Question: I’m a young virgin, and I want an inexpensive sex toy that won’t stretch me out. Any suggestions?

Clitoral Vibrators

First off, if you don’t want to deal with insertion at all, your best option is a vibrator designed specifically for the clitoris. All it does is sit on top of the clitoris and vibrate – no insertion required! This is also the perfect choice if you’re a virgin and don’t want to stretch yourself out or damage your hymen in any way. In fact, many women prefer clitoral vibrators over other styles of sex toys simply because they can provide some of the best orgasms! The clitoris was designed for sexual pleasure – and that’s it! It has no other function at all except to provide pleasure. Many women – even very sexually experienced ones – choose clitoral vibrators again and again simply because it’s one of the easiest and best ways to reach climax!

Small, Slender And Discreet Vibrators

There are many small and slender vibrators out there that are designed for insertion, but they are so slender, they’re not going to stretch you out at all. In fact, many slender vibrators are thinner than a tampon! While you definitely want to stay away from Rabbit style sex toys (those can be quite large and are better suited to advanced sex toy users) and large dildos, small and slender vibrators might just be right up your alley. Most of these types of sex toys are designed to be discreet, and can fit in your purse or may look like a tube of lipstick. These make excellent starter sex toys, especially if you’ve never had sex before and are just starting to experiment with sex toys!

Bullet And Torpedo Style Vibrators

A bullet style vibrator is a must have for every woman, simply because it is so small and versatile. A simple bullet vibe can be placed on the clitoris or in the vagina, and some of them can be inserted into cock rings and used for couples pleasure (when you get there). Torpedo style vibes are also popular – they’re generally just a longer version of the bullet vibe. Jimmy Jane makes excellent torpedo style vibrators – they’re extremely classy and barely even an inch in width. G-spot vibrators are also popular, because they typically have a larger bulb on the top, followed by very slender handle.

Remember That Your Vagina Is Made To Stretch

While you certainly don’t want to purchase any sex toys that make you feel uncomfortable or feel too big for you, keep in mind that your vagina is designed to stretch and return to it’s normal shape. It’s not as though you’re going to put a vibrator in there and your vagina is going to stretch out and never return to it’s normal size. It will! The vagina will even return to it’s normal size and shape after giving birth – and that is definitely stretching. The only thing that won’t return to normal after using an insertable sex toy if you’re a virgin is your hymen – once you break that, it’s done and over with. But also know that the hymen can be broken during a variety of non-sexual activities, such as horseback riding, gymnastics, or even inserting a tampon.

Inexpensive Sex Toys

While there are lots of inexpensive sex toys out there that are great, there are many that aren’t so great. While price is a good thing to keep in mind when shopping for sex toys, you really don’t want to compromise on quality. Make sure whatever toy you choose is manufactured with body safe, phthalate free materials (or slip a condom over it if you’re not sure) and is made by a reputable company. Buying cheap sex toys may make your wallet feel better now, but you won’t be pleased when you open the package and find that it stinks like chemicals or the vibrations are weak. If you can find actual user reviews on the sex toys you’re considering purchasing, read through them! They can really help you decide whether or not a particular toy is right for you.

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Legality

Let’s face it – it’s not legal for people to have sex if they’re under the age of eighteen. You can’t buy porn or sex toys if you’re underage either. While tons of underage boys and girls still do have sex before they’re eighteen and never get caught, it’s important to know the basics of when it is actually legal for you to engage in sexual activity.

That said, if you and your partner are both underage, it becomes less of a criminal issue and more of an issue with your parents. However, if you are underage and your partner is over the age of eighteen, or vice versa, you can get into a LOT more trouble. The older person may be charged criminally if it is ever reported that you are having sex with them, and they will be required to register as a sex offender after any jail time, probation or community service that is issued.

Being registered as a sex offender will haunt them for the rest of their lives and make it difficult for them to buy a home, have a job, have children and visit their children’s schools, and even impact their ability to vote. It’s not something that goes away after a few years – it’s a lifetime of being on a list with pedophiles and rapists. Think twice about having sex you or your partner are underage!

What Are You Waiting For?

If teen sex isn’t something you want to be involved in, think about the “why.” Are you waiting for marriage? Are you waiting until the age of eighteen to do it so you or your partner don’t get into trouble? Whatever your reason for waiting is, it’s a good reason – and it’s important that you fully understand the reason why you’re waiting so you can stay strong and continue to abstain.

If you’re not “waiting” but you just haven’t had sex yet, think about some of the reasons you should wait. Are you in a serious, committed relationship? If not, perhaps you should wait until you’re in love. Think about possibly getting yourself or your partner in legal trouble, or going against your personal beliefs. There are lots of good reasons to abstain and there are many of them that will apply to you and you alone. Perhaps you don’t want to abstain until marriage, but you just want to abstain until you’re older, smarter, more confident and ready. Every reason is a good one!

Considering Consequences

No one likes to think about the consequences of teen sex, but it’s a must if you’re considering losing your virginity. Having sex is an adult activity, and if you feel like you’re adult enough to handle it, then you’re definitely adult enough to think about the possible consequences beforehand. A lot of teenagers are afraid that if they think about the consequences of teen sex before they have it, they might talk themselves out of it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing!

If you’re sure you want to do it and “being talked out of it” isn’t something you feel will happen, considering the consequences will help you effectively plan for anything that might happen as a result of your decision. Think about the possibility of getting an STD – and all the different ways that they can be transmitted – and think about what you can do to reduce your risk as well as what you’ll do in the event that it does happen. Unwanted pregnancy is similar – before you have sex, think about how you can prevent an unwanted pregnancy and how you might deal with one should it actually happen.

Staying Safe

If you’ve thought long and hard and have decided that now is the right time to have sex, take the time to look into all safety options that you have available to you – and there are a LOT! Think about going to your doctor and getting on birth control. If you’re too young to go to the doctor by yourself and can’t tell your parents that you’ve made the decision to have sex and want to get on birth control, you don’t need to be having sex.

Also, think about using condoms and spermicide. Get flavored condoms and dental dams for oral sex. Talk to your doctor about other ways you can practice safe sex. Sex isn’t fun if all you’re worried about is getting pregnant or an STD. It’s also not fun if you’re worried about your partner going to jail.

If you can’t get it on with a clear conscience, try waiting until you can!

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Hey, my question is - this will be mine and my girlfriends first time, and I would like to know how to make this very special for her. I’m a little worried it will be too short and I would like to know the best way to keep it going to satisfy her.

–YouTube Viewer

Make Sex About Her

If you want to ensure your partner enjoys sex, make the sex all about her. Focus on her pleasure instead of your own. This is where foreplay can really become handy, because instead of rushing into penetration (which likely will be uncomfortable at the very least if it’s her first time) you can focus on getting her aroused through foreplay.  Start out by helping her to relax with an erotic massage, and make sure you take your time. Don’t rush into anything, even if you are tempted to hurry up and get your own pleasure. Taking the time to pleasure your partner is well worth it, because in the end sex will be more pleasurable for the both of you.

Give Her Oral Sex

Women love oral sex. That’s a fact! Most women, actually, can’t climax through vaginal stimulation alone and require some degree of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Helping your partner reach orgasm through oral sex before the actual act of penetration will help get her aroused and more physically receptive to your penis. This is especially helpful if your partner is having sex for the first time, as it will be more comfortable and pleasurable for her if she’s naturally lubed up. Another benefit of oral sex is that your women actually find it emotionally fulfilling as well. She’s going to love the fact that in that moment, even if it is just for a few minutes, she is the complete and total focus of your efforts. She gets to lie back, relax and enjoy receiving your efforts to please her!

How To Make It Last Longer

Many guys who haven’t had sex before or who haven’t had sex in a long time are worried about reaching climax too quickly once they start having sex with their partners. This is definitely a common concern, because many guys report they reach the brink of orgasm more quickly than they would like. To make sure you don’t climax too soon the first time, try masturbating often before the big event. Masturbation will help relieve pent up sexual tension, so you don’t feel the need to climax right away. This will give you more time to spend with her focusing on her pleasure and ensure that first time sex doesn’t go too quickly. These are actually all great tips that you can use beyond the first time as well, to make each and every time as amazing for her as it is for you.

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5. Q&A: Personal Question For Dan & Jennifer – Why Do You Make All These Videos?

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn,I am 14 years old and I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. Recently he said he wanted to have sex and I am not sure if I do, but I am worried if I tell him that I don’t want to lose my virginity to him, he will think I am not into him anymore. What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Staying True To Yourself

Being honest with yourself and staying true to yourself is the most important thing in this type of situation. If you’re not emotionally ready or physically ready for sex, there is absolutely no reason you should have to do it. Don’t try to convince yourself that having sex with your partner will make your relationship better or that your partner won’t think you like them if you don’t have sex with them. The only thing that matters here is what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not comfortable with having sex, don’t do it! There are no external factors here. It’s only about you and what you do or don’t want to do. If your partner pressures you to have sex when you’re not ready, or doesn’t respect your decision to wait, it’s definitely time to move on so you can be with someone who really loves you and respects your decisions.

Being Emotionally Ready For Sex – And The Consequences

Sex can bring great pleasure, but if you’re not emotionally ready for sex, it can bring a lot of trouble too. If you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend after losing your virginity to them (especially when you’re very young), it will most likely be more painful for you than if the breakup happened without you and your partner having had sex. You never forget your first time, so before you lose your virginity, make sure you’re having sex for the first time with the person you really want your first time to be with. Sex can also bring other consequences that make the situation more complicated, such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Take some time to think it through and consider all the possible outcomes of having sex before you actually do it. You can’t go back after you’ve done it and do it differently or take more time. Once you do it, it can’t be undone, so really think it through first.

Educate Yourself About Sex

You may think you know what you need to know about sex, but you’d really be surprised at what you haven’t learned yet. Take some time to educate yourself about safe sex, condoms, the morning after pill, pregnancy and various types of sexually transmitted diseases and the different ways you can get them or pass them on. Don’t rely on someone else to tell yo what’s up when it comes to sex, and don’t wait until after you’ve had sex for the first time to find these things out. If you do decide to have sex with your partner and have decided you’re emotionally ready for it, make sure you know how to keep yourself safe too.

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To answer that question, yes. You are capable of turning your man on and being great in bed even without prior experience in the erotic arts. How? Here are some tips on how you can lose your virginity in style.

Choose a Fabulous Outfit

Your first time is an event worth celebrating, even if you’re the only one who thinks it’s a big deal. When you’re alone, imagine yourself with the man you love and think of what would make you feel sexy at that moment. Imagine the scene from undressing to going under the covers.

It’s impossible for you to be dressed in your usual clothes one minute and be completely naked the next. The transition from dressed to undressed is a crucial part of sex. You’ll be in your underwear, so you’d better look great.

Go out to the shopping mall and look for the most stunning, sexy lingerie you can find. When you see a lacy pair, ask yourself if you want to lose your virginity in that outfit. If you’re hesitant about splurging money for your first time, just remind yourself that this is a once in a lifetime experience and you’d rather spend it in lace than in your usual cotton bloomers.

Feel Sexy

There are some things that women do to feel sexy. Some girls wear their hair a certain way. Some love putting on sheer lip gloss (the ultra-wet variety), and some use dark mascara and eyeliner to emphasize their eyes. Some spend time in the spa or the beauty parlor with girlfriends to moisturize their skin and feel refreshed.

Whatever will make you feel sexy, do it. The more sexy you feel, the more you will lose the awkwardness of knowing it’s your first, while it may be his twentieth time in the bedroom with a girl. At the very least, knowing that you look your best will help you feel more comfortable about baring your whole body in front of a guy.

Connect With Your Man Romantically

Sex with love involved feels a lot better than “just sex”. If you’re feeling so much distance in your relationship, don’t have sex. Do it when the right time comes, and usually, this means you need to be more than a bit in love with the guy before you give up your virginity.

Romance will get you in the right mood. Have something prepared to make him feel more romantic towards you. Put on some music, light some scented candles and go for whispered conversation rather than a normal one. Make sure you feed your man dessert with your hands so that you can transition from the dining room to the bedroom easily.

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5. Men, What Does Your Style Say About You? (Part II)

Your reasons for waiting to have sex are your own; don’t let the pressure get to you. Some women think that they’re letting their boyfriend suffer because of their decision not to go all the way. If you’re one of these girls, you shouldn’t believe that penetration is the only way to make love to your boyfriend.

What’s really important in love making is how you can make your guy feel the ultimate pleasure without giving up your cherry. In short, there are more ways to make a guy reach orgasm than they teach in Sex Ed. Read on to discover five of the best make out techniques you can use to please your man….

5 Tips For Steamy Makeout Sessions Without Going All The Way

Learn The Art Of French Kissing

Torrid kissing is one of the main aspects of your makeout sessions, so you must do it right. Feel free to suck and nibble his lips when you’re feeling playful. Use your tongue to tease his tongue out, not for him to choke on. Play with his tongue using your lips.

Fondle His Member

Give your man a hand job while you’re kissing. One way to make sure his arousal will peak is to coordinate your kissing with your hand movements. For instance, whenever you suck his tongue, squeeze his member a bit and stroke faster. Do the same trick when you’re kissing his neck and ears.

Main a good stroking rhythm and you can bet he’ll be ready to explode by the time you move down to give him head.

Let Him Touch Your Breasts

One way to make him feel that you’re connected with him erotically is to allow him to touch your boobs while you’re kissing and stroking him. He will hear you sigh and moan while you’re kissing him, and this will increase his arousal.

Move Downward Slowly

Getting him excited means moving slowly. This will also ensure that he can feel every stroke of your tongue and every movement of your lips. Moving your head gradually downward while stroking him with the same rhythm will move him closer to orgasm.

Alternate Licking His Member And His Balls

While you’re stroking him up and down, kiss the tip of his member or lick his balls. Let his moans and movements be your guide and be extremely conscious of his reactions so that you know when to intensify the blow job.

Applying these techniques will improve your foreplay skills. The good news is that your man will be more than satisfied, and he will not be looking elsewhere for release whenever he’s horny.

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5. Are You Ready For Sex? (You Don’t Have To Be A Virgin To Answer This Question)

But then the question is, ‘why should you wait to have sex?’

There are several factors that determine your relationship’s readiness for sex. These include the stability of your relationship, your confidence in your partner, your beliefs, your principles and your emotional concerns.

Here are some of the signs that it’s too soon to have sex.

You Lack Emotional Security

Are you the jealous type? If you are, then you might want to analyze your reasons for having sex. Some women think that giving it up too soon will create attachment in the guy. But more often than not, this isn’t the case. If you’re naturally possessive, you might find yourself at the bitter end of a bad dumping if you try to bind him to you through sex.

There Is A Need For Deeper Rapport

Sex can intensify love, if love is present before you went for it. It can also intensify dislike if you did not care for each other deeply enough when you had sex. If your first time with a guy was horrible, you’re more likely to dump him (or get dumped) if the sex happened before you developed the necessary closeness that defines a loving relationship. Look, sex can be great, and it can also be lousy. How deeply you care about your partner determines whether or not you will give up on him as your lover just because he failed to satisfy you. And, unfortunately for you, he’s most likely thinking of the same thing.

You Still Don’t Know Much About Your Partner

Is he the type that tells the whole neighborhood or his friends about your first night? If you don’t know the answer to that, then you might want to steer clear of more intimate activities until you’re completely sure about his real personality.

One Wants It More Than The Other

One sign that you’re not on the same page is if you are ready for sex and he isn’t, or vice versa. Going for it when you’re not 100% sure you want to take the plunge is a mistake. At the same time, your guy might have his reasons for not initiating sex with you yet, so don’t force the issue.

You’re Uncomfortable About It

If you get ahead of yourself and give in to the need to have sex, you might regret it later if you were initially not convinced that you want to open yourself up sexually to the guy. Sex makes you vulnerable emotionally, and if you’re really not ready, don’t have sex yet. There may be couples who became intimate immediately after their first meeting and are still in beautiful relationships after several years, but there are also couples who broke up not long after their first time. The point is that sex is a risk. You have to consider everything, including your feelings and his, before you go for it.

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5. When Is A Woman Physically Ready To Have Sex?

If you’re not in the “completely intimate” mindset yet, I don’t blame you.

You’ve probably heard of more than a few couples that split almost immediately after they did it for the first time. There are many factors for the split up, but more often than not, one or both didn’t expect to be dealing with too intense emotions too soon in their relationship.

Sex is a double edged sword. It can make or break your relationship. It can deepen your love for each other, or it can turn you both into possessive, jealous individuals who become co-dependent and eventually burn out.

So, how do you know you’re ready for sex with your partner? Here are some guide questions you can ask yourself if you’re thinking of going for it with your boyfriend.

• Are you comfortable with your body?

Everyone has insecurities, but some women are more insecure about their physical appearance than others. If you look at yourself in the mirror and think you’re ugly, you might want to sort out your insecurities first before exposing yourself to a guy.

• Are you completely sure he likes YOU, and not just the sex?

When sex becomes a factor in your relationship, you will always associate your insecurities with sex. For instance, he doesn’t want to do it with you or you caught him looking at nude photos of this or that starlet online. If you’re not sure he’s into you, you might end up thinking he’s secretly wishing you have bigger breasts or a trimmer tummy.

• Do you trust him?

Trust plays a big role in love making. If you don’t trust your guy, and you’re secretly fretting whether he will use protection, or that he will not do anything that could hurt you, you’d better think twice before going to bed with him.

• Are your motives pure?

Sharing intimacy should be about giving and receiving pleasure with a man you care enough for. In a sense, sex is a celebration of the love and friendship you have. You’re opening yourself up to the pleasure he can provide, and at the same time, you’re showing your willingness to shower him with the physical version of your affection.

If you’re using sex as a tool to make him more attached to you, to make someone else jealous or to make him like you over another girl, you’re just setting yourself up for a heart break later on.

• Are you sure it’s what you want?

There are so many reasons why women put out, and some of these reasons may have something to do with peer pressure, like when your friends (or your boyfriend) constantly ask why you’re not doing it yet. If you have reservations about making love, wait until you’re ready to avoid regretting your actions later on.

If you answered “YES” to all the five questions above, then you really are ready to have sex.

Sex can intensify your feelings and improve your relationship with a guy naturally. It can also be the mortar that solidifies your relationship, so you can build a good foundation for the future.

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Question: My girlfriend isn’t a virgin, but she is scared of having sex with me because my penis is too thick for her, or so she says. I’m 7 inches long and 7.5 inches around. What should I do to convince her and help her to loose her fear? We are both 18.

–YouTube Viewer

Help Her To Relax First

Getting your partner to relax is the first step to making sure her vaginal muscles are pliable enough to accomodate your big penis. Give your partner a massage, or take a hot bath with her in the candlelight. Let her know that you’re going to go slow and be gentle and that if it hurts her, you’ll stop. The less anxious she is about the whole process, the easier she’ll be able to accomodate your penis length and thickness.

Get Her Warmed Up

Use your fingers with lots of lube to help get her warmed up. First, insert one finger only. Massage slowly and try going down on her at the same time to get her turned on. The more turned on she is, the more her vaginal muscles will relax and loosen up to get ready for insertion. Slowly insert another finger at a time until you’re up to three. Once you’re up to three fingers, ask her how it feels. Is it too tight? Does it hurt? If it feels too tight to you, it probably feels to tight or painful to her. If so, don’t try to use your penis just yet. Wait until she’s relaxed and turned on enough to feel comfortable inserting your penis. You can also use different sized toys to help introduce your partner to your large penis.

Use Lots Of Lube, Go Slow And Stop If It Hurts

Whether you’re using a large dildo or you have a large penis, using lots and lots of lube is the most important thing you can do to make taking extra length and girth easier for her. Use a good, water based lube and don’t be shy about using it. You never can have enough lube! When you begin inserting your penis into her vagina after you’ve warmed her up and gotten her relaxed, make sure you are gentle and go slow. Don’t push it in there too fast (although you might be pretty anxious to get started by now) or she could tear. Remember, women are built to give birth to babies – which are a lot larger than your penis – so don’t worry about not being able to fit it in there. You just have to make sure your partner is comfortable and enjoying it! If it starts to hurt your partner, stop immediately. It may take a few tries before your partner can really accomodate your penis size comfortably.

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Question: This summer me and my boyfriend are planning on having sex for the first time ever. We know how to put on a condom but I don’t have birth control. Do you have any advice for us? We are really not ready for a kid and we need your help!!!

–YouTube Viewer

Double Layer Defense

Condoms are absolutely essential to use if you want to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. But there are other ways to protect yourself against unexpected pregnancy too. If you really don’t want to get pregnant, think about having a double layer defense when you start having sex. Hormonal birth control is something you can add to condom use to give yourself extra protection. The condom will help keep the sperm from entering the vagina, but even if a few escape, your birth control – if taken correctly – will have prevented an egg from being released and fertilized by those rogue sperm. A double layer defense is the best way to go if you just aren’t ready for a kid right now in any way, shape or form.

What Kind Of Birth Control Is Right For You?

Once you’ve decided to take birth control, it’s time to visit your doctor. You can also visit the your local health department for free or low cost services. Your doctor will perform a cervical exam to check for cancer and sexually transmitted diseases, as well as doing a breast exam. Part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to make sure your body is healthy. Your doctor can talk to you about the best type of birth control for you, because there are a number of different types to choose from. Oral contraception is the most popular choice but there are other forms of hormonal birth control as well. If you are one to forget a daily pill, you might want to talk to your doctor about using a birth control ring, patch or injection.

Think Ahead

Another part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to think ahead. You know that having sex means you could possibly get pregnant. You’re doing everything you can to prevent that from happening, but there is a very small chance that you could get pregnant anyways, regardless of everything you’re doing to the contrary. The only absolutely 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence. Take some time before you have sex to talk to your partner and think about what you’ll do if you do accidentally get pregnant. There are a several options in front of you should that happen, including adoption, abortion and becoming a parent. Decide what you’ll do if you get pregnant now, so if it does happen, you’ve got a plan.

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Question: I am a young teenage girl and recently in September I lost my virginity to a guy I didn’t really care about. It hurt a bit, but I didn’t bleed.  Recently I had sex with a guy I have been crazy about for years, and it hurt a lot worse then my first time but I still didn’t bleed. Is there something wrong with me? Or is this natural? 

P.S. There was protection used both times. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a bad person.

–YouTube Viewer

Not All Girls Bleed

While many girls do bleed after having sex for the first time, some girls don’t. This is perfectly normal and natural. If a girl does bleed after losing her virginity, it may be simply a few spots, but it can also be heavier like a period flow. It can last just a few minutes or a few hours, and sometimes can last the better part of a day. If you bleed very heavily after having sex for the first time, or continue to for several hours or more than a day, make an appointment to see your doctor right away.

What Causes Bleeding After Sex?

Girls are born with a protective “covering” over their vaginal openings called a hymen. Most of the time it does not cover the opening completely, but usually has a small hole in the middle to allow for menstrual flow to escape. During sex, however, the hymen is broken because a penis is generally bigger than the small hole in the hymen. When the hymen is broken, this often causes some mild bleeding and is perfectly normal. However, since not all girls bleed after having sex for the first time, there must be other ways that the hymen can break – and in some cases, it doesn’t break at all or was never really there in the first place.

Other Ways The Hymen Can Break

One of the reasons that virginity never could be “proved” by blood on the sheets after a woman has sex for the first time is because the hymen can break a number of different ways, before a girl even thinks of having sex. The hymen can break while horseback riding, a bumpy SUV ride, or when inserting a tampon for the first time. In the case of a tampon breaking the hymen, you may never know that your hymen broke because you would most likely have mistaken the blood for your menstrual flow. If you don’t bleed after having sex for the first time, it doesn’t mean that you are unhealthy or something is wrong with you. Just remember to have your annual exams and use protection during sex to stay safe and healthy.

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Question: My girlfriend doesn’t want to have normal sex yet (she’s only 16 and I’m about the same age, and we both are virgins), but I really love her and I really want to give pleasure to her. Should I give her oral sex or fingering or something like that, so that she wouldn’t lose her virginity, but would be satisfied?

–YouTube Viewer

Her Right To Say No

If your partner doesn’t want to lose their virginity, it is her right to say no. Even if you suggest other things to give her sexual pleasure, such as oral sex or fingering, remember that she doesn’t have to do anything that she is uncomfortable with regardless of whether she’s “technically” losing her virginity or not. If you really want to share a sexual experience with y0ur partner, ask her if there is anything that she would like and would be comfortable with. If she isn’t comfortable with something, don’t pressure her and give her some time to think about it.

Don’t Do Something You’ll Regret

If you and your partner mutually decide to have sex for the first time, or experience some other type of sexual pleasure together, think it through first. Make sure your partner really is comfortable with whatever you and her have decided to do, and isn’t doing something she’ll regret later just because you want her to. Also, make sure you’re not doing anything you’ll regret later too. Whether you’re having sexual intercourse or giving or receiving oral sex from your partner, worrying about pregnancy or STD’s.remember to be safe always. Use a condom during sexual intercourse and if she wants to give you oral sex, as well as using a dental dam when you give oral sex to her. Your first time – enjoying each other sexually in whatever way you choose – shouldn’t be about

Sex Is More Pleasurable When You Wait

If you and your partner decide to wait to have sex and experience each other sexually, you’ve made a great decision. Waiting until you’re more emotionally mature and prepared for sex can make it more pleasurable for both you and your partner. Rushing into sexual intercourse or other sexual activities, and possibly regretting it later, is not going to give you or your partner much sexual satisfaction outside the moment. However, waiting until you and your partner truly are ready to have sex – both physically and emotionally - means that you and your partner can share a deeply sexual and satisfying relationship both in and outside the bedroom. You don’t necessarily have to wait forever though – try making a deal with your partner to revisit the discussion in 3 or 6 months. You or your partner may feel differently about the subject after spending more time with each other and more time in the relationship.

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Question: I’m 19 years old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, 22, for over a month and a half. I’m a virgin and I really trust him and want to have sex with him, but there are some signs that he may or may not have had sex. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before to ask him whether or not he’s had sex but now I’m not sure how to approach him about it. How to do I ask him whether or not he’s a virgin without emasculating him and making him defensive? I really care about him and want him to be comfortable.

–YouTube Viewer

Ask About Sex When You’re Not Having Sex

Asking your partner about their sexual history before, during or after sex are all really bad times to talk about it. Your partner will feel pressured, uncomfortable and may not give you an honest answer. You may even translate his discomfort to mean he’s hiding something from you – and he may not be, even if he seems uncomfortable or stressed out. Make sure to ask your partner about their sexual past during a time when there’s no sex involved – for example, a good time to have this conversation would be during a casual lunch or when you’re just hanging out and relaxing. The idea here is to put as little pressure on your partner as possible. Your attitude about the situation will reflect on him – if you feel like this is a “serious” situation, he will too and he’ll probably freak.

Making Him Feel Comfortable

Making your partner feel comfortable about talking about his sexual history is the only way you’re going to get any real information. Let your partner know that it’s okay whether he’s a virgin or not, and simply let him know that you’re curious. Volunteer your own sexual status to help make him more at ease with sharing his sexual past. Don’t grill him about it and if he’s not comfortable talking about it now, don’t pressure him into giving you an answer right away. Give him time and ask him when he might be ready to talk about it. Let him know it’s not an interrogation – and don’t make him feel like it’s one either.

Why Ask At All?

Some people believe in “don’t ask, don’t tell” when it comes to sharing your sexual history with your partner and vice versa. If you and your partner are more comfortable not talking about it all together, this may work for you. But usually, getting a sexual background on your partner – not necessarily all the dirty details but just the gist – will help you get to know your partner better. Knowing whether your partner has had unprotected sex with a number of people can help you make smarter decisions about safe sex.

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Question: My question concerns popping a girl’s cherry. I’m sure you guys have heard that when a girl has sex for the first time she will bleed from her vagina. Is this true or false, and if it is true is it like a period in the sense that it can be a heavy flow or a light flow, or is the bleeding minimal?

–YouTube Viewer

Bleeding After The First Time

When a girl loses her virginity, it may be painful or uncomfortable, and she may even bleed a little that night and the next day. This is separate from a girl’s period, and is not normally as heavy as a period. When a girl bleeds after the first time, it’s usually a brighter red, while a menstrual flow tends to be a little darker. After losing her virginity, she may bleed a little or bleed off and on for about a day, but a lot of blood – such as enough blood to need to wear a tampon or heavy pad – may mean she needs to see a doctor.

What Causes It To Bleed?

Girls are built with a thin membrane of tissue just inside the vagina that covers part of the vaginal opening. Most of the time, a hymen does not completely cover the vaginal opening, rather, it is shaped more like a half moon, leaving the top of the vaginal opening uncovered to allow a woman’s menstrual flow to come through. However, some hymens can completely cover the vaginal opening, and some only leave a small hole. A septate hymen actually forms in the middle of the vagina, allowing for two openings on either side of the hymen. Uncommon types of hymens can make it difficult for a woman to insert or remove a tampon, and may even prevent her menstrual flow. When a woman loses her virginity, the hymen will break, sometimes causing pain or discomfort for the woman, and sometimes bleeding.

If She Doesn’t Bleed, Does That Mean She’s Not A Virgin?

Hymens can be broken through normal activities, such as sports, horseback riding and inserting and removing a tampon. If your partner doesn’t bleed even though it’s the first time she’s had sex, it does not mean that she’s had sex before and she’s not a virgin. It simply means that her hymen may have broken earlier in her life, or that her hymen just didn’t bleed much if at all when it was broken during sex. Losing your hymen doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your virginity either – you can only lose your virginity the first time you have sex, hymen or no hymen.

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“When” Not “If”

If you’re not a virgin and begin dating a new partner who is also not a virgin, the question becomes “when is the right time to have sex,” instead of “if.” You’ve probably heard of the golden ’3 date rule’ and may have even heard of people waiting quite a bit longer to become comfortable with each other to have sex. Still, the question is never “if,” unless you’re a virgin or are with someone who is. The question is always “when.” What if you want that “if” factor back? Can you have an “if” factor, even if you’ve had sex before?

Getting The “If” Factor

You always have control over your own body. You decide when – or  if – you have sex, along with the how, when and where. So ask yourself, “am I ready to have sex?” Just because you are no longer a virgin does not mean that you are required to have a sexual relationship at some point with every person you date. Ask yourself the same questions you would if you were a virgin – for example, are you emotionally ready to handle sex again? Is your body ready for sex? Are you comfortable enough with yourself to enjoy having sex again? Do you enjoy spending time with your partner enough that you are ready to share yourself physically with them? Decide if you’re ready to have sex at all, or if you’re ready to have some sexual intimacy but without “going all the way.”

Getting Rid Of Expectations

You may be ready to have sex. You may enjoy it, no matter who it’s with, and be sexually confident in yourself. If that’s your case, go for it! But many women aren’t in that position, and because they’ve “done it” before, they’re expected to “do it” again in every new relationship they’re in. Their partners are constantly wondering if “tonight is the night” or if the 3rd date really is the magic date.

It’s time to shed those expectations and make your own rules! Each time you begin dating a new partner, consider yourself a virgin all over again if you like. Ask yourself the very same questions about sex and your partner that you did before you had sex for the very first time. Because in a way, this is your very first time too! Don’t allow men, or even your friends, to suggest that because you’re not a virgin anymore that you can’t make careful decisions about sex, or abstain from sex completely with a new partner if you so choose. It’s your body! You choose what to do with it or what not to do with it.

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We can all generally accept the idea that sexual abstinence means waiting for marriage to have sex… But here’s where it gets tricky – What does “Sex” mean to you? Is it sexual intercourse? Is it any sexually arousing experience? Is it oral sex? Anal Sex? Masturbation?

The Definition Of Abstinence

Abstinence, in it’s most basic form, is to abstain, or keep from, doing something. Most people refer to it as refraining from having sex, but you can also abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, or anything really. In it’s most popular form, however, the definition of abstinence means to keep from having sex. In most cultures, the term abstinence refers to waiting until marriage to have sex, however, any couple can practice abstinence even if they’re married. Some married couples practice abstinence at a certain time during a woman’s monthly cycle as a form of birth control. In this article though, we’re going to explore how abstinence can mean different things to different people.

Defining Sex

To define not having sex, first you have to define the term sex itself. What does having “sex” mean to you? Does having sex mean only penetration, therefore abstinence from sex means oral sex doesn’t fall into that category? Or does having sex mean every type of sex, including oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and vaginal intercourse? Does your definition of abstinence relate to being a virgin? Is virginity still intact only if you abstain from vaginal intercourse, or is virginity intact if one abstains from the use of sex toys, or even tampons as well?

It Remains Undefined

The definition of sex, much like the definition of abstinence, remains essentially undefined. It means something different for everyone, and only you can decide what counts as sex and what counts as abstinence – no one else can or should decide for you. Abstinence, just like having sex, is a personal choice. Examine your own beliefs and morals, and do what feels right for you. Don’t let parents, a culture, society or your friends or family members pressure you into deciding to have sex or deciding to be abstinent – or even deciding what actions constitute sex and abstinence unless you’re sure that it’s what you want. It’s also not a one way street – just because you choose to be abstinent now doesn’t mean you can’t choose to have sex later if that’s what you decide. Similarly, if you decide to have sex now, that doesn’t mean you can’t decide to become abstinent later. While you may have lost your virginity in doing so, don’t assume that means you have to continue having sex if you’re not comfortable with it. Do what feels right to you!

Know Your Boundaries First

Before making your decision, know your boundaries. Think of the possible situations you might be in, and what you might decide if confronted with that situation. Really think about it – if you’re abstinent, does oral sex count? Does giving a handjob count? Do you want to be totally abstinent from every type of sex? Don’t be caught off guard – know what you want and what doesn’t coincide with your decision before you put yourself in a situation that might possibly make you uncomfortable if you aren’t prepared. Don’t forget sex education – learn about STD’s, pregnancy and birth control even if you’re being abstinent. You’ll be able to make smarter choices when you do decide to have sex. Ultimately, you’re responsible for your own sex education. You’re responsible for your body, right?

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Things might seem awkward at first and it can be frustration to experience sexual intimacy with your partner without being really “into” it. How can you get more into your partner and more into sex with them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I want to tell my bf what I like in bed, but I don’t know how, because I don’t masturbate? (That’s right! – remember from before Scarlett is a pastor’s kid…) I feel like a spectator during sex. I find it hard to relax and I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm. Please help.

–Scarlett, NJ

Finding Out What You Want

For you to get “into” sex, it’s important for you to experiment with what turns you on. If you don’t know what turns you on and what gets you excited, it’s hard not to feel like a spectator when you’re actually doing the deed. How do you do that? One of the greatest ways to experiment with what you like is to masturbate.

Use your hands, a detachable shower head or even toys to find out what feels the best. You can masturbate with your partner if you prefer, or you can masturbate alone to really try new things and find out what really gets you going.

It’s difficult to get into sex and share with your partner what you like without first knowing yourself.

Get Into The Game

One of the best ways to find out what you like during sex and really get into it is to just dive in and do it! Spend time experimenting with different techniques, including genital massage, oral sex and sexual intercourse.

You might like simultaneous oral sex or you might really enjoy your partner using their hands on you.

You’ll never know though if you don’t try! Have sex with your partner and make mental notes of what you don’t like and what you really don’t want to try again. Next time, try something new.

Continue to do this until you find a few things that you really enjoy doing with your partner. Make a mental note of these and when you’re feeling turned on, you and your partner can use these things to get you really excited and into it.

Make sure both partners get equal satisfaction. It’s easy for a woman to feel like a spectator during sex if the focus is on the man. Share each other equally and take turns pleasuring each other until you build up to an amazing climax!

Talk With Your Partner

While you want to be careful about how you approach this subject, it’s important to talk with your partner and be open and honest with them about what you like and don’t like.

Don’t criticize your partner for moves that you don’t like, instead suggest new ones that you’d like to try.

If you close the lines of communication and never let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t, you’ll never be “into” your partner or even “into” sex with them.

Use Trial and Error

Similarly, your partner can share with you what they like so together you can experiment with what works and forget about what doesn’t.

With a little trial and error, you and your partner will learn what you like and what you don’t like, making it easier for you to have successful intimate encounters. Take it slow if you need to and stay open and honest with your partner. Don’t get discouraged and keep trying. You’ll never find out what turns you on and gets you into it if you don’t try!

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It’s really not the size of your penis, but how you use it.  A lot of guys see this as a copout response, but it is the honest answer.  It also depends on the woman and the size of her vagina. If you think your penis is to large for your woman then you should take it slow and see how she responds.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My penis is 7.5″ long. I’m a virgin and I don’t want my first time to hurt whoever I intend to share my virginity with. Am I too big?

–Concerned, Florida

Penis size really isn’t that important

What is more important than length of your penis is the width of it. If your penis is long and thick then your partner might be in for a little bit of trouble.  There is no “correct” length, because we are all made differently but what really matters is if you and your partner enjoy sexual intercourse and that you’re not causing her discomfort. If it is your first time, then you should take it slow and see how she reacts.

You’ll find there are a lot of women out there who enjoy a large penis, so don’t worry too much if you think you’re too large. There are also plenty of lubricants to help ease the process of insertion to make it much gentler on the woman. Sex is to be enjoyable to both parties, but some men who have larger penises don’t stop to think if it might be uncomfortable for a woman.

You’ll find you will have a much better sex life if you do stop to consider your partner’s enjoyment as much as your own. You won’t hear as much praise from your partner if you are a “stick it in and hope for the best” kind of guy.  Sex is as much about pleasing your partner as it is pleasing yourself.

A large penis is intimidating

Having a large penis can be intimidating to both the man and woman.  Most men prize a larger penis, but seldom stop to find out if their partner is comfortable with it. By stopping to ask if your partner is comfortable with the size of your penis and if intercourse is enjoyable for her, you have made an effort towards being a good lover to your partner.

You have to remember that usually for a woman, the first time can be painful, but a woman’s vagina is amazingly accommodating. After a few times of having sex, the vagina will make room for a larger penis and sex will become more enjoyable. Some women are afraid a large penis will hurt , which it might if your penis is very wide or extraordinarily long.

Most of this discomfort will pass as the vagina becomes accustomed to more girth. It is possible for the vagina to tear, which can be painful for a woman, but this will usually heal in time. You might need to take it easy for a few days while it does though.

All in all, it’s not very likely that your penis will hurt your partner. Vaginas almost always accommodate, even if the first few times are painful. If you’re forceful, however, you can hurt your partner regardless of your size. Just take it slow and make sure both you and your partner are comfortable!

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This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be difficult getting over the other women but not impossible.

Here’s how to come to terms with your partner’s past partners.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. When we were first together he said that he was a virgin. Since he was 20 I found this surprising but I trusted him. Only after I slept with him did he confess that he had been with someone when he was deployed in Korea (he’s in the army). He paid for it I think she was only a bartender not a regular hooker. She also did oral on him and he has received “hand jobs” and oral one other time. Now that I know all these I can’t get out of my head of him with other women and I am constantly worrying that I am not the best out of them. How do I get over the idea of my boyfriend being with a hooker of all people and the others? And to stop comparing myself?

- Laura, Ohio

Realize They’ve Had Other Partners

The first step in getting over the other women is coming to terms with the fact they’ve been with someone else, or many other someone elses. You’ve probably been with your share of someone else’s too. Is this a bad thing? Is this something that should become a big deal between you and your partner? Definitely not!

Having a sexual past is something that almost everyone has. Who cares about the numbers? Who’s keeping score? You should discuss this with your partner only if you’re discussing sexually transmitted diseases and whether or not you are both going to get tested, etc.

This is not a discussion that should be had “just to find out.” You’ll end up asking yourself a million other questions! How many were there? Were they better than me? You’re better off sticking to the realization that yes, your partner has had other partners. You have too.

Sex Is Not Love And Love Is Not Sex

It’s really very simple. Someone can have sex without love and love without sex. It’s that simple. Just because your partner has had sexual relationships with other people doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. A critical step into getting over the other women is realizing that he loves you. He is with you and he chooses to be – you’re not making him. Realize that what you share with him is in the here and now, and is something he wants to be involved in. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be with you. He’d be with someone else.

Yes, They Were Different

Women who have trouble getting over the other women are often left asking themselves who was better or worse. There’s a simple solution to this issue, although it’s never easy to swallow. Stop thinking about how you rank and realize that a sexual relationship is always different from person to person and that’s all! It’s simply just . . . different.

Building Trust

If your partner has ever lied to you about who he has been with, you may have another issue on your hands. Trust is essential in a relationship and if this is an issue you’re dealing with, it’s important that you build and grow your foundation of trust before you tackle anything else. Even if your partner hasn’t lied to you, you need to trust that he is with you. Trust that your partner won’t go running off to be with someone else just because he’s been with others before you.

There is more to your relationship than just sex, and there’s more to your relationship than just love. It’s an entirely dynamic and multi-faceted relationship that runs on many different levels.

So relax! Enjoy being with your partner and being in the here and now instead of focusing on the past – you or your partner’s past. You’ll both be much happier that way!

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