Ask Dan and Jennifer » wife swapping

How To Host A Swingers Party

Michael Andrews — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 23:00:19 +0000

Many people like the thought of going to a swingers party. It’s certainly a little bit different to your average social gathering! They can be great fun and the place where many fantasies are acted out. But rather than wait around and hope you get invited to one, why not host your own? It’s not actually as difficult as you might think. Here are a few tips to help you create a memorable event.

What Kind Of Party Do You Want To Host?

Decide how many people you want to be there. Do you want it to be a large party or an intimate gathering? Do you want it to be just for couples or do you want to invite single people (men and/or women) as well? Most swingers prefer to go to parties that are mainly (if not totally) for couples and single women only. You will find a lot of single men will be interested but it does create a different atmosphere.

Decide On A Venue

Most people would think of their home, but it needn’t be the only place to host a party. If your place isn’t suitable or large enough, you could ask one of the other guests if they would be willing to host it. A hotel room is a good choice if the numbers aren’t going to be too great, but another alternative is a local swingers club. You could arrange for your group to all meet there.

Work Out The Guest List

Unless you already know a lot of swingers, by far the easiest way to find your guests is online. Set up a profile on a swingers website and list your event there. Then you can begin to contact other couples in your area who you think might be suitable.

Meet Everyone First

Insist on meeting everyone first. If your party is couples only you will be amazed how many single men will try to get an invitation by masquerading as a couple online. When they arrive at the party they will make an excuse for being alone such as “the wife is sick.” Insist you meet the couple first, or at least talk to them on the phone – both of them – to ensure they’re for real and who they say they are.

Charge An Entry Fee

A small charge, paid to you in advance, is a great way to ensure people actually show up, as well as helping towards your hosting costs. People know there is a cost involved in hosting a party so they won’t mind contributing.

Forget Party Snacks – Have Lube And Condoms Available

It is normal for the host to provide condoms and lube, although you can also ask people also to bring their own. You might want to ask people (discreetly) if they have an allergy to latex and ensure some latex-free condoms are available.

Remember To Have Fun!

Obviously this is the point of the party in the first place. However, to achieve this the most important thing to communicate to your guests is that no one is under any pressure to participate or do anything they are not totally comfortable with. Even if you have met the guests beforehand, there is no guarantee people will click in a way that makes them want to take things to a sexual level.

Hosting a swingers party does take a bit of effort and time to organize but the results can be well worth it. Even if it doesn’t turn into an all-out orgy you may still make some new friends. There are many more people wanting to attend a party than are willing to organize one so your efforts will be well appreciated.

Three Essential Steps To Get Your Partner Into Swinging

Michael Andrews — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 23:00:39 +0000

Unfortunately swinging, or involving other people in your sexual intimacy as a couple, fills many people with fears and concerns. However, the truth is that swinging – when done the right way – can not only be enormous fun; it can also bring a couple much closer together in the intimacy of their relationship. This may seem counterintuitive but it is a clue on how to get your lover interested in polyamory if they’re against the idea.

3 Simple Steps To Introduce Your Lover To The Idea Of Swinging

The three steps described here have proven to be very powerful in getting reluctant spouses to be more open to the idea. You’ll see that it is nothing to do with tricking or coercing your spouse into trying it (that doesn’t work and using that approach will usually harm rather than help your relationship). It is really about creating a foundation and a ‘sexual environment’ in your relationship which can make polyamory a very natural outcome. The benefits of this approach are not only that you get to have some great fun swinging, but it strengthens the intimacy in your relationship as well.

Step 1: It’s About You Relationship

The first step is to realize that successful swinging is all about the two of YOU and your relationship. It is not to fill in any gaps in your sex life. In fact, it makes a great sex life even better; it does not make a bad sex life good. So if you are going to try to introduce your lover to polyamory, you should concentrate on improving the sex life between the two of you first.

Step 2: Focus On Your Significant Other

This leads us to the second step, which is to really focus on your significant other. Your goal here is to make them feel loved and adored, that they are the sexiest person in the world to you. You would never do anything to hurt them intentionally and they are certainly the best lover you could possibly ever imagine having. Some people find this difficult, especially if they have been in their relationship for some time. You may feel your attraction has waned for your lover.

You might think your sex life has become boring, which is why you want to add some variety with polyamory anyway. You need to turn this around. Try new things. Even do some of the things you used to do when you first got together. Anything becomes stale if no effort is put into it, and your sex life is just the same.

Step 3: Reinforce Your Attraction To Your Lover

The third step is simply to keep reinforcing you attraction for your lover and building the trust between you. The more trust you can create by making your significant other feel safe to be themselves and express themselves fully, the more they will know that your desire for more sexual adventure is not about ‘replacing’ them with someone else.

Many couples feel that getting involved with threesomes will cause problems in their relationship such as jealousy. However, if you follow the above steps you will find that these problems just don’t arise. However, it is very important to keep the relationship between you as the most important thing; you just happen to involve other people from time to time to experience things you can’t do with just the two of you.

If you would like to become a swinger and your lover isn’t interested start with the approach above. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results!

Finding The ‘Right Couple’ To Try Swinging With

Michael Andrews — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 23:00:13 +0000

Would you like to experiment with the swinging lifestyle? Once you have made the decision to do it, the biggest hurdle to overcome is to find another suitable couple to play with. Fortunately you can benefit from the experience of others by knowing the best way to find other people. Here are some ideas to help you.

It Doesn’t Always Happen Right Away

Firstly, be aware it can be a lengthy process. You may end up chatting with a large number of couples before you find one you really click with. This is hardly surprising; it is difficult enough to find two people who are attracted to each other, but to find four who all share some chemistry can seem nigh-on impossible.

You will meet couples who may be interested in you but who for whatever reason you don’t feel particularly attracted to. Don’t be concerned about this – it really does go with the territory.

Also, do not despair or be in a rush to start having sex once you decide you and your partner would like to be swingers. Many people decide to play with the first people who come along and find that the experience is not really very pleasurable. In fact it can be a disaster.

Don’t Be Too Picky

At the other extreme don’t be picky to the point that you never let it happen. If you spend a bit of time with a couple (say having a drink or a meal) with no pressure or expectations on either side you may feel the attraction grow. If your initial impression isn’t totally negative than allow some time to get to know them a little better.

All this said, what is the best way to meet another couple for swinging? There are in fact three ways.

People You Know

The first way is to consider people you already know. You may think your friends would not be interested in swinging, but swinging is surprisingly widespread. Do not discount your friends! Think about who you already know who you find attractive.

Invite them for dinner and drop a few subtle hints. Lead the conversation in a sexual direction and see their reaction. Of course if you get a negative reaction you know to back off as you don’t want to destroy your friendship.

Online Dating Websites

The second way and probably the most widespread is to meet couples through an online swingers website. There are a number of good ones which have large numbers of couples (and singles) who are swingers and are looking to meet other likeminded people.

You can get a very good idea about them from the information they post online, including their interests and physical characteristics. Usually they will (or should) put up some photographs so you can get a better idea of their body shape and sizes.

To do this you should also put up your own details by creating a profile. This will allow other couples to contact you if they are interested. The first step will be to have some brief message exchange to see if there is some connection.

If it all looks promising, you should meet as soon as possible. This should only be for the purposes of checking each other out. Unless you are not fussy at all you will find this an essential step as despite all the online conversation in the world you will not know if you all click until you meet each other.

A Swingers’ Party

The third way you can meet other swingers is to go to a swingers party. Getting invited to these can be quite tricky. However, swingers websites often list parties. Choose one in your area and put your name down as being interested. If you go to a swingers party remember the golden rule amongst all swingers is “no means no.”

You will not be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to, and no one will mind if you decline an invitation to play. Swingers parties are a very good way to meet a number of couples all at once to see if you feel a special connection with any of them.

Meeting another couple to swing with can be a bit tricky. However it is worth the effort because when you find the right couple you will definitely have a lot of fun.

How To Get Your Partner Interested In Swinging

Michael Andrews — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 23:00:06 +0000

Swinging can be a great activity for a couple to take part in. Done the right way, it need not be damaging to your relationship at all. In fact, the consensus amongst most ‘successful’ swingers is that it actually enhances their relationship and brings them closer together.

What If Your Lover Doesn’t Like The Idea?

However, while there are thousands of happy swinging couples worldwide, there are also many people in a relationship who would like to try swinging but who have a lover who is not keen. Their attitude may be from simply not being interested to being totally negative about the idea.

If you have a wife or husband in this category, don’t despair. Your dream of being swingers need not die. Just realize that the approach you have been taking so far has not worked – so it’s time to take a new approach.

Don’t Get Angry With Your Lover

The first thing you must do is not get angry or upset with your wife or husband’s reaction if you bring up the idea of being swingers. Trying to plead with them or in any way coerce them into trying it will not only get no positive result, it could even harm your relationship.

Even if you do get them to agree to try it this way, it will probably not be a pleasant experience for you both; you certainly won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. Try not to get resentful. Instead, realize that you want to try swinger sex so that it will be fun for both of you. ‘

If you have the best of intentions than it is simply a matter of finding the right approach, the approach that works without damaging your relationship. After all your relationship is (or should be) the most important thing.

Introducing The Topic In The Right Way

When you introduce the idea of swinging, remember that your wife or husband will have beliefs about what swinging means and why you would want to try it. Does it mean you don’t find them attractive enough?Are you bored with your sex life?

These thoughts may be going through their head. In fact, they may even fear that by becoming swingers you will find someone else more attractive than them and leave them!

Removing Their Fears About It

So your whole focus in introducing swinging to your wife or husband is to remove their fears. You do this by letting them know that you love and adore them more than anyone else, and that your reason for wanting to try swinging is to enhance the sex life you already have with them.

You need to let them know that swinging is not about replacing any gaps in your relationship. It is all about adding some spice and sharing the experience together. You could even let them know that because you find them so attractive and sexy, seeing them turning someone else on would be highly arousing for them.

Also make sure that you make your wife or husband feel safe in your sexual relationship. Build up their trust in you. Let them now that you would never hurt them or allow them to be hurt in a swinging situation.

If you approach the idea of swinging with your lover in this way you not only have a much greater chance of taking part in the swinger lifestyle, but of you both enjoying it as well.

Should I Act On My Threesome Fantasy?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:15:15 +0000

If you’re interested in having a threesome with your friends, you might be a little intimidated about how to approach the situation. Even if you or your friends have hinted at it or joked about it before, it can seem a little awkward bringing up the topic seriously.

How can you approach that subject with your friends without risking anything?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m 34 years old and have recently won a 3 yr battle with cancer. I have a new lease on life and want to live it to the fullest. I have an absolute best guy friend, “Rick”, who is dating my best friend “Abbie”. I have been thinking a lot lately about having a threesome with “Rick” and “Abbie”. I’m just not sure how to broach the subject with either of them. “Rick” and I have joked about it a few times before but I always brushed it aside… Now, how should I go about approaching the subject for real? I love them both, and I don’t want anyone hurt at all.

–Amanda, Kentucky

Your Friends Are Your Friends

First off, if your friends are really your friends, especially if they’ve joked about it before, they’re not going to hang you just for suggesting a threesome for real. You’re all adults and you can talk about the topic as adults.

Simply bring it up, possibly over a glass of wine or after a nice meal, and discuss the situation. Let them know that you’ve been running the idea through your head and it might something you want to try.

Be honest with them. In turn, you’ll find they’ll be honest with you. They might say it was something they were only joking about and they’re not comfortable trying that with you at this point.

That’s okay! Then again, they might say it’s something they’re open to experiencing. You won’t know until you talk to them about it.

When The Mood Is Right

Okay, so you don’t want to approach the topic of having a threesome with your friends over a quick breakfast before work, or when the kids are acting up. If you wait until the mood is right, however, you’ll most likely get the more honest response.

For example, your friends might really be into the idea, but if they’re rushed or otherwise occupied, they’re probably going to brush the idea off.

Approach your friends alone when everyone is at ease and laughing with each other. You’ll get a much better response that way!

Talking About The Details

Some of the most important things to discuss when you approach the topic of having a threesome with your friends is the what, who, when and where. Don’t be afraid to discuss details. For example, would you like to first try a threesome without sexual penetration at all? Will there be condoms involved? How will the subjects of STD’s and possible pregnancy be handled?

What makes you uncomfortable about having a threesome? What turns you on about it? Hashing out the details of the threesome before you actually have one will leave less awkwardness to be had afterwards.

Without talking about the details beforehand, you risk things becoming weird during the threesome if someone does something someone else isn’t comfortable with, and you also run the risk of having things become weird afterwards as well.

Talk about the threesome before with your friends, but also talk to them afterwards as well. Remember that everyone is an adult and that the threesome and things within the threesome can be discussed as adults. Even if the threesome didn’t go as planned, or it really wasn’t your cup of tea, it’s nothing to be ashamed about or embarrassed about.

Just talk to your friends and be honest with them. Similarly, if you really enjoyed the threesome, be sure to be honest with them about that as well! Talk to your friends about the possibility of another threesome. You’ll never know if you don’t approach the topic though!

Swinger Swap Gone Wrong! Can We Recover?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:58:04 +0000

You’ve made the jump into swinging. Congratulations! It takes a lot of courage to make the foray into swinging.

There’s a reason for that though. Swinging doesn’t always work the way we hope it to.

What do you do when swinging goes wrong? What happens if there’s a rift between you and your partner after swinging? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband got quite close to his client. They eventually became attracted to each other. All 4 of us became close socially. Eventually we began to talk about a swap. We went on a short holiday. Both of them were very close and comfy with each other. Her husband and I were not and the situation got very uncomfortable. Nothing happened between any of the couples. But our marriages have been affected. My husband is still close to her. And each day my emotions drive me crazy. We still go out as friends. But one day I’m ok with it, and another day I’m hurt that he puts her before me. I feel that her husband also goes thru what I’m going thru. It’s destroying me. What should I do?

– Samantha, Uganda

Swinging Gone Wrong

Most of the time, when swinging goes wrong it’s a jealousy issue. This can happen before you actually have sex, during or after. Even if your partner is just spending time with another person while you’re spending time with someone else as well, it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings. This can be especially difficult to deal with if your foray into swinging isn’t as successful as your partner’s. You may feel left out or forgotten about.

If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, relax. They’re all normal feelings. Swinging isn’t for everyone and it may have taken a step in that direction for you to realize that swinging isn’t for you. Don’t dismiss your feelings because you think you “shouldn’t” have them, or that you “brought them on yourself” because you agreed to the swinging in the first place.

You reserve the right to change your mind about swinging at any point in time, any place, anywhere. If swinging starts making you feel uncomfortable, even if it didn’t at first, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and stop the swinging.

Going In Reverse

If you’ve had a not so good experience with swinging, you have every right to put a stop to it. That may prevent any hurt feelings in the future, but what about the hurt you’re harboring now? Is your relationship doomed to failure now that you’ve introduced swinging into your lives?

Not necessarily

Your relationship is only going to be doomed if you let it. If you’re feeling hurt and upset about the swinging, it’s important that you talk to your partner about it. Let them know how you’re feeling without blaming your partner and without being critical. Talk about what happened and when you’re done talking, talk some more! Be open and honest in your communication.

The number one reason that swinging ends up destroying relationships is because one or both partners don’t communicate with each other. They’re not on the same page and they stay that way, because no one speaks up. Discuss with your partner what hurt you and find out what went wrong. Is there a way that it could be prevented in the future, should you decide to swing again?

By being on the same page as your partner and talking to each other about what went wrong with the swinging, you can begin to heal those hurt feelings. You can put the feelings of jealousy aside as your partner reassures you and together you can work to put aside what happened and begin to strengthen your relationship.

With open and honest communication, you can keep a bad swinging experience from ruining your relationship with your partner. If you decide never to swing again, that’s your prerogative. It’s important to understand that swinging isn’t for everyone and as long as you and your partner are open with each other, you can both come out having learned a lot!

Do You Have What it Takes to Be Swingers?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:19:59 +0000

If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, you might be looking into swinging. Swinging with a third person or even another couple can bring a new aspect of fun and excitement into your sex life that you never thought possible.

Some couples aren’t ready for swinging. You have to be comfortable, confident and above all, open and honest with each other. Do you have what it takes to be swingers?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a huge dilemma. My wife and I are very sexual, and have discussed at length our interest in the swinging lifestyle. We are both dying to explore the beginning stages, but have a problem. Besides being totally inexperienced, we are not physically fit and although we are very fun and engaging and have a lot of social adventures, we feel too uncomfortable to approach others. We want to watch real people have sex in front of us, but not participate.

Is there an outlet for this with real people? I know it’s hypocritical, but we would like to see attractive people, and people we connect with emotionally, but we don’t feel we have what it takes to get others to want to share themselves with us. What should we do?

– Jay, NC

Being Comfortable With Yourself

Swingers come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The swingers you see in pornography and on television shows aren’t the only swingers out there in real life. Swingers can be anyone, your frumpy next door neighbors or even your bald boss. You’re going to find a great mix of people from all walks of life when you start exploring swinging.

You may feel that you’re not attractive enough to swing, or that no other couple is going to be interested in what you have to offer. That’s not true! It takes time and effort to find another person or couple that you’re compatible with, but that doesn’t mean you never will.

The first step to swinging is getting comfortable with yourself. Now that you understand that swingers don’t all look like television actors and actresses, you can begin to become confident enough with yourself that you aren’t worried about what you look like or what other people look like.

You can always change your physical appearance. You can lose weight, tone up, even dye your hair. Why do that, though? If you’re not confident with you, the swinging life is going to fizzle fast. Learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you look like, and realize that you’re attractive to your partner and you’re going to be attractive to others as well.

Getting Your Feet Wet

You don’t have to start swinging immediately when you start working yourself into that lifestyle. If you find a couple you’re attracted to and vice versa and you want to jump in, go ahead. Many people, however, just want to get their feet wet at first. You can do this a number of ways.

Believe it or not, there are a great number of “swingers clubs” all over the country. Some are simply clubs that allow swingers to meet, while others are set up to allow for sex on the premises.

Either way, they’re a great way to get involved in swinging. Whether you’re watching someone have sex or someone’s watching you have sex, you can find out how you feel about swinging without actually going through with it! Plus, you can meet some great couples and friends.

You can also find websites that are similar to dating websites, but they’re designed for swingers. You can post a profile and photos as well as browse other profiles and photos. It’s a great way to meet swingers, get yourself introduced and get to know them.

Just don’t forget to take it offline when you’re ready. You can’t have a swinging relationship exclusively on the computer! With a great, confident attitude, an open and honest relationship with your partner, and an unbiased look on meeting swingers and getting to know them, you have exactly what it takes to be a swinger!

Thinking of Having a Threesome? Why Not Make It A Foursome…

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:15:41 +0000

You and your partner have decided to have a threesome. You may even have someone in mind that you and your partner have both agreed on.

If you’re about to take the plunge into the world of multiple partner sex, you may have a few questions on how to do it safely.

Congratulations! Not everyone has safety on their mind before having a threesome. Here are some great ways to have safety in numbers.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Just wanted to say I think it is great what you two do. My question is my girlfriend and I want to have a threesome with another female and we have one lined up. I know to use a condom but what about oral and other kinds of play? We don’t want to come home with some kind of STD.

Do you have any advice for protection?

- John, CA

Getting Tested

The first and foremost thing you should do if you’re planning to have a threesome is get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. All parties involved should have this done.

Your doctor can do this for you, or a local health department can. Have the clinic print something for you that shows your STD status and let all parties involved have a look. This is truly the best way to avoid contracting sexually transmitted diseases when having a threesome.

Sometimes, a threesome is not monogamous and this can substantially shake things up. If you can’t secure a regular threesome partner or if it’s not just a one time thing, you’ll want to take extra safety precautions.

Stepping Up The Safety Factor

- Use latex condoms, or condoms from another material if someone is allergic to latex. Female condoms are great too. Use condoms during sexual intercourse, anal sex and even during oral sex and hand to penis stimulation. While this may not sound enticing, make sure you have a bottle of lubricant with you. Lubricant can go a long way to making latex feel more natural and pleasurable.

- Use latex or vinyl gloves. If you’re going do be doing any play with your hands that involves touching the penis, vagina or anus, protect your hands and their genitals by using latex gloves or gloves of another material.

- Use dental dams or at the very least, plastic wrap when giving a woman oral sex. These both work well to protect the mouth from any vaginal secretions. The trick to using dental dams or plastic wrap is putting a few drops of lubricant on the underside of the plastic square (the side that faces the vagina) and leaving the side that faces the mouth clean. This will help increase the pleasure of oral sex.

These things aren’t going to keep you from contracting every sexually transmitted disease on the planet, but it will reduce your risk of exposure a great deal. Remember that pubic lice, scabies, genital herpes and genital warts can all be spread by skin to skin contact.

Even if you’re wearing a condom, if there’s a genital sore on the upper part of the genitals and this is something you come into contact with, you run the risk of contracting the STD.

Communication

It is essential that you communicate frequently with all parties that are to be involved in the threesome. Talk before the threesome, during and even after. Address what actions are acceptable and what aren’t. Stick to these guidelines during the threesome. Don’t put anyone in a position where they could possibly contract a sexually transmitted disease just for your own pleasure.

Keeping the lines of communication open can seem awkward, but it is essential for a successful threesome. If you’re smart and safe, you and your partner can have a great time with your new partner.

Hey, Are You Guys Swingers?

Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:35:50 +0000

We have heard so many stories about couples that were confronted or “outed” by friends, family or co-workers about their “lifestyle” and they simply didn’t know what to say. Caught off guard, they stumbled, mumbled and bumbled through their explanation, leaving little or no doubt that they were indeed “Swingers”.

“If my (mother, boss, kids, etc…) knew what we do… they’d disown us! It would be a disaster!”

We have heard it 1,000 times. Interestingly, in most instances the opposite is the case. A countless number of couples have told us that when their family and friends did find out, things actually got better, not worse.

Coming Clean

In our case, Tess thought her conservative family would freak out if they discovered our personal lives (and our lifestyle related business!). Then, one New Year’s Day, we awoke to a phone call from her mom. Still groggy, Tess stepped over several of our naked friends, still sleeping from the house party the night before, and answered the phone.

After a quick “Happy New Year!”, her mom got right to the point – “Do you throw sex parties?” Stunned, Tess sunk into a chair and started to explain our “lifestyle” convention business and the rest of our “lifestyle” in more depth. Her mom didn’t say much and only asked a few questions, allowing Tess to fully explain, that morning, the secret part of our lives we had been living over the past 13 years.

…her mom got right to the point –
“Do you throw sex parties?”

When she thought she was finished, she braced for the onslaught she always knew would come her way, if or when her family found out. After a brief (but excruciating) moment of silence, her mom finally said, “Now everything makes sense.”

Apparently her mom had held a grudge for years, because she’d hear we were going to Jamaica, Mexico, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, Toronto, etc… She couldn’t figure out why we didn’t have more time to visit her while having plenty of time to vacation all around the world. Once she found out that these trips were actually business trips, she was more understanding. As a result, Tess and her mom grew closer.

I attribute a lot of that to simple communication. Once that weight was lifted from Tess’ shoulders, she and her mom talked a lot more often, and openly. We ended up visiting her more frequently. Her mom still doesn’t really understand why we would be interested in a “lifestyle” like ours, but I can tell you that she respects us both more now than before our secret came out.

More People Should Be Open

I wish more people could be open about their lifestyle choices and be accepted for who they are. I think many people are more accepting than we give them credit for. I think that many of our friends would accept us if they knew more about our lifestyle and I think some might even join us at a party or look into it themselves.

I’m not naive enough to think that every swinger would experience the same reaction from their family, friends or co-workers. I know some couples who have had their families petition courts for child custody, who have lost their jobs or, in extreme cases, have had criminal charges filed against them. It isn’t always rosy out there in the real world.

So what do you do when you think that someone would create a problem for you if they found out? You have to be prepared with your answers before you are confronted. What if you go to a swing club one weekend with your partner and then on Monday someone asks you both, “So what did you two do this weekend?” One of you blurts our “We went skiing” while the other one simultaneously says “We stayed home all weekend”… Busted!

The Swinger’s Alibi

You have to get your stories together before getting into that compromising situation. If you spent a week at Hedonism III Resort in Jamaica, you could jump out of the bus at Breezes for a few minutes to snap some pictures that you can show to your friends and family when you get home. You could buy a couple of postcards or T-shirts in the gift shop. Make sure you get a brochure so you can at least familiarize yourself with the photos of the property.

Better yet, tell them you bought the Superclubs “Superselect” package. It allows you to book at a super low rate and then Superclubs will randomly send you to one of their resorts once you land in Jamaica. You can then explain how shocked you were when they told you you had been chosen to go to Hedonism III instead of Grand Lido or Breezes.

This is a good way to admit to being at Hedo without it being your choice. It is also a good way to explain that Hedonism really wasn’t that crazy and that you were able to enjoy yourself on the “prude” side all week. You could even say how surprised you were by how nice and normal all the other guests at Hedo were… If they only knew!!!

Keeping Your Private Life Private

The main point is to have a clear and detailed story to fall back on. You are just trying to keep your private life private. But if a friend or family member thinks you’re not telling the truth, they are going to wonder what you are hiding. A boss might put up red flags that could hurt your performance reviews or advancement opportunities. The more organized you are as a team, the less questions you’ll have to field.

The “Shaggy” Defense

What happens if you are caught red handed? Just take a lesson from Shaggy (the hip-hop artist, not Scooby-Doo’s pal).

We knew a couple that had checked in a few days early for one of our lifestyle conventions. They were eager to see New Orleans and wanted to spend a few days sightseeing before the party got started. Unfortunately for them, a co-worker saw them driving up to the hotel check in.

They ran into the co-worker the following week. Here is how the conversation went:

Co-worker: “Hey, we saw you driving up to the Holiday Inn in New Orleans last week. Did you know they were having a swingers convention there?”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

Co-worker: “Yes, I saw you guys, you were in your new white SUV.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me”

Co-worker: “But I saw your dog, Angel, sitting on your lap. It had to be you.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

You get the picture. Eventually, the co-worker actually believed he must have been seeing things. He was positive it was them, but it couldn’t have been if they were so adamant that they weren’t there. Sometimes those eyes do play tricks on us.

Those are three basic ways to handle unexpected questions. You can just admit to being a swinger and deal with the repercussions, you can come up with an alibi and keep your life private or you can simply deny, deny, deny.

Always be prepared for the unexpected moment when you have to decide on which avenue you are going to take. Stumbling, mumbling and bumbling through your answer will only make it obvious to everyone that you are indeed swingers.

Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” Strategy in Action

Brought to you by Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine. To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.

Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:39:29 +0000

What guy hasn’t fantasized about a threesome?

Even married guys have the occasional “swinging” wet dream now and then.

However, facing the realities of actually sharing the love of your life with another man or woman for the first time gives rise to questions and insecurities that were never there before. How do you deal with them in a way that satisfies both partners?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with the woman of my dreams who happens to be bisexual but also an experienced swinger. I myself have fantasized about such things but have little experience. I am confused by my emotions of seeing my lady with another man. Although I am not bi I’m willing to experiment with another male for her, and its a funny thing that this causes less stress then seeing her with another man. I have no fear of sharing another woman with her, so why should sharing another man with her cause such worry? But it’s in the past why should it matter now? Is this a common fear for virgin male swingers like myself?

–Ric, London

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

If you find yourself in this situation for the first time, take a deep breath and relax. Really examine your feelings about swinging in general as well as your feelings about swinging with your current partner. Are you experiencing feelings of jealousy or insecurity?

These feelings are extremely normal when it comes to swinging for the first time, but it’s important to carefully consider each emotion and where it is coming from. If you’re insecure about your body, what can be done to make you feel better about yourself?

Do you have deeper seated jealousy issues that reflect feelings of ownership and control over your partner? You might not like the answers to these questions, but now is the time to be brutally honest with yourself.

Talk About It With Your Partner

It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s important to chat a bit about what each of you are feeling before you take the swinging plunge. Are you concerned that your partner has done it before in the past? Are you unsure of how you’ll feel after the fact?

Take time to listen to what each of you has to say. Now is not the time to hold back feelings, emotions, ideas or opinions. If you don’t voice what you are thinking now, it most certainly will come back to haunt you after the fact. Perhaps you can come to an agreement about the how, when and where the swinging will take place – and most important of all, with whom.

Many experienced swingers caution against swinging with close friends, as feelings of jealousy, rage and insecurity can rip apart a friendship faster than a kid opening presents at Christmas.

Try It

The only way to be sure of how swinging will affect your relationship is to actually do it. That doesn’t mean you have to, but keep in mind that you will never know until you know.

After talking about the situation with your partner, you may have come to an agreement with them about swinging.If you feel that your relationship is strong enough to survive the possible outcomes of swinging, absolutely go for it. It might be more fun than you thought.

Just make sure that if you and your partner have set guidelines for each other, make sure to follow them to a T, even when you’re in the heat of the moment.

More importantly, discuss how you felt during the swinging with your partner afterwards. Were you uncomfortable? Were you unable to concentrate on pleasure because you were so overwhelmed with emotions?

If that’s the case, consider putting swinging on the shelf. If you were both comfortable with the situation and swinging was pleasurable for each partner, it may be something that you do on occasion. Just remember – what works for other couples might not work for you and vice versa. Stick with what is successful for your relationship because ultimately, it’s yours.

When Swinger Sex Goes Horribly Wrong…

Melody Brooke — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:25:45 +0000

Threesomes and swinging are on most male fantasy lists, but what happens when it goes horribly wrong?

Over the course of my three marriages I have been encouraged by husbands to engage in a variety of interesting (and some downright bizarre) possible sexual behaviors. Of course, I tended to marry sex addicts, so the range of possibilities stretched a lot further than my sensibilities.

Along the way, I’ve been “encouraged” to participate in all kinds of things that became problems later on. Some of these were physically not a good idea, and I won’t go into that!

My first husband liked fantasies. I am quite creative so I was able to come up with all kinds of fun and innocent stories to keep him excited. I became good at playing the part and keeping things spicy – nothing dangerous or problematic there. But then eventually with some of the stories, he liked the idea of making them happen. These included other people.

While I can appreciate the desire to add spice and variety to the bedroom, I’ve discovered through my own (and others) experiences, there are some kinds of behaviors that are a set up for disaster. When you open the door and invite another person into the intimate connection with your partner you are inviting in trouble.

Now, in theory, I will conjecture that there are couples secure enough with each other where they can have flings with other people and not do any perceivable damage to their relationship. I’ve just never seen it happen that way personally…

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

While this is one experience, Dan and I have seen many successful open/swinging relationships… Even though we don’t agree with with everything in this article, we wanted to publish it to show what can happen when you get into swinging for the wrong reasons.

It is critical to be honest with yourself and you partner. Never allow another person to ‘push’ you into something that you’re not comfortable with. For a swinging relationship to be successful, it has to be something that both partners want, not just grudgingly agree to.

What tends to happen is that one member of the couple is more motivated than the other to pursue the “Swinger” lifestyle. For whatever reason, having one sexual partner for the rest of their life is not appealing, but they like having a life partner.

Therefore that partner encourages the other to participate in this “exciting” adventure of “Swinging”. Then both partners agree to it using certain ground rules.

Unfortunately, most of us are driven by feelings and impulses that have little to do with rational thought. So then here we are, for whatever reason, in a three or four-some with our significant other being sexual, or maybe we are just swapping. Either way, we have added unpredictable dimensions into the intimate setting of our sexual and personal relationship with our partner.

What’s predictable about it is that someone will end up hurt. The “ground rules” will be broken and someone ends up feeling betrayed and hurt. But, because the boundaries of the relationships fidelity were broken by the entire process of “Swinging” already, the “acting out” partner feels like they have done nothing “wrong”.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

This is where we completely disagree. It is NOT guaranteed that someone will get hurt.

In a swinging relationship, the only time someone gets hurt is when one person breaks the rules or is dishonest, or is not open about their feelings. It’s critical to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings before, during, and after any sexual experience with another individual or couple.

We can’t say this enough! Swinging or Open Relationships are only for couples who are VERY secure in their relationship and have enough self confidence to prevent jealousy issues. Swinging is NOT a relationship fix…

After all, the injured partner already said it’s “okay” to have sex with other people.

Often this ends the relationship and on painful terms, at least for the partner whose ground rules were broken.

Linda and Mark had been dating for about four years, and they had a very active, passionate sex life. Mark had encouraged Linda to try all kind of things that had been outside the range of her previous history, but because they pleased Mark, Linda enjoyed them. Over time, Mark pushed the boundaries even further. He wanted to experience having sex with two women at one time.

Linda admitted to being curious about what that would be like, so they found a willing partner. For a while, they enjoyed this three-some with jubilance and it added a lot to their excitement for each other. When they were not having sex with her, they were fantasizing about having sex with her. Before long, though, Linda found herself wanting time with the girl alone, without Mark. She didn’t see the harm in it, after all, having sex with another woman was not breaking their marital vows was it?

Unfortunately, Mark did not feel that way when he found them together one night when he arrived home early from work. Mark felt betrayed and could never look at Linda the same way again. Their relationship did not survive.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

Duh! Are we the only ones who see the problem here? Cheating is a breaking of trust. Having sex with another person without your partners agreement is cheating! Had she talked to Mark about her feelings, this situation could have been avoided all together.

So to us, this example represents an underlying communication issue. Linda did not feel comfortable sharing her feelings with Mark. That’s what broke them up – not the other girl…

Jane and Richard had been married for about three years when Richard started pushing Jane to go to “Swingers clubs” and see if there was a couple that they both agreed they’d like to engage in sex with. Jane was uncertain, but she went and eventually did find a couple they agreed upon. Richard loved this and told Jane how crazy he was about her and that he was really happy.

Richard bought Jane gifts and seemed to be happier than Jane had ever seen him. She felt good about her choices. One night they went to a bar together, to meet yet another potential “Swinger” couple. But this time only the woman was there. Richard became flirtatious and “handsy” with the other woman. He would pat Jane reassuringly occasionally.

Jane’s heart was broken. From this point, she tried to pull back and change the “ground rules” for their relationship. Richard wouldn’t hear of it, and decided they should separate and re-evaluate their relationship.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

So why was Jane’s heart broken? What was she expecting – a night of poker? They were going to meet swingers…

Did she tell him how his made her feel at the time, or did she just get jealous and brood over it the whole evening?

If you’re ever in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable – deal with right then. Letting an issue fester over night, or for days, can ruin your relationship because the jealousy monster takes over pretty quickly and likes to stay in control. Also, rather than backing away completely, perhaps Jane could have expressed her feelings in a non-threatening way and asked Richard to not do that again.

I feel that there’s more to this story than what we’re being told here. It’s rarely one incident that turns the tide…

Again – talk, talk, talk!!! Most of these issues could easily be avoided with a little honestly and open communication.

In both cases, the “Swinging” started out as something “fun and exciting” and ended up breaking hearts. Why?

For one thing, the relationships we have are fragile gifts not to be toyed with in the way we sometimes have a tendency to do. Our connections are more fragile than we think they are and our ability to let someone into our innermost layers is dependent on a lot of factors.

To learn more about the swinger lifestyle check out our Swinger Sex Channel for tons of great articles and videos.

To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.

Does Wanting to See My Wife Have Sex With Another Man Make Me Gay?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:35:58 +0000

One of the most popular fantasies out there is the idea of the threesome…

Most men love the idea of seeing their woman have sex with another woman while they watch, or the idea of having two women have sex with him at the same time.

But threesome fantasies don’t stop there…

There are also men out there, who love the idea of watching their woman have sex with another man.

Here’s an interesting question. If a man enjoys the idea of watching his woman have sex with another man, does this make him gay?

Here’s a question from Michael whose fantasies have him wondering about his sexuality.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have talked jokingly about threesomes in the past. But recently she’s been bringing up the idea more often. I’m worried about what she would want afterwards like if she’d wanna bring home a guy. I don’t know how to respond…

I have entertained the thought of watching her have sex with another man while I watch. Would that make me gay to enjoy watching it? Also, I had more homo erotic thoughts but haven’t gotten hard around a guy that’s straight.

Am I just curious, confused or bi?

– Michael, Massachusetts

Does This Mean I’m Gay?

We’re all sexual beings. We all have a unique ideas and fantasies, things that turn us on. Don’t get stuck on labels and just consider yourself ‘sexual’. It’s very common, and very exciting for most men, to think of their girlfriend as bi-curious, but most men get a little nervous when they think of a bi-curious boy.

But on that topic… We ran an online dating site for over three years and were very surprised by the large number of bisexual or bi-curious men. It’s not as uncommon as you might like to think.

There’s nothing wrong with being bi-curious, bisexual, or gay. That’s just your sexual preference. The sooner you get in touch with your own sexual preferences and desires, the happier and more fulfilled your sex life will be.

On The Topic Of Threesomes

So the idea of watching your partner with another man or woman that you really excited – and you have talked to one another enough to know that it gets your partner excited as well…

Here three tips to help make your first threesome more successful:

1. Talk About It

Before you and your partner set out to act out your fantasies of having a threesome, it’s critical that you both talk about it and understand why you want to do it. It’s also important to talk about what kind of threesome you are interested in.

Do you want to see your girlfriend with another woman, or perhaps another man. Do you want to see your boyfriend with another woman or another man. Do you both want to be intimately involved, or you prefer to just watch.

It’s also important to talk about who this third person will be. Will it be a close friend? Will it be a stranger? Do you want to be friends with him or her afterword are you just looking for one night stand? What should his or her age be? What should they look like?

It’s important to talk about the details up front so that you don’t end up fighting over something silly halfway down the road…

2. Set Boundaries And Stick To Them

Boundaries…

This is an important one that many people overlook. Before your first threesome, and your second, and your third, talk about what’s OK and what’s not. Where is your comfort zone? Where is your partners comfort zone? Are there any actions that are forbidden?

It’s a worthwhile exercise to actually take the time to write down what is OK and one is not. We have some good friends who jokingly refer to their first list… it must’ve been 100 items long. You can do this. You can’t do that. This is OK. That’s not. — Now they have just two runs a list away. That works for them. Your list may get longer. The important thing here is that you talk about it and agree on the ground rules before during and after.

3. Try It And Then Talk About It Some More

Once everyone’s happy and feels COMPLETELY comfortable, go for it. Try it. See how it feels and talk about those feelings. What surprised you? What didn’t? Did the experience go as you expected it? Do you want to do it again?

Hopefully by now you get the point…

Communication is critical in your relationship and even more important when you bring other people into the relationship.

We can’t say it enough… Talk. Talk. Talk.

Curious Virgin Swingers – Honey the Neighbors are HOT!

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:51:33 +0000

Imagine meeting another couple, neighbors, co-workers, other parents… You become good friends or your kids become good friends, and you find yourself spending lots of time together.

And then one evening, maybe after a few drinks by the pool, you start to notice that they’re really hot, you start feeling some sexual tension all around, and you start having these ‘thoughts’…

You might actually like to have sex with them!

Those thoughts are typically followed by thoughts like “Am I a bad person?“, “Do they feel the same way?”, “What will my partner think?”.

Soon your head is spinning… What do you do? Do you act on these feelings or just keep them as your secret fantasies?

Here’s a question from Randy who seems to have some really hot neighbors!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

A few years ago, we had a younger couple move next door to us. The sexual tone between us and the other couple is ever increasing.

I’m interested in having sex with them but I am not sure about my wife. I haven’t shared my feelings with her yet. I’m very open regarding my sexual life. Should I be looking for clues regarding to the possibility of swinging with them?

This would be a first for us but I think it would be a lot of fun as long as guideline and rules are followed such as the one posted in your site.

– Randy, Washington

First Time Swingers

If you’re thinking about swinging with your partner for the first time, we have one rule above all others…

TALK To Your Partner. It’s not going to happen without them.

If you’re a man, there’s one more thing you need to understand. In the swinging community, the women control the show. If she’s not interested, again – it’s not going to happen.

There are a lot of different ways that you can approach her to find out if she’s at least curious about swinging. Talk to her, hint around a bit, make her feel safe talking seductively about other women and men, etc.

You’ll need to know if she’s at least curious about other women and or men. And, you’ll need to ask yourself this question – “How do you feel about her being with another man or couple?”.

All of these questions need to be addressed upfront to reduce the likelihood of hurt feelings later.

How Do We Know If They Want To Play With Us?

As to whether or not the other couple is interested, ask yourself if you’re feeling sexual tension between the four of you.

Listen to your gut, your intuition. If you do, you’ll always know when somebody is lying to you, you’ll always know when someone likes you, and you’ll always know if someone, or everyone, in the room wants to get it on or not.

If you just listen to yourself and trust your instincts – you’ll know.

If you’re feeling it, everyone else is too. There’s a big difference in you being attracted to someone and lots of mutual sexual tension in the air. That kind of energy is too hot to miss. You’ll know the difference if you just listen and pay attention.

Your First Time

If you’re going to have sex with someone other than your spouse, whether you call it swinging, wife swapping, or a threesome… Your first time should probably NOT be with your neighbors, your co-workers, or with your casual couple friends – unless you’re all very clear about it and are very comfortable about it.

If it goes weird, and the first time is much more likely to go weird, you run the risk of losing a friendship. So be very cautious about swinging with someone that you know and that your going to hang out with everyday.

Similar to an office romance… It’s not normally a good idea.

There are plenty of people who enjoy swinging on a regular basis. We recommend that your first time be with a more experienced couple that you can learn from and get an understanding of the lifestyle and how it typically works.

There are lots of great dating websites and swinger clubs where you can just go to look, flirt, and get comfortable before diving in head first.

And again… Talk to each other openly and honestly about your feelings as they come up – before, during, and after!

Will My Ex-Swinger Husband Cheat On Me?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 01:11:22 +0000

The swinger lifestyle is taking the nation by storm. People are suddenly realizing this isn’t just some obscure cult.

Rather, it’s regular people, many of whom are highly educated professionals, expanding their already happy, healthy, and often exotic sex lives to include what some are calling “swinging”.

The shock for most people comes when they realize their neighbor Joe and his wife occasionally get together for drinks and some kinky sex with their other neighbors Bob and Suzy from two doors down.

“Wow, that happens here?” Absolutely, and much more often than you think…

But here comes the culture shock… Eventually people “in the lifestyle” end up paired with people who are not really open to this type of sexual adventure.

For instance, a man who has previously enjoyed a very open sex life with his previous wife starts dating a woman who is not very open to swinging. She may try it once or twice for his sake, but then decide it’s not for her. Worse yet, she’s afraid he’ll cheat on her because he’s used to having more sexual freedom. So what can she do?

Time away from something you want does NOT make you want it less.

She can ask him to stop it and stay away from seeing his former swinger friends and playmates.

But just saying no to something you enjoy, whether it’s ice cream or swinging and other aspects of an exotic, adventurous sex life, will not make your desire for it fade. This is basic human psychology… take away something you like, and you want it that much more. This is why most diets fail.

Can you quit swinging and just go cold turkey?

Is the problem that he’s swinging, or is it more basic than that?

It’s not really about whether he’s been swinging in the past or not. It’s about the fact that he had a very liberated sex life and he may no longer be OK in the long term with a more tame sexual experience.

He may agree not to do it any longer, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be happy and content with his new sex life.

Sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest problems in many relationships.

The reality is that not all people are a match sexually, and that can cause all kinds of stress and relationship problems. And yes, it can lead to break ups and divorce.

It’s crucial to realize that you may simply not be sexually compatible with your partner. It’s not very common, but occasionally two people are just not going to be a sexual match.

Jealousy and insecurity is one of the few major issues facing couples in the swinging lifestyle.

Most couples who enjoy the swinger lifestyle do it BECAUSE they have a strong and happy relationship and a great sex life to begin with. And for these couples, jealousy is not usually much of an issue. After all, you’re either OK with your spouse having sex with another person (or multiple other persons), or you’re not.

But the jealousy monster can still strike. But just what is jealousy?

At the core of it, jealousy reflects a person’s inner insecurities that they are not good enough and their partner may find someone better. It also reflects the need to control their partner. If they control what their partner does, then they won’t leave or find someone else.

In reality, neither of these things is true. The best way to keep your partner from finding someone ‘better’ is to be truly confident in yourself and love yourself unconditionally – only then can you truly love another person.

So can you trust someone who’s been in the swinger lifestyle for years to go cold turkey and be completely monogamous and content with only his wife?

Here’s a question from a lady in Texas struggling with the dire possibility of losing her husband…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband has a rather extensive swinging history. When we first met, I tried it with him a few times but due to my own jealousy and insecurities, it was not enjoyable. I chose to not continue. We talked about it and he said that it was OK that he loved me and did not want to jeopardize our future. He said, “Then we won’t do it, it’s no big deal.”

Recently, I found out that he has been carrying on with a woman on the internet and recently tried to kiss a woman after he had had a few drinks. He said that he will always enjoy the lifestyle and that he misses it. Where do I go from here? I feel awful and very uncertain about my future with him.

I don’t need to have sex with other people to feel happy and fulfilled. I love my husband. Obviously he does not feel the same way.

Will time away from swinging help to get it off of his mind? I want him to be happy with me and our marriage. I don’t want to feel like he resents me or worry that he is going to cheat on me to get what he wants, needs and misses.

– Lynne, Texas

My Husband Gave Me Permission to Have an Affair – Now What?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:45:13 +0000

Having an open marriage is interesting enough…

But when your husband encourages you to have an affair, as long as you don’t tell him about it… between the stigma around cheating and affairs, and your own fear that you’re breaking the sacred trust in your relationship, things can get a little more complicated.

The stigma of infidelity… MUST we call it an affair?

Cheating is not the cause of relationship problems, but rather a symptom of significant relationship issues. People who are happy and content in a relationship – emotionally, spiritually AND sexually, do not go outside the relationship to “cheat”. It just doesn’t usually work that way.

There are situations however in which one person can’t meet all of their partner’s needs… leaving that person longing for more, whether it’s emotionally OR sexually.

But if another person is brought into the relationship to meet those needs, is it truly cheating or breaking the trust, or merely breaking some more commonly accepted societal norms around what a marriage or relationship “should be”?

What if your partner CAN’T have sex with you?

For whatever reason, often health related issues, some people feel they can no longer have sex. Or maybe they just no longer WANT to have sex.

But in reality, they realize even though they no longer have sexual needs, their partner still does. At this point, the relationship will begin to suffer, since there are unmet needs, and those needs intensify as time goes on. Something eventually has to give, and if you’re not careful, it’s going to be the relationship that collapses under the strain.

Do you really want or need to divorce? Is there maybe another way?

So do you really need to divorce or separate, or is there maybe another way?

What if you were to consider an open marriage, or an arrangement by which another person could meet your partner’s sexual needs, while still keeping your marriage, or your relationship, intact?

Certainly this would require even much more trust and communication than a relationship normally does, but it COULD work. At the very least, wouldn’t it be worth trying as a last ditch effort before letting the relationship crumble and deteriorate?

If both partners are willing to approach this situation from a place of true love and acceptance – as opposed to ownership and jealousy – then the relationship may have a chance to survive this challenge.

Love, honesty, and devotion are very different from sex

Many people confuse love, honesty, and devotion to a partner with sexual contact. Those are very different things.

Millions of couples worldwide enjoy the swinging lifestyle (formerly known as wife swapping in previous generations), and they are often brought closer together for sharing such an experience. Rarely does swinging break a couple apart – unless they’re doing it just as an excuse to have sex with other people, and to mask deeper relationship problems.

While swinging only involves sharing your partner with others for sex, many couples engage in polyamory, where there is an actual love relationship between multiple partners and couples. It’s easy to forget sometimes that not all cultures today or throughout history have practiced monogamy…

Isn’t that heresy? Is it even legal?

Our society is a blend of many different religious and spiritual influences. One man’s sin is another man’s redemption.

Fact is, you decide how you wish to live your own life, and as long as nobody gets hurt, it’s not anyone’s business but your own. This can only work of as long as you are completely open and honest with your partner about the situation and any feelings that arise from it.

And set the ground rules ahead of time to avoid problems later on… from safe sex to whether or not you want to meet this new person and know in depth what your partner is doing with them.

Although sharing your partner sexually with another person may sounds like a very bad idea to some, and it may go against what you were taught growing up, isn’t it at least worth considering if it could save your relationship?

This is the very issue one lady in Scotland is facing.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have looked at a number of your letters but have found it quite difficult to find a corresponding answer to my question:

What if your husband finds it emotionally impossible ( because of work stress and being very overweight )(and physically impossible for a number of medical reasons such as sleep apnea ) to have sex but I so desperately want sex?

And now when he says I should find someone else for a sexual relationship ( just as long as I don’t tell him! )? We have been married for thirty years and have three children ( now grown-up).

I am now very attracted to a colleague at my work and he is to me but feel torn yet desperately need a physical connection….I have not had sex with my husband for approx 12 years and it is driving me crazy, crazy enough to consider an affair but my religion and upbringing are such deterrents. I feel I cannot leave my husband yet I also feel he has given me “permission” to have an affair, oh dear I don’t know what the right way forward is I do hope you can help. I am very confused.

– A. (Argyll, Scotland, UK)

If you want to find out for certain, right now, if your partner is cheating on you, download How To Catch a Cheating Spouse today.

BUSTED! Our Kids Found Out We’re Swingers. Now What?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 13 May 2007 00:05:09 +0000

So you and your wife have a great relationship and an excellent sex life. You’ve recently discovered the swinger lifestyle, and you’re now both card carrying swingers. Life is great and you’re very happy with your lifestyle and your choices.

But then your family finds out about your swinging adventures, and they start giving you a hard time about it. More importantly, they demand that you just stop swinging because they don’t think it’s right.

How they found out isn’t really important, unless of course you bumped into each other at the same swinger club or adult dating site.

But here’s the real question. Is your sex life really anyone’s business but your own?

Should you start taking votes from your family on what sexual activities, and maybe even what sexual positions, are acceptable to them?

Today’s question is from a swinging couple in this very predicament.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We are in our 50s and have been swinging for 3 years. Our adult kids have found out what we are doing and are very upset about it. Do we quit swinging for them, or live our lives like we want to?

– Wayne, New Mexico

Swinging vs. Polyamory – Am I Wrong to Want One Without the Other?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 00:35:16 +0000

So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits?

What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates?

Dare we call it polyamory?

"Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

"Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging

And what happens when the jealousy beast rears it’s ugly head. Admittedly swingers (and certainly those into polyamory) are not nearly as apt to fits of jealousy as some monogamous couples, but it’s been known to happen…

What happens when one partner wants a polyamorous relationship and the other one doesn’t? Is it wrong to want one without the other?

No, it’s absolutely not wrong. What you want is what you want. What you feel and what you want is what’s right for you and for your life. Period.

The swinging lifestyle is typically about sex!

You get together, you play, and then you go home. That’s kind of what it’s about. But Polyamory takes it to a new level and, what I would consider, a much more enlightened level where you are actually in love relationships with multiple partners. It’s a true and total sharing of one another and not many couples (or individuals) are able to do that.

It all comes down to communication.

It’s critical to ask your partner how they feel and to share your feelings. The absolute worst thing that you can do is to hold your feelings inside – what you really want – because you’re afraid your partner may not understand. You have to talk about what you both want from the relationship and what boundaries you’re comfortable with. And in some circumstances, you may find out that you want different things. If this is the case, you’ll have to decide if you are willing to compromise or go your separate ways.

Jealousy

The biggest reason why many people feel uncomfortable in a Swinging or Polyamorous relationship is "jealousy". It’s one of the biggest emotional issues that all couples face. And when you start bringing other people into your bedroom, you simply cannot let jealousy sneak into the picture because it will tear your relationship apart.

So you have to find ways to make each other feel really special and absolutely certain about where you stand in your own relationship before sharing intimate fun with others.

That’s the biggest thing in the end. Talk! Share your feelings!

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again!

Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you.

Swinging vs Polyamory – Can You REALLY Have One Without the Other?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 17:12:50 +0000

So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits? What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates? Dare we call it polyamory?

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again! Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you.

So is it REALLY possible to have swinging without polyamory, and vice versa? Is it REALLY?

Check out this resource we recommend to help you find the right swinger and threesome partners fast:

Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.

Shocking Sex Poll Results – The Surprising Verdict on Swinging and Polyamory!

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 10:47:56 +0000

Wow, what a ride…

Last week we took a poll to see exactly how our readers feel about Swinging and Polyamory.

We asked: "Would you ever consider swinging or polyamory?"

The conversation was heated and down right amazing. Readers left hundreds of comments all over Netscape.com and on the posts themselves.

So just what were the results of this controversial sex poll?

More than 3000 of our readers spoke out and the answers will surprise you…

Here’s the breakdown as of 3/1/2007

(we’ll update this periodically as the number change)

35% of our readers (1060 votes) said that they would be willing to try swinging with the right group of people
20% of our readers (599 votes) said that monogamy is the only way to go
16% of our readers (492 votes) were strongly against it
16% of our readers (497 votes) are active in the swinger lifestyle and lovin’ it
13% of our readers (392 votes) said it’s not for them , but they don’t have a problem if someone else does it

What was really interesting is that 51% of the people polled were either active in the swinging lifestyle or willing to try it while only 36% were stongly against it or said that monogamy is the only way to go. The other 13% of our readers said that it’s not for them, but they don’t have a problem if someone else does it..

Wow – don’t know about you, but we expected the numbers to be a little different .

It’s a close call but it looks like Swinging and Polyamory are in!

Take the poll

If you’re one of the few who missed it, here’s the post that sparked so much conversation and controversy: My Best Friend’s a Swinger – Will She Burn in Hell?
If you haven’t taken the poll yet, Take the Swinger / Polyamory Sex Poll to make your vote count on this incredibly controversial topic.
And be sure you make yourself heard in the other hot poll of the week: Sex Poll – Is It OK to Have Sex During That Time of the Month?

Don’t forget to leave a comment below to let us know where you stand.

Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Threesomes?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 14:22:02 +0000

Whew…

Our latest post about swinging and polyamory sparked such conversation and controversy; we just had to conduct a poll.

(You’ll want to read the full post: My Best Friend’s a Swinger – Will She Burn in Hell?)

Since many people are confused or unsure of what these terms mean, here are some web definitions that we found useful.

“Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly.”
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

“Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part.”

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging

First, answer this short poll to see where you fit in with the rest of the world on this incredibly controversial topic.

And then, join the conversation and leave a comment below to tell us why you feel the way you do.

My Best Friend’s a Swinger – Will She Burn in Hell?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 17:39:55 +0000

Whew… This revealing article about swinging and polyamory sparked such conversation and controversy; we just had to conduct a poll.

Take the poll to see where you fit in with the rest of the world on this incredibly controversial topic.

The Question

I don’t know who to talk to about this b/c I am truly embarrassed for my friends.

I JUST found out yesterday… actually the day before that, that my dear close friends (two different couples) have been “swinging”… it’s more like three of them I believe, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Both of these couples are young engaged couples with very bright futures ahead of them.

I cherish my friendship with my handful of girlfriends, and think of them as precious people. When I heard this was going on, and that I was pretty much the only one who didn’t know about it… I was devastated, I was disgusted, and began to cry.

This happens ONLY when they are drunk… but it has happened A LOT. My husband and I are newly married, and we all hang out and party together.

I am so upset about all of this that I decided not to go to their co-ed bachelorette party in Vegas this weekend. I am still going to be in their wedding, but I feel in my heart that I can NOT be friends with either couple anymore. I don’t even want to support this marriage/union. I would feel so sick to my stomach… I really don’t have a REAL reason… it’s just not who I am, how I was raised, or where I come from.

Is it wrong for me to “ditch” my close girlfriends b/c of this?

The Answer

Whew… This is a very emotional topic because your underlying beliefs are being questioned. On the bright side, these types of situations really help us grow.

Our mission for this blog is to help everyone learn to come from a place of love and acceptance in all of their relationships. We do not judge you for your beliefs or actions nor do we believe that you should judge your friends for their beliefs or actions. We feel there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ (Yes, we know that many will disagree with us on this…).

Each of us has our own ‘perception’ of what is right and what is wrong. That perception is different for everyone and will very likely change over the years. There are groups of people with similar perceptions and beliefs – i.e. the various major religious and political organizations.

Swinging is simply another belief system…

There are some very good relationship ideas that we can all take from the swinging lifestyle. Swingers believe that their partners have enough love to go around and that it’s OK to share one another sexually. They do not confuse love with lust as many couples do. They understand that it’s perfectly natural for their partner to be physically attracted, and maybe even want to have sex, with someone else. It does not in any way threaten their relationship or love for one another.

That said… Both partners in a swinging couple must have complete trust for one another and both must want this type of lifestyle or it simply won’t last. It’s definitely not a lifestyle for everyone… but it is a new adventure that can actually bring a couple much closer together.

Talk to your friends, without judgment…

Maybe there’s a reason that they didn’t tell you. Perhaps they were afraid that they would lose your friendship?

If you believe that all relationships must be totally monogamous, that is perfectly OK. What we would suggest is that you be open minded enough with your friends to talk to them about their choice in a non-judgmental way. Not to fix the error of their ways, but to share your feelings with them and see how you can move forward and remain friends. Maybe it’s a don’t ask don’t tell kind of friendship – If we really knew what all of our friends and neighbors do behind closed doors, we probably wouldn’t be able to look any of them in the eyes .

Remember that you can’t change people, and trying to change them is a sure way to push them away. If you want to remain friends, you’ll need to love and accept them for who they are and where they are in their lives.

While this is entirely your decision (we can’t make it for you…), do you really want to lose your friends because of their sexual preferences?

Recommended:

Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.

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