Ask Dan and Jennifer » want kids

Should You Get Married To A Man Who Doesn’t Want Kids? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:44:05 +0000

If you find yourself in a situation where you’re in a committed relationship but your partner doesn’t want kids (and you do), take heart because you’re not the first.

Regardless, it is still a difficult situation to be in and one in which decisions must be made. It is never easy to choose between the possibility of having children and your partner.

That said, can you somehow make your partner change his mind? It’s not likely.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. He tells me that he loves me very much and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I feel the same way but he doesn’t want to have children. I can’t give up the idea of never having a child and I don’t think he will ever change his mind. We were going to move in together, but since he made it very clear that he doesn’t want children, I decided to move to another state. He wants us to continue communicating after I move. I don’t think this would be a good idea. My friend tells me that the emptiness and loneliness might change his mind. I really don’t know what to think.

What should I do? Should I continue communicating with him or see him? Please help me.

- Jennifer, New Jersey

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Talk to him.

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Help! I’m Pregnant and He Wants Me to Choose Him or the Baby! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 22 May 2008 14:15:08 +0000

" It’s me or the baby!"

Believe it or not, many women are faced with the need to choose between a man or a baby, and it’s a tough decision.

It involves weighing all the possible outcomes of each scenario as well as moral beliefs and what you actually want.

If you find yourself in this situation, the decision is one that only you can make for yourself.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I am 26 and my partner is 46. We have been together on and off for 3 years. I am only his second relationship and he says he has steered clear from relationships because he didn’t want children.

He does not like them and despises the fact he would be financially responsible for the next 18 years. I have a 5 year old son and he gets on great with him so I cannot understand why he doesn’t want his own.

This has always been okay until I find out I am 6 weeks pregnant. He wants me to choose between him and the baby and said I can’t have both. I want this child. Do you think a man will change his mind once his child is here? Surely he will have some kind of feeling won’t he? Or am I faced with being a single parent?

- Emma, United Kingdom

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A Very Difficult Choice

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Relationship Advice for a Desperate Man: Do ALL Women Want Kids? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:53:19 +0000

Many men find themselves frustrated with dating and understanding women…

This is compounded if he doesn’t want to have children because many men assume that ALL women want to have children. It even seems that many women use the topic of ‘kids’ in the early stages of the relationship to test how serious a man is about their relationship.

So if you’re a man, who does not want children, how are you supposed to have any chance at a long term relationship? As soon as you say "I don’t want children", the friction begins and the relationship ends soon there after.

Should You Avoid Long Term Relationships All Together?

If you’re still young, say less than 30, you may actually change your mind as you get older. So saying very adamantly, that you never, ever, want kids is not only harsh, but possibly untrue. How can you possibly know how you’ll feel in the next 5-10 years? You can’t!

If you are however, absolutely certain that you never, ever, want kids, then what is the best way to approach this problem with your new girlfriend?

Absolutes are never a good idea, not in life, and especially not in relationships. Rather than telling her "Never ever, no way in hell!", try a more subtle and less offensive approach, like "At this point in my life I don’t believe that I want children". Don’t lead her to believe that you’ll change your mind, but there’s no need to be so FIRM either.

After all, the only thing you can possibly know for sure is that you don’t want kids NOW, and you don’t want kids in the near future.

Do ALL Women Really Want Children?

You see, it’s not that all women ‘want’ children, but society teaches them form day one that they ’should’ want children and there must be something wrong with them if they don’t. Hopefully that’s changing as we mature and evolve as a society…

There is a very good chance that you will meet a woman who also does not want children. There are fewer women who feel this way, but they are definitely out there. A woman typically doesn’t make this decision until she’s a little older and these women tend to be the more driven and career minded. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her decision, and she’d be thrilled to know that she’s not the only person in the world who doesn’t want children.

There are also many women who, for one reason or another, are unable to have children. I’m not talking about the adoption crazed mommy wanna-be’s, but the women who have come to terms with their situation and are actually OK with it.

One other point that is important to remember is…