Great sex can be any kind of sex – hard, fast, thrusting is good, but your partner will get bored of this easily, because there is little emotional connection involved   This is where Tantric sex comes in. In tantric sex there is no goal of getting anywhere, of striving for an orgasm.

It’s All About The Approach

Your approach with your partner is all about awareness and feeling, experiencing the “now,” with your ego dissolving and your heart opening. It’s a form of meditation that lets history dissolve, resentment fade away and anger turn into joy.

However, this kind of sex takes practice and it takes 2! So you have to convince her to take this journey with you and once you have both gone down this path, there will be no turning back. It’s not some huge mystery as most people seem to think and neither do you have to wait until you know it all. Every little step you take in this direction brings its own rewards and on this journey, you get to know yourself intimately first and then that of your partner, by exploring first the physical, the emotional and finally the spiritual.

Designing An “Intimacy Space”

If you explain this procedure to your lover, she is going to be spell bound and most definitely curious. The first thing you need to do is design an “intimacy space.” Start off slow with a light intimate dinner and then proceed to this “space” which should be comfortable, relaxed and clear of clutter. It needs to be decorated with flowers, candles and cozy fabrics and the additional ambience created by the scent should be of natural oils like jasmine, ylang-ylang, or rose. Choose a soundtrack of music that you both like to be played as soft background music.

Breathing Together

The next step is intimate and involves breathing each other’s breath. Harmonizing your breath is one of the easiest ways to sync with your lover. Straddle your partner’s lap (called the yab-yom sex position) and inhale while they exhale and vice versa. As your lover breathes out, you’ll find yourself taking their breath into and down through your entire body. As you exhale, consciously attempt to energize the breath. In this way, you’re sharing all of yourself with your partner. Whatever you do, do not lose control – this is critical!

Take Your Time

Foreplay is essential in Tantra. A slow build will not only help you maintain your erection but it will intensify her arousal. The longer you linger in this process of building energy, the longer your session will last and the more energy you will build. Use this time to fully focus on each other. As in meditation, when your thoughts wander, gently guide your attention back to your partner and the magic of the moment at hand.

Maintain Eye Contact

Whilst all this erotic foreplay is building, maintaining eye contact is essential. You are going to make love with your eyes open as the ultimate display of your deep connection with your lover and the level of your intimacy. It will be a challenge particularly as the sensations of pleasure heighten. When the two of you finally make love, you’ll find the love making profoundly transformative and move each other in ways you could never imagine.

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According to studies, around 75% of women do not reach an orgasm during intercourse. Why? For one, it’s because he or she does not know how to properly sexually stimulate her so she never really reaches sexual tension enough to come. Another reason is this: he comes too fast.

Frankly, clinical premature ejaculation is not the issue here. Women simply take longer than men to climax. Period. So how do we bridge this gap? Well, why not engage in exercises that will help you last longer in bed? This way, you’re giving her all the time she needs to get all revved up for a glorious climax.

Exercise One: Pressing The Prostate Point (PPP)

Okay, here’s a bit of a male anatomy lesson. Between your testicles and anus is something called the perineum. There’s a soft spot there through which you can apply pressure to your prostate. Now for most men, prostate stimulation reduces the likelihood of reaching orgasm involuntarily. This is because it washes out from the prostate gland the fluid that is necessary for ejaculation.

If you push hard enough on your prostate point right before orgasm, it actually blocks the emission phase (or ejaculation phase). This exercise prevents seminal fluid from entering the urethral canal when your orgasmic spasms start. Even if you have orgasmic contractions, the semen remains inside your body and is re-absorbed. This is also known as having a Dry Orgasm and no, nit’s not painful!

1. Pleasure yourself till you begin to feel the tension that tells you you’re on your way to coming.
2. Stop all motion, locate your prostate point, and press upward firmly for 10 to 30 seconds. You should feel the sexual tension you were just feeling begin to ebb away.
3. Now pleasure yourself again. This time, go a bit pass the tension you felt in Step 1.
4. Stop all motion, locate your prostate point, and press upward firmly for 10 to 30 seconds. You should feel the sexual tension you were just feeling begin to ebb away.
5. Now pleasure yourself again. This time, go a bit pass the tension you felt in Step 3.
6. Locate your prostate point, and press upward firmly for 10 to 30 seconds. However, this time, try to continue stroking yourself as you do this.
7. 7. Continue doing this exercise till you master reaching higher sexual peaks and bringing yourself down again.

Exercise Two: Root Lock

Inside your body, at the base of your penis is the muscle called pubococcygeus. People fondly call it PC for short. This exercise teaches you to use your PC muscles to delay ejaculation.

To perform a Root Lock, hold your breath momentarily and push your pelvic muscles out like straining to empty your bowels. Some claim they prefer pushing ‘in’ rather than out but that’s all up to you really.

1. Pleasure yourself till you begin to feel the tension that tells you you’re on your way to coming.
2. Exhale all your breath and hold it, keep your eyes wide open looking upward, push your tongue on the roof of your mouth, tighten your fingers, hands, and feet, and push out on your rectum until your arousal ebbs away.
3. Now pleasure yourself again. This time, go a bit pass the tension you felt in Step 1.
4. Exhale all your breath and hold it, keep your eyes wide open looking upward, push your tongue on the roof of your mouth, tighten your fingers, hands, and feet, and push out on your rectum until your arousal ebbs away.
5. Now pleasure yourself again. This time, go a bit pass the tension you felt in Step 3.
6. Exhale all your breath and hold it, keep your eyes wide open looking upward, push your tongue on the roof of your mouth, tighten your fingers, hands, and feet, and push out on your rectum until your arousal ebbs away. But this time, contract your anal muscles inward and upward while pulling your stomach toward your spine. Which works better for you, in or out?
7. Continue doing this exercise till you master reaching higher sexual peaks and bringing yourself down again.

By now, you should be realizing that tension in whatever way, shape of form, is your ‘enemy.’ So each time you make love to her, and you feel that you’re reaching a sexual peak that can easily lead you to orgasm, delay your orgasm and wait for her will you?

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Sanctify Your Space

If you read the morning newspaper in your bed, or you work from home in bed, eat in bed or do anything else besides sleep and have sex in your bed, then you need to start by sanctifying your space. You’re never going to feel sexual or connected to your partner in the same space that you change diapers in! Start making your bedroom a sex and sleeping only place, so when you walk into the room, you are already starting to get psychologically prepared for sex. You can also splurge on some new silky sheets and a few aromatherapy candles. Anything that you can do to appeal to your senses and get them involved will help you experience sex in a new way.

Dance With Your Partner

Remember that scene in the second Matrix movie where the entire city of Zion did a sweaty, tribal dance together to the sound of deep, resonating drum beats? There’s a reason that scene was so erotic. Bring that sense of eroticism and energy to the bedroom by scouring the Internet for some sexy tribal music and putting it on your iPod. You can also use anything with a slow, sexy beat to it as long as it makes you want to grind and dance with your lover. Turn the lights down low (you can use candles to enhance the mood) and turn music up loud. Let the beat flow through your body as you dance with your partner. You’ll begin to relax and find that your body is more open and sensitive to pleasure, as well as your to your lover. Let the dancing bring out your sensual, animalistic nature!

Practice Breathing Together

Breathing is an essential part of sex. It allows more oxygen into your body which enables blood to flow to and stimulate your genitals. Practice breathing in and out together with your partner before sex or during foreplay. For example, when you’re kissing your partner or cuddling with them before sex, synchronize your intake and outtake of breath with theirs. As you begin breathing together, you’re also going to do other things together, such as experience waves of pleasure and orgasm simultaneously. While you may not experience a simultaneous orgasm with your lover right away during Tantric sex, practicing breathing together and feeling each other will bring you that much closer.

Use The Sitting Up Sex Position

There are a variety of sex positions that you can use during Tantric sex, but the most popular one is the sitting position, where the woman sits on the man’s lap and inserts his penis into her vagina that way. This position allows for very little movement, but that is actually the point here! You’re not going to be able to do much more than rock back and forth on each other – sliding in and out just isn’t going to happen in this position. However, when you slowly rock and grind against each other, your pleasure will continue to build until the point where you think you can’t take it anymore. Stop, kiss your partner deeply and allow yourself to come down some from the brink of orgasm. Then, take your time building your pleasure up again. Combine this with simultaneous breathing and staring deep into your lover’s eyes and you’ll begin to experience pleasure in a whole new way.

Don’t Rush It

Again, the point of Tantric sex is not to rush into orgasm. This is going to be a long, drawn out process (and that is not a bad thing at all) so you want to make a point to do it when you have a good, solid chunk of time where you’re not going to be interrupted. Whether you start with oral sex and then move into breathing and rocking or a combination of several different maneuvers, you don’t want to rush a single minute of it. Focus on each individual wave of pleasure and encourage your partner to do the same. After some practice, you and your partner may even be able to feel each other’s pleasure and it will begin to heighten your own pleasure!

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So, if you want to up the pleasure you get when you climax read on to find out what you need to do to really create fire in bed.

 Wild Orgasm Tip #1: No More Fake Ones For You!

Why do women fake orgasms? That’s a complicated one. Here are a few possible reasons.

• At the start of your relationship, maybe you faked it because you want him to think you’re this wild, erotic lover.
• You’re tired and you really just want to get it over with.
• You actually have no idea how to climax so you just fake it.

Why it’s bad: When you fake your orgasms, you are sending him all the wrong ideas when it comes to what turns you on. As a result, he will never really get what makes you tick sexually.

How to change: Make it real. Seriously, don’t moan if there’s nothing to moan about. Don’t say it was great if it wasn’t. Don’t say ‘yeah, yeah’ when in you’re head you’re already planning tomorrow’s chores.

This does not mean to say that you should be brutal with comments (e.g., I don’t know why you’re licking that way!) or that you should be passive (why wait for him to figure YOU out?). Instead, explore your body together. If you don’t want to do this, you can go off on a self-exploration journey first. Yes, masturbate more.

Find out what moves REALLY arouse you. And then the next time you guys make love, guide him to what you want him to do.

Wild Orgasm Tip #2. Bring In A ‘Third Party’ To Bed.

Sometimes women, in their frustration to reach an orgasm more often, turn to battery-operated lovers. This is all well and good and in reality, sex toys ARE great ways to explore your own sexuality. However, in many cases, women tend to turn to their sex toys more and more because well, it’s almost a sure-thing each time you use it.

Why it’s bad: This prevents you from exploring better climaxes with your lover.

How to change: Why not try to introduce your man to your sex gadget? A lot of people say this will hurt his ego but this really depends on how you bring it. For instance, why not give him a peep show first. You KNOW what one of men’s sexual fantasies is to watch their woman masturbate so why not give him a treat?

Engage in self-love right in front of him. This will not only drive him wild but will bring you to your sexual edge too. It’s a win-win situation. You can even hand off the sex toy at one point to him so he can use it on you!

Wild Orgasm Tip #3. Realize This: Perfect Sex Exist Only In Movies.

Nowadays, it’s getting harder and harder to separate fantasy from reality! And the bedroom is one of those areas that are suffering from this. We seem to think that making love should be almost ‘picture perfect’. I mean, heaven forbid you make a fanny fart or emit some gas as he takes you from behind. And woman-on-top is GREAT but then again, you have to be right in front of him where he can see how your face contorts as you near your climax.

Why it’s bad: All of these thoughts are not only unrealistic; they completely get in the way of a darn good orgasm! Instead of letting go and losing yourself in the sexual moment, you tend to become alert as to what MAY occur.

How to change: Practice feeling and not thinking while making love. Really try to empty your mind and focus only on your body. If you must ‘think’, practice mental stimulation instead. For instance, if you love the way he’s licking you then recite this in your head “Lick. Lick. Lick. Wet. Wet. Wet. Coming. Coming. Coming.”

Wild Orgasm Tip #4. Your Next Bedroom Project: Tantric Sex.

Oftentimes, when a particular sex position works (i.e., you actually reached an orgasm in that position), we tend to engage in nothing but that position over and over again. Tried and tested, right?

Why it’s bad: If you keep on doing the exact same thing, it loses its effectives in the long run. Furthermore, this means you’re dangerously coming close to that R word (routine) that kills a lot of sex lives.

How to change: Keep on experimenting. Ok, maybe tantric sex or the kama sutra is too big a project to start with but you must start something. It keeps sex alive and yes, you WILL find one that will push your orgasms to greater heights.

Enjoy yourselves!

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For example, did you know that tantra is often used as a means of emotional, physical and spiritual healing, as well as a method for achieving the ultimate intimacy that can exist between two people?

Sound intrigued? Then read on to discover how tantra can lead you and your partner on the path to ultimate healing and unity!

The Tantric Path to Healing and Unity

It’s no secret that many people may have emotional and mental “baggage”, thanks to previous relationships or life experiences.  These problems can often manifest themselves during particularly intimate moments, including sack sessions.

Whether the problems come from inner issues (perhaps with self-confidence or body hate) or outer influences (for instance, you or your partner experienced abuse or grew up in a loveless household), these mental and emotional scars don’t have to become an obstacle in your quest for the ultimate intimacy and union.

Tantra is widely known for its healing powers. In fact, if you and your partner engage in tantric lovemaking practices, you’ll soon find that you both will grow to become more confident, loving and intimate partners.

The Distinction

However, when using tantra in an effort to emotionally and mentally heal yourself or your partner, it’s important to distinguish these nights from normal sack sessions.  A healing tantric session shouldn’t have the same feel as a normal night of tantric lovemaking, since the latter focuses more on achieving spiritual bliss through physical pleasure.

Rather, a healing tantric session will focus more on unleashing and clearing away any mental and emotional obstacles that you or your partner may have in regards to sex and intimacy.

In a healing session, you must first distinguish your role as either Healer or Receiver; for example,  if your partner is the one experiencing emotional or mental obstacles to tantric bliss, then you should be the Healer, and he or she the Receiver.

Additionally, it’s important to verbally confirm your role with your partner, as this will serve to relax each other in regards to any expectations.

Once Roles Are Established

Once each of your roles have been established, set up a comfortable and non-threatening space in a spot that is familiar to your partner.  For example,  most healing sessions are often successful in the bedroom, as this is usually a space that signifies positive emotions brought about by intimate and relaxing activities.

Let your partner know that anything that happens in the space will stay there; this will make him or her feel more comfortable in sharing intimate and vulnerable moments with you.  Have your partner lie down and begin the healing session with a relaxing massage.

This should differ greatly from a massage that’s given in the pursuit of pleasure; rather, focus on massaging nonsexual areas before centering on the different energy channels located in the pelvic region and the heart.  Once your partner has expressed his or her permission for you to move on to the pelvic region, use slow and deliberate massaging movements.

Remember, the goal of this activity is not arousal, so don’t rush your partner into orgasm; rather, let your partner experience the different emotions and sensations that come to the surface.  For example, if your partner begins to become aroused, or even yells with anxiety, give him or her permission to feel these emotions.

Of course, if your partner wishes for you to stop, then the healing session should immediately end until your lover is ready for another one.  Sometimes, past experiences can be so painful that it can definitely take more than one tantric healing session to release these roadblocks to pleasure and intimacy.

Practice Makes Perfect!

If you desire to play the role of Healer but feel uncomfortable with what it entails, try enrolling in a tantric healing course before engaging in these practices with your lover.

An expert can teach you what to do and how to react in certain scenarios, especially those in which powerful emotions come to the surface. An expert can also help you to become more in touch with your receiver’s energy, which will help you immensely during your healing sessions.

After each tantric healing session, be sure that you hold and nurture your partner, as this will reassure them of your love and devotion to their physical, mental and emotional well-being.  Drink water, take a bath together, or just lie there holding each other, listening to each other’s  breath.

Soon, your healing sessions will give way to more soulful and sensual lovemaking sessions, as you and partner will have overcome any obstacles to spiritual, physical, and emotional bliss and intimacy.

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Yes, Multiple Orgasms Do Exist

However, if you’re a follower of Tantra, a spiritual path that utilizes specific body sensations, vocalizations and movements in order to awaken and channel divine sexual energy, then you not only know that multiple orgasms exist; most likely you experience this intense sexual and spiritual bliss during every lovemaking session!

If you’re ready to awaken your multi-orgasmic potential through the art of tantric practices, then get ready to spice up your sexual life!

What Tantra Is

Before you can learn all of the tricks and secrets to achieving multi-orgasmic bliss, first, one must learn a bit more about tantra.  Although tantra has been painted as a religion devoted exclusively to the practice of sex, thanks in part to Western influences, it is so much more.

Tantra, derived from ancient Sanskrit philosophies from India, Nepal and China, is a specific spiritual movement which taps into powerful energies that are continually coursing through our bodies.

These energies, which differ among men and women, are used to awaken sexual awareness amongst partners, and can help lovers achieve the most sublime sexual and spiritual bliss imaginable.  In essence, sex is indeed an important part of the tantric experience, but it acts more as a catalyst for achieving divine bliss as opposed to an ultimate endpoint.

It’s Not as Intimidating as It Sounds

Sure, this may sound rather intimidating, but the trick to boosting your multi-orgasmic potential isn’t complicated or difficult to learn; rather, the key lies in being able to control the coursing of your sexual energy through your breathing.

Think this sounds too simple to be true? Try approaching it this way: the art of tantric sex revolves around controlled breathing as a means to heightening physical and emotional sensations, which leads to a more spiritual and satisfying form of lovemaking.

Additionally, tantric practices maintain that the breath cleanses and purifies essential energies in our bodies, including our chakras.  Your chakras are some of the most important energy channels in your body, as each chakra is associated with a vital part of your body and mind.

The same idea applies to achieving the infamous multiple orgasm, as engaging in controlled breathing with your partner will heighten all the necessary sensations for the simultaneous multiple orgasm!

Just Breathe

Of course, you and your partner cannot expect to achieve your multi-orgasmic potential without first engaging in some very basic but necessary breathing exercises.  These exercises will not only help you to intimately connect to your partner on a deeper and more spiritual level. They’ll reinforce the importance of controlled breathing during the peak of your lovemaking.

If you and your partner are tantric beginners, make a little time in each day to practice individual breathing exercises.  To start out your first controlled breathing exercise, inhale deeply through your nose (this is done to get as deep a breath as possible) until your stomach expands out into a potbelly.

Allow yourself to full up with your breath and feel the cleansing power that just one simple breath contains.  Once your stomach has expanded as far as it can go, breath out slowly through the mouth, making sure to concentrate as your breath leaves your body.  Repeat these exercises a few times more, until your body feels completely relaxed.

If you’re looking for a breathing exercise that will get you ready for action, try rapid breathing in and out through your nose, which will sound a bit like snorting (this is perhaps a good exercise to do without your partner at first!).

This kind of breathing will completely energize you, which will lead to more intense and playful lovemaking sessions.  Encourage your partner to try these exercises on his or her own before coming together for your tantric experiences.

Now You’re Ready to Start!

Once you’ve learned how to control your own breathing, you’re ready to join up with your partner for a sack session that will have you well on your way towards the ultimate sensual pleasure: the multiple orgasm!

During coitus, start out by synchronizing your breath with that of your partner, which will help you to sense each other’s energy patterns.  Once the two of you are on the same wavelength, change your breathing pattern to the reciprocal breath, which involves “exchanging” air with your partner; to do this, simply inhale while your partner exhales, and vice versa.

Soon, you’ll be so full of your partner’s energy that you’ll find it almost too easy to achieve that once-elusive multiple orgasm!

Don’t Forget to Have Fun

In your quest to boost your multi-orgasmic potential, don’t forget the most important rule of all: have fun!  Your tantric journey should be both fun and pleasurable, even if you’re not able to attain multiple orgasms on the first go.

After all, tantric sex is about exploring and appreciating your partner on a physical and spiritual level. Just approach your lovemaking sessions in this light, and you’ll hardly even have to try for that simultaneous multiple orgasm; it will be effortless!

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5. Tantric Sex – How To Transform Your Partnership

“Yoni,” or Vagina, means “Sacred Place” and is said to be the source of Divine Female Sexual Power; “Lingham” or “Vajra” refers to the Penis and this term means “Wand of Light” and is said to represent Divine Male Sexual Energy and Consciousness.

The terms used in tantric sex are a far cry from the Western approach to using some not-so-pleasant terms to describe our nether regions. Partners are revered as a ‘Beloved’ and are to be valued, respected, nurtured and cared for.

Setting the Scene For Pleasure

Set the scene for your Tantric Night of Pleasure by taking the time to prepare a deliciously sensual environment. Put some thought into creating a warm, relaxing, and seductive space within which to begin your Tantric Yoni and Lingham massage, or His ‘N Hers Tantric Massage.

Your space should have:

A great location – make sure your space is warm and inviting

Soothing sounds — put on some relaxing and soothing music for a calm environment

Beautiful sights – as the Japanese saying goes, “The First Bite is With the Eyes.” Create a visually stunning atmosphere by decorating your space with colorful flowers or rose petals. You can also get together some cushions and place some meaningful or symbolic objects around the bed to represent a calm, safe and loving space.

Proper dress — dress yourself up and make an effort to look good for your partner. Make sure your personal hygiene is up to par, including brushing your teeth and smelling appealing. Make it sensual by taking a shower or bath together and remember that poor hygeine is one of the biggest turn offs in the bedroom.

Try to set some time aside for your Tantric Pleasure Experience as a way to honor your lover, develop skills, relax and focus the mind and spirit.

Massage your lover’s entire body for at least 30 minutes before starting your Intimate Tantric massage. By slowly charging up and circulating your sexual energy, the Yoni and Lingham will be more sensitive to your touch.

Massaging the Yoni

If you’re massaging your lover’s Yoni, start by resting one hand over the area and the other over her heart. Visualize energy from your heart flowing through your hands into her heart and Yoni.

This is a great way to balance emotions and to create a deeper connection between lovers. Lightly pour some warmed cold pressed, organic vegetable oils (sesame, almond, olive) over your hands and let the oil drip slowly over the Yoni and Clitoris.

Always start from the outside in. Start by teasing and caressing her outer lips, pubic mound, proceeding to the inner lips, and massage the opening of the vagina very gently. After at least 15-20 minutes of playful teasing, gently take the clitoris between your fingers and massage slowly (but not directly) around the sides and base.

Take Your Time

Remember you are building sensation and pleasure, so do not go straight for the kill. Take your time and layer the sensations.

If her excitement  starts to build quickly, slow down and stop and encourage her to take a few slow and deep breaths.

Now you can gently insert one finger inside and massage along the inner wall. If she’s ready, insert 2 fingers and do the same. Always get feedback, and ask her what’s working best. Alternate by removing your hand from her Yoni and then massage her clitoris moving slowly toward the head. Give her at least 40 minutes of divine pleasure and feel her melt in your hands – literally!

For the Men

For your male lover, begin again by giving him a luxurious body massage for at least 30 minutes. Drip warm oil (vegetable, organic and cold pressed) over the Lingham or Penis, Scrotum and Perinuem (a small circular area between the Scrotum and Anus).

Gently massage up and down the shaft and very lightly at the head. Remember you are slowly building up a wonderful crescendo, so initially less is more. Massage the scrotum gently, all while getting feedback from him as to the pressure preferred.

The Perinuem is referred to as the ‘Sacred Spot’ by Tantrists and is great place to give him some incredible sensations. This is a very sensitive area, so apply only gently pressure using the tips of your finger in a circular motion for a few minutes at a time.

Increase the pressure of your strokes over and along the Lingham, and massage the head by twisting your hand in a left-right direction. If his sensations become too intense, stop and slow down, and encourage him to take some slow deep breaths.

(Do not use pure or diluted essential oils internally or near intimate areas and avoid oil based products – use only pure, organic vegetable oils such as olive or grape seed oils)

What is Tantra?

“Tantra” refers to the concept of ‘Expansion Through Awareness’ and by expansion we mean the opening of the mind and spirit, the deepening of the soul, the experience of pleasure and bliss and hopefully complete union with your lover and the cosmos.

Sexual energy is awakened through a variety of practices (tantric massage being one of them), channeled throughout your own body, between yourself and your lover, concentrated in the heart and directed to the Universe.

Sex therefore represents a movement of energy rather than a rush to the end, a masterful or stressful performance, or a sleeping aid at the end of a long and anxiety fueled day.

The slow, luxurious release approach of intimate tantric massage is always a  welcome indulgence. So lavish the Yoni and Lingham with pure sensuality and divine love and attention.

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5. What is Tantra and Tantric Sex?

It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine. To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body.

One of the techniques it teaches allows men to have an orgasm without ejaculating, which makes it possible for him to come again and again.

How is This Possible?

Well, by using tantric principles, such as breathing, visualizing, and squeezing the love muscles to draw sexual energy from the sex organs up the spine to the back of the brain, a man can learn to ride the waves of orgasm and start coasting along the crest of those waves like a skilled surfer.

He can go down in the valley of the wave and enjoy playing more safely in a sweet and intensive romantic/spiritual space, absorbing the benefits resulting from the heightened pleasure he just achieved. He feels as if he’s buzzing with energy, more open and tender toward his partner and himself.

They can look into each other’s eyes, exchange gentle caresses, or simply breathe together to expand the state of bliss. All this can be done without the man losing the precious life-force contained in his semen.

Then the couple can proceed to make love actively, and reach several peaks in one love session. After having reached several peaks and experienced several body orgasms, the man can choose to have an ejaculatory orgasm if desired.

Controlling Ejaculation

How quickly a man can learn to control his ejaculation response depends on how much he practices, and the attitude he practices with. It’s almost a paradox: The more patient and loving you are with yourself, the less in a hurry to achieve quick results, the faster you’ll learn.

That’s because relaxation is the key, and you can’t be relaxed if you’re very goal-oriented. When you’re goal-oriented, you’re tense and usually judgmental. Ideas like, “I don’t know if I’ll ever learn this stuff…..Perhaps it’s not for me….I’m wasting my time….” or similar discouraging thoughts will retard the process of learning.

Be Positive and Loving

Start with self-pleasuring sessions as though you would pleasure the body of a god, or a person you love and admire. In such a case you wouldn’t care how long it takes that person to learn ejaculation control, or anything else. It helps if you set the mood by lighting a candle, burning your favorite incense, and perhaps having some of your favorite flowers or inspiring pictures in view.

The right kind of music can help set the right atmosphere for relaxation as well. Each time you pleasure yourself and feel an ejaculation approaching, try to become more consciously aware of all the signals your body is sending you. With practice, you’ll be better able to anticipate, and then regulate, your reaction.

Regulate Your Reaction

By the way, the more I work with clients concerned about ejaculation control, the more I realize that the word “control” is not really appropriate. It’s rather a redistribution of energy throughout the body. With breathing techniques and the use of your PC (pubo-coccyceal) muscles, you engage your imagination.

Visualize that you’re bringing the very hot energy that has collected around your genitals to the rest of your body, especially to your heart, mixed with a feeling of love for yourself. It’s almost as if you’re opening up a dam and letting the flow of water run along the river. Imagine that it’s a river of warm energy, love and light, spreading throughout your body.

Most men need to try more than one session before they can actually own the techniques that will extend their pleasure by postponing their ejaculation.

While reading about these techniques can point you in the right direction, it really helps when someone knowledgeable can guide you through the experience, and this is one of the areas where an experienced Tantric practitioner can aid you immensely in your practice.

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This is a spongy area two inches or more inside the yoni (vagina)  depending on the size of the yoni and the location of the clitoris. It is actually South Pole of the clitoris.

The First Documentation of Female Ejaculation

Female ejaculation was documented in ancient China and India where the Goddess-spot massage was a common Tantric-sex technique. Tantric texts call the liquid produced amrita, or “sweet nectar.” It is a protein-based fluid, found to be chemically different from urine. It is believed to have great healing properties.

This knowledge is slowly coming to the awareness of non-Tantric people like Dr. Mitchell Levine, a gynecologist/obstetrician at the Women Care clinic, in Arlington, who declares that women do ejaculate. He believes that the hush-hush aura around the subject does not help women or men. He believes that is should become common knowledge.

Medicine Ignores Women’s Sexuality

Sexuality, and especially women’s sexuality, does not receive much attention in medical school. In fact, one female gynecologist approached for this story declined comment, admitting not to know enough about the subject.

Our in so many other ways advanced western culture is badly informed about human sensuality. Medical encyclopedias still do not mention female ejaculation. There is some information, however, on The Complete Guide to Women’s Health.

Don’t Make Something Out of Nothing

The quantity of amrita is not indicative of how much the woman enjoys her release. Therefore, please men don’t make it an issue. Some woman I’ve been working with say they experience intense pleasurable feeling of release and often ejaculate three to nine times or more during one session of sex, each ejaculatory orgasm giving them more pleasure than the previous one.

However, the experience of female ejaculation varies from woman to woman. Some dribble a small amount of fluid; others soak the sheets.

Some women get concerned that they’re urinating, and they need to be reassured that this is not the case. It is amrita they secrete, not urine. In fact amrita does not smell or taste like urine.

The G-Spot Itself

The G-spot itself has been a subject of controversy since its “discovery” in 1944 by gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg. The “G” in the gspot stands for Granfenberg. In the ’60s, sexologists Masters and Johnson announced that female orgasms occurred primarily through stimulation of the clitoris, not the vagina, where the Gspot is found.

The G Spot (Holt, Rinehart, and Winston), a 1982 book by Beverly Whipple, Alice Ladas, and John Perry, refuted this claim and provides ample evidence that the g spot exists. My colleague, Dr. Gary Schubach, wrote a very enlightening thesis on the g spot. You can find it at http://www.doctorg.com.

Some feminists fear that widespread knowledge about female ejaculation will burden women with one more “trick” they must master in bed to feel fully orgasmic. While this is a true concern, I think that withholding knowledge is not the right approach. Educating women about their birthright to full enjoyment of their bodies is a positive approach.

Tantric approaches do not put any pressure on performance neither for males nor for females. In Tantra what is most important is the deep heart to heart connection and caring between the lovers while they experience the pleasure in lovemaking. The goal is connection and deepening intimacy, not performance.

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One would be sad but not embarrassed and one would immediately ask a professional for help.

Common Sexual Dysfunction

The most common sexual dysfunctions that men experience are: loss of desire, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation and impotence. Some women experience: inhibited sexual desire, lack of orgasm, insufficient lubrification and painful intercourse.

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, in 2005 more than 105 million Americans have reported struggling with chronic sexual dysfunctions and many of them were not aware that there is help available. Diabetes can be one of the causes of sexual dysfunctions.

Also some prescription medications for depression can have a negative effect on sexual desire.

What Causes Sexual Dysfunction

There are many causes: some of them are related to hormone production, to blocks to the flow of energy, to shallow anxious breathing and unhealthy diet, just to mention a few.

The hormonal production tends to diminish with age, and you could consult a good endocrinologist to check your hormonal production status. There is a lot of information available on the internet. It’s worth learning about it.

There are also products available that are natural, organic, that very safely stimulate the body to increase production of the body’s natural growth hormones.

You Are What You Eat

What you eat and drink is also important. There are certain simple recommendations you might want to observe most of the time: eat your biggest meal between 12 and 2 PM; eat fish vegetables often; keep your stomach light at night; drink lots of water during the day. Drinking a little alcohol can help lower inhibitions, while drinking too much can inhibit sexuality.

Breathing Matters

Breathing shallowly and high in the chest is probably the most important single cause of lack of energy and anxiety during lovemaking. Through the years, we became habituated to breathe shallow breaths, often filling only the higher part of our chest where the lungs are narrow and smaller.

The body brings the venous blood to the lungs to be purified and the largest veins are located on the bottom of the lungs. Venous blood contains carbon dioxide and other poisonous gases that need to be exchanged with oxygen and thus transformed into vital arterial blood that nourished and strengthens the body.

To be fully present and energetic lovers, we need to learn to breathe to facilitate this exchange as fully as possible. Tantra teaches different breaths for different purposes. Some of the most used techniques are to increase energy and to retain energy without going over the top.

Sometimes It’s Emotional

However, many of the sexual dysfunctions are due to emotional issues, entrenchment into set habits, undelivered communications and resentments that could build a cold wall between couples and unconscious issues coming to the surface.

A good Tantric Healer can help you look at those issues with increased energy and guide you to use this powerful Tantric tools to open up blocks and take care of unfinished issues that limit the joy of our lovemaking.

Lots of issues have been repressed and feeling rationalized instead of felt. When emotions are not expressed, blocks to the flow of energy form along the pathway where erotic energy would otherwise flow to the whole body.

When blocks are present your vitality is lower and sex becomes more a “squeeze and burst” event, at best a letting go of tension instead of an exchange to deepen your love for each other.

The Connection Between Emotions and Lovemaking

Some men have trained themselves with techniques to “making her come” the fastest way possible so that they can “come” thus missing the opportunity for emotional connection and really fulfilling lovemaking.

This way of having sex gives leaves you with a sense of immediate relief but robs you of the opportunity to use this powerful energy for deep heart connection and nurturing. Thus lovers are depriving themselves of deeper and longer pleasure that could enliven all the cells of the body.

Making love could be the greatest way to “make love” grow and to live a longer, happier life.

Deep breathing helps bring emotions to the surface. “E-motion” means energy in motion. When emotions are felt sexual energy can reach higher levels riding higher and wider waives sending into ecstatic lovemaking that is really fulfilling. Sex without emotions leaves people tired, empty and sometimes sad. We instinctively know there is more to it.

Deep breathing is also a key to avoiding anxiety about performance. When your whole body tingles with aliveness and when you hear our lover breathe equally deeply, perhaps even making a sound on each exhalation, you are less prone to thinking about performance and more about riding the waves of pleasure a little longer.

Tantra offers the view that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and as such we have infinite potential for expressing love. By adding the spiritual dimension into the lovemaking it elevates it to ecstasy and adds opens doors for infinite creativity.

As spiritual beings we have infinite potential available and therefore boredom is no longer a danger.

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Tantra is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous. It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome force that some religions fear and want to suppress. It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine.

What Tantra Is and Isn’t

However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogmas. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.

To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness.

There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

Engaging in the Tantric Journey

There are many wonderful book on Tantra, and reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually engage in the journey, I think the best way to start is with a good guide. Why do many people need a guide?

Some books can be confusing and no matter how well written they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

Connect With and Clear Emotional Issues

If you want to prepare for a really high Tantric experience with each other, it is also essential to start by taking time to connect and catch up with emotional issues that might linger unexpressed. People often leave these issues unsaid because of some common rationalizations, such as “I don’t want to start a fight with her” or “he’s not ready to hear me.”

But when we leave these emotions hidden, they become a hindrance to the moving of erotic energy, and end up suppressing our passion for each other. Paying attention to each other and really listening to each other’s concerns is essential. Learning how to “make love grow” becomes especially imperative if you did not see good models for this process while growing up.

Making Love Tantrically

Over time, most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing, and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, and great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new, because it is taking place in each moment, as you respond to each other with honesty and support.

Making love this way becomes a priority in a relationship. Great lovemaking restores and/or adds harmony, peace and joy to everyone else you interact with too.

It is worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment.

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Making Lovemaking a Real Love Making Experience

Admittedly, ejaculatory orgasms produce intense pleasure, but without the slow build up of conscious touch, it is more like a sneeze in the groin, just a release of tension, than a deeply satisfying experience that “makes love grow” (love making).

Unfortunately for many people, sex encounters become more mutual masturbation than real love building experiences.

Tantra invites us to take time to thoroughly touch each other to increase arousal across the entire body. Our skin is our biggest organ and needs caring love and attention. But the Tantric touch, the conscious touch, goes deeper than the skin.

Using Conscious Touch

“Conscious touch” means that you are not thinking of something else. Your attention is fully on your lover, how they breathe and how they take in your touch. Your conscious touch stirs up energy, opening up both the heart and the flow of sexual energy in the form of weak electronic waves that continue to build up until they become larger waves that encompass the entire body.

Sometimes we touch how we want to be touched instead of tuning in to see how our lover likes it. If you notice your lover caught up in their own thoughts, notice how you are touching them. Ask if they would like a softer or stronger, slower or faster touch. This will get their attention back, and you will get a chance to give them the touch they desire.

Touch is both sensuous and healing. The most obvious emissaries of love are our arms, and the focal points from which love flows are the palms. When we touch our loved ones, we help them heal from any pain or disappointment they experience during the day, and they feel that life is worth living just to be touched by you.

Connecting Your Intention With Your Breath

When you connect your intention to your breath, you will feel their muscles sucking in that attention, all the way down to the bones. Yes, bones need love and attention, too, and your intention connected with your breath is powerful enough to penetrate deeply.

Tantric people know that touching a lover does not have to end in ejaculation. Some women cringe when their men start touching them because they know it will end up in intercourse and they might not be in the mood.

I invite men to set up a “just touching time” with your beloved. Then, even when she gets excited you keep your agreement of “just touching” during that time. Doing this often, you build up trust in your word, and she will be touched with joy anytime you do so.

And I promise you that both of you will have an incredibly great time touching and making love.  

To learn more about Carla Tara, visit www.1Tantra.com.

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However, many of these exposed “secrets” painted female sexuality as something to be feared as opposed to celebrated.

The Sexuality of Women is a Mystery

Today, the sexuality of women is still a mysterious subject for many including females themselves!  Thanks to the nearly impossible work schedules of our work lives and the hectic demands from our family and friends, women often leave their own sexuality on the back burner, choosing instead to put the needs of others before their own.

It’s not entirely a conscious choice, either, as many women feel more comfortable catering to the needs of their family, friends and lovers before paying attention to their own.

Modern Life Affects Women’s Sexuality

Modern life can also have a draining effect on female sexual power, as the daily stresses of our day-to-day schedules can not only have a negative effect on women’s emotional and mental well-being, but her sexual force as well.

Women, think about it this way: how many nights have you returned home from work or a social outing, only to reject the advances of your lover because you were too tired or stressed to even think about making love?

It’s easy to see that female sexuality is often adversely affected by modern life, as stress can prevent a woman’s sexuality from blossoming into the sheer sexual energy that it deserves to be.

It’s no surprise that female sexuality continues to remain an enigmatic puzzle! Yet if you’re looking to reclaim the power and beauty of your own sexuality, then look no further than Tantric text to reawaken the sexual tiger within!

When you think of Tantra, do you think of intense sack sessions full of mind-bending positions that seem nearly impossible? While many may limit their view of Tantra to this picture, Tantra is actually a way of channeling and controlling the sexual energy that courses through our bodies.

What is Tantra?

This method of achieving sexual nirvana actually originated with the Zami cult, a group of women who used Tantra as a way to celebrate the power and beauty of female sexuality.  When Tantra merged with Hindu and Buddhist influences, it became the Tantra that we know of today, a celebratory blend of male and female pleasure, where two lovers can reach sexual nirvana by appreciating the power of each other’s sexual power and energy.

Yet female sexuality cannot be celebrated if women don’t take the time to release and explore their own sexual power.  Want to celebrate your divine sexuality?  Here’s how to battle the modern stresses that women face today in order to reclaim and release the tiger that is female sexuality!

Celebrating Women’s Divine Sexuality

Before you can begin to take charge of your own sexual power, you have to take the time to get in touch with your own inner selves.  Meditation is a perfect means towards achieving this, as you’ll learn to control the energies that flow through your body through breathing and imagery exercises.

Pull down the shades, unplug the phone and find a quiet spot in your house or apartment that brings you peace and pleasure.  Once you’ve settled into a seating position, focus on your controlled breathing.  Image yourself as a blossoming flower or a flaming dragon; feel the energy and power rise up in your body as you imagine your sexuality as an unlimited force, full of potential and endless pleasure.

Practice this meditation exercise each day and you’ll not only find yourself to be more relaxed and tranquil. You’ll come to view your sexuality as the tiger that it is!

The Pursuit of Female Pleasure

Once you’re well-practiced with this meditation exercise, it’s time to move on towards the pursuit of female pleasure.  While laying flat and imaging the same powerful images, use your hands to explore every part of your body.  Don’t rush through this with the goal of orgasm in mind.

Instead, focus on the pleasure that comes with becoming familiar with your sexuality.  As your pleasure increases, imagine that flaming dragon becoming more and more vibrant, until it’s practically an explosion of light and energy.  In this way, you’ll come to associate the pleasurable sensations of exploring your own body with energy and power which is exactly how you should view your own sexuality!

This kind of exploration will take time and practice, as female sexuality is not something that can be explored through only a few meditation sessions.  Yet with practice comes perfection, and once you unleash your new-found sexual energy on your lover, you’ll soon release just how wonderful and powerful female sexuality can be!

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I’m talking about the kind of soulful, intense pleasure that will have your partner reaching the brink of sexual nirvana and seeing stars for days!

Not sure if this is possible? Or if it is, you need to be some kind of expert lover to do it?  Well, put your doubts to rest, because there’s a type of method out there that will intensify your relationship both in and out of the bedroom, and it’s easy to do!

That’s right. I’m talking about the tantric massage.

What is Tantric Massage?

The tantric massage may sound complicated, but it’s actually not all that hard to accomplish.  The tantric massage was developed centuries ago in Asia as a vital ritual that served to balance out a person’s physical and emotional energy, which eventually lead to healing, tranquility and the kind of sack sessions that would make Casanova jealous.

There’s also an additional bonus: tantric massage can free your lover’s mind from the stress of daily life and melt away tension, thus increasing your partner’s chances of achieving a bed-shattering orgasm.

While the actual practice taught in the tantras (the ancient texts from where Tantra comes from) can take a very long time to perfect – in fact, several followers of the practice have been at it for decades – there are a few tricks and tips that you can easily use tonight in order to give the kind of tantric massage that will have your lover purring with pleasure.

Set the Mood

First, before you can begin your tantric massage journey, you have to set the proper mood.  You don’t have to sprinkle rose petals over your bed, but a few changes to your normal bedroom atmosphere will work wonders.

Dim the lights, light a few candles and play music that’s tranquil and soothing (try to avoid any music that has a rhythmic beat).  If you normally make love on ordinary cotton sheets, try swapping them for a set with a luxurious thread count, or for a more affordable option, use sheets made from jersey material, which feel silky and smooth against bare skin.

Your lover will definitely appreciate the time you took to set the mood!

Grab the Massage Oil

Once you’ve set up your bedroom to max out your lover’s tantric experience, grab some massage oil, have your partner remove his or her clothing and lay face-down on the bed (if you don’t want oil on your sheets, place a towel between your lover and the bed).

Pour a few drops of oil in the palm of your hands and rub them together in order to properly warm the oil After all, nothing can break a sensual mood more than a few drops of too-cold oil!

Begin the Massage Gently

Take your hands and slowly begin to massage your partner’s shoulders and back.  Remember, the tantric massage is very different from a typical back-and-shoulder rub, so try not to focus on loosening up knotted muscles.

Instead, focus on the feeling of your lover’s skin as you glide your hands back and forth along their back.  Work your way down to your lover’s buttocks and legs as you gently rub your hands in an up-and-down stroking motion.  Remember to ask your partner if your touch is too soft or too hard!

After massaging the back of your lover, have them turn over onto their backs.  Begin to gently massage your partner’s chest and stomach.  Pay attention to sensitive areas, such as your partner’s breasts or nipples, but don’t overtly focus on them, as this could lead to lovemaking too quickly.

Massaging the Genital Area

When you reach your partner’s genitals, be sure to softly massage them as well, but again, at this point, be sure to focus more on the act of the tantric massage and not on pursuing an orgasm.

Enjoy!

Once you’ve completed your tantric massage, your partner will be both relaxed and aroused, which is an ideal physical and mental state for achieving the kind of spiritual orgasm that will make your relationship unbreakable.

Yet remember, don’t engage in tantric massage with the expectation that intercourse will always follow. Sex should be a pleasurable bonus, not a final destination.

Most importantly, have a fun and positive attitude while giving your partner a tantric massage.  Devoting yourself to your lover’s pleasure is a beautiful experience, so don’t take yourself so seriously.

After all, if you’re too busy focusing on whether or not you’re doing it correctly, you’ll cheat yourself out of the opportunity to engage in one of the most pleasurable and spiritual rituals of Tantra!

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After all, the right touch or caress can arouse both you and your partner for some exciting foreplay, bring you to the brink of nirvana over and over again and even rev you up for a second bed-shattering round.

It seems like there’s nothing that erotic touching can’t do for a healthy sexual relationship!

The Benefits of Erotic Touch

Yet the blissful benefits of erotic touch doesn’t have to be limited to your between-the-sheets playtime; in fact, erotic touch can do wonders for your relationship outside of the bedroom – and even boost your mental, physical and emotional health!

Here’s the latest scoop on how erotic touch can be used to boost your individual health and well-being and max out your pleasure!

Hardwired to be Touched

Humans are hardwired to be touched.  Even during our modern age of hectic schedules and impossibly long work hours, there’s nothing more satisfying or soothing than the caress of a lover at the end of a busy day.

Even platonic touching can go a long way towards boosting our moods; remember all those times when a comforting hug or a reassuring pat from a friend made you feel a million times better than before?  Well, there’s a biological reason for that response.

Long before humans developed language we relied on touch in order to communicate or express feelings of joy, sorrow, pain or love.  Touching is an ingrained part of how we socialize with others. In fact, scientific studies have shown that the more healthy touching that an adolescent or child is exposed to, the more likely he or she will develop into a well-rounded adult.

Touching also plays a vital role in our emotional development as well and not just when we’re children.  Studies have shown that adults who are regularly exposed to touch, say the comforting hug of a friend or the soothing caress of a lover, often report themselves as being happier and more content than those people who are touched less.

So it’s easy to see how touching can not only spice up your sex life, it can also emotionally heal you and your partner as well.

So if you’re wondering how you can incorporate more of the blissful benefits of sensual touch into your relationship, here’s the scoop on how to soothe and emotionally heal your partner though erotic massage and bring him or her to the brink of pleasure again and again!

Incorporate Sensual Touch Into Your Relationship

While we may all enjoy a good back and shoulder rub from time to time, erotic massage is in no way similar to the typical massage.  Massages are often used to release tension and relax knotted muscles. While this may be a pleasurable bonus to erotic massage, this should not be the ultimate goal.

Erotic massage is a slow and sensual activity that involves a great deal of intimacy and nudity.  If you’re usually uncomfortable with prolonged nude activity,perhaps you’re too self-conscious of your own body or what your lover thinks of your sack skills, then take the time to set the proper mood.

Set the Mood

Light a few candles, play some sensual music or even swap your normal bed sheets for something light and silky.  If you really want to turn the heat up during the massage, use massage oils in rich sensual scents, like sandalwood or jasmine.

When beginning your erotic massage experience, remember to communicate with your partner at all times.  Remember to stare into each other’s eyes as you exchange gentle kisses and soft caresses.

This connection will not only make your partner feel more aroused and heighten his or her sexual desire during the erotic massage, it will reassure your lover of the strength and importance of your emotional commitment.  This reassurance plays a vital role in the overall emotional healing of your lover.

Performing the Erotic Massage

When performing the erotic massage, remember to keep your hands on your partner at all times.  Use soft yet rhythmic strokes as you slowly vary between gentle and deep touches (remember to ask your partner the type of touch that he or she prefers).  While performing the massage, lightly brush your partner’s body with your genitals and/or breasts, as this will prolong your partner’s desire by keeping them in a sexually aroused state.

Continue with the massage until you feel that your partner is ready to move on to intercourse. Remember, erotic massage doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex, and it only should when your partner invites it.

After the Massage

After giving the erotic massage, take the time to hold your partner and communicate how much you truly care for them.  This non-sexual touch is not only a tranquil way to wind down from the intense pleasure, it’s also a great way to max out the intimacy for as long as possible.

This is truly one of the greatest benefits of erotic massage: it’s not only a pathway to intense sexual pleasure, but it can improve the quality of both your relationship and your own emotional and mental well-being.

Make erotic massage an important bedroom ritual and feel the amazing benefits of sensual touching in your relationship!

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Many people believe that this is something gender exclusive and that men can’t achieve the same experience – but is that really true?

We’re going to take a look at both the physical – and social – boundaries that might (or might not) be keeping men from having more than one big O.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There are many drugs out there to keep a man arouse, my husband doesn’t have this problem…

Are there drugs out there to help him have multi-orgasms?
(speaking about more than 1 per day.. not necessarily more than once per ‘event’).

- Jenn, Georgia

Think men can’t orgasm more than once? Think again!

It’s a common misconception that men can’t have more than one orgasm, but sadly it’s a misconception held by many people – both men and women.  There are plenty of different factors that come into play here and it’s important to take an in-depth look at each one.

Let’s take a look at social boundaries for a minute.

Before we address a man’s ability to be multi-orgasmic or not, we need to clarify the meaning of an “orgasm,” especially for a man.  Generally, most people believe that for a man, ejaculation and orgasm are one in the same.

It might be surprising to hear, but they’re not!  It is quite possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejaculation and sometimes even the other way around.

As a whole, people are very focused and goal oriented, even when it comes to something as enjoyable as sex.  Some people feel that giving their partners more than one orgasm is an “achievement” of sorts and before too long, it becomes a race to see how many orgasms you can give them – so much to the point that some people actually forget about their own pleasure.

Just a quick note – orgasm is not the be all and end all of sex.  You can enjoy sex just as much without one, so make sure that if you’re trying for multiple orgasms, you’re still enjoying the ride.

With that said, can a man have an orgasm even if he’s already ejaculated?

Sure, but it might take some practice.  Of course, this isn’t like piano practice when you were eight – this is fun practice!  You and your partner can have a blast experimenting sexually to try to achieve multiple orgasms.

Just make sure there’s no pressure to perform or judgment from either side.  This can seriously put a damper on the mood and the ability to have more than one orgasm.

What if he can’t?

While it’s certainly possible that men can have more than one orgasm (even after ejaculation), it’s also possible that they can’t.  While you should get any suspicious conditions checked out by a reputable doctor, in the absence of any other symptoms and a doctor’s diagnosis, not having the ability to be multi-orgasmic is not a problem in and of itself.

So relax!  It’s also not a death sentence – if he can’t have more than one orgasm now, it doesn’t mean he won’t be able to later.  Just go with the flow.

There are lots of things you can do to help the situation – books are a great starting point.  There are lots of books about sex (namely tantric sex, which focuses more on the orgasm and not the ejaculation) and how to achieve more than one orgasm.

Your local bookstore should be able to help you out.  There are also great resources online – just make sure you’re getting your information from a reputable website.

Above all, remember to have fun.  It’s not a race – so enjoy your partner and make the most of it!

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Everyone’s just too tired!

So how do you ensure that you and your partner are on your way to great sex without being discouraged by ‘all the work’ that lay ahead to ensure it? Indulge in a sexual massage.

A Sexual Massage Paves the Way for Great Sex

A sexual massage puts you and your partner in the perfect mood for a long night of great sex. Think about it. You’re not just jumping on each other, and subconsciously telling yourselves to ‘hurry up’ and get it over with.

A sexual massage actually tells your mind and body to RELAX; but because it’s a sexual massage, you can bet sexual tension will be there, making for a night of great sex after all!

Bathroom or bedroom?

Decide if you want to carry out the sexual massage while having a long, luxurious, warm soak in the tub or in your bedroom. Either way, just make sure you have the ambiance right.

In the bathroom, make sure candles are lighted and scent oils are burning.If you’re joining your partner in the tub, make sure everything is within your reach. And if you’re planning a long session, a bottle of wine and a few food items (cheese, crackers, etc.) are fine too.

If you’re having the sexual massage in the bedroom, then make sure you’ve cleaned the room and allotted a space for the massage. If you’re worried about staining your bed sheets, you can put another type of fabric over your bed. You can also just put thick blankets and throw a couple of pillows on the floor. Candles, music and scented oils should complete the look.

How To Give A Sexual Massage

Use your fingertips

Here’s a sexual massage technique using your fingertips: straddle your partner’s thighs. Rub warm massage oil on your hands and massage your partner’s back with long, soothing strokes. Don’t put your hand flat on his/her back. Just use your fingertips and ‘rake’ his/her back.  Alternate your strokes. Apply hard pressure, and then light ones.

Use your palms

Without skipping a beat, massage his/her back using the whole width of your hand. This firmer technique helps the body relax. Remember to NOT massage ‘bony areas’. Place the palms of both your hands on his/her back and move them in circles, firmly outward and away from her spine.

Use your hot breath

Now it’s time to up the sexual tension in the room. Put some warm massage oil on your upper body. Put your arms on either side of your partner’s body (he/she should be lying face down) and then slowly lower yourself till your covering his/her body. Try to envelope his/her body as much as possible with yours. Now start to glide your body over his/hers… and if you get carried away now and proceed to having a long night of great sex, then so be it!

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