Ask Dan and Jennifer » wife

Divorced After 23 Years – How Do I Move On? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 15:41:21 +0000

It’s difficult when any relationship ends, whether you’re the one who ends it or not.

It can be especially difficult if the relationship has lasted for several years, even twenty or more years. If you’re not the one who broke it off, being on the losing end of a break up or divorce can be a tough thing to handle.

How do you begin moving on? Where do you start?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We have 2 kids and were married for 23 years and suddenly she asked me to leave and said it’s over. We’re now divorced and she’s dating again. Now she acts like she hates me.

All these questions torment me. I need answers. How do I move on when she won’t even talk to me?

– 19bluesdaddy59

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The only thing you can control is yourself.

If your partner is the one who ended things with you, you probably feel rejected and out of control. You may want to find out why they left you or what went wrong. Your partner, however, may not be ready to give these answers to you and even more likely, they don’t know the answers either.

The truth is, you can’t control anyone but yourself. You can’t make your partner take you back, you can’t make them tell you why they left and you can’t make them act the way you want them to.

You can, however, control how you react to the situation. You can be petty and vindictive if you choose, but you can also be calm and forgiving too. Only you can choose how you act towards the situation. It will be more difficult to move on, however, if you choose to be vindictive or if you harbor ill feelings and anger towards your partner for ending things.

If you choose to take the higher road and work through your feelings of anger and ultimately let them go, it will be easier to move on.

Working through your anger.

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How Can I Get My Ex Back? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 11:58:04 +0000

You’re in a relationship and suddenly, before you even know what is happening, it’s over.

You mourn the loss of your relationship and your partner and you wonder where you went wrong.

If you’re lucky, you’ll figure it out, because some people never do. If you’re able to understand what happened to cause the relationship to end, will you be able to get your ex back?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi! I discovered your videos on YouTube, and figured you could help me out. I had been with my ex-girlfriend for just over 18 months. Everything was going great for the first 12 mos. We broke up a couple of weeks ago, and I was devastated. She said things had gotten boring and that the past few months she didn’t really feel like a couple. She said she still wanted to be friends and needed time to think. I haven’t heard anything from her since then. I’m getting worried that she’s forgotten about me and never wants to see me again. I’ve realized where I went wrong. I just want to know if my ex-girlfriend will ever come back to me and if it’s possible how I can get my ex-girlfriend back. Can you help me!

– Matt, Cumbria, England

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Realizing the mistakes.

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Can a Relationship That Starts Out as an Affair Succeed? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 14 May 2007 17:45:25 +0000

Some couples are blessed with eternal happiness and an amazing relationship that gets stronger day by day, year by year. But others are just not so lucky, for any of hundreds of possible reasons.

Even though their relationship can start out great, they slowly start arguing and often grow apart until they’re downright miserable being together. Counseling can frequently help them mend their differences, but sometimes even that fails. Yet they stay together in an unhappy relationship because no one wants to think about break up and divorce; because to many, that means they’ve failed.

Often times, these unhappy people meet other unhappy people in a similar situation, and start an extramarital relationship, a.k.a. an affair. And no, it’s not always just about sex. Many times, an affair serves to fill an empty emotional void.

This new relationship can seem stronger and happier than the current marriage either partner is trying to escape. But, with the extreme stress and social pressure they’ll both face, can a relationship that starts out as an affair succeed and end up as a happy, long term relationship?

Today’s question is from a lady in Australia facing this very real issue.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

OK, I’ll prepare myself for an onslaught of hatred…. it’ll just mirror reality anyway. Two years ago I fell in love with a married man and the feelings were mutual. He had not loved his wife for many years – he had been feeling depressed and decided that was "his lot" in life.

We have tried a few times over the past two years to end things with each other, but we can’t. We feel – maybe as every affair couple does – that we are meant to be together. He has decided he cannot keep living a lie, and is making the first moves to move out. No, he is not going to tell her about me because it would make things even harder than they already will be (they have a 10 year old daughter). He has told her that he does not love her and wants to leave. She is resisting that, and is trying to do whatever she can to encourage him to stay. But he’s determined to leave, and eventually we will make our relationship public.

My question is, knowing that the statistics are poor for couples who get together as a result of an affair, what are the pitfalls we should be aware of, and how do we get through them. We want to be together forever. We know this is not ideal. But can you please offer some advice?

– Ria in Australia

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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He’s Divorcing His Wife to be With Me – Or Is He? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 13:15:47 +0000

Losing the love

Couples often drift apart over the months and years together, and sadly most either don’t notice this shift or are too busy and distracted to do anything about it.

What’s amazing is that married couples are even more at risk than their non-married counterparts. Their perceived sense of security from "being married" leads them to be less worried about their relationship. So they get complacent and stop trying.

It’s human nature for most people to do the least possible required to get by. And if your partner is promised to you forever, then where’s the challenge in keeping them? Seriously, it’s already guaranteed, so really, why bother? It sounds crude, but think about it.

Finding love again, and a moving into new relationship

Well, after years of a downhill relationship, many married people find someone else who brings them happiness, and fall in love all over again. It happens much more than most people think. People don’t just fall in love when they’re single – they fall in love when there’s room in their lives for someone to bring them happiness.

But then comes the really hard part – the painful process of moving on from that previous relationship (often the marriage). And of course there’s the guilt that most people feel in this situation. That guilt is even so much more intense when they have children.

The new partner can often get very frustrated over how long this process truly takes…

And what about his relationship with his soon-to-be ex husband or wife? Will it just abruptly end, or will it just change over time? And will the "ex" be part of the new partner’s life from now on?

This is a really tough situation, but a very common one. Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. He started seeing me behind his wife’s back. She knows about us now and has for about 9 months. They are in the middle of getting a divorce so we can be together.

My problem is that she still lives with him. They still do family things (they have 2 kids together). She still texts him and calls him to let him know what she’s doing where she’s at and when she’s on her way home from work.

He told me that the only reason things are still this way is because of the kids. He does come out and spend the night and stuff but we only get 1 or 2 nights or days out of the week.

Should I believe him? Should I continue waiting for the day that we will be together completely?

I’m asking this because I sometimes feel that there is still something going on between them like a relationship. Do you think the same thing? Do you think their divorce will ever be final? Do you think she will ever move out?

I’ll be waiting for your answers thank you very much

- Tabatha

Watch this short video for the answer…

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