Ask Dan and Jennifer » watch porn

Is It Wrong to be Jealous Of My Partner Watching Porn? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:47:33 +0000

When a man watches porn, it is normal to feel jealous or insecure. This is actually a common issue among many women. It’s hard for a woman to get over the fact that her man is looking and perhaps thinking of another woman. It is hard for a woman to accept a man watching porn because traditionally, women are more emotional than visual.

Men prefer visual pornography while women find romance novels appealing, because it sets up a journey of love with rising passion and suspense. In short, a romance novel feeds that emotional desire that women have. Men prefer pornography because it satisfies their need for visual stimulation.

Unfortunately, it’s difficult for a woman to understand a man’s perspective and that leads to jealousy and insecure feelings when it comes to pornography.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do you have any advice on how to get over my jealousy? When I see my bf watching porn, I hate it! I figure it’s cheating ‘cause you’re imagining doing the other person. It’s so frustrating!

–(YouTube)

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Why men like porn

Men are action oriented, that is, they like to see what is happening. Men enjoy seeing nudity and sexual acts visually, and that’s perfectly natural for them. It’s how they’re built. It is nothing more than a man’s fantasy and in isn’t quite the same as cheating.

If he were sleeping with the woman he was watching then it would be, but just for a man to envision a woman long enough to get his jollies isn’t the same. He isn’t thinking about running off with the woman that he’s watching, or thinking about how much better they are than the woman they’re actually with. It is just a momentary fantasy and it’s his way of releasing tension and relaxing. It doesn’t mean he is cheating because in the end he’s with you and he chose to be with you.

Getting over the jealousy of a man watching porn is as simple or as complex you want to make it. The best thing is to just try and accept that men are visual creatures and watching porn is natural to them. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s just that it’s natural for him to want to see sexual acts and nudity visually because it helps to satisfy him.

It’s perfectly natural

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It’s Me Or The Porn! You Choose… (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:49:41 +0000

Men watch porn. It’s a fact of life.

Nevertheless, many women who are girlfriends and wives of men watching porn can feel hurt or neglected. She may even ask the man to stop watching porn… or else.

If you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. But what do you do?

Do you let him do it and continue to feel hurt, or do you make him stop or leave him?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I watched your video ‘husband uses porn’ and it rang a bell with my situation. My husband has used porn for years and despite having attended counseling and asking him to stop he continues, however, he insisted he’d stopped. I recently went to bed for an afternoon nap and came downstairs to find him using porn (while I was in the house!!). I walked out. After lots of talking we have decided to patched things up but I feel so hurt and angry at him, I am really concerned that if I trust him again he will just continue lying to me. I need him to stop and give our relationship and me the attention it needs. I need to know I can’t trust him not to lie to me again. I just don’t know how to move on.

– Helen, England UK

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Accept That Men Are Visual Creatures

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The Best Places to Find Erotica

Alicia Night Orchid — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 14:56:27 +0000

Sex researchers have known for sometime that while men prefer to seek sexual stimulation from images, women favor reading about love, romance, and sex.

Men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, while women are more likely to enjoy and be stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

The term “erotica” is often used to refer to these softer images of, and especially writings about sex.

Many women enjoy erotica on their own, which is good news in and of itself. Even better news is that couples can enjoy erotica together as a prelude to sex or as a way to explore sexual activities, fetishes, and lifestyles they’re not ready for in real life.

Where Do I Find It?

Sex stories and novels are easy to find. More challenging is finding quality erotica. By this, I mean erotica that is well-written, with interesting characters, fascinating plots, exotic settings, and really hot sex.

Here’s a guide to finding the really good stuff.

Print Anthologies

Every year, several wonderful print anthologies featuring erotica are published. The most popular of these are “The Best of the Best American Erotica” edited by Susi Bright and “Dirty Girls: Erotica by Women” edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. If you’re worried about buying these books in a public bookstore, all it takes is a credit card to purchase them confidentially and without embarrassment online.

I recommend these anthologies as a good place for couples to begin. They tend to include a sampling of various types of stories including literary, humorous, romantic, and really dirty erotica. You can read various styles and authors to see what really turns you on.

E-Books

Another highly popular source of erotica is e-books. E-books are electronic books, which range from story to novel length. They can be purchased online, typically for a fraction of the cost of print books, downloaded and read on your computer or e-book reader. While taking a laptop to bed with you might have much appeal, some e-book readers are no bigger than a cell phone. You can even acquire “read-aloud” software, so that the words are spoken in a voice you select, allowing for hands and mouth-free enjoyment, should that be of interest to you.

There are several sources of e-books. Ellora’s Cave is one of the more successful e-publishers and sells its books, organized by author and genre, directly from its website. Fictionwise is a virtual warehouse of e-books. You can find erotica titles simply by searching under the key word “erotica.” Lulu is another virtual warehouse offering self-published print and electronic media. Because the work is self published, authors aren’t required to meet anyone’s standards but their own, so quality of packaging and content is a concern. Again, a search under “erotica,” or a particular author’s name, will provide you with a wide variety of choices.

Free Erotica

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Porn vs. Erotica: What Women Really Want

Alicia Night Orchid — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:00:48 +0000

This story is intended for mature audiences only.

Ever wonder why most women hate porn? Then you’ll want to keep reading.

Michael and Chloe go to dinner. The food is sex on a plate—rubbed and grilled, sauced and drizzled, earthy and sea-scented. The wine is warming, causing her face to glow, his ears to buzz.

Afterwards they hit that new club uptown and listen to some great live music. They dance the salsa, swirling and humping, pelvises pressed together in a slow grind. In the car they snuggle close. Fingers entwine, tongues swirl. Hands play on thighs and breasts. Fabrics strain.

By the time they reach home, he’s tenting his trousers. She’s damp and giddy. He struggles to get the key in the door. She presses her hard nipples into his back and fumbles with his belt buckle. She’s ready to be swept off to the bedroom, entered and ravished. He reads the signals differently, thinking this might be the night to try something new.

While she’s in the toilet, he flips on the TV, slips in a CD (“Horny Teenage Tailgunners”), and cues it up. She hears it before she sees it. “Yeah, yeah, give it to me, give it to me.” He pats the sofa next to him. On screen, under bright lights, a heavy-chested tanned man with a penis the size of a baseball bat plunges into a woman from behind. She’s as blonde as California, sports size DD breasts, rock hard abs, and an ass and legs to die for.

Michael’s flushed and horny. Chloe’s threatened, wondering why he’d want this woman instead of her, wondering why he couldn’t just ask for anal sex, if that’s what he really wanted.

Hands on her hips, she admits she was pretty turned on by the first two paragraphs of this article, but finds the porn video more repulsive than sexy. She spins on her heel and heads to the bedroom, locking the door behind her and vowing to herself to dye her hair, get a boob job, and lose ten pounds. He’s left alone with a raging erection, wondering why she’s so uncool.

Images versus Writing

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How Much Porn Is Too Much And How Do I Know if I’m Addicted? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:03:58 +0000

Contrary to popular belief, pornography is actually watched by many people – both men, women and couples.

Watching pornography isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about because it’s more than likely that the person sitting right next to you watches it to.

That said, is it possible that someone can watch too much pornography or become addicted to it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve just watched the video about a woman being addicted to pornography and it made me think.

I think it’s fair to say I’m addicted to pornography … But the twist is that it can’t be because I’m lazy and I don’t even have a sex life. I don’t have a relationship, and I’m not interested in getting one anytime soon. Is watching porn every other night or so bad?

– Kevin, California

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How much porn is too much?

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Is There A Place For Pornography In ANY Relationship?

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 13:48:45 +0000

It is one of the most thankless jobs in the world. Men and women sprawling on makeshift movie sets–indoors or outdoors, rain or shine–to bring the public what they want to see: Sex and nakedness on their local tube or computer screen.

Porn is a booming business

From posing naked bodies to oral sex to intercourse to orgasm the adult movie business, and industry is available to people around the world 24/7.

Be it in the privacy of a motel room, bedroom of a family, on a computer laptop, bought at an adult bookstore or shop, etc. the billion dollar business is enjoying its best business ever.

Do you admit to your partner that you watch porn?

Take the controversial poll at the end of this article to see where you fit in!

Objections to porn

Whatever you do, though, do not tell the feminists, government, or the church set. In a rare show of agreement, these three groups find many things offensive because of one reason or another.

Feminists feel women are objects and are devalued in power and purpose; in the past few years, the U.S. government is ever trying to make more regulation on the books making it harder for consenting adults; the church and moralist find tons wrong over issues ranging from the glorification of premarital sex to the promotion of gay / lesbian / bisexual / transgender “lifestyles”.

Each group has validated their points regarding the ills of pornography (according to their belief systems). I believe instead of taking the battle against the things most consenting adults enjoys we can focus the battle against issues 90% of adults can agree on (i.e. child pornography, child abuse, etc). Plus, I wish these groups would press the issue regarding the performers and their health (i.e. mandatory testing by studios of all performers).

Is porn getting a bad rap?

Now the first question we need to ask is if pornography is getting a bad rap or not? My answer for this one is yes! Many definitions can be made for pornography, but one I would like to use and stick with is this one:

Pornography: The art that captures the fantasies, desires, and dreams of the populace’s sexual lives. Its function is to stimulate, educate, and entice the viewer to visual ideas towards sexuality.

Can it be improved?

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Watching Porn – How Do I Make My Lying Husband Come Clean? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 22:29:39 +0000

Your husband watches porn.

He lies about it.

You get angry.

You fight.

Welcome to the club. We don’t know a single woman that hasn’t at least gotten miffed about her man’s porn watching. Is it the man’s fault? Should he stop watching it? Well, we’re going to be honest here and you may not like what we have to say.

It’s not the man’s fault and no, he shouldn’t have to stop watching porn.

We’re also going to share a little secret with you that may make your life easier.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I have been together for eight years. We have a pretty good sex life, but for the past year we have been fighting about porn. He sneaks off and watches it. I have tried to get him to watch it with me, hoping he will stop sneaking and lying about it.

I have low self esteem and it hurts. I wish he would share it with me, it is starting to cause a problem with our marriage.

– Stephanie, PA

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So he watches porn…

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