t when you were in college. There has to be some physical and mental chemistry and a high level of mutual attraction to create an erotic, lustful situation where you want to have sex with someone. And that doesn’t happen with everyone. Not even with most. Few, in fact.

However, what you do find is a new group of people who are open-minded, uninhibited, flirtatious, highly social and just flat out fun to be around. So even though you may not have sexual energy with everyone, you find that you enjoy their company and like hanging out with them far more than your previous social network of neighbors, work colleagues, PTA members are other “vanilla’s”. And the more social you are, the more friends and acquaintances you make, the more likely it is that you will find some people from time to time with mutual attraction and with whom you do want to take the flirtation up a few notches to more salacious fun.

A dating site doesn’t help create or maintain a social network of friends. They simply don’t provide the tools necessary to do that. There needs to be a way to make friends, to manage parties and other social events, to chat with people and see what they are up to, and to join in with others who share similar interests. For vanillas, FaceBook.com does this very well and that’s the reason why people spend hours a day on the site; but when you’re connected to family, kids, work mates, church members, and others then there’s simply no way to use it for the more adventurous side of your life.

A New Kind Of Swinger’s Website

This is where Kasidie.com comes in. It’s a site built from the ground up as a social network for swingers, or as they call it, those of us who are “sexually social”: building communities and friendships with a wide variety of tools. Here you can search profiles and find people similar to yourselves, just like a dating site, but you can also form bilateral friendships, post rendezvous for spontaneous fun, join in on hundreds of parties and travel takeovers (or even host your own), become a member of any number of communities catering to interests as disparate as wine, food, sports, travel and sexuality, and build a base of friends and social activities that are geared to getting you out of the house and into flirtatious, erotic fun.

Check out Kasidie.com, you might just have the best time of your life.

We Play On Our Playdates – And Other Swinger Terminology

Heather Monaco — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:03:01 +0000

When I first got into the lifestyle, the idea that swingers call what they do with others “playing” seemed strange. They have “playdates.” They don’t fuck. They don’t have sex. No, they play. As a mother, this terminology cracked me up, and it made me cringe a little when my kiddo asked for a playdate with friends. I mean, ew. That is so not right.

It’s pretty typical for people who hang out together at work, as friends, in social groups to have their own vernacular. When you first enter that new world, it may seem like people are truly talking a foreign language. Here are a few things that swingers may say.

We’re Full Swap

In general, full swap means the couple has sexual intercourse with their playmates: female A will fuck male B and male A will fuck female B. Sometimes, female A will fuck female B, and male A will fuck male B (all depending on who is bisexual). Full swap is the most straightforward configuration in swinging, even in its complexity.

We’re Soft Swap!

Ah, soft swap is a little trickier. It may mean that couple A will have sex in the same room or on the same bed as couple B. Or, it may mean that female A will have sex with female B. Or, it may mean that female A will allow oral sex to be performed on her, but no penetration can occur; and maybe she’ll return the favor to female and/or male B. And perhaps, male A welcomes oral sex to be performed by female B and may perform oral sex on female B. And if the guys are bisexual, add those possibilities to the mix. In other words, if a couple says they are soft swap, that’s when you start asking questions. If you stop there, chances are someone will leave in a huff.

Girl/Girl Only

We don’t swap partners, but the girls can play together all they want.

Voyeur

One or both of us like watching you have sex with your partner, or you have sex with our partner, or both, but we don’t participate.

FMF/MFM/FMFM/Threesome/Foursome/Moresome

F stands for female, M stands for male. Most people can figure out the configurations. Threesomes, FMFs and MFMs don’t necessarily need bisexual females or males to make it work, but be sure you’re clear about what you’re looking for when you put it out there. Foursomes and FMFM are good fun, yet sometimes difficult to put together because everyone has to like each other and there are more people involved. Moresomes are typically more spontaneous, play-party-driven adventures where a big group of people wind up in a pile on a bed. Swingers may play in any or all of these configurations … or none of them (see voyeur).

I’m Bi-Curious

I’m interested in exploring sex with someone with the same chromosomal arrangement. In my mind, one can be bi-curious only through the first few encounters with someone of the same sex. After that, pick a side. Your choices are below.

I’m Bisexual

I like to have sex with someone of the same sex as much as (or maybe even a little more than) with someone of the opposite sex. If I’m bisexual, I will give and receive oral sex. Boys and girls can be bisexual, although bisexual men are generally still pretty closeted (and less accepted) in the lifestyle.

I’m Straight

If you are a boy and I am a girl, let’s get it on. And vice-versa. But if we’re not different below the belt, let’s keep it platonic. Sometimes, I’ve found, that straight girls are OK kissing other girls, or touching other girls in casual, nonsexual ways in bed. Usually for guys, straight means straight.

I’m Bi-Comfortable

And here we have yet another ambiguous bit of terminology. Bi-comfy–is s/he OK with kissing, touching, licking, sucking, going down on, being gone down on, or fucking someone of the opposite sex? In my experience, bi-comfy girls are cool with kissing and being touched sexually by another girl, and may even be OK receiving oral sex from a girl, but they’re unlikely to give oral sex. Still, it’s better to ask than assume.

Play/Playdate

Plain and simple: play is sexual play, from soup to, er, nuts. A playdate is the date you make with another couple or a single to play. No jumpropes required.

Vanilla

What swingers call people who don’t swing. Also, a descriptor for ideas that swingers find boring, negative, uptight or judgmental, especially if the judgment is about something us swingers are doing.

Swingle

An unattached swinger.

Dreaded Single Male

OK, maybe “dreaded” is a little over the top. I think that most single males in the lifestyle get a bad rap. Single males are usually on the “don’t call us, we’ll call you” list for most couples. They’re often on the “must call” list for single females, who are looking to hook up, but maybe not beyond a booty call.

Unicorn

The rare mythical creature that all couples seek, yet few find. A unicorn is a single female, usually bisexual. Having been a unicorn once, I can say that it’s a kick-ass place to be. You get wined and dined and can have your pick of couples. Or, you can be used as a sex toy, treated as something that’s not human, and it can be a sucky place to be. So be nice to your unicorns, people.

Hall Pass

A hall pass gives me permission to have sex with other couples or singles without my partner. About 60 percent of swingers have hall passes. Sometimes, they are “carte blanche” passes, meaning the person can have sex with anyone s/he chooses to. Other times they are “conditional” passes–perhaps the person can play with others when traveling for business, or with a specific person.

Same Room/Same House

We only have sex with a couple or single when their partner is in the same room, or perhaps their partner needs to be in the same house (a “hall pass lite”).

Bareback

Having sex without condoms. Believe it or not, some swingers don’t use condoms, a decision that I personally would not make.

DP

Ooh! Double-penetration … my favorite. Usually this means the woman has simultaneous anal and vaginal intercourse, but I also know chicks who like two dicks in their pussy at the same time. Either way, the experience is intense and not for the faint of heart. Also, a tip: ass first, then pussy. I learned the hard way (and he couldn’t stay hard).

Swinger Disaster – He Couldn’t Get It Up! Is All Lost? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:05:25 +0000

Swinging can be a fun and enjoyable way to expand your sexual relationship with your partner and spice up things in the bedroom.

Inexperienced swingers, however, may find that the first few times are a little nerve wracking, especially if it involves a group of people.

If you find yourself being nervous during a swinging session, you might need to back up a little bit until you get more comfortable.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I just experienced our first swinger encounter, I am a very lucky man in having a wife that is so open to this. She was great – I, however, was a little nervous – so nervous that I had a difficult time getting an erection (this has never happened before!). I don’t know if it was the fact that I was being watched by 15 people or what… Do you have any tips to help me over come this problem of not being able to step up to bat? Thank you

–Adam, CO

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Performance Anxiety

Some people get "performance anxiety." This might happen when you’re alone with your partner, but it’s more likely to happen if you’re swinging with a couple or having a more voyeuristic adventure with more people.

You may find that you can’t get an erection or if you’re a woman, you may feel more shy and self conscious than before. It can be embarrassing, especially if you’re unable to get or maintain an erection, to have performance anxiety while swinging. What can you do?

Back Up A Little Bit

Stop and think about what might have made you uncomfortable while swinging. How did you feel? Were you nervous? Were you shy or self conscious? Were you wearing an outfit that was uncomfortable or you didn’t feel sexy in? Were there a number of people watching you swing?

Dig deep to find the culprit of your performance anxiety. There is a cause. Once you find it, you can begin to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again. For example, if your swinging session involved more people than just the other couple you were swinging with, you can try swinging again with just one other person or perhaps just another couple.

If you were wearing an uncomfortable or unflattering outfit that made you feel self conscious or out of place, you can try swinging again while wearing something you feel really dynamite in. Don’t let one bout of performance anxiety turn you off from swinging forever.

Feeling Comfortable

…

Swinger Swap Gone Wrong! Can We Recover? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:58:04 +0000

You’ve made the jump into swinging. Congratulations! It takes a lot of courage to make the foray into swinging.

There’s a reason for that though. Swinging doesn’t always work the way we hope it to.

What do you do when swinging goes wrong? What happens if there’s a rift between you and your partner after swinging? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband got quite close to his client. They eventually became attracted to each other. All 4 of us became close socially. Eventually we began to talk about a swap. We went on a short holiday. Both of them were very close and comfy with each other. Her husband and I were not and the situation got very uncomfortable. Nothing happened between any of the couples. But our marriages have been affected. My husband is still close to her. And each day my emotions drive me crazy. We still go out as friends. But one day I’m ok with it, and another day I’m hurt that he puts her before me. I feel that her husband also goes thru what I’m going thru. It’s destroying me. What should I do?

– Samantha, Uganda

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Swinging Gone Wrong

Most of the time, when swinging goes wrong it’s a jealousy issue. This can happen before you actually have sex, during or after. Even if your partner is just spending time with another person while you’re spending time with someone else as well, it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings. This can be especially difficult to deal with if your foray into swinging isn’t as successful as your partner’s. You may feel left out or forgotten about.

If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, relax. They’re all normal feelings. Swinging isn’t for everyone and it may have taken a step in that direction for you to realize that swinging isn’t for you. Don’t dismiss your feelings because you think you "shouldn’t" have them, or that you "brought them on yourself" because you agreed to the swinging in the first place.

You reserve the right to change your mind about swinging at any point in time, any place, anywhere. If swinging starts making you feel uncomfortable, even if it didn’t at first, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and stop the swinging.

Going In Reverse

If you’ve had a not so good experience with swinging, you have every right to put a stop to it. That may prevent any hurt feelings in the future, but what about the hurt you’re harboring now? Is your relationship doomed to failure now that you’ve introduced swinging into your lives?

Not necessarily

…

Do You Have What it Takes to Be Swingers? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:19:59 +0000

If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, you might be looking into swinging. Swinging with a third person or even another couple can bring a new aspect of fun and excitement into your sex life that you never thought possible.

Some couples aren’t ready for swinging. You have to be comfortable, confident and above all, open and honest with each other. Do you have what it takes to be swingers?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a huge dilemma. My wife and I are very sexual, and have discussed at length our interest in the swinging lifestyle. We are both dying to explore the beginning stages, but have a problem. Besides being totally inexperienced, we are not physically fit and although we are very fun and engaging and have a lot of social adventures, we feel too uncomfortable to approach others. We want to watch real people have sex in front of us, but not participate.

Is there an outlet for this with real people? I know it’s hypocritical, but we would like to see attractive people, and people we connect with emotionally, but we don’t feel we have what it takes to get others to want to share themselves with us. What should we do?

– Jay, NC

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Being Comfortable With Yourself

Swingers come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The swingers you see in pornography and on television shows aren’t the only swingers out there in real life. Swingers can be anyone, your frumpy next door neighbors or even your bald boss. You’re going to find a great mix of people from all walks of life when you start exploring swinging.

You may feel that you’re not attractive enough to swing, or that no other couple is going to be interested in what you have to offer. That’s not true! It takes time and effort to find another person or couple that you’re compatible with, but that doesn’t mean you never will.

The first step to swinging is getting comfortable with yourself. Now that you understand that swingers don’t all look like television actors and actresses, you can begin to become confident enough with yourself that you aren’t worried about what you look like or what other people look like.

You can always change your physical appearance. You can lose weight, tone up, even dye your hair. Why do that, though? If you’re not confident with you, the swinging life is going to fizzle fast. Learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you look like, and realize that you’re attractive to your partner and you’re going to be attractive to others as well.

Getting Your Feet Wet

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Threesomes As An Alternative Approach to Marriage Therapy? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 13:14:02 +0000

Many times, after about six or seven years of a relationship or marriage, the sex life tends to dwindle.

As time goes on, the sex life continues to dwindle and sex with your partner becomes routine.

Your interest in sex with your partner may lessen, but this doesn’t mean that you love your partner less or your relationship is doomed. It just means your relationship has progressed naturally!

Can having a threesome bring the spice back into your partnership?

You had mentioned the other day that some therapists actually recommend bringing

a third person into the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Please explain…

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Threesomes aren’t for everyone.

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Can Swinger Relationships REALLY Work? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:44:59 +0000

Nowadays, you hear so much about open relationships and swinging, where partners will team up with other couples (or even go their separate ways) to have new and fun sexual experiences with other people.

You also sometimes hear how this is essentially a recipe for disaster, but you’ve thought about it and it sounds like something you might want to try. Can an open relationship or swinging relationship ever actually work?

Can swinger and open relationships really work or are they just a recipe for disaster?

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Yes, for strong couples.

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So You Want To Be Swingers? Here’s How to Get Started

Greg & Sheryl — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:50:27 +0000

As experienced swingers, the most common question we receive from those looking to get into the lifestyle is, “How do we start?”

Where to look

Thanks to the internet, it is easier to become a swinger than ever before. As recently as the mid-1990’s, the most common way was by purchasing a contact magazine, usually at a seedy adult bookstore, and then mailing letters to the people who advertised therein.

Swing clubs have existed since the 1970’s, but the only way you could find out about them was by word of mouth or through advertisements in underground publications. Today, the road to becoming a swinger starts with the click of a mouse.

Whether you are looking for a classy swing club, a private house party, or a couple in your city, all of these things can be found on the internet. For those looking to dive right in, clubs and parties are the best way to meet a number of potential playmates on any given night.

For those who prefer a slower, more relaxed approach, your best bet is to place on ad on a swinger’s contact website such as our favorite, Adult Friend Finder. However, meeting people through on online ad requires a great amount of patience.

Swing clubs

Regarding swing clubs, if you live in a large city, you might have a choice between an on-premise club and an off-premise club. An on-premise club is where the sex actually takes place at the facility, whereas sex does not take place at an off-premise club. Off-premises clubs typically hold social events at hotel ballrooms, but those who want to play can usually rent a discounted guest room at that hotel. We usually recommend off-premise clubs to newbies who are worried about being pressured to have sex before they’re ready.

Clubs in your area can be found by utilizing your favorite search engine with the key words “swing clubs” along with the name of your home state or the nearest major city. That should lead you to a list a clubs with links to their websites. Check out those sites and see which one might be write for you. If you have any questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to call or email the club for additional information.

Private swing parties

Private swing parties are a little more difficult to find, because so many of them advertise through word-of mouth. For the most part, you won’t hear about these parties until you’ve worked you way into certain social circles. However, some of these parties are advertised online, often through Craigslist or social networking sites such as Yahoo! Groups. Also, some swingers contact websites have a listing of local parties in your area.

Types of swing parties

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New Swinger Concern – What If We Can’t Agree? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:50:25 +0000

If you’re new to the swinging game, picking a partner that satisfies you and your husband or wife can seem kind of intimidating.

You’re not alone! You’re right to be a little nervous about picking a swinging partner, especially if it’s your first time.

You need to pick a swinging partner that you are both comfortable with and attracted to, or trouble can brew. If you and your partner can’t agree on who to swing with, should you compromise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I want to get into swinging. We’ve been talking about it for a little over 2 years now. She was the one who approached me with the idea. We have joined a swing site but the problem is that my wife doesn’t like my taste in woman.

I’m not into super thin women I like a woman with a little belly but not huge. Let me say this before judging me on this not that you would. My wife is not small but not huge either, I love her dearly, but she always wants me to pick a woman that is larger then her or the same size. But when she picks the man she wants I never question her on it. Its just sex I’m not looking to replace her.

Am I wrong for wanting a woman that I’m more physically attracted with?

- Aaron, Ohio

Click here to view the embedded video.

Her fears.

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Thinking of Having a Threesome? Why Not Make It A Foursome… (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:15:41 +0000

You and your partner have decided to have a threesome. You may even have someone in mind that you and your partner have both agreed on.

If you’re about to take the plunge into the world of multiple partner sex, you may have a few questions on how to do it safely.

Congratulations! Not everyone has safety on their mind before having a threesome. Here are some great ways to have safety in numbers.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi.

Just wanted to say I think it is great what you two do. My question is my girlfriend and I want to have a threesome with another female and we have one lined up. I know to use a condom but what about oral and other kinds of play? We don’t want to come home with some kind of STD.

Do you have any advice for protection?

– John, CA

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Getting Tested

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How To Ease Into Swinging So That You’re Both Comfortable (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:31:15 +0000

So you and your partner are thinking about swinging. Whether you’ve tried it once before or this is your first time, it can be nerve wracking when trying to ease yourself into the swinging lifestyle.

How can you start swinging slowly, and in a way that makes both partners completely comfortable?

While the only rules for swinging for you are set by you and your partner, there are some general guidelines that can help make things easier for the both of you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My fiancée and I are talking about trying the swinging lifestyle and we are a little unsure of how to start and move into it gradually so that everyone is comfortable. What do you suggest?

- Randa, Alabama

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ease Into It

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How Do I Get Past My First Time Swinger Fears? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 May 2008 14:21:21 +0000

Many couples, especially those who have been together for a long time, are interested in swinging. If you and your partner find yourselves interested in swinging, take heart.

It’s totally normal and healthy to want to experience your sexuality outside of your current relationship.

It’s also normal to be scared. There are a lot of ways that swinging can go wrong, especially if it’s something you’ve never done before. How can you get over your fears? Is swinging right for you?

Make sure swinging is right for you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband wants to start swinging, I would like too also but I was a virgin when we met at 15yrs old… and now 37yrs old to be with another man seems so weird and scary…

How do I get past my nerves and fears?

- Sandy, Las Vegas

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Making sure swinging is right for you

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How Do We know If An Open Marriage Is Right For Us? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:57:05 +0000

Open marriages – are they always a bad idea? Are they ever a good idea? Every individual and every couple is different. What an open marriage means to one couple may mean something entirely different to another.

Many things come into play when you start thinking about sharing your partner with someone else – and there’s lots of room for hurt feelings, jealousy and even feelings for the outside partner.

How can you sort out whether or not having an open marriage is a good idea for you and your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m married, have a child and pregnant with second. My husband introduce the idea of "Open Marriage”. I do not see signs of him cheating so this is not an excuse for him to seek affairs. I started to have straying thoughts lately, because of my unsatisfied sex life and a cute male co-worker. He is not the player type but he fell for me and he struggles like me.

If no one is happy in this situation, would the open marriage thing really be the cure? Is it worth it adjusting my personal views on open marriage? What do I do if I fall in love with the new guy but he is not as good as my husband in terms of being a dad? What do I say to my kids one day?

I feel so bad, and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

– Jane, California

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

How to know if an open marriage is right for you

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Hey, Are You Guys Swingers?

Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:35:50 +0000

We have heard so many stories about couples that were confronted or "outed" by friends, family or co-workers about their "lifestyle" and they simply didn’t know what to say. Caught off guard, they stumbled, mumbled and bumbled through their explanation, leaving little or no doubt that they were indeed "Swingers".

"If my (mother, boss, kids, etc…) knew what we do… they’d disown us! It would be a disaster!"

We have heard it 1,000 times. Interestingly, in most instances the opposite is the case. A countless number of couples have told us that when their family and friends did find out, things actually got better, not worse.

Coming Clean

In our case, Tess thought her conservative family would freak out if they discovered our personal lives (and our lifestyle related business!). Then, one New Year’s Day, we awoke to a phone call from her mom. Still groggy, Tess stepped over several of our naked friends, still sleeping from the house party the night before, and answered the phone.

After a quick "Happy New Year!", her mom got right to the point – "Do you throw sex parties?" Stunned, Tess sunk into a chair and started to explain our "lifestyle" convention business and the rest of our "lifestyle" in more depth. Her mom didn’t say much and only asked a few questions, allowing Tess to fully explain, that morning, the secret part of our lives we had been living over the past 13 years.

…her mom got right to the point –
"Do you throw sex parties?"

When she thought she was finished, she braced for the onslaught she always knew would come her way, if or when her family found out. After a brief (but excruciating) moment of silence, her mom finally said, "Now everything makes sense."

Apparently her mom had held a grudge for years, because she’d hear we were going to Jamaica, Mexico, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, Toronto, etc… She couldn’t figure out why we didn’t have more time to visit her while having plenty of time to vacation all around the world. Once she found out that these trips were actually business trips, she was more understanding. As a result, Tess and her mom grew closer.

I attribute a lot of that to simple communication. Once that weight was lifted from Tess’ shoulders, she and her mom talked a lot more often, and openly. We ended up visiting her more frequently. Her mom still doesn’t really understand why we would be interested in a "lifestyle" like ours, but I can tell you that she respects us both more now than before our secret came out.

More People Should Be Open

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Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:39:29 +0000

What guy hasn’t fantasized about a threesome?

Even married guys have the occasional “swinging” wet dream now and then.

However, facing the realities of actually sharing the love of your life with another man or woman for the first time gives rise to questions and insecurities that were never there before. How do you deal with them in a way that satisfies both partners?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with the woman of my dreams who happens to be bisexual but also an experienced swinger. I myself have fantasized about such things but have little experience. I am confused by my emotions of seeing my lady with another man. Although I am not bi I’m willing to experiment with another male for her, and its a funny thing that this causes less stress then seeing her with another man. I have no fear of sharing another woman with her, so why should sharing another man with her cause such worry? But it’s in the past why should it matter now? Is this a common fear for virgin male swingers like myself?

–Ric, London

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

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